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1
00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:04,802
Mom, I love that you're proud of me,
but I'm not a doctor yet.
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,206
You can't keep giving my number out
to women in your church group
3
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,369
and saying I'll help them. I can't.
4
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,277
Oh, hey, tell your mom
the cookies she made are ridic.
5
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,544
Yes, that's him.
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,914
It means "ridiculous."
7
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,982
No, there's no reason to shorten
that word.
8
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,047
Look, I gotta go. Bye.
9
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,215
Your mom doesn't like me
very much, does she?
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,159
No, she's crazy about you.
11
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,958
See, you're lying.
You're chewing on your hair.
12
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:33,194
Babe, I can read you
like the back of a DVD case.
13
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,061
You chew on your hair when you lie,
14
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,263
you adjust your bra
when you're gonna yell at me
15
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:39,966
and you get a far-off look in your eyes
when you narrate in your head.
16
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,269
Even though Cole and I
were clicking...
17
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:45,267
- There it is!
- Stop noticing things I do!
18
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,712
Even though Cole and I were
clicking, there was another couple
19
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,546
that was even more in sync
than we were.
20
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,747
Queer. Hey, before you go study,
I need your help.
21
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,551
I have a patient who had to pee
on a ski lift,
22
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,080
so she pulled her pants down
and her butt froze to the seat.
23
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,525
And when she got off,
she lost most of the skin on her ass.
24
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,358
- What's the question?
- Can I laugh at that?
25
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,455
- That depends. Is she within earshot?
- No.
26
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:07,433
It's funny. No butt skin.
27
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,366
- I lied. She's right behind you.
- What?
28
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,168
Ouch.
29
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,272
Well, chapter 14 is down.
30
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,211
Only 400 more pages to go
before the test tomorrow.
31
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,578
I've never had to work this hard
in my life.
32
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,082
School's always been easy for me.
33
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:26,143
Not to brag, but I was my high school
and college valedictorian.
34
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,245
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
35
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,756
I was on the cover of Time magazine
as a 9-year-old
36
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,849
because I invented a new kind of laser.
37
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,883
Trang, you are so smart.
38
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,660
Babe, you're smothering me.
39
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,029
You can be a big fish at home,
then you get to med school
40
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:40,192
and everybody's brilliant.
41
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,225
Man, you brainiacs think
you have it tough?
42
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,566
My 'rents made me go to med school
43
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,004
because everyone on my dad's side
is a doctor.
44
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,905
Okay, on my mom's side,
everyone is a bounty hunter.
45
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,807
I don't know
why I couldn't go to school for that.
46
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:53,712
Everyone in my entire family
is counting on me to become a doctor.
47
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,911
And just in case I forget that fact,
48
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,078
my mom calls me every eight minutes
to check in.
49
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,211
I feel the pressure, too.
50
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,621
Not so much from my parents,
mostly because they think I'm dead.
51
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:08,421
All right. Moving on.
The nervous system.
52
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,596
Bar codes?
What the hell is this, a supermarket?
53
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,398
That's a human being, for God's sake.
54
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,770
Listen, old prospector, I know
that any new machine scares you,
55
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,274
but here's the well-held secret.
56
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:25,210
You know that box that records
your favorite television shows?
57
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,874
There isn't a demon inside of it.
58
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,906
Then how does it know what I like?
59
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,043
I miss the good old days
60
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:35,146
when doctors and patients
actually got to know each other.
61
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,851
You know,
back when sexually harassing a nurse
62
00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,190
was just considered polite chitchat.
63
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,956
Yes. The good old days.
64
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,362
Back when a man of my color
couldn't be a doctor,
65
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,263
but could live out his lifelong dream
66
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,997
of one day driving a white woman
to her hair appointments.
67
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,896
Yes, things were much better
back then.
68
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,374
See? Turkleton gets it.
69
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,013
Happy test day. You know,
I'll be there, so don't mess it up.
70
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,880
- Crap, I'm already late.
- Wait. Breakfast.
71
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,179
Strawberry frosting? Nice.
72
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,211
Yeah, you got fruit, dairy,
enough sugar for a month.
73
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,813
- What else do you need?
- Spoon.
74
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,848
Use your fingers, Queen Elizabeth.
75
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,352
Mmm!
76
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,093
Delicious. I'll see you later. I love you.
