subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Kingsman.The.Secret.Service.2014.UNCUT.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG_eng

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German Download

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:39,225 --> 00:01:42,394 This is Zero One Alpha. We have secured Falcon. 2 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,606 I say again, we have secured Falcon. 3 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,234 By the time I count to ten... 4 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,528 ...you will have told me exactly what I need to know. 5 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:51,946 If not... 6 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:56,033 ...the number ten will be the last thing you will ever hear. 7 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,076 One 8 00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,035 Two 9 00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:58,702 Three 10 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:00,204 Four 11 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,622 Five 12 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:02,665 Six 13 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:03,791 Seven 14 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:04,542 Eight 15 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,377 Grenade! Sir, get back! 16 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,059 Shit. 17 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,270 Fucking missed it. 18 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,897 How did I fucking miss it? 19 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,695 Merlin, I apologize for putting you in this position. 20 00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:34,405 You trained him well. 21 00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,949 James... 22 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:41,203 training is over. 23 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,456 Welcome to Kingsman. 24 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,250 Lancelot. 25 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,418 Sir. 26 00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:54,758 I'll deal with this mess personally. 27 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,933 I very much regret that your husband's bravery can't be publicly celebrated. 28 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:04,393 I hope you understand. 29 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,061 How can I understand? 30 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,230 You won't tell me anything. 31 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:11,609 I didn't even know he wasn't with his squad. 32 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:12,943 I'm so sorry, I can't say more. 33 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,447 But I would like to present you with this Medal of Valor... 34 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:20,951 and if you look closely on the back, there's a number. 35 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:23,829 And as a more concrete gesture of our gratitude... 36 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,915 we'd like to offer you... 37 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,459 Let's call it a favor. 38 00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,127 The nature of it is your choice. 39 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,629 Just tell the operator... 40 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,507 "oxfords not brogues," and then I'll know it's you. 41 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,511 I don't want your help! 42 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:42,097 I want my husband back! 43 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,106 What's your name, young man? 44 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,524 Eggs)'- 45 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,109 Hello, Eggs)!- 46 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,528 Can I see that? 47 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,287 You take care of this, Eggsy. 48 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,665 All right? 49 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,212 And take care of your mum, too. 50 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:57,715 So sorry, Professor Arnold. Just a tiny bit more. 51 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,384 For God's sakes, just rip it off. 52 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:04,096 I'm under very strict instructions not to hurt you. 53 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:06,515 Look, you've made a mistake. 54 00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:09,435 I'm a university lecturer. I've got no money. 55 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,061 This isn't about money. 56 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,188 Our boss just wants to talk to you. 57 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,274 Am I meant to find that reassuring? 58 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:17,568 He'll be here soon. He'll explain. 59 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,362 Do you like whiskey? 60 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,741 Red, get the '62 Dalmore. 61 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:28,120 Honestly, this whiskey, it's amazing. 62 00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:30,247 You will shit. 63 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:52,936 I suppose asking to borrow a cup of sugar is a step too far? 64 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:19,797 Professor Arnold, I'm here to take you home. 65 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,434 1962 Dalmore. 66 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,686 It'd be a sin to spill any. 67 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,814 Don't you think? 68 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,690 Can you hold these? Please? 69 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,872 Thank you. 70 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,547 Everything is clean. 71 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,055 My kind of welcome. 72 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,565 No stomach for violence. 73 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,650 I mean, literally, I see one drop of blood... 74 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,736 that is me done. 75 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,070 I'm like... 76 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,572 projectile. 77 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,908 Listen, I'm so sorry... 78 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:16,455 you had to witness all this unpleasantness due to our uninvited guest. 79 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:20,751 But I promise you, by the time I've found out who he works for... 80 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:25,255 you and I will be the best of friends. 81 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,889 To the shop, please. 82 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,372 Arthur's in the dining room, sir. 83 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,008 Arthur. 84 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,385 Galahad. 85 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:16,265 The others were beginning to wonder if we were going to have a double toast. 86 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:22,938 Gentlemen, I'm thankful to say it's been 17 years... 87 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,482 since we last had occasion to use this decanter. 88 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:30,779 Lancelot was an outstanding agent, and a true Kingsman. 89 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,364 He will be sorely missed. 90 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,908 To Lancelot. 91 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,411 To Lancelot. 92 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:46,461 I intend to start the selection process for Lancelot's replacement tomorrow. 93 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,172 I want each of you to propose a candidate... 94 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,675 and have them report to UK HQ... 95 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,011 no later than 9 p.m. GMT. 96 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:55,470 Thank you. 97 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:58,849 Merlin. 98 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,518 Come in. 99 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,563 Lancelot was investigating a group of mercenaries... 100 00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,441 who were experimenting with biological weaponry. 101 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,609 Glasses, gentlemen, please. 102 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,614 Uganda,2012. 103 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,282 Synthetic cathinones. 104 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,869 They put it in the water supply of a guerrilla army base. 105 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,289 Rage, cannibalism, multiple fatalities. 106 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,125 Chechnya, 2013. 107 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,085 Insurgents turned on one another. 108 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:31,006 Indisputably, the work of our mercenaries, but no trace of any chemicals of any kind. 109 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,257 So what happened to Lancelot? 110 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,261 He tracked them to this property in Argentina. 111 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,763 While he had them under surveillance... 112 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,765 he became aware they'd effected a kidnapping. 113 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:44,603 So he executed a solo rescue mission, which failed. 114 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,980 This is his last transmission. 115 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,526 -Who is he? -Some climate change doomsayer. 116 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,195 Expounds something called "Gaia theory"... 117 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,113 about the world healing itself, or some such. 118 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,159 But what's curious, is he's not actually missing. 119 00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,953 This is Professor Arnold... 120 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,164 at Imperial College this morning. 121 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,000 It's all yours. 122 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:09,461 And don't forget your membership proposal. 123 00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:12,714 Try picking a more suitable candidate this time. 124 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,758 17 years and still... 125 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:18,553 evolving with the times remains an entirely foreign concept to you. 126 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,807 Need I remind you, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that young man? 127 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,559 He was as much Kingsman material as any of them. 128 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:25,936 More so. 129 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:29,106 But he wasn't exactly one of us, was he? 130 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:33,485 Let's face it, Galahad, your little experiment failed. 131 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,698 With respect, Arthur, you're a snob. 132 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:38,949 "With respect"? 133 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:42,327 The world is changing. 134 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:46,498 There's a reason why aristocrats developed weak chins. 135 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:05,976 Eggsy? 136 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,188 Eggsy, come here. 137 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,193 -Got any Rizla, babe? -No. 138 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,404 Why don't you do your mum a favor, go down to the shop and get some? 139 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:18,864 -Get them yourself. -Oi. 140 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,700 What have I said to you about speaking to Dean like that? 141 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,328 Three's a crowd, innit? Why don't Dean's poodle go? 142 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,955 I'll tell you what. 143 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,874 Why don't you take this, go and get some Rizlas... 144 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,876 get yourself some sweets? And while you're gone... 145 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,963 we'll show your mother how three can be good company. 146 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,383 Thanks, babe. 147 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,976 There we go. 148 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,145 Is that better? 149 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,329 If Dean treats your mum so bad, why doesn't she leave him? 150 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,456 Low self-esteem. That's her problem. 151 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,374 Fuck off. Why would she have low self-esteem? 152 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,376 Eggsy's mum is well fit. 153 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,879 -No offense, bruv. -It's all right. 154 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,132 One of these days, I'm gonna smash his face in. 155 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,717 Are you mental, cuz? 156 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,553 He'd just get that lot to do you, and then pretend he knew nothing-- 157 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:26,932 ...about it. 158 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,768 You think you can chat shit about us and we won't do nothing... 159 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,062 just because our guvnor's banging Eggsy's mum? 160 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,064 Pretty much, yeah. 161 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,399 Bruv, just leave it. Let's just go, man. 162 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:37,484 It's not worth it. 163 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,237 You boys have outstayed your welcome. 164 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,404 Leave. 165 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,324 What? 166 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,910 I'm sorry about that, bruv. 167 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:50,789 Yeah. 168 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,123 Mug. 169 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,419 They weren't fucking worth it, boys. 170 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,757 It's freezing. Why are we walking? 171 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,759 You jacked his fucking car keys, bruv? 172 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,428 Yeah. Now, we're gonna nick his car. 173 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,430 Shit! 174 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,813 Hold on, boys. 175 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,025 Hey, that's my fucking car! 176 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,444 Hey! Hey! Eggsy! 