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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:51,331 --> 00:00:55,825 79, 80, 80-jump, 82, 2 00:00:55,961 --> 00:01:00,204 83, 84, 85, 86... 3 00:01:12,561 --> 00:01:14,802 Come on, Harper! 4 00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:16,761 Come on, Yale. 5 00:01:16,856 --> 00:01:21,057 J Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care 6 00:01:21,152 --> 00:01:23,063 j my master's gone away j& 7 00:01:54,311 --> 00:01:55,926 Jeff: Take that, my good man. 8 00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:02,019 Oh, you are fast, Muhammad Ali. 9 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:04,021 You're fast, all right. 10 00:02:06,823 --> 00:02:08,029 Ooh! 11 00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:09,575 Rabbit punch! 12 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,361 Jesus, ref, are you blind? 13 00:02:15,332 --> 00:02:16,993 You're a credit to your race. 14 00:02:30,513 --> 00:02:32,450 Male newsreader: Damage estimated in the millions. 15 00:02:32,474 --> 00:02:34,886 It's the third such outbreak in this area this month, 16 00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:37,467 and reflects the unrest that has plagued the area 17 00:02:37,562 --> 00:02:40,053 since early last year, when similar conflagrations 18 00:02:40,148 --> 00:02:41,513 arose all across the country. 19 00:02:41,608 --> 00:02:43,690 - Morning, troops. - Many attribute the action to... 20 00:02:43,777 --> 00:02:45,630 - Hello, sweetheart. - A predictable seasonal unemployment. 21 00:02:45,654 --> 00:02:47,089 - Hey, Burton. - The governor pointed out that, 22 00:02:47,113 --> 00:02:48,649 should another such incident occur, 23 00:02:48,823 --> 00:02:50,279 he would be compelled to ask 24 00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:52,232 for special federal riot troops, 25 00:02:52,369 --> 00:02:55,702 an action that no-one wants, least of all the white house, 26 00:02:55,789 --> 00:02:58,371 which has been hopeful that such disturbances were over, 27 00:02:58,458 --> 00:03:00,039 at least for the time being. 28 00:03:00,335 --> 00:03:02,451 That's got to be the smallest screen in the world. 29 00:03:02,587 --> 00:03:04,418 They look like ants. 30 00:03:04,714 --> 00:03:07,205 They're getting very dangerous. 31 00:03:07,592 --> 00:03:10,675 A screen that size ought to only have 15-minute shows. 32 00:03:12,305 --> 00:03:15,547 Get it? Small screen, small shows. 33 00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:18,304 You said that yesterday. 34 00:03:18,687 --> 00:03:20,973 You didn't get it yesterday, either. 35 00:03:21,147 --> 00:03:25,356 It wasn't funny yesterday, any more than it'll be funny tomorrow. 36 00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:27,525 Critics everywhere. 37 00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,237 Aren't you concerned with the civil rights issue? 38 00:03:31,366 --> 00:03:33,402 Yeah, sure. 39 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,763 Most people are just crazy. They think that, at any moment, 40 00:03:35,787 --> 00:03:37,807 a negro's gonna hit 'em over the head with a watermelon, 41 00:03:37,831 --> 00:03:40,368 and steal their high school ring. 42 00:03:40,458 --> 00:03:43,416 I think white people have to show greater interest and understanding. 43 00:03:43,545 --> 00:03:45,456 - How else... - Look, althea... 44 00:03:45,588 --> 00:03:47,169 Your bus'll be coming by soon. 45 00:03:47,382 --> 00:03:51,125 I like to give 'em a head start. Makes a contest out of it. 46 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,844 It is now post time! 47 00:04:02,939 --> 00:04:04,770 Thank you, my dear. 48 00:04:04,941 --> 00:04:08,104 Off to another smash week in the insurance game. 49 00:04:08,361 --> 00:04:09,726 I want you to know that I feel 50 00:04:09,821 --> 00:04:11,277 I'm leading a boring life. 51 00:04:11,364 --> 00:04:12,729 I am so advised. 52 00:04:12,824 --> 00:04:14,735 You were so advised yesterday. 53 00:04:14,826 --> 00:04:16,782 It wasn't funny yesterday, either. 54 00:04:16,911 --> 00:04:19,618 - Don't kiss me. - I wasn't gonna kiss you. 55 00:04:19,706 --> 00:04:21,642 It's just that my shorts are too tight, that's all. 56 00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:24,453 Mommy, can we watch daddy run out the door? 57 00:04:24,586 --> 00:04:26,668 - No, you may not. - Oh, boy. 58 00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:28,336 There goes your stupid bus. 59 00:04:28,423 --> 00:04:30,664 Doesn't stand a chance. 60 00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:56,234 Passenger: There he is! 61 00:04:56,326 --> 00:04:57,361 The son of a bitch! 62 00:04:57,452 --> 00:04:59,693 Step on it, you got him by fifty yards! 63 00:05:00,205 --> 00:05:03,288 Sorry, folks, I got to make a stop at this corner. 64 00:05:03,374 --> 00:05:05,740 Passenger ♪2: Have your exact change ready, folks. 65 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,290 Come on! 66 00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:44,033 Passenger: Hurry up! Hurry up! 67 00:05:55,385 --> 00:05:57,876 Passenger: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 68 00:06:01,057 --> 00:06:03,639 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 69 00:06:59,282 --> 00:07:01,614 Passengers: Oh, shit! 70 00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:10,414 Winner, and still undefeated, folks! 71 00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,833 Pay some respectful homage, please. 72 00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:14,627 Some applause, please? 73 00:07:16,507 --> 00:07:17,787 Shows you have good taste, lady. 74 00:07:18,009 --> 00:07:19,499 Fare, please. 75 00:07:19,761 --> 00:07:22,503 Jeff: Arrogant, arrogant. They're all arrogant! 76 00:07:24,807 --> 00:07:26,718 In the good old days, back in the old south, 77 00:07:26,809 --> 00:07:28,515 you'd have to drive from back here! 78 00:07:30,104 --> 00:07:32,561 - Get it? Back of the bus? - Why don't you take 79 00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:36,441 all the money you save racing this bus, and race a cab? 80 00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:38,643 Jeff: That is very funny. 81 00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:41,354 Hey, driver, you hear that? 82 00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:43,693 I'm only good for 83 00:07:43,785 --> 00:07:45,275 short distances. 84 00:07:45,495 --> 00:07:47,235 Hundred yards, maybe. 85 00:07:48,247 --> 00:07:50,238 But over a long haul, 86 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:53,707 they just don't have it in 'em. 87 00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,002 J camptown race track five miles long 88 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,037 j doo-dah 89 00:07:58,132 --> 00:08:01,249 j camptown race track five miles long... & 90 00:08:20,738 --> 00:08:23,024 Jeff: See you tomorrow, fans! Same time, same station. 91 00:08:23,116 --> 00:08:25,107 Yeah, not such a big shot when it rains, are ya? 92 00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:26,407 When it rains, you ride. 93 00:08:50,393 --> 00:08:51,673 Come on, Joe. 94 00:08:51,728 --> 00:08:53,969 Hey, Joe, come on, come on, come on! 95 00:08:54,522 --> 00:08:55,932 Mornin', mr gerber. 96 00:08:56,024 --> 00:08:57,480 Ah, mornin', Joe. How goes it? 97 00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:58,682 Oh, okay. 98 00:08:58,943 --> 00:09:00,899 Any rioting in the neighbourhood last night? 99 00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:02,943 Er... I don't see any broken windows. 100 00:09:04,449 --> 00:09:06,940 What's the matter? This place ain't good enough to... to loot? 101 00:09:08,828 --> 00:09:10,864 Oh, mr gerber! 102 00:09:11,789 --> 00:09:13,029 The usual, mr gerber? 103 00:09:13,124 --> 00:09:14,614 Oh, yes! Ah, but make mine a double. 104 00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:17,041 I'm feeling a bit under par this morning, hmm? 105 00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:22,043 One double polynesian health juice comin' up! 106 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:27,297 Hey, er... no offence about that, er... That looting remark, you know? 107 00:09:27,388 --> 00:09:29,299 Oh, no, mr gerber. 108 00:09:29,432 --> 00:09:31,297 I know you don't go for that sort of thing. 109 00:09:31,392 --> 00:09:32,848 No, okay. 110 00:09:32,935 --> 00:09:35,142 And, of course, if you did, 111 00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:37,345 it would be very hard for the police to identify you. 112 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,852 I mean, an hour later, 113 00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:42,441 all you cats look alike! 114 00:09:44,489 --> 00:09:47,981 All us guys look Ali... Oh, mr gerber! 115 00:09:49,577 --> 00:09:51,113 Here's to your health! 116 00:09:51,245 --> 00:09:54,533 Oh, 'scuse me, mr gerber. 117 00:09:57,168 --> 00:09:59,329 Hello? No, goodbye! 118 00:09:59,587 --> 00:10:01,248 Hey, Joe, 119 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:02,608 there's an extra nickel in there for you. 120 00:10:02,632 --> 00:10:05,123 - Oh, thank you, mr gerber. - Tip. 121 00:10:05,218 --> 00:10:08,005 - Thank you, mr gerber. - Forget it. 122 00:10:30,993 --> 00:10:32,984 Okay, buddy, this is a hijack. 123 00:10:33,079 --> 00:10:34,990 Take this elevator to Harlem. 124 00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:42,748 Hey, how'd you do on the poker game, Andy? 125 00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:44,579 Er, er... okay. Fine. 126 00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:47,047 Hey, er... When are you and dotty 127 00:10:47,135 --> 00:10:49,175 comin' over to the house to try out my new barbecue? 128 00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:51,802 Oh, er... soon, soon. R... real soon. 129 00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:54,430 Five Saturdays in a row I asked you. 130 00:10:54,851 --> 00:10:57,137 I'm beginnin' to think y'all don't like us. 131 00:10:57,562 --> 00:10:59,598 Don't be silly, it's... It's just that, er... 132 00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:03,188 Okay. Then we'll expect you next Saturday at five o'clock, 133 00:11:03,276 --> 00:11:05,267 and no more excuses about the children being sick. 134 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,860 Andy: Well, actually, er... Dotty hasn't been feeling well. 135 00:11:07,947 --> 00:11:09,903 Get her cured by the weekend. 136 00:11:14,078 --> 00:11:17,036 Sluts, sluts, all of you, sluts! 137 00:11:17,165 --> 00:11:19,531 Next thing you know, you'll be smoking cigarettes. 138 00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:21,490 Hello, there, Erica, 139 00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:23,542 you gorgeous hunk of Sweden. 140 00:11:23,629 --> 00:11:24,869 Erica: Norvay. 141 00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:27,671 Norvay, sveden, what difference does it make, 142 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,507 as long as you're a blonde? 143 00:11:30,595 --> 00:11:32,176 Are you? 144 00:11:32,263 --> 00:11:34,470 Just curious. I mean, how many girls 145 00:11:34,557 --> 00:11:36,172 are really blonde all the way? 146 00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:37,973 Collars and cuffs? 147 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,425 Excuse me, mr gerber, 148 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,101 but I must get back to my desk. 149 00:11:41,230 --> 00:11:43,642 A dollar if you walk fast and stop short. 150 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:46,566 Two dollars if you trot. Five dollars if you run. 151 00:11:46,861 --> 00:11:49,523 And ten dollars if you're really a blonde. 152 00:11:51,115 --> 00:11:52,696 Gerber! In here. 153 00:11:52,867 --> 00:11:54,403 Yassuh, mr townsend. 154 00:11:55,328 --> 00:11:57,284 And fifty dollars if you're a fella! 155 00:11:57,872 --> 00:12:00,267 Ah, the top of the morning to you, mr townsend, 156 00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,291 and how are ya? 157 00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:03,282 Gerber, sit down and stop being so damn happy. 158 00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:04,742 - It's depressing. - Yes, sir. 159 00:12:04,837 --> 00:12:07,374 Gerber, I am not going to mince words. 160 00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:09,376 You have turned in a very disappointing month. 161 00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:10,915 Well, I must say I agree with you. 162 00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:12,321 But, considering the time of year... 163 00:12:12,345 --> 00:12:14,281 Look, I'm just pointing out it's a sub-productive month. 164 00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:16,591 - I'm not asking why. - It's income tax time. 165 00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:18,764 And, though people die, they seldom buy. 166 00:12:18,851 --> 00:12:21,342 Gerber, look, I may as well come right out and say this. 167 00:12:21,437 --> 00:12:23,302 It's time somebody told you... 168 00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:25,725 I've got bad breath. Bad breath. 169 00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:27,397 You got something much worse than that. 170 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:30,693 Offensive perspiration? Midriff bulge? Er... 171 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:32,896 Dingy dentures? Asiatic crud! 172 00:12:33,115 --> 00:12:35,902 There! That's exactly that kind of a remark. 173 00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,741 You, gerber, are a smartass. 174 00:12:37,828 --> 00:12:40,410 A number one, king-size smartass! 175 00:12:40,539 --> 00:12:42,279 I'm the best salesman in this office. 176 00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:43,455 You were. 177 00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:45,703 But your rate of new policies is dropping. 178 00:12:46,212 --> 00:12:47,497 Here, I've been going about 179 00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:49,670 particularly trying to sell policies 180 00:12:49,757 --> 00:12:51,213 only to younger men 181 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:54,133 who can live longer, and pay premiums longer, 182 00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:55,843 and you don't appreciate it. 183 00:12:55,930 --> 00:12:58,387 Anybody can sell a policy to a 90-year-old man 184 00:12:58,474 --> 00:12:59,674 with a cough and the shingles. 185 00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:02,262 Listen to me, gerber, your customers curl up their toes 186 00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:04,039 at the same rate as all of our other customers. 187 00:13:04,063 --> 00:13:06,054 Yeah, well, of course, if 23 of my customers 188 00:13:06,148 --> 00:13:07,763 go down in a sailing boat accident, 189 00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:09,458 that's bound to raise the mortality rate! 190 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:10,562 What sailing boat? 191 00:13:10,653 --> 00:13:12,564 - Er... in the squall. - What squall? 