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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:05,796
Someone! Someone help me!
I'm trapped in a well!
2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:07,673
And the waters are rising!
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,552
And I'm still in love with Zane!
4
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,804
Wait, what?
No, no! It's over?
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,807
So are
The Tides of Our Days.
6
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,851
Ugh, I need to know
how you get out of the well.
7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,352
Ooh, and when are you
gonna find out
8
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,854
that Zane killed your sister?
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,814
I always knew, darling.
10
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:24,898
I helped him.
11
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,817
You're so bad.
12
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,820
Oh, I love this research
for this obituary.
13
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,447
Usually, I'm just
Googling to make sure
14
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,948
they don't have
a secret second family.
15
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,074
Can I come in?
16
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,659
Hello.
Uh, not really
17
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,369
a fair question
when you're already in.
18
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,288
I want to make sure you remember
to take out the trash
19
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,539
and put your dishes away,
20
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,666
and compost
your pistachio shells,
21
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,501
and please, if you're
gonna steal my toothpaste,
22
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:47,004
squeeze from the bottom instead
of the middle, like a carny.
23
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,340
The gall. I love him.
24
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,301
Also, I-I need you to
hold onto a few things for me.
25
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,845
Uh, you know, usually, when you
ask someone for a favor,
26
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,680
you don't berate them first.
27
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,724
Fair, but my girlfriend
Charlotte is coming to visit
28
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,727
from San Diego,
and I need to make room for her.
29
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,062
I'm finally gonna
meet Charlotte?
30
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,105
Ooh, the girlfriend's coming.
31
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,524
Oh, classic complication.
32
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,860
I wonder if she's gonna be
a complete nightmare
33
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,028
or a jealous vixen.
34
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,530
Or a sleepwalking serial killer
that just got out of a coma.
35
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,450
- Season 23!
- Season 23!
36
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,619
- Whoa, another one?
- Yeah.
37
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,954
Listen, this is the first time
she's ever been in my space,
38
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,332
and I just need
everything to be perfect.
39
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,459
Wait, she seriously
has never been here before?
40
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,711
No, I go there every weekend
from Friday at 6:00
41
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,421
till Sunday at 4:00, which is
the perfect amount of time
42
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,007
for hiking, tacos, and sex.
43
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,133
Multiple times.
44
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,802
- Can you please stop?
- Oh, go on.
45
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:35,886
We're kind of at
a make it or break it point
46
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:39,890
in our relationship,
and I think if things go well,
47
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:41,017
she might move in with us.
48
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,852
Okay, have a nice day.
49
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,021
Wait... uh...
50
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:46,980
Did he just say move in with us?
51
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:50,442
Yes. He just let it
hang in the air,
52
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,697
like he was begging you to come
back after the opening credits.
53
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,831
I just can't imagine
what this girlfriend's like.
54
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,250
{\an8}I mean, if Edward has
30 rules for you,
55
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,960
{\an8}imagine how many he has for her,
56
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,712
Oh, yeah, but what
if she's just like him?
57
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,088
{\an8}- Mm.
- You know, I-I just...
58
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,131
{\an8}I can't imagine living
with two Edwards.
59
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,173
{\an8}That's like living with...
60
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,508
- two Edwards.
- Mm.
61
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,551
I have so many questions.
62
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,511
{\an8}Like, who uproots
their entire life for a guy
63
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:18,929
{\an8}that's she's only known for,
like, a few months.
64
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,182
{\an8}Mm!
Who would do that?
65
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,560
{\an8}Phillip? Come on.
66
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,645
{\an8}No.
That was for love.
67
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,355
{\an8}This is for Edward.
68
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:29,857
Mm-hmm.
69
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,484
{\an8}Hey, Cricket is throwing
a trivia night
70
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,736
{\an8}at her wine bar...
Mm.
71
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,864
{\an8}So you should come, because the
winner gets a free wine tasting.
72
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,990
{\an8}No, no, you have to take
that down right now,
73
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,324
{\an8}because if Lexi sees this,
74
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,659
{\an8}she's gonna want to play...
Oh.
