All language subtitles for How to Build a Better Boy (2014).TuneVersion.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Synced and corrected by Katniss
Everdeen www.addic7ed.com

Go!

Move! Move! Move!

Move it!

Right side of the building.

Go! Go!

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're on contain and capture protocol!

Our fugitives are on site!

The President called.

He wants an update. Is he upset?

You lost track of a $3 billion weapon.

I'm sure he's thrilled.

Stay back, Doctor.

Let me reason with them,
General. I can get them to talk.

We're past the time for a friendly chat.

As far as I'm concerned, the most
dangerous criminals in the world

are right down there!

Give yourselves up!

You've stolen property

of the United States government.

Come out peacefully

and tell us everything we want to know,

or you will be locked
up and tried for treason!

And there is no way you
are going to homecoming!

But, Dad!

Not another word, young lady.

I want you to get into
this bulletproof Humvee

this minute. And I want you to
think about what you have done!

We're done.

In ten minutes?

Nine, actually.

I appreciate your confidence, Gabby,

but you're sophomores and
this is senior calculus.

Why don't you and Mae check your work?

Yep, still done.

Gabby and Gabby junior, wrecking the curve.

As usual.

Dorks.

Mrs. Shapiro, may we have hall passes?

Mae is tutoring, and I'm
heading up a meeting about

healthier choices on the cafeteria menu.

There's no time to waste when there's
so much to improve around here.

Thanks. They called us dorks.

No, no, no, they said sporks.

It's the world's most versatile utensil.

So, the tangent of three pi over four is...

Well, it's in quadrant two, so...

I'll never get it.

Hey, you play quarterback, right?

Close your eyes.

Come on, just trust me.

So picture the football field

as a circle on the graph.

The tight end is lined up at zero...

on the path of the circle.

Strong safety is at pi over four...

the free safety is...

Uh, three pi over four.

And with X being negative...

the answer is negative one.

Bingo.

I got it! Wow, that... that is so cool.

I didn't know you liked football.

I don't really...

but... you do.

What's your deal? I
mean, social-life wise?

Are you going to homecoming?

Oh.

Is that this weekend?

It's the biggest weekend of the year.

You're going to the dance, right?

I don't know.

Gabby and I like to play it by ear.

Us and all of our friends,

our crew, our posse.

Well, you should go.

You never know what you'll miss.

Can you believe it? Yeah.

I know this is gonna sound crazy.

I feel like Jaden likes me.

He needs you...

to do his problem sets.

Me and Jaden, impossible, right?

But we had this moment today,

and it's like, he was
gonna ask me to homecoming.

Mae, have you ever heard the story

of a girl who met a boy

and changed the world?

No, because there isn't one.

Look, who cares that
people here don't like us

or if we don't get invited to silly dances?

We have the brains.

We're an amazing team,

and someday, we're
gonna blow them all away.

But we need to focus.

Boys are a distraction.

You're right.

You're always right.

Nevaeh for homecoming queen, obviously.

Aeh for homecoming queen. Thanks.

All fixed, Principal Fragner.

It won't crash when you load videos

and it should run ten times faster now.

Well, thanks, Gabby.

Now I can catch up on
my online tango lessons.

Okay.

Oh!

Oh, what's wrong?

Jaden texted.

I told you to forget about him.

He texted me. Unprovoked.

"Meet me after practise." With an S.

"Have to ask letter U
an important question."

"C U Lader." With a D.

Wow. Even auto-correct
can't help this kid.

Well, I mean, it must be about the dance.

What else would be important?

Mae.

Jaden Stark is not gonna
ask you to homecoming.

"See you there."

T-H-E-I-R.

Ugh. You didn't.

I'm going.

To quote Julius Caesar,

"Cowards die a thousand deaths."

You know Caesar got stabbed, right?

Hmm.

Thanks, Nevaeh.

It's all about one word, men! Focus!

Heart! Defense!

Tenacity!

Hi.

Uh, this is so ill-advised.

Okay, now when Jaden comes over here,

act normal.

Don't say anything smart.

Okay. Uh-oh.

I don't think I'm your problem.

Why is Nevaeh coming over here?

She doesn't even know who I am.

Bon jour, ladies.

What brings you here?

Jaden invited us.

Mae, you and Jaden

aren't even on the same social radar.

See, here's the social radar

and over here is Siberia,

and over there, that's...

That's you.

Why do people even like you?

Well, I'm not the one trying to

steal someone's homecoming date.

Mae thinks Jaden is asking her.

But Jaden and I have been dating for like,

17 whole days.

And everyone knows it except, apparently,

the school geniuses.

I never... I never said that.

I know what you saids and dids, pumpkin.

And I know a crush when I see one.

So back off.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, silly girl talk.

Hey, Jaden, um,

you're asking me to the dance, right?

Yeah.

I knew it.

But there have been some nasty rumors

in the kingdom.

Mae, what I wanted to ask you was...

can we go over quadratic
functions tomorrow?