192 00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:14,520 Oh, no, no, it was the train. The train. 193 00:13:14,615 --> 00:13:16,134 Thirty-three of them went right off the trestle. 194 00:13:16,158 --> 00:13:17,193 - What train? - Er... 195 00:13:17,285 --> 00:13:19,137 W-would you believe a-a tidal wave in Kansas City? 196 00:13:19,161 --> 00:13:21,026 A-a-a volcano in poughkeepsie? 197 00:13:21,122 --> 00:13:23,033 Er... mass suicides in fire island. 198 00:13:23,124 --> 00:13:24,864 - Gerber! - Okay, Mr... 199 00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:26,039 Mr townsend, 200 00:13:26,127 --> 00:13:29,119 about your breath... 201 00:13:30,756 --> 00:13:33,042 Hey, look, make it easier on yourself. 202 00:13:33,134 --> 00:13:35,546 Home, office? Your house. 203 00:13:35,636 --> 00:13:37,592 Okay, then. Tuesday? 204 00:13:38,097 --> 00:13:40,053 Five-thirty. Very good. 205 00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:42,598 Good show. See you then, John. 206 00:13:45,146 --> 00:13:48,138 Six outta six. The kid does tricks. 207 00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:02,075 Clark dunwoodie, please. 208 00:14:02,163 --> 00:14:04,074 Oh, hi. Hey, Clark. 209 00:14:04,165 --> 00:14:06,497 Jeff gerber, superior standard life. 210 00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:10,042 Hey, how about that lunch I've been promising you, huh? 211 00:14:10,546 --> 00:14:12,036 Good show. 212 00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:15,540 Anytime you say. 213 00:14:19,805 --> 00:14:21,700 Male newsreader: Local black leaders doing their utmost 214 00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:23,806 to keep their pledge to the mayor. 215 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:27,302 The police are ready if violence suddenly erupts... 216 00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,898 What are you trying to prove with all that running? 217 00:14:32,985 --> 00:14:35,852 Don't bug me, althea, I had a traumatic day. 218 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,147 Thirteen appointments out of fifteen calls. 219 00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:42,487 Is that all you watch? 220 00:14:42,703 --> 00:14:45,945 Race riots? What are you, perverse? 221 00:14:46,916 --> 00:14:49,828 - It's an important problem. - Newsreader: It was announced that, 222 00:14:49,919 --> 00:14:52,376 should a request be made for federal intervention, 223 00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:55,205 army units would be immediately made available... 224 00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:57,881 I was watching! 225 00:14:58,052 --> 00:14:59,383 I'm gonna have my dinner 226 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:01,335 without watching a bunch of uppity darkies 227 00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:03,295 jigging up and down on my TV screen. 228 00:15:03,391 --> 00:15:04,551 Why are you so hateful? 229 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,598 I'm not hateful, and don't start telling me 230 00:15:06,685 --> 00:15:07,891 I have a personality problem. 231 00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:09,263 I said no such thing. 232 00:15:09,355 --> 00:15:11,516 I merely tried to point out that there is an issue 233 00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:13,313 in this country today that has to do with 234 00:15:13,401 --> 00:15:15,687 the equal rights of man. 235 00:15:15,778 --> 00:15:17,393 What kind of dinner is this, huh? 236 00:15:17,488 --> 00:15:19,979 Eskimos chew on blubber. 237 00:15:20,074 --> 00:15:22,565 There's your old persecution complex. 238 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:23,991 Whenever you're hurt, attack. 239 00:15:24,078 --> 00:15:27,366 Well, that's what this is all about. 240 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,954 Althea: I don't want you staying up too late, Burton. 241 00:15:33,045 --> 00:15:35,377 You should've done that this afternoon. 242 00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:37,375 Go to sleep, dear. 243 00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:39,252 Maybe tomorrow morning I'll let you watch 244 00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:41,425 your father run out of the house. 245 00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:46,889 Burton: Why can't he walk like everybody else? 246 00:15:46,976 --> 00:15:49,388 Perhaps he's afraid somebody will catch him. 247 00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:51,389 Kids at school laugh at him. 248 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,892 They call me "son of speedy". 249 00:15:54,024 --> 00:15:56,310 Why does daddy race buses, mommy? 250 00:15:56,861 --> 00:15:58,726 Nobody seems to know, dear. 251 00:15:58,821 --> 00:16:01,483 Is it like some people save stamps? 252 00:16:01,574 --> 00:16:02,734 Althea: Yes, exactly. 253 00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:05,612 Some people save stamps, some make model airplanes, 254 00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,659 some drink, some smoke pot. 255 00:16:07,746 --> 00:16:10,203 Well, your father races buses. 256 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:13,074 If he smoked pot, he'd get there faster. 257 00:16:16,088 --> 00:16:18,249 Good night, children. 258 00:16:40,029 --> 00:16:43,613 Jeff: Our house is worth $37,000 on the open market. 259 00:16:43,699 --> 00:16:44,939 Althea: Mmm, that's nice. 260 00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:46,994 Jeff: That's 17 per cent more than we paid for it. 261 00:16:47,077 --> 00:16:49,989 - Althea: Mmm, you need a haircut. Jeff: Oh. 262 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,163 Are we gonna get ready for bed early tonight? It's Wednesday. 263 00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:55,206 - Jeff: Wednesday? Althea: Mm-hmm. 264 00:16:55,294 --> 00:16:56,625 Jeff: It's Monday. 265 00:16:56,754 --> 00:17:01,214 - Althea: Let's pretend it's Wednesday. - Jeff: 266 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,290 Althea: Forget it. 267 00:17:05,513 --> 00:17:07,003 I'm going to bed. 268 00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:09,964 You'll know where to find me. 269 00:17:10,976 --> 00:17:12,182 Yes. 270 00:17:43,133 --> 00:17:45,374 How come you're not watching the riots? 271 00:17:46,345 --> 00:17:47,881 Haven't started yet. 272 00:17:48,889 --> 00:17:50,379 What's the movie? 273 00:17:51,308 --> 00:17:52,388 I don't know. 274 00:17:52,851 --> 00:17:54,387 What's the commercial? 275 00:17:54,853 --> 00:17:56,389 I don't know. 276 00:17:56,897 --> 00:17:59,354 Keep yourself pretty well-informed, don't you? 277 00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:01,147 I think we have to face up to something. 278 00:18:01,235 --> 00:18:03,977 - Oh, look. Don't start. - You can't stand the sight of me. 279 00:18:04,071 --> 00:18:07,108 I can so. You can't stand to touch me. 280 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:09,114 Wrong again. 281 00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:11,112 There's no passion in our life. 282 00:18:11,203 --> 00:18:13,660 There's plenty of passion in our life. 283 00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:19,909 Let's pretend it's Wednesday. 284 00:18:20,462 --> 00:18:21,702 Huh? 285 00:18:23,465 --> 00:18:26,832 - Look, sweetie, I've had a hard day. - I know you're tired, but... 286 00:18:26,969 --> 00:18:29,676 At least let me wake up on your side of the bed 287 00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:31,970 like we used to, Thursday mornings. 288 00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:50,068 As soon as Janice was born, we stopped going to bed. 289 00:18:50,159 --> 00:18:52,571 Now, that's an exaggeration. 290 00:18:52,661 --> 00:18:55,118 We can't afford more than two children. 291 00:18:55,456 --> 00:18:58,072 Unless we have six at one time. 292 00:18:58,167 --> 00:18:59,577 That way, everything's free. 293 00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:02,956 And we can give them all away, except the spotted one. 294 00:19:03,047 --> 00:19:05,459 We can make love without having children, you know. 295 00:19:05,549 --> 00:19:07,710 There are methods, there are devices. 296 00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:08,961 They're not foolproof. 297 00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:11,510 They are if you use them all at the same time. 298 00:19:11,639 --> 00:19:14,472 I'm not making love to any heavy tank. 299 00:19:14,558 --> 00:19:17,516 I've still got some good years left, Jeff. 300 00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:19,306 Oh, Jesus. 301 00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:22,471 I take something, 302 00:19:22,566 --> 00:19:24,807 and I wear something, 303 00:19:25,778 --> 00:19:29,737 and I keep count, and if you... 304 00:19:29,823 --> 00:19:32,986 _jeffl 305 00:19:35,621 --> 00:19:36,781 Jeff. 306 00:19:49,301 --> 00:19:52,885 Man on TV: We were so right to come here, dearest. 307 00:19:52,971 --> 00:19:55,383 To get away. 308 00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:57,760 Woman: Yes, Ralph, I know. 309 00:19:57,851 --> 00:19:59,387 It's lovely. 310 00:19:59,478 --> 00:20:01,810 Ralph: Being with you, Sylvia. 311 00:20:02,231 --> 00:20:04,643 Sylvia: Being with you, Ralph. 312 00:20:19,248 --> 00:20:21,660 Newsreader: It marks the first time 313 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:23,911 federalised troops have been used in this city. 314 00:20:24,002 --> 00:20:26,789 Black leaders have warned that should such a situation... 315 00:21:15,763 --> 00:21:18,379 How... now... 316 00:21:18,849 --> 00:21:21,886 Brown... cow. 317 00:21:26,565 --> 00:21:28,271 It's a nightmare. 318 00:21:28,358 --> 00:21:31,475 That's what it is, old buddy. A nightmare. 319 00:21:32,821 --> 00:21:34,777 Must be something you ate. 320 00:21:35,407 --> 00:21:37,272 That's right, something you ate. 321 00:21:39,745 --> 00:21:41,656 Put up your hands! 322 00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,325 Give me your high school ring! 323 00:21:44,958 --> 00:21:46,448 A nightmare. 324 00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:49,872 Or too much sun lamp. 325 00:21:49,963 --> 00:21:52,249 Boy, what a great sun lamp. 326 00:22:33,549 --> 00:22:35,505 Althea. 327 00:22:35,592 --> 00:22:38,334 I'm having a nightmare about my sun lamp. 328 00:22:44,059 --> 00:22:45,924 So don't wake up, 329 00:22:48,063 --> 00:22:50,054 and try and talk me out of it. 330 00:22:51,066 --> 00:22:53,352 It's just a little nightmare 331 00:22:53,443 --> 00:22:55,729 about a great sun lamp. 332 00:22:59,992 --> 00:23:02,074 I'm going back to bed now, 333 00:23:03,453 --> 00:23:06,035 and I know that when I wake up again in the morning, 334 00:23:06,123 --> 00:23:09,832 my skin'll be lovely and white. 335 00:23:13,255 --> 00:23:15,792 So just stay asleep, althea. 336 00:23:17,009 --> 00:23:19,466 Because as long as you're asleep, 337 00:23:19,553 --> 00:23:21,384 it's a nightmare. 338 00:23:23,515 --> 00:23:25,471 But if you wake up, 339 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,391 and begin screaming, 340 00:23:29,021 --> 00:23:32,138 it won't be a nightmare anymore. 341 00:23:34,026 --> 00:23:36,768 And I don't want that to happen. 342 00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:40,771 So just stay asleep, althea. 343 00:23:41,825 --> 00:23:45,363 As long as you're asleep, it's a nightmare. 344 00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:51,453 And all night long, it'll be a nightmare. 345 00:23:53,045 --> 00:23:55,127 It's a nightmare. 346 00:23:59,051 --> 00:24:00,916 It's a nightmare. 347 00:24:03,055 --> 00:24:05,091 It's not a nightmare! 348 00:24:10,145 --> 00:24:12,352 Sure is an even tan. 349 00:24:18,570 --> 00:24:20,106 What a great sun lamp! 350 00:24:22,199 --> 00:24:26,238 What a great nightmare about a great sun lamp. 351 00:24:34,002 --> 00:24:36,118 That's an old wives' tale. 352 00:24:59,778 --> 00:25:00,984 Daddy? 353 00:25:01,113 --> 00:25:04,321 Mommy says I can watch you run out of the house today. 354 00:25:04,449 --> 00:25:07,316 - Dad, you in the shower? - Jeff: Yes! 355 00:25:07,411 --> 00:25:09,823 I'm having a nightmare. 356 00:25:10,414 --> 00:25:12,245 Can we watch you run out of the house? 357 00:25:12,374 --> 00:25:15,832 Er... no, sweetheart, I... I won't be going to work today. 358 00:25:15,919 --> 00:25:17,784 I'm not feeling well. 359 00:25:18,046 --> 00:25:19,661 But mommy said! 360 00:25:20,716 --> 00:25:23,002 Dad, whole house is getting steamed up. 361 00:25:23,218 --> 00:25:24,924 So's your old man. 362 00:25:25,053 --> 00:25:27,089 Listen, Burton? Yeah? 363 00:25:27,472 --> 00:25:29,838 Tell your mother to get you both off to school, 364 00:25:29,933 --> 00:25:31,423 and then come in here. 365 00:25:31,518 --> 00:25:33,975 You mean you won't be racing the bus today? 366 00:25:34,062 --> 00:25:36,769 Don't ever bring up the race issue again. 367 00:25:39,860 --> 00:25:43,273 Jeff: Oh, lord, I've never been a religious man. 368 00:25:43,613 --> 00:25:45,729 I won't try to kid you about that. 369 00:25:46,158 --> 00:25:48,274 I don't go to church, and I only pray 370 00:25:48,368 --> 00:25:50,233 when I'm feeling scared or rotten. 371 00:25:50,328 --> 00:25:52,239 I meant to pray last night. 372 00:25:52,330 --> 00:25:54,742 Perhaps you're angry because I didn't. 373 00:25:55,208 --> 00:25:58,245 Anyway, lord, I'm in trouble now, 374 00:25:58,336 --> 00:26:00,668 which is why I'm trying to make contact. 375 00:26:00,756 --> 00:26:04,920 Please, lord, make it all be a terrific nightmare, 376 00:26:05,052 --> 00:26:09,421 and will you see a nice person come out of this shower? 377 00:26:09,848 --> 00:26:14,182 I want you to know that I am a true believer. 378 00:26:14,394 --> 00:26:17,386 There are no atheists in this shower. 379 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:22,683 I'm prayin' now, lord. Do you hear me? 380 00:26:22,778 --> 00:26:26,362 If you hear me, don't say or do anything. 381 00:26:27,866 --> 00:26:30,983 Good. Okay, lord, 382 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,031 I'm comin' out now, 383 00:26:34,206 --> 00:26:37,869 and I wouldn't care if I gained 20 pounds, 384 00:26:38,585 --> 00:26:40,371 as long as I'm white. 385 00:26:41,505 --> 00:26:43,496 Here I come, lord. 386 00:26:46,927 --> 00:26:50,215 Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, there's a negro in your shower! 387 00:26:50,305 --> 00:26:51,841 Jeff: It is not a negro! 388 00:26:51,932 --> 00:26:53,326 Althea: Yes, yes, yes, it is, it is. 389 00:26:53,350 --> 00:26:55,511 I saw him. Call the police, he'll kill us. 390 00:26:55,685 --> 00:26:58,643 Jeff: I am not a negro. I'm me. 391 00:26:59,106 --> 00:27:01,267 Althea: If this is another one of your jokes... 392 00:27:01,358 --> 00:27:02,723 Jeff: Now look, althea, 393 00:27:02,818 --> 00:27:04,683 I'm coming out of the shower again 394 00:27:04,778 --> 00:27:07,190 and I want no screaming, you hear? 395 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,191 Now, there's a logical answer to this, 396 00:27:09,324 --> 00:27:10,655 but we'll never find out 397 00:27:10,742 --> 00:27:13,484 if I dry up into a prune in this shower. 