All language subtitles for Chriseeeengel;snture (2003)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:28,579 --> 00:00:32,208 So how come you're so smart, and how come they call you Third? 3 00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:35,336 Well, I guess being smart just happened. 4 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:40,133 I was named after my mom's cousin's husband, Clark Griswold II. 5 00:00:40,299 --> 00:00:43,469 I'm the third Clark Griswold. Clark Griswold Johnson. 6 00:00:44,303 --> 00:00:46,263 Do you have any brothers and sisters? 7 00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:50,643 Yes. They're with my grandma in Kansas, 8 00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:54,522 except for my oldest sister. She's working at a strip club in Vegas. 9 00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:56,983 A strip club? 10 00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,152 - Where do you live? - Well, my mom and dad and I 11 00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:03,114 are staying with my cousin, Audrey Griswold. 12 00:01:03,281 --> 00:01:08,995 She's visiting her boyfriend in Indianapolis, so we're kind of house-sitting for her. 13 00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:13,833 Well, this is where I live. My dad's a brain surgeon. 14 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,293 What's your dad do? 15 00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:22,508 - He works in nuclear research. - Oh, he's a nuclear scientist? 16 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,178 Well... 17 00:01:25,636 --> 00:01:29,306 not exactly. 18 00:01:42,945 --> 00:01:46,407 We inject them with nuclear waste and study their brain waves... 19 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,702 and other organs to examine the effects of the waste... 20 00:01:49,869 --> 00:01:53,539 on various species of anthropoids. 21 00:02:24,862 --> 00:02:26,447 Fascinating, professor. 22 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:31,869 But tell me, they're playing tic-tac-toe and the chimpanzee appears to be winning. 23 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,580 How is this possible? 24 00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:39,084 Because the monkey is smarter. 25 00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:54,058 I'm sorry, Eddie, we got this directive from Washington and they're cutting costs. 26 00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:57,061 We've been ordered to cut our study group by half. 27 00:02:57,395 --> 00:03:01,107 So from now on we're only working till noon? 28 00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:04,569 No, Eddie, I'm afraid this is between you and Roy. 29 00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:07,238 One of you has to go. 30 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:16,414 Gee, Roy, that's a tough break. But don't worry, you'll land on your feet. 31 00:03:16,581 --> 00:03:19,501 It's not Roy we're letting go, Eddie, it's you. 32 00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:27,759 Well, why don't you fire him? I mean, what does he got that I ain't got? 33 00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:31,804 His brain waves register more distinctly than yours. 34 00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:35,433 - Which one's mine? - The one labeled "Eddie." 35 00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:41,314 I'll check other branches and see if there's anything else available for you. 36 00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,988 Oh, Eddie... 37 00:03:49,155 --> 00:03:51,366 merry Christmas. 38 00:04:11,093 --> 00:04:15,472 I can't understand why they'd let me go just before Christmas. 39 00:04:15,973 --> 00:04:20,978 And I worked hard too. I even helped plug the wires in my head. 40 00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:23,814 That's more than Roy did. 41 00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:27,861 It's just like the time the goat kicked me in the teeth... 42 00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:30,405 for milking her with the vacuum cleaner. 43 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:36,535 Eddie, don't feel so bad. You know that monkey's pretty smart. 44 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,998 Oh, you'll find another job. You're real good at it. 45 00:04:41,165 --> 00:04:43,668 Yeah, you've done it lots of times. 46 00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,047 I'm just a total flop, let's face it. 47 00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:50,884 No, Eddie, not total. 48 00:04:51,884 --> 00:04:53,677 It's true, Mom. Total. 49 00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:58,266 I mean, this is the sixth job Dad's lost since they foreclosed on the farm. 50 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,101 And now he's lost out to a monkey. 51 00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:07,192 - Third, that's a terrible thing to say. - No, the boy's right. 52 00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:10,778 I'm just one big disappointment. 53 00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:14,949 I'm sorry I let you down. 54 00:05:31,966 --> 00:05:36,596 You're not a failure. And we have a lot to be thankful for. 55 00:05:36,762 --> 00:05:39,765 We got a wonderful family, we're all together. 56 00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:43,310 Well, except for four of the kids, who are staying with Grandma... 57 00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:47,273 and our daughter who's in show business. But we've got one smart kid. 58 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:51,611 - Yeah, who thinks his daddy's dumb. - Eddie, no. 59 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:56,824 No, Third has faith in you. And he thinks you're real smart. 60 00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:02,246 Well, he thinks you have a good sense of humor. 61 00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:07,043 I know this has been a big disappointment to you, but we'll figure something out. 62 00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:11,381 - At least we've got a roof over our heads. - Yeah, but for how long? 63 00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:17,386 I bet in a year or two Audrey will get sick of us living here, feeding us... 64 00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:23,350 He thinks I've got a real good sense of humor? 65 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:31,025 - That's it! Goldarn it, I'm gonna do it! - What? 66 00:06:31,192 --> 00:06:34,195 I'm gonna take a hot bath, I can't sleep. 67 00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:38,783 Know what the preacher said that time I got fired from that job... 68 00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:42,454 testing them secondhand recliners? "Things can only get better." 69 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,957 That was the day before the bank foreclosed on the dirt farm. 70 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,637 Catherine. 71 00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:49,103 - I'll take it from here. - Audrey left us these emergency numbers. 72 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:54,650 I'm gonna call the 24-hour emergency plumber. They never close. 73 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:59,029 I never did trust indoor plumbing. 74 00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:06,037 I can't reach them, the line's busy. 75 00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:14,754 - We're gonna be washed away! - A boy to do a man's job. 76 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:20,259 I need bigger equipment! 77 00:08:21,803 --> 00:08:26,516 Hi, and merry Christmas. This is the Ever Ready Plumbing Service. 78 00:08:26,682 --> 00:08:29,560 - Merry Christmas to you. - Using your touchtone phone... 79 00:08:29,727 --> 00:08:33,773 please select from the following menu to accommodate your needs. 80 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,901 - I have a big problem here. - For our sales department... 81 00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:42,865 for the latest in bathroom and kitchen fixtures, press 1 and merry Christmas. 82 00:08:43,032 --> 00:08:46,369 - Merry Christmas. - Lf you would like our billing department... 83 00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:52,292 for your latest billing information or to ask about our handy layaway plan, press 2. 