You know me, I'm clueless.

Yes, we can see that.

Sorry to burst your bubble.

Sad face emoji.

Au revoir.

Let's go, Mae.

Told you this was a bad idea.

Hey, Nevaeh!

My bubble is totally un-burst

because I already have a boyfriend!

Mae, what are you doing?

See, my boyfriend,

so cute.

Total hot burger.

And his name is...

Albert. Albert!

Oh. Yeah, that's right.

He's varsity in five sports, genius IQ.

And he volunteers with endangered animals.

Orphan endangered animals.

So when can we meet this...

Albert?

Oh, well, see, the thing is...

he lives in Alaska.

Right around the corner in Alaska?

I thought you were gonna pick some

super remote place to cover up the fact

that he doesn't exist.

Huh! Come on, ladies.

What did you just get us into?

Hey, Mae! Can't wait to
meet your new boyfriend!

I don't know why I did that.

Temporary insanity.

Ahoy, ladies.

Need a ride?

Uh, Mae, your brother bought a cab.

Bart, you bought a cab?

No, it's a classic car.

You like it, Gabby?

Absolutely!

My grandpa used to have
a car exactly like this...

when he drove a cab.

I got a great deal on it.

And you guys only get the
privilege to get a ride

because the seniors got out early

because of homecoming.

Oh, Mae, congrats on getting
owned by Nevaeh Barnes.

Yeah, it is all over our school's website.

And even I have never done
anything that pathetic.

Really? How about that time you cried

when your Wizardcraft avatar died?

Do not disrespect a fallen hero.

Kravtar saved thousands with his magic.

Just drive us home, Bart.

Do we all ride for the same price?

Oh.

I wonder if it's too
late to be home-schooled.

A fake boyfriend?

How are we going to pull that one off?

Well, I'm not gonna create an
online profile for some pretend boy.

That's just creepy and lame. Agreed.

Guess I'll just have to come clean.

And be taunted for all eternity
by Nevaeh and her minions.

Why is Jaden even with her?

I thought he was different.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

High school boys are like old smart phones.

They're buggy, they think too slowly.

And they crash when you need them most.

Why don't we invent a better one?

What?

What if we make you a boyfriend?

An interactive, virtual boy.

Like the best one ever.

And we do that how?

I spent the summer at coder camp.

And your dad designs the coolest
video game characters in the world.

His software must be off the chain.

Well, yeah.

And totally off limits.

I mean, his office is
locked up like a bank vault.

We don't need to get inside.

We could just surf in on bits of data.

So you want to hack into
my dad's secure network

and build me some high-def boyfriend?

That's insane.

I know, but it's better
than letting Nevaeh win.

You better sleep over.

Let me text my mom.

Okay, I can. Okay, but
we cannot get caught.

My dad is super secretive about his work.

What's the big deal?

It's a video-game company,
not the Department of Defense.

Welcome to my humble lab, General.

All right, doctor, time to see what
Uncle Sam's been paying you for.

Oh, just follow me.

You can take the elevator.
And you can... Okay.

Gentlemen, I give you the
future birthplace of the X-17.

The world's first covert robotic operative.

It's an impressive achievement...

in theory.

Are you prepared to move
to the fabrication stage?

You get the go-ahead from the President,

and I'll make history.

Consider it done. Thank you, sir.

Jenks!

We did it, guys!

Ugh, your dad's network has
like 20 layers of encryptions.

Even our microwave is password protected.

Door secure.

We can't quit.

With this software, Albert
could be totally virtual.

He could text, call, and video chat,

all on his own. He'll be better than 3D.

He'll be 3D-licious.

Mmm.

We're in!

Welcome to Superior Gaming Incorporated

This is it.

Begin prototype creation.

Enter geopolitical allegiance.

I don't know. Griffindor?

America.

What is the project home base?

The high school.

Who is the project commander?

You. Duh.

Set character capability levels.

Go big or go home, I always say.

Gabs, this is the sweetest thing

that anyone has ever done for me.

Hey, our circle may be small,

but membership does have its privileges.

Now tell me your ideal male human.

And do not say Jaden. Aim higher.

Well, he'd be tall with brown hair.

No, blonde with blue eyes.

Meow-zers.

And even though he's super
cute, he doesn't know it.

Which makes him even cuter.

This is amazing.

It's taking our data and
turning it into virtual DNA.

He would be super polite,
like almost Canadian.

He would be sensitive and brave.

And with just one look,

he would know exactly how I feel.

Oh, and he should be strong

without being a meathead.

And honest.

I wouldn't have to guess what
he's thinking all the time.

He would just tell me.

Mind-blowing.

I want him to notice the little things.

And be wise beyond his years.

Going to homecoming with him
wouldn't be awkward or scary

like it would be with other boys.

And when he walks into
the dance holding my hand,

it's just perfect,

like strolling down a rose-petaled path

in the sparkling moonlight in Paris.

Wow. You've really thought about this.

And everyone will be watching.

