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1
00:00:02,706 --> 00:00:04,510
♪ Kentucky bourbon flight ♪
2
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:06,246
-♪ Kentuck... Kentuck... ♪
-(yawns) Hey.
3
00:00:06,346 --> 00:00:08,216
Oh, hey, sorry, did I wake you?
4
00:00:08,283 --> 00:00:11,122
(yawns) No. Snowball
either puked up her dinner,
5
00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:13,761
or she's going through
a Jackson Pollock phase.
6
00:00:13,828 --> 00:00:16,132
Well, at least it wasn't
in my slippers this time.
7
00:00:16,232 --> 00:00:19,506
That was a squishy 2:00 a.m.
trip to the bathroom.
8
00:00:19,573 --> 00:00:21,042
What were you playing?
9
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,344
Oh, a song I'm working on.
10
00:00:22,411 --> 00:00:24,115
I want something new
for when that producer
11
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:25,250
comes to see me play.
12
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,620
Well, if you need a beatboxer,
13
00:00:26,687 --> 00:00:28,456
I just finished
Doug E. Fresh's MasterClass.
14
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:30,562
-(beatboxing)
-Oh.
15
00:00:30,662 --> 00:00:32,197
That was on there? (groans)
16
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:35,037
And I wasted three hours
listening to Melinda Gates
17
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,441
teach me about impactful giving.
18
00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:39,011
Play your song for me.
19
00:00:39,111 --> 00:00:41,282
-It's not done. I don't...
-Oh, come on.
20
00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:42,852
I mean, if you get stuck
on a rhyme,
21
00:00:42,953 --> 00:00:44,322
I'm pretty good.
22
00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:45,658
Salad, valid.
23
00:00:45,725 --> 00:00:48,430
I was saving it for a birthday
card, but you can have it.
24
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:49,700
(laughs)
25
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,973
Okay, all right. (stammers)
It's a work in progress, though.
26
00:00:53,073 --> 00:00:54,610
(clears throat)
27
00:00:59,085 --> 00:01:02,291
♪ A friend from way back when ♪
28
00:01:02,358 --> 00:01:05,030
♪ Who came around again ♪
29
00:01:05,097 --> 00:01:08,203
♪ I can't believe
it took so long ♪
30
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:11,142
♪ But you were worth ♪
31
00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,612
♪ The wait.... ♪
32
00:01:12,712 --> 00:01:16,386
I'm a friend from way back when.
Is this song about me?
33
00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:18,056
My mother says
I wasn't worth the wait,
34
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:19,893
but maybe Max disagrees.
35
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,033
♪ Tousled hair
and shining eyes ♪
36
00:01:23,099 --> 00:01:26,039
♪ Couldn't lose me
if you tried ♪
37
00:01:26,105 --> 00:01:29,345
♪ I look at you,
and I'm at home ♪
38
00:01:29,412 --> 00:01:32,418
♪ 'Cause you were worth ♪
39
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:33,688
♪ The wait ♪
40
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:35,558
My hair's always tousled.
41
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:38,965
I haven't gotten a comb
through this thing in years.
42
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,336
♪ Karaoke nights ♪
43
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,208
♪ Kentucky bourbon flights ♪
44
00:01:44,308 --> 00:01:46,179
♪ Singin' Billy Joel ♪
45
00:01:46,245 --> 00:01:49,920
♪ Until we saw the dawn ♪
46
00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:53,193
♪ 'Cause you were worth ♪
47
00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:54,596
♪ The wait. ♪
48
00:01:54,663 --> 00:01:57,502
Okay, that's me
because that happened.
49
00:01:57,602 --> 00:01:59,773
Move over, "Layla"
and "Billie Jean,"
50
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,712
I just got my own song.
51
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,918
(sighs) That's as far
as I've gotten so far.
52
00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,522
-That is amazing.
-Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,626
You painted
such a vivid picture,
54
00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:11,563
I felt like I was there.
55
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,734
Because I was.
56
00:02:14,503 --> 00:02:16,239
Well, it's got a long way to go,
57
00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:18,410
but I'm glad you like it.
