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1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,179
[beeping]
2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:08,443
SHIP COMPUTER: Planet crust--
59.6% silica.
3
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:12,055
Again with the silica.
It's always silica.
4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,884
SHIP COMPUTER: Scan complete.
Minimal resources detected.
5
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,886
Planet has low potential.
6
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,149
Looks like my decision's
made for me.
7
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:21,282
Navigation,
set course for home.
8
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,502
[creature squeals]
9
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,287
ROGER: What the?
10
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,463
[dramatic music plays]
11
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:32,336
- [roars]
- Aah!
12
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:36,906
♪
13
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:39,343
[laughs]
Aah!
14
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,867
[screaming]
15
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,262
[screeches]
16
00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:48,439
Aah!
17
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,615
[glass shatters]
18
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,878
♪
19
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,359
[screaming]
20
00:00:55,359 --> 00:01:02,540
♪
21
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,078
[coughs]
22
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,688
SHIP COMPUTER:
Fuel core not found.
23
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,211
Switching to reserve power.
24
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,909
Reserve power sufficient
for orbital launch.
25
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,259
That's good news.
26
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:26,173
SHIP COMPUTER:
Reserve power depleted
27
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,957
by orbital launch calculations.
28
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:29,524
[ship powers down]
29
00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,395
That's bad design.
30
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,267
[sighs]
31
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,138
I gotta find that fuel core.
32
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:38,446
[coyotes howling]
33
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,578
♪
34
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:44,365
[vehicle approaches]
35
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,149
Can't let the inhabitants
see me.
36
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,543
- [wind whistles]
- Shit.
37
00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,893
Salutations,
fellow traveler.
38
00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:54,201
Well, you don't look like
you're from around here.
39
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,594
You must be a hobo!
40
00:01:56,594 --> 00:02:00,511
A poor hobo wandering the desert
like an Israelite.
41
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:04,428
I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible
salesman and good Samaritan.
42
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,430
And you're coming with me.
43
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,432
- I don't want to.
- I insist.
44
00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,044
So you're taking me
prisoner?
45
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,351
FREDDY UNDERWOOD: I'm taking you
for a hot meal.
46
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,440
So you're gonna eat me, then?
47
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,877
[laughs]
I don't eat hobos!
48
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,792
Not since
the Great Depression.
49
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,316
[laughs]
50
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,883
[whistling]
51
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,538
BROADCASTER: As reports come in
of a large crash
52
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:30,193
somewhere in the desert
of what some are saying was
53
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,848
an unidentified flying object.
54
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:39,681
I'm not much for news
unless it's the good news.
55
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:42,466
Used to be a preacher.
Preached the good book.
56
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:46,340
Then something happened.
Now I sell the good book!
57
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:51,997
Don't believe in it anymore
because of what happened.
58
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,217
And here we are!
59
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,828
Grandma Macadoo's
boarding house.
60
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,134
You're gonna like her.
61
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,875
- She's a warm, earthy woman...
- [door opens]
62
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,399
FREDDY UNDERWOOD: ...but saltier
than Lot's wife!
63
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:06,142
I got a hungry one for you,
young Miss Macadoo.
64
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,797
Little guy with long arms, huh?
65
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,364
I dropped a dirty sex book
66
00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:12,453
on the far side
of my claw-foot tub.
67
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:17,327
If you can reach it, I'll give
ya a big plate of chipped beef.
68
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,155
Ah, he's runnin' away.
69
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:22,854
Grandma, this jackrabbit's
head's all mushy!
70
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,335
Ew. Gross!
71
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:29,296
Can I make his head
all mushy?
72
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:33,735
[dramatic music plays]
73
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:36,259
[sniffing]
74
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,305
[sniffs, screeches]
75
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,960
[sniffs]
76
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,531
[growls]
77
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,231
♪
78
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,058
[old-timey music plays]
79
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,365
Oh good, I'm up!
80
00:03:55,365 --> 00:04:01,893
♪
81
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,940
Rip Van Winkle rises!
82
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,942
I need to go.
83
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,160
Suit yourself.
