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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,733 --> 00:00:52,567 It started for me a year ago when I moved to Mexico City for work 2 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,967 You told me you'd lived there your whole life 3 00:00:56,733 --> 00:01:02,100 We'd been chatting on a dating application and had agreed to meet at an opening 4 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,533 I'd already been thinking about sleeping with you 5 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:11,733 I googled you and found out you were born 30 years before me 6 00:01:13,633 --> 00:01:17,833 I'd had fantasies about older men since I was a teenager 7 00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,967 And now, far from home, 8 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:24,467 I decided I was finally ready to let myself fall in love with one 9 00:01:27,433 --> 00:01:31,133 It took me a moment to find you even though you're tall 10 00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,600 We kissed outside the gallery 11 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:39,567 It was awkward that first time I'd had to stand on my tiptoes 12 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,267 I touched your chest 13 00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,533 And you invited me to your place 14 00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:52,533 Your touch was electric 15 00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:55,867 Your hands on my back, neck, thighs, ass 16 00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:58,800 My lips around your tongue 17 00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:03,800 My fingers in your soft, thick hair Your eyes locked on mine 18 00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:09,933 The whole night, under me, around me, inside me 19 00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:17,833 You disappeared and came back a few minutes later 20 00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:21,200 to slip a piece of cheese into my eager mouth 21 00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:29,733 A few weeks later, I stopped paying rent 22 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,000 and I moved in with you 23 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,233 One morning, I was brushing my teeth 24 00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:40,500 when you pointed out the hair I have on my upper arms 25 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,467 I started shaving them 26 00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:48,000 You told me to start exercising since I'd only be this age once 27 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:51,300 I wondered which birthday'd 28 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,500 be the one where you'd decide that I'd gotten too old for you 29 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,400 Now it's summer 30 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,400 You're traveling and so am I 31 00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:07,233 You made no promises about seeing me again 32 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,733 But I can't stop thinking about you 33 00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:17,733 Once I got to Chicago, I started thinking about a film 34 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:24,167 I wrote on my dating profile, inviting men to an audition 35 00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:28,967 "Come to my studio and be on camera. 36 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,467 "You'll receive something in exchange." 37 00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:35,000 "It could be sex or something else." 38 00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:42,367 The guys who came in have agreed to act in a film with me 39 00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:45,333 They don't know what it'll be about 40 00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,567 And neither do I 41 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,067 Maybe I'm making it in spite of you 42 00:03:55,833 --> 00:03:57,333 Or maybe it's for you 43 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:10,433 What specifically is this for? 44 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,300 I'm a filmmaker... 45 00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:19,733 So there's no specific purpose... 46 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,000 It's just... I make films and... 47 00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:25,200 I'll talk in a second... 48 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,867 - I have to concentrate. - Okay. 49 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,533 I'm just gonna frame this. 50 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:32,967 Okay. 51 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,233 Looks good. Great. 52 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,867 And I'm gonna check on this one. 53 00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:44,167 - Need to shift this over a bit. - Cool. 54 00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:55,300 - Welcome. - Thank you. 55 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,000 Thanks for coming in. 56 00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:02,067 In terms of Grindr, I've been on Grindr for a while. 57 00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,900 Met my husband on Grindr, surprisingly. 58 00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:10,100 'Cause it's not really where you... 59 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,867 It's changed over the years. You see more people there 60 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,100 looking for a relationship. But like, "Dude, it's Grindr." 61 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,633 But it can happen... 62 00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,633 But that wasn't the purpose. 63 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,133 Recently I've shifted. 64 00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:25,833 I've gotten older. 65 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,500 My libido's not what it used to be, 66 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:33,300 so I'm not horny all the time, like I was when I was your age, 67 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,267 when we didn't have Grindr. 68 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,433 So I actually am interested in meeting people 69 00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:43,133 just to talk and meet new people. 70 00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:44,967 We've lost that 71 00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,667 art of the cruise. Walking around, eyeing a guy... 72 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,000 Brushing up against him, 73 00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:54,667 in a discreet or not-so-discreet way. 74 00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,833 Because we've got these apps. 75 00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:59,267 - You know Jackhammer? - I don't. 76 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,800 It's a... 77 00:06:01,933 --> 00:06:03,867 bar. Like, just a bar. 78 00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:07,600 Jackhammer has a basement. They call it "The Hole." 79 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,867 Of course. 80 00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:12,933 It's raunchy, exactly what you'd expect. 81 00:06:13,033 --> 00:06:16,467 Those are things that I'd never experienced... 