58
00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:20,247
I love it.
59
00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:26,894
-Hey, um...
-Mm?
60
00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:28,129
Since we're both up, you, uh,
61
00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:29,666
want to have a little fun
on the couch?
62
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,104
Oh, fun on the couch,
I like the sound of that.
63
00:02:32,137 --> 00:02:33,908
Yeah? Do you like
the sound of this?
64
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,780
-(beatboxing)
-Oh.
65
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,249
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
66
00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:40,788
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
67
00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:42,692
-Hi.
-Hi.
68
00:02:42,759 --> 00:02:45,464
I can't help but notice
you've bonded
69
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:47,101
with Meow-im Bialik. (laughs)
70
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,440
What can I say,
I lost a bet to the writers.
71
00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:52,645
Just so you know,
72
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:55,283
all of our cats
are available for rescue.
73
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,287
If you're interested,
74
00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:58,891
just fill out this application
75
00:02:59,025 --> 00:03:00,862
and answer
a few simple questions.
76
00:03:00,995 --> 00:03:02,398
Great, I'd love to.
77
00:03:02,498 --> 00:03:04,736
Your cat spends the morning on
a carefree frolic in the garden.
78
00:03:04,803 --> 00:03:05,938
Later, you notice red hives
79
00:03:06,039 --> 00:03:07,609
on its belly. What do you do?
80
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,412
What do you do?!
81
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,482
Take her to the vet?
82
00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:12,384
Good answer.
83
00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:13,921
Sorry I got all up in your face.
84
00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:16,459
I just wanted to simulate
the high-intensity experience
85
00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:18,063
of cat ownership. You did great.
86
00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:19,800
There's a box you can check for
87
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,137
"don't want to talk
to this one again."
88
00:03:22,839 --> 00:03:25,243
Go ahead and try
and bring me down, but, uh,
89
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:27,682
my boyfriend
is writing a song about me.
90
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:30,788
Really? What did he rhyme
with "settling"?
91
00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:33,259
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
92
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:35,030
Carter's son is coming over
for the weekend,
93
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,499
so I went out and bought
a bunch of things
94
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:37,936
I thought a 14-year-old boy
might like.
95
00:03:38,036 --> 00:03:39,840
I didn't know
the grocery store sold
96
00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:41,777
marijuana and boobs.
97
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:43,647
I'm gonna be his stepmom soon,
98
00:03:43,714 --> 00:03:45,383
so I want him to come over
and have fun,
99
00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:47,756
and then go home and tell
his mom that he likes me more
100
00:03:47,822 --> 00:03:49,125
and that I'm prettier.
101
00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:52,632
Well, if you want, I can help
you put the "step" in stepmom.
102
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,903
(grunting)
103
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:58,476
(grunts)
104
00:03:59,278 --> 00:04:02,484
February was Black History Month
on MasterClass.
105
00:04:02,552 --> 00:04:04,255
(grunts)
106
00:04:07,027 --> 00:04:08,631
-Hey, Randi.
-Hey, baby.
107
00:04:08,697 --> 00:04:10,400
Little man.
108
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,772
All right, I'm loving this.
109
00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:14,576
Wow, okay, still going.
110
00:04:14,643 --> 00:04:15,812
Yeah, okay,
111
00:04:15,878 --> 00:04:17,014
not feeling left out at all.
112
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,953
Starting to feel
a little left out.
113
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,725
CJ, I got all
your favorite foods.
114
00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:24,696
I got chicken nuggets,
chicken fingers,
115
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:25,998
chicken patties,
116
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:27,301
and something
called Beyond Chicken
117
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,838
that they said
tastes like real chicken,
118
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,608
but it really doesn't
taste like chicken.
119
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,379
Just eat your broccoli
and be sad, vegans.
120
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,083
I was kind of feeling Taco Bell.
121
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,920
Oh, tacos are cool, too.
Let's go.
122
00:04:36,954 --> 00:04:39,626
Uh, hold up. Now, I love Taco
Bell just as much as anyone.
123
00:04:39,693 --> 00:04:42,665
In fact, I'm the one who got the
Mexican Pizza back on the menu.
