All language subtitles for S01E03 Birds Of A Feather

I'm not particularly proud
of what I had to do to earn that money,
but I did it.

- And I want what's coming to me.
- Don't ever touch me like that again.

- You don't seem exactly broken up
over Drake's death.
- Tell you what. I'll split a bouquet with you.

If I love him, how can I justify
spying on him?

For your own peace of mind.

No reasonable person
could assume for one moment that
I had anything to do with Al's death.

No. Other than the fact
that you despised the man.

Catch that killer!

[Birds Squawking]

Mr. Drake.

What do you say, kid?
Out for some early morning air?

I've gotta talk to ya.
So... talk.

I need my money.
We already
had that conversation.

You'll get it
when you're finished.
I'm finished.

Come on now, kid. We got a deal.
You're in it till I say otherwise.
Now, look.

You listen to me.
I'm not particularly proud...

of what I had to do
to earn that money, but I did it.

- And I want what's comin' to me.
- You're a nice kid, Howard,

but don't you ever touch me
like that again.

Tonight, you be there,
or you don't see a dime, you got that?

- Fritz.
- [Barks Fiercely]

Come on, Fritz.

You know, Al,
too much of that stuff
can give you a heart attack.

You worried about me,
Mike, or just fantasizing?

I thought we had a deal.
We do.

Just be patient.
Yeah, well, I've been patient
for about six months.

I think you're jerkin' my string,
Al, that's what I think.

- Have you raised the money?
- Now, that's my problem, isn't it?

Don't push me, Mike.
Things are goin' real good right now.

- But I can live without you.
- Yeah? Well, speaking of living,

anybody can live
without anybody.

- [Barks]
- Fritz.

- [Growls Fiercely]
- [Whimpers]

Actually, it's going to be
a very simple wedding, intimate.

Intimate. I see.

Well, we can still
make it very festive... flowers
on each side of the altar...

[Sneezes]
God bless you.

Oh, thank you.
I'm allergic to flowers.

Just how intimate a wedding
will this be?

Uh, well, I just flew in
from New York a few days ago,

and, uh, my aunt just flew in
from Maine...

and maybe a few of Howard's friends.

Speaking of the groom,
I do have choir practice
in five minutes.

- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Howard.

I got hung up at the office,
and traffic's brutal.

- Sorry, Reverend.
- If we could do a quick run-through...

How's your aunt? She get in okay?
Great. I checked her into the hotel
first thing this morning.

If you'd both stand here,
side by side, facing me.

I made dinner reservations
at this terrific place on the wharf.

- Oh, damn.
- Howard, not again.

I'm sorry, honey.
I can't make it. I wish I could.

Howard, this is ridiculous.

I do have the little tots
waiting in the rehearsal hall.

It's a very important client.
They can't all
be that important.

Every...
[Sneezes]

Every night?
God bless you.

Honey, if there was any way
I could make it, you know I would.
Five nights in a row?

We'll do it tomorrow.
Will we, Howard?

Maybe you'll be tied up again.
God knows I wouldn't want
to drag you away from a client.

Vicky!

Are you sure
these are Maine lobsters?
Certainly, madam.

They're flown in fresh every day.
Maybe they've got jet lag.

Would you care to select one?
Well, we'll take the first two
that move.

Very good, madam.
Follow me, please.

Would you ladies
care for a cocktail?
What would you like, Vicky?

I think I'd like a glass
of white wine.
I think I'll have the same.

[Clears Throat]
Thank you.

[Sighs]
Anyway, I met him in New York...

Gosh, it must have been
about a year ago.

He was acting
in an off-Broadway show.
Oh, I thought he was in insurance.

Oh, he is... now.
But back there he was an actor.

Well, actually,
he was mostly a cabdriver.

You see, in college,
he played the lead in Charley's Aunt,

and I guess it just sort of
got in his blood.

And what kind of transfusion
led him into life insurance?

He wanted to start over again...
you know, a new career.

See, he didn't want
to get married until he could
be absolutely sure of his future.

That's why he came out here
to San Francisco.
That's sensible enough if that's what he wants.

Oh, believe me, Aunt Jess.
I would marry Howard no matter
what business he was in.

I really love him,
and Howard loves me.

He really does.
I mean, I know that for a certainty.

Damn.

You know, Vicky, it's not abnormal
to have last-minute doubts.

You've always read me
like a book, haven't you?

If I'm prying,
you just stop me.

Thank you.

Thanks.

You know how they say
there's nothing quite so romantic
as San Francisco after dark?

I wouldn't know.
I've been here for five days,
and for five straight nights,

Howard has been working.

Well, of course,
selling life insurance is...

