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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:28,579 --> 00:00:32,208
So how come you're so smart,
and how come they call you Third?
3
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:35,336
Well, I guess being smart just happened.
4
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:40,133
I was named after my mom's cousin's
husband, Clark Griswold II.
5
00:00:40,299 --> 00:00:43,469
I'm the third Clark Griswold.
Clark Griswold Johnson.
6
00:00:44,303 --> 00:00:46,263
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
7
00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:50,643
Yes. They're with my grandma in Kansas,
8
00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:54,522
except for my oldest sister.
She's working at a strip club in Vegas.
9
00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:56,983
A strip club?
10
00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,152
- Where do you live?
- Well, my mom and dad and I
11
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:03,114
are staying with my cousin,
Audrey Griswold.
12
00:01:03,281 --> 00:01:08,995
She's visiting her boyfriend in Indianapolis,
so we're kind of house-sitting for her.
13
00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:13,833
Well, this is where I live.
My dad's a brain surgeon.
14
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,293
What's your dad do?
15
00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:22,508
- He works in nuclear research.
- Oh, he's a nuclear scientist?
16
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,178
Well...
17
00:01:25,636 --> 00:01:29,306
not exactly.
18
00:01:42,945 --> 00:01:46,407
We inject them with nuclear waste
and study their brain waves...
19
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,702
and other organs to examine
the effects of the waste...
20
00:01:49,869 --> 00:01:53,539
on various species of anthropoids.
21
00:02:24,862 --> 00:02:26,447
Fascinating, professor.
22
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:31,869
But tell me, they're playing tic-tac-toe
and the chimpanzee appears to be winning.
23
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,580
How is this possible?
24
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:39,084
Because the monkey is smarter.
25
00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:54,058
I'm sorry, Eddie, we got this directive
from Washington and they're cutting costs.
26
00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:57,061
We've been ordered to cut
our study group by half.
27
00:02:57,395 --> 00:03:01,107
So from now on we're only
working till noon?
28
00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:04,569
No, Eddie, I'm afraid this
is between you and Roy.
29
00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:07,238
One of you has to go.
30
00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:16,414
Gee, Roy, that's a tough break.
But don't worry, you'll land on your feet.
31
00:03:16,581 --> 00:03:19,501
It's not Roy we're letting go,
Eddie, it's you.
32
00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:27,759
Well, why don't you fire him?
I mean, what does he got that I ain't got?
33
00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:31,804
His brain waves register
more distinctly than yours.
34
00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:35,433
- Which one's mine?
- The one labeled "Eddie."
35
00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:41,314
I'll check other branches and see if there's
anything else available for you.
36
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,988
Oh, Eddie...
37
00:03:49,155 --> 00:03:51,366
merry Christmas.
38
00:04:11,093 --> 00:04:15,472
I can't understand why they'd
let me go just before Christmas.
39
00:04:15,973 --> 00:04:20,978
And I worked hard too.
I even helped plug the wires in my head.
40
00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:23,814
That's more than Roy did.
41
00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:27,861
It's just like the time the goat
kicked me in the teeth...
42
00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:30,405
for milking her with the vacuum cleaner.
43
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:36,535
Eddie, don't feel so bad.
You know that monkey's pretty smart.
44
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,998
Oh, you'll find another job.
You're real good at it.
45
00:04:41,165 --> 00:04:43,668
Yeah, you've done it lots of times.
46
00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,047
I'm just a total flop, let's face it.
47
00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:50,884
No, Eddie, not total.
48
00:04:51,884 --> 00:04:53,677
It's true, Mom. Total.
49
00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:58,266
I mean, this is the sixth job Dad's lost
since they foreclosed on the farm.
50
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,101
And now he's lost out to a monkey.
51
00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:07,192
- Third, that's a terrible thing to say.
- No, the boy's right.
52
00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:10,778
I'm just one big disappointment.
53
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:14,949
I'm sorry I let you down.
54
00:05:31,966 --> 00:05:36,596
You're not a failure.
And we have a lot to be thankful for.
55
00:05:36,762 --> 00:05:39,765
We got a wonderful family,
we're all together.
56
00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:43,310
Well, except for four of the kids,
who are staying with Grandma...
57
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:47,273
and our daughter who's in show business.
But we've got one smart kid.
58
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:51,611
- Yeah, who thinks his daddy's dumb.
- Eddie, no.
59
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:56,824
No, Third has faith in you.
And he thinks you're real smart.
60
00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:02,246
Well, he thinks you have
a good sense of humor.
61
00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:07,043
I know this has been a big disappointment
to you, but we'll figure something out.
62
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:11,381
- At least we've got a roof over our heads.
- Yeah, but for how long?
63
00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:17,386
I bet in a year or two Audrey will get sick
of us living here, feeding us...
64
00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:23,350
He thinks I've got a real good
sense of humor?
65
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:31,025
- That's it! Goldarn it, I'm gonna do it!
- What?
66
00:06:31,192 --> 00:06:34,195
I'm gonna take a hot bath, I can't sleep.
67
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:38,783
Know what the preacher said
that time I got fired from that job...
68
00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:42,454
testing them secondhand recliners?
"Things can only get better."
69
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,957
That was the day before the bank
foreclosed on the dirt farm.
70
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,637
Catherine.
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00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:49,103
- I'll take it from here.
- Audrey left us these emergency numbers.
72
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:54,650
I'm gonna call the 24-hour
emergency plumber. They never close.
73
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:59,029
I never did trust indoor plumbing.
74
00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:06,037
I can't reach them, the line's busy.
75
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:14,754
- We're gonna be washed away!
- A boy to do a man's job.
76
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:20,259
I need bigger equipment!
77
00:08:21,803 --> 00:08:26,516
Hi, and merry Christmas.
This is the Ever Ready Plumbing Service.
78
00:08:26,682 --> 00:08:29,560
- Merry Christmas to you.
- Using your touchtone phone...
79
00:08:29,727 --> 00:08:33,773
please select from the following menu
to accommodate your needs.
80
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,901
- I have a big problem here.
- For our sales department...
81
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:42,865
for the latest in bathroom and kitchen
fixtures, press 1 and merry Christmas.
82
00:08:43,032 --> 00:08:46,369
- Merry Christmas.
- Lf you would like our billing department...
83
00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:52,292
for your latest billing information or to ask
about our handy layaway plan, press 2.
84
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:56,921
Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evan,
our vice president of Finance.
85
00:08:57,088 --> 00:09:02,135
That office is open from 10 a. M. To 3 p. M.,
and did I wish you a merry Christmas?
86
00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:05,846
Yes, you did, merry Christmas to you.
Can you hear me?
87
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:10,226
- To talk to our president, Harry Burns...
- Stop. Stop it, I'm losing it.
88
00:09:10,393 --> 00:09:13,104
- Hello?
- For Kathleen, Harry's secretary...
89
00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:17,108
or Julie Lynch in Personnel or...
90
00:09:17,608 --> 00:09:20,486
Or if you'd like our four-color brochure...
91
00:09:20,653 --> 00:09:25,032
on our imported Parisian bidets,
press 5 and ask for Antoine.
92
00:09:25,199 --> 00:09:27,660
Call between the hours
of 9 a. M. And 5 p. M...
93
00:09:27,869 --> 00:09:33,541
and have a safe, secure,
pleasant Christmas.
94
00:09:49,682 --> 00:09:53,477
Oh, hi, Eddie, I didn't see you come in.
I have your severance check.
95
00:09:53,644 --> 00:09:56,480
- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks, Jennifer.
96
00:09:57,106 --> 00:10:00,192
What are you doing here?
You here for your severance check?
97
00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:04,363
Yeah. Professor Doornitz,
I wanted to talk to you.
98
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:09,911
I've been thinking, you know,
and, well, I really like this job...
99
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,122
and I was wondering if you could
kind of reconsider...
100
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:16,918
letting Roy go and keeping me on?
101
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,086
He ain't that smart.
102
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:22,173
He's just pretending to read.
103
00:10:24,217 --> 00:10:25,927
Oh, dear.
104
00:10:26,135 --> 00:10:28,596
I'll get it, I'll get it.
105
00:10:28,763 --> 00:10:33,810
You know, the thing about
atomic energy and monkeys is...
106
00:10:39,941 --> 00:10:42,986
He'll be fine. You pumped
so much atomic waste into him...
107
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:46,280
that the area where the chimp
bit him healed immediately.
108
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:50,159
Thank God. And most importantly,
the chimp is okay.
109
00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:54,413
What about a possible lawsuit?
This guy's got one hell of a case.
110
00:10:54,622 --> 00:10:58,251
He's not too bright.
I'll think of something.
111
00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:06,217
An all-expense-paid Christmas vacation
on an island in the South Pacific!
112
00:11:08,261 --> 00:11:11,723
But you didn't get your job back.
They kept the monkey.
113
00:11:11,931 --> 00:11:16,394
Well, Roy, he had a contract. Ironclad.
114
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,480
You lost another job...
115
00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:22,650
and you and the monkey
were the only ones who applied.
116
00:11:23,401 --> 00:11:26,404
I mean, this is just another disaster...
117
00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:29,616
like when you had
to quit being a mail-order dentist...
118
00:11:29,782 --> 00:11:32,285
after you stapled
the mayor's mouth together.
119
00:11:32,451 --> 00:11:36,705
Third, your father remembers that.
You don't have to remind him.