82 00:06:16,867 --> 00:06:19,900 And had always been a little wary of. 83 00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,233 So a friend of mine 84 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,000 was just like, "We've gotta go." 85 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,533 Had that friend been to those places before? 86 00:06:29,633 --> 00:06:32,333 Oh yeah. That's like, his thing. 87 00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,067 But it's interesting to see 88 00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:41,033 just demeanors... and seeing people change 89 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:44,967 as they come down through a room and strip. 90 00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:48,433 Like, seeing how 91 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:52,467 people kind of come alive in those situations. 92 00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:55,100 You wanna do this interview naked? 93 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,700 No. 94 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,833 I'm really like... 95 00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,500 If you want to, we can. 96 00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:06,033 That's all up to you. 97 00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:08,733 If you want to, I'm more than... 98 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,800 I'm comfortable doing it. 99 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,400 Yeah, let's go for it. 100 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,200 - Now we're naked. - Now we're naked. 101 00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:31,800 - Have you done these like this before? - No. 102 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,833 I did two on Tuesday, 103 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,133 and I've done three so far today. 104 00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:39,567 I've got one afterwards. 105 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,433 We've been clothed for each of them. 106 00:07:44,067 --> 00:07:46,500 Is it awkward for you to be naked? 107 00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,267 No. There's a tension right now... 108 00:07:51,433 --> 00:07:53,833 different than with the other ones. 109 00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,667 What kind of tension do you think? 110 00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:01,367 Sorry, I keep staring. 111 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,767 It's like I wanna touch it, but... 112 00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:11,133 like, "I don't know how he'd take that, if I'm like, 'Can I touch it?'" 113 00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:13,967 That's all up to you. 114 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:16,600 I think I'd feel uncomfortable. 115 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,833 - You from Chicago? - Originally Alabama. 116 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,567 - What part? - Small, little town... 117 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,167 In the southeast. 118 00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,933 I don't know. I grew up in Atlanta. 119 00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:34,800 It's like a 15-hour drive. I do that if I take the dog. 120 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,867 You have a dog? What kind? 121 00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,300 English Bull, Boston Terrier mix. 122 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,467 - I love dogs. - He's a big goofball. 123 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,900 - What's his name? - Fatboy. 124 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,033 - He's still got his tail so it wags. - A full tail? Nice! 125 00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:53,100 Let him keep his tail. I haven't even neutered him. 126 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,933 He's five and a half. 127 00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:57,567 Does that cause any problems? Really? 128 00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,933 He's a bit more aggressive than normal, but nah. 129 00:09:03,867 --> 00:09:07,233 - What part of town do you live in? - Rogers Park. 130 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,000 - You? - The West Loop. 131 00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,167 It's like a 20-minute walk. 132 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,700 I just have a small sublet, close... 133 00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,233 Not far from... 134 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,300 So... 135 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:22,533 You don't have to get dressed again, 136 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,933 but you might feel uncomfortable going out with... 137 00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,567 With a hard-on. 138 00:09:38,733 --> 00:09:41,133 I've got someone coming in at nine. 139 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,467 Could you sit right here? 140 00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,567 And you're taller than... 141 00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:58,767 The last guy, so I'm gonna... 142 00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,367 See... Actually... 143 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,233 That actually works. 144 00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:04,233 Yeah... 6'4". 145 00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:08,767 Yeah, that works. 146 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:20,800 Do you have anything you're itching to ask, to say? 147 00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,767 You don't have to say anything. 148 00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:25,967 That's why we have the hanky code 149 00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:29,300 - in the leather community. - I'm not familiar. 150 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,967 That's a whole other conversation. I can teach you! 151 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:37,567 - There's a leather convention in Chicago? - You missed it. 152 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:42,933 I stayed with four pups, men who wear dog masks with tails as dildos 153 00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,867 and tails. They walk around in chains often. 154 00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:49,100 Do they speak, if they're pups? 155 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,500 The pups? Yes and no. I mean, they "ruff" a lot. 156 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,300 Someone asked me, "How could you ever be a pup?" 157 00:10:56,400 --> 00:11:00,133 I said, "I'm not a pup, but that you maybe would never" 158 00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:06,033 "have to make a decision for yourself is maybe sorta refreshing." 159 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:09,000 Like, you'd never have to make a decision: 160 00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:12,200 "I need to go pee." "Okay, go pee." 161 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,800 "I'm hungry." "Okay, there's food." 162 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,733 Everything is done for you. 163 00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:22,033 That's sort of euphoric and sounds like you're just a lazy bastard, 164 00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:23,833 but no, think about that: 165 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,700 - You're taken care of. - I can see that. 166 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,300 It's sort of amazing. 