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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:19,478 THE RHINE, GERMANY 1945 2 00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,106 Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers. Come on, come on. 3 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:25,275 Move yourselves. 4 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:32,115 Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers. Come on, come on. 5 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:44,044 Come on. Third Troop, Fourth Musketeers. 6 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,007 (shot) 7 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,802 Inflating parties forward. 8 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,264 (releases air valve) 9 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,730 Embark! 10 00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,816 Follow me. 11 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,864 Paddles out. 12 00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,866 Prepare to paddle. 13 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,034 Paddle. 14 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,585 (gun cocks) 15 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,381 Yes, during the war, I was a Musketeer myself. 16 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:32,634 We had one young John Thomas ostensibly commanding. 17 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,053 More myself was the backbone, of course. 18 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,890 Of a dark night, many of our officers... (clicks) 19 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,100 ...by some of their own men. You had to. 20 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,561 - (cash till rings) - Yes, I will, squire. 21 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,855 Yeah, that's right, you was there. 22 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,024 After breakfasting in Paddington, 23 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:50,444 we was transferred to the Second Army for Rhine and Other Rivers. 24 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:55,741 Ours was an infantry role though many of us could swim only loosely, if at all. 25 00:01:55,866 --> 00:02:00,579 - It was a complete cock-up. - 144177 Musketeer Brazier S. 26 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,248 No, no, how I won the war. 27 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:08,128 The memoirs of Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody. 28 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,257 ("Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart") 29 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:20,265 Auf Wiedersehen 30 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:25,062 Auf Wiedersehen 31 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:32,861 We'll meet again, sweetheart 32 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:38,200 This lovely day 33 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:42,663 Has flown away 34 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:47,084 The time has come 35 00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:50,629 To part 36 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,755 (screams) 37 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,843 We'll kiss again 38 00:02:55,968 --> 00:03:00,556 Like this again 39 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:09,398 Don't let the teardrops start 40 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:14,027 With love that's true 41 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:18,365 I'll wait for you 42 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:26,999 Auf Wiedersehen, sweetheart 43 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,179 I'll tell you nothing but my name, rank and number. 44 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,848 My number is 131313. 45 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:46,602 Lieutenant of Musket Ernest Goodbody. 46 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:50,480 It all started in 1939. I suppose it did for you too. 47 00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:53,108 But then first things first. 48 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:58,238 War is without doubt the noblest of games. 49 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,241 Finer, I think, Corporal of Musket. 50 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:05,662 Corporal of Musket Transom, my troop sergeant and a good all-rounder. 51 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:11,001 Stay there. You, Juniper, you're perfect where you are. Very square. 52 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:17,883 Musketeer Juniper, a joy to have on any team, one of the original BEFs. 53 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:21,595 What they really thought of me, I shall never know. 54 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,475 - I thought he was bleeding rubbish. - I thought he was a bleeding tart. 55 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,437 Can I have you right out there in the country, Gripweed? 56 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:35,025 Musketeer Gripweed, without whom these memoirs would never have been written. 57 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,945 My faithful batman. 58 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,697 May I rub your ball, sir? It gives me pleasure. 59 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,868 - Musketeer Drogue, I die in North Africa. - Please. 60 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:53,085 We're gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line 61 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,806 I rallied to the flag in October 1939 62 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:11,019 and was immediately selected as officer potential. 63 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:17,025 Every word of this film is written in pencil in my own handwriting. 64 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:23,490 I owe my introduction to the art of war to my instructors at No.212 OCTU. 65 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:27,870 In particular, 1431 Lieutenant Colonel Grapple, 66 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:32,666 later to be known as Grapple of the Bedoo, who impressed me no end. 67 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:36,503 I took care to talk as far back in the mouth as possible, 68 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,840 being a grammar school lad... which made no difference. 69 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:43,135 I've always been treated by the army as top drawer. 70 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,388 - (affected laughter) - What did you say? 71 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,767 (laughs) Sir... 72 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,772 Never underrate the wily Pathan. 73 00:05:55,898 --> 00:06:00,277 We are going onto the wily Pathan and the use of anti-gas carpet. 74 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,863 - Ya... Ya... - The Pathan lives in India. 75 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:06,992 India is a hot, strange country, full of wily Pathans up to wily things. 76 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,204 Which is why I always wear spurs, even in cold weather. 77 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:15,375 My advice is to keep your rifle strapped to a suitable portion of your body. 78 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:19,546 A leg is good. Otherwise, the wily Pathan will strip himself naked, 79 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,174 grease himself all over, slippery as an eel, 80 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,385 make off with your rifle, which is a crime. Any questions? 81 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:30,599 - Or can we take gas? - Has the Pathan gone over to Hitler, sir? 82 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,102 - Grammar school boy? - Sir. 83 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:38,524 No, he has not. Too wily for that, the wily Pathan. 84 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,944 Then shall we be fighting him in this war, sir? 85 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,531 Of course, the British army has always fought the wily Pathan. 86 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:49,076 Stripped naked under the tent brailings like a snake, he is. 87 00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,245 - Why? - Why what? 88 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:54,498 We want to get on to gas. It may save your life one day. 89 00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:57,793 Why has the British army always fought the wily Pathan? 90 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,463 He's just like you, a damn troublemaker. What's your name? 91 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,050 How did you get into OCTU not knowing your history? 92 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:10,055 God help your men. They'll be torn apart by the wily Pathan. 93 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:15,227 See your dugouts. Stand by your dugouts. Stand to. Dig in. 94 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:21,066 To beat the Hun, dig in then break through with sword and lance. I think. 95 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,653 Do your best, eh? That's good... 96 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,240 - Body, sir. This is. - That's very good, Body. 97 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,704 - It is rather wet inside, sir. - I know it is. 98 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:38,167 That smell. That smell. 99 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,420 Light the little candle, eh? 100 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:46,717 This is where the war will be fought. War of movement, my bum. 101 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,179 Sit down, Body. 102 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806 Thank you, sir. 103 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,563 You're going to be an officer, young Body. 104 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,733 - I wonder if you know what that means. - I think so, sir. 105 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:07,905 - What does it mean, Body? - It means my mother will be pleased, sir. 106 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:13,785 I worry about your men, Body. That's what being an officer means. 107 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:18,123 You know... I think you know how England is fixed at the moment. 108 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:22,169 It's not a question of money, sir. I'll serve for nothing. 109 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,129 Tell me about yourself... 110 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:29,801 What I hope I'm saying about England is that we have no submachine guns, 111 00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:34,765 no rimless cartridges, percussion grenades, field artillery, no tanks much, 112 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602 no anti-tanks ever, no dive bombers, no bombs, 113 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,980 and we invented shrapnel. Knew him well... His son. 114 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:48,904 I can't, I fear, I can't march properly on my own as an officer in the public eye. 115 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,241 Isn't that sickening when that happens to a chap? 116 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,952 Couldn't your drill instructor do something? 117 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,372 A quick jab up the crutch. With a broom? 118 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:11,760 "They're Coming." "They're Coming" by EC Grapple MC VD. 119 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,387 And scar. 120 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,764 "They're Coming." 121 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:19,726 They're coming from the shires Coming from the byres 122 00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,020 They're coming from the cities and towns 123 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:27,234 They're coming from the factories They're coming from the farms... 124 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,862 - You married? - No, I play the harmonica. 125 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:34,741 I'm coming after you civil reservists to see if you can remember about rifles 126 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,536 and thumbs down the seams of your slacks, 127 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,789 into your pink civvy thoughts with my big black boots, 128 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,751 bearing a big, black, knobbly stick. 129 00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:47,546 So take a hold of yourselves. Stand still. 130 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,047 - Face your front. - I am. 131 00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:51,633 Squad, 'shun! 132 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,344 - Down them rifles. - Rifles! 