I dropped by his office yesterday
to surprise him.

They told me that he hadn't
worked there for a month.

Oh.

Yesterday, I met him for breakfast,
and he had these circles under his eyes,
and he smelled like perfume.

Hmm. Of course,
some men do wear cologne.

This afternoon at the chapel,
he lent me his handkerchief.

Look.
That's not your shade.

No. And these matches,
from some nightclub?

They are all over his apartment.
I wanna go to this place,
you know, to find out.

But if I love him,
how can I justify spying on him?

For your own peace of mind,
I think you have to.

[Applause]
?? [Female Impersonator Singing]

Good evening, Mr. Carter.
Right this way.

Another full house, Mr. Drake?
We're ahead of last week by nine percent.

A man'd be a fool
to sell a gold mine like this,
right, Barbara?

Well, you'll break a lot of hearts
if you don't.

As long as I don't break yours,
baby.

I'll bring the printout around
before I leave.

[Applause]
??[Singing Continues]

Al, we gotta talk.

Go away, Patterson.
I'm busy.

I hope you don't think
you have Freddy tied up
for another four years.

You made the deal for him.
I know who made the deal.

Look, I'm not saying
he won't play the club.
Al, Freddy loves you.

Sure. The whole world loves me.

He just wants some freedom
to explore a few more things.

I got him that talk show,
and now he's hot.

He's hot because this club made him hot.
Now, you tell Freddy he works here,
or he doesn't work anywhere.

Got that?
That's what we have courts for.

Ladies?
A table for two, please.

- Your name, please?
- We don't have a reservation,
but we don't mind waiting.

We could seat you at 11:00...
next Thursday.

That's a bit longer
than we had in mind.
Really?

- Felix.
- [Sighs]

Now I'm getting stubborn.

Excuse me. Mr. Drake?

Excuse me.

I really hate
doing this sort of thing, but, uh,
my aunt and I just dropped by,

and we would
really like a table.

That's my aunt right there.

You probably recognize her.
No.

J.B. Fletcher.
Oh, really?

Really.
Who the hell
is J.B. Fletcher?

Uh, a very famous mystery writer.

She's had six best sellers.
This morning she was on
Bay City Breakfast,

and tomorrow she appears with Dana Burns
and then in the afternoon,
she's gonna meet the mayor.

Ms. Fletcher,
so delighted you could
join us this evening.

Raymond, a table
for Ms. Fletcher
and her party, please.

How very nice.
There's just the two of us.

Table for two.
Of course.

Enjoy the show, ladies.
Thank you.

[Singer]
Merci. Merci.
[Continues, Indistinct]

It's not a very good view
of the stage.

But a great view of the patrons.

How could Howard afford
to bring her to a place like this?

[Applause]
And now, the one and only,

our very own,
in his third year... Freddy York!

- [Drumroll]
- Freddy.

Hey. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.

My name is Freddy York.
I'm here to give you some yuks.
[Rim Shot]

[Scattered Laughter]
I wanted to look good for the show tonight, so
I went to a barbershop right before the show.

I figured I'd get a shave,
a shoe shine and a manicure...
the works, right?

Guy's shavin' me. I look down
at this girl that's giving me a manicure.
She's really cute.

I say, " Listen. I'm Freddy York.
I'm the comedy star at Les Champignons.
Why don't you come catch the show tonight?"

She said,
"I'd like to, but I'm married."
I said, " Come anyway.

Tell your husband you're going out
with the girls." She said,
"You tell him. He's shaving you."

I met a girl at the bar last night.
She told me she was into astrology.

- She wanted to meet a Leo,
so I introduced her to my accountant.
- [Rim Shot]

- What a great crowd.
- Yes. Tomorrow at 9:00.
Good night.

Mrs. Drake. What a pleasant surprise.
I didn't know you were here tonight.

What am I supposed to do?
Make an appointment?

I'll seat you immediately.
Was Mr. Drake expecting you?

Oh, I doubt it.

[Freddy Continues, Indistinct]
Show Mrs. Drake
to her table.

[Freddy]
"You're never gonna sell a car
with 120,000 miles on it.

Why don't you just lower that odometer,
you know, go in and lower it?
You'll sell your car."

I saw him last night.
I said, "Hey, Eddie. You sell your car?"

He said, " No, I'm not gonna
sell my car. I only got 12,000 miles
on it."
Felix.

[Audience Laughs]
Find Mr. Drake. Tell him
his wife is on the premises.

[Freddy]
...has two rooms reserved at the hotel.
He gets there a little late.

The clerk says, "Sir, Mr. Jones,
I'm sorry. I only got one room left. "

Felix, what are you doing backstage?
I'm supposed
to tell Mr. Drake his wife's here.