167 00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:32,467 I've been into scruffy white guys. 168 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,333 My Scruff was just my Scruff. It has... 169 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,333 A really adorable, like: 170 00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:43,800 "Student getting his MFA, just moved here. Be different from the guy beside you. 171 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:47,500 "I'm cerebral and smiley." All these things, right? 172 00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:50,267 I'd have a shirtless photo 173 00:11:50,367 --> 00:11:54,667 with a goofy-ass hat on. I'd have my thumbs up, and it's great. 174 00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:58,333 But it didn't stop statements like, "Come rape me." 175 00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:04,167 Or "I'd like you to come over but you might scare the kids." Or, like... 176 00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,367 "Give me that nigga dick now" from white people. 177 00:12:07,467 --> 00:12:10,967 So I changed my profile: "Stop asking me to rape you 178 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:15,433 "and offering money to sleep with you." The comments stopped. 179 00:12:16,333 --> 00:12:21,200 People know it's bad. They see it and they're like, "It's horrible." 180 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,800 But what do you do? 181 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:27,400 As an artist, I can't just blow 'em up and put 'em in a gallery. 182 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:31,800 You have to make work about it. You have to fix it for yourself. 183 00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:37,433 As an artist, you have to make work about something so tense to you. 184 00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:39,533 I would like to... 185 00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:42,467 Make a film... 186 00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:46,600 Based on this conversation. A piece of fiction I'll write... 187 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,400 based on our transcript. 188 00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:53,667 I'll contact you about when to shoot that, if you're willing... 189 00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:55,400 Okay. Sure. Okay. 190 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,467 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 191 00:13:02,733 --> 00:13:05,367 I don't know how to turn this off. 192 00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:08,167 - I wish I knew how to use this. - Here. 193 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,567 I just stopped recording. To turn it off... 194 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,233 - Do you care about learning? - Teach! 195 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,833 This toggle. Switch it to the middle. 196 00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:21,300 Have fun with this project. Don't try to define it. 197 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,167 - Let it define yourself. - Don't let it? 198 00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:28,067 No, let it define itself. Don't try to define it. 199 00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:05,033 Could you put that on right here. 200 00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:08,433 String it through wherever's convenient. 201 00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:11,567 When's the last time you came? 202 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,167 This morning. 203 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,167 You want me to come? 204 00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:23,433 If that happens, it'd be worth it to stay together. 205 00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,033 Is that the line? 206 00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:27,900 "If that happens, it's worth it..." 207 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,767 All right. One more time? 208 00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,867 Closer than that? 209 00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,533 Let's do one like that. 210 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,900 Want me to move up and down as well? 211 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,933 - No. - No? Just faces. 212 00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:05,067 When was the last time you came? 213 00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,067 I think Saturday. 214 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:15,133 It's been a lot longer than Saturday for me. 215 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,467 You wanna get naked? 216 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,700 You like that? 217 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,400 - I'm sorta scared. - Why? 218 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,367 I dunno. 219 00:16:56,533 --> 00:16:59,033 - Want me to do anything else? - No. 220 00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:00,867 I wanna suck it. 221 00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:03,800 I think I'm done. Yeah. 222 00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:08,133 Finish this beer. 223 00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:17,033 Are you gonna have yourself be in all your films? 224 00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:20,933 - I dunno. - Okay. Just wondering. 225 00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:22,533 It seems... 226 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,333 I won't say odd. 227 00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:29,533 It is unusual. Part of it is... 228 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,667 Even as an artist, I am fairly private. 229 00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:38,533 I would hate for anyone to see me in a film like that. 230 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:42,067 But I think... you can also consider, like... 231 00:17:46,067 --> 00:17:47,567 "I am an actor." 232 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,933 - That what? - I am an actor. 233 00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:58,000 But I also think the minute that... 234 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,067 You're there and using your name, 235 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:04,833 everybody's gonna read everything as autobiographical, 236 00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:06,933 'cause people do that anyway, 237 00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:10,600 even if you had a different character and an actor... 238 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,100 and named the person Bob. 239 00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:15,567 You're backing out, but... 240 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:18,833 I'm not backing out because I was never in! 241 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,833 I don't know if you understand... 242 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,567 How absolutely... 243 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,600 Skin-crawly the whole thing 244 00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:29,800 makes me feel. 245 00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:40,733 Anyway... 246 00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:44,767 Regardless of what we talk about, I enjoy talking to you. 247 00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,767 I love you, Mom. 248 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,667 Although now I feel suspicious every time you say it. 249 00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,367 You're just saying that to get on my good side! 250 00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:06,833 - But I do love you. - I love you, Mom. 251 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,467 - Bye bye. - Talk to you soon. 252 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,600 - What do you do? - I'm an artist. 