133 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,306 - Splinter. - Slope arms. 134 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,683 Two, three, across... 135 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,643 - Hands... - Down! 136 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,604 (Transom) Throw them rifles. 137 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,772 - Will advance. - Front, Clapper. 138 00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,693 - Splinter. - By the right, quick march. 139 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,405 Left, right, left, right, left... 140 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,449 (Grapple) Coming dressed in overalls... 141 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,036 - Retire. About. - Coming with umbrellas... 142 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,706 - Coming bringing gifts... - Turn! 143 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:27,419 Stand still. Those two men, about. 144 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,341 Don't speak to me like that. I'm a married man. 145 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,677 About turn. 146 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,722 By the right, quick march. 147 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,314 What's this? Halt. 148 00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:51,443 Stand still. Never, ever have I seen such a sight. 149 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:54,029 - Am I hurting you? - No. 150 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,823 I should be. I'm standing on your hair. 151 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,201 - Who said that? - Is this North Africa? 152 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,495 - Catterick. - Marching like idiots. 153 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,413 - Never... - In all my life! 154 00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:07,793 It really is only a question of getting the right leg to respond to my brain. 155 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,879 Move to the right in threes. 156 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,674 - Wait for it. - Where are you going? Still. 157 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,718 - It's no good to me. - My finger. There's a splinter. 158 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:21,473 - Right in threes. Right turn. - Would you go sick? 159 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,935 - I want to fight. - That's the spirit. 160 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:28,480 - Who's the one in the flat hat? - Baden-Powell. 161 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:33,402 Fall in, you. On the command, move. Move. 162 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,655 Don't look at him, look at me. 163 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,949 If you look at him, I'll give you to him. 164 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:44,663 You can be put into his hands. You can spend your life with such as him. 165 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,207 - Oh... - Brain, brawn and guile... 166 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:51,170 They're coming dressed in overalls Coming dressed in tweed... 167 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,089 To the front, salute. 168 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,133 - As you were. - Hit them rifles. 169 00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:01,180 You won't break them. To the front, salute! 170 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:07,019 Of skin and guts and fortitude Of brain and brawn and guile 171 00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:11,690 And what is more, they're yours, young man 172 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,859 See you do well by them. 173 00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,028 (piano flourish) 174 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,158 (sparse applause) 175 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,541 (Goodbody) I'll never forget the moment I was appointed to my first command. 176 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,585 No... 177 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,670 - Oh... - Him! 178 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,174 Squad, 'shun. 179 00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,810 - We're all going to die. - I'm gonna die in North Africa. 180 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,813 Come, now, be fair. Not all of us, Corporal of Musket. 181 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,483 - There will be survivors. - (machine gun) 182 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,027 Many of us, even, will survive training. 183 00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:00,322 It's personal. Can I speak to you on a personal matter? 184 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,283 Personal? Keep your rear down. 185 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:07,329 It's her, sir. She's getting stuffed the jacksy off her by the man from the Pru. 186 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,581 Jacksy? 187 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,625 That is posterior, that is. 188 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:17,589 Some spy says he gets his hoggins every Monday, regular as dick, 189 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,843 along with the 18d funeral policy. 190 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,221 - Hoggins? - Is it right, sir? 191 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:28,267 - Is he intimate? - He's no friend of mine, sir. 192 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,937 I ask you, in all conscience, 193 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:36,775 is it right that a serviceman is forced to carnal knowledge for the insurance? 194 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,944 No, no, decidedly not. 195 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,573 I'll do anything you advise, sir. 196 00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:47,536 Well, Clapper, is your good lady wife a willing partner to this hoggins? 197 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:50,622 No, sir. It's this damn war. It's got her excited. 198 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,750 And him, he's suave. 199 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,753 - Go on. - Not in my silk stockings! 200 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:02,384 Here, you've brought your child's gas mask. 201 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,847 Oh, no, not in front of your child's gas mask. 202 00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:11,268 Well, Clapper, lapse the policy. It's yours, isn't it? 203 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,189 Good. Then lapse it. You don't need a funeral policy in the army. 204 00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,357 You get the last post. 205 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,031 My word. 206 00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:27,534 Then the insurance will not call on a Monday for his hoggins. 207 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,830 My life. What you've saved is my life and my honey pot. 208 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,711 Do you mind if I gives a jump of admiration here, sir? 209 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:46,678 Dirty bleeder. He'll have to entertain somewhere else to obtain satisfaction. 210 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,765 Hold on, I'll rescue you, Clapper. 211 00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:54,436 We didn't all die. I often didn't feel well. 212 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,814 But I put a brave face on it and we were soon sent to Egypt, 213 00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:03,278 it seemed at the time, where I volunteered myself. Didn't we all? 214 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,114 What the bloody hell are you doing here? 215 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,618 I'm here, sir, at your convenience. 216 00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:14,373 Ernest. 217 00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:17,000 I know the names of all my men, sir. 218 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:21,421 Come over here. Your eyes are bright. 219 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:25,509 - My knees are brown, sir. - Nice, I've got brown knees. 220 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:30,556 You'd like to get away from here, Ernest, wouldn't you? See some action. 221 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:34,059 - My sole ambition, sir. - I know. 222 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:39,690 Ernest, I want you to take your troop of musketeers and go and do this job for me. 223 00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:44,111 If you do it well, you need never hang around on street corners again. 224 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:48,448 You can go away and do stirring things. Would you like that? 225 00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:50,951 Oh, sir. 226 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:54,663 Sir, I'd give my right arm and leg. 227 00:15:54,788 --> 00:16:00,502 It's not you, sir. I'm not bored with you. I love you. 228 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:04,423 In a strict metaphorical way of speaking, as it were. 229 00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:11,263 I'd give them my arm and leg. Damn sporting of you, sir. 230 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,515 The lads will be chuffed. 231 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,976 - (gulps) - I gulped. 232 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,313 I used to gulp like a fish every time a general touched me. 233 00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:23,233 One time, when I was a subaltern... Nice eyes. 234 00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:27,863 We are exchanging bubblegum cards. We are staff officers. 235 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:32,034 - Have you got Dunkirk? - Toby's got Dunkirk. 236 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:35,329 There's a lot of Dunkirk about. Ghastly colours. 237 00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:39,041 - I do a bit of Sunday painting myself. - I want School Bombing. 238 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,669 - We know what you want, Toby. - I want School Bombing. 239 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,839 - (laughter) - Not much doubt about morale here, eh? 240 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:49,843 It's funny when the killing starts. Some of them don't like it. 241 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:54,473 That's where you come in. I want you to set up an advanced area cricket pitch. 242 00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,392 Did you think you can do that? Can you read a map? 243 00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:00,687 239451 or thereabouts, near an oasis. 244 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,774 Get some grass if you can. Doesn't matter if you can't. 245 00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:07,069 I want it first class, and I want it in September. 246 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:12,032 That means you have three days from the time you land behind enemy lines. 247 00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:16,578 It's got to be a good pitch because a very important bod is going to see it. 248 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:20,499 - How much is she? - Does she take bully beef? 249 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:24,127 He's going to come up out of the torment of the noblest of games 250 00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:26,755 and hear the sharp click of leather on willow. 251 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,468 Ah, with his weary soldier boys. That'll show them, bring their tails up. 252 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:38,725 Show this very important bod just how high the British soldier can get his tail. 253 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:46,859 Yes, I want it first class and in three days. That doesn't give you much time. 254 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:50,112 I want you to go all out. Will you go all out for me? 255 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,906 Just remember my standing orders. Usual thing. 256 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:58,328 Let no man surrender if he is wounded and can fight. 257 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:01,415 - Need I say more? - No, sir. 258 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:05,335 And thank you, sir, for your faith. 259 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:12,885 I'll do what I can to tire her out, sir, so these young soldiers don't get hurt. 260 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:38,911 Hey, hey, hey. It's a dangerous job and it's an important job. 261 00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:41,788 The next three days are not going to be a picnic. 