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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,119
You doughnut!
I'm meeting a very important agent.
2
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:07,839
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Well, well, well.
3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,319
Kiefer, what...
4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,239
You're looking at Global Talent
Management's new Head of Disabled.
5
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,319
You two know each other?
6
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,519
I guess I should thank you all
for coming to the DAA Showcase.
7
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,279
This is the dwarf you talked about?
8
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,039
She looks like a kid. She's 48.
9
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,799
Hey, Siri.
10
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,239
The only thing you have in common
with a shark
11
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,639
is your massive overbite.
12
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,359
You want to grab a drink?
13
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,479
I thought you'd be mad at me.
14
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,439
I am. It's lucky you're cute.
15
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,200
She said I was cute!
16
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,839
Well, that wasn't so bad, I guess.
17
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,479
Again?
18
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,240
Oh, yeah. Get the condoms.
19
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,920
Here you go.
20
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,999
It's hard.
21
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,479
You do it!
22
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,400
There you go.
23
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,599
Ooh, fuck.
24
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,559
You take one end
and I'll take the other.
25
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:13,880
Yeah, good idea.
26
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,479
Tim! You OK?
27
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,039
Yeah!
28
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:26,920
Love, love will tear us apart
again.
29
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,399
ROMANTIC MUSIC
MAN: Love knows no barriers of class.
30
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,879
WOMAN: But society will never
accept us.
31
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It's a doomed love.
32
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,519
Where are all the vampires?
33
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,199
There aren't any in this.
34
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,399
Then, why are we here?
35
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,359
Seriously, if Wesley Snipes doesn't
show up soon,
36
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,439
I'm going to be mad.
37
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,639
He's not in it.
38
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,240
Why would you make a movie
without Wesley Snipes in it?
39
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,039
Hey, I'm hungry.
Throw me some popcorn.
40
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,039
Aargh... There you go.
41
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,120
GIGGLING
42
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,720
Hey, Lily, the good thing about
a popcorn bucket, it is also...
43
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,959
..a hat.
44
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,479
You doughnut. Don't say anything,
Donald.
45
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,079
They've got as much right to be here
as we do.
46
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:28,599
We're going to stay here and we're
going to enjoy them enjoying it.
47
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,719
I am NOT enjoying this movie. Mm.
48
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,160
MAN, ON SCREEN: Whatever happens,
you know I will always love you.
49
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,879
That movie was some bullshit.
Yeah.
50
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,600
Shit. "Oh, I love you!"
"Mwah, mwah, mwah!"
51
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,879
Why can't anyone just say
they like each other?
52
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,280
I like YOU.
53
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,760
PHONE RINGS
Oh, shit.
54
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,439
You should get that. Yeah. Wait.
55
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,199
No. Why?
56
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,519
Because we've been liking each other
for weeks,
57
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,239
and it's about time I met your mum.
58
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,319
OK, well, let me go over there
and answer.
59
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,400
She can be a bit shy
around strangers.
60
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,879
Why the fuck have you
been avoiding me?
61
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,719
I've been busy with stuff, Mum.
62
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,999
Bullshit, you stuttering asshole.
63
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,839
You haven't even asked me
how my boob job went.
64
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,640
Mum, I'm seeing this girl.
65
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,959
I REALLY like her.
66
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,679
Please don't fuck this up for me.
67
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,640
OK, put her on.
68
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,919
Hey! What's your favourite movie?
69
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,719
Godfather. Book?
70
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,479
Godfather. Porno?
71
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,279
ROD-father. Hobby?
72
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,999
Sitting on your son's face.
73
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,319
Hey, asshole.
I don't know how you did it,
74
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,799
but this girl is the best thing
that ever happened to you.
75
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,399
Don't fuck it up.
76
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,119
Let's neither of us fuck it up, Mum.
77
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,519
What do you think?
78
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,559
Are they real?! Jesus.
79
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,039
Diamonds or the tits?
80
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,000
They both cost a fortune, baby.
81
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,319
Nothing but the best for this Mama.
82
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,559
Oh... Tim, you never told me your
mum was so glamorous.
83
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,159
Yeah. What the fuck happened to him,
then?
