All language subtitles for Stir.Crazy.1980

[GENE WILDER'S
"CRAZY" PLAYING]

MAN:
Who needs Hollywood?

I hear they're really nuts out there.

♪ Give me a town
Like old New York ♪

♪ With lots of trees
And clean, fresh air ♪

♪ I need a place
Where love is everywhere ♪

♪ They say I'm crazy ♪

♪ Just a little bit out of whack ♪

♪ 'Cause I always like
To act my dreams out ♪

♪ They call me a maniac ♪

♪ Well, if I'm crazy ♪

♪ What a wonderful way to be ♪

♪ lmagine all the possibilities ♪

♪ If the whole world
Was just like me ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Everyone thinks I'm crazy ♪

♪ But I've got a feeling
Deep inside ♪

♪ They'd all like to be
Just like me ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy
Crazy, crazy ♪

♪ So once in a while ♪

♪ Set yourself free ♪

♪ Who needs reality? ♪

♪ They say I'm crazy ♪

♪ A study in imperfection ♪

♪ But I'm just trying to find
A little affection ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like that too? ♪

♪ People say I'm crazy ♪

♪ 'Cause I say the first thing
On my mind ♪

♪ I guess freedom is a serious crime
These days ♪

♪ Well, lock the door and then
Throw away the key ♪

♪ I guess being crazy's
Best for me ♪♪

[CHATTERING]

Marvelous salad.
Marvelous!

May I have a bit more,
please?

Yes, sir.
WOMAN: And me too, please.

And count me in.
It is divine.

Mm. Mm-mm.

Excuse me.
Yes, ma'am.

Tell Sissie everything so far
is excellent.

She'll be real pleased,
ma'am.

And I'll have a little more of that.
Fraction more. Wonderful salad.

Yes, ma'am.

Is it ready?

Needs a little
more oregano.

I put a whole lot in already.
Well, just a touch more.

Where did you get this?
This isn't my oregano.

Out your bag.

That's not my bag.
That's the waiter's bag.

Four more salads
for four very hungry people

who are very...
What's wrong with you?

Harry, what is this?

That's personal.

SISSIE:
What is it?

[CLEARS THROAT]

It ain't oregano.

Oh, my God.

You put this in the veal?

And the soup.
No.

And the salad.
Lord, have mercy.

Grass.
My grass.

Jesus. You cooked half my stash!

Hi. Hello.
Excuse me, dear.

May I talk with you
for just one minute?

Up your kazoo.

My... Wait a minute.
Please, I'm not trying to be a pest.

I know that you're an actress.
Who are you?

My name is Skip Donahue.

I'm a playwright
and I saw you do a scene

from Romeo and Juliet
at the Wilson workshop.

I want you to know
that you were wonderful.

I'm not just saying it to be kind.
You were really lovely.

If you don't get out of my way,
I'm going to kick you in the nuts.

[LAUGHING]

Kick in the nuts.

You're fantastic.

I mean, the way you can
switch characters like that.

The difference between this
and your Juliet is fabulous.

By the way, dear.

I know that you're not wearing
anything underneath that coat.

What?
I also know that you're a shoplifter.

Part time.
What are you? A looney tune?

No. I'm the store detective
here, part time.

[SCOFFS]

Oh, she's so...

Mrs. R. H. Was
my best customer too.

Yeah, well I was James'
best customer.

That's the guy who sold me
this African Ganja '65.

Do you understand
what you've done to me?

My girlfriend, Caroline,
just for a little bit of this,

not only was gonna
let me have her mind
and her body,

but two of her girlfriends.

She'll ruin me
when she finds out.
I'm finished.

Maybe she'll think
it's the wine.

Think it's the wine?
Let me tell you something.

There's no wine
in the world that...
Smell that. Huh?

This is '65 African Ganja
from the motherland.

You understand?
It's been soaked in
the earth, back home.

This is mean!

One joint of this
put Southern California
to sleep back in '65.

Did you know there
was a revolution in '65?

We went to sleep
and missed it,
because of this.

This is mean.
This is bad.

And you done just
spread it over everything.

I hope you had fun, because
I ain't gonna have no fun.

SKIP:
I saw you try on that dress
and pretend to steal.

And you even managed
to look guilty, which was terrific,

because you are
a wonderful actress.

But what you didn't know
is I also saw you

slip in the
Junior Miss department,

take off the dress
and throw it in the trash bin.

Let me get this right,
shithead.

[LAUGHING]

You kill me.

You think that I was a terrific Juliet.
You were.

Thanks. And you think
that I stole a dress.

And then threw it away.
Right.

And you don't think I have
anything on under this coat.

I know that you don't.
Ha-ha-ha.

[SCOFFS]

[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

More wine, sir?

What is this stuff?
It's Domestic '65. Hot, isn't it?

Was that a good year?
Yes, ma'am. Best ever.

It's a bitch.

What did you say?

I didn't say nothing, ma'am.

Oh.

I...

I'm feeling something
very strange.

That's my leg.
Hm?

Mm.
Oh.

It's all right.
Hit him again, Harry.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Hitting you again, Father.
I've never felt like this before.

Now, I'm...
Horny?

Mm-hm.
Yes?

You know,
which reminds me.

You know, there's something
I always wanted to ask
someone like you.

Do you get much?
Not too often.

Just an occasional
glass at dinner.

Oh.
That's not what she meant.

[ON JUKEBOX]
♪ But you haven't got a chance ♪

♪ You can look
But you can't touch ♪

♪ Eat your heart out ♪

♪ You lowdown such-and-such ♪

♪ They're a double feature
So go on now ♪

♪ You can eat your heart out ♪

[LEATA GALLOWAY'S
"EAT YOUR HEART OUT"
PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]

♪ She's boss ♪
♪ But she's off the menu ♪

♪ She's not yours ♪
♪ To have or even hold ♪

♪ You're lost ♪
♪ You can't believe it, can you? ♪

♪ She's bad
But her love's as good as gold ♪

♪ You long to possess her ♪

Ooh. Harry.
Yes, yes.

The most wonderful thing
in my life just happened to me.

Ooh, me too.

♪ Her heart is taken, and yours
Is hanging on your sleeve ♪♪

She bad, ain't she?

[LAUGHING]

Harry, I got fired today.
I got fired too.

What are you talking about?

I got fired from my...
You got fired? Today?

This afternoon?
Between 3:30 and 4:00?

Yeah, about that.
What happened?
I won a big prize?

Harry.

Yeah, baby.
This is fantastic.

Yeah. Any deaths in the family?
We can celebrate them too.

Don't you know
what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I'll just...
Skip! Skip.

Hiya, Nancy.
Nancy?

How you doing?
How you doing, Nancy?

Hey, Nancy!
Skip, I'm sitting back here.

Yeah, Nancy. Hello.
Sure. Okay, okay.

You don't introduce me
to someone like that, man?

She's not for you.
What do you mean she's not for me?

Harry, Nancy is
a fascinating girl.

Yeah.
She may be the single hottest girl

on the east side.
Yeah.

But when you wake up
in the morning,

you'll find that she's not
a very serious person.

Neither am I.

Harry, listen to me.
For the first time in our lives,

we're free.
Yeah, we're free.

Free to walk out in the cold,
free to be ridiculed, free to starve!

No! I don't mean that!
I mean we're free to
get out of this city!

It's driving me buggy!
MAN: Hey!

Hey, mister!
What are you trying to pull?

I gave you a $10 bill.
What do you think,
I'm crazy?

Come on,
it's 8.50 on the clock.

Okay? You gave me a buck, not 10!
Bullshit.

I gave you a 10.

Hey, man. Why are you trying
to steal from me, huh?

Get lost, Chico.

You see what this city
does to people?

They need room to breathe.
They need a little love.
They need affection.

The little guy
needs his money.

