All language subtitles for Batman S03E16 The Funny Feline Felonies.DVDVRip.NonHI.en.WB

Morning at Gotham State Prison.

And in the office of Warden Crichton,
an old foe is saying his farewell.

Oh, thank you, Warden Crichton,
for all your kind words on my behalf.

You've been on your best behavior
for several months now, Joker.

Mr. Wayne and I felt
it should be rewarded.

Yes, as chairman of the parole board, I've
given your case a great deal of scrutiny.

I'm convinced that you've
mended your former ways.

And so in keeping with our
liberal penological practices...

we're releasing you
considerably ahead of time.

Oh, well, it isn't silk, but it's
honestly made by my fellow inmates.

I guess I'll have to get
used to civilian clothes.

Bear with this, uh, $10 bill.

We hope you will seek
a new life on the outside.

One replete with good
citizenship and fine deeds.

Ten dollars. Mm.

I used to light my cigars
with $10 bills. Ha, ha.

Oh, how about a cigar
to celebrate the occasion?

Well, I don't mind if I do.

No, thank you. I never
use tobacco in any form.

Ha, ha. That's very good.

Ha-ha-ha. You know, I sort
of expected it to explode.

Explode?

Oh, you must have me confused
with somebody else, warden.

I'm a reformed man. Ha-ha-ha!

Well, nice seeing you again.

Toodle-oo. Ha-ha-ha!

Well, I wonder who's picking him
up for the drive back to Gotham City.

Let's take a look.

You want a lift, big boy?

Make it look good, Catwoman. Pull
a gun on me, the way we planned.

They're probably watching us.

Get in this car, or I'll blow
whatever little brains you have out.

She's kidnapping me.

Honest.

Kidnapped? By Catwoman?

Well, he's barely out of prison.

- I'd better call Commissioner Gordon.
- I'll take care of that, warden.

Get your men after them
before they get too far away.

Good idea.

Stately Wayne Manor.

Alfred, plug me into the
Batphone and stand by.

Consider it done, sir.

I think I'd better take a rain
check on that luncheon date.

Mm-hm.

Yes, commissioner.

You're calling to tell me that
Catwoman kidnapped Joker?

I might have realized you'd be
on top of the situation, Batman.

Seems I'm always the
last to know anything.

We'll be right there.

You leaving, Mr. Wayne?

In light of the day's happenings, I'm gonna
forgo my usual inspection of the prison.

- Any luck?
- Well, I've, uh, set up roadblocks...

at all the major highway points
leading back to Gotham City.

It's a slim chance,
but our only hope.

With Joker in the feline
clutches of Catwoman...

who knows what all
of us may be facing?

And at the Sleazy Hotel...

a sleazy hotel across the
street from police headquarters...

Oh, thanks for my
old suit, Catwoman.

I felt out of place in this one.

You looked out of place, Joker.

But now you're back to
your handsome self again.

Yes. Ha-ha-ha.

What are you doing?

The telescopic lens on this Catgun
affords me a fine and magnified view...

of Commissioner
Gordon's office...

- right across the street.
- Oh!

Oh, so it does, so it does.

And unless my youthful
eyes are deceiving me...

that looks like the Dynamic
Dimwits in that office.

You're going to kill them?
I hope, I hope, I hope.

No, Joker.

Just going to send Batman the first
of several little tokens of my affection.

- The first?
- Yes.

He's as evilly clever as we.

He'll no doubt figure out
where my memento came from...

and will pay a call
on this hotel room.

- Oh, we better be gone.
- We will.

But I'll leave a second token
of my devotion in our place.

Yes, we have our work
cut out for us, all right.

I should say we do.

Anytime two arch-criminals get together,
Gotham City, and perhaps the world...

is in for enormous difficulty.

But Catwoman kidnapped Joker.

Maybe the fellow sincerely
wants to go straight.

Mother Machree,
we're under attack.

No, hold your
fire, Chief O'Hara.

We're not sure which
direction that bullet came from.

- Innocent people might be hurt.
- Yes.

It appears to be a
message of some sort.

Holy special delivery.

"This one was just
a warning, Batman.

The next one will be
between your eyelids"

Any signature?

"Signed, a well-wisher."

Well, it seems like somebody's
interested in your welfare.

You stay put.

We'll Batcreep to the window.

Somebody lose a contact lens?

Get down, Barbara.

It must have come from the
Hotel Sleazy across the street.

Judging from the
trajectory and the angle...

and figuring the wind at six
knots per hour, north by northeast...

as per this morning's
weather report...