His wife?
Yeah.

Well, never mind. I'll tell him.
You go back out front.
[Freddy Continues, Indistinct]

They go upstairs.
They take the twin beds.
Middle of the night, the secretary gets up.

She goes, " Psst.
Mr. Smith, are you sleeping?"

He said, "What's the matter?"
She said, "I'm chilly." He says,
"Well, if you're chilly,

would you like to pretend
that you're Mrs. Smith tonight?"

She says, "Why, Mr. Smith, I'd love to."
He said, "Good. Get up
and shut the window yourself."

And you're a great crowd.
You're really beautiful.
Thank you. Thank you.

You're great. I love you.
Stick around for the next show.
I'll see you. You're beautiful!

Victoria, have you noticed
there's something a little strange
about this place?

- What do you mean?
- I don't know. I can't quite
put my finger on it.

Thank you. Thank you.
I'm glad you're all having
such a great time.

And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for,

the star of our show,
that lovely chanteuse,

Michelle Dupont!

??[Lounge Piano]

?There's a somebody
I'm longin' to see ?

- ?I hope that he turns out...?
- [Woman Screams]

Catch that killer!
Stop him! He's a murderer!

Stop him!
[Audience Murmuring]

- Victoria!
- Howard?

Howard?

I... I can explain everything.

[Sirens Wailing]

[Murmuring Continues]
Mike.

What the hell's going on?
Drake's been shot.

Shot? Who shot him?
The new guy... Howard.

May I please see Mr. Griffin?
I'm sorry, lady.
Nobody can go in there.

[Victoria] I have to see him.
[Officer] Can't let you go in.
I have my orders.

Please? Look,
we're gonna be married.

- Here. You can take my purse,
and you can search me.
- Vicky?

Well,

I guess it'll be all right.
Just for a minute.

Thank you.

[Sighs]

Oh, Howard.

Oh, Vicky, I'm sorry, honey.
I wanted to tell you,
I really did.

It was just a job.
I know! Isn't it wonderful?

What?
That it was just a job.

I thought that...
Well, never mind.

Vicky, I didn't...
I didn't shoot him.
I swear I didn't.

Of course you didn't.

Suspect in there?
[Officer]
Yes, sir.

Which one?
The tall one.

Bill, take her downtown
and book her.

Him.
Whatever.

[Murmuring]
[Detective] All right.
Coming through. Stand aside.

Stand aside.
Coming through.
Step aside, please.

[Sighs]
Uh, I'm Lieutenant Novak. Now,
did anybody touch anything in here?

- [All] No.
- Well, which one of you
saw the killing?

I did. Well, I mean,

I walked past the open door,
and I saw her...

him... standing over Mr. Drake
with the gun.

[Groans]
This gun?

Yes.

I must have screamed,
and he dropped it and ran out.

Hmm. Smooth grip, Charlie.
You might even get some prints.

- Yeah. How 'bout that?
- [Bird Squawking]

Lieutenant Novak,
did you notice the small white feather
on Mr. Drake's jacket?

- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm Jessica Fletcher.

- Did you see the murder?
- Well, actually, no. I was sitting
out front watching the show.

Then, Ms. Fletcher, would you mind
doing me a great big favor?

- Oh, I'll do absolutely anything
I can to help.
- Would you please get out of here?

Please, ma'am?
Please, ma'am?

Okay, Mr. York. Now,
is there anything you might want
to add to this statement?

What can I tell you?
I was making a living out front;
he was dyin' backstage.

[Chuckles]
Sign it.

You don't seem exactly broken up
over Drake's death.

I'll tell you what.
I'll split a bouquet with you.
Pick whatever kind of flowers you want.

Sweet guy.

I hate to tell you this, Floyd,
but I think the sun just came up.

Oh, I'm glad you told me.

- Yeah. Ralph, you got anything
on that gun yet?
- [Knocking]

Excuse me.

New York? You sure?
Great work, Ralph. Thanks.

Lieutenant Novak,
I've been waiting several hours
outside there.

Oh, lady, please.
I haven't slept all night,
and I'm tired.

You know, you're not a witness
in this case, and I just don't have time
for you.

I, too, have been up all night,
and I have got jet lag on top of it.

I was supposed to go on a TV show
this morning, but I canceled it...

because I thought that
this was more important.

Now, either you find time to talk with me,
or I will go on that television show, and
my subject will not be my next book...

it will be
the insensitivity and arrogance
of the city's homicide division.

All right. All right.
I'll make it simple.

Okay. The suspect was seen
standing over the victim
holding the gun.

