All language subtitles for Die Hart s02e04 Like Mother Like Son.eng

[playful music playing]

[Jordan] Hey, Andre, maybe
one of us should just drive.

[chuckles] No, don't worry
about it. I got it.

I got you, my man.

Yeah, man... [sighs]

I got a crick in my neck
that's a bitch.

[sighs] I swear I got to get
to Nina so she can fix this.

Who's Nina?

- Kevin's fulltime masseuse.
- My fulltime masseuse.

[snickers] Of course. Of course.

Okay. Well,
I'm glad that my life

getting destroyed amuses you.

What? Didn't you basically
ask for all of this?

No, I didn't basically
ask for all of this.

I do not do that
besides for a movie.

There's a big difference.

A movie has cameras
and sound, lights,

that's what that has in it.

This is not the same.
It's not the same!

We need to go to the police.

No, no, we do not need
to go to police.

Whoever this guy is,
he thinks we're dead, right?

So we use that
to our advantage...

- [Jordan sighs]
- Okay? We make him think

that we're--
that we're not here.

We disappear. We just
got to figure where to go.

Man, this is where Natasha
would come in handy

because she would know
exactly where we should go.

And who the hell is Natasha?

That's Kevin's
Airbnb consultant.

That's my Airbnb consultant.

This is getting ridiculous.

Oh, my God. I know exactly
where we can go

where no one would ever
search for us.

Who's in?

Who's in?

Okay. Make yourself at home.

Uh, do you guys
want anything to drink?

Kombucha, coffee, tea?

Yes. Yes. Uh, kombucha
would be great.

I don't have it.
You call my bluff.

[laughs] I don't have kombucha.
I'm sorry.

No, water would be great.
Thank you.

Water is gonna be great. Great.

Fantastic. And you,
do you want some water?

[clicks tongue] I'm not putting
my mouth on a cup of this house.

Nice. Nice.

Jesus Christ.

You actually live here?

[Andre] Yeah.
My little slice of heaven.

Ugh.

- [Andre] What was that?
- I said ugh.

I love it.
It's actually really charming.

[Andre] Thank you.
You know mom and I are,

kind of, always messing
with the motif in here.

[Andre] Went through a huge
Southwestern phase,

so much turquoise.

[Andre and Jordan chuckle]

So your mom helped you decorate?

Oh, yeah. Big time.
She's my roommate.

- She's right there.
- Oh, God!

- You've got to be shitting me.
- [snoring]

No, no, no, no. Don't be afraid,
don't be afraid.

Watch this.
Do you wanna meet her?

- No, I don't have to.
- Here we go.

Ma, are you okay?
Your mouth is open real wide.

- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.

- [Andre laughs]
- Oh, my. [laughs]

- Don't charge at me.
- Oh, my. Oh. Oh, my God.

Fix your bra.

It's, it's... it's Kevin Hart.
America's treasure.

He's a family--
No, you don't have to.

[laughs] No. And Jordan King,
or should I call you Wheezy.

[chuckles]
No, that's just a role

I'm not paid
nearly enough to play.

Uh, Jordan is fine.

[Andre's mom] Oh, come here.
I got to squeeze you. Come here.

[Andre's mom laughs]

You two got to eat.

We're gonna have a feast.

Andre, go to the freezer.

We're gonna defrost
the Christmas pork chops.

We're doing
the Christmas pork chops?

- [Kevin] No, no.
- We've been waiting for this

- for like six years.
- I don't think that...

- [Jordan] Oh.
- We have that much time.

[Kevin] You don't have
to do that. We don't wanna--

[Andre's mom]
Oh, we have plenty of time.

You guys save that meat, okay?

- Okay?
- You're eating my meat.

[Andre] Tell him, mom. Tell him.

I don't-- I don't-- No, no, no.

- You're gonna want my meat.
- No, we don't want your meat.

And people
talk about it all the time.

- Well, we don't...
- Did you hurt yourself?

- Uh, this is not-- This is...
- Did you know there was...

[yells in pain] Ah, shit, woman!

Did you know
there was blood there?

- Yeah, I...
- And up here?

Oh, ow! Stop.

But you are Kevin Hart.

