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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,640 (COMPUTER BEEPS) 2 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,360 (BUTTON CLICKS) 3 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,456 MAN: (FAINTLY) Where? Where did you see it? 4 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,176 This way? Did it go in here? In here? 5 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,096 (DOOR OPENING) 6 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,776 Ah, there it is. 7 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,560 (DRAGON CHIRPS) 8 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,616 (FOOTSTEPS) 9 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,416 Who closes the door, keeps the door. 10 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,136 No... You can't do this. 11 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,000 - No! - (SUPERNATURAL BLAST) 12 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,880 (FRENETIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 13 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,200 (DOOR CLOSES) 14 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:12,240 (BELLS CHIMING IN DISTANCE) 15 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,576 MAN: What? No... 16 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,696 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 17 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,256 No, no... 18 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,360 Oh, bloody alarm! 19 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:26,320 (FRANTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 20 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,976 (MUSIC PAUSES) 21 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,376 (SIGHS) 22 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,640 (MUSIC RESUMES) 23 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,616 (MUSIC PAUSES) 24 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,816 No! 25 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,160 (MUSIC RESUMES) 26 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,320 Neville! 27 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,776 (MUSIC PAUSES) 28 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,696 Kidding me! 29 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,200 - (MUSIC RESUMES) - (TOASTER SPARKS) 30 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,416 (TOASTER CRACKLES) 31 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,280 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 32 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,560 (MAJESTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 33 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,640 MAN: Thank you. 34 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,760 (SQUELCH!) 35 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,480 What the...? 36 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,240 Oh! 37 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,120 Excuse me. Sorry. 38 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,640 Sorry. 39 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,800 (EXHALES) 40 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,296 Sorry. 41 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,400 Sorry, guys. Excuse me. 42 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,496 Sorry. Hi. Is this the line for applicants? 43 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,640 - Join the queue. - Oh, thank you. 44 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,336 Excuse me. Sorry. Are you here for the barista job? 45 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,896 MAN: Paul? Paul Carpenter? 46 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,456 It is you! 47 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,016 (CHUCKLES) Thought it wasn't you for a minute. 48 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,856 Here's me calling out to a stranger. 49 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,016 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 50 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,536 Monty Smith-Gregg. 51 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,016 Don't you dare tell me you don't remember me. 52 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,816 - Um... - You don't? Or you do? 53 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,056 I can't tell with that funny face of yours. 54 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,736 You always had that look in class. 55 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,616 I taught 18th-century Ethics and History of Music. 56 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,336 - At King's. - Oh, I didn't go to King's. 57 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,176 And other campuses. 58 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,696 I had long hair and a beard. 59 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,496 You used to sit next to Neville. 60 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,016 - Yes... - Funny Neville. 61 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,456 With his weak knees. 62 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,536 Plus, I coached you in football, Mr Forgetty! 63 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,856 This is such a coincidence! 64 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,176 You still got that shirt? The one with the, uh... 65 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,096 Oh, what did it say? I should go. 66 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,656 - How's your brother? - I don't have a brother. 67 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,096 Anyway, must dash. I have an interview, just like you. 68 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,736 Another coincidence! 69 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,840 - Bye! - Bye. 70 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,360 Monty? 71 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,496 Oh... 72 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,520 (PHONES CHIMING AND CLICKING) 73 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,936 Oh, great... 74 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,736 - (DOG YAPS) - Hey! 75 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,736 Wait! 76 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,736 (FRANTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 77 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,440 Stop! Stop that dog! Hey! 78 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,440 (MUSIC STOPS) 79 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,280 (WHIMSICAL TINKLING MUSIC) 80 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,040 (MUZAK PLAYING FAINTLY) 81 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,056 Hello? 82 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,656 (MUZAK, INDISTINCT SPEECH ON TV) 83 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,360 MAN: (ON TV) ..Central London organisation... 84 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,736 (INDISTINCT SPEECH ON TV CONTINUES) 85 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:29,040 (EERIE MUSIC) 86 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,016 MAN: (ON TV) With world's best practice... 87 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,696 (SPEECH ON TV CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 88 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,616 Excuse me, but are you here for the job interview? 89 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,896 It says 'applicants' on the door, but... 90 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,496 ...this is an odd place for a job interview. 91 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,456 I was actually supposed to have an interview at a cafe, 92 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,376 which is interesting... mildly. 93 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,296 D-do you know what they do here? 94 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,456 Or what position...? WOMAN: I'm sorry. 95 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,056 Is there something I'm doing to make you want to talk to me? 96 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,496 - Pardon? - I really need to focus. 97 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:07,776 Sorry. 98 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,216 Oh, of course. Yeah. You should focus. 99 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,176 Oh, you... you're watching. 100 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,616 Maybe I... I should just watch too. 101 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,040 MAN (ON TV): We've always been there... 102 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,896 ...and always will. 103 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,136 Life at JW Wells as a new recruit 104 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,536 is never dull. 105 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:28,856 On the contrary, 106 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,576 the jobs can be demanding and often confronting. 107 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,336 We may not advertise our services 108 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,296 and shout our name from the rooftops, 109 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,536 but that is because we do not need to. 110 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,416 Our reputation is already well established, 111 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,536 which is why we can hide in the shadows 112 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,496 waiting for business to come to us. 113 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,056 Now you know a bit about what we do here 114 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,296 at JW Wells and Company, 115 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,656 we hope you will join our team. 116 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,856 (MUZAK ON TV CONTINUES) 117 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,416 (WOMAN GIGGLING) 118 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,456 No, you were... you were outstanding, my dear. 119 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,936 Mr Wells was very impressed. 120 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,616 - We all were. - That's a relief. 121 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,816 He's a personal hero of mine, you know. 122 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:08,936 Yes. 123 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,656 Oh, good luck! Just have fun with it. 124 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,816 (SOFTLY) These other interviews are just formalities. 125 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,160 The job is all but yours. 126 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,016 (EXASPERATED SIGH) Paul Carpenter! 127 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,120 What...? M-me? 128 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,280 How does he know my name? 129 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,320 MAN: Chop-chop! 130 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,456 (PLODDING MUSIC) 131 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,920 So, what is it you do here? 132 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,256 We do what we can. 133 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,360 Right. 134 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,120 - (HUSHED CHATTER) - (DOOR OPENING) 135 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,736 Mr Wells, ladies and gentlemen of the board, 136 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,696 this is Paul Carpenter. 137 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,536 Well, I'm glad you found us. 138 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,536 The side entrance is a bit tricky, but... 139 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,656 Apologies about the lobby being renovated. 140 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:17,016 It's all to align with the 'new dawn' of our great company. 141 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,176 You will be part of that new dawn too. 142 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,296 - I will be? - Well, you could be. 143 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,536 It all rather depends on the next two minutes, 144 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,696 wouldn't you say? 145 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,136 - Right. - Why don't you tell us 146 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,936 something about yourself, Paul? 147 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,296 Ah... there's not much to tell, really. 148 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,216 I've got four GCSEs and two A-Levels. 149 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,616 I'm currently between employment. 150 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:38,976 Single. 151 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,376 I live with a friend, Neville, 152 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,976 who hasn't paid rent for 2 months, 153 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,016 but let's not hold that against him, 154 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,376 even though it means we'll be evicted unless I get this job. 155 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,296 Well, a job. It's highly unlikely that I get this job. 156 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,736 Especially if I keep talking. 157 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,360 But I'd like it. Whatever it is, it seems... interesting. 158 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,216 Anyway, yeah, that's... me. 159 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,720 And what makes you think you'd be suited to this position? 160 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,160 I dunno. 161 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:08,896 Well, what made you apply? 162 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,616 Uh, coincidence, really. 163 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,656 Go on. 164 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,176 Well, my alarm didn't go off. My trousers had a stain. 165 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,416 And my shoelace broke - twice. 166 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,576 A dog stole my scarf. The toaster blew up. 167 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,936 I ran into someone who taught me at university 168 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,736 although I don't remember him at all. 169 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,136 And then I chased the dog, and here I am. 170 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,456 - Any hobbies? - Pardon? 171 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,136 What do you do in your spare time? 172 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,176 Well, all my time is spare... 173 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,616 - ...really. - Ah. 174 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,336 But I used to paint model soldiers. 175 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,256 - WOMAN: Which period? - Medieval. 176 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,056 I also did those fantasy ones. 177 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,216 - Trolls and goblins. - Goblins? 178 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,896 I tried Napoleonic, but they were too fiddly. 179 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,096 I see. 180 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,616 I don't do that so much now. 181 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:53,976 And what do you most admire about the works of Chekhov? 182 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,896 Ah... (EXHALES) I dunno. 183 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,176 The way he says "Course laid in, Captain" 184 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,496 is pretty cool. 185 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,176 But mostly he doesn't get to do much. 186 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,760 - (GROANS) - Chekhov, the playwright. 187 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,136 Star Trek. 188 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,160 Any languages? 189 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,576 Uh, French and German at school, but... 190 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,696 ...I can't really remember any of it now. 191 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,056 (SPEAKS IN GERMAN) 192 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,080 Sorry? 193 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,240 Casimir is asking you about your social life, pumpkin. 194 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,616 (BANGS TABLE) 195 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,056 Pardon? 196 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,496 What are you looking at, Mr Carpenter? 197 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,216 Oh, sorry. Uh, it's nothing. It's... 198 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,840 You seem distracted. 199 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,616 It's just the wallpaper. 200 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,800 The cracks are a map of London. 201 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,736 The Tube. 202 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,176 And there's the M25. 203 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,816 There's Hyde Park. 204 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,120 As soon as you see it, you can't unsee it. 205 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,280 It's like one of those Magic Eye things. 