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1
00:00:07,867 --> 00:00:10,102
(scratching)
2
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,947
Calvin.
3
00:00:14,906 --> 00:00:16,340
Calvin.
4
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:19,197
- Calvin!
- Yeah, what? What?
5
00:00:19,349 --> 00:00:23,064
- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Did I wake you?
6
00:00:23,994 --> 00:00:27,506
You could've woke the dead, Tina.
7
00:00:27,517 --> 00:00:29,099
Do you hear that scratching?
8
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:31,045
(scratching) What? That?
9
00:00:31,101 --> 00:00:32,956
Shh! Don't talk!
10
00:00:33,006 --> 00:00:34,762
(scratching) That.
11
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:39,261
I don't know. M-Maybe
it's a spider or something.
12
00:00:39,948 --> 00:00:42,284
Spiders don't make noise.
13
00:00:44,826 --> 00:00:47,263
All right, well, it sounds like
it's coming from the kitchen.
14
00:00:47,274 --> 00:00:49,529
It's got to be Malcolm and Marty.
15
00:00:49,805 --> 00:00:51,440
At 5:00 in the morning?
16
00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:54,603
With all that legal weed
out there? Absolutely.
17
00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:58,971
I don't know, Calvin.
It-it sounds like it could be an animal.
18
00:00:58,982 --> 00:01:00,170
Could you just go look?
19
00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:01,850
Hey, I'll look when I get up, okay?
20
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,596
Oh, baby, I don't... All right.
21
00:01:03,766 --> 00:01:05,171
(whimpers)
22
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:06,969
(grunts) (sighs)
23
00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:08,245
(scratching)
24
00:01:08,256 --> 00:01:09,791
Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, no, no.
25
00:01:10,965 --> 00:01:12,070
Baby, please.
26
00:01:12,081 --> 00:01:13,611
I cannot sleep with that.
27
00:01:13,622 --> 00:01:15,131
Just-just go check it out.
28
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,844
(sighs) Fine.
29
00:01:16,855 --> 00:01:18,323
I mean, you know...
30
00:01:18,387 --> 00:01:21,223
But once I brush my teeth,
that's usually it for me.
31
00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:24,353
(grumbling)
32
00:01:24,364 --> 00:01:26,547
So much for gender equality.
33
00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:30,038
Thank you, baby.
34
00:01:31,005 --> 00:01:32,731
- CALVIN: Whoa! (crashing)
- What?!
35
00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:34,534
- Get out! Get out of here!
- What, what, what, what?
36
00:01:34,545 --> 00:01:35,803
- Get out of here!
- What, what?
37
00:01:35,814 --> 00:01:37,916
- (glass shattering)
- Oh, you picked the wrong house tonight.
38
00:01:37,927 --> 00:01:38,929
Babe?
39
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,330
- Babe, you good?
- (crashing) Give me back my slipper!
40
00:01:42,341 --> 00:01:44,241
Slipper? Oh. All right.
41
00:01:44,252 --> 00:01:45,954
Well, it sounds like you got it.
42
00:01:46,061 --> 00:01:48,063
(crashing)
43
00:01:49,678 --> 00:01:51,813
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
44
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:53,427
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
45
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,237
Oh. Oh.
46
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:01,539
Oh, my God.
47
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:03,381
- What was it?
- I don't know, baby.
48
00:02:03,392 --> 00:02:06,433
Either it was a large
raccoon or a small panda.
49
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,055
Well, did you have to
make this big a mess?
50
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,890
I didn't do it. That thing did.
51
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:16,281
Look, babe, when I came in
here, that's when he saw me.
52
00:02:16,292 --> 00:02:17,667
And then we squared off, right?
53
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,914
Now, he had eyes as red as the devil.
54
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:23,719
So then, so then I hit him with
the two-piece. Hey, hey. Hey.
55
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:25,618
Hey. So then, but he's like,
56
00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:27,192
"Oh, what's up? What's up with that?"
57
00:02:27,203 --> 00:02:29,895
Then I was like, "Oh!" So then,
so then he came at me, right?