You can't walk around
with bloody clothes on.

You're too sophisticated.
Take your shirt off.

- Come on, I'm gonna wash it.
- No, no, no, it's okay.

I'm, I'm already
doing a bloody load.

Come on. Take it off.
Come on. Help me.

Take it off, Kevin.
What are we doing?

- Yeah.
- So nice of you.

Oh, somebody
has got a cute tummy.

- Okay. That's a lot.
- [Andre's mom] Come on.

Mom, look at it.
Remember I was telling you

about his belly button? It's
right there, mom. You got it.

Take my chance.
[blows raspberry]

- [Kevin] Oh, God.
- [Andre laughs]

Just let me-- Just please--
Let me get it. Stop it, please?

[laughs] Oh, my goodness.

Thank you. You got it.

- Oh, that's...
- You gotta be kidding me.

Whoa, that hit my eyes.
That is...

We-- Well, we were filming...
That is... [sniffs]

- That's a man right there.
- Yeah, we were filming...

That is good.

We're doing a improv action.

- I can't wait to see...
- I love you so much.

We were basically
all the action...

Oh, I'm so proud of you son.

[Kevin sighs]

They're such nice people.
[chuckles]

Nice people who?

[scoffs] You're so mean. How can
you be mean to this guy?

Look at him.

He might be the nicest, sweetest
person I've ever encountered.

How can you fire him?

[clicks tongue] Uh, you want me
to start at the beginning?

I don't know, maybe because
he doesn't respect boundaries.

He cares about you.

Oh, will you just stop it?

Man, clipped my goddamn
toenails one time.

While I was in bed...

with a woman.

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

Struggling, by the way,
to perform.

Had a lot on my mind.

A lot of my mind.

Brown gummy worms
in full effect.

I-- I don't--
I don’t need to know this.

- I don't need to know this.
- Loose noodle.

Call it what you want.
I look down...

Kevin.

I see his face looking up at me.
Now, I got no shot.

[Jordan] Okay.
Thank you for the context.

Just giving you a--
Giving you a play-by-play.

But, [sighs] listen, when I go
to set, it's me acting, right?

But to get there, I've got reps,

my dialect coach, my assistant,
and then there's

personal trainer, hairstylist,
makeup artist.

The, the list goes on,
and then there's

family and friends
who supported me

and sacrificed for me.

I'm sorry, I got lost
in what you were saying

because I felt it was bullshit.

You have that too Kevin
and then some.

Okay? It's why you're a star.

No, that's not true.

I'm a star because
I made myself a star with this.

Sure. Yeah, that's the story
you keep telling yourself,

but you had help.

Okay.

Hey, how are you guys doing?

[chuckles] The pork chops
are smelling

so much like shrimp right now

it's amazing.

I got you a shirt my man.
I think it'll fit perfectly.

- [Andre] Okay. Do you see it?
- [Kevin] Mm-hmm. Nice.

Yeah, I made that myself.

Okay. Thank you for that.

Uh, I wanted to ask you earlier,
but I didn't get a chance...

- Anything.
- Who's... Who's that?

- This one?
- Yeah.

That's my dad.
He's been gone a long time.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Same. You know my mom raised me.

I know.

Did your dad, uh, got afraid
of parenthood and run off?

It wasn’t anything like that, actually.

He was amazing. He was kind.

Uh, he was gentle-- By the way,
Richard Pryor's assistant.

Your dad is Richard...

I guess you could say assisting
just runs in the family, right?

Oh, that's legendary.

- It is, right? [chuckles]
- That's huge.

It's huge. Until it killed him.

What do you mean?

[clicks tongue] It's a big show

and, uh, crazy fan
got through security.

So my dad jumped
in the way of a knife

that was meant
for Richard Pryor.

You-- You're playing.

- No. Cut him in the stomach...
- What?

- Got up, back down.
- What?

Killed my dad on the spot.

Oh, my God, man!

I can't-- I can't process that.

Neither could I. It was
enormous for our whole family.

Why would somebody
wanna kill Richard Pryor?

Huh?

Who?

Yeah, why? That's crazy right?

