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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:10,567 (SHANGHAI SURPRISE PLAYING) 2 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:29,300 * I can't understand how I've gone astray 3 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:33,433 * I should be sailing away on a liner 4 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:37,367 * I was knocked on my back on a dock at Yangtze 5 00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:40,867 * It's a hell of a way to see China 6 00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:42,067 * But I'm ready 7 00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:46,400 * You must be crazy 8 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,900 * And you got no money 9 00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:54,900 * And you're a liar 10 00:00:58,233 --> 00:01:02,633 * My straits are dire from the wok into the fire 11 00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:06,567 * I'd like to trust you but I've broken my rickshaw 12 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,367 * Sometimes there's no hope in 13 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:10,600 * In chasing opium, man 14 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,300 * I'd like to love you 15 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,300 * But I'm not sure what's in your eyes 16 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:18,967 * Shanghai surprise 17 00:01:18,967 --> 00:01:22,767 * Whatever you're saying, I want it anyway in 18 00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:26,067 * Been hanging 'round like a kid at your back door 19 00:01:26,067 --> 00:01:27,533 * Oh, babe 20 00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:30,600 * You could be kinder and show me Asia Minor 21 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,133 * I'll let you love me 22 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,967 * Let you see what's here in my eyes 23 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,800 * Shanghai surprise 24 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,700 * You must be crazy * Crazy 25 00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,700 * And you got no money * Money 26 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,267 * And it seems like madness 27 00:02:11,567 --> 00:02:13,300 * Back streets so crowded that 28 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,833 * No room to swing a cat 29 00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:19,533 * I'd like to know you but you're acting so coolie 30 00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:23,300 * I'm finding out pursued by evil-looking dudes 31 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:27,500 * It's getting hot for me like tofu when it deep-fries 32 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:32,067 * Oh, Shanghai surprise 33 00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:36,067 * But, baby, you look like any common crook 34 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:39,467 * That's hanging 'round in those real shady places 35 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,667 * While you assess me 36 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:44,267 * Why not try to impress me? 37 00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:48,067 * Step over here, let me see what's there in your eyes 38 00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,533 * Ah, Shanghai surprise 39 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:02,133 (EXPLOSIONS RUMBLING) 40 00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:05,500 (DOG BARKING) 41 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:17,933 How can you stuff yourself at a time like this? 42 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:20,600 We should be on our way. 43 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,500 Simmer down, Willie. 44 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,600 We'll go when it's time to go. 45 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,933 Good God, man, the Japs are just down the road. 46 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,600 Don't fret about the Japs. 47 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,500 Their beef's with the Chinese. 48 00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,633 We'll be fine once we cross the river 49 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,600 into the international settlement. 50 00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:43,533 The flowers are ready, master. 51 00:03:43,533 --> 00:03:45,100 Very good, Wu. Thank you. 52 00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:49,367 Good God almighty, 53 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:52,600 we've been hanging about here for a bunch of bloody flowers? 54 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,100 Now, Willie. It's time. 55 00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,533 WILLIE: You're cracked, Walter. You're nuts. 56 00:03:58,533 --> 00:04:01,167 You'll get us killed over a bunch of flowers. 57 00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:03,367 Not your everyday garden variety, Willie. 58 00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:04,500 Take a look. 59 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,733 That's opium. 60 00:04:19,733 --> 00:04:22,067 You're looking at a thousand dollars worth. 61 00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:25,067 Best international currency in the world. 62 00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:27,067 Half the weight of gold, 63 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,333 twice the value. 64 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,500 Nail it up, Wu. 65 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,333 Move out! 66 00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:44,667 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 67 00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:50,900 (WU SHOUTING ORDERS IN MANDARIN) 68 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:09,567 Walter, the bridge is that way. 69 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,600 We're going for China Doll. 70 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,900 For heaven's sake, Walter. 71 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:17,400 There'll be plenty of China Dolls where we're headed. 72 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,633 You ought to be taking notes instead of drinking. 73 00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:23,267 Get a scoop for your paper, 74 00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:26,067 eyewitness to the extraordinary getaway of Walter Faraday, 75 00:05:26,933 --> 00:05:27,800 The Opium King. 76 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,533 The power's out everywhere. 77 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,600 Wu, light some torches. 78 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,467 With the whole Chinese sector about to fall, 79 00:05:52,467 --> 00:05:53,867 (WU YELLING IN MANDARIN) you'd think she'd be waiting. 80 00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:55,067 What the devil? 81 00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:59,133 (SHOUTING IN MANDARIN) 82 00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:05,367 What the bloody hell... 83 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:16,067 We're in luck, Walter. It's not the Japs, it's the Chinese. 84 00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:18,300 Now, look here, old man, we're on our way to the international... 85 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,633 (YELLS IN MANDARIN) 86 00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:28,100 Hello, Mei Gan. 87 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,633 I thought you'd be halfway to Mongolia by now. 88 00:06:32,633 --> 00:06:35,067 I could not leave without bidding you farewell. 89 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,333 Where's China Doll? What have you done with her? 90 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:45,467 She was escorted to a safer haven by your loyal servant Wu Ch'En She. 91 00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:48,967 He should have informed you, as he informed me, you might be coming here. 92 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,967 Now, you will kindly return to me what is mine. 93 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,933 I'm afraid my loyal servant 94 00:06:57,933 --> 00:07:00,367 seems to have double-crossed us both. 95 00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:02,067 He just ran off with it. 96 00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,167 (YELLS IN MANDARIN) 97 00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,767 It won't do you any good. 98 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,700 (SIGHS) 99 00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:14,067 Just the basic necessities for life on the road. 100 00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,600 You know, for emergencies. 101 00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:49,867 For luck. 102 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,333 A man can always use luck. 103 00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,900 I'd skip that one, it's just mothballs. 104 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,600 Run like hell! 105 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,833 (MEN SCREAMING) 106 00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:23,900 Come on. Jump for it, Willie. We've got to get across. 107 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,667 I can't. Walter, I can't. 108 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,267 Come on, Willie. We have to. 109 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,567 Whoo! 110 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:32,633 (SCREAMING) 111 00:08:39,267 --> 00:08:40,267 (SCREAMS) 112 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:42,933 Walter! Wa... 113 00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:06,800 (BOAT HORN BLOWING) 114 00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,167 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 115 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,067 (CAR HORN HONKING) 116 00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:22,067 (MAN SPEAKING JAPANESE) 117 00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:26,567 Thank you, lady. 118 00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:38,167 WASEY: Where's my baggage, you castrated scum? 119 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:40,800 I want my baggage! MAN: You go! You go! 120 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,333 (SHOUTING IN MANDARIN) 121 00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:45,667 Miss Tatlock, 122 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,167 I think we've found our man. 123 00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:50,967 Mr. Burns, you can't be serious. 124 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:56,200 If he can be of help, we'll use the devil himself. 125 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,100 What about my wallet? There was a wallet in this jacket! 126 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:02,033 MAN: You no money. You no go. 127 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:05,433 You stole my last ten bucks, you thieving cornhole pirate! 128 00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:07,000 (WASEY CONTINUES YELLING) 129 00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:10,133 Sir, can we be of any assistance? 130 00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:13,167 Yeah, have you got a torpedo handy? 131 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,300 Look at that. 132 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:19,067 He didn't even finish the nipples on my little sweetheart. 133 00:10:22,733 --> 00:10:24,067 (YELLING) 134 00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:28,333 (YELLING IN MANDARIN) 135 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,633 The Helping Hand aids many a weary traveler, 136 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,333 Mr... 137 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:36,667 Wasey. Glendon Wasey. 138 00:10:37,433 --> 00:10:38,733 (YELLS IN MANDARIN) 139 00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:44,267 We can't help but sympathize with your predicament, Mr. Wasey. 140 00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:47,000 I believe your ship is due to leave on Thursday. 141 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,633 How would you like to earn your fare? 142 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:52,200 Sorry. I'm not cut out for the soup kitchen. Thanks. 143 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,033 Well, all you have to do is make a few enquiries for us. 144 00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:56,533 Yeah? Why me? 145 00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:58,500 You speak Chinese with such flair. 