All language subtitles for The Goldbergs (2013) - 03x03 - Jimmy 5 is Alive.

Back in the '80s,
before you could film

a major motion picture
with your phone,

the only way
to capture memories

was with this monstrosity...
the video camera.

It was literally
backbreaking work,

but the result
was always priceless.

What's up, b-ball fans?

Big Tasty coming to
you live from the drive.

Rumor has it you like dunks.

Well, I call this one "slam,
jam, thank you, ma'am."

Oh!

"Honey, I dunked the kid."

Oh!

"Good morning, Viet-slam."

Oh!

Oh!

Call me Jean-Claude Van Jam.

Oh!

What?! Hoo-hoo!

This is the worst thing I've ever seen,

and I see my dad in his
underpants every day.

But we're only halfway through
watching my jampilation...

the
extrava-jam-za.

Yeah, this has been amazing, you know,

a Saturday really well spent,

but I am gonna go do anything else.

Aah! It's my little
love muffin's birthday!

Dude, did you tape over
your 5th birthday party?

That could have been anyone's parents.

No, I remember that party...
your mom gave me a haircut

'cause she said my mom did a bad job.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Yes! This is wonderful!

For me.

For you, it's like as bad as it gets.

It's fine!

Mom has millions of tapes of us.

It's not like she has
every one of them memorized.

Hi, love nuggets.

Oh, your 5th birthday!

Oh, I remember every single moment.

- We should go.
- No, no. Stay.

Let's all watch the best time in my life

when you were my little Schmoo

and you used to give Mama endless huggies.

You heard Mama. Play the tape.

Why watch an old video

when you can get a real huggie right now?

For real?

Get in here, you.

Ohh, ain't this the best?

Totally.

I can really feel your
whole body against mine.

Oh, my baby's so big and squishy.

Synced & corrected by laulau
www.Addic7ed.Com

It was October
7, 1980-something,

and my dad was engaged
in his favorite hobby...

watching the weather channel.

Back then, there were only
five channels to watch.

With the invention
of this exciting network,

Dads across America
were hooked.

Call cousin Arnie.

They have a blizzard warning in Denver!

They have no idea what they're up against!

Unless it banks South.

Then they'll just have nice, mild flurries.

Ooh. My knee is acting up.

Bet it's gonna rain.

Oh!

This guy thinks it's gonna
rain today with 5% humidity.

I liked you better when
you hated everything.

Yep, the weather
was my dad's hobby.

And of course, it couldn't be
any more different than mine.

Okay, here's the deal.

You're looking at a
sentient robot named Johnny 5

from the hit movie "Short Circuit"

and the less critically
acclaimed "Short Circuit 2."

Why is the "robit" lounging on a raft?

That thing weighs a ton. It makes no sense.

The point is, the hobby shop
is selling a limited-edition kit

to build a mini replica
Johnny 5 and I need money.

You do realize I'm gonna say no, right?

I do know that, yes.

And that's why I'm gonna call this

a learning-based project and
ask you to build it with me.

Do not do that. Do not call
it a learning-based project.

Then give me the money.

I won't involve Mom, and we
can each go our separate ways.

Done. How much?

$96.

I'm gonna ask you to go away now.

Mom, I have a learning-based project

Dad won't get involved in!

What is this about a
learning-based project?

I like the sound of that.

I want to build a robot with Dad,

but he doesn't
want to do it with me.

Murray! It's a learning-based project!

Mama, why won't he let me learn stuff?

It's a learning-based project!

The thing costs 100 bucks.

Tell you what... instead
of going to the store

and buying a bunch of robot parts,

Dad will help you build one
from junk around the house.

Oh, no, what have I done?

- I was literally just sitting here.
- No. Zip it.

Zip it. Zip it. I've made up my mind.

You two are building a
robot, and that's final!

Yay! Learning-based project!

Yeah, I'm a putz.

While I was stuck with the
grumpiest man on the planet,

Barry went to the
smartest man he knew.

Coach Meller! Coach!

I need your help.

Third graders, out!

You're of no use to me until
you develop adult bodies

that can play something besides tag.

What are we looking at here, Goldberg?

I taped over my 5th birthday party!

My mom will never forgive me
if I can't get her tape back.

You're the A.V. Club adviser. Help me.

Well, it's more of a ceremonial title.

I just get to keep the key
to the A.V. Closet on my belt,

but mostly I just hand the key off

to that weird kid with the muppet voice.

- My brother?
- That's him... muppet boy.

So is it possible?

Can we un-film what I taped over?

Absolutely.