58
00:02:29,906 --> 00:02:32,605
So then I grabbed him, I was like,
ugh, and I put him in a full nelson.
59
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:34,132
And I was choking him, he's like, "Aah!"
60
00:02:34,143 --> 00:02:37,069
And I was choking him. But then,
but then he flipped me back over.
61
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,279
So then he started choking me,
and I was like, "Get off me."
62
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,863
But his hands was too small
to go around my whole neck
63
00:02:41,874 --> 00:02:44,376
so he couldn't get around my whole neck.
64
00:02:44,387 --> 00:02:47,045
So then I hit him with the Ice Cube,
I was like, "Yo, we got a problem here?"
65
00:02:47,056 --> 00:02:49,607
Right? So then,
then he came running at me.
66
00:02:49,618 --> 00:02:51,210
I grabbed him, I
flipped him around here,
67
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:53,581
and I field-goaled
him out the front door.
68
00:02:53,736 --> 00:02:55,370
Whew.
69
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,372
Oh, my God!
70
00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:04,174
There's footprints in my lasagna!
71
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,464
Well, what does the
pest control guy say?
72
00:03:06,475 --> 00:03:07,776
Well, nothing, babe.
73
00:03:07,957 --> 00:03:09,618
I'm still hearing the hold music,
74
00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:12,031
but I ain't mad because
they playing the Whispers.
75
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:16,735
Calvin.
76
00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:19,560
Can you call another company?
77
00:03:19,571 --> 00:03:21,988
Babe, I'm a half hour
invested on this one.
78
00:03:21,999 --> 00:03:24,680
If you can't get a pest
control guy on the phone,
79
00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:27,976
I'm calling a Realtor, and if
he answers first, we're moving.
80
00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:29,508
- (stammering): Wait, hold on.
- I'm not doing this.
81
00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:30,920
- Whoa-whoa-whoa, bab-baby...
- I'm not doing...
82
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:31,998
Representative.
83
00:03:32,348 --> 00:03:35,592
Representative. Representative.
84
00:03:36,488 --> 00:03:37,489
Agent.
85
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:39,583
Operator.
86
00:03:40,498 --> 00:03:41,595
Person.
87
00:03:42,801 --> 00:03:44,248
Yes, English.
88
00:03:44,259 --> 00:03:46,318
Or Spanish? ¡Nosotros!
89
00:03:46,717 --> 00:03:50,182
♪ ♪
90
00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:52,619
Don't mean to be pest-imistic,
91
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:54,028
but, uh...
92
00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:55,708
it was definitely a raccoon.
93
00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:58,858
So we're going to put
down like 16 bear traps?
94
00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:01,137
We could, if you sign a waiver saying
95
00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:04,385
we're not responsible for
anybody losing a leg or a child.
96
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:07,546
Well, we don't have a
child, so where do we sign?
97
00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:11,154
Tina, what are you doing?
You're just throwing all this food away?
98
00:04:11,165 --> 00:04:13,434
I'm not eating raccoon-touched food.
99
00:04:13,445 --> 00:04:15,790
Have you ever seen a
raccoon wash his hands?
100
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:19,168
They actually do. There's this
great video on YouTube where...
101
00:04:19,178 --> 00:04:20,579
Oh, oh, yeah, I seen that.
102
00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:24,460
'Cause they look like little
people. They like... (humming)
103
00:04:25,517 --> 00:04:26,726
(both laugh)
104
00:04:26,853 --> 00:04:29,122
- You mind if I check inside?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
105
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:31,679
Uh, look at all this food
you're wasting. You know, Tina,
106
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:34,726
I recently started composting.
107
00:04:34,737 --> 00:04:36,211
Yeah, I know.
108
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,971
For a man with a job, you spend
a lot of time digging in my garbage.
109
00:04:41,735 --> 00:04:43,870
Tina, did you get my text?
110
00:04:43,903 --> 00:04:44,904
Probably.
111
00:04:46,112 --> 00:04:47,362
Child, I didn't look. What?