84
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,250
[stomach growls]
85
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,948
Ha ha! Someone smells
that chipped beef.
86
00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:14,558
Chipped beef again?
87
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,125
What did think you
were getting, Luis?
88
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,605
A salad?!
89
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,302
[Southern accent]
None for me, please.
90
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,956
Watching my figure.
91
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:23,480
Screen stars
have to stay trim.
92
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,353
I'm Roslyn Jenkins, not that you
know the name yet. [chuckles]
93
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,920
I'm in New Mexico
for a brief respite.
94
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,053
Then I'm off to be
a young ingenue for
95
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,098
Metro Goldwyn and Mayer.
96
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,057
You've been here
nine years.
97
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,624
You're 60, right?
98
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,234
I'm not 60!
99
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,628
It's this damn dry air.
100
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:43,065
Uncle Cosworth,
you joining us?
101
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:46,242
Soon as I get
this old girl loaded.
102
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:49,506
Uncle Cosworth is one of the
last living Civil War veterans.
103
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,726
He liked shooting so much,
he fought for both sides.
104
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:54,816
Clifton! Put your little
club down and eat something.
105
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,514
♪
106
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,865
You know, I heard on the radio
that some people think
107
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,738
they saw a Martian spaceship
last night.
108
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,349
Ya listen to my radio,
ya pay me a nickel!
109
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,917
I'll tell you something.
As a crop duster--
110
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,659
I'm a crop duster. I spend
a lot of time in the air.
111
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,704
And I've seen my fair share
of things in the sky
112
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,445
that I cannot explain.
113
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,360
Once I saw what appeared
to be a black bird,
114
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,449
but it had
the body of a mouse.
115
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,451
And it was nighttime!
116
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,671
Sounds like a bat to me, friend.
117
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,020
A what?!
118
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,717
[chuckles]
119
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,241
I also fought in the
Spanish-American War
120
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:31,243
in 1898.
121
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,376
Tremendous war.
122
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,552
I don't know
what it was about,
123
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:38,903
but I'm sure we were
the good guys.
124
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,166
Luis, you don't know
when that airplane
125
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,994
is gonna drop
like a stone.
126
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,953
You need to be at peace
with the big bearded man
127
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,128
in the clouds.
128
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,043
You need a Bible.
129
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,132
But you don't believe
in the Bible.
130
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:52,177
Some big bearded man
in the clouds?
131
00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:53,962
I'm not an idiot!
132
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,399
But you can't afford
to take chances.
133
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:59,837
And I'd believe the Bible if I
could, trust that, but I can't.
134
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:02,187
I'm locked out
of the gates
135
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:04,015
because of all of
those hobos I ate.
136
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:07,018
[laughing]
137
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:10,674
And if you make new chipped beef
inside the old chipped beef,
138
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:13,460
you never have to
wash the pot!
139
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:17,638
But do I make my debut
in comedy or tragedy?
140
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:20,031
I mean,
I can do both equal--
141
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,338
Clifton!
It's dead already!
142
00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:25,036
GRANDMA MACADOO: All done?
143
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,691
I suppose that means
you'll be hitting the road?
144
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,389
[vehicle approaches]
145
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,781
[suspenseful music plays]
146
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:34,698
♪
147
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,047
[pound on door]
148
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:41,096
Evening, madam.
I'm with the OSS.
149
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,664
Wait, sorry, the CIA.
150
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,753
They just changed
the name on us.
151
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,885
I'm Agent Avery Bullock.
152
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:51,019
Wait, sorry,
Avery Bullock Senior.
153
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,717
I just had a son,
and he changed my name on me.
154
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,763
Hello, citizens!
155
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,678
I'm sure you've all heard
about a crash
156
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,375
that happened last night,
157
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,378
and maybe you've even heard
it was a UFO.
158
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:05,903
[laughs]
A UFO? Can you imagine?
159
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,949
Do you want to know
what it really was?
160
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,777
A weather balloon.
161
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:12,562
A common, everyday,
you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times
162
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:13,868
weather balloon.
