All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E09.Win.Lose.or.Draw.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

Hey.

- Hey, morning.
- Hey.

- Morning, daddy.
- Good morning.

Anything for breakfast?

- How about pancakes?

- Ah, great.

- We need eggs, butter,

Milk, syrup,
and pancake mix.

And while you're out,
could you go to the bank,

The hardware store,
and the dry cleaner's?

- I'll just have cereal.

- Come on, ray.

- Well, what do you do all day
while I'm at work?

- I entertain men, ray.

Come on, ally.

- Great news, ray.

You're in.

- What am I in,
and does it wash off?

- Ray,

Every man has
certain moments in life

That define who he is
in the great circle of...

Life.

Tonight you and I
are having such a moment.

- I'm not getting naked

And let you hold me up
to the moon, dad...

Not again.

- Poker.

With me and the boys.

- No, dad, please.
Why don't you ask robert?

- Well, your brother's a cop.

He's very sensitive
about this gambling thing.

What if he turns us in?

- You'd like jail.

They have crafts.

- I don't get it.

You--
you saying no to me?

To your father?

- Dad, I'm not saying no.

I just--
I don't want to go.

- Don't want to go?
- Yeah.

- After the way
you hounded me

All those years
in high school to play?

- When did I hound you
to play cards with your friends?

- All right, all right.

So we didn't talk much
during the high school years.

I-I know I kind of
lost track of you.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, we got four guys.

We need a fifth.

- Come on. No.
I hate those guys.

All they did
was make fun of me.

- Oh, they won't anymore.

Your head's
a normal size now.

Come on.
Do it for the old man.

- Oh, please.
Do I have to?

- Attaboy.
Attaboy.

10:00 at nemo's.

It's a wild time, ray.

Better than vegas.

Food, fun, fast action.

Hey, the new guy
brings the maalox.

Hey, nemo,
what'd you make tonight?

- Lasagna meatballs.

- You mean
lasagna and meatballs?

- No, lasagna meatballs.

I had to clean out
the freezer.

- Health inspector?

- You want me
to talk to him?

- Like you talked to the judge
at your divorce trial, garvin?

- Hey, I did okay
on that settlement.

- You're living
at the frigging "y."

Hey, here he is.
Here's my boy.

- Here I am.

- Hey, ray.

[laughs]

- This it, dad?
This everybody?

- Ray, this kavutch says

He would only pick change
out of a urinal

If it was more
than a buck.

- Some of us
have principles.

- Some of us have 87 cents.

- [laughs]

- Ray.
- Hey, ray.

- Hey.

- So, ray,
you feel like a winner?

- Not really.

- Sit down, ray,
over here,

By my good ear.

- Tinnitus.

- Wha?

[laughter]

[coughing]

- Come on, guys.

This is how the ebola virus
started.

- Ante up, seven-card,
no peeky.

- Isn't this great?

My kid and my pals bonding
over a real man's game.

- No peeky.

- So, ray, you still doing
that sportswriting thing?

- Yeah.

- Hey, tell them about all
the awards you won this year.

- All right.
Come on, dad.

- Awards!
Wow!

Who would have made
that bet, huh?

- What?

- Nothing personal,

But you had the biggest head
I'd ever seen on a kid.

- It was huge!

- Freakish.

- We used to get calls
from the circus.

[laughter]

- All right,
are we gonna play cards,

Or are we gonna
make fun of me all night?

- Don't worry, kid.

We got plenty of time
for both.

[laughter]

[hacking cough]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
the phlegmtones.

[laughter]

I'll, uh--

I'll make a bet
that's as big as my head.

What are you doing, dad?

- I'm stacking your chips.

- Stack your own chips, dad--

All three of 'em.

- You're bluffing, raymond.

I call.

- You call?

You better call a doctor.

Full house:
Queens over 8s.

Sorry, guys.
I'm in the zone.

- Hey, ray, you're not supposed
to win all the money.

- Yeah, well, perhaps
I have an unfair advantage.

You know, all night,
I've been able to read

The reflection of your cards
off your shiny noggins.

- Hey, hey,
a little respect.

- Don't worry.
The kid's done winning.

It's time
for a man's game.

Five-card draw.

No draw.

- That means you play
the five cards you're dealt.

- Yeah, I figured it out, dad.

- Anybody got any antacid
or bicarbonate of soda?

- No.
- I don't.

- In that case, I fold.

- I'll open.

- Take it easy.

- Dad, what?

You don't tell your pals
to take it easy.

- They're not my son.

- Well, I'm not your son
here either, dad--frank.