75
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,244
{\an8}...and then her competitive
streak will come out.
76
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,497
{\an8}When we podded together, game
nights were the absolute worst
77
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,999
{\an8}because she hates to lose.
78
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,959
I'm right behind you, aren't I?
79
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,671
{\an8}Hi. Hi. Mm.
80
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:53,714
{\an8}We're just sitting here
talking about
81
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,632
{\an8}break room stuff
with, uh, this one.
82
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,551
- Mm-hmm.
- Like cream cheese.
83
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,636
- Mm.
- It is, like, so thick.
84
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,472
{\an8}- She's a fiend.
- Do I see a little
85
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,806
{\an8}trivia night flyer?
86
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,308
Because count me in.
87
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,684
{\an8}That sounds fun.
88
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,603
{\an8}Sam, you want to be teammates?
89
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,104
I call Sam!
Okay, great. You do that.
90
00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:10,856
I'm gonna go somewhere else.
91
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,316
{\an8}- Oh, Sam.
- No.
92
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,817
{\an8}- Saaam.
- No.
93
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,570
{\an8}We said no more
game nights, okay?
94
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,865
Keith and I are still finding
Scrabble tiles in my bushes,
95
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,993
{\an8}and I'm pretty sure there's
a "V" still clogging our toilet.
96
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,703
{\an8}That was the pandemic.
We were all on edge.
97
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,747
{\an8}- This'll be fun.
- What'll be fun?
98
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,165
Trivia night at Cricket's.
99
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,292
{\an8}Ooh, yeah, that does sound fun.
100
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,086
{\an8}Should I be leader?
No, you're right. That's Lexi.
101
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,797
{\an8}Look, you're always telling me
I need to do more
102
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,173
"regular people" things,
103
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,509
{\an8}like "not wearing
driving gloves"
104
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,678
or "drinking from a can."
105
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,596
{\an8}I love you, but I'm sorry.
106
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,765
{\an8}My therapist said I have
to establish healthy boundaries,
107
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,101
and so the answer is no.
108
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,895
I'm gonna take that
as a maybe, Sam-Sam.
109
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,690
Your obituary is gonna be
as fabulous as you are.
110
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,358
- Oh.
- Three ex-husbands,
111
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,026
ah, one wife,
112
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,904
and you still had time
to tour with the Osmonds?
113
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,991
I'm just so excited to have
my entire story told.
114
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,493
Are you gasping
115
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,079
- at what I'm gasping at?
- The girlfriend is here,
116
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,206
ready for her dramatic entrance.
117
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,041
Hi.
118
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,793
You must be Nell.
I'm Charlotte.
119
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,044
I'm so excited
to finally meet you.
120
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,547
Yeah, yeah. I'm excited
to finally meet you, too.
121
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,550
She looks sweet, but who knows
122
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,884
what's going on
under the surface.
123
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,511
Ask her if that's her real nose.
124
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,596
So, like, just, like, tell me
everything about yourself.
125
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,931
I mean, is there, like,
a specific way
126
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,307
you like to organize your spices
127
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,892
or how you like
your toothpaste squeezed.
128
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,145
No, I am very average. Yeah.
129
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,481
I-I love the beach
and hiking with Edward and...
130
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:35,691
Oh, I love baking.
131
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,734
I just made these.
132
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:37,901
Oh.
133
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:40,863
They're Edward's favorite,
chocolate chip skillet cookies
134
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,449
with a hint of cinnamon
and a sprinkle of doobie.
135
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,617
I got the recipe
from his Aunt Helen.
136
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,747
- Not the doobie part.
- Oh, right. Oh, whoa.
137
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,124
Is... uh...
138
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,417
I... whew.
139
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,294
I see that you really put
the work in.
140
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,962
I think that maybe we should
clean some of this up
141
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,714
before Edward gets... Ahh!
142
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,842
Hey, handsome.
Hey, gorgeous.
143
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,011
Oh, my God.
144
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,262
I know.
145
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,805
Here come the fireworks!
146
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,766
You made my favorite cookies.
147
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:09,976
What?
148
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,730
Mm.
These are incredible.