X times six squared, over...

Yes.

You see, it came from
that room on that floor.

There doesn't seem to be anyone
here. Are you sure this is the room?

Positive. That's the suit Joker wore
when he was released from prison.

Mm.

Mm-hm.

Mm!

No fingerprints.

But judging from the familiar scent of Cat
Lily perfume, which is Catwoman's trademark...

and that suit over there...

I would assume that they
were both in this room...

not less than three minutes ago.

Find anything?

That scrap of
paper. Nothing more.

Batgirl, what are
you doing here?

Just thought I might be able
to lend a glove, so to speak.

You constantly amaze me. I
can't figure out how you manage...

to stay on top of a caper
as quickly as we do.

Tea leaves, stars,
crystal-gazing...

all part of a woman
crime-fighter's arsenal, Batman.

Any clues?

Enough to tell us know we're
dealing with both Catwoman and Joker.

How can I help?

Until we find something
more tangible, you can't.

Well, then it's
hello and goodbye.

At least for now.

At least for now.

That scrap of paper,
Batman, it's gone.

Yes, Batgirl slipped it into her belt
when she thought I wasn't looking.

- You think she's trying to double-cross us?
- No, but she's a woman, Robin...

with a woman's inborn
desire to outsmart men.

Tea leaves,
crystal-gazing, stars.

I wonder what she'll
come up with next.

Whoa. Woo, ha-ha-ha!

- You like it, Joker?
- It's me.

It's like I never left home.

Oh, you certainly have
an eye for decoration.

Now it's time to
meet my cat's paws.

Front and center, henchmen.

This is Giggler.

Oh, it's sure gonna be nice
working with you, Joker. Heh, heh.

Oh, ha-ha-ha, yes.

- This is Laugher.
- Ha-ha-ha!

I've always wanted to work with you, Joker.
It's the realization of my boyhood dream.

Well, thanks,
fellas. Keep smiling.

They're good men, Joker.

Perfect aides-de-camp for our
evil crime spree, don't you think?

Oh, perfect, Catwoman. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, and speaking
of evil crime sprees...

Shall I catalog
it for you, Joker?

- Categorically, Catwoman.
- Ha, ha.

Then cast your eyes on this.

- A poem?
- Yes.

Handwritten over 200 years ago
during the French and Indian War.

I purloined it from the library.

It was written by Garçon
Maltese, the famous crook...

and it's a clue to 1 million
pounds of gunpowder he stole...

and hid someplace in the
environs of Gotham City.

Oh, now you're talking.

One million of
anything is a lot.

We're going to find
that gunpowder...

and blow a hole in the
federal depository building...

you can drive a truck through.

Then drive a truck
through and loot the place.

Oh, why don't we just
heist a bunch of dynamite?

Far too simple, Joker.

And not half as much fun
as being devilishly clever.

- Oh.
- After all, we're not common thieves.

- No. Ha-ha-ha.
- Listen.

Gunpowder is what you shall find
Should you have a most logical mind

In riches you'll wallow
If you carefully follow

The clues I have
herein consigned

His iambic
pentameter is a bit off.

- What he should have said was...
- Now, listen.

My old nightshirt will do for a start
In its hem is a clue that's a chart

Then from there find
my crib On its side is a fib

And my powder is
yours, if you're smart

Oh, your voice has
a nice lilt, Catwoman.

But just what
does all that mean?

I've located the
nightshirt and the crib.

Now our next move is to
purloin and if possible...

permanently purge
Batman, Batgirl...

and Robin, the Boy Wonder.

Do they know about that poem?

If they don't, they should.

Shortly.

The missing corner
of this parchment...

was intentionally left in that
fleabag of a hotel room. Ha, ha.

Meanwhile back in her guise as Barbara
Gordon, the mild-mannered librarian...

The document she
wants is missing...

but the Gotham City Library
makes microcopies of everything.

- I'll take it, Alfred.
- Right, sir.

- Yes, commissioner?
- Batman, this is Batgirl.

Batgirl on Commissioner
Gordon's red phone?

Just as there are
secrets in crime-fighting...

so should every
crime-fighter be allowed his...

- or her secret.
- Agreed.

I've come up on something that may
help in your search for Catwoman and Joker.

Crystal-gazing again, Batgirl?

This time I used cards.

Meet me immediately at the
apartment of Little Louie Groovy...

- 27 Disc Drive.
- Little Louie Groovy...

the teenage tycoon who's never
missed producing a million-seller record?