112
00:04:47,373 --> 00:04:49,576
(laughs)
113
00:04:49,616 --> 00:04:52,248
School's canceled today 'cause
of the fires up in the mountains.
114
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,558
- Air quality is unsafe for the kids.
- Oh.
115
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,922
That never happened in Hickory Corners.
116
00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:59,674
We had closures for
blizzards, tornadoes, frogs.
117
00:04:59,685 --> 00:05:00,976
Frogs?
118
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:04,018
After the tornadoes, it
would actually rain frogs.
119
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:08,887
Gemma, where are you from?
The Book of Leviticus?
120
00:05:11,196 --> 00:05:13,298
We had really nice Octobers.
121
00:05:14,496 --> 00:05:16,671
I know today was the day
you were going to post
122
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:19,550
the casting decisions for the
spring musical, but you'll...
123
00:05:19,561 --> 00:05:22,427
Wow, a raccoon did all of this?
124
00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:25,242
Calvin helped.
125
00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,668
- Hey.
- PEST CONTROL GUY: Okay, it's looking like
126
00:05:28,679 --> 00:05:30,416
your point of entry is your chimney.
127
00:05:30,427 --> 00:05:32,886
We can put a mesh cap at
the top to inhibit access.
128
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:37,196
Ooh, let's put two in for
safety... and electrify it.
129
00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:42,083
So this mesh thing is
gonna stop the raccoons?
130
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,513
And Santa Claus.
131
00:05:43,524 --> 00:05:45,060
(laughs)
132
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:47,847
'Cause, you see, 'cause...
the chimney is where...
133
00:05:47,858 --> 00:05:50,197
- that's where Santa comes down.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:53,141
Hilarious. I get it.
135
00:05:53,898 --> 00:05:55,797
Truth is, if they want in,
136
00:05:55,808 --> 00:05:57,705
they're gonna find another access point.
137
00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,040
Best thing to do is to figure out what's
138
00:05:59,051 --> 00:06:00,786
attracting them in the first place.
139
00:06:00,832 --> 00:06:04,570
Some new food source around...
Fruit trees, dumpsters?
140
00:06:06,919 --> 00:06:08,116
Dave!
141
00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:13,726
Dave?
142
00:06:14,393 --> 00:06:16,430
Do you know what your
compost is doing? Ooh!
143
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:18,582
I have been waiting
for you to ask me that.
144
00:06:19,585 --> 00:06:21,556
I'm returning organic waste to the soil
145
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,280
instead of letting it rot in landfills.
146
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:24,359
Well, guess what.
147
00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,171
It's attracting raccoons.
148
00:06:26,338 --> 00:06:28,652
Aw. You know, composting brings
149
00:06:28,663 --> 00:06:30,381
all the creatures together.
150
00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:34,386
Not "aw." One of them
broke into my house,
151
00:06:34,397 --> 00:06:36,533
and now I don't have a left slipper.
152
00:06:36,788 --> 00:06:39,602
What am I supposed to
do with one slipper? Huh?
153
00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:41,068
Hello, Mr. Raccoon.
154
00:06:41,079 --> 00:06:42,804
Come get your other slipper!
155
00:06:43,455 --> 00:06:46,103
♪ ♪
156
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,100
Mama, where's all the food?
157
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,236
I'm not keeping any food in this house
158
00:06:50,247 --> 00:06:52,382
after some rodent trampled all over it.
159
00:06:52,393 --> 00:06:55,684
Well, actually, uh,
raccoons are not Rodentia,
160
00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:56,939
they are Carnivora.
161
00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,256
Which is kind of a misnomer
because they're omnivorous, so...
162
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,803
(chuckling)
163
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,456
Yo, Marty. Read the room.
164
00:07:05,944 --> 00:07:09,715
Wait, so are you saying there
is no food in this house?
165
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,797
Looks like you'll have to eat at home.
166
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:13,884
But we don't have food at home.
167
00:07:15,661 --> 00:07:17,663
I mean, we knew this day would come.
168
00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,768
You think you'll be ready
for it, but you're not.
169
00:07:23,503 --> 00:07:26,402
Okay, look, we're all going
to need food, all right?