120
00:11:36,873 --> 00:11:41,461
I think this is exciting,
a Christmas vacation in the South Seas.
121
00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:47,175
Tropical nights,
beautiful white beaches, luaus.
122
00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:50,261
No cable TV, probably no fast food.
123
00:11:50,428 --> 00:11:53,431
They got fast food.
They've got fried food everywhere.
124
00:11:53,723 --> 00:11:56,267
I think we should look at this positively.
125
00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:59,687
We've never had a real vacation.
It'll be an adventure.
126
00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:02,899
You know, Professor Doornitz,
he said that we're staying...
127
00:12:03,065 --> 00:12:05,651
in the best motel
in the whole Pacific Ocean.
128
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,821
It'll probably be in a tree.
129
00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,950
Why don't I stay here
with Cousin Archie for Christmas?
130
00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:16,746
- I mean, Paige is here.
- No. Now, we're gonna stick together.
131
00:12:16,913 --> 00:12:20,375
No kid of mine's going off
on their own till they're 13.
132
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,506
Catherine, Cousin Eddie,
133
00:12:27,173 --> 00:12:29,634
I'm gonna kill myself.
134
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,179
Merry Christmas.
135
00:12:35,348 --> 00:12:39,018
- Audrey, what's wrong?
- What happened?
136
00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:44,565
Daniel and I, we broke up.
137
00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:50,196
It's over.
The great love of my life, and it's over.
138
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,575
I will never find true love again.
139
00:12:55,618 --> 00:13:00,414
I'm thinking about killing myself.
140
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:04,752
Or eating large amounts of ice cream.
141
00:13:05,294 --> 00:13:06,962
I'd go for that ice cream deal.
142
00:13:07,129 --> 00:13:12,259
Could you imagine something that
terrible happening right before Christmas?
143
00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:17,849
I mean, we were perfect together.
144
00:13:18,015 --> 00:13:21,185
We both liked the History Channel
and Japanese food...
145
00:13:21,352 --> 00:13:26,399
and raindrops on roses
and little whiskers on kittens.
146
00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:30,904
But Audrey, if you were so great together,
why'd you break up?
147
00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:36,116
- I found out he was married.
- That'll do it.
148
00:13:40,413 --> 00:13:44,751
Thanks for inviting me to stay with you
at the hotel in Maluka, Catherine.
149
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:48,587
I need total relaxation,
and the South Pacific sounds just great.
150
00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:50,589
It'll be great having you with us.
151
00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:53,300
And, you know,
Eddie needs relaxation too...
152
00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:56,888
what with him losing
his atomic research job.
153
00:13:57,138 --> 00:14:01,476
I don't know why, boy, but I got a feeling
this trip's gonna be real good for us.
154
00:14:01,976 --> 00:14:04,479
I don't know why either, Dad.
155
00:14:06,898 --> 00:14:08,400
Hey, Snots.
156
00:14:08,566 --> 00:14:10,777
Snots, go get it.
157
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:14,906
Go get it, Snots. Go get it. Go on.
158
00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:18,702
When they test Eddie
for reaction from all that stuff...
159
00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:22,455
he's exposed to,
does it have any effect on him?
160
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:24,874
No, he's fine.
And the plate in his head...
161
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:29,837
has become quite a good bug zapper.
Just fries those little fellas.
162
00:14:35,593 --> 00:14:41,557
Yeah, I know things ain't been so great
for us the last 30, 40 years, boy...
163
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,227
but, you know,
maybe this is a new beginning.
164
00:14:44,393 --> 00:14:50,024
Maybe this is a time
when things start to go right.
165
00:14:50,191 --> 00:14:53,653
Visiting a new...
166
00:15:02,078 --> 00:15:03,538
country.
167
00:15:04,622 --> 00:15:09,252
Maybe I just needed this time
to follow my passion.
168
00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:22,389
You know, Audrey, Eddie's really worried.
He's sort of run out of careers.
169
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:25,351
I don't know if you've noticed,
but he's not perfect.
170
00:15:25,518 --> 00:15:29,188
- No one in his family is.
- Third's perfect.
171
00:15:29,981 --> 00:15:34,777
Yeah, Third's perfect.
He takes after my side of the family.
172
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:37,280
All of our other kids take after Eddie.
173
00:15:37,446 --> 00:15:41,408
Except for our daughter.
She's a marvelous stripper.
174
00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:48,165
Come on, Snots.
Come on, now, go get it.
175
00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:54,213
You should have never let
the agency off the hook.
176
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:58,134
The monkey bit you and you took
a Christmas vacation.
177
00:15:58,301 --> 00:16:01,179
We could've found a lawyer
and sued them for a fortune.
178
00:16:01,596 --> 00:16:03,389
I don't think so.
179
00:16:03,556 --> 00:16:07,518
Professor Dawrence,
he felt that I insulted Roy.
180
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:10,562
Snots.
181
00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:14,067
Hey, hey, here, go get it.
182
00:16:26,954 --> 00:16:30,249
- Hello.
- Merry Christmas.
183
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,376
Can I come in?
184
00:16:33,461 --> 00:16:37,090
Uncle Nick, merry Christmas.
185
00:16:37,298 --> 00:16:41,219
Audrey, this is Eddie's Uncle Nick.
What's wrong?
186
00:16:41,427 --> 00:16:44,972
- Nothing. Can I come in?
- Uncle Nick.
187
00:16:46,098 --> 00:16:49,101
This is a surprise.
What are you doing here?
188
00:16:49,602 --> 00:16:54,273
Merry Christmas, I came here to die.
Now can I come in and die sitting down?
189
00:16:55,107 --> 00:16:59,320
So Aunt Jessica ran off
with the Christmas tree delivery man?
190
00:16:59,487 --> 00:17:02,198
A 28-year-old delivery man.
191
00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:03,950
I didn't know they delivered.
192
00:17:04,116 --> 00:17:08,120
A 28-year-old runs off
with a 66-year-old grandmother?
193
00:17:08,287 --> 00:17:11,749
I didn't think grandmothers thought
about sex and stuff like that.
194
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:15,003
Apparently the thought entered her mind.
195
00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:19,173
I'm so sorry, Uncle Nick.
I'm sure she'll come back to you.
196
00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:22,677
She was 17 when we were married.
197
00:17:22,844 --> 00:17:25,096
I was the first man who ever touched her.
198
00:17:26,139 --> 00:17:29,059
I guess now there's a second.
199
00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:32,770
How come you're wearing
a Santa Claus jacket?
200
00:17:32,937 --> 00:17:37,358
When he took off with Jessica he grabbed
my good jacket and left me with this.
201
00:17:37,859 --> 00:17:42,155
I just can't sit around that house
all day all alone, Eddie.
202
00:17:42,363 --> 00:17:45,992
I thought I might
spend some time with you.
203
00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:51,039
Gee, Uncle Nick,
Roy bit me on the ass and I lost my job.
204
00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:54,959
We're all taking off on an all-expense-paid
Christmas vacation.
205
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,837
- You lost another job?
- Yeah.
206
00:17:58,087 --> 00:18:00,673
Roy bit you on the ass?
Who's Roy?
207
00:18:00,882 --> 00:18:05,053
Oh, me and Roy, we work together.
But we're all flying out tomorrow.
208
00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:07,304
Audrey's coming with us.
209
00:18:07,472 --> 00:18:10,100
Daniel was married.
210
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:12,810
Daniel? Who's Daniel?
211
00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:15,646
Oh, never mind, I don't care.
212
00:18:17,231 --> 00:18:20,693
Where are you going on your vacation,
somewhere warm?
213
00:18:20,902 --> 00:18:24,406
- It's hot.
- I'm going with you.
214
00:18:24,572 --> 00:18:29,911
I don't like Christmas when it snows.
It's too sentimental.
215
00:18:33,789 --> 00:18:38,419
- Eddie, we're gonna miss the plane.
- I have two more.
216
00:18:43,883 --> 00:18:46,344
- We got room for this one?
- Sure.
217
00:18:57,939 --> 00:19:01,901
- Third, did you give Snots his pill?
- Yeah, he's getting tired already.
218
00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:03,611
He's got a little bit of gas.
219
00:19:03,778 --> 00:19:07,532
Yeah, vet gave him something
to calm him down. He's never flown before.
220
00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:10,576
Then again, neither have I.
221
00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:32,097
Attention passengers.
Please watch your luggage...
222
00:19:32,306 --> 00:19:35,059
your children and all other valuables.
223
00:19:35,226 --> 00:19:38,438
And merry Christmas.
224
00:19:41,315 --> 00:19:46,403
No, look at the line.
We'll never make the plane.
225
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,323
Let's go.
226
00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,747
Thank you.
227
00:19:56,998 --> 00:20:00,001
Thank you. Thanks a lot.
228
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:04,296
- This is all right.
- Thanks a lot.
229
00:20:09,969 --> 00:20:13,473
- Merry Christmas.
- Anyone lose a bowling ball?
230
00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:16,309
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
231
00:20:20,855 --> 00:20:22,648
Come on!
232
00:20:22,857 --> 00:20:26,361
I hear sometimes they run out of peanuts.
233
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:44,462
- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas.
234
00:20:44,921 --> 00:20:46,339
No, I'm fine.
235
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:50,218
No damage. I've got all the usual
number of arms and legs.
236
00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:52,344
I'm sorry, I didn't even see you.
