All language subtitles for The Flying Nun s03e19 Mans Best Friend Isnt.eng

♪♪

[barks]

♪♪

[Jacqueline]
Sister Ana is very good with a mop.

We all are.

Because practice makes perfect.

And the plumbing at
our little Convent of San Tanco

give us a lot of practice.

This latest disaster,

a flood that would've sent Noah
scurrying to build another ark,

had necessitated
the services of a plumber.

Thank you, Tiger.

Ah!

Rust.

Rust and more rust.

Uh, excuse me,
Mr. Larusa,

but if you tell us
how to clean it,

we'll give it
some elbow grease.

Uh-huh.
Remove the rust.

What do you think
holds the pipes up?

I always thought
it was prayer.

Well, if you
believe that, Sister,

then pray for
some new materials.

With new materials,
I could do wonders here.

Well, you can only do
so much praying in one day.

Heh. I too pray.

One big plumbing job
is all I ask for.

There's a great deal
of construction

going on in San Tanco.
Right!

We're right in the middle
of a housing bang.

Boom.
Boom, bang,

whatever noise,
we're in the middle of it.

For what it's worth,
the owner of the casino

happens to be
a friend of mine.

For real?

Well, most of the time.

I could put
a good word in for you

in case he ever needs
any plumbing.

"Ever."
"Ever" is right this minute.

Well, how do you know?
Oh. how do I know.

When you are in
the plumbing world,

it is your business to know.

[Bertrille] Why doesn't he get you?

Why doesn't he get me.

Why didn't they get van Gogh

until after he had passed away?

Believe me, I am the oldest
unknown in the business.

And what a job
I could do for him.

Sister, please,
tell him to hire me.

I'll introduce you to him.

Ah, Sister,
heaven will bless you.

[Jacqueline]
As far as Felix was concerned,

heaven would
bless Sister Bertrille.

Unfortunately,
as it turned out,

Carlos wouldn't.
[barking]

♪♪

Sister Bertrille,
I'm thrilled

that you took time off
from your heavenly duties

to worry about my plumbing.
Oh, it was nothing.

Oh, you never come here
for nothing.

And I appreciate your concern,

but I already have
six other plumbing bids.

Then one more
wouldn't hurt, would it?

I mean,
the more, the merrier.

That's what they say.
Yes.

That's what they say?

"The more the merrier"?
Yes.

Okay, give me
another plumbing bid.

Oh, there's an opening
for you.

I think a bid like, um...

Uh, no, Sister, I must
go down to look at the job.

Price is in terms
of labor hours.

I think a bid like $33 would
sound good, don't you think?

Sister Bertrille,

you are bidding against
last week's bakery bill.

Oh.

Maybe we ought to go look
at the plumbing.

I think it would be
a good idea.

Too bad you're not in
the bakery business.

We could've had a deal,
ha, ha!

I know I think 40 hours...

Fifty...

Fifty-two hours, yes.

Mr. Ramirez,
a complete job for $605.

I think that sounds
like a marvelous bid.

Yeah, it is
a marvelous bid.

[chuckles]
Congratulations.

No, no.
Hold it. Hold it.

I need some
marvelous references

to go with
this marvelous bid.

You've got it.
To whom it may concern,

he is loyal, trustworthy,
reverent, clean--

Then he'll make a great
Boy Scout. [chuckling]

Is he a plumber?
Mr. Ramirez,

do these look like
the hands of a violinist?

When I was 12 years old,

I was apprentice
to a master plumber.

Now, when I was 16,

I single-handed installed
a ladies' room

at the El Provencal
Sardine Factory,

which is still standing
after 15 years.

You can inspect it
any time.

Okay,
we've got a deal.

Now, when I was 18--

We got a deal!

Oh, Mr. Ramirez,
thank you so much!

You won't be sorry.

Tiger and I are going home
to get rest.

Tomorrow morning,
we'll be here

bright and early
to do a fantastic job.

Oh, Sister...

...I am so grateful.

The next time
I am at the convent,

in your honor,
a new garbage disposal.

