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1
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,681
When last we saw
the Caped Crusader...
2
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,151
he was at the altar
about to be married...
3
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:25,850
to the diabolical Marsha,
Queen of Diamonds.
4
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,095
Only the words "I do"...
5
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:33,562
stand between him and
the bonds of wedlock.
6
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,644
I...
7
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:57,510
I...
8
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,346
Say "I do."
9
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:03,217
Stop the wedding.
10
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:13,167
This is no time for
pranks, my good man.
11
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,598
We are in the midst
of a sacred ceremony.
12
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,465
I assure you, sir,
this is no prank.
13
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,901
Who are you?
14
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,599
Ethelbert Soames,
solicitor at law...
15
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,506
with the firm of Soames,
Stillwell and Thistlewaite...
16
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,380
Liverpool, England. My card.
17
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,679
My card. My card.
18
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,549
- What has this to do with the wedding?
- Allow me to present my client.
19
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:45,427
Formerly Miss Henrietta Tillitson of
Morton in the Marsh, Gloucestershire.
20
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,225
What do you mean "formerly"?
21
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:52,805
I mean that for the last seven
years, she has been Mrs. Batman.
22
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,440
Mrs. Batman?
23
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:01,872
Yes. If you'd care to examine
the wedding certificate.
24
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:05,443
Duly attested by the registrar
at Morton in the Marsh...
25
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:08,554
and, uh, dated seven years ago.
26
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:11,315
Why didn't you tell
me about this, Batman?
27
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:15,724
- Eh, uh... It slipped my mind.
- Slipped your mind, indeed.
28
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:19,263
I am not in the practice
of marrying bigamists.
29
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,896
Why, you two-timing Batfink!
30
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:28,641
How dare you leave a poor,
defenseless girl waiting at the altar?
31
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,572
Not poor, I hope, madam.
32
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:34,737
We are instituting a
lawsuit for $1 million...
33
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,611
for the alienation of
the husband's affections.
34
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,754
Ah! Let's get out of here.
35
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,959
Mrs. Cooper.
36
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,659
Why, I wasn't sure you'd
remember me, Batman.
37
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,965
Of course I remember you. I've
always treasured our brief meetings.
38
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:03,302
And I certainly wanna thank you
for the help you gave me here today.
39
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,808
Oh, I'm glad.
40
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,971
I was afraid you'd be angry with us
for stretching the truth the way we did.
41
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,583
Not under the
circumstances, believe me.
42
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,811
If we can be of any
further service, sir.
43
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,388
- As a matter of fact, Mr...
- Alfred will do, sir.
44
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,593
As a matter of
fact, Alfred, yes.
45
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:24,629
Robin is out of commission, I'd appreciate it
if you would accompany me in the Batmobile.
46
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:28,233
Certainly, sir. I've always wanted
to ride in that ingenious vehicle.
47
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:32,030
Good. Again my
thanks, Mrs. Cooper.
48
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:36,142
You were truly superb.
49
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:44,709
Oh, Bruce will never
believe it when I tell him.
50
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,216
We'll have to get to
Robin as soon as possible.
51
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,922
We'll have to drive it as it is.
52
00:04:56,763 --> 00:05:01,133
Anticipating an emergency, sir, I've
brought along a kit of Bat Antidotes.
53
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,427
Good thinking, Alfred.
54
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,730
Incidentally, I forged the marriage
certificate on the Bat Printer.
55
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,408
A remarkable invention
of yours, if I may say so.
56
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,168
Yes, it did the job this time.
57
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,521
The sleep potion I gave before
the wedding is still in effect.
58
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:28,184
Good. Pump another potion
into Boy Wonder there...
59
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,193
and he'll worship me forever.
60
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:34,698
Then I'll make him lead me to the
Batcave, and the Bat Diamond will be mine.
61
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:39,100
Hurry, hurry! Before that Bat
Bigamist partner of his shows up.
62
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,138
Yes, Your Highness.
63
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,270
Where are my Guardians?
64
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,740
They were held up in
traffic, Your Highness.
65
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,674
Forget the Boy
Wonder. Out this door.
66
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,125
Never mind about them,
Alfred. Our first concern is Robin.
67
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,955
Quickly! The Bat Antidotes.
68
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:07,734
We'll use the general all-purpose Bat
Antidote and hope that it takes effect.
69
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,764
Robin. Robin.
70
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,141
It looks like it's
working, Alfred.