177 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,655 I swear, you want to fucking stop it! 178 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,366 You're a fucking dead man! Stop it! 179 00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,287 I'm gonna fucking have ya! 180 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,960 Floor it, Eggsy! 181 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:37,961 Floor it! 182 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:40,088 Wanker! 183 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,425 Yeah, Dean. Look, it's me. 184 00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,594 Eggsy just stole my fucking car. 185 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,597 I've come out the pub, he's done 15 donuts in my fucking face... 186 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,307 and he's drove off. 187 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,601 No, I can't have it! He's disrespecting me. 188 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,978 And that means, he's disrespecting you. 189 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,981 Hold up! What the...? 190 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:39,689 Dickhead. 191 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,652 Foxes are vermin, cuz. 192 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,236 Should've driven it over. 193 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,364 Should've done a lot of things. 194 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,199 I'll sort this. Get out of the car. 195 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,868 I said, get out of the fucking car! 196 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,838 Eggsy, there is no such thing as honor amongst thieves. 197 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,551 Now, you can start giving me some names of the boys you were with... 198 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,553 or you go down. 199 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,764 It's up to you. 200 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,558 I want to exercise my right to a phone call. 201 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,773 Well, I hope it's to your mum... 202 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,443 to tell her you're gonna be 18 months late for your dinner. 203 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,768 Customer Complaints, how may I help you? 204 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,104 My name's Eggsy Unwin. 205 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:05,775 Sorry, Gary Unwin. And I'm up shit creek. 206 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,193 I'm in Holborn police station... 207 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,029 and my mum said to call this number if ever I needed help. 208 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,698 I'm sorry, sir. Wrong number. 209 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,199 Wait! Wait! 210 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,203 Oxfords not brogues. 211 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,331 Your complaint has been duly noted... 212 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:23,626 and we hope that we have not lost you as a loyal customer. 213 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,056 Yeah. 214 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,975 You what? 215 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,812 Yeah. 216 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,149 Yes, I totally understand. 217 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,753 Eggs)'- 218 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:08,880 Would you like a lift home? 219 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:10,840 Who are you? 220 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,342 The man who got you released. 221 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:13,843 That ain't an answer. 222 00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346 A little gratitude would be nice. 223 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,850 My name is Harry Hart, and I gave you that medal. 224 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,395 Your father saved my life. 225 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,818 So before you was a tailor, was you in the army? 226 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,694 Like an officer. 227 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,363 Not quite. 228 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,323 So where was you posted, Iraq or something? 229 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,742 Sorry, Eggsy. Classified. 230 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,370 But my dad saved your life, yeah? 231 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:44,916 The day your father died, I missed something. 232 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,168 And if it weren't for his courage... 233 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,255 my mistake would have cost the lives of every man present. 234 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,674 So I owe him. 235 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,885 Your father was a brave man. 236 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,888 A good man. 237 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,098 And having read your files... 238 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,684 I think he'd be bitterly disappointed in the choices you've made. 239 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,018 You can't talk to me like that. 240 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,061 Huge l.Q. 241 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,105 Great performance at primary school. 242 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,357 And it all went tits up. 243 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,235 Drugs, petty crime. Never had a job. 244 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,070 You think there's a lot of jobs going around here, do you? 245 00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,738 Doesn't explain why you gave up your hobbies. 246 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,491 First prize, regional Under-10s gymnastics... 247 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,868 two years in a row. 248 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,245 Your coach had you pegged as Olympic team material. 249 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,080 Yeah, well, when you grow up around someone like my stepdad... 250 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,707 you pick up new hobbies pretty quick. 251 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,584 Of course. Always someone else's fault. 252 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,004 Who's to blame for you quitting the Marines? 253 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,548 You were halfway through training, doing brilliantly, but you gave up. 254 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,717 Because my mum went mental. 255 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,678 Banging on about losing me as well as my dad. 256 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,264 Didn't want me being cannon fodder for snobs like you. 257 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,850 Judging people like me from your ivory towers... 258 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,227 with no thought about why we do what we do. 259 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,272 We ain't got much choice. You get me? 260 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,108 And if we was born with the same silver spoon up our arses... 261 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,111 we'd do just as well as you. If not, better. 262 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,114 What the fuck you doing here? You taking the piss? 263 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,075 Some more examples of young men... 264 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,952 who simply need a silver suppository? 265 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,621 No, they're exceptions. Come on. 266 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,247 Nonsense. We haven't finished our drinks. 267 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:07,498 After you nicked his car... 268 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:08,958 Dean says you're fair game. 269 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,585 He don't give a shit what your mum says. 270 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,128 Listen, boys... 271 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,465 I've had a rather emotional day... 272 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:19,969 so whatever your beef with Eggsy is, and I'm sure it's well-founded... 273 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,804 I'd appreciate it enormously... 274 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,932 if you could just leave us in peace... 275 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,643 until I finish this lovely pint of Guinness. 276 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,357 You should get out of the way, Granddad, or you'll get hurt and all. 277 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:33,983 He ain't joking. You should go. 278 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:41,991 Excuse me. 279 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,537 If you're looking for another rent boy, they're on the corner of Smith street. 280 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,795 Manners... 281 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,297 maketh... 282 00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,551 man. 283 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,811 Do you know what that means? 284 00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,856 Then let me teach you a lesson. 285 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:25,743 Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight? 286 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:13,541 You fucking dirty, fucking dirty-- 287 00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:56,209 Sorry about that. 288 00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:58,127 Needed to let off a little steam. 289 00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:02,799 I heard yesterday a friend of mine died. 290 00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:05,009 He knew your father too, actually. 291 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,639 Now, I do apologize, Eggsy. 292 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,808 I shouldn't have done this in front of you. 293 00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:13,976 No, please! I won't say nothing, I swear! 294 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,645 If there's one thing I can do, it's keep my mouth shut. 295 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,146 -You won't tell a soul? -Ask the feds. 296 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,314 I've never grassed anyone up. 297 00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:20,817 -Is that a promise? -On my life! 298 00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:26,823 Much appreciated, Eggsy. 299 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,741 You're right about the snobs. 300 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:31,160 But there, too, there are exceptions. 301 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,871 Best of luck with everything. 302 00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:52,432 In celebrity news, the Richmond Valentine movie premiered in Hollywood last night. 303 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,393 The story of the Internet billionaire's rise to power... 304 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,354 is expected to be this award season's hot ticket. 305 00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:01,524 One notable absence from the red carpet was Iggy Azalea... 306 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:05,194 still missing three days after she failed to appear at her Oakland concert. 307 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:06,904 No ransom has been demanded. 308 00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:09,031 Eggsy, just go, please, because he's gonna... 309 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,701 No, please, don't hurt him! 310 00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:13,578 Fuck off! Get the fuck away with ya! 311 00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:14,954 Shut the fuck up! 312 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,248 Who was with you in that fucking pub? 313 00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:19,542 I want to know the name of the geezer you was with. 314 00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,544 -I wasn't with no one! -Who was it? 315 00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:23,129 -I don't know what you're on about. -Who was it? 316 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:24,422 I don't know who you're fucking on about! 317 00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:25,715 Fucking tell me his name! 318 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,217 I don't know who you're fucking on about! 319 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:33,431 You listen to me! 320 00:24:33,598 --> 00:24:35,558 I want to know who you was with in that pub. Do you understand? 321 00:24:35,725 --> 00:24:37,602 I want to know his fucking name! 322 00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:40,730 Because, I swear, I'll rip your head off. 323 00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:43,941 -Tell me! -I don't know what you're fucking on about! 324 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:45,151 Just tell him, Eggsy! 325 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,111 Fuck off! Fuck off, Michelle! 326 00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:48,571 I could kill you right now... 327 00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,240 and no one in the whole world will notice! 328 00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:53,075 But I would. 329 00:24:53,242 --> 00:24:55,077 I have enough evidence on your activities... 330 00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:57,246 to have you looked up for the rest of your life... 331 00:24:57,413 --> 00:24:59,624 -Mr. Dean Anthony Baker. -What the fuck? 332 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,417 So I suggest you leave the boy alone... 333 00:25:01,584 --> 00:25:05,171 or I shall be forced to deliver it to the appropriate authorities. 334 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,716 Eggsy, meet me at the tailor I told you about. 335 00:25:08,883 --> 00:25:11,344 What the fuck's going on here? 336 00:25:13,304 --> 00:25:14,514 Eggsy, you fucking maggot! 337 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:15,890 Hey, we got a racer! 338 00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:17,517 Come here. Hey! 339 00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:19,352 Eggsy. you fucking-- 340 00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:20,811 Come here, son! 341 00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:34,325 You wanker! 342 00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:36,118 I'll have you, son! 343 00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:03,563 I've never met a tailor before. 