Big guy needs
a two-by-four upside his head.
That's what he needs.

All those two fellas need
is someone to talk to them
gently, with compassion.

That's all that they need.

Are you serious? Huh?

You know that I'm serious.
That's what I'm telling you.

That's what I don't like about this city.
You're a saint, that's why.

Why do you make fun of me?
No, I'm serious.

You ought to go
over there to those fellas,
because they're gentlemen.

They're gonna understand
what you're talking about.
You convinced me.

Okay? Just go on over there.
You tell them what you told me.

[CHICO YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

Go on over there.

Okay.
Skip. What are you...? Skip.

Skip, don't go over there, man.

[GRUNTING]

Skip.

Oh, hi, Lana.

[GASPS]

Call me.

Excuse me. Hold on.
Hold on one second, fellas.

Now listen to me.
I know that this is
a delicate situation.

But let's talk a little sense.

You don't really want to hurt
this man, do you?

Oh, no. No. Not at all.

Well, good. Do you want more
than what's coming to you?

No, that's all right.
Well, then we're halfway home.

Now, can't we work this out
in a civilized manner?

It's okay with me.

[GULPS]

SKIP:
By the way, sir,
what is your name?

[GROANS]

Alex.
Heh. Alex.

And you, sir?
My name is Chico.

Chico.

Alex, may I present Chico.

Chico, this is Alex.
CHICO: How do you do?

[GRUNTING]

Wallet. Wallet.
Okay. Okay.

Hey, thanks, sir.

Hey, does this include the tip?
Yes. Yes. Keep the other dollar.

Okay.
Thanks, man. Thanks a lot.

I'm going to leave you alone now,
because you seem to have

a nice, little friendship starting.
Okay.

Okay? Have a nice evening.
Thank you.

So long, fellas.
So long.

Take care.

Oh... What?
Oh, oh, oh.

Don't. Don't.

[PLIERS CLATTER]

Well?
What if you got hurt, huh?

Did you think about that?

Do you see what
can be accomplished

if you can get people
to make contact, real contact,
with each other?

The man,
the little man there,
he had the contact.

I think it might have
been something you said.
He got his point across.

Harry, I don't like it here
anymore. I want to get out.

Let's go where
there's some sunshine.

Where there's human
feelings between people.

Where there's a little
tenderness and kindness.

Where the noise level is not so loud.
You want to leave New York?

Broadway? Huh?
You love New York and Broadway?

I got a callback on
a Neil Simon play.
I'm an actor,

and I'm going to stay
in New York, that's right.

Harry, you made $35
last year as an actor.

Shut up.

I'm not saying...
How much do you make

as a playwright?
I made nothing as a playwright.

That's why I wanna
get out of this place.

Let's go someplace.
We can just head out west.

We can grab odd jobs along the way,
build up a wonderful little nest egg.

And then head for Hollywood.
That's the place for you and me.

Picture it, Harry.

Harry and Skip in the sunbelt.

Out there in the sunbelt,
you just smile and they
pour money out on you.

And the women.
Oh, God, the women.

Natural. Robust. Open.
Carefree. Uninhibited.

Healthy.
Talk slower.

Okay.
You can talk shit.

Okay. Just picture this.
What?

You and me, and two girls,
romping through the desert,

splashing into the ocean,
and the moonlight is out.

And we just catch a glimpse
of their bodies

when the moonlight
hits their breasts.

And we watch those breasts
just bounce gently to and fro.

In the sand?

After the water,
we go in the sand.

But we'll have a blanket.
You're serious?

You're telling me I'm serious.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Let's go.
Okay. California, here I come.

[♪♪♪]

SKIP: Harry, what's the matter?
HARRY: Whoa. Whoa.

SKIP:
Uh-oh.

150 bucks?
150?

Jesus Christ.
That's gonna put a hell of
a dent in our bankroll, man.

Well, don't worry.
Jobs shouldn't be hard
to find around here.

Here you go.
I think this is a bit too much though.

Harry, I have a good feeling
about this town.

I really do.
I think this is gonna
be our lucky town.

Excuse me, sir.
Give me the five back, please.

Merry Christmas.

[COUNTRY MUSIC
PLAYING NEARBY]

[COUNTRY MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[PUNCHING BAG THUDS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Now, how'd you do
on the job front?

I didn't do so good.
Drew a blank, man.

Oh. Well, I have one possibility.
It's nothing ideal, but it's a start.

Harry, I have something
very important to tell you.

I love this place.
I'm thrilled here, Harry.

I'm telling you, I'm thrilled.
I'm thrilled for you.

You can almost taste
the atmosphere here.

You know what
this is gonna do
for my writing? Harry.

[WHISPERING]
See those two guys?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
You can see the history of the
sunbelt written across their faces.

Those guys will bring your hat to you.
Don't worry about that.

Harry, would you excuse me
for just a minute? I'd love to
talk with those fellas.

I wanna try and capture
some of their rhythms.

It won't take you
long to do that.

I'll just be a minute. I'll be right back.
No, Skip. Skip. Jesus, this guy.

Goddamn. Skip!

[MARY GREGORIY'S
"THE LOVE OF A COWBOY"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Hi. Hiya, fellas.

Hello. Hi.
How are you?

I'm Skip Donahue.
I'm from back east.

Me and my buddy just rolled...
"Me and my buddy."

My buddy and I
just rolled into town.

And we were wondering,
what is the job situation
like around here?

Oh.

Wow, that surprised me.
You mind if I try it?

♪ And I have the love ♪

♪ The love of a cowboy ♪

Okay.

♪ Cowboys are crazy
When they're out on the range ♪

♪ That's just the way
They're designed ♪

♪ They all get together
And talk how they're taught ♪♪

Eh, whoa, oh!

Skip! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Excuse me, gentlemen.
I just wanna speak to
my friend. Please, man.

Speak about what?
Don't you know socializing

can be hazardous to
your health with these people?

Those are nice guys.
Yeah, they're nice guys

when they take
your head off.

Tell me about the job opportunity.
It's in banking.

We don't know a darn thing
about banking.

We don't have to know
anything about banking.
I've sold the manager

on a new promotion idea.

SKIP & HARRY:
♪ Oh, you'll save money ♪

♪ Knock on wood ♪

♪ When you do
What a good woodpecker should ♪

♪ Save for a horse
Or a brand-new ranch ♪

♪ When you flock
To the Glenboro Savings branch ♪

♪ You can feather
Your nest with frills ♪

♪ Fill your garage
With Coupe de Villes ♪

♪ Just relax if you have a big bill ♪

Are you really a woodpecker?

HARRY:
No, I'm just a man pretending
to be a woodpecker.

That's a real woodpecker.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

HARRY & SKIP:
♪ What you can do
Be a smart bird too ♪

♪ You little pecker, you ♪♪

SKIP:
Ta-da!

You gotta admit, pfft,
for an interim gig,
this really wasn't bad.

SKIP:
♪ Oh, you'll save money
Knock on wood ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

MEN:
♪ You'll save money
Knock on wood ♪

♪ When you do
What a good woodpecker should ♪

♪ Save for a horse
Or a brand-new ranch ♪

♪ When you flock
To the Glenboro Savings branch ♪♪

[SCREAMS]

MAN:
Get your hands
down on the floor.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[GIRL CRYING]

MAN:
Hey! Everybody stay where they are
and nobody gets hurt.

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

HARRY: Looks like trouble.
SKIP: I wonder what happened.

Let's not find out, okay?

Harry, it might be
something important.

Skip. Oh, Skip.

Would you mind stepping
downtown with us and
looking at some mug shots?

Maybe you can identify those guys.
MANAGER: Sure.

There they are!
The New Yorkers!

Is there anything we can do to help?
DEPUTY: Is that your van?

What the hell is wrong? No, sir.
Yes, sir.

Were we parked illegally?