253 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,200 What kind of artist? 254 00:19:40,867 --> 00:19:42,367 Visual artist. 255 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:46,533 - Are you being evasive? - You think so? 256 00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:49,667 You're giving me almost monosyllabic answers. 257 00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:54,367 - What do you wanna know? - What kind of artist are you? 258 00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,967 I'm an artist! I make artwork. 259 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,800 Wow, that face. 260 00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:00,633 I make photography. 261 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,700 You gonna tell me what your art's about? 262 00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:11,500 My art deals with visibility. 263 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,667 Visibility of what? 264 00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,567 People. 265 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,000 All people? 266 00:20:23,633 --> 00:20:26,167 Very specific types of people. 267 00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:29,067 All right. 268 00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:32,300 I think it's all people, really, 269 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:36,467 but specifically the way certain types of people are seen... 270 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,467 Or certain people have the right to see. 271 00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:42,267 Who's texting? 272 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,200 Some dude. 273 00:20:47,467 --> 00:20:48,967 Yeah? 274 00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:57,300 I'd like to see your photos. 275 00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:01,833 Maybe I'll take you to my place sometime. 276 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,333 Not bad. 277 00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:19,467 Could you get undressed for me? 278 00:21:20,167 --> 00:21:21,667 Boxers, too. 279 00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,967 Stop. 280 00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:31,967 Bow head first. 281 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:33,900 Down. 282 00:21:37,167 --> 00:21:38,667 Perfect. 283 00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:50,067 Can you get erect? 284 00:21:58,167 --> 00:22:00,933 I don't think I can get hard. 285 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:07,833 - A different pose would help. - Okay. 286 00:22:07,933 --> 00:22:09,433 Put these on. 287 00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:14,400 Stop. 288 00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,267 Keep going. 289 00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:32,867 Stop. 290 00:22:43,233 --> 00:22:46,400 What do you think you'll gain by not listening? 291 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,000 I'm not listening? 292 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,000 You kept going. I said stop. 293 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,133 There must be miscommunication. 294 00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,200 You look great. 295 00:23:10,467 --> 00:23:11,967 Okay, try again. 296 00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,633 I don't think I can get hard. 297 00:23:26,933 --> 00:23:28,633 I'm done shooting. 298 00:23:30,733 --> 00:23:32,233 I'm sorry. 299 00:23:38,267 --> 00:23:40,300 Doesn't really matter anyway. 300 00:24:17,933 --> 00:24:19,433 Where are you going? 301 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:22,800 Does it matter? 302 00:24:24,133 --> 00:24:25,633 Why are you...? What...? 303 00:24:48,967 --> 00:24:51,167 I'm gonna go get some coffee. 304 00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:25,067 We had dinner with your ex in the spring 305 00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:30,667 You went to the bathroom and he asked how we'd met 306 00:25:30,767 --> 00:25:32,533 Online, I answered 307 00:25:33,433 --> 00:25:36,667 He said you were an inveterate flirt, 308 00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:39,667 you were unreliable, lascivious, unfaithful 309 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,533 you'd fuck anything that moved, 310 00:25:43,067 --> 00:25:44,667 you'd never change 311 00:25:47,733 --> 00:25:49,567 I believed that you could, 312 00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:51,567 that you would, for me 313 00:25:54,067 --> 00:25:56,767 You came back and picked up the check 314 00:25:57,267 --> 00:25:59,833 We kissed your ex goodbye on the cheek 315 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:02,400 but I couldn't look him in the eye 316 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,700 Later that night, I told you I loved you 317 00:26:09,433 --> 00:26:13,467 I didn't know how you'd react, I sort of mumbled it 318 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:16,167 You looked uncomfortable 319 00:26:16,267 --> 00:26:19,200 I felt ashamed and we fell asleep 320 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,100 In the middle of the night we had sex, fast 321 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,733 You didn't look me in the eye, 322 00:26:30,167 --> 00:26:31,933 restrained my hands, 323 00:26:32,167 --> 00:26:34,067 turned my body away from you 324 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,000 I felt your affection again when we fell back asleep 325 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:42,933 Your heart under my ear 326 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:48,633 I tried to match our breathing but yours was too fast 327 00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:56,167 Goose Island or a Sweetwater? 328 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,800 We can drink whatever. I don't care. 329 00:27:02,967 --> 00:27:06,333 I can chug beer, but I can't chug wine. 330 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,167 Tried that once... 331 00:27:08,533 --> 00:27:10,100 Not a good ending. 332 00:27:26,233 --> 00:27:28,567 The most interesting thing is... 333 00:27:28,667 --> 00:27:30,167 This was the shirt... 334 00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:32,133 I came home from Iraq in. 335 00:27:34,733 --> 00:27:36,233 One, two, three... 336 00:27:44,300 --> 00:27:45,800 Someone's in the navy. 337 00:27:46,267 --> 00:27:50,733 The pictures in there? That's of my classes that I taught at. 338 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,100 The first class... 339 00:27:54,133 --> 00:27:56,433 Where we're all wearing the blues... 340 00:27:56,533 --> 00:27:58,567 They're prior students, 341 00:27:58,667 --> 00:28:01,933 doing both mounted and unmounted patrols... 342 00:28:03,233 --> 00:28:04,767 When you were in... 343 00:28:05,933 --> 00:28:08,700 - Iraq, you were a corpsman? - Yeah. 344 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,067 Are you gonna be mad if we don't... 345 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,100 No. 346 00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:24,100 I'm just gonna kiss you. 347 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,700 Just reciprocate if you want. 348 00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,333 What? 349 00:28:33,933 --> 00:28:35,667 Would you sing for me? 350 00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:39,633 If you get naked for me. 351 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:47,000 From the moment that we had 352 00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:52,267 So way down in my mind where you belong 353 00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:59,500 I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you 354 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,500 I'd go crawling down the avenue 355 00:29:07,633 --> 00:29:12,167 Make you happy, make your dreams come true 356 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,667 To make you feel my... 357 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:20,800 love 358 00:29:31,733 --> 00:29:35,067 I'd also say that unless it's an ironic title, 359 00:29:35,167 --> 00:29:38,333 I don't think it has anything to do about love. 360 00:29:38,433 --> 00:29:40,933 What do you think it has to do with? 361 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:58,067 It's just a series of encounters that don't have much meaning. 