344 00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:05,731 But I know you ain't one. 345 00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,362 Come with me. 346 00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:21,330 Come on in. 347 00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,045 What do you see? 348 00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:31,549 Someone who wants to know what the fuck is going on. 349 00:26:33,259 --> 00:26:35,595 I see a young man with potential. 350 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:38,681 A young man who is loyal. 351 00:26:39,849 --> 00:26:41,559 Who can do as he's asked. 352 00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:44,520 And who wants to do something good with his life. 353 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,107 Did you see the film Trading Places? 354 00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:50,192 No. 355 00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:52,111 How about Nikita? 356 00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:54,530 Pretty Woman ? 357 00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:56,532 All right. 358 00:26:56,699 --> 00:26:59,702 My point is, that the lack of a silver spoon has set you on a certain path... 359 00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:01,704 but you needn't stay on it. 360 00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:06,792 If you're prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform. 361 00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:09,211 Like in My Fair Lady. 362 00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:12,298 Well, you're full of surprises. 363 00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:15,259 Yes, like My Fair Lady. 364 00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:19,597 Only, in this case, I'm offering you the opportunity to become a Kingsman. 365 00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:21,599 A tailor? 366 00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:23,392 A Kingsman agent. 367 00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:26,228 Like a spy? 368 00:27:26,437 --> 00:27:27,563 Of sorts. 369 00:27:29,565 --> 00:27:30,399 Interested? 370 00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:33,235 You think I've got anything to lose? 371 00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:41,744 Since 1849... 372 00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:46,082 Kingsman tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals. 373 00:27:46,248 --> 00:27:50,920 By 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War One. 374 00:27:51,754 --> 00:27:55,091 That meant a lot of money going uninherited. 375 00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:59,261 And a lot of powerful men with a desire to preserve peace and protect life. 376 00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:02,348 Our founders realized that they could channel that wealth and influence... 377 00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:04,141 for the greater good. 378 00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:07,603 And so began our other venture. 379 00:28:08,437 --> 00:28:10,773 An independent, international intelligence agency... 380 00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:14,276 operating at the highest level of discretion. 381 00:28:15,069 --> 00:28:16,570 Above the politics and bureaucracy... 382 00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:20,908 that undermine the integrity of government-run spy organizations. 383 00:28:21,659 --> 00:28:23,994 The suit is a modern gentleman's armor. 384 00:28:24,829 --> 00:28:27,915 And the Kingsman agents are the new knights. 385 00:28:28,999 --> 00:28:30,584 How deep does this fucking thing go? 386 00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:31,794 Deep enough. 387 00:29:16,464 --> 00:29:18,174 Shit, we're late. 388 00:29:42,823 --> 00:29:45,367 Your father had the same look on his face. 389 00:29:47,036 --> 00:29:48,412 As did I. 390 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,207 Come on. 391 00:29:54,001 --> 00:29:55,044 Galahad. 392 00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:56,212 My code name. 393 00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:57,838 Late again, sir. 394 00:29:58,214 --> 00:29:59,507 Good luck. 395 00:29:59,882 --> 00:30:01,217 In you go. 396 00:30:12,728 --> 00:30:13,896 Fall in. 397 00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:18,943 Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Merlin. 398 00:30:19,109 --> 00:30:20,194 You are about to embark... 399 00:30:20,361 --> 00:30:23,072 on what is probably the most dangerous job interview in the world. 400 00:30:23,906 --> 00:30:28,744 One of you, and only one of you, will become the next Lancelot. 401 00:30:29,537 --> 00:30:32,748 Can anybody tell me what this is? 402 00:30:33,624 --> 00:30:35,251 -Yes? -Body bag, sir. 403 00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:37,711 Correct. Charlie, isn't it? 404 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:38,796 Yes, sir. 405 00:30:38,963 --> 00:30:39,713 Good. 406 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,258 In a moment, you will each collect a body bag. 407 00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:44,260 You will write your name on that bag. 408 00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:47,847 You will write the details of your next of kin on that bag. 409 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:51,267 This represents your acknowledgment of the risks that you are about to face... 410 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,728 as well as your agreement to strict confidentiality. 411 00:30:54,895 --> 00:30:57,940 Which, incidentally, if you break, will result in you... 412 00:30:58,232 --> 00:31:00,568 and your next of kin... 413 00:31:01,026 --> 00:31:02,611 being in that bag. 414 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,698 Is that understood? 415 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:08,367 Excellent. 416 00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:10,244 Fall out. 417 00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:19,962 Roxanne. But call me Roxy. 418 00:31:20,713 --> 00:31:22,131 -I'm Eggsy. -"Eggy"? 419 00:31:22,298 --> 00:31:23,257 No, "Eggsy." 420 00:31:23,424 --> 00:31:24,758 Eggy? 421 00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:26,051 Where did they dig you up? 422 00:31:26,218 --> 00:31:28,304 You know we're not allowed to discuss who proposed us. 423 00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:29,763 No need to bite his head off. 424 00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:32,266 Charlie's only making conversation, right, Charlie? 425 00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:34,101 I'm Digby. 426 00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:36,061 Digby. 427 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,646 Eggy, this is Rufus. 428 00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:39,315 Rufus, Egg)!- 429 00:31:41,483 --> 00:31:44,278 So, Eggy, are you Oxford or Cambridge? 430 00:31:44,778 --> 00:31:45,446 Neither. 431 00:31:45,613 --> 00:31:46,906 -Saint Andrews? -Durham? 432 00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:48,991 No, wait, I think we may have met. 433 00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:52,912 Did you serve me at the McDonald's in Winchester service station? 434 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:53,829 No. 435 00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:56,457 But if I had, I would have given you an extra helping of secret sauce. 436 00:31:57,249 --> 00:31:59,752 It's definitely Saint Andrews. 437 00:32:00,336 --> 00:32:01,503 Just ignore them. 438 00:32:01,670 --> 00:32:02,755 You need a pen? 439 00:32:02,922 --> 00:32:03,672 Cheers. 440 00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:05,257 Amelia, isn't it? 441 00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:06,842 Amelia, Eggs)!- 442 00:32:07,009 --> 00:32:08,177 Hi, Eggs)!- 443 00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,262 Don't take any notice of those guys. 444 00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:12,139 That's what I told him. 445 00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:15,643 It's just scare tactics. 446 00:32:16,018 --> 00:32:17,519 Classic army technique. 447 00:32:17,853 --> 00:32:18,854 No one's gonna die. 448 00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:24,193 Shame. 449 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,530 Great. You don't know, the CIA don't know. 450 00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:31,200 Nobody knows who this guy is? 451 00:32:31,951 --> 00:32:32,952 Fine. 452 00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,495 Seriously, it's fine. 453 00:32:34,662 --> 00:32:38,540 Well, it's not really fine, but it's not why I'm here. 454 00:32:38,707 --> 00:32:42,169 Hell, man, you know me. Money's not my issue. 455 00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,046 I could've retired straight out of MIT... 456 00:32:44,213 --> 00:32:46,674 fucked off to some island, let the business run itself. 457 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,593 Nobody told me to try and save the planet. 458 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,387 I wanted to. 459 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:55,265 Climate change research, lobbying, years of study, billions of dollars... 460 00:32:55,432 --> 00:32:57,226 and you know why I quit? 461 00:32:57,685 --> 00:33:02,439 Because the last time I checked, the planet was still fucked. 462 00:33:02,773 --> 00:33:05,275 Hence, my epiphany- 463 00:33:05,442 --> 00:33:08,195 Money won't solve this. 464 00:33:08,570 --> 00:33:11,031 Those idiots who call themselves politicians... 465 00:33:11,198 --> 00:33:15,244 have buried their heads in the sand and stood for nothing but re-election. 466 00:33:16,036 --> 00:33:20,374 So I spent the last two years trying to find a real solution. 467 00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:22,876 And I found it. 468 00:33:23,961 --> 00:33:27,089 Now, if you really want to make the world a better place... 469 00:33:27,256 --> 00:33:31,719 I suggest you open your fucking ears, because I'm about to tell it to you. 470 00:33:31,927 --> 00:33:33,762 Go on, Mr. Valentine. 471 00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:35,431 I'm still listening. 472 00:33:36,223 --> 00:33:40,102 As long as you agree to all my terms. 473 00:34:28,317 --> 00:34:29,860 All right, no one panic. Listen to me. 474 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:31,153 Stay calm. 475 00:34:31,987 --> 00:34:32,696 Fuck. 476 00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,366 Loo snorkels, loo snorkels! 477 00:34:36,658 --> 00:34:37,618 Loo snorkels? 478 00:34:37,785 --> 00:34:38,619 Showerheads! 479 00:34:39,828 --> 00:34:40,662 Showerheads? 480 00:34:40,829 --> 00:34:42,289 She's right. Fucking go! 481 00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:46,710 Hey, hang about, what's wrong with the fucking door? 482 00:36:10,419 --> 00:36:13,213 Congratulations on completing your first task. 483 00:36:13,463 --> 00:36:16,133 Charlie, Roxy, well done. 484 00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:18,093 For those of you who are still confused... 485 00:36:18,260 --> 00:36:20,429 if you can get a breathing tube around a U-bend of a toilet... 486 00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:22,431 you have an unlimited air supply. 487 00:36:22,598 --> 00:36:25,100 Simple physics, worth remembering. 488 00:36:25,267 --> 00:36:28,562 Eggsy, well done for spotting that was a two-way mirror. 489 00:36:28,729 --> 00:36:29,730 He's probably seen enough of them. 490 00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:32,774 Yeah, you can all wipe those smirks off your faces. 491 00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:36,778 Because as far as I'm concerned, every single one of you has failed. 492 00:36:37,112 --> 00:36:40,157 You all forgot the most important thing... 493 00:36:41,158 --> 00:36:42,451 teamwork. 494 00:36:56,632 --> 00:36:59,301 So much for classic army technique. 495 00:37:02,471 --> 00:37:03,722 35. 496 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:05,766 105. 497 00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:08,727 That's it. That's it. 498 00:37:13,315 --> 00:37:13,982 Hello. 499 00:37:14,775 --> 00:37:15,817 Can I help you? 500 00:37:15,984 --> 00:37:19,363 Yes. I have a question about anthropogenic force. 501 00:37:20,822 --> 00:37:23,951 Really? It's actually quite fascinating. 502 00:37:25,827 --> 00:37:27,496 My colleague died trying to rescue you... 503 00:37:27,663 --> 00:37:29,373 and I'm sure you saw how well trained he was... 504 00:37:29,539 --> 00:37:32,125 so I suggest you tell me who kidnapped you and why they let you go. 505 00:37:32,292 --> 00:37:34,044 I have no idea what you're talking-- 506 00:37:34,836 --> 00:37:37,089 I'm not supposed to say it, but it was-— 507 00:37:37,464 --> 00:37:39,174 For God's sake, I've barely touched you. 508 00:37:39,341 --> 00:37:40,634 Man up! 509 00:38:01,488 --> 00:38:03,407 Fuck that guy, whoever he is. I'm gonna-- 510 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,910 He made me kill Professor Arnold. 511 00:38:07,077 --> 00:38:08,412 I goddamn loved Professor Arnold. 512 00:38:08,578 --> 00:38:09,621 Well, the good news is... 513 00:38:09,788 --> 00:38:11,581 we know the emergency and surveillance system work. 514 00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:13,709 You know what's not good news? 515 00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:15,585 "My colleague died!" 516 00:38:15,752 --> 00:38:17,170 That's what he said! 517 00:38:17,337 --> 00:38:19,673 This is an organization, and they're all over us. 518 00:38:19,923 --> 00:38:21,675 -Whoever you spoke to-- -I told you... 519 00:38:21,842 --> 00:38:25,387 I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad and Beijing. 520 00:38:25,554 --> 00:38:26,972 They all insist he wasn't one of theirs. 521 00:38:27,389 --> 00:38:28,682 Beijing- 522 00:38:29,141 --> 00:38:33,353 So freaky now there's no recognizable name for the Chinese secret service. 523 00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:35,981 Now, that's what you call a secret, right? 524 00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:38,734 You know what? Fuck it. 525 00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:40,777 We need to speed things up. 526 00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:42,279 Bring the product release forward. 527 00:38:42,446 --> 00:38:44,281 We're only halfway into production... 528 00:38:44,448 --> 00:38:45,866 and speeding it will cost a fortune. 529 00:38:46,033 --> 00:38:47,326 Do I look like I give a fuck? 530 00:38:47,576 --> 00:38:49,411 Just get it done. 531 00:38:51,913 --> 00:38:54,499 As some of you will have learned last night... 532 00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:59,129 teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman. 533 00:38:59,296 --> 00:39:03,091 We're here to enhance your skills, test you to the limit. 534 00:39:03,258 --> 00:39:06,678 Which is why you're gonna pick a puppy. 535 00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,680 Wherever you go, your dog goes. 536 00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:11,058 You will care for it. You will teach it. 537 00:39:11,224 --> 00:39:14,269 And by the time it's fully trained, so will you be. 538 00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:17,022 Those of you who are still here, that is. 539 00:39:17,189 --> 00:39:19,107 Do you understand? 540 00:39:19,316 --> 00:39:21,193 Choose your PUPPY- 541 00:39:23,862 --> 00:39:25,030 A Doodle? 542 00:39:25,197 --> 00:39:26,031 What? 543 00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:27,866 They're gun dogs. 544 00:39:28,033 --> 00:39:29,534 Oldest working breed. 545 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,495 Easy to train. 546 00:39:32,537 --> 00:39:33,789 A pug? 547 00:39:35,165 --> 00:39:36,833 It's a bulldog, innit? 