398 00:27:13,620 --> 00:27:16,453 Now, I'm coming out again, you hear? Okay? 399 00:27:17,749 --> 00:27:19,990 Yes. Okay. 400 00:27:20,085 --> 00:27:22,076 Jeff: Now, hand me a towel. 401 00:27:27,467 --> 00:27:29,879 All right. Here I come, 402 00:27:30,011 --> 00:27:31,467 ready or not. 403 00:27:32,055 --> 00:27:34,421 Open your eyes, althea, I need a friendly opinion. 404 00:27:36,977 --> 00:27:40,561 Did you have to give me a white towel, you simp? 405 00:27:40,939 --> 00:27:44,648 Boy, you sure have a warped sense of humour, baby. 406 00:27:44,734 --> 00:27:46,941 Oh, my god! Oh, my good god! 407 00:27:47,028 --> 00:27:48,768 Oh, shut up! There is no god. 408 00:27:48,864 --> 00:27:50,445 He don't give a damn. 409 00:27:50,657 --> 00:27:52,443 You... you look like a negro. 410 00:27:52,701 --> 00:27:54,191 I know what I look like. Shut up! 411 00:27:54,411 --> 00:27:55,776 I mean a dark one. I mean... 412 00:27:55,871 --> 00:27:57,452 I mean, if I didn't know you... 413 00:27:57,539 --> 00:27:58,949 Will you shut up, althea? 414 00:27:59,082 --> 00:28:01,573 Oh, oh, should I hide the money? 415 00:28:01,793 --> 00:28:03,408 Oh, you are hilarious. 416 00:28:05,005 --> 00:28:07,417 How do you know you're you? 417 00:28:07,841 --> 00:28:09,547 That's the dumbest thing you've ever said. 418 00:28:09,634 --> 00:28:11,090 Of course I know it's me. 419 00:28:11,219 --> 00:28:13,926 I can tell from my bridge work. Look. See? Huh? Huh? 420 00:28:14,014 --> 00:28:15,629 Your teeth are very white. 421 00:28:15,765 --> 00:28:16,925 That's the contrast. 422 00:28:17,017 --> 00:28:18,427 And your hair. 423 00:28:18,518 --> 00:28:20,634 My hair's always been naturally curly. 424 00:28:20,729 --> 00:28:23,015 Wh... what about your birthmarks? 425 00:28:23,648 --> 00:28:25,513 I can't find them anymore. 426 00:28:25,775 --> 00:28:28,482 Maybe I've been overdoing the sun lamp a bit. 427 00:28:28,570 --> 00:28:31,437 A bit! If you spent as much time in bed 428 00:28:31,531 --> 00:28:32,771 as you do under that sun lamp, 429 00:28:32,949 --> 00:28:34,610 maybe we would have more children. 430 00:28:34,701 --> 00:28:36,566 This is no time to discuss additional children. 431 00:28:36,661 --> 00:28:38,639 No, I should say not. What would the neighbours think? 432 00:28:38,663 --> 00:28:40,528 A lot of half-coloured kids running around! 433 00:28:40,665 --> 00:28:42,906 - I am not coloured! - Well, that's your story. 434 00:28:43,001 --> 00:28:45,037 When's the last time you looked in the mirror? 435 00:28:45,128 --> 00:28:46,789 It's the sun lamp, isn't it? 436 00:28:46,922 --> 00:28:48,913 Because you wouldn't be teasing me like that 437 00:28:49,007 --> 00:28:50,417 if it wasn't the sun lamp, 438 00:28:50,508 --> 00:28:51,819 'cause you're not a cruel person. 439 00:28:51,843 --> 00:28:54,129 - Don't you touch Mel! - Oh, boy, you are a treat. 440 00:28:54,262 --> 00:28:56,469 You're something to have around in an emergency. 441 00:28:56,556 --> 00:28:59,593 You know... you know, it's very strange. 442 00:28:59,684 --> 00:29:02,300 My mother always thought you were a little on the dark side. 443 00:29:02,395 --> 00:29:04,556 I mean, she never came right out and asked me. 444 00:29:04,648 --> 00:29:07,981 Your mother is in no position to judge other people's races. 445 00:29:08,109 --> 00:29:11,192 The way her eyes slant up, my mother always thought she was Chinese. 446 00:29:11,529 --> 00:29:13,861 - Silliest thing I ever heard. - Oh, yeah? 447 00:29:14,074 --> 00:29:16,315 Well, then, how come her feet are so small? 448 00:29:16,409 --> 00:29:18,650 And how come, whenever you asked her when she was born, 449 00:29:18,745 --> 00:29:20,345 she always says "the year of the dragon"? 450 00:29:20,455 --> 00:29:22,616 And how come she was always so anxious to... 451 00:29:22,707 --> 00:29:24,117 To wash my shirts? 452 00:29:24,209 --> 00:29:26,621 Does that sound like a white woman to you, huh? 453 00:29:26,711 --> 00:29:29,123 My mother has almond-shaped eyes. 454 00:29:29,214 --> 00:29:32,206 So has mao tse-tung. And she eats too damn much rice. 455 00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:34,632 If you ask me, she's a member of the red guard. 456 00:29:34,719 --> 00:29:36,004 All right, Jeff, all right, 457 00:29:36,096 --> 00:29:38,132 but it isn't a Chinese issue we are discussing. 458 00:29:38,223 --> 00:29:39,929 We're discussing a negro issue. 459 00:29:40,016 --> 00:29:43,099 - It's a sun lamp issue! - Well, that may very well be, 460 00:29:43,186 --> 00:29:46,223 but you certainly can't go to the office like that. 461 00:29:46,314 --> 00:29:48,771 Oh, my god, what time is it? 462 00:29:48,858 --> 00:29:50,723 Gladys is in the office now. 463 00:29:50,819 --> 00:29:53,310 That is the first thing. I gotta report in sick. 464 00:29:54,781 --> 00:29:57,864 You can't tell her that you woke up sunburned. 465 00:29:57,951 --> 00:30:00,408 Sometime, althea, sometime... 466 00:30:04,082 --> 00:30:06,494 Look, I won't be coming in today. 467 00:30:06,584 --> 00:30:09,041 Well, I'm, er... Feeling a bit off colour. 468 00:30:10,964 --> 00:30:12,500 Anyway, um... Gladys, 469 00:30:12,590 --> 00:30:15,878 er... look, just cancel all my appointments for the day, okay? 470 00:30:15,969 --> 00:30:18,005 Tell 'em [I'll call 'em tomorrow, okay? 471 00:30:18,096 --> 00:30:19,927 Okay. Thank you. 472 00:30:20,598 --> 00:30:23,385 The trick is to be logical and rational. 473 00:30:23,476 --> 00:30:26,013 I got a warranty around here for that sun lamp. 474 00:30:26,104 --> 00:30:28,641 Let's see, logical and rational, yeah. 475 00:30:28,773 --> 00:30:30,980 You really think it's the sun lamp, don't you? 476 00:30:31,067 --> 00:30:32,907 Oh, you'd like me to be coloured, wouldn't you? 477 00:30:32,986 --> 00:30:34,897 Well, not really. But it would serve you right 478 00:30:34,988 --> 00:30:36,899 with that attitude of white supremacy. 479 00:30:36,990 --> 00:30:39,430 Well, 1 didn't see you exactly runnin' over to hug and kiss me 480 00:30:39,492 --> 00:30:40,982 when you thought I was a negro. 481 00:30:41,077 --> 00:30:44,490 I was upset because I thought you were a stranger. 482 00:30:44,581 --> 00:30:46,492 Oh, beans! If it was a white stranger 483 00:30:46,583 --> 00:30:49,495 came out of that shower, you'da humped him. 484 00:30:49,586 --> 00:30:50,996 Ah, here it is. 485 00:30:51,171 --> 00:30:52,411 They're a reputable company. 486 00:30:52,505 --> 00:30:54,416 I'm sure this has happened before. 487 00:30:54,507 --> 00:30:55,917 Althea: Yeah, all over Africa. 488 00:30:56,009 --> 00:30:58,466 Oh, just keep it up, baby. Just keep it up. 489 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:12,314 Hello, I'd like to speak to somebody with regard to 490 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,437 your sun lamp model lt34x. 491 00:31:15,528 --> 00:31:17,439 Oh, it's working, all right. 492 00:31:17,530 --> 00:31:20,192 A little bit too well. Ah, thank you. 493 00:31:20,283 --> 00:31:22,194 They're switching me to the manager. 494 00:31:22,285 --> 00:31:24,196 Hello, my name is gerber. 495 00:31:24,287 --> 00:31:28,121 I've got one of your model lt34x sun lamps. 496 00:31:28,750 --> 00:31:32,709 Er... serial number 36677231. 497 00:31:33,338 --> 00:31:35,044 Ah, yeah. Well, the problem is... 498 00:31:35,131 --> 00:31:36,996 That's an old wives' tale. Excuse me. 499 00:31:37,092 --> 00:31:40,004 Er... the problem is, er... It's made me rather dark. 500 00:31:40,095 --> 00:31:41,095 Whew! 501 00:31:41,137 --> 00:31:44,049 Well, a little darker than was necessary. 502 00:31:44,140 --> 00:31:48,258 Ah, yes, once in the morning, and, er... once at night. 503 00:31:48,353 --> 00:31:50,218 Yes, I... l use a lotion. 504 00:31:50,313 --> 00:31:52,770 Well, it's kind of my own concoction. 505 00:31:52,857 --> 00:31:57,271 Baby oil, cocoa butter, iodine, and soy sauce. 506 00:31:58,863 --> 00:32:00,774 About one third soy sauce. 507 00:32:00,865 --> 00:32:02,571 Well, of course you never heard of it. 508 00:32:02,659 --> 00:32:05,241 It's my own formula. 509 00:32:05,328 --> 00:32:07,284 Look, you don't seem to understand. 510 00:32:07,372 --> 00:32:09,954 It's left me very tan. 511 00:32:10,834 --> 00:32:12,574 Yes, very. 512 00:32:13,837 --> 00:32:15,077 Dark. 513 00:32:16,339 --> 00:32:17,829 Very dark. 514 00:32:19,843 --> 00:32:22,255 Yes, very. 515 00:32:23,638 --> 00:32:25,219 You stupid...! 516 00:32:25,723 --> 00:32:27,554 No, it's not a joke. 517 00:32:27,642 --> 00:32:30,349 I am not sid percival pulling your leg. 518 00:32:30,437 --> 00:32:34,350 42, tangerine Lane, and I'm a dissatisfied customer. 519 00:32:34,441 --> 00:32:37,399 Hello? Hello? Hello? 520 00:32:38,278 --> 00:32:39,984 Can you beat that? 521 00:32:41,281 --> 00:32:43,317 They want to send me a new sun lamp. 522 00:32:43,408 --> 00:32:45,364 Althea: That's very sporting of them. 523 00:32:45,452 --> 00:32:47,452 What the hell am I going to do with a new sun lamp? 524 00:32:47,537 --> 00:32:49,493 Well, maybe you could mate them. 525 00:32:50,999 --> 00:32:53,490 You're just having a dandy time, boy. 526 00:32:53,585 --> 00:32:55,121 Oh, relax, Jeff. 527 00:32:55,211 --> 00:32:56,542 Althea, 528 00:32:56,629 --> 00:32:59,587 you wouldn't hug me unless you really thought I was white, right? 529 00:32:59,674 --> 00:33:02,165 Oh, poor baby, don't worry. 530 00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:03,716 You'll be white again. 531 00:33:03,970 --> 00:33:05,926 Hey, wait a minute. “What is it? 532 00:33:06,347 --> 00:33:07,632 There are things that we can do. 533 00:33:07,724 --> 00:33:09,804 I mean, what do they do when they want to look white? 534 00:33:09,851 --> 00:33:11,762 They must use salves and creams. 535 00:33:11,853 --> 00:33:13,263 And hair straighteners. 536 00:33:13,354 --> 00:33:15,515 I don't want my hair straightened, 537 00:33:15,607 --> 00:33:16,767 I want my skin straightened! 538 00:33:16,858 --> 00:33:18,439 What the hell else are we talkin' about? 539 00:33:18,526 --> 00:33:19,766 Where are you going? 540 00:33:19,861 --> 00:33:22,147 To one of their drugstores. Call me a cab. 541 00:33:23,531 --> 00:33:25,021 Your cab's here. 542 00:33:26,367 --> 00:33:27,482 What are you doing? 543 00:33:27,577 --> 00:33:29,943 The door's not open on the cab. 544 00:33:30,038 --> 00:33:31,994 Go on out there and open the door on the cab. 545 00:33:34,334 --> 00:33:35,665 Go on! 546 00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:01,474 Take me to the coloured section. 547 00:34:07,325 --> 00:34:09,281 Nice neighbourhood. What do you do there? 548 00:34:09,369 --> 00:34:10,279 Mow the lawn? 549 00:34:10,370 --> 00:34:11,780 What do they pay you? 550 00:34:11,871 --> 00:34:13,827 I get to sleep with the lady of the house. 551 00:34:15,708 --> 00:34:17,664 Would you put your hands down? 552 00:34:17,752 --> 00:34:20,164 All I want is a pair of sunglasses. Now, look, 553 00:34:20,255 --> 00:34:22,166 I got a skin problem. 554 00:34:23,716 --> 00:34:25,707 What's this, and this? Get me a paper bag. 555 00:34:25,802 --> 00:34:28,339 No, better yet, get me a box, a box, big box. 556 00:34:28,638 --> 00:34:30,674 There you go. All right, let's see now. 557 00:34:30,765 --> 00:34:32,005 Uh-huh, white, yeah. 558 00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:35,012 Okay, give me some of these. Yeah. Pearl sheen. 559 00:34:35,103 --> 00:34:38,015 Uh-huh, all right. Now, let's see, now. 560 00:34:38,106 --> 00:34:40,518 Ah, try some of this white folk stuff here. 561 00:34:40,608 --> 00:34:42,064 Now, let's see here, that's good. 562 00:34:42,151 --> 00:34:44,437 "Beautiful bleach." That probably is great. 563 00:34:44,529 --> 00:34:46,315 "Miracle wash." 564 00:34:46,573 --> 00:34:48,404 Hair straightener. That'll help. 565 00:34:48,908 --> 00:34:50,944 More processing stuff, there. 566 00:34:51,035 --> 00:34:52,400 All right. 567 00:34:53,788 --> 00:34:58,532 You remember, if anybody asks you if you ever saw me in here, 568 00:34:58,626 --> 00:35:01,538 you never laid eyes on me. Okay? 569 00:35:01,629 --> 00:35:03,585 Mum's the word. 570 00:35:09,971 --> 00:35:11,461 Any change? 571 00:35:11,973 --> 00:35:13,429 No. 572 00:35:13,516 --> 00:35:15,848 But I don't imagine it would be immediate. 573 00:35:15,935 --> 00:35:17,926 I mean, I don't think any intelligent negro 574 00:35:18,021 --> 00:35:21,104 expects it to be immediate. Don't be so militant. 575 00:35:21,190 --> 00:35:23,977 It's different. I'm not militant, I'm white. 576 00:35:24,110 --> 00:35:25,520 I expect it to be immediate. 577 00:35:25,945 --> 00:35:27,856 We've rubbed in four different brands. 578 00:35:27,947 --> 00:35:29,357 Don't you think we ought to stop? 579 00:35:29,616 --> 00:35:32,733 Well, come on, put on some more hair straightener. Come on. Here. 580 00:35:38,750 --> 00:35:42,208 Jeff, I... I don't want you to get all excited, but... 581 00:35:42,295 --> 00:35:44,707 I do think you're a little lighter. 582 00:35:44,797 --> 00:35:47,209 It's hard to tell through the cream, but... 583 00:35:47,300 --> 00:35:49,211 Yeah, I think you're right. 584 00:35:49,302 --> 00:35:50,712 Around the neck here, right? 585 00:35:50,803 --> 00:35:52,213 Especially around the neck. 586 00:35:52,305 --> 00:35:54,717 - Uh-huh, and around the chin? - Yes, the chin, too. 587 00:35:54,807 --> 00:35:57,719 And around the nose, mmm? Yes. 588 00:35:57,810 --> 00:35:59,721 You're lying to me, althea! 589 00:35:59,812 --> 00:36:03,225 Don't lie to me, althea. Just don't lie to me. 590 00:36:03,316 --> 00:36:07,355 Oh, this is crazy. I don't want to be this colour. 591 00:36:07,487 --> 00:36:09,193 What are you doing up there? 592 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,280 Calm down. 593 00:36:10,365 --> 00:36:12,526 Oh, I'll yell all I want. He can't hear me. 594 00:36:12,659 --> 00:36:14,024 He's the white man's god. 595 00:36:14,118 --> 00:36:15,654 Jeff, you are not a negro. 596 00:36:15,828 --> 00:36:18,194 Oh, my goodness, I'm getting darker. I can see it. 597 00:36:18,289 --> 00:36:19,779 Come on. Get all this crap off me. 598 00:36:19,874 --> 00:36:22,581 Come on, quick. Oh, my god, I need more. 599 00:36:22,669 --> 00:36:25,126 Oh, come on, I'm getting darker. 600 00:36:25,213 --> 00:36:26,919 Jeff, calm down. 601 00:36:27,006 --> 00:36:28,917 I can't take a... I can't take a shower, 602 00:36:29,008 --> 00:36:31,044 'cause if I take a shower, my body'll shrink, 603 00:36:31,177 --> 00:36:34,010 and the skin I have won't fit. Aaah! 604 00:36:34,555 --> 00:36:37,316 Will you calm down? The children will be coming home from school soon, 605 00:36:37,350 --> 00:36:39,136 and I don't want you getting them upset. 606 00:36:39,227 --> 00:36:42,094 Upset? Wait until they find out they have a coloured daddy. 607 00:36:42,271 --> 00:36:45,013 Huh? Wait till I get down my knee and I sing "mammy". 608 00:36:45,942 --> 00:36:47,542 You're gonna talk yourself into it, Jeff. 609 00:36:47,568 --> 00:36:49,854 Oh, my goodness, th-th-these creams don't work. 610 00:36:49,946 --> 00:36:51,857 No wonder negroes riot. 611 00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:54,109 I mean, these are worthless hoaxes. 