206 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,456 Well, this has been a truly forgettable experience. 207 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,296 Shall I see you out, Mr Carpenter? 208 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,576 - That's OK... Sorry. - Yes, I shall. Come on. 209 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,256 Well, thanks for meeting you all. 210 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,656 Um, good to... I mean, to meet you. 211 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,656 MAN: We heard it. Thank you. 212 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,576 (DOOR OPENS) 213 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,680 (DOOR CLOSES) 214 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,216 (GROANS) 215 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,320 You... 216 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,976 Stay... 217 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,080 Stay. 218 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,520 - (DOOR CLOSES) - Alright? 219 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,056 Oh, dear. 220 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,496 How is anyone supposed to get a job in this town? 221 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,736 You should just go abroad. You know, be a man of letters. 222 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,416 Paul Carpenter - renaissance man. 223 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,896 Renaissance men usually have more than £5 to their name. 224 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,136 Any ladies there? 225 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,776 No. 226 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,056 Liar. Spill. 227 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,856 (THUMP!) 228 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,416 PAUL: Neville? 229 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,016 - Hmm? - What's going on? 230 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,736 Yeah, the couch is gone. 231 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,496 Yes, I noticed that. 232 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,976 I'm moving home. 233 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,336 - What?! Like, right now? - I'm sorry. I just... 234 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,096 Just, do you ever feel like you're not meant for 235 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,696 this kind of, you know, work, rent, bills, bus, 236 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,736 Tube, bills, work, rent kind of life? 237 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,296 Yes, of course, we all do... 238 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,736 I had this epiphany last night, I thought, "Neville", 239 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,856 "why are you being a slave to the system? 240 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,456 "You know, go home, go back to university," 241 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,376 "just... never leave again." 242 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,416 PAUL: Right. NEVILLE: And you know what? 243 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,856 As soon as I said it, I just felt... free. 244 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,536 PAUL: Wow. I'm really happy for you. 245 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,456 But where does that leave me? NEVILLE: We're all individuals. 246 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,456 You are free to make your own choices. 247 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,576 PAUL: Ignoring the fact I don't have a job 248 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,416 and my parents have moved to Florida. 249 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,816 - I can't believe this! - I know, I'll miss you too. 250 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,176 No! How do I find someone with zero notice? 251 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,976 NEVILLE: I'll pay for next week. 252 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,696 - PAUL: You're two months behind. - Maybe you'll get... 253 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,800 (BREEZE BLOWING) 254 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,816 "JW Wells and Co"? 255 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,776 That's where my interview was. 256 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,456 But I didn't give them this address. 257 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,616 "Dear Mr Carpenter, 258 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,096 "Thank you for your smashing interview at 9:43am today. 259 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,496 "It was a real highlight and we were unanimously impressed. 260 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,856 "We are therefore thrilled 261 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,936 "to offer you the position of Paid Intern. 262 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,616 "It would be most agreeable if you could make yourself 263 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,416 "available for work from tomorrow, 9am sharp." 264 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,896 "Please enter through the main entrance at 70 St Mary..." 265 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,416 Bloody hell. 266 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,456 I got a job! 267 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,400 You see? All works out in the end. 268 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,936 I got a job! 269 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,040 (ALARM BLARES) 270 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,520 (DRAMATIC OPERATIC MUSIC BUILDS) 271 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,560 (MAJESTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 272 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,440 PAUL: Thank you. 273 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,720 (PHONES CHIMING AND BLEEPING) 274 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,120 (SOFT CHORAL MUSIC) 275 00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,280 Mr Roden! 276 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,480 Referral, please. 277 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,720 Ew. 278 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,376 Suite 1409. 279 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,800 - (BELL BUZZES) - (DOOR OPENS) 280 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,376 What's the matter? Need help sitting? 281 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,880 Oh, I'm... I'm not... 282 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,800 Ah! 283 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,496 Hm? 284 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,976 Well, Rosie, what do we think of the new lobby? 285 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,576 Oh, Mr Wells, 286 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,096 I was expecting to be pleased, 287 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,576 but this morning, when I saw it for the first time, 288 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,896 my heart burst with a new passion for my work. 289 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,856 I can't tell if you're being serious. 290 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:21,160 I couldn't be more serious... about the new lobby. 291 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,216 - Carpenter! - Hi. 292 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,616 - Wearing a suit, I see. - Mm. 293 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,136 Very nice. Making an effort - tick. 294 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,456 Trying to be yourself - bigger tick. 295 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,280 We're all a big happy family here, aren't we, Rosie? 296 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,096 - Yes? - One big happy family. 297 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:43,016 We're going to tear through mountains together... Paul? 298 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,696 Paul. Ah, OK. 299 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,520 Well, I love to tear... mountains. 300 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,136 (DOOR CREAKS AND CLOSES) 301 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,280 Paul Carpenter. 302 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,520 Last chance to change your mind. 303 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,816 (INTERCOM WHINES) 304 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,936 Mr Tanner, the new intern's here. 305 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,456 TANNER: (ON INTERCOM) No, she's here already, Mum. 306 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,176 Uh, I mean 'Rosie'. 307 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,016 Well, they're coming in thick and fast 308 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,656 'cause there's another one here with a clueless look 309 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,176 on his face. 310 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,136 I don't suppose you could fill me in 311 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,480 on what this company actually does? 312 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960 TANNER: (ANNOYED) Carpenter... 313 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,560 I was hoping that you'd died. 314 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:41,856 Well, follow me. 315 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,416 - Chop-chop! - Dennis! 316 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,976 Shirt. 317 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,016 Oh, yes... 318 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,320 Come on. Hurry up! Come on! 319 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,440 For God's sake... 320 00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,576 No, not that way... 321 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,656 (DENNIS MUTTERING) 322 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,136 Why is the...? 323 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,136 (EXASPERATED) Ah, all this was meant to be done by Christmas! 324 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,936 By Christmas! 325 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:14,736 Now... interns report to me, and me only. Is that clear? 326 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,096 OK. Yes. 327 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,256 "Yes, Mr Tanner." 328 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,416 Now, JW Wells is a highly respected firm. 329 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,136 Oops! 330 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,256 And we expect nothing less than excellence from our employees. 331 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,896 - Is that clear? - Of course. 332 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,000 "Of course, Mr Tanner." 333 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,816 Now, in return, you will be working 334 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,016 for the most innovative company in history. 335 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,120 Hup! 336 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,120 Don't panic. 337 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,736 All clear, no harm done. 338 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,536 With me, boy. 339 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,616 (TELEPHONES RINGING, BUSTLING CHATTER) 340 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,536 DENNIS: Now listen very carefully, 341 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,496 'cause really all you need to know, 342 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,936 for centuries, our distinguished firm, JW... 343 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,536 Oh, thank you, thank you. 344 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,896 Our distinguished firm, JW Wells, 345 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,616 has performed a plethora 346 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,176 of invaluable services for our clients, including... 347 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,896 - (HUBBUB DROWNS OUT SPEECH) - I didn't quite hear... 348 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,296 ...temporal pausation or advancement 349 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,456 and, of course, our signature dish, which is coincidensation. 350 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,656 Now, we have never had an unhappy client. 351 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,296 - Come on! - (TYPEWRITERS CLACKING) 352 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,736 DENNIS: And we trust it will remain that way. 353 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:35,176 If you decide to stay, you arrive at 0900, 354 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,456 lunch is at 1300, tea 1500, 355 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,656 and pens down at 5 o'clock. 356 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,696 And I don't care how much of a suckhole you are, 357 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,216 you never, ever stay after hours. 358 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,456 - Is that clear? - Yes. 359 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,720 - Mr Tanner. - Thank you. 360 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,080 (TUBES SUCTIONING) 361 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,416 You look like the sort of chap who owns a computer. 362 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,016 Do not bring it to work. 363 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,296 - Hurry along! - (TUBES SUCTIONING) 364 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,496 They do not function within these four walls, 365 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,056 and what is more, they're common. 366 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,496 - Any questions? - I just didn't quite hear... 367 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,256 No questions. Good. 368 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:19,096 You may be excited about working here - 369 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,416 that would be a mistake. 370 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:25,320 You are the lowest of the low, Mr Carpenter. 371 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,296 I can't think of anything lower. 372 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,976 Even the tiniest mites 373 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,016 that inhabit this grotty carpet upon which we walk 374 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,216 are more important than you. 375 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,776 And, like the mites, 376 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,816 the less you are seen, the longer you will last. 377 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:41,896 Right. 378 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,496 "Right, Mr Tanner!" 379 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,600 Mr Tanner. 380 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,976 Now... you'll be sharing 381 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,176 with the other new blob of insignificance 382 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,496 that arrived today. 383 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,600 Oh. What other blob? 384 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,440 This one. 385 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,776 Sophie Pettingel. 386 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,816 She managed to get here on time. 387 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,816 Well, wait here. Maybe someone will find you something to do. 388 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:08,416 Oh! Why don't you tell Sophie about your last girlfriend? 389 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,336 Oh, that's right - you've never had one. 390 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:16,096 (GUFFAWS WHEEZILY) 391 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,056 (SCOFFS) That's not true, by the way. 392 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,080 I have had... 393 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,256 We never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend... 394 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,056 The smell of coffee makes me sick. 395 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,040 The what? Oh. Sorry. 396 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,200 Ah... Oh, that's hot. Very... 397 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,040 Ah... 398 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,680 (EXHALES) 399 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,016 Looks like we're up for the same job. 400 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,496 Hm. 401 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,896 I'm pretty sure they've made a mistake, actually. 