We're equals.
I know what I'm doing.

- I'm out.
- I'm out.

- What, are you showing off?

This is just like
when you were a kid

And you'd shove the cocoa puffs
up your nose.

I raise you 50.

- I was six then,

And they smelled good.

I see you 50,
and I raise you 50.

- I told you don't put
the cocoa puffs up your nose.

So what do you do?

You shove 25 of them
up there.

We got to go
to the hospital.

I see you,

And I raise you.

- Well, dad,

Whatever you spent
at the hospital that night,

Here's your chance
to make it all back.

- Holy crap!
- Holy crap!

[toys clattering and squeaking]

- Hi, honey.

- What's going on?

Why are you home so late?

- 'cause I--
I won a lot of money.

- Oh, that's good.

- Then I lost some.

- How much?

- Oh, go--go to sleep.
Go to sleep.

- Well, how much?

- Not enough
to lose sleep over.

- Come on,
just tell me.

- Sleep.
- Ray!

- All right, don't sleep,

But you're gonna be
cranky tomorrow.

- Did you lose more than $50?

- Yeah.

- You didn't lose $100,
did you?

- No.

Hundreds.

- How many hundreds?

- [muffled]

- What?

- [muffled]

- What?

- Road and frick.

- Ray, how many hundreds?
- 23.

- [gasps]
- to my dad.

- You lost $2,300
to your father?

- Relax, all right?

We're gonna get
the money back.

- How?
- When he dies.

- Oh!

I can't believe
you lost all that money.

- Look,
it's my dad's fault.

He kept telling me to fold
like I was a little kid.

- Oh, so you showed him
by losing all your money to him.

- That's right.

I'm my own man.

- Ray, you know,
in case you haven't noticed,

We have three kids
to put through college.

- Well,
maybe we'll get lucky

And they won't be
college material.

- You know,
I thought we were saving

To buy a bigger house

So we could
move away from--

This neighborhood.

- Look, you think I wanted
to lose that much money?

I know it was wrong,

But you got to know
I had a very good reason.

- You had a very good reason?

- It's like when your father
tells you

Not to put cocoa puffs
up your nose.

- Oh, not the cocoa puff
story again, ray.

- What's the first thing
you want to do?

Put cocoa puffs
up your nose.

- So now you're...

Cuckoo.

- Don't you see?

It's just the same thing
as 30 years ago.

He kept telling me
to stop betting,

- All right, I get it.
I get it. I get it.

- Good. Okay, good.
I feel better.

All right,
let's just forget

About this whole thing
and get some sleep.

- Just forget about $2,300?

- Okay, you want to beat it
into the ground.

- I'm just--I'm thankful
that you lost it to your father.

- Because you can go over there
and ask for it back.

- I can't do that.

- Why?

- I'm not a child.

- Oh, no, you're a mature adult
who lost $2,300

Because his daddy
told him not to.

- All right,
I am a child.

But if I go back
and ask for the money back,

Then I'm a baby.

I don't want to be a baby.

- Quit pushing!

- Go ahead.
Do it.

- I'm not giving
ray's check back.

I won it fair and square.

- Oh, if you don't
give ray his money,

You're not the man I married.

- I win again.

- I can't take
the money back, ma.

- Yes, you can.

- Frank, please.

- Forget it.
I want to teach him a lesson.

Don't get in
over your head.

Play with fire,
you're gonna get burned.

And most importantly,

Thank you.

Come again.

- I can't believe
what I'm hearing!

You would actually deprive
your own flesh and blood

Of money he needs
to feed his family?

- We're okay, ma.

- Look how they live
over here, frank--

The want.

- What's going on over here?

- Nothing.
What are you doing here?

- I'm a policeman.
I come home at 3:00 a.M.

No mom, no dad,
no sandwich.

I start to worry.

- Oh, robbie,
it's the worst.

Oh, I've never been so upset
in my life.

- Don't tell him.
He's a cop.

- Tell me what?

- Nothing.

- Ray and frank
played poker tonight,

And ray lost $2,300
to your father.

- Why don't you tell him
I cry during sex?

- Oh--

- You played
for real money?

You--you broke the law?

- We gambled.
Nobody got hurt.

- I see, so it's not
against the law

Unless somebody gets hurt.

Interesting.

- Robert, want some ice cream?

- No, no.
Can't stay.

Got to go tell the pushers
and the muggers

And the ladies of the evening

That it's not against the law
unless somebody gets hurt.

Mio famiglia.

[mumbling in italian]

- Hello, sweetheart.