124
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:44,468
My grandfather
marched on Washington,
125
00:04:44,536 --> 00:04:45,838
I marched on Chalupa Boulevard.
126
00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:49,278
But Randi bought 200 bucks
worth of groceries,
127
00:04:49,411 --> 00:04:51,182
so we're eating here.
128
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,054
-Fine.
-Buzzkill. He always buzzkilling.
129
00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,627
Oh, no, no,
I'm a part of this one.
130
00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:58,631
(laughs)
131
00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:00,668
Yeah. Uh-uh-uh.
132
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,739
Okay, which one's the producer?
133
00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:04,408
Oh, it's the guy
in the cowboy hat, isn't it?
134
00:05:04,441 --> 00:05:06,312
(country accent):
Sure do like your songs, Max.
135
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:08,116
I understand
your pretty little filly here
136
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,853
does a mean beatbox. (laughs)
137
00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:11,523
It's actually Kelsey Morgan,
138
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,359
the woman in the pantsuit.
139
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:14,930
Ugh, damn the patriarchy.
140
00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:17,802
-I've got so much to unlearn.
-(chuckles)
141
00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:19,338
I'm gonna take my seat.
142
00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:21,375
-Wish me luck.
-Break a leg. And if you get nervous,
143
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:22,846
just picture the audience naked,
144
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:25,317
except Randi,
I can't compete with that.
145
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:27,789
You got this, brother.
146
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:30,093
(laughs) Yes.
147
00:05:32,397 --> 00:05:34,736
Everyone has one but me.
148
00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:37,007
Thanks for coming out.
Where's CJ?
149
00:05:37,107 --> 00:05:38,476
At a movie with a friend.
150
00:05:38,511 --> 00:05:40,615
It's rated R, but I taught him
how to buy a ticket
151
00:05:40,681 --> 00:05:42,251
for another movie and sneak in.
152
00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:45,290
Who's the best stepmom now,
Gabrielle Union?
153
00:05:45,357 --> 00:05:46,560
(laughs)
154
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,429
Hey, everybody,
I'm Max Kingbird.
155
00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:50,133
Uh, so glad to be here.
156
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,304
I'm gonna start
with something new.
157
00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:55,745
Uh, it's a little different,
but very personal to me.
158
00:05:55,845 --> 00:05:57,515
-This is it. This is my song.
-(guitar playing)
159
00:05:57,615 --> 00:05:59,886
I'm the "person" in "personal."
160
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:05,130
♪ A friend from way back when ♪
161
00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:07,569
♪ Who came around again ♪
162
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:10,808
♪ I can't believe
it took so long ♪
163
00:06:10,875 --> 00:06:14,916
♪ But you were worth
the wait... ♪
164
00:06:15,016 --> 00:06:16,787
Wow, this is beautiful.
165
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:18,156
Don't be jealous.
166
00:06:18,256 --> 00:06:19,726
Just kidding,
be totally jealous.
167
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:22,699
♪ Up all night
we drank champagne ♪
168
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,738
♪ Dancin' in the Paris rain ♪
169
00:06:25,871 --> 00:06:29,078
♪ You're the reason, ma cherie ♪
170
00:06:29,178 --> 00:06:32,585
♪ But you were worth the wait ♪
171
00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:34,522
When did you guys go to Paris?
172
00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:36,259
Uh, we didn't, but,
173
00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:37,394
you know, uh...
174
00:06:37,528 --> 00:06:40,233
(French accent):
Louisville is the "Par-ee" of Kentucky.
175
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,269
(laughs)
176
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,607
♪ I want to hold you near ♪
177
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,178
♪ Whisper "je t'aime"
in your ear... ♪
178
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,817
You don't speak French. I know
179
00:06:48,884 --> 00:06:50,955
because in high school
you insisted
180
00:06:50,988 --> 00:06:53,560
on taking Klingon instead.
181
00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:57,635
♪ Takin' off our clothes ♪
182
00:06:57,735 --> 00:07:01,075
♪ In Fontaine Saint-Michel ♪
183
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:05,216
♪ My sexy mademoiselle... ♪
184
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:06,586
Huh...