All we got to do is pop
that tape into the VCR,

hit record and rewind at the same time,

and it will un-record
the top layer of video.

Duh!

The answer was in front
of me the whole time.

Except that wasn't the answer.

To the nerd hole.

While you could easily
tape over something,

you could never un-erase it.

No! Why didn't it work?

'Cause nobody really knows
how VHS technology works.

It's a mystery science can't solve.

Looks like your only
choice is to come clean.

Or I double-down and keep lying.

I lied on a job application once

and said I was proficient
in the audio-visual arts.

Now here we are.

So the lesson is...

Don't lie.

Unless it gets you an extra 60 bucks a week

and a butt-load of extension cords.

I feel good about today.

In my brother's mind, there was
only one logical choice...

frame my mom.

First, he took his
ruined birthday tape

and steamed off the label.

Next, he stuck it onto
my mom's Phil Donahue tape

so the next time she'd
watch Barry's birthday,

she'd find this.

In the long-term,
it's not good for us.

I just don't understand
how I could be so careless!

Don't beat yourself up too bad.

I mean, yeah, it's an unforgivable mistake.

But one day, I'll recover.

But I won't!

Those were the first moving images

of my precious love monkeys.

Lost! Forever!

Dude, I'm all for lying to our parents,

but this is very not okay.

The good news is she'll totally
forget about it in a few days.

I will never forget about this!

- Or a few weeks.
- Ever.

Mom's a mess.

I've failed as a mother...

I can't take it, Barry.

- ...as a woman...
- Either you tell her...

- ...and as a human person.
- ...Or I will.

This is all your fault, Phil Donahue,

you gorgeous white-haired bastard.

Okay, brainstorming session.

Murray, now that you've been
forced to build a robo-man,

you get to delight in
Adam's favorite hobby.

I was about to delight
in the weather channel.

They got a new ticker at
the bottom of the screen.

It's always moving.

- Are we done here?
- No!

Come on. Tell me what this
metal-sucker should look like.

Get the ball rolling, Mur-man.

I don't know. Um...

It could have a... Button.

Good! A button.

Way to go there, big guy. Adam, your turn.

It definitely should have a
"back to the future" -style

flux capacitor for time travel.

Don't write that down.

No time travel. That's not a thing.

There are no bad ideas in brainstorming.

What else you got?

I don't know.

Maybe like a pointy hand
that could poke stuff.

An ion-based magma cannon.

A hat. A combat-ready cloaking device.

Metal feet.

We should also give it
emotions and a sense of humor.

No! Don't write that down!

Ever heard of "Short Circuit"?

Once we get it struck by lightning,

it'll be alive just like Johnny 5.

That was a movie.

For the sake of argument,
let's entertain the notion

that this robot can have
anything we want it to have.

That's what I'm trying to do, bro,

but unless this robot
can give fog advisories,

my father ain't getting on board.

A weather "robit."

Now, that actually makes sense.

I want this thing to have a snow plow.

And inter-dimensional portals.

Now we're cooking with gas.

While my dad and I
were finally coming together,

my mom was still falling apart.

Dude, look at her.

She's even lost her will to jazzercise.

You were supposed to tell her by now.

I know, but I have great news.

I came up with something so
much better than the truth.

I searched through all our old tapes

and cut together Beverly Goldberg's

most awesome moments as a mom.

I call it a "momtage."

I don't understand.

See, I took the word "Mom"

and mushed it into the word "montage,"

which is Spanish for the word "honesty."

I know what "montage" means.

Just tell me how it'll
make her feel better.

Simple.

There's nothing that woman loves
more than taking care of us.

When she watches her greatest hits,

she'll give me a hug and
forget all about the other tape.

Momtage!

Starring our Mama.

Chores!

Living the dream!

Cooking foods!

Too hot, but thank you!

Unclogging stuff!

It was Dad, not me!

Giant hair!

Fashion icon!

Yelling about safety!

We heart Beverly!

Well? Good stuff, right?

Yeah, I'm going to tell her myself,

because this will literally
send her into madness.

Why can't you trust me that
for once I make things better?

You did it Schmoo-Barry!

You went on the big potty!

We'll remember this forever.

No! That's why!

Because you taped over
another priceless memory!

Chill!

I can fix this with another momtage.

It had been two days
since my dad came aboard

my greatest hobby,
and the results were epic!

Big news!

I got a tin of rugelach.

You two look like you could use a break.

No breaks. We're on a roll.

Check it out.

Here's our robot in killer cyborg form.

Here he is shooting his laser-guided fist.