The only fingerprints on the gun
was his, and it was common knowledge
he'd been arguing with Drake about money.

And, oh, yeah,
the gun was stolen from a pawnshop...

about six months ago in New York City,
which is where Howard comes from,
I believe.

Now you've got the picture?
Yes.
Thank you, Lieutenant.

And I'm sure you ran a nitric acid test
on Howard's hand to determine whether
or not he fired the gun.

- We haven't gotten to that yet.
- Well, I hope you do it soon,

because after a few hours,
that test is meaningless.

- Now, I'd like to see Howard.
- You can't see him, Mrs. Fletcher.
He's in the lockup.

That's quite all right, Lieutenant.
Where can I see him?

[Wolf Whistles]

Hey, Princess.
How 'bout a date?

How'd you like this shoe
for breakfast?
Move it, tough guy.

[Novak]
But I just said that. I mean,
didn't you hear me say that?

Didn't I just say that?
I mean, what am I in? An echo chamber?

Look. Just get it done,
okay? Bye.

You've got 10 minutes.

Ms. Fletcher,
I don't know what to say.
I'll tell you what to say.

Now, you sit right down there.

Now, did you
or did you not kill that man?

- No. He was dead when I walked in.
- Well, I'd like to believe that.

- On the other hand,
you did lie to Victoria.
- I never actually lied.

You told her that you had a job
with an insurance firm.

Well, I did...
for almost six months, but...

Mrs. Fletcher, do you know
how hard it is to sit
in someone's living room...

when they'd rather be watchin' television
and tell 'em how rich they're gonna be
after they're dead?

They fired me.
Victoria would've understood that.

I know. That's the trouble.
Vicky'd marry me no matter
what I was into,

including unemployment,
welfare and starvation.

Look, I don't know how
to explain this,

but I wanna be a performer,

and I knew if I didn't give it a shot,
a real shot,

that I'd be miserable
and so would my marriage.

See, that's why I answered the ad
to Les Champignons.
Was that a crime?

Of course not.

Would you like a coffee?
Sure.

It was only supposed to be
for two weeks. I was gonna quit
before Victoria got out here.

Mr. Drake said
I was the world's worst
female impersonator,

but the customers liked me
'cause I was klutzy
and I made 'em laugh.

He wouldn't let me quit.
He knew I was broke,
so he held back on my wages.

That still doesn't explain
why you were standing over him
with a murder weapon in your hand.

Well, see, I finished my act,
and I went back to his office
to quit and get my money...

Mr. Drake, I'm not listening
to any more excuses.

This is my last night,
and I want what you owe me.

Does this belong to you?
Mr. Drake.

You don't have friendly Fritz
with you now. This time,
you're gonna talk to me!

[Screams]

Murder! Catch that killer!
[Screams]

Sure, it was stupid,
but I panicked.

All I could see
was my picture on page one,
getting busted in a dress.

Great. We can
put it in a wedding album
next to my mug shot.

Oh, Howard, I am so relieved.
We've only had one killer
in our family...

1777, I believe...
and the redcoat shot first.

But, you know,
I wonder what Miss Stevenson
was doing there.

Well, everybody knew
that Mr. Drake and Barbara
worked late...

a lot together.

Yeah, I get the idea.

Now, look. I've got the name
of a very good lawyer,
and is there anything else you need?

How 'bout a pair of pants?

[Telephone Ringing]
[Clears Throat]
Yeah?

Well, hello, Mrs. Fletcher.
How nice to hear from you again.

[Jessica]
Yeah. I was just wondering
how the nitric acid test came out.

Uh, I'm still waiting for the results.
However, you'll be happy to know
we've established the time of death.

- Now we're getting somewhere.
- Drake was killed between 9:50
and 10:05.

Fifteen minutes.
Isn't that a little precise,
even for the medical examiner?

It has nothing to do
with the medical examiner,
Mrs. Fletcher.

That's when York was performing.
The banging of his drums
covered the sound of the shots.

- Yeah, but...
- Now, Mrs. Fletcher, if you'll excuse me now,
I have the commissioner on the other line.

Bye. What is it about that woman
that makes me nervous?

I think she's kind of cute.

[Vacuum Cleaner Whirring,
Faint]

Uh, excuse me.
Yeah?

Oh, uh, J.B. Fletcher,
isn't it? Hi. Bill Patterson.

Oh.
Nice to meet you.
I did a little checking on you, you know.

Six paperbacks and one movie sale.
Listen, do you have representation
on the West Coast?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Patterson.
Yes, I do have an agent.

Actually, I was looking
for Miss Barbara Stevenson.
She works in the business office.

Well, I hope
they're doing a good job for you.