163
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,044
What is
a weather balloon?
164
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:18,002
It's a type of balloon.
165
00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:22,354
If it was just a balloon,
why is the OSS here?
166
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,356
"Why is the CIA here?"
167
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,142
What's that thing
you're carrying?
168
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,623
It's a tool for capturing
weather balloons.
169
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:33,017
Now that I've answered all
your questions flawlessly,
170
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,715
I have a question.
171
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,892
Have you seen any suspicious
characters around?
172
00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:39,502
Suspicious how?
173
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,505
Just suspicious.
Not an alien or anything,
174
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:46,509
but maybe gray or green skin,
maybe tentacles.
175
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,729
Assistance in finding
someone like that
176
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,382
would be
greatly appreciated.
177
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:55,257
And any resistance
would be greatly unappreciated.
178
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:58,782
Mister, I know for a fact
that every one of us
179
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,784
has seen
a suspicious character...
180
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,267
...in the mirror!
181
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,051
[laughter]
182
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:11,099
Well, I'll leave you
to your joyless laughter.
183
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,318
Is it only six of you
for dinner?
184
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,103
You better believe it!
185
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:18,454
Then why are there
seven plates?
186
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:19,977
[gasps]
187
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,198
[whimpers]
188
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,287
BULLOCK: Do I hear
the frightened whimpering
189
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:27,855
of a nasty little
weather balloon in there?
190
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,858
[door creaks]
191
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,556
[suspenseful music plays]
192
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:34,731
[door creaks]
193
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,560
♪
194
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,909
[light switch clicks]
195
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,391
Well, this didn't work.
196
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,393
I beg your pardon, madam.
197
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,265
Wait, you think I'm a woman?
But I look ridiculous.
198
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,746
I've seen more fetching women, sure,
199
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,880
but you're no more homely than
your very homely twin sister
200
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,969
I saw
out in the dining room.
201
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:58,189
Because I look just like
Grandma Macadoo.
202
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,888
Get out of my way!
Chipped beef, chipped beef!
203
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,411
- [all gasp]
- What in the twinly name
204
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,934
of Jacob and Esau!
205
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,763
I'm back from the bathroom,
everybody, me,
206
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,896
Grandma Macadoo's sister.
207
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:11,899
Grandma Macadoo?
208
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,728
Why did you all say
there were only six of you here?
209
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,207
Oh, no!
210
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:18,079
They couldn't hear you
over the sound of your stomach
211
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,515
smelling the chipped beef!
212
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,082
I'll get you a bowl.
213
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,432
The secret to chipped beef
is the creaminess,
214
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:26,696
and the secret to my creaminess
is horse milk.
215
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,917
Sure, horse milk tastes like
grass and smells like a horse,
216
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,659
and cow milk is way better
in every way imaginable,
217
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,357
but I don't have a cow
and I do have a horse.
218
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,315
[tires squeal]
219
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:40,318
Or I did, before I chipped it up
and beefed it.
220
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,192
It's like I'm looking
in a mirror.
221
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,673
Hobo?
That's you, right?
222
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,240
- Somehow?
- [all gasp]
223
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,244
One of the greatest acting
performances I've ever seen!
224
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,421
You simply became
Grandma Macadoo.
225
00:09:56,421 --> 00:10:00,687
What makes my disguise
so effective on humans?
226
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:04,212
Well, it's time I came clean
about what I am--
227
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,517
- a big ol' alien.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
228
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:07,128
- Stop talking!
- No, no, no, not our business!
229
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,826
Let me explain something
to you, magical hobo.
230
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,742
We all came to the middle
of nowhere for a reason.
231
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,831
We don't talk
about the past
232
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,225
or who poisoned
what daddy where
233
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:20,010
or why the well water
went smelly.
234
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,751
And don't ask me about
stealing my airplane,
235
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,710
which doomed my squadron.
236
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,668
I'm always joking
about what I did,
237
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,627
but it really
actually truly happened.
238
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,367
I did it!
I ate 'em!
239
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,544
Can you, uh, do me
like you did Granny?