77
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,358
Um...
78
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,529
- What was that?
- That just sort of slipped out.
79
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,900
I'm gonna just assume
that was the frosting talking
80
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:29,933
'cause you know that's something
I don't ever want to hear.
81
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,707
- So, would you like to take that back?
- Yes, please.
82
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,690
Hello, again. Yeah, you know what?
83
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,791
I don't want to take it back.
'Cause it's the truth.
84
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,160
Since the second I met you, you've
made everything in my life better.
85
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:55,157
So, ha, yeah, I love you.
86
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,874
Perry, I thought we agreed
you wouldn't page me during lunch
87
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,969
and I wouldn't make you
do cool hip-hop handshakes.
88
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,310
Fine. Then I owe you a fist bump
and a peace out.
89
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,043
But in the meantime,
I need a surgical consult
90
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,812
on a patient with ulcerative colitis.
91
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,341
She is a lesbian.
92
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,686
Hey, babe, you ever thought about
being with another chick?
93
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,018
No, Cole. Ew!
94
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:25,496
I only tell you this so that
I can remain relatively guilt-free
95
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:28,763
for when you do inevitably stick
one of your size 13 caveman feet
96
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,202
- firmly into your own mouth.
- I can handle a lesbian.
97
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,732
I'm a professional doctor.
Give me what you owe me. Yeah, yeah.
98
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,402
Yeah!
99
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,640
All right, then. Books down, murderers.
100
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,378
It is time to show off
your useless regurgitation skills.
101
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,113
Dr. Mahoney will be your proctor.
102
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,418
There you go. Try not to tell the test
that you're in love with it.
103
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,288
Sorry, dawg.
Already called shotgun on the lesbian.
104
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,060
You can't call shotgun on a person.
105
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:03,263
- All right, then. Dibs.
- Damn it. Dibs works.
106
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:06,205
Todd, I'll let you run point on this,
but you gotta be cool.
107
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:10,802
Hi, I'm Dr. Lesbian, I'll be your lesbian.
108
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,471
I got it from here, Todd.
109
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,115
- I said I've got it from here, Todd.
- Okay.
110
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,878
All right, then, gutter scum.
I just found this cheat sheet.
111
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,221
Any of you who left this room
during the test, stays.
112
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,091
The rest of you, get out! Out!
113
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,396
Now, I gotta tell you
that I feel pretty confident
114
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:37,233
that I can maintain
a certain level of calm
115
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:40,832
if the owner of this
would simply admit to it.
116
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,432
Anyone?
117
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,678
Go ahead and get that.
118
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:50,674
Hi, Mom. No, the test isn't over,
so I don't know my grade yet.
119
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,278
I'm so sorry,
it's really hard to get her off the phone.
120
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,345
I get that. My mom's the same way.
121
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,549
Let me see this.
122
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,858
That works.
123
00:06:18,207 --> 00:06:22,439
I found this cheat sheet in the unisex
bathroom just outside this hall.
124
00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:25,003
So, either we have
a Matt Damon-type custodian
125
00:06:25,047 --> 00:06:27,447
with an extensive knowledge
of the central nervous system,
126
00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:28,882
or one of you cheated.
127
00:06:28,918 --> 00:06:34,117
And since just last week I saw one
of our fine janitors eat a piece of chalk,
128
00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:35,316
I'm guessing the latter.
129
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,526
Here's the deal. You're all going to be
locked in this room
130
00:06:38,561 --> 00:06:42,292
until one of you
comes forward and takes responsibility.
131
00:06:43,766 --> 00:06:45,961
I hope you all think long and hard
about what you've done.
132
00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:49,004
No, no, no, no, no.
Butch, this happened on your watch.
133
00:06:49,038 --> 00:06:51,006
- You're not going anywhere.
- Would it make any difference
134
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,507
if I told you I have a personal issue
135
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,101
that makes staying in here
really horrible for me?
136
00:06:55,144 --> 00:06:57,305
It would make me quite a bit happier.
137
00:06:57,346 --> 00:06:58,370
Ha.
138
00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:03,118
- Beth, this is Dr. Turk.
- How are you doing?
139
00:07:03,286 --> 00:07:05,584
She must be your lady friend, huh?
Your lover.
140
00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:08,316
I don't even know why I whispered that.