- Hi, grandma.

- What are you doing?

- We're frosting cupcakes.

- Oh, how nice.

Frosting from a can.

So much easier
than homemade.

- Darling, will you go wash
your face for grandma, huh?

That's a good girl.
Thanks.

This is for you.

- [gasps]

But I thought frank said--

- No, he doesn't know
anything about that.

This is my money.

- You have money?

- Oh.

My father--
oh, such a wise man.

On my wedding day,
he took me aside,

Gave me $200, and said,

"here, this is if you ever
come to your senses

And leave frank."

- Wow.

My dad only gave me $50.

- So for 45 years now,

I've been adding to it
little by little.

I mean, who knows how long
my marriage will last, right?

I mean, money is freedom.

- So how free are you?

- $46,000.

- What?

- Yup.

Just--
it's our secret, now.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi, ma.
- Hi, dear.

- How you doing?

- Fine.
- Fine.

- Okay, debra,
give mom the money back.

- How did you know?

- Come on,
look at you two, huh?

When's the last time
you two were smiling together?

Exactly.
Now, give it back to her.

- Oh, ray, please.

- No, no, ma, no.

Get out of here.
No. Go.

- Look, if you take--

- Don't make me
turn the hose on you.

Ma.

Thanks.

- You're welcome,
you stubborn ass.

- You were gonna keep
that money, weren't you?

- Oh, ray, if it wasn't for you
and your stupid pride

Trying to outdo your dad,

You never would have lost
that money in the first place.

- Wrong, all right?

I happen to stink at poker,

And I would have
lost the money anyway.

That's how much you know.

- You're not talking to me?

- Nope.

- I just keep winning.

- Oh, hi, ray.

- Look what I found
in ally's piggy bank--

$2,300.

- Oh.

Isn't she thrifty?

- Yeah.

Come on, ma, huh?

I'll tell you,
it wasn't easy

Trying to wrestle it
out of her hands.

- What did you do?

- I gave him $2,300.

We're not keeping
his money.

- Where did you get
$2,300?

- Never mind.

- I don't want it, ma.

- All right, freeze.

- Robbie,
shouldn't you be at work?

- Oh, I'm at work right now.

I heard the whole thing.

This could get ugly, mom.

I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

- You're telling me
to leave my own kitchen?

- Now!

Please.

- Look what you've done
to my boys!

- All right, you guys,
sit down.

- Oh, come on.
- Right now.

The both of youse.
Let's go.

Right here.

You guys want a cup of coffee?
- Okay.

- Well, we'll just see
how it goes.

Now, let's get
one thing straight, okay?

The both of you
broke the law,

The law that I've sworn
to uphold.

Now, the only thing
that could alter that fact

Is if no money changed hands
on the night in question

At one nemo's pizzeria

And homemade specialties.

- This is between
me and dad, robert.

- That's right.
We're perfectly fine.

- Everything's
perfectly fine, huh?

You don't think I know

That you're the tip
of the iceberg?

You're going down, pops,
and when you do,

You're gonna bring down
eddie and stan

And that divorced garvin.

- Robert, you're not
gonna do anything.

- Oh, I'm not gonna
do anything, huh?

You want to try me?
Come on!

Listen, kid.

I understand
what you're going through.

It's--
it's not your fault

'cause you got mixed up
with a bad element.

- What are you doing?

- Well, good cop/bad cop.

It's just taking me
a little longer

'cause there's only one of me.

- I know
why you're doing this.

It's because we didn't
invite you to play.

- No, no, my second-rate status
in this family

Has no bearing on my
professional responsibilities.

- There's another game
next week.

- Too late.
- Enough already.

Look, I'm leaving,
all right?

And for the last time,
I'm not taking the money.

I lost it, that's all.
I'm a big boy.

All right,
if I take the money,

What kind of message
does that send to my kids?

That no matter what happens,

You can just go
to your father

And he'll make
everything okay?

- You're right.

You're right.

- What?
What am I right about?

- You should be able
to go to your father,

And he should be able
to make it okay.

Here, be a good father,
big head.

- Dad--

Thanks.
Thanks, dad.

- What's the matter
with you?

- I'm just glad
it all worked out.

I didn't want
to have to cuff you guys.

- I'm glad too.

And, uh, it might have
worked out very well.

- Hey!

That's still my money.

- Well, you wanted
to play cards.

We're playing cards.

What do you got?

- A pair of 5s.

- [laughs]

Full house:
Jacks over 8s.

Okay, diamond jim,
take it off.

- I'm cold.