237
00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:56,683
Oh, yeah, it's quite all right,
you know, just a few superficial breaks.
238
00:20:56,933 --> 00:21:01,062
- This happens to me all the time.
- You're a foreigner, ain't you?
239
00:21:01,229 --> 00:21:03,857
- What are you?
- I'm English.
240
00:21:05,191 --> 00:21:09,320
- Well, you sure do talk pretty.
- Thanks. We did invent the language.
241
00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:12,907
- No hard feelings?
- No feelings whatsoever.
242
00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:21,207
He's all right, he's English.
I understood every word he said.
243
00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:26,087
Merry Christmas. Raise your arms, please.
244
00:21:40,268 --> 00:21:45,899
Attention. Attention, please.
Did anybody lose this?
245
00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:58,702
Hey, look at all those people
down there. They look like ants.
246
00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:03,083
Those are ants, Dad.
The plane hasn't taken off yet.
247
00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:29,108
Boy, that's a big ocean out there.
Lot of water!
248
00:22:43,581 --> 00:22:47,126
- Peanuts, gentlemen?
- Lunch.
249
00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:49,879
Thank you!
250
00:22:53,257 --> 00:22:56,802
Don't cry, Audrey, it's only a book.
251
00:22:56,969 --> 00:23:01,765
I'm not crying about the book,
I'm crying about Daniel.
252
00:23:01,933 --> 00:23:04,602
Everything reminds me of him.
253
00:23:04,769 --> 00:23:09,983
These peanuts. He used to love peanuts.
254
00:23:10,983 --> 00:23:14,153
He's the love of my life, Catherine.
255
00:23:14,612 --> 00:23:17,532
I'll never love again, never.
256
00:23:18,324 --> 00:23:21,369
I'll never see Indianapolis again.
257
00:23:22,370 --> 00:23:25,498
Isn't that what you said about Dashiell?
258
00:23:25,706 --> 00:23:27,666
That was just a passing thing.
259
00:23:27,959 --> 00:23:32,297
- I thought you went with him for a year.
- It passed slowly.
260
00:23:34,257 --> 00:23:39,679
Actually, Dad, the Pacific Ocean
is 164,384 million square miles...
261
00:23:39,846 --> 00:23:44,184
in area, 18 times the size
of the United States.
262
00:23:44,392 --> 00:23:47,896
It was named by the explorer Magellan,
because when he saw it...
263
00:23:48,062 --> 00:23:51,566
it was so tranquil he called it the Pacific.
264
00:24:25,933 --> 00:24:27,643
Peanut?
265
00:24:32,231 --> 00:24:33,816
Thank you.
266
00:25:13,022 --> 00:25:15,191
Where's the bathroom?
267
00:25:17,568 --> 00:25:20,279
Oh, thank you.
268
00:25:20,446 --> 00:25:22,782
- How beautiful.
- Look at that.
269
00:25:22,949 --> 00:25:25,160
Isn't this nice, Audrey?
270
00:25:28,996 --> 00:25:30,164
Well...
271
00:25:30,331 --> 00:25:31,791
Here.
272
00:25:34,961 --> 00:25:38,047
Here you go, Uncle Nick,
this one here is willing.
273
00:25:39,590 --> 00:25:42,760
Third, you see about getting Snots
out of the baggage area?
274
00:25:42,927 --> 00:25:45,471
They're bringing him out, Dad.
He's still asleep.
275
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,142
The local authorities insisted
that they fumigate him first.
276
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:51,561
They didn't like the way he smelled.
277
00:25:51,727 --> 00:25:54,355
That's funny, I never noticed
he smelled bad.
278
00:25:54,522 --> 00:25:58,443
Dad, small animals pass out
when he walks by them.
279
00:26:00,987 --> 00:26:04,782
- Hi, are you the Johnson family?
- Yeah.
280
00:26:05,074 --> 00:26:07,493
Merry Christmas.
281
00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,997
- Hello.
- I'm Muka Laka Miki, Mr. Johnson.
282
00:26:11,164 --> 00:26:15,001
I work for the Atomic Testing Agency
here on Maluka. You're our guests.
283
00:26:15,168 --> 00:26:18,505
Well, nice to meet you, Muka Licka Hickey.
284
00:26:26,053 --> 00:26:27,888
Eddie...
285
00:26:30,391 --> 00:26:32,184
This is my wife, Catherine.
286
00:26:32,393 --> 00:26:38,024
And cousin Audrey
and our son Third III.
287
00:26:38,191 --> 00:26:41,027
And this here's Uncle Nick.
288
00:26:41,611 --> 00:26:43,196
- Hi there.
- Hi.
289
00:26:43,404 --> 00:26:49,285
Nick... Nick Jugson, at your service.
290
00:26:50,578 --> 00:26:52,747
I'll get you to your motel.
291
00:26:52,914 --> 00:26:56,376
Then I thought you'd want the rest
of the day to get unpacked.
292
00:26:56,542 --> 00:26:59,462
And then tomorrow
I could show you the island.
293
00:26:59,629 --> 00:27:04,509
The agency wants to give special treatment.
They're sorry about the monkey biting you.
294
00:27:04,675 --> 00:27:09,430
Well, I heal fast, but if this is the way
you folks show your apologies...
295
00:27:09,597 --> 00:27:14,393
that monkey can bite my ass every day
of the week and twice on Sunday.
296
00:27:21,943 --> 00:27:26,281
- Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
- Good to see you.
297
00:27:28,241 --> 00:27:30,785
You folks sure are treating us in style.
298
00:27:31,410 --> 00:27:34,121
Well, I've planned a big day for us.
299
00:27:34,288 --> 00:27:37,291
This morning we're gonna walk
around the town.
300
00:27:37,458 --> 00:27:39,877
Visit native shops, and I need a manicure.
301
00:27:40,127 --> 00:27:44,131
Then we can change into beach clothes
and have a native Christmas cookout.
302
00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:46,425
Sort of a mini luau.
303
00:27:46,592 --> 00:27:49,470
And this afternoon
I've chartered a small boat...
304
00:27:49,637 --> 00:27:51,848
and I thought we'd tour the island.
305
00:27:52,014 --> 00:27:53,432
That sounds great.
306
00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:56,435
You hear that, Uncle Nick?
We're going on a boat.
307
00:27:56,602 --> 00:27:59,271
That's what an old sailor wants to hear!
308
00:28:18,916 --> 00:28:21,335
Snots. Snots, here.
309
00:28:30,511 --> 00:28:32,680
Hey, whose seaplane is that over there?
310
00:28:32,847 --> 00:28:36,476
That's Jack Malpey. Melbourne Jack.
He's an Aussie.
311
00:28:36,642 --> 00:28:40,604
He owns a hotel near here on his own
private island. He's a great guy.
312
00:28:42,482 --> 00:28:44,651
There's more coming, honey.
313
00:28:44,817 --> 00:28:47,903
Boy, these ribs are great.
314
00:28:48,070 --> 00:28:51,824
Ribs and pineapple, those are
our big Christmas dishes. And fried eel.
315
00:28:52,033 --> 00:28:54,827
- Fried eel?
- Fried?
316
00:28:56,871 --> 00:28:59,165
Am I invited for lunch?
317
00:28:59,373 --> 00:29:01,500
Sure, Jack, come on in.
318
00:29:02,084 --> 00:29:06,297
- Hi, Muka Laka Miki. Thanks for the invite.
- Hi, Jack, how are you?
319
00:29:06,464 --> 00:29:11,594
Hi, I'm Audrey Griswold. We just arrived.
320
00:29:11,761 --> 00:29:13,930
Love the island, fabulous place.
321
00:29:14,096 --> 00:29:17,391
- Are you married?
- Hi there, we're the Johnsons.
322
00:29:20,102 --> 00:29:23,564
I'm Eddie, this here's Uncle Nick...
323
00:29:23,773 --> 00:29:27,819
that's my boy,
and here's my wife, Catherine.
324
00:29:28,277 --> 00:29:31,530
- Eel?
- Like I said, this is a beautiful place.
325
00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:35,409
- Would you like to take me on a tour?
- Sure.
326
00:29:37,995 --> 00:29:41,999
- What a charming man.
- What's that smell?
327
00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:47,046
Oh, that's a good one.
328
00:29:47,797 --> 00:29:50,466
It's time for the boat, you guys.
Let's pack up.
329
00:29:50,633 --> 00:29:53,219
Oh, okay. Third, grab your stuff.
330
00:29:53,386 --> 00:29:55,680
And someone put out the fire.
331
00:29:55,847 --> 00:30:00,226
- I'm full.
- Well, you just sit and digest. I'll pack up.
332
00:30:04,522 --> 00:30:06,899
Snots. Snots, here.
333
00:30:07,942 --> 00:30:10,319
I hope we got a pooper on this thing.
334
00:30:10,486 --> 00:30:13,406
That fried eeI's headed due south.
335
00:30:15,533 --> 00:30:18,036
Captain Lynch.
336
00:30:22,790 --> 00:30:24,583
It's from Captain Lynch.
337
00:30:25,501 --> 00:30:29,088
His wife is having a baby
and he has to deliver it.
338
00:30:29,297 --> 00:30:33,593
He says we can take the boat out if we
want to, if we know how to run a boat.
339
00:30:33,759 --> 00:30:37,763
- Do you know how to run a boat?
- No, I fish lots in a creek.
340
00:30:37,972 --> 00:30:41,851
- But didn't have no boat. I'm willing to try.