170
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,382
Why don't you guys go
pick up some takeout?
171
00:07:28,393 --> 00:07:29,812
- Oh, okay.
- MALCOLM: Okay.
172
00:07:29,823 --> 00:07:32,032
Got you, Mama. Whatever you want. Uh...
173
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:33,612
Credit card?
174
00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:38,245
- It's our treat.
- Yeah, I'm sure.
175
00:07:40,622 --> 00:07:41,829
Hey.
176
00:07:42,394 --> 00:07:43,795
About those auditions
177
00:07:43,806 --> 00:07:45,307
for the spring musical.
178
00:07:45,417 --> 00:07:47,954
You know that seventh
grader Cooper Brockwell?
179
00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:50,245
You were probably wondering
if he's the same Brockwell
180
00:07:50,256 --> 00:07:53,068
as in the school's Brockwell
Performing Arts Center.
181
00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:54,546
I wasn't wondering.
182
00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:57,750
Oh, good.
183
00:07:58,498 --> 00:08:00,400
But he is.
184
00:08:01,174 --> 00:08:03,103
Oh, so wait a minute.
185
00:08:03,114 --> 00:08:05,748
Are you saying that I have
to cast this Brockwell kid
186
00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:07,815
because his parents
paid for the theater?
187
00:08:07,826 --> 00:08:09,028
Grandparents.
188
00:08:09,095 --> 00:08:11,063
His parents paid for the library.
189
00:08:12,005 --> 00:08:14,875
And no, of course I'm not saying that.
190
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,788
You should cast whoever's the best.
191
00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:18,118
Great.
192
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:21,821
- Was Cooper the best?
- Oh, no.
193
00:08:22,275 --> 00:08:24,743
I'm just glad you don't
feel any pressure to cast him
194
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,355
just because, without his grandfather,
195
00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:28,869
there wouldn't be a musical at all.
196
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:32,793
You know, now I'm
feeling a little pressure.
197
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,107
No, don't, don't, don't.
198
00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:38,015
It is a nice theater, though, isn't it?
199
00:08:38,026 --> 00:08:39,728
Oh, my God.
200
00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:43,802
(groans) It's always just one
thing after another with you.
201
00:08:43,813 --> 00:08:45,867
Remember when you
installed those solar panels?
202
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,722
Yeah, I reduced my carbon footprint
203
00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:49,777
and I cut my utility bill in half.
204
00:08:49,788 --> 00:08:51,960
Wrong. You caused a blackout,
205
00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:54,364
and I had to stop a mob
from beating your ass.
206
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:57,426
And what about when you
started collecting rainwater?
207
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,422
We were in a drought.
I decreased my water consumption.
208
00:09:00,433 --> 00:09:03,069
And this neighborhood was
swarming with mosquitoes.
209
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,682
The kid down the street
got bit in his eye.
210
00:09:05,693 --> 00:09:07,465
I had to stop his daddy
from beating your ass.
211
00:09:07,476 --> 00:09:09,858
Okay. Well, to be fair,
212
00:09:09,869 --> 00:09:12,873
that was the same guy
from the blackout, and...
213
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,983
- I think he has anger issues.
- Okay.
214
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,492
(alarms blaring)
215
00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:19,637
Oh, look, it's one of
those emergency alerts.
216
00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:20,950
It says that there's a...
217
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,405
mountain lion loose in the neighborhood.
218
00:09:23,469 --> 00:09:25,475
Wait a second. You guys got an alert?
219
00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:28,195
- I didn't get an alert.
- (alarm blaring)
220
00:09:28,462 --> 00:09:30,931
It's telling us to shelter in place.
221
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,144
You all are getting this?
222
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,824
It's only my phone that
doesn't care about me?
223
00:09:36,682 --> 00:09:39,294
Remain indoors until Animal Control
224
00:09:39,305 --> 00:09:41,536
can find and sedate the lion.
225
00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:43,351
Ha! You ain't got to tell me.