Yeah, I bet my-- I bet--

By the way,
I bet my dad when he was dying,

was looking up and was like,
"Why would you do this?"

Or something like that.
It has to be, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.
I mean, at that point,

that’s not what's important.
Somebody tried to kill Richard.

- Right. My dad was already dead.
- Yeah.

So-- The thing we're gonna worry
about is who is this guy?

Are there more of them?

Guys' gonna do
what he's gonna do.

- Yeah.
- Okay? You can't rewrite that.

No. Nobody can. I tried to.

[chuckles] God, I've been
to so much therapy

trying to rewrite that moment.

What could I have I done,
you know, as I child.

But maybe I could have
jumped in the way

- or something like that.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

On the bright side though,
if you think about it,

he died
doing what he loved the most.

- Mm-hmm.
- Assisting.

He was so happy
that he brought joy

to someone who brought
joy to so many people.

He told me
every single thing I knew.

[Andre chuckles]

You know, man, maybe, um,
maybe I didn't mean to fire you.

I think your exact words were,
"I didn't need a stuntman."

"I sure as hell
don't need an assistant."

You said it to me,
yelled it, and then,

uh, you told me get out
of your car, right?

Oh, no. You're absolutely--
Yeah, yeah, you're right.

But I'm just saying now,
looking back,

I'm saying, maybe, I do--

Maybe I still do
need an assistant.

I mean, if you--

Oh, God. All right.

[chuckles] I need you too.

- No. Not this...
- I need you too.

Not this same.

- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah.

I've never been this hard.

All right.
I'm gonna tell my mom.

Mom, you'll never believe it.

Congratulations.

Something else, right?

[groans]

- [Jordan] I'm proud of you.
- Shut up.

You know if you start
treating everyone

in the Kevin Hart Universe

with that level of respect,

I think you'll be happy
with your life.

You really are something else.

I mean, you paint me out
to be such a monster.

Name one other person
that I've disrespected.

Just one. Give me one.

I can absolutely name someone.

- [Kevin] Hey, Jordan.
- Yeah. Hi.

Had you looked
at the call sheet?

I didn't see your stunt double
on there.

Oh, I sent her home.

Why?

Well, I grew up on motorcycles
and it's a simple one today.

I just have to drive
through that glass

of our dry cleaning business
before it explodes.

Whoa. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Simple for who?

Who's, who's it
the simple for, you?

Well, that's what
you have double for.

Do you know what this looks like

if you're gonna do
all your own stunts

and I don't do mine?

Do you know what people
will think of me?

Uh, they'll think
you're an actor?

And, listen,
I'm not jumping off the cliff,

I'm not jumping a plane,

and I ain't fighting
no alligator for anyone.

You don't think
I can do my own stunts.

What? No.

You don't think
I'm tough enough?

No, I-- that's what Doug is for.
For exactly these things.

You think I need Doug?

Absolutely.

Maybe I don't.
Maybe I don't need Doug.

I think he just heard you.

Hey, Doug.

I'm gonna go talk to Doug.

Kevin.

Hey, there he is.

My guy.

Oh, oh. [laughs]

Yeah, you ain't gonna
believe this shit.

I'm talking to Jordan.

I just found out Jordan sent
her stunt double home.

You know
what she's trying to do.

You know exactly
what she's trying to do.

She's trying to show me up
and I'm not going to have that.

I can't have that.
I'm Kevin Hart, right?

[Kevin laughs]

So here's the thing, right?

Let's get
into this relationship,

because it's one of the best
that I've ever had.

How long
have you been with me, man?

Damn, that long huh?

It's been a long time.

I know you're gonna be fine and
it's time for you fly, right?

[Kevin] So with that being said,

uh, we're done.

I'm, I'm gonna go ahead and--
Is it-- Is fired the word?

I guess-- I guess it is fired.

So I'm gonna fire you,
but in a--

but in a dope way
to where we're still cool.

Imma-- Imma gonna go
and, uh, get ready.

My guy.

- It's stunt time.
- Kevin, this is terrible idea.

It's stunt time.

Listen, I'm not trying
to show you off.

Hey, enough Jordan.

It's all good, Mr. Action Star.

[gasps] Doug.

[dramatic music playing]

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