146 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:01,533 Yeah, a lot of good it does me. I might as well quack. 147 00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:04,300 We're anxious to contact a rickshaw puller. 148 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,067 He's the father of a soldier who's lost his leg. 149 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,600 The poor lad is delirious. 150 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,067 I've absolutely no aptitude for the native gibberish 151 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:14,733 and Miss Tatlock's only been here a few weeks. 152 00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:17,400 The boy was barely able to scratch his father's name. 153 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,900 Can you make it out? 154 00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:23,167 Wu Ch'En She. 155 00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:25,933 You see, Miss Tatlock, I knew we'd picked a winner. 156 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:28,667 You know, people don't talk cheap here in Shanghai. 157 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:31,100 I'm gonna need a bankroll. 158 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,467 Whatever you need, Miss Tatlock will provide. 159 00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,167 Not that we don't trust you, of course. 160 00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:39,600 But a person free of financial responsibility 161 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,400 can perform much more efficiently. 162 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:44,900 What is that? 163 00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:49,800 Amy the Killer. 164 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,700 I bought 100 gross of these babies in Canton. 165 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,300 They'll eat 'em up in LA. 166 00:11:53,967 --> 00:11:56,367 They glow in the dark. 167 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,833 As a matter of fact, they're glowing in my crates right now. 168 00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:01,100 Hey, how would you like to come into 169 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,200 the shadows with me and have a peek, baby? 170 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,800 It's perfectly bright enough as it is, thank you. 171 00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,933 You know, I'll tell you something. 172 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,467 There's probably 10,000 rickshaw boys in Shanghai. 173 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:20,200 I'm gonna need a miracle. 174 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,400 You forget my calling, Mr. Wasey. 175 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,967 I believe in miracles. 176 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,767 Loan me ten cents, ma'am, will ya? I'm dry as a bone. 177 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,067 Absolutely not. I do not approve of drinking. 178 00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:51,333 Look at me, I'm shaking. I can't be any good to you like this. 179 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,100 You're wasting your time, Mr. Wasey. 180 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,833 What about rice? 181 00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:57,900 You don't have anything against rice, do you? I haven't eaten in three days. 182 00:12:57,900 --> 00:12:58,967 Very well. 183 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,067 Thanks. 184 00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,067 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 185 00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:17,700 Mmm. 186 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,700 Uh, rice wine. 187 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,600 Look at that. Steady as a brain surgeon. 188 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:30,600 I have something to say to you, Mr. Wasey. 189 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,500 I do not intend to be made a fool of. 190 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,867 You're flippant, facetious, 191 00:13:34,867 --> 00:13:37,233 and I suspect, sorely lacking in moral fiber. 192 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,267 However, I am duty-bound to Mr. Burns to work with you, 193 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:41,133 and I shall try. 194 00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:43,067 We've made a deal, you and I and he, 195 00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,200 and I expect you to live up to it. 196 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,700 Do I make myself clear? 197 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:53,067 You don't like me much, do you, ma'am? 198 00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:55,333 Well, maybe after you get to know me a little bit, what do you think? 199 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,733 I think there's very little chance of that. 200 00:13:57,733 --> 00:14:00,267 I expect our association to be an extremely brief one. 201 00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:01,267 Pick one. 202 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,300 I'll do no such thing. 203 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:07,667 It's degrading to use your fellow man as a beast of burden. 204 00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,833 Yes, but when you're looking for a rickshaw puller, 205 00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:11,833 the best person to ask is the Rickshaw King. 206 00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,767 We'll take a taxi. 207 00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:15,433 Then we'll find the Taxi King. 208 00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:18,267 (ALL CHATTERING) 209 00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:34,067 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 210 00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,267 (ALL CLAMORING) 211 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,933 TATLOCK: This is deplorable. 212 00:14:45,933 --> 00:14:47,433 Give me some money. 213 00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:49,600 You're not going to gamble with mission funds, Mr. Wasey. 214 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,833 You call it gambling. I call it bribery. 215 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:53,100 Either way we've got to loosen some lips. 216 00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,600 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 217 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,667 Come on, Jiminy, whip his ass, boy. 218 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,500 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 219 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,167 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 220 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,200 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 221 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,433 Wu Ch'En She! 222 00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:17,733 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 223 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,067 Wu Ch'En She! 224 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,200 (SPITTING) 225 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,100 Wu Ch'En She! 226 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,667 I don't think this guy's very popular around here. 227 00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:28,400 (SPITTING) 228 00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:32,233 Uh, let's get out of here. 229 00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:33,500 (ALL CLAMORING) 230 00:15:48,733 --> 00:15:51,067 You really want to find this guy, huh? 231 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:53,333 We're not going to be discouraged by one little setback. 232 00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,800 One little setback? I'd call it a lynch mob. 233 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,767 Alcoholics always tend to overdramatize. 234 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:03,700 You're probably right. So, I guess we'll just ignore the guy following us, huh? 235 00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:07,833 It's the horrid man from the cricket fight. 236 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:08,967 He's gaining. 237 00:16:10,633 --> 00:16:11,867 Give me a coin. 238 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,433 Come on, lady, we've got to grease the wheels. 239 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,733 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 240 00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:38,800 (GRUNTING) 241 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,567 (YELLING IN MANDARIN) 242 00:17:08,467 --> 00:17:09,800 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 243 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,433 Uh-oh. 244 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,467 That man is a maniac. 245 00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,300 I need a weapon. What have you got for a weapon? 246 00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:24,600 Here, take that. 247 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,467 (GRUNTS) 248 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,200 (SCREAMS) 249 00:17:38,733 --> 00:17:39,767 (GRUNTS) 250 00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:41,733 Please! 251 00:17:41,733 --> 00:17:42,867 Dear friend. 252 00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,267 Justin Kronk? 253 00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:50,567 I can help you locate a certain gentleman. 254 00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:53,067 Help Mr. Kronk to his feet, Mr. Wasey. 255 00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:55,600 Oh, thank you, dear Madame. 256 00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,600 Am I to understand you can help us find a Mr. Wu Ch'En She? 257 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,300 Shh! 258 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,167 Why does everybody get their peckers in a vice when you mention Wu Ch'En She? 259 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,767 The gentleman is a renegade, 260 00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:10,367 a swindler, and a cheat. 261 00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,267 Is that all they have against him? 262 00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:16,200 He owes most of those men money from gambling debts, 263 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,867 an act of extreme dishonor. 264 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,800 They would kill him on sight. 265 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,700 Now, I personally do not know the gentleman's whereabouts, 266 00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:29,200 but for a small fee, I can take you to someone who does. 267 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,067 (SPEAKS MANDARIN) 268 00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:50,700 My friend presides over a very successful insurance company. 269 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:55,933 But, you know, Mr. Wasey, local custom requires that you conduct a little business 270 00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:58,333 before requesting information from a stranger. 271 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,333 Come. 272 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:08,333 Kronk. 273 00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,300 Venerable sir, 274 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:11,633 I have some business for you. 275 00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:12,433 Ah! 276 00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:21,333 Good afternoon, reverend lady, gentleman. 277 00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:23,767 Please sit down. 278 00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:28,433 My calling name is Ho Chong. 279 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,267 And greeting is deeply extended. 280 00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:35,900 Unlike Western companies, 281 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:41,167 I insure those parts of the body the most precious by my customs. 282 00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:44,067 How big a policy we gotta buy to find Wu Ch'En She? 283 00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:48,733 Ah! Here's a fine bargain. The armpits, the genitals and both ankles 284 00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:51,233 at 40 Shanghai dollars. 285 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,700 What do you got for 30? 