402 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,136 All depends on what they were looking for. 403 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,736 If it was inarticulate, nervous gits 404 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,536 with little talent or initiative, 405 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,640 they've struck gold. 406 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,816 With me... I mean. 407 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:28,440 Not you. You're obviously talented and... not a git. 408 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,296 Do you have any idea what they do here? 409 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,096 What was all those typists? 410 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,816 And the big map with the...? 411 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,376 There's a nice pub across the street, which is good. 412 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,976 It's important, isn't it? To have after-work drinks. 413 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,976 Or hitting-target drinks. Or sales drinks. 414 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,136 Or, like... drink drinks. 415 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,816 My dad used to go to the pub after work every day. 416 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,216 So did my mum, actually. 'Debeef' drinks. 417 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,216 Debrief 'dinks'. Drinks. 418 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,176 Debrief drinks. 419 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,416 Did you work anywhere before this job? 420 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,136 Um, what kind of question is that? 421 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:11,776 Oh, uh, I was just wondering if all office jobs are like this. 422 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,656 You know, you sort of sit and wait to be told. 423 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:19,296 Or maybe you could fill me in on some work practices. 424 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,016 You know, like when to... 425 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,576 Go to the pub? 426 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,256 What? No. 427 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,096 Um... unless you want to. 428 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:28,776 But-but not in an inappropriate way, of course. 429 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,816 If there's a way to do it... if... 430 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,656 'Cause, I mean, I can't, and don't want to, by the way, ask. 431 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,696 And neither do you want to be asked, 432 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,976 or ask me, which is good. 433 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,456 We've got apps for that. 434 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,976 And I'm certainly not gonna look for you on my app. 435 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,776 - I think you should stop now. - Yeah, I think you're right. 436 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,336 (YELPS) SOPHIE: What?! 437 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:48,440 Shh. 438 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,616 (TROLLEY RATTLING) 439 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,720 (PAUL GASPS) 440 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:11,896 Did she try and kiss you? 441 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,296 - No. - No. 442 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,696 Oh. Shame. 443 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,840 Did you see a baby dragon? 444 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,320 Job for you. 445 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,056 You are to go through these maps 446 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,496 and circle any sites containing bauxite. 447 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,896 - Got it? - And what about me? 448 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,000 You help him. 449 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,976 Oh. Look at you. 450 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,136 You're all red in the face. 451 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,536 First days, they're always hard. 452 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:48,400 But I'm here - hm? - if you need a true friend. 453 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,776 (SNIFFS) 454 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,416 Mm. 455 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,920 Anyway, good luck. 456 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,736 So... bauxite is...? 457 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:07,760 It's a mineral. 458 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,376 They make aluminium out of it. Listen, Peter. 459 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,296 - Paul. - Don't take this the wrong way 460 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,696 but I'm not interested in beers after work 461 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,136 or, "Hi, everyone, this is my mate Peter from work." 462 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,176 - Paul. - I'm part of a fast-track 463 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:18,816 program to upper level management, 464 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,096 so we won't be sharing this pokey little hole for long. 465 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:24,296 But while we are, do you mind if we just...? 466 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,576 (RAPS DESK) 467 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,176 Yep. Sure. 468 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:32,600 Yeah. I was just... checking about the bauxite. 469 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,280 (JAUNTY HARMONIC MUSIC) 470 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,856 (BELLS CHIMING) 471 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,000 Well, that was rewarding. 472 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,200 Didn't spot any bauxite, did you? 473 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,920 SOPHIE: Coming? 474 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,136 So, what we thinking for lunch? 475 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,696 I could murder a pie. 476 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,536 Oh, I'm a bit of a pie-murderer myself. 477 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,136 Actually, I might just grab a coffee. 478 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,976 I thought you didn't like coffee. 479 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,616 Why did I say that? I hate coffee. 480 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,536 Sophie Pettingel! I have a quick job for you. 481 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,440 You can come too if you like, but don't do anything. 482 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,536 PAUL: I don't suppose you could fill us in 483 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,640 on what this company actually does? 484 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,016 This should be very simple. Ah. 485 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:11,816 That woman is Delia Bryson. 486 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,080 She happens to be sitting... 487 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,296 (HUFFS) Spelling is awful. 488 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:24,616 Right. Well, this seems to be a little more complicated. 489 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,456 Delia is reading Atonement by Ian McEwan. 490 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,096 Sophie, I'll need you to watch her 491 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,216 and signal me when she gets to the part 492 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,976 where Cecilia jumps into the fountain. 493 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,936 - The what? - I'll be on the other side. 494 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,256 Wait. You want me to read over her shoulder? 495 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:40,416 Of course not. That would be rude. 496 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,520 Just watch her from in there. 497 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,200 How are we supposed to know what she's reading? 498 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,136 This is ridiculous. 499 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,696 (WHISPERED VOCALISING) 500 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,360 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 501 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,320 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC SWELLS) 502 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,256 (MAN GRUNTS) 503 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,176 - (WATER SPLASHING) - (DELIA GASPS) 504 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,376 Oh, my goodness! 505 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,696 Are you alright? MAN: Yeah. 506 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,216 - Here. - Oh. 507 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,136 - Oh... (CHUCKLES) - Oh, thank you so much. 508 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,976 DELIA: Such a bizarre coincidence... 509 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,936 Very well done, Sophie. 510 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,656 His parents paid a fortune for that. 511 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,776 Those two will think it was meant to be 512 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,456 and hopefully tell the story to their grandchildren. 513 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,336 But... so Sophie read her mind? 514 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,416 Sophie is a Seer. A very rare breed. 515 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,856 That's why she's in our fast-track program 516 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,960 and you, Paul, are not. 517 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,456 I suppose you'd call us practical metaphysicians 518 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,816 or paranatural engineers. 519 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,136 In my department, we hijack a client's instincts 520 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,896 or gut feeling just long enough 521 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,216 to influence a correct decision. 522 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:16,296 Sophie, I have more clients for you. 523 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,416 Paul, you can go back to... 524 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,216 ...whatever it was you were doing. 525 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,760 - Maps. - Fast-track. 526 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:47,640 (TRAFFIC BUZZING, SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE) 527 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,496 Bauxite... 528 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,600 Brilliant. 529 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,920 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 530 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:35,120 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 531 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:48,200 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 532 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:51,856 Carpenter! 533 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,696 You focus your eyes on a point in the distance, 534 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,160 like you're looking at the horizon. 535 00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:00,616 Yep. 536 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:06,176 Now lift your hand just off the map 537 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:07,816 so you can still feel it 538 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,680 but you're not actually touching it. 539 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:20,416 (BARELY AUDIBLE ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 540 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,456 Yep. 541 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:26,296 (ELECTRONIC PULSING) WELLS: Yeah. Mm-hm. 542 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:27,856 Yeah, it's building. 543 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,640 - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) - (WELLS EXCLAIMS) 544 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,640 That's the Quiver Point. 545 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,720 Come with me. 546 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,816 Countess took you on a mission? 547 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,216 Yes. Well, I didn't really do anything, but... 548 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:48,376 Is that what you do here? Make people fall in love? 549 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,936 Yeah, fall in love, divorce, discover gravity, move cities, 550 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,976 invent combustion engines, try a new cafe... 551 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,496 Careful with those! 552 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,936 We control their gut instincts. If only for a few seconds. 553 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,216 But why? 554 00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:03,336 Yes, exactly! 555 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,176 No credit. Not nearly enough money. 556 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,776 Never any gratitude. 557 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,336 Why waste our precious time helping ungrateful sods 558 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,480 who are just going to die anyway? 559 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:17,216 (DOOR CLOSES) 560 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,400 (FOOTSTEPS) 561 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,576 We're on the brink, Paul. 562 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,776 On the edge of history. 563 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:45,296 We were just about to launch Operation Fine Print - 564 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,376 the most audacious influence campaign 565 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,296 ever undertaken - 566 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,176 when we hit a bit of a snag. 567 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:58,176 And now only you, Paul, can put us back on track. 568 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,416 - Me? - (CHUCKLES) Yeah, well... 569 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,736 Yeah, but you have a unique talent. 570 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,160 You're more than just a Diviner. 571 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,416 I'm a... Diviner? 572 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,456 Your parents must be so proud of you. 573 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,080 DENNIS: His parents? They're barely even aware he's alive. 574 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,576 When he was six, his father lost him at a funfair. 575 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,216 Took him 22 minutes to realise. 576 00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:24,936 Their house was hardly ever clean 577 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,216 because his mother spent most of her time 578 00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:28,576 having three affairs. 579 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,256 Dad had no idea. 580 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,816 Who was the third affair? 581 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,896 We don't get to choose our parents. 582 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,616 Dennis's father looked like a squashed toad. 583 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,816 My father was a controlling egomaniac. 584 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,576 You know, he presented as a warm and gentle leader, 585 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,000 but behind the scenes, he was evil. 586 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,616 When I was 12, 587 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,696 he sat me down, put a pen in my hand 588 00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:52,256 and made me write a contract. 589 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:57,936 "I, Humphrey Wells, promise very hard 590 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,456 "never to betray my father." 591 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,376 "And if I do, my soul will be his." 592 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,896 He kept that contract. Never let it out of his sight. 593 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,696 It imprisoned me, kept me silent, 594 00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:13,776 forced me to be the obedient, dutiful son. 595 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,736 It was his insurance policy against me. 596 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:21,440 What kind of father needs an insurance against his own son?! 597 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,656 We're very similar, you and I. 598 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:30,936 You think? 599 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:32,536 Mmm. 600 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,976 Undervalued. Underestimated. 