240
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:35,896
I used to preach the good book.
Now I sell it!
241
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,768
- [all gasp]
- Do me!
242
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,248
I'm a fresh
young thing,
243
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,511
and my gorgeous little face
looks like a river map.
244
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,470
I want to become a star
by sitting here in the corner!
245
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,342
Hey!
246
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:50,301
It was brother against brother,
which was tough
247
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,391
because I didn't have a brother,
so I had to shoot my sister!
248
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,741
[gunshot]
249
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,308
[laughs]
250
00:10:57,308 --> 00:11:00,224
I like to fart a big load
of dust onto some crops,
251
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,357
then go to town and pay a man
and a lady
252
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,576
to watch me have sex
with my plane.
253
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:07,579
Boy, this magical hobo was
listening to everything I said!
254
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,277
Can you become
anyone else?
255
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,887
I don't know anyone else.
256
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,542
What if we went into town,
met some other people?
257
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,283
It's the Green Chile Festival!
258
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,198
I should get going, actually.
259
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,113
I have to find
my spaceship's fuel core.
260
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,071
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
- Try this.
261
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,334
Trust me.
262
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:24,422
[swallows]
263
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:25,728
Phew.
264
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,165
Town. Chiles. Now.
265
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:31,168
[up-tempo music plays]
266
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,343
[engine starts]
267
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:37,740
♪
268
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:42,223
♪ In a town in Sweden
by a stream so clear and cool♪
269
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,355
♪ Some boys were
sitting, fishing♪
270
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:47,184
♪ When they should have
been in school♪
271
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,578
♪ They couldn't read
or write a word♪
272
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:52,624
♪ But happiness they found ♪
273
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,975
♪ In a little song they heard ♪
274
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,933
♪ Here's how it would sound ♪
275
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,761
♪ Hut-sut rawlson
on the rillerah♪
276
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,721
♪ And a brawla, brawla sooit ♪
277
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,635
♪ Hut-sut rawlson
on the rillerah♪
278
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:06,813
♪ And a brawla sooit ♪
279
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:07,988
What's that?
280
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,033
Tent revival?
281
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,470
Is there something in there
I can put inside me
282
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:17,171
or put myself inside or maybe,
I don't know, rub on myself?
283
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:21,479
PREACHER: I was there,
in the field, a man of clay,
284
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,700
my heart and mind still mired
in the frantic decadence
285
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,094
and sin of this modern life.
286
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:31,185
"Green chili this,"
and "peepshow that,"
287
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:36,320
when out of the sky it fell.
288
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,061
[all gasp]
289
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,803
It exploded into the ground,
290
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:43,066
and I went to it.
291
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:46,026
My mind was made clear!
292
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,898
My heart became full
with the Lord!
293
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:52,597
My hair became very easy
to comb!
294
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,426
My teeth fell out
and landed on the ground
295
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,951
with a pretty little
pitter-pat!
296
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:01,955
And a voice whispered,
and I knew, I understood
297
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:06,742
that it was a sacred piece
of Heaven's wall!
298
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,613
I must touch it!
299
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:09,745
[gunshot]
300
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,138
[all gasp]
301
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:13,793
Only I may touch the relic!
302
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,838
MAN: Praise be!
303
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:19,755
Now, we have all heard tell
of an alien in our midst,
304
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,496
but I say to you this--
305
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,760
it is not an alien
that has come to us
306
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,458
- but an angel!
- MAN: Hallelujah!
307
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,547
WOMAN: Amen!
308
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:32,115
[suspenseful music plays]
309
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:36,511
♪
310
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,382
Oh!
311
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:41,646
Lord, thank you for
this sacred chunk.
312
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:45,912
Let no man sunder me
from my godly chunk.
313
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,001
Ta-da!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
314
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:51,221
It's me! It's me! The angel!
I'm here for that!
315
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:54,877
[hisses] You don't
look like an angel!
316
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,749
Where are your wings?!
317
00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:00,274
I tuck 'em into my robes
when I'm not flying.
318
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537
- Where's your halo?
- Also tucked.