149
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:17,983
Nell, you gotta try these.
150
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,446
Yeah. That... That is,
um, pretty incredible.
151
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,323
I'm sorry, what are those toes?
152
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,200
Charlotte got these
awesome mandals for me.
153
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,077
- But you hate toes.
- I hate your toes.
154
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,454
Eddie, be nice.
155
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,830
You're right, baby.
156
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,957
Nell, I think your toes
are fantastic.
157
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,293
Thank you, Eddie.
158
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,171
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
159
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,550
He's like,
a totally different person.
160
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,637
It's like your roommate's
been taken over by an evil twin.
161
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,305
Let's put that theory
to the test.
162
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,140
Hey, Eddie, I'm gonna grab
one of these cookies,
163
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,768
but, eh, I don't have a napkin,
so crumbs might go everywhere.
164
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,770
Do your thing, girl.
165
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,064
Whoever he is, I hope he stays.
166
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,816
Cool. Cool, cool.
167
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,318
Nope. I'm dead.
168
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,822
Ah. Oh!
169
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,824
This is awesome.
170
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,659
You know, you never want to
watch Extreme Packrat with me.
171
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,702
Are you kidding?
172
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,704
I love when people
keep their urine in jars.
173
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,539
- Oh.
- Mm, speaking of,
174
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,083
I have to use
the little girl's jar.
175
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,293
Can you pause it for me?
176
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,088
Yeah, I can turn it off.
I can guess how this ends.
177
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,342
She gets her life together and
goes to her daughter's wedding.
178
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,806
Oh.
179
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,058
There he is.
180
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,311
No. Don't you... No!
Get... No!
181
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,690
Stop it!
I wanted to eat those crumbs!
182
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:41,817
I like Charlotte.
183
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,069
She's kind and she's smart
and she's thoughtful.
184
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,654
She's always making
my favorite cookies.
185
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,614
I totally agree.
Charlotte is great.
186
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:48,991
There are some other
pressing issues.
187
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,076
She's soaking the cast-iron
skillets in the water.
188
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,578
I can hear them
oxidizing from here.
189
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,913
So, why don't you just tell her?
It's not that big a deal.
190
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,373
- You're right.
- Mm.
191
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,750
Will you do it?
Huh?
192
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,376
Just tell her
how to clean the pans,
193
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,544
and to always use coasters,
194
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,421
and to turn off the water
when she's brushing her teeth.
195
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,631
You want me to be the you?
196
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:05,966
Yes.
197
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,009
Be the me.
198
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,136
I don't want to scare her off
with all my...
199
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,596
I mean, they're totally
reasonable requests...
200
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,016
- Mm.
- but I want this to work.
201
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,393
Nell.
202
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,438
Fine. Yeah.
203
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,481
I'll be the you.
204
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,399
But if Charlotte moves in,
205
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,902
I want rent split three ways,
not two.
206
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:25,986
Fine.
207
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,655
And I get to have as many
ice cubes as I want,
208
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,908
hum in the morning, and paint
my toenails in the living room.
209
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,076
You can paint, but no pumicing.
210
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,411
I can't pumice you anything.
211
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,625
Got a minute?
212
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,876
Yeah, sure.
What's up?
213
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:45,005
I just wanted to circle back
on the whole trivia night thing,
214
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,550
because...
this could be us, The Fun Bunch!
215
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,303
Lexi, I said no.
I have...
216
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,971
Oh, it's actually very soft.
217
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,266
- It's Prada. Look...
- But no, no.
218
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,268
I said no and I mean no.
219
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,312
Listen, I thought about it,
and you're right.
220
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,106
Games bring out the worst in me.
221
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,983
- Yeah, I know that.
- But you don't know why.
222
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:08,737
When I was a child, my parents
made everything a contest.
223
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,073
Literally. One time,
they used a game of Monopoly
224
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,324
to determine
which of their children
225
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,118
would be sent
to a boarding school.
226
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,703
It was a hotel on Baltic Avenue
227
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,664
that bankrupt me
and ultimately lost me the game,
228
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,374
and consequently sent me to
229
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,210
the Chastity Bainbridge
Disciplinary School
230
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,045
for Overprivileged Girls.