84
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,279
It skipped a generation.
85
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,959
No, I'm teasing. Really.
86
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,239
You stick with his wobbly ass.
87
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,759
OK, bye.
88
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,639
She seems nice. Yeah.
89
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,520
You didn't tell me she was so...
90
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,999
..rich. Oh, yeah, she's got
millions.
91
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,519
Dinner's on you, then.
92
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,359
Dinner's always on me.
93
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,920
Yeah, I can see that!
94
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,600
What the fuck is that?
95
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,080
Er, tea and toast.
96
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,839
You know,
97
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,599
I've been thinking,
98
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,159
since Tim's gone,
99
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,119
it's just like...he was the glue
that held us together.
100
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,159
It's like someone had
101
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,199
glued a cat and
102
00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,039
a filthy diseased-ridden rat
together.
103
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,599
Sorry are you the cat
in that analogy or...?
104
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,319
Name one thing that we have
in common.
105
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,239
Ooh, er, well, we both stay in this
flat. Yes?
106
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,919
But I feel like Anne Frank -
107
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,719
after she was captured.
108
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,639
Sorry.
So you don't want the tea and toast?
109
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,199
Touch that, and lose a fucking hand.
110
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,480
OK, bye.
111
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,399
Ta-da! I'm clean.
112
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,319
Why are you wearing
all your clothes?
113
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,239
Life hack, baby.
114
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,639
Wash yourself
115
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,559
AND your clothes at the same time.
116
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,880
I want to smell good all over
for you.
117
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,240
Tim, there's something
we need to talk about.
118
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,760
I missed my period.
119
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,159
You know what that means.
120
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,319
You don't need to be afraid
121
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,879
of sharks?
122
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,919
I'm fucking pregnant, dickhead.
123
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,399
But what...
124
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,799
..how...?
125
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,799
When you don't use condoms!
126
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,479
You're pregnant?
127
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,840
I meant to tell you.
128
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,640
It's just...a mess.
129
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,839
Cos now you'll run
a million miles so...
130
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:11,520
Technically, I can't run one mile.
131
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,879
I mean, let's be real,
we were both just having fun, right?
132
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:21,159
And anyway, what happens when they
kick you out for not having a visa?
133
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,239
It's not like I can come
and live in America.
134
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,639
Could I?
135
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,079
Unless...
136
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,359
What you doing?
137
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,279
Whoa! Oh, shit.
138
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:33,119
It's nothing like Notting Hill.
139
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,119
Tim, are you asking me to marry you?
140
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,519
Will you...marry me?
141
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,599
What choice do I have?
142
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,279
That looked like so much effort.
Are you OK?
143
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,719
Ah, sure.
144
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,999
Oh, Tim, this is all...
145
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,719
..so quick.
146
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,799
But I think we should get married
as soon as possible.
147
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,079
So it's all legally binding,
you know, for the visa.
148
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,839
I mean, you could get deported
any day now, so...
149
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,599
Yeah, we should celebrate later.
150
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,720
Oh, I can't,
I've got a hen do to plan!
151
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,080
Lily... Yeah? I...
152
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,079
I... L...
153
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,239
I like you.
154
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,960
A lot.
155
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,640
Same here.
156
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,079
Of course she's not fucking
pregnant, you fucking idiot.
157
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,799
I think she said that because
she thinks your mum's loaded.
158
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,279
There's literally nothing else
159
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,319
appealing about you.
160
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,279
Unless she likes BO. You know,
some women are weird like that.
161
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,959
Oh, my God, that makes
so much sense.
162
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,639
I might have told her
that my mum has millions.
163
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,279
Thank God.
164
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,599
For a second there, I thought
I was actually having a baby.
165
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,559
Right, so are you going
to call it off?
166
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,039
No.
167
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,159
Game's not over yet.
168
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,999
I think I WILL marry her. Oh.
169
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,799
For...
170
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,639
..sex...
171
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,079
..and a visa.
172
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,519
So you lied to the poor woman, and
make her believe that you're rich?!
173
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,279
You're a pig. Wait, I...
174
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,479
..I like her. Mmm?
175
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,519
I don't see the problem
if we're both lying.