612 00:36:58,621 --> 00:37:00,111 Jeff: Hi. 613 00:37:04,252 --> 00:37:05,708 Hi. 614 00:37:06,754 --> 00:37:08,710 I'm your father. 615 00:37:08,798 --> 00:37:10,129 Sure. Hi, dad. 616 00:37:10,216 --> 00:37:11,251 Janice: Hi, dad. 617 00:37:11,634 --> 00:37:13,215 Um... 618 00:37:13,302 --> 00:37:15,293 Don't you have anything you want to say to me? 619 00:37:15,388 --> 00:37:17,174 Your face is dirty. 620 00:37:17,265 --> 00:37:19,426 That's a nice thing to say to your father. 621 00:37:19,517 --> 00:37:21,553 Sure is a heck of a tan you got, dad. 622 00:37:21,644 --> 00:37:23,225 You look like a coloured man. 623 00:37:23,312 --> 00:37:25,052 That's very good. Thank you, Burton. 624 00:37:25,148 --> 00:37:26,513 We could use you at the un. 625 00:37:26,607 --> 00:37:27,918 Come on, kids. I'll get your dinner ready. 626 00:37:27,942 --> 00:37:29,022 Burton: What are we having? 627 00:37:29,068 --> 00:37:32,902 Oh, black-eyed peas, hominy grits, corn bread, ham hocks. 628 00:37:33,030 --> 00:37:34,110 Burton: What's with him? 629 00:37:34,282 --> 00:37:37,194 Didn't get to race his bus this morning. He's a little upset. 630 00:37:37,368 --> 00:37:39,324 Why are you doing that, daddy? 631 00:37:39,412 --> 00:37:40,447 Doing what, sweetheart? 632 00:37:40,538 --> 00:37:43,120 - Racing buses. - Althea: Come on, Janice. 633 00:37:43,207 --> 00:37:45,823 You don't want your ham hocks to get cold. 634 00:37:55,595 --> 00:37:57,551 In here, or in the dining room? 635 00:38:01,142 --> 00:38:02,757 What is it? 636 00:38:02,977 --> 00:38:04,592 I gotta see. 637 00:38:04,687 --> 00:38:06,769 Maybe it's the lighting in here. 638 00:38:06,856 --> 00:38:10,314 Maybe in the daylight, I'll look less coloured. 639 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,100 What are you going to do? 640 00:38:14,530 --> 00:38:16,361 I'm gonna go for a walk. 641 00:38:16,449 --> 00:38:17,985 Where to? 642 00:38:18,534 --> 00:38:19,944 In our backyard. 643 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,111 How brave of you. 644 00:38:31,631 --> 00:38:34,168 Well, you're certainly getting whiter whites these days. 645 00:38:34,258 --> 00:38:35,338 Aren't you, mrs Johnson? 646 00:38:35,426 --> 00:38:38,088 Mrs Johnson: Oh, yes, I'm using a new detergent. 647 00:38:38,221 --> 00:38:40,132 Well, I wish you'd tell my wife the brand, 648 00:38:40,223 --> 00:38:42,339 because we have a few things around our house 649 00:38:42,433 --> 00:38:44,264 that really need whitening. 650 00:38:54,153 --> 00:38:55,893 Jeff, are you all right? 651 00:38:55,988 --> 00:38:57,068 Yeah. 652 00:38:57,532 --> 00:38:59,523 You're hardly breathing. 653 00:39:00,117 --> 00:39:02,028 I don't want to ruin it. 654 00:39:03,371 --> 00:39:05,362 You look like a birthday cake. 655 00:39:05,832 --> 00:39:07,697 Well, it's getting very late. 656 00:39:07,792 --> 00:39:09,703 Can't you at least lie down in bed? 657 00:39:09,794 --> 00:39:12,831 Jeff: No, I'm afraid I'll roll over and destroy the mould. 658 00:39:12,922 --> 00:39:14,878 Althea: Oh, all right. 659 00:39:15,633 --> 00:39:17,294 Althea? Yes? 660 00:39:17,385 --> 00:39:19,046 My last words: 661 00:39:19,637 --> 00:39:21,468 "Pray for me." 662 00:39:39,198 --> 00:39:42,861 Jeff? Jeff, are you asleep? 663 00:39:45,496 --> 00:39:47,236 My god, you've set! 664 00:39:47,331 --> 00:39:49,413 Jeff, Jeff, are you breathing? 665 00:39:56,632 --> 00:39:58,168 How to do this? 666 00:39:59,385 --> 00:40:01,751 I'll try not to hurt you. 667 00:40:02,305 --> 00:40:04,796 Oh, baby, I'm sorry about that. 668 00:40:09,395 --> 00:40:11,477 Jeff, can you speak? How do you feel? 669 00:40:11,647 --> 00:40:14,354 - Can you speak? - Like a broken leg. 670 00:40:14,442 --> 00:40:17,058 Oh, thank god you're all right. 671 00:40:17,361 --> 00:40:19,818 My god, it's going to strangle me. 672 00:40:19,906 --> 00:40:21,862 I'll have you out in a jiffy. 673 00:40:25,453 --> 00:40:27,614 Be careful with that chisel. 674 00:40:28,664 --> 00:40:31,371 Careful with that chisel, I've got enough dimples. 675 00:40:33,377 --> 00:40:35,914 I think I'm getting the hang of it now. 676 00:40:36,964 --> 00:40:38,704 What colour am 1? 677 00:40:38,799 --> 00:40:40,630 Er... well, er... 678 00:40:40,718 --> 00:40:43,004 Er... I'll have to open the blinds. 679 00:40:43,095 --> 00:40:44,380 Wait a moment, do it gradually. 680 00:40:44,472 --> 00:40:46,087 Remove a little around the ears. 681 00:40:46,182 --> 00:40:47,638 All righty. 682 00:40:51,020 --> 00:40:52,430 What colour am 1? 683 00:40:52,521 --> 00:40:54,933 Er... did you drink any more milk? 684 00:40:55,024 --> 00:40:56,685 Yeah, I had another quart, 685 00:40:56,817 --> 00:40:58,432 and then my hand was paralysed. 686 00:40:58,527 --> 00:41:01,314 Oh, poor thing. You know, if we'd only known, 687 00:41:01,405 --> 00:41:04,442 I could've rigged you up a tube or something. 688 00:41:04,533 --> 00:41:06,444 What colour am I, althea? 689 00:41:06,535 --> 00:41:09,151 Well, er... let's see. 690 00:41:09,914 --> 00:41:12,906 Tell me the truth, but tell me I'm white, althea. 691 00:41:13,918 --> 00:41:15,408 You're white. 692 00:41:16,420 --> 00:41:18,331 Oh, god. 693 00:41:18,422 --> 00:41:19,787 Dark white. 694 00:41:19,924 --> 00:41:20,924 What? 695 00:41:20,967 --> 00:41:22,377 Well, I'm sure you're white, 696 00:41:22,468 --> 00:41:24,299 but you're a little on the dark side. 697 00:41:24,428 --> 00:41:26,419 Wait a moment. Get me to a mirror! 698 00:41:30,518 --> 00:41:33,305 I'm black! I'm black! 699 00:41:33,396 --> 00:41:35,978 I'm black! 700 00:41:36,482 --> 00:41:39,474 I'm black! 701 00:41:42,321 --> 00:41:44,482 I'm a nigger! 702 00:41:44,865 --> 00:41:45,980 I'm a nigger! 703 00:41:46,075 --> 00:41:47,611 Jeff, you'll have a stroke! 704 00:41:47,702 --> 00:41:49,818 I don't want a stroke. I want appendicitis. 705 00:41:49,912 --> 00:41:52,824 I want to throw myself under a bridge, out of a window. 706 00:41:54,917 --> 00:41:57,750 Althea, I want my whiteness back! 707 00:41:57,837 --> 00:41:58,837 On! 708 00:41:58,921 --> 00:42:02,163 Where's that schmucky white knight on that schmucky white horse? 709 00:42:02,258 --> 00:42:06,297 Stick me! Stick me! Turn me white. Rinso-white! 710 00:42:06,387 --> 00:42:09,129 - Rinso-white! - Jeff, the neighbours! 711 00:42:09,223 --> 00:42:11,179 The neighbours, the neighbours, the neighbours! 712 00:42:11,267 --> 00:42:14,634 The neighbours'll crap when they see me! 713 00:42:14,729 --> 00:42:17,141 There goes the neighbourhood! There it goes, boys! 714 00:42:17,231 --> 00:42:18,471 Jeff, stop that! 715 00:42:18,566 --> 00:42:21,227 I'm black! 716 00:42:26,991 --> 00:42:28,902 Oh, milk. 717 00:42:28,993 --> 00:42:32,906 Oh, cleanse me, o great milk. 718 00:42:32,997 --> 00:42:33,907 Ah! 719 00:42:33,998 --> 00:42:36,660 Oh, clean me, great milk. 720 00:42:36,751 --> 00:42:39,163 Make me free again. 721 00:42:39,336 --> 00:42:41,873 You're white. You're a nut, but you're white. 722 00:42:41,964 --> 00:42:44,084 I want all the mirrors removed from this house, woman. 723 00:42:44,133 --> 00:42:47,125 That's a direct order from your husband, othello. 724 00:42:47,219 --> 00:42:49,130 Oh, you stupid little boy! 725 00:42:49,221 --> 00:42:51,132 Is this the way you face a problem? 726 00:42:51,223 --> 00:42:52,133 - What? - Shut up! 727 00:42:52,224 --> 00:42:53,714 You've abused your skin. 728 00:42:53,809 --> 00:42:55,345 You've dyed your skin. 729 00:42:55,478 --> 00:42:59,972 Yes, yes, I... I did. Wasn't that silly of me? 730 00:43:00,149 --> 00:43:01,434 It was stupid. 731 00:43:01,525 --> 00:43:03,732 Yes, stupid. Insane. 732 00:43:03,861 --> 00:43:04,896 Insane. 733 00:43:04,987 --> 00:43:06,477 - Crazy. - Crazy. 734 00:43:06,572 --> 00:43:08,608 - Idiotic. - Shut up! 735 00:43:08,699 --> 00:43:10,735 Well, I gotta get back to work. 736 00:43:11,452 --> 00:43:13,488 You might as well forget this day, and... 737 00:43:13,662 --> 00:43:15,823 So just relax. The kids are off to school. 738 00:43:15,915 --> 00:43:17,826 Come on down, I'll make you some breakfast. 739 00:43:17,917 --> 00:43:21,751 I am not sure this emotionalising isn't retarding your skin 740 00:43:21,837 --> 00:43:23,998 from returning to its normal colour. 741 00:43:24,090 --> 00:43:28,299 You're making great sense, althea. I don't know, maybe... 742 00:43:28,385 --> 00:43:31,343 Maybe we needed this little emergency to, er... 743 00:43:31,430 --> 00:43:33,716 Make us realise how much we... 744 00:43:33,808 --> 00:43:36,015 Need and love each other. 745 00:43:37,436 --> 00:43:39,347 I sure hate to think every married couple 746 00:43:39,438 --> 00:43:41,144 has to get all shook up like this 747 00:43:41,232 --> 00:43:44,099 just to see how much they're in love! 748 00:43:46,237 --> 00:43:49,195 No riots yesterday. Maybe that's a good omen. 749 00:43:50,699 --> 00:43:54,191 Jeff, the ku klux klan never rings the bell. 750 00:44:00,543 --> 00:44:01,953 Ah, gerber? Yes. 751 00:44:02,044 --> 00:44:04,501 Couple packages here. I want you sign right here. 752 00:44:04,588 --> 00:44:05,998 We didn't order anything. 753 00:44:06,090 --> 00:44:07,546 Sun lamp! 754 00:44:07,925 --> 00:44:10,962 Now, just put it there, right on here. 755 00:44:12,096 --> 00:44:13,336 Jeff, stop it! 756 00:44:13,556 --> 00:44:14,636 Jeff! 757 00:44:16,142 --> 00:44:17,142 Jeff! 758 00:44:18,644 --> 00:44:21,056 - Wait a minute! - Jeff! Jeff, stop! 759 00:44:21,188 --> 00:44:22,598 Get me out of here! 760 00:44:22,690 --> 00:44:24,646 Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! 761 00:44:25,401 --> 00:44:26,857 I don't think I know you! 762 00:44:26,944 --> 00:44:28,935 Althea: Jeff, back! I said, back. 763 00:44:29,029 --> 00:44:30,735 Jeff! Jeff! 764 00:44:33,033 --> 00:44:34,898 Althea: Back! Back, I said! Back! 765 00:44:34,994 --> 00:44:38,202 Back! Back! Back, Jeff, back! 766 00:44:38,289 --> 00:44:42,373 Back, back, I said! Back! 767 00:44:42,459 --> 00:44:44,324 Way back. Just get back. 768 00:44:44,420 --> 00:44:46,752 Althea: Back, back, back. 769 00:44:46,839 --> 00:44:50,502 Back, back, back. I said, Jeff, back down. 770 00:44:53,512 --> 00:44:56,424 Jesus! Talk about black power. 771 00:44:56,515 --> 00:44:58,380 I'm... I'm terribly sorry. 772 00:44:58,475 --> 00:45:02,138 That's all right. Never mind. 773 00:45:02,605 --> 00:45:04,596 I must have the wrong address. Put it on my head. 774 00:45:04,690 --> 00:45:06,476 - Why? - Huh? Why? 775 00:45:06,567 --> 00:45:10,105 That guy needs a sun lamp like Fred Astaire needs dancing lessons. 776 00:45:10,196 --> 00:45:12,983 Look, just close the door behind me, that's all. Let me go. 777 00:45:26,670 --> 00:45:29,161 I heard. I heard him. 778 00:45:29,423 --> 00:45:32,290 - Althea: So, you heard. - He thinks I'm coloured. 779 00:45:32,927 --> 00:45:35,043 So what? You thought you were coloured 780 00:45:35,179 --> 00:45:37,841 until you learned the fact you thought you were coloured, right? 781 00:45:37,932 --> 00:45:38,967 So? 782 00:45:39,141 --> 00:45:41,598 So why shouldn't he think you're coloured? 783 00:45:43,479 --> 00:45:45,390 You're right again, althea. 784 00:45:45,481 --> 00:45:49,065 I tell you, you're a growing source of strength to me. 785 00:45:49,151 --> 00:45:52,894 - You could've killed that man. - I suppose so. 786 00:45:52,988 --> 00:45:55,024 The negroes in this city have enough trouble 787 00:45:55,115 --> 00:45:57,231 without your killing a white man. 788 00:46:00,579 --> 00:46:02,695 And what is that supposed to mean? 789 00:46:06,126 --> 00:46:08,208 What's wrong with dad, mom? 790 00:46:08,295 --> 00:46:09,751 Too much sun lamp. 791 00:46:09,922 --> 00:46:12,083 Jeff: "Ooga, booga, doo. 792 00:46:12,174 --> 00:46:14,586 "I'm getting whiter and whiter. 793 00:46:14,677 --> 00:46:17,384 "Ooga, booga, dooga, doo." 794 00:46:17,471 --> 00:46:21,680 "Ooga, booga, dooga, doo." Me, friend. 795 00:46:22,059 --> 00:46:23,595 Not funny. 796 00:46:23,686 --> 00:46:25,642 You got enough milk? 797 00:46:26,146 --> 00:46:27,181 Yeah. 798 00:46:27,314 --> 00:46:29,100 You think you're getting any whiter? 799 00:46:29,191 --> 00:46:32,103 No, but my skin is getting lovely and soft. 800 00:46:32,194 --> 00:46:33,755 You know, you've been in there three hours. 801 00:46:33,779 --> 00:46:35,644 You're going to marinate. 802 00:46:35,823 --> 00:46:37,108 Isn't it cold? 803 00:46:37,199 --> 00:46:38,109 Yeah, a little. 804 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:39,610 Want me to warm it up a little? 805 00:46:39,702 --> 00:46:41,658 You know I hate warm milk. 806 00:46:42,162 --> 00:46:44,619 Have you decided whether or not you're going to work tomorrow? 807 00:46:44,707 --> 00:46:45,913 I'm going to work. 808 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,353 I promised the kids they could watch you run out of the house. 809 00:46:48,377 --> 00:46:49,771 Did you promise them they could stay up 810 00:46:49,795 --> 00:46:52,912 and watch the cross burn on our front lawn? 811 00:46:53,507 --> 00:46:56,044 Well, is there anything I can get you? 812 00:46:56,135 --> 00:46:59,468 A box of Graham crackers, or some bosco? 813 00:46:59,596 --> 00:47:01,928 I don't need companionship. 814 00:47:02,016 --> 00:47:04,052 I've got my book. 815 00:47:04,143 --> 00:47:07,556 Yes, I know. Voodoo without killing chickens. 816 00:47:07,646 --> 00:47:11,104 They tell me at the library it's number one in Haiti. 817 00:47:13,610 --> 00:47:15,601 "Ooga, booga, dooga, doo." 818 00:47:15,946 --> 00:47:17,561 Althea: "Ooga, booga, dooga, doo." 819 00:47:17,656 --> 00:47:19,112 Bon voyage. 820 00:47:19,616 --> 00:47:21,607 "Ooga, booga, dooga, doo. 821 00:47:22,953 --> 00:47:25,035 "Ooga, dooga, booga, do." 822 00:47:26,623 --> 00:47:29,490 The bus! The bus is coming! Yay! 823 00:47:32,254 --> 00:47:33,619 Both children: Yay! 824 00:47:45,726 --> 00:47:47,432 Passenger: There he is! Back in action! 825 00:47:51,065 --> 00:47:52,917 Passenger ♪2: Let's go, man. Let's go. Let's go. 826 00:47:52,941 --> 00:47:54,181 Passenger ♪3: Is that him? 827 00:47:54,276 --> 00:47:56,642 What happened to him? 828 00:47:56,779 --> 00:47:57,609 Passenger ♪4: Of course it's him. 829 00:47:57,780 --> 00:47:58,895 Has to be him. 830 00:47:58,989 --> 00:48:00,342 Passenger ♪4: What happened to him? 831 00:48:00,366 --> 00:48:02,635 Son of a bitch! Look, somebody might've killed him by now. 832 00:48:02,659 --> 00:48:03,774 It's him! 833 00:48:11,418 --> 00:48:13,500 Passenger: He's catching up! He's catching up! 834 00:48:33,273 --> 00:48:35,935 Passengers: Hey! Hey! Hey! 835 00:48:46,620 --> 00:48:48,156 Police! 836 00:49:15,149 --> 00:49:17,060 Stop! Thief! 837 00:49:21,613 --> 00:49:24,070 Where are you running, seabiscuit? 838 00:49:24,158 --> 00:49:25,819 My bus! 839 00:49:26,743 --> 00:49:29,155 Sure. What's in the case? 840 00:49:30,038 --> 00:49:31,369 Shoes. 841 00:49:31,874 --> 00:49:33,034 Whose? 842 00:49:34,376 --> 00:49:36,241 Mine. 843 00:49:36,462 --> 00:49:38,453 Woman ♪1: Neighbourhood isn't safe anymore. 844 00:49:38,547 --> 00:49:40,287 Jeff: I didn't do anything! 845 00:49:40,382 --> 00:49:42,293 Woman ♪1: Neighbourhood isn't safe anymore. 846 00:49:42,384 --> 00:49:44,295 Woman ♪2: It's terrible. Just terrible. 847 00:49:44,386 --> 00:49:45,717 Break it up. 848 00:49:45,804 --> 00:49:48,671 Jeff: Shoes. I told you. 849 00:49:48,765 --> 00:49:50,175 Try 'em on, cinderella. 850 00:49:50,267 --> 00:49:51,598 What? 851 00:49:57,566 --> 00:49:59,147 Well, they're yours, all right. 