And here he is using a doppler
radar to predict black ice.

Hoo-hoo! Can you imagine?!

- Now let's get to work.
- On what?

Duh. Our robot.

Sure, it won't be easy,
but you said you'd tinker.

We can't build this thing.
It's got a time-travel thingy.

This technology doesn't even exist!

Not with that attitude.

Okay, it's on me.

I should have known
better than to encourage

all this "robit" nonsense.

Oh, like your hobby's so
great? The weather. Feh.

Don't "feh" the weather.
It can make or break us.

Just ask those poor
bastards down Tornado Alley.

Please.

My robot can defeat any
tornado you throw at me.

Easy, fellas. Have some rugelach.

Really? A category-nine twister
versus this tin can? Please!

It's got nuts and jam! Just take a taste.

You fool.

My robot is made out of
indestructible adamantium

and has a drill that can dig
into the core of the earth

and change your precious weather patterns.

I should have never agreed to the drill!

I was on the fence about it,

and now you're using it against me!

My own son!

Just take a taste.

Al. Enough of your deli cookie, please.

Just take a taste!

Look, you're not a little kid anymore.

You got to stop with these toys

and the fantasies and the "robits."

It's robot.

Why won't you say it the right way?

Say "robot"!

I am! "Robit"!

Ro-bot.

- "Robit"!
- Robot!

- "Robit"!
- Ro-bot!

It doesn't matter what you call it.

You need to find a
hobby for a kid your age,

a hobby that's real.

None of this crap is real!

You think I don't know what's not real?

Well, you sure as hell act like it is!

It's called fun... to pretend, to imagine,

to think of things that
may be possible one day.

It's what I do.

Hell, I-I'll go build this robot right now

just to show you anything's possible.

You're gonna go invent
a time-traveling "robit"

in your room just to spite me?

Yes, and he will walk and talk

and be the father that
you could only hope to be.

At this point, I'm very open
to a metal man coming down here

and taking some of this off my plate!

Good! 'Cause it's done!

No, no, no. Again, I'm really into it.

Rugelach is a friendship snack.

As I convinced myself
to build a robot,

Erica convinced Barry
to come clean to my mom.

Hi, Ma. You can unload those
groceries by yourself later.

Right now, we need to talk.

What's wrong, squishy?

First, I'll kick things off
with a gravity-defying dunk

dedicated to my very understanding

and forgiving mother.

I named it "I love you, Mama."

You're very sweet to cheer me up, honey.

And remember that.

'Cause after my dunk, I'm
gonna tell you all about

how I taped over my
birthday, then framed you,

and then taped over
even more precious stuff.

Watch me jam it home!

Oh!

That's right, jtp!

Get my mom riled up with
your infectious energy!

He soars like an angel!

You did it?

And then made me
turn against Phil Donahue?

So you lost a few irreplaceable memories,

but think about what you gained!

An explosive jampilation of
my sweetest rim encounters!

You think I'd rather have a video

of you jam-dunking on
some low rim? Seriously?

Low? That's NBA regulation.

It's not.

I just told you that to make
you feel good about yourself.

- It's low, bro.
- Yeah, thing's tiny.

That's not regulation at all.

Oh, my God!

I entered the dunk contest at
the Villanova game next week!

How could you lie to me?!

Because that's what a good Mama does.

Shes builds you up

and makes you feel like
you can do anything.

I've spent the past decade planning to be

a basketball legend and rap star!

Now I'm just gonna be some lowly rap mogul?

That can't be the life you want for me!

What I want is my old tapes back,

but that's not happening, either, is it?

My life's a sham.

Goodbye, dreams.

As my brother's
dreams were dying,

I was realizing it
really was impossible

to give life to a robot.

Hey! What are the rules?

Don't come in your room,
don't touch your crap,

and don't come in your
room to touch your crap.

And right now, you're
breaking all of them. Get out.

I'm sorry, okay?

But I really need the electrical
guts inside this boom box.

For what?

To build a spite robot
that can replace Dad...

a nice one that keeps his pants on.

Take a seat.

All right, how do I say this?

Uh...

It's time to give up your stupid thing.

What? No, no, no, no. Never.

Trust me. I'm talking from experience here.

When I was your age, this was my hobby.

Strawberry Shortcake. Heard of it?

Yeah, they're those chubby
dolls that smell like pie.

Put her in your hand and
tell me what you smell.

Nothing.

Exactly.

I smelled her so long and so hard

that all the berry is
gone, and you know why?

Because I was playing with these
until I was in the 9th grade.

Oh, God.

No one liked this girl, Adam. No one.