What are you doing?
I can't believe it.
This is my first frisk.

Why are you
searching me?
Listen.

What's your name?
I hope you're enjoying this shit.

Sorenson. What are you doing?
Listen, officer...

Romping through
the desert all right.

But I don't see
no naked women.

I should have my head
overhauled for listening to you.

My grandmother was right,
cow shit for brains.

Me?
No, me!

What are you doing?
I'm getting bad.

You better get bad, Jack,
because if you ain't bad,
you gonna get fucked.

If you're bad,
they don't mess with you.

Hey, home. Get down.
Hey.

You're a little too bad,
ain't you.

Yeah!

Do some of these.

Right on. Right on.
Hyah!

MAN:
Yeah, all right, all right.
Here we go.

All right.

That's right. That's right.
We're bad. Uh-huh.
Ha-ha-ha. That's right.

We don't want
no shit either.

That's right.
Darn right.

HARRY:
We don't want no shit,
you understand?

We don't take too much shit.
We take a little bit.

We don't take no bunch of shit.

Damn right. Hm.

That's right. Say "no shit."
No shit.

That's right.
No shit.

No... Hey, try it again.

We don't take no shit.
Hm. Shit.

SKIP:
No shit.

HARRY: Mm-mm. Get down.
SKIP: We ain't shitting.

HARRY:
You better believe it, baby.

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

[MAN CLAPPING]

What the hell is
wrong with him?

Oh, shit.

Skip. Skip, come on,
man. Come on. Skip.

Skip, what do you...?
Come on. Skip.

Oh, ho.

Carry me back to old Virginia, Lord.
Did you get it?

Oh, there it is.

Right on the end of your nose.

[♪♪♪]

[HARRY WHIMPERS]

Sesamian.

[HARRY WHIMPERING]

Give me a light.
He wants a light.

[HARRY SOBBING]

[SNIFFLING]

Right on.

Man wants a light.

A light.

Why?

It doesn't...

Don't... Just doesn't...

Oh, shit.

Short-ass son of a bitch, ain't you?
I'm a short son of a bitch.

My father was a short
son of a bitch too.

My mother was
shorter than him.

And my brother was real short.
We couldn't even see him.

He was a short
son of a bitch.

What's your charge?

I'm innocent.

Ain't we all?
Bank robbery.

Oh, shit.

You can kiss the baby.

Kiss the baby?

What baby is that, sir?

Ask your lawyer.

HARRY:
Kiss the baby.

Hi.
SKIP: Hi.

I'm Slowpoke.

Hi. This is Harry.
This state gives the longest sentence

for everything.
Especially bank robbing.

It's misleading.
So don't wet your pants.

They have the most liberal
good time program.

If the bottom should
drop out from under
you two innocent badasses,

that's one bright spot
to look forward to.
Heh-heh-heh.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Okay. Okay.

What?
What did he say?

I don't know.
Do you know what he said?

Badasses...
He said that the bottom fell out.

SKIP:
This filthy roach-ridden reality

is inspiring.

What did that
second policeman say

when he grabbed you
by the throat?

Man, I don't fucking believe you.
"Man, I don't fucking believe you."

Fabulous.
You don't get it, Skip, do you?

You think this is
The Count of Monte Cristo?

We're in trouble.
This is the real deal.
We're in deep shit.

Harry, you and I are innocent.
You know that, I know that.

And somewhere outside,
the guys who really pulled
that bank job know it too.

But the cops don't know it.
Shh.

Donahue. Monroe.

I am entitled to a private interview.
Forget it.

Hello, sir. Are you here for us?
I believe so.

I'm Skip Donahue.
Yes.

This is my buddy Harry Monroe.
Harry.

Thank you.
I'm Len Garber, your lawyer.

What a pleasure to see you.
Do me a favor.

Call this number.
It's my girlfriend.
She don't know I'm here.

This is very important.

Of course I will.
Tell her I'll write her.

There's been
a huge misunderstanding.

Huge misunderstanding.

Well, I am more or less
familiar with the case.

You know that
we're innocent?

Is there not some lightning stroke
you can use to cut through this?

This isn't funny anymore.
No.

Do they know
I hate confinement?

Look, all I can do is
shower them with motions,
try to keep them off balance.

I've already filed two.
Two? You've only filed two motions?

How about a dozen on me?
We're dealing with armed robbery

and bodily assault.
You might as well have
set fire to the Pentagon.

Will the defendants rise?

Considering the facts
and arguments presented
by both counsel,

and after careful deliberation,

I find the defendants
guilty as charged.

Do you wish to waive the right
to a pre-sentence hearing?

No.
Yes, Your Honor.

Taking into account the severe
and ruthless nature of this crime

and the bleak prospects
for your rehabilitation,

I hereby sentence you
to serve 125 years

in the custody of the commissioner
of the Department of Corrections.

Wha...! Wha...! Wha...!

Wait, no, no, no. Wait.
No, no, no. Sit. Sit. Sit.

You don't... We didn't do it.
There's a misunderstanding.

That's right. We didn't.
We didn't.

Our lawyer told us to come up...
I know I didn't.

Heh-heh-heh.
He's joking.

He means "we."
I told him.

We didn't do it.
Have you got the right case?

SKIP:
This is Monroe and Donahue.

Harry. Harry Monroe.
Harry Monroe.
Look under there.

Sir...
Look under that. Black. Tall.

Sir, we...
Black man.

How much does that
mean in actual time?

Thirty years, tops.

I'm gonna be
a dead old man.

Thirty.
I don't wanna do 125...

I don't wanna do one.

I don't even wanna
do 100. I can't.

I'm gonna kill
this mother...

SKIP:
Wait!

I am fighting mad
about what happened.

It's not the end of the world.
What do you think our
next move should be?

I'll get the appeal going.

A hundred and twenty-five years.
Stop it.

Oh, God.
It's only 30 years.

Get your staff to press harder.
I'll be 161 when I get out.

SKIP:
Track down those guys
who really pulled it off.

It's a one-man show.
Come to think of it,

I have a cousin visiting.
She's a terrific social worker.

HARRY:
A hundred and twenty-five years!

Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

It's chilling.
It's frightening and real.
It's almost surrealistic.

Cold.
Will you shut up, man?

At least till we get out
of this mess you got us into.

Let's go.
And no slow bucking.

Sir, how come...?
Shut up, asshole. And move out.

SKIP:
This is ridiculous.

This is from the Middle Ages.
How do they expect you to move?

I bet you this whole thing
is illegal too.

Sir, wasn't this
whole contraption...?

Keep moving, turkey.

JESUS:
Get up. Get up.

You're gonna have to learn
the hard way, fella.

I was right.
This is illegal,
and he knows it too.

Jesus.

The man ain't
never gonna learn.

Maybe after they whup him
upside the head a few times.

Just get into the flow of it.
I'm trying to.

How do you get...?
Don't fight it.

It's fighting me.

What you up for, sweet pants?
We innocent, man. I swear we are.

My name ain't no
goddamn "sweet pants."

Oh.

Holy shit.

I think I have the swing of it now.
This is much better. Thanks.

My name is Skip Donahue.
Jesus Ramirez.

Nice to meet you.
Yeah.

What brings you here?
Man, I been here seven years.

Seven years away from
my beautiful Teresa.

Today, I was in court
on appeal hearing.
Lost again.

They accused me of
robbing several banks,
but no way.

I was drunk and all,
but I'm positive
I only robbed one bank.

What about you?

Oh, my friend and I were
doing this song-and-dance act.

Ah. Must have been
pretty bad.

Excuse me, major,
I'm just not very good
at these written tests.

I think you'd get more
[MOUTHING] Shut up.

Of my original flavor
in oral ex...

You know, I'm just about
to lose my patience with you.

I was trying to explain...

GUARD:
Keep writing, shit face.

"Two pears, three apples..."