- Forget it.
341
00:30:42,018 --> 00:30:45,647
I've got more salt under my armpits
than you ever sailed on.
342
00:30:45,813 --> 00:30:47,315
Leave it to me.
343
00:30:47,482 --> 00:30:49,401
I was in the Navy.
344
00:30:57,658 --> 00:31:00,953
Why should this be different
from an aircraft carrier?
345
00:31:02,830 --> 00:31:04,623
The key.
346
00:31:05,166 --> 00:31:06,959
All right.
347
00:31:12,965 --> 00:31:16,385
Sometimes you just don't think
of the easy things.
348
00:31:24,393 --> 00:31:26,687
Shouldn't we untie this first?
349
00:31:27,522 --> 00:31:30,316
Eddie, get out and cast off.
350
00:31:45,873 --> 00:31:48,000
Uncle Nick!
351
00:32:39,719 --> 00:32:42,347
- Okay, where is it?
- What's wrong?
352
00:32:42,513 --> 00:32:45,599
The compass. I can't find the compass.
353
00:32:45,766 --> 00:32:47,768
Every boat has a compass.
354
00:32:48,519 --> 00:32:53,107
- Maybe we should head back to shore.
- I think that's a good idea.
355
00:32:57,862 --> 00:33:00,365
I got a big fish!
356
00:33:02,116 --> 00:33:04,201
Hold on!
357
00:33:06,996 --> 00:33:09,207
Careful, honey, you're all tangled.
358
00:33:09,373 --> 00:33:10,791
Get a knife!
359
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:14,211
- Get a knife!
- I don't have a knife.
360
00:33:14,378 --> 00:33:16,589
I have scissors in my purse, Eddie!
361
00:33:16,839 --> 00:33:18,090
Get a knife!
362
00:33:18,299 --> 00:33:19,801
Honey, l... Hold on!
363
00:33:20,134 --> 00:33:21,385
Get a knife!
364
00:33:30,812 --> 00:33:32,772
I have scissors, Eddie!
365
00:33:38,444 --> 00:33:41,822
- Hold on, Mr. Johnson!
- Call me Eddie!
366
00:33:41,989 --> 00:33:44,408
Hold on, Eddie!
367
00:34:00,842 --> 00:34:05,847
Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, the boat's going
backwards, make it go forwards!
368
00:34:28,619 --> 00:34:31,705
Oh, Eddie, you were wonderful!
369
00:34:31,873 --> 00:34:33,666
I almost had it!
370
00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,668
Did you see that?
371
00:34:36,627 --> 00:34:39,130
That fish was the biggest fish I ever saw!
372
00:34:39,589 --> 00:34:43,051
That thing must have weighed
10,000 pounds!
373
00:34:44,552 --> 00:34:45,803
I'm sure!
374
00:34:56,314 --> 00:34:59,692
- Man the lifeboats!
- There are no lifeboats.
375
00:35:07,074 --> 00:35:10,369
Eddie, where's the rest of you?
376
00:35:10,578 --> 00:35:15,083
- Eddie, are you all right?
- Hey, we got a ukulele in here.
377
00:35:21,005 --> 00:35:25,468
Oh, my head, my shoulders.
I'm in pain.
378
00:35:26,761 --> 00:35:28,930
My manicure is ruined.
379
00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:33,309
Uncle Nick, will you please
take your hand off my breast.
380
00:35:34,936 --> 00:35:38,189
- Is everybody okay?
- I'm okay. But...
381
00:35:39,065 --> 00:35:42,068
There's a horrible smell in here.
382
00:35:44,654 --> 00:35:46,406
Oh, God!
383
00:35:47,782 --> 00:35:49,409
Uncle Nick!
384
00:35:51,452 --> 00:35:53,204
- Are you all right?
- I don't know.
385
00:35:53,371 --> 00:35:57,292
- I cut my hand, I don't know how.
- I bit it.
386
00:35:57,917 --> 00:35:59,377
Third?
387
00:35:59,544 --> 00:36:01,254
Third!
388
00:36:02,380 --> 00:36:05,758
We've run aground,
but there's an island right there.
389
00:36:07,635 --> 00:36:09,887
- You know where we are?
- I'm from Milwaukee.
390
00:36:10,054 --> 00:36:12,640
I don't know much about these islands.
391
00:36:14,142 --> 00:36:17,354
- The radio, let's try the radio.
- Milwaukee?
392
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:22,775
- Isn't your name Malookamalarkariki?
- Forget the radio, it doesn't work.
393
00:36:23,484 --> 00:36:26,570
Well, that island looks nice, not too far.
394
00:36:27,822 --> 00:36:31,576
I'm gonna swim to shore.
There's nothing dangerous on these islands.
395
00:36:31,742 --> 00:36:34,954
- Right, Milwaukeeliki?
- I think it's safer than Milwaukee.
396
00:36:35,163 --> 00:36:37,957
Only snakes, wild dogs, wild boar.
397
00:36:38,833 --> 00:36:40,126
Wild boar?
398
00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:42,127
Well, they're like pigs.
399
00:36:42,461 --> 00:36:45,297
Some of them can weigh
up to 600 pounds.
400
00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:48,509
They're very fast and real nasty.
401
00:36:48,676 --> 00:36:49,969
I'll go, Dad.
402
00:36:50,178 --> 00:36:52,430
No, boy, your life's
more precious than mine.
403
00:36:52,889 --> 00:36:54,391
- Why?
- I don't know.
404
00:36:54,557 --> 00:36:57,769
Daddies are just supposed to
say things like that sometimes.
405
00:36:57,935 --> 00:36:59,437
No!
406
00:36:59,604 --> 00:37:02,857
We all go. We all go together.
407
00:37:03,274 --> 00:37:06,778
Catherine,
I'm not afraid of a little old pig.
408
00:37:07,028 --> 00:37:10,823
Eddie, you can't swim!
409
00:37:28,132 --> 00:37:29,675
Let's walk.
410
00:37:43,523 --> 00:37:46,693
Audrey, what are you doing
with an electric cappuccino maker?
411
00:37:46,901 --> 00:37:48,778
I bought it in town.
412
00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:51,823
Somehow I doubt
we'll be able to use that.
413
00:37:51,989 --> 00:37:55,284
I don't think there are many
electrical outlets on this island.
414
00:37:55,451 --> 00:37:59,330
Well, maybe we'll find a motel
or something with an electrical outlet.
415
00:38:00,289 --> 00:38:03,793
Look, the boat's drifting away!
416
00:38:13,094 --> 00:38:15,972
Did anyone anchor the boat?
417
00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:27,397
All right, we've got to do this right.
418
00:38:36,198 --> 00:38:38,033
We need food.
419
00:38:38,867 --> 00:38:42,245
Yeah, you're right, Eddie.
Okay, here's what we brought ashore.
420
00:38:42,412 --> 00:38:46,207
We got a dozen Tootsie Rolls,
we got some Bridge Mix...
421
00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:50,588
two six-packs of beer, some Hamburger
Helper and four bottles of bourbon.
422
00:38:50,754 --> 00:38:52,881
That's my kind of captain.
423
00:38:53,048 --> 00:38:56,593
Yeah. We also got a quarter pound
of moldy American cheese...
424
00:38:56,802 --> 00:38:59,930
a pack of matches
and a box of those little toothpicks...
425
00:39:00,138 --> 00:39:03,850
that you put into frankfurters,
only we don't have any frankfurters.
426
00:39:04,017 --> 00:39:07,103
We can use those to get the Tootsie Rolls
out of our teeth.
427
00:39:07,270 --> 00:39:11,649
Oh, and Dad, I found a knife in the boat.
It was in the galley.
428
00:39:11,817 --> 00:39:14,570
I haven't had a Tootsie Roll in 35 years.
429
00:39:15,112 --> 00:39:17,281
That's when I got my false teeth.
430
00:39:17,447 --> 00:39:20,283
Well, got beer...
431
00:39:20,492 --> 00:39:23,620
got my favorite hunting dog.
432
00:39:25,914 --> 00:39:27,624
I could hunt for food.
433
00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:33,004
Eddie, the only place you ever hunted
for food was our refrigerator.
434
00:39:33,630 --> 00:39:38,009
Hey, there's a freshwater stream back there
in the forest and plenty of bananas.
435
00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:41,179
And we can make spears
and fishing rods to hunt and fish.
436
00:39:41,513 --> 00:39:44,725
And I think I found
a good place for a campsite.
437
00:39:46,893 --> 00:39:49,979
- Cousin, Eddie, look for a bathroom.
- Snots! Snots!
438
00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:52,148
I'll get the bourbon.
439
00:39:59,573 --> 00:40:01,992
This is the spot, everybody.
440
00:40:03,118 --> 00:40:04,620
It's starting to get dark.
441
00:40:04,786 --> 00:40:08,290
We better figure out where
we're gonna sleep. We'll team up.
442
00:40:08,498 --> 00:40:11,167
And there are some towels
from the hotel.
443
00:40:12,419 --> 00:40:14,338
I'm all set.
444
00:40:15,005 --> 00:40:17,466
Audrey and I will buddy up.
445
00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:22,513
We only have three towels,
and they're all wet.
446
00:40:22,679 --> 00:40:26,349
Well, if you get cold, your buddy's
body heat will help warm you up.
447
00:40:26,558 --> 00:40:30,729
- You wanna rethink your assigned buddy?