But it'll feel like we're
the only two people on earth.

And when we kiss...

it'll be the perfect kiss.

And the moment will burn
in my memory forever,

like a magical brain tattoo.

Oh, wow.

Am I good or what?

Hello, Mae.

Begin fabrication sequence.

Oh, that was crazy.

Mae?

Mae?

Are you okay?

I can still see him.

He was so... perfect.

Do you smell smoke? I think we
might have fried some circuits.

You can say that again.

Come on.

Did we do this?

Unless they make computers
in extra crispy Cajun-style,

I'd say yes.

Wait here.

Busted.

Huh.

Bart.

I thought you were asleep.

No, justice never sleeps.

I'm the man of the house right now.

The keeper of the realm.

And trespassing in my dad's office

is a major offense.

Well, I'd appreciate your discretion.

Well, it's... It will not come cheap.

That sounds kind of creepy.
What do you have in mind?

Homecoming, you and me.

Unthinkable. Come on,
just expand your mind.

I do not believe in
school-sponsored romantic events.

It's a front for the corsage industry.

I read about it online.

That's unfortunate because
that's my dad's car pulling in.

What's going on?

Fine! Cover for us.

What? Like, okay? Like fine, are we going?

Fabrication sequence complete.

Welcome home, Pops!

How's my favorite role model?

How much do you want, Bart? Huh?

Okay, 20 bucks, is that enough?

Dad, you're so cynical.

Maybe I just want to celebrate you.

After 16 years, you're starting
now? No, I have work to do...

No, no, work can wait.

Mom is out of town.

She is? Yeah.

That means it's you time.

You know, why don't you chillaxify.

Vegetize.

Is something burning?

Spot of chamomile tea?

Oh.

Why don't we come on over here?

We'll settle into your
lucky thinking chair.

Bart.

Ooh. Oh.

We'll even throw on some of
that smooth jazz you love.

Oh, I love the smooth jazz, yes.

There you go.

How do you feel now?

Comfortable. Suspicious but...

...comfortable.

Okay.

All right, what's the big emergency?

Ho-oh!

Keep your cookies in the jar.

We cannot let Nevaeh get the best of us,

so I hacked into your dad's computer

and designed Mae a boy.

Not just any boy.

The best boy ever.

Okay, I'm gonna go throw up.

Good luck with this, ladies.

Wait, wait, wait! So I
guess our deal is off?

Wait, what deal?

A very personal and private deal

which is none of your concern.

Okay, when I told you
I would cover for you,

I didn't mean all this!

Oh, fine!

Just go to school tomorrow.

I have a free period in the morning,

I'll handle this.

And you really think you can fix all this?

Easy, hotshot.

You're not the only one who knows
your way around a motherboard.

Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad.

See you, Dr. Hartley.

General McFee.

I've been trying you for hours.

You better get yourself
down to the lab, now!

There's been an incident.

I... I... of course, yes.

I... I'm on my way.

Oh, Mae!

Quelle surprise.

We're late for class.

Your new boyfriend just added me.

Talk about Gorgie McGorgeous.

What?

But who created this page?

I didn't.

He's already connected to half the school!

Albert's gone viral.

Oh, don't act so surprised.

Admit it.

You created a fake boyfriend profile.

A faux-beau-file,
if you will.

No, we didn't.

Oh, yeah?

Prove me wrong.

It's him.

It can't be.

It's Albert.

There you are.

There she is.

There you are.

I can't believe it.

Albert, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to intrude,

but what are you doing here?

My dad got transferred from D.C.

If it isn't friend number 82, Nevaeh!

That's heaven spelled backwards.

Yes.

Hi.

So, let me just get this straight.

You and Mae...

are dating?

No.

It's more than dating.

You guys know how it is.

When you meet the one.

That one person you're really meant for.

It's like

being alive for the first time.

That's how Mae makes me feel.

Well, welcome to McMaster High.

Make sure you don't fall
in with the wrong crowd.

Let's go, ladies.

All right.

Now who would like to show
me to the registrar's office?

Ooh! I will! I will!

What just happened?

I don't know... yet!

I don't know yet.

Come on.

This will take months to repair.

Who could have broken in?

The locks were busted from the inside.

This wasn't a break-in, it was an escape.

Someone hacked into the servers

and assembled the first X-17.

After 5 years of planning,
and it actually worked?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy!

Oh, yeah!

Who's the man with the genius plan?

Making an android on demand!

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Did you hear what I said, doctor?

We were hacked. Our
security has been breached.

The prototype is at large.

This is a national emergency!

Do I make myself clear?

Oh, boy.

I don't think of it as snowboarding.

I think of it as forging
a mystical connection

to the mountain.

Entering that place where your soul flies.

It's the sensation the Inuit
people call Kuvia Sung Nerk.

Where did he come from?

We have to figure this out.

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry, but, Ella and
I just have to tell you.

Albert is so evolved.

He's sweet, but he's a boy-boy, too.