Everyone else moved on to real hobbies

like sports and boys and wine coolers,

and I was still sniffing the straw.

But robots are way cooler than those dolls.

Are they, Adam? Are they?

It's time, dude. Move on.

The last thing I wanted

was to be that sad,
little geek in the photo.

At that moment,
I realized my dad was right.

It was time to give up robots forever.

While Barry's heart was broken

'cause he'd never
play in the NBA,

my mom felt even worse

'cause she was the one who broke it.

Goodbye, round mound of rebound.

It would have been nice to be your teammate

until I became a franchise player

and you got traded to Utah in disgrace.

In that moment, my mom knew
that some taped memory

from the past
wasn't as important

as making Barry feel
good about his future.

And so Beverly Goldberg did
what she does best...

build up her children
in an unrealistic way.

Barry, wait.

Mom, I'm going to school

'cause I actually have to learn stuff now

'cause I'm not getting drafted
by the Sixers next month.

Love bug, just sit down.

There's something I want you to see.

See, I took the word "Schmoo"

and combined it with "compilation."

Mom, don't bother.

It's not gonna make anything better

Starring Barry Goldberg.

Hee-yah!

Ne-yah!
Ne-yah!

Ugh.

Fists...

Kara-te power!

Jumping stuff!

Popping and locking!

I hate this game!

Passion!

Long showers!

Adam! Get out! Stop video-t...

Hero!

Whoo!

But you forgot to mention my frisbee skills

and how easily I can
make friends with horses.

See?

You're so much more than basketball, honey.

You are amazingly talented
at so many amazing things.

I am good at basically everything.

I just... Couldn't live with myself

if I knew I took away your dreams.

So... Does this mean you forgive
me for ruining your tapes?

Of course.

Look, I know it's crazy
how much I love them,

but they just remind me of a time

when you still needed me.

Mom.

Look at all the stuff you do for me.

Everything I am is because of you.

I'll always need you.

Goodbye, r2 and 3po.

I guess you are not the
droids I was looking for.

Well, you did it.

He's giving up all his robots.

I didn't want that.

I just wanted him to grow up a little bit.

Look at him.

He's watching the damn weather.

He has the rest of his
life to be one of us.

Why rush him into it?

Oh, damn. I hate when you're right.

Where you going?

I'm gonna finish a learning-based project.

Just as I
had given up robots,

my dad went out and bought me
the one I always wanted.

Hello, earth boy.
It's me, Short Circuit.

Just go away.

Be-bop-boop!
Be-bop-boop!

Not interested.

But Jimmy 5 is alive!

I'm alive!

[Bleep]

It's Johnny 5, and you're not alive.

You're a stupid toy.

Look. I know what I said.

And I'd never want you to
stop with the "robit" stuff

because of me.

It's fine, Dad.

You're not the only one
who said I should move on.

Well, they're wrong.

I like that you got a big imagination

and you like all that
crazy time-travel stuff.

You do?

Yeah.

It's what makes you, you,

and I wouldn't want to change that.

Maybe a little. You're a weird kid.

Thanks.

So what do you say we take this sucker out

and try and get it struck by lightning?

Bring this "robit" to life.

It's robot.

And it's impossible to know when
lightning's gonna strike next.

Hey. You got your hobby. I got mine.

And with that,

my dad and I combined
our hobbies

of course, lightning
never struck my robot

and Jimmy 5 never came alive.

But that night, my
dad and I made a memory

that would last a lifetime,

something we would always
have to look back on.

That's the thing about
letting go of the past.

It's never easy.

And sometimes, we
never let go of it at all.

But the amazing thing about life

is that we make new precious
memories every single day.

Hey, Mom.

I was gonna go outside and
throw down some monster jams.

Maybe you want to come watch?

I'd love to, Baby.

And the memories come
when you least expect it.

Oh!

Oh!

Synced & Corrected by Laulau
www.addic7ed.com

I have awful news...

do you remember that video of me

playing with my
Strawberry Shortcake dolls

when I was little?

I accidentally taped over it.

Erica, how could you?

I'm sorry. I guess I just
messed up like Barry did.

Yeah, that's a real shame.

Lucky for us, I made a copy.

What?!

Oh. Barry!

Good morning, Blueberry Muffin!
You smell delicious today!

Oh, why, thank you, Cherry Cuddler.

Do you want to join us at
the Berry Bake Shop for tea?

Oh, well, I can't because I have plans

with my boyfriend, David Hasselhoff!

So adorable.

You're so dead!

- Classic.
- So awkward.

I love her so much.