- No.
448
00:42:14,166 --> 00:42:15,626
That felt good.
449
00:42:16,376 --> 00:42:18,420
When you get to be my age...
450
00:42:18,587 --> 00:42:22,174
a good dump
is one of the great pleasures in life.
451
00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:25,135
Well...
452
00:42:25,344 --> 00:42:26,804
it's all finished.
453
00:42:29,139 --> 00:42:32,809
When I was walking up to the hill,
I saw that there was nothing here...
454
00:42:32,976 --> 00:42:35,020
but a lot of bananas.
455
00:42:35,187 --> 00:42:38,315
So we're gonna have to hunt
for some real food.
456
00:42:38,523 --> 00:42:40,692
- So let's go, Third.
- Yeah.
457
00:42:41,943 --> 00:42:43,820
I'll go with you.
458
00:42:55,290 --> 00:42:56,708
All right.
459
00:42:56,875 --> 00:43:00,462
Here's the game plan. We'll split up
so we can cover more ground.
460
00:43:00,629 --> 00:43:03,632
We'll use that fire on top of the hill
as a landmark.
461
00:43:03,799 --> 00:43:08,595
Uncle Nick, you make a quick left and go up
the left flank. Third, you make a wide right.
462
00:43:08,762 --> 00:43:11,932
Snots and I will go up the middle
and victory will be ours.
463
00:43:12,099 --> 00:43:15,686
What am I supposed to do
if I run into a wild animal?
464
00:43:15,852 --> 00:43:18,730
- Throw my banana at it?
- Good thinking.
465
00:43:44,631 --> 00:43:47,217
Have you ever heard
of barking or pointing?
466
00:43:48,093 --> 00:43:49,845
How about a little warning here?
467
00:43:50,012 --> 00:43:52,681
Give me a little heads up next time.
468
00:44:02,983 --> 00:44:04,860
Well, are you coming?
469
00:45:30,278 --> 00:45:32,989
- Any luck hunting, honey?
- No.
470
00:45:33,156 --> 00:45:35,325
I almost got a bird...
471
00:45:35,617 --> 00:45:38,203
but all I saw were nanners.
472
00:45:41,456 --> 00:45:43,667
Did you guys have any luck?
473
00:45:45,794 --> 00:45:47,796
- No.
- That's it.
474
00:45:50,048 --> 00:45:53,051
I ain't walked this much
since my last visit to Wal-Mart.
475
00:45:53,218 --> 00:45:56,638
Hey, everybody. You know,
it'll be Christmas in three days.
476
00:45:56,805 --> 00:45:58,765
It is?
477
00:45:59,474 --> 00:46:02,686
With all the excitement
of the shipwreck and everything...
478
00:46:02,853 --> 00:46:05,522
I guess I just forgot
all about Christmas.
479
00:46:05,731 --> 00:46:08,901
Well, I guess we will have to forget
about it this year.
480
00:46:09,067 --> 00:46:12,112
Yeah. It's my first Christmas
without Mom and Dad.
481
00:46:12,654 --> 00:46:15,490
Well, this is my first Christmas
without gifts.
482
00:46:15,657 --> 00:46:18,160
No tree, no Santa.
483
00:46:18,368 --> 00:46:21,413
- No real food.
- No eggnog.
484
00:46:21,580 --> 00:46:26,543
Hey, we could still have Christmas.
We could have an island Christmas.
485
00:46:27,085 --> 00:46:29,588
Well, that's a real good idea, Mukinuki.
486
00:46:29,755 --> 00:46:33,425
An island Christmas.
Why didn't I think of that?
487
00:46:33,634 --> 00:46:35,344
What is an island Christmas?
488
00:46:35,510 --> 00:46:39,681
Well, every year we celebrate the things
that we're most thankful for.
489
00:46:40,682 --> 00:46:45,729
Well, we're all alive and we're all together.
That's worth celebrating.
490
00:46:46,104 --> 00:46:48,398
You're pretty damn easy to please.
491
00:46:48,565 --> 00:46:52,194
- What about the gifts?
- We have the whole island!
492
00:46:52,361 --> 00:46:55,781
Let's think of something
we can all give to each other.
493
00:46:57,949 --> 00:47:00,076
How about a full body massage?
494
00:47:00,285 --> 00:47:01,787
Uncle Nick.
495
00:47:03,163 --> 00:47:06,875
The islands can be very magical,
full of many gifts.
496
00:47:07,042 --> 00:47:10,546
All you have to do
is use your imagination.
497
00:47:10,921 --> 00:47:13,257
Oh, dang it, I knew there was a catch.
498
00:47:13,423 --> 00:47:15,592
What have you always wanted, Eddie?
499
00:47:15,801 --> 00:47:17,303
I don't know.
500
00:47:17,469 --> 00:47:20,347
I got pretty much everything
I ever wanted.
501
00:47:20,681 --> 00:47:21,932
A good dog.
502
00:47:22,641 --> 00:47:24,434
Six kids.
503
00:47:28,021 --> 00:47:32,234
A doting wife who takes care
of my every need, if you know what I mean.
504
00:47:33,694 --> 00:47:35,988
We could get a house, Eddie.
505
00:47:37,030 --> 00:47:41,743
- Where are we going to get a house?
- We could build it. With our hands.
506
00:47:41,910 --> 00:47:45,789
- I thought this was a vacation.
- Catherine, no, it's a great idea.
507
00:47:45,998 --> 00:47:47,791
It'll be fun.
508
00:47:48,250 --> 00:47:51,920
If you build it, they will come.
509
00:47:53,171 --> 00:47:54,923
Who?
510
00:47:56,091 --> 00:47:58,302
Well, someone to rescue us.
511
00:48:00,178 --> 00:48:01,805
Won't be much of a house.
512
00:48:02,055 --> 00:48:04,391
But it'll be ours.
513
00:48:04,766 --> 00:48:07,477
Remember, Jesus was born in a stable.
514
00:48:10,355 --> 00:48:11,940
Yeah.
515
00:48:12,316 --> 00:48:14,026
Yeah.
516
00:48:15,027 --> 00:48:16,987
Yeah!
517
00:48:17,863 --> 00:48:19,698
We'll build it...
518
00:48:19,865 --> 00:48:21,533
here!
519
00:48:21,783 --> 00:48:25,787
And you know what else we need?
A Christmas dinner. A real Christmas dinner.
520
00:48:25,996 --> 00:48:31,335
Not these bananas, those Tootsie Rolls
or none of that there banana helper, neither.
521
00:48:31,543 --> 00:48:33,170
No, sir!
522
00:48:33,378 --> 00:48:35,005
I'm going out again!
523
00:48:35,172 --> 00:48:38,342
We're gonna have ourselves some meat!
524
00:49:08,163 --> 00:49:09,539
Come here!
525
00:49:33,981 --> 00:49:36,317
Come back here, you little booger!
526
00:50:01,550 --> 00:50:03,552
Snots, kill.
527
00:50:04,011 --> 00:50:05,387
Kill!
528
00:50:05,554 --> 00:50:08,307
Kill! Where you going, Snots?
Come back here!
529
00:50:34,458 --> 00:50:36,627
It is not a Christmas tree.
530
00:50:37,169 --> 00:50:40,422
- But it'll do.
- It'll have to.
531
00:50:41,631 --> 00:50:45,593
You know, we used to have a big tree
every Christmas when I was a kid.
532
00:50:45,927 --> 00:50:49,431
My father would take hours to pick it out.
533
00:50:49,723 --> 00:50:54,144
He sometimes would do everything
but x-ray it. Then he'd turn to us and say:
534
00:50:54,311 --> 00:50:59,650
"You are looking at the best Christmas tree
in Kansas City. No, in the world."
535
00:51:03,195 --> 00:51:05,197
Christmas with Daddy.
536
00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:08,533
Guess dads are all like that
at Christmas.
537
00:51:08,992 --> 00:51:10,785
Even Eddie.
538
00:51:28,136 --> 00:51:31,848
That's a good piggy, that's a good piggy.
539
00:52:09,928 --> 00:52:11,888
It's so beautiful here.
540
00:52:12,097 --> 00:52:15,183
Yeah. If only it had a shopping mall.
541
00:52:15,726 --> 00:52:20,189
- The house is coming along great.
- Yeah, it's a great Christmas gift.
542
00:52:20,731 --> 00:52:22,024
Look at him.
543
00:52:22,190 --> 00:52:23,817
It's a funny thing, you know.
544
00:52:23,984 --> 00:52:27,696
Here we are in serious trouble
and I've never seen Eddie so happy.
545
00:52:27,863 --> 00:52:32,242
Sometimes a crisis brings out the best
in a person. I mean, he's even working.
546
00:52:42,461 --> 00:52:44,588
There's something I've got to tell you.
547
00:52:44,796 --> 00:52:46,298
It's your girlfriend.
548
00:52:46,465 --> 00:52:48,384
- Is she pregnant?
- No!
549
00:52:53,930 --> 00:52:55,640
It's just that...
550
00:52:55,807 --> 00:52:57,600
I always thought that...
551
00:52:58,310 --> 00:53:00,437
you were kind of...
552
00:53:00,729 --> 00:53:01,980
sort of...
553
00:53:03,482 --> 00:53:05,609
- Gay?
- No.
554
00:53:05,776 --> 00:53:08,946
The bottom of the food chain.