319
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,495
Most of these things
are for flying only,
320
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,715
and it's immediate
tuck-time on landing.
321
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,500
MAN: Looks like she's wearing
a piece of the tent!
322
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,373
- Can we see you fly?
- I'd rather not.
323
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,854
Maybe I'll just shoot you,
to be safe.
324
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,638
I saw him fly!
325
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,118
[all gasp]
326
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:21,208
It was the most beautiful thing
I ever saw.
327
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,601
It brought tears
to these Southern eyes.
328
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:26,300
And as I looked upon
that flying angel,
329
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,259
I said to myself,
"Be strong, Roslyn!
330
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,872
Because whether it was poison
or not, Daddy is gone,
331
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,222
and if you just
sit on your tuffet,
332
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:37,789
you'll never get to brush
your hair at the pink vanity
333
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:38,921
- of Hollywoodland."
- All right, that's plenty.
334
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,444
- Huh?
- I'm the angel,
335
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,881
is the main takeaway,
336
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,231
and I'm here for that piece
of our beautiful wall.
337
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,407
There's a big hole
near the gate,
338
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,757
and s-sinners
are wiggling through.
339
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,629
Saint Peter's Gate?
340
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:52,239
Yep.
341
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,023
It is an angel!
342
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,199
I saw him fly, too!
343
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:59,376
I think I saw him eat a big
cheeseburger across the street!
344
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:02,031
[all shouting]
345
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,163
[cheers and applause]
346
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,642
Well, I guess
I should be going,
347
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,993
but God thanks you
for your assistance!
348
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,430
WOMAN: Will we get into Heaven
for this?
349
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,606
Boy, you guys sure are
excited about Heaven.
350
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,434
What's it like?
351
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:16,089
- It's nice.
- ALL: Ooh!
352
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:19,005
It's very nice.
353
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,702
ALL: Ooh!
354
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:23,748
Yeah, there's, like, the wall
and-- and the gate, obviously.
355
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,359
I already mentioned those.
356
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,796
- WOMAN: What's inside the wall?
- Oh, it's got everything.
357
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,016
There's a-a tent
just like this,
358
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,932
and, um...
oh, they've got green chilies.
359
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,326
As above, so below!
360
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,938
Who wants a kiss
from a real angel?
361
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,723
Form a line!
362
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,986
Kiss line canceled!
Everyone, link arms
363
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:47,772
and form a Heaven's wall
here on Earth with your bodies!
364
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,165
You should see a doctor,
365
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,646
tell him God said
"Radiation poisoning."
366
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,475
Aah!
367
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,390
Looks like someone was hoping
to get back to Heaven,
368
00:15:56,390 --> 00:16:00,394
but I'm afraid I'm going to
have to take you someplace...
369
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,874
South of that.
370
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,748
[dramatic music plays]
371
00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,011
You're a clever one,
gray man.
372
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,100
But I'm a clever gray man, too.
373
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,929
I realized
you were no angel.
374
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:16,062
Because I didn't
have the wings.
375
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:19,804
Ha! I didn't know for sure
until you just confirmed it.
376
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:23,939
And now I'm taking you to
a new secret facility in Nevada.
377
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:26,898
It's called Area 51--
state-of-the-art.
378
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,814
Makes Area 50
look like Area 49.
379
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,339
- Will I like it there?
- Oh, you'll love it!
380
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,906
Unless you don't like
being dissected alive,
381
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,778
in which case,
you'll hate it.
382
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,040
What's that?
A weather balloon?
383
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,827
No, it's a friend.
384
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,873
♪
385
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:47,180
I can't see anything
with all this safe
386
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,182
and harmless crop dust!
387
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,663
- What the?!
- [glass shatters]
388
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:55,449
♪
389
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,929
Great plan, gang.
390
00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:00,236
I mean, I almost died,
but good plan.
391
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:03,631
Good not great.
Now, where's our getaway car?
392
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,461
Okay,
this plan sucks, gang.
393
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,073
[gasps]
394
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,162
This is all the getaway
we need.
395
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:16,165
I'm going to get you
alien scum.
