All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e26 No Tears for Mrs Thomas.eng

♪♪

[barking]

♪♪

[narrator]
Spring at Convent San Tanco, a time for pruning,

a time for picking flowers
and a time for watering.

It was also a time
for Thomas Martinez,

the most important time
of his life.

Señor Martinez.
Oh, how nice to see you.

And what lovely fish!

Oh, children,
will you bring the fish

to Sister Ana
in the kitchen? Yes.

Thank you. Be careful.
They're heavy.

Last week's fish
were positively gourmet.

You can't beat
a holy mackerel.

That's because the Reverend
Mother said grace over it.

[chuckles]

But we were not expecting you
until tomorrow, señor.

I know. I know.
But there was so much to do.

The moment I found out,
I had to rearrange everything.

I said to myself, I said,
"Who should I tell first?"

My best friends.
Heh-heh-heh.

What's the big celebration?

I want all of you
to be there, eh?

All right.
We'd love to.

[nuns chattering]

♪♪

It's a wonderful funeral.

Señor, I would hardly call
that a happy event.

It is if you look upon it
philosophically as I do.

Well, we will do
our very best.

But who is this
unfortunate person?

Reverend Mother,
you must not think

of this person
as being unfortunate.

You must consider them
as being very lucky.

Very well.
Who is this very lucky person?

It's me.

♪♪

If we have understood
you correctly,

and I fear that we have,
you have come here

to arrange for
your own funeral.

That's right,
Reverend Mother.

It's all arranged
a week from yesterday,

barring accidents.

He's not kidding.

[Thomas] But, please, no sympathy, eh?

I lived a full life.

I have outlived
four marvelous wives.

My children have grown up,
got married and gone.

And now I have
a real privilege

afforded few men
in their lives

to arrange
my own departure.

That's where you come in.

I would not trust myself
in anybody else's hands.

Now, I talked
to your nephew yesterday,

and he didn't mention anything
about you being sick.

Who, Carlos?

He doesn't even know.

Besides, being sick
has got nothing to do with it.

Now, about the music,

well, I think that you have the
best choir in all of San Tanco.

Thank you very much,
Señor, but--

But please...

no dirges, eh?

I want the music
to be happy.

At a funeral?
Why not?

Since I am going to be
the guest of honor,

I am entitled
to my selections, eh?

I want a fisherman song,
like, uh...

[singing loudly]

Señor Martinez?
Señor Martinez?

Señor Martinez?
Yeah?

Uh, we know you have
a wonderful sense of humor,

but now that we've had
our little laugh--

Oh, that's right. There's a solo
in it I want you to sing.

Oh.
Okay? Yeah.

It-- It's a little tricky,
but don't worry.

I going to rehearse you.

And then the music is going
to lead into the eulogy.

I'm going to ask Carlos
to write that.

He's very clever
with the words.

But I want you to read it.

Me?

Impossible. Ridiculous.

I mean, my uncle might
be a little eccentric,

but I think this is
a little too much.

Maybe you misunderstood
the whole thing, Sisters.

You're talking to the chairman
of the entertainment committee.

And tomorrow I'm rehearsing
a sea shanty.

But he was here yesterday
delivering fish.

And-and he didn't look sick
to me at all.

Sick has nothing
to do with it.

At least
that's what he says.

You and I are supposed
to team up on a eulogy.

You write it,
and I deliver it.

Sister Bertrille,
the man is 72 years old.

Maybe he's getting senile,
right?

Now I have a plane
to catch in St. Thomas,

so I'll discuss it
when I get back.

You'll discuss it right now.
Who's his doctor?

Escovito,
but I have no time now.

Well, that's what
your uncle kept saying.

Come with me.

A mild back sprain.

He never mentioned
any accident.

[Escovito] No accident.
He was clearing a fall line

from a 40-foot mast
during the gale last week.

Two aspirins
took care of it.

There must be something
wrong with him.

Hmm. There certainly is.

He's got the heart, arteries
and lungs of a 30-year-old man.

Well, I'm happy to hear about

his heart, his arteries
and his lungs,

but according to him,

next Wednesday the rest of him's
gonna keel over.

♪♪

Señor Martinez, I've been
looking all over for you.

Oh, you came just
in the right time, Sister.

I need your help
in the selection of flowers.

You don't need
my help for anything.

I came from your doctor,
and you're sound as horse.

Sound as?
Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no!
It's too depressing.

Make-- Hey, wait, wait.

Make it in the shape
of my boat, Brigade Dolores

with the gypset and the deck
piled high with herrings.