555
00:53:10,739 --> 00:53:12,449
Well, I was wrong.
556
00:53:12,658 --> 00:53:16,120
I mean, you know,
like, you never worked much.
557
00:53:18,497 --> 00:53:21,792
Mom took care of the kids
and cooked and cleaned...
558
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,169
worked three jobs.
559
00:53:24,336 --> 00:53:30,133
And then, you know, the bank foreclosed on
the house and the repo people took the RV.
560
00:53:32,386 --> 00:53:34,430
I loved that RV.
561
00:53:36,682 --> 00:53:39,101
That RV!
562
00:53:40,060 --> 00:53:43,313
And here we are on a desert island,
who knows where...
563
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:47,025
and he goes out and kills
with his bare hands to feed his family.
564
00:53:47,192 --> 00:53:51,822
I mean, can you imagine him taking on that
huge animal and beating him in a fair fight?
565
00:53:51,989 --> 00:53:57,620
I know. I mean, God, he was like
a caveman or a gladiator or something.
566
00:54:04,084 --> 00:54:07,921
Well, anyway, I was wrong.
567
00:54:08,088 --> 00:54:12,926
No, you were right. I'm just no good.
568
00:54:13,552 --> 00:54:16,013
Right. You know, normally.
569
00:54:16,179 --> 00:54:19,391
But here, on this island...
570
00:54:20,517 --> 00:54:22,060
you've been great.
571
00:54:25,647 --> 00:54:27,482
Do you mean that?
572
00:54:28,233 --> 00:54:29,985
Yeah.
573
00:54:30,527 --> 00:54:31,820
Boy...
574
00:54:31,987 --> 00:54:34,364
you don't know how good
that makes me feel.
575
00:54:36,241 --> 00:54:38,034
From now on...
576
00:54:38,702 --> 00:54:42,789
I've got no place to go but up!
577
00:54:48,086 --> 00:54:52,549
Hi, it's Audrey Griswold.
Leave a message and merry Christmas.
578
00:54:54,426 --> 00:54:59,598
Ever Ready Plumbing here. We'll have a
man out to your house within 30 days.
579
00:54:59,765 --> 00:55:01,725
Merry Christmas.
580
00:55:07,606 --> 00:55:11,193
Merry Christmas morning, everybody!
581
00:55:23,288 --> 00:55:25,373
Merry Christmas morning!
582
00:55:27,042 --> 00:55:29,753
- Yeah!
- Come here, you. Merry Christmas!
583
00:55:29,961 --> 00:55:31,754
Merry Christmas!
584
00:55:33,799 --> 00:55:35,217
Merry Christmas, Milwaukee.
585
00:55:35,634 --> 00:55:37,094
Here's...
586
00:55:37,260 --> 00:55:39,137
Mr. Christmas himself.
587
00:55:39,429 --> 00:55:41,473
It's Saint Nick.
588
00:55:49,606 --> 00:55:52,442
Merry Christmas, Audrey,
this is from Eddie.
589
00:55:52,609 --> 00:55:57,072
Eddie, this is great. Lipstick!
It's my favorite color.
590
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,991
- Where did you get it?
- Found it in your purse.
591
00:56:02,327 --> 00:56:04,412
This is from Third.
592
00:56:05,163 --> 00:56:08,249
Third, my gosh, look at that!
593
00:56:08,458 --> 00:56:11,670
That's a deluxe spear.
594
00:56:11,837 --> 00:56:14,423
It's an aerodynamically correct spear, Dad.
595
00:56:14,589 --> 00:56:17,967
See those fins?
Those are for throwing accurately.
596
00:56:18,176 --> 00:56:20,136
Looks like a one-way street sign.
597
00:56:21,346 --> 00:56:24,558
Well, let's take it for a little test drive,
shall we?
598
00:56:32,232 --> 00:56:36,153
Okay, now let's sing
a few Christmas songs.
599
00:56:39,823 --> 00:56:41,199
Let's see.
600
00:57:27,204 --> 00:57:30,207
Hey, I got another surprise for us here.
601
00:57:30,415 --> 00:57:35,337
A homemade concoction that
my dad used to make.
602
00:57:35,545 --> 00:57:38,298
Only, he had a still
and sold it to the neighbors...
603
00:57:38,465 --> 00:57:42,177
but it kept us going through
the lean times, until he got caught...
604
00:57:42,344 --> 00:57:44,930
and wound up doing 3 to 5.
But here's a taste.
605
00:57:45,097 --> 00:57:47,516
All right. Well, here goes.
606
00:57:51,937 --> 00:57:54,064
That's got a kick. What is in that?
607
00:57:54,272 --> 00:57:57,901
Well, it's got three parts coconut milk,
two parts bug juice...
608
00:57:58,110 --> 00:58:02,072
six parts bourbon, a little banana peel
for texture and a Tootsie Roll.
609
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:03,907
And some sunscreen.
610
00:58:09,688 --> 00:58:14,651
Lord, I wanna thank you for keeping us
healthy and, particularly, alive
611
00:58:14,860 --> 00:58:17,821
during this whole shipwreck deal.
612
00:58:17,988 --> 00:58:21,325
But most of all, Lord,
I wanna thank you for this house.
613
00:58:21,534 --> 00:58:24,495
It's a good house, Lord.
614
00:58:24,662 --> 00:58:30,626
It's probably the first house we ever had
where we didn't owe a mortgage or taxes.
615
00:58:30,835 --> 00:58:35,506
And maybe the only house we'll ever have
where the bank won't foreclose on it.
616
00:58:35,673 --> 00:58:40,553
Oh, it's not as nice as Audrey's house,
but it's a fine house, Lord.
617
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:44,974
And I want you to please
just find it to forgive me, Lord...
618
00:58:45,141 --> 00:58:51,064
for losing the RV
and the dirt farm, Lord.
619
00:58:51,313 --> 00:58:54,817
- We are sin, Lord...!
- Can I say something?
620
00:58:57,111 --> 00:58:58,904
Excuse me, Lord.
621
00:59:03,617 --> 00:59:04,910
What's in the coconut?
622
00:59:05,995 --> 00:59:07,788
Another tropical surprise.
623
00:59:07,955 --> 00:59:11,917
Can we drink the surprise first
and then bust the coconut?
624
00:59:12,501 --> 00:59:15,838
- No.
- Well, there you have it.
625
00:59:16,005 --> 00:59:22,011
Anyway, Lord, be it ever so humble,
there's no place like this here house.
626
00:59:22,928 --> 00:59:24,471
Amen.
627
00:59:45,034 --> 00:59:48,913
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas to you!
628
00:59:55,586 --> 00:59:57,254
Eddie!
629
00:59:59,924 --> 01:00:02,593
Put me down!
630
01:00:04,220 --> 01:00:05,471
You did it, Dad!
631
01:00:05,638 --> 01:00:08,266
You killed a boar
and built our own damn house!
632
01:00:08,432 --> 01:00:10,976
Watch your mouth, Third.
633
01:00:37,586 --> 01:00:41,215
Well, we've learned
something here today.
634
01:00:41,424 --> 01:00:44,469
We definitely have to make it
more secure.
635
01:00:45,845 --> 01:00:47,764
Let's eat.
636
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:15,625
Eddie.
637
01:01:15,791 --> 01:01:20,921
Eddie, you're so brave.
And you have a good sense of humor.
638
01:01:21,088 --> 01:01:26,468
You're my hero...
639
01:02:48,008 --> 01:02:52,137
It's a plane! A plane!
And he sees us!
640
01:02:52,304 --> 01:02:56,099
It's Jack, it's Melbourne Jack Malpey!
641
01:02:57,601 --> 01:02:59,103
We're saved!
642
01:03:01,021 --> 01:03:02,272
- Over here!
- Uncle Nick!
643
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:06,486
Uncle Nick, wake up!
We're rescued, we're saved!
644
01:03:07,486 --> 01:03:08,988
Saved.
645
01:03:09,155 --> 01:03:11,115
From what?
646
01:03:16,162 --> 01:03:18,456
Down here!
647
01:03:18,748 --> 01:03:23,419
Jack!
It's me, Audrey!
648
01:03:33,637 --> 01:03:37,141
We've had search parties all over
looking for you and that boat.
649
01:03:37,308 --> 01:03:39,393
They found the boat
300 miles from here.
650
01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:43,022
You've been searching for me
this whole time? You're a hero!
651
01:03:43,189 --> 01:03:46,526
Well, you found me.
You did say you weren't married?
652
01:03:47,193 --> 01:03:49,987
Actually, I was flying over
to check a hotel I own
653
01:03:50,196 --> 01:03:53,783
on the other side of the island
when I saw Eddie on the cliff.
654
01:03:53,949 --> 01:03:56,368
Probably, nobody
thought of looking here.
655
01:03:56,535 --> 01:03:59,747
Well, it's only 10 miles,
you could have walked to my hotel.
656
01:04:04,585 --> 01:04:07,463
I guess we better pack up
and get out of here, then.
657
01:04:07,630 --> 01:04:12,093
Man. You know, I got all excited
when I first saw the plane,
658
01:04:12,259 --> 01:04:14,678
but I'm really gonna
miss this place.
659
01:04:14,845 --> 01:04:18,807
This was the best vacation
this family has ever had.
660
01:04:20,059 --> 01:04:21,477
Oh, well.
661
01:04:21,644 --> 01:04:25,022
It was great, but it'll be good
to get back to civilization.