262 00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:46,668 I want you to come to me not only as a troop leader - and it is a good troop - 263 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,171 but also as a friend. 264 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:54,009 Should you have any doubts, problems, do not hesitate to come to me. 265 00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:59,681 I want you to feel you can come to me for help as you would your own father. 266 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,268 Hello, Dad, Mum's been looking all over the shop for you. 267 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,772 Back! Mines! 268 00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,983 Reverse engines! 269 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,152 (yells) 270 00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:16,823 Hard astern. 271 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,452 To me, sir! Troop! 272 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,750 Good job I saw that. Good job, eh? 273 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:31,338 Very heavily mined, you'll find, I'm sure. We're best out of here. 274 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,884 To me. 275 00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:52,484 Rally to me, Third Troop. 276 00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:55,779 If it is humanly possible. 277 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,658 I shouldn't be left on my own. 278 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,661 I can't win a war on my own. 279 00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:06,206 I'm rather too young. 280 00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:13,881 I feel I'm folding up like a telescope. 281 00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:24,975 I hold the DSO. I do hold the DSO, after all. 282 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,441 - Commando? - No. 283 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,902 On your feet. 284 00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,662 (speaks German) 285 00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,217 Come inside. 286 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:16,443 You are Number 1331490? 287 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:22,074 Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody of His Majesty's Brigade of Musketeers. 288 00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,952 Huh? Educated at Wellington and Marlborough. 289 00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:29,915 Before the war, a solicitor in the firm of Nicholas, Collins & Osgood. 290 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,627 - Am I right? - No. Sir. 291 00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:36,630 The name is right, but all the rest is wrong. 292 00:21:40,843 --> 00:21:43,846 Oh, well, just a guess. We are not all supermen. 293 00:21:47,975 --> 00:21:49,560 (whistles) 294 00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:57,734 Home is favourite. You wouldn't want us making a nuisance of ourselves out there. 295 00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:00,070 - Use your initiative. - I ain't got none. 296 00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:04,158 - Come on. Off, Pongo. - Matelot! Whose bloody side are you on? 297 00:22:04,283 --> 00:22:10,038 It's a great gamble for a great stake and I pray to God that it comes off. 298 00:22:10,164 --> 00:22:14,209 - I like a game of cricket myself. - Don't you know there's a war on, jack? 299 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:18,172 Oh, come on, don't give me that. The sea has always bred heroes. 300 00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:23,635 At the battle of Trafalgar, one of the French captains had both legs blown off. 301 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,389 - And he directed his men to the end. - I'll see what I can do for you. 302 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:33,937 - More than my job's worth. - Mount, come on. Juldi/ Drivers, start up! 303 00:22:35,731 --> 00:22:42,154 We do have some drivers, don't we? Well, who drove them on? I did. 304 00:22:45,991 --> 00:22:51,163 Clutch in, move gear, pedal down, clutch out, now all together. 305 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:55,709 (all) Clutch in, move gear, pedal down, clutch out. 306 00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,842 Very good. 307 00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:21,860 Come on, come on. Give me some speed. Put that brake on. 308 00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:26,782 Clutch. Don't get too near the man in front. 309 00:23:26,907 --> 00:23:28,575 It's working. 310 00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:31,787 It this absolutely North Africa? 311 00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,289 Because I'd like you to have my best boots. 312 00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:39,086 I don't want your best boots. Gear in. Accelerator down. Best boots(!) 313 00:23:39,211 --> 00:23:43,966 No, they're good lads. They'd follow you anywhere. 314 00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:47,803 Hark at them, gazing on me with their trusting little eyes. 315 00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:49,930 - Sir. - Shufty. 316 00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:54,810 My feet's wet, sir. Sir, my feet's wet. 317 00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:58,939 - It's disgusting. They are manky. - Well, they're yours. 318 00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:02,234 - You gave them toys. - Yours. 319 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,529 I haven't been able to command respect since before the war. 320 00:24:05,654 --> 00:24:09,658 Right, stop! Stop! 321 00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:13,120 Stop! 322 00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:16,748 Then they're Mr Goodbody's, who we seem to have mislaid. 323 00:24:16,874 --> 00:24:21,545 We'll do our best to find him. I'm gonna shoot the bleeder, dropping me in it. 324 00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:24,631 Out, Gripweed. Handbrake on. 325 00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:26,383 Come here. 326 00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:29,303 - Is your feet, Gripweed, wet? - No. 327 00:24:29,428 --> 00:24:32,514 You're giving me lies. Goodbody will want to see your feet. 328 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:36,435 - They dried. - Then you best get them wet again. Move! 329 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,645 - At the double. - At the double. 330 00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:42,357 - Anybody else? - Left, right, left, right... 331 00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:45,068 - (horn) - Sarge! 332 00:24:45,194 --> 00:24:48,322 (horn blares) 333 00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,036 I'll teach you to try to put the blame on me. 334 00:24:54,161 --> 00:24:57,372 That was a nasty moment. Right, all together now. 335 00:24:57,498 --> 00:25:02,628 - Mr Goodbody, sir. - (all) Mr Goodbody, sir. 336 00:25:02,753 --> 00:25:07,841 (all) Mr Goodbody! Mr Goodbody, sir! 337 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:18,101 Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe... 338 00:25:20,604 --> 00:25:23,065 Netting call, net now. 339 00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:26,985 Seen any Musketeers swanning about, trooper? 340 00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:29,154 Come here. 341 00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:32,241 Come here. 342 00:25:32,366 --> 00:25:39,498 All stations, report my signal. Peter Nan Oboe... Peter Nan Oboe... 343 00:25:42,209 --> 00:25:45,671 Fourth Muskets, aren't you? Been expecting you. 344 00:25:45,796 --> 00:25:48,924 - Blue, white and two reds. - I'm green, green, green, sir. 345 00:25:49,049 --> 00:25:51,218 Oh, I know you are. 346 00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:54,555 Well, keep out of my way until the pitch is ready to play. 347 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,767 Peter Nan Oboe... Hello, all stations, report my signal. 348 00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:01,478 - Where are they? - Who, sir? 349 00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:07,401 - The Bedoo, my wily Arabs. - I've lost contact with my men too, sir. 350 00:26:07,526 --> 00:26:10,195 - Oh, brew, sir? - Treating them right? No! 351 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,448 - They think the world of me. - They should be up here then. 352 00:26:13,574 --> 00:26:17,286 - No brew. - Bum on. On to Tripoli. 353 00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:19,454 Uh... 354 00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,707 - Come on. - I was wondering, sir, a lift. 355 00:26:22,666 --> 00:26:24,710 Sir... I... 356 00:26:29,798 --> 00:26:31,842 Bum on. Bum on. 357 00:26:53,906 --> 00:26:58,327 - Oh, it's gonna hurt, Flo. - Damn, damn! 358 00:27:00,162 --> 00:27:04,291 Get me another vehicle. Come on, come on, come on. 359 00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:08,921 - Ah! - I'll take one of yours. Come on, come on! 360 00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:13,884 - Come on, come on! - Where've you been? 361 00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:17,596 Get out. Come on, come on. 362 00:27:17,721 --> 00:27:19,765 Get out. 363 00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:24,269 Looking after their feet, are you, boy? See they get plenty of tea. 364 00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:29,358 Curious thing, that, give the British soldier plenty of tea, and he'll die for you. 365 00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:33,862 Of course, I'm a poet. I expect things. I love the desert. 366 00:27:33,987 --> 00:27:38,450 You took me for an ignorant old fire-eater. No. I'm sleeping with the desert. 367 00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:43,956 Not unusual. Pat a white rump in the desert and you'll startle an Englishman. 368 00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:45,874 The Englishman loves the desert. 369 00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:49,002 - You? - I'm trying, sir. 370 00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:54,258 Er, I play the piano. Not boasting. Just a fact, that's all. Working class. 371 00:27:54,383 --> 00:27:59,096 I think you should. Look after their feet, boy. They can't be trusted with their feet. 372 00:27:59,221 --> 00:28:02,766 Feet and brew-ups and you'll find you can do anything with him. 373 00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:07,020 Keep a tight rein on his habits. Those of a pig, mostly. 374 00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:12,109 But even a pig has his moment. Carries the blue ribbon. Don't despise your men. 375 00:28:12,234 --> 00:28:15,237 They've given me a good life so don't despise them. Here. 376 00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:17,906 Share these out amongst them. 377 00:28:20,784 --> 00:28:25,122 - Remember me, Grapple of the Bedoo. - I won't bloody remember you. 378 00:28:26,623 --> 00:28:30,419 - He used to be a fascist, sir. - It takes all sorts. 379 00:28:30,544 --> 00:28:34,673 Fascism is something you grow out of. I tried to change the world myself. 380 00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:39,136 Doesn't do. I wouldn't think anything of you if you hadn't been a fascist. 381 00:28:39,261 --> 00:28:42,139 Keep them at it so they don't have time for dirty things. 382 00:28:42,264 --> 00:28:45,392 Come on, young fella, you've only got three more days. 383 00:28:45,517 --> 00:28:47,561 No time for poetry. 384 00:28:51,106 --> 00:28:54,735 (bugle) 385 00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:59,781 - There goes a very gallant gentleman. - Oh, I know, sir, like you, sir. 386 00:28:59,907 --> 00:29:03,535 Thank you, sir, for not holding fascism against me. 387 00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:08,874 I was a great mate of Mosley's. I held his voice for him while he lost his meetings. 388 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,087 Hey, hey, I'd just like to say a few words. 389 00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:23,347 Move, now. I want to say how pleased I am... 390 00:29:26,517 --> 00:29:28,560 How pleased I was 391 00:29:28,685 --> 00:29:35,400 when I heard that I was going to lead you on this dangerous and important task. 392 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:43,367 I've always thought that when the time came, we'd all get on splendidly together. 393 00:29:43,492 --> 00:29:45,828 Bravery, things like that. 394 00:29:45,953 --> 00:29:48,413 (yells) 395 00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:54,044 When I was told I was to be your troop leader, I had a little weep and a laugh. 396 00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:57,840 I do know we're all going to get on splendidly together. 397 00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:02,135 - You play ball with me... - (men) And I'll play ball with you. 398 00:30:02,261 --> 00:30:05,514 (all) You do your bit and I'll do mine. 399 00:30:05,639 --> 00:30:07,975 We're all members of the same team, 400 00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:13,897 each playing our part in the fight for freedom and democracy. 