All right, now,
listen to me.

A kid tried that stuff with me
at Camp Minikani in Vermont,

and I hit him so hard

that his braces ripped
the whole upper part of his lip.

His mother had to come and get him
in the middle of the season.

[PRISONERS SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]

MAN 1:
Tight ass.

[MAN 2 SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]

What do you think they put in those?
HARRY: What do you think?

Us?
Yes. You got it on the first try.

SKIP: Harry.
HARRY: What?

We're in prison.

Goddamn, man,
welcome to the real world.

Not a minute too soon,
I might add.

Now, brace up. Be strong.

[GATE SLAMS]

MAN 3:
Hey, white meat.
How long you gonna be on, baby?

Come on, baby. Come on.

Harry.
What?

I don't think
I'm going to make it.

Hang on, man. Don't mess up.
Just think about our appeal.

Skip, please.

Excuse me, sir,
could I please...?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I'm not a troublemaker.

Oof.

[HUMMING]

Pbbt. Pbbt. Pbbt.
Skip. Skip.

Okay. No more hitting.

Did you hear?
Skip.

No more hitting.
Skip.

All right, turn around.
You wanna stay late?
Turn around!

Okay, let's get out of here!
Come on, Silver!

Skip.
I'm freaking.

Skip.
Giddyup. So long, suckers!

Hey, Harry,
he thinks he's a horse.

Help me! Harry!
Don't hit him. Don't hit him.

Please. He's sick.
He's having a fit.

He don't have his fit pills.
He's got them.

Where'd you put...?
He's got them.
Honest. Vietnam.

SKIP:
Harry, help me. Harry.

Skip. Skip.
Harr... Ha!

Take my hand. Skip.
Ha!

Oh, shit, Skip.

Skip. Skip. Skip.
Ha!

Oh, ah, ah, ah! Oh.
Oh, Skip, shit.

It's okay. It's okay.
You did it.

You did it.

He's okay now.
I'm okay.

I'm okay now.
It's out of my system.

You okay?
Yeah.

He's okay.
I'm 100 percent.

Please, okay?
Please, just this once.
I mean, it's okay.

Lieutenants.
Okay? Okay.

He's okay, see?
Yeah. Yeah. We're okay.

It's okay?
Yeah.

He's okay.
Nothing but trouble.

[SCREAMS]

Harry. Harry, for God's sake.
You're gonna get us in trouble.

It's all right.
I can't take it.

I can't take it. Mama!
Wait a minute.

Here. Harry.
Mama!

Take your pill. Take your pill.
Three seconds. You'll see. It's over.

One thousand one.
One thousand two.

One thousand three.
Finished!

Finished!

What'd I tell you? Okay.
Hup. Hup two.

Hey.
Let's go. Back in line. Here we go.

Thanks very much.
Okay. Here we go.

What's next?
This way. Right. Okay.

[CHATTERING]

Yeah?
I'd like some spare ribs,

french fries and
a cheeseburger
on the side

with a chocolate malt.

Thanks.

I can get you those.
Especially the cheeseburger.

I don't want you to get me
no cheeseburger, man.

I'll wash your socks.
I don't want you washing my socks.

You leave my socks alone,
man. Stay out of my face.

These are delicious.

Aren't you amazed at the quality
of these vegetables? In a prison?

I'm amazed at what's
crawling around in our soup.

What are you talking about?
Little creatures.

Where?
There.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

What's the story with him?
Why does he get a separate table?

That's Grossberger.

The biggest mass murderer
in the history of the Southwest.

My dear, he killed his entire family
and all his relatives in one weekend.

And then he killed some more people
that reminded him of his family.

Is he here for rehabilitation?

He threw the chaplain
through a wall at the library.

Burned the furniture factory
to the ground.

Hasn't killed anyone here.
RORY: I wouldn't sit with him

and I killed my stepdaddy.

I wonder what triggered
all that violence.

He seems so gentle.

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

Heh.

SKIP:
I see what it is.

Nobody has ever just sat down
and honestly talked with that man.

Poor kid.

Skip, the man is not ready
for an interview.

MAN:
Go on there, white bread.

[GROSSBERGER GROWLING]

Hello.

Aah! Argh!
Hey!

I'll wait till after
he's had a little nap.

Do you mind?

Why in the hell did you kill
your stepfather, anyway?

Criticizing my new fur jacket.

And slapping my hand.

MAN 1:
Okay. All right.
Come on, come on, come on.

Come on. Get it. Get it.

[♪♪♪]

MAN 2:
Come on. Come on. Go.

MAN 3:
All right.

MAN 4:
Pin him.

MAN 5:
Pin him.

MAN 6:
Get his shoulder down.
Shoulder down. Come on.

What do you wanna
do with him, Jack?

How late was he?
A week.

You snort up
all that nice blow,

and then you forget
about paying?

Teach him to be punctual.

What the hell was that all about?
Jack Graham.

You don't mess with him.
He's one mean hombre.

A guard can just
yank you out like that?

No guard, amigo.
He's an inmate
like you and me.

Only, he runs the cell block.

Dope, whiskey, even a woman.
He can get you anything you want.

And he can get you killed.

I don't want
anything from him.

That's Blade.

He runs the third world side
of Cell Block 2.

My dear,
till Grossberger came along,

he held the ax murder record
in the Southwest.

HARRY:
It's tough to stay at the top.

He's the one I'm gonna get you
the cheeseburger from.

How do you like it? Medium?
Oh, no.

I don't want no cheeseburger.
Trying to keep my weight down.

Don't worry. I'll protect you.
I'm getting a little pudge.

For some reason, I make him uneasy.
I wonder why.

Ha...

I'm going. Skip, my friend.
Excuse me, would you?

I'll come with you.
Oh, shit.

I'm a little nervous.

Did you sleep
any better last night?

Got a couple winks
between nightmares.

The walls keep closing in on me.
I know.

I've got it down on the list.
Roomier cells. A soap dish.

Toilet seats.
What are you talking about?

MAN: Unh!
Aah!

Oh. That's ridiculous.

Put that on your list.
I'm going to.

Unnecessary violence.

Did you see what they did?
Okay, you two, inside.

Inmates 65984

and 65985.

The New Yorkers.

How do you do, sir?
Very nice to meet you.

Harry and I would like to touch...
I think I can speak for Harry.

Would like to touch... Heh, heh.
No.

[CHUCKLING]

SKIP:
Harry's a little nervous.

And I am a little bit too,
because this is a very
different way of life

from anything
we're used to.

We would like to
touch base with you

on one or two ideas that
we think would make life
easier for all of us.

How long do we have to
listen to this?

Did I...? I'm sorry, were you
in the middle of something?

No, no. Mr. Wilson just doesn't feel
the same need to be hospitable

to our out-of-town guests as I do.

Get on the bull.

Get on the bull?
Get on the bull.

SKIP:
Oh, heh, heh.

Is that what that is?

I didn't know. Oh, is that
a recreational activity?

I was hoping for
volleyball or tennis.

We have an annual prison rodeo.
We're awfully proud of it.

And we like to run you new fellas
through this little test

just to see if you have
any aptitude for it.

Sure. Fine with me.

Make sure we haven't
overlooked some big rodeo star.

You won't be needing me.
You wanna shut up?

Okay.
Okay. Let her rip.

You're on backwards.
Oh.

Okay.

Over the rigging.
Oh.

[SKIP & BEATTY CHUCKLING]

I thought you meant
the other way around.

I was looking for the horns
to come out.

Okay.

Ready, Mr. Wilson?
Ready.

Proceed.

Harry, you gotta try this.

It's fun.
It's like the merry-go-round
at Coney Island.

Try two level.

Whoa.

What is...? Where is the part
where I go "hee-yaw"?

Go to three.

SKIP:
This is fun.

Look, Ma, I'm dancing.