141
00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:11,155
I just don't know what you guys
call each other nowadays. What is it?
142
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,521
Are you uncomfortable
around lesbians?
143
00:07:13,629 --> 00:07:16,621
What? Me? No.
144
00:07:20,469 --> 00:07:23,996
Nicole, I'm gonna run a series of tests
on you, but it would help me out a lot
145
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,167
if you could tell me what type
of stomach pain you were having.
146
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,073
It's not that bad, really.
147
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:30,738
The truth is
Beth wanted me to get checked out.
148
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:34,477
We're going on vacation next week
to Ibiza with a bunch of our girlfriends.
149
00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:41,389
And all we do is dance,
drink and, uh, swim.
150
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,994
Are you okay, Dr. Turk?
151
00:07:47,129 --> 00:07:51,361
Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking
about my family vacation to Ohio.
152
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,095
Yeah, we, uh...
153
00:07:54,837 --> 00:07:57,806
We visited two science centers
and it was a lot of fun.
154
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,205
My daughter got scared, though,
155
00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:01,436
so we had to spend most of the time
in the car.
156
00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:03,770
It was pretty awesome.
157
00:08:04,313 --> 00:08:08,113
Twenty-eight, 29, 30.
158
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:10,744
Damn, Trang,
you are impervious to pain.
159
00:08:10,786 --> 00:08:12,048
Pay up, bitch.
160
00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:14,283
Dr. Cox has to let us out eventually.
161
00:08:14,323 --> 00:08:18,054
I mean, he can't keep us here forever.
Can he?
162
00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:25,530
What's your secret?
163
00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:29,236
Shea butter and big, floppy sun hats.
164
00:08:29,271 --> 00:08:31,739
Oh, and I made a deal with a witch.
165
00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:36,503
How come witches never offer me
a deal? I'm approachable.
166
00:08:37,013 --> 00:08:40,210
Drew, come on, just admit you cheated.
It's okay.
167
00:08:40,383 --> 00:08:42,408
You didn't have time to study.
You were out in a meadow,
168
00:08:42,451 --> 00:08:44,578
pressing wildflowers
and writing love sonnets.
169
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:47,783
Yes. Me telling you I love you
makes me a 19th-century dandy.
170
00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:52,286
Hey, Maya, you and Trang both left
during the test. Where were you?
171
00:08:52,361 --> 00:08:54,352
Guys, we all left at some point.
172
00:08:54,397 --> 00:08:56,922
She's right.
We have to stop turning on each other,
173
00:08:56,966 --> 00:08:59,093
especially since it's so obvious
that Cole is the one who cheated.
174
00:08:59,702 --> 00:09:02,102
I'm sure Cole
has some great explanation.
175
00:09:02,138 --> 00:09:03,730
Cole, what were you
doing in the bathroom?
176
00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,536
Doing my test prep, okay?
177
00:09:05,574 --> 00:09:07,735
Part one. Dropping a D.
178
00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:11,472
Part two. Using the mnemonics skills
I picked up at ADD camp.
179
00:09:11,514 --> 00:09:14,540
Okay, I remember the circulatory
system by singing Nickelback.
180
00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:27,829
Wow, that makes
a kind of horrible sense.
181
00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:31,859
How'd that go for you?
Awkward or really awkward?
182
00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:34,734
- Neither. Super awkward.
- Oh!
183
00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:37,796
Look, Nicole's colitis is pretty
advanced and surgery is too risky
184
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,070
due to her diabetes
and thrombocytopenia.
185
00:09:40,109 --> 00:09:41,508
We'll just treat her with steroids, then.
186
00:09:41,544 --> 00:09:43,842
She must be in a lot of pain.
I wonder why she didn't tell me.
187
00:09:43,879 --> 00:09:47,576
Maybe she did, but you didn't hear her
because you were fantasizing
188
00:09:47,616 --> 00:09:49,880
about being stranded
on Lesbian Island.
189
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:53,184
Is that a real place?
Because I can leave tonight.
190
00:09:53,823 --> 00:09:56,223
- What?
- We're just hard-staring you away.
191
00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:57,583
Oh.
192
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:03,598
There's only one way
to prove your innocence.
193
00:10:03,632 --> 00:10:05,293
It's a human lie detector test.
194
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:08,064
I take your pulse
and I ask you some basic questions.