401 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:21,947 Never surrender. Work hard. Train hard. Play hard. And kill hard. 402 00:30:22,072 --> 00:30:23,949 Don't take it too hard. 403 00:30:24,867 --> 00:30:30,414 (Grapple) Look after your lads. They're no good to me if their feet aren't up to snuff. 404 00:30:35,627 --> 00:30:37,504 It hurts, Flo. 405 00:30:37,629 --> 00:30:42,634 It is impossible to tell all the touching and heroic stories of courage and patience... 406 00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:47,139 - It hurts, Flo. - Run them under the cold tap, love. 407 00:31:08,327 --> 00:31:10,829 It is indeed a lovely sight. 408 00:31:10,954 --> 00:31:13,832 Thank you, sir, it is my best part. 409 00:31:13,957 --> 00:31:17,211 - Corporal of Musket! - Can I put my shirt on now, sir? 410 00:31:17,336 --> 00:31:22,090 Have you seen it? It is indeed a lovely sight. 411 00:31:22,216 --> 00:31:24,092 Corporal of Musket, look at it. 412 00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:26,136 Will you be available for stag, sir? 413 00:31:26,261 --> 00:31:31,016 If you will be taking your turn on guard, I'd suggest first stag and me on last, 414 00:31:31,141 --> 00:31:36,438 making sure you was fresh for command on the off at the most likely times. 415 00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:41,902 Pro tem, you can say no, I'll have you down for mine being off at the first light. 416 00:31:42,027 --> 00:31:44,279 Think we ought to green, green, green? 417 00:31:44,404 --> 00:31:48,951 - Not unless you want bang, bang, bang. - In the sky? Send up the Union Jack! 418 00:31:49,076 --> 00:31:50,994 White and two reds... 419 00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:54,873 That's very like the Colonel, which reminds me... 420 00:31:54,998 --> 00:31:59,586 If you do take a stag, sir, that's one hour each, unless you keep the wireless open, 421 00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:02,214 making the operator unavailable for guard. 422 00:32:02,339 --> 00:32:06,009 - That's me. - Wireless silence, Corporal of Musket. 423 00:32:06,134 --> 00:32:08,887 What have we got a wireless for, then? 424 00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:14,893 We can't have wireless silence without a wireless, can we, Spool? 425 00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:17,145 Do come in, Corporal of Musket. 426 00:32:18,689 --> 00:32:25,237 Of course I'll take my turn. That goes without saying. Put me down for last stag. 427 00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:29,032 - Gripweed. - Sir? 428 00:32:29,158 --> 00:32:31,285 Green, green, green. 429 00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:35,873 Well, our officer calls me up and he says, "Musketeer Gripweed..." 430 00:32:35,998 --> 00:32:39,334 He was a tall chap. Some would call him weedy. I did. 431 00:32:39,459 --> 00:32:43,922 He said to me, and bear in mind we were a few hundred miles behind enemy lines, 432 00:32:44,047 --> 00:32:46,466 "Green, green, green" so I did. 433 00:32:48,177 --> 00:32:50,679 (shots) 434 00:32:50,804 --> 00:32:53,223 What...? 435 00:32:53,348 --> 00:32:56,602 (speaks German) 436 00:33:00,856 --> 00:33:03,400 Gr�n, gr�n, gr�n? Weg/ 437 00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:08,155 These were given to me by a very gallant gentleman. 438 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,285 - I want to see all feet before we move. - I think that was a mistake, sir. 439 00:33:15,746 --> 00:33:19,958 Why, Corporal Dooley? Have they been neglecting their feet? 440 00:33:20,083 --> 00:33:23,420 - Have you? - Get away from those vehicles. 441 00:33:37,184 --> 00:33:38,769 (shouts) 442 00:33:59,540 --> 00:34:01,583 (explosion) 443 00:34:04,211 --> 00:34:06,755 Dooley, hitch that roller up. 444 00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:13,882 - That's a relief. - (all) That's a relief. 445 00:36:14,007 --> 00:36:16,552 - Is this still North Africa? - What? 446 00:36:16,677 --> 00:36:18,262 Brew-up, sir? 447 00:36:18,428 --> 00:36:22,641 You see why those lorries burnt so well and exploded - nay, came apart - 448 00:36:22,766 --> 00:36:26,603 that's petrol and lubricants, which is very difficult to get in war. 449 00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:30,732 - Not for the British army. Or doctors. - Right. 450 00:36:32,568 --> 00:36:36,446 All we're getting on with now is casualties. Report me casualties. 451 00:36:36,572 --> 00:36:38,532 Ammo, water, petrol remaining. 452 00:36:38,657 --> 00:36:43,370 One, have we got enough to get to the oasis - which we will - is a point? 453 00:36:43,495 --> 00:36:45,622 Two days, Corporal of Musket. 454 00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:49,168 Two, dip for remaining fuel, Corporal Dooley. 455 00:36:49,293 --> 00:36:51,336 What's this? 456 00:36:54,673 --> 00:36:57,634 That's a coward, sir. We were bound to have one. 457 00:36:57,759 --> 00:37:00,470 You can tell by the sweat and the mess on his uniform. 458 00:37:00,596 --> 00:37:05,058 - Not a pretty sight, is he, sir? - He's taking all his clothes off. 459 00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,646 Now, stop this. That. 460 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,067 - Will you take my horse, sir? - (canned laughter) 461 00:37:14,193 --> 00:37:17,696 Take no large notice, sir. He is working what is known as ticket. 462 00:37:17,821 --> 00:37:19,323 It keeps the lads amused. 463 00:37:19,448 --> 00:37:21,366 Pick those bits up, Gripweed. 464 00:37:21,492 --> 00:37:24,828 - Where's your tin hat, Juniper? - Losing by neglect, sir. 465 00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:28,582 If I catch you without it again, I'll ram it down your throat. 466 00:37:28,707 --> 00:37:31,084 Losing one mess tin. 467 00:37:31,210 --> 00:37:34,254 - Did you have your name on it? - Scratched on. 468 00:37:34,379 --> 00:37:37,090 - Pull these men together. - Scratched on? 469 00:37:37,216 --> 00:37:40,219 - Scored it. - You disfigured government property? 470 00:37:40,344 --> 00:37:44,348 Six days Royal Warrant. March him off, Musket Major. Two men. 471 00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:50,896 You ought to camouflage up, sir, or get the scrim up if you're stopping. 472 00:37:51,021 --> 00:37:55,108 Us in our vest are exposed to all manner of nastiness. 473 00:37:55,234 --> 00:37:58,570 I'm going to explode, but I won't. 474 00:37:58,695 --> 00:38:00,864 I think the roller, don't you? 475 00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:05,828 - Bayonet. Where's your bayonet? - Must have left it sticking in the enemy. 476 00:38:05,953 --> 00:38:08,288 - Where's your spur? - Left it in the horse. 477 00:38:08,413 --> 00:38:11,917 - Two men. - (canned laughter continues) 478 00:38:16,129 --> 00:38:19,883 - There, on the end of my finger. - Finger? 479 00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:24,096 - Musketeer Juniper, where's your finger? - Left it up the Khyber Pass. 480 00:38:24,221 --> 00:38:29,476 Self-inflicted injury. March him off, Musket Major. Wait for it! 481 00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:31,645 Two men. 482 00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:39,069 I'm going away. I'm going to walk a few paces backwards. 483 00:38:40,487 --> 00:38:45,367 And I'm going to take a bearing, out of earshot. 484 00:38:45,492 --> 00:38:49,079 I am... right now. 485 00:38:49,204 --> 00:38:55,169 Me. And when I get back, I want that man in there out of there... 486 00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:59,756 where I command from, with all his clothes on. 487 00:38:59,882 --> 00:39:03,260 And I want the roller limbered up for moving. 488 00:39:03,385 --> 00:39:06,013 With all his clothes on. 489 00:39:06,138 --> 00:39:08,182 PDQ. 490 00:39:10,309 --> 00:39:12,769 - That's a relief. - That's a relief. 491 00:39:12,895 --> 00:39:15,230 Excuse me, sir. Sorry, sir. 492 00:39:16,857 --> 00:39:19,443 That's a relief. 493 00:39:19,568 --> 00:39:21,612 Two men. 494 00:39:26,033 --> 00:39:28,076 Mount! 495 00:39:29,578 --> 00:39:32,539 - It's for your own good, lad. - Let me out. 496 00:39:32,664 --> 00:39:34,708 Let me out. 497 00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:41,632 - Will you put this on? - No. Bloody let me out. 498 00:39:47,846 --> 00:39:51,350 I wish I had 20 like you, Corporal Dooley. 499 00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,023 Do you think you ought to go sick? 500 00:40:01,151 --> 00:40:02,611 Driver, advance. 501 00:40:05,697 --> 00:40:08,992 (theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia") 502 00:40:48,657 --> 00:40:53,162 Get your cable out, Gripweed. Get this half-track back. 503 00:40:53,287 --> 00:40:55,747 Drogue, records for the regimental magazine. 504 00:40:55,873 --> 00:40:58,792 Right reverse. Come on. 505 00:40:58,917 --> 00:41:02,588 Back, back, back, back. Right! 506 00:41:02,713 --> 00:41:04,756 Come on, hitch it on. 507 00:41:09,928 --> 00:41:13,640 Cable attached, Gripweed? Right, forward. 508 00:41:22,316 --> 00:41:25,068 Sorry, the gears look all alike. 509 00:41:30,199 --> 00:41:32,242 Smile, please. 510 00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:51,053 - That's a relief. - That's a relief. 511 00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:56,725 Dig the officer out. 512 00:42:06,193 --> 00:42:08,946 (theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia") 513 00:42:25,087 --> 00:42:28,131 - Brew-up, sir? - I think so, yes. 514 00:42:37,891 --> 00:42:41,186 Can you read a map, Corporal of Musket? 515 00:42:44,648 --> 00:42:47,651 This is the Via Balbia. 516 00:42:47,776 --> 00:42:50,529 Now, there is where... 517 00:42:50,654 --> 00:42:54,700 There... we get our petrol from. 518 00:42:54,825 --> 00:43:01,165 - We take it from a German petrol dump. - Very good, sir. 519 00:43:03,792 --> 00:43:05,586 That man, stand still. 520 00:43:07,212 --> 00:43:09,173 - Clapper. - Me? 521 00:43:09,298 --> 00:43:11,758 You're improperly dressed. 522 00:43:14,386 --> 00:43:18,849 - Best boots in for repair, sir? - Do your button up, lad. You're idle. 523 00:43:18,974 --> 00:43:22,477 - Oh, ta. - Entertaining the troops. 524 00:43:22,603 --> 00:43:28,108 My wife - large girl - works in a caff. Biggest chips in the business. 525 00:43:28,734 --> 00:43:31,820 There have been too many unwounded prisoners taken. 526 00:43:31,945 --> 00:43:35,365 Don't let it happen again. Cut your throats next time. 527 00:43:35,491 --> 00:43:40,329 Talking of throats, my wife. I took her to the station to see the engines shunt. 528 00:43:40,454 --> 00:43:44,833 Christmas, lovely girl, do you know what she had in her stocking? 529 00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:47,002 Legs, all the way up. 530 00:43:49,004 --> 00:43:51,548 - He's mad. - No, he's not, sir. 531 00:43:51,673 --> 00:43:53,759 Working his ticket. It's inevitable. 532 00:43:53,884 --> 00:43:58,972 You, when you find yourself surrounded by the enemy with no hope of survival, 533 00:43:59,097 --> 00:44:02,851 you must organise yourself into a defensive locality and hold out. 534 00:44:02,976 --> 00:44:03,894 I will. 535 00:44:04,019 --> 00:44:07,814 By doing so, you will add enormously to the enemy's difficulties. 536 00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:11,443 I'd like to add to the enormous enemy... I've never been a bother. 537 00:44:11,568 --> 00:44:15,823 You will also save yourself spending the rest of the war years in the bag. 538 00:44:15,948 --> 00:44:23,080 I mean, the box. Prisoner-of-war camp. Sitting there, going... (repeated ticks) 539 00:44:28,168 --> 00:44:33,048 Let us go into the ring in this, our first round, 540 00:44:33,173 --> 00:44:38,720 with the light of battle in our eyes and the strength of the righteous in our hearts. 541 00:44:38,846 --> 00:44:41,265 - He's not mad. - Yes, he is, sir. 542 00:44:41,390 --> 00:44:43,684 Keep the first three rows for the officers. 543 00:44:43,809 --> 00:44:47,479 - Sir. Tea, sir? Thank you, sir, tea, sir. - (Juniper) Take my wife. 544 00:44:47,604 --> 00:44:53,819 You, the commanding officer! You look as if you're suffering from bottle fatigue. 545 00:44:56,238 --> 00:44:59,158 - The man's mad, eh? - No, he's not, sir. 546 00:44:59,283 --> 00:45:02,619 Working his ticket. Put him somewhere, he might cop one. 547 00:45:02,744 --> 00:45:06,415 - I want to fight. - Good lad. 548 00:45:06,540 --> 00:45:09,960 Is that a linear belt? It's very nice. 549 00:45:10,752 --> 00:45:14,882 Yes, well. Put some clothes on and we'll see, eh? 550 00:45:16,550 --> 00:45:20,721 Ah! This damn sand. When will it ever end? 551 00:45:23,765 --> 00:45:29,313 You see, the thing about fighting a desert war is that it is a clean war. 552 00:45:29,438 --> 00:45:34,735 Without brutality. Clean-limbed, without dishonourable actions on either side. 553 00:45:34,860 --> 00:45:39,156 Number 18, concerning the weather. 554 00:45:39,281 --> 00:45:45,454 What wretched, filthy, glorious, disappointing weather we are having. 555 00:45:46,205 --> 00:45:51,627 And there are no civilians in the desert. Except me. I'm a civilian. 556 00:45:54,129 --> 00:45:57,090 But what am I then? 557 00:45:57,216 --> 00:46:02,429 Well, try as I may, I can't see you queuing for a number eight bus, 558 00:46:02,554 --> 00:46:05,516 jingling your fourpence. 559 00:46:05,641 --> 00:46:07,976 That's because I'm German. 560 00:46:08,852 --> 00:46:10,896 (speaking German) 561 00:46:17,027 --> 00:46:19,488 I think you are a civilian. 562 00:46:19,613 --> 00:46:22,950 Yes, certainly I am. Don't be put off by the clothes we wear. 563 00:46:23,075 --> 00:46:25,369 We only wear these for fighting in. 564 00:46:25,494 --> 00:46:29,122 I expect I've grown out of my Harris tweeds by now. 565 00:46:29,248 --> 00:46:33,335 Putting it that way, I think we all are. 566 00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:39,508 Yes, I think underneath we are all blameless. 