71
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,509
What happened, Batman?
How did I get in here?
72
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,582
It's a long story,
Robin. I'll explain later.
73
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:28,277
Alfred, give Chief O'Hara and the
commissioner each one of those tablets.
74
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,754
- Tell the commissioner to meet me at the office.
- Yes, sir.
75
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,984
- Think you can make it, Robin?
- I think so.
76
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,093
- I feel woozy.
- I know.
77
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,959
We'll take you to the Batcave
where you can get some rest.
78
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,964
And we can try to deduce the
Queen of Diamonds' next move.
79
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:46,469
She'll stop at nothing to get
her hands on the Bat Diamond.
80
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:55,045
Can't an old lady take a
bath without being interrupted?
81
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:59,151
Your potion failed,
darling. Miserably.
82
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:03,016
A good hot bath does
wonders for the arthritis.
83
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:07,660
Please, darling, pay attention
when I'm talking to you.
84
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,693
What is it, deary? The potion?
85
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,866
Oh, yes. Well, I
knew it wouldn't work.
86
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:17,834
Those newts I've been getting
lately are very poor quality.
87
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,564
Well, you're going to have
to think of something else.
88
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:23,038
I have to get
inside that Batcave.
89
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,680
I've been in dozens of bat
caves, deary. They're very dull.
90
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,407
This is a very special Batcave.
91
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:34,280
Take it from me, when you've seen
one bat cave, you've seen them all.
92
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,013
Suppose you let
me worry about that.
93
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:42,025
You're going to have to think of something
to put those caped clowns in my power.
94
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:47,997
Oh, all right, darling. All right. Fetch
me my recipe book. It's over there.
95
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:53,930
Is this the one?
96
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,235
Is there a buzzard's
tongue lying next to it?
97
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,503
Yes. Ew.
98
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,446
Then that's the one, deary.
99
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,449
Ah. How about a potion
to make them vanish?
100
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,355
No, no, no, darling.
101
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:19,363
I want them to lead me to the
Batcave and the Bat Diamond.
102
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,864
Just put them in my power.
103
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:24,094
Here's a nice little potion
that turns them into tigers.
104
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,566
Too large, darling.
105
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:26,967
Mosquitoes?
106
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,767
- Too small, darling.
- Ha-ha-ha.
107
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,973
Here's an old potion I
haven't used in years.
108
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,444
It turns them into
nice fuzzy little rabbits.
109
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,116
That's the one.
110
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,378
Unless, of course, they
have type-O blood...
111
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:46,424
in which case it turns them
into giant boa constrictors.
112
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,753
Find another potion, darling.
113
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,079
The Bat Diamond.
114
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,288
What about it, Robin?
115
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,492
To think it's the cause
of all this trouble.
116
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,820
People call it many
different things, old chum.
117
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:25,294
Passion, lust, desire, avarice.
118
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:29,629
But the simplest and most
understandable word is "greed."
119
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,897
Why would Marsha want that
particular diamond? She can't wear it.
120
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,597
You can't wear Michelangelos.
121
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:39,143
You can't wear vintage
cars or old stamps or coins.
122
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:44,215
But to certain collectors, they're
a way of life. In fact, life itself.
123
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,478
Cars and stamps and
coins I can understand.
124
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:51,454
But where would she find a place
to put that diamond of that size?
125
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:55,220
That's an academic question,
Robin. She's not going to get it.
126
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,693
Gosh, I hope not.
127
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:02,796
When you got me out of that bird
cage, you said it was a long story...
128
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,971
and you'd explain it
later. Just what happened?
129
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,666
To you? The same thing that
happened to me. A cupid's dart.
130
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,709
I felt it. But she said
it wasn't poisoned.
131
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:15,643
Probably not in the true
sense of the word "poison"...
132
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:19,718
but certainly it contained
some secret ingredient...
133
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,446
by which your sense and
your will were affected.
134
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:27,559
We were shot by the same type of
dart and it didn't affect you the same way.
135
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,458
Oh, it did, Robin. It did. I just called
on all my resources to combat it.
136
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:36,898
I called on all mine too, but all of a sudden,
there I was on my knees, worshiping her.
137
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:41,473
Oh, it's merely the difference
of a few years, old chum.
138
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:45,202
An older head can't be
put on younger shoulders.
139
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:49,212
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara have
older heads, look what happened to them.
140
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,043
Yes, I know. It wasn't pretty.