Through the club, backstage,
past the dressing rooms.

Thank you.
Bye.

It's all been a terrible shock,
but I know that Al would
want us to carry on.

I have to find somebody
to replace Howard.
Let me worry about that.

Naturally, all contracts
will be honored.

Michelle,
we have to do something
about your lighting.

You're getting some ugly shadows
under your chins.

[Mike]
Well, if you wanna
critique my performance, Mrs. Drake,

I'd prefer the privacy
of my dressing room.

Don't you turn your back on me!

Don't you ever speak to me
that way in front of the staff again!

I suppose we do have
to keep up appearances,
don't we, darling?

Oh. Excuse me.
Mrs. Fletcher, what'd they do?
Find another body?

I was looking
for Miss Stevenson.
Down the hall on the right.

Uh-huh.
You're Howard's aunt,
aren't you?

Well, very soon, we hope.
That's a shame
about this whole thing.

I mean, he's a really nice kid,
and he's got a lot of talent.

And I'm not just talkin'
about wearin' those dresses either.

Yeah, well, I think
you'll be pleased to know that
he did not kill Mr. Drake.

Oh, he didn't?
Who did? The bird?

You know,
you have a wonderful sense
of humor, Mr. York.

It's too bad it's wasted
in a dump like this, huh?
I wouldn't call this a dump.

What would you call it?
You know, in Vegas... you think they'd
give a star a dressing room like this?

They got a llama in one
of their shows up there. The llama's
got a better dressing room than this.

Well, at least you got a great view.
I mean, look out there.
You can see Alcatraz.

That's my manager, Patterson.
He couldn't negotiate me more money,
so he negotiated a window.

- [Freddy]
Did you wanna see me about something?
- Hmm?

Oh, no, no. No. Forgive me
for interrupting you. Uh... Uh...

Down the hall on the right.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Barbara]
If you'd like the figures, I could
have them for you in a few minutes.

Dear Barbara. Always so organized.
You know where the bills are filed
and the bodies are buried.

Mrs. Drake, you misunderstand.
I bet you even
type 80 words a minute.

Frankly, Barbara,
I don't know how I could ever
run this club without you,

but I'm gonna try.

- You're fired.
- [Door Opens, Closes]

- Could I give you a lift?
- Oh, I know you.

- Howard's aunt... almost.
- Uh, right, right.

Say, that looks heavy.
Jump in. It's my treat.

Uh, thanks.

I really appreciate this
now that I'm on a budget.
I just got fired.

Really?
Uh-huh.

It must have been so interesting
working at the club.

It was.
You wouldn't believe some
of the things that go on.

But the only way to run an office
is to learn to keep your mouth shut.

I never divulge company business.
Oh, I wouldn't dream
of asking you anything.

However, I, uh,
did hear something.

I wouldn't tell a soul.
Well,

Mr. Drake was already dead
when Howard came in the room.

No kidding!

Then who killed him?
Oh, I wouldn't know.
I only got here yesterday.

I wouldn't be surprised
if she did it.

Mrs. Drake?
Mm.

I suppose she would inherit the club,
but she seems such a nice lady.

Nice? [Scoffs]

Lucretia Borgia in furs.

Confidentially... and, I mean,
this is just between you and me...

she's having an affair
with Mike.

Mike.
Michelle.
The female impersonator?

Oh.
What a phony.

And nobody's supposed to know this,
but Mike was trying to buy the club
from Mr. Drake.

Can you believe that?
And behind his back, he and Mrs. D.
Are slipping off to Lake Tahoe.

But I thought...
Ohh. Now, don't ever say
you heard this from me,

but I wouldn't put it
past Bill Patterson to kill 'im.

Oh. Mr. York's agent.
Uh-huh.

Why would he...
The contract.

See, not many people know this,
but Mr. Drake had Freddy
under a seven-year contract,

and recently, big offers
were coming in for Freddy.

I am talking about megabucks.
Except that Mr. Drake wouldn't
let him out of the contract.

Stop at the top of the hill.

Thanks for the lift.
And don't worry. I won't say a word
about what you've told me.

It is so nice to talk to someone
who knows how to be discreet.

Thinking of buying it
or merely jumping?

You kept me waiting.
Is this a sign of things to come?

Mike, if we're gonna bicker
like an old married couple, let's do it
over something important, huh?

[Sighs]
Is it something I said?

No. It's the way you said it.
You know, I'm not used
to being summoned.

Oh, darling, don't pout.
It was merely a request,
pure and simple.

I thought we should
get our stories straight
for that Mrs. Fletcher.

She is determined
to get Howard off the hook
by putting someone else on.

Well, surely not me?
Nor me!