226
00:09:43,362 --> 00:09:45,627
Yeah, with Black people,
you just need two words,
227
00:09:45,638 --> 00:09:48,475
"mountain" and "lion," and
we ain't going out there.
228
00:09:48,575 --> 00:09:50,277
♪ ♪
229
00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:58,279
REPORTER: 100-year-old Bernice
Truck has always had a dream.
230
00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:01,241
There's a mountain lion
loose in the neighborhood,
231
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,109
and all the local news
wants to talk about
232
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,893
is a 100-year-old lady who's skydiving.
233
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:09,141
I mean, at this point,
what's she really risking?
234
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:12,131
Baby, don't say that.
235
00:10:12,142 --> 00:10:13,308
Hold on.
236
00:10:13,319 --> 00:10:15,054
Grover's home.
237
00:10:15,495 --> 00:10:17,705
Our son is in our house alone.
238
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:20,104
No. What? You can't go out there, Gemma.
239
00:10:20,115 --> 00:10:22,654
There's a mountain lion. Are you crazy?
240
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,990
See? That's why they need those alerts.
241
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:28,420
Okay, Gemma, look, let's not panic.
242
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,914
All right, he's fine.
He's in the house. The doors are shut.
243
00:10:30,925 --> 00:10:33,409
Grover knows not to open
the door for strangers.
244
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,584
What about mountain lions?
245
00:10:34,595 --> 00:10:36,030
Okay, well, Gemma,
if Grover doesn't know
246
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:39,158
not to open the door for a mountain
lion, we have bigger problems.
247
00:10:41,995 --> 00:10:44,468
Grover. Grover, can you hear me?
248
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:47,264
Hey, Mom.
249
00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:49,284
There's a mountain lion on the loose.
250
00:10:49,295 --> 00:10:51,693
I know. I got an alert on my phone.
251
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:55,745
You got to be kidding me.
Yeah... my phone wants me dead.
252
00:10:57,988 --> 00:11:00,143
Grover. Stay inside.
253
00:11:00,154 --> 00:11:03,824
Don't open the door for
any person... or animal.
254
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,646
We'll be over as soon as we can.
255
00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:10,211
So, first I don't get to go
to school because of a fire,
256
00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:12,124
and now I have to hang out in my house
257
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:14,937
without supervision
for who knows how long?
258
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,117
I know, sweetie.
259
00:11:19,592 --> 00:11:21,627
Poor little thing.
260
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,686
If this is the House of the Dragon,
261
00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:29,279
then where's the dragon?
262
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:32,159
This is nothing but ladies taking baths.
263
00:11:34,287 --> 00:11:37,690
Mom would definitely say
this is not appropriate.
264
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,697
But Mom's not here.
265
00:11:43,983 --> 00:11:47,440
And we will also have the
Carolina pulled pork sandwich.
266
00:11:47,451 --> 00:11:50,086
Oh, yeah, bread on the side
so it doesn't get soggy.
267
00:11:50,097 --> 00:11:52,299
Yeah, uh, bread on the side.
268
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:54,114
Extra sauce, also on the side.
269
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:56,519
- Extra sauce, please.
- Mm-hmm.
270
00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:58,398
On the side. On the side.
271
00:11:58,409 --> 00:11:59,952
Don't let it touch the bread.
272
00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:03,542
And we will also have
the full rack of ribs.
273
00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:06,865
Oh, is that more Memphis
style or Texas style?
274
00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:10,514
- They are pig style, Marty.
- Okay.
275
00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:14,817
Oh, ask if their coleslaw
is more soupy or dry.
276
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,172
Would you hold on for
one second, please?
277
00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:21,467
No, I will not ask them that.
278
00:12:23,318 --> 00:12:25,386
They about to spit in our food, man.
279
00:12:26,018 --> 00:12:27,867
You cannot be this
high maintenance, Marty.
280
00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,447
You are not pretty enough.
281
00:12:29,989 --> 00:12:32,191
They don't know how pretty I am. Please.
282
00:12:32,338 --> 00:12:34,091
- (phone beeping)
- (groans)
283
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,024
Oh, great, see, now that's Mama calling.