286 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:59,733 For $30, I could do the armpits, the genitals and both ankles. 287 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,933 But I could not find Wu Ch'En She. 288 00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:05,100 Okay. How about 289 00:20:06,933 --> 00:20:09,533 the armpits, the genitals... Mr. Wasey! 290 00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:12,733 Would you please conclude this transaction? 291 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,467 All right. We'll take your $40 policy. 292 00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,767 (CHUCKLES) And you, reverend lady, 293 00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,767 would you care protection for certain parts? 294 00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:22,233 No, thank you. 295 00:20:22,233 --> 00:20:24,200 The lips and ears perhaps. 296 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,667 Thank you, I said no. 297 00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,400 Your twin pagodas, maybe? 298 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,467 Definitely not. 299 00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:33,100 Surely you would to protect your haven of celestial bliss. 300 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,833 Dare you! I don't think her haven is in much danger. 301 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:38,500 Mr. Wasey, I demand we conclude our business here. 302 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:45,433 Okay, she'll take the ears, the lips and them twin pagodas. 303 00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:48,833 Uh-huh. 304 00:20:50,133 --> 00:20:52,133 Excellent! 305 00:20:52,133 --> 00:20:53,600 If you will follow me, please? 306 00:20:56,267 --> 00:20:58,433 Am I walking too rapidly, reverend lady? 307 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,233 What's that awful stench? 308 00:21:01,233 --> 00:21:04,500 Oh, merely the fragrance of a successful fishing voyage. 309 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,900 Welcome to the home of Wu Ch'En She. 310 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,067 What a horrible place! 311 00:21:18,533 --> 00:21:22,833 A man in great debt must sometimes live in seclusion to cultivate longevity. 312 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,900 Oh, Master Wu! 313 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:27,800 Wu Ch'En She, I bring friends. 314 00:21:29,267 --> 00:21:30,300 (SHOUTS) 315 00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:35,433 He seldom welcomes his infrequent guests. 316 00:21:35,433 --> 00:21:38,567 Hey, what are you up to? There's nobody down there. 317 00:21:39,867 --> 00:21:41,533 Are you sure? 318 00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:43,333 Yeah, I'm telling you, look. 319 00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:45,933 Well, we must rectify that. 320 00:21:45,933 --> 00:21:47,300 (BOTH SCREAMING) 321 00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,067 (SCREAMING) 322 00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,833 Next time the cargo could be sharks. 323 00:22:01,067 --> 00:22:02,367 (WOMEN CHATTERING) 324 00:22:04,833 --> 00:22:06,133 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 325 00:22:21,867 --> 00:22:23,800 A gift, dear friend. 326 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,533 I'm gonna strangle you! 327 00:22:25,533 --> 00:22:29,900 You know, the Chinese find the juice of the tomatoes the only suitable antidote 328 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:31,867 for the aromas of skunk, 329 00:22:31,867 --> 00:22:34,167 fish and putrefied flesh. 330 00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:36,067 When I get out of this tub, 331 00:22:36,067 --> 00:22:39,067 I'm going to beat you like a red-headed stepchild. 332 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:41,400 But why? I saved your life. 333 00:22:43,067 --> 00:22:45,500 I took you to the Red Society, 334 00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:49,733 an organization with, uh, with an ironic sense of humor. 335 00:22:49,733 --> 00:22:52,100 Had I delivered you to the Green Society, 336 00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:54,167 they would have slit your throat. 337 00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:56,133 Hung you up to drip like a Peking duck. 338 00:22:57,467 --> 00:22:59,900 For looking for the father of a wounded soldier? 339 00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:05,233 Mmm, interesting. 340 00:23:05,233 --> 00:23:07,467 Interesting? What's so goddamn interesting? 341 00:23:08,933 --> 00:23:11,067 My dear friend, Wu Ch'En She has no sons. 342 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,533 So then why am I looking for him? 343 00:23:16,867 --> 00:23:18,933 Perhaps you should ask the pious lady. 344 00:23:25,933 --> 00:23:27,433 Every damn word out of your mouth has been a lie, hasn't it? 345 00:23:27,433 --> 00:23:28,767 I can explain. 346 00:23:28,767 --> 00:23:30,633 Yeah. There isn't any brave little boy 347 00:23:30,633 --> 00:23:32,967 crying for Wu Ch'En She at all, is there? Is there? 348 00:23:32,967 --> 00:23:36,167 Look me straight in the eye and give me a one word answer. 349 00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:37,967 No, there isn't. No, there isn't. 350 00:23:39,067 --> 00:23:41,533 A missionary lying! 351 00:23:41,533 --> 00:23:43,900 It's like pissing all over God's uniform. 352 00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:45,867 If I had told you the truth, you never would have agreed to help us. 353 00:23:45,867 --> 00:23:47,167 Help you what? 354 00:23:47,167 --> 00:23:49,900 Mr. Wasey, at this very moment, tens of thousands of 355 00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:52,300 courageous soldiers are suffering agonizing pain 356 00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:54,067 because of a terrible shortage of morphine. 357 00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:56,433 And not one of them is related to Wu Ch'En She. 358 00:23:56,433 --> 00:23:59,600 That's true, but a year ago Wu Ch'En She betrayed his master, Walter Faraday. 359 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,167 Oh, hold the phone. The Walter Faraday? 360 00:24:02,167 --> 00:24:04,067 Walter Faraday, the Opium King? 361 00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:07,433 Well, anyway, they say Wu stole 1,100 pounds of opium from this Mr. Faraday. 362 00:24:07,433 --> 00:24:09,733 You're looking for Faraday's flowers. 363 00:24:09,733 --> 00:24:12,533 You've heard of them? 364 00:24:12,533 --> 00:24:14,933 I've also heard of El Dorado and the Lost Dutchman Mine. 365 00:24:14,933 --> 00:24:17,933 They don't exist either. You're crazy, you know that? 366 00:24:17,933 --> 00:24:20,500 Do you know what they did to Walter Faraday? Do you? 367 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,167 Answer me, damn it! 368 00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:23,867 I can't. 369 00:24:23,867 --> 00:24:26,867 You smell so bad I can't think straight. 370 00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:29,300 After they shot him, drowned him and burnt him, 371 00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,200 they say he was fished out of the river, 372 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,200 skinned and deboned, then hung up 373 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,267 for everybody to see on the Lower Nanking Road. 374 00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:36,667 That's only hearsay. 375 00:24:36,667 --> 00:24:38,700 Maybe so. But if they'll do that to an Opium King, 376 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:40,067 can you imagine what they're going to do 377 00:24:40,067 --> 00:24:41,733 to the Glow-in-the-dark Tie King? 378 00:24:41,733 --> 00:24:44,133 I'll be seeing you, Miss Tatlock. 379 00:24:44,133 --> 00:24:46,833 What about your ties? What about 'em? 380 00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:50,167 Mr. Burns has them stored at the mission. 381 00:24:50,167 --> 00:24:53,167 You're welcome to follow me there, but please walk upwind. 382 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:10,567 (SNIFFING) 383 00:25:16,567 --> 00:25:20,733 Oh, dear. I sense you've encountered the Red Society. 384 00:25:20,733 --> 00:25:22,733 I'm afraid he knows. 385 00:25:22,733 --> 00:25:24,933 No point in apologies, pal. 386 00:25:24,933 --> 00:25:26,333 I just want my stuff. 387 00:25:28,967 --> 00:25:30,900 You must think we're lunatics. 388 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,233 Lunatics? You're worse than lunatics. 389 00:25:37,233 --> 00:25:39,833 Two missionaries and a Glow-in-the-dark tie salesman 390 00:25:39,833 --> 00:25:41,733 do not just stroll up to people 391 00:25:41,733 --> 00:25:44,933 and ask if they've seen 1,000 pounds of opium lying around. 392 00:25:44,933 --> 00:25:47,633 I told you we picked the wrong man. 393 00:25:47,633 --> 00:25:49,767 This time they threw us in the fish. 394 00:25:49,767 --> 00:25:51,833 Next time we get grinded into cat food. 395 00:25:52,967 --> 00:25:55,233 He's right, you know. 396 00:25:55,233 --> 00:25:57,600 I'm afraid we've been hopelessly irresponsible. 397 00:25:59,833 --> 00:26:01,667 Perhaps this will make up for it. 398 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,067 A ticket? 399 00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:13,467 I paid your fare to Los Angeles. 400 00:26:13,467 --> 00:26:16,867 Your captain will welcome you back with open arms. 401 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:19,333 Your ship sails the day after tomorrow. 402 00:26:19,333 --> 00:26:22,333 I booked a room for you in the Hotel Penang. 403 00:26:22,333 --> 00:26:23,900 It's plain but adequate. 404 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:26,700 And, uh, here's a small contribution... 405 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:28,533 (COUGHING) 406 00:26:28,533 --> 00:26:30,167 ...towards your new clothes. 407 00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:34,533 WASEY: That's mighty white of you, Burns. 408 00:26:40,067 --> 00:26:42,833 Do you have any plans for this evening, Mr. Wasey? 409 00:26:42,833 --> 00:26:45,767 No. No, I don't. 410 00:26:45,767 --> 00:26:49,167 Well, we can't have you leaving Shanghai without tasting the duck. 411 00:26:49,167 --> 00:26:51,400 Will you have dinner with me tonight? 412 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,400 My treat. 413 00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:04,933 I hope you're not offended, Mr. Wasey, but that new tie is a major improvement. 414 00:27:04,933 --> 00:27:07,867 It's a little subdued for me. Boy, this place looks great. 415 00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:10,533 Oh, we're not eating here. 416 00:27:10,533 --> 00:27:12,900 I've got something more elegant in mind. 417 00:27:12,900 --> 00:27:15,333 (BAND PLAYING) Your regular table? 418 00:27:15,333 --> 00:27:17,533 An old watering hole, Mr. Wasey? 419 00:27:17,533 --> 00:27:19,600 I've never been here before. I couldn't afford it till I met you. 420 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,067 PROSTITUTE: Where have you been, Phil? 421 00:27:27,867 --> 00:27:29,067 May I join you? 422 00:27:29,833 --> 00:27:31,733 What are you doing here? 423 00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:34,567 Well, like you, Mr. Wasey, I come for the duck, 424 00:27:34,567 --> 00:27:37,367 for the interesting people, for the beautiful flowers. 425 00:27:38,167 --> 00:27:39,400 The usual, sir. 426 00:27:43,067 --> 00:27:45,300 Gin? I hate gin. Give me whiskey. 427 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:48,600 Naughty boy. You tried to jilt us. 428 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,600 Tried to jilt you? We've missed you, cheri. 429 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,800 Oh, you have? I don't even know who you are. 430 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,567 I see you have quite a following, Mr. Wasey. 431 00:27:54,567 --> 00:27:56,467 Beat it. 432 00:27:56,467 --> 00:27:58,933 Heavens above, has the fetching Miss Tatlock 433 00:27:58,933 --> 00:28:01,067 taken up the oldest profession? 434 00:28:01,067 --> 00:28:03,267 Don't be silly. You have a following of your own there, Tatlock. 435 00:28:03,267 --> 00:28:06,367 My God, Phil, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. 436 00:28:06,367 --> 00:28:08,800 My name is not Phil. 437 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,933 No, you're quite right. You're not Phil at all, are you? 438 00:28:11,933 --> 00:28:15,200 Mr. Tuttle, this is my friend, Mr. Wasey. 439 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,167 Mr. Tuttle is a distinguished journalist. 440 00:28:17,167 --> 00:28:19,067 He's also the foremost authority 441 00:28:19,067 --> 00:28:20,967 on Walter Faraday in Shanghai. 442 00:28:21,967 --> 00:28:23,900 Oh, well, what a coincidence. 443 00:28:23,900 --> 00:28:25,367 Could this possibly be the reason 444 00:28:25,367 --> 00:28:27,900 we're dining in this charming establishment? 445 00:28:27,900 --> 00:28:30,733 I just didn't want you to think we made the whole thing up. 446 00:28:30,733 --> 00:28:34,233 Tell him, Willie. Tell him the flowers really do exist. 