567 00:46:39,633 --> 00:46:45,472 - Hey, Franz, you are a civilian. - A civilian? 568 00:46:45,597 --> 00:46:49,685 "Thank Christ for that" he said, laying down his rifle and going home, 569 00:46:49,810 --> 00:46:54,481 so helping to perpetuate the dangerous myth that soldiers don't like war. 570 00:46:54,606 --> 00:46:56,650 Which they do. 571 00:47:00,737 --> 00:47:06,743 It's a strange thought to think that this will be the last world war fought by civilians. 572 00:47:06,869 --> 00:47:08,829 I find it strange. 573 00:47:08,954 --> 00:47:11,790 It'll make a nice change to stick a bayonet into a chap 574 00:47:11,915 --> 00:47:14,793 rather than a rotten old sandbag. 575 00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:18,213 You'll be all right, lad. 576 00:47:19,756 --> 00:47:24,845 I'm not going. Let him nick his own petrol. I've got a young wife. 577 00:47:24,970 --> 00:47:27,014 (all mutter) 578 00:47:27,723 --> 00:47:32,311 - Now, see, lads, there's more to it, eh? - (discontent increases) 579 00:47:32,436 --> 00:47:36,899 There's lots of satisfaction to be had out of the anticipation. 580 00:47:37,024 --> 00:47:42,446 There's lots of fun and letting off steam. It's not all death. 581 00:47:42,571 --> 00:47:45,657 There's lots of fun to be had out of other things as well. 582 00:47:45,782 --> 00:47:48,660 Now, come on, let's take a look at you. 583 00:47:48,785 --> 00:47:51,330 - (clamour) - Hang on a minute. 584 00:47:51,455 --> 00:47:54,166 Can't let you down with dirty nails, can we? 585 00:47:54,291 --> 00:47:56,877 Right. Crews front. Get fell in. 586 00:47:57,002 --> 00:47:59,046 (shouting) 587 00:48:02,007 --> 00:48:06,094 - Don't say or tell them anything. - My wife is young. 588 00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:08,680 If you say anything, whisper, so they won't know. 589 00:48:08,805 --> 00:48:13,185 - Happy, shed a tear, entertained. - I haven't got a wife yet. I've never done it. 590 00:48:13,310 --> 00:48:19,233 I'll stick my bayonet up the jacksy of the first who talks loud of love and wives 591 00:48:19,358 --> 00:48:21,318 and children - I've got children. 592 00:48:21,443 --> 00:48:25,197 I play the piano. I'm not fighting this war for them. 593 00:48:25,322 --> 00:48:29,660 Now, then, first one to look wonky will get my boot up his dirtbox. 594 00:48:29,785 --> 00:48:33,121 I die now in North Africa. I've been crying, telling you. 595 00:48:33,247 --> 00:48:36,792 Don't ask, don't threaten, don't plead, keep it shut. 596 00:48:36,917 --> 00:48:41,964 - I'm not a thief. - Now, then, you're all clean for gangrene. 597 00:48:42,089 --> 00:48:46,134 Don't loose me down. If we should be stonked, get away from the vehicles. 598 00:48:46,260 --> 00:48:49,137 I want to see you back here, clean, bright and spent. 599 00:48:49,263 --> 00:48:53,517 Keep it wrapped, don't do anything I wouldn't. There's transport if you want it. 600 00:48:53,642 --> 00:48:56,353 If you're picked up, tell them you're a Guardsman. 601 00:48:56,478 --> 00:48:59,148 Hands out of your pockets. Top hats will not be worn. 602 00:48:59,273 --> 00:49:05,654 No fish and chips in uniform. Parade... Parade, turn. 603 00:49:09,575 --> 00:49:15,873 - Parade ready for your inspection, sir. - Thank you, Corporal of Musket. 604 00:49:17,916 --> 00:49:22,296 - Musketeer Drogue, isn't it? - I'd like you to have my blessing. 605 00:49:22,421 --> 00:49:26,425 Don't worry too much. Very good turnout. 606 00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:29,761 There's been marvellous advances in surgery, thanks to war. 607 00:49:29,887 --> 00:49:33,682 - Well done, Musketeer Drogue. Black up. - (quacks) 608 00:49:33,807 --> 00:49:35,601 You can't make me fight. 609 00:49:35,726 --> 00:49:40,689 No, but we can put you where your decision might prove fatal. Pieces of jam. 610 00:49:40,814 --> 00:49:42,774 Right, mount. 611 00:49:44,526 --> 00:49:49,490 I don't know your name but I'd like you to have my camera. 612 00:49:50,491 --> 00:49:56,246 Orders, information enemy, nil. Information own troops. We are... 613 00:49:56,371 --> 00:50:02,336 (all) Third Troop of the Fourth Muskets acting in an independent role as infantry, 614 00:50:02,461 --> 00:50:07,216 lorried behind the enemy lines with sports equipment. 615 00:50:29,279 --> 00:50:30,948 (Goodbody) Intention. 616 00:50:31,073 --> 00:50:34,743 (all) We shall, under cover of darkness, 617 00:50:34,868 --> 00:50:40,916 occupy a position overlooking the enemy encampment. 618 00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:48,924 We will then attack and destroy the enemy for his petrol. 619 00:50:49,967 --> 00:50:54,429 I spy with my little eye something beginning with G. 620 00:50:59,518 --> 00:51:03,856 Method. Corporal Dooley, with one LMG, will move forward to high ground 621 00:51:03,981 --> 00:51:06,191 at 1.00 o'clock from my present position. 622 00:51:06,316 --> 00:51:09,027 (all) The rest of the troop, under my command, 623 00:51:09,153 --> 00:51:15,659 will crawl to a point - figures - 100 yards in front of the objective 624 00:51:15,784 --> 00:51:20,205 where they will wait for the LMG to get into position. 625 00:51:20,330 --> 00:51:26,712 The signal for the LMG to open fire shall be green, green, green. 626 00:51:26,837 --> 00:51:31,717 The LMG shall cease firing when the main attack is mounted 627 00:51:31,842 --> 00:51:37,306 and is within - figures - 50 yards of the objective. 628 00:51:37,431 --> 00:51:42,686 We will consolidate on the objective. We shall not take prisoners. 629 00:51:42,811 --> 00:51:46,148 If we pull together, with true British pluck and team spirit, 630 00:51:46,273 --> 00:51:50,569 we shall, with the help of the Almighty God of battles, 631 00:51:50,694 --> 00:51:53,572 win his just victory over the forces of evil. 632 00:51:53,697 --> 00:51:57,409 Good luck. I'm a little duck so let's get quacking into battle. 633 00:51:57,534 --> 00:51:59,203 - Come on. - Eh? 634 00:51:59,328 --> 00:52:02,456 Who's the Almighty God of battles? Jesus, is it? 635 00:52:02,581 --> 00:52:05,542 That's right. It will be. Jesus. 636 00:52:05,667 --> 00:52:08,962 Clapper, I'd like you to have my watch. 637 00:52:41,203 --> 00:52:43,247 (shouting in German) 638 00:53:36,425 --> 00:53:39,761 Command, forward! 639 00:53:45,434 --> 00:53:48,645 Come on! Come on! 640 00:53:58,030 --> 00:53:59,448 Forward! 641 00:53:59,573 --> 00:54:01,325 (Goodbody) Follow me! 642 00:54:15,881 --> 00:54:18,425 (speaking German) 643 00:54:39,822 --> 00:54:41,782 (shouting in German) 644 00:55:15,649 --> 00:55:19,027 Where are you going, lad? Why don't you make the best of it? 645 00:55:19,153 --> 00:55:22,406 It can be fun. Some have the best of their life in the army. 646 00:55:22,531 --> 00:55:25,325 (screaming/canned laughter) 647 00:56:07,242 --> 00:56:10,704 A rout! A disgraceful rout. 648 00:56:10,829 --> 00:56:15,125 Get fell in. Let's see your bayonets. Have them out, have them out. 649 00:56:15,250 --> 00:56:18,337 Why are you laughing, Drogue? Wipe that smile off your face. 650 00:56:18,462 --> 00:56:20,714 Let's see 'em, at the end of your hype - 651 00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:23,592 not waving about like a hampton searching for a hand. 652 00:56:23,717 --> 00:56:27,471 What do we wear in our caps? Does it need cleaning, Juniper? 653 00:56:27,596 --> 00:56:30,182 - Yes, it does. - Look at them all, shining bright. 654 00:56:30,307 --> 00:56:34,937 Fancy me fighting filthy like that. An old chubby duster like me. 655 00:56:35,062 --> 00:56:39,817 Might have got gangrene from that. I'll have it out with my servant. 656 00:56:39,942 --> 00:56:44,321 Filthy! Get a tube, siphon petrol from the gin palace and fill up the half-track. 657 00:56:44,446 --> 00:56:47,866 - That's you out of mischief. - Look at them all, shining bright. 658 00:56:47,991 --> 00:56:51,787 - I want them stinking. - Corporal of Musket. 659 00:56:54,957 --> 00:56:57,000 Condensed milk. 660 00:56:58,460 --> 00:57:00,963 About all you're good for, sticking it in tins. 661 00:57:01,088 --> 00:57:06,510 Your badge represents the regiment and the regiment represents all of us. 662 00:57:06,635 --> 00:57:09,555 You, me, all of us here today. 663 00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,933 - A dirty badge is a disgrace. - They shouldn't be clean. 664 00:57:13,058 --> 00:57:15,894 Shining bright? Two days, for having a dirty bayonet. 665 00:57:16,019 --> 00:57:20,482 - They shouldn't be clean. - They should be sticky with blood. 666 00:57:20,607 --> 00:57:22,442 What did you return with? 667 00:57:22,568 --> 00:57:24,862 - I got some pretty things. - No, no. 668 00:57:24,987 --> 00:57:28,031 I want to see you coming back on the high port, grinning. 669 00:57:28,157 --> 00:57:31,201 With blood running down arms, dripping from elbows. 670 00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:34,246 I don't care whose blood it is. Stick it in your mate. 671 00:57:34,371 --> 00:57:38,041 Let's have it used. I hate waste. 672 00:57:38,167 --> 00:57:41,295 See. See mine. 673 00:57:44,006 --> 00:57:48,135 It represents your father, mine, his before that. 674 00:57:48,260 --> 00:57:51,305 It represents battles fought and won years ago. 675 00:57:51,430 --> 00:57:54,141 Battles fought so that we could live as we wanted to, 676 00:57:54,266 --> 00:57:56,894 long before the Americans were even thought of. 677 00:57:57,019 --> 00:58:01,899 They didn't invent living, you know. It represents tradition, Musketeer. 678 00:58:02,024 --> 00:58:05,319 And I for one won't stand for a dirty tradition. 679 00:58:05,444 --> 00:58:07,196 Get the nonsense out of them. 680 00:58:07,321 --> 00:58:10,782 I tried to get you interested. You'll have to learn the hard way. 681 00:58:10,908 --> 00:58:13,160 Squad, 'shun! 682 00:58:13,285 --> 00:58:15,329 High port. 683 00:58:15,454 --> 00:58:17,748 At the throat, point in! 684 00:58:17,873 --> 00:58:20,584 Out! En garde. Shout it, Clapper. 685 00:58:20,709 --> 00:58:24,838 - In, out, en garde! - Let's hear from you. 686 00:58:24,963 --> 00:58:27,549 Can I see you for a moment, personal, sir? 687 00:58:27,674 --> 00:58:30,719 - What? - It's the butcher this time, sir. 688 00:58:30,844 --> 00:58:33,931 With his steak and his mutton. She'll do anything for extra. 689 00:58:34,056 --> 00:58:37,392 (soldiers) Left nipple, right groin/ 690 00:58:37,518 --> 00:58:39,895 Left nipple, right groin/ 691 00:58:40,020 --> 00:58:44,399 Is it now the butcher which is carrying out intimacy at your home address? 692 00:58:44,525 --> 00:58:47,736 - (all) In, out, en garde. - Is it right, sir? 693 00:58:47,861 --> 00:58:50,572 - Is it right a butcher should... - (all) Whip it out! 694 00:58:50,697 --> 00:58:54,034 - (all) Whip it in! ...while her husband is away fighting? 695 00:58:54,159 --> 00:58:57,913 - (all) And wipe it. - At the throat, jab. Shout it, Clapper. 696 00:58:58,038 --> 00:59:00,749 At the throat, jab! 697 00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:04,628 At the throat, jab! At the throat, jab! 698 00:59:04,753 --> 00:59:08,090 - Kill him. Kill the bleeder. - At the throat, Gripweed! 699 00:59:08,215 --> 00:59:12,177 - How's this for openers? - (engine) 700 00:59:15,430 --> 00:59:17,516 Now, watch closely. 701 00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:22,896 I am about to demonstrate the correct use of the identification triangle. 702 00:59:24,857 --> 00:59:29,319 Oblique, middle and near east. Oblique, yellow. 703 00:59:32,072 --> 00:59:34,783 Each platoon, troop or tactical unit 704 00:59:34,908 --> 00:59:38,912 will detail one man to carry the triangle at all times. 705 00:59:39,037 --> 00:59:44,543 Now watch closely, Clapper, because in future you will be the triangle man. 706 00:59:45,544 --> 00:59:50,883 But any one of you might be called upon to be conversant with the triangle. 707 00:59:51,008 --> 00:59:53,635 So watch closely. You won't get another chance. 708 00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:58,056 It is tied under the chin, like so. 709 00:59:58,182 --> 01:00:00,934 On the approach of a friendly aircraft, 710 01:00:01,059 --> 01:00:07,608 the bearer stands in a prominent position and displays the triangle thus. 711 01:00:10,694 --> 01:00:13,447 - Where's the roller gone? - (machine gun) 712 01:00:14,781 --> 01:00:17,201 Gripweed, have you stolen the roller? 713 01:00:24,166 --> 01:00:26,418 Where's that roller gone? 714 01:00:26,877 --> 01:00:29,338 This is the last straw. 715 01:00:31,006 --> 01:00:35,928 That is it. No one move from this spot. 716 01:00:36,053 --> 01:00:41,308 There'll be no more leave, late-night passes until that roller is returned. 717 01:00:41,433 --> 01:00:45,187 I get you all clean, fit, ready for fighting and what do you do? 718 01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:50,275 There'll be no more privileges. I'll stop this petty thieving. 719 01:00:51,193 --> 01:00:55,155 And, Gripweed, what's more, who's had my Brylcreem? 720 01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:58,116 - You? - Never touch the stuff, I'm excused hair. 721 01:01:01,203 --> 01:01:07,334 There! Italian recreation eyeties! You can't put a bloody thing down. 722 01:01:07,459 --> 01:01:10,796 There is a code, you know. Scavengers. 723 01:01:21,765 --> 01:01:25,769 Sticks in my craw. I can take most things but stealing I draw the line at. 724 01:01:26,645 --> 01:01:29,898 Here we are, fighting the most desperate war in history, 725 01:01:30,023 --> 01:01:32,651 and a few wop adventurers act the giddy goat. 726 01:01:32,776 --> 01:01:36,363 I've seen your sort fumigated. If a wop can be fumigated. 727 01:01:36,488 --> 01:01:39,116 To think they once handed out ice cream wafers. 