548 00:39:39,294 --> 00:39:40,629 It'll get bigger, though, won't it? 549 00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:46,676 Shit. 550 00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:52,015 His MRI shows no signs of concussion. 551 00:39:52,182 --> 00:39:55,143 No direct brain trauma at all. 552 00:39:55,477 --> 00:39:57,562 How much longer can he be out? 553 00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:58,897 That's the million-dollar question. 554 00:39:59,064 --> 00:40:00,899 We don't know what he was exposed to in there. 555 00:40:01,066 --> 00:40:02,526 What about Harry's footage? 556 00:40:02,692 --> 00:40:04,361 It didn't stream to his home terminal. 557 00:40:04,528 --> 00:40:07,489 Encrypted and uncrackable. 558 00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:08,865 If and when he comes around... 559 00:40:09,032 --> 00:40:11,660 you might want to have a word with him about sharing his password. 560 00:40:11,827 --> 00:40:13,495 Is he gonna be all right? 561 00:40:14,663 --> 00:40:16,331 We need to have patience, Eggsy. 562 00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:18,083 But there's hope, okay? 563 00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:20,377 If I were you, I'd concentrate on your training. 564 00:40:20,544 --> 00:40:22,712 Make it through the tests. Make him proud. 565 00:40:30,345 --> 00:40:31,847 Come on, come on, come on! 566 00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:34,099 J.B., come on! Come on! 567 00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,187 I'm not coming last because of you. 568 00:40:40,021 --> 00:40:42,524 J.B., I'll shoot you! Goddamn you, I'll fucking shoot you! 569 00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:45,444 Merlin said we're not allowed to hold you. 570 00:40:47,612 --> 00:40:49,114 Bollocks. 571 00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:32,616 Water! 572 00:41:35,911 --> 00:41:37,412 -Come on, then! -Eggsy, forget it! 573 00:41:37,579 --> 00:41:39,080 What's wrong, mate? You can't take a joke? 574 00:41:39,247 --> 00:41:41,416 Seriously, you'll get thrown out, and it's just not worth it. 575 00:41:41,583 --> 00:41:43,084 Maybe I don't give a fuck if I get kicked out! 576 00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:44,586 Do it. Come on, you pleb. 577 00:41:44,753 --> 00:41:46,171 Charlie, fuck off! 578 00:41:48,298 --> 00:41:51,259 Yeah, go on, walk away. Dickhead. 579 00:41:52,594 --> 00:41:53,678 Come on, J.B. 580 00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:54,930 Come on, good boy. 581 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:11,112 You have exactly one hour to complete the test... 582 00:42:11,279 --> 00:42:12,822 starting now. 583 00:42:14,908 --> 00:42:16,660 New target, 800 meters. 584 00:42:16,826 --> 00:42:18,453 You know, its unbelievable. You're still here... 585 00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:22,123 lingering like some big, steaming shit that just won't flush. 586 00:42:22,290 --> 00:42:23,792 Roger that. Target identified. 587 00:42:23,959 --> 00:42:25,961 And how about you shut the fuck up? 588 00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:27,254 Positive discrimination... 589 00:42:27,420 --> 00:42:28,838 that's what it is. 590 00:42:29,005 --> 00:42:32,175 It's like those fucking state school kids who get into Oxford on C grades... 591 00:42:32,342 --> 00:42:33,969 because their mum is a one-legged lesbian. 592 00:42:34,135 --> 00:42:35,637 You don't know fuck all about my grades. 593 00:42:35,804 --> 00:42:37,681 Forgive me, I'm sure you're highly educated. 594 00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,307 Fire when ready. 595 00:42:41,476 --> 00:42:43,478 How's that for positive discrimination? 596 00:42:56,157 --> 00:42:57,951 I want to thank you both for listening... 597 00:42:58,118 --> 00:43:01,204 and I really, really appreciate you travelling all this way... 598 00:43:01,371 --> 00:43:02,372 Your Royal Highness. 599 00:43:02,706 --> 00:43:04,332 And you, too, Prime Minister. 600 00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:07,502 I think this is quite brilliant. 601 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:10,505 It's absolutely brilliant. 602 00:43:11,298 --> 00:43:14,134 You are completely crazy. 603 00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:17,721 And as for you, Prime Minister 604 00:43:17,846 --> 00:43:20,056 I'm speechless you'd even consider this. 605 00:43:25,353 --> 00:43:28,315 -Don't touch-- -Sorry, Your Royal Highness. 606 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:29,524 But you've got a big role to play... 607 00:43:29,691 --> 00:43:32,235 in getting the Scandinavian region back on track. 608 00:43:32,569 --> 00:43:33,903 You're popular, inspirational... 609 00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:36,531 and you have the power to galvanize the people. 610 00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:39,534 Now, whether you're on board or not... 611 00:43:39,701 --> 00:43:41,328 I'm going to have to insist... 612 00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:44,372 on getting you somewhere I can ensure your safety. 613 00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:47,083 How about you, Prime Minister? You in or out? 614 00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:49,544 Well, I think it's about time... 615 00:43:49,711 --> 00:43:54,382 that a politician did something that actually made a difference. 616 00:43:54,883 --> 00:43:56,718 Too true. 617 00:43:56,885 --> 00:43:57,719 What? 618 00:43:57,886 --> 00:43:59,220 Take her away. 619 00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:03,725 Drink? 620 00:44:04,726 --> 00:44:06,227 Why not? 621 00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:10,106 Guards! Help! 622 00:44:10,190 --> 00:44:10,940 Don't worry. 623 00:44:11,107 --> 00:44:12,567 No harm will come to the princess. 624 00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:17,197 Well, I'm a republican anyways, so it really doesn't matter. 625 00:44:18,740 --> 00:44:19,532 Release the princess! 626 00:44:53,441 --> 00:44:54,609 Okay, you're done. 627 00:44:54,776 --> 00:44:56,277 Not so bad, right? 628 00:44:56,820 --> 00:44:58,655 Hardly felt a thing. 629 00:44:58,947 --> 00:45:00,448 Welcome aboard. 630 00:45:00,907 --> 00:45:02,742 Pleasure is all mine. 631 00:45:09,082 --> 00:45:10,083 Ever heard of knocking? 632 00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:12,627 Only when I'm casing a place to rob. 633 00:45:14,129 --> 00:45:15,296 Merlin said you wanted to see me? 634 00:45:16,589 --> 00:45:18,633 I hope J.B.'s training is going as well as yours is. 635 00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:19,968 Sit. 636 00:45:22,470 --> 00:45:25,348 Congratulations on making it to the final six candidates. 637 00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:28,017 Your test results were even better than I could've hoped. 638 00:45:30,645 --> 00:45:31,813 Come in. 639 00:45:35,984 --> 00:45:38,653 Eggsy, I need to have a private conversation. 640 00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:39,779 You're dismissed. 641 00:45:39,946 --> 00:45:41,656 Nonsense. Let him observe. 642 00:45:41,865 --> 00:45:43,491 Might learn a thing or two. 643 00:45:43,992 --> 00:45:45,994 As you wish. Take a look at this. 644 00:45:46,161 --> 00:45:47,954 For God's sake, I've barely touched you. 645 00:45:48,121 --> 00:45:48,955 Man up! 646 00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:51,332 Fucking hell! 647 00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:53,460 That is rank, Harry. 648 00:45:54,169 --> 00:45:55,503 You blew up his head? 649 00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,130 It's a bit much, innit? 650 00:45:57,297 --> 00:46:00,967 Actually, the explosion was caused by an implant in his neck. 651 00:46:01,176 --> 00:46:02,677 Here, under the scar. 652 00:46:03,011 --> 00:46:05,513 Did my hardware pick up the signal that triggered it? 653 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,182 Fortunately, yes. 654 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:09,476 Unfortunately, the IP address I traced it to... 655 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,853 is registered to the Valentine Corporation. 656 00:46:12,020 --> 00:46:14,856 That's not much of a lead. He has millions of employees worldwide. 657 00:46:15,023 --> 00:46:17,192 That Richmond Valentine is a genius. 658 00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:22,989 Did you not see his announcement today? 659 00:46:23,698 --> 00:46:24,866 No. 660 00:46:28,912 --> 00:46:32,499 We each spend on average $2,000 a year... 661 00:46:32,665 --> 00:46:34,542 on cell phone and internet usage. 662 00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:37,837 It gives me great pleasure to announce... 663 00:46:38,004 --> 00:46:40,548 those days are over. 664 00:46:40,715 --> 00:46:41,758 As of tomorrow... 665 00:46:41,925 --> 00:46:45,762 every man, woman and child can claim a free SIM card... 666 00:46:45,929 --> 00:46:50,058 compatible with any cell phone, any computer... 667 00:46:50,225 --> 00:46:54,395 and utilize my communications network for free. 668 00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:55,897 Free calls... 669 00:46:56,064 --> 00:46:57,565 free internet... 670 00:46:57,732 --> 00:46:59,234 for everyone. 671 00:47:00,235 --> 00:47:01,569 Forever. 672 00:47:17,418 --> 00:47:20,088 Valentine's assistant has the same implant scar. 673 00:47:20,588 --> 00:47:23,258 I think Mr. Valentine and I should have a tête-à-tête. 674 00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:29,222 He's having a gala dinner next week. 675 00:47:29,389 --> 00:47:32,225 I'll get you an invitation. You need to be careful, though. 676 00:47:32,433 --> 00:47:34,394 Since you've been out, hundreds of VIPs have gone missing. 677 00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,938 No ransom notes, exactly like Professor Arnold. 678 00:47:37,272 --> 00:47:40,984 Then I suggest you make my alias somebody worth kidnapping. 679 00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:54,956 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 680 00:47:55,123 --> 00:47:56,291 What, don't like heights? 681 00:47:56,457 --> 00:47:57,458 Yeah, it's okay. 682 00:47:57,667 --> 00:48:01,296 I've done it before, which is probably why, come to think of it. 683 00:48:02,589 --> 00:48:04,465 Hey, it's gonna be all right. 684 00:48:04,632 --> 00:48:06,092 You're top of the class. 685 00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:09,304 Listen up. 686 00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:12,265 Your mission is to land in the target without the radar detecting you. 687 00:48:12,432 --> 00:48:16,102 If I read you on the radar, or you miss the target, you go home. 688 00:48:16,477 --> 00:48:17,645 Is that understood? 689 00:48:21,149 --> 00:48:23,776 Drop zone coming up, 20 seconds. 690 00:48:25,111 --> 00:48:26,529 We gotta go. 691 00:48:35,788 --> 00:48:37,665 Eggsy, I really don't think I can do this. 692 00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:38,833 Of course you can't. 693 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,335 Head to the back and I'll show you how, yeah? 694 00:48:48,843 --> 00:48:50,845 Eggsy, wait! Hang on! 695 00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:53,348 Roxy, just stop fucking about! 696 00:48:54,974 --> 00:48:55,850 Follow me, yeah? 697 00:49:10,031 --> 00:49:11,866 Come on! 698 00:49:13,159 --> 00:49:15,203 Roxy, it's now or never. 699 00:49:16,496 --> 00:49:17,705 Jump] 700 00:49:36,349 --> 00:49:37,684 Good girl, Rox... 701 00:49:37,850 --> 00:49:39,435 I'm glad you made it! 702 00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:53,908 Yeah! 703 00:49:54,575 --> 00:49:55,576 Come on! 704 00:49:57,954 --> 00:50:00,081 My, my, you're all very cheerful. 705 00:50:00,248 --> 00:50:02,417 Did you really think it was gonna be that straightforward? 706 00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:04,961 Any idiot can read a heads-up display. 707 00:50:05,128 --> 00:50:08,798 A Kingsman agent needs to be able to solve problems under pressure. 708 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:12,885 Like what to do when one of your group has no parachute. 709 00:50:14,262 --> 00:50:15,930 -What, no parachute? -Shit! 710 00:50:16,305 --> 00:50:17,432 Who? 711 00:50:17,598 --> 00:50:18,433 Fuck! 712 00:50:18,599 --> 00:50:19,559 Which one? 713 00:50:19,726 --> 00:50:21,144 What do we do? 714 00:50:21,310 --> 00:50:22,729 I told you. Aim for the target. 715 00:50:22,895 --> 00:50:24,147 Come in under the radar. 716 00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,274 And I hope not to be scraping one of you up. 717 00:50:26,649 --> 00:50:29,610 But if I do have to, and you're inside the target... 718 00:50:30,111 --> 00:50:31,821 please know I'll be very impressed. 719 00:50:31,988 --> 00:50:33,406 -Fuck! -Oh, shit! 720 00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:38,953 Everybody listen, I've got a plan! 721 00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:43,624 Pair off! Grab the closest person to them. 722 00:50:46,294 --> 00:50:47,462 Rufus, come on! 723 00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:48,588 Fuck! 724 00:50:49,464 --> 00:50:50,339 Rufus! 725 00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:51,966 Shit! I can't! 726 00:50:55,803 --> 00:50:56,471 Fuck! 727 00:50:57,847 --> 00:50:58,973 Thank God! 728 00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:00,975 Rufus, you wanker! 729 00:51:02,185 --> 00:51:03,603 Shit, we're an odd number now! 730 00:51:04,687 --> 00:51:05,772 Quick, make a circle! 731 00:51:05,938 --> 00:51:07,648 Fuck, he's right! Boys, let's do it. 732 00:51:12,361 --> 00:51:14,447 We pull our cords one by one! 733 00:51:14,614 --> 00:51:15,823 When we know who's fucked... 734 00:51:15,990 --> 00:51:17,325 the person on their right grabs them. 735 00:51:19,118 --> 00:51:20,369 Okay, Eggsy. 736 00:51:20,828 --> 00:51:21,829 Good plan, Eggs)'- 737 00:51:21,996 --> 00:51:24,165 You have 30 seconds. Come on now, hurry. 738 00:51:24,332 --> 00:51:25,333 Me first! 739 00:51:27,835 --> 00:51:28,669 Fuck! 740 00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:30,171 Yes! 741 00:51:32,215 --> 00:51:34,634 Okay, me next. 742 00:51:36,636 --> 00:51:38,179 See you on the ground, boys. 743 00:51:42,016 --> 00:51:43,017 Now me. 744 00:51:46,896 --> 00:51:47,730 Fuck! 745 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:53,152 Roxy... 746 00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:54,987 no matter what happens now, I've got you, all right? 747 00:51:58,866 --> 00:52:00,159 Okay, Eggsy. 748 00:52:00,326 --> 00:52:01,494 -Yours first, okay? -Yep. 749 00:52:14,674 --> 00:52:15,550 Shit! 750 00:52:23,349 --> 00:52:24,600 Shit! 751 00:52:26,727 --> 00:52:27,395 Shit! 752 00:52:29,397 --> 00:52:30,064 Rox! 753 00:52:33,860 --> 00:52:34,944 Fuck. 754 00:52:51,294 --> 00:52:53,462 Hugo, Digby. 755 00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:56,424 You don't land in the K, you're not in the K. 756 00:52:56,591 --> 00:52:58,926 Rufus, you opened too soon. 757 00:52:59,093 --> 00:53:00,428 You were all over the radar. 758 00:53:00,595 --> 00:53:02,430 All three of you, pack your bags, go home. 759 00:53:04,557 --> 00:53:06,767 Eggsy, Roxy, congratulations. 760 00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:08,728 You set a new record. 761 00:53:08,895 --> 00:53:10,104 Opening at 300 feet... 762 00:53:10,271 --> 00:53:11,314 that's pretty ballsy. 763 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,983 Well done for completing another task. Fall out. 764 00:53:15,109 --> 00:53:16,110 Sorry, sir. 765 00:53:16,277 --> 00:53:17,945 But why the fuck did you choose me as the gimp? 766 00:53:18,112 --> 00:53:19,322 Am I the expendable candidate? 767 00:53:19,488 --> 00:53:22,074 No,no,no. You don't talk to me like that. 768 00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:24,452 You have a complaint, you come here and you whisper it in my ear. 769 00:53:31,292 --> 00:53:34,003 You need to take that chip off your shoulder. 