447 00:28:34,233 --> 00:28:37,067 Oh, they exist all right, old boy. I've seen them. 448 00:28:37,067 --> 00:28:39,400 Tell him where, Willie. 449 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,600 Faraday's villa, the night he was killed. 450 00:28:42,467 --> 00:28:44,767 Five crates of premium opium. 451 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,533 My God, you look like Phil Borak. 452 00:28:49,533 --> 00:28:51,233 You know, I hadn't the foggiest idea how to help you before, 453 00:28:51,233 --> 00:28:53,400 but now I've seen Mr. Wasey. 454 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,867 I think she'd be amused. Don't you, Kronk? 455 00:28:55,867 --> 00:28:58,933 I think she'd be fascinated. 456 00:28:58,933 --> 00:29:00,767 Who? Who? 457 00:29:00,767 --> 00:29:02,733 I'd like to introduce you to a remarkable woman. 458 00:29:02,733 --> 00:29:05,800 She trained as an imperial concubine. 459 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,067 I'm sorry, but Mr. Wasey isn't here to participate... No, wait. 460 00:29:08,067 --> 00:29:11,933 She is very selective and he is definitely her type. 461 00:29:11,933 --> 00:29:13,500 And she works off the premises. 462 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,367 But we don't have the time or the money. 463 00:29:15,367 --> 00:29:17,967 She believes she's an empress. 464 00:29:17,967 --> 00:29:21,200 The fortunate patron becomes her emperor. 465 00:29:23,967 --> 00:29:27,300 An emperor? I absolutely forbid this! 466 00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:30,167 Her name is China Doll and she's Walter Faraday's mistress. 467 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,533 How much will it cost and when can we pay our first visit? 468 00:29:49,133 --> 00:29:50,400 This could be a setup. 469 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:51,933 Don't be silly. I'm not. 470 00:29:51,933 --> 00:29:54,533 Tuttle could be on some gang's payroll. Kronk, too. 471 00:29:54,533 --> 00:29:57,367 Then why would they agree to help us and then turn around and hurt us? 472 00:29:57,367 --> 00:29:58,533 Everybody else has. 473 00:29:58,533 --> 00:29:59,500 (SIGHS) 474 00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:05,433 Oh, too bad. 475 00:30:07,033 --> 00:30:08,833 I guess we've got to go back. 476 00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:13,833 (EXHALING) 477 00:30:24,867 --> 00:30:26,933 Where did you learn that? In missionary school? 478 00:30:26,933 --> 00:30:28,600 No. 479 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,533 An exclusive girls' school with an extremely strict curfew. 480 00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:38,333 (CAT MEOWS) 481 00:31:45,100 --> 00:31:47,967 It says, "Welcome, Mr. Wasey." 482 00:31:47,967 --> 00:31:49,567 Bon voyage. Have a nice trip. 483 00:31:51,767 --> 00:31:53,733 I've changed my mind. I'm not going. 484 00:31:56,267 --> 00:31:58,200 It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you. 485 00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,267 I promise. 486 00:32:01,567 --> 00:32:03,600 You look sincere, and you sound sincere, 487 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,567 and you're lying through your teeth. 488 00:32:06,467 --> 00:32:07,833 Well, then, 489 00:32:09,733 --> 00:32:12,067 you leave me no alternative. 490 00:32:12,067 --> 00:32:14,067 That's my ticket. 491 00:32:14,067 --> 00:32:15,967 Where did you get that? 492 00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:17,467 You picked my pocket. 493 00:32:17,467 --> 00:32:20,100 I certainly did and I'm quite prepared to tear it up. 494 00:32:20,100 --> 00:32:21,533 Oh, you wouldn't do that. 495 00:32:21,533 --> 00:32:23,100 Yes, I would. 496 00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:25,633 You have no idea of the depth of my determination. 497 00:32:26,433 --> 00:32:28,067 (SPEAKING IN MANDARIN) 498 00:32:28,067 --> 00:32:29,833 (BREATH AWAY FROM HEAVEN PLAYING) 499 00:32:35,967 --> 00:32:38,833 Now I know why cannibals like to barbeque missionaries. 500 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:58,800 * And I was captured by her loneliness 501 00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:08,467 * A wounded tiger on a willowy path 502 00:33:11,133 --> 00:33:13,933 * Like an opalescent moon all alone 503 00:33:13,933 --> 00:33:17,633 * In the sky of a foreign land 504 00:33:17,633 --> 00:33:19,567 * Ooh, ooh 505 00:33:19,567 --> 00:33:22,300 * She can take the breath 506 00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:25,900 * Away from heaven 507 00:34:06,967 --> 00:34:08,633 I see you admire Yehonala. 508 00:34:16,133 --> 00:34:17,467 Was she a queen? 509 00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:23,433 The Emperor fell in love with Yehonala 510 00:34:23,433 --> 00:34:25,700 in the heavenly gardens of the Summer Palace. 511 00:34:27,433 --> 00:34:28,967 She bore his only son. 512 00:34:30,567 --> 00:34:32,767 When the Emperor died, 513 00:34:32,767 --> 00:34:35,633 Yehonala was elevated to Empress Dowager. 514 00:34:39,667 --> 00:34:41,467 (BREATH AWAY FROM HEAVEN PLAYING) 515 00:34:51,133 --> 00:34:52,267 Attend him. 516 00:35:03,667 --> 00:35:06,167 * In another life 517 00:35:08,733 --> 00:35:14,267 * I woke up dreaming with a sigh 518 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,067 * As the morning light 519 00:35:21,367 --> 00:35:26,200 * Was painting whispers of a joy 520 00:35:28,567 --> 00:35:30,667 Take one. It will assist you. 521 00:35:33,267 --> 00:35:34,567 (CHUCKLES) 522 00:35:34,567 --> 00:35:36,833 Well, I don't need any assistance. 523 00:35:36,833 --> 00:35:38,200 Can you be certain? 524 00:35:39,833 --> 00:35:41,333 I'm fit as a fiddle. 525 00:35:42,967 --> 00:35:46,967 My mistress is well-schooled in such ceremonial acts as 526 00:35:46,967 --> 00:35:51,067 The West Wind, The Wounded Tiger, The Willow Path, 527 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,333 The Chair, The Obedient Wife. 528 00:35:57,233 --> 00:36:00,233 She has also mastered the six blown breath stimulants, 529 00:36:01,500 --> 00:36:04,067 the eight shallow penetrations, 530 00:36:04,067 --> 00:36:06,833 the nine minor and 11 major positions, 531 00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:11,833 as well as the technique of passive acceptance, 532 00:36:11,833 --> 00:36:15,733 forceful dominance, contortion and mobile union. 533 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:52,433 * And I was captured by her loneliness 534 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:02,167 * A wounded tiger on a willowy path 535 00:37:04,867 --> 00:37:08,400 * Like an iridescent moon all alone 536 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,067 * In the sky of a foreign land 537 00:37:13,767 --> 00:37:19,333 * She can move your soul without you knowing 538 00:37:22,167 --> 00:37:27,567 * She can take your breath away from heaven * 539 00:37:32,067 --> 00:37:35,800 A good concubine always paints a whisper of pleasure to come upon her emperor. 540 00:38:05,933 --> 00:38:07,733 Do you know what this means? 541 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:12,200 Horse. 542 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,400 Now you must paint on me. 543 00:38:28,767 --> 00:38:30,733 Do you know the symbol for the whip? 544 00:38:31,633 --> 00:38:32,400 Whip? 545 00:38:35,067 --> 00:38:35,900 I'll try. 546 00:38:57,333 --> 00:39:03,633 Tonight we shall begin with the whip and the horse. 547 00:39:07,067 --> 00:39:07,800 Whip? 548 00:39:11,067 --> 00:39:12,700 Where are we going to find a whip at this time of night? 549 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:14,400 (LAUGHS) 550 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,300 Where else, but at the end of the horse's tail. 551 00:39:18,567 --> 00:39:19,633 (EXCLAIMS) 552 00:39:22,633 --> 00:39:23,600 (MOANS) 553 00:40:10,633 --> 00:40:12,600 (DOOR CREAKS) 554 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,800 Mr. Wasey, do you know what time it is? 555 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,900 Uh, late for breakfast or early for lunch. 556 00:40:21,900 --> 00:40:24,600 It is precisely 7:33 a.m. and I'd like a full report. 557 00:40:25,733 --> 00:40:27,567 No, you wouldn't. 558 00:40:27,567 --> 00:40:29,767 What did you find out about Walter Faraday? 559 00:40:29,767 --> 00:40:30,800 Walter who? 560 00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:32,300 Oh. 561 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:33,867 (CHUCKLES) 562 00:40:36,333 --> 00:40:37,500 Nothing. 563 00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:39,500 Nothing? 564 00:40:39,500 --> 00:40:42,000 Well, then, exactly what did you do for eight hours? 565 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,100 Everything. 566 00:40:44,467 --> 00:40:45,800 That's revolting. 567 00:40:47,733 --> 00:40:50,367 I was having such a good time I almost forgot my own name 568 00:40:50,367 --> 00:40:52,700 until I walked in here just now and you said "Mr. Wasey." 569 00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:54,400 (LAUGHS) 570 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,100 Then I suggest you march straight back there for another meeting. 571 00:40:57,100 --> 00:40:58,133 No, ma'am. 572 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:01,067 I'm tired, I'm hungry. 573 00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:02,600 I'm gonna go out and get a huge breakfast, 574 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,067 then I'm gonna come, and I'm gonna lay in that bed 575 00:41:04,067 --> 00:41:06,133 and I'm gonna get a good rest. 576 00:41:06,133 --> 00:41:08,067 And if certain people let me sleep, 577 00:41:09,333 --> 00:41:11,200 then I might consider your request. 578 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,067 Mr. Kronk! 579 00:41:16,067 --> 00:41:18,133 Did you miss anything? Would you like us to repeat it for you? 580 00:41:18,133 --> 00:41:19,833 Please, dear friend, we must talk at once. 581 00:41:19,833 --> 00:41:21,400 Yeah, talk to her. I'm going to breakfast. 582 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,600 But I have urgent information, only ten Shanghai dollars. 583 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,100 Mr. Wasey, you don't understand. 584 00:41:28,100 --> 00:41:30,933 It could save your life. They may kill you. 585 00:41:30,933 --> 00:41:32,833 Look, I love you, Kronk, but you're standing between me and my mission. 586 00:41:32,833 --> 00:41:34,567 What do you mean? 587 00:41:34,567 --> 00:41:36,200 I'm going to have those nice cops over there guide me 588 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:37,567 to the best breakfast joint in town. 589 00:41:37,567 --> 00:41:39,133 Oh, no, no, no, no, you mustn't. 590 00:41:39,133 --> 00:41:40,900 Next time I see you, I'll set you up with a nice tie. 591 00:41:40,900 --> 00:41:42,333 (POLICEMAN YELLING) 592 00:41:44,067 --> 00:41:45,533 (YELLING IN MANDARIN) Oh, no. 593 00:41:56,067 --> 00:41:57,867 Please bring Mr. Wasey a chair. 594 00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:00,433 Mr. Wasey doesn't want a chair. 595 00:42:00,433 --> 00:42:03,500 He wants to know what the hell is going on here. 596 00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,967 I'm not interested in your questions, Mr. Wasey. 597 00:42:08,067 --> 00:42:11,100 Only your answers. 598 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,600 I'm minding my own business and your guys haul me off like a common pickpocket. 599 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,333 Last night you went to see a woman named China Doll. 600 00:42:26,067 --> 00:42:28,700 Yes or no? 601 00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:31,633 Why should I tell you anything? Who the hell are you? 602 00:42:31,633 --> 00:42:35,600 All you need to know is that I'm a person 603 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,100 who can cause you intense pain. 604 00:42:43,067 --> 00:42:46,367 I'm an American citizen. I got a passport registered with the U.S. Consulate. 605 00:42:46,367 --> 00:42:47,433 (CHUCKLES) 606 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:56,433 There was once an emperor named Cheng Wang who ruled during the Chin Dynasty. 607 00:42:56,433 --> 00:42:58,667 His police caught a peddler stealing roses 608 00:42:58,667 --> 00:43:01,800 from the royal gardens one afternoon. 609 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,867 They chopped off his head on the spot. 610 00:43:04,867 --> 00:43:07,367 When the emperor heard about the incident, 611 00:43:07,367 --> 00:43:10,167 he was furious at the leniency of the sentence. 612 00:43:19,633 --> 00:43:22,067 Come on. Wait, look. 613 00:43:24,567 --> 00:43:25,967 I'll tell you anything you want to know. 614 00:43:25,967 --> 00:43:27,667 Indeed you will, Mr. Wasey. 615 00:43:28,767 --> 00:43:30,833 But we must be certain it's the truth. 616 00:43:33,467 --> 00:43:36,067 In your country they have a saying that an alert person 617 00:43:36,067 --> 00:43:37,967 is someone who is always on his toes. 618 00:43:39,700 --> 00:43:43,733 Let us hope that you have a talent for remaining on your toes. 619 00:44:01,100 --> 00:44:01,900 Okay. 620 00:44:03,267 --> 00:44:05,067 I did visit China Doll last night. 