176
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:17,759
What's that expression?
Two wrongs definitely make a right.
177
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,319
Right, see,
now I'm just mad at both of you.
178
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,680
Well, I need to hit SOMEONE.
179
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,959
Argh! Argh.
180
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,119
You're only hitting him
cos you like him.
181
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,799
Whit? Whit?! Naw.
182
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,480
No, no, I don't.
183
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,639
What is going on in here?
184
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,039
Tim's about to enter a loveless
marriage based on lies.
185
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,639
No!
186
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,759
Well, actually, yeah,
187
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,439
that sums it up.
188
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,279
So nice and succinct.
189
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,319
Sorry. What, did...
did you say marriage?
190
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,919
Oh, my God. Tim! What?
191
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,719
I LOVE love.
192
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,239
Like, I LOVE love love.
193
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,439
It's so exciting!
194
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,679
You know, when I woke up this
morning, I thought there's something
195
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,279
in the air. The birds are singing.
The sun is shining.
196
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,599
Idris,
can you just shut the fuck up? OK.
197
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,719
Just because no-one will ever want
to pretend marry you.
198
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,479
Well, I have just got used to the
fact that Tim has got
199
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,759
a girlfriend, and now he's just
going to go off and marry her.
200
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,759
Do...do none of yous ever think
about me?
201
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,960
No. You just...move!
202
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,959
Anyway. More importantly,
what are we doing for your stag do?
203
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,799
Oh, I don't think I'll have one.
204
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,799
Nonsense. As your best man,
205
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,399
it's my responsibility to give you
one last night of freedom.
206
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,800
I'm going to make tonight
a night to remember.
207
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,399
Lucky you.
208
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,160
But you're not!
209
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,560
Why does he think he's my best man?
210
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,639
WOMEN LAUGH AND SQUEAL
211
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,600
Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
Shot! Shot!
212
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,399
What the fuck have you done? Fuck
the wedding, that's just idiocy.
213
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,719
But this...?
214
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,799
This!
Having Idris plan you a stag do!
215
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,559
Oh, no, Tim.
That is just a goddamn travesty.
216
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,639
AS A VAMPIRE: Are we veady for the
night ov our lives?!
217
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,239
Dear God, no.
218
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,319
Prepare to be verified!
219
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,159
Verified?
220
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,759
What, like Instagram?
221
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,399
What no, no ver...verified is
222
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,639
vampire speak for terrified,
isn't it?
223
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,600
I don't get it.
224
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,199
Take this.
225
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,120
That will make this a lot
less painful. Thank you.
226
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,759
I vade these for the festivities.
227
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,279
T-shirts.
228
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,719
Oh, you better have another one.
229
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,839
And I vade these. What?
230
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,679
Put them on. So you want them
to put on Lily's face?
231
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,239
Ves! Put on the face.
232
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,519
A black woman's face.
233
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,599
Ves, put on the... Oh, God, no.
234
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,040
Um...
235
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,199
Probably shouldn't have printed
those off, should I?
236
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,359
Still, we're...
we're going to have a good....
237
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,879
Ve're going to have a good time...
238
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,559
..tonight.
239
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,839
Jesus.
240
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,319
OK. So I have transformed this
ordinary book shop
241
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,279
into an escape room!
242
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,559
Wa-ha-ha!
243
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,399
You need to lose the accent.
244
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,119
You're not good at it.
OK, the accent's gone.
245
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,639
OK. Well, I've...
I've done an escape room, as I say.
246
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,039
I think it's going be fine.
247
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,119
I think it's going to be fun,
in fact.
248
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,679
And then afterwards we can...
249
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,679
Oh, there's a prize for the winner.
250
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,679
Have you ever had a Manny Shevitz?
251
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,599
I miss Lily.
252
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,999
I think I'll go outside
and call her.
253
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,239
You cannot leave, ze door is locked
254
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,439
cos of the escape room, as I say.
255
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,639
Ah-ha, my first victim!
256
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,479
Wa-ha-ha-ha!
257
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,719
Give me the fucking key.
258
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,200
I can't do that.
That's not how the game works.
259
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,880
Oh...
260
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,519
Oh, look.