84 00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:56,921 Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evan, our vice president of Finance. 85 00:08:57,088 --> 00:09:02,135 That office is open from 10 a. M. To 3 p. M., and did I wish you a merry Christmas? 86 00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:05,846 Yes, you did, merry Christmas to you. Can you hear me? 87 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:10,226 - To talk to our president, Harry Burns... - Stop. Stop it, I'm losing it. 88 00:09:10,393 --> 00:09:13,104 - Hello? - For Kathleen, Harry's secretary... 89 00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:17,108 or Julie Lynch in Personnel or... 90 00:09:17,608 --> 00:09:20,486 Or if you'd like our four-color brochure... 91 00:09:20,653 --> 00:09:25,032 on our imported Parisian bidets, press 5 and ask for Antoine. 92 00:09:25,199 --> 00:09:27,660 Call between the hours of 9 a. M. And 5 p. M... 93 00:09:27,869 --> 00:09:33,541 and have a safe, secure, pleasant Christmas. 94 00:09:49,682 --> 00:09:53,477 Oh, hi, Eddie, I didn't see you come in. I have your severance check. 95 00:09:53,644 --> 00:09:56,480 - Merry Christmas. - Thanks, Jennifer. 96 00:09:57,106 --> 00:10:00,192 What are you doing here? You here for your severance check? 97 00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:04,363 Yeah. Professor Doornitz, I wanted to talk to you. 98 00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:09,911 I've been thinking, you know, and, well, I really like this job... 99 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,122 and I was wondering if you could kind of reconsider... 100 00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:16,918 letting Roy go and keeping me on? 101 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,086 He ain't that smart. 102 00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:22,173 He's just pretending to read. 103 00:10:24,217 --> 00:10:25,927 Oh, dear. 104 00:10:26,135 --> 00:10:28,596 I'll get it, I'll get it. 105 00:10:28,763 --> 00:10:33,810 You know, the thing about atomic energy and monkeys is... 106 00:10:39,941 --> 00:10:42,986 He'll be fine. You pumped so much atomic waste into him... 107 00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:46,280 that the area where the chimp bit him healed immediately. 108 00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:50,159 Thank God. And most importantly, the chimp is okay. 109 00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:54,413 What about a possible lawsuit? This guy's got one hell of a case. 110 00:10:54,622 --> 00:10:58,251 He's not too bright. I'll think of something. 111 00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:06,217 An all-expense-paid Christmas vacation on an island in the South Pacific! 112 00:11:08,261 --> 00:11:11,723 But you didn't get your job back. They kept the monkey. 113 00:11:11,931 --> 00:11:16,394 Well, Roy, he had a contract. Ironclad. 114 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,480 You lost another job... 115 00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:22,650 and you and the monkey were the only ones who applied. 116 00:11:23,401 --> 00:11:26,404 I mean, this is just another disaster... 117 00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:29,616 like when you had to quit being a mail-order dentist... 118 00:11:29,782 --> 00:11:32,285 after you stapled the mayor's mouth together. 119 00:11:32,451 --> 00:11:36,705 Third, your father remembers that. You don't have to remind him. 120 00:11:36,873 --> 00:11:41,461 I think this is exciting, a Christmas vacation in the South Seas. 121 00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:47,175 Tropical nights, beautiful white beaches, luaus. 122 00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:50,261 No cable TV, probably no fast food. 123 00:11:50,428 --> 00:11:53,431 They got fast food. They've got fried food everywhere. 124 00:11:53,723 --> 00:11:56,267 I think we should look at this positively. 125 00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:59,687 We've never had a real vacation. It'll be an adventure. 126 00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:02,899 You know, Professor Doornitz, he said that we're staying... 127 00:12:03,065 --> 00:12:05,651 in the best motel in the whole Pacific Ocean. 128 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,821 It'll probably be in a tree. 129 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,950 Why don't I stay here with Cousin Archie for Christmas? 130 00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:16,746 - I mean, Paige is here. - No. Now, we're gonna stick together. 131 00:12:16,913 --> 00:12:20,375 No kid of mine's going off on their own till they're 13. 132 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,506 Catherine, Cousin Eddie, 133 00:12:27,173 --> 00:12:29,634 I'm gonna kill myself. 134 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,179 Merry Christmas. 135 00:12:35,348 --> 00:12:39,018 - Audrey, what's wrong? - What happened? 136 00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:44,565 Daniel and I, we broke up. 137 00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:50,196 It's over. The great love of my life, and it's over. 138 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,575 I will never find true love again. 139 00:12:55,618 --> 00:13:00,414 I'm thinking about killing myself. 140 00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:04,752 Or eating large amounts of ice cream. 141 00:13:05,294 --> 00:13:06,962 I'd go for that ice cream deal. 142 00:13:07,129 --> 00:13:12,259 Could you imagine something that terrible happening right before Christmas? 143 00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:17,849 I mean, we were perfect together. 144 00:13:18,015 --> 00:13:21,185 We both liked the History Channel and Japanese food... 145 00:13:21,352 --> 00:13:26,399 and raindrops on roses and little whiskers on kittens. 146 00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:30,904 But Audrey, if you were so great together, why'd you break up? 147 00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:36,116 - I found out he was married. - That'll do it. 148 00:13:40,413 --> 00:13:44,751 Thanks for inviting me to stay with you at the hotel in Maluka, Catherine. 149 00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:48,587 I need total relaxation, and the South Pacific sounds just great. 150 00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:50,589 It'll be great having you with us. 151 00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:53,300 And, you know, Eddie needs relaxation too... 152 00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:56,888 what with him losing his atomic research job. 153 00:13:57,138 --> 00:14:01,476 I don't know why, boy, but I got a feeling this trip's gonna be real good for us. 154 00:14:01,976 --> 00:14:04,479 I don't know why either, Dad. 155 00:14:06,898 --> 00:14:08,400 Hey, Snots. 156 00:14:08,566 --> 00:14:10,777 Snots, go get it. 157 00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:14,906 Go get it, Snots. Go get it. Go on. 158 00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:18,702 When they test Eddie for reaction from all that stuff... 159 00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:22,455 he's exposed to, does it have any effect on him? 160 00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:24,874 No, he's fine. And the plate in his head... 161 00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:29,837 has become quite a good bug zapper. Just fries those little fellas. 162 00:14:35,593 --> 00:14:41,557 Yeah, I know things ain't been so great for us the last 30, 40 years, boy... 163 00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,227 but, you know, maybe this is a new beginning. 164 00:14:44,393 --> 00:14:50,024 Maybe this is a time when things start to go right. 165 00:14:50,191 --> 00:14:53,653 Visiting a new... 166 00:15:02,078 --> 00:15:03,538 country. 167 00:15:04,622 --> 00:15:09,252 Maybe I just needed this time to follow my passion. 168 00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:22,389 You know, Audrey, Eddie's really worried. He's sort of run out of careers. 169 00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:25,351 I don't know if you've noticed, but he's not perfect. 170 00:15:25,518 --> 00:15:29,188 - No one in his family is. - Third's perfect. 171 00:15:29,981 --> 00:15:34,777 Yeah, Third's perfect. He takes after my side of the family. 172 00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:37,280 All of our other kids take after Eddie. 173 00:15:37,446 --> 00:15:41,408 Except for our daughter. She's a marvelous stripper. 