141
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,742
But first things first.
142
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:57,048
If you're back in fighting form,
let's have a go at the Batcomputer.
143
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,988
Instead of Marsha
finding the Bat Diamond...
144
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,994
perhaps the Bat Diamond
can lead us to Marsha.
145
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,293
We know she's surrounded by diamonds,
and perhaps if we set the Batradar...
146
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,800
at the emanating
frequency of diamonds...
147
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,007
we could calculate the
reflection pattern of the diamonds.
148
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,871
Make them show up on the Batradar
screen and then figure out the coordinates.
149
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,602
Right.
150
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,441
All set, Batman.
151
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,518
What are the numbers?
152
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:33,923
Got it, Batman. The coordinates are
four, six, seven and nine, eight, one.
153
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:39,161
Four, six, seven.
154
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:43,302
Nine, eight, one. Elevation?
155
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,434
Holy stalactites, Batman.
156
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,802
The elevation is minus 80.
157
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,239
Minus 80.
158
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,915
- Just as I thought.
- Where is it?
159
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,586
Yes?
160
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,761
- It's good to hear your voice, commissioner.
- And yours, Batman.
161
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:12,126
If it hadn't been for you, the chief and I
would be singing love songs to that woman.
162
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:16,133
And if it hadn't been for that resourceful
citizen who saved me at the altar...
163
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,998
I'd be on my
honeymoon right now.
164
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:21,606
I'd like to send that wretched creature
on a honeymoon to state prison.
165
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,073
And I think I know where she is.
166
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:27,971
It wouldn't be that basement of
the building we were in, would it?
167
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,015
Why, yes. She made a remark
about visiting her aunt there.
168
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,777
But how could you possibly know?
169
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,449
Occasionally, we men come up
with a few tricks too, commissioner.
170
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,182
Robin and I are
on our way there.
171
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,793
Be careful, Batman. She
may be waiting for you.
172
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,658
Don't worry, commissioner.
We'll be ready for her.
173
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:50,797
There is no mystery
that man can't solve.
174
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,351
Be careful, Batman.
175
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:10,512
There are some mysteries
no man can solve.
176
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:22,663
As Batman said, if it hadn't been for
you, he'd be on his honeymoon right now.
177
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,462
The Caped Crusader is too kind.
178
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:28,402
After all, I only did what any citizen
of Gotham City would have done.
179
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,099
And lucky you did, sir.
180
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,041
Yes. Good thinking, and
very inventive, I might add.
181
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:36,580
Producing a past wife of
Batman's who never existed. Ha, ha.
182
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,082
Oh, but she very
definitely exists, sir.
183
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,379
Batman's ex-wife?
184
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:46,821
No, no, no. The lady who played the part,
sir. Mrs. Harriet Cooper, Dick Grayson's aunt.
185
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,895
In fact, it was her idea. I'm
giving credit where credit is due.
186
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:57,298
Now I know where I've heard your voice
before. Aren't you Alfred, the Wayne butler?
187
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,801
Yes. Yes, sir, I am.
188
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:04,137
Well, Alfred, if I ever need a wife
on the spur of the moment, I'll know...
189
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,004
Begorra, I forgot.
190
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:09,715
Bonnie said that my wife
called when I was out...
191
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,578
and I haven't called her back.
192
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,412
The same with me, Chief O'Hara.
193
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:15,952
For the same reason,
Commissioner Gordon?
194
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:19,523
Well, being a wife, I'm sure she
wonders about my temporary absence...
195
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,591
from the office as
well as from home.
196
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,525
And being a husband,
what do you plan to tell her?
197
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,426
The truth. What else?
198
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,625
That you were hit
by a cupid's dart?
199
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:33,603
That you pleaded for the Queen
of Diamonds' love on your knees?
200
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,469
That you were locked
in a gilded cage?
201
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,804
It does sound rather
far-fetched, doesn't it?
202
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,606
Sure, and I couldn't have
made up such a story myself.
203
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,476
The wife never would believe it.
204
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,008
If I may interject a thought.
205
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,681
- Please do.
- Please do.
206
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:52,692
My experience with women has been that they
tend to believe what they want to believe.
207
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,988
So knowing you both to be conscientious
gentlemen and faithful husbands...
208
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,856
I'm sure that if you just tell both
your wives that you were involved...
209
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,299
in some special and, uh,
confidential assignment...