231
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,297
Now I understand why you
struggle so much with losing.
232
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,342
Yes, but, uh, I want to change.
233
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,219
I want to be able to go out
and have a casual night
234
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:35,305
with my friends, and, Sam,
I just feel like with your help,
235
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,058
I can achieve that.
236
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,769
Okay, fine.
We can play trivia tonight.
237
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,689
But the moment it stops
being fun, we are leaving.
238
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,943
I gotchu if you gotch me, girl.
239
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,408
Hey.
Whatcha doing?
240
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,535
I'm taking Charlotte on
a romantic picnic
241
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,704
at the Observatory
before trivia night.
242
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,080
She came up with
a good team name...
243
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,999
- Roomies.
- Cool.
244
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,459
Your neck looks really angry.
245
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,501
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
246
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,337
I'm just trying to get used to
247
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,881
this poncho Charlotte got me.
248
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,799
She said I look like
Keanu Reeves in Point Break.
249
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,218
I looked it up
and he's very hot.
250
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,471
- I thought you only wore cotton.
- You only wear cotton!
251
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,847
- Okay.
- I'm sorry.
252
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,475
I'm... I'm just very tired.
253
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,809
Hey, Nell.
254
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,436
You ready, Johnny Utah?
255
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,021
Yeah.
I love the way that feels.
256
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,857
100% pure adrenaline.
Come on. Let's go.
257
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,984
- Bye.
- Yeah.
258
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,612
- Have fun!
- Surf's up.
259
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,949
Hey, Marlena,
does Edward seem off to you?
260
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,701
I-I mean, like,
he says he's happy,
261
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,828
but he just seems
so exhausted, and...
262
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,039
Maybe it's all the sex?
263
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:45,167
I know when I first met my wife,
264
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,503
we couldn't keep
our hands off each other.
265
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,921
It was a romp fest.
266
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,089
Oh, right.
That reminds me.
267
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,591
I wrote the opening paragraph
for your obituary,
268
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,967
and I think
you're gonna love it.
269
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,219
Let's hear it.
270
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,930
"While millions loved watching
sexy, conniving villainess
271
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,350
Marlena Quintrell manipulate
the men of Middleton Falls,
272
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,395
she saved the juiciest twist
of all for her private life,
273
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,022
when her cast mate husband
caught her in bed
274
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,317
with her female makeup artist
and soon-to-be wife."
275
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,486
Pretty spicy, huh?
276
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,864
Honestly, I think you have
some more work to do.
277
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,324
What are you talking about?
278
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,493
Look, it's got
everything you love...
279
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,120
Suspense, intrigue,
280
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,746
romance, beeping.
281
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,541
Wait, sorry, do...
Do you hear that?
282
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,003
Is that coming from the box?
283
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,629
Cower before me, traitor!
284
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,880
- Let's see.
- For I have taken
285
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,549
the life force
of countless Bezalids!
286
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,343
Oh, it's one of
his Star Rim figurines.
287
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,137
It's from
his favorite video game.
288
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,680
Yeah, it's like everything
that brings him joy.
289
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,974
His magic tricks
and his Rubik's Cube
290
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,935
and his
video game paraphernalia.
291
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,687
Huh.
292
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,771
I thought he was just hiding
293
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,314
his anal apartment rules
from Charlotte.
294
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,151
I didn't realize
that he was hiding...
295
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,069
himself.
296
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,530
Why do you think
he would do that?
297
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,951
You have to go ask him.
298
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,328
- Hey, you're back.
- I forgot our collapsible cups.
299
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,997
Right. Um...
300
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,916
You know, your robot monster
in the box was beeping.
301
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,461
My Zamatron-X39 with the
dual engine laser blasters?
302
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,046
- Yep.
- Is he okay?
303
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,255
Yeah, I turned it off.
304
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,758
Okay.
The galaxy thanks you.
305
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,843
Um, hey, hey, wait.
306
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,013
Uh, I couldn't help but notice
everything else in the box.