I mean, no reasonable person
could assume for one moment that
I had anything to do with Al's death.

No. Other than the fact that
you despised the man...

and that you were talking
to a lawyer about divorce proceedings.

And naturally,
you didn't care that he reneged
on his promise to sell you the club?

So here we are.
We both got rid of Al.
Yep.

You have the club
and all of his money,
and I have you.

A fortuitous turn of events.
Couldn't have worked out better
if we'd planned it.

Which of course we didn't...
Well...

Darling, is there something
I should know just
for my own peace of mind?

Funny, Mike.
I was about to ask you
the same question.

You know, if you did kill him,
it wouldn't make any difference.

I'd still feel the same way
about you.

My very thought about you,
Candice.

Oh, Mike,
you don't know how much better
I feel now that we've talked.

Me too, darling.

Mike... Michelle... was backstage
getting ready to go on.

Of course, Barbara...
And I sent Felix backstage
at once.

Yeah, but you're sure
about Patterson and Mrs. Drake?
They were out front?

Everybody saw them.
Right.

Lieutenant?
Oh, I'm so glad I caught you.
Any result on the nitric acid test?

Uh, it was negative,
Mrs. Fletcher.
Oh, negative.

That means
he didn't fire the gun.
Well, maybe he was wearing gloves.

Well, if he'd worn gloves,
his fingerprints wouldn't
have been all over the gun.

You can't have it both ways, Lieutenant.
Incidentally, have you noticed how many people
around this club are wearing gloves?

No, but I'm sure you've got a list.
Also, I'm not sure
about the time of death.

Now, that's one thing
I am sure of.

Oh, you mean your theory
that the shot was masked
by Freddy York's drum act? Mm.

Well, can you prove that
scientifically?
How would you do that, Mrs. Fletcher?

[Firing]
[Bird Squawks]

Did you hear that?
Yes, Mrs. Fletcher,
I heard it.

Well, uh, let's try it
with music.

Now, let's just pretend one
of the girls is dancing.

??[Radio: Disco]

Once again, please,
Charlie!

[Gunshot]
Oh, dear. I heard that.

We all heard it, Mrs. Fletcher.
With the door closed.
With the door open. With music.

Even with a Mummer's Parade
going across the stage.

Face it, Mrs. Fletcher.
?? [Radio Off]

The shot would have been heard
except during York's act,

when York was playing the drums
on the stage.

Yes, I suppose
that is the only plausible explanation.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Fletcher.
I'm so happy to see
that you're satisfied.

- Now, if you'll excuse me...
- Hey, Lieutenant. Wait a minute.

I mean, what the hell
is going on here?
A detective audition?

What's this lady trying to suggest?
That one of us killed Drake?

- Are you all right, Mrs. Fletcher?
- Oh, yes.

Ohh.

[Groaning]

[Bell Ringing]

[Knocking]

Ohh.
Oh, dear. I woke you up.

Yeah. Well, when I work all night,
I sleep a little during the day,
or at least I try to.

I'd like to talk to you
about Howard.

You didn't come up here and wake me up
to tell me we're holding the wrong man?

You already know we are.
[Sighs]

Uh, I made some coffee.
You want some?
Oh, thank you.

What a pretty cat.
What's her name?

- George.
- [George Meows]

Oh, she likes you.
Most people, she hates.

Oh, that's the impression
I got about you.

Aha. Well,
that's my office persona.

Well, it just goes to show
you can't go by first impressions.

[Chuckles]
Uh, Mrs. Fletcher,
you're a nice lady,

but, uh, I think
you're making a big mistake.

- Howard Griffin is guilty.
- Oh, for heaven's sakes.

There were at least four people
who had better motives than Howard.
For instance, Mrs. Drake.

Yes. She gets the business.
I know.
Freddy York and his agent, Bill Patterson,

trying to break
Freddy's long-term contract.

I know, Mrs. Fletcher.
I read the Chronicle.

I suppose you know
that Michael Dupont wanted
to buy the club.

- Yes.
- And that Michael and Mrs. Drake
were having an affair?

Mrs. Fletcher, you're a bright gal.
You would've been a great cop.

But look.
This is the real world, so please...
just leave the police work to us.

The last thing in the world
I want to do is interfere, Lieutenant.

But that's not
what I'm worried about. Look,
we took some lab tests.

The rope that was holding the stage light
was eaten through by acid.

It was not an accident.
Oh, dear.

- Somebody wanted
to kill Mr. York.
- Maybe.

Or it could've been meant
to hit somebody else.

I don't know how
to thank you, Mrs. Fletcher.

Well, just so you know, if you jump bail,
the State of California has an option
on my next four books.