185
00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:08,624
We never went skinny-dipping.
186
00:07:08,724 --> 00:07:11,462
It's because this song
is about me.
187
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:13,266
Brigitte?
188
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:13,968
Oui.
189
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,605
When Max and I were together,
190
00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:17,240
we skinny-dipped all the time.
191
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:20,113
In Saint-Tropez,
in Rome, at Normandy.
192
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:23,086
It was a different kind
of D-Day.
193
00:07:36,012 --> 00:07:37,915
I eat lots of ice cream,
194
00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:40,554
but I'm still very thin.
195
00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:43,059
Yeah, well, I don't gain weight
from it either
196
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,863
'cause I'm lactose intolerant.
197
00:07:44,929 --> 00:07:46,198
(door opens)
198
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,737
You're not gonna believe it.
I talked to Kelsey,
199
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:52,377
and she wants to record
with me. (laughs)
200
00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:54,148
Why aren't you jumping
up and down with me?
201
00:07:54,214 --> 00:07:57,722
It's weird for a grown man to be
jumping up and down by himself.
202
00:07:58,791 --> 00:08:01,195
Max, why did you change
the song you wrote about me
203
00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:02,331
to be about Brigitte?
204
00:08:02,397 --> 00:08:04,703
Oh, Kat, I think
we both know why.
205
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:08,443
The song's not about anyone
specifically. I just made it up.
206
00:08:08,577 --> 00:08:10,648
Oh, so you didn't go
skinny-dipping with Brigitte
207
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:12,451
in La Fontaine Saint-Michel?
208
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,889
I think you're focusing
on the wrong thing here.
209
00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:16,927
Kelsey Morgan
is working on songs
210
00:08:16,993 --> 00:08:18,931
for Chris Stapleton's
next album.
211
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,968
Can't you just
be excited for me?
212
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:22,437
Well, it's kind of hard
to be excited
213
00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:23,874
when you started writing
a song about me
214
00:08:23,941 --> 00:08:26,613
and ran out of things to say
20 seconds in.
215
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,082
And what would he say?
216
00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:31,857
"Oh, Kat, I love your fruit
with the googly eyes"?
217
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,493
I was so excited to tell you
my good news,
218
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,232
and you're kind of
crapping all over it.
219
00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:39,004
It is because she ate ice cream.
220
00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:45,183
Yes! Winner, winner,
chicken dinner.
221
00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:46,686
And breakfast and lunch.
222
00:08:46,753 --> 00:08:48,456
Seriously, y'all, I bought
a buttload of chicken.
223
00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:52,197
All right, Junior, time for bed.
It's a school night.
224
00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:53,700
Aw, give him a break.
225
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,472
I've been taking him to school
these last six games.
226
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:58,409
Oh, it's on.
227
00:08:58,476 --> 00:09:00,514
No, it's off.
228
00:09:00,614 --> 00:09:02,618
-Aw, man.
-Boo.
229
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:03,921
Night, little man.
230
00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:05,356
You might want
to sleep on your stomach
231
00:09:05,423 --> 00:09:07,562
after that spanking
I just gave you.
232
00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:08,997
What are you doing?
233
00:09:09,064 --> 00:09:11,703
-What are you talking about?
-Last night with dinner,
234
00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:13,005
tonight with video games,
235
00:09:13,072 --> 00:09:14,542
you keep making me
the bad cop with CJ.
236
00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,580
I'm trying to be
Chris Tucker in Rush Hour,
237
00:09:16,646 --> 00:09:19,051
you got me looking like
Denzel in Training Day.
238
00:09:19,118 --> 00:09:21,355
Well, what's the big deal
if I want to spoil him a little?
239
00:09:21,422 --> 00:09:24,061
I want him to know that
he's gonna have a cool stepmom.
240
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:25,998
But that means
I have to be the hard-ass,
241
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:28,537
and that's his mom's job.
She's Denzel.
242
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:33,079
Trust me, King Kong
ain't got nothing on her!
243
00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:36,018
SHEILA:
Hello, dear.