770 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,495 Mr. DeVere. It's a pleasure to meet you. 771 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,831 I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up. 772 00:54:10,998 --> 00:54:13,876 No,no,no. I cancelled the gala because of you. 773 00:54:14,210 --> 00:54:16,003 Anybody willing to donate that much... 774 00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:18,339 deserves their own dinner. Come in! 775 00:54:19,966 --> 00:54:20,967 Thank you. 776 00:54:22,843 --> 00:54:25,346 Got to admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. 777 00:54:25,513 --> 00:54:27,348 There aren't many billionaires I don't know. 778 00:54:27,515 --> 00:54:28,516 I don't doubt it. 779 00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:31,686 And, obviously, I had my people look into your affairs... 780 00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:33,562 and that's some pretty old money you're from. 781 00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:34,563 How'd your folks make it? 782 00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:38,192 Property, mostly. Property and the markets. 783 00:54:38,359 --> 00:54:40,403 Nothing questionable, if that's your concern. 784 00:54:40,569 --> 00:54:43,322 Look, I'm just into finding out what caliber person you are. 785 00:54:43,489 --> 00:54:44,323 I'm sure you understand that. 786 00:54:44,865 --> 00:54:45,908 I most certainly do. 787 00:54:46,075 --> 00:54:47,576 -Hope you're hungry. -I'm famished. 788 00:54:47,743 --> 00:54:48,786 Good. 789 00:54:48,869 --> 00:54:49,870 Grab a seat. 790 00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:12,727 I'll have the Big Mac, please. 791 00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:14,061 Great choice. 792 00:55:14,228 --> 00:55:17,648 But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. 793 00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:19,608 Goes great with this '45 Lafite. 794 00:55:19,775 --> 00:55:20,776 A classic pairing. 795 00:55:21,193 --> 00:55:24,196 And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Chateau d'Yquem for pudding? 796 00:55:25,031 --> 00:55:26,407 I like it. 797 00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:30,786 So, you want to donate to my foundation. 798 00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:34,290 You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right? 799 00:55:34,457 --> 00:55:37,376 Climate change is a threat, which affects us all, Mr. Valentine. 800 00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,671 And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns. 801 00:55:40,838 --> 00:55:43,507 No, I shut things down, because I wasn't getting anywhere. 802 00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:46,510 Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing. 803 00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:48,054 That carbon emissions are a red herring... 804 00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:51,891 and that we're past the point of no return no matter what remedial actions we take? 805 00:55:52,266 --> 00:55:53,893 You know your shit. 806 00:55:54,060 --> 00:55:57,646 I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well versed in their... 807 00:55:58,189 --> 00:55:59,398 "shit." 808 00:56:00,441 --> 00:56:01,984 As Professor Arnold always said... 809 00:56:02,568 --> 00:56:04,987 "Humankind is the only virus cursed to live... 810 00:56:05,154 --> 00:56:08,407 "with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality." 811 00:56:09,658 --> 00:56:12,203 You know, not a lot of people knew about him. 812 00:56:14,914 --> 00:56:17,291 You like spy movies, Mr. DeVere? 813 00:56:20,961 --> 00:56:24,006 Nowadays, they're all a little serious for my taste. 814 00:56:24,173 --> 00:56:25,132 But the old ones... 815 00:56:25,925 --> 00:56:27,176 Marvelous. 816 00:56:27,343 --> 00:56:29,595 Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day. 817 00:56:29,762 --> 00:56:33,265 The old Bond movies. Oh, man! 818 00:56:33,432 --> 00:56:36,977 When I was a kid, that was my dream job. 819 00:56:37,770 --> 00:56:39,355 Gentleman spy. 820 00:56:39,730 --> 00:56:43,067 I always felt the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. 821 00:56:43,442 --> 00:56:47,571 As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac. 822 00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:52,743 What a shame we both had to grow up. 823 00:56:57,373 --> 00:56:58,582 Bon appétit. 824 00:57:01,127 --> 00:57:04,088 Just give me a couple of days to think over your proposal. 825 00:57:04,255 --> 00:57:05,840 I'll have my people get in touch with yours... 826 00:57:06,006 --> 00:57:07,508 and it's all good. 827 00:57:07,675 --> 00:57:11,220 And thank you for such a happy meal. 828 00:57:16,559 --> 00:57:17,935 Well, want me to follow him? 829 00:57:18,102 --> 00:57:19,228 Nah. 830 00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:21,981 I put a nano tracker gel in the wine. 831 00:57:22,148 --> 00:57:25,151 We'll know his every move for the next 24 hours. 832 00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:27,862 Finally find out who he works for. 833 00:57:29,447 --> 00:57:31,407 Valentine didn't let me out of his sight. 834 00:57:31,574 --> 00:57:34,076 All I got was this on the way in. 835 00:57:38,205 --> 00:57:41,292 South Glade Mission Church is a hate group based in Kentucky. 836 00:57:42,168 --> 00:57:43,752 FBI have been monitoring them for years. 837 00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:45,713 But you think Valentine is a supporter? 838 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:49,175 No evidence yet of a direct connection, but I'll keep looking. 839 00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,427 By the way... 840 00:57:51,594 --> 00:57:56,640 our ever-growing list of missing persons now includes Scandinavian royalty. 841 00:57:57,057 --> 00:57:59,768 Royal Crown Princess Tilde. 842 00:58:01,854 --> 00:58:04,690 Just let me out, you psycho! 843 00:58:04,857 --> 00:58:07,693 I told you, you're free to go any time you want. 844 00:58:07,860 --> 00:58:10,112 As long as you agree to my conditions. 845 00:58:10,529 --> 00:58:12,156 I don't agree... 846 00:58:12,323 --> 00:58:15,034 and I am never ever going to agree! 847 00:58:15,201 --> 00:58:16,452 Tough shit. 848 00:58:16,869 --> 00:58:17,870 Bitch. 849 00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:21,790 I want to speak to the British Council! 850 00:58:22,416 --> 00:58:26,837 The list of missing celebrities and dignitaries has continued to grow in recent weeks... 851 00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:30,883 and world leaders are coming under increasing pressure to provide answers. 852 00:58:31,050 --> 00:58:34,803 We are doing everything in our power to find Princess Tilde. 853 00:58:34,970 --> 00:58:38,140 You know, governments and security forces worldwide... 854 00:58:38,307 --> 00:58:42,019 are working together to find the person behind these abductions. 855 00:58:42,186 --> 00:58:43,854 In other news, people all over the world... 856 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:48,400 continue to wait in line day and night to get their free SIM cards. 857 00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:51,028 Mrs. P, did you get one? 858 00:58:51,195 --> 00:58:53,781 Yeah, I've been queuing up all day. 859 00:58:53,948 --> 00:58:58,202 This unprecedented giveaway by the philanthropist Richmond Valentine... 860 00:58:58,369 --> 00:59:01,205 has already seen over a billion cards distributed. 861 00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:02,581 At ease. 862 00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:07,169 So you thought we were done for the day, huh? 863 00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:09,171 Well, we're not. 864 00:59:10,798 --> 00:59:12,800 -A party? -Tonight, in London. 865 00:59:14,552 --> 00:59:16,887 -Who's this? -Your target. 866 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:19,014 Your mission is to use your NLP training... 867 00:59:19,181 --> 00:59:21,559 to win over the individual on the photograph in your envelope. 868 00:59:21,725 --> 00:59:23,227 And when I say "win over"... 869 00:59:23,561 --> 00:59:25,187 I do mean in the biblical sense. 870 00:59:25,354 --> 00:59:26,522 Easy. 871 00:59:27,439 --> 00:59:29,483 Posh girls love a bit of rough. 872 00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:31,277 We'll see about that, yeah? 873 00:59:31,569 --> 00:59:33,362 We certainly will. 874 00:59:38,576 --> 00:59:39,535 Hi! 875 00:59:39,702 --> 00:59:42,997 Sorry, I just had to come over and say, amazing eyes. 876 00:59:43,372 --> 00:59:44,582 Are you wearing color contacts? 877 00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:46,959 -No! -You so are. 878 00:59:47,126 --> 00:59:49,503 Oh, my God, negging! That's hilarious. 879 00:59:49,670 --> 00:59:51,547 I haven't heard anyone try that since the noughties. 880 00:59:51,714 --> 00:59:52,840 Excuse me? 881 00:59:53,007 --> 00:59:53,882 "Negging-" 882 00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:58,012 Saying something negative to a pretty girl in order to undermine her social value. 883 00:59:58,178 --> 01:00:00,222 It's supposed to make you want to win his approval. 884 01:00:00,806 --> 01:00:03,851 Absurdly basic neuro-linguistic programming technique. 885 01:00:04,018 --> 01:00:06,145 Is it just me, or does this champagne taste a little bit funny? 886 01:00:06,312 --> 01:00:08,188 -It's an acquired taste, mate. -I think it's just cheap. 887 01:00:08,355 --> 01:00:10,190 Get one of these instead. They're delicious. 888 01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:13,068 If you're into seduction techniques, this guy is textbook. 889 01:00:13,235 --> 01:00:15,988 See what he just did? It's called an opinion opener. 890 01:00:16,155 --> 01:00:17,656 He got you talking with a neutral question... 891 01:00:17,823 --> 01:00:19,533 got all of us involved in the conversation... 892 01:00:19,700 --> 01:00:21,368 so that you craved individual attention. 893 01:00:22,077 --> 01:00:23,412 No, I'm just saying the champagne tastes rank. 894 01:00:23,579 --> 01:00:25,331 Lady Sophie Montague-Herring. 895 01:00:25,497 --> 01:00:26,790 Phone call for you at reception. 896 01:00:26,957 --> 01:00:28,667 -Be right back. -We'll see you in a bit, yeah? 897 01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:30,210 See you in a bit. 898 01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:32,212 Budge up, Rox. I'm feeling a bit rough. 899 01:00:32,379 --> 01:00:33,881 -Are you all right? -No. 900 01:00:34,048 --> 01:00:35,090 Sorry to eavesdrop... 901 01:00:35,257 --> 01:00:38,802 but there's a much easier way to guarantee getting someone home. 902 01:00:39,011 --> 01:00:40,554 Rohypnol. 903 01:00:42,723 --> 01:00:44,475 Or even something stronger. 904 01:01:02,034 --> 01:01:03,702 Who the fuck are you? 905 01:01:04,286 --> 01:01:05,704 Where am I? 906 01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:09,291 This knife... 907 01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:11,502 can save your life. 908 01:01:15,756 --> 01:01:16,757 Fuck! 909 01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:19,968 My employer's got two questions for you, Eggsy. 910 01:01:20,135 --> 01:01:22,012 What the fuck is Kingsman? 911 01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:23,806 And who's Harry Hart? 912 01:01:23,972 --> 01:01:25,808 I don't know who the fuck that is! 913 01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:26,767 Shit! 914 01:01:26,934 --> 01:01:30,729 Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends who gave me the same bullshit answer! 915 01:01:31,355 --> 01:01:32,272 Fuck! 916 01:01:32,731 --> 01:01:35,275 Just cut the fucking ropes, please! 917 01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,485 Hey, Eggsy! 918 01:01:36,652 --> 01:01:37,986 Is Kingsman worth dying for? 919 01:01:40,197 --> 01:01:41,573 FUCK you! 920 01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:57,172 Congratulations. 921 01:01:57,339 --> 01:01:58,549 Bloody well done. 922 01:02:00,843 --> 01:02:02,428 How did the others do? 923 01:02:02,594 --> 01:02:04,388 Roxy passed with flying colors. 924 01:02:04,930 --> 01:02:07,182 Charlie's up next. Want to watch? 925 01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,060 Yeah, all right. 926 01:02:12,563 --> 01:02:14,606 Is Kingsman really worth dying for? 927 01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:16,108 No, it fucking isn't! 928 01:02:16,275 --> 01:02:18,110 Shit, I'll tell you what you want. Please! 929 01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:19,570 Chester King is Arthur. 930 01:02:19,737 --> 01:02:21,947 Arthur's head of a spy agency. It's called Kingsman. 931 01:02:22,114 --> 01:02:23,657 -Get me out of here! -Thank you, Charlie. 932 01:02:23,824 --> 01:02:25,159 Much appreciated. 933 01:02:25,325 --> 01:02:27,703 Come on! That wasn't the fucking deal! 934 01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,414 Fuck! 935 01:02:37,421 --> 01:02:39,715 I had such high hopes for you. 936 01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:41,842 You're a bloody disgrace. 937 01:02:42,009 --> 01:02:43,010 Arthur, I'm sorry. 938 01:02:43,844 --> 01:02:45,179 At least untie me. 939 01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:46,847 Untie yourself. 940 01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:50,684 Arthur, please. 941 01:02:52,019 --> 01:02:54,563 I'm the fucking son of the... Shit! 942 01:02:54,730 --> 01:02:57,232 Anyone? Hello? 943 01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,943 Galahad, Percival, congratulations. 944 01:03:00,235 --> 01:03:03,030 Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. 945 01:03:03,197 --> 01:03:06,742 As tradition allows, you now have 24 hours to spend with them. 946 01:03:07,367 --> 01:03:10,537 Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. 947 01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:12,289 From now on... 948 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:14,208 there are no safety nets, understood? 949 01:03:18,086 --> 01:03:18,962 Good. Dismissed. 950 01:03:22,925 --> 01:03:25,052 Charlie, time to go home. 951 01:03:25,219 --> 01:03:26,553 Fuck you. 952 01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:29,223 Fucking dad's gonna hear about this! 953 01:03:31,391 --> 01:03:32,392 "To pee or not to pee?" 954 01:03:34,645 --> 01:03:35,646 That was the headline... 955 01:03:35,729 --> 01:03:38,398 the day after I defused a dirty bomb in Paris. 956 01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:40,567 "Germany, 1, England, 5." 957 01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:41,819 Missed that game. 958 01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:44,947 I was breaking up an undercover spy ring at the Pentagon. 959 01:03:50,452 --> 01:03:51,745 My first mission. 960 01:03:51,912 --> 01:03:53,413 Foiled the assassination of Margaret Thatcher. 961 01:03:54,915 --> 01:03:56,250 Not everybody would thank you for that one. 962 01:03:56,667 --> 01:03:59,419 The point is, Eggsy, nobody thanked me for any of them. 963 01:04:00,087 --> 01:04:03,632 Front page news on all these occasions was celebrity nonsense. 964 01:04:03,924 --> 01:04:07,469 Because it's the nature of Kingsman that our achievements remain secret. 965 01:04:07,928 --> 01:04:11,265 A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times. 966 01:04:11,431 --> 01:04:13,767 When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies. 967 01:04:13,934 --> 01:04:17,104 And we are, first and foremost, gentlemen. 968 01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:18,772 That's me fucked then. 969 01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:21,650 It's like Charlie said. I'm just a pleb. 970 01:04:21,817 --> 01:04:22,818 Nonsense. 971 01:04:22,985 --> 01:04:25,487 Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one's birth. 972 01:04:26,446 --> 01:04:28,282 Being a gentleman is something one learns. 973 01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:30,868 Yeah, but how? 974 01:04:31,785 --> 01:04:33,036 All right, first lesson. 975 01:04:33,203 --> 01:04:34,621 You should've asked me before you took a seat. 976 01:04:36,498 --> 01:04:37,624 Second lesson... 977 01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:39,960 how to make a proper martini. 978 01:04:40,961 --> 01:04:43,046 Yes, Harry. 