- Gosh, Bruce, I've always wanted to meet him.
- We'll be right there.

To the Batpoles.

Shortly, in the groovy
pad of Little Louie...

the young tycoon of
the recording business...

Who you recording tonight? You
never tell me anything anymore.

A new group I just discovered
about 20 minutes ago.

Called the Gotham
Boulevard Off-Ramp.

They'll have the number one record
in the country a week from Tuesday.

Look, I gotta make my money fast. Another
couple of years, I'll be in my mid-20s.

Too old for the music
business, over the hill.

Heh.

It's no wonder I'm insecure.

- Okay, split.
- Ooh. Ooh!

What a client I got.

Little Louie, you've
just slipped the groove.

Who's that?

Look, if you're here to rob
me, I ought to warn you...

that I'm a karate expert
and I can hurt you.

So stay back.

Hyah!

Karate isn't effective unless
accompanied by yelling.

Let him howl until he sprains
a vocal cord, then get him.

I can't yell anymore.

I'm done for.

All right, boys. Now.

Hoo, hoo! Oh, I have to
give you credit, Catwoman.

I expected this place to be a
shambles because of a fight.

As it may yet be, Joker.

So, Batman, you found us.

As you perhaps
planned, Catwoman.

The mere thought of pulling a
caper without your masked meddling...

would be most perturbing to me.

Found us you have,
and get you we will.

Get them, boys.

My first royalty check.

No, no, that's
$4000. Please, don't.

Oh, no, no. Please, please.

You guys ruined my apartment. It'll cost
over $11,000 to replace all the goodies.

Never fear, Mr. Groovy,
full restitution will be made.

Even if it takes Catwoman and Joker the
rest of their natural lives to pay it off.

I can't understand why you went to
all that trouble to steal a nightshirt.

He doesn't know
about the gunpowder.

- Give him a catchy story.
- Oh...

Well, it was all Catwoman's fault, fellas.
If you recall, it was she who kidnapped me.

You cat fink.

She told me that Louie
Groovy was a hip cat...

and that it might be fun if
we stole the cat's pajamas.

Well, you know how I
am about practical jokes.

I couldn't resist it.

You must have flipped
your raspberry, Joker.

How could you allow anyone to
talk you into something stupid?

Agreed. You're absolutely
and positively right.

Oh, I made a dreadful mistake.

Oh, let bygones be bygones.

I'd like to shake hands with
both of you. Can't we be friends?

I'd rather shake hands
with a spitting cobra.

You're being cynical, Robin.

"To err is human,
to forgive divine."

Perhaps he has repented.

I think the poor fellow
should have a fighting chance.

I'll shake your hand, Joker.

Oh, okay, I'll shake
your hand too.

- Another practical joke, Joker?
- Not exactly, Batman.

No, it's my lethal Joker-buzzer.

One by one, your five
senses will leave you...

then your lungs will collapse, and
shortly you'll be kaput, finis, defunct.

Ha-ha-ha. Sorry we can't
stay for the big finish, Batman...

but I'll always treasure
the memory of this moment.

Let's go.

Three beats a
minute, not too good.

What took you so long, Batgirl?

Rush hour traffic. Plus all
the lights were against me.

You wouldn't want me
to speed, would you?

Your good driving habits
almost cost us our lives.

Rules are rules, Robin.

But you do have a point.

How did you know that Catwoman
and Joker would be here?

It's all written in a poem
they have in their possession.

The nightshirt they stole and cradle are
clues to an enormous cache of gunpowder.

- Where is the cradle?
- In the possession of Karnaby Katz...

devil-may-care men's clothing
designer from Londinium.

Here, drink this.

Water? Champagne.

Over here.

Oh, my head.

- We're too late.
- What happened, Mr. Katz?

The 17-year locusts have
descended upon me, governor.

But they didn't touch the
safe or my wife's jewels...

or my collection of comic books
or anything valuable like that.

All they took was a little cradle
that I picked up at an antique store.

Why do you
suppose they did that?

That is the question.

How long ago did they leave?

Seconds before you walked in.

I thought you might have
met them on their way out.

Do you have any idea where
the gunpowder might be, Batgirl...

or why they might it?

The poem would've led us to the
clues, and without the clues, we're lost.

We can just wait and see
what their next move is.

Where could they have
disappeared to so quickly?

Closer than you think. Just
outside waiting to ambush you.

Will Joker and Catwoman make good
their perfidious plan to steal millions?

For the answer to these and
other cataclysmic questions...

watch the next episode.