728 01:01:39,241 --> 01:01:42,911 To think you once handed out cornets on a Sunday afternoon. 729 01:01:43,036 --> 01:01:48,750 Is there no damn decency left in you? No respect for the property of others? 730 01:01:48,876 --> 01:01:52,754 Play your ridiculous game but don't expect us to take any notice of you. 731 01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:55,924 Grown men in shorts! I'm pretty incensed. 732 01:01:56,049 --> 01:01:58,635 It's one of the most shocking things in the war. 733 01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:02,598 It's a shame the Italian nation has to be brought into disrepute 734 01:02:02,723 --> 01:02:07,394 by the lunatic actions of a pitiful few fascist pimps. 735 01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:10,063 And let that be a lesson to you! 736 01:02:24,161 --> 01:02:26,330 (engine cuts out) 737 01:02:46,099 --> 01:02:49,728 Well done! Oh, very well done! 738 01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:52,481 - (cheering) - Italia/ 739 01:02:52,606 --> 01:02:57,194 The tide is turning. Our very first real victory. 740 01:02:57,319 --> 01:03:01,532 The beginning of the end for the Boche. I think the tide is turning. I do! 741 01:03:01,657 --> 01:03:03,992 You got him, Tranners! I do! 742 01:03:05,911 --> 01:03:10,040 - Wasn't he one of ours? - Here's one of mine. 743 01:03:10,165 --> 01:03:13,627 - Go on, get him. - Let that be a lesson to you. 744 01:03:13,752 --> 01:03:17,339 - Shoot your own officers. - You can't leave a thing lying around. 745 01:03:17,464 --> 01:03:22,511 There's nobody to be trusted in total war. Well done, though. 746 01:03:22,636 --> 01:03:29,268 Our first real victory. The writing on the wall. We're coming back, Adolf. 747 01:03:29,393 --> 01:03:31,270 The tide has turned. 748 01:03:31,395 --> 01:03:34,731 Come on, Gripweed. The army didn't bring you to admire the view. 749 01:03:34,857 --> 01:03:37,609 There's a job to be done and precious little time. 750 01:03:37,734 --> 01:03:41,822 You two check for damage. Juniper, put that petrol in the half-track. 751 01:03:41,947 --> 01:03:45,617 Empty your water bottles into the roller. We need the weight. 752 01:03:45,742 --> 01:03:47,911 Come on, Clapper, stop daydreaming. 753 01:03:48,036 --> 01:03:52,332 Tell the wife to drop the butcher and become a vegetarian. That's my advice. 754 01:03:52,457 --> 01:03:56,295 Thank you, sir. Thank you, you've saved my life again, sir. 755 01:03:56,420 --> 01:03:59,882 Then he won't be round tempting her with his buckshee mutton. 756 01:04:00,007 --> 01:04:04,469 Bloody waste of time. Soft git. 757 01:04:06,263 --> 01:04:11,643 I know it's a long way. I know it's not glamorous as a job. 758 01:04:11,768 --> 01:04:16,565 I know there are others doing jobs in this war that are more glamorous. 759 01:04:16,690 --> 01:04:19,776 But I had this promise. 760 01:04:19,902 --> 01:04:25,115 Some soldiers are going to come out of the din of battle and are going to thank us. 761 01:04:25,991 --> 01:04:31,288 If we can get our very small cricket pitch by first light tomorrow morning. 762 01:04:31,413 --> 01:04:33,790 Another 20 miles, that's all. 763 01:04:33,916 --> 01:04:36,210 If we can, 764 01:04:36,335 --> 01:04:39,338 they're going to look at our small patch of sanity 765 01:04:39,463 --> 01:04:42,591 and they're going to say it was worth it. 766 01:04:42,716 --> 01:04:47,971 They are, and then we... I have this promise. 767 01:04:48,096 --> 01:04:51,225 We can go and do stirring things. 768 01:04:51,350 --> 01:04:53,393 Bloody waste of... 769 01:05:03,695 --> 01:05:06,365 I'll stop this petty thieving. 770 01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:24,925 Petty thieving! 771 01:05:25,759 --> 01:05:30,097 Do you get much thievery, cowardice, things like that? 772 01:05:30,222 --> 01:05:32,266 No, no. 773 01:05:33,142 --> 01:05:37,020 Being in improper possession of a comrade's property. 774 01:05:37,146 --> 01:05:40,399 - Can't put a thing down. - No. 775 01:05:40,524 --> 01:05:44,444 On the whole, no thievery, no fibbing, no arguing with a superior officer, 776 01:05:44,570 --> 01:05:47,364 no treachery, no cowardice, not much rape. 777 01:05:47,489 --> 01:05:52,369 I don't countenance rape. No letting down of the boys. 778 01:05:52,494 --> 01:05:55,539 They'll have to put all that back. 779 01:05:55,664 --> 01:05:58,250 Most of us are artists. 780 01:06:00,669 --> 01:06:02,713 Ah! He's very good. 781 01:06:06,175 --> 01:06:10,888 Ah, look, they're going to blow up your geraniums. 782 01:06:11,013 --> 01:06:12,306 Oh, dear. 783 01:06:25,944 --> 01:06:29,031 (theme from "Lawrence Of Arabia") 784 01:07:02,439 --> 01:07:04,733 That's a relief. 785 01:07:04,858 --> 01:07:08,779 What's so damned important about a damned cricket pitch? 786 01:07:08,904 --> 01:07:12,699 I said, more to show that though I was an officer, 787 01:07:12,825 --> 01:07:16,703 I could understand the feelings of ordinary chaps like them. 788 01:07:16,829 --> 01:07:21,250 - But it isn't just a cricket pitch, is it? - It is. 789 01:07:21,375 --> 01:07:28,423 I'll tell you for why. Because it's a silly bloody silly cricket pitch is why. 790 01:07:28,549 --> 01:07:32,261 On. We'll find the bloody oasis ourselves. 791 01:07:38,517 --> 01:07:40,686 (German spoken in distance) 792 01:07:44,189 --> 01:07:47,526 (first voice) I'm going to be in the second battle of Alamein. 793 01:07:47,651 --> 01:07:50,696 (second voice) I'm going to be in the second battle of Alamein. 794 01:07:50,821 --> 01:07:53,198 I'm excused Alamein... for my feet. 795 01:07:53,323 --> 01:07:57,035 I suppose some form of National Socialism is inevitable after the war. 796 01:07:57,161 --> 01:08:00,497 (voices overlap and distort) 797 01:08:00,622 --> 01:08:03,834 - I'm going to be in the second battle... - That's the ticket. 798 01:08:03,959 --> 01:08:09,047 - It is good news, isn't it? - Congratulations. 799 01:08:09,715 --> 01:08:13,760 I don't half envy you. What you'll be able to tell your children. 800 01:08:14,678 --> 01:08:21,393 Come on, kids, Dad is going to tell us about the second battle of Alamein again. 801 01:08:27,774 --> 01:08:32,946 This is today, and I'm still alive today. My name is Henry Bridgehouse. 802 01:08:33,071 --> 01:08:37,951 I'm still thinking of you all, and so are you, I fondly hopes, alive, 803 01:08:38,076 --> 01:08:42,206 and all the kiddies still at home, to whom I send my very best. 804 01:08:42,331 --> 01:08:43,832 Is that all right? 805 01:08:43,957 --> 01:08:46,460 (whimpers) 806 01:08:46,585 --> 01:08:50,214 Any chance of another battle? It's high time. 807 01:08:50,339 --> 01:08:53,550 You're a great man, a very great man, but you are impatient. 808 01:08:53,675 --> 01:08:57,137 - I want a battle. - That is the way to lose battles. 809 01:08:57,262 --> 01:09:01,850 - I want a battle. - I'll tell you the sort of man I am. 810 01:09:01,975 --> 01:09:07,189 I am patient. At the second battle of Alamein, I shall be patient. 811 01:09:07,314 --> 01:09:10,567 I shall start the battle... here. 812 01:09:11,568 --> 01:09:15,113 And then I shall go to bed... there. 813 01:09:15,239 --> 01:09:19,034 That is the sort of man I am. Never fight battles when you're awake. 814 01:09:19,159 --> 01:09:21,829 That is the way to lose battles. 815 01:09:24,540 --> 01:09:26,834 Mines! Don't move. 816 01:09:32,047 --> 01:09:34,091 (screams) 817 01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:43,475 We've done it, lads! We've made it. 818 01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,061 Oh, well, done, Third Troop. 819 01:09:50,774 --> 01:09:53,068 They're very beautiful. 820 01:09:53,193 --> 01:09:56,822 What can be done with them in this world after the war is over? 821 01:09:57,906 --> 01:10:01,785 We're fighting against men inflicted with a terrible virus. 822 01:10:04,580 --> 01:10:10,419 Do push-ups. Clapper, on your belly. And it is a belly. I want you fit. 823 01:10:11,587 --> 01:10:16,049 I want 500 guns, 300 tanks, 200 aeroplanes. 824 01:10:16,175 --> 01:10:19,344 I'll tell you my plan. I hatched it in the lavatory. 825 01:10:19,469 --> 01:10:21,930 My plans are always hatched in lavatories. 826 01:10:22,055 --> 01:10:25,100 Pull the bleeding chain, then. 827 01:10:32,608 --> 01:10:35,486 - There's none in it. - Spool, no. Have some pride, lad. 828 01:10:35,611 --> 01:10:38,322 - I let it out. - Who took the water? 829 01:10:38,447 --> 01:10:41,492 Spool, I'm talking to you, lad. I can shoot you. 830 01:10:41,617 --> 01:10:44,411 A hole in your head. You'll die with your silly name. 831 01:10:44,536 --> 01:10:49,249 - I let it out so it would be lighter. - Shoot me, in my big toe. 832 01:10:49,374 --> 01:10:53,170 I can, you know, shoot you, and him. 833 01:10:53,295 --> 01:10:56,798 And you can, him. Put a round up him. All it needs. 834 01:10:56,924 --> 01:10:59,968 Come on, come on. Running on the spot. 835 01:11:00,093 --> 01:11:04,223 Begin! One, two, one, two... 836 01:11:04,348 --> 01:11:07,142 - Go on, Gripweed. - I can't, Tranny. 837 01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:10,562 Yes, you can. It's easy. 838 01:11:10,687 --> 01:11:17,861 It gets easier. That's the thing about it. The thing I hate more than anything else. 839 01:11:18,695 --> 01:11:21,657 I'm not going to be able to go home, you know. 840 01:11:21,782 --> 01:11:27,621 A lad I know saved a grenade at Dunkirk. Didn't drop it in the sandbag. 841 01:11:27,746 --> 01:11:31,750 Saved it, took it home and put in on his stomach, 842 01:11:31,875 --> 01:11:34,837 holding it between belly and thigh, and went to bed. 843 01:11:34,962 --> 01:11:37,214 Pin out, relaxed and died. 844 01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:40,551 It gets very easy. 845 01:11:42,386 --> 01:11:47,641 I can look at a man, dead, step over him ten times a day, going to the cookhouse. 846 01:11:47,766 --> 01:11:52,020 Not curious enough to turn him over and see his face. 847 01:11:52,146 --> 01:11:55,440 Front lying... down! 848 01:11:56,775 --> 01:11:58,819 I do blame them for that. 849 01:12:00,237 --> 01:12:02,281 This way, sir. 850 01:12:03,574 --> 01:12:05,617 I do blame them for that. 851 01:12:07,536 --> 01:12:12,833 I used to be put off my supper should I see a cat dead in the middle of the road. 852 01:12:12,958 --> 01:12:19,256 Or a bird, leave alone a man, though we didn't get much of that down our way. 853 01:12:20,090 --> 01:12:22,801 - So you can. - I won't, though. 854 01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:29,933 - That's different, won't. - This beats National Socialism, Gripweed! 855 01:12:30,058 --> 01:12:31,727 I am glad I won't. 856 01:12:31,852 --> 01:12:35,105 Don't move, sir, we're all in a minefield. 857 01:12:39,568 --> 01:12:43,739 It's a very simple plan. All my plans are simple plans. 858 01:12:43,864 --> 01:12:47,284 Look at Dieppe. That was simple. 859 01:12:47,409 --> 01:12:50,579 Wait until Arnhem. That's going to be simple. 860 01:12:50,704 --> 01:12:53,582 Gather your ammunition. Leave your packs by the roller. 861 01:12:53,707 --> 01:12:57,127 - And have them whipped? - No, Gripweed is coming with us. 862 01:12:57,252 --> 01:13:00,506 I'm simple. Gather round me. Can you hear me at the back? 863 01:13:00,631 --> 01:13:02,466 - Hi-de-hi! - Ho-de-ho! 864 01:13:02,591 --> 01:13:05,052 Has he sent you any water, has he? 865 01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:09,389 That man. Corporal of Musket, stop that man making an ass of himself. 866 01:13:09,515 --> 01:13:13,644 Get all 500 guns and fire them in the same place to blow the daylights out of them. 867 01:13:13,769 --> 01:13:16,814 - Hold still, Spool. - Fill your bottles from the roller. 868 01:13:16,939 --> 01:13:20,734 - Give him a drink, Corporal of Musket. - There's none in there. 869 01:13:20,859 --> 01:13:24,905 - My God, the roller. Get it in the shade. - I thought it would be lighter. 870 01:13:25,030 --> 01:13:30,452 Come on, lad. We'll get some water when we capture the oasis. Lashings of water. 871 01:13:30,577 --> 01:13:34,248 We'll send you chaps in with 200 tanks going like bats out of hell. 872 01:13:34,373 --> 01:13:38,001 You've seen enough now. Off you go, there's good chaps. Hold his head. 873 01:13:38,126 --> 01:13:43,215 Just who could play a trick like that? At the best, it's rank inefficiency. 874 01:13:43,340 --> 01:13:46,260 - Me! - Who took my man's water? I want water. 875 01:13:46,385 --> 01:13:48,846 - How can my men fight without water? - Me! 876 01:13:48,971 --> 01:13:52,015 I did, I let the bloody water out to make it lighter. 877 01:13:52,141 --> 01:13:54,852 Give the lad some room, will you? 878 01:13:54,977 --> 01:13:58,147 Would you take that camera away? There's a good fella. 879 01:13:58,272 --> 01:14:01,233 Haven't you had enough? Find a battle and film it. 880 01:14:01,358 --> 01:14:04,278 - (Juniper) A good battle. - Clear these cameramen away. 881 01:14:04,403 --> 01:14:08,866 Haven't you insulted us enough? Your army is the best in the world. Get away. 882 01:14:08,991 --> 01:14:11,326 It's all right. Don't let him bite this time. 883 01:14:11,451 --> 01:14:15,581 - It's all over. Make a ring round him. - No, let the bastards see. 884 01:14:15,706 --> 01:14:18,584 No. The next of kin, think of them. 885 01:14:18,709 --> 01:14:20,377 (Spool screams) 886 01:14:20,502 --> 01:14:24,590 That happened to a son of mine. He was left all through the war. 887 01:14:24,715 --> 01:14:27,593 - They do, don't they? - With his eardrum. 888 01:14:27,718 --> 01:14:31,805 - It's the noise, I expect. - Still, he's not dead like some. 889 01:14:31,930 --> 01:14:37,227 - Well, you can forgive. - Missing. Not dead. They didn't get him. 890 01:14:37,352 --> 01:14:40,189 He'll turn up. Missing, he is. 891 01:14:41,106 --> 01:14:43,275 (bugle) 892 01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:46,570 Colonel! Colonel, any water? 893 01:14:50,866 --> 01:14:53,327 Bum on, bum on, on to Tunis. 