261
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,120
I've found the key.
262
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,519
So come on, and let's get
this party started!
263
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,559
If my best friend is going to fuck
up his and someone else's life,
264
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,679
I don't want to see it sober.
265
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,119
So fucking move.
266
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,079
We can't go now,
you've just broken the door.
267
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,679
No-one's going to steal
a fucking book! Come on!
268
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:26,120
MUSIC: Chelsea Dagger
by The Fratellis
269
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,719
I'm sorry I ruined your stag do,
Tim.
270
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,599
I was just trying to be creative.
271
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,639
Right, we'll give you one last
chance to make it up to us.
272
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,159
What's one thing
that every stag do needs?
273
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,959
Uh...
274
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,560
Mm? Get there quicker!
275
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,399
Ladies. Ladies?
276
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,199
We've got ladies. We've got you two.
277
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,999
No, I'm talking
about ladies of the night.
278
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,919
Are you insinuating that's Aaliyah?
279
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,319
because she's underage
and you are a fucking pervert.
280
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,199
I'm 25. Are...are you?
281
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,319
Yeah, but he's still a pervert.
282
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:08,439
Any...anyway, you find us some
ladies and all will be forgiven.
283
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,359
Right?
You're talking about prostitutes?
284
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,119
Oh, yeah. I can't do that,
it's immoral. I can't.
285
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,999
What? What's wrong with prostitutes?
286
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,399
Look, I get pissed on
and I wipe arses for minimum wage,
287
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,679
and they're out there
getting 200 quid a go.
288
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,599
Are you saying that you don't like
your women with aspirations?
289
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,720
Shameful misogynist.
290
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,679
And on my last night of freedom too.
291
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,359
No. No. I like women.
292
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,279
No, I respect women.
293
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,960
I guess it is a special occasion.
294
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,159
But...but I...I don't know.
295
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,799
I wouldn't know how to or who to...
296
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,759
Idris, you just need to go for it.
297
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,159
Fortune favours the brave.
298
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,039
Look, why don't you start by
299
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,479
talking to those ladies over there?
300
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,920
Those women ov...?
301
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,399
OK. Um...
302
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,839
Well,
303
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,599
you only live once.
304
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,159
Yeah.
305
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,559
Here we go. There you go.
306
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,439
There you go.
307
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,399
THEY CHUCKLE
308
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,799
Hi,
309
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,559
ladies, if that's what you'd like
to be called.
310
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,239
Er, I'm just on my friend's stag do.
311
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,919
Good for you, mate.
312
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,559
Um, I just wondered if you were
313
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,159
working tonight.
314
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,519
And when I say working,
I mean, "working".
315
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,479
I understand what you do is
a valid job,
316
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,680
and it should definitely be legal.
317
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,159
Hey, it's your body.
318
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,639
Do what you want with it.
319
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,079
Even though I'm sure you could do
just as much,
320
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,079
if not more, using your brain.
321
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,839
What are you talking about?
322
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,359
I...
323
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,039
I wondered
if I could procure your services
324
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,799
professionally for the night.
325
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,399
What? You need an accountant?
326
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,199
Oooh, no.
327
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,319
Ah.
328
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,879
Gosh, no. I...
329
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,159
I think I saw what you're wearing,
330
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,079
which is lovely, by the way,
331
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,919
and thought maybe you might be
amenable
332
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,759
to have intercourse in...
333
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,119
..in exchange for some
financial benefit. That's...
334
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,719
You thought we were whores?!
335
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,839
Oh, I'm not sure that's
the politically correct term,
336
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,879
but, yes, I thought
337
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,640
you might be freelance sex workers.
338
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:16,919
Ah.
339
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,800
My...my mistake.
340
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,959
Oh, my God!
341
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,399
Come on!
342
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,479
Would I have made him do that
if I liked him?
343
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:29,919
Er, yes.
344
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,399
You only torture your friends.
345
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,039
He's not my friend!
346
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,919
Fuck sake, he's annoying!
347
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,599
Tim, will you back me up?
348
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,559
PHONE CHIMES
Oh, hey, Lily texted me!
349
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,040
Nah, give me this.
350
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,479
Ah, "BTW...
