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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:01,495 Four months into med school, 2 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,594 and we were getting on each other's nerves. 3 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,434 Cole was especially good at it. 4 00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,634 Cole, you're wearing my scrubs. 5 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,472 I had to wear the ones my mom made me. 6 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,943 Babe, you know girl scrubs make my ass pop. 7 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,744 That is so stupid. 8 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,774 Damn, Mama wants a bite! 9 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,211 You know, Cole, 10 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,620 you could be a little more respectful of other people. 11 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:26,456 Fine. Maya, that is a lovely sweater. 12 00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,758 It really shows everybody what you're working with. 13 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,024 There, Luce. You happy? 14 00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,066 - Ow! What was that for? - I don't know. 15 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,397 I assume you did something stupid. 16 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,993 - Did he? - Yeah. 17 00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,402 One more for luck. 18 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,871 All right, fall in, losers. 19 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,534 Today, one of you is gonna get an amazing learning opportunity. 20 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,169 Trang, I need you to put a new gown on Mrs. Gainer. 21 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,907 Be careful. She's off her meds, has four-inch nails, 22 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,040 and is convinced someone's trying to steal her skin. 23 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,611 Hey, Talking Man Baby, come here. 24 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,781 I am parked in the 10-minute parking zone. 25 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:59,054 - You want me to move your car? - No, I love the space. 26 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,220 What I want you to do is to pull out of 27 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:04,026 and then back into the space every 10 minutes. 28 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,398 If you get bored, here's a ball and a half a deck of cards. 29 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:08,868 I want that ball. 30 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:11,201 Trang, get over here right now. 31 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,296 I didn't envy Trang. 32 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:15,274 At some point, we'd all been caught between Dr. Mahoney and Dr. Cox, 33 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,777 and it felt like being in a pinball machine. 34 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,579 And it always ended the same way, with Dr. Cox winning. 35 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:31,057 Tiny One, run fast now. 36 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,026 Dr. Kelso? 37 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,557 I told you, you can't be coming up in here stealing all the gauze. 38 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,967 Are you building a giant gauze ball? 39 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,868 'Cause if you are, I want in. It's on my bucket list. 40 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,233 Actually, I'm here for a medical reason. 41 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,502 I had a bit of a scare 42 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,943 while I was playing a game of Scattergories with my niece. 43 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,139 You're still on the clock. 44 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,273 She means the Scattergories clock. 45 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,284 She's very competitive. 46 00:01:57,351 --> 00:02:00,809 Anyway, I got a little bit light-headed, and so we're gonna run some tests. 47 00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,220 I wouldn't worry about it. 48 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,054 A few years back, I got a little light-headed myself. 49 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,320 Turns out it was... 50 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,960 Well, it was diabetes. That's a bad example. 