621 00:44:06,133 --> 00:44:07,067 Why? 622 00:44:13,167 --> 00:44:15,567 I can't hear you, Mr. Wasey. 623 00:44:17,133 --> 00:44:18,800 Flowers. Faraday's flowers. 624 00:44:19,433 --> 00:44:20,800 Explain. 625 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,400 (CREAKING) 626 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,233 Opium. 1,000 pounds. Five crates. 627 00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:30,967 (LAUGHS) 628 00:44:40,067 --> 00:44:42,067 Thank God you're all right. 629 00:44:42,067 --> 00:44:44,467 Mr. Kronk and I have been worried sick about you. 630 00:44:47,300 --> 00:44:49,733 You are all right, aren't you, Mr. Wasey? 631 00:44:49,733 --> 00:44:52,100 Go away. I'm sick. 632 00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:54,967 Mr. Kronk knew the police were after you. He tried to... 633 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,100 You're drunk, aren't you? 634 00:45:00,100 --> 00:45:02,300 Oh, I am that. Yeah. 635 00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:04,733 Go get under the shower and sober up. 636 00:45:04,733 --> 00:45:05,800 Oh, my gosh. 637 00:45:07,533 --> 00:45:09,200 Did the police do this to you? 638 00:45:10,433 --> 00:45:12,100 They looked like police. 639 00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:16,100 It must have been the police. 640 00:45:16,100 --> 00:45:19,233 That's what Mr. Kronk came to warn you about. 641 00:45:19,233 --> 00:45:21,100 He had heard that they were concerned about our interest in the flowers. 642 00:45:21,100 --> 00:45:23,067 Yeah, the bastard probably told them himself. 643 00:45:24,067 --> 00:45:25,467 Ah! 644 00:45:25,467 --> 00:45:27,733 They wouldn't resort to such barbaric tactics 645 00:45:27,733 --> 00:45:28,967 if we weren't on the right track. And tonight... 646 00:45:28,967 --> 00:45:30,933 Oh yeah. The right track or wrong track, I'm out of it. 647 00:45:30,933 --> 00:45:33,400 And tonight when you have your second meeting with China Doll, 648 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,067 we'll have our breakthrough. 649 00:45:35,067 --> 00:45:36,100 Tonight, 650 00:45:37,467 --> 00:45:39,433 I'm going to be laying right here. 651 00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:47,300 Finding the opium is the most important thing I'll ever do. 652 00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:49,267 I can't find it without your help. 653 00:45:49,267 --> 00:45:52,533 I'm not budging till tomorrow afternoon 654 00:45:52,533 --> 00:45:55,433 where I sail out of your life forever. 655 00:45:55,433 --> 00:45:57,967 Please, Mr. Wasey, I give you my word. 656 00:45:59,700 --> 00:46:02,367 I'll never ask you to put yourself in danger again. 657 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,833 I'll drink to that. 658 00:46:04,833 --> 00:46:06,433 You'll have to volunteer. 659 00:46:09,300 --> 00:46:11,200 I don't volunteer to pass the salt. 660 00:46:13,067 --> 00:46:15,833 You've got to help me. You've just got to. 661 00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:25,067 What are you doing? 662 00:46:26,133 --> 00:46:27,500 You leave me no alternative 663 00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:29,267 but to put you under obligation. 664 00:46:32,100 --> 00:46:34,333 (LAUGHING) No, no. 665 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:36,667 No, you don't. No, no. You're not thinking. 666 00:46:38,633 --> 00:46:40,533 You're bluffing, Miss Tatlock. 667 00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:45,867 I'm merely placing you under the obligation to continue helping me. 668 00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:50,200 Is this something else you picked up in missionary school? 669 00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:53,867 Well, go all the way. 670 00:46:53,867 --> 00:46:56,067 Go ahead. It won't do you an ounce of good. 671 00:46:57,733 --> 00:47:00,067 You're wasting... 672 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,267 You're wasting your time. I'm not gonna look. 673 00:47:12,967 --> 00:47:16,700 Could we please get on with this, Mr. Wasey? We have a lot to do today. 674 00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:19,100 No. Sorry. I had more fun when I had the mumps. 675 00:47:27,633 --> 00:47:29,167 I'm waiting, Mr. Wasey. 676 00:47:31,900 --> 00:47:34,900 You can wait all day, but I refuse to be put under obligation. 677 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,600 That doesn't obligate me one little bit. 678 00:47:46,967 --> 00:47:47,767 No. 679 00:47:55,467 --> 00:47:58,433 You know, it's very pleasant, but I'm still not obligated. 680 00:48:07,067 --> 00:48:08,667 I am a man of steel. 681 00:48:15,767 --> 00:48:18,267 (WHIMPERING) 682 00:48:18,267 --> 00:48:20,667 What did you say, Mr. Wasey? I can't hear you. 683 00:48:26,967 --> 00:48:28,167 Oh, no. 684 00:48:29,100 --> 00:48:30,267 Louder, please. 685 00:48:30,267 --> 00:48:32,133 I'm obligated. I'm obligated. 686 00:48:53,133 --> 00:48:54,500 Hey, watch it with that stuff. 687 00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:57,100 It'll tear a hole in your stomach. 688 00:48:57,100 --> 00:48:59,500 Good, maybe it'll balance the hole in my head. 689 00:49:03,700 --> 00:49:04,900 Oh, Mr. Wasey, 690 00:49:07,433 --> 00:49:09,667 I've messed up everything. 691 00:49:09,667 --> 00:49:11,400 No, you were an angel. 692 00:49:12,133 --> 00:49:13,800 Angel? 693 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,933 I just blackmailed you shamelessly. 694 00:49:17,933 --> 00:49:20,400 Well, don't knock shameless. You were great. 695 00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:25,233 Mr. Wasey, I release you from your obligation. 696 00:49:31,367 --> 00:49:34,567 You mean no more China Doll? No more Faraday's flowers? Nothing? 697 00:49:34,567 --> 00:49:35,700 (HICCUPPING) 698 00:49:35,700 --> 00:49:36,933 Absolutely. 699 00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,267 (SCREAMING) 700 00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:40,333 Miss Tatlock! 701 00:49:40,333 --> 00:49:41,700 (DUCKS QUACKING) 702 00:49:43,267 --> 00:49:44,467 (SNICKERS) 703 00:49:45,367 --> 00:49:46,800 It's not funny! 704 00:49:51,067 --> 00:49:53,900 Well, this isn't going to do much for my reputation. 705 00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:55,867 Most girls reach for a cigarette, 706 00:49:55,867 --> 00:49:57,567 one or two have left in a huff, 707 00:49:58,900 --> 00:50:00,067 but nobody, 708 00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:04,567 nobody has ever jumped out the window before. 709 00:50:04,567 --> 00:50:06,633 You know, I could have stayed home in Brookline, Massachusetts, 710 00:50:06,633 --> 00:50:09,067 and married a nice Ivy League banker. 711 00:50:09,067 --> 00:50:10,600 Why didn't you? 712 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,500 The whole country's standing in a breadline 713 00:50:12,500 --> 00:50:15,833 and I just wanted to do something useful. 714 00:50:15,833 --> 00:50:18,733 Look how I wind up, with a bunch of chickens. 715 00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:21,067 They're ducks. 716 00:50:21,067 --> 00:50:22,433 (SOBBING) 717 00:50:22,433 --> 00:50:25,633 Oh, maybe your luck is changing. 718 00:50:27,167 --> 00:50:29,800 I intend to honor my obligation. 719 00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:33,833 No, I just couldn't let myself ask you to do another thing for me. 720 00:50:33,833 --> 00:50:36,733 But still I got to insist. I'm a man of my word. 721 00:50:36,733 --> 00:50:39,800 I mean, you've done enough for me already. 722 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,700 Miss Tatlock... I will not have you seeing that woman again. 723 00:50:44,233 --> 00:50:45,800 I won't have to. 724 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,400 You don't really think I spent all that time 725 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:51,400 with China Doll without asking her about Walter Faraday, do you? 726 00:50:56,100 --> 00:50:57,900 It was a delicate subject. 727 00:51:00,633 --> 00:51:03,233 I had to pick just the right moment to bring it on. 728 00:51:03,233 --> 00:51:05,167 (MOANING) 729 00:51:05,167 --> 00:51:07,467 Don't stop. Oh, God! Don't stop. Don't stop. 730 00:51:08,367 --> 00:51:10,367 Wasey, 731 00:51:10,367 --> 00:51:12,300 don't you think it's time for you 732 00:51:12,300 --> 00:51:14,633 to ask me about the true purpose of your visit? 733 00:51:15,667 --> 00:51:17,567 Now? 734 00:51:17,567 --> 00:51:21,367 What better time for two people to reveal the truth? 735 00:51:22,967 --> 00:51:25,500 The truth? What truth? 736 00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:28,400 The truth about Faraday's flowers. 737 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,367 Oh, that. What about 'em? 738 00:51:31,967 --> 00:51:34,067 (MOANS) 739 00:51:34,067 --> 00:51:37,467 They say the flowers were stolen by a servant, 740 00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:41,767 Wu Ch'En She. 741 00:51:43,933 --> 00:51:45,467 I knew that already. 742 00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:50,300 Perhaps I can help you. 743 00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:52,633 Later. 744 00:51:54,367 --> 00:51:55,867 Later you may forget. 745 00:51:57,300 --> 00:52:00,833 When Walter insisted I leave Shanghai with him, 746 00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:01,933 Wu hid me. 747 00:52:02,767 --> 00:52:04,933 And in return, 748 00:52:04,933 --> 00:52:07,533 I arranged a buyer for the opium he would steal. 749 00:52:08,633 --> 00:52:11,200 His name is Joe Go. 750 00:52:13,233 --> 00:52:15,133 Joe Go? Where do I find this Joe Go? 751 00:52:15,133 --> 00:52:16,767 Mmm, later, Wasey. 752 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,933 (MOANS) 753 00:52:20,933 --> 00:52:23,700 TATLOCK: Well, for heaven's sakes, did she tell you where to find this Joe Go? 754 00:52:26,933 --> 00:52:28,700 Glendon, I'm talking to you. 755 00:52:30,067 --> 00:52:31,733 Oh. Um... 756 00:52:31,733 --> 00:52:33,133 (CLEARS THROAT) 757 00:52:33,133 --> 00:52:35,533 Well, of course she told me where to find him. 758 00:52:35,533 --> 00:52:38,767 Why didn't you tell me before? 759 00:52:38,767 --> 00:52:41,867 Quite frankly, Miss Tatlock, I couldn't stand you before. 760 00:52:43,233 --> 00:52:44,200 (LAUGHS) 761 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:16,333 You are Mr. Wasey? 762 00:53:17,167 --> 00:53:18,067 Yeah. 763 00:53:18,867 --> 00:53:20,267 Joe Go awaits you. 764 00:53:27,633 --> 00:53:29,067 Joe Go, a regular Dizzy Dean, huh? 765 00:53:29,067 --> 00:53:30,167 (LAUGHS) 766 00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:35,700 What do you think? You ever see Dizzy pitch? 767 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:37,467 Sure. 768 00:53:37,467 --> 00:53:39,300 I saw him beat the Reds on the Fourth of July at Crosley Field. 769 00:53:39,300 --> 00:53:41,100 Fantastic! 770 00:53:41,100 --> 00:53:43,600 So what's a nice all-American boy like you 771 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,933 want with 1,000 pounds of opium, huh? 772 00:53:46,933 --> 00:53:51,233 Would you believe that's what it takes to get back to Los Angeles these days? 773 00:53:51,233 --> 00:53:53,433 China Doll said you have a pretty face 774 00:53:53,433 --> 00:53:56,200 and I should tell you all I know about Faraday's flowers. 775 00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,400 Okay. 776 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,233 About a year ago Joe Go put up big down payment 777 00:54:01,233 --> 00:54:05,133 so Wu Ch'en She can deliver five crates of super Grade A opium. 778 00:54:05,133 --> 00:54:07,733 Only crates turn into five loads of super grade A bricks 779 00:54:07,733 --> 00:54:10,567 and one small ball of Faraday's opium. 780 00:54:10,567 --> 00:54:13,167 Someone pulled a switch. Wu Ch'En She? 781 00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:14,900 Definitely not Wu. 782 00:54:14,900 --> 00:54:17,300 Joe Go have Yamagani San beat Wu to a pulp. 783 00:54:18,467 --> 00:54:20,533 No, if someone make the switch, 784 00:54:20,533 --> 00:54:22,500 Joe Go bet on Faraday. 785 00:54:24,933 --> 00:54:26,133 What was that? 786 00:54:27,067 --> 00:54:28,700 Very hot item. 787 00:54:28,700 --> 00:54:31,833 Joe Go call it Shanghai Surprise. 788 00:54:33,233 --> 00:54:36,433 See. Stockpiling's hell of a damn good business. 789 00:54:36,433 --> 00:54:37,567 Look. 790 00:54:37,567 --> 00:54:39,633 Coca-Cola, Budweiser, 791 00:54:39,633 --> 00:54:42,800 Gillette Blue Blades. Opium, penny ante business. 792 00:54:44,833 --> 00:54:47,667 Do you think the flowers still exist? 793 00:54:47,667 --> 00:54:51,733 Joe Go ask himself, "If flowers don't exist, why does Wu still exist?" 794 00:54:51,733 --> 00:54:53,167 You mean he's really alive? 795 00:54:53,167 --> 00:54:54,933 Could we speak to him? 796 00:54:54,933 --> 00:54:57,300 Tell you what, Joe Go out his down payment. 797 00:54:58,500 --> 00:55:00,367 You want to speak to Wu? 798 00:55:00,367 --> 00:55:02,200 You take Joe Go off the hook. Okay? 799 00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:03,833 Okay. 800 00:55:03,833 --> 00:55:04,900 Let's see. 801 00:55:05,633 --> 00:55:08,067 I have, uh, $38. 