362 00:29:58,933 --> 00:30:01,167 Which I think you could say 363 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,267 is part of the way that I'm looking at love. 364 00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:06,133 I don't think that's love. 365 00:30:06,233 --> 00:30:09,367 It's so sad it almost makes me cry. 366 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,633 It's like, you don't wanna know details 367 00:30:12,733 --> 00:30:15,367 about your parents' sexual life 368 00:30:15,467 --> 00:30:19,967 and you don't wanna know details about your children's sexual life. 369 00:30:21,267 --> 00:30:23,633 But I would go even further: 370 00:30:23,733 --> 00:30:27,967 Basically, I don't wanna know details of anybody's sexual life. 371 00:30:28,067 --> 00:30:32,067 I consider it the least interesting part of anybody's life. 372 00:31:48,733 --> 00:31:50,233 Good morning. 373 00:31:53,467 --> 00:31:54,967 He woke me up. 374 00:31:55,133 --> 00:31:57,033 Did you wake him up, Fatboy? 375 00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:06,467 Let's put him up. If not, he won't leave us alone. 376 00:32:06,567 --> 00:32:08,067 Say: "I'm a jealous..." 377 00:32:08,167 --> 00:32:10,533 "jealous widdle puppy. Yes, I am." 378 00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:26,400 How'd you sleep last night? 379 00:32:26,867 --> 00:32:28,367 Pretty well. 380 00:32:36,733 --> 00:32:38,800 I know you lied to me. 381 00:32:50,433 --> 00:32:51,933 What? 382 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,567 Are you dating someone just now? 383 00:33:00,667 --> 00:33:02,767 You were dating someone, right? 384 00:33:03,833 --> 00:33:08,000 - You guys were in a semi-pseudo-relationship? - Yeah. 385 00:33:08,467 --> 00:33:12,300 It's complicated. We're very rarely in the same place. 386 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,300 He's in Mexico City. 387 00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:25,900 Are you in a relationship? 388 00:33:26,567 --> 00:33:28,333 Nuh uh. I was and then... 389 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,900 Then it ended. 390 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,433 It was a week before I'd leave for Chicago 391 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,700 You were downstairs making breakfast 392 00:33:47,867 --> 00:33:49,367 A Sunday morning 393 00:33:52,333 --> 00:33:54,833 Your phone was on the counter 394 00:33:54,933 --> 00:33:58,300 It was still buzzing when I got out of the shower 395 00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:02,133 I picked it up and saw messages 396 00:34:02,233 --> 00:34:05,533 from someone begging to have sex with you again 397 00:34:06,167 --> 00:34:09,267 You'd been texting at dinner the night before 398 00:34:09,367 --> 00:34:11,200 with fire in your eyes 399 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,833 You hadn't looked at me like that in a while 400 00:34:15,933 --> 00:34:19,967 And it hurt to remember when it had been for me 401 00:34:23,033 --> 00:34:26,667 I came downstairs in my underwear, gave you your phone 402 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,467 You said it'd just been a fling 403 00:34:31,567 --> 00:34:35,667 You could barely remember him, you'd just been playing around 404 00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:37,533 There was no emotion in it 405 00:34:41,300 --> 00:34:44,667 Your throat had tightened, your voice was soft 406 00:34:47,133 --> 00:34:50,367 You were kinder than I'd ever seen you 407 00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,467 You said you'd ended your last relationship 408 00:34:55,567 --> 00:34:58,267 because your ex had been cheating on you 409 00:34:59,333 --> 00:35:00,833 A week later 410 00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:05,300 you told me you'd cheated on your ex before that for about a year 411 00:35:05,967 --> 00:35:09,333 That's when I started seeing other men 412 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:41,367 So our agreement is: I don't bring anybody back to the house. 413 00:35:42,433 --> 00:35:45,567 I don't take away time when my husband's home, 414 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:48,633 'cause he's gone from Monday to Thursday, 415 00:35:48,733 --> 00:35:52,600 so I don't fuck around on Friday to Sunday. 416 00:35:52,933 --> 00:35:54,433 But there are times... 417 00:35:54,633 --> 00:35:56,133 It'd be nice to have... 418 00:35:56,933 --> 00:35:58,433 A friend... 419 00:35:59,367 --> 00:36:02,367 A friend with benefits also, sometimes... 420 00:36:02,467 --> 00:36:05,900 That's something I'm having to work out in my head: 421 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,667 "If we're friends and we're fucking..." 422 00:36:09,867 --> 00:36:11,700 "How's that not an affair?" 423 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,167 The way I was thinking about it is: 424 00:36:14,267 --> 00:36:17,467 If the intention... And intention does matter... 425 00:36:17,700 --> 00:36:20,933 If the intention is: We're just gonna be friends 426 00:36:21,033 --> 00:36:25,000 who, once in a while, suck each others' dicks, that's fine. 427 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,167 It was a surprise seeing you the first time. 428 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,300 - Where'd it go? - "Is that a good or bad thing?" 429 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,133 I'm not sure that's a good or bad thing. 430 00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:43,667 You were the first guy to whom I was attracted sexually. 431 00:36:43,767 --> 00:36:46,167 Is that the "suck the dick" line? 432 00:36:46,567 --> 00:36:48,067 I'm sorry... 433 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,900 "We can be... 434 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,567 - "Friends who, once in a while, suck..." - Yeah, I know what it is. 435 00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:07,600 I need to look at you two and get over the embarrassment 436 00:37:07,700 --> 00:37:10,667 of saying it with straight boys in the room. 437 00:37:10,767 --> 00:37:13,933 "We're just..." I can't say it in front of 'em! 438 00:37:14,100 --> 00:37:19,067 "We're just gonna be friends who once in a while suck each other's dicks." 439 00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:25,867 Since Thursday... 440 00:37:26,100 --> 00:37:28,067 I've thought about you a lot. 441 00:37:29,233 --> 00:37:33,033 It began for me when I got your script, 442 00:37:34,267 --> 00:37:36,367 and then you had that line... 443 00:37:37,667 --> 00:37:42,467 "You were the first guy who came in to whom I was attracted sexually." 444 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,033 And I thought, "Well..." 445 00:37:44,133 --> 00:37:47,067 "So there was a mutual attraction." 446 00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:49,867 I'm a little confused... 447 00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:52,733 I haven't felt this way in a long time... 448 00:37:52,833 --> 00:37:54,333 I mean, a long time... 449 00:37:54,433 --> 00:37:58,000 Since-I-was-your-age long time. So it's been a while. 450 00:37:58,167 --> 00:37:59,833 I love my husband a lot... 451 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,033 We have a great life together, 452 00:38:03,133 --> 00:38:05,267 and what I'm feeling for you... 453 00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:08,133 I don't know that I want to have sex, 454 00:38:08,233 --> 00:38:10,133 but I do want to know you. 455 00:38:12,667 --> 00:38:14,167 Does that make sense? 