51 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,965 You'll be fine. You'll be fine. 52 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,032 What up, Dr. T? 53 00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:18,402 Okay, today, as part of your practical doctoring class, 54 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,306 we'll be conducting physical exams on one another for the first time. 55 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,570 Cole. 56 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,178 Put your pants back on. 57 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,774 My bad. I thought this was going somewhere totally different. 58 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:33,412 People, I said it day one, I can't teach you without your pants on. 59 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,420 While doing these exams, some of you may experience 60 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,584 something we like to call Med Student Syndrome. 61 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,254 It's a common condition 62 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,593 where med students think they have the disease they're studying. 63 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,496 All right, what I want you all to do now, though, 64 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,934 is partner up with the person next to you and get it cracking. 65 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:53,269 Getting paired up in med school was like playing a game of win, 66 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,741 lose, or Frank. 67 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,473 Spoiler alert. My skin's super flaky. 68 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,243 Man, I just got totally Frank'd. 69 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,675 I really appreciate you taking time to check me out. 70 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,085 I'm gonna take care of you, but first, as you know, 71 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,420 we got to knock out one of these patient histories. 72 00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,084 And we both know how weird these can get. 73 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,060 Yes, deeply, deeply weird. 74 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,584 What do you say we just dive right in? 75 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,257 Are you currently taking any medications? 76 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,529 Have you had sex with multiple partners? 77 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,058 You exercising regularly? 78 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,729 And have you traveled outside the United States 79 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,863 in the last couple months? 80 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,169 Yes. Hell, yes. 81 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:30,837 Yes, I go to the bathroom 10 times a day, which for me is cardio. 82 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,573 - Natch. - I recently flew 83 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,912 to Bangkok, but I didn't actually get off the plane. 84 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:37,675 Right. 85 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,216 That little stunt you pulled with Trang? Not cool. 86 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,620 I needed him for real hospital work. 87 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,920 Having him move my car, I'll have you know, 88 00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,484 was hospital work of the highest order. 89 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,358 That's exactly what Trang needed. 90 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,261 Driving back and forth in the parking lot, 91 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:54,028 reinforcing every stereotype of Asian drivers. 92 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,434 Look, you're the one who put me with the med students, 93 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,030 so don't undermine me. Who's in charge of them, you or me? 94 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,507 I'm in charge of you, and by the transitive property, 95 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,033 anybody you're in charge of, I'm also in charge of. 96 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:07,013 You see, I'm the boss around here. I can pretty much do whatever I want. 97 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:10,107 For instance, I can use the intercom to whistle. 98 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,947 Any loose change, automatically mine. 99 00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:13,749 And I never have to buy chocolate bars 100 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,652 from any of my colleagues' awful children 101 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,884 to support their horrible school bands. 102 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,894 I can do whatever I want, and you just have to stand and nod 103 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,455 like the sweet-mouthed little man-boy, monkey toy that you truly are. 104 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,823 Mine. 105 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,959 Ugh! 106 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,197 Leave. 