SHE SCOFFS
351
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,519
"..I'm only drinking lemonade
352
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,319
"because of you know what.
353
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,759
"Don't worry! Kiss, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss."
354
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,679
She's really laying that baby stuff
on thick.
355
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,759
No, it's sweet.
356
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,839
And if she thinks I think she's
pregnant,
357
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,319
it's nice of her to reassure me.
358
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,679
So cute.
359
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,439
It's not sweet.
It's weird and manipulative.
360
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,159
Ah tomayto tomayto.
361
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,119
Right, I've spoken to two lawyers,
a beautician,
362
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,079
and a lady who I think might have
actually been a sex worker.
363
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,039
And they've all slapped me,
so I don't think this is working.
364
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,239
Look, it's fine.
365
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,679
Aaliyah ruined it anyway.
366
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,319
Let's go to the strip club.
367
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,479
Yes!
368
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,800
Are you ready?
369
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,879
No, no, no, no, no.
370
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,280
I can't let him in,
looking like that.
371
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,519
Which one?
372
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,679
Both.
It's a health and safety thing.
373
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,519
Sorry, how is it a health
and safety thing?
374
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,159
Well, he's health, you're safety.
375
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,520
I've got a duty of care to the
strippers, yeah?
376
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,879
Let's just call it a night.
377
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,919
No, no, no, no.
378
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,279
Not on MY watch.
379
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,879
If I'm losing you, we're going to do
something fun first.
380
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,680
If we give up now,
then I'm just as lame as Idris.
381
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,759
Ow. Hey, ladies.
382
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,120
Hi. Sorry, but my pal is dying...
383
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,520
Over there, do you see him, yes?
384
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,120
Thank you.
385
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,479
Sorted. I've got us a strip club.
386
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,679
What? Amazing! Where?
387
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,199
Your book shop. Oh, and by the way,
388
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,359
you owe them 500 quid.
389
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,240
Each.
390
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,359
Right, let's get this party started.
391
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,879
You, pay us the money now.
392
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,079
Yeah. Of course, girls.
Er, women.. ladies.
393
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,400
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
394
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,759
OK, ladies, we're good.
395
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,719
You have 58 minutes 20 seconds left.
396
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,279
Now I give him a lap dance.
397
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,119
Oh, no, no, no, no. That's...
398
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,719
Honestly, you don't need to do that.
399
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,119
This book shop is a place
where everybody is equal.
400
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,199
It's a sort of safe space,
so you really don't need to give him
401
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,199
a lap dance.
Then, what do we do here?
402
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,879
Well, I set up an escape room.
403
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,479
What's that?
404
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,319
I sort of lock everybody in.
405
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,159
And you have to try and escape.
406
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,839
I'll put some fangs on and a cape.
407
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,159
That sounds much more sinister
than a lap dance.
408
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,679
I just dance, yeah?
No, honestly, please. It's..
409
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,799
It's against the values
of a book shop.
410
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,879
Why should it be the poor, repressed
woman who's forced to dance?
411
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,599
If anyone's going to give Tim a lap
dance, why shouldn't it be me,
412
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,799
a man?
413
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,200
Please.
414
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,080
I REALLY don't want that.
415
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,559
Oh, Jesus.
416
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,280
I got to go call Lily.
417
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,359
That was the most disturbing thing
I've ever seen.
418
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,559
And I grew up
during the Balkans war.
419
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,439
So what do we do?
I suppose we could get a coffee.
420
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,079
You, go get us a coffee.
421
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,519
Then I play you.
422
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,719
Oh, yeah. Do you like...
423
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,880
..do you like chess puzzles?
Cos I know some doozies.
424
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,320
Cute masks. Come on, ladies.
425
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,560
I better go
and see where the stag is.
426
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,520
Hey!
427
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,160
Hey!
428
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,199
Those pills kicked in yet?
429
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,799
No.
430
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,719
No, no, they haven't.
431
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,039
What's up with you, gloomy guts,
eh?
432
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,960
What fell down YOUR panties?
Even Aaliyah's having a good time.
433
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,840
Lily's not calling me back.