He is emotionally ambidextrous.

Marnie, it is so much more than that.

Albert is like,

uhhhnn, you know?

Hmm, I know what you mean.

People don't just appear
one day out of thin air.

Ladies, may I escort you to class?

Hey, guys, wait up.

It's an honest mis...

These are useless.

Someone must have seen something!

The X-17 is designed to infiltrate

its surroundings without detection, sir.

Yeah?

Well, maybe you designed it too well.

It could be anywhere.

Or anyone.

Jenks!

Tell me you have a witness.

Nothing solid, sir.

Just a lady walking her dog last night.

Did she give a description? Yes.

She said he was "super cute
candy sugar in my eye holes

and the honorary mayor of Hunky Town," sir.

It's War and Peace.

Mae's favorite.

I've figured out who you are.

It's so obvious.

Wow. That book is deep.

You're from the video game company.

This is like, a viral
marketing campaign, right?

It's genius.

They let someone hack into their game

and then the next day, an actor shows up

in makeup as the character you designed.

I am totally gonna buy this game.

So what is this, vulcanized rubber?

My name is Albert Banks.

I'm from Glacier Falls... Alaska. I know.

You must have studied for this all night.

And you've done a great job.

The look on Nevaeh's face was epic.

Anything to make Mae happy.

That's what I want to talk to you about.

You're going a little overboard.

Pride and Prejudice.

Scoundrel.

A marriage proposal?

Spit it out, Mr. Darcy.

Yes.

This is what I mean.

You're being a little too awesome.

And when you go home, Mae will be crushed.

And I'll be left to pick up the pieces.

I'm not an actor.

And I'm not leaving here until
my mission is accomplished.

I'm going to kiss Mae at homecoming.

A perfect kiss.

There you go again with the sappy stuff.

Thanks for setting me and Mae up,

but I can take it from here.

Hey, Bart.

Gabby, what is going on? How is
everything going with the computer?

Oh, the computer, oh, it's, you know,

it's... it's horrible, okay?

I was gonna give you a call

but then I saw a picture
of an angel-faced,

muscle-bound man-boy on
my sister's photo feed.

Okay, Bart, don't freak out.

But the boy we designed,
he kind of... showed up.

What?

There's an explanation for this.

I just haven't found it yet.

I'll explain it for you.

You have conjured life
from the primeval void.

You have meddled with nature itself.

Thanks for not freaking out.

This will cause chaos of epic proportions.

It will tear the fabric of space time.

Don't you see?

There is no version of the logical universe

where my sister should have a boyfriend.

Bart, climb down from the ceiling.

We can't figure out what's going on

until you fix that computer.

Have you switched the memory chip?

Yeah, no, I tried that,
okay, but the transceiver...

No, the refractory memory chip.

Ohh!

Call me when it's done.

90, 91.

New record!

161, 162,

163, 164,

165, 166,

167, 168, 169.

Okay, stop.

Kid, I can't even count that high.

You ever play football, Alaska?

No, sir. But I used to throw
salmon in my dad's boat.

Try this fish on for size.

Gleason, go long!

Did you see that?

Unbelievable.

More like un-possible.

I'm okay!

Oh, Mae.

Hey. Hi. Come on.

It doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, I never saw her with a guy like him.

Jaden, sweetie, no one ever saw her at all.

What is there to see?

Oh, catch you guys later.

Hey, Mae, weren't we gonna
meet today about chapter four?

Oh, no, I spaced.

And I promised Albert I'd show him around.

Mae, I need to ask you something.

Wow, guys. There's a lot of...

Lot of pollen out here.

Hey, um, Gabby, could
we have a moment alone?

That's fine. It's just the three of us.

Oh, okay.

I'll just be over here,
next to the ragweed.

Mae.

Will you go to homecoming with me?

Yes.

No, I mean, no.

It's too sudden, is it?

I mean... Look, this is crazy.

You could ask any other girl in the school.

Someone who's just as
put together as you are.

People just don't really
look at me that way.

That's not an answer.

Hey, um, could you give me just one second?

Yeah.

Hey, are you okay?

No, I'm not.

Don't you think this
is moving a little fast?

This wasn't part of the game plan.

What game plan?

The unstoppable team!

We're gonna study hard, graduate early,

go to Harvard, become millionaires,

win Nobel Prizes, and then become

the president and vice-president
of the United States.

Oh, okay, okay.

So when were you gonna tell
me about the rest of my life?

Come on. I created this boy to help you.

But now you're letting
it change everything.

Gabby, Albert is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.

And you're acting like it's a problem.

So, homecoming.

What time are you picking me up?

She said yes.

Bart? Don't say my name.

They could be listening. Who?

Did you fix the computer?

Yeah, I fixed the computer.

That's fantastic!

No, no, it is not fantastic.

I wish I hadn't fixed it.

I wish that I didn't know

the things that I know.

Would you just do me a
favor and get back here ASAP?

That means as soon as possible.

I know what ASAP means.

What's going on?