210
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:05,767
that will suffice.
211
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,005
Have you ever been married?
212
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:11,504
Eh... Well, no, no.
213
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,680
Alfred, at the risk of
sounding pompous...
214
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,373
experience with women
and experience with wives...
215
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,552
are two vastly different things.
216
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,584
Amen.
217
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:26,789
Well, we've all learned something
from this little escapade, have we not?
218
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:31,021
And now if you'll excuse me, I must be
getting back to my duties at Wayne Manor.
219
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:35,531
- Of course, Alfred, and thank you again.
- Commissioner. Chief O'Hara.
220
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:43,241
If you care to use my private
phone to call home, Chief O'Hara.
221
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,607
- After you, Commissioner Gordon.
- Oh, no, no, no, please. After you.
222
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,180
No, sir. No, sir. It's your office
and your phone. You go right ahead.
223
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:56,053
Are you sure this
potion will work, darling?
224
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:57,814
I think so, deary.
225
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:01,825
Of course there's always a certain
amount of luck in these things, you know.
226
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:05,021
Once, when I was a chemistry
professor at Vassar, I...
227
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:07,826
Darling, please, enough
of your academic past.
228
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,333
Let's concentrate
on the present.
229
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:13,267
Now, Batman and Robin have
already tripped the outer alarm.
230
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,567
They should be on their
way down here right now.
231
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,775
Ah. Our guinea
pigs have arrived.
232
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,284
Holy trolls and goblins.
233
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:32,050
Welcome, darlings. Welcome
to Aunt Hilda's little den.
234
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,989
- She has a surprise for you.
- Careful, Robin.
235
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:41,057
I'm sorry, Batman, but I'm afraid I
must turn you and Robin into mice.
236
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,462
- Mice?
- Mice?
237
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,638
Whee!
238
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,869
What is it, Batman?
239
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,406
I can't tell, Robin.
240
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,407
It seems harmless enough.
241
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:56,777
- You bumbling old hag, you failed again!
- That's no way to talk to an old lady.
242
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,680
You mind your own
business, Boy Wonder.
243
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,753
You're going to be in
enough trouble as it is.
244
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,785
Yes, Your Highness?
245
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,654
Dispatch them.
246
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,261
Yes, Your Highness.
247
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,630
A caldron of creeps, Batman.
248
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:16,962
Well put, Robin.
249
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:30,149
I'm sure this one will work.
250
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:32,648
It's guaranteed to
turn them into lizards.
251
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:37,415
You said the last one would have them
running around on the floor squeaking.
252
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:43,324
This time I'll add a little
more, just to make sure.
253
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,674
Missed again.
254
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:07,520
I don't know what's wrong.
Nothing seems to be working today.
255
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,952
This one has to work.
It's one of my best potions.
256
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:15,390
It better be, darling. My
Guardians are falling like ninepins.
257
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,406
Oh!
258
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,909
Another zero.
259
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:39,416
Playtime is over, darling.
Let the grownups take charge.
260
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,053
Diamond dozing gas, Batman.
261
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,728
Try not to breathe.
262
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:04,873
This is my most powerful
potion. It's never failed.
263
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,443
Like all the others?
264
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:11,414
I'll guarantee this will turn
them into a pair of toads.
265
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,610
I'll stake my reputation on it.
266
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,584
You haven't much to lose.
267
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:22,524
A pair of wriggling
little toads.
268
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,800
No word yet from Batman.
269
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,595
I... I'm getting worried, chief.
270
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,102
Me too, commissioner.
271
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:36,742
That felonious female is a
devilish customer, all right.
272
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,071
Batman and Robin can handle
any male criminal in Gotham City...
273
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,838
but when it comes to women...
274
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:46,280
When it comes to women,
Batman's the big loser, darling.
275
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:49,478
A very big loser.
276
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,089
What kind of trickery is this?
277
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,266
- Where are Batman and Robin?
- Right here.
278
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,368
Say hello to the
commissioner, Bat Toad.
279
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:07,266
The woman's gone daft.
She's taken leave of her senses.
280
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:11,466
I'm afraid it's true,
commissioner. We're right here.
281
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,202
She's got us.
282
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,974
Saints preserve us. The
whole world's come unhinged.
283
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,084
I'll take Circe.
284
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:22,813
Say something to Chief
O'Hara, Robin Toad.
285
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:28,189
Holy hors d'oeuvres, Chief
O'Hara. Keep that cat away from us.