107 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:35,200 Even though Dr. Turk warned us about Med Student Syndrome, 108 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,709 we couldn't help ourselves. 109 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,872 Dr. Turk, I've got scurvy and rickets. 110 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,744 How did I get all the pirate diseases? 111 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,650 That's a walk in the park compared to my early-onset dementia. 112 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,715 Where's my phone? 113 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,189 Actually, Cole does have a weird mole on his chest. 114 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:54,456 Man, forget that mole. I'm more worried about the pain in my throat. 115 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,522 The T-Pain. 116 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:06,496 Listen, guys, calm down. You're all fine. Everything's good. 117 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,998 That's a bruise, you're just ticklish, and you, my friend, 118 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,204 you got ink on your tongue. 119 00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:14,737 Stop eating your pens. Cole, the mole on your chest... 120 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,651 Well, actually, the mole on your chest is something we need to check out. 121 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,279 So, Cole, 122 00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,850 unfortunately, the biopsy shows that your mole is malignant. 123 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,451 You have melanoma. 124 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,258 Skin cancer? Oh, my God, Cole. 125 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,529 How'd you know it was gonna be malignant? 126 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,833 I didn't. I was prepared for both ways. 127 00:06:00,423 --> 00:06:03,085 Cole's cancer thing was really freaking me out. 128 00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:06,026 Hey, check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag. 129 00:06:06,062 --> 00:06:07,620 I'm like a hamster, yo. 130 00:06:07,663 --> 00:06:09,392 Cole, not so much. 131 00:06:09,632 --> 00:06:12,123 This is serious. You have cancer. 132 00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:15,228 Lucy, it's not cancer cancer. 133 00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:16,898 Hey, that kind of cancer is for uglies 134 00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:19,134 and dudes who keep laptops on their balls. 135 00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:24,980 Well, then, Bob-O, I figured out what's causing the fainting. 136 00:06:25,014 --> 00:06:28,347 Men don't faint. We take unintended, decisive naps. 137 00:06:28,384 --> 00:06:30,944 It's just vagal syncope. Nothing to worry about. 138 00:06:30,987 --> 00:06:32,181 That's a relief. 139 00:06:32,221 --> 00:06:35,987 So, just fill my prescription for blue steel and I'll be on my way. 140 00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:37,458 There is one other thing. 141 00:06:37,493 --> 00:06:41,259 Unfortunately, given your age and your current insurance regulations, 142 00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:43,527 they're not gonna let you drive anymore. 143 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,927 That's crazy. I'm a great driver. 144 00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:54,836 Hey, what's up? Nothing. I was just about to grab some yogurt. 145 00:06:57,146 --> 00:07:00,843 I guess I can bum rides. It's good, actually. 146 00:07:00,883 --> 00:07:02,714 You don't know how many times 147 00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:06,381 I've been out late and had to pass on that seventh drink. 148 00:07:06,489 --> 00:07:08,047 No more Mr. Responsible. 149 00:07:12,762 --> 00:07:15,822 - What about him? How's he gonna die? - Red nose, beer gut. 150 00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:17,196 - Definitely liver failure. - No way. 151 00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,530 Check out his shirt and his callused hands. 152 00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,966 He probably works around a lot of machinery. 153 00:07:20,002 --> 00:07:21,867 I'm thinking nail gun to the head. 154 00:07:21,904 --> 00:07:23,565 You said that about the nurse who just walked by. 155 00:07:23,606 --> 00:07:26,040 I think you're overestimating how many people actually own nail guns. 156 00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:27,235 Whatever. That's how I want to go. 157 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:31,070 - Hello. - Number One, 158 00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:34,207 I need you to prep some forms for Dr. Kelso, 159 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,411 get the notes for today's lecture out of my office 160 00:07:36,452 --> 00:07:40,047 and set my DVR to record Big Bang Theory. 