I've already said too much. I have to go.

Sir, the situation has escalated.

We now have reason to
believe that Black Sigma

is after the X-17.

Black Sigma? What is
that, a heavy metal band?

They're international arms dealers.

There is not a weapon they
haven't tried to steal.

If the prototype falls into their hands,

the safety of the entire
free world is in danger.

I don't understand any of this.

How could somebody activate
the prototype from the outside?

Every copy of the software is in this lab.

What is it, doctor?

There's one more copy of the software.

Is it secure?

Well, we have a "Keep Off The Grass" sign

in our front yard.

We have been planning to
steal this weapon for months,

and now someone goes and
grabs it out from under us.

That is very bad manners.

We'll never get into lab now.

We don't need to get inside.

The prize is out there now.

And we will be the first to find it.

Bart, let me in.

How do I know it's you?

Stop being a massive knucklehead.

Yeah, okay. It's you.

Nothing to see here.

You fixed it?

Bart, you're a hero.

Are you sure you weren't
followed? What is going on?

My dad is not a video game designer.

The last 5 years of my life have been

a complete lie.

My formative years, a fraud.

I am a shell of a husk of a person.

Would you... Look at this.

Warning.

You are trespassing on a
network of the United States

Department of Defense.

What? This was not there before.

Yeah, yeah, they must have put up

a firewall when you hacked in...

to the Pentagon, where
my dad apparently works.

I hacked the Pentagon?

Whoopsie.

Hey, no, Miss-Hackey-Pants! This
is the moment when you're supposed

to stop before you make things worse.

Oh, no. They just got worse.

"The X-17, The World's First
Covert Robotic Operative."

Do you realize what you've done?

Yes, I designed a highly
mobile, undetectable,

handsome, wholesome, speed-reading,

ukulele-playing,
dreamy-eyed robot soldier.

And I set him up with my best friend.

What?

Hide, hide, hide, hide.

That was unexpected.

That's him.

That's the weapon.

Take the files, destroy the rest.

No, you... Sh.

Sh.

Let's go, someone's coming.

No, no.

I just fixed this.

Something really fishy is going on here.

Armed intruders? Government agents?

This is another Taco Tuesday
at the Hartley household!

Let's go.

Black Sigma beat us here.

Bart's car is outside.

My kids are here.

All clear up here.

Oh.

Oh. Hello, Father.

What are you guys doing?

Uh, nothing. We're just studying. Math.

Engli... Math.

Well, thank goodness you're okay.

There was a break-in. Where's Mae?

Oh, she's out with a boy.

Uh, a completely real boy who treats her

with kindness and respect.

Are you sure you two didn't see anything?

Nope, not us. Right, Bart?

No, nothing at all. Mm-hmm.

And who are these fine gentlemen, Dad?

Oh, they're...

I've been developing a military video game,

and these are my consultants.

Oh, that is a bunch of... Common sense.

Because you have to make
sure the games are realistic.

Right, Bart?

Yeah, otherwise, it would be like

pretending something is one way,

but in reality, it's an
entirely different way.

Right, Dad? And that would be dishonest.

Right, Dad?

And lying is bad.

Right, Dad?

Bart, are you okay?

Whoa, I'm fine, Dad. Honestly.

Okay, Bart, you'd better drive me home.

Only honesty in this house!

His name is Albert,
that's his mission data.

What is this homecoming?

I will only accept the truth.

Ah. Sorry.

I had a little bit of a
moment, but I'm calm now.

I'm calm.

There.

Those kids will lead us to homecoming.

Follow that cab.

Hey, taxi.

The Eagles pre-game party.

And I guess it's as good a place

as any to start the Robot Apocalypse.

No, it's not.

Mae is Albert's mission
commander. She can shut him down.

When I tell her that,
I'm sure she'll listen.

Hi. Hi, guys. Hi.

Yeah, I'm not sure you're
Mae's mission commander anymore.

Let's split up and track him down.

Just find him.

Do not try to take him yourself.

Why?

Are you afraid I'll mess up his hair?

Look who's here. It ain't
a party till Gabby shows up.

Hey, Gabby.

Wow. Mae, new dress?

Oh, Albert took me
shopping on the way here.

Uh-huh.

So Gabby, we hear you
found Mae this perfect boy.

Could you work your magic for me and Ella?

I think I've done enough.

I'd like a guy who's like
five-nine-ish, scruffy,

but not smelly, and vegan.

But not like snobby vegan.

Yeah.

Oh, and I'd like a guy

who's like, guhhhrrrr... you know?

Mae, I need to talk to you.

Alone.

So, you're Mae's big brother.

I mean you no harm.

Please don't hurt me.

Sigma 3 to team leader.

I have the target in sight.

Excuse me a second.

It's good talk.

Stay there. Do
not approach the target.

I can totally take this kid.

Mae, listen... I... I know
what you're gonna say, okay?

I know you're upset. You feel
like Albert has come between us,

and you don't want things to change.