Yahoo! Ride it, Skip!

[SWITCH CLICKS]

[♪♪♪]

Ride that
son of a bitch!

Yahoo! Huh?

I... Ohh!

Oh, hoo...

All right.

SKIP: Is it all right if I get off now?
Yeah, you can get off now.

[PANTING]

Woo-wee!

You two fellas can go on
back to your cells.

Mr. Barstow!

We had a nice visit, didn't we?
BEATTY: Yes, we did. Mr. Barstow.

Here are some of those ideas
I was talking to you about earlier.

Chew on these for a few days.

When you're ready, give me
a call and we'll go over them.

Get rid of them.
Maybe we could meet for lunch.

[LAUGHING]

I don't believe what I just saw.
The damn machine's malfunctioning.

The machine's fine, Wilson.
Maybe you'd like to get up,
try for a six.

Luck was all it was.
That boy's a born cowboy.

From New York?
I don't care if he's from Tasmania.

No inmate ever
took Double-Aught
to six level before.

Your big rodeo star Graham,
born with cow shit in his ears,

he never got it
past to four.

Now, Graham's had a lot of injuries.
And I've had 10 years of humiliation.

I ain't gonna talk about
the money trouble I'm in

from losing to Warden Sampson and
his prison gorillas because of him.

If that eastern kid's for real,

he's gonna ride for Glenboro Prison
in the next rodeo,

and we're gonna whip Sampson's
boys and win that goddamn prize.

Now, you get that kid
back in here in an hour.

I wanna test him out
on Double-Aught again.

[WHISPERING]
Check it out.

[CHATTERING]

My back hurts, fellas.
I'm gonna have to drop out.

Ow.

Okay.
Okay.

My back still hurts
from yesterday.

Hurt it again.

Rub me a little bit ri...
Harry, rub me a little bit
right here, would you?

Oh. That's it.

Good. That's better.
Did you try that thing in
the warden's office, Jesus?

It's fun!
[IN NORMAL VOICE] It is.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Jesus is the champion bull rider
from his province, man.

You're kidding.
Jesus, that's wonderful.

Does that mean you're gonna
ride in the prison rodeo?

Jesus says
the rodeo is bullshit.

Why? What are you
talking about?

JESUS:
Know how much
money they make?

Eighty-five thousand
to $100,000.

[WHISPERS]
Hundred thousand dollars.

That money is supposed
to go to the prisoners.

We don't get shit, man.
We get our ass kicked.

They get rich.

Are you telling me that
the prisoners don't get
one penny of that money?

No, well, I...
I'm exaggerating
a little bit, you know?

Two years ago we got
new Ping-Pong balls.

Heh, five boxes.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I don't understand
one thing then, man.

Why do the guys
go to the rodeo?

Oh, man, they scare
the shit out of everybody

by threatening
to deny their parole.

That's how they get
all the kiss-asses.

Outrageous, man.

Now over in Texas
they run an honest rodeo, man.

Prisoners can even keep
the prize money.

Them wardens over there
are pretty decent.

Not like these pricks.

Isn't that fucking
outrageous?

Say, I hear you went to a six
on Double-Aught, huh?

My man.

Did you tell them that?

It wasn't so tough.

Well, if you really did a six,

they are gonna want you to ride in
the Top Hand Competition next time.

So? Don't worry about me.
I'm no brown-noser.

Hey, everybody know that, man,

but don't jump to conclusions.
Why don't you hear the man out?

If you ride in the Top Hand event,

there's a strong chance
we can bust out of here.

Know what I mean?

Harry, is he talking about
a jailbreak?

Bet your ass.

What about our appeal?

Appeal my...

Ask Jesus. Ask Rory.
Tell him about appeal, Rory.

Sugar, the day I met you
and sweet pants here,

was my fifth appeal
here in six years.

Turned me down flat.

You wanna spend 30 years
in this joint, man?

I couldn't take it.
I know you can't, man.

We gotta get
the fuck out of here.

BEATTY:
Hello, operator?

Get me Warden Sampson
at Doerin Prison, will you, please?

Thank you.

Hello, Wally.

How does your team look
this year?

BEATTY [OVER PHONE]:
Not too bad. We might even
give you a race this year.

SAMPSON:
Is that right?

You got yourself some new blood?

Something like that.

Well, seeing as how
you're in such good shape,

maybe you'd like to put
some real money down on this one.

[♪♪♪]

Well, I realize that $50,000
ain't much these days,

but it might stimulate
a little interest.

[CHUCKLING]

Henry, one way or another,

I'm gonna cover that bet.

What do you want me to do?

You gotta convince the warden
that you will not ride,

no matter what they do.

I'm telling you, he's gonna be
so mad he'll wet his pants

because he always makes
this big bet with the other warden.

You gotta hold out. No matter what
they throw at you to break you down,

don't give up.

The longer you hold out,

the better chance you got
to strike a bargain.

What kind of a bargain?
Let you pick your own crew.

That's us.

Stadium where they hold
the rodeo is supposed to
be a bitch to crack.

Even tougher
than this joint we're in.

RORY:
Supposed to be escape-proof.

But there's a weakness.

This is fantastic.

Harry, there's a great novel in this.

But you won't start writing
till we get the fuck out of here, right?

I guess I can wait
seven months.

Donahue.

Hello, warden.
Nice to see you again.

I've got some
good news for you.

My wine magazines came?

No, it's better than that.

You're gonna represent
Glenboro Prison

in the annual
Top Hand Competition.

Congratulations.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Oh, my God.

Warden.

I can't do that.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Well, I should've
told you in your office.
My mother was a veterinarian.

I can't have anything to do
with exploitation of animals.

She'd turn over in her grave.
I don't believe you heard me.

This is very important to me.

Important to you.

My mother is watching over
every step I make.

Do you know that my soul
is on the line here?

So please, let's just drop... What?

I said no.

Well, I told him no.

Ma, are you crazy?
I have witness...

All right, we'll talk
about it in my cell.

Um...

I have to go to the bathroom.
Would you excuse me, warden?

That boy is very confused.

Straighten him out.
What about Jack Graham?

His knees have mended.

Wake him up.

[BATON CLATTERING
AND GUARD YELLING]

GUARD:
Let's move.

HARRY: What happened?
Let's go, Mayor Koch.

And you too,
Count Basie.

What time is it?
WILSON: Four-thirty.

Why so early?

It's called paying
your debt to society.

Now, let's move!

Is breakfast ready?
Somebody stole the toilet.

Wait a minute.
Over here.

[BOTH URINATING]

You're peeing on me!

[♪♪♪]

Shh.

[PANTING]

[SKIP GRUNTING]

Close 12.
MAN: Close 12.

[BABBLING]

[BOTH BABBLING]

Oh, shit.
They're trying to kill me.

They're trying to kill me.
Please, God, please!

No. No. No, please.
Coming back, coming back.

[BOTH BABBLING]

[WHIMPERING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

Pillow.

I want my pillow.

My pillow.

[BATONS CLATTERING]

[SKIP SNORING]

All right, you two.

Up and at them!

Aah! I can't feel
nothing in my leg!

[HARRY SCREAMS]

Hold it. Now don't you
see the white line here?

Yes, sir.
You're not supposed to be to the side.

I'm not...? Oh, sorry.
What a mistake. I'm sorry.
Never happen again.

Yeah, see,
it's too late
for that now.

Get him out of here.
Come on.

Close 10.
MAN: Close 10.

[WHISTLING]

Hey.

My back.

My 11 -year-old
back problem is gone.

I feel terrific. Thanks, cap.

Wow.

What a lucky guy.

You son of a guns.

All right, get in there.

And I'll see you in about
five days, if you make it.

MAN:
Come on, buddy. Smile.

Donahue.

[FLY BUZZING]

Donahue.

One more day. Please.
Just one more day.