195
00:10:08,104 --> 00:10:10,629
You can't tell if I'm lying.
I play online poker.
196
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:12,470
- You ever kissed a dude?
- No.
197
00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,271
- Lie.
- It was a lacrosse initiation.
198
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,778
- I didn't even want to do it.
- My God, your pulse is racing.
199
00:10:16,812 --> 00:10:18,871
Hey, forget this, man. What about you?
200
00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:21,940
I hope it was Drew and I hope
he gets his butt thrown out of here.
201
00:10:21,984 --> 00:10:25,511
What did he do to you?
Did he smack you around?
202
00:10:25,554 --> 00:10:28,682
Worse. He told me he loved me.
Who does that?
203
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:30,692
Don't you see?
He's trying to get me to trust him
204
00:10:30,726 --> 00:10:32,023
so then he can just let me down.
205
00:10:32,061 --> 00:10:35,462
Crazy idea.
You could just say "I love you" back.
206
00:10:35,498 --> 00:10:37,591
Yeah, but then if it doesn't work out,
I'll have to kill him,
207
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:40,761
go to jail, escape, come back
and kill you for giving me that advice.
208
00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:44,239
I love how our friendship is based
predominantly on threats,
209
00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:46,332
but as much as they do terrify me,
210
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:50,675
I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
You and Drew are awesome together.
211
00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:53,045
Quit being such a chicken
and just go for it.
212
00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,985
Hey, you never told us
why you were in the bathroom.
213
00:10:57,019 --> 00:10:58,486
In the bathroom taking a leak.
214
00:10:58,521 --> 00:11:00,455
Didn't you stop using public toilets
215
00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:03,583
after you lived in a gas station
bathroom for a month?
216
00:11:03,659 --> 00:11:07,390
That's right.
It was your fun fact at orientation.
217
00:11:07,429 --> 00:11:09,420
Maya's fact was she's color-blind,
218
00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:11,865
and Trang absorbed his twin sister
in the womb.
219
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:14,392
That's why he's so smart.
My boy's got two brains.
220
00:11:14,436 --> 00:11:17,599
- That's not how it works, genius.
- Why are you lying, Drew?
221
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,768
- What are you covering up?
- I was on the phone, all right?
222
00:11:20,943 --> 00:11:23,036
You made a phone call
in the middle of a test?
223
00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:24,602
- To who?
- It doesn't matter.
224
00:11:24,713 --> 00:11:25,737
Um...
225
00:11:26,215 --> 00:11:31,346
I can still feel you staring at me
like a cheetah stares at a gazelle.
226
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:33,110
I'm thinking.
227
00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:38,220
Fine. What the hell,
I'll tell the jackass I love him.
228
00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:40,956
It was a personal call
and it's nobody's business.
229
00:11:40,996 --> 00:11:42,827
It is our business,
'cause you weren't on the phone.
230
00:11:42,898 --> 00:11:44,525
- You were cheating.
- I wasn't cheating.
231
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:48,230
I can prove it. I was on the phone
with my divorce lawyer.
232
00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,963
- You're married?
- A little.
233
00:11:51,307 --> 00:11:52,797
You always put yourself at risk
234
00:11:52,841 --> 00:11:55,366
when you decide to
trust someone else...
235
00:11:55,411 --> 00:11:57,379
Listen, I can explain.
236
00:11:59,949 --> 00:12:03,146
The good news is that we can manage
your colitis with steroids.
237
00:12:03,185 --> 00:12:04,516
There are some side effects, however,
238
00:12:04,553 --> 00:12:06,783
including fatigue, insomnia
and weight gain.
239
00:12:06,822 --> 00:12:08,551
Isn't there an operation I can have?
240
00:12:08,591 --> 00:12:13,051
Yes, there is, but with your preexisting
conditions, surgery could prove fatal.
241
00:12:13,162 --> 00:12:15,926
...whether you're trusting
a patient to respond a certain way...
242
00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,933
I don't care, I want the surgery.
243
00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:23,798
...or counting on your peers
to let an awkward moment go by.
244
00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:28,066
Hey. How come
you never introduced us to your wife?
245
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,079
Oh! I get it. Her face is busted, right?
246
00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:33,078
I'm sick of this crap.
247
00:12:33,115 --> 00:12:36,141
Now, we all know I didn't cheat,
so it's gotta be one of you.