[singing quietly]

Okay, where is this problem
you want me to see?

Mr. Ramirez,

do you know anything
about pipes?

No, should I?

Of course not. How many
people know about pipes?

It is a delicate art.

Now, Mr. Ramirez,
this is a very simple job,

and I could do it
in no time.

But.
But. I hope

it's a little "but."
Ah, no.

I am afraid
it's a big "but."

But what, Mr. Larusa?

You see, these are not
standard pipes.

They're European.

Our gauges are in inches,

our threads
are in inches,

but in European pipes,
millimeters.

Okay,
use millimeters.

I knew
you would want that.

Therefore, I will go
to Ponce, San Juan,

every town on the island
to get the parts.

They are not
stocked everywhere.

Okay, go,
and hurry back.

Two, three days
at the most.

Then you will take care
of Tiger, hm?

What?

Mr. Ramirez,

I will be
running around too much.

I cannot take a dog
with me.

Mr. Larusa, I also
run around a little.

I have no time to babysit
with the dog.

As a matter of fact,
I'm so busy,

I have no time to babysit

with the new brunette
I have in my show upstairs.

Tell you what,
you leave the dog,

get the parts you need,
and get the job done.

Half the casino is
already out of water.

Mr. Ramirez,
if I do not get to

the warehouse in San Juan
in a half hour,

we will lose
a whole day.

Please,
Tiger is no trouble.

Neither is the brunette.
I have no time.

In 20 minutes, the warehouses
in San Juan will be closed.

Now, please,
take the dog.

And try not to bother
the man too much.

[Carlos] I talked, he walked.

[Bertrille] Carlos, I'm so sorry.

[Carlos] Be sorry before you do something

so you will not do it.

I only brought him to you,

because I wanted to help.
You are very helpful.

You're going to help
the hair fall out of my head.

This time, it's different.

This time,
I have it all worked out.

You have?
Yes.

You are gonna babysit
the dog.

Me?
Or maybe the dog's gonna babysit with you.

You with the dog,
the dog with you,

one way or the other,
you two are gonna be very happy.

Carlos, I'm sorry,
but I'm much too busy.

I mean, this is a convent.

Reverend Mother would never
give permission.

She never gives permission
to a thing like this.

I do not see why you cannot
take care of that dog.

Sometimes
she gives permission.

I'm sorry.
This is one of the times.

I wish you wouldn't insist.

[Reverend Mother] Nonsense.

I heard
just enough to know

that Señor Ramirez
is not asking very much.

[whimpering]

He's all yours.
Please, Carlos.

Sister Bertrille,
as our novice in charge of

sparrows with broken wings,
expectant mother cats,

and limping caterpillars,

I'd think that you
would enjoy this chore.

You see?
And he's a nice dog.

Now, Señor Ramirez,
if you have a few moments,

I would like you to see

how I put your last
contribution to good use.

Thank you.

We heard him all the way
from the common rooms.

What I
can't understand is,

why are you so against
this poor little dog?

He's right up
your avenue.

My alley.

Alley, avenue, street,

whatever it is,
he's right up.

[Bertrille] I wish he'd find another alley.

Sister Bertrille,
this is not like you.

I thought you were America's
number one dog lover?

When it comes to dogs,
I have...charisma.

He doesn't look
like the fickle type.

That's what they said
about Isabella.

Case history.
When I was 6 years old,

my cousin Andrea left her dog,
Isabella, with me

when she took a trip.

When she got back, Isabella
didn't even recognize her.

[whimpers]

I mean, what if
Tiger gets attached to me

and won't go back to Felix?

To tell you the truth,
I might get attached to you,

because you're smarter
than Isabella.

You know, my old dog, Isabella.
I tried to remember her

like she was some genius dog
or something.

She was really
pretty stupid.

She just used to hang around.

She couldn't do tricks
like you.

So please try to understand,
it's nothing personal,

but no attachments.

Until Felix gets back,
I'll just take care of you.

Oh! Oh!
[whines]

Under different conditions,

I'd tell you what a very,
very smart dog you are.