I was just beginning
to get into myself.

Be a pal.

Harry, guess who's here.

How's my best?

[♪♪♪]

[GASPING]

[MOUTHING]
Help me. Please help me. Please.

I left my wallet in the solitary.

Could I...? Oh, please.

Nighty-night, boys.

Don't do anything
I wouldn't do, okay?

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

Come here, man.
I wanna talk to you.

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

Excuse me.
Don't touch it. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it.

Please don't touch it.

I'll see you later.

I'm gonna just stand
over here for a while.

Don't leave me.
No, no. I'll just be over here.

Come back.

Grossberger...

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

Help, please.

GUARD: Get the warden.
Think Grossberger
ate them all up?

Or did he leave some bones?
Ha, ha.

Well, if he did, we're gonna
ship them back to Times Square.

Oh, man.

Ah, say...

I know it's illegal.
Give us a break.

We tried charades.
He doesn't get it.

He just doesn't get it.
You can't play it!

You can't play this card...
What is this? What?
Cheating, look. Huh?

See, look.
Wait a second. Wait a second.

What?

What do you call...?
That's for this one.

WOMAN:
How are you doing?

Well, how have you
been getting along?

MAN:
You're getting out.
You're getting out.

Oh, excuse me.
This is my cousin,
Meredith.

She's been helping out
on your case.

Hi.
Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

It's amazing. There's hardly
any family resemblance.

No offense.
Oh.

We're just barely cousins.

See, my mother was
a French cancan dancer.

And...

It's a long story.

Say, how have you
been getting along?

Swell.

Just swell.
Few ups and downs.

You know, people see
movies about prison life,

but until you actually
spend a little time here,

it's hard to get the real flavor of...

Of what it's like.

I think more Americans
should spend time behind bars

so they would understand that.

Well, more Americans
probably will.

Now, we have made your
preliminary bid for retrial and...

Well, Meredith,
why don't you tell him?

Remember the little girl
in the bank?

She is ready to swear
that you weren't the ones
in the woodpecker suits

when the bank was held up.

And she remembers that
one of the robbers had a tattoo.

She even remembers the design.

Neither of you has a tattoo, do you?
No.

Good. I'll check out
the tattoo artists in the area.

By the way, there's
a raunchy strip joint in town
where tattooed guys hang out.

I'm gonna try for
a part-time job there.

Now, uh...

Because
the little girl's only 6,

the court declared
that her information

doesn't justify
a new hearing.

We're trying to get them
to change their minds.

On the basis that the prosecution
did withhold that information.

Bottom line is all legal bullshit.
The fact is that you were railroaded.

Just one more
example of a repressive
criminal justice system

coming down on the
bottom layer of society.

I don't know about
the bottom part,

but I couldn't agree
with you more on the rest.

Um...

You wanna know something
that's always fascinated me?

Are the prison romances
that sometimes spring up

between inmates
and girls from the outside.

Sometimes quite beautiful girls.

I mean, would you, for example?

Could you actually become
involved, I mean, romantically,

with a prisoner?

Absolutely not.

Ah.

No, I didn't think so.

I was just curious.

What in the hell
do you mean Donahue's
tougher than you thought?

A few more days.
We don't have a few more days.

The stocks already been delivered,
the rodeo contracts are out,

and Doerin Prison's
a big jump ahead of us.

Being from the east,
I thought the kid would
be softer in the crotch.

Oh, he's soft all right.
You just don't know
where to kick him.

What, my appendix...?
What are talking about?

Hey, man,
I know about appendix.

I had my appendix
taken out already.

Help! I had my appendix
taken out.

Guard, help me! Please! Help!

What you in for, brother?
Huh?

There's gotta be
some kind of confusion.

They said my appendix grew back,
but I had it taken out years ago.

What about you?
I came in for a hernia operation.

They cut off one of my nuts
by mistake.

Say what?

They said I didn't need it anymore.

Now I can't eat, I don't sleep.

I ain't got no enthusiasm,
don't write my woman no more.

I was supposed to get out next year,
but I don't care whether I do or don't.

Sure take it calm.

Ain't nothing I can do about it now.

But look.

They got this Korean doctor,
just set foot in this country.

Make sure you don't get him.
That's right.

He's the one who made the mistake.
Korean.

Aah! Jesus Christ.
What's the matter with him?

Oh, man, that's just Johnson.

He's on a hunger strike, so they're
force-feeding him to keep him alive.

Thank God. There is some
humanity in this place.

They're gonna
electrocute him next month.

[WHIMPERS]

Mr. Frazier? How do you go?

That's the cat did me.

[SCREAMING]

Make sure
you cover up them jewels.

No! No.

Hello, Donahue.
What can I do for you?

I'm ready to make a deal.

Oh?

What kind of deal?

I want my own team.

And I want a bigger cell
with better ventilation.

What's the matter?
Has Grossberger
been farting on you?

Settle down, Wilson.
Heh-heh-heh.

I don't make deals, Donahue.
Oh, I know that.

But I think, in this case,
it might be arranged.

Good.
I wanna win that trophy.

I'm counting on you
to go balls out for it.

I only have one speed:
Balls out.

[CHUCKLING]

That's the spirit.

You're gonna be out of here
while you're still a relatively
young man.

I'm looking forward
to that a lot.

Well, I guess we got
ourselves a deal, huh?

I guess so.

Ride them, cowboy.

Okay.

I want an inmate guard
on them every minute.

Graham will keep
an eye on them.

Put Blade on Graham.

All right.

PRISONERS:
♪ All the way ♪

MAN: ♪ Gettin' on ♪
♪ All the way ♪

MAN: ♪ I'm goin' down ♪
♪ All the way ♪♪

BLADE:
Hey, sucker.

Shit gonna start now, man.

What you doing joining the rodeo?
City dude like you?

Sucking up to the warden?

He's not sucking up
with the warden.

We're just having a little fun.
We showed some aptitude for this.

Aptitude? You hear that?

Why don't you
lay off him, Blade?

The man's just doing
what he gotta do.

They were gonna
cut his nuts off.

Ain't that right?
I don't wanna discuss my nuts.

GRAHAM: Work your tail off, cowboy.
Don't sweat it so hard.

Then get shoved aside
by some man

who wouldn't know one end
of a pony from another.

He may be going into the rodeo,
but that don't mean he's coming out.

[♪♪♪]

MAN 1: Where's my saddle?
MAN 2: Right here.

What a horse.

Jesus, what a beauty.

What a sweet, beautiful face
he has.

Look, he's listening to us.

He's listening to every word
that we say.

I'll bet you anything.

Okay, sweetheart, here I come.

Don't be misled,
my friend.

He's a chute fighter.
Hello.

He'd try to kill you
in the chute.

He'd like nothing better
than to kick your head off.

I don't think so. I'd love to try.
Don't you think you're rushing?

Please, did you see
the look he gave me?

This is a sweetheart.
This is a little pussy cat.

Although, I'll tell you the truth,
I've never driven a real horse before.

Try to remember,
no spurs on the belly.

No spurs on the belly.

Knees up high.
Okay.

Well, this should be a snap.
Let her rip.

[♪♪♪]

[MEN WHOOPING]

JESUS:
Skip!

Skip!

Are you all right?

[♪♪♪]

SKIP:
I'm all right. I'm all right, fellas.

I wanted to know
what it was like to get thrown.

Grossberger, I'm fine.
You can put me down now.

You know you get a little
overprotective sometimes?

Okay. Where is that sucker?

Now let me explain to you
about bulls, okay?

A bull is the most evil, disgusting
and crafty sucker in the world.

He'll snot on you,
fart on you,

do anything he can
to mash out your brain.

The worst kind of bull is
the one that won't do nothing.

Just stand there,
look at you.

That means he's studying you.

Soaking up your weak spots,

and remembering them for the time
he gets to prance on your head.