244
00:09:36,085 --> 00:09:38,156
What are you doing here?
245
00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:39,993
You can't get rid
of any more of my clothes.
246
00:09:40,059 --> 00:09:42,197
I never even got to wear
those orange Crocs.
247
00:09:42,297 --> 00:09:45,236
I know you had a rough night,
so I brought some Chardonnay.
248
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,608
You do realize it's noon?
249
00:09:47,642 --> 00:09:50,981
I know, I'm sorry.
I slept in this morning.
250
00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:52,985
How you doing?
251
00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,254
Oh, great.
252
00:09:54,321 --> 00:09:57,327
My boyfriend wrote a song
about his perfect ex-girlfriend,
253
00:09:57,427 --> 00:09:58,463
and I'm having full-fledged
254
00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:00,300
imaginary conversations
with her.
255
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,970
It is torturous for me, too.
256
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,709
I look this good,
and no one else can see me.
257
00:10:04,809 --> 00:10:08,517
As you know, I've had a tune
or two written about me.
258
00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:10,521
I was there the morning
Lionel Richie
259
00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:12,124
wrote "All Night Long."
260
00:10:12,157 --> 00:10:13,426
And...?
261
00:10:13,493 --> 00:10:16,666
And nothing. It's just hard
to work that into conversations.
262
00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:19,672
Max says this is just
the way he writes,
263
00:10:19,739 --> 00:10:20,941
but I can't shake the feeling
264
00:10:21,008 --> 00:10:22,778
that he'd rather
be with Brigitte.
265
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,081
How can you blame him?
266
00:10:24,214 --> 00:10:27,922
He's riding the tea cups
after le Splash Mountain.
267
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:31,295
Sweetheart,
he's lucky to have you.
268
00:10:31,362 --> 00:10:33,199
You're generous and thoughtful
269
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,702
and loving.
270
00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:36,105
But that's boring.
271
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:39,011
I want to be sexy
and fun and adventurous.
272
00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:42,150
Well, if you want
to inspire him,
273
00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:44,154
lean into your wild side.
274
00:10:44,221 --> 00:10:45,558
Do something daring
275
00:10:45,624 --> 00:10:47,093
and a little reckless.
276
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,233
Ooh, like Olivia Newton-John
at the end of Grease.
277
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,972
She got a perm, put on
those tight leather pants,
278
00:10:53,005 --> 00:10:54,609
and rode off in a convertible.
279
00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,278
That's a wild girl car.
280
00:10:56,412 --> 00:11:00,119
I was thinking a drug-fueled
weekend in Vegas with you, Max,
281
00:11:00,186 --> 00:11:04,061
and an open-minded
Cirque du Soleil acrobat,
282
00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:05,698
but you do you.
283
00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:10,741
Ooh, grab a controller.
284
00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:13,279
Can't. I'm meeting a friend
at the library to study.
285
00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:15,183
How are you supposed to get
better at video games
286
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,655
if you keep going to the library
on a Saturday?
287
00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:20,360
See, this is why China
is kicking our ass.
288
00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:22,364
I've got a project.
289
00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:23,499
Okay.
290
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,468
(bottles clinking)
291
00:11:24,602 --> 00:11:27,073
Wait, what's clinking around
in your backpack?
292
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:28,309
Nothing.
293
00:11:28,376 --> 00:11:29,846
Boy, I'm from Detroit,
294
00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:33,219
smuggling beer in a backpack
is called a Motown Special.
295
00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:35,189
Wh...
296
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:36,458
What is wrong with you?
297
00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:38,664
They weren't for me.
My friend Preston wanted them,
298
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,801
but if he's
pressuring me to drink,
299
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,872
I see now he's not
a real friend at all.
300
00:11:42,972 --> 00:11:45,310
Save that weak-ass line
for your dad.
301
00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:47,982
-Oh, what?
You're gonna tell him? -Of course I am.
302
00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:49,752
If I told him
that Drake slid into my DMs,
303
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,021
I'm gonna tell him this.
304
00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:52,525
-But Randi...