And the name is Jessica.
And I really
appreciate the suit, Jessica.

Well, I think
it made a better impression
on the judge.

Let's call Vicky and celebrate.
I think that's a bit premature.

Howard, did you see Mrs. Drake
backstage during Freddy York's act?
No.

You're sure?
I'm positive, but I did see her comin'
in the stage door just before I went on.

Howard, I think
that you should take Vicky
to lunch yourself,

and I'll take a rain check.
Wh...

Where are you goin'?

Oh! Good shot!
Oh, my! What a nice dog!
What's his name?

Fritz, but be careful.
He's had attack training.

That's a very attractive outfit.
I've never seen it
done in black.

I'm in mourning,
Mrs. Fletcher.

- You know me?
- By now, everyone at the club
knows you.

Do please accept my condolences.
Your husband's death must
have been a terrible shock.

Yes. We were very close.

Then I suppose
you must have talked to him
shortly before the tragic event?

No. I didn't see him.
I arrived during Freddy's act.

Strange. Someone said
they saw you come in the stage door
earlier.

They were wrong.
Let me set you straight, lady.
I didn't kill my husband.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I suggest that?
Look,

if you insist on sticking your nose where
it doesn't belong, then check on Freddy York
and that bloodsucking agent of his.

- Oh, yes. The contract with the club.
- Not the club. With Al.

A personal services contract,
which is now null and void.
That's right.

I went to the hospital today
to bring Freddy flowers,
and do you know what he did?

He gave me notice.

Then he's well enough
to receive visitors. How nice.

Las Vegas.
Atlantic City!

Hollywood!
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

First and foremost,
to Al Drake.

I never thought I'd see the day
when I'd be drinking to Al Drake.
[Door Opens]

Oh, am I interrupting?

Not at all. Mrs. Fletcher, come on in.
Come on in. How about a bit
of the bubbly?

Oh, no, no. Thank you.
Oh, you're looking
so much better, Mr. York.

Well, thank you.
I've been thinking Lourdes.
[Chuckles]

You met my manager,
Bill Patterson.
Oh, yes.

The lady seems
to know just about everybody.
Well, what is it this time, Mrs. Fletcher?

Oh, just wanted to wish Mr. York
a speedy recovery and, uh...
[Bill] "And"? And what?

Just ask a few more questions,
like did I murder Al Drake?
The answer is no.

Did Freddy murder Al Drake?
The answer is no.
Bill, Bill, take it easy.

It's okay. I know
you're a mystery writer, but I'll tell ya:
You're making a fool of yourself.

Why don't you get back
to Nantucket?
Maine.

Whatever. My client
was onstage when Drake was killed.

As a matter of fact,
somebody tried to kill him
with a stage light.

Isn't that curious?
Michelle Dupont is sure that someone
wanted to drop it on him,

and Lieutenant Novak thinks
they were trying to kill me,

and now you think
it was meant for Mr. York.

It is a bit of a puzzler, isn't it?

I'm sorry, Vicky. I think
we oughta postpone the wedding.

I thought marriage was supposed
to be for better or worse.
That's afterwards.

Darling, I just can't ask you
to tie yourself to me with all this
hanging over my head.

But you're innocent.
I don't have a job!

I don't care.
Aunt Jessica, tell her.

What do you think, Aunt Jessica?
I think Noah is building his ark
in there.

[Hammering]
Darlings, I am going to fall
on my face unless I go to sleep.

Won't that noise disturb you?
Right now, I could sleep
through Armageddon.

Now, listen to me, children.
We are going to get to the bottom
of this. I promise you.

There's something
I am overlooking.
I just know there is.

But I think it'll come to me
if I have a good sleep.

Okay.

We'll talk later.

[Sawing, Hammering]

[Circular Saw Whirs,
Hammering Continues]
[Groans]

Of course!

It suddenly came to me:
The feather.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

- What came to you?
- Drake wasn't shot
during Freddy York's act.

- Oh, Mrs. Fletcher,
as I recall, we scientific...
- The killer used a silencer.

They don't make silencers
for that gun.

Remember the feather we found
on Mr. Drake's jacket?
Yes. It came from the bird.

No. Whoever killed Drake used a pillow
to muffle the sound of the shot.

- That's why nobody heard it.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

If what you say is true, he could've
been shot before Freddy went on the stage.

Exactly.

There's no bullet hole in this pillow.
But this pillow was not in this room
when we discovered the body.

Mrs. Fletcher, please.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't take my word for it.

Look. No pillow.

These are police photographs.
Where did you get them?
Your partner, Charlie.

You know,
he's really a very nice man.

Then someone put this pillow
in here after the investigation.