307
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,514
I-I mean, I know
it's none of my business,
308
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,808
but, um, it just...
309
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,228
It just feels like you're hiding
all your favorite things away.
310
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,023
Okay. Thank you for
your wholly unsolicited advice.
311
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,359
You haven't really enjoyed
yourself since she's been here.
312
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,610
I'm perfectly happy.
313
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,945
You're definitely not.
314
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,490
You're just my roommate, Nell.
315
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:40,908
Okay?
316
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,702
Stay out of it.
317
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,291
- Are you kidding me?
- Nope.
318
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,335
Then he said,
"You're just my roommate.
319
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,628
Stay out of it."
320
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,963
And I'm like, I'm supposed
to say something, though, right?
321
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,882
I just think it's best
to tread lightly
322
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,051
when criticizing
someone else's relationship.
323
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,719
Mm, is it, though?
324
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,305
Look, when I told you to go
a little slower with Phillip,
325
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,515
you didn't exactly love that.
326
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:07,226
Okay, but I was only mad at you
for, like, a minute.
327
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,894
- Excuse you.
- Or two years.
328
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,021
That's right. So maybe Edward
just needs to figure it out
329
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,731
for himself, like you did.
330
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,358
Hey, Roomie. Oh.
331
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,401
Get over here.
332
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,445
Hmm.
Here we go.
333
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,324
- Roomie.
- Roomie.
334
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,705
Oh, everyone looks so
nice and friendly.
335
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,457
Hello, fellow
trivia aficionados.
336
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,584
Excited for
some playful sparring
337
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,586
with all of you tonight.
338
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,005
We're The Fun Bunch.
339
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,840
- That's a pretty clever name.
- It is.
340
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,921
What state school did you go to
to come up with that?
341
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,887
Hey!
342
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,598
Have you ever tried gouda?
343
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,101
It's the most fun
of the cheeses.
344
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,437
It's a real gift to the palate.
345
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,856
- That is the spirit, Lexi, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
346
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:57,067
We will have fun,
and that is the point, okay?
347
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,444
How's everybody doing?
348
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,863
Whoo! Trivia!
349
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,741
First category is Magic,
350
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,285
kind of like me on this mic.
351
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:10,998
This turn-of-the-20th century
magician became so famous
352
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:15,878
that his traveling magic show
required eight train cars.
353
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,629
God, I don't know
anything about magic.
354
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,048
- Nell?
- Mm.
355
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,382
If I was to guess,
I would say, mm,
356
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,884
greatest magician of all time...
357
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,594
Let's go with...
358
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,636
Criss Angel?
359
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,514
No! Criss Angel is a hack
and an embarrassment,
360
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,142
and Criss Angel wasn't
the turn of the 20th century.
361
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,602
It's Howard Thurston.
362
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,686
Oh.
363
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,481
Babe, how do you know
so much about magic?
364
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,734
My nephew is in a bit
of a magic phase right now.
365
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,028
He doesn't shut up about it.
366
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,364
He's kind of a doofus.
367
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,324
Just sounds like your nephew
knows who he is
368
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,367
and is fine with it
369
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:49,411
and, you know, doesn't mind
letting his nerd flag fly.
370
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,330
Yeah. He's a doofus.
371
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,873
Okay, you write whatever
you want to write down.
372
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,209
I'm just... I-I need a break.
373
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,252
Um...
374
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,589
Ah! Oh.
Hello.
375
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,966
You're being too subtle
with Edward.
376
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,927
You need to be more direct.
377
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,179
Tell him he can't hide
his true self.
378
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,389
Oh, Marlena, come on.
379
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,474
Just stop pushing the drama, okay?
380
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,310
This is my life,
not some silly soap opera.
381
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:17,022
Well, my life isn't
any silly soap opera either,
382
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,024
which is why I hated
what you wrote.
383
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,734
- What?
- What you referred to
384
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,444
as "the juiciest twist of all"
385
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,863
was one of the most painful
things I've ever been through.
386
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,281
Oh.
387
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,076
I spent so many years
in the closet,
388
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,036
trying to live up
to expectations,
389
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:36,084
and I wasted so much time
denying who I was.