601 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,256 (BLOWS NOSE) 602 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,920 I suppose, maybe, in that way. 603 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,776 Can I trust you, 604 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:49,616 Paul Carpenter of 57 Wrigglesworth Street, Nunhead? 605 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,216 Um... 606 00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,736 ...I mean, I'm number 59, 607 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,240 but, yes, I think you can trust me, yes. 608 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:01,320 I've lost something. 609 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,416 Something not only dear to me, 610 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,376 but immeasurably valuable. 611 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,456 Oh. That's no good. Where did you last see it? 612 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,096 Well, that's irrelevant. 613 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,736 It's not a watch or a wallet. 614 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,296 It's one of the most powerful and coveted items 615 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:18,816 ever to exist. 616 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,456 Oh. Right. Gosh. 617 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,776 The trouble is, it has the ability to disguise itself. 618 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,736 Like an octopus. 619 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,520 It is not like an octopus. 620 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,096 (WHISPERS) Do you think we have the right man here? 621 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,816 (MUTTERS) 622 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,576 I need you to find it, Paul. 623 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,016 It's somewhere in this building. I know that. 624 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,536 But it will refuse to be found, 625 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,936 so you will have to pretend that you're not looking for it. 626 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,056 Pretend I'm not looking for it. 627 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:55,056 Yeah, I put all my trust in you. 628 00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,576 Because the thing... 629 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,816 ...the thing that I want you to find... that thing... 630 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,296 It's a door. 631 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,640 Yes, thank you, Dennis. 632 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,616 It's a door. A portable door, to be specific. 633 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,696 Portable... 634 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,816 You're not to share this with anyone. 635 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,576 - Even your blossoming romance. - Oh, we're definitely not... 636 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,416 You must find it. It's crucial for Operation Fine Print 637 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,616 and the new dawn of the company. 638 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,336 Would you say everything hinges on his success? 639 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:29,136 Yes, I would say everything hinges on... his success. 640 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,240 Hm? 641 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:35,336 Find my door. 642 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,136 - OK. - Good man. 643 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,240 How? 644 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,576 You have the gift. 645 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,136 Fate has brought us together. 646 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,640 This is your time to shine! 647 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,800 So... go shine. 648 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,256 And, Paul... 649 00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,480 (BOTH SHUSHING) 650 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,280 (ENTRANCING MUSIC) 651 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:15,520 Just find the door. Easy. 652 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,480 Here, door! Come on, door! 653 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:33,936 Are you looking for something? 654 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,536 No. 655 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,856 You look like you're looking for something. 656 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,016 Don't think so. No. 657 00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,056 Not very sure of yourself, are you? 658 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,360 Do you remember who I am? 659 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,856 Blank. 660 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,896 I'm Nienke Van Spee, 661 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,096 ASTP, KMCC. 662 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,136 - Paul. - ASTP stands for. 663 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,736 'Associate of the Society of Thaumaturgical Practitioners'. 664 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:03,056 - Right. - Say that with a lisp. 665 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,136 - (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) 666 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,160 And KMCC 667 00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,976 stands for 'Keeper of the Magician's Code of Conduct'. 668 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,296 Which means you come to me 669 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,496 if you hear of any illegal use of magic. 670 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,760 Have you? Heard of any? 671 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,096 How are you enjoying the new job? 672 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,696 Oh, Sophie's a delight. 673 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:22,816 If you were to buy her a present, 674 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,896 I would suggest a small woollen scarf 675 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,216 or a good-quality torch. 676 00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:27,776 And under no circumstances 677 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,176 should you kiss her after eating licorice. 678 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,920 - Oh, we're not... - She hates the stuff. 679 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,096 How are you finding Mr Wells? 680 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,456 He's a wonderful boss. Honest. 681 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,856 Eyes down here, pumpkin. 682 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,216 What you see is what you get with Mr Wells. 683 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:50,856 No, there's... there's not a thing I worry about 684 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,656 with Humphrey at the helm. 685 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,776 What are you looking at, potato face? 686 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,800 Sorry. 687 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:58,936 Are you working with him closely? 688 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,216 Not really. No. 689 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:05,376 Well, I hope you get that chance. 690 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,856 He seems to really like you. 691 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,320 Which is bewildering to us all. 692 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,576 Bit of a turnip, aren't you? 693 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,376 You certainly didn't get my vote. 694 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,136 Anyhoo, must toot. 695 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,056 Maybe you'll prove me wrong! 696 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,456 (BELLS CHIMING) 697 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,760 NIENKE: It's five o'clock! Go home, Paul! 698 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,760 (DOOR CREAKING) 699 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,880 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 700 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,840 (HOUSE CREAKING SOFTLY) 701 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:29,736 - (RAPID WHOOSHING) - (YELPS) 702 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:31,256 Don't panic. It's just a dream. 703 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,056 - Who are you? - I'm Casimir Suslowicz. 704 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:34,776 What are you doing in my bedroom? 705 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,536 This is not your bedroom. This is a dream of your bedroom 706 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,176 - that I am in. - Why? How? 707 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,976 It's what I do. I find it's the best way to get to the truth. 708 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:44,136 Truth? 709 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:45,976 Because we've all been wondering 710 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,680 why Mr Wells hired you. 711 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,760 I can find bauxite on a map. 712 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,976 - Are you...? - Waiting for the truth? Yes. 713 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:03,136 This company got out of bauxite 107 years ago. 714 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,456 Why did he hire you? 715 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,576 I don't know what to tell you. Honestly. 716 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,736 I... I think he just saw some real potential in me 717 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,576 - and he... he... - (WHOOSHING) 718 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,296 W... 719 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:16,576 (PAUL GASPS) 720 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:18,896 What's wrong, Paul? Foot hurting? 721 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,720 - (SHRIEKS) - Why were you hired, Paul? 722 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,776 Not sure you can hear me. 723 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,176 (VOICE BOOMING) Can you hear me now? 724 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,856 Why did he hire you? 725 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:35,096 (PANTS, GROANS) 726 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,256 - I can't say! - I can do worse, Paul. 727 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,736 I can do a lot worse now that I'm in here. 728 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,096 But it's just a dream, right? 729 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,016 (MOCKING) Oh, yes, it's just a dream! 730 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,576 But things have real-world consequences, Paul. 731 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,736 I could make you strip off, 732 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,136 go for a little sleepwalk outside. 733 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,536 You wouldn't! 734 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,416 I can make a little bit of wee come out. 735 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,016 Quite a bit, actually. 736 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,176 OK! Alright! 737 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,816 (MUFFLED) He wants me to find the portable door! 738 00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:00,920 (WHOOSHING) 739 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,056 So... 740 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,056 ...Humphrey has lost his portable door. 741 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,976 I don't know what it does. 742 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,880 I mean, why does he want it so badly? 743 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,296 You know the saying. 744 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,136 "There is only one way to the Bank of the Dead"? 745 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,216 No, actually. W-what's the one way to the Bank of the Dead? 746 00:45:20,240 --> 00:45:21,536 Dying. 747 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,120 Well, it turns out that's not entirely true. 748 00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:27,856 There is another way. 749 00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:29,960 (GASPS) 750 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:32,216 Bank of the what? 751 00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:34,456 - (PHONE CHIMES) - You're still dreaming. 752 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,560 Agh! 753 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,040 (PHONES CHIMING AND CLICKING) 754 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,496 (ROSIE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING) 755 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,016 I could just eat you up. 756 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,896 (CHUCKLES, KISSES) 757 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,000 Oh... 758 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,960 (SOPHIE CLEARS THROAT) 759 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,640 I love office supplies. 760 00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,040 I always wanted to be a Coincidator. 761 00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:19,496 Is that what I am? 762 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,680 (COLDLY) "Is that what I am?" 763 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,336 - (INTERCOM BEEPS) - She's here. 764 00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:30,160 Right. Just pretend you're not looking for it. 765 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,760 (FAINT CREAKING) 766 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:07,960 (DOOR CLOSES) 767 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,320 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 768 00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,640 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 769 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:30,120 (FAINT ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 770 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,560 (FAINT ELECTRONIC PULSING) 771 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,640 (ELECTRONIC PULSING INTENSIFIES) 772 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,080 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 773 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,480 (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) 774 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,200 "Goblins only." 775 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,816 - (DOOR OPENS) - (GASPS) 776 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:44,240 DENNIS: Did I give you permission to be down here? 777 00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,136 (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS) 778 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:51,256 Let me think. Did I give you permission to be down here? 779 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:52,896 No, I did not! 780 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,536 Sorry, Mr Tanner. I... 781 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,216 I thought it might be a good place to look for the... 782 00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:58,576 ...you know. 783 00:48:58,600 --> 00:48:59,976 (WHISPERS) The what? 784 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,696 (WHISPERS) Portable door. 785 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:03,576 The portable door. 786 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,016 Rather a big project for an intern. 787 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,976 How's it going, by the way? 788 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,096 Um... I think I'll be OK. 789 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,456 If I were you, Carpenter, 790 00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,136 I would just give up now 791 00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:20,376 because when you fail - and undoubtedly you will - 792 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:25,216 there are no words to describe what Mr Wells will do to you. 793 00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:26,776 Oh, here's one. 794 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:28,416 Gut. 795 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,016 Another. Impale. 796 00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:32,976 Marinate. Oh, they're coming now. 797 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,976 Yes. Fry, poach... 798 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,696 - OK. Thanks. - Peel, roast... 799 00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:39,840 - I think I get the... - Disembowel! 