979 01:04:45,632 --> 01:04:48,677 Goddamn it! This fucking hurts! 980 01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:51,680 You're the one who asked for a biometric security system. 981 01:04:51,847 --> 01:04:52,973 What's wrong with a simple switch? 982 01:04:53,140 --> 01:04:54,141 A simple switch? 983 01:04:54,308 --> 01:04:57,978 This is an extremely dangerous machine. 984 01:04:58,145 --> 01:05:02,691 It should only be operated by someone as responsible and sane as me. 985 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,152 Bad shit could happen if this falls into the wrong hands. 986 01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:10,032 We done here? Shit! 987 01:05:10,198 --> 01:05:12,826 No. Now this one. 988 01:05:12,993 --> 01:05:14,036 For the test at the church. 989 01:05:14,202 --> 01:05:16,038 This one just has a short range. 990 01:05:16,204 --> 01:05:17,748 A simple switch will do. 991 01:05:23,712 --> 01:05:26,590 So are you gonna teach me how to talk proper, like in My Fair Lady? 992 01:05:26,757 --> 01:05:28,216 Don't be absurd. 993 01:05:28,508 --> 01:05:31,053 Being a gentleman has nothing to do with one's accent. 994 01:05:31,219 --> 01:05:33,513 It's about being at ease in one's own skin. 995 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,223 As Hemingway said, "There is nothing noble... 996 01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:37,768 "in being superior to your fellow man. 997 01:05:38,185 --> 01:05:41,688 "True nobility is being superior to your former self." 998 01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,737 Now, the first thing every gentleman needs is a good suit. 999 01:05:48,904 --> 01:05:52,199 By which I mean, a bespoke suit. Never off-the-peg. 1000 01:05:52,366 --> 01:05:54,743 And Kingsman suits are always bulletproof. 1001 01:05:54,910 --> 01:05:57,704 So let's get you measured, and then, whether you get the job or not... 1002 01:05:57,871 --> 01:06:02,250 you'll have a lasting and useful memento of your time at Kingsman. 1003 01:06:02,417 --> 01:06:06,046 I'm so sorry, sir, but a gentleman is completing his fitting. 1004 01:06:06,213 --> 01:06:08,382 Fitting Room Two is available. 1005 01:06:08,548 --> 01:06:12,552 One does not use Fitting Room Two when one is popping one's cherry. 1006 01:06:13,637 --> 01:06:16,431 Perhaps I'll show you Fitting Room Three while we wait. 1007 01:06:26,817 --> 01:06:28,068 So we going up or down? 1008 01:06:28,235 --> 01:06:29,403 Neither. 1009 01:06:30,654 --> 01:06:31,655 Is this it? 1010 01:06:31,822 --> 01:06:34,908 Of course not. Pull the hook on your left. 1011 01:06:42,165 --> 01:06:42,916 Oh, yes. 1012 01:06:43,417 --> 01:06:45,585 Very, very nice. 1013 01:06:48,630 --> 01:06:51,133 You're going to need a pair of shoes to go with your suit. 1014 01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:55,429 An oxford is any formal shoe with open lacing. 1015 01:06:55,595 --> 01:06:58,807 This additional decorative piece is called broguing. 1016 01:06:58,974 --> 01:07:00,142 "Oxfords not brogues." 1017 01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:01,935 Words to live by, Eggsy. 1018 01:07:02,144 --> 01:07:04,771 Words to live by. Try a pair. 1019 01:07:05,522 --> 01:07:07,274 Your weapon scores are excellent, by the way. 1020 01:07:08,442 --> 01:07:11,695 These you are familiar with, and this is our standard issue pistol. 1021 01:07:11,862 --> 01:07:13,488 It's quite unique, as you'll see. 1022 01:07:13,655 --> 01:07:16,992 It also fires a shotgun cartridge for use in messy close-range situations. 1023 01:07:17,159 --> 01:07:18,618 -How do they feel? -Yeah, good. 1024 01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:20,120 Now do your very best impersonation... 1025 01:07:20,287 --> 01:07:21,955 of a German aristocrat's formal greeting. 1026 01:07:25,500 --> 01:07:26,710 No, Eggsy. 1027 01:07:30,839 --> 01:07:32,090 That is sick. 1028 01:07:33,133 --> 01:07:35,093 In the old days, they had a phone in the heel as well. 1029 01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:36,303 How do I get it back in? 1030 01:07:36,470 --> 01:07:40,348 Well, it's coated in one of the fastest acting neurotoxins known to man... 1031 01:07:40,515 --> 01:07:42,017 so very carefully. 1032 01:07:43,935 --> 01:07:47,647 Now, I've had a lot of fun with this. 1033 01:07:47,814 --> 01:07:50,817 One of our finest examples of chemical engineering. 1034 01:07:50,984 --> 01:07:53,487 A poison, harmless when ingested... 1035 01:07:53,653 --> 01:07:55,530 but at a time convenient to you... 1036 01:07:55,697 --> 01:07:59,701 can be remotely activated. Primed. 1037 01:08:01,161 --> 01:08:02,037 Lethal. 1038 01:08:03,371 --> 01:08:05,499 What about these? What do these do? 1039 01:08:05,874 --> 01:08:07,834 -Electrocute you? -Don't be ridiculous. 1040 01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,836 -It's a hand grenade. -Shut up! 1041 01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:12,297 If you want to electrocute someone, you'll need a signet ring. 1042 01:08:12,464 --> 01:08:14,549 A gentleman traditionally wears the signet on his left hand. 1043 01:08:14,716 --> 01:08:17,677 But a Kingsman wears it on whichever hand happens to be dominant. 1044 01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:19,179 Touch the contact behind the ring... 1045 01:08:19,346 --> 01:08:20,472 it delivers 50,000 volts. 1046 01:08:22,390 --> 01:08:24,851 And what about them? What makes them so special? 1047 01:08:25,018 --> 01:08:26,019 Nothing. 1048 01:08:26,186 --> 01:08:28,897 That technology has caught up with the spy world. 1049 01:08:29,898 --> 01:08:31,691 Put it back, Eggsy. 1050 01:08:34,069 --> 01:08:35,529 Perfect timing. 1051 01:08:35,695 --> 01:08:37,572 The gentleman's just finished. 1052 01:08:42,702 --> 01:08:44,037 Mr. DeVere! 1053 01:08:45,539 --> 01:08:47,207 What a coincidence. 1054 01:08:47,833 --> 01:08:50,710 You are totally the reason I'm here. 1055 01:08:50,919 --> 01:08:52,045 When you left my house... 1056 01:08:52,212 --> 01:08:56,007 I was thirsting for that dope-ass smoking jacket you had on. 1057 01:08:56,174 --> 01:08:57,676 And since I'm going to Royal Ascot... 1058 01:08:57,843 --> 01:08:59,886 and, apparently, you need one of these penguin suits... 1059 01:09:00,428 --> 01:09:01,596 here I am. 1060 01:09:02,180 --> 01:09:03,181 What are you doing here? 1061 01:09:03,431 --> 01:09:04,766 What's up, man? 1062 01:09:04,933 --> 01:09:06,059 Richmond Valentine. 1063 01:09:06,393 --> 01:09:09,396 This is my new valet. I was just introducing him to my tailor. 1064 01:09:09,563 --> 01:09:12,399 Another coincidence. So am I. 1065 01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:14,860 Have you had any chance to think further on my proposal? 1066 01:09:15,026 --> 01:09:16,027 Most definitely. 1067 01:09:16,236 --> 01:09:19,239 My people will be getting in touch with you very soon. 1068 01:09:19,406 --> 01:09:20,866 I guarantee it. 1069 01:09:21,575 --> 01:09:22,909 A word of advice. 1070 01:09:23,243 --> 01:09:25,453 Ascot requires top hat. 1071 01:09:26,454 --> 01:09:29,583 I might suggest Lock and Co. Hatters. 1072 01:09:30,417 --> 01:09:31,459 Saint James's. 1073 01:09:31,626 --> 01:09:32,878 "Lox" as in smoked fish? 1074 01:09:33,211 --> 01:09:35,755 As in, "locked up." 1075 01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:41,720 I have trouble understanding you people sometimes. 1076 01:09:42,304 --> 01:09:44,389 You all talk so funny. 1077 01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:54,482 Gentlemen, would you look after him, please? 1078 01:10:06,995 --> 01:10:08,288 Now this... 1079 01:10:08,455 --> 01:10:10,332 is a dope-ass top hat. 1080 01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:15,295 Gazelle, let's go ascoting. 1081 01:10:16,796 --> 01:10:18,006 Your hat looks fine, Gazelle. 1082 01:10:18,173 --> 01:10:21,009 Come on! Don't make me late for the queen. 1083 01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:24,429 Come on, Gazelle! We're gonna be late. 1084 01:10:24,596 --> 01:10:26,139 How far is Ascot? 1085 01:10:26,598 --> 01:10:27,641 How far? 1086 01:10:31,853 --> 01:10:33,146 Merlin said you wanted to see me, sir? 1087 01:10:33,647 --> 01:10:35,148 Sit down. 1088 01:10:40,362 --> 01:10:41,613 Pretty dog. 1089 01:10:42,030 --> 01:10:43,323 What's his name? 1090 01:10:43,490 --> 01:10:44,491 J.B. 1091 01:10:44,658 --> 01:10:46,826 -As in "James Bond"? -No. 1092 01:10:47,118 --> 01:10:48,620 "Jason Bourne"? 1093 01:10:48,787 --> 01:10:50,789 No. "Jack Bauer." 1094 01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:52,165 Oh! 1095 01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:53,833 Bravo. 1096 01:10:54,501 --> 01:10:55,627 It pains me to admit it... 1097 01:10:55,794 --> 01:10:58,672 but I think that one day, you might be as good a spy... 1098 01:10:58,838 --> 01:11:00,298 as any of them. 1099 01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:09,015 Take it. 1100 01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:17,065 Shoot the dog. 1101 01:11:23,863 --> 01:11:25,156 This weapon is live. 1102 01:11:28,368 --> 01:11:29,244 Shoot the dog. 1103 01:12:08,033 --> 01:12:09,075 Give me the gun. 1104 01:12:20,420 --> 01:12:22,130 At least the girl's got balls. 1105 01:12:25,759 --> 01:12:26,760 Get out. 1106 01:12:27,427 --> 01:12:29,429 I knew you couldn't make it. 1107 01:12:32,724 --> 01:12:34,059 Go home. 1108 01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,396 Merlin, send in Roxy, please. 1109 01:13:02,170 --> 01:13:05,173 Welcome to Kingsman... 1110 01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:07,258 Lancelot. 1111 01:13:30,615 --> 01:13:31,616 Mum! 1112 01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:33,159 Eggsy! 1113 01:13:33,368 --> 01:13:34,661 Oh, God. Where have you been? 1114 01:13:34,828 --> 01:13:36,830 I've been so worried about you. 1115 01:13:38,790 --> 01:13:42,043 Oh, my days. Look how big you've grown! 1116 01:13:47,841 --> 01:13:49,884 -Where is he? -I'm fine. 1117 01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,719 Eggsy, please, just don't get involved. 1118 01:13:51,886 --> 01:13:53,555 I should never have left you on your own. 1119 01:13:53,721 --> 01:13:56,141 This stops right now. 1120 01:13:56,307 --> 01:13:57,392 I'll be right back. 1121 01:13:57,559 --> 01:13:59,144 Eggs)'- 1122 01:14:01,521 --> 01:14:02,856 Oi, Dean! 1123 01:14:03,857 --> 01:14:05,692 Mugsy, so you're back. 1124 01:14:05,859 --> 01:14:07,735 What, you gone and nicked a fucking taxi, now? 1125 01:14:07,902 --> 01:14:09,320 Yeah. 1126 01:14:09,487 --> 01:14:11,531 Can I have a word about my mum's black eye? 1127 01:14:12,532 --> 01:14:14,242 You want to have a word with me, you get out of that cab... 1128 01:14:14,409 --> 01:14:16,077 I'll knock you straight back down on your fucking arse. 1129 01:14:18,329 --> 01:14:20,331 Tell your muppets to go inside, then I'll get out. 1130 01:14:22,584 --> 01:14:24,502 Go on, lads. It'll be two hits. 1131 01:14:24,669 --> 01:14:26,713 Me hitting him, him hitting the floor. 1132 01:14:27,213 --> 01:14:29,549 Come on, then, you prick. 1133 01:14:29,716 --> 01:14:31,593 Let's see what you got. Want a bit of me? 1134 01:14:31,759 --> 01:14:32,552 What are you doing? 1135 01:14:32,719 --> 01:14:33,595 No,no,no! 1136 01:14:33,761 --> 01:14:34,554 Get out of the fucking car! 1137 01:14:34,721 --> 01:14:36,598 What are you doing? Where you going, you mug? 1138 01:14:36,764 --> 01:14:38,057 Go on, you got no bollocks! 1139 01:14:38,850 --> 01:14:40,852 Come on, bruv, he hit my fucking mum! 1140 01:14:41,019 --> 01:14:42,395 Come back when you've grown a pair! 1141 01:14:42,562 --> 01:14:43,438 Mugsy! 1142 01:15:06,336 --> 01:15:07,337 You throw away... 1143 01:15:07,504 --> 01:15:11,466 your biggest opportunity over a fucking dog. 1144 01:15:12,467 --> 01:15:14,802 And then you humiliate me by stealing my boss's car. 1145 01:15:15,053 --> 01:15:17,138 You shot a dog just to get a fucking job. 1146 01:15:17,555 --> 01:15:18,556 Yes, I did. 1147 01:15:21,559 --> 01:15:25,438 And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit! 1148 01:15:27,023 --> 01:15:29,526 You shot your dog and had it stuffed? 1149 01:15:29,692 --> 01:15:30,902 You fucking freak. 1150 01:15:31,069 --> 01:15:32,445 No, I shot my dog... 1151 01:15:32,612 --> 01:15:34,280 and then I brought him home and continued to care for him... 1152 01:15:34,447 --> 01:15:36,866 for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis. 1153 01:15:37,617 --> 01:15:40,245 -What? -It was a blank, Eggsy. 1154 01:15:41,412 --> 01:15:43,081 It was a fucking blank. 1155 01:15:43,873 --> 01:15:45,250 Remember Amelia? 1156 01:15:45,416 --> 01:15:46,167 Yeah. 1157 01:15:46,334 --> 01:15:47,460 She didn't drown. 1158 01:15:47,627 --> 01:15:50,380 She works in our tech department in Berlin. She's fine. 1159 01:15:50,547 --> 01:15:51,756 Limits must be tested... 1160 01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:54,551 a Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another. 1161 01:15:54,717 --> 01:15:57,679 Like my dad saved your life even though your fuck-up cost his. 1162 01:15:57,845 --> 01:15:59,514 Or have you got him stuffed here and all? 1163 01:16:01,558 --> 01:16:04,644 Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him? 1164 01:16:10,441 --> 01:16:12,110 Harry, listen to this. 1165 01:16:12,277 --> 01:16:14,028 Valentine is at last saying something of note. 1166 01:16:14,445 --> 01:16:16,698 Do you know what I love about pen and paper? 1167 01:16:17,198 --> 01:16:19,701 Nobody can hack into this shit. 1168 01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:23,454 Our worldwide tour was a complete success. 1169 01:16:23,621 --> 01:16:26,082 We have total coverall. 1170 01:16:26,249 --> 01:16:29,043 Like when all your numbers in bingo are crossed out. 1171 01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:30,086 Bingo? 1172 01:16:30,253 --> 01:16:33,631 Bingo, the game. You have played bingo, right? 1173 01:16:34,507 --> 01:16:36,301 Do I look like I play bingo? 1174 01:16:38,511 --> 01:16:39,554 Point is... 1175 01:16:40,221 --> 01:16:44,684 if our tests go well at the church tomorrow, we are good to go. 1176 01:16:44,851 --> 01:16:47,353 South Glade Mission Church. 1177 01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,440 -Merlin, get the plane ready. -Will do. 1178 01:16:50,607 --> 01:16:52,233 Harry, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna do whatever-- 1179 01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:53,401 You should be. 1180 01:16:53,568 --> 01:16:55,987 You just stay right there. I'll sort this mess out when I get back. 1181 01:17:02,368 --> 01:17:04,078 And I say to you... 1182 01:17:04,245 --> 01:17:05,496 bear witness! 1183 01:17:05,663 --> 01:17:08,249 Watch the news. Watch the news. 1184 01:17:08,416 --> 01:17:09,709 AIDS! 1185 01:17:10,168 --> 01:17:11,002 Floods! 1186 01:17:11,169 --> 01:17:13,296 The blood of the innocent, spilled! 1187 01:17:13,463 --> 01:17:18,635 And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. 1188 01:17:20,470 --> 01:17:27,143 Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! 1189 01:17:27,310 --> 01:17:29,854 And yet, some still doubt... 1190 01:17:30,021 --> 01:17:33,900 this is the work of the antichrist! 1191 01:17:34,067 --> 01:17:38,946 You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore... 1192 01:17:39,113 --> 01:17:41,866 or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter... 1193 01:17:42,200 --> 01:17:43,660 Charming sermon. 1194 01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:45,495 Can you see Valentine anywhere? 1195 01:17:45,662 --> 01:17:47,080 So, my friends... 1196 01:17:47,246 --> 01:17:50,291 although he is a just God, he is justly a vengeful one... 1197 01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:53,419 and there can be no turning back... 1198 01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:55,213 from the almighty wrath... 1199 01:17:55,380 --> 01:17:56,839 Are you sure we're out of range? 1200 01:17:57,090 --> 01:17:58,633 We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong? 1201 01:17:58,800 --> 01:18:00,051 What if the calculations are wrong? 1202 01:18:00,218 --> 01:18:01,803 You just have to trust me. 1203 01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:07,475 ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them... 1204 01:18:07,642 --> 01:18:08,935 for all eternity. 