174 00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:48,165 Come on, Snots. Come on, now, go get it. 175 00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:54,213 You should have never let the agency off the hook. 176 00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:58,134 The monkey bit you and you took a Christmas vacation. 177 00:15:58,301 --> 00:16:01,179 We could've found a lawyer and sued them for a fortune. 178 00:16:01,596 --> 00:16:03,389 I don't think so. 179 00:16:03,556 --> 00:16:07,518 Professor Dawrence, he felt that I insulted Roy. 180 00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:10,562 Snots. 181 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:14,067 Hey, hey, here, go get it. 182 00:16:26,954 --> 00:16:30,249 - Hello. - Merry Christmas. 183 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,376 Can I come in? 184 00:16:33,461 --> 00:16:37,090 Uncle Nick, merry Christmas. 185 00:16:37,298 --> 00:16:41,219 Audrey, this is Eddie's Uncle Nick. What's wrong? 186 00:16:41,427 --> 00:16:44,972 - Nothing. Can I come in? - Uncle Nick. 187 00:16:46,098 --> 00:16:49,101 This is a surprise. What are you doing here? 188 00:16:49,602 --> 00:16:54,273 Merry Christmas, I came here to die. Now can I come in and die sitting down? 189 00:16:55,107 --> 00:16:59,320 So Aunt Jessica ran off with the Christmas tree delivery man? 190 00:16:59,487 --> 00:17:02,198 A 28-year-old delivery man. 191 00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:03,950 I didn't know they delivered. 192 00:17:04,116 --> 00:17:08,120 A 28-year-old runs off with a 66-year-old grandmother? 193 00:17:08,287 --> 00:17:11,749 I didn't think grandmothers thought about sex and stuff like that. 194 00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:15,003 Apparently the thought entered her mind. 195 00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:19,173 I'm so sorry, Uncle Nick. I'm sure she'll come back to you. 196 00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:22,677 She was 17 when we were married. 197 00:17:22,844 --> 00:17:25,096 I was the first man who ever touched her. 198 00:17:26,139 --> 00:17:29,059 I guess now there's a second. 199 00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:32,770 How come you're wearing a Santa Claus jacket? 200 00:17:32,937 --> 00:17:37,358 When he took off with Jessica he grabbed my good jacket and left me with this. 201 00:17:37,859 --> 00:17:42,155 I just can't sit around that house all day all alone, Eddie. 202 00:17:42,363 --> 00:17:45,992 I thought I might spend some time with you. 203 00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:51,039 Gee, Uncle Nick, Roy bit me on the ass and I lost my job. 204 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:54,959 We're all taking off on an all-expense-paid Christmas vacation. 205 00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,837 - You lost another job? - Yeah. 206 00:17:58,087 --> 00:18:00,673 Roy bit you on the ass? Who's Roy? 207 00:18:00,882 --> 00:18:05,053 Oh, me and Roy, we work together. But we're all flying out tomorrow. 208 00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:07,304 Audrey's coming with us. 209 00:18:07,472 --> 00:18:10,100 Daniel was married. 210 00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:12,810 Daniel? Who's Daniel? 211 00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:15,646 Oh, never mind, I don't care. 212 00:18:17,231 --> 00:18:20,693 Where are you going on your vacation, somewhere warm? 213 00:18:20,902 --> 00:18:24,406 - It's hot. - I'm going with you. 214 00:18:24,572 --> 00:18:29,911 I don't like Christmas when it snows. It's too sentimental. 215 00:18:33,789 --> 00:18:38,419 - Eddie, we're gonna miss the plane. - I have two more. 216 00:18:43,883 --> 00:18:46,344 - We got room for this one? - Sure. 217 00:18:57,939 --> 00:19:01,901 - Third, did you give Snots his pill? - Yeah, he's getting tired already. 218 00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:03,611 He's got a little bit of gas. 219 00:19:03,778 --> 00:19:07,532 Yeah, vet gave him something to calm him down. He's never flown before. 220 00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:10,576 Then again, neither have I. 221 00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:32,097 Attention passengers. Please watch your luggage... 222 00:19:32,306 --> 00:19:35,059 your children and all other valuables. 223 00:19:35,226 --> 00:19:38,438 And merry Christmas. 224 00:19:41,315 --> 00:19:46,403 No, look at the line. We'll never make the plane. 225 00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,323 Let's go. 226 00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,747 Thank you. 227 00:19:56,998 --> 00:20:00,001 Thank you. Thanks a lot. 228 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:04,296 - This is all right. - Thanks a lot. 229 00:20:09,969 --> 00:20:13,473 - Merry Christmas. - Anyone lose a bowling ball? 230 00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:16,309 Anyone lose a bowling ball? 231 00:20:20,855 --> 00:20:22,648 Come on! 232 00:20:22,857 --> 00:20:26,361 I hear sometimes they run out of peanuts. 233 00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:44,462 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas. 234 00:20:44,921 --> 00:20:46,339 No, I'm fine. 235 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:50,218 No damage. I've got all the usual number of arms and legs. 236 00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:52,344 I'm sorry, I didn't even see you. 237 00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:56,683 Oh, yeah, it's quite all right, you know, just a few superficial breaks. 238 00:20:56,933 --> 00:21:01,062 - This happens to me all the time. - You're a foreigner, ain't you? 239 00:21:01,229 --> 00:21:03,857 - What are you? - I'm English. 240 00:21:05,191 --> 00:21:09,320 - Well, you sure do talk pretty. - Thanks. We did invent the language. 241 00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:12,907 - No hard feelings? - No feelings whatsoever. 242 00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:21,207 He's all right, he's English. I understood every word he said. 243 00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:26,087 Merry Christmas. Raise your arms, please. 244 00:21:40,268 --> 00:21:45,899 Attention. Attention, please. Did anybody lose this? 245 00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:58,702 Hey, look at all those people down there. They look like ants. 246 00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:03,083 Those are ants, Dad. The plane hasn't taken off yet. 247 00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:29,108 Boy, that's a big ocean out there. Lot of water! 248 00:22:43,581 --> 00:22:47,126 - Peanuts, gentlemen? - Lunch. 249 00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:49,879 Thank you! 250 00:22:53,257 --> 00:22:56,802 Don't cry, Audrey, it's only a book. 251 00:22:56,969 --> 00:23:01,765 I'm not crying about the book, I'm crying about Daniel. 252 00:23:01,933 --> 00:23:04,602 Everything reminds me of him. 253 00:23:04,769 --> 00:23:09,983 These peanuts. He used to love peanuts. 254 00:23:10,983 --> 00:23:14,153 He's the love of my life, Catherine. 255 00:23:14,612 --> 00:23:17,532 I'll never love again, never. 256 00:23:18,324 --> 00:23:21,369 I'll never see Indianapolis again. 257 00:23:22,370 --> 00:23:25,498 Isn't that what you said about Dashiell? 258 00:23:25,706 --> 00:23:27,666 That was just a passing thing. 259 00:23:27,959 --> 00:23:32,297 - I thought you went with him for a year. - It passed slowly. 260 00:23:34,257 --> 00:23:39,679 Actually, Dad, the Pacific Ocean is 164,384 million square miles... 261 00:23:39,846 --> 00:23:44,184 in area, 18 times the size of the United States. 262 00:23:44,392 --> 00:23:47,896 It was named by the explorer Magellan, because when he saw it... 263 00:23:48,062 --> 00:23:51,566 it was so tranquil he called it the Pacific. 264 00:24:25,933 --> 00:24:27,643 Peanut? 265 00:24:32,231 --> 00:24:33,816 Thank you. 266 00:25:13,022 --> 00:25:15,191 Where's the bathroom? 267 00:25:17,568 --> 00:25:20,279 Oh, thank you. 268 00:25:20,446 --> 00:25:22,782 - How beautiful. - Look at that. 269 00:25:22,949 --> 00:25:25,160 Isn't this nice, Audrey? 270 00:25:28,996 --> 00:25:30,164 Well... 271 00:25:30,331 --> 00:25:31,791 Here. 272 00:25:34,961 --> 00:25:38,047 Here you go, Uncle Nick, this one here is willing. 273 00:25:39,590 --> 00:25:42,760 Third, you see about getting Snots out of the baggage area? 274 00:25:42,927 --> 00:25:45,471 They're bringing him out, Dad. He's still asleep. 275 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,142 The local authorities insisted that they fumigate him first. 276 00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:51,561 They didn't like the way he smelled. 