662
01:04:25,189 --> 01:04:27,858
Civilization.
People like to live in crowds...
663
01:04:28,025 --> 01:04:30,152
because they don't trust each other.
664
01:04:30,319 --> 01:04:33,572
I don't know,
there's some good things about civilization.
665
01:04:33,739 --> 01:04:35,407
Name one.
666
01:04:35,574 --> 01:04:39,369
Massages, manicures,
frozen artichokes...
667
01:04:39,537 --> 01:04:42,457
hot tubs, champagne.
668
01:04:42,623 --> 01:04:44,875
I wanna say something.
669
01:04:45,042 --> 01:04:48,045
I'm gonna miss
not having a lot of things.
670
01:04:48,212 --> 01:04:54,051
It's been great without telephones
and people you never even met calling...
671
01:04:54,218 --> 01:04:57,346
trying to sell you things
you don't even need.
672
01:04:57,513 --> 01:05:00,349
And rap music on beer commercials...
673
01:05:00,516 --> 01:05:02,727
and junk mail!
674
01:05:03,978 --> 01:05:07,231
I'm gonna miss
us all being so together...
675
01:05:07,398 --> 01:05:10,276
and the way everybody chipped in
and worked.
676
01:05:10,443 --> 01:05:14,322
- It was a Christmas thing.
- I saw an airplane!
677
01:05:14,488 --> 01:05:17,783
I saw an airplane!
We're saved!
678
01:05:18,909 --> 01:05:21,245
We're saved!
679
01:05:22,246 --> 01:05:24,290
I saw a plane!
680
01:05:26,792 --> 01:05:28,460
Jack!
681
01:05:29,295 --> 01:05:31,464
What are you doing here?
682
01:05:38,888 --> 01:05:42,767
Merry Christmas!
683
01:05:43,726 --> 01:05:46,312
This was the best Christmas I've ever had.
684
01:05:46,479 --> 01:05:49,607
It was fun being a part of your family here on...
685
01:05:49,774 --> 01:05:53,611
- What is the name of this island?
- It was named after King Halehalki...
686
01:05:53,778 --> 01:05:56,781
but you can change it.
He was a headhunter.
687
01:05:57,281 --> 01:06:00,493
I say we rename it Eddie Island...
688
01:06:00,659 --> 01:06:03,954
in honor of the man who killed the boar.
689
01:06:04,163 --> 01:06:05,331
Well.
690
01:06:07,750 --> 01:06:11,462
- What business did you say you were in?
- I was in nuclear research.
691
01:06:11,629 --> 01:06:15,133
- You're kidding.
- No, no. Nuclear research.
692
01:06:15,341 --> 01:06:19,637
But then I got laid off.
But then, because I got bit on the ass...
693
01:06:19,804 --> 01:06:22,140
they gave me this here
Christmas vacation.
694
01:06:22,348 --> 01:06:25,059
You got laid off?
Did the company downsize?
695
01:06:25,226 --> 01:06:28,271
Yeah, well, the other guy,
he's a lot smaller than I was.
696
01:06:28,437 --> 01:06:29,939
I was better at the job.
697
01:06:30,481 --> 01:06:33,734
- Jack's incredible, isn't he?
- Yeah, he's a really great guy.
698
01:06:33,901 --> 01:06:39,198
- He's so mature.
- Big deal. Uncle Nick's mature.
699
01:06:42,702 --> 01:06:47,081
This is liable to roll down a hill
and kill a little pig or something.
700
01:06:47,248 --> 01:06:49,250
I better move this.
701
01:06:49,583 --> 01:06:53,837
Hey, hold it. You gonna bust your rollers
trying to move that. Let me help you.
702
01:06:54,004 --> 01:06:55,797
Put it over there.
703
01:06:57,216 --> 01:07:00,678
- Where?
- Over there.
704
01:07:04,849 --> 01:07:07,977
Let go, let go, you're choking me.
705
01:07:08,185 --> 01:07:10,979
- What?
- Let go!
706
01:07:11,147 --> 01:07:13,024
All right.
707
01:07:20,072 --> 01:07:21,574
Jack?
708
01:07:23,783 --> 01:07:26,703
- Oh, Jack, don't get up.
- I'm all right.
709
01:07:26,870 --> 01:07:30,290
No, no. Jack, you took a terrible fall.
You need rest and care.
710
01:07:30,457 --> 01:07:32,376
I'm fine.
711
01:07:35,503 --> 01:07:40,883
I wouldn't go into a career in the moving
business any time soon, if I were you, mate.
712
01:07:47,932 --> 01:07:50,226
You all ready to fly?
713
01:08:09,662 --> 01:08:12,665
I'm gonna really miss
the old homestead.
714
01:08:23,385 --> 01:08:25,971
Jack, you okay?
715
01:08:26,596 --> 01:08:31,726
I'm okay, it's just a headache.
There are some aspirin in the cabin.
716
01:08:40,443 --> 01:08:42,236
- His head hurts.
- Oh, my God.
717
01:08:42,404 --> 01:08:44,740
Oh, my God, he needs me!
He needs me!
718
01:08:44,906 --> 01:08:47,492
Now, now, he'll be all right.
719
01:08:47,659 --> 01:08:49,870
Just got a headache.
720
01:08:56,292 --> 01:08:58,461
He'll be all right.
721
01:09:04,259 --> 01:09:09,097
Maluka tower,
this is Mike 808 Mike...
722
01:09:09,264 --> 01:09:13,226
Melbourne Jack here.
I've just picked up some lost souls...
723
01:09:13,393 --> 01:09:17,689
on the rear end of King Halehalki Island.
- Eddie Island!
724
01:09:18,648 --> 01:09:21,276
Our position is...
725
01:09:22,152 --> 01:09:24,613
Hell, I don't know where we are.
726
01:09:26,156 --> 01:09:28,617
I'm not too well, my friend.
727
01:09:29,409 --> 01:09:32,287
I like you, Ed. You're a good man.
728
01:09:33,246 --> 01:09:37,834
You're not the brightest bulb
in the chandelier, but you're a good man.
729
01:09:44,340 --> 01:09:46,676
- Jack!
- Mike 808 Mike...
730
01:09:46,843 --> 01:09:49,512
say again your position, over.
731
01:09:50,096 --> 01:09:51,306
Help!
732
01:09:51,473 --> 01:09:54,685
This is Maluka tower, merry Christmas.
Is that you, Jack?
733
01:09:54,851 --> 01:10:00,190
No, it's Eddie!
Jack, he fainted, or he's dead.
734
01:10:01,149 --> 01:10:03,860
Jack, snap out of it!
735
01:10:04,611 --> 01:10:09,282
- He's not dead, he moved.
- Well, okay, Eddie, merry Christmas.
736
01:10:09,449 --> 01:10:11,368
Can you fly a plane?
737
01:10:12,702 --> 01:10:15,413
I'll take that as a no.
738
01:10:17,207 --> 01:10:21,378
We got you on radar now,
you're heading right for Maluka Airport.
739
01:10:21,544 --> 01:10:25,131
- All you're gonna have to do is, well, land.
- We're gonna die.
740
01:10:25,298 --> 01:10:29,385
Now, relax. When we get you over
the airport, we're going to talk you in.
741
01:10:29,552 --> 01:10:30,970
And Eddie?
742
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:36,559
We're gonna clear the area
of all incoming and outgoing flights.
743
01:10:36,726 --> 01:10:40,396
All you're gonna have to worry
about is to make a nice landing...
744
01:10:40,563 --> 01:10:42,273
right there on the tarmac.
745
01:10:42,440 --> 01:10:45,652
You'll go down
gradually and just coast on in.
746
01:10:45,819 --> 01:10:50,741
- Okay. Okay.
- Dad! You can't land on the tarmac!
747
01:10:50,907 --> 01:10:56,913
- Probably not, but I gotta try.
- This is a seaplane, Dad, a seaplane!
748
01:10:57,080 --> 01:11:01,543
Tower! Mr. Tower, this is a seaplane!
749
01:11:01,751 --> 01:11:04,295
Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot.
750
01:11:04,462 --> 01:11:07,006
I'm getting so absent-minded.
751
01:11:07,173 --> 01:11:11,344
Even easier. You'll just land right there
in the bay in front of the airport...
752
01:11:11,511 --> 01:11:13,513
and we'll come on out and get you.
753
01:11:13,680 --> 01:11:18,435
Now, just sit back,
stay on course and relax.
754
01:11:18,601 --> 01:11:20,019
No sweat.
755
01:11:22,522 --> 01:11:24,065
How's Jack?
756
01:11:24,232 --> 01:11:26,776
Audrey's breathing into his mouth.
757
01:11:27,819 --> 01:11:30,071
Okay, easy does it.
758
01:11:30,238 --> 01:11:33,116
Loosen your clothing.
Good.
759
01:11:33,283 --> 01:11:37,496
Planes will never replace boats
as a means of transportation.
760
01:11:37,662 --> 01:11:41,499
- People like to stay close to terra firma.
- Uncle Nick.
761
01:11:41,666 --> 01:11:44,294
Boats still sail on water, not earth.
762
01:11:44,836 --> 01:11:47,088
Okay, Eddie, we got you in sight now.
763
01:11:47,630 --> 01:11:48,923
There's the airport!
764
01:11:49,090 --> 01:11:52,927
Now, here's what we want you to do:
We want you to look at the altimeter.