That's better,
right, Sister? Right.

Oh. Sounds more like
a float for the Mardis Gras.

I can't believe that
I'm standing here listening

to all this when there's
real problems in San Tanco.

Don't worry, Sister.
Six more days, it's all over.

Oh, bite your tongue.

If you don't come up with
something better,

then I'm going back
to the convent now.

No, no, no. Wait, wait.

You forced me.

It's the Martinez sign.

The what?

The Martinez sign.

Like the sun rises every day,
nothing is more dependable.

The same thing happened
to my father,

to my grandfather,
to my great grandfather.

Seven days to the minute after
they saw the Martinez sign.

To the minute?
To the minute.

The boats to San Juan
is not more dependable.

♪♪

Well?

Well, it's fine,

if you're gonna be
laid out at the racetrack.

Well, I don't know.

Hmm?

Wait. I give you a better idea
how it's going to look like.

Okay.

Ah.

Hmm?
Well, maybe.

♪♪

Is a wonderful woman,
Luisa Montero.

[chuckles]
Who?

As a matter of fact, once she
was almost wife number five,

but she lost out.
Well, what happened?

Oh, she turned me down.

Oh. Well, that's too bad.

No, it's not too bad.
It's all for the best.

Now I don't leave
a grieving widow.

♪♪

[barks]

No, Horatio. I don't wanna do
any tricks right now.

[barks]

Besides, what's the use?

You never
get anything right.

When I tell you to fetch,
you play dead.

When I tell you to play dead,
you beg.

[barks]

I'm so tired of trying
to teach you tricks.

[barks]

Okay. Just one.
That's it.

I've got a ball here.
Oh, great.

Wait right there.

Okay, Horatio.
Here's the ball.

Here's the ball now.
I want you to fetch it.

Okay. Fetch it.

That's it, Horatio!
He's doing it.

I don't believe it.
The very first time

in his whole life
he's obeying a command.

Good boy, Horatio!

Oh, no!
Horatio, stop it!

Stop that, Horatio! Horatio,
no. No! No, Horatio now. No!

Horatio, I told you
to fetch the ball,

not the Reverend Mother.

Sister Bertrille,
how are you feeling?

Well, I-- I don't think
I can go on much longer.

Well, it won't
be much longer.

Sister Jacqueline has very
kindly offered to help out.

Yes. Well, I think it'll take
more than just two shifts.

Oh, well, it won't
be much longer now.

You mean you believe
in all of this?

Of course not. But he has never
asked anything of us before.

And since he's not
going to change his mind,

I think the only thing we can do
is respect his wishes

and go along
with the man.

But all those
preparations.

Wednesday will come and go,

and Thomas will survive
and go back to his fishing

and life will
go back to normal.

That's too bad.

Too bad, Sister Sixto?

He'll be so disappointed.

Sister Bertrille?

I hate to interrupt
your sun bath,

but there's an urgent visitor
waiting for you.

Oh, no, it's not him.

No. But I have a feeling
it's about him.

To see him stretched out
there like that, you know,

it was so real,
such a shock.

Yes, I know.
Well, I can't talk about it.

It's all right. It's all right.
She told me everything.

She? Who?

My friend,
Mrs. Mendoza.

Her husband also shop

where he bought the suit
to be laid out in.

I-- I just can't believe it.

Neither can I.

Poor brave man.
What he must be going through.

He's not the only one.

I know. I know.
He had so many friends.

And I-- I treated him
so miserably.

All he wanted was
a little companionship.

A little affection. But--

Well, at least he's not leaving
a grieving widow.

I know, but I could have given
him some moments of happiness.

Well, for goodness sakes,
it's not going to be tomorrow.

You never know
what can happen.

You're right, Sister.

The least I can do for him is--
Is to make it easier, no?

Of course. Why, if everyone
treated others

as if tomorrow
were their last day

the world would be
a lot better off.

Oh, that's just how I feel.
Me too.

A man
must have some hope.

Of course.
What is a woman for

if not to bring a little joy
into a man's life, no?

She-- She's so understanding.

Sister Bertrille,
what do you know about these?

What?

Well, $122 for flowers,

$213 for wine, cheese
and assorted delicacies.

Ninety-six dollars
for a black formal suit, $32--

Well, the grand total so far

is exactly $654.32.

Well, if he wants
a first-class funeral,

I mean, it is his funeral.

You are wrong. It is ours.

What?

He has charged the entire thing
to the convent.

Well, that does it!

What do you have in mind,
Sister Bertrille?