286
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,795
Robin, you poor boy.
287
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,227
Commissioner, is it possible?
288
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:34,798
Chief, I just don't know.
289
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,027
But you remember what she did
to us with that love potion of hers.
290
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,729
She's diabolical, all right.
291
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:45,035
The Dynamic Duo a pair of toads?
292
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,237
Oh, what will become
of Gotham City now?
293
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:51,849
I don't know about
Gotham City, darlings...
294
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,850
but Batman and Robin
will become cat food...
295
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,353
unless I get my hands
on the Bat Diamond.
296
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,755
Oh. Batman...
297
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,189
what should we do?
298
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,193
Better do what she
says, commissioner.
299
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:09,734
Otherwise, Robin and I
will end up inside that fat cat.
300
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,734
Gosh, Batman, I'm
too young to be eaten.
301
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,018
Don't worry, Robin.
302
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:18,439
I'm sure Commissioner Gordon will
cooperate with the Queen of Diamonds.
303
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:23,172
But, Batman, I don't
know where the Batcave is.
304
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,181
That's right, Batman. Nobody
does but you and Robin.
305
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:30,854
I'm sure you could find out if
you use that darling red phone.
306
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,719
Should we do it, Batman?
307
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:35,422
Yes, commissioner.
308
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:38,461
- Oh, commissioner.
- Yes, Batman?
309
00:21:38,697 --> 00:21:40,063
Never mind the phone.
310
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:42,531
- Who said that?
- Not me, Your Highness.
311
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,364
The real Batman
said it. Look over here.
312
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,597
The Dynamic Duo themselves.
313
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,902
Saints be praised.
You're not toads after all.
314
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:53,204
No, we're quite
human, Chief O'Hara.
315
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:58,316
But, Batman, how could those two
toads talk just like you and Robin?
316
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:00,952
Oh, darling, it was
a simple little prank.
317
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,487
- Some prank.
- The Queen of Diamonds was relying...
318
00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:06,818
on the Grand Mogul's ability
as a ventriloquist to deceive you.
319
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:11,259
But, Batman, the Bat Toad talked in
your noble voice just a moment ago.
320
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:12,556
So it did.
321
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,564
You see, Batman knows a
trick or two about ventriloquism.
322
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:19,432
And a few tricks about
getting out of barred cells.
323
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,198
I was wondering how
you managed that, darling.
324
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:26,846
Thanks to the extraordinary
transmitting powers of the Bat Diamond...
325
00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:28,378
which you've been after...
326
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:32,746
we were able to carry on some
long-distance computations in the Batcave.
327
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:36,411
After we wired the bars of the
cell to convert them to a radio aerial.
328
00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:38,715
You see, the tumbler
lock on the cell door...
329
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:45,296
only had 3,724,521
possible combinations.
330
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,727
Child's play for
the Batcomputer.
331
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:50,398
That was very
clever of you, darling.
332
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,401
Take care of them.
333
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,574
Take care of them, I said.
334
00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:00,373
- Pinned like a wriggling toad.
- So...
335
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:04,880
Well, I suppose this is the end
of my little romp, eh, darlings?
336
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:07,883
A one-to 10-year end, at least.
337
00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:12,491
I just hope it's taught you that diamonds
aren't necessarily a girl's best friend, Marsha.
338
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:16,692
Oh, Batman, darling...
339
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:20,697
you are so divinely square.
340
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:49,261
Now, girls, after you've added
the baking powder and salt...
341
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:53,365
throw in a dash of ground
lizard to give it flavor.
342
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,198
Ground lizard?
343
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:59,765
Did I say ground lizard?
I meant garlic, of course.
344
00:24:00,539 --> 00:24:02,770
Then a teaspoon-full of oregano.
345
00:24:03,409 --> 00:24:06,277
All the time Aunt Hilda
was a frustrated cook.
346
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,904
Yes, I think she'll be much happier
with her recipes than with her potions.
347
00:24:10,149 --> 00:24:13,051
I just hope she doesnโt
turn the students into toads.
348
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:17,748
Bruce, would you believe it if I
told you I had a wart on my thumb?
349
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:20,390
Yes, I'd believe it, Dick.
350
00:24:20,759 --> 00:24:22,591
But who else would?
351
00:24:25,431 --> 00:24:30,096
Next week, Cliff Robertson as
Shame corrals the Caped Crusaders.29359
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