852 00:49:59,234 --> 00:50:00,519 I told youl! 853 00:50:00,611 --> 00:50:03,523 Somebody got a complaint against this man? 854 00:50:03,697 --> 00:50:05,983 Somebody see him steal anything? 855 00:50:06,074 --> 00:50:07,484 Speak up! 856 00:50:07,576 --> 00:50:09,053 Man: Well, I didn't see him, but he must have. 857 00:50:09,077 --> 00:50:10,988 What is it, officer? What did this man do? 858 00:50:11,079 --> 00:50:12,557 Woman ♪1: Oh, they stick together, they do. 859 00:50:12,581 --> 00:50:14,993 - Policeman: What did he do? - Woman ♪1: He stole something. 860 00:50:15,083 --> 00:50:17,745 Jeff: What did I steal? Who saw me steal something? 861 00:50:17,836 --> 00:50:20,293 Policeman: Anybody see this man steal anything? 862 00:50:20,422 --> 00:50:22,003 Jeff: A purse, a wallet? 863 00:50:22,090 --> 00:50:25,127 How about a brand-new colour TV set? 864 00:50:25,219 --> 00:50:26,504 You know this man? 865 00:50:26,595 --> 00:50:28,631 This man's a regular passenger on my bus. 866 00:50:28,722 --> 00:50:30,212 He was runnin' for the bus. 867 00:50:30,307 --> 00:50:33,640 Since when is there a law against runnin' for the bus? 868 00:50:33,727 --> 00:50:35,638 All right, break it up, folks. 869 00:50:35,729 --> 00:50:37,970 Break it up. Shoo! Shoo! 870 00:50:38,607 --> 00:50:39,847 Come on. 871 00:50:43,737 --> 00:50:46,274 Hey, er... What happened to you, man? 872 00:50:46,406 --> 00:50:48,259 How come I never noticed you were coloured before? 873 00:50:48,283 --> 00:50:50,194 Because I was never coloured before! 874 00:50:50,285 --> 00:50:51,638 Oh, it happened just like that, huh? 875 00:50:51,662 --> 00:50:52,697 Just like that. 876 00:50:52,788 --> 00:50:54,403 Well, when you get back on the bus, 877 00:50:54,498 --> 00:50:57,114 just sit down and cool it. They don't love you, you know? 878 00:50:57,209 --> 00:50:58,870 Nobody loves me! Big deal. 879 00:50:58,961 --> 00:51:00,497 Well, just don't make any trouble. 880 00:51:00,587 --> 00:51:02,452 Jeff: Listen, I am not coloured! 881 00:51:02,548 --> 00:51:05,665 I know. I'm Spanish, myself. 882 00:51:05,759 --> 00:51:10,753 J sometimes I feel like a motherless child! J 883 00:51:14,518 --> 00:51:16,509 hasta ja vista. 884 00:51:26,446 --> 00:51:27,731 Hey! 885 00:51:27,906 --> 00:51:29,237 Health drink. Double. 886 00:51:29,324 --> 00:51:31,280 And don't be a wise guy. 887 00:51:35,122 --> 00:51:36,122 Hey, 888 00:51:36,164 --> 00:51:38,746 don't I know you from somewhere? 889 00:51:38,959 --> 00:51:41,951 I'm mr gerber. Jeff gerber. 890 00:51:42,045 --> 00:51:44,161 Well, I ain't gunga din. 891 00:51:46,425 --> 00:51:48,211 I never noticed. 892 00:51:48,844 --> 00:51:50,572 Look, come on, hurry up with my health drink. 893 00:51:50,596 --> 00:51:52,115 I'm late as it is now. 894 00:51:52,139 --> 00:51:53,754 Slow your roll, man. 895 00:51:59,938 --> 00:52:03,271 I told the owner the lights in here wasn't no good. 896 00:52:09,031 --> 00:52:10,567 Hey, Jeff. 897 00:52:10,657 --> 00:52:12,898 You certainly set a good example. 898 00:52:13,410 --> 00:52:15,776 A good job like you got. 899 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:19,871 What's draggin' you, brother? 900 00:52:19,958 --> 00:52:22,574 I'm wondering what's, er... In this health drink? 901 00:52:22,669 --> 00:52:25,627 Oh, that? Orange juice, 902 00:52:26,131 --> 00:52:28,087 papaya's juice, 903 00:52:28,175 --> 00:52:29,585 lime juice, 904 00:52:29,676 --> 00:52:31,041 and soy sauce. 905 00:52:31,928 --> 00:52:33,384 Soy sauce! 906 00:52:33,472 --> 00:52:35,963 What the hell are you puttin' in soy sauce for? 907 00:52:36,183 --> 00:52:38,890 Well, we was all out of worcestershire sauce. 908 00:52:38,977 --> 00:52:41,639 - What? - Cool it, Jeff. 909 00:52:43,190 --> 00:52:46,148 That's why they don't want us in these places now. 910 00:52:46,526 --> 00:52:47,526 Us? 911 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,232 I'll sue the entire naacp. 912 00:52:51,323 --> 00:52:53,154 Look at my skin! 913 00:52:53,241 --> 00:52:55,232 I don't have to look at your skin. 914 00:52:55,327 --> 00:52:56,942 I can look at my own. 915 00:52:57,037 --> 00:52:59,119 Here, now, what's goin' on? 916 00:52:59,915 --> 00:53:04,409 I'm gonna have this entire place shut down as a homosexual hangout. 917 00:53:04,670 --> 00:53:06,080 Who is that gentleman? 918 00:53:06,171 --> 00:53:07,752 Soy sauce! 919 00:53:08,548 --> 00:53:12,962 Oh, now look, mr soy sauce, I don't want any trouble. 920 00:53:13,053 --> 00:53:15,920 I've always gotten along well with members of your race. 921 00:53:16,014 --> 00:53:17,970 Ask Joe here. 922 00:53:18,266 --> 00:53:22,259 I'm not negro. I'm Spanish. Soy sauce! 923 00:53:25,399 --> 00:53:27,640 Not one word. 924 00:53:31,446 --> 00:53:33,357 Not one word. 925 00:53:38,620 --> 00:53:39,860 "Us!" 926 00:53:48,255 --> 00:53:50,120 Can I help you? 927 00:53:50,215 --> 00:53:52,126 No-one can help me. 928 00:53:52,217 --> 00:53:54,128 Whom is it you wish to see about what? 929 00:53:54,219 --> 00:53:58,553 I'd like to see Abe Lincoln about this equality bullshit! 930 00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:00,551 Mr gerber! 931 00:54:00,726 --> 00:54:02,466 Well, it ain't soy sauce. 932 00:54:02,561 --> 00:54:03,892 What happened to you? 933 00:54:03,979 --> 00:54:06,220 I'm pledging for a fraternity. 934 00:54:14,531 --> 00:54:16,237 - Mr gerber! - Never heard of him. 935 00:54:16,324 --> 00:54:18,030 But, mr gerber... 936 00:54:18,201 --> 00:54:19,281 Get out of my way, Erica, 937 00:54:19,369 --> 00:54:21,610 unless you want to feel the wrath of my switchblade. 938 00:54:21,788 --> 00:54:24,575 I would like to feel the wrath of your switchblade. 939 00:54:27,002 --> 00:54:28,458 Morning, Gladys. 940 00:54:28,545 --> 00:54:30,501 Mr gerber, what happened? 941 00:54:32,924 --> 00:54:35,006 Is there anything I can do? 942 00:54:35,093 --> 00:54:37,084 Hide your high school ring. 943 00:54:37,220 --> 00:54:39,586 Mr townsend said for you to see him as soon as you come in. 944 00:54:39,723 --> 00:54:40,838 All right. 945 00:54:41,475 --> 00:54:43,557 - All right? - All right. 946 00:55:26,603 --> 00:55:27,934 Yes? 947 00:55:28,021 --> 00:55:30,433 Miss Regan: Mr townsend is waiting. 948 00:55:31,608 --> 00:55:33,064 Yes. 949 00:55:34,402 --> 00:55:35,938 Okay. 950 00:56:03,390 --> 00:56:06,723 Jeff: I'm coloured, mr townsend. I'm a negro. 951 00:56:06,852 --> 00:56:08,162 Gerber, what the hell have you been doing? 952 00:56:08,186 --> 00:56:10,222 Sitting under a sun lamp? 953 00:56:10,397 --> 00:56:12,888 Oh, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, sir. 954 00:56:13,483 --> 00:56:15,643 Did you get that tan in just the two days you were out? 955 00:56:15,735 --> 00:56:18,442 Yes, yes, I did. The secret is soy sauce. 956 00:56:18,530 --> 00:56:19,986 Lots and lots of soy sauce. 957 00:56:20,073 --> 00:56:21,984 Don't you think you overdid it a bit? 958 00:56:22,075 --> 00:56:23,986 Yes, yes, I do. I... I really do. 959 00:56:24,077 --> 00:56:26,910 It was a frightening experience. 960 00:56:27,038 --> 00:56:28,323 Yeah, I should think so. 961 00:56:28,415 --> 00:56:30,622 Now, look, there's no need to come apart at the seams. 962 00:56:30,709 --> 00:56:32,495 It'll fade and you'll be fine. 963 00:56:32,627 --> 00:56:34,709 You still have got to pick up your sales. 964 00:56:35,171 --> 00:56:38,584 Until I spoke to you, mr townsend, I must confess, 965 00:56:38,675 --> 00:56:40,540 I was pretty shook up. 966 00:56:40,635 --> 00:56:44,002 All right, now go on back to your desk, and don't let me down. 967 00:56:44,139 --> 00:56:47,302 All right, sir. God bless you, sir. 968 00:56:47,475 --> 00:56:49,841 There still is a god, you know, sir. 969 00:56:55,525 --> 00:56:56,685 Miss Regan... 970 00:56:58,278 --> 00:56:59,358 Yes, mr townsend? 971 00:56:59,529 --> 00:57:01,736 Would you get my optometrist on the phone? 972 00:57:01,823 --> 00:57:04,530 These tinted contact lenses he gave me, 973 00:57:04,618 --> 00:57:07,234 I think they're a bit on the dark side. 974 00:57:08,663 --> 00:57:11,496 Hello, palefaces. Come on, girls. 975 00:57:11,583 --> 00:57:13,744 Get back to work or you'll be back on the streets 976 00:57:13,835 --> 00:57:15,416 working for real money. 977 00:57:15,503 --> 00:57:16,959 What's the matter, fella? 978 00:57:17,047 --> 00:57:19,083 Ain't you never seen an aztec before? 979 00:57:19,174 --> 00:57:21,586 What the hell have you done to yourself, Jeff? 980 00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:24,126 How do you like my golden glow, Andy? 981 00:57:24,304 --> 00:57:26,966 Don't I look like a friggin' bronze god? 982 00:57:27,057 --> 00:57:28,297 That's not what they're sayin'. 983 00:57:28,391 --> 00:57:29,927 I have it on no less an authority 984 00:57:30,018 --> 00:57:33,385 than dj townsend that I have a glorious tan. 985 00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,392 I... I gotta tell you, Jeff. If I didn't know you, I'd have to say... 986 00:57:36,483 --> 00:57:39,941 Look, Andy, if you have inherent racial prejudice, that's your hang-up. 987 00:57:40,070 --> 00:57:42,311 I personally think I have a beautiful colour. 988 00:57:42,405 --> 00:57:46,023 Gladys, bring in my appointment book, please, dear. 989 00:57:54,668 --> 00:57:56,659 J there'll be pennies from heaven 990 00:57:56,753 --> 00:57:58,368 j for you and me j 991 00:57:58,463 --> 00:57:59,999 Clark dunwoodie, please. 992 00:58:02,842 --> 00:58:04,002 Hello, Clark? 993 00:58:04,094 --> 00:58:07,131 Jeff gerber. Well, I hopped down the islands for a couple days. 994 00:58:07,222 --> 00:58:09,053 Get that old tan in shape, you know? 995 00:58:09,140 --> 00:58:12,553 How's about today? Lunch? Well, you name it. 996 00:58:12,769 --> 00:58:16,387 Okay, your club, twelve-thirty. See you then. 997 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:28,531 Where do you think you're going? 998 00:58:28,702 --> 00:58:31,785 - I'm lunching with Clark dunwoodie. - Not in here, you're not. 999 00:58:31,913 --> 00:58:33,949 Hey, come on! You're kidding! 1000 00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,621 You know me! Jeff gerber! 1001 00:58:35,709 --> 00:58:36,829 Mr dunwoodie's expecting me. 1002 00:58:36,918 --> 00:58:38,499 Come on, fella, I got my orders. 1003 00:58:38,586 --> 00:58:40,451 Now, this club has got rules. 1004 00:58:40,547 --> 00:58:42,708 Fun is fun, but don't make me angry. 1005 00:58:42,799 --> 00:58:45,256 - You better let me pass. - What's your name, sir? 1006 00:58:45,385 --> 00:58:49,628 Er... Jeff gerber. I'm having lunch with, er... Clark dunwoodie. 1007 00:58:49,723 --> 00:58:51,884 Oh, yes, mr gerber. 1008 00:58:51,975 --> 00:58:54,387 Er... mr dunwoodie wanted me to give you his apologies. 1009 00:58:54,477 --> 00:58:55,579 He had to go back to the office. 1010 00:58:55,603 --> 00:58:57,719 Er... some kind of an emergency board meeting, 1011 00:58:57,814 --> 00:59:00,351 and he's going to call you later this afternoon and explain it. 1012 00:59:00,442 --> 00:59:02,774 Don't pull that crap on me! 1013 00:59:02,902 --> 00:59:05,234 Well, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. 1014 00:59:06,239 --> 00:59:07,570 Now, move along, please. 1015 00:59:07,657 --> 00:59:10,136 - Hey, look, there must be some mistake. - Come on. I said "move along". 1016 00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:11,971 Hey, hey, hey, look, I ask you, is this America? 1017 00:59:11,995 --> 00:59:14,327 - Is this America? - Yeah, man! 1018 00:59:14,456 --> 00:59:16,934 J no, this ain't America 1019 00:59:16,958 --> 00:59:18,539 j you can't fool me j 1020 00:59:18,710 --> 00:59:20,996 hey, look, why don't you let him go in there? 1021 00:59:21,087 --> 00:59:22,702 I belong in there! 1022 00:59:22,797 --> 00:59:25,038 Van peebles: J if you don't fit the right image 1023 00:59:25,592 --> 00:59:28,254 j they just pull out their ddt 1024 00:59:29,304 --> 00:59:31,420 j if they just don't like the way you look 1025 00:59:32,932 --> 00:59:35,765 j they just law and order and pricks! 1026 00:59:36,269 --> 00:59:38,351 J they're prickin' me! I 1027 00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:40,721 come in. 1028 00:59:41,608 --> 00:59:43,815 Excuse me, mr townsend? Yes. 1029 00:59:44,819 --> 00:59:46,775 This man says he works for you. 1030 00:59:48,490 --> 00:59:50,230 Good grief! 1031 00:59:50,533 --> 00:59:52,489 Gerber, is that you? 1032 00:59:53,078 --> 00:59:54,488 Er... 1033 00:59:54,788 --> 00:59:56,744 Yes, officer, he... He works for me. 1034 00:59:56,831 --> 00:59:58,913 Very well. I'll leave him in your charge. 1035 00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,991 He stole something. We don't know what it is yet. 1036 01:00:01,127 --> 01:00:03,163 Jeff: Brutality, brutality. 1037 01:00:03,546 --> 01:00:05,082 You can leave him with me, officer. 1038 01:00:05,173 --> 01:00:07,505 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 1039 01:00:12,222 --> 01:00:15,134 Gerber, w... what happened? 1040 01:00:15,225 --> 01:00:18,592 - If I didn't know you myself, I'd sw... - I'm black. I've become black. 1041 01:00:18,686 --> 01:00:20,017 You ask anyone on the street, 1042 01:00:20,105 --> 01:00:22,721 they'll say, "that man, he's black. 1043 01:00:22,816 --> 01:00:26,104 - "Mm-hmm, sure, he's black." - Now, get ahold of yourself. 1044 01:00:26,611 --> 01:00:28,602 Yowser. I'm gonna get ahold of myself. 1045 01:00:28,696 --> 01:00:30,311 Yowser, boss. 1046 01:00:34,536 --> 01:00:39,155 You know, this could work to both our advantages. 1047 01:00:39,249 --> 01:00:41,831 Boss have heap big sense of humour. 1048 01:00:41,918 --> 01:00:44,438 Stop that foolish vaudeville routine, and listen to me a minute. 1049 01:00:44,504 --> 01:00:46,460 Look, I don't care what colour you are. 1050 01:00:46,548 --> 01:00:48,584 You're an intelligent, educated man, 1051 01:00:48,675 --> 01:00:51,382 and, damn it, gerber, there is a whole market out there 1052 01:00:51,469 --> 01:00:53,505 that has never even been approached by our company 1053 01:00:53,596 --> 01:00:56,178 because we have never had a negro salesman. 1054 01:00:56,266 --> 01:00:58,222 Why, you can make yourself a fortune. 1055 01:00:58,309 --> 01:01:01,267 That negro insurance market is virtually untapped. 1056 01:01:01,354 --> 01:01:03,582 Look, I tell you what you do. You run back to your office... 1057 01:01:03,606 --> 01:01:05,096 I can't run anywhere. 1058 01:01:05,191 --> 01:01:07,253 They'll arrest me before I get halfway down the hall. 1059 01:01:07,277 --> 01:01:09,004 Go back to your office and wait there for me, 1060 01:01:09,028 --> 01:01:10,908 I'll bring you the statistics. They're shocking. 1061 01:01:10,989 --> 01:01:12,900 I'll just shuffle along. 1062 01:01:13,032 --> 01:01:14,988 Er... give me 15 minutes. 1063 01:01:15,076 --> 01:01:17,032 Oh, you don't have to hurry yourself 1064 01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:20,783 over little old, po' little me, mr townsend. 1065 01:01:23,001 --> 01:01:25,743 Make a list of all those articles that have been stolen. 1066 01:01:25,879 --> 01:01:28,120 And any of you who have been raped, 1067 01:01:28,214 --> 01:01:30,921 please report to the dispensary. 1068 01:01:31,009 --> 01:01:33,091 Any of you who are interested in tap dancing, 1069 01:01:33,178 --> 01:01:35,544 gospel singing, boxing lessons, 1070 01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,386 please come into my office. 