If circumstances were
different,

I'd give you a big hug.
I'd tell you-- I'd tell you

you are the best dog
in the whole world

and that...
[sneezes]

Oh! And don't say gesundheit.

I know how smart you are.

Get out of the dust. There.

Take that to the trash.

[tiger whimpering]

Well, thank you very much,
my friend,

but this doesn't have
any crumbs on it.

[whines]

[whining]

That dog is very much
in love with you.

Oh, he's fond of me.
Likes me.

Well, then he's very much
in like with you.

You think he'll be
in like with Felix?

Of course. When he hears
his horn, he'll jump.

He'll start dancing.
Won't you, boy?

[horn honks]

[Felix] Good afternoon.

Children.

Tiger, you old dog you!
Ha-ha-ha!

Well, I beg your pardon,
children.

Sister, how are you
this afternoon?

They told me
he was here.

Come, my friend.
[growls]

Come to me, my boy.
Come on.

[barks, growls]

Tiger, it's me, Felix.

He's forgotten me again.

Two days.
I've only been away two days.

Come to me, my friend. Come!

[tiger whimpering]
Come on! Come on!

Cute dog.
Yes.

Uh, why won't he
come to me?

Perhaps he is, uh,
a little angry with me.

[growls]
Uh, but we will fix that, huh?

A little hot cereal.

[grunts]
Yes.

Well, he's had hot cereal
twice today.

Yes, well, then
a good meat bone, huh.

Good meat bone, huh?
Oh, I see.

Well, we will try to give him
something he likes.

Yeah.
Sister,

I appreciate
your taking care of him.

You-- You do so much
for me. Oh...

You have
my eternal thanks.

It was nothing.
No. Listen,

you are
a very good person.

You deserve more than
a garbage disposal.

In your honor,
a new drainpipe too.

What do you think of
that, Tiger?

A new drainpipe
for Sister, huh?

Thank you again.

Twice today, huh,
you got cereal, huh?

[chuckles]

In you go. Attaboy.

[barks]

Hey! Tiger!

Tiger, come back.

Hey, Tiger!

Come back!

Hey!

[chuckles]
You are still upset with me, huh?

[growls]

This was a business trip.

And mira,I-I didn't go off
with a poodle.

Tiger, come on.

Be a good boy, huh?

That's a boy.

Every family
has some problems.

[Jacqueline]
We now had the strangest domestic triangle

in the recorded history
of San Tanco.

And probably
all of Puerto Rico.

A dog, a plumber, and a nun.

♪ Boom ba boom
Ba boom, ba boom ♪

All right, Tiger,
you sit right here.

Good boy, heh, heh.

Well, that is
the last of them.

Oh, let me help you.

[grunts]

Mr. Larusa, I know
you said European pipes,

but did you have to go
to Europe for them?

Uh, everyone is angry
today, huh?

I was angry yesterday,
and the day before that.

Yesterday
I brought in another plumber

to see if he could fix
this disaster.

Mr. Ramirez,
I will fix everything.

I hope so.

He said he couldn't.

He said it would take him
one year to figure out

what is connected to what
and which is which.

Mr. Larusa,
I gave you a job.

Finish it.
I will finish it.

And I will work fast.

Me and Tiger.

Tiger.

T-Tiger?

Tiger?

Tiger?

Tiger? Tiger?

Finish! Finish!

This is not my idea
of working fast.

Sister, excuse me.

I have looked all over
for you.

Yeah.

I-- I called
the casino

as soon as
I found him here.

And I have searched
everywhere,

even in the back
of Garcia, the butcher.

He always goes there.

And then it came to me
where he would be.

Tiger,
you're a very bad dog.

No man has loved a dog more.

But something
has happened.

I don't know what,
but something has happened.

He does not even look at me.

He's your dog.

He'll always be your dog.

Aw, but he does not
act like my dog.

Well, Felix, that's--
That's ridiculous.

I bet if we put him
in the center of the room,

and you went to one side
and I to the other,

and we both called him,
he'd go right to you.

A beeline right to you.

Shall we try that, hmm?