894 01:14:53,452 --> 01:14:56,580 See to the roller... and Spool first. 895 01:14:56,705 --> 01:15:02,085 Huzzah! It'll be all right now. Huzzah! Good old Colonel Grapple. 896 01:15:02,211 --> 01:15:06,173 He's a character that will see us through. That's the thing about war. 897 01:15:06,298 --> 01:15:10,511 It's a picnic if left to the right officers. Men who understand our ways. 898 01:15:10,636 --> 01:15:14,306 Treat us like human beings. What we want is more humane killers. 899 01:15:14,431 --> 01:15:18,685 Good old Colonel Grapple! See you on personal when you have a moment, sir? 900 01:15:21,939 --> 01:15:23,565 (all) Achtung/ 901 01:15:23,690 --> 01:15:27,194 My God! No time for that now. They must know we're here. 902 01:15:27,319 --> 01:15:29,571 - Rounds per man? - Three and a half, sir. 903 01:15:29,696 --> 01:15:31,740 When you use that, fix bayonets and die. 904 01:15:31,865 --> 01:15:34,660 Charge is the joke. Fix bayonets and charge. 905 01:15:34,785 --> 01:15:38,205 - We're all gonna die under funny names. - Charge. 906 01:15:38,330 --> 01:15:41,250 Good luck to you all. Tally-ho! 907 01:15:41,375 --> 01:15:44,002 Boot the Hun right through to Tunis! 908 01:15:44,127 --> 01:15:46,171 (repeatedly) Fire! 909 01:15:56,306 --> 01:15:59,226 (bagpipes) 910 01:16:10,821 --> 01:16:15,325 Now, bear in mind, we had him on the run, Jerry. 911 01:16:15,450 --> 01:16:17,661 We'd stood to all night, of course. 912 01:16:17,786 --> 01:16:21,373 As we stood up, the bullets flew around us. Like rain it was. 913 01:16:21,498 --> 01:16:25,043 I well remember - and bear in mind, I was platoon sergeant - 914 01:16:25,169 --> 01:16:27,963 it therefore was behove of me to keep morale up - 915 01:16:28,088 --> 01:16:30,924 so I said, more as a laugh, 916 01:16:31,049 --> 01:16:33,677 cos it wasn't tense or below par... 917 01:16:33,802 --> 01:16:35,929 You very rarely are, at the start line. 918 01:16:36,054 --> 01:16:41,185 Take no notice of the Yanks. They haven't lived. And they was always bombing us. 919 01:16:41,310 --> 01:16:45,856 Now there's rarely any tenseness. It's the relaxation you notices. 920 01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:52,029 Little kips all along the start line, barring them as is already haywire. 921 01:16:52,154 --> 01:16:55,449 So... more to raise a laugh... 922 01:16:58,869 --> 01:17:04,333 Like shoelaces, seeing as they're tight. Not crippling you, not causing you to trip. 923 01:17:05,501 --> 01:17:07,586 There. (he laughs) 924 01:17:07,711 --> 01:17:14,301 Silly ha'porth! Crippled you. It's important to raise a laugh on the battlefield. 925 01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:18,388 And very humorous the laughs can be. Some humorous books being written. 926 01:17:18,514 --> 01:17:24,478 More for a laugh, I said "We should have us gas capes on. It is raining bullets." 927 01:17:24,603 --> 01:17:27,356 That was when we lost Charles Black from a raindrop. 928 01:17:27,481 --> 01:17:32,528 I said "We should have us umbrellas and gas capes, boys. Raining bullets." 929 01:17:32,653 --> 01:17:36,073 "We'll get wet, boys, if we're not careful, chums" I said. 930 01:17:36,198 --> 01:17:38,242 More for a laugh. 931 01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:43,205 (whistles "Colonel Bogey") 932 01:18:54,902 --> 01:18:57,946 Well, you see? Good. 933 01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:00,657 (speaks German) 934 01:19:11,627 --> 01:19:13,670 Wollen Sie trinken? 935 01:19:15,422 --> 01:19:17,466 (shouting in German) 936 01:19:39,238 --> 01:19:42,032 (groaning) 937 01:19:44,660 --> 01:19:46,703 Oh, my poor horses. 938 01:19:47,663 --> 01:19:52,668 Cavalry horses love the stir and the din, even the danger, of battle. 939 01:19:52,793 --> 01:19:56,129 The British cavalryman regards his horse as his friend. 940 01:19:56,255 --> 01:20:01,718 Those who have ponies, children and horses of your own, at home, 941 01:20:01,844 --> 01:20:04,513 may like to know how well we look after our steeds. 942 01:20:04,638 --> 01:20:10,853 Sometimes we risk being shot at to put our wounded mounts out of their misery. 943 01:20:10,978 --> 01:20:13,021 (gunshot, man yelps) 944 01:20:16,108 --> 01:20:20,154 Eight, nine... How's your leg theory, Corporal of Musket? 945 01:20:20,279 --> 01:20:22,531 I'd like your opinion. What do you think? 946 01:20:22,656 --> 01:20:26,535 As a wicket, likely to vent spiteful by midday, I think. 947 01:20:26,660 --> 01:20:28,620 Er... Light roller. 948 01:20:28,745 --> 01:20:34,126 Bowlers don't expect miracles. As a pitch, it will teach you perseverance. 949 01:20:34,251 --> 01:20:36,503 21, 22... 950 01:20:36,628 --> 01:20:39,506 I want a batting crease four feet from here, Gripweed. 951 01:20:39,631 --> 01:20:42,509 Spool, put a stump in here. 952 01:20:43,260 --> 01:20:47,306 The light should be good. Keep the water off, I think. 953 01:20:47,431 --> 01:20:51,894 Don't want to have to contend with a sticky wicket. 954 01:20:53,270 --> 01:20:56,231 On a dead wicket, always bat first. 955 01:20:57,900 --> 01:21:03,238 Remember, Gripweed, medals are merely milestones on the road to final victory. 956 01:21:03,363 --> 01:21:06,116 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 957 01:21:25,219 --> 01:21:27,054 Thank you, sir. 958 01:21:59,878 --> 01:22:01,922 (yells) 959 01:22:07,052 --> 01:22:09,888 - Where've you been? - In enemy hands, sir. 960 01:22:10,013 --> 01:22:12,474 You told them nothing but name, rank and number? 961 01:22:12,599 --> 01:22:15,018 I don't know my name, rank and number. 962 01:22:15,144 --> 01:22:18,063 I remember the number of my first rifle. Don't try that. 963 01:22:18,188 --> 01:22:22,609 I can smell them, the ones who are not 100 per cent for it. Try that one on me? 964 01:22:22,734 --> 01:22:27,531 Take those nasty Nazi clothes off and play cricket. Teach you team spirit. 965 01:22:27,656 --> 01:22:30,659 Not a wound on him. Show me a wound. 966 01:22:30,784 --> 01:22:33,620 You stink of surrender. Not a decent wound on you. 967 01:22:33,745 --> 01:22:37,457 - I've been burned. - We've all been burned. 968 01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:42,129 Pads on! Play every ball on its merit. 969 01:22:42,254 --> 01:22:46,842 - I want to fight. - That man is malingering. 970 01:22:48,802 --> 01:22:53,765 I've a damn shrewd idea that you are trying to work your ticket. 971 01:22:56,059 --> 01:22:59,021 I say, you can't do that. He's a private soldier. 972 01:22:59,146 --> 01:23:01,690 He's a stinking coward. 973 01:23:04,234 --> 01:23:07,279 I've always wanted to hit a general. 974 01:23:07,404 --> 01:23:10,491 Fall in, two men, he hit the General. 975 01:23:11,992 --> 01:23:16,663 - Open the batting from the mountain end. - What's going on here? 976 01:23:18,457 --> 01:23:23,921 That boy is only 19. Here, hold this camel. Hit somebody your own rank, or near it. 977 01:23:24,046 --> 01:23:27,466 - Who are you? - Grapple MC. Grapple of the Bedoo. 978 01:23:27,591 --> 01:23:31,136 And another thing, I will not play cricket... 979 01:23:31,261 --> 01:23:34,848 - Come, now, none of us like war. - I do. I like war. 980 01:23:34,973 --> 01:23:37,684 I do not like cricket. 981 01:23:39,728 --> 01:23:44,024 - Did you have many humorous incidents? - Yes, we did. 982 01:23:44,149 --> 01:23:48,153 - Tell me about yours. - They're not funny, really. 983 01:23:48,278 --> 01:23:52,866 - Tell me. Are the British cruel? - Oh, yes. 984 01:23:52,991 --> 01:23:57,412 - We know what we're doing. - And we are. 985 01:23:57,538 --> 01:24:01,708 Do you know what we have done to millions of people? 986 01:24:01,834 --> 01:24:07,381 - I think you've killed them. - I don't know anything about it. Terrible. 987 01:24:07,506 --> 01:24:11,510 - Are you sorry about these people? - No, no, I am not. 988 01:24:11,635 --> 01:24:14,805 I thought about it and... no, I'm not. 989 01:24:15,764 --> 01:24:18,016 I'm not sorry about my men. 990 01:24:18,142 --> 01:24:20,769 - Did you have a lot of men? - Yes. 991 01:24:20,894 --> 01:24:23,564 - You did? - Yes, hundreds. 992 01:24:24,565 --> 01:24:29,153 Me too, and all with the same faces. They all looked the same to me. 993 01:24:29,278 --> 01:24:33,157 You look after them, see their feet is clean, dry, powdered. 994 01:24:33,282 --> 01:24:38,412 - They will not look after their feet. - They began to kill me with worry. 995 01:24:38,537 --> 01:24:40,789 More than that. More. 996 01:24:42,833 --> 01:24:44,877 May I? 997 01:24:46,795 --> 01:24:50,382 The thing about them was they would not respond. 998 01:24:50,507 --> 01:24:53,635 There it was for them, a crusade against tyranny... 999 01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:56,805 Oh, not you. Not you. 1000 01:24:57,556 --> 01:25:01,810 But if they knew the King. My mother knew him well. 1001 01:25:01,935 --> 01:25:03,687 She used to send to his birthday. 1002 01:25:03,812 --> 01:25:07,316 And all the children, the princesses, they all got something, 1003 01:25:07,441 --> 01:25:10,402 even though we were not that well off. 1004 01:25:10,527 --> 01:25:13,155 I wanted to do my best for him. 1005 01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:17,117 He knew why he gave me his commission. 1006 01:25:17,242 --> 01:25:19,953 - You know what I mean? - Ja. 1007 01:25:21,705 --> 01:25:24,416 I wanted to know them. 1008 01:25:24,541 --> 01:25:27,211 I wanted to know them very much. 1009 01:25:29,671 --> 01:25:33,967 I can talk to you. I could talk to nobody else. 1010 01:25:35,135 --> 01:25:40,182 I haven't spoken to anyone else about the King and me for the whole of this... 1011 01:25:40,307 --> 01:25:43,435 And I. The King and I. You know? 1012 01:25:46,772 --> 01:25:49,233 - You'd like him. - Thank you. 1013 01:25:49,358 --> 01:25:54,905 As I was saying, I haven't been able to speak to anyone else 1014 01:25:55,030 --> 01:25:57,950 through the whole of this film. 1015 01:25:58,075 --> 01:26:04,164 You see, one day, after a not particularly arduous or expensive skirmish, 1016 01:26:04,289 --> 01:26:07,459 they were all gathered round me... 1017 01:26:07,584 --> 01:26:09,461 I well remember... 1018 01:26:09,586 --> 01:26:16,885 the way an admirable man and a great soldier referred to expensive noises 1019 01:26:17,010 --> 01:26:20,722 as he listened to a battle without emotion. 1020 01:26:21,890 --> 01:26:24,059 That is the way, isn't it? 1021 01:26:24,184 --> 01:26:28,063 - For our kind. - You are a fascist! 1022 01:26:28,897 --> 01:26:33,443 Am I? But I don't particularly dislike Jews. 1023 01:26:33,569 --> 01:26:37,447 - I love them. - Have you...? Are you cruel? 1024 01:26:37,573 --> 01:26:42,661 - Have you killed many Jews? - Quite a lot. 1025 01:26:42,786 --> 01:26:46,373 - What do you say to that? - Good Lord. 1026 01:26:46,498 --> 01:26:49,710 But then I try to find good in everybody. 1027 01:26:54,590 --> 01:26:56,633 (sparse applause) 1028 01:27:03,307 --> 01:27:05,601 Why choose me as your defending officer? 1029 01:27:05,726 --> 01:27:07,853 You're the only one decently turned out. 1030 01:27:07,978 --> 01:27:11,982 - Halt. Face your front. - Shut up. 1031 01:27:12,107 --> 01:27:14,193 This man is not fit to plead. 1032 01:27:14,318 --> 01:27:17,571 It is obvious to anyone with a spark of humanity in them 1033 01:27:17,696 --> 01:27:21,533 that he should be treated with sympathy and understanding and sent home. 1034 01:27:21,658 --> 01:27:26,705 - Shut up! You may not say anything. - Defending officer, sir. 1035 01:27:26,830 --> 01:27:30,375 He's not an officer, for all his voice and his linear belt. 1036 01:27:30,501 --> 01:27:34,838 Therefore, he may not make speeches. He has no privileges in this court. 1037 01:27:34,963 --> 01:27:37,966 Choose anyone you like but only officers can talk to me. 1038 01:27:38,091 --> 01:27:41,512 That makes it awkward. He should have gone to grammar school. 1039 01:27:41,637 --> 01:27:45,933 - Got his Cert A, passed his commission, - I came up from the ranks. I'm a general. 1040 01:27:46,058 --> 01:27:48,685 - This is a general court martial. - For hitting me. 1041 01:27:48,811 --> 01:27:50,395 - Permission to speak. - Shut up. 1042 01:27:50,521 --> 01:27:51,980 Speak up. Be respectful. 1043 01:27:52,105 --> 01:27:55,901 What is wrong with the army is that there is not enough humanity in it. 1044 01:27:56,026 --> 01:28:00,906 Shut up! If it wasn't for the British army, you wouldn't be here today. 1045 01:28:01,031 --> 01:28:03,075 Humanity! 1046 01:28:03,992 --> 01:28:05,869 We're going into Germany soon. 1047 01:28:05,994 --> 01:28:09,748 When we get to the home of the Hun, take your pips off. 1048 01:28:09,873 --> 01:28:11,500 You're a very lucky chap. 1049 01:28:11,625 --> 01:28:16,088 You're fighting in a war which may well turn out to be a crusade. If I know the Hun. 1050 01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:21,343 A good soldier but a bit frightful. With any luck, he's up to some revolting things. 1051 01:28:21,468 --> 01:28:24,054 In case he isn't, better take your pips off. 1052 01:28:25,139 --> 01:28:29,017 They will put a bullet through your neck for what you've made them do. 1053 01:28:29,143 --> 01:28:32,104 I don't think Jerry will disappoint us, so shut up! 1054 01:28:32,229 --> 01:28:38,068 I don't think I could do that. They're the nicest things that ever happened to me. 1055 01:28:38,193 --> 01:28:41,947 I think my lads are very fond of me. 1056 01:28:42,072 --> 01:28:45,200 Sir! Permission to fall out, sir? 1057 01:28:45,325 --> 01:28:48,996 We've been playing cricket in the hot sun for three hours. 1058 01:28:49,121 --> 01:28:53,208 We can't enjoy ourselves infinitum, or at least bowl underarm. 1059 01:28:53,333 --> 01:28:57,588 Play on is my advice to you unless you want to look at me in a court martial. 1060 01:28:57,713 --> 01:29:00,757 - Enjoy yourselves. It will be a long war. - Play on! 1061 01:29:00,883 --> 01:29:05,429 You may not fall out until a very important bod sees you entertained and happy. 