284
00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,710
And she is worse than you are.
285
00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:40,669
Man, I ain't got time for this.
I'm gonna just finish this order.
286
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,915
Hello? Yes, that will be all, please.
287
00:12:42,926 --> 00:12:45,332
Oh, no, ooh, ask if their lemon pie
288
00:12:45,343 --> 00:12:47,778
has more whipped cream or meringue.
289
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,571
I'm so sorry. The call dropped.
290
00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:53,623
I just saw you hang up.
291
00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:55,424
That's why it dropped.
292
00:12:57,749 --> 00:13:01,253
Okay, well, please call me
back when you get this, Malcolm.
293
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,498
CALVIN: I mean, them mountain
lions is getting close.
294
00:13:04,509 --> 00:13:06,567
Look, babe, that's the Johnsons' house.
295
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:07,579
- No.
- What?
296
00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:09,592
Uh, the Black Johnsons.
297
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:12,572
I can tell because they leave
298
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,459
their Christmas lights up all year long.
299
00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:17,939
Mm. I kind of like it.
It keeps me in the spirit.
300
00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:21,370
It's March. There should
not be a Santa on that roof.
301
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:25,867
Somebody's getting hangry.
302
00:13:26,587 --> 00:13:29,606
Dave, I don't know what the hell
that means, but I am not in the mood.
303
00:13:29,617 --> 00:13:31,705
I am hungry and I'm angry.
304
00:13:34,707 --> 00:13:36,372
I'm starving, too.
305
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,218
You know what?
306
00:13:38,229 --> 00:13:40,358
Some of those boxes you
threw out were sealed.
307
00:13:40,369 --> 00:13:43,110
- I'm getting some Triscuits.
- Ooh. What?
308
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:45,421
Will you see if there's
anything sweet in there? Like a...
309
00:13:45,432 --> 00:13:47,209
Like a scone or an éclair?
310
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,455
David, I'm going to the trash.
311
00:13:49,466 --> 00:13:51,402
I'm not popping by the bakery.
312
00:14:00,493 --> 00:14:01,936
Something knocked over our trash cans.
313
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:04,181
Oh, no. The raccoon is back.
314
00:14:04,192 --> 00:14:06,461
Oh, no, this was way
bigger than a raccoon.
315
00:14:06,472 --> 00:14:09,542
Oh, my God. It's the mountain lion.
316
00:14:10,356 --> 00:14:11,873
Before we all die,
317
00:14:12,044 --> 00:14:14,775
I just want to make it clear that, Dave,
318
00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,022
- this is all your fault!
- That's right.
319
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:20,385
How so?
320
00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:22,292
Because your composting
321
00:14:22,303 --> 00:14:25,489
attracted the raccoons, which made Tina
322
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,595
throw out our food, which
drew the mountain lion
323
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,219
- right to our front door.
- Mm-hmm.
324
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:32,267
I should've let that man beat your ass.
325
00:14:32,278 --> 00:14:34,180
You should've.
326
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,413
I can't leave our son alone.
327
00:14:36,424 --> 00:14:38,650
I don't care what's out there.
I'm going to be with my son.
328
00:14:38,661 --> 00:14:40,089
All right, honey. Wait.
329
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,909
- (helicopter blades whirring)
- (man speaks indistinctly over speaker)
330
00:14:53,873 --> 00:14:56,853
- What were they saying?
- Whatever it was, it translates to.
331
00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,777
"Get your butt back
in the house, woman."
332
00:15:00,874 --> 00:15:03,109
Look, Grover's alone.
333
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,962
He must be so scared.
334
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,668
Okay.
335
00:15:09,636 --> 00:15:11,164
Now let's find out
336
00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:13,659
why I'm not allowed to watch Euphoria.
337
00:15:17,242 --> 00:15:19,378
♪ ♪
338
00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:25,464
Yo...
339
00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:27,761
What is with all the helicopters?
340
00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:29,374
It's got to be a police chase.
341
00:15:29,714 --> 00:15:32,456
I hope it's still on TV. (laughs)
342
00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:34,648
I hope it's not us.