434
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,919
Right, look, I wouldn't be saying
this if I wasn't your best mate,
435
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,759
but everything's going to be fine.
436
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,879
Now, will you just come in there
and have some fun?
437
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,639
And, listen, you better have a
better time at my party
438
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,599
than Idris's party or I'll kill you.
439
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,320
Come on!
440
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,280
Come on, I've got strippers!
441
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,880
GENTLE MUSIC
442
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,640
MUSIC DISTORTS AND ECHOES
443
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:21,519
Tim? Are you all right, mate?
444
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,119
What the fuck did you give me?
445
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:27,079
Aspirin. I thought this night would
be a lot on your body.
446
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,719
Fuck my body.
447
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,639
My head is gone.
448
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,439
Do you want a lap dance now?
449
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,800
No!
450
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,039
Another you!
451
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:40,079
Are you YOU? Goodness, I miss you.
452
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,399
If you're you, then I missed you.
453
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,559
Oh, I missed you too.
454
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,759
You ARE you!
455
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,479
I gotta be honest,
my mum doesn't have money,
456
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,879
she's terrible with money.
457
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:57,239
Anyway, I know you're not pregnant,
so it's fine,
458
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,159
if you want, we can start over
from scratch.
459
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,399
I AM pregnant.
460
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,079
I understand.
461
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:09,079
The fact that we both lied to
each other means that we might not
462
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,679
be the best bet.
463
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,999
You fucking idiot.
464
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,000
You really think I'll make that up?
465
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,080
It's fine, you lie about everything.
466
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,839
Hang on.
467
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,720
That IS lemonade.
468
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,480
You really are pregnant.
469
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,559
Oh. Oh?
470
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,599
Oh?! That's all you can say?!
471
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,039
Fuck.
472
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,599
I can't believe
you thought I was lying.
473
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,319
I thought we had something.
474
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,439
What was your plan? Hmm?
475
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,319
Have your fun,
then break it off tomorrow?
476
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,119
Be like, "Ha-ha, Lily,
I know you're a lying bitch"?
477
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,719
I wasn't going to say "lying".
478
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,239
Joke.
479
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,519
Joke. It was a joke.
480
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,959
Oh, whatever, man.
481
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,799
I'll figure out this baby thing.
482
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,439
I've always done everything
on my own.
483
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,239
Why stop now?
484
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,519
You know what? Fuck you!
485
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,560
I don't need you.
486
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,240
I love you.
487
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,799
When you're around,
488
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,159
it's the first time I can breathe.
489
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,799
When you're around,
490
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,359
it numbs the anger inside of me.
491
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:25,239
The anger I didn't know I had
492
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,439
until I met you
493
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,919
and it wasn't there any more.
494
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,559
The same anger I see in you.
495
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,879
More than anything,
I want to take it away from you.
496
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,359
And I see flashes where I do.
497
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,639
And I live for those moments.
498
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,039
But here's what I don't see.
499
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,879
Why you would want to be with me?
500
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,719
I bring nothing.
501
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,799
You said it yourself,
I'm not dad material.
502
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,040
So why?
503
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,639
I didn't really understand
any of that.
504
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:06,399
THEY CHUCKLE
But, look, I'm scared.
505
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,799
And you're right, you do bring
very little to the table.
506
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,919
But for some fucking reason,
507
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,880
I feel safe when you're here.
508
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:18,960
I guess...
509
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,679
..I love you too.
510
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,359
I don't know why.
511
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,999
It's your weird maternity hormones.
512
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,480
Totally.
513
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,919
Hang on, is he really going to go
and marry her now?
514
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,799
But...
515
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,959
I don't want to lose Tim.
516
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,719
Well,
517
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,880
I guess it's just you two now.
518
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,679
But I don't want to be friends
with him!
519
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,319
Oh, fuck.
520
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,039
Hold on.
521
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,279
We're having a baby!
522
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,479
That is fucking insane!
523
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,480
Wooo!
524
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,399
A baby.
525
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:08,480
But I'm a freak
526
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,400
I'm a weirdo
527
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:20,240
WHat the hell am I doing here?
528
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:26,600
I don't belong here
529
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:33,000
I don't belong here.
530
00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:37,600
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