1062 01:29:05,554 --> 01:29:09,892 Tails up, I haven't brought you all this way to bowl underarm. 1063 01:29:10,017 --> 01:29:13,812 - It's just as hard for me as it is for you. - You're a bastard. 1064 01:29:13,937 --> 01:29:17,191 I hope so, I hope I am a bastard. 1065 01:29:17,316 --> 01:29:20,152 - I'm not proud of it. - Sit down, son. 1066 01:29:20,277 --> 01:29:24,156 I've looked after their feet as if they were my own, sir. 1067 01:29:24,281 --> 01:29:25,949 Excuse me, sir. 1068 01:29:40,339 --> 01:29:43,217 - What is all this? - Advance cricket pitch. 1069 01:29:43,342 --> 01:29:46,553 Present and ready for your inspection, sir. 1070 01:29:48,806 --> 01:29:52,267 What rotten bowlers. Right, drive on. 1071 01:29:52,392 --> 01:29:57,439 It is bad. The lower-middle and working classes receiving the King's Commission? 1072 01:29:57,564 --> 01:30:01,819 These classes, unlike like the classes who led the army when I was a lad, 1073 01:30:01,944 --> 01:30:04,822 never had their people to consider. 1074 01:30:10,786 --> 01:30:13,080 I liked it better when he was a comedian. 1075 01:30:13,205 --> 01:30:15,791 He wasn't very funny but I liked it better. 1076 01:30:15,916 --> 01:30:19,503 Jokes. Mind you, I'm working class. 1077 01:30:19,628 --> 01:30:22,589 I had a grandfather who was a miner. 1078 01:30:22,714 --> 01:30:24,842 Until he sold it. 1079 01:30:24,967 --> 01:30:27,636 It's a very simple plan. All my plans are simple. 1080 01:30:27,761 --> 01:30:32,349 You remember Dieppe? Arnhem will be as simple. A few parachutes, that's all. 1081 01:30:50,159 --> 01:30:52,911 My heart's not in it any more. 1082 01:30:53,036 --> 01:30:57,207 Oh, go away, I'm tired. I'm the only bleeding bowler in the Second Army. 1083 01:30:57,332 --> 01:30:59,877 (artillery and machine guns) 1084 01:31:07,509 --> 01:31:10,137 (bomb falls) 1085 01:31:23,901 --> 01:31:26,904 - Sorry, old man. - It's all right, sir. I'm very grateful. 1086 01:31:27,029 --> 01:31:31,033 - Stretcher bearer! - Jammy bastard. 1087 01:31:34,244 --> 01:31:41,502 With the Second Army linking up, the men of the Airborne can afford to relax a little. 1088 01:31:46,757 --> 01:31:49,092 (cackles) 1089 01:31:54,431 --> 01:31:56,266 (shouts in Dutch) 1090 01:32:16,995 --> 01:32:19,039 Out! 1091 01:32:19,164 --> 01:32:21,208 Come on, come on! 1092 01:32:24,962 --> 01:32:27,005 - Tot ziens/ - Auf Wiedersehen/ 1093 01:32:27,506 --> 01:32:31,593 - Welkom, welkom. - Thanks. 1094 01:32:37,808 --> 01:32:40,269 One, two... 1095 01:32:40,394 --> 01:32:42,855 Don't look, don't look, don't look! 1096 01:32:42,980 --> 01:32:46,608 Don't look... Don't look... 1097 01:32:53,157 --> 01:32:54,867 Don't look. 1098 01:32:56,869 --> 01:32:59,413 Don't look... 1099 01:32:59,538 --> 01:33:01,582 Come on. 1100 01:33:15,012 --> 01:33:17,806 Dooley, Spool, take the barn. 1101 01:33:17,931 --> 01:33:20,184 Sergeant Transom with me. 1102 01:33:35,032 --> 01:33:37,075 We are English. 1103 01:33:45,375 --> 01:33:47,169 Nice place you've got. 1104 01:33:51,548 --> 01:33:56,762 Right, you two, outside. Slit trench eight yards from this wall. Move yourselves. 1105 01:33:56,887 --> 01:33:58,639 Do sit down. 1106 01:34:06,063 --> 01:34:10,776 (announcer) Now, this is the job on which the soldier's life and the battle depends. 1107 01:34:10,901 --> 01:34:13,946 As soon as the infantryman reaches a new position, 1108 01:34:14,071 --> 01:34:17,366 he starts to dig in with pick and spade. 1109 01:34:18,951 --> 01:34:22,287 To begin with, cover is a hole in the ground, 1110 01:34:22,412 --> 01:34:25,958 but as the enemy are rolled back by succeeding waves of troops, 1111 01:34:26,083 --> 01:34:30,504 the men immediately behind start serious digging. 1112 01:34:30,629 --> 01:34:34,591 The infantryman's home in battle is his slit trench. 1113 01:34:34,716 --> 01:34:41,473 In a narrow five-foot hole, he lives, sleeps, eats, and rests. 1114 01:34:41,598 --> 01:34:48,856 If the men are lucky, rations, great coats and mail are brought to them after dark. 1115 01:34:49,857 --> 01:34:52,693 It's the missus again, of course. 1116 01:34:52,818 --> 01:34:55,737 She's having it away with a Yank now. 1117 01:34:55,863 --> 01:34:58,532 Hands across the sea, straight up her woollies. 1118 01:34:58,949 --> 01:35:00,909 (shrieks with laughter) 1119 01:35:03,579 --> 01:35:05,622 (clattering) 1120 01:35:06,665 --> 01:35:09,751 - Stop it! - What are you laughing at? 1121 01:35:15,549 --> 01:35:19,011 I can't say it. I can say nothing. 1122 01:35:20,012 --> 01:35:25,476 I'd like to say what I feel, but I can only tell you what I see. 1123 01:35:25,601 --> 01:35:29,688 The weather's not bad and I still write to you. 1124 01:35:29,813 --> 01:35:34,568 The words look so young on paper and we are grown people. 1125 01:35:35,402 --> 01:35:41,450 But I'll tell you. I do miss you. "Moonlight Cocktail" is now all the rage. 1126 01:35:43,076 --> 01:35:48,457 ...with an American soldier. They're all over here now. 1127 01:35:48,582 --> 01:35:52,336 He thrust his great American hand into my dress 1128 01:35:52,461 --> 01:35:57,174 and I felt the utility material of which it was made, parachute silk, 1129 01:35:57,299 --> 01:36:01,553 tear asunder under the thrust of his passion. 1130 01:36:02,638 --> 01:36:06,058 Fondest ever always, your own Mrs Clapper. 1131 01:36:13,190 --> 01:36:18,487 Gripweed, Clapper, cover yourselves. They're coming from the right! 1132 01:36:23,367 --> 01:36:29,248 Sergeant Transom, tank and infantry coming from the right. This side. 1133 01:37:41,195 --> 01:37:43,530 Sergeant Transom! Get out. 1134 01:38:46,343 --> 01:38:48,011 Now, watch it. 1135 01:38:49,388 --> 01:38:51,598 Have a heart, eh? 1136 01:38:58,480 --> 01:39:01,525 (metal clanks) 1137 01:39:01,650 --> 01:39:04,945 Thieving git. Some bastard's been prior, has he, Jock? 1138 01:39:06,280 --> 01:39:10,159 - One bastard stinks to high heaven. - Are you a duration bloke? 1139 01:39:10,284 --> 01:39:12,369 - You wouldn't chuckle? - Pack it in. 1140 01:39:12,494 --> 01:39:15,247 I'm a regular. It's my soddin' career, liberating. 1141 01:39:46,111 --> 01:39:48,197 I knew this'd happen. 1142 01:39:48,322 --> 01:39:50,449 You knew it'd happen, didn't you? 1143 01:39:50,866 --> 01:39:52,784 (speaking German) 1144 01:39:55,370 --> 01:39:57,039 (German) 1145 01:39:57,164 --> 01:40:00,125 Thank you. Thank you for your help. 1146 01:40:01,668 --> 01:40:08,717 - Steady on, we're still on it, the bridge. - It is a lovely bridge. 1147 01:40:08,842 --> 01:40:11,845 It is the only bridge still intact across the Rhine. 1148 01:40:11,970 --> 01:40:15,682 - It won't be for long. - If you had it, you could win the war. 1149 01:40:15,808 --> 01:40:20,813 - I think we're doing that anyhow. - And I could retire sooner. 1150 01:40:20,938 --> 01:40:22,981 - You'd win. - Yes. 1151 01:40:24,608 --> 01:40:27,444 - It's yours. - No, I don't want to blow it up. 1152 01:40:27,569 --> 01:40:29,905 You've done all the work. 1153 01:40:30,030 --> 01:40:33,116 - No, please. - Cheap. 1154 01:40:35,285 --> 01:40:37,538 How much do you want for it? 1155 01:40:37,663 --> 01:40:39,456 No, no, no. 1156 01:40:39,581 --> 01:40:42,376 As we mean to go on, after the war. 1157 01:40:46,046 --> 01:40:49,883 The war brings out the best in some, you know? 1158 01:40:50,008 --> 01:40:53,846 Thank you, but as we mean to go on. 1159 01:40:53,971 --> 01:40:57,391 - $25,000. - Eisenhower would never pay. 1160 01:40:58,600 --> 01:41:00,686 Have it. Go on. 1161 01:41:00,811 --> 01:41:03,730 No. Those days are over. 1162 01:41:04,773 --> 01:41:08,485 There's no hope for you or your country if you're going to let emotion rule. 1163 01:41:08,610 --> 01:41:13,365 I tell you. And it's got me nowhere. 1164 01:41:56,283 --> 01:42:00,454 To me, Sergeant Transom! To me! 1165 01:42:12,591 --> 01:42:14,635 (gunfire continues) 1166 01:42:28,440 --> 01:42:33,111 I should have shot that stupid little bleeder a long time ago. 1167 01:42:33,237 --> 01:42:35,906 I always wanted to, as you know. 1168 01:42:37,783 --> 01:42:40,369 You shoot one, you've got to shoot the lot. 1169 01:42:40,494 --> 01:42:45,749 Before they takes their exams and are taught virtue and industry. 1170 01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:48,627 Cor! Stone a little colonel, eh? 1171 01:42:54,800 --> 01:43:02,474 - It's a fine bridge. - And it's worth about what? 17,000? 1172 01:43:03,267 --> 01:43:05,519 You know what? You are right. 1173 01:43:05,644 --> 01:43:09,273 I was beginning to forget what democracy means. 1174 01:43:09,398 --> 01:43:13,610 - It's a wonderful bridge. 23,000. - That's better. 1175 01:43:13,735 --> 01:43:16,113 - 18. - No, I am risking my life here. 1176 01:43:16,238 --> 01:43:20,284 They are shooting people for not blowing up bridges. 1177 01:43:20,409 --> 01:43:25,914 Well, we could build one for 23,000. Less. It's too far south for us, anyway. 1178 01:43:26,039 --> 01:43:29,460 - I'd never get it past the accountants. - Dooley! To me! 1179 01:43:29,585 --> 01:43:32,880 - My name is Dooley. - I am not going. I'm just not going. 1180 01:43:33,005 --> 01:43:35,132 There's more to say. I've got more to say. 1181 01:43:35,257 --> 01:43:38,051 - I'm not going without shouting. - My name is Spool. 1182 01:43:38,177 --> 01:43:42,306 I was transferred from the Service Corps for a better chance of promotion. 1183 01:43:42,431 --> 01:43:46,685 - I'd like to speak to you on personal, sir. - Transom! 1184 01:43:46,810 --> 01:43:48,187 Here! 1185 01:43:48,312 --> 01:43:52,733 I never said a word to you before I was dying... mate. 1186 01:43:52,858 --> 01:43:55,527 (Drogue) I died in North Africa. 1187 01:43:55,652 --> 01:43:58,989 I fought for three reasons. I can't remember what they were. 1188 01:43:59,114 --> 01:44:03,952 The first reason gets you in, and the reason when you're in is staying alive. 1189 01:44:04,077 --> 01:44:08,415 I won't know the reason they find afterwards but it will be a very good one. 1190 01:44:08,540 --> 01:44:12,002 I'm sure we'll be glad, and I'm not a thief, really. 1191 01:44:12,127 --> 01:44:14,421 I never found anything worth keeping. 1192 01:44:17,800 --> 01:44:20,135 Suddenly, my phone rang. 1193 01:44:20,260 --> 01:44:23,180 We were eager to secure a Rhine river bridgehead 1194 01:44:23,305 --> 01:44:26,642 but we despaired of taking a bridge intact. 1195 01:44:26,767 --> 01:44:28,977 Suddenly, my phone rang. 1196 01:44:29,686 --> 01:44:32,731 22,000, take it or leave it. 1197 01:44:32,856 --> 01:44:36,652 In view of the personal danger to yourself, 19. 1198 01:44:36,777 --> 01:44:38,278 Right, done. 1199 01:44:47,704 --> 01:44:49,665 Fine bleeding hospital this is. 1200 01:44:49,790 --> 01:44:52,626 Suddenly, my phone rang. 1201 01:44:52,751 --> 01:44:55,963 It was Hodges calling from Spa. 1202 01:44:56,088 --> 01:45:00,092 "Brad" he called. "Brad, we've gotten a bridge, a bridge." 1203 01:45:00,217 --> 01:45:03,387 "You mean you've gotten one intact over the Rhine?" 1204 01:45:03,512 --> 01:45:05,055 "Yep." 1205 01:45:05,180 --> 01:45:09,685 "Hot dog" I said, "this'll bust them wide open." 1206 01:45:54,438 --> 01:45:56,023 They're coming. 1207 01:45:56,148 --> 01:45:57,149 Come on! 1208 01:45:59,026 --> 01:46:01,278 It's ours, sir, it's ours! 1209 01:46:02,571 --> 01:46:04,615 One minute! One minute! 1210 01:46:06,408 --> 01:46:09,077 - Get out of the way, you idiot! - (yells) 1211 01:46:09,203 --> 01:46:11,246 Get out of it! 1212 01:46:14,750 --> 01:46:17,336 Bum on! Bum on! 1213 01:46:17,461 --> 01:46:19,379 To Moscow! 1214 01:46:40,317 --> 01:46:43,737 We've come a long way, chaps. 1215 01:46:43,862 --> 01:46:45,906 Now we've come to the end of the road. 1216 01:46:47,699 --> 01:46:51,411 Head up, Gripweed. Be proud. 1217 01:46:52,538 --> 01:46:55,124 Show them who's won the war. 1218 01:46:55,249 --> 01:47:01,713 Across the world, we've trod the stony path from defeat to final victory. 1219 01:47:01,839 --> 01:47:08,303 And soon, the Great Umpire above will call close of play 1220 01:47:08,428 --> 01:47:10,973 in this, the Second World War. 1221 01:47:12,015 --> 01:47:14,893 Or as I prefer to call it... 1222 01:47:15,018 --> 01:47:17,229 the final test. 1223 01:47:19,231 --> 01:47:24,570 And I want to take this opportunity of letting you know how proud I have been 1224 01:47:24,695 --> 01:47:28,615 to have commanded such a fine body of men. 1225 01:47:33,495 --> 01:47:35,831 Would have bounced anyway. 1226 01:47:35,956 --> 01:47:38,000 I haven't got 19d. 1227 01:47:39,293 --> 01:47:41,795 Transom, keep your feet up. 1228 01:47:41,920 --> 01:47:47,718 - What's he keep calling me that for? - We're not out of the woods yet. 1229 01:47:49,845 --> 01:47:51,763 You haven't had a big part in this. 1230 01:47:51,889 --> 01:47:54,558 Ah, well. What you doing next? 1231 01:47:54,683 --> 01:47:58,937 - I hear there's this Vietnam thing coming. - Yeah, I know that. 1232 01:47:59,062 --> 01:48:04,026 But I don't like working with that director much. Still, the money's good. 1233 01:48:05,444 --> 01:48:08,322 I'm glad you could get here. 1234 01:48:08,447 --> 01:48:13,410 I've been trying to contact all the members of Third Troop for years. 1235 01:48:13,535 --> 01:48:17,498 And, really, without success. 1236 01:48:17,623 --> 01:48:24,379 The strange thing is, I agree, there was a good reason for fighting the war. 1237 01:48:24,505 --> 01:48:30,636 I knew it. I felt really despicable. We had to fight the war. 1238 01:48:32,846 --> 01:48:35,682 I couldn't, that's all. I just couldn't do it. 1239 01:48:35,808 --> 01:48:40,729 I had to leave it to chaps like you who hadn't really got a reason. 1240 01:48:40,854 --> 01:48:45,317 - I wanted to fight, honestly. - I know you did. 1241 01:48:46,527 --> 01:48:48,570 But I won the war. 1242 01:50:16,950 --> 01:50:20,287 Visiontext Subtitles: Neil Blackmore 1243 01:50:27,920 --> 01:50:29,963 ENHOH 107283

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