248
00:12:36,185 --> 00:12:38,881
Maya? Trang? Lucy?
249
00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:40,319
It wasn't me.
250
00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:43,291
But the hardest thing is when
people put their trust in you
251
00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:46,920
and you're the one
who's been lying all along.
252
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,466
- How'd that hair taste?
- Like regret,
253
00:12:58,503 --> 00:13:00,664
and coconut
because of my new conditioner.
254
00:13:00,705 --> 00:13:02,536
But mostly like regret.
255
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:05,405
I never should have cheated.
What am I gonna do?
256
00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:09,776
Hi, boys and girls.
Anybody admit to anything yet?
257
00:13:11,182 --> 00:13:14,117
Here's what I'm going to do.
If someone doesn't tell me who did it,
258
00:13:14,152 --> 00:13:16,086
I'm gonna make you all retake the test.
259
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,883
It's gonna be a new test,
gonna be 10 times as hard.
260
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:22,416
It's not just gonna be on medicine.
It's going to be on everything.
261
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:25,088
Baseball statistics,
North Dakota high schools,
262
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:28,758
the geography of a made-up
fantasy world I like to call Coxatopia.
263
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,031
That's a magic land
where the rivers run of scotch
264
00:13:32,069 --> 00:13:35,197
and hordes of pigs feed on the bones
of cheating med students.
265
00:13:35,239 --> 00:13:37,730
Where's Mahoney and Drew?
266
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:41,340
Okay, yes, I have a wife.
Let's start there.
267
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,108
It was a drunken mistake.
268
00:13:43,147 --> 00:13:44,478
I've been trying to get out of it
ever since.
269
00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,608
What else haven't you told me?
I mean, have any kids?
270
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,913
Have you robbed a bank?
Were you in a cult?
271
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,581
No! No, and I wouldn't call it a cult.
272
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,317
It was more like a marketing opportunity
273
00:13:53,357 --> 00:13:54,824
that ended with us all living
on a compound.
274
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:57,692
What the hell? Both of you
get your asses back in that room.
275
00:13:57,728 --> 00:13:58,854
No.
276
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,764
I'm gonna go ahead
and give you a pass
277
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,256
- because you have murder eyes.
- But, you, go.
278
00:14:07,872 --> 00:14:10,534
I just think choosing surgery
could kill you.
279
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:14,238
Talk to your lady sidekick.
What's the word I'm looking for?
280
00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:16,246
I don't want Beth knowing
anything about this.
281
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,341
I want the surgery and there's nothing
you can say that'll change my mind.
282
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,419
Please, tell me you've got some good
news for me on this godforsaken day.
283
00:14:26,457 --> 00:14:29,187
She's still refusing steroids.
I don't get it. What are we missing?
284
00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:31,821
As usual, you are missing the point.
285
00:14:31,863 --> 00:14:33,125
She walked in off the street
286
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:36,224
and you didn't take the time to find out
anything about her.
287
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:40,533
She could be anybody. A princess
or a terrorist or a hot lesbian.
288
00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:42,766
Bob, she is a hot lesbian.
289
00:14:42,807 --> 00:14:45,537
I knew one day
that example would make sense.
290
00:14:45,576 --> 00:14:46,634
And we did talk to her.
291
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,669
About her condition,
but not about what makes her tick.
292
00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:53,980
You see, in the old days, when we knew
everything about a patient,
293
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,612
their decisions never surprised you.
294
00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,587
You find out more about that
young lady, I bet you'll find the answer.
295
00:15:02,159 --> 00:15:05,287
If only there was a way
to learn more about her.
296
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,354
To the Internet!
297
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,531
I'm not like your girlfriend, Dorian.
298
00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:13,264
I don't roll like that.
299
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,068
All right. I'm just trying
to make it through the day.
300
00:15:16,107 --> 00:15:17,665
As you please.
301
00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:22,178
This is Denise.
Leave a message after the stupid beep.
302
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:26,013
Denise, it's Drew. Look, if you're not
into me anymore, that's fine,
303
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,918
because there are a lot of women
who get hot for married guys.
304
00:15:30,288 --> 00:15:31,448
Ha, ha, ha.
305
00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:37,026
Too soon? Probably.
Look, I'm a jerk. And I'm a mess.