161 00:07:40,089 --> 00:07:43,183 The whole world is watching this thing and I've got to know why. 162 00:07:43,426 --> 00:07:46,759 I got to go. Dr. Cox needs me to do a bunch of stuff. 163 00:07:46,796 --> 00:07:49,321 Cox? You're leaving me for Cox, right now? 164 00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:53,461 - Yeah, is that all right? - No, yeah, that's fine. Go. 165 00:07:54,737 --> 00:07:57,638 It's just all this talk about, you know, dying 166 00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:01,370 is making me think about my childhood dog, Rascal 167 00:08:02,311 --> 00:08:03,539 Flats Paws. 168 00:08:03,579 --> 00:08:05,706 You had a dog named Rascal Flats Paws? 169 00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,147 It's an Indian name, okay? 170 00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:09,879 We got him from a Navajo rescue center. 171 00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:12,679 I taught him how to skateboard. He was really good, 172 00:08:12,722 --> 00:08:14,815 until my dad ran him over. 173 00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:18,459 - Bastard did it on purpose. - Wait, are you screwing with me? 174 00:08:18,494 --> 00:08:20,291 Yeah, Drew. That's what I do. 175 00:08:20,329 --> 00:08:23,298 I make up stories about my dead, skateboarding Indian dog 176 00:08:23,332 --> 00:08:26,267 and my abusive father just to mess with you. That... 177 00:08:26,302 --> 00:08:27,667 Yeah. 178 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,699 What, just forget it. 179 00:08:30,706 --> 00:08:31,866 Uh... 180 00:08:33,843 --> 00:08:36,710 No, it's fine. I'll stay. 181 00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:39,839 After our examinations yesterday, 182 00:08:39,882 --> 00:08:42,578 we discovered a malignant melanoma on Cole's chest. 183 00:08:42,618 --> 00:08:45,849 He's been generous enough to let us use his case as a teaching tool. 184 00:08:45,888 --> 00:08:49,483 - Mmm! Hear that? I'm a tool, yo. - Pal... 185 00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:52,425 Drew, he's sick. Let's just let it slide. 186 00:08:54,363 --> 00:08:57,332 This slide is a magnified image of Cole's mole. 187 00:08:57,366 --> 00:08:59,334 How is it different from a benign one? 188 00:08:59,368 --> 00:09:00,926 Well, it's dark with undefined edges. 189 00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:02,631 You're dark with undefined edges. 190 00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:05,037 - That doesn't even make any sense. - You don't make sense. 191 00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:07,008 Okay, you know what? We'll just move on to the questions. 192 00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:10,843 Dr. Turk, doesn't melanoma sometimes spread into the lymph nodes? 193 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,747 Well, they caught it early, so that's an extreme scenario. 194 00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:16,510 You're an extreme scenario. 195 00:09:16,552 --> 00:09:19,214 I'm sorry, Dr. T. He just keeps setting me up. 196 00:09:19,955 --> 00:09:22,788 Thanks again, Turkleton, for giving me the lift. 197 00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:25,794 Hitching rides with students was not working out. 198 00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:31,164 The constant stops at keg parties and strip clubs, they just weren't into it. 199 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,330 But, hey, nobody hustles Bob Kelso out of the champagne room. 200 00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:37,464 That is my house. 201 00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:40,373 If I even step into the parking lot of a strip club, Carla, 202 00:09:40,409 --> 00:09:42,274 she can pick up the scent of glitter 203 00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:45,280 and vanilla body wash like nobody's business. 204 00:09:45,314 --> 00:09:47,077 I'm telling you, it's like she's a stripper bloodhound. 205 00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:48,947 Well, I got to get home early anyway. 206 00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,851 I want to read the Internet before they take it down. 207 00:09:51,887 --> 00:09:54,321 I'm not exactly sure that's how that works, sir. 208 00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:55,789 - Damn. - What? 209 00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:58,988 I talked through my taco. I totally forgot to savor it. 210 00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:03,124 I'm gonna go get another one. I'll be back in five minutes, okay? 211 00:10:03,299 --> 00:10:06,996 You know what? 10 minutes. Line looks kind of long. 212 00:10:08,104 --> 00:10:10,038 I know you think this surgery is no big deal, 213 00:10:10,072 --> 00:10:12,370 but are you sure you don't want your parents there? 