277 00:25:51,727 --> 00:25:54,355 That's funny, I never noticed he smelled bad. 278 00:25:54,522 --> 00:25:58,443 Dad, small animals pass out when he walks by them. 279 00:26:00,987 --> 00:26:04,782 - Hi, are you the Johnson family? - Yeah. 280 00:26:05,074 --> 00:26:07,493 Merry Christmas. 281 00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,997 - Hello. - I'm Muka Laka Miki, Mr. Johnson. 282 00:26:11,164 --> 00:26:15,001 I work for the Atomic Testing Agency here on Maluka. You're our guests. 283 00:26:15,168 --> 00:26:18,505 Well, nice to meet you, Muka Licka Hickey. 284 00:26:26,053 --> 00:26:27,888 Eddie... 285 00:26:30,391 --> 00:26:32,184 This is my wife, Catherine. 286 00:26:32,393 --> 00:26:38,024 And cousin Audrey and our son Third III. 287 00:26:38,191 --> 00:26:41,027 And this here's Uncle Nick. 288 00:26:41,611 --> 00:26:43,196 - Hi there. - Hi. 289 00:26:43,404 --> 00:26:49,285 Nick... Nick Jugson, at your service. 290 00:26:50,578 --> 00:26:52,747 I'll get you to your motel. 291 00:26:52,914 --> 00:26:56,376 Then I thought you'd want the rest of the day to get unpacked. 292 00:26:56,542 --> 00:26:59,462 And then tomorrow I could show you the island. 293 00:26:59,629 --> 00:27:04,509 The agency wants to give special treatment. They're sorry about the monkey biting you. 294 00:27:04,675 --> 00:27:09,430 Well, I heal fast, but if this is the way you folks show your apologies... 295 00:27:09,597 --> 00:27:14,393 that monkey can bite my ass every day of the week and twice on Sunday. 296 00:27:21,943 --> 00:27:26,281 - Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. - Good to see you. 297 00:27:28,241 --> 00:27:30,785 You folks sure are treating us in style. 298 00:27:31,410 --> 00:27:34,121 Well, I've planned a big day for us. 299 00:27:34,288 --> 00:27:37,291 This morning we're gonna walk around the town. 300 00:27:37,458 --> 00:27:39,877 Visit native shops, and I need a manicure. 301 00:27:40,127 --> 00:27:44,131 Then we can change into beach clothes and have a native Christmas cookout. 302 00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:46,425 Sort of a mini luau. 303 00:27:46,592 --> 00:27:49,470 And this afternoon I've chartered a small boat... 304 00:27:49,637 --> 00:27:51,848 and I thought we'd tour the island. 305 00:27:52,014 --> 00:27:53,432 That sounds great. 306 00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:56,435 You hear that, Uncle Nick? We're going on a boat. 307 00:27:56,602 --> 00:27:59,271 That's what an old sailor wants to hear! 308 00:28:18,916 --> 00:28:21,335 Snots. Snots, here. 309 00:28:30,511 --> 00:28:32,680 Hey, whose seaplane is that over there? 310 00:28:32,847 --> 00:28:36,476 That's Jack Malpey. Melbourne Jack. He's an Aussie. 311 00:28:36,642 --> 00:28:40,604 He owns a hotel near here on his own private island. He's a great guy. 312 00:28:42,482 --> 00:28:44,651 There's more coming, honey. 313 00:28:44,817 --> 00:28:47,903 Boy, these ribs are great. 314 00:28:48,070 --> 00:28:51,824 Ribs and pineapple, those are our big Christmas dishes. And fried eel. 315 00:28:52,033 --> 00:28:54,827 - Fried eel? - Fried? 316 00:28:56,871 --> 00:28:59,165 Am I invited for lunch? 317 00:28:59,373 --> 00:29:01,500 Sure, Jack, come on in. 318 00:29:02,084 --> 00:29:06,297 - Hi, Muka Laka Miki. Thanks for the invite. - Hi, Jack, how are you? 319 00:29:06,464 --> 00:29:11,594 Hi, I'm Audrey Griswold. We just arrived. 320 00:29:11,761 --> 00:29:13,930 Love the island, fabulous place. 321 00:29:14,096 --> 00:29:17,391 - Are you married? - Hi there, we're the Johnsons. 322 00:29:20,102 --> 00:29:23,564 I'm Eddie, this here's Uncle Nick... 323 00:29:23,773 --> 00:29:27,819 that's my boy, and here's my wife, Catherine. 324 00:29:28,277 --> 00:29:31,530 - Eel? - Like I said, this is a beautiful place. 325 00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:35,409 - Would you like to take me on a tour? - Sure. 326 00:29:37,995 --> 00:29:41,999 - What a charming man. - What's that smell? 327 00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:47,046 Oh, that's a good one. 328 00:29:47,797 --> 00:29:50,466 It's time for the boat, you guys. Let's pack up. 329 00:29:50,633 --> 00:29:53,219 Oh, okay. Third, grab your stuff. 330 00:29:53,386 --> 00:29:55,680 And someone put out the fire. 331 00:29:55,847 --> 00:30:00,226 - I'm full. - Well, you just sit and digest. I'll pack up. 332 00:30:04,522 --> 00:30:06,899 Snots. Snots, here. 333 00:30:07,942 --> 00:30:10,319 I hope we got a pooper on this thing. 334 00:30:10,486 --> 00:30:13,406 That fried eeI's headed due south. 335 00:30:15,533 --> 00:30:18,036 Captain Lynch. 336 00:30:22,790 --> 00:30:24,583 It's from Captain Lynch. 337 00:30:25,501 --> 00:30:29,088 His wife is having a baby and he has to deliver it. 338 00:30:29,297 --> 00:30:33,593 He says we can take the boat out if we want to, if we know how to run a boat. 339 00:30:33,759 --> 00:30:37,763 - Do you know how to run a boat? - No, I fish lots in a creek. 340 00:30:37,972 --> 00:30:41,851 - But didn't have no boat. I'm willing to try. - Forget it. 341 00:30:42,018 --> 00:30:45,647 I've got more salt under my armpits than you ever sailed on. 342 00:30:45,813 --> 00:30:47,315 Leave it to me. 343 00:30:47,482 --> 00:30:49,401 I was in the Navy. 344 00:30:57,658 --> 00:31:00,953 Why should this be different from an aircraft carrier? 345 00:31:02,830 --> 00:31:04,623 The key. 346 00:31:05,166 --> 00:31:06,959 All right. 347 00:31:12,965 --> 00:31:16,385 Sometimes you just don't think of the easy things. 348 00:31:24,393 --> 00:31:26,687 Shouldn't we untie this first? 349 00:31:27,522 --> 00:31:30,316 Eddie, get out and cast off. 350 00:31:45,873 --> 00:31:48,000 Uncle Nick! 351 00:32:39,719 --> 00:32:42,347 - Okay, where is it? - What's wrong? 352 00:32:42,513 --> 00:32:45,599 The compass. I can't find the compass. 353 00:32:45,766 --> 00:32:47,768 Every boat has a compass. 354 00:32:48,519 --> 00:32:53,107 - Maybe we should head back to shore. - I think that's a good idea. 355 00:32:57,862 --> 00:33:00,365 I got a big fish! 356 00:33:02,116 --> 00:33:04,201 Hold on! 357 00:33:06,996 --> 00:33:09,207 Careful, honey, you're all tangled. 358 00:33:09,373 --> 00:33:10,791 Get a knife! 359 00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:14,211 - Get a knife! - I don't have a knife. 360 00:33:14,378 --> 00:33:16,589 I have scissors in my purse, Eddie! 361 00:33:16,839 --> 00:33:18,090 Get a knife! 362 00:33:18,299 --> 00:33:19,801 Honey, l... Hold on! 363 00:33:20,134 --> 00:33:21,385 Get a knife! 364 00:33:30,812 --> 00:33:32,772 I have scissors, Eddie! 365 00:33:38,444 --> 00:33:41,822 - Hold on, Mr. Johnson! - Call me Eddie! 366 00:33:41,989 --> 00:33:44,408 Hold on, Eddie! 367 00:34:00,842 --> 00:34:05,847 Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, the boat's going backwards, make it go forwards! 368 00:34:28,619 --> 00:34:31,705 Oh, Eddie, you were wonderful! 369 00:34:31,873 --> 00:34:33,666 I almost had it! 370 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,668 Did you see that? 371 00:34:36,627 --> 00:34:39,130 That fish was the biggest fish I ever saw! 372 00:34:39,589 --> 00:34:43,051 That thing must have weighed 10,000 pounds! 373 00:34:44,552 --> 00:34:45,803 I'm sure! 374 00:34:56,314 --> 00:34:59,692 - Man the lifeboats! - There are no lifeboats. 375 00:35:07,074 --> 00:35:10,369 Eddie, where's the rest of you? 376 00:35:10,578 --> 00:35:15,083 - Eddie, are you all right? - Hey, we got a ukulele in here. 377 00:35:21,005 --> 00:35:25,468 Oh, my head, my shoulders. I'm in pain. 378 00:35:26,761 --> 00:35:28,930 My manicure is ruined. 379 00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:33,309 Uncle Nick, will you please take your hand off my breast. 380 00:35:34,936 --> 00:35:38,189 - Is everybody okay? - I'm okay. But... 381 00:35:39,065 --> 00:35:42,068 There's a horrible smell in here. 382 00:35:44,654 --> 00:35:46,406 Oh, God! 383 00:35:47,782 --> 00:35:49,409 Uncle Nick! 384 00:35:51,452 --> 00:35:53,204 - Are you all right? - I don't know. 385 00:35:53,371 --> 00:35:57,292 - I cut my hand, I don't know how. - I bit it. 386 00:35:57,917 --> 00:35:59,377 Third? 387 00:35:59,544 --> 00:36:01,254 Third! 388 00:36:02,380 --> 00:36:05,758 We've run aground, but there's an island right there. 389 00:36:07,635 --> 00:36:09,887 - You know where we are? - I'm from Milwaukee. 390 00:36:10,054 --> 00:36:12,640 I don't know much about these islands. 391 00:36:14,142 --> 00:36:17,354 - The radio, let's try the radio. - Milwaukee? 392 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:22,775 - Isn't your name Malookamalarkariki? - Forget the radio, it doesn't work. 393 00:36:23,484 --> 00:36:26,570 Well, that island looks nice, not too far. 394 00:36:27,822 --> 00:36:31,576 I'm gonna swim to shore. There's nothing dangerous on these islands. 