800 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:51,040 (MENACING MUSIC) 801 00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,560 (CONTAINERS CLATTERING) DENNIS: Get...! 802 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,576 I know this is probably a stupid question, 803 00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,496 but who's down there? 804 00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:05,856 Goblins. 805 00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,816 We've worked with them for centuries. 806 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,016 They follow humans. They watch you at night. 807 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,616 Steal from you. Sabotage your day. 808 00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:13,816 They're basically obsessed. 809 00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:18,040 And we use that obsession to arrange coincidences. 810 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:21,776 Ask the dry cleaner 811 00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,016 if you can stick this poster on their wall. 812 00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,320 Her long-lost cousin will come by in a few days. 813 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,696 SOPHIE: Excuse me. Hi. 814 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,576 Would I be able to put this poster up? 815 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:36,616 - My friend lost her dog. - Course, love. 816 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,376 SOPHIE: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 817 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,736 Alright, you have a lovely day, yeah? 818 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,840 You too, bye. 819 00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:12,096 I'm sure you've noticed. This company is at war with itself. 820 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:17,096 Ever since John Wells mysteriously - suspiciously - 821 00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:18,776 disappeared, 822 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,736 things have changed. 823 00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:25,016 It was the same day Dennis's father, Arthur, disappeared. 824 00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,256 Those two sons are up to something, 825 00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,600 and it's not just renovations. 826 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,576 We're not sure what or when, 827 00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:39,296 we're not even sure why he hired your scruffy friend, 828 00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,000 but it's connected somehow. 829 00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,656 I don't think he knows why he's been hired. 830 00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:50,256 I mean... he's quite nice, but... 831 00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:53,160 ...I can't really tell when he... 832 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,680 You're a jumble of a human, aren't you? 833 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,136 You're very good at reading people. 834 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,656 You could be a great Seer. 835 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:08,160 But you don't seem to make sense inside. 836 00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:13,496 It's like you have two instincts fighting each other. 837 00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,600 Is there something I should know? 838 00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,136 I am... 839 00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,240 I don't think... 840 00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,560 I guess I'm just... 841 00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:29,400 ...as you say... a jumble. 842 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,016 SOPHIE: I don't know what's happening to me. 843 00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:39,816 I'm listening to jazz, drinking coffee, which I hate. 844 00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,056 I'm suddenly loving balloons. 845 00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,056 I just don't know who I am anymore. 846 00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,496 DENNIS: That's fascinating. Am I supposed to care? 847 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,176 SOPHIE: I want to change my mind. 848 00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,280 DENNIS: Well, too bad because you signed the contract! 849 00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:52,856 PAUL: Everything OK? 850 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,136 What? 851 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:56,776 It's 4:53. 852 00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,040 Seven minutes to leave the building! 853 00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,120 I'm fine. 854 00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:06,656 Coming? 855 00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,760 Yep. 856 00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:13,056 Sounded like a heated chat. With Tanner? 857 00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:16,096 Ugh, it was just a disagreement about my employment contract. 858 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:19,176 - You're not leaving, are you? - Starting to think I should. 859 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,496 That'd be awful. And sad. 860 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:22,576 Why? 861 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,216 (WHISPERS) 'Cause who would protect you from...? 862 00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:26,896 Exactly. 863 00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,400 Just be glad you're not a stapler. 864 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:37,136 I suddenly... really... 865 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,600 ...in my heart... 866 00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,800 ...need... 867 00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:47,456 ...liquorice. 868 00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:49,256 You hate liquorice, don't you? 869 00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:52,000 Yes, I did. But now I love it. 870 00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:56,536 Mmm! 871 00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,416 (WITH MOUTH FULL) Mmm, it's so, um... liquorice-y. 872 00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:03,280 (CHUCKLES) 873 00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:09,816 (GAGS) 874 00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:12,440 (COUGHS, RETCHES) 875 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,680 (COUGHS) 876 00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,520 - Do you want to get a drink? - Yes, please. (GAGS) 877 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,920 (MOODY SWING MUSIC PLAYING) 878 00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:28,536 I don't know why I ate that. How can anyone eat that? 879 00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:30,176 I actually don't mind liquorice. 880 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,976 Yes, but you dress like a 12-year-old accountant. 881 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,576 Really? 882 00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:36,680 Sorry. 883 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:42,136 Listen... is everything OK? 884 00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,016 Yep. 885 00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:45,936 Fine. 886 00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,600 I guess I just thought... 887 00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,216 You'd be CEO by now. 888 00:54:51,240 --> 00:54:54,016 Ha. Yes. 889 00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:57,456 I don't know, I'm grateful for the fast track 890 00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,376 and the Countess, but... 891 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,696 ...what if the downside isn't worth it? 892 00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:04,336 Well, what's the downside? 893 00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:05,896 Being miserable all the time? 894 00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,696 I'm not miserable. I'm ambitious. 895 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,376 You wouldn't get it, Paul. 896 00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,256 You know, you're happy looking at maps all day 897 00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:15,000 and you don't need more. I just, I wish I was... 898 00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:22,056 Oh... my... God. 899 00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,056 You are doing more. 900 00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,016 - What? - What you doing? 901 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:28,800 What? Nothing. I can't say. It's... Nothing. 902 00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:35,376 Mr Wells has me on a special task. But I can't say. 903 00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,736 It seems pretty important to him, though. 904 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:39,536 'Cause I'm the only one who... 905 00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:42,440 - You're the only one who what? - I can't say. 906 00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:46,576 OK. 907 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,216 Well, just so you know, be careful. 908 00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:50,336 Of what? 909 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:53,056 Of him. Humphrey. He's not normal. 910 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,736 Oh, and Countess is just your average office manager. 911 00:55:56,760 --> 00:56:00,136 He's not gonna want something for nothing, Paul. 912 00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:03,056 Seriously, what's with all the hating on Humphrey Wells? 913 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:05,336 He doesn't push innocent people into fountains. 914 00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,816 You're so naive. We know there's more to this. 915 00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,056 - New Dawn than renovations. - Who's 'we'? 916 00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,496 Plus, Countess thinks he disappeared his father. 917 00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:14,536 - Well, where's John Wells? - I dunno. 918 00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,120 - Retired. - Huh. 919 00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:21,136 Just... 920 00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,560 ...consider yourself warned. 921 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,816 Maybe you're jealous. 922 00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:29,376 Maybe you can't handle the fact 923 00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:31,136 that the CEO loves me and not you. 924 00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:32,896 Have you always been this arrogant? 925 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:34,696 Maybe I'm on a super fast track. 926 00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:35,856 A super fast track? 927 00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:38,816 You're on a regular fast track. The truth is hard to hear. 928 00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:41,056 Believe me, you are not. You fell into this job. 929 00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,416 You weren't plucked from obscurity by the CEO 930 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,416 because they can't find any other middling-intelligent, 931 00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,336 slightly good-looking English boys in the city of London. 932 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,496 If the CEO is asking you to find something, 933 00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,600 it's because they don't know what else to do with you. 934 00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:01,640 (MOODY SWING MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 935 00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:13,376 OK. Well, this was fun. 936 00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:15,480 - Let's do it again. - Yep. 937 00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,160 (DOOR OPENS) 938 00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,936 (ROSIE CHORTLES) 939 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,696 Here he is. 940 00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:36,776 The date from hell? 941 00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:38,096 What? 942 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,336 "Let's go for a drink and yell at each other." 943 00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:43,576 - Whoa, hang on... - Not cool, Romeo! 944 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,680 (WHISPERS) Not cool. 945 00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:52,336 Paul! Casimir Suslowicz. 946 00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,680 We met at your interview. 947 00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:59,680 Well, hope you're adjusting. 948 00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,600 Must dash. 949 00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:07,296 PAUL: Right. Today's the day, Paul. 950 00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,480 MONTY: Today is what day? 951 00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:14,776 - I know you. - I look like a lot of people. 952 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,296 Monty. We met before my interview. 953 00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:19,696 Who knows? Anyway, turn around and go back up. 954 00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,496 - I was just gonna look down... - Well, you can't. 955 00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,616 - Why not? - I don't have those details. 956 00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:27,376 All I've been told is "Don't let anyone in the basement." 957 00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,016 But there's just an old closet down there. 958 00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,496 - That's what I said - closet. - You said basement. 959 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,480 - No, no, I said closet. - You definitely said basement. 960 00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,536 (WHISPERS) Please don't tell Mr Tanner I said that. 961 00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:41,560 Why not? 962 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:42,616 He's very creative with his punishment. 963 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,736 You didn't teach me History of Music 964 00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,096 or coach football, did you? 965 00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,216 No. 966 00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,736 You were trying to make me miss my interview. 967 00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:55,120 Yes. As instructed. 968 00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,136 I won't tell Mr Tanner you said basement. 969 00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,296 Oh, that's very decent of you. 970 00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,400 If you let me go down there. 971 00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,280 (ELECTRONIC PULSING) 972 00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:36,320 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 973 00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,360 (UNEARTHLY RUMBLING) 974 01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,480 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) 975 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,760 (MOUSE SQUEAKS) 976 01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:58,040 (MONKEY CACKLES) 977 01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:22,040 (KRAKEN GRUNTS QUIZZICALLY) 978 01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:35,280 (MUSIC STOPS) 979 01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:51,720 - (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) - (YELPS, GASPS) 980 01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:56,560 (SINISTER MUSIC) 981 01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:07,000 (ELECTRONIC PULSING) 982 01:02:12,120 --> 01:02:14,416 - (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) - (GASPS) 983 01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,736 (SOFT GROWLING) 984 01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:18,840 - (BARKS) - Agh! 985 01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,776 - (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING) - (GASPS) 986 01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,000 (SHUSHING) 987 01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,080 (GRUNTS) 988 01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,136 (GRUNTING) 989 01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:50,240 (STAPLER THUDS) 990 01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:10,576 (FAINT ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 991 01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:14,440 (ELECTRONIC BUZZING INTENSIFIES AND ABATES) 992 01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:26,080 (LOW ELECTRONIC BUZZING INTENSIFIES) 993 01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,480 (ANGELIC CHORAL MUSIC) 994 01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:39,560 (ANGELIC CHORAL MUSIC SWELLS) 995 01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:53,576 Found you. 996 01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:55,016 (DOORKNOB TWISTING) 997 01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:57,320 (DOOR CREAKING) 998 01:04:34,440 --> 01:04:36,976 (OMINOUS MUSIC) 999 01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,656 HUMPHREY: (FAINTLY) Ladies and gentlemen, my friends, 1000 01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:44,136 if I may get your attention. Thank you. 1001 01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:47,176 What you're about to see - 1002 01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:50,016 and it's not exaggerating to say this - 1003 01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:53,976 is going to change the world forever. 