1205 01:18:09,102 --> 01:18:10,269 Would you excuse me? 1206 01:18:11,270 --> 01:18:12,105 Where are you going? 1207 01:18:12,939 --> 01:18:14,732 Hey! What's your problem? 1208 01:18:16,317 --> 01:18:17,735 I'm a Catholic whore... 1209 01:18:17,902 --> 01:18:21,489 currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend... 1210 01:18:21,656 --> 01:18:24,200 who works in a military abortion clinic. 1211 01:18:24,784 --> 01:18:26,119 So, hail Satan... 1212 01:18:26,285 --> 01:18:28,287 and have a lovely afternoon, madam. 1213 01:18:31,666 --> 01:18:33,084 Oh, shit. He's leaving. 1214 01:18:33,251 --> 01:18:34,836 I'm starting the test now. 1215 01:18:35,294 --> 01:18:37,380 Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards. 1216 01:18:40,174 --> 01:18:43,052 I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend! 1217 01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:44,262 Just leave this church! 1218 01:18:44,429 --> 01:18:46,806 You just leave this church like the infidel you are! 1219 01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:52,562 Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. 1220 01:18:52,729 --> 01:18:56,232 You will drown in the blood of the Lord! 1221 01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:57,859 He will not save you! 1222 01:19:04,073 --> 01:19:05,074 Holy fuck! 1223 01:19:06,826 --> 01:19:08,995 Shit, I can't watch this. Get over here. 1224 01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,997 Jeez! Fuck. 1225 01:19:53,873 --> 01:19:56,000 Galahad, can you hear me? 1226 01:19:56,417 --> 01:19:57,251 Harry! 1227 01:19:57,794 --> 01:20:00,171 Harry, what the heck is going on? 1228 01:20:01,339 --> 01:20:02,799 Could you turn the volume down, please? 1229 01:20:04,133 --> 01:20:06,093 I didn't expect it to be that effective. 1230 01:20:06,260 --> 01:20:07,386 What kind of response are we talking? 1231 01:20:08,262 --> 01:20:09,263 100 percent. 1232 01:20:10,389 --> 01:20:13,392 So, everyone's been affected, whether they have a SIM card or not. 1233 01:20:13,810 --> 01:20:15,978 And we get the added benefit of wiping out the Kingsman. 1234 01:20:16,604 --> 01:20:18,439 Not yet. 1235 01:21:13,411 --> 01:21:14,704 You need to see this. 1236 01:23:11,779 --> 01:23:13,614 What did you do to me? 1237 01:23:13,948 --> 01:23:15,574 I had no control. 1238 01:23:16,909 --> 01:23:18,369 I killed all those people. 1239 01:23:20,329 --> 01:23:21,539 I wanted to. 1240 01:23:21,706 --> 01:23:22,790 Clever, isn't it? 1241 01:23:22,957 --> 01:23:25,668 In simple terms, it's a neurological wave... 1242 01:23:25,835 --> 01:23:27,378 that triggers the centers of aggression... 1243 01:23:27,545 --> 01:23:29,255 and switches off inhibitors. 1244 01:23:29,797 --> 01:23:32,717 Transmitted through your nasty, free SIM cards, I assume. 1245 01:23:35,970 --> 01:23:37,847 Do you know what this is like? 1246 01:23:38,055 --> 01:23:41,308 It's like those old movies we both love. 1247 01:23:41,475 --> 01:23:44,562 Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan... 1248 01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:47,982 and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you... 1249 01:23:48,149 --> 01:23:50,776 and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape. 1250 01:23:51,861 --> 01:23:53,320 Sounds good to me. 1251 01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:56,198 Well, this ain't that kind of movie. 1252 01:23:59,827 --> 01:24:02,329 No! 1253 01:24:10,463 --> 01:24:12,173 Is he dead? 1254 01:24:12,339 --> 01:24:14,800 That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head. 1255 01:24:15,009 --> 01:24:16,135 It feels good, right? 1256 01:24:16,594 --> 01:24:18,679 No, no, it does not feel good. It feels fucking awful. 1257 01:24:18,846 --> 01:24:21,140 What? You just killed how many people in that church? 1258 01:24:21,307 --> 01:24:22,266 This is one guy. 1259 01:24:22,433 --> 01:24:24,435 No, no, they killed each other. 1260 01:24:27,313 --> 01:24:29,231 Okay, send out the countdown clock. 1261 01:24:29,398 --> 01:24:32,068 This party starts tomorrow. 1262 01:25:06,727 --> 01:25:08,104 Arthur? 1263 01:25:10,231 --> 01:25:11,732 Are you there? 1264 01:25:12,024 --> 01:25:14,193 Sadly, I am. 1265 01:25:14,568 --> 01:25:18,030 Assemble the Kingsmen. 1266 01:25:21,784 --> 01:25:25,871 Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him? 1267 01:25:46,392 --> 01:25:48,769 I see a young man with potential... 1268 01:25:49,562 --> 01:25:52,231 who wants to do something good with his life. 1269 01:26:08,914 --> 01:26:11,250 Arthur, Harry's dead. 1270 01:26:11,917 --> 01:26:14,336 Galahad is dead. 1271 01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:16,922 Hence, we have just drunk a toast to him. 1272 01:26:17,590 --> 01:26:20,134 Well, then you know what that psycho's doing. 1273 01:26:20,301 --> 01:26:22,928 How many people around the world have got those SIM cards? 1274 01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:25,472 Valentine can send his signal to any of them, all of them. 1275 01:26:25,639 --> 01:26:27,683 If they all go homicidal at the same time then-- 1276 01:26:27,850 --> 01:26:30,144 Indeed, and thanks to Galahad's recordings... 1277 01:26:30,311 --> 01:26:32,938 we have Valentine's confession. 1278 01:26:33,105 --> 01:26:36,483 The intelligence has been passed on to the relevant authorities. 1279 01:26:36,650 --> 01:26:37,985 Our work is complete... 1280 01:26:38,152 --> 01:26:42,615 and a most distinguished legacy for our fallen friend, it is, too. 1281 01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,617 And that's it? 1282 01:26:45,784 --> 01:26:46,952 Come sit down, boy. 1283 01:26:50,331 --> 01:26:55,336 This is an 1815 Napoleonic brandy. 1284 01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:59,632 And we only drink it when we lose a Kingsman. 1285 01:27:00,299 --> 01:27:03,302 Galahad was very fond of you. 1286 01:27:05,471 --> 01:27:07,890 And on this occasion... 1287 01:27:08,057 --> 01:27:11,393 I think it's acceptable for us to bend the rules a little. 1288 01:27:13,812 --> 01:27:14,980 Are these all Kingsmen? 1289 01:27:15,147 --> 01:27:17,483 Yes, they're founder members. 1290 01:27:18,859 --> 01:27:20,903 I want you to join me in a toast. 1291 01:27:23,155 --> 01:27:25,157 To Galahad. 1292 01:27:26,158 --> 01:27:27,660 To Galahad. 1293 01:27:32,206 --> 01:27:34,833 Harry says you don't like to break rules, Arthur. 1294 01:27:35,334 --> 01:27:36,418 Why now? 1295 01:27:36,585 --> 01:27:37,836 You're very good, Eggsy. 1296 01:27:38,003 --> 01:27:41,590 Perhaps I will make you my proposal for Galahad's position. 1297 01:27:42,508 --> 01:27:45,219 Provided, of course, that we can see eye to eye... 1298 01:27:45,386 --> 01:27:47,513 on certain political matters. 1299 01:27:50,349 --> 01:27:51,892 Can you guess... 1300 01:27:53,018 --> 01:27:54,603 what this is? 1301 01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:56,438 I don't have to. Harry showed me. 1302 01:27:56,605 --> 01:27:58,107 You click it. I die. 1303 01:27:58,274 --> 01:28:00,067 I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit. 1304 01:28:02,027 --> 01:28:02,695 Bravo. 1305 01:28:03,362 --> 01:28:06,532 Valentine won you over, somehow. 1306 01:28:06,699 --> 01:28:09,535 Once he explained, I understood. 1307 01:28:09,702 --> 01:28:10,953 When you get a virus... 1308 01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:12,454 you get a fever. 1309 01:28:12,621 --> 01:28:16,625 That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. 1310 01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:19,044 Planet Earth works the same way. 1311 01:28:19,211 --> 01:28:21,130 Global warming is the fever. 1312 01:28:21,297 --> 01:28:24,091 Mankind is the virus. 1313 01:28:24,258 --> 01:28:26,635 We're making our planet sick. 1314 01:28:26,802 --> 01:28:29,388 A cull is our only hope. 1315 01:28:29,555 --> 01:28:31,807 If we don't reduce our population ourselves... 1316 01:28:31,974 --> 01:28:34,560 there is only one of two ways this can go. 1317 01:28:34,727 --> 01:28:38,981 The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. 1318 01:28:39,273 --> 01:28:40,149 Either way... 1319 01:28:40,316 --> 01:28:42,776 The result is the same. 1320 01:28:42,943 --> 01:28:44,570 The virus dies. 1321 01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:49,074 So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself. 1322 01:28:49,241 --> 01:28:51,744 Well, if we don't do something, nature will. 1323 01:28:51,910 --> 01:28:56,248 Sometimes a culling is the only way to ensure that this species survives... 1324 01:28:56,957 --> 01:28:59,084 and history will see Valentine... 1325 01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,503 as the man who saved humanity from extinction. 1326 01:29:02,087 --> 01:29:05,424 And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? 1327 01:29:05,591 --> 01:29:06,800 All his rich mates, they get to live... 1328 01:29:06,967 --> 01:29:09,470 and anyone he thinks is worth saving, he's keeping them safe... 1329 01:29:09,636 --> 01:29:11,597 whether they agree with him or not. 1330 01:29:11,764 --> 01:29:13,932 And you, Eggsy. 1331 01:29:14,475 --> 01:29:16,435 In Harry's honor... 1332 01:29:16,602 --> 01:29:21,273 I am inviting you to be part of a new world. 1333 01:29:23,359 --> 01:29:25,652 It's time to make your decision. 1334 01:29:32,534 --> 01:29:34,495 I'd rather be with Harry. 1335 01:29:35,120 --> 01:29:36,038 Thanks. 1336 01:29:36,789 --> 01:29:38,165 So be it. 1337 01:29:54,473 --> 01:29:57,726 The problem with us common types... 1338 01:29:57,893 --> 01:29:59,478 is that we're light-fingered. 1339 01:30:00,687 --> 01:30:02,398 Kingsman's taught me a lot... 1340 01:30:02,564 --> 01:30:03,816 but sleight of hand... 1341 01:30:04,483 --> 01:30:06,235 Yes, they're founder members. 1342 01:30:08,862 --> 01:30:10,155 I had that down already. 1343 01:30:12,491 --> 01:30:16,078 You dirty little fucking... 1344 01:30:16,245 --> 01:30:17,663 prick. 1345 01:30:51,947 --> 01:30:53,699 It's okay, Lancelot. Put it down. 1346 01:30:54,867 --> 01:30:56,410 It's verified. 1347 01:30:58,787 --> 01:31:01,373 Arthur's phone is receiving update texts about getting to safety. 1348 01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:03,292 -We don't have a lot of time. -What are you going to do? 1349 01:31:03,459 --> 01:31:05,586 The question is, what are we going to do? 1350 01:31:05,752 --> 01:31:08,464 God knows who's in Valentine's pocket and who's not. 1351 01:31:09,131 --> 01:31:10,632 We have no choice. 1352 01:31:11,717 --> 01:31:13,802 We are gonna have to deal with this ourselves. 1353 01:31:17,222 --> 01:31:18,557 Follow me. 1354 01:31:37,451 --> 01:31:38,744 What the fuck is this? 1355 01:31:38,911 --> 01:31:40,746 I have no idea. 1356 01:31:41,747 --> 01:31:42,915 What you're playing with... 1357 01:31:43,081 --> 01:31:45,792 is a prototype personal transatmospheric vehicle. 1358 01:31:45,959 --> 01:31:48,253 It was developed as part of Reagan's Star Wars project. 1359 01:31:48,420 --> 01:31:51,340 It's pretty basic, but it should still work. 1360 01:31:51,590 --> 01:31:53,967 We're gonna take out one of Valentine's satellites. 1361 01:31:54,343 --> 01:31:56,803 We're gonna break the chain, stop the signal. 1362 01:31:56,970 --> 01:31:58,639 It'll take him a couple of hours to reroute it... 1363 01:31:59,306 --> 01:32:03,685 which buys us enough time for you to get me into Valentine's mainframe... 1364 01:32:03,852 --> 01:32:05,646 so I can shut it down. 1365 01:32:05,812 --> 01:32:08,106 Lancelot, you're going to be using it. 1366 01:32:08,273 --> 01:32:09,650 Get into your halo suit. 1367 01:32:22,287 --> 01:32:24,039 Swedish Prime Minister, requesting permission to land. 1368 01:32:30,045 --> 01:32:31,797 Permission granted. 1369 01:32:35,384 --> 01:32:37,886 -Please. -Thank you. 1370 01:32:38,053 --> 01:32:40,138 -How many more are we expecting? -Not many. 1371 01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:41,640 Most have their own bunkers. 1372 01:32:41,807 --> 01:32:45,143 I figure we're just getting the really nervous ones. 1373 01:32:45,394 --> 01:32:47,396 Welcome, Prime Minister. 1374 01:32:48,689 --> 01:32:51,650 It seems the implant can emit some kind of counter signal... 1375 01:32:51,817 --> 01:32:55,487 to ensure the wearer remains unaffected by the waves from the SIM cards. 1376 01:32:55,654 --> 01:32:57,698 The waves that turn everyone into a psycho killer. 1377 01:32:57,864 --> 01:33:00,409 Quite. But what he probably didn't tell anyone... 1378 01:33:00,576 --> 01:33:04,830 is it can also super heat their soft tissue at his command. 1379 01:33:04,997 --> 01:33:09,167 Valentine selected his chosen few to get the countdown warning... 1380 01:33:09,334 --> 01:33:12,170 but he had to be sure they didn't blab to the wrong people beforehand. 1381 01:33:12,337 --> 01:33:14,047 How does this help us right now? 1382 01:33:15,007 --> 01:33:16,008 It doesn't. 1383 01:33:16,383 --> 01:33:17,759 Roxy, here we go! 1384 01:33:30,689 --> 01:33:34,276 The higher you go, the more the balloons expand. 1385 01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:36,278 When you reach the edge of the atmosphere... 1386 01:33:36,445 --> 01:33:38,572 they'll explode. 1387 01:33:38,739 --> 01:33:40,741 You'll need to deploy your missile just before that, okay? 1388 01:33:40,907 --> 01:33:42,242 Edge of the atmosphere. 1389 01:33:42,409 --> 01:33:45,704 And once you've deployed, you'll need to release for descent, fast. 1390 01:33:46,705 --> 01:33:47,956 Good luck. 1391 01:33:50,292 --> 01:33:52,294 -You can do this, okay? -Yeah. 1392 01:33:52,461 --> 01:33:55,255 Eggsy, come on. Time is not our friend. 1393 01:34:17,736 --> 01:34:19,738 You're getting in on Arthur's invitation. 1394 01:34:19,905 --> 01:34:21,114 You're gonna need to blend in. 1395 01:34:21,281 --> 01:34:22,407 I'm supposed to be Arthur? 1396 01:34:22,574 --> 01:34:25,577 His invitation is in his phone. You give them this. 1397 01:34:25,744 --> 01:34:28,246 -Give his real name, Chester King. -What about you? 1398 01:34:28,413 --> 01:34:29,831 I'm your pilot. I'm gonna stay here. 1399 01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,000 Is that gonna fit me? 1400 01:34:32,167 --> 01:34:34,670 A bespoke suit always fits. 1401 01:34:34,836 --> 01:34:36,630 Just be grateful Harry had it made for you. 1402 01:34:37,589 --> 01:34:38,590 Get dressed. 1403 01:34:40,050 --> 01:34:41,093 What the fuck's wrong with them? 1404 01:34:41,426 --> 01:34:44,179 I don't know. Could have something to do with the mass genocide. 1405 01:34:44,346 --> 01:34:46,264 Give me the mic. 1406 01:34:48,100 --> 01:34:49,643 Hey-oh! 1407 01:34:49,810 --> 01:34:52,729 Everybody, listen up! Hello, hello! 1408 01:34:52,896 --> 01:34:55,107 What the fuck is wrong with you people? 1409 01:34:55,273 --> 01:34:58,110 I just wanna remind you that today... 1410 01:34:58,276 --> 01:35:00,862 is a day of celebration. 1411 01:35:01,697 --> 01:35:05,200 We must put aside all thoughts of death... 1412 01:35:05,367 --> 01:35:07,244 and focus on birth. 1413 01:35:08,328 --> 01:35:10,747 The birth of a new age. 1414 01:35:11,957 --> 01:35:16,920 We mustn't mourn those who give their lives today. 1415 01:35:17,087 --> 01:35:19,047 We should honor their sacrifice... 1416 01:35:19,214 --> 01:35:21,216 Has she got my number to call me back? I got a new phone. 1417 01:35:21,383 --> 01:35:24,553 ...and their roles in saving the human race. 1418 01:35:26,972 --> 01:35:30,642 We must put aside doubt and guilt. 1419 01:35:32,060 --> 01:35:35,605 You are the chosen people. 1420 01:35:37,232 --> 01:35:40,694 When folks tell their kids the story of Noah's Ark... 1421 01:35:40,861 --> 01:35:41,820 is Noah the bad guy? 1422 01:35:41,987 --> 01:35:42,654 No! 1423 01:35:42,821 --> 01:35:44,823 Is God the bad guy? 1424 01:35:44,990 --> 01:35:45,657 No! 1425 01:35:45,824 --> 01:35:48,243 How about the animals marching two by two? 1426 01:35:48,410 --> 01:35:49,202 No! 1427 01:35:49,369 --> 01:35:50,162 Of course not! 1428 01:35:51,288 --> 01:35:52,622 Yeah, that's it! 1429 01:35:52,789 --> 01:35:56,585 Let's turn those frowns upside down. 1430 01:35:56,752 --> 01:35:58,587 Eat, drink... 1431 01:35:58,754 --> 01:36:00,422 and Pam'! 1432 01:36:03,467 --> 01:36:06,011 And I will see you all in the new age. 1433 01:36:31,244 --> 01:36:33,371 Rox, it's me. 1434 01:36:33,872 --> 01:36:35,207 How's the view? 1435 01:36:38,043 --> 01:36:40,128 -Hideous -Mine's pretty sweet. 