395 00:36:31,742 --> 00:36:34,954 - Right, Milwaukeeliki? - I think it's safer than Milwaukee. 396 00:36:35,163 --> 00:36:37,957 Only snakes, wild dogs, wild boar. 397 00:36:38,833 --> 00:36:40,126 Wild boar? 398 00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:42,127 Well, they're like pigs. 399 00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:45,297 Some of them can weigh up to 600 pounds. 400 00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:48,509 They're very fast and real nasty. 401 00:36:48,676 --> 00:36:49,969 I'll go, Dad. 402 00:36:50,178 --> 00:36:52,430 No, boy, your life's more precious than mine. 403 00:36:52,889 --> 00:36:54,391 - Why? - I don't know. 404 00:36:54,557 --> 00:36:57,769 Daddies are just supposed to say things like that sometimes. 405 00:36:57,935 --> 00:36:59,437 No! 406 00:36:59,604 --> 00:37:02,857 We all go. We all go together. 407 00:37:03,274 --> 00:37:06,778 Catherine, I'm not afraid of a little old pig. 408 00:37:07,028 --> 00:37:10,823 Eddie, you can't swim! 409 00:37:28,132 --> 00:37:29,675 Let's walk. 410 00:37:43,523 --> 00:37:46,693 Audrey, what are you doing with an electric cappuccino maker? 411 00:37:46,901 --> 00:37:48,778 I bought it in town. 412 00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:51,823 Somehow I doubt we'll be able to use that. 413 00:37:51,989 --> 00:37:55,284 I don't think there are many electrical outlets on this island. 414 00:37:55,451 --> 00:37:59,330 Well, maybe we'll find a motel or something with an electrical outlet. 415 00:38:00,289 --> 00:38:03,793 Look, the boat's drifting away! 416 00:38:13,094 --> 00:38:15,972 Did anyone anchor the boat? 417 00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:27,397 All right, we've got to do this right. 418 00:38:36,198 --> 00:38:38,033 We need food. 419 00:38:38,867 --> 00:38:42,245 Yeah, you're right, Eddie. Okay, here's what we brought ashore. 420 00:38:42,412 --> 00:38:46,207 We got a dozen Tootsie Rolls, we got some Bridge Mix... 421 00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:50,588 two six-packs of beer, some Hamburger Helper and four bottles of bourbon. 422 00:38:50,754 --> 00:38:52,881 That's my kind of captain. 423 00:38:53,048 --> 00:38:56,593 Yeah. We also got a quarter pound of moldy American cheese... 424 00:38:56,802 --> 00:38:59,930 a pack of matches and a box of those little toothpicks... 425 00:39:00,138 --> 00:39:03,850 that you put into frankfurters, only we don't have any frankfurters. 426 00:39:04,017 --> 00:39:07,103 We can use those to get the Tootsie Rolls out of our teeth. 427 00:39:07,270 --> 00:39:11,649 Oh, and Dad, I found a knife in the boat. It was in the galley. 428 00:39:11,817 --> 00:39:14,570 I haven't had a Tootsie Roll in 35 years. 429 00:39:15,112 --> 00:39:17,281 That's when I got my false teeth. 430 00:39:17,447 --> 00:39:20,283 Well, got beer... 431 00:39:20,492 --> 00:39:23,620 got my favorite hunting dog. 432 00:39:25,914 --> 00:39:27,624 I could hunt for food. 433 00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:33,004 Eddie, the only place you ever hunted for food was our refrigerator. 434 00:39:33,630 --> 00:39:38,009 Hey, there's a freshwater stream back there in the forest and plenty of bananas. 435 00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:41,179 And we can make spears and fishing rods to hunt and fish. 436 00:39:41,513 --> 00:39:44,725 And I think I found a good place for a campsite. 437 00:39:46,893 --> 00:39:49,979 - Cousin, Eddie, look for a bathroom. - Snots! Snots! 438 00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:52,148 I'll get the bourbon. 439 00:39:59,573 --> 00:40:01,992 This is the spot, everybody. 440 00:40:03,118 --> 00:40:04,620 It's starting to get dark. 441 00:40:04,786 --> 00:40:08,290 We better figure out where we're gonna sleep. We'll team up. 442 00:40:08,498 --> 00:40:11,167 And there are some towels from the hotel. 443 00:40:12,419 --> 00:40:14,338 I'm all set. 444 00:40:15,005 --> 00:40:17,466 Audrey and I will buddy up. 445 00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:22,513 We only have three towels, and they're all wet. 446 00:40:22,679 --> 00:40:26,349 Well, if you get cold, your buddy's body heat will help warm you up. 447 00:40:26,558 --> 00:40:30,729 - You wanna rethink your assigned buddy? - No. 448 00:42:14,166 --> 00:42:15,626 That felt good. 449 00:42:16,376 --> 00:42:18,420 When you get to be my age... 450 00:42:18,587 --> 00:42:22,174 a good dump is one of the great pleasures in life. 451 00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:25,135 Well... 452 00:42:25,344 --> 00:42:26,804 it's all finished. 453 00:42:29,139 --> 00:42:32,809 When I was walking up to the hill, I saw that there was nothing here... 454 00:42:32,976 --> 00:42:35,020 but a lot of bananas. 455 00:42:35,187 --> 00:42:38,315 So we're gonna have to hunt for some real food. 456 00:42:38,523 --> 00:42:40,692 - So let's go, Third. - Yeah. 457 00:42:41,943 --> 00:42:43,820 I'll go with you. 458 00:42:55,290 --> 00:42:56,708 All right. 459 00:42:56,875 --> 00:43:00,462 Here's the game plan. We'll split up so we can cover more ground. 460 00:43:00,629 --> 00:43:03,632 We'll use that fire on top of the hill as a landmark. 461 00:43:03,799 --> 00:43:08,595 Uncle Nick, you make a quick left and go up the left flank. Third, you make a wide right. 462 00:43:08,762 --> 00:43:11,932 Snots and I will go up the middle and victory will be ours. 463 00:43:12,099 --> 00:43:15,686 What am I supposed to do if I run into a wild animal? 464 00:43:15,852 --> 00:43:18,730 - Throw my banana at it? - Good thinking. 465 00:43:44,631 --> 00:43:47,217 Have you ever heard of barking or pointing? 466 00:43:48,093 --> 00:43:49,845 How about a little warning here? 467 00:43:50,012 --> 00:43:52,681 Give me a little heads up next time. 468 00:44:02,983 --> 00:44:04,860 Well, are you coming? 469 00:45:30,278 --> 00:45:32,989 - Any luck hunting, honey? - No. 470 00:45:33,156 --> 00:45:35,325 I almost got a bird... 471 00:45:35,617 --> 00:45:38,203 but all I saw were nanners. 472 00:45:41,456 --> 00:45:43,667 Did you guys have any luck? 473 00:45:45,794 --> 00:45:47,796 - No. - That's it. 474 00:45:50,048 --> 00:45:53,051 I ain't walked this much since my last visit to Wal-Mart. 475 00:45:53,218 --> 00:45:56,638 Hey, everybody. You know, it'll be Christmas in three days. 476 00:45:56,805 --> 00:45:58,765 It is? 477 00:45:59,474 --> 00:46:02,686 With all the excitement of the shipwreck and everything... 478 00:46:02,853 --> 00:46:05,522 I guess I just forgot all about Christmas. 479 00:46:05,731 --> 00:46:08,901 Well, I guess we will have to forget about it this year. 480 00:46:09,067 --> 00:46:12,112 Yeah. It's my first Christmas without Mom and Dad. 481 00:46:12,654 --> 00:46:15,490 Well, this is my first Christmas without gifts. 482 00:46:15,657 --> 00:46:18,160 No tree, no Santa. 483 00:46:18,368 --> 00:46:21,413 - No real food. - No eggnog. 484 00:46:21,580 --> 00:46:26,543 Hey, we could still have Christmas. We could have an island Christmas. 485 00:46:27,085 --> 00:46:29,588 Well, that's a real good idea, Mukinuki. 486 00:46:29,755 --> 00:46:33,425 An island Christmas. Why didn't I think of that? 487 00:46:33,634 --> 00:46:35,344 What is an island Christmas? 488 00:46:35,510 --> 00:46:39,681 Well, every year we celebrate the things that we're most thankful for. 489 00:46:40,682 --> 00:46:45,729 Well, we're all alive and we're all together. That's worth celebrating. 490 00:46:46,104 --> 00:46:48,398 You're pretty damn easy to please. 491 00:46:48,565 --> 00:46:52,194 - What about the gifts? - We have the whole island! 492 00:46:52,361 --> 00:46:55,781 Let's think of something we can all give to each other. 493 00:46:57,949 --> 00:47:00,076 How about a full body massage? 494 00:47:00,285 --> 00:47:01,787 Uncle Nick. 495 00:47:03,163 --> 00:47:06,875 The islands can be very magical, full of many gifts. 496 00:47:07,042 --> 00:47:10,546 All you have to do is use your imagination. 497 00:47:10,921 --> 00:47:13,257 Oh, dang it, I knew there was a catch. 498 00:47:13,423 --> 00:47:15,592 What have you always wanted, Eddie? 499 00:47:15,801 --> 00:47:17,303 I don't know. 500 00:47:17,469 --> 00:47:20,347 I got pretty much everything I ever wanted. 501 00:47:20,681 --> 00:47:21,932 A good dog. 502 00:47:22,641 --> 00:47:24,434 Six kids. 503 00:47:28,021 --> 00:47:32,234 A doting wife who takes care of my every need, if you know what I mean. 504 00:47:33,694 --> 00:47:35,988 We could get a house, Eddie. 505 00:47:37,030 --> 00:47:41,743 - Where are we going to get a house? - We could build it. With our hands. 506 00:47:41,910 --> 00:47:45,789 - I thought this was a vacation. - Catherine, no, it's a great idea. 507 00:47:45,998 --> 00:47:47,791 It'll be fun. 508 00:47:48,250 --> 00:47:51,920 If you build it, they will come. 509 00:47:53,171 --> 00:47:54,923 Who? 510 00:47:56,091 --> 00:47:58,302 Well, someone to rescue us. 511 00:48:00,178 --> 00:48:01,805 Won't be much of a house. 