Blade, you got it wrong.
I'm a clown, see?

I shoot the firecrackers
and the soda water.

There's a little car,
supposed to be
10 midgets who get out.

But that ain't no rodeo clown.
I know...

A rodeo clown is the most
dangerous job in the world.

Blade, I don't wanna...
He gets closest to the bull.

He gets the best of the bull.

I don't want...
Hook to the left.

Hook to the side.
Blade.

If the bull rider is in danger,

he's got to protect him,

even if it means
getting his ribs pulled out

and being freight-trained.
Freight-trained!

That's right. Run over
just like a freight train.

Only with a bull,
it's worse,

because a freight train
don't back up and finish the job.

Later on, I'll teach you
the proper way to lie on
a stretcher

when they come
to pick you up.

When they what?
Right.

Now, let's practice trying
to sucker the bull out the chute.

Because the warden wants you
in one piece till after the rodeo.

Then your ass belong to me.
You got that?

What about balloons
and stuff?

Now, every bull
has a secret word
that makes him crazy,

sends him into
his wildest ride.

Your job is to
figure out that word.

Okay.

Blade.

Bull...

Uh... Let me see.
Rumpelstiltskin.

[KISSING]

Bull.

Malt liquor. Heh, heh.

Come on. Come on, bull.

Um...

[WHISTLES]

Bull, come on.
Coochie-coochie-coochie.

Come on.

Um...

[BARKING]

Come on.

Come on. Tch, tch, tch. Bull.

Tch, tch. Hey, sexy.

Shit.

[BULL BELLOWING]

Aah! You motherfucker!

Congratulations,
you found the word.

[♪♪♪]

[YELLING]

Over there.

MAN:
That's a very good deal.
I accept that.

Teresa.

[BOTH SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

LEN: Hi.
Hi.

MEREDITH: Hi.
Hi.

How are you?

MEREDITH:
I'm a little groggy from looking
at records of tattoo patterns.

Which, when, where.
So far, nothing.

The court refuses to act
on the little girl's word.

Doesn't look too good?

You think of anything
we might've overlooked?

Some small piece
of evidence?

Anything?
MEREDITH: Anything.

This may sound silly, but have
you seen A Place in the Sun?

A Place in the Sun

with Elizabeth Taylor
and Montgomery Clift?

SKIP:
Yeah.

That's my favorite.

Your favorite?

That's your favorite?

That's my favorite too.

Uh, what does that tell us?

It tells us that maybe
we're not such strangers

as circumstances would imply.

Maybe we're not.

You know,
I'm working on a new play.

And I just wondered,
would you like to come to
the opening night with me?

I'd love to.

You would?

Ahem. Maybe we ought to
get you out of here first.

Okay.

Shoot.

[GUITAR PLAYING]

SKIP:
♪ Rodeo man ♪

♪ Oh, rodeo man ♪

♪ Put my entry down ♪

♪ Got an old bull whip ♪

♪ And a new pair of spurs ♪

♪ And I'm gonna take your town ♪

♪ Oh, rodeo man ♪

♪ Oh, rodeo man ♪♪

GROSSBERGER:
♪ Down in the valley ♪

♪ The valley so low ♪

♪ Hang your head over ♪

♪ Hear the wind blow ♪

♪ Hear the wind blow, love ♪

♪ Hear the wind blow ♪

♪ Hang your head over ♪

♪ Hear the wind blow ♪

♪ Roses love sunshine ♪

♪ Violets love dew ♪

♪ Angels in heaven ♪

♪ Know I love you ♪

♪ If you don't love me ♪

♪ Love who you please ♪

♪ Put your arms round me ♪

♪ Give my heart ease ♪

♪ Give my heart ease, love ♪

♪ Give my heart ease ♪

♪ Put your arms round me ♪

Supposed to be doing time.
It's a goddamn vacation
what they having.

Well, how would you like
an old-time prison funeral?

Could you go for that?

♪ Write me a letter ♪

♪ Send it by mail ♪

Just relax.

He's gonna draw Untamed
in the bronc event.

♪ The Birmingham jail ♪

♪ Birmingham jail, love ♪

♪ Birmingham jail ♪

♪ Send it in care of ♪

♪ The Birmingham jail ♪♪

[OVER SPEAKERS]
♪ No words tonight ♪

♪ There's no need to speak ♪

♪ You're dancing
In her love light ♪

♪ As she rocks you off your feet ♪

♪ You love how
Her body is swayin' ♪

♪ It rocks you
Right down to the core ♪

♪ With each move
She seems to be sayin' ♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

♪ "Come closer
And I'll tell you more" ♪

♪ Watch her dance ♪

♪ Fall into a deep
Romantic trance ♪

♪ See her sway ♪

♪ No one else can
Make you feel this way ♪

♪ Feast your eyes ♪

♪ The woman's got the power
To hypnotize ♪

♪ She needs a hot romance ♪

♪ Watch her dance
Watch her dance
Watch her dance ♪

♪ Watch her dance
Watch her dance now ♪

One hundred
and twenty-five years
without a whiff of pussy.

How'd that make you feel?

Mean. Very, very mean.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

♪ But you might break the spell ♪

Hello, Mr. Len Garber, please.

Did he leave word
where he could be reached?

Oh. Okay, thank you.

♪ That you've never known before ♪

♪ Watch her dance ♪

Operator?
Get me the sheriff's main office.

This is an emergency.

♪ You can see ♪♪

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

I have been looking for you!
Where have you been?

The state capitol, look at this.
It is so black and white it is absurd.

Any first-year law student
could've had this case
laughed out of court.

We can discuss
your performance later.

Right now they're gonna
kill one of your clients.

They're innocent!
That's beside the point.

I'll explain later. We have
to get to the stadium
before the rodeo starts.

That's the other side of town.
We'll never make it.

We have to try.
Will you shut up
and shake your tail?

I almost blew it.
How can I call myself a lawyer?

Len!

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]:
That's it for the preliminary activities.

Folks, settle back and get ready for
the event that you all came to see.

It's our featured event,
the Top Hand Competition.

[CHATTERING]

How's your secret weapon, Wally?
He's fit as a fiddle, Henry.

SAMPSON:
It is a nice day for it, ain't it?

BEATTY:
Yeah, it sure is.

VENDOR:
Cokes! Come on, now. Get it now.

Get your Cokes here.
Cokes! Let's go, let's go.

MAN 1:
Come on, bring her over here.

[♪♪♪]

It's too much.

MAN 2: Move it through here.
MAN 3: Watch out.

MAN 4:
Slow down, now. Come on. Hey!

Now, remember, spur him
high on the shoulders, okay?

Try to keep
a good rhythm going.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for the Wild and Wooly

Top Hand Competition.

And leading off for Glenboro Prison
is a New York Yankee,

Skip Donahue.
He's doing some hard time

for making a withdrawal
from one of our banks.

Trouble was, the boy
didn't have an account there.

Skip told the judge he was
trying to help New York City

out of their financial bind
by using our money.

SKIP:
I hope I can
remember everything.

Good luck.

Thanks. That's very kind of you.

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[YELLS]

[CHEERING]

That's our boy, baby!
That's our boy there!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Well, what do you say
about that, folks?

That eastern boy's got
a little bit of cowboy in him,
wouldn't you say?

He sure does.

You old sly bones.
Where'd you get him?

We'll see.

ANNOUNCER:
Folks, next up from the Doerin unit,

five-time winner and current
champion, Caesar Geronimo.

A Chicano boy, got his self caught
selling white powder at the border.

When I say white powder,
I don't mean talcum powder.

The champion has drawn a horse
so rough and tough

that it's already put 11 cowboys
in the hospital.

That's just by
breaking wind on them.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD CHEERING]

All right! That cowboy must have had
some real strong glue in the saddle.