396
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,515
Where is it?!
I know it's one of you!
397
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,995
We'll never tell!
398
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,953
And you can't take
all of us!
399
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,346
I'm taking all of you.
400
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,000
A-kazza-kazza-whaaa?
401
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,176
I don't know which one of you
is the alien.
402
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:30,527
I mean, I feel pretty confident
it's one of the twins,
403
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,748
but I'm taking you all
to Area 51 anyway.
404
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,358
Uncle Cosworth,
do something!
405
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:38,796
One Bull Run Special
coming up!
406
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,321
Okay that's
not happening.
407
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,584
I can't
let you take them.
408
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:46,239
It's me.
I'm the one you want.
409
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,763
Don't say anything mean
about my body.
410
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,724
- [all cheer]
- Hallelujah!
411
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:57,206
I cracked that man!
I daddied him!
412
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,947
Clifton,
I can't believe
413
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,384
you were hiding behind
that cactus the whole time,
414
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,560
especially since you're
also standing right there.
415
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,694
[screams]
416
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,130
[all scream]
417
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,132
UNCLE COSWORTH:
Sweet mother of pearl!
418
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,873
Kill me!
Do it!
419
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:14,136
[growling]
420
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,442
I wronged you.
421
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,184
I killed your, I want to say,
little lover?
422
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,707
W-Was it a--
Was it a sex friend?
423
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:22,275
[screeches]
424
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,060
It was your young.
I was afraid of that.
425
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:28,716
But before you righteously
murder me, can I say something?
426
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,413
You and me
are a lot alike.
427
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:33,677
Fellow travelers.
Strangers on a strange planet.
428
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,289
A strange planet
full of strange humans!
429
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,987
They do weird stuff.
Like clapping.
430
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,816
They enjoy a thing so they
gather to look at the thing
431
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,731
and slap their hands
together?
432
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,298
Big loud slappy clomps?
433
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,386
Dumb.
434
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,127
In a way
the computer was right.
435
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,433
This planet
has low potential.
436
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,088
But then I got to thinking
about the green chili pepper.
437
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:57,266
Full of high quantities
of capsaicin, which is a poison.
438
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,572
But what you can't tell
439
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,835
from your scanning tripod
on the moon,
440
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:04,665
is that this poison is also
really spicy and flavorful.
441
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:07,189
- Get where I'm going with this?
- [chatters]
442
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,451
The people!
443
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,584
They're like
the green chili peppers.
444
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,326
The things inside them
that they think are poison--
445
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:16,372
their dark secrets
and their troubled pasts--
446
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,070
just make them spicy
and flavorful.
447
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,163
I told you
we were a lot alike.
448
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,470
He's waking up.
That's my cue!
449
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,169
[screeching]
450
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,909
Heh-heh-heh.
451
00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:38,742
Tell everyone what you saw here
today if you want.
452
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,136
Who would ever
believe you?
453
00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:43,443
[laughs]
454
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,925
[alien speaking
alien gibberish]
455
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:53,844
He...
456
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,411
He didn't say goodbye.
457
00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,805
To keep you safe,
my friends.
458
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,546
I don't want you
to know too much.
459
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,765
Do you think
he was the alien
460
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,506
the government
was looking for?
461
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,595
Hmm, maybe they
don't know enough.
462
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:12,689
♪
463
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:28,966
NARRATOR: And so Roger sets off
to travel this new world,
464
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:31,621
seeking only his pleasure
and amusement,
465
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,058
perhaps righting a wrong
if he has time
466
00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:35,843
and it's not a big hassle.
467
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:39,629
All the while being pursued
by an intelligence agent,
468
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,457
his smart-alecky bald son,
469
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:45,722
and a vengeful shape-shifting
alien who seeks to destroy him.
470
00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,855
His date with destiny
and the Smith family
471
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:51,511
still decades in front of him,
he is...
472
00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:52,860
The Fellow Traveler.
473
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:56,080
And these are his stories.
474
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,126
Bye. Have a great time.
475
00:20:58,176 --> 00:21:02,726
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