456 00:38:14,533 --> 00:38:16,433 Yeah. I mean, it's mutual... 457 00:38:16,533 --> 00:38:20,533 That's a lie. I do wanna have sex with you. 458 00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:59,200 What we're doing here... What I'm doing here... 459 00:38:59,433 --> 00:39:01,633 is such a betrayal. 460 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,733 How often do you come out here? 461 00:39:14,233 --> 00:39:17,333 I try at least once a month, sometimes twice. 462 00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:21,333 To get it ready to sell, 463 00:39:21,433 --> 00:39:26,533 I'm painting the outside, though it needed it regardless. 464 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,500 Just trying to get it sold, 465 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,100 get rid of it. 466 00:39:52,133 --> 00:39:54,433 What made you wanna come out here... 467 00:39:54,833 --> 00:39:56,333 With me? 468 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,900 Do you ever let your beard grow out? 469 00:40:34,267 --> 00:40:35,767 Yes, 470 00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:38,267 but... 471 00:40:39,433 --> 00:40:42,567 last time I did, there was a lotta gray in it. 472 00:41:19,333 --> 00:41:21,833 You haven't texted in weeks 473 00:41:24,267 --> 00:41:28,100 I call you and explain what I've been doing in Chicago: 474 00:41:29,767 --> 00:41:32,133 I chatted online with 900 men, 475 00:41:32,667 --> 00:41:34,133 met 12 in person, 476 00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:37,433 and am filming with a few of them 477 00:41:39,167 --> 00:41:41,733 Some of them want to have sex with me 478 00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:46,400 I thought it'd feel good to give them what they want 479 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,533 But I still can't sleep, I'm not eating 480 00:41:49,667 --> 00:41:52,300 I don't feel right about what I'm doing 481 00:41:54,033 --> 00:41:55,533 I stop talking 482 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,100 You seem distracted 483 00:42:01,267 --> 00:42:04,967 It looks like you're answering emails, you keep typing 484 00:42:08,533 --> 00:42:10,967 You tell me I'm crazy and laugh 485 00:42:12,867 --> 00:42:14,833 I want your attention 486 00:42:16,667 --> 00:42:19,300 I want you to tell me to stop 487 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,033 So, my husband... 488 00:42:29,033 --> 00:42:30,533 He'll be... 489 00:42:31,267 --> 00:42:33,300 Back in a few minutes... 490 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,500 Do I need to leave? 491 00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:49,667 Not in the apartment. 492 00:42:49,767 --> 00:42:51,467 - Okay. - Okay. 493 00:42:55,333 --> 00:42:56,833 For you... 494 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,700 To be honest... 495 00:43:07,967 --> 00:43:10,533 To be really, bluntly honest... 496 00:43:10,700 --> 00:43:14,967 This is just like completely narcissistic, you know... 497 00:43:15,167 --> 00:43:17,600 "These are the guys I went out with... 498 00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:20,200 "And aren't I special?" You know? 499 00:43:20,433 --> 00:43:24,467 'Cause in the film, you're a monster, really! 500 00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:29,567 There's a real sense of you using people when you make films. 501 00:43:29,667 --> 00:43:33,200 Why not just write a script and hire actors? 502 00:43:33,367 --> 00:43:36,533 That's not a real normal thing to do in life. 503 00:43:36,633 --> 00:43:40,333 It's like, "My personal life's of great interest to me" 504 00:43:40,433 --> 00:43:43,267 "so it must be to everybody else, 505 00:43:43,367 --> 00:43:46,267 "so here it is." It's almost like a comedy. 506 00:43:46,367 --> 00:43:48,267 For me, it is a comedy. 507 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,000 - Huh? - It is a comedy. 508 00:43:51,433 --> 00:43:53,833 I'm not sure people will get it. 509 00:43:54,867 --> 00:43:57,067 So, you remember Miranda? 510 00:43:58,233 --> 00:44:00,100 So Miranda had an uncle, 511 00:44:01,433 --> 00:44:02,933 who... 512 00:44:04,767 --> 00:44:07,033 I think he died of AIDS 513 00:44:07,133 --> 00:44:11,267 just before she was born, and he was gonna be her godfather. 514 00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:15,300 He gave her a stuffed animal, I think, 515 00:44:15,733 --> 00:44:17,833 and wrote her a letter... 516 00:44:21,667 --> 00:44:23,400 Basically saying that he... 517 00:44:23,867 --> 00:44:26,433 He loved her without knowing her, 518 00:44:27,067 --> 00:44:28,900 before she was born, 519 00:44:33,367 --> 00:44:37,200 I think there's something of that when... 520 00:44:38,367 --> 00:44:40,300 you kind of blindly... 521 00:44:43,267 --> 00:44:46,833 Want to put together something that can be meaningful 522 00:44:46,933 --> 00:44:48,767 for people you don't know. 523 00:44:49,633 --> 00:44:53,167 You're supremely aware of what image making is. 524 00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:54,800 Yeah. 525 00:44:54,933 --> 00:44:56,533 And how it can be... 526 00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:01,667 A betrayal, but how it can also be... 527 00:45:01,967 --> 00:45:03,467 A gift. 528 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,700 A gift to whom? 529 00:45:18,733 --> 00:45:20,867 I wanted to say that I'm sorry. 530 00:45:25,433 --> 00:45:27,200 I was not performative... 531 00:45:28,067 --> 00:45:29,567 Sexually. 532 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,867 I really wish that I had been into it 533 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:37,633 'cause I really like you. I wish there was a possibility on my end. 534 00:45:37,733 --> 00:45:41,033 Something fucked up about me prevented that. 535 00:45:41,133 --> 00:45:43,167 What do you think it was? 536 00:45:50,967 --> 00:45:53,733 I think it's 'cause you're young. 537 00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:57,500 I'm intimidated by people who are... 538 00:45:57,900 --> 00:46:00,200 My age, sexually. Not like... 539 00:46:00,300 --> 00:46:01,900 In terms of friendship. 540 00:46:02,100 --> 00:46:03,600 Interesting. 541 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,700 As much as I want that, 542 00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:12,400 my body's not doing that. 543 00:46:14,533 --> 00:46:17,433 - Okay. - Have you thought about that? 544 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,700 Why you'd be intimidated by someone who's more your age than... 545 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:26,100 Someone who's less your age... or more than your age. 546 00:46:30,267 --> 00:46:34,833 This guy's in for a good night. I sleep older, too. It's great. 547 00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:44,300 I'd love to hear why you're attracted to him. 548 00:46:46,367 --> 00:46:49,400 - You're thinking too long. - Am I? 549 00:46:53,067 --> 00:46:55,767 You said to me, when we first met: 550 00:46:55,867 --> 00:46:59,900 "I try not to have expectations..." I have granola in my hair. 551 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:03,733 "Because expectations create frustration" 552 00:47:03,833 --> 00:47:05,933 "and lead to disappointment." 553 00:47:06,033 --> 00:47:10,667 Which struck me as wise. I was like, "Wow! You're really wise." 554 00:47:10,767 --> 00:47:12,667 And then you came out with 555 00:47:12,767 --> 00:47:15,933 - all these expectations. - Okay, good. 556 00:47:16,033 --> 00:47:20,400 I disappointed you, and I'm confused about what's between us now. 557 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,300 What was it that you wanted? 