512 00:48:02,055 --> 00:48:04,391 But it'll be ours. 513 00:48:04,766 --> 00:48:07,477 Remember, Jesus was born in a stable. 514 00:48:10,355 --> 00:48:11,940 Yeah. 515 00:48:12,316 --> 00:48:14,026 Yeah. 516 00:48:15,027 --> 00:48:16,987 Yeah! 517 00:48:17,863 --> 00:48:19,698 We'll build it... 518 00:48:19,865 --> 00:48:21,533 here! 519 00:48:21,783 --> 00:48:25,787 And you know what else we need? A Christmas dinner. A real Christmas dinner. 520 00:48:25,996 --> 00:48:31,335 Not these bananas, those Tootsie Rolls or none of that there banana helper, neither. 521 00:48:31,543 --> 00:48:33,170 No, sir! 522 00:48:33,378 --> 00:48:35,005 I'm going out again! 523 00:48:35,172 --> 00:48:38,342 We're gonna have ourselves some meat! 524 00:49:08,163 --> 00:49:09,539 Come here! 525 00:49:33,981 --> 00:49:36,317 Come back here, you little booger! 526 00:50:01,550 --> 00:50:03,552 Snots, kill. 527 00:50:04,011 --> 00:50:05,387 Kill! 528 00:50:05,554 --> 00:50:08,307 Kill! Where you going, Snots? Come back here! 529 00:50:34,458 --> 00:50:36,627 It is not a Christmas tree. 530 00:50:37,169 --> 00:50:40,422 - But it'll do. - It'll have to. 531 00:50:41,631 --> 00:50:45,593 You know, we used to have a big tree every Christmas when I was a kid. 532 00:50:45,927 --> 00:50:49,431 My father would take hours to pick it out. 533 00:50:49,723 --> 00:50:54,144 He sometimes would do everything but x-ray it. Then he'd turn to us and say: 534 00:50:54,311 --> 00:50:59,650 "You are looking at the best Christmas tree in Kansas City. No, in the world." 535 00:51:03,195 --> 00:51:05,197 Christmas with Daddy. 536 00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:08,533 Guess dads are all like that at Christmas. 537 00:51:08,992 --> 00:51:10,785 Even Eddie. 538 00:51:28,136 --> 00:51:31,848 That's a good piggy, that's a good piggy. 539 00:52:09,928 --> 00:52:11,888 It's so beautiful here. 540 00:52:12,097 --> 00:52:15,183 Yeah. If only it had a shopping mall. 541 00:52:15,726 --> 00:52:20,189 - The house is coming along great. - Yeah, it's a great Christmas gift. 542 00:52:20,731 --> 00:52:22,024 Look at him. 543 00:52:22,190 --> 00:52:23,817 It's a funny thing, you know. 544 00:52:23,984 --> 00:52:27,696 Here we are in serious trouble and I've never seen Eddie so happy. 545 00:52:27,863 --> 00:52:32,242 Sometimes a crisis brings out the best in a person. I mean, he's even working. 546 00:52:42,461 --> 00:52:44,588 There's something I've got to tell you. 547 00:52:44,796 --> 00:52:46,298 It's your girlfriend. 548 00:52:46,465 --> 00:52:48,384 - Is she pregnant? - No! 549 00:52:53,930 --> 00:52:55,640 It's just that... 550 00:52:55,807 --> 00:52:57,600 I always thought that... 551 00:52:58,310 --> 00:53:00,437 you were kind of... 552 00:53:00,729 --> 00:53:01,980 sort of... 553 00:53:03,482 --> 00:53:05,609 - Gay? - No. 554 00:53:05,776 --> 00:53:08,946 The bottom of the food chain. 555 00:53:10,739 --> 00:53:12,449 Well, I was wrong. 556 00:53:12,658 --> 00:53:16,120 I mean, you know, like, you never worked much. 557 00:53:18,497 --> 00:53:21,792 Mom took care of the kids and cooked and cleaned... 558 00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,169 worked three jobs. 559 00:53:24,336 --> 00:53:30,133 And then, you know, the bank foreclosed on the house and the repo people took the RV. 560 00:53:32,386 --> 00:53:34,430 I loved that RV. 561 00:53:36,682 --> 00:53:39,101 That RV! 562 00:53:40,060 --> 00:53:43,313 And here we are on a desert island, who knows where... 563 00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:47,025 and he goes out and kills with his bare hands to feed his family. 564 00:53:47,192 --> 00:53:51,822 I mean, can you imagine him taking on that huge animal and beating him in a fair fight? 565 00:53:51,989 --> 00:53:57,620 I know. I mean, God, he was like a caveman or a gladiator or something. 566 00:54:04,084 --> 00:54:07,921 Well, anyway, I was wrong. 567 00:54:08,088 --> 00:54:12,926 No, you were right. I'm just no good. 568 00:54:13,552 --> 00:54:16,013 Right. You know, normally. 569 00:54:16,179 --> 00:54:19,391 But here, on this island... 570 00:54:20,517 --> 00:54:22,060 you've been great. 571 00:54:25,647 --> 00:54:27,482 Do you mean that? 572 00:54:28,233 --> 00:54:29,985 Yeah. 573 00:54:30,527 --> 00:54:31,820 Boy... 574 00:54:31,987 --> 00:54:34,364 you don't know how good that makes me feel. 575 00:54:36,241 --> 00:54:38,034 From now on... 576 00:54:38,702 --> 00:54:42,789 I've got no place to go but up! 577 00:54:48,086 --> 00:54:52,549 Hi, it's Audrey Griswold. Leave a message and merry Christmas. 578 00:54:54,426 --> 00:54:59,598 Ever Ready Plumbing here. We'll have a man out to your house within 30 days. 579 00:54:59,765 --> 00:55:01,725 Merry Christmas. 580 00:55:07,606 --> 00:55:11,193 Merry Christmas morning, everybody! 581 00:55:23,288 --> 00:55:25,373 Merry Christmas morning! 582 00:55:27,042 --> 00:55:29,753 - Yeah! - Come here, you. Merry Christmas! 583 00:55:29,961 --> 00:55:31,754 Merry Christmas! 584 00:55:33,799 --> 00:55:35,217 Merry Christmas, Milwaukee. 585 00:55:35,634 --> 00:55:37,094 Here's... 586 00:55:37,260 --> 00:55:39,137 Mr. Christmas himself. 587 00:55:39,429 --> 00:55:41,473 It's Saint Nick. 588 00:55:49,606 --> 00:55:52,442 Merry Christmas, Audrey, this is from Eddie. 589 00:55:52,609 --> 00:55:57,072 Eddie, this is great. Lipstick! It's my favorite color. 590 00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,991 - Where did you get it? - Found it in your purse. 591 00:56:02,327 --> 00:56:04,412 This is from Third. 592 00:56:05,163 --> 00:56:08,249 Third, my gosh, look at that! 593 00:56:08,458 --> 00:56:11,670 That's a deluxe spear. 594 00:56:11,837 --> 00:56:14,423 It's an aerodynamically correct spear, Dad. 595 00:56:14,589 --> 00:56:17,967 See those fins? Those are for throwing accurately. 596 00:56:18,176 --> 00:56:20,136 Looks like a one-way street sign. 597 00:56:21,346 --> 00:56:24,558 Well, let's take it for a little test drive, shall we? 598 00:56:32,232 --> 00:56:36,153 Okay, now let's sing a few Christmas songs. 599 00:56:39,823 --> 00:56:41,199 Let's see. 600 00:57:27,204 --> 00:57:30,207 Hey, I got another surprise for us here. 601 00:57:30,415 --> 00:57:35,337 A homemade concoction that my dad used to make. 602 00:57:35,545 --> 00:57:38,298 Only, he had a still and sold it to the neighbors... 603 00:57:38,465 --> 00:57:42,177 but it kept us going through the lean times, until he got caught... 604 00:57:42,344 --> 00:57:44,930 and wound up doing 3 to 5. But here's a taste. 605 00:57:45,097 --> 00:57:47,516 All right. Well, here goes. 606 00:57:51,937 --> 00:57:54,064 That's got a kick. What is in that? 607 00:57:54,272 --> 00:57:57,901 Well, it's got three parts coconut milk, two parts bug juice... 608 00:57:58,110 --> 00:58:02,072 six parts bourbon, a little banana peel for texture and a Tootsie Roll. 609 00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:03,907 And some sunscreen. 610 00:58:09,688 --> 00:58:14,651 Lord, I wanna thank you for keeping us healthy and, particularly, alive 611 00:58:14,860 --> 00:58:17,821 during this whole shipwreck deal. 612 00:58:17,988 --> 00:58:21,325 But most of all, Lord, I wanna thank you for this house. 613 00:58:21,534 --> 00:58:24,495 It's a good house, Lord. 614 00:58:24,662 --> 00:58:30,626 It's probably the first house we ever had where we didn't owe a mortgage or taxes. 615 00:58:30,835 --> 00:58:35,506 And maybe the only house we'll ever have where the bank won't foreclose on it. 616 00:58:35,673 --> 00:58:40,553 Oh, it's not as nice as Audrey's house, but it's a fine house, Lord. 617 00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:44,974 And I want you to please just find it to forgive me, Lord... 618 00:58:45,141 --> 00:58:51,064 for losing the RV and the dirt farm, Lord. 619 00:58:51,313 --> 00:58:54,817 - We are sin, Lord...! - Can I say something? 620 00:58:57,111 --> 00:58:58,904 Excuse me, Lord. 621 00:59:03,617 --> 00:59:04,910 What's in the coconut? 622 00:59:05,995 --> 00:59:07,788 Another tropical surprise. 623 00:59:07,955 --> 00:59:11,917 Can we drink the surprise first and then bust the coconut? 624 00:59:12,501 --> 00:59:15,838 - No. - Well, there you have it. 625 00:59:16,005 --> 00:59:22,011 Anyway, Lord, be it ever so humble, there's no place like this here house. 626 00:59:22,928 --> 00:59:24,471 Amen. 627 00:59:45,034 --> 00:59:48,913 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas to you! 628 00:59:55,586 --> 00:59:57,254 Eddie! 629 00:59:59,924 --> 01:00:02,593 Put me down! 630 01:00:04,220 --> 01:00:05,471 You did it, Dad! 631 01:00:05,638 --> 01:00:08,266 You killed a boar and built our own damn house! 