Albert is not a normal boy.

I agree.

No, I need to tell you
what's really going on.

Albert is a robot.

I know. Okay, he can
be a little bit formal,

but I think that's cute. And
you don't even understand boys,

you think they're a distraction,

and that's fine.

But I love Albert.

And I know that he feels
the same way about me.

Albert can't feel anything
for you. It's impossible.

You know, I should probably
go, Albert's looking for me.

Mae, just trust me.

You have to end things with
Albert and it's really simple.

All you have to do is take him by
the hands, look him right in his eyes

and say "Initiate self-destruct."

Okay, that is ridiculous
and I'm not gonna do that.

You have to.

I need a best friend, not a boss.

Well, you know what? Right now,
neither one is a very fun job.

Well, then maybe you should quit.

Sigma 3 to leader.

False alarm, guys. The
prototype isn't here.

E-A-G-L-E-S!
Eagles!

Ready, Ready. Go.

Go Eagles!

Do it for your future homecoming queen.

It's the fourth quarter,

and our fighting Eagles are trailing

Uni High, 28 to 3.

As far as I recall, this is the closest

we've ever come to winning.

I guess you found him.

He can sense us coming.

How can we even get close?

We need the electro-pulse device.

It will shut down any electrical current

within a targeted range,
including Mr. Cutie Patootie.

And that's when we'll grab him.

You all right, man?

Did you tell Mae about Albert?

We didn't get around to it.

My sister is dating a
lethal robotic soldier,

and you didn't get around to
it? It just didn't come up?

It's my knee, coach.

Get some ice on it.

Where's my second-string running back?

You got to be kidding me.

Eagles.

Alaska!

Suit up!

What? No, we can't use him. Yeah?

Tell that to the scoreboard, kid.

Oh, no. This cannot be happening.

Yeah, I'm sure it will be fine.

As long as nobody tries to tackle him.

Okay, guys, battle time.
Download me an action plan.

Just stay out of the way.

Blast right 21 Z, on two. Albert!

Hello, Gabby. You cannot go into this game.

Yeah, she's right. You haven't
even been to the practices,

you don't know the plays.

Yeah, yeah.

Gabby, what are you doing? Hello, Mae.

Uh-oh. Bestie versus boyfriend.
Grab your popcorn, dudes.

He should not be playing football.

He could think someone's
the enemy and take them out.

It's all in good fun.

Hey, get your boyfriend
out of my homecoming game.

Hello, Nevaeh.

That's heaven spelled backwards, guys.

Penalty.

Delay of game.

Mae...

Don't even talk to me.

Hey, I'm just trying to help you guys out.

You don't even know.

All right, guys. We're
gonna win this game! Yeah!

Jenks, get in the game.

These are the men that we believe

broke into the residence.

It's imperative that we find them.

Awful lot of fuss for a burglary.

What's this about, General?

That's classified.

Whoo.

Oh, um, sorry, Sheriff.

But the Eagles just
scored another touchdown.

What?

Another?

But they never beat Uni High.

I've got video.

They got this new kid,
he's a bona-fide beast.

Look, what did I tell you?

This kid can do some serious damage.

It's the X-17's empowered assault mode.

We've found the prototype.

And he's dating my daughter.

All right, come on, Eagles.

Not going to let Uni take it this time!

Plenty of time left! Let's go.

We could actually win this.

All because of Albert.

He's like our secret weapon.

Let's make history,
bro. You got it, captain.

All right, coach, time for one more play.

I've got a brilliant idea.

Let's give the ball to this guy.

Albert! Albert!

Albert! Albert! Albert! Albert!

This is not an authorized cheer.

J-A-D-E-N.

Let's go, Jaden.

Break.

Set.

Hut.

Tackle him.

Go, go, go, go, go, go...

He can do that?

Albert!

Albert!

Oh, no, we're in trouble.

This way.

What is happening? Gabby, what is this?

Oh, so now you want to
finally start listening.

Your dad does not work
for a video game company.

He works for the Pentagon.

And Albert is a weapon,
a covert robotic soldier.

And all of this

is a search party for your boyfriend.

Everyone's after him, your dad, the army,

these mean guys with
like, big angry eyebrows,

and it's all our fault!

Hurry up!

Stay quick, stay sharp.

Come on.

Sigma 3, respond. Do
you have the prototype?

Sigma 2, respond.

Negative.

I don't have a visual.

Boss, where are you?

Boss, boss, he's just gone.

Wait a minute, where you guys are?

Hey, let me see your hands.

Don't move.

Hide.

You've stolen property

of the United States government.

Come out peacefully

and tell us everything we want to know.

That's right.

And there is no way

that you are going to homecoming.

But, Dad.

Where is Albert? What
have you done with him?

Sit down, Missy.

Well, you had an eventful two days.

You hacked a government network

and stole a weapon so secret,

Congress doesn't even know it exists.

You hijacked the prize creation

from the most advanced lab on earth.

That reminds me, do you
guys have any internships?