802 00:55:08,067 --> 00:55:10,833 Sister, $38 may get you ten cartons of Lucky Strike Greens, 803 00:55:10,833 --> 00:55:12,900 but Joe Go is in hole for 12,000 big ones. 804 00:55:15,833 --> 00:55:18,067 I might have something worth more than that. 805 00:55:42,533 --> 00:55:45,533 Jo Go know fastball, curveball, change-up, 806 00:55:45,533 --> 00:55:47,700 even the elusive screwball. 807 00:55:47,700 --> 00:55:49,967 But what the hell was this wondrous pitch? 808 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:52,800 A knuckleball. 809 00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:57,233 Ah, yes. Word of this magic has come to Joe Go's ears. 810 00:55:58,933 --> 00:56:00,300 You will teach me? 811 00:56:02,533 --> 00:56:04,433 After you bring us to Wu Ch'En She. 812 00:56:05,767 --> 00:56:06,767 Teach first. 813 00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:21,967 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 814 00:56:29,467 --> 00:56:30,833 I'd stay here if I were you. 815 00:56:30,833 --> 00:56:32,400 Don't be silly. 816 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,433 This could be the end of our search. 817 00:56:36,067 --> 00:56:37,167 Okay, let's go. 818 00:56:37,167 --> 00:56:38,367 (MAN COUGHING) 819 00:56:41,233 --> 00:56:42,600 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 820 00:56:53,533 --> 00:56:54,800 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 821 00:57:23,067 --> 00:57:24,333 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 822 00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:35,067 Hey! Hey! 823 00:57:35,067 --> 00:57:36,933 Give me my purse back! 824 00:57:36,933 --> 00:57:38,333 (TATLOCK SCREAMING) 825 00:57:41,133 --> 00:57:42,400 Glen! 826 00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:43,867 (ALL CLAMORING) 827 00:57:43,867 --> 00:57:44,667 Glen! 828 00:57:46,833 --> 00:57:48,067 (WU YELLING) 829 00:58:16,067 --> 00:58:17,400 Are you Wu Ch'En She? 830 00:58:20,433 --> 00:58:21,600 (MAN COUGHING) 831 00:58:25,167 --> 00:58:26,900 Where are Faraday's flowers? 832 00:58:37,100 --> 00:58:38,733 Who did this to you? Who? 833 00:58:40,933 --> 00:58:42,233 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 834 00:58:44,500 --> 00:58:49,200 I'm not sure, but I think it means "The last phoenix." Whatever that is. 835 00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:52,867 Well, in Chinese mythology, the phoenix has always been a symbol of benevolence. 836 00:58:52,867 --> 00:58:55,967 What puzzles me is why you were tortured. 837 00:58:55,967 --> 00:58:58,867 It's just that, since the occupation, 838 00:58:58,867 --> 00:59:02,633 the police have stopped torturing people except for purely political reasons. 839 00:59:02,633 --> 00:59:04,633 That makes sense. 840 00:59:04,633 --> 00:59:05,967 I mean, this guy stopped stretching my neck 841 00:59:05,967 --> 00:59:07,667 the minute I mentioned opium. 842 00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:10,733 Sadistic no-hands bastard. 843 00:59:10,733 --> 00:59:11,667 (CHOKING) 844 00:59:20,067 --> 00:59:22,433 No hands? Are you certain? 845 00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:24,500 Well, it's pretty hard to make a mistake about a thing like that. 846 00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:27,467 I saw a Chinese officer called Mei Gan 847 00:59:27,467 --> 00:59:30,300 have his hands blown off the night Walter was killed. 848 00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:32,833 Like everyone else, I've always thought 849 00:59:32,833 --> 00:59:36,100 that the bad blood between those two had to do with the opium. 850 00:59:36,100 --> 00:59:37,700 But looking back on the meticulous way 851 00:59:37,700 --> 00:59:39,767 he searched that money belt, 852 00:59:39,767 --> 00:59:43,767 it's entirely possible the dispute between them had to do with something else. 853 00:59:43,767 --> 00:59:47,400 There was a warlord in the North who became an outlaw. 854 00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:51,067 His name was also Mei Gan. 855 00:59:54,067 --> 00:59:56,400 You know everything, don't you, Kronk? I beg your pardon? 856 00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,067 Yeah, you know when the police want to see me, 857 00:59:58,067 --> 01:00:00,067 you know where to get insurance, you know who is who. 858 01:00:00,067 --> 01:00:02,033 You probably know how many damn freckles I have on my ass! 859 01:00:02,033 --> 01:00:04,233 Glendon! What's the matter with you? 860 01:00:04,233 --> 01:00:05,433 Him! He's what's the matter with me. 861 01:00:05,433 --> 01:00:07,867 I mean, who is this guy? What does he want? 862 01:00:07,867 --> 01:00:10,000 I should be happy to answer you, Mr. Wasey. 863 01:00:12,867 --> 01:00:16,500 I think you're a very enterprising individual. 864 01:00:16,500 --> 01:00:20,533 I have no doubt whatsoever that you will accomplish your task. 865 01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:23,300 I am just as certain that in some small way 866 01:00:23,300 --> 01:00:25,633 I will help you achieve your goal. 867 01:00:25,633 --> 01:00:30,067 And if I am correct, I expect to be rewarded. 868 01:00:30,067 --> 01:00:31,933 As I'm sure Mr. Tuttle here 869 01:00:31,933 --> 01:00:34,633 expects fair payment for services rendered. 870 01:00:34,633 --> 01:00:36,533 After all, dear boy, 871 01:00:36,533 --> 01:00:38,633 it was I that introduced you to China Doll. 872 01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,567 We're The Helping Hand, 873 01:00:42,567 --> 01:00:44,867 not Handouts Anonymous. 874 01:00:44,867 --> 01:00:46,667 Come on, let's get out of here. 875 01:00:59,433 --> 01:01:01,167 I wish you'd give up this opium business 876 01:01:01,167 --> 01:01:03,200 and just go back to saving souls. 877 01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:06,767 Mr. Wasey, believe me, I'm not some little lamb who's lost in the woods. 878 01:01:06,767 --> 01:01:09,167 No, you're not lost in woods, you're lost in a jungle. 879 01:01:09,167 --> 01:01:11,200 Shanghai is the most dangerous city... 880 01:01:13,433 --> 01:01:15,067 See what I mean? 881 01:01:15,067 --> 01:01:16,400 Joe Go awaits you. 882 01:01:21,067 --> 01:01:24,067 Well, you can just tell Joe Go to await us a little longer, okay? 883 01:01:24,067 --> 01:01:24,967 (GRUNTS) 884 01:01:27,167 --> 01:01:28,567 Joe Go await you now! 885 01:01:32,133 --> 01:01:34,567 Looks like we're in for a little night baseball. 886 01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:40,733 Hey, Big Stick! Joe Go on pins and needles. 887 01:01:42,067 --> 01:01:45,067 What did old Hookah Head have to say, huh? 888 01:01:45,067 --> 01:01:48,933 Well, he blinked a few times, blew a few smoke rings 889 01:01:48,933 --> 01:01:51,833 and whistled a mean chorus of Beat Me, Daddy, Eight to the Bar. 890 01:01:51,833 --> 01:01:55,200 Don't throw Joe Go curveball, Big Stick! 891 01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:58,067 Just explain what he said about monkey business around neck. 892 01:01:59,567 --> 01:02:01,767 Tell him, Glen. What have we got to lose? 893 01:02:04,700 --> 01:02:06,767 All he said was, "The last phoenix." 894 01:02:09,267 --> 01:02:10,567 Son of a gun. 895 01:02:10,567 --> 01:02:12,567 Yeah, something to do with Chinese mythology. 896 01:02:12,567 --> 01:02:14,533 (CHUCKLES) Mythology? 897 01:02:14,533 --> 01:02:16,600 Joe Go, student of Chinese mythology shit. 898 01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:19,600 Phoenix, huh? Okay. 899 01:02:21,767 --> 01:02:25,967 First phoenix come up to bat during the reign of Huang-ti, Yellow Emperor. 900 01:02:25,967 --> 01:02:28,100 Phoenix come up to bat last time 901 01:02:28,100 --> 01:02:30,133 when it scratch at grave of Hung-wu, 902 01:02:30,133 --> 01:02:32,567 first emperor of the Ming. 903 01:02:32,567 --> 01:02:35,067 Scratched at the emperor's... It doesn't mean anything, does it? 904 01:02:35,067 --> 01:02:37,767 Wu not only junkie, but, uh, crazy as a bedbug. 905 01:02:37,767 --> 01:02:39,967 (CHUCKLING) 906 01:02:39,967 --> 01:02:42,267 Oh, Joe Go very, very sorry about bump on head. 907 01:02:43,333 --> 01:02:45,333 But just pretend it was wild pitch. 908 01:02:46,267 --> 01:02:47,567 Okey-dokey. 909 01:02:47,567 --> 01:02:48,467 Let's go. 910 01:02:55,067 --> 01:02:58,067 Well, Miss Tatlock, I guess this is the end of the line for me. 911 01:02:58,067 --> 01:02:59,900 What time does your boat leave tomorrow? 912 01:02:59,900 --> 01:03:01,167 4:00. 913 01:03:02,767 --> 01:03:05,067 I'll try to get down to the docks to see you off. 914 01:03:09,067 --> 01:03:10,067 (GROANS) 915 01:03:13,067 --> 01:03:14,433 Well, I'd like that. 916 01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,367 I better take this taxi. 917 01:03:25,967 --> 01:03:26,867 (SIGHS) 918 01:03:36,100 --> 01:03:37,200 Miss Tatlock, 919 01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:43,067 do you ever wonder about what might have happened if we had met someplace else? 920 01:03:43,067 --> 01:03:44,833 The bar at the Coconut Grove or... 921 01:03:46,133 --> 01:03:48,500 Oh, make it a church picnic, Easter Sunday. 922 01:03:48,500 --> 01:03:49,600 (GIGGLING) 923 01:03:51,367 --> 01:03:53,833 You've never been to a church picnic in your life. 924 01:03:55,333 --> 01:03:57,467 That's right, I haven't. 925 01:03:57,467 --> 01:03:58,433 Thank Burns for me, all right? 926 01:03:58,433 --> 01:03:59,667 For what? 927 01:03:59,667 --> 01:04:02,600 For the intro. 928 01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:06,067 If it hadn't been for him, we never would have met in a million years. 929 01:04:07,933 --> 01:04:08,733 Wait. 930 01:04:10,467 --> 01:04:12,567 Oh. I'm sorry. 931 01:04:16,233 --> 01:04:17,667 I don't mind. 932 01:04:17,667 --> 01:04:18,733 (SOMEPLACE ELSE PLAYING) 933 01:04:18,733 --> 01:04:22,067 * I hope you won't let go 934 01:04:22,067 --> 01:04:24,933 * Maybe you'll let me know 935 01:04:26,567 --> 01:04:30,933 * That you'll be saddened like you've never been 936 01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:33,333 * Regretting that we'll leave 937 01:04:35,733 --> 01:04:40,200 * And for a while I could comfort you 938 01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:42,933 * And hold you for some time 939 01:04:45,267 --> 01:04:50,067 * I need you now to be beside me 940 01:04:50,067 --> 01:04:54,533 * While all my world is sad and crazy 941 01:04:54,533 --> 01:04:56,400 * Loneliness 942 01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:01,200 * Empty faces 943 01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:03,867 * Wish I could leave them all 944 01:05:03,867 --> 01:05:05,833 * In someplace else 945 01:05:13,667 --> 01:05:16,833 Good evening, Mr. Wasey. 946 01:05:16,833 --> 01:05:18,933 We regret the necessity for the hostile behavior, 947 01:05:18,933 --> 01:05:22,200 but we didn't feel you'd receive us cordially. 948 01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,067 I'm so sorry. I really do abhor these nasty little things. 949 01:05:25,067 --> 01:05:27,833 You better keep it on me or I'm gonna have to kick you out of here. 950 01:05:27,833 --> 01:05:30,633 As you wish. We'll get straight to the point. 951 01:05:30,633 --> 01:05:33,300 After dinner... We went to Mr. Tuttle's newspaper 952 01:05:33,300 --> 01:05:35,233 and looked up Mei Gan in the morgue. 953 01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:37,167 Look. 954 01:05:42,367 --> 01:05:45,333 WASEY: That's the son-of-a-bitch before he lost his hands. 955 01:05:45,333 --> 01:05:47,900 But... But look at the headline on that clipping. 956 01:05:47,900 --> 01:05:51,767 "Did This Man Loot the Royal Tombs?" 957 01:05:51,767 --> 01:05:56,800 It would appear that Mei Gan added grave robbing to his repertoire of activities. 958 01:05:58,333 --> 01:06:01,067 Would you care to guess who Mei Gan is sitting with? 959 01:06:06,733 --> 01:06:08,600 You tell me. 960 01:06:08,600 --> 01:06:10,700 My dear departed friend, Walter Faraday. 961 01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:13,567 Wait a minute. 962 01:06:15,633 --> 01:06:19,067 They say the last phoenix scratched at the emperor's grave. 963 01:06:19,067 --> 01:06:20,867 So, if Mei Gan also robbed graves, 964 01:06:20,867 --> 01:06:22,833 that would be why Wu'd call him the last phoenix. 965 01:06:22,833 --> 01:06:23,867 Very good. 966 01:06:25,567 --> 01:06:27,633 And one of the graves he plundered 967 01:06:27,633 --> 01:06:29,567 was the tomb of the Empress Tzu Hsi. 968 01:06:31,567 --> 01:06:36,133 The Empress Tzu Hsi was also known by her family name, Yehonala. 969 01:06:36,133 --> 01:06:37,067 Yehonala? 970 01:06:39,933 --> 01:06:41,067 (CHUCKLING) 971 01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:45,233 Boys, I owe you a dinner. 972 01:06:47,233 --> 01:06:48,633 (DOOR OPENS) 973 01:06:48,633 --> 01:06:49,733 (DOOR SHUTS) 974 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:56,967 WASEY: I have come to ask something only Yehonala would know. 975 01:06:56,967 --> 01:07:00,600 What treasures did the warlord Mei Gan plunder from your tomb? 976 01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,833 Do you think I would reveal to you what I have told no one else 977 01:07:03,833 --> 01:07:06,833 merely because you resemble someone I once cared for? 978 01:07:06,833 --> 01:07:08,600 Not at all. I'm hoping you'd tell me 979 01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:11,800 so that I can convince some good people they're chasing a rainbow. 980 01:07:14,067 --> 01:07:16,633 The desecrator Mei Gan stole everything. 