632 01:00:08,432 --> 01:00:10,976 Watch your mouth, Third. 633 01:00:37,586 --> 01:00:41,215 Well, we've learned something here today. 634 01:00:41,424 --> 01:00:44,469 We definitely have to make it more secure. 635 01:00:45,845 --> 01:00:47,764 Let's eat. 636 01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:15,625 Eddie. 637 01:01:15,791 --> 01:01:20,921 Eddie, you're so brave. And you have a good sense of humor. 638 01:01:21,088 --> 01:01:26,468 You're my hero... 639 01:02:48,008 --> 01:02:52,137 It's a plane! A plane! And he sees us! 640 01:02:52,304 --> 01:02:56,099 It's Jack, it's Melbourne Jack Malpey! 641 01:02:57,601 --> 01:02:59,103 We're saved! 642 01:03:01,021 --> 01:03:02,272 - Over here! - Uncle Nick! 643 01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:06,486 Uncle Nick, wake up! We're rescued, we're saved! 644 01:03:07,486 --> 01:03:08,988 Saved. 645 01:03:09,155 --> 01:03:11,115 From what? 646 01:03:16,162 --> 01:03:18,456 Down here! 647 01:03:18,748 --> 01:03:23,419 Jack! It's me, Audrey! 648 01:03:33,637 --> 01:03:37,141 We've had search parties all over looking for you and that boat. 649 01:03:37,308 --> 01:03:39,393 They found the boat 300 miles from here. 650 01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:43,022 You've been searching for me this whole time? You're a hero! 651 01:03:43,189 --> 01:03:46,526 Well, you found me. You did say you weren't married? 652 01:03:47,193 --> 01:03:49,987 Actually, I was flying over to check a hotel I own 653 01:03:50,196 --> 01:03:53,783 on the other side of the island when I saw Eddie on the cliff. 654 01:03:53,949 --> 01:03:56,368 Probably, nobody thought of looking here. 655 01:03:56,535 --> 01:03:59,747 Well, it's only 10 miles, you could have walked to my hotel. 656 01:04:04,585 --> 01:04:07,463 I guess we better pack up and get out of here, then. 657 01:04:07,630 --> 01:04:12,093 Man. You know, I got all excited when I first saw the plane, 658 01:04:12,259 --> 01:04:14,678 but I'm really gonna miss this place. 659 01:04:14,845 --> 01:04:18,807 This was the best vacation this family has ever had. 660 01:04:20,059 --> 01:04:21,477 Oh, well. 661 01:04:21,644 --> 01:04:25,022 It was great, but it'll be good to get back to civilization. 662 01:04:25,189 --> 01:04:27,858 Civilization. People like to live in crowds... 663 01:04:28,025 --> 01:04:30,152 because they don't trust each other. 664 01:04:30,319 --> 01:04:33,572 I don't know, there's some good things about civilization. 665 01:04:33,739 --> 01:04:35,407 Name one. 666 01:04:35,574 --> 01:04:39,369 Massages, manicures, frozen artichokes... 667 01:04:39,537 --> 01:04:42,457 hot tubs, champagne. 668 01:04:42,623 --> 01:04:44,875 I wanna say something. 669 01:04:45,042 --> 01:04:48,045 I'm gonna miss not having a lot of things. 670 01:04:48,212 --> 01:04:54,051 It's been great without telephones and people you never even met calling... 671 01:04:54,218 --> 01:04:57,346 trying to sell you things you don't even need. 672 01:04:57,513 --> 01:05:00,349 And rap music on beer commercials... 673 01:05:00,516 --> 01:05:02,727 and junk mail! 674 01:05:03,978 --> 01:05:07,231 I'm gonna miss us all being so together... 675 01:05:07,398 --> 01:05:10,276 and the way everybody chipped in and worked. 676 01:05:10,443 --> 01:05:14,322 - It was a Christmas thing. - I saw an airplane! 677 01:05:14,488 --> 01:05:17,783 I saw an airplane! We're saved! 678 01:05:18,909 --> 01:05:21,245 We're saved! 679 01:05:22,246 --> 01:05:24,290 I saw a plane! 680 01:05:26,792 --> 01:05:28,460 Jack! 681 01:05:29,295 --> 01:05:31,464 What are you doing here? 682 01:05:38,888 --> 01:05:42,767 Merry Christmas! 683 01:05:43,726 --> 01:05:46,312 This was the best Christmas I've ever had. 684 01:05:46,479 --> 01:05:49,607 It was fun being a part of your family here on... 685 01:05:49,774 --> 01:05:53,611 - What is the name of this island? - It was named after King Halehalki... 686 01:05:53,778 --> 01:05:56,781 but you can change it. He was a headhunter. 687 01:05:57,281 --> 01:06:00,493 I say we rename it Eddie Island... 688 01:06:00,659 --> 01:06:03,954 in honor of the man who killed the boar. 689 01:06:04,163 --> 01:06:05,331 Well. 690 01:06:07,750 --> 01:06:11,462 - What business did you say you were in? - I was in nuclear research. 691 01:06:11,629 --> 01:06:15,133 - You're kidding. - No, no. Nuclear research. 692 01:06:15,341 --> 01:06:19,637 But then I got laid off. But then, because I got bit on the ass... 693 01:06:19,804 --> 01:06:22,140 they gave me this here Christmas vacation. 694 01:06:22,348 --> 01:06:25,059 You got laid off? Did the company downsize? 695 01:06:25,226 --> 01:06:28,271 Yeah, well, the other guy, he's a lot smaller than I was. 696 01:06:28,437 --> 01:06:29,939 I was better at the job. 697 01:06:30,481 --> 01:06:33,734 - Jack's incredible, isn't he? - Yeah, he's a really great guy. 698 01:06:33,901 --> 01:06:39,198 - He's so mature. - Big deal. Uncle Nick's mature. 699 01:06:42,702 --> 01:06:47,081 This is liable to roll down a hill and kill a little pig or something. 700 01:06:47,248 --> 01:06:49,250 I better move this. 701 01:06:49,583 --> 01:06:53,837 Hey, hold it. You gonna bust your rollers trying to move that. Let me help you. 702 01:06:54,004 --> 01:06:55,797 Put it over there. 703 01:06:57,216 --> 01:07:00,678 - Where? - Over there. 704 01:07:04,849 --> 01:07:07,977 Let go, let go, you're choking me. 705 01:07:08,185 --> 01:07:10,979 - What? - Let go! 706 01:07:11,147 --> 01:07:13,024 All right. 707 01:07:20,072 --> 01:07:21,574 Jack? 708 01:07:23,783 --> 01:07:26,703 - Oh, Jack, don't get up. - I'm all right. 709 01:07:26,870 --> 01:07:30,290 No, no. Jack, you took a terrible fall. You need rest and care. 710 01:07:30,457 --> 01:07:32,376 I'm fine. 711 01:07:35,503 --> 01:07:40,883 I wouldn't go into a career in the moving business any time soon, if I were you, mate. 712 01:07:47,932 --> 01:07:50,226 You all ready to fly? 713 01:08:09,662 --> 01:08:12,665 I'm gonna really miss the old homestead. 714 01:08:23,385 --> 01:08:25,971 Jack, you okay? 715 01:08:26,596 --> 01:08:31,726 I'm okay, it's just a headache. There are some aspirin in the cabin. 716 01:08:40,443 --> 01:08:42,236 - His head hurts. - Oh, my God. 717 01:08:42,404 --> 01:08:44,740 Oh, my God, he needs me! He needs me! 718 01:08:44,906 --> 01:08:47,492 Now, now, he'll be all right. 719 01:08:47,659 --> 01:08:49,870 Just got a headache. 720 01:08:56,292 --> 01:08:58,461 He'll be all right. 721 01:09:04,259 --> 01:09:09,097 Maluka tower, this is Mike 808 Mike... 722 01:09:09,264 --> 01:09:13,226 Melbourne Jack here. I've just picked up some lost souls... 723 01:09:13,393 --> 01:09:17,689 on the rear end of King Halehalki Island. - Eddie Island! 724 01:09:18,648 --> 01:09:21,276 Our position is... 725 01:09:22,152 --> 01:09:24,613 Hell, I don't know where we are. 726 01:09:26,156 --> 01:09:28,617 I'm not too well, my friend. 727 01:09:29,409 --> 01:09:32,287 I like you, Ed. You're a good man. 728 01:09:33,246 --> 01:09:37,834 You're not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but you're a good man. 729 01:09:44,340 --> 01:09:46,676 - Jack! - Mike 808 Mike... 730 01:09:46,843 --> 01:09:49,512 say again your position, over. 731 01:09:50,096 --> 01:09:51,306 Help! 732 01:09:51,473 --> 01:09:54,685 This is Maluka tower, merry Christmas. Is that you, Jack? 733 01:09:54,851 --> 01:10:00,190 No, it's Eddie! Jack, he fainted, or he's dead. 734 01:10:01,149 --> 01:10:03,860 Jack, snap out of it! 735 01:10:04,611 --> 01:10:09,282 - He's not dead, he moved. - Well, okay, Eddie, merry Christmas. 736 01:10:09,449 --> 01:10:11,368 Can you fly a plane? 737 01:10:12,702 --> 01:10:15,413 I'll take that as a no. 738 01:10:17,207 --> 01:10:21,378 We got you on radar now, you're heading right for Maluka Airport. 739 01:10:21,544 --> 01:10:25,131 - All you're gonna have to do is, well, land. - We're gonna die. 740 01:10:25,298 --> 01:10:29,385 Now, relax. When we get you over the airport, we're going to talk you in. 741 01:10:29,552 --> 01:10:30,970 And Eddie? 742 01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:36,559 We're gonna clear the area of all incoming and outgoing flights. 743 01:10:36,726 --> 01:10:40,396 All you're gonna have to worry about is to make a nice landing... 744 01:10:40,563 --> 01:10:42,273 right there on the tarmac. 745 01:10:42,440 --> 01:10:45,652 You'll go down gradually and just coast on in. 746 01:10:45,819 --> 01:10:50,741 - Okay. Okay. - Dad! You can't land on the tarmac! 747 01:10:50,907 --> 01:10:56,913 - Probably not, but I gotta try. - This is a seaplane, Dad, a seaplane! 748 01:10:57,080 --> 01:11:01,543 Tower! Mr. Tower, this is a seaplane! 749 01:11:01,751 --> 01:11:04,295 Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot. 750 01:11:04,462 --> 01:11:07,006 I'm getting so absent-minded. 