Silence.

Your actions were careless

and your methods were deplorable.

But it's clear your intentions
were purely romantic.

You didn't want a high-tech war machine.

Just a boy toy.

Take them home, doctor, they're free to go.

Did you just say free to go?

Albert...

The X-17 is no longer your concern. Jenks?

Albert's system was
temporarily shut down last night

by an electro-pulse device.

Thankfully, the criminals
who did it are in custody.

When he rebooted, he returned
to his default mission,

saving the free world from danger.

We're tracking them all over the globe.

So far today, he's helped freedom fighters

in South America,

built a school in the Middle East.

And right now he's leading a team

of mine-sniffing dolphins
through the straits of Hormuz.

Albert would never leave me.

This is all a mistake.

The mistake was that you laid

your eyes upon him in the first place.

He's the property of the U.S. Army now,

where he belongs. No, you're wrong.

Young lady, you'll do as the general says.

On one condition.

In exchange for your freedom,

you will never speak a
word about any of this.

Go back to your lives just like they were.

Forget Albert Banks ever existed,

'cause you're never going to see him again.

Jenks.

Have we planted a story to cover up

our attendance at the football game?

I took the liberty of blaming

the whole thing on Colonel Dalton.

I believe you two had
a rivalry at West Point?

Well done, Major. All's
fair in love and war.

I wouldn't know, sir. I've
never seen action in either.

General, are you in contact with Albert?

I'd like to see how he's functioning.

That's above your clearance level, doctor.

For the time being,

I suggest you keep an eye on your daughter.

Well, that's it. It's over.

No. Albert will come to his
senses, and he'll remember me,

and that he's not some soldier.

And when he does, I'm
going to be there for him.

I'm going to homecoming.

Did you hear a word they just said?

Look around. Operation
Boyfriend has been shut down.

I'm not blind.

I can see that Albert is

wire and metals and microchips.

But it's so much more than that,

and it was like that from the first spark.

It was magic.

Mae, the world runs on physics.

There's an equation for everything,

and you and I understand them all.

Magic is for people who don't.

Look, I'm sorry that you don't see it.

But I'm not giving up on Albert.

This was supposed to be the perfect night.

I know I'm biased.

But a girl as brilliant

and beautiful as you,

you're gonna have that night.

I promise.

Thanks, Dad.

Um, hey.

Hey.

Jaden, come on.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Worried?

I never had a doubt.

Get out of the way, doctor.

I thought Albert was 5,000 miles away.

We knew his mission would lead him here.

But we couldn't let Mae know,
she would have warned him.

We're taking Albert now.
Where is my air support?

General, I can't let you do this.

Check the chain of command, doctor.

You work for me.

If you try to take Albert by force,

he'll fight you with everything he's got.

And I'm not gonna let you march in there

and start "World War Albert"
with my daughter in the middle.

The prototype will come with us peacefully,

if you let him finish his mission.

You mean kissing your daughter
during a magical moonlit dance?

Yeah, it's what she wants.

I don't give two shakes of a
blind donkey's tail what Mae wants!

Well, I do.

If you ruin her night, I quit!

And you can forget about another X-17,

or the X-18 or
even the X-36.

What in the world is the X-36?

I have no idea.

But it is going to be twice
as good as the X-18, obviously.

I don't leave anything to chance.

Mae wants a kiss?

Yeah.

Then stand back, doctor.

Because U.S. Army is going
to make sure it happens.

Listen up, soldiers.

We've got a new mission.

We'll call it...

Operation Pucker Up...

Sir.

That was supposed to be us.

So what? They make a good couple.

Don't worry, I'm gonna
restore order to the kingdom.

What are you talking about?

Never mind.

Let's just stand here and look popular.

Good. Now stare into my eyes.

Are people noticing?

Keep looking.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Hey, Gabby, you look great.

You just had to show up, didn't you?

With your perfect hair and your yummy eyes.

You just had to be a
vision of grace and charm.

And that's bad?

You and Mae cannot end up
together. It's impossible.

Gabby, you can't know what's
possible unless you know everything.

And nobody does, not even you.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Your hotness is scalding my eyes.

Thanks.

What are you guys wearing?

Polka dots, your favorite.

Don't we look
A-Mae-Zing?

We're calling ourselves The Mae Flowers.

Operation Pucker Up is go, go, go.

Yes, sir.

I want this kiss happening by 2100 hours.

You can't hurry love, general.

I can and I will.

Where is my Covert Romance Team? Jenks?

I'm all over it, general.

Yo, let's go dance.

I can't.

I'm preparing to accept my crown.

And tell all of my grateful subjects

what I know about Albert.

Albert's cool. Why don't
you just leave it alone?

Why don't you stop letting
yourself get pushed around?

You know what? I will.

I hope we can still be friends.

Did you just break up with me?

Yeah, I did.

Madam and monsieur,

and welcome to Paris.

Make sure to stop at the
crepe and fromage table

for a free ballroom dance lesson from moi.