306
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,461
And please call me back.
307
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,260
I can't take this anymore.
I have to turn myself in.
308
00:15:43,301 --> 00:15:45,565
Oh, babe, babe,
you don't have to do that.
309
00:15:45,603 --> 00:15:47,468
I do. It's not right.
310
00:15:48,205 --> 00:15:49,797
Hey, guys.
311
00:15:50,174 --> 00:15:53,109
I'm really sorry I didn't say this
hours ago, but the truth is...
312
00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:57,513
I cheated. All right? I told Lucy earlier
and she's been protecting me.
313
00:15:58,182 --> 00:15:59,945
Boom. Twist.
314
00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:01,279
Wow!
315
00:16:01,319 --> 00:16:05,688
The cheating cheater
who everybody thought cheated
316
00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:09,022
is the one who cheated.
You're right, sweet twist.
317
00:16:11,162 --> 00:16:12,629
Dr. Cox, check this out.
318
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:16,099
- My God. Is that Nicole?
- Yes.
319
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:18,900
Is this why you don't want
to take steroids?
320
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,904
Because you're worried about
how much weight you're gonna gain?
321
00:16:20,972 --> 00:16:22,098
That was eight years ago.
322
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:24,403
Beth has never known me like this
and I don't want her to.
323
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:28,538
We're talking about your health here.
Beth is going to understand.
324
00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:30,170
Before you make any decisions,
325
00:16:30,214 --> 00:16:32,910
do yourself a favor
and talk it over with your partner.
326
00:16:32,984 --> 00:16:35,418
Partner. Thank you. Partner.
327
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580
That's the word
I was looking for. "Partner."
328
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,385
You guys are lesbian partners together.
329
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,859
I'm gonna just back out,
but think about it.
330
00:16:45,863 --> 00:16:49,526
- Cole, what are you doing?
- Baby, I'm untouchable at this school.
331
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,432
I'll take the fall for you.
332
00:16:51,769 --> 00:16:55,967
And because this is so noble,
I'm gonna walk out in dramatic slo-mo.
333
00:17:00,077 --> 00:17:01,806
You can't let him do this.
334
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:05,976
Just tell them.
I am the one who cheated.
335
00:17:06,017 --> 00:17:08,815
No, out loud. Tell them out loud.
336
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,252
It was me.
337
00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:15,191
I was the one who cheated.
338
00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:20,253
Are you sure? Because we're
all signed off on Cole taking the blame.
339
00:17:20,297 --> 00:17:23,164
Yes, I did it. I hate myself for it.
340
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,636
I'm so sorry.
It's just that I am drowning here.
341
00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:30,966
Ever since I got to med school,
everything's been a struggle.
342
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,600
I wanted a win.
343
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:37,447
Something that I could tell my mom
about without being full of crap.
344
00:17:37,481 --> 00:17:41,144
I'm really sorry, truly,
for putting you all through this
345
00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:45,784
and I'll go tell Dr. Cox that I cheated.
346
00:17:58,131 --> 00:17:59,428
Come on, what would Carla say
347
00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:01,365
if she found out that you'd already
been married once before?
348
00:18:01,401 --> 00:18:04,165
Yo, whoa, whoa!
Don't even joke like that.
349
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,295
If that gets back to Carla,
I'm a dead man.
350
00:18:06,339 --> 00:18:08,739
Talking about me being married
before Carla.
351
00:18:08,775 --> 00:18:11,209
Dr. Turk, you were married before?
352
00:18:11,244 --> 00:18:12,836
We're talking here.
353
00:18:13,112 --> 00:18:14,773
That's one of Carla's girlfriends.
354
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:18,113
I can't have that. This is just as bad
as if I were to call Carla bitchy.
355
00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:19,641
You think Carla's bitchy?
356
00:18:19,686 --> 00:18:21,449
No, I didn't say...
357
00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:25,685
Sheila, just take your butt
to where it needs to be and stay there!
358
00:18:26,225 --> 00:18:28,284
I just feel like
I finally found someone I can trust
359
00:18:28,328 --> 00:18:31,820
and then he goes and does this.
I mean, what am I supposed to do now?
360
00:18:32,165 --> 00:18:33,632
Look at those two right there.
361
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,101
I hear you. Everyone thinks
I'm a little butch anyway.