1071 01:01:37,473 --> 01:01:39,464 Gladys? 1072 01:01:52,739 --> 01:01:54,320 Dr Wainwright, please. 1073 01:01:54,407 --> 01:01:56,648 Jeff gerber. Thank you. 1074 01:01:58,119 --> 01:02:00,781 Dr Wainwright, I gotta see you right away. 1075 01:02:05,293 --> 01:02:08,000 Unclean! Unclean! 1076 01:02:08,087 --> 01:02:10,578 Beware the black scourge! 1077 01:02:10,673 --> 01:02:14,291 Double trouble, boil and trouble! 1078 01:02:14,385 --> 01:02:16,376 Take your children, gather them. 1079 01:02:16,471 --> 01:02:19,338 Take them to the high ground! 1080 01:02:22,268 --> 01:02:25,385 Doctor? Mr gerber's here. 1081 01:02:25,772 --> 01:02:28,935 - But, er... “Wainwright: Well, show him in. 1082 01:02:33,363 --> 01:02:34,819 No swelling. 1083 01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,572 If it were overexposure, there'd be swelling. 1084 01:02:39,911 --> 01:02:44,245 Your lips, as I recall, were always rather full. 1085 01:02:44,582 --> 01:02:47,244 High cheekbones, wide face. 1086 01:02:47,377 --> 01:02:49,584 You're trying to tell me something. 1087 01:02:49,671 --> 01:02:53,835 Uh-huh. I don't see how it could be the sun lamp. 1088 01:02:55,885 --> 01:02:57,750 Anything unusual in your diet? 1089 01:02:58,012 --> 01:02:59,798 Crow. 1090 01:02:59,889 --> 01:03:01,925 I've laid a lot of crow, doc. 1091 01:03:02,016 --> 01:03:04,758 It could be some kind of an allergy. 1092 01:03:05,979 --> 01:03:08,937 But it's more apt to be something else. 1093 01:03:09,023 --> 01:03:12,140 Well, go ahead, tell me. I won't blab. 1094 01:03:12,986 --> 01:03:16,945 Well, it's more apt to be something in your family lineage. 1095 01:03:19,158 --> 01:03:21,365 You mean like insanity? 1096 01:03:21,452 --> 01:03:24,990 It's quite possible that, somewhere in your lineage, 1097 01:03:25,081 --> 01:03:26,617 there is a negro strain. 1098 01:03:27,292 --> 01:03:30,159 You're looking at a strained negro right now, doc. 1099 01:03:30,378 --> 01:03:31,663 If that were the case, 1100 01:03:31,754 --> 01:03:34,962 it would be apparent from birth, not in your middle years. 1101 01:03:35,300 --> 01:03:37,666 And it would seem logical that your parents 1102 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:39,751 would have said something to you about it. 1103 01:03:40,054 --> 01:03:41,464 They never called me a nigger. 1104 01:03:41,556 --> 01:03:44,548 No matter how angry they got, they never called me a nigger. 1105 01:03:44,642 --> 01:03:47,679 Oh, they might have revealed it in other ways. 1106 01:03:47,812 --> 01:03:50,303 Ways more... freudian. 1107 01:03:50,732 --> 01:03:53,144 Um... what's your full name, Jeff? 1108 01:03:53,276 --> 01:03:54,891 Jefferson w gerber. 1109 01:03:54,986 --> 01:03:57,944 Mm-hmm. What's the "w" for? 1110 01:03:58,281 --> 01:03:59,771 Washington. 1111 01:04:00,742 --> 01:04:03,609 Jefferson Washington gerber. 1112 01:04:03,870 --> 01:04:07,078 Do you realise that, when the slaves were set free 1113 01:04:07,165 --> 01:04:09,531 and they were allowed to pick any names they wanted, 1114 01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,490 many of them chose the names of presidents? 1115 01:04:12,045 --> 01:04:14,206 Jefferson Washington gerber. 1116 01:04:14,297 --> 01:04:16,037 Um... what's your wife's name? 1117 01:04:17,091 --> 01:04:19,082 Althea jemima gerber. 1118 01:04:20,887 --> 01:04:22,343 You're kidding me. 1119 01:04:22,555 --> 01:04:23,886 What are your children's names? 1120 01:04:23,973 --> 01:04:25,338 Beulah and rastus. 1121 01:04:25,433 --> 01:04:28,766 You're trying to prove that I'm a negro, and I'm trying to prove that I'm not. 1122 01:04:28,853 --> 01:04:31,515 I am only trying to compile some facts. 1123 01:04:31,606 --> 01:04:34,188 All right, facts. Well, what about my skin, huh? 1124 01:04:34,317 --> 01:04:35,932 What about... That's a fact, isn't it? 1125 01:04:36,110 --> 01:04:39,068 Now, look, something happened to cause this phenomenon. 1126 01:04:39,197 --> 01:04:41,688 Somewhere, there's a medical explanation for this, 1127 01:04:41,783 --> 01:04:42,783 and we'll find it. 1128 01:04:42,825 --> 01:04:44,440 When do you want to do that, doc? 1129 01:04:46,162 --> 01:04:47,162 Right now. 1130 01:04:47,955 --> 01:04:49,491 About how long do you think it'll take? 1131 01:04:49,624 --> 01:04:53,367 Maybe three hours. The rest is up to the laboratory technicians. 1132 01:04:53,461 --> 01:04:55,577 Jeff: Hello, althea? 1133 01:04:56,381 --> 01:04:58,292 Guess who's coming to dinner? 1134 01:05:09,102 --> 01:05:11,809 The children are in bed. Even Burton. 1135 01:05:11,896 --> 01:05:13,477 I thought it best. 1136 01:05:13,564 --> 01:05:15,054 What's wrong? 1137 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:19,439 Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Nothing's wrong. 1138 01:05:19,529 --> 01:05:20,985 Well, how come you're on fire? 1139 01:05:23,282 --> 01:05:24,647 Don't answer it. 1140 01:05:24,826 --> 01:05:27,488 - I beg your pardon? - Don't answer it. 1141 01:05:27,578 --> 01:05:29,864 And may I ask why? 1142 01:05:29,997 --> 01:05:31,658 It's a wrong number. 1143 01:05:32,333 --> 01:05:34,699 Oh, then by all means, let's not answer it. 1144 01:05:34,794 --> 01:05:37,285 But I feel I should ask you this, althea. 1145 01:05:37,380 --> 01:05:39,837 How do you know it's a wrong number? 1146 01:05:39,966 --> 01:05:41,797 It has a different sound. 1147 01:05:41,884 --> 01:05:45,342 Wrong numbers sound more neurotic, because the circuits are confused. 1148 01:05:45,430 --> 01:05:47,762 - I see. - And it just upsets it if you answer it. 1149 01:05:47,849 --> 01:05:51,057 Uh-huh, that's strange, but it sounds like a right number to me. 1150 01:05:51,185 --> 01:05:53,016 No, you're wrong. You're nuts. 1151 01:05:53,229 --> 01:05:55,345 - Hello? - Man: Jeff gerber? 1152 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:57,431 - Yes? - Move out, nigger! 1153 01:05:59,861 --> 01:06:01,226 It was a wrong number. 1154 01:06:01,737 --> 01:06:03,898 They've been calling all day. 1155 01:06:04,031 --> 01:06:05,862 What "they"? It was one voice. 1156 01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:08,692 Don't make it sound like the entire west point glee club. 1157 01:06:08,786 --> 01:06:10,196 Well, who do you think it is? 1158 01:06:10,288 --> 01:06:12,119 It's avon calling, and the bell's stuck. 1159 01:06:13,833 --> 01:06:16,370 Jeff, I have to tell you, I'm frightened. 1160 01:06:16,752 --> 01:06:19,915 You don't have to tell me. It's fairly noticeable. 1161 01:06:21,799 --> 01:06:24,211 Well, how did it go today? 1162 01:06:24,594 --> 01:06:26,630 Oh, it was the usual day. 1163 01:06:26,721 --> 01:06:29,258 I was thrown out of one of the better clubs. 1164 01:06:29,432 --> 01:06:31,423 I was picked up twice for purse snatching. 1165 01:06:31,517 --> 01:06:32,517 What? 1166 01:06:32,977 --> 01:06:34,092 Nothing. 1167 01:06:34,979 --> 01:06:39,313 Well... did they notice anything... Anything different at the office? 1168 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:41,607 There were a few remarks. 1169 01:06:41,903 --> 01:06:43,109 What about townsend? 1170 01:06:43,196 --> 01:06:44,982 Oh, he seemed quite pleased. 1171 01:06:45,072 --> 01:06:48,656 It seems I'm one of his hottest negro salesmen. 1172 01:06:52,663 --> 01:06:53,869 You hungry? 1173 01:06:53,998 --> 01:06:55,454 Yeah, I guess so. 1174 01:07:15,478 --> 01:07:19,016 Jeff: What? Are you crazy? 1175 01:07:19,148 --> 01:07:21,685 Is that supposed to be funny? 1176 01:07:22,527 --> 01:07:25,360 I didn't realise... until after... 1177 01:07:25,488 --> 01:07:27,945 Well, listen, jemima, you're in this too. 1178 01:07:28,074 --> 01:07:29,189 Jemima? 1179 01:07:29,325 --> 01:07:30,940 Your middle name, baby. 1180 01:07:31,077 --> 01:07:33,443 - My middle name is Janine. - Oh? 1181 01:07:34,163 --> 01:07:37,121 So don't you "jemima" me, Jeff gerber. 1182 01:07:37,208 --> 01:07:40,325 If you've been keeping some racial secret about yourself from me, 1183 01:07:40,419 --> 01:07:42,751 well, just don't you "jemima" me! 1184 01:07:42,838 --> 01:07:44,669 Oh, I get it. 1185 01:07:44,757 --> 01:07:46,418 You're getting a little worried. 1186 01:07:46,509 --> 01:07:49,216 You're just not certain about things anymore, are you? 1187 01:07:49,387 --> 01:07:52,129 Well, there are children to consider. 1188 01:07:52,348 --> 01:07:54,384 What do you think? 1189 01:07:54,475 --> 01:07:56,011 Right number or wrong? 1190 01:07:56,102 --> 01:07:57,871 I don't care anymore. It's been ringing all day. 1191 01:07:57,895 --> 01:08:00,762 Every bigot in this town is honing in on us. 1192 01:08:01,816 --> 01:08:05,058 - Hello? - Jeff? It's dr Wainwright. 1193 01:08:05,152 --> 01:08:06,562 Yes, er... what is it? 1194 01:08:06,654 --> 01:08:08,895 - It's not hay fever. - Oh, good! 1195 01:08:08,990 --> 01:08:11,732 - Thought I'd let you know. - Yes, er... thank you. 1196 01:08:11,826 --> 01:08:13,862 Let me know as soon as you find out about ragweed. 1197 01:08:13,953 --> 01:08:15,614 I'll call immediately. 1198 01:08:16,872 --> 01:08:18,157 Doctor Wainwright. 1199 01:08:18,249 --> 01:08:21,537 You'll be happy to know I'm not suffering from hay fever. 1200 01:08:23,004 --> 01:08:24,869 I'm a nervous wreck. I'm going to bed. 1201 01:08:24,964 --> 01:08:28,422 Oh, I thought we'd stay up a while and do a little humming. 1202 01:08:28,551 --> 01:08:31,167 I'm going to sleep. You can turn off the phone if you like. 1203 01:08:31,262 --> 01:08:34,049 I can't. It might be my ragweed calling in. 1204 01:08:34,140 --> 01:08:35,971 Suit yourself. 1205 01:08:47,403 --> 01:08:50,361 Don't be frightened. It's just me, black Bart. 1206 01:08:50,990 --> 01:08:53,356 - Did you have something to eat? - Just chicken. 1207 01:08:53,618 --> 01:08:56,985 Watermelon doesn't taste good to me unless it's freshly stolen. 1208 01:08:57,580 --> 01:08:59,286 Mind if I get in bed? 1209 01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:05,576 Newsreader: This is Tom harkness in the downtown business area 1210 01:09:05,713 --> 01:09:07,749 where police are just now bringing under control 1211 01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:10,297 a riot that began about noon today. 1212 01:09:10,384 --> 01:09:13,091 Within minutes the area was overrun with pickets, militants, 1213 01:09:13,179 --> 01:09:15,340 and housewives for lower food prices, 1214 01:09:15,473 --> 01:09:17,338 when an unidentified drunken negro 1215 01:09:17,433 --> 01:09:20,095 was denied admission to the hagstrom yacht club, 1216 01:09:20,227 --> 01:09:22,664 though the actual identity of the man is not known for certain... 1217 01:09:22,688 --> 01:09:24,849 If only they wouldn't be so pushy. 1218 01:09:27,652 --> 01:09:29,188 - Hello? - Man: Jeff gerber? 1219 01:09:29,278 --> 01:09:31,894 - Yes. - Move out, nigger. 1220 01:09:32,823 --> 01:09:35,815 - Was it dr Wainwright? - I certainly hope not. 1221 01:09:36,744 --> 01:09:38,780 Look, althea, 1222 01:09:39,246 --> 01:09:41,237 it's Wednesday night. 1223 01:09:41,624 --> 01:09:45,082 - Why don't we have a little drink and... - Wednesday? No, it's Thursday. 1224 01:09:45,169 --> 01:09:47,455 Let's pretend it's Wednesday. 1225 01:09:47,588 --> 01:09:50,295 I'm in need of some human affection. 1226 01:09:51,634 --> 01:09:53,750 I understand, but not tonight, okay? 1227 01:09:55,179 --> 01:09:56,385 I hate to tell you this, 1228 01:09:56,472 --> 01:09:59,509 but I'm beginning to feel just a little bit unloved. 1229 01:10:00,142 --> 01:10:02,428 I mean, it may be old-fashioned, but, where I come from, 1230 01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:05,603 a guy's wife sticks real close to him in time of stress. 1231 01:10:07,024 --> 01:10:11,063 - Well, er... not tonight. - Something I said? 1232 01:10:11,862 --> 01:10:14,979 - We could change sides if you'd like. - That's damn white of you. 1233 01:10:17,284 --> 01:10:18,945 - Hello? - Dr Wainwright: Jeff? 1234 01:10:19,036 --> 01:10:22,119 It's not ragweed, asthma or anything to do with the kidneys. 1235 01:10:22,248 --> 01:10:23,909 Good. Keep me posted. 1236 01:10:23,999 --> 01:10:25,364 I'm staying with it all night. 1237 01:10:25,459 --> 01:10:27,199 Thanks, doc, appreciate it. 1238 01:10:34,093 --> 01:10:36,254 - Hello? - Man: Jeff gerber? 1239 01:10:36,679 --> 01:10:39,762 He's out baling cotton. Can I take a message”? 1240 01:10:39,849 --> 01:10:41,464 Move out, nigger. 1241 01:10:42,768 --> 01:10:46,101 Jeff, don't anger them. Just don't anger them. 1242 01:10:46,188 --> 01:10:48,930 Don't anger them? You mean they're not angry already? 1243 01:10:49,024 --> 01:10:50,639 What must I do to get 'em angry? 1244 01:10:50,735 --> 01:10:53,101 Try and get into one of their yacht clubs? 1245 01:11:15,134 --> 01:11:16,795 Good morning, mr gerber. 1246 01:11:17,678 --> 01:11:19,214 Morning, Erica. 1247 01:11:19,305 --> 01:11:21,637 When do I get to see your switchblade? 1248 01:11:22,683 --> 01:11:24,719 God's sake, call me. 1249 01:11:27,813 --> 01:11:29,178 Um... morning, Gladys. 1250 01:11:29,273 --> 01:11:30,854 Mr townsend's waiting to see you. 1251 01:11:30,983 --> 01:11:32,519 He's fit to be tied and, er... 1252 01:11:32,610 --> 01:11:34,271 Well, dr Wainwright called twice 1253 01:11:34,361 --> 01:11:36,192 and wants you to call as soon as you come in. 1254 01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:37,565 Thank you, Gladys. 1255 01:11:39,658 --> 01:11:42,240 Dr Wainwright: Jeff, it's no longer a joke. 1256 01:11:42,369 --> 01:11:44,655 It has nothing to do with allergies, 1257 01:11:44,747 --> 01:11:46,988 blood counts or electrocardiograms, 1258 01:11:47,082 --> 01:11:49,539 and it has nothing to do with soy sauce. 1259 01:11:49,627 --> 01:11:53,211 We've run 18 different tests on soy sauce, and the opinion is 1260 01:11:53,339 --> 01:11:57,423 that soy sauce is more apt to make you oriental than negro. 1261 01:11:57,510 --> 01:11:59,671 C'est la guerre. 1262 01:11:59,804 --> 01:12:02,341 Jeff: That's... logical. 1263 01:12:03,098 --> 01:12:05,464 I spent the entire night in the trenches 1264 01:12:05,559 --> 01:12:09,017 with doctors Carson, harcourt, whittemore, o'Neil, and Hamilton. 1265 01:12:09,104 --> 01:12:11,595 And they're firmly of the opinion that... 1266 01:12:13,734 --> 01:12:16,942 Jeff, I'm not one of those doctors 1267 01:12:17,071 --> 01:12:18,402 who believes in keeping the truth 1268 01:12:18,489 --> 01:12:19,604 from a patient. 1269 01:12:19,740 --> 01:12:23,449 Did you know that the first man to die in an American war 1270 01:12:23,536 --> 01:12:27,074 was a black man, crispus attucks? 1271 01:12:28,082 --> 01:12:30,494 What I'm getting at is, 1272 01:12:30,584 --> 01:12:32,950 Jeff, you're a negro. 1273 01:12:33,045 --> 01:12:34,706 When do you want to see me again? 1274 01:12:35,714 --> 01:12:41,254 - I don't think it's necessary. - Closing the book on me, huh? 1275 01:12:42,012 --> 01:12:45,504 Now, with your approval, I'd like to turn your case over 1276 01:12:45,599 --> 01:12:47,464 to an outstanding young doctor 1277 01:12:47,560 --> 01:12:50,723 who's a member of your own race. 1278 01:12:51,146 --> 01:12:52,636 Dr John I catlin. 1279 01:12:52,857 --> 01:12:54,688 You may have heard of him. 1280 01:12:54,859 --> 01:12:56,850 What's the "I" for? Lincoln? 1281 01:12:57,236 --> 01:12:59,852 You do understand, don't you, Jeff? 1282 01:13:00,197 --> 01:13:01,937 Of course. 