I don't think so.

He is your dog.

My dog is not happy.

Yours is...happy.

Oh, for goodness' sakes.

I-- I don't want the dog.

I don't even like you.
[whines]

Sister,
you cannot lie to a dog.

Well, I'm trying.

Felix,
this isn't fair to you.

Will you take your dog?

No, he's yours.
He's yours.

Sister, I-- I confess,
I-- I am a little upset now,

but, uh, I will be fine.
I am the kind of man

who gets busy
and forgets his troubles.

I have a wrench in my hand,
and I am fine.

♪♪

Sister,
now that he is your dog,

there are a couple of things
you should know.

Give him kibble
at least once a day.

It keeps his gums firm
and prevents cavities.

And brush him
before bedtime, hmm?

He loves it.

One hundred times.

Oh, and, uh, and--

And you will find that
he is a fearless watchdog.

Not afraid of man or--
Or beast.

Well,
not exactly true.

He's afraid of--

Well, it doesn't matter.
He is young.

He will get over it.
Get over what?

Sister, I--
I would rather not say.

Uh, you-- You will think
it's sour grapes.

Well, uh...

Well...

...goodbye.

♪♪

Sister, excuse me.

One other suggestion.

Uh, don't ever leave town
for two or three days.

[muttering]

You seem to be very happy.

I'm happy you're happy.

I am working.

What more
can a man want?

Plumbing that works.

I turn on the cold water
in my office, steam came out.

What are you saying?

Mr. Ramirez, excuse me.

Mr. Larusa.

This is
the hot water pipe

connected to the...

cold water pipe.

Now I know
what you are saying.

I spent a fortune
on a fountain.

The goddess Diana.

The water is supposed to come
out of the vase she's holding,

like a jet.
You fixed it.

I turn on the fountain,

the water comes
dribbling down her cheeks.

Now that is impossible.
Hm.

Mr. Ramirez?
Mr. Larusa?

It is not
impossible.

You see, when you connect
the thin pipe to a thick pipe,

the pressure go:

And dribbling is not
impossible.

This job is impossible.

You're supposed to be
a plumber.

Plumb!
I can't help it!

I tried to sing.

I tried to do good work.

But there are tears
in my eyes,

and I cannot
see what I am doing.

I can only work
when I have Tiger to talk to.

Do you have anybody
to talk to?

Talk to me.

You are not Tiger.

I will nibble on kibble!

Please, fix my plumbing!

I am trying! Look!

My hands, they work,
but my mind does not work,

and I make mistakes.

Bad mistakes.

I connected into
an electric outlet.

The lights will go out
any minute, right?

Right.

You never saw such a mess.

But to tell you the truth,

I'm not worried about his
destroying the casino anymore.

Now I'm worried
that he's going to destroy

the whole of San Tanco.

Oh, that poor man.

His heart
must be cracked.

Broken.

And it's all
my fault.

Do you feel guilty about it?
Good.

Then make up for it.

Give that man back his dog.

Well, he'll only
run away again.

He's crazy about me.

Well, uncrazy him.
Do something.

Sister Bertrille, you're
supposed to be my friend.

Why couldn't you get a plumber
who likes guppies?

Sister Bertrille, would you
please take the dog back to him?

[engine starts]

Ooh!

Tiger, you've caused
a few problems.

You haven't been exactly fair.

There must be some way
to make him not like me.

I do love you.

What you are doing now,
isn't it.

Yeah.

Tiger, my friend...

enough is enough.

I can't let Carlos down.

I've been friends with him

longer than I have been
with you.

And Felix.

Do you realize
what you've done to Felix?

Yeah.

Well, that's it.

No more super-duper suppers
for you anymore.

I'm going to get real tough.

No more huge portions.

No. Just enough food
to keep you going

until you come to
your senses, old boy.

And I'm going to start
discipling you, my friend.

Remember the time
you nibbled on the chair

in the common room,
and I didn't do anything?

Well, from now on,
real tough disciplining.

Yes. You've never felt
one of my spankings, have you?

Well, I spank real good.