214 00:10:12,408 --> 00:10:13,602 Yeah, I'm good. 215 00:10:13,642 --> 00:10:15,769 And besides, they're on some bike trip around Iceland 216 00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:19,042 taking pictures of puffins, whatever the hell those are. 217 00:10:19,081 --> 00:10:21,606 What about your boys? I could give them a call for you. 218 00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:23,811 Nah. Topher and Boots are on house arrest 219 00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:26,913 for getting into a fight with Criss Angel at a porn convention. 220 00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,423 Sounded awesome. 221 00:10:28,457 --> 00:10:31,483 I could at least make sure our study group is there. 222 00:10:31,527 --> 00:10:33,620 - Those fools? - They're your friends. 223 00:10:33,662 --> 00:10:35,391 They want to be there for you. 224 00:10:35,564 --> 00:10:37,759 All right, I guess it's cool if they come. 225 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,735 Oh, sweet. Cancer party! 226 00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:45,206 Like, tons of my uncles died of cancer, so I know exactly how to do this. 227 00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:48,036 But theirs were sad. This one's gonna be fun. 228 00:10:48,644 --> 00:10:51,135 Number One, just exactly what in the hell happened? 229 00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:53,648 You didn't do any of the stuff that I asked you to. 230 00:10:53,682 --> 00:10:56,480 I'm sorry. Denise was going through something. 231 00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,043 I was in a really emotional place. 232 00:10:58,087 --> 00:11:00,453 Let me see if I've got this straight, Dr. Mahoney. 233 00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:02,480 You, who think that women in labor 234 00:11:02,525 --> 00:11:04,755 need to cool it on the emotional theatrics, 235 00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:08,251 suddenly became a needy girlfriend at the exact same moment 236 00:11:08,297 --> 00:11:09,821 that I required Number One's help? 237 00:11:09,865 --> 00:11:11,833 - What's going on here? - I'll tell you what's going on here. 238 00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:15,667 This one thinks that just because you're having emotionless intercourse, 239 00:11:15,704 --> 00:11:19,435 that you are the one med student who will listen to her over me. 240 00:11:19,475 --> 00:11:20,669 Sweetie, ignore him. 241 00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:23,041 I need you to take a patient to get an MRI. 242 00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:25,911 And I need you to prepare slides for the immunology exam. 243 00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:28,815 The one thing I know for sure is that Drew is not gonna sacrifice 244 00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,216 his entire medical career 245 00:11:30,252 --> 00:11:33,483 for the steely caress of your cold robot pincers. 246 00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,423 Well, let's let him choose. 247 00:11:35,457 --> 00:11:36,651 Fine. Drew? 248 00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:44,328 Hey, Bob, I am so sorry to keep you waiting. 249 00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:46,163 I've been dancing as fast as I can up there, 250 00:11:46,202 --> 00:11:48,568 but I just need 15 more minutes to see another patient 251 00:11:48,604 --> 00:11:50,572 - and we will get out of here. - Take your time. 252 00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:53,769 It's already been 10 minutes, what's 15 more? 253 00:11:53,809 --> 00:11:55,538 Why don't you just go inside and have yourself a seat? 254 00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:58,741 A nice, warm seat for the old-timer, huh? Gee, thanks. 255 00:11:58,781 --> 00:12:00,078 Will there be an afghan? 256 00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,515 I don't want to get a draft while I'm doing the jumble 257 00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:04,849 and clipping articles to send to my grandchildren. 258 00:12:04,887 --> 00:12:06,650 I appreciate that you're frustrated. 259 00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:09,556 Not being able to drive, losing your independence. 260 00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:11,890 It's got to be pretty hard on you. 261 00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:13,724 What the hell you talking about? 262 00:12:13,762 --> 00:12:17,698 Look, Perry, just because we had a couple of nice conversations 263 00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:19,564 and a few backyard beers last summer, 264 00:12:19,602 --> 00:12:22,332 it doesn't mean we're Butch and Sundance, all right? 265 00:12:22,371 --> 00:12:26,307 So, just forget all this soulmate stuff and just go bring the car around. 266 00:12:26,342 --> 00:12:29,402 You know what, Bob? Find your own way home. 267 00:12:32,915 --> 00:12:35,475 Hey. Guys, I wanted to talk to you about something. 268 00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:36,848 You want us to go to Cole's surgery? 269 00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:37,943 How did you know? 270 00:12:37,987 --> 00:12:39,045 It's written on your hand. 271 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,986 - I've been forgetting things recently. - You should eat more grains. 272 00:12:44,026 --> 00:12:46,221 You know, I was just thinking that exact... 