390
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,253
I could've been with my wife
so much sooner
391
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:42,548
if a friend would have just
told me what I needed to hear,
392
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:47,721
just someone to encourage
my genuine, authentic self.
393
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:53,017
Pretending to be someone you're
not on the screen is one thing,
394
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:56,395
but pretending
in your personal life
395
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,982
is just downright debilitating.
396
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,108
Help him.
397
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,610
I...
398
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,904
I wouldn't say
he thinks we're friends.
399
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,449
Well, that's a shame,
400
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,452
'cause it sure looks
like you are to me.
401
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,122
- Yeah?
- Yes.
402
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:18,918
Thanks, Marlena.
403
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,713
I'm gonna write you
that obituary you deserve.
404
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,631
Oh, I know you are...
405
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,216
or I'll posses
someone you love.
406
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,010
Oh.
407
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,346
My life is weird.
408
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,265
Uh, um, excuse me, Edward,
could we talk privately?
409
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,434
Um, I-I need to talk to you
about the electric bill.
410
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,811
I don't want to talk about
the electric bill.
411
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:38,854
Yeah, well,
unless we talk about it,
412
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:39,897
then the power's
gonna get shut off
413
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,607
and we're going to waste
a lot of oat milk.
414
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,735
- Oat milk doesn't go bad.
- Just come with me.
415
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,405
Thank you. Mm.
416
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,993
What?
417
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,453
Look, I, um...
418
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,413
I know you only think of me
as your roommate,
419
00:15:56,414 --> 00:16:00,834
but I think of you as my friend,
and as your friend,
420
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,211
I'm gonna tell you
what you need to hear.
421
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,421
Mm-hmm.
422
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,383
What you're doing
is not healthy.
423
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,301
Hiding who you are, you're not
just lying to Charlotte.
424
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,553
You're lying to yourself.
425
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,722
Nell, I'm 35 years old,
426
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,433
and I'm tired of being alone.
427
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,519
And I can tell that you like
428
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,105
this version of me better, anyway.
429
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,108
I genuinely like the real you.
430
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,362
You're smart and you're funny
and you're wildly honest,
431
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,739
which can be,
uh, really frustrating,
432
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,410
but it's also
so very refreshing.
433
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,954
If you really want to give
this relationship a chance,
434
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,790
you got to show Charlotte
who you really are, okay?
435
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,335
You both deserve that.
436
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,673
Okay, I trust you.
437
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,341
Okay.
438
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,428
Also, by the way, I-I did forget
to pay the electric bill.
439
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,847
I'll see you inside.
440
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,975
It's like living with a child.
441
00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,436
Don't be sad that you're losing,
State School.
442
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:04,356
I didn't go to a state school.
I went to the Olympics.
443
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,150
Oh, let me guess... dressage?
444
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,526
Uh?
445
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,653
Look at me.
I'm riding a fancy horse.
446
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,113
Oh, fancy.
Stop it.
447
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,156
That's not proper form!
448
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,324
I'm sorry, Sam,
but I need to leave.
449
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,702
I am on the verge of becoming
a version of myself
450
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,120
that not a lot of people
like to be around,
451
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,539
and, frankly, I don't
really care for it, either.
452
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,665
No, no, stay.
453
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:24,793
I am so proud of all the work
that you've done here tonight,
454
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,004
but I don't want to change
completely who you are,
455
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,256
because I think
all of us could use
456
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,799
a little cutthroat Lexi
right now.
457
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,968
Mm.
458
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,011
Are you saying...?
459
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,055
Let's cut a bitch.
460
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,683
There we go.
Hold these.
461
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,977
Let's up, boys.
462
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,228
Name the state capital of...
463
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,898
Boise. Dover. Phoenix.
Little Rock. Juneau. Jackson.
464
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,191
Topeka. Trenton. Bismarck.
465
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,567
Stop me when you've
heard it, Cricket.
466
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,652
- Topeka!
- The Golden City.
467
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:51,904
Giddy up, turds.
468
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,489
- Houdini.
- Yes.
469
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,157
- Space Invaders.
- Yes.