558 00:47:26,767 --> 00:47:28,267 I wanted him! 559 00:47:32,567 --> 00:47:36,400 I think you being explicit about it made me not want it. 560 00:47:38,633 --> 00:47:40,633 Maybe that was fair, I mean... 561 00:47:41,667 --> 00:47:45,167 Just 'cause I want it doesn't mean you want it. 562 00:47:45,267 --> 00:47:48,233 I'm curious why you wanna work this out now. 563 00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,833 If you didn't want it... 564 00:47:50,167 --> 00:47:51,867 I didn't force it on you, 565 00:47:51,967 --> 00:47:56,000 like you didn't force us to be here. Why... what is this? 566 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,900 Part of the truth in his being obtuse is... 567 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,900 in the artist's mind: 568 00:48:07,067 --> 00:48:10,100 You make something and figure it out later. 569 00:48:12,733 --> 00:48:14,233 You... I think... 570 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,633 like the idea of not having... 571 00:48:20,867 --> 00:48:22,367 A script. 572 00:48:22,467 --> 00:48:26,200 You create scripts, but you like not having a script... 573 00:48:26,300 --> 00:48:27,800 There is this... 574 00:48:29,300 --> 00:48:32,533 artistic persona that I find bothersome: 575 00:48:34,267 --> 00:48:37,267 that finding meaning after the fact. 576 00:48:38,267 --> 00:48:42,867 There might be meaning after, but there had to be some impetus. 577 00:48:43,367 --> 00:48:46,000 We don't do things without impetus. 578 00:49:26,567 --> 00:49:31,433 As soon as I'm alone again, you creep back into my thoughts 579 00:49:36,167 --> 00:49:38,767 I ask you to visit me in Chicago 580 00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:41,567 You come for a few days, 581 00:49:42,133 --> 00:49:43,633 book us a hotel 582 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,700 I'm excited to see you again 583 00:49:48,367 --> 00:49:50,700 but you're texting the whole time 584 00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:55,800 We get to the room, though, and it all comes back 585 00:49:57,500 --> 00:49:59,367 I can't control myself 586 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,300 I need you 587 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,500 I'll do anything for you 588 00:50:08,133 --> 00:50:12,900 The morning you're flying back, I wake up and see you on your phone 589 00:50:14,567 --> 00:50:18,767 You're making plans to see sometime in Mexico after you land: 590 00:50:19,633 --> 00:50:22,400 "I can't wait to taste you again" 591 00:50:25,467 --> 00:50:27,033 You go to shower 592 00:50:27,133 --> 00:50:29,900 and I read other messages you've written: 593 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:34,033 "I can't stop thinking about you" "Stay the night" 594 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,600 "I'll make you breakfast tomorrow" 595 00:50:40,367 --> 00:50:44,267 I copy your message thread and email it to myself 596 00:50:45,833 --> 00:50:47,333 You kiss me, 597 00:50:47,833 --> 00:50:49,333 leave the hotel room, 598 00:50:49,867 --> 00:50:51,367 and fly back to Mexico 599 00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:56,867 I read your messages over and over, 600 00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:01,667 my face tightening so hard I can't cry 601 00:51:28,967 --> 00:51:30,467 Thank you. 602 00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,433 - It's the boy. Wanna talk to him? - What? 603 00:51:41,533 --> 00:51:44,300 It's the child, if you wanna talk to him. 604 00:51:45,133 --> 00:51:46,633 Oh, okay. 605 00:51:47,767 --> 00:51:51,467 - Too busy to talk? - No, not at all. 606 00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:54,567 - Here she is. - Thanks, Dad. 607 00:51:56,567 --> 00:51:58,933 - Hola? - Hey Mom. How's it going? 608 00:51:59,967 --> 00:52:02,333 - Okay. You? - I'm doing all right. 609 00:52:03,467 --> 00:52:04,967 It's hot. 610 00:52:05,367 --> 00:52:08,000 Do you remember the guy who is married? 611 00:52:09,733 --> 00:52:11,900 - No. - Okay. Well, in the film. 612 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,967 - Not really. - Okay. Well, he sent me... 613 00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,700 yesterday... 614 00:52:23,700 --> 00:52:25,400 Basically, anyway... 615 00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:27,767 He sent me this message yesterday 616 00:52:27,867 --> 00:52:29,367 that was... 617 00:52:31,333 --> 00:52:32,833 Really... 618 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,600 Bizarre but also maybe... it felt calculated... 619 00:52:39,233 --> 00:52:40,733 It was: 620 00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:45,667 "I don't have time for your project anymore. Good luck..." 621 00:52:45,767 --> 00:52:51,333 "I was only in it to fuck you again. That's not happening. My interest's dried up." 622 00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:56,200 Which... 623 00:52:59,333 --> 00:53:00,833 I think... 624 00:53:03,300 --> 00:53:06,133 I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. 625 00:53:09,567 --> 00:53:14,600 I guess it's only to be expected when trying to use real people. 626 00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:17,467 Real people do unexpected things. 627 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,833 Whether you're on camera, off camera, 628 00:54:01,267 --> 00:54:02,767 there's always... 629 00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,076 a certain level of manipulation in any type of... 630 00:54:07,100 --> 00:54:09,200 relationship, regardless, 631 00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:10,800 whether it be... 632 00:54:11,700 --> 00:54:13,767 intentional, non-intentional... 633 00:54:13,867 --> 00:54:15,533 Or just to protect. 634 00:54:16,733 --> 00:54:19,200 'Cause it's funny, it's like... 635 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,633 I don't care if I get naked in front of anybody. 636 00:54:23,733 --> 00:54:26,567 I don't care. Does not bother me one bit. 637 00:54:26,667 --> 00:54:29,667 But I won't put myself out there that much. 638 00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:31,367 'Cause when you kinda... 639 00:54:31,467 --> 00:54:33,633 Throw it all on the table, 640 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,433 sometimes people get burned. 641 00:54:41,900 --> 00:54:45,067 There is something there between the two of us. 642 00:54:45,167 --> 00:54:48,667 Definitely sexual tension, from almost the moment... 643 00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:54,233 But there is some attraction between us. 644 00:54:55,433 --> 00:54:57,333 Where that's at, not sure. 645 00:54:57,433 --> 00:55:00,400 If it's just curiosity or what it is, but... 646 00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:03,333 There is something more than just sex. 647 00:55:03,433 --> 00:55:08,000 - Does that feel like it's key for you? - No, not really, but... 648 00:55:08,167 --> 00:55:10,433 it's the icing on the cake. 649 00:55:13,167 --> 00:55:15,467 If it doesn't happen... 650 00:55:15,567 --> 00:55:19,200 It's not gonna be like, "Don't talk to me ever again." 651 00:55:19,300 --> 00:55:20,800 But if it does, 652 00:55:22,967 --> 00:55:25,667 the more the merrier, so to speak. 653 00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:29,167 You've been here for... 654 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,667 about 30 minutes and we still... 655 00:55:31,767 --> 00:55:34,100 We still both have our clothes on. 656 00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:36,900 It's a record! 657 00:55:48,967 --> 00:55:50,467 Fatboy! 658 00:56:04,900 --> 00:56:06,400 No, Fatboy! 659 00:56:31,033 --> 00:56:32,500 I see a bit of it. 660 00:56:32,900 --> 00:56:36,600 Then I've got one where I almost cut off my knuckle. 661 00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,267 Which knuckle was that? 662 00:56:38,933 --> 00:56:40,433 Oh, here also? 663 00:56:40,533 --> 00:56:44,067 Opening beer bottles when I used to bartend. 664 00:56:44,333 --> 00:56:46,267 I fell directly on my chin. 665 00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,833 And it was cold, so I didn't notice. 666 00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:53,033 Either my parents or my friends... 