1004 01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:55,896 (MUFFLED CHATTER) 1005 01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,336 HUMPHREY: See, for centuries, 1006 01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:02,456 we at JW Wells have been in the business 1007 01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:07,576 of changing small lives in small ways. 1008 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,696 Absolutely lovely. (KISSES) 1009 01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:14,576 Now, this has always struck me as an odd waste of our talents. 1010 01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:18,856 So when my father disappeared, presumed dead, 1011 01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:21,656 I decided this was our chance. 1012 01:05:21,680 --> 01:05:24,176 Opportunity is right there in front of us, 1013 01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:26,056 begging to be used. 1014 01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:27,096 (DOOR RATTLING) 1015 01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:30,016 HUMPHREY: We've always provided a service 1016 01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:31,936 for our customers. 1017 01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:34,416 What if we make them serve us? 1018 01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:38,416 What if we make them the product? 1019 01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:42,056 Mr Tanner, let's have the guinea pig. 1020 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:44,336 Gather round, please. 1021 01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,520 I have something to show you. 1022 01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:51,216 HUMPHREY: Sophie, just a few more quick questions. 1023 01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:52,416 Any phobias? 1024 01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:54,496 Balloons, weirdly. 1025 01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,336 - HUMPHREY: Do you like coffee? - Not at all, sorry. 1026 01:05:57,360 --> 01:05:58,776 Favourite music style? 1027 01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:01,056 I like loads of music, just not jazz. 1028 01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:02,376 HUMPHREY: What do you think of 1029 01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:04,216 when I say the word 'liquorice'? 1030 01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,296 I actually almost gag. 1031 01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,256 This is my fast-track interview... 1032 01:06:08,280 --> 01:06:10,696 OK, hold it right there. 1033 01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,336 After that interview, 1034 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:16,776 we were able to influence this young consumer. 1035 01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:19,056 SOPHIE: I don't know what's happening to me. 1036 01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,856 I'm listening to jazz, drinking coffee, which I hate. 1037 01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:23,336 I'm suddenly loving balloons. 1038 01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,416 I mean, I just don't know who I am anymore. 1039 01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:28,256 (SNIGGERS) 1040 01:06:28,280 --> 01:06:30,176 (FORCED LAUGHTER) 1041 01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:32,136 HUMPHREY: Thank you, Dennis. 1042 01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:33,656 PAUL: Wait... 1043 01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:37,256 HUMPHREY: If we can do this to a well-educated... 1044 01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,696 (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING) HUMPHREY: ..young, 1045 01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:41,816 strong-willed individual, 1046 01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:45,360 imagine what we can do to the masses. 1047 01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:50,296 Your property prices will skyrocket. 1048 01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:55,216 Your consumer base will double, triple, quadruple! 1049 01:06:55,240 --> 01:06:58,856 Your Roger will win his election in a landslide! 1050 01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:00,336 MAN: How are you doing this? 1051 01:07:00,360 --> 01:07:02,136 HUMPHREY: With a simple binding contract 1052 01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:03,896 they don't even know they've signed. 1053 01:07:03,920 --> 01:07:06,656 (WHISPERS) Door! HUMPHREY: Just like Sophie did. 1054 01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:10,896 I will sell you the will of the people. 1055 01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:12,920 (WHISPERS) Door! 1056 01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:14,376 HUMPHREY: I will hand you their desires, 1057 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:17,736 their gut instincts on a silver platter. 1058 01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:20,656 Because here at JW Wells, 1059 01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:22,376 influence is... 1060 01:07:22,400 --> 01:07:24,480 DENNIS: Whoop. 1061 01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:27,840 HUMPHREY: Thank you, Dennis. 1062 01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:35,056 Influence is no coincidence. 1063 01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:37,736 (CROWD APPLAUDS) 1064 01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:40,576 (EXCITED CHATTER) 1065 01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:42,216 PAUL: "Knock, knock". 1066 01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:44,320 OK. 1067 01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:46,816 Knock, knock. 1068 01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:48,336 (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1069 01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:51,096 HUMPHREY: Why don't we do it over some refreshments? 1070 01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:53,600 Mr Tanner? Dennis! 1071 01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,280 Supermarket! 1072 01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:11,840 (CHECKOUT SCANNER BEEPING) 1073 01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:36,880 (FRANTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 1074 01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:50,736 NIENKE: Paul. 1075 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:54,536 Are you being chased? PAUL: Uh, no. Fine. 1076 01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:57,096 NIENKE: You're puffing and you look spooked. 1077 01:08:57,120 --> 01:09:00,616 Ah, no, just... just I'm keen to get to work. 1078 01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:02,416 So, anyway, thanks for... 1079 01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:04,576 Paul. 1080 01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:09,560 If you do find it, this is who you come to. 1081 01:09:10,600 --> 01:09:12,600 Right. 1082 01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:16,840 (FRANTIC OPERATIC MUSIC) 1083 01:09:18,440 --> 01:09:20,296 Paul! 1084 01:09:20,320 --> 01:09:22,336 We need to clear the air. 1085 01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:25,736 I'm sorry about what I said last night. 1086 01:09:25,760 --> 01:09:28,616 But I do think we are fundamentally different people 1087 01:09:28,640 --> 01:09:31,256 and some people are not meant to spend time together. 1088 01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,760 Hey! What the hell? 1089 01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:37,376 They're filming you. Us. 1090 01:09:37,400 --> 01:09:38,936 - What? - You. 1091 01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:40,656 They're controlling you, Sophie. 1092 01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:42,056 What are you talking about? 1093 01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:44,976 He said something about a contract. 1094 01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,080 I saw... 1095 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:50,840 - I found it. - Found what? 1096 01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:56,880 This. 1097 01:09:57,760 --> 01:09:58,856 (GASPS) 1098 01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:01,080 You found a towel? 1099 01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:04,160 Just watch this. 1100 01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:08,160 - Knock, knock. - (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1101 01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:19,736 That's a door. 1102 01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:21,496 Yep. 1103 01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:23,600 Ready? 1104 01:10:28,840 --> 01:10:30,840 Supermarket. 1105 01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,176 This is not... 1106 01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:36,696 Something's gone wrong. 1107 01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:39,056 - MAN: (ECHOING) Hello? - Who's that? 1108 01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:42,480 MAN: Wait there. I'm coming! Please don't...! 1109 01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:46,536 Who was the voice? 1110 01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:50,176 "Announce your destination before opening." 1111 01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:53,136 OK. My bad. 1112 01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:55,760 - Knock, knock. - (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1113 01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:00,416 OK. S-s... um... 1114 01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,520 My flat. 1115 01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:06,880 See? Portable door. 1116 01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:14,216 This is your flat? 1117 01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:16,256 Yeah. 1118 01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:18,360 You're actually quite neat. 1119 01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:21,520 What...? 1120 01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:28,216 So it goes wherever you want to go. 1121 01:11:28,240 --> 01:11:32,576 This has just become the best job in the world. 1122 01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:34,456 Before you do that, can we just...? 1123 01:11:34,480 --> 01:11:36,776 - Knock, knock. - I have to tell you what I saw. 1124 01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:38,856 - Amazing! - It was an interview with you. 1125 01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:40,776 - There were people watching... - Come on! 1126 01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:44,016 THURSTON HARRIS: ♪ Little Bitty Pretty One 1127 01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:45,736 SOPHIE: Come up here! 1128 01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:47,840 Whoa! 1129 01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:52,936 (INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) 1130 01:11:52,960 --> 01:11:54,176 (LAUGHS) 1131 01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:56,520 We're on top of the world! 1132 01:11:59,320 --> 01:12:00,856 Close your eyes. 1133 01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:03,536 No - your ears. 1134 01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:08,576 ♪ Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm... ♪ 1135 01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:10,680 (SOPHIE CHUCKLES) 1136 01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:13,336 - Fiji? - No! 1137 01:12:13,360 --> 01:12:15,136 - Jamaica? - Warmer. 1138 01:12:15,160 --> 01:12:18,656 ♪ Little bitty pretty one Come on and talk to me 1139 01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:21,416 ♪ Lovey dovey, lovey one... ♪ 1140 01:12:21,440 --> 01:12:25,056 Whoo! 1141 01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:33,056 ♪ Oh, oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh 1142 01:12:33,080 --> 01:12:34,576 ♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪ 1143 01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:36,600 Really? 1144 01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:37,616 - ♪ Tell you a story... ♪ - (SHRIEKS) 1145 01:12:37,640 --> 01:12:39,976 ♪ Happened a long time ago 1146 01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:41,656 ♪ Little bitty pretty one... ♪ 1147 01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:43,136 I'm busy this week. 1148 01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:45,976 You should be able to handle these clients, yes? 1149 01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:54,576 ♪ Oh, oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh 1150 01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:56,456 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, whoa, oh, oh 1151 01:12:56,480 --> 01:12:58,976 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 1152 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,696 ♪ Come on and talk to me 1153 01:13:01,720 --> 01:13:04,216 ♪ Lovey dovey, lovey one 1154 01:13:04,240 --> 01:13:07,976 ♪ Come sit down on my knee 1155 01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:13,920 ♪ Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm... ♪ 1156 01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:17,296 Look at that. Amazing. 1157 01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:18,976 It's so cool. 1158 01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:20,456 It is so beautiful here. 1159 01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:22,936 So, what's your favourite place that we've been to? 1160 01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:25,616 My favourite place that we've been to... 1161 01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:28,016 That's a really hard question. I don't know. 1162 01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:30,416 Why do I always have to answer first? 1163 01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:33,200 (PLAYFUL BANTER AND LAUGHTER) 1164 01:13:35,360 --> 01:13:38,200 (TENDER MUSIC) 1165 01:13:43,880 --> 01:13:45,936 PAUL: Did I mention I was the South East Junior. 1166 01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:47,936 Ballroom champion three years running? 1167 01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:49,296 SOPHIE: You failed to actually. 1168 01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:52,056 PAUL: Three years, I'm serious. SOPHIE: You hid it so well. 1169 01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:53,536 PAUL: I didn't want to show off. 1170 01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:56,280 SOPHIE: Don't be like that, you're actually really good. 1171 01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,576 (WOMAN EXCLAIM IN ASTONISHMENT) 1172 01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:24,736 (WOMEN EXCLAIM) 1173 01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,136 I don't believe it! 1174 01:14:27,160 --> 01:14:30,256 (BOTH LAUGH) 1175 01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:33,560 (JOYOUS MUSIC) 1176 01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:53,880 ROSIE: Ooh! 1177 01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:02,560 (WONDROUS MUSIC SWELLS) 1178 01:15:13,160 --> 01:15:15,160 (PAUL EXCLAIMS) 1179 01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:21,656 PAUL: What if I told you I can read minds now, too? 1180 01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:23,696 SOPHIE: (SCEPTICALLY) Really? 1181 01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:25,536 What am I thinking? 1182 01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:27,856 "Gosh, Paul is handsome and interesting." 1183 01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:29,960 (SOPHIE CHUCKLES) 1184 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,280 Maybe we should stay here. 1185 01:15:38,640 --> 01:15:42,736 Eh? Just eat fresh seafood every day. 1186 01:15:42,760 --> 01:15:45,616 Yeah... Except I hate fish. 1187 01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:49,040 But you don't know yourself, do you? Maybe you love it. 1188 01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:56,736 Or we could just take the portable door for lunch, 1189 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,840 somewhere different every day. 1190 01:16:01,400 --> 01:16:03,760 And we could build a little house. 1191 01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:06,840 Over there. 1192 01:16:13,720 --> 01:16:16,216 I like you. 1193 01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:18,056 I really do, quite a lot, 1194 01:16:18,080 --> 01:16:22,000 which is weird because you're such a... 1195 01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:33,376 But ever since I signed that stupid fast-track contract... 1196 01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:35,176 ...I feel like they're in control 1197 01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:38,136 of that whole part of me. 1198 01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:41,080 My instinct and... 1199 01:16:43,240 --> 01:16:45,240 ...my heart. 