-Uh-uh, go to your room
305
00:11:52,592 --> 00:11:55,196
or time-out or whatever
that crap is that parents say.
306
00:11:55,296 --> 00:11:57,234
If you tell my dad,
then he's gonna tell my mom,
307
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,469
and she's gonna go nuts.
308
00:11:58,537 --> 00:11:59,371
(sighs)
309
00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:01,610
I guess you're not as cool
as I thought.
310
00:12:01,676 --> 00:12:02,645
CJ...
311
00:12:02,745 --> 00:12:04,281
Whatever.
312
00:12:06,653 --> 00:12:09,391
Okay, fine, fine.
I won't tell him.
313
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:10,828
Seriously? You're the best.
314
00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:13,734
I know. I know. Just make sure
your mom knows, too.
315
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,504
And if you could somehow work
into the conversation
316
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,440
that I know Drake, even better.
317
00:12:17,508 --> 00:12:20,814
I will. Thank you so much.
318
00:12:21,482 --> 00:12:25,356
And just so you know, you wrap
the bottles in a towel, fool.
319
00:12:27,962 --> 00:12:30,801
Is it hot in here
or is it just me?
320
00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:33,172
Trick question, it's both.
321
00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:36,546
Hey. Whoa, you look amazing.
322
00:12:36,613 --> 00:12:37,815
Ooh,
323
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,752
sex candles. Race you to naked.
324
00:12:39,819 --> 00:12:41,255
This counts as foreplay.
325
00:12:41,322 --> 00:12:43,760
-No, no, no, no. Not yet.
We'll get there. -Oh. Oh...
326
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:45,798
Because it's our anniversary
327
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,169
that I did not forget.
328
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:51,108
I ordered your gift,
but, you know, supply chain.
329
00:12:51,141 --> 00:12:53,814
Well, it's not our anniversary.
330
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,085
I wanted to do something
to celebrate your good news
331
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,089
about the producer
with a romantic night
332
00:12:58,155 --> 00:12:59,726
of spontaneous adventure where
333
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:02,097
-anything can happen.
-Aw, cool.
334
00:13:02,163 --> 00:13:04,001
-Well, we could go b...
-No, no, no, no,
335
00:13:04,101 --> 00:13:05,738
a romantic night
of spontaneous adventure
336
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:07,273
that I have
completely planned out.
337
00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:09,979
A real adventure
or a Kat adventure?
338
00:13:10,079 --> 00:13:11,549
Because a Kat adventure
always means
339
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,756
I have to look up words
I don't know, like ornithology.
340
00:13:14,856 --> 00:13:16,693
Just say we're going
bird-watching,
341
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,229
so I can get high first.
342
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:20,768
Well, tonight,
we're gonna get high
343
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,439
on excitement and temerity.
344
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:25,978
It means recklessness.
345
00:13:26,045 --> 00:13:29,552
Now, go put on some clothes
for getting cr-azy.
346
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:33,326
You really think
you can compete with me?
347
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,167
After tonight,
Max will be so inspired by me,
348
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,471
he will never
think of you again.
349
00:13:39,572 --> 00:13:40,941
So...
350
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:46,920
Step off.
351
00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:57,407
Okay, here we are.
352
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,044
Okay, get ready.
353
00:13:59,111 --> 00:14:01,482
One...
354
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,918
-two. I did it on two.
-Whoa.
355
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:05,089
Temerity. (laughs)
356
00:14:05,189 --> 00:14:06,659
Water tower?
357
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,297
-You gonna whack me?
-No.
358
00:14:09,364 --> 00:14:12,037
We're gonna sneak in
this locked gate.
359
00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:15,043
Uh, whoa, rebellious much?
360
00:14:15,109 --> 00:14:18,282
Climb this bad boy,
take in a spectacular view,
361
00:14:18,349 --> 00:14:20,386
and then write our names
on a little heart
362
00:14:20,453 --> 00:14:21,689
for all the world to see.
363
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,860
You're not exactly dressed
for climbing.
364
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,699
Hey, if my mother can do
a 5K walk in heels
365
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,570
to support
bringing back quaaludes,
366
00:14:28,670 --> 00:14:30,306
I can climb this water tower.