667 00:56:53,667 --> 00:56:55,167 Said: 668 00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,500 "Are you hurt?" 669 00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:02,500 Behind me, I'd left a stream of blood on the ice. 670 00:57:03,533 --> 00:57:07,400 Me and my brother were sword-fighting. He smacked me. 671 00:57:07,500 --> 00:57:10,867 I needed stitches but didn't have any money 672 00:57:10,967 --> 00:57:13,033 so we just cleaned it out. 673 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:18,200 We were playing in the barn. I slipped off the hay bale, 674 00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:21,100 and a piece of wood went into my leg. 675 00:57:24,767 --> 00:57:28,333 - How'd you pull it out? - We just pulled it out. 676 00:57:28,433 --> 00:57:32,200 My mom had to cut it to get all the wood out. 677 00:57:41,933 --> 00:57:44,567 So are you going back? I didn't know. 678 00:57:45,967 --> 00:57:47,600 I'm leaving on Saturday. 679 00:58:33,100 --> 00:58:36,267 - That's the charm of it for me. - I feel that. 680 00:58:36,967 --> 00:58:39,067 You get to see different parts. 681 00:58:40,433 --> 00:58:43,733 Tonight, I've been to Elmwood Park. 682 00:58:44,133 --> 00:58:46,767 I don't know. I'm not from Chicago. 683 00:58:46,867 --> 00:58:48,367 Basically, it's... 684 00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,467 north and west of the city, right on the border. 685 00:59:41,267 --> 00:59:43,667 Somebody tried to put it in me. 686 00:59:50,067 --> 00:59:51,700 It's like that... 687 00:59:52,933 --> 00:59:55,433 quiet... intense lurking... 688 00:59:58,033 --> 01:00:00,267 Somebody's over there behind you. 689 01:00:00,967 --> 01:00:03,900 Somebody's off in the shadows... 690 01:00:08,133 --> 01:00:12,400 It's interesting how hard it is to be invisible. 691 01:00:36,100 --> 01:00:38,000 Today's my birthday. 692 01:01:06,533 --> 01:01:10,900 I've boarded a plane to Paris where I'll be teaching in the fall 693 01:01:14,700 --> 01:01:16,200 You text me, 694 01:01:17,967 --> 01:01:21,000 ask me to spend New Year's with you 695 01:01:22,633 --> 01:01:24,133 It's too late 696 01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:29,167 I've already made plans to spend it with another man 697 01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:34,700 A moment passes 698 01:01:38,667 --> 01:01:40,167 You write me: 699 01:01:41,633 --> 01:01:43,133 "1,877" 700 01:01:44,267 --> 01:01:46,467 "I'm not seeing anyone" 701 01:01:46,567 --> 01:01:48,067 "I'm crying" 702 01:01:49,667 --> 01:01:51,167 "1,877" 703 01:01:52,633 --> 01:01:54,133 You write again 704 01:01:54,833 --> 01:02:00,667 "That's the number of attachments we've sent each other since I got a new phone" 705 01:02:00,767 --> 01:02:03,033 "1,877, I just checked" 706 01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:07,700 You keep writing: 707 01:02:08,633 --> 01:02:11,533 "Why did you talk to me every day?" 708 01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:14,633 "Why did we keep having sex?" 709 01:02:15,033 --> 01:02:17,700 "Why did you give me hope?" 710 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,500 "1,877 attachments" 711 01:02:22,533 --> 01:02:27,033 "I didn't need to find someone else I'm destroyed" 712 01:02:28,333 --> 01:02:32,567 "1,877 staples I now have to tear off my heart" 713 01:02:34,567 --> 01:02:36,933 "Our bodies are so good together" 714 01:02:37,033 --> 01:02:39,400 "I can't imagine life without you" 715 01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:41,733 "Call me, please" 716 01:02:42,333 --> 01:02:44,367 "I love you" 717 01:02:44,467 --> 01:02:46,633 "1,877" 718 01:03:56,600 --> 01:04:00,967 You're still typing when my flight takes off and I lose service 719 01:04:07,700 --> 01:04:11,400 Recently, you said you'd really like somebody 720 01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:15,333 you formed a long-term relationship with... 721 01:04:15,567 --> 01:04:17,067 Yeah. 722 01:04:17,967 --> 01:04:21,500 That's not a thrill-a-minute proposition. 723 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:25,367 The thrill-a-minute stuff, you get out of your system 724 01:04:25,467 --> 01:04:29,000 - when you're a teenager. - In your twenties? 725 01:04:29,833 --> 01:04:32,400 - Pardon? - In your twenties. 726 01:04:32,633 --> 01:04:34,133 Well, yeah. 727 01:04:35,233 --> 01:04:38,667 A lot of people don't get what they want because 728 01:04:38,767 --> 01:04:42,667 they're looking for something dramatic like in the movies. 729 01:04:42,767 --> 01:04:45,600 But it's not an all-the-time thing 730 01:04:45,900 --> 01:04:48,000 that works constantly. 731 01:04:48,700 --> 01:04:52,400 To be honest, one time when I left your dad, 732 01:04:52,500 --> 01:04:57,100 I thought about it for four months to decide whether to go back. 733 01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:02,400 And I finally decided. And the deciding factor was... 734 01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:07,267 That I liked traveling with Dad more than I liked traveling 735 01:05:07,367 --> 01:05:10,367 with anybody else I'd gone traveling with. 736 01:05:13,633 --> 01:05:15,133 I love that. 737 01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:19,833 We're compatible on the road. It's great! 738 01:05:22,967 --> 01:05:25,100 In the film and in your life, 739 01:05:25,300 --> 01:05:29,233 I want you to do whatever you have to do. 740 01:05:29,533 --> 01:05:31,867 Don't do anything because you want 741 01:05:36,267 --> 01:05:39,967 to please me or actually anybody else. 742 01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:43,633 Just think long and hard about what you're doing, 743 01:05:43,733 --> 01:05:48,567 and what the consequences are going to be. Will you be happy with them? 744 01:05:48,667 --> 01:05:51,367 I appreciate you saying that, Mom. 745 01:05:55,333 --> 01:05:58,433 It crystallizes a lot of how you raised me, 746 01:05:58,533 --> 01:06:00,533 and I'm grateful for that. 747 01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:03,700 Well. 748 01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:09,700 Yeah. Whatever. 749 01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,567 I fly to Mexico for work 750 01:06:33,433 --> 01:06:35,033 I want to see you again 751 01:06:36,433 --> 01:06:37,933 And you do, too 752 01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:43,367 I'm exhausted but full of adrenaline 753 01:06:44,633 --> 01:06:46,133 You open the door 754 01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:47,900 Tall and quiet 755 01:06:49,467 --> 01:06:50,967 Gentle 756 01:06:53,867 --> 01:06:56,300 You say it's a surprise seeing me 757 01:06:58,533 --> 01:07:00,633 Your beard has grown out 758 01:07:00,733 --> 01:07:02,300 You know I like that 759 01:07:04,167 --> 01:07:05,867 We walk up the steps 760 01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:08,833 You try to take one of my bags 761 01:07:09,300 --> 01:07:11,967 but it's easier to let me carry it 762 01:07:16,067 --> 01:07:17,933 Your house and your body, 763 01:07:18,967 --> 01:07:20,567 the same but different 764 01:07:22,833 --> 01:07:25,000 A new clearing in the garden 765 01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,367 An unfamiliar painting in your bedroom 766 01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,033 You wear a white cardigan I've never seen before 767 01:07:36,467 --> 01:07:38,033 You taste the same 768 01:07:43,267 --> 01:07:45,767 We use your phone to film each other 769 01:07:47,833 --> 01:07:50,533 And we make love better than ever before 770 01:07:55,667 --> 01:07:57,200 You know my body 771 01:07:59,733 --> 01:08:01,233 How it moves 772 01:08:02,033 --> 01:08:03,533 What I like 773 01:08:03,633 --> 01:08:05,133 Dislike 774 01:08:05,567 --> 01:08:07,067 What I hate 775 01:08:08,967 --> 01:08:10,467 What I love 776 01:08:19,500 --> 01:08:21,800 You show me what we recorded 777 01:08:22,867 --> 01:08:25,467 And I ask you to send it to me 778 01:08:27,833 --> 01:08:29,333 1,878 57006

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