1200 01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:51,240 I don't trust my own feelings. 1201 01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:57,520 I guess I don't know if what I'm feeling for you is real. 1202 01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:04,280 Well, then we have to find this thing that you signed. 1203 01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:06,496 Why? 1204 01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:08,376 We could reverse it somehow. 1205 01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:11,216 So then you'd know who you really are 1206 01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:15,776 and how you really feel about pies and jazz. 1207 01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:17,880 And especially... 1208 01:17:19,240 --> 01:17:20,816 ...liquorice. 1209 01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:23,016 But how do we reverse it? 1210 01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:26,480 Well, I dunno. But we have to try. 1211 01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:31,720 - Knock, knock. - (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1212 01:17:33,720 --> 01:17:35,416 (DOOR OPENS) 1213 01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:37,416 We should check Humphrey's office first. 1214 01:17:37,440 --> 01:17:39,520 After work. 1215 01:17:44,240 --> 01:17:45,376 Interns! 1216 01:17:45,400 --> 01:17:48,240 There's a rumour going around and I hope it's... 1217 01:17:49,200 --> 01:17:50,576 Why are you dressed like that? 1218 01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:52,216 - We're not. - Theme party. 1219 01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:54,376 - Tonight. - Last night. Uh... beach theme. 1220 01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:56,640 It was a good party. So much fun. 1221 01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:03,416 (TENSE MUSIC) 1222 01:18:03,440 --> 01:18:07,280 Do you have any idea what thin ice you are on? 1223 01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:13,416 I'm going to say this once, and then you're on your own. 1224 01:18:13,440 --> 01:18:17,296 Fold it up, put it outside Mr Wells's door, 1225 01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:21,440 walk away and never, never come back. 1226 01:18:22,680 --> 01:18:24,976 And if you're lucky... 1227 01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:27,840 ...he'll be too busy to bother killing you. 1228 01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:35,536 He knows. But he didn't do anything. 1229 01:18:35,560 --> 01:18:37,616 He's right. Is he right? We should leave. 1230 01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,096 We have to find your contract. 1231 01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:40,976 - And what? Rip it up? - I dunno. 1232 01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:42,816 But we have to do something. 1233 01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:44,416 We'll come back tonight. 1234 01:18:44,440 --> 01:18:46,520 OK. 1235 01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:53,720 (BELLS CHIMING) 1236 01:18:55,080 --> 01:18:57,160 - Good evening. - Goodnight. 1237 01:19:11,720 --> 01:19:14,840 (OMINOUS MUSIC) 1238 01:19:20,280 --> 01:19:25,760 (RHYTHMIC STOMPING) 1239 01:19:34,360 --> 01:19:36,360 (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1240 01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:39,120 (DOOR CREAKING OPEN) 1241 01:19:41,160 --> 01:19:43,160 (DOOR CLOSES) 1242 01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:47,016 SOPHIE: Didn't you say 'Humphrey's office'? 1243 01:19:47,040 --> 01:19:48,256 PAUL: I did. 1244 01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:51,136 SOPHIE: This is not Humphrey's office. 1245 01:19:51,160 --> 01:19:53,256 Those are a lot of printers. 1246 01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:55,416 Door wanted us to come here. 1247 01:19:55,440 --> 01:19:59,656 So, what, it has a personality now? 1248 01:19:59,680 --> 01:20:02,936 - (GASPS) Oh, shit! - (GASPS) What is it? 1249 01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:05,416 It's gone. 1250 01:20:05,440 --> 01:20:08,080 Just... be careful. 1251 01:20:09,240 --> 01:20:11,696 (PRINTER WHIRRS) 1252 01:20:11,720 --> 01:20:14,216 (PRINTER WHIRRING) PAUL: The last time I was here, 1253 01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:16,736 these printers were all printing, 1254 01:20:16,760 --> 01:20:18,840 but I don't know what. 1255 01:20:20,320 --> 01:20:22,256 They're terms and conditions. 1256 01:20:22,280 --> 01:20:25,456 Those things you click 'agree' but never read. 1257 01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:27,256 (PRINTER CONTINUES WHIRRING) 1258 01:20:27,280 --> 01:20:29,736 "Operation Fine Print." 1259 01:20:29,760 --> 01:20:31,376 Humphrey's mentioned that. 1260 01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:32,976 (DISTANT SCREAMING) 1261 01:20:33,000 --> 01:20:35,400 Was that a bad scream or a good scream? 1262 01:20:36,440 --> 01:20:38,440 I'm hoping good? 1263 01:20:41,760 --> 01:20:43,760 I mean, they're all different. 1264 01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:47,120 This one's a gym membership. 1265 01:20:48,280 --> 01:20:49,896 This is a train ticket. 1266 01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:54,376 A rental agreement. But why is JW Wells collecting them? 1267 01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:56,536 (EERIE MUSIC) 1268 01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:59,000 Maybe this is what I signed. 1269 01:21:08,040 --> 01:21:11,680 (LOW GROWLING) 1270 01:21:29,320 --> 01:21:31,176 SOPHIE: We have to get to Humphrey's... 1271 01:21:31,200 --> 01:21:33,576 - (GUTTURAL SNARL) - What was that?! 1272 01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:36,120 (DISTANT PATTERING) 1273 01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,760 I actually don't know. 1274 01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:46,056 (WHISPERS) Sophie! 1275 01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:48,856 (DISTANT SNARLING) 1276 01:21:48,880 --> 01:21:51,976 (FAINT CLANGING, VOICES MUTTERING) 1277 01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:54,336 I'm happy to not find out what that is 1278 01:21:54,360 --> 01:21:56,616 and just, you know, stick to the plan. 1279 01:21:56,640 --> 01:21:58,576 (FAINT GRUNTING AND CLAMOURING) 1280 01:21:58,600 --> 01:22:00,216 We should at least look. 1281 01:22:00,240 --> 01:22:01,896 Should we, though? 1282 01:22:01,920 --> 01:22:04,576 One, two... 1283 01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:06,856 ...three! 1284 01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:09,896 (CLATTERING AND COMMOTION) 1285 01:22:09,920 --> 01:22:12,616 (FAINT HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 1286 01:22:12,640 --> 01:22:16,000 (DISTANT VOICES MUTTERING, HOLLERING) 1287 01:22:30,560 --> 01:22:33,840 (DIALTONE BEEPING) 1288 01:22:35,160 --> 01:22:38,216 (GUTTURAL MURMURING) 1289 01:22:38,240 --> 01:22:40,760 (DISTANT CLUNKING AND CLATTERING) 1290 01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:53,400 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS) 1291 01:22:56,160 --> 01:22:58,160 - Knock, knock. - (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1292 01:23:02,080 --> 01:23:04,080 Humphrey's office. 1293 01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:07,080 (MENACING MUSIC) 1294 01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:14,840 PAUL: It's not listening to us. 1295 01:23:17,240 --> 01:23:19,400 (FAINT DRIPPING) 1296 01:23:20,640 --> 01:23:22,720 SOPHIE: "Ripae mortuorum." 1297 01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:28,640 "Bank of the Dead." 1298 01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:31,856 "One way." 1299 01:23:31,880 --> 01:23:33,576 That was in my dream. 1300 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,416 He said something about that. 1301 01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:37,176 I think I saw that. 1302 01:23:37,200 --> 01:23:39,280 In the fine print. 1303 01:23:46,320 --> 01:23:48,576 Here. "Bank of the Dead." 1304 01:23:48,600 --> 01:23:49,816 "By clicking 'agree', 1305 01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:52,096 "I consent to signing my soul, my entire soul, 1306 01:23:52,120 --> 01:23:54,656 "and therefore all desires, instincts and needs, 1307 01:23:54,680 --> 01:23:56,176 "over to JW Wells and Company 1308 01:23:56,200 --> 01:23:58,736 "to be held in the Bank of the Dead for perpetuity." 1309 01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,856 "Forever and a day. In all territories and universes." 1310 01:24:01,880 --> 01:24:04,456 Operation Fine Print. 1311 01:24:04,480 --> 01:24:07,776 - Humphrey and Dennis. - They're stealing souls. 1312 01:24:07,800 --> 01:24:11,336 They stole my soul. 1313 01:24:11,360 --> 01:24:13,656 And now Humphrey's gonna control the instincts 1314 01:24:13,680 --> 01:24:15,976 of anyone who signs this or clicks 'agree'. 1315 01:24:16,000 --> 01:24:18,176 I mean, that could be millions of people. 1316 01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:20,280 (GUTTURAL SNARLING) 1317 01:24:21,240 --> 01:24:23,360 PAUL: (NERVOUSLY) Sophie? 1318 01:24:24,880 --> 01:24:27,336 Maybe we should... walk over here. 1319 01:24:27,360 --> 01:24:28,736 Yeah? 1320 01:24:28,760 --> 01:24:31,376 Just walk. 1321 01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,736 Don't make any sudden moves. 1322 01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:35,576 (UNEARTHLY GROWLING) 1323 01:24:35,600 --> 01:24:37,656 Nothing to panic about. 1324 01:24:37,680 --> 01:24:39,800 Just over here. 1325 01:24:41,640 --> 01:24:44,680 Slowly. Slowly. 1326 01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:48,000 Go. 1327 01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:51,840 (GATE CLANGS SHUT) 1328 01:24:52,680 --> 01:24:54,856 This has to be the way out. 1329 01:24:54,880 --> 01:24:56,816 (STARTLED SCREECHING) 1330 01:24:56,840 --> 01:24:59,416 (GRUNTING) SOPHIE: Paul? 1331 01:24:59,440 --> 01:25:02,056 (SOPHIE SCREAMS) 1332 01:25:02,080 --> 01:25:04,816 (SNARLING AND GROWLING) 1333 01:25:04,840 --> 01:25:06,696 (SCREECHING) 1334 01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:09,376 PAUL: Sophie, go! Through here! 1335 01:25:09,400 --> 01:25:12,120 (SNARLING) PAUL: Go, go, go, go, go! 1336 01:25:14,080 --> 01:25:16,216 (SNARLING AND CLANGING CONTINUES FAINTLY) 1337 01:25:16,240 --> 01:25:18,136 PAUL: You OK? SOPHIE: Yeah. 1338 01:25:18,160 --> 01:25:21,336 Yeah. Are you OK? 1339 01:25:21,360 --> 01:25:23,440 Yeah. 1340 01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:31,296 DENNIS: Did I give you permission to be down here? 1341 01:25:31,320 --> 01:25:34,336 Let me think. No, I did not. 1342 01:25:34,360 --> 01:25:36,776 Mr Tanner, the whole place is crawling 1343 01:25:36,800 --> 01:25:39,216 with the most disgusting, hideous things. 1344 01:25:39,240 --> 01:25:41,856 Now, that is truly offensive. 1345 01:25:41,880 --> 01:25:43,896 These things are the reason... 1346 01:25:43,920 --> 01:25:47,376 (FURIOUSLY) ..you are forbidden to be down here after hours! 1347 01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:50,616 It's not as if you weren't warned! 1348 01:25:50,640 --> 01:25:52,176 You're a Goblin? 1349 01:25:52,200 --> 01:25:55,136 DENNIS: Ha! How kind of you to notice. 1350 01:25:55,160 --> 01:25:56,456 (SCOFFS) 1351 01:25:56,480 --> 01:25:58,896 You humans are so stupid. 1352 01:25:58,920 --> 01:26:01,536 I've looked out for you your whole life, Carpenter. 1353 01:26:01,560 --> 01:26:03,016 If it wasn't for the Goblins, 1354 01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:05,656 you'd still be picking fleas off each other's back 1355 01:26:05,680 --> 01:26:09,400 and clubbing your food to death with a jawbone. 1356 01:26:10,800 --> 01:26:14,696 And yet you ignored my simple advice. 1357 01:26:14,720 --> 01:26:16,216 Now... 1358 01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:18,416 ...hand it over. 1359 01:26:18,440 --> 01:26:20,800 HUMPHREY: Dennis! Enough! 1360 01:26:21,840 --> 01:26:23,776 Mr Wells! 1361 01:26:23,800 --> 01:26:26,216 I expected so much more from you, Paul. 1362 01:26:26,240 --> 01:26:29,616 It's after hours, Mr Wells. I have it under control. 1363 01:26:29,640 --> 01:26:33,696 Oh, what would you have done? Drooled them into submission? 1364 01:26:33,720 --> 01:26:34,816 You greasy, 1365 01:26:34,840 --> 01:26:37,056 - thug-nosed parasite. - Give me the bag. 1366 01:26:37,080 --> 01:26:39,016 - Call off your toads. - How dare you! 1367 01:26:39,040 --> 01:26:41,056 - Call them off! - I'm not afraid of you. 1368 01:26:41,080 --> 01:26:43,536 This is my domain down here! 1369 01:26:43,560 --> 01:26:45,616 (GOBLINS GUFFAWING) 1370 01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:47,456 Careful, Dennis. 1371 01:26:47,480 --> 01:26:50,936 You ought to think very carefully. 1372 01:26:50,960 --> 01:26:52,536 A gutter-living Goblin 1373 01:26:52,560 --> 01:26:54,896 challenging a Great Wizard? 1374 01:26:54,920 --> 01:26:58,016 Now, Mr Great Wizard, 1375 01:26:58,040 --> 01:26:59,896 you'd be nothing without us. 1376 01:26:59,920 --> 01:27:03,456 Who would line up your clients? Hm? 1377 01:27:03,480 --> 01:27:06,296 Who would do your grunt work? Eh? 1378 01:27:06,320 --> 01:27:07,856 And what would you do? 1379 01:27:07,880 --> 01:27:09,896 No jobs, nowhere to live. 1380 01:27:09,920 --> 01:27:13,496 No unlimited supply of delicious pigeons. 1381 01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:15,976 (DENNIS SHOUTS) 1382 01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:18,896 - (GOBLINS GASPING, GROANING) - Turn them back. 1383 01:27:18,920 --> 01:27:20,656 - Turn them back! - Knock, knock. 1384 01:27:20,680 --> 01:27:22,216 - The door. - Say somewhere. 1385 01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:24,320 Say nothing! 1386 01:27:29,520 --> 01:27:32,880 Who closes the door, keeps the door. 1387 01:27:34,080 --> 01:27:37,680 (BOTH GRUNT AND GROAN) 1388 01:27:47,040 --> 01:27:49,640 I tried to say somewhere but Humphrey stopped me. 1389 01:28:08,760 --> 01:28:11,280 - MAN: (DISTANTLY) Who are you? - (GASPS) 1390 01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:15,816 - MAN: Do you have it? - We have to get out of here! 1391 01:28:15,840 --> 01:28:17,920 MAN: Stay where you are. 1392 01:28:19,000 --> 01:28:20,736 PAUL: Whoa... SOPHIE: Careful, Paul! 1393 01:28:20,760 --> 01:28:22,216 MAN: You can't get anywhere! 1394 01:28:22,240 --> 01:28:24,216 Unless you have it, you can't leave! 1395 01:28:24,240 --> 01:28:26,616 - What's going on, Paul? - (BOTH GASP) 1396 01:28:26,640 --> 01:28:28,856 - Who are you? - You don't have it, do you? 1397 01:28:28,880 --> 01:28:30,736 The portable door. 1398 01:28:30,760 --> 01:28:32,920 - We did, but... - Oh! 1399 01:28:35,240 --> 01:28:37,016 Wait! How do we get out of...? 1400 01:28:37,040 --> 01:28:39,136 PAUL: Wait! SOPHIE: We have to get out! 1401 01:28:39,160 --> 01:28:41,136 Who closes the door, keeps the door. 1402 01:28:41,160 --> 01:28:44,856 PAUL: What does that mean - "who closes the door"? 1403 01:28:44,880 --> 01:28:47,896 Humphrey closed the door. So he keeps it? 1404 01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:50,776 We're surrounded by doors, so one of these must be a way out. 1405 01:28:50,800 --> 01:28:52,176 (SNEEZES) 1406 01:28:52,200 --> 01:28:53,496 Bless you. 1407 01:28:53,520 --> 01:28:54,976 You're in the Nether. 1408 01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:57,480 There are no doors out of the Nether. 1409 01:28:58,800 --> 01:29:01,200 You're John Wells. 1410 01:29:03,280 --> 01:29:05,320 You've got Humphrey's soul. 1411 01:29:06,200 --> 01:29:07,576 How did you know that? 1412 01:29:07,600 --> 01:29:10,576 You made him sign his soul over to you. That's the contract. 1413 01:29:10,600 --> 01:29:12,776 He was an evil child. Awful. 1414 01:29:12,800 --> 01:29:14,656 I needed insurance. 1415 01:29:14,680 --> 01:29:17,896 So you can control him, then? You can make him let us out. 1416 01:29:17,920 --> 01:29:20,896 You don't think I would've thought of that years ago? 1417 01:29:20,920 --> 01:29:23,136 I have the contract, but it's pointless 1418 01:29:23,160 --> 01:29:25,240 if I can't get it to the Bank. 1419 01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:28,360 The Bank of the Dead... 1420 01:29:29,760 --> 01:29:32,016 Now, wait a minute. 1421 01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:34,736 You have a contract for Humphrey Wells' soul? 1422 01:29:34,760 --> 01:29:37,056 And if we get it to the Bank, he's yours? 1423 01:29:37,080 --> 01:29:38,416 Uh-huh. 1424 01:29:38,440 --> 01:29:41,536 You have indeed found the root to the problem. 1425 01:29:41,560 --> 01:29:43,640 So we're here forever? 1426 01:29:44,800 --> 01:29:46,800 Yep. 1427 01:29:47,240 --> 01:29:49,240 I can find a way out. 1428 01:29:50,640 --> 01:29:52,216 It's what I do. 1429 01:29:52,240 --> 01:29:55,000 There are no doors out of the Nether. Only in. 1430 01:30:02,920 --> 01:30:05,600 (DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS) 1431 01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:12,376 I don't like this any more than you do, but it has to be done. 1432 01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:14,696 Must, must, you dogs! 1433 01:30:14,720 --> 01:30:16,296 Haul your case, 1434 01:30:16,320 --> 01:30:19,280 you horrid little corgi! 1435 01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,520 (PUFFS) 1436 01:30:27,400 --> 01:30:29,376 So Humphrey used the portable door 1437 01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:31,176 to get my soul to the Bank of the Dead. 1438 01:30:31,200 --> 01:30:33,016 - (DOOR CLOSING) - And to trap me. 1439 01:30:33,040 --> 01:30:35,936 But then it went missing, so he needed Paul to find it. 1440 01:30:35,960 --> 01:30:37,376 (DOOR OPENING) 1441 01:30:37,400 --> 01:30:39,480 Nope. 1442 01:30:42,200 --> 01:30:43,296 (DOOR OPENING) 1443 01:30:43,320 --> 01:30:45,400 How did he trap you here? 1444 01:30:46,440 --> 01:30:48,416 He tricked me. 1445 01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:52,216 My baby dragon was used to lure me in. 1446 01:30:52,240 --> 01:30:55,576 A very simple trick, really. I shouldn't have fallen for it. 1447 01:30:55,600 --> 01:30:57,896 So cruel. 