Because Drake's pillow
was damaged by the shot.

[Novak]
So the murderer had to get rid of it.

But the murderer was afraid
that someone would notice
that Drake's pillow was gone,

so he put this one there
to cover his tracks.

I don't know
if you've noticed, but the settees
in all the dressing rooms match.

Probably a bulk purchase.

Lieutenant, would you help me
to demonstrate something?

Please stand right there.
Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

It's very important
that you don't move.
[Sighs]

You haven't moved, have you?
I haven't moved.

[Whooshing]

What were you trying to do?
Kill me?
Aha! You moved.

- Of course I did!
- You heard it descending.

I'm not deaf.
Well, neither was Freddy York.

[Applause]

That was great. That was...
I really enjoyed that, you know?
You're quite a performer.

You should get yourself a Guild card.
I didn't expect
to find you here, Mr. York.

Well, I heal fast.
You see, I got good genes.

That was very theatrical,
diving off the stage
when you didn't have to.

Well, it seems to me
all you proved is that I could've
staged the falling lights.

That doesn't mean
I had anything to do
with what happened to Al Drake.

You know what?
I'd like to stay around and talk,
but I gotta fly to Vegas.

I hope my arms don't get tired.

You're beautiful.
I'll see ya.

Will you lighten up? I mean,
you both know I was onstage
when Drake got hit.

Yeah, but the lady here thinks
you shot him before you went on stage.

I think
you used Mr. Drake's pillow
to muffle the shot.

Then you removed your fingerprints
from the gun, got rid of the pillow...

and went on stage.

Who writes your material?
I mean, who writes this stuff?
Your punch lines just don't work.

I think you made one very serious mistake.
I don't have time for this.
I have a plane to catch.

You were afraid that
someone would notice that the pillow
was gone from Mr. Drake's room...

and that they would
figure out what had happened.

So you brought in the pillow
from your room.

Everybody... Everybody in this place
has got a pillow just like that.
No.

This is your pillow.
It's the only one that is sun-faded,
like the settee,

because yours is the only one
that is sitting right next
to the window.

It's my luck.
It's my dumb luck.

Half the people in this club wanted Drake
dead, and your niece's boyfriend's
gotta get tagged for it.

I knew you were trouble
as soon as I saw you.

What was I gonna do?
Spend the rest of my life
workin' in this rinky-dink club?

You ever try to tell jokes
when someone's got their hands
on your throat?

Surely murder isn't the answer.

Yeah, well, you call it murder.
I call it a career move.

Look at me.
What do you see?
I'm not just another comedian.

I'm Freddy York.
I'm the first guy that
did his own rim shots.

I'm like the Edison of comedy.
I'm Robert Fulton on the drums.

So Al Drake sees me one night.
He says, " Kid, you're good.
Here's a long-term contract.

It's your shot, your big break."

He broke my spirit.
That man broke my heart.

I couldn't let him do that.
I'm a creative genius.

Fair is fair.

He gave me a shot.

I gave him a shot.

Ba-dum-bum.

Should've shoved you
under that stage light.

- Why did you rig that?
- Why don't you ask her?

I think Mr. York was afraid
the charges against Howard
would be dropped.

They weren't strong enough, so he thought
perhaps another murder attempt,

particularly against himself,
would point to someone else.

Boy, you are good.
I mean, you are really, really good.

You ever think
of taking your act on the road?
You should play Vegas.

That reminds me.
I better cancel my tickets.

Doesn't look like
I'm gonna be goin'.

It's too bad.
I could've knocked 'em dead.

I'm sure you would have.

??[Organ: Ceremonial]
[Man] By the power
vested in me by the State of California,

I now pronounce you man
and wife.

Oh, congratulations.
Thank you.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Howard, that's wonderful.
I'm sorry about all the problems.
No problem.

- Howard, we're gonna miss you at the club.
You got a lot of talent, buddy.
- Oh, thanks,

but I've got a new job lined up,
sellin' real estate.

Yes, with just enough time
for a honeymoon in Hawaii,
thanks to Aunt Jessica.

- Ah.
- Howard. Howard.
I got big news for ya, baby.

I've been on the phone for an hour.
I got you a job.

- No way, Bill. I'm not
wearing any more dresses.
- Forget the dresses.

This is an acting job.
Two days a week on a soap.

It's in Hollywood. Starts on Monday.

- Monday?
- What happened with real estate?

- And what about Hawaii?
- Well, we'll just have to forget
about that.

This is what Howard
has always wanted and
that's what we're gonna do.

What do you think,
Aunt Jessica?

Well, I don't usually give advice,

but in this case, I say go for it.

[All Laughing]