362
00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:38,000
I mean, I might as well dive in.
363
00:18:38,037 --> 00:18:42,701
No. Denise, no.
Nicole is one of my patients.
364
00:18:42,742 --> 00:18:45,939
And she was willing to risk death
to keep her past from her partner.
365
00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:47,674
I just learned that word,
by the way. "Partner."
366
00:18:47,714 --> 00:18:49,306
- I'm proud of you.
- Sometimes when you really care
367
00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:53,979
about someone, you want them
to know you just as you are right now,
368
00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:56,250
the best version of yourself.
369
00:18:56,289 --> 00:18:58,553
Are you really going to blame Drew
for that?
370
00:18:59,592 --> 00:19:02,493
Hey. Guys, have you seen Dr. Cox?
371
00:19:02,528 --> 00:19:04,086
He went back to the lecture hall,
372
00:19:04,130 --> 00:19:07,531
mumbling something
about feeding med students to pigs.
373
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:08,795
Great.
374
00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:12,230
Deep breath. I can do this.
375
00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:20,141
Please, tell me exactly what part
of "don't leave this room" is lost on you.
376
00:19:20,179 --> 00:19:22,545
- Look, Dr. Cox...
- Go sit down.
377
00:19:23,082 --> 00:19:26,984
Now, since you all claim that you have
no idea who the cheater is,
378
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,251
the re-exam will be tomorrow morning
at 4:00 a.m.
379
00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:33,390
Outside. Rain or shine.
380
00:19:33,493 --> 00:19:37,293
Although, if I were you, I'd plan for rain
because I'm gonna bring a hose.
381
00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:46,369
What the Fraggle Rock just happened?
You guys didn't turn me in?
382
00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:49,538
No, truth is I'm drowning here, too.
383
00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:52,544
And the only reason I'm surviving
is because of you.
384
00:19:52,812 --> 00:19:56,646
I mean, this place is straight-up
Chuck Norris. Tough as balls.
385
00:19:56,683 --> 00:19:58,742
We're all having trouble.
386
00:19:58,785 --> 00:19:59,979
Even you, Drew?
387
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:04,922
No, but I've had, like,
15 second chances in my life.
388
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:10,159
You deserve at least one, right?
Just don't do it again.
389
00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:12,862
They say
the truth will set you free,
390
00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:15,265
but sometimes you need a little push.
391
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,735
She's gonna go with the steroids.
392
00:20:18,004 --> 00:20:19,562
Should we tell Kelso he was right?
393
00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:21,038
I'll just send him an e-mail.
394
00:20:21,074 --> 00:20:23,042
I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know
how to turn his computer on.
395
00:20:23,076 --> 00:20:24,134
Mmm.
396
00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:26,302
Telling the truth's
just the beginning.
397
00:20:26,345 --> 00:20:27,937
Owning it's the hard part.
398
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:31,381
Hey, Mom. School's great.
399
00:20:34,353 --> 00:20:41,316
Actually, it's a lot harder than I thought
and I'm having a really tough time.
400
00:20:42,261 --> 00:20:46,595
Because the one thing you can
never run from is how you really feel.
401
00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:48,194
- Hey.
- Don't talk.
402
00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:49,462
I have something to say.
403
00:20:49,502 --> 00:20:51,561
And after I say it,
I don't want you to say anything back
404
00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:55,334
and I don't want you to look at me
and I don't want it acknowledged at all.
405
00:20:58,711 --> 00:21:00,110
I love you.
406
00:21:02,682 --> 00:21:05,014
Now, don't talk to me
for a couple of days.
407
00:21:09,655 --> 00:21:12,681
Carla, calm down, okay?
I don't care what Sheila said.
408
00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:15,023
I was never married
and I didn't call you bitchy.
409
00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:17,962
I know she's a good friend of yours,
but that woman is crazy, baby.
410
00:21:17,997 --> 00:21:21,023
She's crazy. No, I... What do you...
411
00:21:21,067 --> 00:21:22,534
But that...
412
00:21:25,404 --> 00:21:31,070
Don't you hang up on me! Don't...
Damn, my wife is annoying.
413
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,576
What do you say? 20 bucks a head
to keep your mouths shut?
414
00:21:36,616 --> 00:21:39,210
All right, follow me to the ATM.
Come on.
34756
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