343
00:15:38,999 --> 00:15:40,100
Yo.
344
00:15:40,459 --> 00:15:42,060
Look at all this trash.
345
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:45,457
Uh-oh. Somebody's gonna
have to clean all this up.
346
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:48,880
- Not it.
- Hold on, hey, hey, hey, hey.
347
00:15:48,891 --> 00:15:50,727
Are you really going
to be that juvenile?
348
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:52,150
(sighs)
349
00:15:52,161 --> 00:15:53,798
- Yes.
- No!
350
00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:54,843
Malcolm!
351
00:15:55,981 --> 00:15:57,464
Hey, hey. I got the food.
352
00:15:57,475 --> 00:15:58,876
Are you crazy?
353
00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:00,975
Why didn't you answer the
phone when I called you?
354
00:16:00,986 --> 00:16:02,820
There's a mountain lion loose out there.
355
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,533
Out where? I didn't get an alert.
356
00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:07,348
Oh, it's not just me. Yes.
357
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,176
Where's your brother?
358
00:16:10,187 --> 00:16:11,819
He's out there cleaning up the garbage.
359
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,915
Oh, my God. Calvin, go get my baby.
360
00:16:13,926 --> 00:16:15,712
- I'm on it.
- I'll go with you, Pop.
361
00:16:15,723 --> 00:16:18,598
Oh, no, you won't. Uh-uh.
You could get killed.
362
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:20,461
I'll go.
363
00:16:20,472 --> 00:16:22,081
- Yeah, go ahead, Dave.
- Go, go.
364
00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:23,961
Go!
365
00:16:25,237 --> 00:16:26,373
Daddy!
366
00:16:26,384 --> 00:16:28,170
Don't let me go out like this!
367
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,004
Oh.
368
00:16:30,903 --> 00:16:34,149
I've never been to Japan.
I've never whitewater rafted.
369
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,796
There's two or three
more Avatars coming out.
370
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,215
Well, what do you do
with a mountain lion?
371
00:16:40,226 --> 00:16:42,395
I think you're supposed
to punch it in the nose.
372
00:16:42,783 --> 00:16:44,930
- That's a shark.
- DAVE: Okay. All right.
373
00:16:44,941 --> 00:16:47,245
Uh, stay perfectly still.
374
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,074
That's a T. rex.
375
00:16:49,085 --> 00:16:51,119
Well, I'm hearing a lot of noes.
376
00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:53,357
- Why don't you throw out some ideas?
- Okay, okay.
377
00:16:53,368 --> 00:16:54,952
Marty, what you got in the bag?
378
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:57,599
It's a Carolina pulled pork sandwich.
379
00:16:58,069 --> 00:17:00,204
Bread on the side, sauce on the side.
380
00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:03,036
You are your mama's son.
381
00:17:04,286 --> 00:17:05,578
All right, you know what?
382
00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:08,379
I got this. Okay? Come on.
383
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,333
All right, everybody just
stay still. (growling)
384
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:13,044
Hey, big cat.
385
00:17:13,511 --> 00:17:15,970
Hey there, Mr. Lion.
386
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,571
How you doing? You want some barbecue?
387
00:17:18,811 --> 00:17:19,811
(roaring)
388
00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:23,125
- Whoa!
- (groans) Mama. Okay.
389
00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:26,120
N-Nice smile. Nice
smile. I like it. Okay.
390
00:17:26,131 --> 00:17:29,519
All right. It's good
barbecue. Yummy, yummy, yummy.
391
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,184
Okay... You eat meat, right?
392
00:17:32,416 --> 00:17:35,684
You're not one of those
vegan L.A. lions, are you?
393
00:17:35,695 --> 00:17:37,372
Go! Get in there!
394
00:17:37,549 --> 00:17:39,094
We haven't tried this particular place,
395
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:40,907
but it did get four stars on Yelp.
396
00:17:41,914 --> 00:17:44,016
It's a mountain lion, not a food critic.
397
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:46,364
Okay.