367
00:14:30,373 --> 00:14:32,410
Right.
368
00:14:32,511 --> 00:14:35,016
Just get in here like this.
369
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,020
-Here we go. Oh!
-Oh.
370
00:14:37,087 --> 00:14:39,291
Uh-oh. Ow. Uh, my hair's caught.
371
00:14:39,357 --> 00:14:41,596
Well, not my hair,
my extensions.
372
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,199
They're polyester like my dress.
373
00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,303
I guess my theme tonight
is "flammable." (laughs)
374
00:14:45,369 --> 00:14:47,975
-I got you. Ready?
-(stammers) Ow! Ow. No. Ow.
375
00:14:48,075 --> 00:14:49,746
That's actually making it worse.
Let me just-- I got it.
376
00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:52,117
-Okay? Just let me get it.
-Okay.
377
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,185
Ow. Ah.
378
00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:54,655
(screams)
379
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:58,830
Oh, my God, are you okay?
380
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,199
I'm good.
381
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,938
What a spontaneous moment.
382
00:15:03,774 --> 00:15:05,944
All right, let me just, uh,
383
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:08,416
let me just wipe my hands off
on this garbage
384
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:09,552
and then the, uh,
385
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:12,123
the fun will begin. (laughs)
386
00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:15,898
-Hey, baby.
-Hey.
387
00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:19,237
Guess who ate 76 olives
in under a minute?
388
00:15:19,304 --> 00:15:21,141
I don't know,
but he sounds like an idiot.
389
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,479
Yeah, yeah, that Darren.
(laughs)
390
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,183
He sure is stupid.
391
00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:27,053
Hey, I was thinking,
uh, tomorrow,
392
00:15:27,153 --> 00:15:28,322
we take CJ to Dave & Buster's.
393
00:15:28,389 --> 00:15:30,460
Seal the deal that
you the coolest stepmom.
394
00:15:30,527 --> 00:15:33,365
S-So, listen,
something happened earlier,
395
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,038
and I felt like I did
the right thing at the time,
396
00:15:36,138 --> 00:15:39,645
but... now I kind of feel like
I should tell you about it.
397
00:15:39,745 --> 00:15:41,883
Damn it,
is Drake's light-skinned ass
398
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,486
texting you again?
399
00:15:43,587 --> 00:15:45,891
It's not that.
400
00:15:45,958 --> 00:15:48,830
-I caught CJ stealing beer.
-What?
401
00:15:48,897 --> 00:15:50,166
But I promised him
that I wouldn't tell,
402
00:15:50,266 --> 00:15:51,268
so you can't
do anything about it.
403
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,872
He stole a bottle of my beer,
404
00:15:52,972 --> 00:15:54,876
I'm gonna open up a can
of my whoop-ass.
405
00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:56,579
But if you snitch on me
being a snitch
406
00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:58,015
then we both gonna get stitches,
407
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,253
and it's a new year,
so I know you're not even close
408
00:16:00,319 --> 00:16:01,656
to fulfilling your deductible.
409
00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:03,392
Look, drinking is different
410
00:16:03,459 --> 00:16:05,664
than fast food for dinner
or video games.
411
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,066
If you let him slide on this,
412
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,570
he's gonna think he can
get away with anything.
413
00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:11,208
Yeah, Drake said the same thing.
414
00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:14,381
I just don't want him
to hate me.
415
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:15,751
I get it.
416
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,389
You're about to be a stepmom
to a teenager, that isn't easy.
417
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,594
This is the hardest part
about being a parent.
418
00:16:20,661 --> 00:16:22,665
If they don't hate you
every now and then,
419
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,169
it means
you're not doing it right.
420
00:16:26,338 --> 00:16:27,473
Okay.
421
00:16:27,575 --> 00:16:29,477
I guess we should
just go talk to him.
422
00:16:29,579 --> 00:16:32,183
I'll do it by myself,
take the heat off of you.
423
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,589
No, no, I want to be there.
424
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,726
So, do we use your belt or mine?
425
00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:39,565
Kidding. Right?