[♪♪♪]

[OVER PA]
Ladies and gentlemen,
that man of mischief from Oklahoma,

who was last year's runner-up,
is getting set in chute number five.

Ringo Stapleton.

You may recall old Ringo
as the fella doing 99 years

for kidnapping a trainload
of gorgeous college girls

on their way to a beauty contest
in Las Vegas.

[ANNOUNCER SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

Uh-oh. Oh, ho!

Ringo's in trouble already.
He's down.

The bull's on top of him.

Our next contestant
is Bucky Stillwater.

The judge found Bucky guilty of
misplacing 4 million dollars.

It was unaccounted for
in his insurance company.

The money was never recovered.

Which is probably the reason why
Bucky seems to have more friends

among the other inmates
than any prisoner in the
whole correctional system.

Whatever Bucky wants,
Bucky gets.

Except for parole, that is.

He won't be eligible for that
until he's 115 years old.

[ANNOUNCER SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

- Spare time in the prison library
reading those law books.

Don't be too surprised if Bucky
is out in plenty of time

to enjoy that loot before
old age catches up with him.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Bucky Stillwater, shaken up,
but he seems to be all right.

He's leaving the arena
under his own steam,

though his feet seem just a little
bit wobbly. Let's give him a hand.

VENDOR:
Cokes! Right here, come on.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen, let me take
this moment to remind you of...

You better scoot on over there
and grab a cotton candy.

You name it, we're gonna have it.

We're having a bull-riding event.
Coming out of chute number four

is the Glenboro Prison entry.

It's that city slicker again who's been
giving the defending champ

a real run for his money.

Can he keep it up? We're gonna
find out in a couple of seconds.

Whether it's just beginner's luck

or if this boy's really got
some redneck in him.

Up on Flapjack,
here's Skip Donahue.

Okay.

Little tighter, Jesus.

How is that?
That's it.

JESUS:
Now remember, ease up with him.
Watch his head.

Ready?
Okay.

Let's go.

[BULL BELLOWING]

Open the gate!
Open the gate!

Seem to have ourselves
a little problem down here, folks.

MAN 1:
He'll be killed in there.

MAN 2:
Some son of a bitch
put a lock on the gate.

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER:
Whoo! Wow!

That New Yorker
is full of surprises.

Here's last year's champion,
Caesar Geronimo,

riding the bull nobody has
stayed on more than three seconds.

A bull by the name of Tornado.

A great ride. Now you know why
he's our defending champion.

Folks, catch your breath
for a few minutes

while the cowboy judges tally up
the scores on all the contestants.

You've got time for a pause
for the cause, I'll be back

to announce the winner.

Hold on, hold on, folks.

We got ourselves the first push
in the history of the prison rodeo.

Push, my ass.
Ain't gonna be any push.

I was ready for this.

[CROWD BOOING]

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
hold on to your hats.

As a tie-breaker,
both of the wardens have
given their permission

to run the hard-money event.
That's the single most dangerous

event in all of rodeo competition.

Now, all you have to do to win
the hard-money event

is snatch a little sack of money

between the horns
of a mean Brahman bull.

So just as soon as
our two boys get ready

we're gonna start
our final competition.

Are you ready for the main event?

[CROWD CHEERS]

Well, just listen to this,

because Warden Beatty
has just informed me

that he and Warden Sampson
have so much faith in their boys

that this year, instead of splitting
the purse of the rodeo

as they usually do, it's gonna be
a winner-take-all event.

I'm saying that $50,000 in bills

is gonna be tied between the horns
of one of the most vicious bulls

in this territory.

Whichever inmate grabs the money
is the winner.

And here they are,
ladies and gentlemen.

I get a little nervous sometimes
before these things.

By the way, the word
is that your warden is an
exceptionally sweet man.

Is that true?
He's a prick.

A prick? Boy,
did I hear that wrong.

Well, is it true that
you're an ass-kisser?

You're gonna get
a punch in the mouth.

Did I say it?
I'm telling what I heard.

What are you
so touchy about?
I'm an ass-kisser too.

Obviously, we're both
dumb ass-kissers

if no one's gonna get one
penny except two pricks.

Stands to reason,
doesn't it?

[♪♪♪]

I'll distract the bull,
you grab the money.

Okay, Caesar?
Huh?

I don't care who wins.
What difference does it make?

Why don't we give the
money to the prisoners?
What do you think?

Tell you what,
you do whatever
you think is best, okay?

Get ready, Caesar,
get ready.

[♪♪♪]

[CHEERING]

MAN: Now he's going back.
WOMAN: Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

[CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER:
The winner and still champion
for the sixth time in a row,

Caesar Geronimo.

Goddamn!
MRS. SAMPSON: Aah!

[SAMPSON & MRS. SAMPSON
CHEERING]

SAMPSON:
Goddamn it.

[CHEERING]

MAN:
Hey, buddy.

[PRISONERS YELLING]

[YELLS]

ANNOUNCER:
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

That Chicano boy's
done lost his mind.

Holy cow, there's gonna be
hell to pay for that.

[♪♪♪]

Now, folks, to wrap up our day,

here's the greased pig
sacking contest.

[♪♪♪]

Holy shit!
What?

Now, what the hell is going...?
Are you okay? What is...?

MEREDITH:
They're in the camper.

Look, I'm sorry,

but we're in a real hurry, okay?
LEN: What is going on?

[JESUS SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

I didn't introduce you.
Harry Monroe, Skip Donahue,

Rory Schultebrand.

My maiden name.
My wife, Teresa,

and my brother,
Ramon.

Here, you guys,
that is yours.

Where are you guys going?
Veracruz, we got some family there.

Hey, Rory going with you?
Try to be brave, sweet pants.

[JESUS GRUNTS]

SKIP:
You be a good girl, now.

Ramon, es su casa,
honey, it's me and you.

He kissed me.
Damn.

Let's go.

[♪♪♪]

We got to get
the hell out of here.

Wait a minute.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

How did you get out?
HARRY: Busted out.

But you're free.
You're damn right we're free.

I mean they caught
the other two guys.

LEN:
Thanks to Meredith.

Oh!

[♪♪♪]

You mean we're really free?

We're free!

We're free!
We're free!
We're free!

You're a hell of a lawyer.
LEN: Thank you.

Thanks.
We're free!

LEN: Yes, and good luck.
Thank you.

SKIP:
Thanks for everything.

It's okay.

[♪♪♪]

Thank you.

It's okay.

[THUMPING]

Hey, come on,
let's get out of this state before
somebody changes their mind.

[KIKI DEE'S "NOTHING'S GONNA
STOP US NOW" PLAYING]

SKIP:
Aren't you forgetting something?

What?
What about my opening night?

Am I still invited?

Holy mackerel, how many times
do I have to ask you?

Woo-hoo!

♪ Long time going down
A railroad track ♪

♪ Starting to get
Our confidence back ♪

♪ Living our dreams
All over again ♪

Come on.

♪ You and I can make it
To the very end ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ We got today, tonight
And forever ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Nothing's standing in our way ♪

♪ We got a brand-new world
To believe in ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Long time sailing
On stormy seas ♪

♪ Trying to tell each other
We want to be free ♪

♪ Let's take a chance
We just might win ♪

♪ We're the kind of people
Who never give in, no ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ We got today, tonight
And forever ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪
♪ Nothing's standing in our way ♪

♪ We're gonna make it
Without a problem, no ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ We've got a destiny ♪

♪ Our future is clear ♪

♪ We're more
More than a fantasy ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us
Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ We got today, tonight
And forever ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ No, no ♪
♪ Nothing can stop ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪
♪ Nothing can stop ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us ♪
♪ No, no ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪
♪ Nothing can stop ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us ♪
♪ No, no ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪
♪ Nothing can stop ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
♪ Nothing can stop us ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ Nothing can stop
♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪

♪ Nothing can stop us now ♪♪