765
01:11:53,094 --> 01:11:54,971
- Where is it?
- All right, calm down.
766
01:11:55,138 --> 01:11:58,475
It's the gauge on the right-hand side
of the panel.
767
01:11:58,641 --> 01:12:04,564
You're now at 2000 feet. I want you
to turn the wheel very slowly to your left...
768
01:12:04,731 --> 01:12:10,320
press it down gradually, very slowly.
769
01:12:13,823 --> 01:12:15,783
- And Eddie?
- Yeah?
770
01:12:16,368 --> 01:12:18,370
Merry Christmas.
Up.
771
01:12:19,079 --> 01:12:20,330
Up.
772
01:12:20,497 --> 01:12:24,543
Up!
Pull it up, Eddie, come on!
773
01:12:24,709 --> 01:12:26,211
No!
774
01:12:26,753 --> 01:12:28,505
No, Eddie!
775
01:12:30,090 --> 01:12:34,803
Okay, Eddie, we're gonna
try it again now, slowly.
776
01:12:34,969 --> 01:12:38,264
Slow, you damn idiot!
Don't you know what slow means?
777
01:12:38,431 --> 01:12:41,851
Slow, you damn idiot!
Don't you know what slow means?
778
01:12:44,354 --> 01:12:45,897
Muka?
779
01:12:46,064 --> 01:12:50,193
If we don't die,
will you be my girlfriend?
780
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:52,362
Well, thank you, Third.
781
01:12:53,988 --> 01:12:57,200
I think you're terrific,
but I don't think you're quite...
782
01:12:57,367 --> 01:13:00,537
grown-up enough for me.
- I am grown up.
783
01:13:00,704 --> 01:13:02,748
I've even seen a naked woman.
784
01:13:04,541 --> 01:13:07,919
Anyway, if we don't die,
I'm going back to my husband.
785
01:13:08,086 --> 01:13:11,256
- Your husband?
- Yes, Daniel.
786
01:13:12,215 --> 01:13:14,718
He lives in Indianapolis.
787
01:13:17,220 --> 01:13:20,557
Now, let's try it again there, Eddie, baby.
And Eddie...
788
01:13:20,724 --> 01:13:23,769
you see that tall building
with the glass all around it?
789
01:13:23,935 --> 01:13:27,939
Good. Whatever you do,
don't hit that building.
790
01:13:28,106 --> 01:13:31,693
You see, that's the tower, Eddie,
and that's where I am.
791
01:13:31,901 --> 01:13:35,446
Now, what we're gonna do,
you're gonna turn the wheel slowly...
792
01:13:35,613 --> 01:13:38,533
to the left again and press down.
793
01:13:41,494 --> 01:13:43,538
No! No, Eddie!
794
01:13:59,586 --> 01:14:02,964
Dad, it's just like the time
you drove the RV...
795
01:14:03,131 --> 01:14:06,134
off the side of the mountain
and broke your leg.
796
01:14:06,301 --> 01:14:08,094
Only, more dangerous.
797
01:14:10,806 --> 01:14:14,810
It's more like the time you were fishing
off that bridge and reached down...
798
01:14:14,977 --> 01:14:18,355
to tie your shoelaces
and fell 50 feet into the water.
799
01:14:18,522 --> 01:14:20,983
Only, this time we could all die.
800
01:14:23,902 --> 01:14:27,739
You can do it, Dad, I know you can.
801
01:14:53,223 --> 01:14:54,474
Oh, my.
802
01:15:08,614 --> 01:15:10,991
Oh, my God!
803
01:15:24,630 --> 01:15:26,132
Bingo.
804
01:15:34,598 --> 01:15:36,266
And merry Christmas, Maluka.
805
01:15:36,433 --> 01:15:39,811
We all heard about the shipwrecked
Johnsons. Here's a video...
806
01:15:39,978 --> 01:15:44,774
from their daughter, currently appearing
at the Bare Bottom Club in Las Vegas.
807
01:15:56,578 --> 01:15:59,873
Merry Christmas, Third!
How's my boy?
808
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,377
Aunt Jessica, you wouldn't believe
what we've been through.
809
01:16:03,543 --> 01:16:06,254
Not gonna show me travel movies,
are you, Third?
810
01:16:06,421 --> 01:16:07,631
Later.
811
01:16:07,798 --> 01:16:11,176
Okay, so where's that old man of mine?
812
01:16:11,343 --> 01:16:13,387
- And where are your folks?
- Oh, well...
813
01:16:13,553 --> 01:16:17,640
my Mom and Dad and cousin Audrey
are visiting a friend in the hospital.
814
01:16:17,808 --> 01:16:21,228
Dad dropped a rock on him
and gave him a brain concussion.
815
01:16:21,395 --> 01:16:24,523
- And Uncle Nick's resting.
- You go up and tell him I'm here.
816
01:16:24,690 --> 01:16:27,735
If I walk in on him,
he's liable to have a heart attack.
817
01:16:27,901 --> 01:16:29,403
Sure.
818
01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,619
Aunt Jessica, you didn't, did you?
819
01:16:37,911 --> 01:16:39,621
Don't ask.
820
01:16:44,126 --> 01:16:47,296
Boy, that Jack. He is okay, isn't he?
What a great guy.
821
01:16:47,462 --> 01:16:50,548
And he didn't even mention
that I almost killed him.
822
01:16:50,716 --> 01:16:52,635
I can't believe it.
823
01:16:52,801 --> 01:16:56,013
He's married.
Five kids.
824
01:16:56,179 --> 01:16:59,307
I mean, my God,
can't any man be trusted?
825
01:16:59,975 --> 01:17:03,937
He was the great love of my life.
I'll never love again.
826
01:17:05,647 --> 01:17:07,107
Merry Christmas!
827
01:17:07,774 --> 01:17:08,942
Merry Christmas.
828
01:17:09,109 --> 01:17:12,654
- Is he all right?
- It's my husband.
829
01:17:12,821 --> 01:17:14,531
Nervous breakdown.
830
01:17:15,324 --> 01:17:17,576
Merry Christmas!
831
01:17:18,994 --> 01:17:21,538
I'm so sorry.
How long has he been like this?
832
01:17:22,164 --> 01:17:25,334
Since this morning.
He's an air traffic controller.
833
01:17:30,172 --> 01:17:31,423
Hey, buddy!
834
01:17:31,590 --> 01:17:33,717
Merry Christmas!
835
01:17:34,635 --> 01:17:36,345
Come on, buddy, snap out of it.
836
01:17:39,681 --> 01:17:41,391
No, Eddie!
837
01:17:41,558 --> 01:17:44,561
Bless you!
Oh, thank you!
838
01:17:44,728 --> 01:17:48,273
You are a miracle worker.
839
01:17:49,524 --> 01:17:52,193
Come on, let's get back
to the motel.
840
01:17:53,320 --> 01:17:55,280
I may become a nun.
841
01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,745
Aunt Jessica.
842
01:18:03,372 --> 01:18:06,625
So you finally got tired
of that young fellow...
843
01:18:06,792 --> 01:18:10,045
and you decided to come crawling back
to Uncle Nick.
844
01:18:10,796 --> 01:18:13,090
And you're gonna take her back,
I suppose.
845
01:18:13,715 --> 01:18:16,676
Well, I have seen it all now.
846
01:18:16,843 --> 01:18:20,221
If anybody wants me, I'll be in the can.
847
01:18:25,394 --> 01:18:28,856
I'm sorry for that
little unpleasantness, darling.
848
01:18:29,940 --> 01:18:33,569
That pig snot
never did have no manners.
849
01:18:34,278 --> 01:18:38,991
When you're finished, get your butt into
the kitchen and fix me a decent dinner.
850
01:18:39,157 --> 01:18:42,452
I've been eating nothing
but burnt pig and bananas.
851
01:19:03,140 --> 01:19:05,559
They're waiting for you inside, Eddie.
852
01:19:05,726 --> 01:19:07,811
Thank you, Milwaukee.
853
01:19:08,395 --> 01:19:09,980
Hi, Muka.
854
01:19:10,522 --> 01:19:12,774
There's something I've gotta tell you.
855
01:19:14,401 --> 01:19:18,614
You know, I'm sorry about
asking you to be my girl,
856
01:19:21,867 --> 01:19:23,952
but I'm engaged.
857
01:19:26,538 --> 01:19:29,374
She's beautiful.
858
01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:34,171
Well, it'll take a while to get over it.
859
01:19:49,353 --> 01:19:52,439
Oh, Professor Doornitz!
860
01:19:54,942 --> 01:19:59,155
We are so proud of you.
All the newspapers carried your story.
861
01:20:00,113 --> 01:20:04,117
Shipwrecked, swam 30 miles
to rescue your family...
862
01:20:04,326 --> 01:20:06,995
built a two-story house
with your own hands...
863
01:20:07,162 --> 01:20:09,873
killed a wild boar
with manicure scissors!
864
01:20:18,131 --> 01:20:20,175
What's he doing here?
865
01:20:20,342 --> 01:20:23,220
You're replacing him.
He's here on vacation.
866
01:20:29,851 --> 01:20:32,103
I'm staying right here.
867
01:20:32,271 --> 01:20:36,233
I got myself a new job.
868
01:20:40,946 --> 01:20:42,489
Well, Roy...
869
01:20:42,656 --> 01:20:46,660
looks like this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
870
01:20:47,305 --> 01:21:47,852
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