751 01:11:07,173 --> 01:11:11,344 Even easier. You'll just land right there in the bay in front of the airport... 752 01:11:11,511 --> 01:11:13,513 and we'll come on out and get you. 753 01:11:13,680 --> 01:11:18,435 Now, just sit back, stay on course and relax. 754 01:11:18,601 --> 01:11:20,019 No sweat. 755 01:11:22,522 --> 01:11:24,065 How's Jack? 756 01:11:24,232 --> 01:11:26,776 Audrey's breathing into his mouth. 757 01:11:27,819 --> 01:11:30,071 Okay, easy does it. 758 01:11:30,238 --> 01:11:33,116 Loosen your clothing. Good. 759 01:11:33,283 --> 01:11:37,496 Planes will never replace boats as a means of transportation. 760 01:11:37,662 --> 01:11:41,499 - People like to stay close to terra firma. - Uncle Nick. 761 01:11:41,666 --> 01:11:44,294 Boats still sail on water, not earth. 762 01:11:44,836 --> 01:11:47,088 Okay, Eddie, we got you in sight now. 763 01:11:47,630 --> 01:11:48,923 There's the airport! 764 01:11:49,090 --> 01:11:52,927 Now, here's what we want you to do: We want you to look at the altimeter. 765 01:11:53,094 --> 01:11:54,971 - Where is it? - All right, calm down. 766 01:11:55,138 --> 01:11:58,475 It's the gauge on the right-hand side of the panel. 767 01:11:58,641 --> 01:12:04,564 You're now at 2000 feet. I want you to turn the wheel very slowly to your left... 768 01:12:04,731 --> 01:12:10,320 press it down gradually, very slowly. 769 01:12:13,823 --> 01:12:15,783 - And Eddie? - Yeah? 770 01:12:16,368 --> 01:12:18,370 Merry Christmas. Up. 771 01:12:19,079 --> 01:12:20,330 Up. 772 01:12:20,497 --> 01:12:24,543 Up! Pull it up, Eddie, come on! 773 01:12:24,709 --> 01:12:26,211 No! 774 01:12:26,753 --> 01:12:28,505 No, Eddie! 775 01:12:30,090 --> 01:12:34,803 Okay, Eddie, we're gonna try it again now, slowly. 776 01:12:34,969 --> 01:12:38,264 Slow, you damn idiot! Don't you know what slow means? 777 01:12:38,431 --> 01:12:41,851 Slow, you damn idiot! Don't you know what slow means? 778 01:12:44,354 --> 01:12:45,897 Muka? 779 01:12:46,064 --> 01:12:50,193 If we don't die, will you be my girlfriend? 780 01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:52,362 Well, thank you, Third. 781 01:12:53,988 --> 01:12:57,200 I think you're terrific, but I don't think you're quite... 782 01:12:57,367 --> 01:13:00,537 grown-up enough for me. - I am grown up. 783 01:13:00,704 --> 01:13:02,748 I've even seen a naked woman. 784 01:13:04,541 --> 01:13:07,919 Anyway, if we don't die, I'm going back to my husband. 785 01:13:08,086 --> 01:13:11,256 - Your husband? - Yes, Daniel. 786 01:13:12,215 --> 01:13:14,718 He lives in Indianapolis. 787 01:13:17,220 --> 01:13:20,557 Now, let's try it again there, Eddie, baby. And Eddie... 788 01:13:20,724 --> 01:13:23,769 you see that tall building with the glass all around it? 789 01:13:23,935 --> 01:13:27,939 Good. Whatever you do, don't hit that building. 790 01:13:28,106 --> 01:13:31,693 You see, that's the tower, Eddie, and that's where I am. 791 01:13:31,901 --> 01:13:35,446 Now, what we're gonna do, you're gonna turn the wheel slowly... 792 01:13:35,613 --> 01:13:38,533 to the left again and press down. 793 01:13:41,494 --> 01:13:43,538 No! No, Eddie! 794 01:13:59,586 --> 01:14:02,964 Dad, it's just like the time you drove the RV... 795 01:14:03,131 --> 01:14:06,134 off the side of the mountain and broke your leg. 796 01:14:06,301 --> 01:14:08,094 Only, more dangerous. 797 01:14:10,806 --> 01:14:14,810 It's more like the time you were fishing off that bridge and reached down... 798 01:14:14,977 --> 01:14:18,355 to tie your shoelaces and fell 50 feet into the water. 799 01:14:18,522 --> 01:14:20,983 Only, this time we could all die. 800 01:14:23,902 --> 01:14:27,739 You can do it, Dad, I know you can. 801 01:14:53,223 --> 01:14:54,474 Oh, my. 802 01:15:08,614 --> 01:15:10,991 Oh, my God! 803 01:15:24,630 --> 01:15:26,132 Bingo. 804 01:15:34,598 --> 01:15:36,266 And merry Christmas, Maluka. 805 01:15:36,433 --> 01:15:39,811 We all heard about the shipwrecked Johnsons. Here's a video... 806 01:15:39,978 --> 01:15:44,774 from their daughter, currently appearing at the Bare Bottom Club in Las Vegas. 807 01:15:56,578 --> 01:15:59,873 Merry Christmas, Third! How's my boy? 808 01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,377 Aunt Jessica, you wouldn't believe what we've been through. 809 01:16:03,543 --> 01:16:06,254 Not gonna show me travel movies, are you, Third? 810 01:16:06,421 --> 01:16:07,631 Later. 811 01:16:07,798 --> 01:16:11,176 Okay, so where's that old man of mine? 812 01:16:11,343 --> 01:16:13,387 - And where are your folks? - Oh, well... 813 01:16:13,553 --> 01:16:17,640 my Mom and Dad and cousin Audrey are visiting a friend in the hospital. 814 01:16:17,808 --> 01:16:21,228 Dad dropped a rock on him and gave him a brain concussion. 815 01:16:21,395 --> 01:16:24,523 - And Uncle Nick's resting. - You go up and tell him I'm here. 816 01:16:24,690 --> 01:16:27,735 If I walk in on him, he's liable to have a heart attack. 817 01:16:27,901 --> 01:16:29,403 Sure. 818 01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,619 Aunt Jessica, you didn't, did you? 819 01:16:37,911 --> 01:16:39,621 Don't ask. 820 01:16:44,126 --> 01:16:47,296 Boy, that Jack. He is okay, isn't he? What a great guy. 821 01:16:47,462 --> 01:16:50,548 And he didn't even mention that I almost killed him. 822 01:16:50,716 --> 01:16:52,635 I can't believe it. 823 01:16:52,801 --> 01:16:56,013 He's married. Five kids. 824 01:16:56,179 --> 01:16:59,307 I mean, my God, can't any man be trusted? 825 01:16:59,975 --> 01:17:03,937 He was the great love of my life. I'll never love again. 826 01:17:05,647 --> 01:17:07,107 Merry Christmas! 827 01:17:07,774 --> 01:17:08,942 Merry Christmas. 828 01:17:09,109 --> 01:17:12,654 - Is he all right? - It's my husband. 829 01:17:12,821 --> 01:17:14,531 Nervous breakdown. 830 01:17:15,324 --> 01:17:17,576 Merry Christmas! 831 01:17:18,994 --> 01:17:21,538 I'm so sorry. How long has he been like this? 832 01:17:22,164 --> 01:17:25,334 Since this morning. He's an air traffic controller. 833 01:17:30,172 --> 01:17:31,423 Hey, buddy! 834 01:17:31,590 --> 01:17:33,717 Merry Christmas! 835 01:17:34,635 --> 01:17:36,345 Come on, buddy, snap out of it. 836 01:17:39,681 --> 01:17:41,391 No, Eddie! 837 01:17:41,558 --> 01:17:44,561 Bless you! Oh, thank you! 838 01:17:44,728 --> 01:17:48,273 You are a miracle worker. 839 01:17:49,524 --> 01:17:52,193 Come on, let's get back to the motel. 840 01:17:53,320 --> 01:17:55,280 I may become a nun. 841 01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,745 Aunt Jessica. 842 01:18:03,372 --> 01:18:06,625 So you finally got tired of that young fellow... 843 01:18:06,792 --> 01:18:10,045 and you decided to come crawling back to Uncle Nick. 844 01:18:10,796 --> 01:18:13,090 And you're gonna take her back, I suppose. 845 01:18:13,715 --> 01:18:16,676 Well, I have seen it all now. 846 01:18:16,843 --> 01:18:20,221 If anybody wants me, I'll be in the can. 847 01:18:25,394 --> 01:18:28,856 I'm sorry for that little unpleasantness, darling. 848 01:18:29,940 --> 01:18:33,569 That pig snot never did have no manners. 849 01:18:34,278 --> 01:18:38,991 When you're finished, get your butt into the kitchen and fix me a decent dinner. 850 01:18:39,157 --> 01:18:42,452 I've been eating nothing but burnt pig and bananas. 851 01:19:03,140 --> 01:19:05,559 They're waiting for you inside, Eddie. 852 01:19:05,726 --> 01:19:07,811 Thank you, Milwaukee. 853 01:19:08,395 --> 01:19:09,980 Hi, Muka. 854 01:19:10,522 --> 01:19:12,774 There's something I've gotta tell you. 855 01:19:14,401 --> 01:19:18,614 You know, I'm sorry about asking you to be my girl, 856 01:19:21,867 --> 01:19:23,952 but I'm engaged. 857 01:19:26,538 --> 01:19:29,374 She's beautiful. 858 01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:34,171 Well, it'll take a while to get over it. 859 01:19:49,353 --> 01:19:52,439 Oh, Professor Doornitz! 860 01:19:54,942 --> 01:19:59,155 We are so proud of you. All the newspapers carried your story. 861 01:20:00,113 --> 01:20:04,117 Shipwrecked, swam 30 miles to rescue your family... 862 01:20:04,326 --> 01:20:06,995 built a two-story house with your own hands... 863 01:20:07,162 --> 01:20:09,873 killed a wild boar with manicure scissors! 864 01:20:18,131 --> 01:20:20,175 What's he doing here? 865 01:20:20,342 --> 01:20:23,220 You're replacing him. He's here on vacation. 866 01:20:29,851 --> 01:20:32,103 I'm staying right here. 867 01:20:32,271 --> 01:20:36,233 I got myself a new job. 868 01:20:40,946 --> 01:20:42,489 Well, Roy... 869 01:20:42,656 --> 01:20:46,660 looks like this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 870 01:20:47,305 --> 01:21:47,852 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/a2gqq Help other users to choose the best subtitles 70081

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