273 00:12:47,096 --> 00:12:48,256 Oh. 274 00:12:49,031 --> 00:12:51,158 So, can I count on you all to be there? 275 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,760 Why? He never supports us. 276 00:12:53,802 --> 00:12:56,600 Yeah, last month I ran a charity 5K. 277 00:12:56,905 --> 00:12:58,896 But when I asked Cole for a donation, 278 00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:01,034 he burped in my face and told me it was for the kids. 279 00:13:01,076 --> 00:13:03,237 But it would mean a lot to him if you guys were there. 280 00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:05,747 Really? Because every time I ask him how he is, 281 00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,976 he shows me his abs and says, "Ask them." 282 00:13:08,317 --> 00:13:10,842 Look, if you don't want to do it for him, then do it for me. 283 00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:15,186 And if you don't want to do it for me, then do it for the cupcakes I'll bring. 284 00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:16,315 Maybe. 285 00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:19,088 I tried to make sure Cole wouldn't be alone, 286 00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,722 although, for some, solitude can be a relief. 287 00:13:21,764 --> 00:13:23,197 Have you seen Drew Suffin? 288 00:13:23,232 --> 00:13:26,201 Med student, but, like, 900 years old? 289 00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:28,897 Hey, you seen a med student, thinks he's way cooler than he is, 290 00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,802 kind of has a serial killer vibe? 291 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:35,903 But sometimes it can remind you of a growing frustration. 292 00:13:38,714 --> 00:13:42,150 And even if you think you're just fine on your own, 293 00:13:43,585 --> 00:13:45,553 you can feel surprisingly abandoned. 294 00:13:45,587 --> 00:13:48,283 I thought you said people were coming. 295 00:13:52,328 --> 00:13:53,590 Cupcake? 296 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,529 Hey, where did you go? 297 00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:07,197 I went to the campus store and got some things to cheer you up. 298 00:14:07,238 --> 00:14:10,571 Like a Winston University mini-fan 299 00:14:10,608 --> 00:14:13,509 because the surgery is gonna be a breeze, 300 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,680 a license plate frame 301 00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:20,241 because you are gonna drive away that cancer, 302 00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:24,243 and a stuffed Ollie the Owlcat 303 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,587 because you are gonna hoot, hoot, hoot... 304 00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,526 Actually, I just really think he's cute. Can I have him? 305 00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:33,860 - Whatever. Keep it. - Look, it's not all bad. 306 00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:35,593 I'm here. We have cupcakes. 307 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:38,534 We can lie in bed and watch TV all day. 308 00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:42,198 No, the remote's broken and it's stuck on the History Channel. 309 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,401 Okay, I don't care about stuff that's already happened. 310 00:14:45,109 --> 00:14:46,940 I'm really sorry no one came. 311 00:14:46,978 --> 00:14:49,811 Yeah, I was fine without anyone, but you had to promise. 312 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,714 You had to do the whole Lucy thing of "They'll come. 313 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,776 "They'll listen to me. I think horses should go into space." 314 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,514 I never said that. 315 00:14:57,555 --> 00:15:01,013 Why would I want fewer horses on Earth? That's crazy. 316 00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:03,356 What's crazy is thinking that you could cheer me up. 317 00:15:03,394 --> 00:15:05,794 You know, that is just the kind of jerky thing 318 00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:07,923 that makes people not want to be there for you. 319 00:15:07,965 --> 00:15:11,025 Well, I don't need them and I don't need you, either. 320 00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:14,333 Okay, so take your cupcakes and your license plate frame, 321 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,862 leave the mini-fan and go. 322 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,205 Whatever you want. 323 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:22,942 Come on, Lucy! Judge Mathis? 324 00:15:23,915 --> 00:15:26,213 Med student who was supposed to pick me up never showed up. 325 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:29,083 - I've been out there forever. - What do you want from me? 326 00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:33,317 Help me out with this paperwork thing so I can drive again. 