1283 01:13:02,116 --> 01:13:03,606 Good. 1284 01:13:03,742 --> 01:13:07,280 Well, perhaps we'll bump into each other again some day. 1285 01:13:08,372 --> 01:13:10,738 Maybe at the Newport regatta. 1286 01:13:14,211 --> 01:13:16,167 Mr townsend is waiting. 1287 01:13:20,968 --> 01:13:23,254 You disappeared on me yesterday, gerber. 1288 01:13:23,345 --> 01:13:25,256 Jeff: I'm sorry. I thought it was important. 1289 01:13:25,347 --> 01:13:26,587 It wasn't. 1290 01:13:26,682 --> 01:13:29,298 Look, I want a negro representative. 1291 01:13:29,435 --> 01:13:32,222 But I will not tolerate any lack of diligence. 1292 01:13:32,396 --> 01:13:33,511 I understand. 1293 01:13:33,606 --> 01:13:37,064 Good. Now, I want you to turn over all your files to Brandon. 1294 01:13:37,192 --> 01:13:40,025 He'll service them. You can still get the commissions. 1295 01:13:40,154 --> 01:13:41,860 This is the area I want you to work in. 1296 01:13:41,947 --> 01:13:43,258 The sooner you get started, the better. 1297 01:13:43,282 --> 01:13:45,068 Any questions, come directly to me. 1298 01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:47,775 Oh, er... By the way, gerber, er... 1299 01:13:47,870 --> 01:13:50,953 I notified the naacp and core 1300 01:13:51,081 --> 01:13:52,912 that we have a negro on our staff. 1301 01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:54,581 They're both quite pleased. 1302 01:13:54,668 --> 01:13:56,533 Don't let 'em down. 1303 01:13:56,879 --> 01:13:59,712 These policies aren't quite correct for a man in your bracket... 1304 01:13:59,798 --> 01:14:02,380 I'd recommend that you set aside a bit more 1305 01:14:02,468 --> 01:14:04,504 for your future children's education... 1306 01:14:04,595 --> 01:14:06,881 I'm very happy to say that for the first time today, 1307 01:14:06,972 --> 01:14:09,714 I'm gonna recommend that somebody buy an insurance policy from me... 1308 01:14:09,808 --> 01:14:12,174 I strongly suggest that you, er... 1309 01:14:12,269 --> 01:14:13,725 Invest some of your widow's pension 1310 01:14:13,812 --> 01:14:16,098 in income-earning stocks and bonds, 1311 01:14:16,190 --> 01:14:17,851 and I'd be glad to recommend a man. 1312 01:14:17,942 --> 01:14:20,354 - He's white. - Many people are. 1313 01:14:20,819 --> 01:14:21,899 Well, gerber, 1314 01:14:21,987 --> 01:14:23,590 it looks to me as though you've been giving out 1315 01:14:23,614 --> 01:14:25,730 quite a bit of free advice these past few days. 1316 01:14:25,824 --> 01:14:27,439 Jeff: That's part of the job, isn't it? 1317 01:14:27,534 --> 01:14:30,822 Oh, maybe, but on your first day you made nine calls, 1318 01:14:30,955 --> 01:14:32,741 and sold one policy. 1319 01:14:32,831 --> 01:14:34,617 Three policies you did nothing about, 1320 01:14:34,708 --> 01:14:37,745 and five policies you re-arranged so that... 1321 01:14:37,836 --> 01:14:42,205 So that our company loses $363 in annual premiums. 1322 01:14:42,341 --> 01:14:45,128 But, eventually, all those people will become good customers 1323 01:14:45,260 --> 01:14:47,672 - only because I took the time... - Oh, nonsense. 1324 01:14:47,805 --> 01:14:51,548 Gerber, those people don't know the first thing about insurance. 1325 01:14:51,684 --> 01:14:53,800 You would be doing the community a public service 1326 01:14:53,894 --> 01:14:55,413 to sell them all the insurance you could 1327 01:14:55,437 --> 01:14:57,803 so that they would never become a drain on our society. 1328 01:14:57,940 --> 01:15:00,272 Every one of those homes I visited in the last few days 1329 01:15:00,359 --> 01:15:02,645 was occupied by personable, responsible... 1330 01:15:02,736 --> 01:15:05,022 Horse crap! 1331 01:15:05,823 --> 01:15:06,903 Look... 1332 01:15:12,830 --> 01:15:15,412 J excuse me, buddy, but... 1333 01:15:16,125 --> 01:15:18,457 J excuse me, lady, but... 1334 01:15:18,544 --> 01:15:20,830 J you foolin', ain't ya? 1335 01:15:22,256 --> 01:15:24,042 > Where can I be? 1336 01:15:24,883 --> 01:15:27,295 J this ain't America, is it? 1337 01:15:27,970 --> 01:15:30,507 J oh, lord, where can I be? 1338 01:15:30,681 --> 01:15:32,672 J this ain't America, is it? 1339 01:15:34,643 --> 01:15:36,679 J no, this ain't America 1340 01:15:37,396 --> 01:15:39,352 j you can't fool me j 1341 01:15:41,442 --> 01:15:43,682 dr catlin: You're wrong to go on trying to fool yourself. 1342 01:15:43,736 --> 01:15:46,694 Van peebles: J this here's the home of the sheriff 1343 01:15:46,822 --> 01:15:49,313 j not the land of the free 1344 01:15:49,408 --> 01:15:52,525 j in America, folks don't run through the streets 1345 01:15:55,122 --> 01:15:57,078 j from where they been beat 1346 01:15:58,083 --> 01:15:59,869 j and the parks is for the people & 1347 01:16:00,252 --> 01:16:03,369 quite a background. Dean's list three times, college graduate, 1348 01:16:03,464 --> 01:16:04,670 excellent service record. 1349 01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:06,560 Seventeen years in the insurance profession. 1350 01:16:06,675 --> 01:16:10,133 Van peebles: J and the cops in the good old usa 1351 01:16:10,262 --> 01:16:12,799 j don't they need some kind of gods either? 1352 01:16:12,890 --> 01:16:15,051 J no, this ain't America 1353 01:16:15,142 --> 01:16:17,098 j you can't fool me j 1354 01:16:41,627 --> 01:16:43,663 I'm not kiddin', man. 1355 01:16:43,754 --> 01:16:47,338 Take Jamie over there, he's got 13 years. 1356 01:16:47,841 --> 01:16:49,957 And a hell of a good bowler, too. 1357 01:16:50,344 --> 01:16:53,461 Of course, they always make him bowl on the far Lane. 1358 01:16:53,639 --> 01:16:56,051 Kind of downwind, so to speak. 1359 01:16:59,144 --> 01:17:00,509 I'm not kidding. 1360 01:17:01,980 --> 01:17:05,768 - Van peebles: J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1361 01:17:05,859 --> 01:17:08,976 Van peebles: J open arms for every creature! 1362 01:17:10,239 --> 01:17:12,525 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1363 01:17:12,658 --> 01:17:14,523 Van peebles: J open arms! 1364 01:17:14,701 --> 01:17:16,657 J for every man! 1365 01:17:19,498 --> 01:17:24,288 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1366 01:17:24,419 --> 01:17:27,582 Van peebles: J joy and peace and Harmony! 1367 01:17:28,423 --> 01:17:33,008 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1368 01:17:33,095 --> 01:17:35,962 Van peebles: J children with laughing eyes! 1369 01:17:37,224 --> 01:17:42,093 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1370 01:17:42,229 --> 01:17:44,891 Van peebles: J yes, love, that's americal 1371 01:17:46,358 --> 01:17:50,692 - j love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1372 01:17:50,863 --> 01:17:53,229 Van peebles: J the old eagle soarin'! 1373 01:17:55,200 --> 01:17:59,614 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1374 01:17:59,746 --> 01:18:02,738 Van peebles: J the old eagle wearin' a grin! 1375 01:18:04,251 --> 01:18:08,119 - J love! - Chorus: J love, that's America 1376 01:18:08,297 --> 01:18:12,165 Van peebles: J our old eagle soarin'! & 1377 01:18:19,308 --> 01:18:22,550 Jeff, you know our neighbours. 1378 01:18:22,811 --> 01:18:24,221 Well, the vigilantes! 1379 01:18:24,354 --> 01:18:27,016 Althea: I've got the coffee on. 1380 01:18:27,191 --> 01:18:30,558 Jeff: Well, then, what can I do for you gentlemen? 1381 01:18:31,195 --> 01:18:34,187 Jeff, we may as well get right to the point. 1382 01:18:35,115 --> 01:18:36,855 Everybody else does. 1383 01:18:36,950 --> 01:18:39,532 Johnson: We feel your presence in the neighbourhood 1384 01:18:39,620 --> 01:18:41,656 can undermine the value of our homes, 1385 01:18:41,747 --> 01:18:43,783 and we're concerned. 1386 01:18:43,916 --> 01:18:46,703 Jeff: Yes, I've gotten a couple of your phone calls. 1387 01:18:46,835 --> 01:18:48,496 Oh, that wasn't us, Jeff. 1388 01:18:48,629 --> 01:18:50,119 Shut up, friend. 1389 01:18:50,672 --> 01:18:52,663 Johnson: As nicely as we can put it, Jeff, 1390 01:18:52,758 --> 01:18:56,091 we'd like you to move out before it becomes common knowledge 1391 01:18:56,178 --> 01:18:58,339 that there's a negro family in the area. 1392 01:18:58,430 --> 01:19:01,672 Is that as nicely as you can put it? “We're concerned. 1393 01:19:01,808 --> 01:19:03,719 Oh, perfectly understandable, 1394 01:19:03,810 --> 01:19:07,098 especially since I've taken the spot announcements on radio. 1395 01:19:07,189 --> 01:19:09,396 And wait until you see the skywriting. 1396 01:19:09,524 --> 01:19:12,687 Johnson: We're prepared to offer a very fair deal. 1397 01:19:13,403 --> 01:19:15,769 Walter has the figures. Walter? 1398 01:19:15,948 --> 01:19:17,904 Your house is worth about 1399 01:19:17,991 --> 01:19:20,027 forty thousand dollars on the open market. 1400 01:19:20,118 --> 01:19:22,825 - Thirty-seven thousand. - Well, give or take. 1401 01:19:22,913 --> 01:19:26,076 Twelve dollars as soon as the word gets out that I'm a nigger. 1402 01:19:26,208 --> 01:19:28,620 Johnson: We represent a group of people, Jeff, 1403 01:19:28,710 --> 01:19:31,577 and we have the backing of three local banks. 1404 01:19:31,672 --> 01:19:35,711 And so we're prepared to offer you fifty thousand dollars. 1405 01:19:35,884 --> 01:19:40,127 Oh, ah do declaih, that shore am a great pile o' money. 1406 01:19:40,264 --> 01:19:44,303 We'll sell your house to a good family, and absorb the loss among ourselves. 1407 01:19:46,270 --> 01:19:50,388 Oh, my goodness, fifty thousand simoleons. 1408 01:19:50,607 --> 01:19:53,098 Heavens to uncle Remus! 1409 01:19:53,193 --> 01:19:55,104 But I can't accept it. 1410 01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:58,357 Johnson: We're prepared to pay it right now. Tonight. 1411 01:19:58,490 --> 01:20:01,232 Oh, I know you're prepared to pay it. 1412 01:20:01,368 --> 01:20:04,030 But I'm not prepared to accept it. 1413 01:20:04,121 --> 01:20:06,453 I mean, er... me and my family, 1414 01:20:06,623 --> 01:20:09,035 we've looked forward to living here all our lives. 1415 01:20:09,126 --> 01:20:10,536 We like it here. 1416 01:20:10,669 --> 01:20:13,411 All those friendly phone calls, 1417 01:20:13,547 --> 01:20:17,005 and any time a nice rock can come crashing through the window, 1418 01:20:17,175 --> 01:20:20,542 to remind us that people are still thinking of us. 1419 01:20:20,804 --> 01:20:23,466 Sixty thousand. That's as high as we can go. 1420 01:20:23,557 --> 01:20:27,675 Oh, come on, try harder. Seventy-five. 1421 01:20:27,811 --> 01:20:30,598 - All right, seventy-five, but that's... - You see that? 1422 01:20:30,689 --> 01:20:34,398 - You went higher. Now, try eighty. - Seventy-five. 1423 01:20:34,484 --> 01:20:35,644 Oh, come on! 1424 01:20:35,736 --> 01:20:38,978 I'll make more than that from my watermelon patch in just one year. 1425 01:20:39,072 --> 01:20:42,064 Not to mention the admissions from the revival meeting. 1426 01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:44,782 Eighty. 1427 01:20:44,953 --> 01:20:47,285 Now, try ninety. 1428 01:20:47,372 --> 01:20:52,412 Unless, of course, you don't mind the smell of fried chicken and ham bones 1429 01:20:52,502 --> 01:20:55,915 just wafting through your lovely neighbourhood? 1430 01:20:56,006 --> 01:21:00,045 - Ninety. - Oh, that shore am a lot of money. 1431 01:21:00,177 --> 01:21:03,715 But I like something with, er... More noughts to it. 1432 01:21:03,805 --> 01:21:06,075 You know, something a bit rounder. Something with more noughts. 1433 01:21:06,099 --> 01:21:07,589 You know, zeros. 1434 01:21:07,726 --> 01:21:09,967 Johnson: One hundred thousand. 1435 01:21:10,062 --> 01:21:12,724 And that's as high as we're authorised to go. 1436 01:21:12,814 --> 01:21:15,806 You turn it down, we're not responsible. 1437 01:21:15,901 --> 01:21:18,358 No. I'll take it. I'll take it. 1438 01:21:18,445 --> 01:21:20,652 Where do I sign? 1439 01:21:20,781 --> 01:21:22,942 You'll find everything in order. 1440 01:21:23,033 --> 01:21:25,740 As you know, Walter's an officer with the bank. 1441 01:21:25,911 --> 01:21:28,277 It's all pretty standard, if you care to read it over. 1442 01:21:28,372 --> 01:21:31,785 I think this is the best thing for everybody all around. 1443 01:21:31,875 --> 01:21:33,411 Jeff: Oh, I think so, too. 1444 01:21:33,502 --> 01:21:34,912 I was gonna sell this house. 1445 01:21:35,045 --> 01:21:36,876 I think the neighbourhood's a bit too Jewish. 1446 01:21:39,299 --> 01:21:41,130 Well, good night, Jeff. 1447 01:21:41,885 --> 01:21:43,341 Good luck. 1448 01:21:44,179 --> 01:21:47,467 - It's nothing personal. - Oh, it never is. 1449 01:21:47,641 --> 01:21:50,804 If it was personal, well, I'd feel real bad. 1450 01:21:53,563 --> 01:21:57,351 Good night, Jeff. You have two weeks. 1451 01:21:57,567 --> 01:22:00,934 Look, if you have any trouble and need to store your stuff, 1452 01:22:01,029 --> 01:22:02,985 please call my secretary. 1453 01:22:03,073 --> 01:22:05,940 She'll give you the necessary assistance. 1454 01:22:07,369 --> 01:22:11,203 Good night, Jeff. You've gotten a very good deal. 1455 01:22:11,456 --> 01:22:15,950 Perhaps... perhaps it'll make us seem less villainous in your eyes. 1456 01:22:16,378 --> 01:22:21,589 Good night, Jeff. Villainous? Don't be silly. 1457 01:22:21,716 --> 01:22:23,456 I know who my friends are. 1458 01:22:23,552 --> 01:22:26,464 And the next nice neighbourhood I move into, 1459 01:22:26,555 --> 01:22:29,217 you guys'll get first crack at me. 1460 01:22:33,854 --> 01:22:36,596 A hundred thousand dollars! 1461 01:22:37,899 --> 01:22:40,515 Now, all I gotta do is turn white. 1462 01:22:41,486 --> 01:22:44,273 Boy, would their faces be red! 1463 01:22:47,534 --> 01:22:50,492 You took advantage of them because you're coloured. 1464 01:22:50,662 --> 01:22:53,995 - How's that? - Those people were our friends. 1465 01:22:54,082 --> 01:22:56,073 What should I have done? Given 'em a discount? 1466 01:22:56,168 --> 01:22:57,168 Pushing your way. 1467 01:22:57,294 --> 01:22:59,910 Just pushing, pushing, pushing. Is that the answer? 1468 01:23:00,005 --> 01:23:02,212 They wanted us out of the neighbourhood! 1469 01:23:02,299 --> 01:23:06,008 Where do you get that "us" stuff? You, not us! 1470 01:23:06,136 --> 01:23:08,878 Would you repeat that again? I don't think I heard that right. 1471 01:23:11,975 --> 01:23:14,091 It's very confusing. 1472 01:23:15,228 --> 01:23:16,343 Forgive me, I... 1473 01:23:16,480 --> 01:23:18,721 There's been a great deal of pressure on me lately. 1474 01:23:18,815 --> 01:23:20,555 I mean, just answering the phones... 1475 01:23:20,650 --> 01:23:24,438 Well, I haven't been exactly winning any popularity contests myself. 1476 01:23:24,529 --> 01:23:27,862 Well, it's... it's different with you. You weren't liked before this happened. 1477 01:23:27,949 --> 01:23:31,908 I was liked. Everybody liked me. Everybody! 1478 01:23:31,995 --> 01:23:35,453 I hate to tell you this, but you're supposed to be on my side. 1479 01:23:35,582 --> 01:23:38,665 The marriage contract said "till death do us part". 1480 01:23:38,752 --> 01:23:41,619 It said that in black and white, I believe. 1481 01:23:41,755 --> 01:23:44,371 When we got married, I had no idea it was going to be 1482 01:23:44,466 --> 01:23:46,878 an inter-racial thing. You never told me. 1483 01:23:46,968 --> 01:23:48,629 Well, I just got wind of it myself. 1484 01:23:48,720 --> 01:23:50,210 If I had known what was gonna happen, 1485 01:23:50,305 --> 01:23:52,796 I would have put in an escape clause in your marriage contract. 