If he doesn't come up with
an explanation for this,

there isn't going
to be any funeral.

How could you allow it
to get this far?

I couldn't even do
any business in San Tomas.

As soon as
I got off the plane,

everybody was crying
on my shoulder.

My-my uncle invited all
the relatives to his funeral,

all expenses paid.

Don't worry.
Everything's going to be fine.

Someone's in town
taking care of it right now.

Who is the miracle worker?

Sister Bertrille.

First you tell me
not to worry,

and then you tell me
it's Sister Bertrille.

Hi.
Hi.

You did straighten things out
with Mr. Martinez, didn't you?

Well, I thought I did,
but then when I got back here,

the mailman handed me
another batch of bills.

One of them is a bill
for eight airline tickets.

He sent them here?

He must have a credit card
with our name on it.

[Carlos] He lost his mind.
Has to be stopped.

Well, I can't catch up with him
long enough to get a word in.

Today he's trying to win a dance
contest with Luisa Montero,

and last night
she fixed him dinner.

That's just fine.

While he's burning
the candle at both ends,

the convent's
going up in smoke.

How about that
obsession of his?

I mean, did you find out why he
says he's gonna die in a week?

The only thing
I could find out

was that he saw
some kind of sign.

[Carlos] A sign?

Yeah, I don't know
what it means.

He-he calls it
the Martinez sign.

One look at it,
and you're on your way.

These fishermen.
They are so superstitious.

They see a sign
for everything.

He should wear one with big
letters: Public Menace.

You're right.

[power tool grinding]

Hey! Hey! Hey,
what about it, huh?

What about it, please?

[coughs]

No. How do you
expect me to create

angels, doves and saints
all in one week?

All right.
Take one extra day.

Impossible.
Something has got to go.

Either the angels
or the saints.

Uncle?
Oh, Carlos!

Please explain to me what's--
Sister Bertrille.

Carlos, it's like you have been
reading my mind.

I don't have time now to go
into details about the eulogy

but I made some notes for you.

Highlights, like the time
I was herring king.

Your funeral is going to be
sooner than you think.

Now would you please explain
to me all these bills?

Well, oh,
they will all be paid.

When? When?
When?

On the 15th or 16th, depending
on how prompt they are.

How prompt who are?
Uh, is.

The UAILIC of ST.

The UAILIC of what?

United Amalgamated International
Life Insurance Company...

Life Insurance Company
of San Tanco. I know.

Yes.
They're going to pay for your bills?

Yes. I have made beneficiary to
my insurance policy the convent.

There will be plenty left
after my bills, don't worry.

It's the most I could do.

Just a moment.
Before you start

getting so generous
with your money

and putting everybody
in bad raps here,

would you please explain to me
about the sign?

My own nephew, and you mean
you don't know the family sign?

No.
Shame.

You don't remember how
my sainted grandfather died?

Oh, yes. He was shot by
a jealous husband

at the age of 82.

Seven days to the minute
after he saw the sign.

And my father,
strong heathy man,

right up to the moment
that he fell overboard.

After winning
the wine-drinking contest.

That's seven days
to the minute.

So when I see
this big white bird

fly around and around
three times

and then go off to the north,

well, then I know for me,
that's it.

It's finished.
That mean it's all over.

How big was
this big white bird?

Big, about--

About big like you,
Sister Bertrille.

Okay.

Well, exactly when
did you see this big bird?

Tuesday noon
when I was drying the nets.

Pablo Picasso,
may I have a word with you?

Oh, yes.
Excuse me, please.

You know
these temperamental artists.

Uh, don't tell me.
It was you.

Well, there was
this crosswind.

I knew it all the time

Yeah, and I didn't have
enough starch in my cornet.

I was aerodynamically
unstable.

Not as unstable
as you left him.

Well, we're just
gonna have to tell him.

Gonna have to break it
to him gently.

In the state that he's in,
he's not gonna believe anything

unless he sees
it with his own eyes.

Do you think
you can do a-a fly by

without, uh,
anybody seeing it?

Well, I know the perfect spot.
But I'm gonna need your help.

All right. No saints.
One angel and one dove.

Two angels.

One angel
and a chariot.

Two angels.

I hope it's important.

I don't have much time
to kill.

Besides, I promised Luisa
I'd take her on a boat ride.

You're gonna have plenty
of time for boat rides later.

But now you have
to promise me

that what you're gonna see is
between the two of us. Okay?

Don't worry.
Dead men don't tell no tales.

All right.
What is the big secret?

Wait.

Hey, the view is below.