398
00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:50,782
Go, go, go! Shut the door, go shut it!
399
00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:52,060
Go shut the door!
400
00:17:52,418 --> 00:17:53,896
Whoo! Oh!
401
00:17:54,389 --> 00:17:56,360
- Whew.
- We got him!
402
00:17:56,829 --> 00:17:59,899
Don't mess with the dynamic duo.
403
00:18:00,239 --> 00:18:01,574
Duo?
404
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:04,392
Dave, I went face to
face with a mountain lion.
405
00:18:04,403 --> 00:18:06,171
All you did was shut the door.
406
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,831
Oh, my God, Daddy.
407
00:18:09,842 --> 00:18:11,210
You saved my life.
408
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:14,724
You guys are my Blackman and Robin.
409
00:18:17,135 --> 00:18:20,839
If the TV news comes
by, you got to say that.
410
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,278
Which one am I?
411
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:26,251
♪ ♪
412
00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:33,656
REPORTER: ... where the
mountain lion was sedated
413
00:18:33,706 --> 00:18:36,174
and will be released back into the wild.
414
00:18:36,557 --> 00:18:38,083
Coming up after the break,
415
00:18:38,094 --> 00:18:41,304
a 100-year-old woman dies
in a skydiving accident.
416
00:18:44,777 --> 00:18:46,491
And there you go, little bro.
417
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:48,303
Oh. Now, just so you know,
418
00:18:48,314 --> 00:18:51,354
uh, I wanted to come out there
and save you, but, uh, you know,
419
00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:52,832
Mama wouldn't let me.
420
00:18:52,952 --> 00:18:54,796
Aw. It's okay, Malcolm.
421
00:18:54,807 --> 00:18:56,909
Sometimes fear immobilizes you.
422
00:18:59,812 --> 00:19:02,047
I said Mama wouldn't let me.
423
00:19:03,014 --> 00:19:05,450
It's okay to be afraid
of lions, big brother.
424
00:19:05,658 --> 00:19:07,059
I still look up to you.
425
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:12,805
Grover, don't you want any food?
426
00:19:13,411 --> 00:19:15,981
Thanks, Mom, but...
427
00:19:17,175 --> 00:19:18,810
I'm good.
428
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,802
Poor kid must have
been worried sick. Aw.
429
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,749
Look, I know today
has been crazy, and...
430
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:29,122
we didn't get a chance to talk
about the whole school musical thing.
431
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:32,159
Oh, it's fine. Today reminded
me of what's really important.
432
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,582
Don't worry about casting
that Brockwell kid.
433
00:19:34,593 --> 00:19:37,037
You're in charge. You
cast whoever you want.
434
00:19:37,048 --> 00:19:38,350
Oh, thank you.
435
00:19:38,361 --> 00:19:40,167
But I totally understand, you know,
436
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:44,211
you're under a lot of pressure,
so I will put Cooper in the musical.
437
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:46,865
He can be townsperson number two.
438
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,298
Townsperson number two?
439
00:19:49,309 --> 00:19:51,723
His only line is, "Here comes Shrek."
440
00:19:51,877 --> 00:19:53,363
But it's your call.
441
00:19:54,199 --> 00:19:55,298
(mouths)
442
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,548
Hey, Dave. I know I'm
hard on you sometimes, but
443
00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:00,840
you really stepped up out there today.
444
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,409
Thanks for having my back.
445
00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:05,023
That's what best friends
are for. And you know what?
446
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:09,445
I am going to share some of the
fruits of my composting with you.
447
00:20:09,456 --> 00:20:11,018
Grew these in my garden.
448
00:20:11,029 --> 00:20:12,224
Uh...
449
00:20:12,235 --> 00:20:14,850
I'm not going to eat a
strawberry you grew in the trash.
450
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,316
You're missing out.
451
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,700
It's so... It's so...
452
00:20:25,711 --> 00:20:27,079
It's so good.
453
00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:30,635
(disposal crunching)
454
00:20:30,809 --> 00:20:32,811
What? You're not gonna compost that?
455
00:20:41,251 --> 00:20:46,251
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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