981 01:07:20,233 --> 01:07:23,600 Yehonala's paintings, swords, scrolls, 982 01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:30,067 my porcelain dreams and my heavenly gardens. 983 01:07:31,233 --> 01:07:33,467 Heavenly gardens? A flower garden? 984 01:07:35,233 --> 01:07:36,833 A bouquet of beautiful violets. 985 01:07:42,300 --> 01:07:43,600 Stems, emeralds. 986 01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:47,233 The buds, rubies. 987 01:07:47,233 --> 01:07:48,633 The leaves, diamonds. 988 01:07:49,567 --> 01:07:51,067 Faraday's flowers. 989 01:07:51,067 --> 01:07:52,467 Yehonala's flowers. 990 01:07:55,067 --> 01:07:56,833 Faraday stole them from Mei Gan. 991 01:07:59,567 --> 01:08:02,067 Walter was persuaded to retrieve from a thief 992 01:08:03,233 --> 01:08:05,067 what always belonged to Yehonala. 993 01:08:07,633 --> 01:08:08,667 All right. 994 01:08:10,467 --> 01:08:13,400 I'll tell my friends only that the opium does not exist. 995 01:08:14,867 --> 01:08:17,633 Yehonala has done me a great service. 996 01:08:17,633 --> 01:08:19,333 She also makes me very sad. 997 01:08:20,233 --> 01:08:21,433 Why sad, Wasey? 998 01:08:23,167 --> 01:08:24,433 I've met Mei Gan. 999 01:08:26,067 --> 01:08:29,867 He'll stop at nothing to get back what Faraday took from him. 1000 01:08:29,867 --> 01:08:32,167 He'll come after you. 1001 01:08:32,167 --> 01:08:33,833 Mei Gan came to me a year ago, 1002 01:08:34,900 --> 01:08:36,200 after Walter died. 1003 01:08:45,733 --> 01:08:47,067 He did this to me. 1004 01:09:06,067 --> 01:09:07,400 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 1005 01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:08,267 Okay. 1006 01:09:18,500 --> 01:09:19,500 (GUNSHOT) 1007 01:09:32,067 --> 01:09:34,600 You've been a most resourceful young man. 1008 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:36,267 I commend you. 1009 01:09:36,267 --> 01:09:37,700 Look, whatever you want to know, I'll tell you. 1010 01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:39,500 (SCOFFS) 1011 01:09:39,500 --> 01:09:42,400 You've not only mastered the enigma of Chinese mythology, 1012 01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:44,700 but judging from where you've just come, 1013 01:09:44,700 --> 01:09:48,633 I suspect you've also solved the mystery of the Heavenly Gardens. 1014 01:09:48,633 --> 01:09:51,900 Look, it was opium I was after, not jewels. 1015 01:09:51,900 --> 01:09:54,367 4:00 this afternoon, I'm on my way back to Los Angeles. 1016 01:09:54,367 --> 01:09:56,467 Oh. How do you intend to travel? 1017 01:09:56,467 --> 01:09:58,400 By steamship or burlap sack? 1018 01:10:00,067 --> 01:10:01,400 You've got to be kidding. 1019 01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:04,233 I assure you if your answer is burlap sack, 1020 01:10:04,233 --> 01:10:06,067 I can accommodate you immediately. 1021 01:10:06,067 --> 01:10:07,633 Steamship, of course. 1022 01:10:07,633 --> 01:10:09,433 Good. Then you are free to embark 1023 01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:13,300 the moment you return the Heavenly Gardens to me. 1024 01:10:14,833 --> 01:10:17,567 You know who has them. Why can't you just get them? 1025 01:10:17,567 --> 01:10:21,333 Because the lady is immune to my methods of persuasion. 1026 01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:22,867 So what makes you think I'm going to be more successful? 1027 01:10:22,867 --> 01:10:24,300 I mean, she's crazy. 1028 01:10:25,300 --> 01:10:26,900 She thinks she's an empress. 1029 01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:31,733 (SIGHS) 1030 01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:42,067 In your country when two men conclude a deal, 1031 01:10:42,067 --> 01:10:44,233 I believe it's customary to shake hands. 1032 01:10:48,167 --> 01:10:50,600 Don't be impolite, Mr. Wasey. It would offend me. 1033 01:11:00,967 --> 01:11:02,067 (GROANING) 1034 01:11:12,067 --> 01:11:13,067 No opium? 1035 01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,167 My source was so reliable. 1036 01:11:18,700 --> 01:11:22,400 I can't believe that Faraday's flowers was merely a bunch of jewels. 1037 01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:23,967 Merely a bunch of jewels? 1038 01:11:25,167 --> 01:11:26,067 Jesus Christ! 1039 01:11:29,133 --> 01:11:32,133 Would you... Tell him, we've hit the jackpot here. 1040 01:11:32,133 --> 01:11:35,467 Mr. Burns, those jewels can buy more opium than we've ever dreamed of. 1041 01:11:35,467 --> 01:11:38,233 We are missionaries, Miss Tatlock. 1042 01:11:38,233 --> 01:11:41,800 We're not in the business of fencing stolen property. 1043 01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:44,733 Well, we can't turn our back on those suffering men. 1044 01:11:44,733 --> 01:11:47,700 She won't just hand you the jewels. 1045 01:11:47,700 --> 01:11:50,167 From what you've told us, this woman's crazy. 1046 01:11:50,167 --> 01:11:54,067 Look, so she's crazy. Maybe she's just crazy enough... 1047 01:11:54,067 --> 01:11:57,833 Maybe she's just crazy enough to buy some sermon about saving her army. 1048 01:11:59,367 --> 01:12:01,800 At least she's willing to meet Miss Tatlock. 1049 01:12:03,533 --> 01:12:05,200 (SIGHS) 1050 01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:09,067 Well, it's highly unconventional, but go. 1051 01:12:10,167 --> 01:12:11,733 Go, with my blessings. 1052 01:12:22,933 --> 01:12:26,167 Has Yehonala given any thought to my proposal? 1053 01:12:26,167 --> 01:12:28,367 I must ask your friend a question, Wasey. 1054 01:12:29,467 --> 01:12:31,533 You say you wish to help my country. 1055 01:12:33,100 --> 01:12:36,533 Why should my jewels be used to buy the opium drug 1056 01:12:36,533 --> 01:12:37,800 instead of guns? 1057 01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:42,300 Guns cause pain. Opium eases pain. 1058 01:13:12,733 --> 01:13:17,100 I stripped the empress of the original glass stones, 1059 01:13:17,100 --> 01:13:19,100 painted the jewels and sewed them on. 1060 01:13:22,933 --> 01:13:23,867 A ruby. 1061 01:13:36,100 --> 01:13:37,133 Thank you. 1062 01:13:40,967 --> 01:13:42,600 Now you must go. 1063 01:13:45,100 --> 01:13:48,100 You will not be safe until you dispose of the Heavenly Gardens. 1064 01:13:50,667 --> 01:13:54,100 You know, you've really done a wonderful thing, Glen. 1065 01:13:54,100 --> 01:13:56,067 I hope you always feel that way. 1066 01:13:56,067 --> 01:13:58,333 Why wouldn't I? 1067 01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:01,067 Sometimes things look different in the light of day. 1068 01:14:22,900 --> 01:14:24,833 Will you miss China Doll, Mr. Wasey? 1069 01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:28,333 Uh-oh. Oh, it's only the police. 1070 01:14:30,433 --> 01:14:32,100 (GASPS) What are we going to do? 1071 01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:33,767 Give ourselves up, I guess. 1072 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:40,267 No. I'm not going with him. He's a gangster. 1073 01:14:40,267 --> 01:14:42,433 Better hop in, Big Stick. You've got big trouble. 1074 01:14:42,433 --> 01:14:44,767 Help me, Joe Go. The man has lost his mind. 1075 01:14:47,267 --> 01:14:48,200 Go! Go! 1076 01:14:53,233 --> 01:14:54,700 (SHOUTING IN MANDARIN) 1077 01:15:03,767 --> 01:15:05,400 Stop! Let's go! Let's get away! 1078 01:15:28,700 --> 01:15:30,233 Going somewhere, Mr. Wasey? 1079 01:15:31,833 --> 01:15:33,300 Hey there, good buddy. 1080 01:15:34,700 --> 01:15:36,233 I was just looking for you. 1081 01:15:36,233 --> 01:15:38,433 It did not appear that way to me. 1082 01:15:38,433 --> 01:15:40,800 You were trying to get away with your friends. 1083 01:15:42,233 --> 01:15:44,933 (CHUCKLES) No, no, no, no. These are not my friends. 1084 01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:47,067 They abducted me. 1085 01:15:47,967 --> 01:15:49,600 I'm relieved. 1086 01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:52,633 I was beginning to think a handshake meant nothing to you. 1087 01:15:52,633 --> 01:15:56,100 No. I'm a man of my word, and a deal is a deal. 1088 01:15:56,767 --> 01:15:58,967 Deal? What deal? 1089 01:15:58,967 --> 01:16:00,467 A very generous deal. 1090 01:16:01,900 --> 01:16:03,500 Yeah, a real bargain, see. 1091 01:16:04,933 --> 01:16:07,833 I get him the jewels and he lets me stay alive. 1092 01:16:07,833 --> 01:16:11,167 You deceitful jelly-spined backstabbing bastard. 1093 01:16:12,633 --> 01:16:15,267 You didn't learn that in Brookline, Massachusetts. 1094 01:16:15,267 --> 01:16:18,633 No. I got it from associating with... With pricks like you! 1095 01:16:18,633 --> 01:16:20,433 MEI GAN: Enough of this. 1096 01:16:20,433 --> 01:16:23,167 Now, Mr. Wasey, you will kindly return to me what is mine. 1097 01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:25,833 Be glad to. 1098 01:16:34,067 --> 01:16:36,367 I was sure it was... Did... Did I give it to you? 1099 01:16:36,367 --> 01:16:38,967 No, you rat, you took them from me. 1100 01:16:38,967 --> 01:16:41,100 You should pray you haven't deceived me. 1101 01:16:41,100 --> 01:16:42,133 Permit us. 1102 01:16:53,300 --> 01:16:54,833 Hey, easy on the shirt. 1103 01:17:00,367 --> 01:17:02,900 Nothing in it, Mei Gan. Just personal junk. 1104 01:17:04,500 --> 01:17:07,800 Family pictures, picture of my mom, dog. 1105 01:17:12,900 --> 01:17:14,067 You open it. 1106 01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:16,133 (SIGHS) 1107 01:17:17,300 --> 01:17:19,367 There's nothing in it. 1108 01:17:19,367 --> 01:17:22,967 My handicap makes it difficult to test your honesty. Open it! 1109 01:17:22,967 --> 01:17:24,700 Okay, but it's a waste of time. 1110 01:17:30,833 --> 01:17:32,233 My little black book. 1111 01:17:35,233 --> 01:17:36,800 My membership, Peking YMCA. 1112 01:17:39,267 --> 01:17:41,400 And my... Oh, my library card's expired. Damn. 1113 01:17:43,067 --> 01:17:44,067 And my 1114 01:17:45,200 --> 01:17:46,567 Lone Ranger badge. 1115 01:17:55,067 --> 01:17:56,200 Silk stockings. 1116 01:17:57,700 --> 01:17:59,533 (SIGHS) 1117 01:17:59,533 --> 01:18:01,967 You're never lonely with a pair of silk stockings. 1118 01:18:04,600 --> 01:18:05,700 Hershey bar. 1119 01:18:20,867 --> 01:18:22,133 This is pictures. 1120 01:18:23,067 --> 01:18:24,767 That's it. That's everything. 1121 01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:29,433 One more compartment, Mr. Wasey. 1122 01:18:33,733 --> 01:18:36,067 Now, I know that that looks promising, 1123 01:18:36,067 --> 01:18:37,900 but there are nothing but mothballs in there, I assure you. 1124 01:18:37,900 --> 01:18:38,933 Open it! 1125 01:18:41,900 --> 01:18:42,800 (SIGHS) 1126 01:18:43,967 --> 01:18:45,133 Suit yourself. 1127 01:18:57,833 --> 01:18:59,767 See? Mothballs. 1128 01:19:07,700 --> 01:19:10,833 Don't be sore, old buddy. Okay? 1129 01:19:10,833 --> 01:19:13,600 There are just times that you can't get what you want 1130 01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:16,367 by stringing people up by the neck, 1131 01:19:16,367 --> 01:19:19,533 or bullying them into double-crossing someone they care about. 1132 01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:24,300 Or even pulling out their fingernails, 1133 01:19:24,300 --> 01:19:27,200 you sorry sadistic son-of-a-bitch. 1134 01:19:27,200 --> 01:19:29,433 How dare you talk to Mei Gan like that! 1135 01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:32,733 I timed that speech to last just that long! 1136 01:19:32,733 --> 01:19:33,700 Come on! 1137 01:19:35,933 --> 01:19:37,333 (TATLOCK SCREAMING) 1138 01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:43,133 TATLOCK: I forgot I can't swim. 1139 01:19:43,133 --> 01:19:44,167 (COUGHING) 1140 01:20:03,333 --> 01:20:06,567 I was worried about you when you picked up that Shanghai Surprise. 1141 01:20:06,567 --> 01:20:08,500 You were slick, Big Stick. Really slick. 1142 01:20:08,500 --> 01:20:10,300 Thanks. 1143 01:20:10,300 --> 01:20:12,500 Too bad the jewels went up in smoke, huh? 1144 01:20:12,500 --> 01:20:14,667 Yeah, better them than us. Better neither. 1145 01:20:22,367 --> 01:20:24,367 TATLOCK: Oh, my gosh! Give them to me. 1146 01:20:26,867 --> 01:20:28,267 Joe Go, can you take us to the mission? 1147 01:20:28,267 --> 01:20:30,467 I'll deliver them personally. 1148 01:20:30,467 --> 01:20:32,133 Hey! 1149 01:20:32,133 --> 01:20:35,700 Stockpiling is great, but robbery is better. Thanks, Big Stick. 1150 01:20:35,700 --> 01:20:38,500 I do not accept this! I do not accept this! 1151 01:20:40,167 --> 01:20:41,200 (LAUGHING) 1152 01:20:44,933 --> 01:20:46,433 You give those back to me! 1153 01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:48,633 Sister, you always... 1154 01:20:48,633 --> 01:20:50,533 (GROANING) 1155 01:20:50,533 --> 01:20:52,767 How's that for a ball game, you little creep? 1156 01:20:53,500 --> 01:20:54,700 Come on... 1157 01:20:54,700 --> 01:20:56,033 (TATLOCK SCREAMING) 1158 01:20:59,100 --> 01:21:00,567 God damn it! 1159 01:21:02,067 --> 01:21:03,567 Now what's the matter? 1160 01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:07,200 If I had had that kind of control when I needed it, 1161 01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:08,933 I'd be pitching for the Yankees now 1162 01:21:08,933 --> 01:21:10,833 instead of selling crummy painted ties. 1163 01:21:13,533 --> 01:21:15,067 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 1164 01:21:18,433 --> 01:21:19,800 Thank God you're safe. 1165 01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:20,900 We did it. 1166 01:21:21,767 --> 01:21:22,933 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1167 01:21:24,133 --> 01:21:25,267 It's a miracle. 