470
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,784
- Megatron.
- Yes.
471
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,786
- Invader Zim.
- Yes.
472
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,121
- Oh, my God!
- Bull
473
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,456
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
474
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,751
- Whoo!
- The 1978 version.
475
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:10,756
This multi-player video game
takes place in outer space,
476
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:14,718
and it contains
over 600 hours of gameplay.
477
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,346
Star Rim, and it actually
contains over 600 hours
478
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,598
of potential gameplay.
479
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,558
The main storyline
can be completed in
480
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,352
as little as 200 hours,
481
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,020
as seen in the
speed run performed by
482
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:29,025
Underscore IceKing32 on Twitch.
483
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,488
And now it is time
to announce the final scores.
484
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:38,868
P.H. Deez Nuts coming in
at a hot 38 points.
485
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:43,038
And then making news
back there is The Fun Bunch
486
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,250
- with a whopping 46 points.
- Yes!
487
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:50,462
And coming in
at a staggering 62 points,
488
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,715
it's The Roomies!
Yay!
489
00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,176
Yes! Dude!
490
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,804
I had no idea
that you knew so much
491
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:02,100
about all that stuff
you knew about.
492
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:06,020
Charlotte, my nephew
isn't a doofus.
493
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:07,147
I'm a doofus.
494
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,357
If this relationship
is gonna work,
495
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:13,110
I think you need to know
that I'm a video-game-playing,
496
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,947
Rubik's-Cube-solving,
action-figure-collecting nerd.
497
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,699
And also, Nell isn't
the one who's particular
498
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,284
about skillet care.
499
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,827
I am.
500
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,787
Yeah.
501
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:26,540
Also, this, um, poncho,
it feels like sandpaper,
502
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:29,377
and I'm gonna take it off forever.
503
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,380
Okay, okay.
504
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,761
And I do magic.
505
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,556
Is this your coaster?
506
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,892
- It is now.
- There he is.
507
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,187
Um...
508
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,273
I am so happy
that we're being honest,
509
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,650
because I have been holding
back some things, as well.
510
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:57,072
Um, Edward, I know you're
an environmental lawyer...
511
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,865
but I hate
these paper straws.
512
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,326
They're completely useless.
513
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,828
Besides, how much can
one person really do
514
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,288
for the environment, anyway?
515
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:09,376
And does recycling
really matter?
516
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,045
- Huh.
- Whew.
517
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,486
I'm gonna go get us
some real straws.
518
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,844
I'm gonna have to
tell my parents
519
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,764
I'm sleeping
with a turtle murderer.
520
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,813
Hey.
How'd it go with Charlotte?
521
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,524
Charlotte confessed
that the compost bin I got her
522
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,317
is where she keeps
her keys and her wallet.
523
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:38,320
I confessed that Hoarders
gives me night terrors.
524
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,280
Mm
So...
525
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,199
- we decided to take a break.
- Aww.
526
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,284
I think I was so focused
on what she wanted,
527
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:47,746
I didn't really take the time
to consider what I wanted.
528
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,039
- What is this?
- I thought you should know
529
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,499
that you don't have to hide
who you are around me.
530
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,460
There are no Rat Archers
in Star Rim, but thank you.
531
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,671
You got it.
532
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:58,090
And just so you know,
I'm not going to hide
533
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,801
{\an8}who I am around you either.
534
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:01,928
{\an8}Hmm?
535
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,764
{\an8}Okay, I'll let you be
a little disgusting troll...
536
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,516
{\an8}Oh!
537
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,101
{\an8}...because
you're my friend.
538
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,645
{\an8}You said it.
I'm your friend.
539
00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:12,855
{\an8}- I'm your friend?
- Yeah.
540
00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:15,566
{\an8}I'm your friend?
You're my friend.
541
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:16,608
{\an8}I don't like that.
I don't like that.
542
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,736
{\an8}Okay. No backsies.
543
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:20,487
{\an8}Whoops.
544
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,322
{\an8}I am saying this as your friend.
545
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,492
{\an8}- Yeah?
- You're a terrible roommate.
546
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:32,459
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