1486 01:23:52,891 --> 01:23:56,383 "If my husband becomes a negro, all bets are off." 1487 01:23:56,478 --> 01:23:59,220 How dare you be sarcastic with me? 1488 01:23:59,314 --> 01:24:01,350 I'm the one who was compromised! 1489 01:24:01,441 --> 01:24:03,227 Oh, I'm not angry. How could I be angry? 1490 01:24:03,318 --> 01:24:04,878 I have a hundred thousand dollar suntan. 1491 01:24:04,945 --> 01:24:07,231 And why do you insist on being negro? 1492 01:24:07,405 --> 01:24:09,191 I don't insist. I accept it. 1493 01:24:09,908 --> 01:24:13,241 What would you have me do, dye my hair and insist I'm white? 1494 01:24:13,328 --> 01:24:16,195 You know what I'd look like with blond hair, althea? 1495 01:24:16,289 --> 01:24:18,154 Like a grilled cheese sandwich! 1496 01:24:18,291 --> 01:24:21,033 Negro humour always escaped me. 1497 01:24:21,127 --> 01:24:25,211 Well, we're learning a lot about each other, aren't we? 1498 01:24:26,132 --> 01:24:27,872 Yes, we are. 1499 01:24:28,635 --> 01:24:31,342 What happened to the flaming liberal I was married to? 1500 01:24:31,429 --> 01:24:33,590 I am still liberal... 1501 01:24:33,682 --> 01:24:35,422 But to a point. 1502 01:24:36,810 --> 01:24:38,425 I'm sorry, baby. 1503 01:24:40,272 --> 01:24:43,139 I didn't realise you were under as much pressure as me. 1504 01:24:45,610 --> 01:24:47,601 Let's forget it tonight. 1505 01:24:47,988 --> 01:24:50,274 Because tonight, it's Wednesday. 1506 01:24:50,782 --> 01:24:53,649 It's Wednesday, and I love you. 1507 01:24:54,119 --> 01:24:56,986 - No, it's Tuesday. - It's Wednesday. 1508 01:24:57,914 --> 01:24:59,700 I'm sorry, Jeff. 1509 01:25:00,333 --> 01:25:02,289 I have to get my bearings. 1510 01:25:05,338 --> 01:25:07,499 It won't be Wednesday until... 1511 01:25:08,550 --> 01:25:10,711 Until I get my bearings. 1512 01:25:11,136 --> 01:25:15,505 - I'm going to go to sleep, okay? - Okay. 1513 01:25:19,311 --> 01:25:23,020 Jeff, I sent the kids to my sister's. 1514 01:25:24,441 --> 01:25:26,306 Your sister lives in Indianapolis. 1515 01:25:27,444 --> 01:25:30,652 They'll be there by morning. Margaret said she'd meet the train. 1516 01:25:31,156 --> 01:25:34,239 I'm sorry, but I wanted them away from all this, 1517 01:25:34,326 --> 01:25:36,112 if and when the newspapers find out. 1518 01:25:36,453 --> 01:25:41,117 Chorus: I where are the children? 1519 01:25:59,893 --> 01:26:04,512 > Where are the children? J 1520 01:27:14,801 --> 01:27:17,588 You were not disappointment. 1521 01:27:19,639 --> 01:27:21,254 You were wonderful. 1522 01:27:22,225 --> 01:27:24,090 Thank you very much. 1523 01:27:28,356 --> 01:27:32,520 In Norway, we have very few negroes. 1524 01:27:32,694 --> 01:27:36,687 Oh, well, er... I'll tell my buddies. Er... 1525 01:27:36,823 --> 01:27:40,156 Then you'll have a lot of them in no time at all. 1526 01:27:40,326 --> 01:27:43,989 Negroes have beautiful bodies. 1527 01:27:44,414 --> 01:27:46,996 Yeah, well, I've been working out. 1528 01:27:47,125 --> 01:27:50,083 And when all those black muscles 1529 01:27:50,170 --> 01:27:54,209 all work together to make love, 1530 01:27:54,424 --> 01:27:56,881 it is so very marvellous. 1531 01:27:56,968 --> 01:27:59,209 Yeah, well, they all work together. 1532 01:27:59,345 --> 01:28:00,630 You know, we're noted for that. 1533 01:28:00,722 --> 01:28:02,804 You know, "the thigh bone connected to the hip bone". 1534 01:28:02,891 --> 01:28:05,052 You know, they're all just hooked up just right. 1535 01:28:05,185 --> 01:28:09,303 And the way a negro makes love... 1536 01:28:09,939 --> 01:28:13,102 I can never make love to a white man again. 1537 01:28:13,318 --> 01:28:17,607 Well, I guess there'll be a few girls to take up the slack. 1538 01:28:19,157 --> 01:28:24,868 We must make love every night, and during lunch hours. 1539 01:28:25,580 --> 01:28:27,445 Every spare moment. 1540 01:28:27,540 --> 01:28:29,781 Yeah, well, I think we should take time off to vote. 1541 01:28:29,918 --> 01:28:32,705 Where are you going? Is there voting now? 1542 01:28:32,879 --> 01:28:35,461 No, I'm, er... I'm leaving. 1543 01:28:35,548 --> 01:28:37,163 Oh, right. 1544 01:28:38,676 --> 01:28:42,510 - Will I see you tomorrow? - Oh, yeah. Probably at the office. 1545 01:28:42,639 --> 01:28:44,158 Probably I'll give you a pinch in the ass. 1546 01:28:44,182 --> 01:28:46,138 You know, give you a little thrill. 1547 01:28:46,309 --> 01:28:48,015 I have disappointed you? 1548 01:28:48,102 --> 01:28:50,809 Oh, no. Not quite the way you think. 1549 01:28:52,607 --> 01:28:56,475 But yes, you have disappointed me. 1550 01:28:56,611 --> 01:28:58,476 There is something I didn't do? 1551 01:28:58,571 --> 01:29:01,984 Ah, no, er... offhand, er... 1552 01:29:02,075 --> 01:29:04,817 There's nothing I can think of that, er... we forgot. 1553 01:29:06,913 --> 01:29:08,574 Then why are you leaving? 1554 01:29:08,706 --> 01:29:13,200 Well, I can't expect you to understand, Erica. 1555 01:29:13,336 --> 01:29:15,702 Explain. I will try. 1556 01:29:15,797 --> 01:29:18,413 I will try anything to please you. 1557 01:29:18,508 --> 01:29:23,719 Okay. Well, try and understand that, er... 1558 01:29:23,930 --> 01:29:26,046 Beauty's only skin deep. 1559 01:29:26,224 --> 01:29:30,092 And I want you to love me because of what I am, 1560 01:29:30,436 --> 01:29:32,518 not because I'm a negro. 1561 01:29:32,981 --> 01:29:35,393 You're a very nice man. 1562 01:29:35,733 --> 01:29:37,394 Very courteous. 1563 01:29:37,694 --> 01:29:42,654 You say "please" and "thank you", so I like you. 1564 01:29:42,824 --> 01:29:45,236 Then why are you leaving? Did I hurt you? 1565 01:29:45,410 --> 01:29:47,401 Oh, mine god, if I hurt you... 1566 01:29:48,454 --> 01:29:50,536 You're such a great bang. 1567 01:29:50,874 --> 01:29:53,081 But you're a bigot, Erica. 1568 01:29:53,167 --> 01:29:56,705 A big, blonde bigot. 1569 01:29:59,257 --> 01:30:00,997 So, thank you... 1570 01:30:01,926 --> 01:30:03,712 But no thank you. 1571 01:30:03,928 --> 01:30:06,965 - You black bastard! - You're really getting to it. 1572 01:30:07,140 --> 01:30:08,676 My goodness, in no time at all, 1573 01:30:08,766 --> 01:30:11,348 you'll qualify for American citizenship. 1574 01:30:11,436 --> 01:30:13,142 Get out of here, you... 1575 01:30:13,229 --> 01:30:14,469 You nigger! 1576 01:30:14,564 --> 01:30:16,725 Ah! By jove, she's got it! 1577 01:30:16,816 --> 01:30:19,228 I really think she's got it. 1578 01:30:19,402 --> 01:30:23,065 Hey, and don't worry about running out of new words to call me, Erica, 1579 01:30:23,156 --> 01:30:25,522 'cause, in a few years, you'll know 'em all. 1580 01:30:25,617 --> 01:30:29,201 - Get out, nigger! - I'm going! Bye, Erica! 1581 01:30:44,469 --> 01:30:46,380 Erica: Rape! 1582 01:30:46,471 --> 01:30:48,211 Bye, Erica. 1583 01:30:51,476 --> 01:30:53,057 Rape! 1584 01:30:54,520 --> 01:30:56,385 Althea: " Jeff, 1585 01:31:07,408 --> 01:31:09,990 "Jeff, I'm sorry. 1586 01:31:10,078 --> 01:31:12,319 "I'm ashamed of myself, and I'm sorry. 1587 01:31:12,455 --> 01:31:14,241 "But I can't help it. 1588 01:31:14,374 --> 01:31:16,706 "I'm going to Indianapolis. 1589 01:31:16,834 --> 01:31:20,452 "Please try to understand. Althea." 1590 01:32:10,388 --> 01:32:12,879 Gladys: Morning, mr gerber. My goodness, you've been getting 1591 01:32:12,974 --> 01:32:14,965 phone calls this morning requesting appointments. 1592 01:32:15,059 --> 01:32:17,095 They started coming in at eight-thirty! And... 1593 01:32:17,186 --> 01:32:19,177 Oh, let's see, doctor catlin called, 1594 01:32:19,272 --> 01:32:21,934 and, er... well, mr townsend would like to see you. 1595 01:32:22,025 --> 01:32:23,981 Thank you, Gladys. 1596 01:32:27,447 --> 01:32:29,153 Gladys: That's a nice tie, mr gerber. 1597 01:32:29,240 --> 01:32:30,776 Thank you. 1598 01:32:34,620 --> 01:32:35,620 Mr townsend? 1599 01:32:35,705 --> 01:32:37,946 Yes, gerber, I sent for you. Sit down and shut up. 1600 01:32:38,082 --> 01:32:40,038 Screw you. I'm opening up my own office. 1601 01:32:40,168 --> 01:32:40,873 What? 1602 01:32:40,960 --> 01:32:43,667 I said, "screw you. I'm opening up my own office." 1603 01:32:43,755 --> 01:32:45,746 Serves you right. You'll be broke in a week. 1604 01:32:45,840 --> 01:32:47,626 I don't think so. Some neighbours chipped in, 1605 01:32:47,717 --> 01:32:49,503 and I won't have to worry for quite a while. 1606 01:32:49,594 --> 01:32:50,709 Townsend? Yes? 1607 01:32:50,803 --> 01:32:52,589 About your breath... 1608 01:33:43,815 --> 01:33:47,899 J girl, we got to make some kind of deal 1609 01:33:48,027 --> 01:33:51,394 j everything you got give me a thrill 1610 01:33:51,948 --> 01:33:55,566 j don't say no, or I'm gonna die 1611 01:33:56,077 --> 01:33:59,911 j don't you know you keep me alive? 1612 01:33:59,997 --> 01:34:03,489 J lord knows I gotta get through to you 1613 01:34:04,335 --> 01:34:07,202 j 'cause there's something I just gotta do 1614 01:34:07,296 --> 01:34:09,378 chorus: J yes, you gotta do, you gotta do 1615 01:34:09,507 --> 01:34:11,463 j you gotta do 1616 01:34:12,385 --> 01:34:15,593 Van peebles: J don't throw my luck in the briar patch 1617 01:34:15,721 --> 01:34:19,464 j you got the key, and you got the latch 1618 01:34:19,600 --> 01:34:23,388 j I'm soul'd on you, soul sister 1619 01:34:23,479 --> 01:34:27,313 j I'm soul'd on you, my twister 1620 01:34:27,400 --> 01:34:28,981 chorus: J soul'd on you 1621 01:34:31,154 --> 01:34:34,612 j I'm soul'd on you 1622 01:34:36,325 --> 01:34:39,783 Van peebles: J oh, they called me mr cool before 1623 01:34:39,912 --> 01:34:43,530 j but you got me poundin' on your front door 1624 01:34:43,666 --> 01:34:47,329 j yes, child, I used to be mr cool 1625 01:34:47,503 --> 01:34:51,121 j but, girl, I'm ready to be a fool 1626 01:34:51,215 --> 01:34:55,424 j it's just realisin' it makes me bold 1627 01:34:56,179 --> 01:34:59,512 j you do somethin' to cool my soul 1628 01:34:59,682 --> 01:35:03,049 j then you'll do my soul 1629 01:35:04,312 --> 01:35:07,019 j don't throw my luck in the briar patch 1630 01:35:07,106 --> 01:35:10,940 j you got the key, and you got the latch 1631 01:35:11,027 --> 01:35:15,270 j I'm soul'd on you, soul sister 1632 01:35:15,364 --> 01:35:19,573 j I'm soul'd on you, my twister, lord 1633 01:35:19,660 --> 01:35:21,776 chorus: J soul'd on you 1634 01:35:23,414 --> 01:35:27,123 j I'm soul'd on you 1635 01:35:35,968 --> 01:35:39,802 Van peebles: J lord, you got me down on bended knees 1636 01:35:39,889 --> 01:35:43,632 j let me hip you to the birds and bees 1637 01:35:43,726 --> 01:35:48,186 j come on, girl, let's make it down the trail 1638 01:35:48,272 --> 01:35:51,514 j oh, lord knows I sure wish you would 1639 01:35:51,609 --> 01:35:55,397 j you know I can't live without you 1640 01:35:55,571 --> 01:35:59,735 j let me do that thing I just gotta do 1641 01:35:59,825 --> 01:36:03,659 chorus: J gotta do, just gotta do 1642 01:36:04,121 --> 01:36:07,409 Van peebles: J don't throw my luck in the briar patch 1643 01:36:07,708 --> 01:36:10,996 j you got the key, and you got the latch 1644 01:36:12,171 --> 01:36:15,459 j I'm soul'd on you, soul sister 1645 01:36:15,549 --> 01:36:19,167 j I'm soul'd on you, my twister 1646 01:36:19,262 --> 01:36:20,968 chorus: J soul'd on you 1647 01:36:23,391 --> 01:36:28,055 j I'm soul'd on you, soul'd on you 1648 01:36:29,438 --> 01:36:32,771 j soul'd on you 1649 01:36:32,942 --> 01:36:35,684 Van peebles: J soul'd on you, soul sister 1650 01:36:36,696 --> 01:36:40,564 & soul'd on you, blood beauty j 1651 01:36:40,700 --> 01:36:43,112 j soul'd on you, brown sugar 1652 01:36:43,202 --> 01:36:46,911 j soul'd on you, soul'd on you 1653 01:36:46,998 --> 01:36:49,114 j somethin' you gotta do 1654 01:36:49,208 --> 01:36:51,540 j get it, get it, get it, getit.. J 1655 01:36:51,627 --> 01:36:52,787 hello. 1656 01:36:52,878 --> 01:36:54,664 Althea: Jeff? Yes. 1657 01:36:54,755 --> 01:36:59,624 - It's althea. - Althea? Althea, my wife? 1658 01:36:59,969 --> 01:37:02,711 I've been calling everywhere. The phone's been turned off. 1659 01:37:02,847 --> 01:37:06,635 Well, when I moved out of our house, I had the phone disconnected. 1660 01:37:07,226 --> 01:37:10,263 - Where are you? - I finally got you through information. 1661 01:37:10,354 --> 01:37:11,514 I'm in Indianapolis. 1662 01:37:12,648 --> 01:37:14,848 - What's wrong? The kids all right? - The kids are fine. 1663 01:37:14,900 --> 01:37:18,392 And thanks for sending so much money. It was very generous. 1664 01:37:18,487 --> 01:37:21,354 Well, they're still my kids, aren't they? 1665 01:37:21,449 --> 01:37:24,907 Yes, and I'm never going to let them forget their father. 1666 01:37:24,994 --> 01:37:26,734 Well, thank you. 1667 01:37:26,829 --> 01:37:29,787 It's so nice to be so well remembered before I die. 1668 01:37:29,957 --> 01:37:34,917 Jeff, hearing your voice... I mean, on the phone, 1669 01:37:35,004 --> 01:37:36,619 it's like it never happened. 1670 01:37:36,922 --> 01:37:38,708 Not on this end, baby. 1671 01:37:38,924 --> 01:37:42,166 Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and... 1672 01:37:42,261 --> 01:37:44,001 And I hope you're taking care of yourself. 1673 01:37:44,096 --> 01:37:45,336 I'm fine. 1674 01:37:45,431 --> 01:37:47,342 Still getting your exercise? 1675 01:37:47,433 --> 01:37:50,846 Yes. Althea, you don't have to worry about me. 1676 01:37:50,936 --> 01:37:52,892 I'm working out in the evenings, now. 1677 01:37:52,980 --> 01:37:56,643 - Promise me that you are. - Oh, I are. I are. 1678 01:37:56,734 --> 01:37:57,814 You are? 1679 01:37:58,027 --> 01:37:59,437 I are. 1680 01:38:10,790 --> 01:38:12,326 Hal 1681 01:38:15,002 --> 01:38:16,708 everyone: Hal 1682 01:38:19,965 --> 01:38:21,375 hal 1683 01:38:23,928 --> 01:38:24,928 hal 1684 01:38:27,556 --> 01:38:28,671 hal 1685 01:38:31,310 --> 01:38:32,550 solo: Hee... 1686 01:38:32,645 --> 01:38:34,636 Everyone: Hal 1687 01:38:34,730 --> 01:38:37,221 - hee... - Hal 1688 01:38:38,275 --> 01:38:40,641 - hee... - Hal 1689 01:38:43,030 --> 01:38:45,237 - hee... - Hal 1690 01:38:46,158 --> 01:38:48,149 - hee... - Hal 1691 01:38:59,839 --> 01:39:02,125 J nah, this ain't America 1692 01:39:02,216 --> 01:39:04,127 j you can't fool me 1693 01:39:06,137 --> 01:39:08,594 chorus: J you can't fool me 1694 01:39:08,722 --> 01:39:10,553 Van peebles: J excuse me, but seriously 1695 01:39:10,641 --> 01:39:12,051 chorus: J you can't fool me 1696 01:39:12,143 --> 01:39:14,475 Van peebles: J; Which way to the good ol' usa? 1697 01:39:14,562 --> 01:39:16,427 Chorus: J you can't fool me 1698 01:39:16,522 --> 01:39:19,855 Van peebles: J this ain't nothing like the place I wanna be 1699 01:39:20,651 --> 01:39:23,484 > not as far as I can see 1700 01:39:25,072 --> 01:39:27,734 j I don't care what you say 1701 01:39:28,200 --> 01:39:31,033 j hey, why you pointing that this way? 1702 01:39:32,037 --> 01:39:33,868 J this sure ain't America, is it? 1703 01:39:33,956 --> 01:39:35,992 J nah, this ain't America 1704 01:39:36,083 --> 01:39:38,244 j you can't fool me 1705 01:39:38,461 --> 01:39:40,452 chorus: J you can't fool me 1706 01:39:40,588 --> 01:39:44,254 j you can't fool me 1707 01:39:44,341 --> 01:39:47,174 Van peebles: J nah, this ain't America 1708 01:39:47,261 --> 01:39:49,422 j you can't fool me j 1709 01:39:49,597 --> 01:39:51,462 subtitles by powerhouse films ltd 127679

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