♪♪

Oh, uncle, look!
Look, over there!

Look! Uncle, look!

Uncle?

Oh, no!

Oh, poor Thomas.

[knock on door]

Momentito.

♪♪

How is he?
How is he?

Oh, he knew. He knew.

Now is the beginning
of the end.

Is that what
the doctor said?

Oh, what do
the doctors know?

Look at him lying in there.
Poor man.

I'll be right back
as soon as I find a priest.

A priest? What for?

So we can get married.

It's the least
I can do for him now.

Oh, Sister.

Carlitos, hand me
the bible on the table.

A few last thoughts
for the eulogy.

Sister, how is the choir
coming on?

Uncle, would you please
knock it off?

I talked to the doctor.
He says it's all in your mind.

Oh, sure, sure.

I suppose I was just imagining
the bird again.

That was no bird.
That was me.

It is true. That's why
I took you up on the hill,

to show you that
when you fainted.

It was me both times.
The first time,

I was on my way
to the market.

Yeah. She got caught
in a crosswind.

Not enough starch.

Thank you.
Thank you very much,

both of you for trying
to help an old man feel better.

But whoever thought!

You did.
And you better believe it.

All right. All right.
Anything you say.

But first, please, I want you
to be witnesses to the wedding.

Well, you're not gonna go
through with this.

Not in your condition.
Why not?

It's not going to be
no great sacrifice.

I'm not going
to live with her.

Sister Bertrille.

Carlos.
Hello.

Thomas?
Hmm?

Please. Thomas, are you sure
this is what you want?

Yes, yes, please.
Yes.

Please make it short.
Yes.

Luisa, I want you
to stand here.

Yes. That's right.

Oh, do that again, Luisa.
It feels so good.

[clears throat]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here

in the sight of God

to join this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.

♪♪

Therefore men must not separate
what God has joined together.

Do you,
Thomas Sebastian Martinez

take Luisa Francisca Montero
to be your lawfully-wedded wife

until death do you part?

Thomas?

Thomas?

You were right!

I never felt better
in my life!

[whooping]

What, he's delirious.

He's all right.
Lie down now.

Luisa?
Please, Thomas.

Come on.
That's better.

Anything you say.

Sister!

How did you do it?

Uh, just, uh, went heavy
on the starch.

Sister Bertrille?
Yes?

Would you please explain to me
what this is all about?

I think I saw a vision.

Yeah.
A vision?

A vision. You should know all
about that in your business.

[clears throat]
Shall we continue?

Excuse me, Father.

Luisa?
Yes?

Unfortunately,
I have some wonderful news.

I just found out
I'm going to live.

What's wrong with that?

It's terrible.

Since I'm going
to be around for a while,

I cannot afford
to get married.

I guess you'll have to fish

night and day
to pay those bills.

Let's get back
to the wonderful news.

My last husband left
enough money for both of us.

I had the feeling that you were
doing this out of pity.

I have the same feeling
about you.

And I have a feeling you guys
just needed an excuse

to do something
you should have done years ago.

♪♪

Any time you're ready,
Father.

I will have to start
from the beginning.

Pay attention.

We are gathered here
in the sight of God

to join this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.

[narrator]
Thomas's wake did not go to waste.

Like Jonah delivered
from the belly of the whale,

Thomas was delivered back
to his friends.

And the occasion was marked
by the biggest celebration

since they connected
San Tanco to the main highway.

♪ Blow, boys, blow! ♪

[sings indistinctly]

♪ Blow, my bully boys, blow ♪

[all cheer]

[man] Speech! Speech!

No, no, no, no.

I am not going to bore you
with my gratitude.

But instead, I have
a pleasant surprise for you.

My nephew, Carlos, has been
spending a lot of time

on a sort of, uh, testimonial
which he will now read for us.

But this is ridiculous.

Which will be read for us

by none other
than Sister Bertrille.

This is embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing to me.
Why should it embarrass you?

Because this is an eulogy.

It's for a different type
of occasion.

I want to enjoy it
while I'm still here.

Read it.

Read it. They're waiting.

♪♪

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here on this solemn occasion

"to pay tribute
to a prince of a man.

No, a king. King
of the herring festival."

[all applaud]

[Bertrille] "...was only one of
his many accomplishments.

"Although
he's no longer with us,

"his memory will never be
erased from our hearts.

"He left his mark on all us,

"and all of us
will miss him dreadfully.

[sobs]

That's all right.
Cry, my darling, cry.

You have every reason to.

I was a wonderful man.

♪♪

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