327 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,383 It's just some stupid insurance rule. 328 00:15:36,427 --> 00:15:38,361 That's a pretty big favor there, Bob. 329 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,194 And since, according to you, we're not real friends, 330 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,859 which makes perfect sense, 331 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,664 as your only real friends are a bottle of discount gin 332 00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:47,068 and the metal handrail in your shower, 333 00:15:47,104 --> 00:15:50,267 I'm gonna go ahead and say no. 334 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,976 We got to pass. What are you doing here? 335 00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,776 - I got a text from Drew. - Yeah, me, too. 336 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,947 What's going on? You texted me that a patient's coding in here. 337 00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:06,718 You texted me, "Come and show me your boobs"? 338 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,726 I may have switched those texts. 339 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,627 Which does raise the question, why did you show up then, Dr. Cox? 340 00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:17,996 Dr. Kelso? 341 00:16:18,069 --> 00:16:20,060 Sorry, son. I came in to use the bathroom 342 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,230 while you were sleeping. 343 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,435 But I've been watching TV for the last 45 minutes. 344 00:16:24,475 --> 00:16:28,434 Yeah, I got caught up in this article about how they make tortillas. 345 00:16:28,479 --> 00:16:30,413 There's a lot of steps. 346 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,609 What're you in for? 347 00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:34,345 I got the cancer. 348 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:35,578 Woof. 349 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,417 I'll tell you what'll make you feel better. 350 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,016 Giving an old man your pudding cup. 351 00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:48,087 Listen, for reasons I don't understand, probably related 352 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,965 to childhood memories of my father dressed up like my mother 353 00:16:51,002 --> 00:16:53,596 screaming, "Am I pretty? Am I pretty? Am I pretty?" 354 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,265 You two are my closest relationships in this place. 355 00:16:56,307 --> 00:17:01,335 Congratulations. But I cannot handle being stuck in the middle of you guys. 356 00:17:01,379 --> 00:17:02,573 You have got to work it out. 357 00:17:02,613 --> 00:17:06,049 You brought us here to make us talk? That's ridiculous. 358 00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,278 About as ridiculous as your five-o'clock shadow. 359 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,811 Honest to God, there are some times during rounds when I look over at you, 360 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:14,120 and it's like I'm teaching Yasir Arafat. 361 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,820 Really? I see a slightly gayer George Michael. 362 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,886 - Oh! So see that. - Mmm. 363 00:17:18,929 --> 00:17:21,295 Could you please be more alike? 364 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,525 You know, we are kind of alike. 365 00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:29,403 Actually, a lot of my best moves I learned from watching you. 366 00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:32,100 Remember when you gave Maya that two-page list of careers 367 00:17:32,143 --> 00:17:34,270 she'd be more suited for than medicine? 368 00:17:34,311 --> 00:17:35,437 She cried for the entire weekend. 369 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:40,581 Really? Gosh, you hope you reach these kids, but you never know. 370 00:17:40,618 --> 00:17:42,449 You just never know. 371 00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:57,054 Sorry your mom couldn't make it. She's a hell of a woman. 372 00:17:57,463 --> 00:18:00,330 Next time you see her, tell her that Bob Kelso said, 373 00:18:00,366 --> 00:18:03,631 "I still see sugarplums." She'll know what it means. 374 00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:07,106 Does it mean that you want her to make you one of her holiday cakes? 375 00:18:08,675 --> 00:18:11,166 - Yeah, that's what it means. - Yeah. 376 00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:14,038 So, where are your friends? 377 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,911 They never showed up. 378 00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:18,950 Man, if one of them needed me, I'd be there. 379 00:18:18,985 --> 00:18:21,146 Okay, like, when Trang asked me to help him move, 380 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,382 I said no because I didn't want to slow everyone down 381 00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:25,414 with my hilarious jokes. 