But now,

it's time to crown our guest of honor.

Ladies and gentlemen,
your Homecoming Queen is...

Mae Hartley!

Mae won?

Mae won Homecoming Queen.

My little girl.

We stuffed the ballot box.

Where are you two going?

Get back in there, now, now.

Well, I'm not really sure what to sa...

I don't even know what's going on here.

This is not acceptable.

Yes, it is.

This is like...

an unexpected triumph for
a genuinely decent person.

Not some hollow gesture

that you always took for granted.

Well said.

No, no, no, no.

You guys are all confused.

You need to know the truth
about Mae's boyfriend.

Mister Big Man On Campus.

You see, Albert here is a machine!

Yeah, bro, You're a machine!

No, no, no, no, no.

You guys don't understand.

Albert is dangerous.

Dangerous!

I'm trying to warn you.

Albert is a super-soldier

who can tear this place
apart with one move.

So if he gets near one of you,

every single one of you better get down.

Get down!

Hey, you want to go out
there and dance or something?

No, I'm okay.

Yo, J-bones,

what's up?

Um, how... how are you holding up?

You know, since you're not
gonna be first boyfriend...

Oh, dude, I'm not
worried about any of that.

And Nevaeh and I, done.

Really? Perfect couple.

Everyone, like, expected us to be together.

But from now on I'm gonna stop worrying

about what other people think.

Albert's got it all figured out.

He saw how special Mae was,

and he asked her to the dance.

I wanted to ask her to the dance...

I just really didn't have the guts.

Anyway, see you around, Brad.

That's not my name.

I can't believe it.

I was totally wrong...
and Albert was right.

I'm sorry.

Did your mouth just make
the words "I Was Wrong"?

Jaden liked Mae.

He liked her the whole time.

Hey.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

I guess.

I have to tell you something.

I just want to apologize.

We've been friends since forever.

And it's always just been the two of us.

And that was enough for me.

But it wasn't fair to you.

I was holding you back.

I never should have said that
Jaden was out of your league.

You were just worried
that I would get hurt.

No.

I was worried about losing my best friend.

Maybe my only friend.

We were a good team.

Unstoppable.

But you're great on your own.

Gabby...

No, Mae, it's okay.

You know that all of this
isn't really my thing.

But if that's what makes you happy,

then that's what I want for you...

whether I'm a part of it or not.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for the moonlight dance.

All right, people.

We're finally gonna be able
to retrieve this weapon,

as soon as he macks with the girl.

I mean, kisses the nice young lady.

Let's go.

Music.

Lights.

Breeze!

Roses.

Moon.

I present the Queen and her Prince Charming

on the dance floor.

Are we feeling the love?

We're feeling it, sir.

Jenks, get your head in the game.

Oh, um, yes, sir.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no. The army is here.

They're gonna try and take Albert back.

We have to warn Mae.

No.

She's got this.

I can't.

She can't?

I'm sorry.

What's wrong?

The lights.

The moon.

You.

Everything is just like I imagined it.

But it doesn't feel
like I thought it would.

I made you up.

I invented the idea of you,

because I was hurt that
a boy didn't want me.

And I wasn't brave enough to know that

if he didn't like me for
me, that's his problem.

I only get one first kiss.

I don't know when it's gonna happen,

and it probably won't be perfect.

But I know now

that I want it to be real.

You're incredible.

You always say the right thing.

I know.

But it's true. You're doing
something I could never do.

You're changing and it's beautiful.

Don't worry. But look up.

You knew.

You knew the army was coming
and you showed up anyway.

I had a mission...

to make this the best night of your life.

And now my work is done.

Albert... Please.

This is what I want.

Just look into my eyes and say it.

Initiate self-destruct.

Good-bye, Mae.

Mae.

Come on.

I knew it. What did I tell you?

It's the government,
it's probably classified.

There are cameras everywhere.

Mine.

Let's give a round of
applause for Principal Fragner

for the awesome special effects.

Needed softer music.

More pink in the lights. A gentle breeze.

General, you did everything you could.

My moment is ruined.

You mean, Mae's moment.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little choked up right now.

See that line of smoke?

It's a perfect logarithmic curve.

I've been meaning to tell you.

I'm actually pretty good at math.

I guess I just really liked my tutor.

You want to go dance?

Maybe later.

Jaden likes you.

But no boy

is more important than our friendship.

I second that.

What if...

Gabby!

My boyfriend was related to you?

What the... I thought you said

boys were a distraction? They are.

But they're a pretty good one.

You want to dance?

Yup.

Hey, have you ever heard
the story of the girl

who met a boy and changed the world?

It turns out, it was you.

Hey, you want to go out
there and dance or something?

As Kravtar would say, you
want the Boogie Woogie?

Hey, you want to dance?

You were ironic, right?

Don't deny my moves.

You want to get a little groovy?

You know what? Groovy.

Oh, where am I? Oh, there he is.

What are you doing? You
just... it's the bap.