1168 01:21:27,067 --> 01:21:28,067 Hello. 1169 01:21:30,267 --> 01:21:32,167 Come on, fellas, not again. 1170 01:21:32,167 --> 01:21:34,833 Don't be offended, old boy. We're only looking after our own interests. 1171 01:21:34,833 --> 01:21:38,400 And it would appear our timing is immaculate. 1172 01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:45,600 Brothers, I don't suppose an appeal from a humble servant of the Lord 1173 01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:48,867 could move your sense of compassion and humility. 1174 01:21:48,867 --> 01:21:49,767 Oh, bugger off, you old fart. 1175 01:21:52,700 --> 01:21:53,900 That's a shame. 1176 01:21:55,533 --> 01:21:56,567 (GRUNTING) 1177 01:21:58,300 --> 01:21:59,333 Mr. Burns? 1178 01:22:02,233 --> 01:22:04,333 (GROANING) 1179 01:22:04,333 --> 01:22:07,200 That's for trying to stick me up, Willie. 1180 01:22:07,200 --> 01:22:09,667 And that's the time you nearly left me to drown. 1181 01:22:22,067 --> 01:22:24,900 Poor Willie. He never had a gift for larceny. 1182 01:22:26,500 --> 01:22:28,667 Miss Tatlock, if I were you, I'd sit down. 1183 01:22:30,067 --> 01:22:32,100 I think you've just witnessed a resurrection. 1184 01:22:32,100 --> 01:22:34,767 Oh, nothing so dramatic. 1185 01:22:34,767 --> 01:22:38,333 Plucked from the sea by a timely fisherman's net, 1186 01:22:38,333 --> 01:22:41,167 and a year in Osaka to patch myself up and plan my return. 1187 01:22:43,733 --> 01:22:45,967 Mr. Burns. You're not Mr. Burns. 1188 01:22:47,533 --> 01:22:51,767 No, ma'am. I'm just an ex-opium king 1189 01:22:51,767 --> 01:22:55,833 who stole some jewels for a lovely lady who refused to return them. 1190 01:22:55,833 --> 01:22:59,067 So I had to solicit some outside help, 1191 01:22:59,067 --> 01:23:00,900 and heaven dealt me a winning hand. 1192 01:23:00,900 --> 01:23:01,900 Yeah, me. 1193 01:23:04,233 --> 01:23:06,533 Because I looked like somebody that China Doll was once in love with. 1194 01:23:06,533 --> 01:23:08,633 Right. 1195 01:23:08,633 --> 01:23:10,267 And now, Mr. Wasey, I don't want to miss my boat. 1196 01:23:10,267 --> 01:23:13,067 Will you kindly hand over that ticket that I gave you? 1197 01:23:14,567 --> 01:23:16,367 I earned that ticket. Hand it over. 1198 01:23:25,100 --> 01:23:28,067 Thank you. And now move. Go on, both of you. Move. 1199 01:23:33,767 --> 01:23:35,900 Now, Jack, in your box. 1200 01:23:37,733 --> 01:23:38,900 You, too, Jill. 1201 01:23:44,367 --> 01:23:46,067 I can't. My skirt's too tight. 1202 01:23:50,933 --> 01:23:51,867 Get in. 1203 01:23:53,833 --> 01:23:55,067 Come on... Get in! 1204 01:24:04,167 --> 01:24:07,300 Faraday, just one thing. Was there ever any opium? 1205 01:24:07,300 --> 01:24:09,800 Sure. Just like I told you. 1,100 pounds. 1206 01:24:11,100 --> 01:24:13,067 One day some lucky sap will find it. 1207 01:24:27,767 --> 01:24:29,467 See you in church, suckers. 1208 01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,467 WASEY: Goddamn phony missionary con artist. 1209 01:24:35,267 --> 01:24:37,967 TATLOCK: Stop swearing and get us out of this! 1210 01:24:37,967 --> 01:24:40,267 Well, you're the expert on picking locks. 1211 01:24:40,267 --> 01:24:41,967 Okay. How's this? 1212 01:24:52,800 --> 01:24:53,600 Damn! 1213 01:24:55,267 --> 01:24:57,100 Jiggle your crate, it'll fall out. 1214 01:25:01,333 --> 01:25:02,367 (GRUNTING) 1215 01:25:10,067 --> 01:25:11,500 Maybe I can knock it free. 1216 01:25:26,467 --> 01:25:27,700 (BOTH SHOUTING) 1217 01:25:33,133 --> 01:25:36,967 TATLOCK: Of all the incompetent, irresponsible, mindless things to do! 1218 01:25:36,967 --> 01:25:41,333 And I'm still stuck in here! Somebody get me out of here! 1219 01:25:46,500 --> 01:25:48,200 Who are you? 1220 01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:49,900 I'm Mr. Burns. 1221 01:25:49,900 --> 01:25:53,533 You're not Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns just took... Well, see, he wasn't really... 1222 01:25:54,900 --> 01:25:56,533 You're Mr. Burns. 1223 01:25:56,533 --> 01:25:58,400 And you must be Miss Tatlock. 1224 01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:01,300 I was told you'd be here when I returned from the mission in Peking. 1225 01:26:01,300 --> 01:26:03,467 We're expecting great things of you. 1226 01:26:03,467 --> 01:26:05,267 Yeah, well, give me half an hour and you won't be disappointed. 1227 01:26:05,267 --> 01:26:06,333 WASEY: Hey! 1228 01:26:14,167 --> 01:26:17,133 Broken every bone in my body. 1229 01:26:17,133 --> 01:26:22,233 You... You know, Miss Tatlock, The Helping Hand is opposed to these Eastern practices. 1230 01:26:22,233 --> 01:26:23,667 Don't knock it till you've tried it, pal. 1231 01:26:25,767 --> 01:26:27,233 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 1232 01:26:41,267 --> 01:26:42,233 (HUMMING) 1233 01:26:50,933 --> 01:26:52,667 Wait! What's the matter? 1234 01:26:52,667 --> 01:26:53,900 He's got a gun. 1235 01:27:33,767 --> 01:27:35,567 You two must be related to Houdini. 1236 01:27:36,500 --> 01:27:38,067 Don't come any closer. 1237 01:27:40,067 --> 01:27:42,933 You're very welcome to those little baubles. 1238 01:27:42,933 --> 01:27:44,900 Really. I'm happy for you to have them. 1239 01:27:47,067 --> 01:27:50,100 Except I doubt if they'd cover the price of a Chinese dinner. 1240 01:27:50,100 --> 01:27:52,233 Don't listen to him. He's trying to trick us. 1241 01:27:52,233 --> 01:27:53,800 We've all been tricked. 1242 01:27:58,933 --> 01:28:01,867 You know how tough diamonds are supposed to be? 1243 01:28:01,867 --> 01:28:02,800 Allow me. 1244 01:28:16,533 --> 01:28:18,367 You have to hand it to China Doll. 1245 01:28:20,300 --> 01:28:23,467 It's the third time she's outfoxed me. 1246 01:28:23,467 --> 01:28:25,467 First she gets me to steal the damn things, 1247 01:28:25,467 --> 01:28:27,200 then she leaves me to Mei Gan, 1248 01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:28,667 and now she heads for the hills a rich lady, 1249 01:28:28,667 --> 01:28:31,600 and leaves me with this bag of rubbish. 1250 01:28:31,600 --> 01:28:33,133 But I've always been a pushover 1251 01:28:33,133 --> 01:28:35,267 for somebody who beat me at my own game. 1252 01:28:50,067 --> 01:28:51,233 Your turn. 1253 01:28:51,233 --> 01:28:52,533 It's very therapeutic. 1254 01:28:52,533 --> 01:28:54,300 Rid you of a lot of frustration. 1255 01:29:04,100 --> 01:29:05,800 Look, kids, 1256 01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:08,200 it's finished here in Shanghai. 1257 01:29:08,200 --> 01:29:11,900 Party's over. It's time to pack up and go home. 1258 01:29:11,900 --> 01:29:15,267 There's plenty of room. We could all bunk together. 1259 01:29:15,267 --> 01:29:17,467 Well, maybe he's right. What do you think? 1260 01:29:20,433 --> 01:29:23,500 If you think you're still going to find that opium, forget it. 1261 01:29:23,500 --> 01:29:25,633 Faraday's flowers are just a wilted memory. 1262 01:29:28,233 --> 01:29:30,533 Perhaps I'll stay on here a while. 1263 01:29:30,533 --> 01:29:32,800 And do what? 1264 01:29:32,800 --> 01:29:35,933 I could give being a missionary a try. 1265 01:29:35,933 --> 01:29:38,133 You mean no drinking, no gambling, no whoring? 1266 01:29:38,133 --> 01:29:39,800 My boy, I've tried it. It's hell on earth. 1267 01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:42,967 (MAN SHOUTING IN MANDARIN) 1268 01:29:42,967 --> 01:29:44,533 Ah, the last call. 1269 01:29:51,700 --> 01:29:53,067 I better be going. 1270 01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,800 I hope you make a killing on your ties. 1271 01:30:07,767 --> 01:30:08,867 Miss Tatlock. 1272 01:30:10,700 --> 01:30:13,800 From now on, I'm gonna try like hell to live up to my obligations. 1273 01:30:17,633 --> 01:30:19,600 But I'll never be as good at it as you. 1274 01:30:20,300 --> 01:30:21,633 Goodbye, Glendon. 1275 01:30:29,000 --> 01:30:30,433 My boy, you made the right decision. 1276 01:30:30,433 --> 01:30:33,167 She's a nice girl, but who needs nice girls? 1277 01:30:33,167 --> 01:30:35,333 Now, I'm going to finish my shave, take a shower, 1278 01:30:35,333 --> 01:30:37,633 then we'll break open that bottle of bubbly. 1279 01:30:39,733 --> 01:30:42,267 She's right, you know. 1280 01:30:42,267 --> 01:30:45,700 You're gonna make a killing with those crates. 1281 01:30:45,700 --> 01:30:48,600 What with my connections in LA, you're gonna be a rich man. 1282 01:30:51,233 --> 01:30:53,067 Do you hear me? 1283 01:30:53,067 --> 01:30:54,500 I said you're gonna be rich. 1284 01:30:54,500 --> 01:30:55,800 Yeah, I heard you. 1285 01:31:12,833 --> 01:31:14,267 (SOMEPLACE ELSE PLAYING) 1286 01:31:14,267 --> 01:31:18,333 * You got into my life 1287 01:31:18,333 --> 01:31:22,233 * I don't know how you found me 1288 01:31:22,233 --> 01:31:24,067 * But you did 1289 01:31:24,067 --> 01:31:27,533 * It stopped me heading someplace else 1290 01:31:29,500 --> 01:31:33,433 * Took me a while to say 1291 01:31:33,433 --> 01:31:35,633 I'm getting off. There are three trunks in there. 1292 01:31:35,633 --> 01:31:37,700 Get some help and bring them up. 1293 01:31:37,700 --> 01:31:42,167 * But now I'm saddened like I've never been 1294 01:31:42,167 --> 01:31:44,433 * Regretting that we'll leave 1295 01:31:47,067 --> 01:31:51,367 * So for a while could you comfort me 1296 01:31:51,367 --> 01:31:55,200 * And hold me for some time 1297 01:31:56,600 --> 01:31:57,500 * I need you now to be beside me 1298 01:31:57,500 --> 01:31:58,500 Tatlock! 1299 01:32:00,867 --> 01:32:03,167 Tatlock! Tatlock! 1300 01:32:05,867 --> 01:32:06,833 Tatlock! 1301 01:32:09,567 --> 01:32:11,333 * Empty faces 1302 01:32:11,333 --> 01:32:13,167 Move! Move, move! 1303 01:32:13,167 --> 01:32:15,567 * Wish I could leave them all 1304 01:32:15,567 --> 01:32:16,833 * In someplace else 1305 01:32:19,167 --> 01:32:21,133 What made you decide to stay? 1306 01:32:21,133 --> 01:32:22,933 I never got your first name. 1307 01:32:22,933 --> 01:32:24,100 It's Gloria. 1308 01:32:34,567 --> 01:32:36,233 Come here, Gloria Tatlock. 1309 01:32:43,500 --> 01:32:46,233 Stop the boat! Somebody, stop the boat! 1310 01:32:46,233 --> 01:32:48,067 Will you stop this boat? 1311 01:32:48,067 --> 01:32:51,400 Hey, hey, I am sorry, but this boat don't stop until we reach Honolulu. 1312 01:32:54,100 --> 01:32:55,067 (YELLING) 1313 01:33:00,067 --> 01:33:01,300 What is he doing? 1314 01:33:04,267 --> 01:33:05,233 Glendon? 1315 01:33:09,800 --> 01:33:12,067 Maybe he's just upset 'cause I didn't say goodbye. 1316 01:33:12,067 --> 01:33:13,433 (FARADAY SHOUTING) 1317 01:33:16,233 --> 01:33:17,467 (THUDDING) 1318 01:33:17,467 --> 01:33:18,567 God damn it. 1319 01:33:35,967 --> 01:33:37,333 A wilted memory, huh? 1320 01:33:44,367 --> 01:33:45,967 Son-of-a-bitch. 1321 01:33:45,967 --> 01:33:46,900 Gloria, 1322 01:33:48,967 --> 01:33:52,233 if I were you I would wave and blow him a big kiss. 1323 01:33:52,233 --> 01:33:54,167 I will not. He's an evil, horrible man. 1324 01:33:57,233 --> 01:33:59,300 Wave anyway. That evil, horrible man 1325 01:33:59,300 --> 01:34:01,600 just sent you the best bouquet a girl could ever want. 1326 01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:02,867 (LAUGHING) 1327 01:34:02,867 --> 01:34:03,967 (WHOOPING) 1328 01:34:05,267 --> 01:34:06,400 Wave, Gloria! 1329 01:34:07,700 --> 01:34:08,733 (LAUGHING) 1330 01:34:18,767 --> 01:34:20,200 (SHANGHAI SURPRISE PLAYING) 1331 01:34:35,367 --> 01:34:38,733 * I don't understand how I got delayed 1332 01:34:38,733 --> 01:34:41,733 * I should be sailing today on a liner 1333 01:34:43,167 --> 01:34:47,067 * Was kicked in the ass on a dock at Yangtze 1334 01:34:47,067 --> 01:34:50,733 * It's no way for a man to see China 1335 01:34:50,733 --> 01:34:51,900 * But I'm ready 1336 01:34:54,733 --> 01:34:56,867 * You must be crazy * Crazy 1337 01:34:58,867 --> 01:35:01,100 * And you got no money * Money 1338 01:35:02,867 --> 01:35:04,300 * But you're a trier 1339 01:35:08,167 --> 01:35:12,200 * My straits are dire from the wok into the fire 1340 01:35:12,200 --> 01:35:16,100 * I'd like to meet you but I've broken my chopstick 1341 01:35:16,100 --> 01:35:18,367 * Sometimes there's no hope in 1342 01:35:18,367 --> 01:35:19,733 * In chasing promises 1343 01:35:19,733 --> 01:35:21,500 * I'd wanna love you 1344 01:35:21,500 --> 01:35:24,300 * Though it could prove to be unwise 1345 01:35:26,100 --> 01:35:28,600 * Shanghai surprise 1346 01:35:28,600 --> 01:35:32,667 * Whatever you're saying, I want it anyway in 1347 01:35:32,667 --> 01:35:35,100 * Been hanging 'round for a ride on your rickshaw 1348 01:35:35,100 --> 01:35:36,800 * Oh, babe 1349 01:35:36,800 --> 01:35:40,167 * You may correct me, now that you've inspected me 1350 01:35:40,167 --> 01:35:42,067 * Come over here 1351 01:35:42,067 --> 01:35:45,933 * Let me feel you cut down to size 1352 01:35:45,933 --> 01:35:48,833 * Oh, Shanghai surprise 1353 01:35:48,833 --> 01:35:52,867 * My straits are dire from the wok into the fire 1354 01:35:52,867 --> 01:35:56,700 * I'd like to know you but I'm not really social 1355 01:35:56,700 --> 01:36:00,367 * Sometimes it's no joke, can't cope with opium 1356 01:36:00,367 --> 01:36:02,300 * I'd like to love you 1357 01:36:02,300 --> 01:36:05,333 * But I'm not sure what's in your eyes 1358 01:36:06,667 --> 01:36:09,067 * Shanghai surprise 1359 01:36:31,067 --> 01:36:32,933 * Shanghai surprise 95192

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