382 00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:28,553 - Are you scared about this? - No. 383 00:18:29,162 --> 00:18:30,322 Okay. 384 00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,466 Look, I'm totally freaked out. 385 00:18:37,837 --> 00:18:41,068 And I pushed away the one person who was here for me. 386 00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:44,634 Old man, here's your stinking forms. Enjoy driving again. 387 00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:46,440 Try not to kill anybody. 388 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,538 What was that? 389 00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:52,477 He just did me a big favor, 390 00:18:52,518 --> 00:18:54,679 even though I was a real douche to him. 391 00:18:55,822 --> 00:18:59,417 And I was just scared 392 00:18:59,459 --> 00:19:03,657 about getting old and losing my independence. 393 00:19:03,696 --> 00:19:05,095 It sucks. 394 00:19:05,898 --> 00:19:08,958 Man, I don't want people to know when I'm scared. 395 00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:11,835 - It's weak. - Yeah, I used to be like you. 396 00:19:11,871 --> 00:19:14,362 You know, putting up a front, shutting people out, 397 00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:17,205 acting like you don't need anybody. Yeah. 398 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,143 Fortunately, though, I got past all that. 399 00:19:19,178 --> 00:19:23,638 Because, you see, the best thing about letting people know 400 00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:26,777 how you really feel about them is then, 401 00:19:26,819 --> 00:19:30,084 no matter how big a jackass you've been, 402 00:19:30,123 --> 00:19:32,648 they'll still show up for you when times are bad. 403 00:19:35,595 --> 00:19:37,358 Hey, I got your message. 404 00:19:37,397 --> 00:19:39,831 - Did you listen to the whole thing? - Yeah. 405 00:19:39,899 --> 00:19:41,662 Then why are you wearing a bra? 406 00:19:42,502 --> 00:19:43,594 I'm not. 407 00:19:45,538 --> 00:19:47,563 Thanks for coming. 408 00:19:48,141 --> 00:19:50,041 I was a jerk and you didn't deserve it. 409 00:19:50,109 --> 00:19:52,077 I know you were scared. 410 00:19:52,545 --> 00:19:55,139 I'll be here when you get out, okay? 411 00:19:57,450 --> 00:20:00,146 Sometimes ego gets in the way of what's best for you. 412 00:20:00,219 --> 00:20:01,880 Whether it's combining forces... 413 00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:05,379 Now, this guy's never prepared for class a day in his life. 414 00:20:05,425 --> 00:20:06,824 Let's say we start with him? 415 00:20:06,859 --> 00:20:09,589 The weird shoes, the skinny chicken legs... 416 00:20:09,629 --> 00:20:11,324 - What are you guys doing? - You were right about us. 417 00:20:11,364 --> 00:20:12,854 We are so alike. 418 00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:15,925 So, we decided to team up and make life hell for the med students. 419 00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:17,026 What have I done? 420 00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:19,334 ...the opportunity to thank a friend... 421 00:20:19,372 --> 00:20:23,570 That's the good stuff. I swiped it from the bar at the country club. 422 00:20:24,077 --> 00:20:25,544 You're welcome, Bob. 423 00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:27,569 ...or the chance to do something nice 424 00:20:27,613 --> 00:20:30,514 for the people in your life because you actually do care. 425 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,711 Hey, I know we're gonna be studying late, 426 00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:34,878 so I bought you nerds dinner. 427 00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:37,048 Did you rub, graze, touch, dip, 428 00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,422 drag or spread your stuff on any part of this? 429 00:20:39,459 --> 00:20:42,360 Wanted to, decided not to. 430 00:20:42,395 --> 00:20:43,555 Cole? 431 00:20:44,931 --> 00:20:48,094 I just wanted to do something nice for you guys. 432 00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:50,361 Hey, Dr. Kelso's driving again. 433 00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:59,510 Yeah, that's about right. 434 00:21:03,015 --> 00:21:06,041 Hey, I wanted to talk to you about skin cancer. 435 00:21:06,085 --> 00:21:08,918 It's very serious but easily preventable. 436 00:21:08,988 --> 00:21:12,480 Always wear sunscreen, get a full body check-up annually 437 00:21:12,525 --> 00:21:16,256 and when you go to the beach, stay covered up, unless you're a hottie, 438 00:21:16,295 --> 00:21:19,059 in which case, you should take it all off and get weird. 439 00:21:19,098 --> 00:21:21,362 We're trying to make a video about cancer awareness. 440 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,867 Okay, what about hottie awareness? 441 00:21:22,902 --> 00:21:24,733 Have you been to the beach lately? 442 00:21:24,771 --> 00:21:27,831 It's all families eating hard-boiled eggs. Okay, that ain't right. 443 00:21:27,874 --> 00:21:29,136 You know what, just go... Hey, go, go. 444 00:21:29,175 --> 00:21:32,076 Press record. I got this. I'll figure it out. 445 00:21:32,111 --> 00:21:34,409 Hotties, remember this, 446 00:21:34,447 --> 00:21:37,314 you cannot get skin cancer on your taters. 36480

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