1436 01:36:40,295 --> 01:36:43,215 -They made you one of these suits yet? -No, not yet. 1437 01:36:43,381 --> 01:36:45,717 You've got something to look forward to then. 1438 01:36:45,884 --> 01:36:48,470 We're coming up on Valentine's base. Gotta go. 1439 01:36:49,930 --> 01:36:51,223 Good luck. 1440 01:36:58,897 --> 01:36:59,898 Looking good, Eggsy. 1441 01:37:02,567 --> 01:37:05,278 Feeling good, Merlin. 1442 01:37:10,575 --> 01:37:12,160 This is November-2-4-7-Charlie-Kilo... 1443 01:37:12,327 --> 01:37:14,746 requesting permission to land. 1444 01:37:17,749 --> 01:37:20,293 Permission is granted. 1445 01:37:23,964 --> 01:37:25,757 Fuck me. 1446 01:37:52,951 --> 01:37:55,412 Eggsy, we're on. 1447 01:38:10,135 --> 01:38:11,136 Chester King. 1448 01:38:12,137 --> 01:38:14,097 Mr. King, welcome. 1449 01:38:14,472 --> 01:38:18,268 I'm sure you've adhered to Valentine's strict no-weapons policy... 1450 01:38:18,435 --> 01:38:19,769 -but if you don't object... -Of course. 1451 01:38:19,936 --> 01:38:21,146 Thank you. 1452 01:38:21,646 --> 01:38:23,773 Do you have any luggage? 1453 01:38:24,774 --> 01:38:28,194 Congratulations, Mycroft, you just graduated from my pilot to my valet. 1454 01:38:28,820 --> 01:38:31,281 -You cheeky-— -Understood? 1455 01:38:31,448 --> 01:38:32,699 Good. 1456 01:38:33,992 --> 01:38:35,619 Thank you. 1457 01:39:00,894 --> 01:39:05,523 Eggsy, find a laptop, get me online. The clock is ticking. 1458 01:39:06,691 --> 01:39:09,402 And remember, try to blend in. 1459 01:39:09,569 --> 01:39:11,529 Would sir care for a drink? 1460 01:39:12,155 --> 01:39:13,365 Martini. 1461 01:39:13,531 --> 01:39:15,700 Gin, not vodka, obviously. 1462 01:39:15,867 --> 01:39:19,579 Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of Vermouth. 1463 01:39:20,205 --> 01:39:21,414 Thank you. 1464 01:39:24,209 --> 01:39:26,002 Merlin, are you clocking this? 1465 01:39:26,211 --> 01:39:28,254 Yes, I am. Stay focused. 1466 01:39:28,880 --> 01:39:31,049 Lancelot, you're doing great. Not much further to go. 1467 01:39:31,758 --> 01:39:32,884 Yes, Merlin. 1468 01:39:34,386 --> 01:39:36,680 Eggsy, get me online now. 1469 01:39:37,597 --> 01:39:38,598 Yep, I'm on it. 1470 01:39:39,766 --> 01:39:41,893 Lancelot, you're approaching your altitude limit. 1471 01:39:42,227 --> 01:39:44,020 Those balloons won't last much longer. 1472 01:39:44,896 --> 01:39:46,856 Prepare to engage missile. 1473 01:40:02,247 --> 01:40:03,456 Society's dead. 1474 01:40:03,915 --> 01:40:05,750 Long live society. 1475 01:40:06,751 --> 01:40:08,086 Amen to that. 1476 01:40:09,546 --> 01:40:11,589 -I'm Morten Lindström. -Chester King. 1477 01:40:11,923 --> 01:40:13,258 How'd you get online? I couldn't. 1478 01:40:13,633 --> 01:40:16,594 It's a closed network, you see. Pre-authorized connections only. 1479 01:40:20,807 --> 01:40:22,100 I've got a fix on the satellite. 1480 01:40:22,267 --> 01:40:23,393 Do you have the correct time? 1481 01:40:23,560 --> 01:40:24,769 I think I'm still in my last time zone. 1482 01:40:24,936 --> 01:40:26,312 Yeah, yeah. Let's see now. 1483 01:40:40,410 --> 01:40:41,411 Eggsy, I'm in. 1484 01:40:41,578 --> 01:40:42,662 Get your arse back to the plane, now. 1485 01:40:42,829 --> 01:40:44,414 -On my way. -Lancelot, good luck! 1486 01:40:44,581 --> 01:40:46,750 Firing in 3...2... 1487 01:40:54,132 --> 01:40:55,133 Nice and slow. 1488 01:40:55,300 --> 01:40:56,468 Fuck are you doing here? 1489 01:40:56,634 --> 01:40:58,970 Well, my family were invited, obviously. 1490 01:40:59,137 --> 01:41:00,764 Now, get the fuck up! Slowly. 1491 01:41:01,973 --> 01:41:03,850 Shit. Lancelot, hurry up and fire! 1492 01:41:04,017 --> 01:41:05,602 That other balloon is gonna blow! 1493 01:41:05,769 --> 01:41:08,813 Yes, Merlin. I've nearly got it. Give me a second! 1494 01:41:10,690 --> 01:41:13,610 Valentine! I've caught a fucking spy! 1495 01:41:14,277 --> 01:41:15,320 V-Glass, zoom. 1496 01:41:15,487 --> 01:41:17,530 Oh, fuck! It's that young valet. 1497 01:41:21,659 --> 01:41:23,036 Son of a bitch. 1498 01:41:23,620 --> 01:41:24,704 Got it! 1499 01:41:34,839 --> 01:41:36,132 Oh, shit. Sound the alarm! 1500 01:41:38,676 --> 01:41:39,719 I'm not taking any chances. 1501 01:41:39,886 --> 01:41:41,387 Okay, you send out the two-minute warning. 1502 01:41:41,554 --> 01:41:44,015 I'm starting the override. All right, let's do this. 1503 01:41:45,350 --> 01:41:46,976 Countdown initiated. 1504 01:41:56,694 --> 01:41:58,363 -You see him? -Right here. 1505 01:42:07,163 --> 01:42:08,414 Eggsy, take a left. 1506 01:42:09,207 --> 01:42:10,208 Two guards, up ahead. 1507 01:42:22,554 --> 01:42:23,847 Lancelot! Release now! 1508 01:42:34,899 --> 01:42:36,693 Eggsy, straight ahead, then right. 1509 01:42:37,068 --> 01:42:38,069 There's two more. 1510 01:42:41,781 --> 01:42:43,867 All right, everybody on your feet! 1511 01:42:44,033 --> 01:42:45,243 Countdown to V-day! 1512 01:42:45,410 --> 01:42:46,911 Welcome in the new age! 1513 01:42:55,295 --> 01:42:56,379 Flat spin. 1514 01:43:11,561 --> 01:43:14,397 Eggsy, next left, down the narrow tunnel! 1515 01:43:23,156 --> 01:43:24,157 Here we go! 1516 01:43:24,324 --> 01:43:24,949 10... 1517 01:43:25,950 --> 01:43:27,285 9... 1518 01:43:27,785 --> 01:43:28,494 8... 1519 01:43:29,454 --> 01:43:30,121 7... 1520 01:43:31,372 --> 01:43:32,207 6... 1521 01:43:33,041 --> 01:43:34,125 5... 1522 01:43:34,709 --> 01:43:35,460 4... 1523 01:43:36,961 --> 01:43:37,712 3... 1524 01:43:37,879 --> 01:43:38,630 2... 1525 01:43:39,631 --> 01:43:40,506 1 ! 1526 01:43:46,554 --> 01:43:48,389 Nice! Well done, both of you. 1527 01:43:49,140 --> 01:43:50,141 It's not working! 1528 01:43:50,308 --> 01:43:52,352 It's supposed to be working! What the fuck? 1529 01:43:59,150 --> 01:43:59,817 Yes! 1530 01:43:59,984 --> 01:44:01,319 Well done, Rox. Good girl. 1531 01:44:04,697 --> 01:44:07,200 We've lost one of our satellites. 1532 01:44:16,751 --> 01:44:20,505 Oh, no, no. There's no way I can hack past that. 1533 01:44:26,094 --> 01:44:27,095 What's going on? 1534 01:44:28,263 --> 01:44:29,347 Is there a problem? 1535 01:44:30,515 --> 01:44:31,849 Come on. There's no need for guns. 1536 01:44:32,016 --> 01:44:33,518 I'm just a pilot. 1537 01:44:36,521 --> 01:44:37,563 Fuck. Merlin! 1538 01:44:40,358 --> 01:44:41,943 Get in here! 1539 01:44:46,197 --> 01:44:47,365 Come on! 1540 01:44:50,910 --> 01:44:52,245 Let's get the fuck out of here! 1541 01:44:52,412 --> 01:44:53,413 We can't. 1542 01:44:53,579 --> 01:44:55,039 I can't get into Valentine's machine. 1543 01:44:55,206 --> 01:44:56,791 He's got biometric security. 1544 01:44:58,293 --> 01:45:01,587 You're gonna have to get in there and make sure his hand never touches that desk. 1545 01:45:01,754 --> 01:45:03,298 Are you taking the fucking piss? 1546 01:45:03,464 --> 01:45:04,716 I'm afraid not. 1547 01:45:07,885 --> 01:45:08,886 Let's have that then. 1548 01:45:10,555 --> 01:45:11,889 This is mine. 1549 01:45:12,390 --> 01:45:14,309 I'll show you yours. 1550 01:45:31,659 --> 01:45:32,577 Good choice. 1551 01:45:35,288 --> 01:45:36,831 How long to re-link the satellite chain? 1552 01:45:36,998 --> 01:45:38,249 It'll take an hour, maybe two. 1553 01:45:38,416 --> 01:45:40,501 Bullshit! Just bring these two closer together. 1554 01:45:40,668 --> 01:45:42,003 But that's not yours. 1555 01:45:47,675 --> 01:45:49,427 V-Glass, call E-man. 1556 01:45:50,261 --> 01:45:51,596 E, it's V. 1557 01:45:51,763 --> 01:45:53,765 Listen, man, I got a little hiccup on this end. 1558 01:45:53,931 --> 01:45:54,932 I need to piggyback. 1559 01:45:55,099 --> 01:45:59,103 One of my satellites just went down, but it's right next to one of yours. 1560 01:45:59,645 --> 01:46:01,105 You read my mind. 1561 01:46:01,773 --> 01:46:03,358 How long before you make that happen? 1562 01:46:06,444 --> 01:46:07,487 Go. 1563 01:46:11,657 --> 01:46:13,618 All right, we should be coming back online. 1564 01:46:16,537 --> 01:46:17,455 10 percent. 1565 01:46:20,625 --> 01:46:21,376 Shit! 1566 01:46:21,542 --> 01:46:23,336 Eggsy, Valentine's using someone else's satellite. 1567 01:46:23,503 --> 01:46:25,463 He's going to reconnect the chain. 1568 01:46:25,630 --> 01:46:27,048 It's going to take him no time at all. 1569 01:46:28,049 --> 01:46:29,133 It's at 20 percent. 1570 01:46:47,068 --> 01:46:50,321 Eggsy, it seems Valentine's got a present for you. Get a move on! 1571 01:47:23,855 --> 01:47:25,231 Is that Kingsman kid dead yet? 1572 01:47:25,440 --> 01:47:27,066 Not yet, but he will be soon. 1573 01:47:27,233 --> 01:47:28,943 Good. 1574 01:47:41,873 --> 01:47:42,874 Merlin, I'm fucked. 1575 01:47:56,095 --> 01:47:57,096 As am I. 1576 01:47:57,263 --> 01:47:59,599 They're coming at me from both sides. I'm out of options. 1577 01:48:00,057 --> 01:48:02,894 Rox, I need a favor. 1578 01:48:03,060 --> 01:48:04,103 Call my mum. 1579 01:48:04,270 --> 01:48:05,813 Tell her to lock herself away from Dean. 1580 01:48:06,606 --> 01:48:07,482 And the baby... 1581 01:48:09,108 --> 01:48:10,109 and tell her I love her. 1582 01:48:19,076 --> 01:48:20,328 For fuck's sake. 1583 01:48:24,665 --> 01:48:27,835 Merlin, remember those implants you said were of no use to us? 1584 01:48:29,629 --> 01:48:30,796 Any chance you can turn them on? 1585 01:48:34,509 --> 01:48:35,301 All right. 1586 01:48:35,468 --> 01:48:37,929 My turn to play, Valentine. 1587 01:48:46,437 --> 01:48:47,605 Oh, no! 1588 01:48:47,772 --> 01:48:50,191 What the fuck is he doing? I can't stop this. 1589 01:49:03,621 --> 01:49:04,664 Yes, please. 1590 01:49:08,334 --> 01:49:09,502 No! 1591 01:50:06,267 --> 01:50:08,352 Oh, my God! 1592 01:50:08,519 --> 01:50:10,521 That is fucking spectacular! 1593 01:50:10,688 --> 01:50:13,441 Merlin, you're a fucking genius! 1594 01:50:13,608 --> 01:50:16,777 What the fuck is happening out there? 1595 01:50:21,073 --> 01:50:22,366 Aren't you that princess who went missing? 1596 01:50:22,533 --> 01:50:23,576 Can you get me out? 1597 01:50:24,201 --> 01:50:26,120 If I do, will you give me a kiss? 1598 01:50:26,287 --> 01:50:27,705 I've always wanted to kiss a princess. 1599 01:50:27,872 --> 01:50:29,874 If you get me out right now, I'll give you more than just a kiss. 1600 01:50:32,126 --> 01:50:33,377 You motherfucker. 1601 01:50:33,544 --> 01:50:35,379 Did you really think I was stupid enough... 1602 01:50:35,546 --> 01:50:37,715 to implant one of those things in my own head? 1603 01:50:38,174 --> 01:50:39,717 What are you, fucking crazy? 1604 01:50:40,676 --> 01:50:42,970 All those innocent people killed and for what? 1605 01:50:43,846 --> 01:50:46,682 You didn't stop shit! 1606 01:50:48,059 --> 01:50:50,061 Fine, I've looked the door. What do you want me to do now? 1607 01:50:50,227 --> 01:50:53,064 As I said, put your daughter in the bathroom and throw away the key. 1608 01:50:53,856 --> 01:50:56,233 It's still happening! 1609 01:50:56,400 --> 01:50:57,568 You're fucking insane! 1610 01:50:57,735 --> 01:50:58,861 Just do it. 1611 01:51:26,180 --> 01:51:27,515 Eggsy, the signal's started! 1612 01:51:27,682 --> 01:51:30,851 Get Valentine's hand off that bloody desk now! 1613 01:51:31,018 --> 01:51:31,936 Sorry, love. 1614 01:51:32,353 --> 01:51:33,437 Got to save the world. 1615 01:51:33,604 --> 01:51:35,189 If you save the world... 1616 01:51:35,356 --> 01:51:37,024 we can do it in the asshole. 1617 01:51:38,275 --> 01:51:40,194 I'll be right back. 1618 01:51:41,612 --> 01:51:42,571 Good luck! 1619 01:51:49,370 --> 01:51:50,246 London. 1620 01:52:18,816 --> 01:52:19,775 Rio. 1621 01:52:35,833 --> 01:52:36,667 Get down! 1622 01:52:38,836 --> 01:52:39,670 You did it! 1623 01:52:49,263 --> 01:52:51,182 The glass is not gonna hold long. 1624 01:52:52,850 --> 01:52:54,477 You stay here. 1625 01:52:56,687 --> 01:52:57,855 Merlin, quickly, how do I get up there? 1626 01:52:58,189 --> 01:53:00,107 -Keep shooting, I'll find a route. -Understood. 1627 01:53:16,665 --> 01:53:17,750 Holy fuck! 1628 01:53:36,268 --> 01:53:37,561 We're back up. 1629 01:53:38,437 --> 01:53:39,730 We're back up! 1630 01:53:46,737 --> 01:53:48,447 This is great! 1631 01:53:56,580 --> 01:53:57,414 Eggsy! 1632 01:53:57,581 --> 01:53:59,124 Fucking get on with it! 1633 01:53:59,291 --> 01:54:00,501 Kick his ass, Gazy! 1634 01:54:07,132 --> 01:54:09,927 Seoul, Caracas, Mumbai! 1635 01:54:18,310 --> 01:54:20,771 Kill that motherfucker! He killed all our friends! 1636 01:54:38,163 --> 01:54:40,165 Eggsy, the world is going to shit! 1637 01:54:49,550 --> 01:54:51,635 -Is he dead yet? -Not yet! 1638 01:54:51,802 --> 01:54:53,888 Stop playing with your food! 1639 01:54:54,054 --> 01:54:55,055 Kill him! 1640 01:56:13,175 --> 01:56:14,551 Gazelle! 1641 01:56:16,387 --> 01:56:17,554 Gazelle! 1642 01:56:27,189 --> 01:56:28,899 Come on! Come on! 1643 01:56:31,902 --> 01:56:32,569 Kill him! 1644 01:56:50,212 --> 01:56:50,879 Hey! 1645 01:57:15,946 --> 01:57:17,448 Well done, son! 1646 01:57:18,782 --> 01:57:19,742 Yes! 1647 01:57:19,908 --> 01:57:21,076 Yes, Eggsy! 1648 01:57:21,243 --> 01:57:22,786 Well done, Eggsy! 1649 01:57:23,287 --> 01:57:24,455 And you, Lancelot. 1650 01:57:27,207 --> 01:57:29,793 I'm so sorry. Mummy would never hurt you. 1651 01:57:30,419 --> 01:57:33,464 Mummy would never hurt you. I'm so sorry. 1652 01:57:35,966 --> 01:57:36,967 Are you okay? 1653 01:57:40,763 --> 01:57:42,639 Harry would be proud of you, Eggsy. 1654 01:57:43,974 --> 01:57:45,059 He was right. 1655 01:58:00,491 --> 01:58:01,784 What's up, man? 1656 01:58:02,159 --> 01:58:05,496 Is this the part where you say some really bad pun? 1657 01:58:06,997 --> 01:58:08,999 Well, it's like you said to Harry. 1658 01:58:12,169 --> 01:58:14,505 This ain't that kind of movie, bruv. 1659 01:58:16,006 --> 01:58:17,424 Perfect. 1660 01:58:38,320 --> 01:58:39,488 Eggsy, where are you going? 1661 01:58:39,655 --> 01:58:41,782 There's no need for champagne. We got loads in the plane. 1662 01:58:49,039 --> 01:58:50,124 Did you save the world? 1663 01:58:50,707 --> 01:58:52,167 Yes, I did. 1664 01:58:53,502 --> 01:58:56,296 So, you gonna come in? 1665 01:58:57,047 --> 01:58:58,549 Yes, I am. 1666 01:59:04,012 --> 01:59:05,889 Merlin, the cell's locked. How do I get in? 1667 01:59:08,183 --> 01:59:09,726 26-25. 1668 01:59:14,064 --> 01:59:16,650 Merlin, you're the guvnor. 1669 01:59:18,861 --> 01:59:21,238 You owe me, Eggsy. 1670 01:59:26,869 --> 01:59:27,911 Eggsy? 1671 01:59:33,917 --> 01:59:35,586 Oh, my word. 1672 02:00:22,799 --> 02:00:25,636 Michelle, turn that shit off. It's doing my nut in. 1673 02:00:26,637 --> 02:00:28,138 I rather like that song. 1674 02:00:28,680 --> 02:00:30,265 Leave it on, eh, Mum? 1675 02:00:34,019 --> 02:00:35,938 Mugsy's back. 1676 02:00:36,063 --> 02:00:38,106 You've finally come to have that word with me, have you, son? 1677 02:00:38,857 --> 02:00:40,150 Or are you gonna run away again... 1678 02:00:40,317 --> 02:00:41,902 and pretend you're going to court, dressed like that? 1679 02:00:42,361 --> 02:00:43,737 Oh, you mean this? 1680 02:00:45,280 --> 02:00:46,573 No. 1681 02:00:47,199 --> 02:00:50,494 I know this bloke who's just taken over a tailor shop on Savile Row. 1682 02:00:51,578 --> 02:00:53,163 He's given me a job, Mum. 1683 02:00:53,872 --> 02:00:55,165 It comes with a lot of perks. 1684 02:00:56,541 --> 02:00:57,876 Including a house. 1685 02:00:59,044 --> 02:01:00,879 Come and live with me there, Mum. 1686 02:01:01,463 --> 02:01:02,547 Come on. 1687 02:01:02,714 --> 02:01:03,423 Sit down, you. 1688 02:01:04,841 --> 02:01:07,010 Only place she'll be visiting is you in fucking hospital. 1689 02:01:07,177 --> 02:01:08,971 -Do you hear? -Just leave him alone, Dean! 1690 02:01:09,137 --> 02:01:11,390 Eggsy, just go. Please, just go, babe. 1691 02:01:12,849 --> 02:01:14,142 All right. 1692 02:01:14,309 --> 02:01:15,852 That's it, do as Mummy says. 1693 02:01:16,019 --> 02:01:18,855 Why don't you ask that tailor friend of yours, and knock up a nice chicken costume. 1694 02:01:19,022 --> 02:01:20,399 It'll suit you, you mug. 1695 02:01:22,651 --> 02:01:25,445 As a good friend once said... 1696 02:01:26,738 --> 02:01:27,864 "Manners... 1697 02:01:29,783 --> 02:01:30,742 "maketh... 1698 02:01:33,328 --> 02:01:34,329 "man." 1699 02:01:35,205 --> 02:01:37,541 -Dean? -Shut the fuck up. 1700 02:01:37,708 --> 02:01:40,127 Eggsy, I'm gonna shove your manners up your fucking-- 1701 02:01:46,091 --> 02:01:46,967 So... 1702 02:01:47,342 --> 02:01:51,346 are we gonna stand around here all day, or are we gonna fight? 116169