1448 01:30:57,920 --> 01:30:59,856 He left me with my books. 1449 01:30:59,880 --> 01:31:02,536 - Why? - Something to read. 1450 01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,416 I mean, why here? 1451 01:31:04,440 --> 01:31:08,496 It's the only place to hold a Great Wizard. 1452 01:31:08,520 --> 01:31:10,496 I'll be here forever. 1453 01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:12,096 It's different for you. 1454 01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:13,656 (DOOR CLOSING) 1455 01:31:13,680 --> 01:31:15,976 You'll run out of food and water in a few days 1456 01:31:16,000 --> 01:31:18,456 and die a messy death. 1457 01:31:18,480 --> 01:31:22,056 And I'll be stuck with a couple of decomposing corpses 1458 01:31:22,080 --> 01:31:24,160 and no place to put 'em. 1459 01:31:31,760 --> 01:31:32,896 (PAUL SCREAMS) 1460 01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:35,000 (GRUNTS) 1461 01:31:41,480 --> 01:31:43,480 I'm OK! 1462 01:31:50,800 --> 01:31:53,560 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 1463 01:32:10,040 --> 01:32:11,896 (FAINT ELECTRONIC BUZZING) 1464 01:32:11,920 --> 01:32:15,480 (ELECTRONIC BUZZING INTENSIFYING) 1465 01:32:19,720 --> 01:32:23,240 (ELECTRONIC BUZZING, HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) 1466 01:32:30,240 --> 01:32:33,256 Found something! 1467 01:32:33,280 --> 01:32:35,760 This one actually goes somewhere. 1468 01:32:40,160 --> 01:32:42,160 JOHN: Not possible. 1469 01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:54,176 (MAJESTIC MUSIC) 1470 01:32:54,200 --> 01:32:57,136 (GIGGLES) 1471 01:32:57,160 --> 01:32:59,056 I'm free! 1472 01:32:59,080 --> 01:33:00,216 I'm f...! 1473 01:33:00,240 --> 01:33:03,256 Paul Carpenter, you may be more than just a Diviner. 1474 01:33:03,280 --> 01:33:05,056 Maybe you're a... 1475 01:33:05,080 --> 01:33:06,776 Yeah, let's go down a bit. 1476 01:33:06,800 --> 01:33:08,936 Maybe I'm a what? 1477 01:33:08,960 --> 01:33:11,056 I really wish he'd finish his sentence. 1478 01:33:11,080 --> 01:33:13,560 - (DOOR OPENS) - (GASPS) 1479 01:33:15,120 --> 01:33:17,696 Mr Wells! You're alive! 1480 01:33:17,720 --> 01:33:19,216 Yes, very much, Rosie. 1481 01:33:19,240 --> 01:33:21,256 Unfortunately you might be too late. 1482 01:33:21,280 --> 01:33:23,216 Right! Now it's up to you two. 1483 01:33:23,240 --> 01:33:24,896 Take this to the Bank of the Dead. 1484 01:33:24,920 --> 01:33:27,296 That will give me control of Humphrey. 1485 01:33:27,320 --> 01:33:29,376 Actually, I'll come with you. 1486 01:33:29,400 --> 01:33:30,456 Um... 1487 01:33:30,480 --> 01:33:32,880 Uh, Rosie, get your husband. 1488 01:33:34,800 --> 01:33:37,280 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 1489 01:33:41,920 --> 01:33:43,920 Just follow me. 1490 01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:48,056 DENNIS: ...you disgusting little trolls! 1491 01:33:48,080 --> 01:33:49,376 (SHOUTING AND COMMOTION) 1492 01:33:49,400 --> 01:33:52,136 SOPHIE: Those are the contracts. All those souls. 1493 01:33:52,160 --> 01:33:54,896 The door must be nearby. 1494 01:33:54,920 --> 01:33:56,696 HUMPHREY: Dennis, make them move! 1495 01:33:56,720 --> 01:33:59,696 Or do they need more incentives? I'm very creative. 1496 01:33:59,720 --> 01:34:03,536 DENNIS: Come now, come along. You heard Mr Wells. 1497 01:34:03,560 --> 01:34:04,696 You heard Mr... 1498 01:34:04,720 --> 01:34:06,536 You! What do you think you're doing?! 1499 01:34:06,560 --> 01:34:09,016 Tea break is over. What do you think this is? 1500 01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:10,616 Fortnum and bloody Mason?! 1501 01:34:10,640 --> 01:34:12,936 And you! Get off your lardy arse! 1502 01:34:12,960 --> 01:34:15,736 Come along now. Everybody! Come along! 1503 01:34:15,760 --> 01:34:19,096 This is not Paris! (CURSES) 1504 01:34:19,120 --> 01:34:21,376 It's not a garden party! 1505 01:34:21,400 --> 01:34:23,296 JOHN: The Bank is open. 1506 01:34:23,320 --> 01:34:25,376 Your contract will be inside. 1507 01:34:25,400 --> 01:34:26,936 SOPHIE: Where's Humphrey? 1508 01:34:26,960 --> 01:34:28,656 I'll take care of him. 1509 01:34:28,680 --> 01:34:31,696 You just take that contract into the Bank. 1510 01:34:31,720 --> 01:34:34,056 Once it's deposited, he's mine. 1511 01:34:34,080 --> 01:34:35,896 HUMPHREY: Well, well, well... 1512 01:34:35,920 --> 01:34:38,240 DENNIS: Hurry it up! Keep moving! 1513 01:34:39,280 --> 01:34:41,376 (EXPLOSION, DEBRIS SCATTERING) 1514 01:34:41,400 --> 01:34:42,536 (DENNIS GROANS) 1515 01:34:42,560 --> 01:34:45,080 (GOBLINS EXCLAIMING) 1516 01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:49,480 DENNIS: It's Mr Wells! 1517 01:34:50,480 --> 01:34:52,520 Hello, Father. 1518 01:34:53,640 --> 01:34:55,800 (SCREAMING, GASPING) 1519 01:34:56,600 --> 01:34:58,496 Go! 1520 01:34:58,520 --> 01:35:01,216 DENNIS: The Bank waits for no man. Get back to work. 1521 01:35:01,240 --> 01:35:03,216 - (EXPLOSION) - (GOBLINS SCREAMING) 1522 01:35:03,240 --> 01:35:05,320 (GRUNTS) 1523 01:35:06,960 --> 01:35:09,760 (DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS) 1524 01:35:11,600 --> 01:35:13,256 Keep calm! 1525 01:35:13,280 --> 01:35:15,096 Back to work! 1526 01:35:15,120 --> 01:35:17,440 Get up! Get up there! Get up! 1527 01:35:19,000 --> 01:35:21,400 - (GRUNTS) - (SCREAMING) 1528 01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:24,816 - Sophie! - Paul, Paul, the door! 1529 01:35:24,840 --> 01:35:26,376 Get it to the Bank! 1530 01:35:26,400 --> 01:35:29,000 Get him! SOPHIE: The door! Paul! 1531 01:35:30,200 --> 01:35:32,096 (GOBLINS SNARLING) PAUL: Get off! 1532 01:35:32,120 --> 01:35:36,040 Get off! It's unseemly! Get off that man! 1533 01:35:37,520 --> 01:35:39,520 (EXPLOSION) 1534 01:35:47,320 --> 01:35:49,320 (CROCKERY CLATTERING) 1535 01:35:54,440 --> 01:35:56,440 (GLASS SHATTERING) 1536 01:35:58,840 --> 01:36:01,336 Paul! 1537 01:36:01,360 --> 01:36:03,296 SOPHIE: (THINKS) Countess, we need you. 1538 01:36:03,320 --> 01:36:05,136 Humphrey is stealing millions of souls 1539 01:36:05,160 --> 01:36:07,256 and now he's going to kill John Wells! 1540 01:36:07,280 --> 01:36:09,360 - (GROWLING) - (SCREAMS) 1541 01:36:10,440 --> 01:36:13,376 Eric? Are you alright? 1542 01:36:13,400 --> 01:36:15,376 (YELPS) PAUL: Sophie! 1543 01:36:15,400 --> 01:36:17,480 Get off! 1544 01:36:21,920 --> 01:36:23,920 (GOBLIN GRUNTS) 1545 01:36:24,760 --> 01:36:26,016 You OK? 1546 01:36:26,040 --> 01:36:28,120 (GRUNTS) 1547 01:36:29,320 --> 01:36:31,320 (SNARLING) 1548 01:36:31,320 --> 01:36:32,336 - Mr Tanner! - Yes? 1549 01:36:32,360 --> 01:36:33,856 PAUL: Help! 1550 01:36:33,880 --> 01:36:36,616 Don't do it, Dennis! 1551 01:36:36,640 --> 01:36:39,536 No. No, Sir Humphrey, of course not. No, no, no, no... 1552 01:36:39,560 --> 01:36:42,296 Sorry about this, Paul. Just obeying orders. 1553 01:36:42,320 --> 01:36:43,696 Comfort slot. 1554 01:36:43,720 --> 01:36:44,896 It's Monty! 1555 01:36:44,920 --> 01:36:48,496 And if I had my way, I'd shtonk that Humphrey in the uhab. 1556 01:36:48,520 --> 01:36:49,896 PAUL: What? 1557 01:36:49,920 --> 01:36:51,216 Paul! 1558 01:36:51,240 --> 01:36:53,320 Mum! 1559 01:36:54,200 --> 01:36:57,240 ROSIE: Mr Wells! It's Arthur! 1560 01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:10,240 (ARTHUR GROWLS) 1561 01:37:14,560 --> 01:37:16,640 (ROARS IN GOBLIN DIALECT) 1562 01:37:18,240 --> 01:37:20,136 (EXHALES) 1563 01:37:20,160 --> 01:37:21,496 Arthur! 1564 01:37:21,520 --> 01:37:24,560 Rosie! My love! 1565 01:37:28,680 --> 01:37:32,240 Oh... Dad, you're back! 1566 01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:35,600 (ANGRILY) Dennis! 1567 01:37:36,480 --> 01:37:38,480 (HUSHED GASPING) 1568 01:37:41,400 --> 01:37:44,520 Ooh, have we been weakened by the Nether? 1569 01:37:45,520 --> 01:37:48,200 Paul! Run! 1570 01:37:49,040 --> 01:37:50,656 Look out, Paul! 1571 01:37:50,680 --> 01:37:52,760 (PAUL GRUNTS) 1572 01:37:54,120 --> 01:37:57,616 (DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS) 1573 01:37:57,640 --> 01:38:00,816 Humphrey... Humphrey, this is completely against 1574 01:38:00,840 --> 01:38:02,256 the Magician's Code of Conduct. 1575 01:38:02,280 --> 01:38:04,936 - Not one step closer. - (PAUL GROANING) 1576 01:38:04,960 --> 01:38:08,616 Seems my father's not as powerful as he thought he was. 1577 01:38:08,640 --> 01:38:10,416 What are you going to do, Humphrey? 1578 01:38:10,440 --> 01:38:11,576 You'll have to kill us all. 1579 01:38:11,600 --> 01:38:13,056 Please, Humphrey, stop this now. 1580 01:38:13,080 --> 01:38:15,680 All I ever wanted was to think big. 1581 01:38:16,720 --> 01:38:18,936 You weren't brave enough. 1582 01:38:18,960 --> 01:38:21,816 This company was behind the moon landing, 1583 01:38:21,840 --> 01:38:23,976 the splitting of the atom! 1584 01:38:24,000 --> 01:38:25,496 For what? 1585 01:38:25,520 --> 01:38:27,456 Are humans still ruining everything? 1586 01:38:27,480 --> 01:38:28,816 Of course they are. 1587 01:38:28,840 --> 01:38:31,816 Do they realise what we do for them? 1588 01:38:31,840 --> 01:38:33,920 Of course they don't. 1589 01:38:41,120 --> 01:38:43,896 I will continue my plan alone, 1590 01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:48,976 now that the traitors have been smoked out. 1591 01:38:49,000 --> 01:38:52,376 Yeah, rebellion's over. You're all going to the Nether. 1592 01:38:52,400 --> 01:38:54,216 But first... 1593 01:38:54,240 --> 01:38:56,320 You. 1594 01:38:56,960 --> 01:38:58,960 Bring it over. 1595 01:39:00,800 --> 01:39:03,480 - (SOPHIE GROANS) - No! 1596 01:39:06,080 --> 01:39:08,080 Now, Carpenter. 1597 01:39:10,600 --> 01:39:15,200 I want you to bring that damn contract over to me. 1598 01:39:17,680 --> 01:39:22,696 I want you to bring my soul over to me. 1599 01:39:22,720 --> 01:39:28,296 And I will hold it in front of my father's fading eyes 1600 01:39:28,320 --> 01:39:31,736 and I want to tear it to shreds. 1601 01:39:31,760 --> 01:39:33,496 (JOHN MURMURING WEAKLY) 1602 01:39:33,520 --> 01:39:36,616 Because the last thing you will see 1603 01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:39,136 is the end of your hold over me. 1604 01:39:39,160 --> 01:39:40,576 I... 1605 01:39:40,600 --> 01:39:44,456 What? What? No. Sorry. Can't understand. 1606 01:39:44,480 --> 01:39:47,976 Did anyone understand what...? No? (CHUCKLES) 1607 01:39:48,000 --> 01:39:51,136 Carpenter. Let's have it. 1608 01:39:51,160 --> 01:39:53,016 - NIENKE: No, Paul. - Come on. 1609 01:39:53,040 --> 01:39:56,216 CASIMIR: Paul, don't do it, please. 1610 01:39:56,240 --> 01:39:58,136 COUNTESS: You can't give it to him. 1611 01:39:58,160 --> 01:40:01,016 Get moving. Don't listen to them. 1612 01:40:01,040 --> 01:40:03,120 SOPHIE: Paul... 1613 01:40:03,560 --> 01:40:06,216 Paul. 1614 01:40:06,240 --> 01:40:08,600 If you can hear me, touch your ear. 1615 01:40:10,240 --> 01:40:13,016 In the Nether, with all those doors... 1616 01:40:13,040 --> 01:40:14,536 Keep on keeping on! 1617 01:40:14,560 --> 01:40:18,736 ...what if you didn't find the way out? 1618 01:40:18,760 --> 01:40:20,920 What if you created it? 1619 01:40:22,920 --> 01:40:25,560 The Bank is right below you. 1620 01:40:29,160 --> 01:40:31,896 Make your own door, Paul. 1621 01:40:31,920 --> 01:40:35,040 Keep going! Come on! 1622 01:40:38,640 --> 01:40:42,536 (ETHEREAL CHORAL MUSIC) 1623 01:40:42,560 --> 01:40:45,920 (LOW RUMBLING, MYSTICAL WHOOSHING) 1624 01:40:49,760 --> 01:40:53,000 (ETHEREAL CHORAL MUSIC BUILDS) 1625 01:41:08,040 --> 01:41:10,040 (EXHALES SOFTLY) 1626 01:41:21,200 --> 01:41:23,216 He's... vanished. 1627 01:41:23,240 --> 01:41:25,320 Where did he go? 1628 01:41:26,440 --> 01:41:28,440 (GROANS) 1629 01:41:45,280 --> 01:41:48,440 (MUZAK PLAYING FAINTLY) 1630 01:41:52,480 --> 01:41:55,240 (MUZAK PLAYING) 1631 01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:05,240 WOMAN: Next, please. 1632 01:42:08,840 --> 01:42:11,176 Mr Carpenter. 1633 01:42:11,200 --> 01:42:16,576 You're not due here for 142 years. 1634 01:42:16,600 --> 01:42:18,336 Um... 1635 01:42:18,360 --> 01:42:20,680 I'd like to make a deposit. 1636 01:42:41,480 --> 01:42:43,480 Actually... 1637 01:42:44,400 --> 01:42:46,720 ...I'd like to make a trade. 1638 01:42:49,680 --> 01:42:51,656 (STAMP CLICKS) 1639 01:42:51,680 --> 01:42:55,336 (SOPHIE GASPS) NIENKE: Mr Wells, he's done it. 1640 01:42:55,360 --> 01:42:57,056 You've got his soul. 1641 01:42:57,080 --> 01:42:59,160 Quickly. 1642 01:43:00,000 --> 01:43:01,576 - The door. - The door! 1643 01:43:01,600 --> 01:43:03,720 NIENKE: Sophie, quickly, get the door. 1644 01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:08,000 - SOPHIE: Knock, knock. - (DOOR WHOOSHING) 1645 01:43:09,960 --> 01:43:13,800 (GOBLINS MUTTERING AND GRUMBLING) 1646 01:43:29,600 --> 01:43:31,600 No. 1647 01:43:33,160 --> 01:43:34,576 No. 1648 01:43:34,600 --> 01:43:36,336 (WHIMPERING) Please... 1649 01:43:36,360 --> 01:43:39,520 (HUMPHREY SOBS SOFTLY) 1650 01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:43,376 (SOBBING) Please... please... 1651 01:43:43,400 --> 01:43:46,200 (SOBS) 1652 01:43:55,680 --> 01:43:57,336 Dad, please... 1653 01:43:57,360 --> 01:43:59,176 Please... 1654 01:43:59,200 --> 01:44:00,776 (HUMPHREY SOBBING) 1655 01:44:00,800 --> 01:44:03,040 - John. - You must. 1656 01:44:05,120 --> 01:44:07,120 Go. 1657 01:44:10,240 --> 01:44:12,280 (SOBBING) 1658 01:44:18,840 --> 01:44:22,040 JOHN: Sophie, will you get the door, please? 1659 01:44:26,160 --> 01:44:29,120 (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER) 1660 01:44:35,800 --> 01:44:37,656 (LIVELY CHATTER) 1661 01:44:37,680 --> 01:44:39,696 (STIRRING MUSIC) 1662 01:44:39,720 --> 01:44:41,416 SOPHIE: What are you doing? 1663 01:44:41,440 --> 01:44:44,456 This door will never be opened again. 1664 01:44:44,480 --> 01:44:46,640 But what about Paul? 1665 01:44:48,120 --> 01:44:50,120 How do we get him back? 1666 01:44:52,440 --> 01:44:53,856 Sophie... 1667 01:44:53,880 --> 01:44:55,960 (SOFT WHOOSHING) 1668 01:45:06,160 --> 01:45:09,120 (ALL CHEER) 1669 01:45:15,280 --> 01:45:17,256 Oh, um... 1670 01:45:17,280 --> 01:45:20,520 ...I think this belongs to you? 1671 01:45:31,440 --> 01:45:33,880 (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER) 1672 01:45:36,320 --> 01:45:38,600 Dad! Mum! No! 1673 01:45:40,600 --> 01:45:42,600 We did it, Paul. 1674 01:45:44,760 --> 01:45:46,760 Not quite. 1675 01:45:51,920 --> 01:45:53,920 Forgot one. 1676 01:46:08,600 --> 01:46:10,600 Take a seat. 1677 01:46:12,080 --> 01:46:14,080 Dennis! 1678 01:46:15,920 --> 01:46:18,976 ARTHUR: Don't worry about my turncoat, backstabbing son. 1679 01:46:19,000 --> 01:46:21,416 He won't bother you again, will you, Den...? 1680 01:46:21,440 --> 01:46:23,520 (SNEEZES) 1681 01:46:24,480 --> 01:46:27,056 Sorry about that. (SNIFFLES) 1682 01:46:27,080 --> 01:46:29,896 Humphrey had to choose stapler, didn't he? 1683 01:46:29,920 --> 01:46:34,800 Now, first order of business - what to do with you two. 1684 01:46:35,880 --> 01:46:37,536 Paul, 1685 01:46:37,560 --> 01:46:40,536 with your... skillset, 1686 01:46:40,560 --> 01:46:44,696 we think you're most suited to a junior position 1687 01:46:44,720 --> 01:46:46,336 in Lost and Found. 1688 01:46:46,360 --> 01:46:47,536 Oh, great. 1689 01:46:47,560 --> 01:46:49,856 PAUL: (THINKS) You've got to be kidding me. 1690 01:46:49,880 --> 01:46:53,816 The past few years have been a blight on our great firm. 1691 01:46:53,840 --> 01:46:55,816 Are you listening to my thoughts? 1692 01:46:55,840 --> 01:46:58,336 JOHN: ..capturing of souls is strictly against... 1693 01:46:58,360 --> 01:47:00,216 PAUL: (THINKS) Sophie? NIENKE: It is indeed. 1694 01:47:00,240 --> 01:47:02,920 You have a tiny weird bug on your forehead. 1695 01:47:05,640 --> 01:47:07,640 Sorry. 1696 01:47:09,000 --> 01:47:11,736 All souls have been returned... 1697 01:47:11,760 --> 01:47:15,040 PAUL: So now you can hear my thoughts? 1698 01:47:16,080 --> 01:47:17,456 I can't block you out? 1699 01:47:17,480 --> 01:47:19,856 JOHN: ..ever. COUNTESS: Absolutely. 1700 01:47:19,880 --> 01:47:21,736 - JOHN: Good... - OK, then. 1701 01:47:21,760 --> 01:47:25,976 Can I ask, now that you have full control of your instincts, 1702 01:47:26,000 --> 01:47:27,376 your heart, 1703 01:47:27,400 --> 01:47:31,096 do you still feel that way for me? 1704 01:47:31,120 --> 01:47:32,976 JOHN: And, Sophie, 1705 01:47:33,000 --> 01:47:37,416 with your impressive abilities and your natural talents, 1706 01:47:37,440 --> 01:47:41,016 you'll be fast-tracked to the position of VP 1707 01:47:41,040 --> 01:47:44,240 in the Department of Coincidensation. 1708 01:47:47,160 --> 01:47:50,576 Do you like the sound of that, Sophie? 1709 01:47:50,600 --> 01:47:53,416 PAUL: So, do you... feel the same? 1710 01:47:53,440 --> 01:47:54,976 JOHN: Sophie, do you? 1711 01:47:55,000 --> 01:47:57,760 Yes. I do. 1712 01:47:59,480 --> 01:48:01,480 Excellent. 1713 01:48:02,280 --> 01:48:04,880 (STIRRING MUSIC SWELLS) 1714 01:48:32,560 --> 01:48:36,680 (CLEANER HUMMING) 1715 01:48:49,920 --> 01:48:52,240 Housekeeping. Knock, knock. 1716 01:48:53,560 --> 01:48:56,760 (FRANTIC OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYS) 1717 01:50:22,280 --> 01:50:25,520 (WHIMSICAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 1718 01:51:20,360 --> 01:51:23,440 (FRENETIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 1719 01:54:04,640 --> 01:54:08,096 THURSTON HARRIS: ♪ Little Bitty Pretty One 1720 01:54:08,120 --> 01:54:16,416 ♪ Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm 1721 01:54:16,440 --> 01:54:19,336 ♪ Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm, mm, mm 1722 01:54:19,360 --> 01:54:27,616 ♪ Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm 1723 01:54:27,640 --> 01:54:30,336 ♪ Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm, mm, mm 1724 01:54:30,360 --> 01:54:36,576 ♪ Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm... ♪ 1725 01:54:36,600 --> 01:54:40,136 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 1726 01:54:40,160 --> 01:54:43,056 - (RINGING CONTINUES) - ♪ Little bitty pretty one 1727 01:54:43,080 --> 01:54:46,016 ♪ Come on and talk to me... ♪ 1728 01:54:46,040 --> 01:54:48,656 - (RINGING CONTINUES) - ♪ Lovey dovey, lovey one 1729 01:54:48,680 --> 01:54:52,096 ♪ Come sit down on my knee 1730 01:54:52,120 --> 01:54:54,416 ♪ Oh, oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh 1731 01:54:54,440 --> 01:54:57,416 ♪ Oh, oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh... ♪ 1732 01:54:57,440 --> 01:55:00,280 (RINGING CONTINUES) 1733 01:55:03,360 --> 01:55:06,000 Uh, Lost and Found? Paul speaking. 120463