I'm better with a strap though.

I punish real good
with a strap.

And no more walks either,
like we're walking now.

Well, that's out.
Shoo! Shoo!

Go find your own friends
to walk with.

There's Felix, you know.

He likes to take walks.

And-- And he likes
to play fetch too.

[whining]
What is it?

Those are just
some birds flying.

You're not afraid of things
that fly, are you?

Oh...

So flying bothers you.

That's what Felix meant

when he said you
weren't exactly fearless.

Well, you haven't seen
anything yet.

Believe me,
this is gonna hurt me

a lot more
than it hurts you.

♪♪

[barking]

You think birds know how
to buzz the ground, watch this.

This one
ought to perk your ears up.

[whimpering]

Go home! Shoo!

I will buy you a whole kennel.

You just put the pipes
together.

The little pipes
with the little pipes.

Big...
The big pipes with the big pipes.

Big ones.
Just fix up this mess!

How can a grown man
go to pieces like this?

Why do you need a dog?
Why...

Tropical fish
are much easier.

You don't take them
for walks.

You don't have to
take them for shots.

You give them a few worms,
they are very happy.

I tell you one thing.
Even without worms,

they are much happier
than I am.

Well?
Well, what?

Did you forget
to ruin something?

Tiger, I told you
it was just temporary.

What are you
talking about?

He just ran.

Isn't he here?

What?
Tiger came here?

I didn't see
any dogs here.

I could've sworn
he was gonna come here.

I lost him
just a few blocks away.

You lost Tiger?
He was headed in this direction.

I could have sworn
he was coming here.

Wait.
He's probably hiding.

You know
he's afraid of me.

Why is he
afraid of you now?

Well,
I wouldn't know.

Tiger! Tiger, something
has happened to my Tiger.

Tiger? Oh, Tiger.
[whimpers]

Tiger, I missed you. Oh.

A little bit.

[Bertrille] See? I told you
he belonged to you.

Oh, but he is trembling.
He's so afraid of you.

How about that?
But why?

Well, I think it's because he
doesn't like some of my habits.

[Felix] What?
Like how I fly--

Fly off the handle, heh.

Oh, you hollered at Tiger?

No, I didn't exactly holler.

There was these birds
flying around,

and I thought maybe--
Say no more.

That is exactly
what he is afraid of, birds.

[Bertrille] Well, that's silly.

[Felix] Uh-huh. You reason with him.

That's a shame,
because you see,

at the convent,
we just love birds.

Hundreds of them come from miles
around to feed on the lawns.

Would you please stop
talking dogs,

and start talking plumbing?

Yes, Mr. Ramirez,
absolutely.

Well, when I am
finished with this,

it is going to be the
Sistine Chapel of a sell.

Right now, I'd settle for
hot and cold running water.

Right.

To work!

[screams]
Oh, I'm so sorry!

Don't be sorry.

I asked for
running water.

This is assault.

Yes, but...

So help me,
never, never again.

You will have another pet,
Sister Bertrille.

I don't know.
You're like that.

If I see a grasshopper,
I'm gonna look the other way.

Good morning,
Mother.

Good morning, Mr. Larusa.
Good morning, Sister.

Ah, good morning.
Ha, ha!

Tiger.
No, no, his brother.

With Tiger,
I take no more chances.

I leave him at home.

And if not brother, cousins.

Anyway, he is for you.

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, please, Sister,
how else can I thank you?

The work at the casino
came out totally terrific,

and I have other work,
all because of you.

So please...

Well...
He is yours

as a token
of my gratitude.

I-I'm sorry, Felix,
but it's not allowed.

Not to live
at the convent.

Reverend Mother
wouldn't... Oh.

I wouldn't mind,
Sister Bertrille.

That figures.

But I don't want a dog.

No offense, dog.

You see, especially this one.

He reminds me so much
of Isabella,

except Isabella was a girl,
and--

And this one is a boy.

Isabella was all black
with a few white spots.

Uh, I think the convent
has a dog.

[chuckles]
Uh-huh.

[both chuckle]

♪♪

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