426
00:16:42,771 --> 00:16:44,876
-(wind whistling)
-Oh, wow.
427
00:16:44,942 --> 00:16:46,378
This is incredible.
428
00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:48,082
I've never seen the city
from up here.
429
00:16:48,182 --> 00:16:51,154
Yeah, and this high up,
you can barely smell the sulfur
430
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:53,325
from the tire factory.
431
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:56,799
This is, this is our home town.
(laughs)
432
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:59,237
Wow! (spits)
433
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:02,243
I feel like Beyoncé
in "Crazy In Love."
434
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:03,713
I, uh,
435
00:17:03,847 --> 00:17:07,555
wrote you a poem for tonight.
436
00:17:07,688 --> 00:17:09,090
Just... Oh!
437
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:12,397
Oh! Crap. There it goes.
438
00:17:12,463 --> 00:17:14,669
You'll have to trust me,
it was really good.
439
00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:17,073
I rhymed "salad" and "valid."
440
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:20,446
I don't need a poem. Come here.
441
00:17:20,514 --> 00:17:22,250
Oh...
442
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:25,791
My heel's caught.
(stammers, shrieks)
443
00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:27,327
Oh.
444
00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:28,897
(sighs)
445
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,734
You okay?
446
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,370
I've never been better.
447
00:17:32,437 --> 00:17:35,009
-(siren chirps)
-OFFICER: This is the Louisville Police.
448
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:36,411
You are trespassing.
449
00:17:36,478 --> 00:17:38,148
(screams)
450
00:17:38,215 --> 00:17:39,384
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
451
00:17:39,484 --> 00:17:42,958
Oh, it's okay.
Just another memory.
452
00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:46,131
We'll be right down.
453
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,204
Our night ended
in handcuffs, too,
454
00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:52,210
but not in the same way.
455
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,673
Sorry tonight was such a fail.
456
00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:10,948
Only song you could write
about this would be "Womp Womp."
457
00:18:11,816 --> 00:18:15,056
I kind of thought
that's what this was about.
458
00:18:15,156 --> 00:18:17,327
Why are you trying
to compete with a song?
459
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:21,068
Because your relationship
with Brigitte was so passionate
460
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:25,176
and exciting and chock-full
of public nudity.
461
00:18:25,209 --> 00:18:27,146
Well, so is a night on ecstasy,
462
00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,217
but when you wake up naked
under an overpass,
463
00:18:29,284 --> 00:18:31,623
you wish you'd never done it.
464
00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:33,325
I have heard.
465
00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:37,668
I'm not with Brigitte
for a reason.
466
00:18:39,337 --> 00:18:42,276
I just want to be
exciting for you.
467
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,483
You are.
468
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:48,790
And if what you really need
is a song
469
00:18:48,857 --> 00:18:51,495
that's all about you,
470
00:18:51,562 --> 00:18:54,635
I can't think of anything
easier to write.
471
00:18:57,841 --> 00:19:01,114
Would it help if I laid down
a fresh funky beat?
472
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:04,655
-It would not.
-(laughs)
473
00:19:06,592 --> 00:19:08,395
(sighs)
474
00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:10,366
♪ I've been different people ♪
475
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,938
♪ As years have passed ♪
476
00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:14,909
♪ Didn't know who I was ♪
477
00:19:14,975 --> 00:19:17,180
♪ So nothing could last ♪
478
00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:19,384
♪ But you fit in my arms ♪
479
00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:21,923
♪ Like you fit in my heart ♪
480
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:24,327
♪ There was never a doubt ♪
481
00:19:24,394 --> 00:19:27,668
♪ You were always you
from the start ♪
482
00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,304
♪ I didn't know me ♪
483
00:19:29,371 --> 00:19:32,410
♪ Till I met you. ♪
484
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,825
♪ When you didn't sing
about me ♪
485
00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:41,996
♪ It made me a little bitchy ♪
486
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:43,499
(laughs)
487
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:45,302
♪ I think it's 'cause my mom ♪
488
00:19:45,369 --> 00:19:48,843
♪ Had sex all night
with Lionel Richie ♪
489
00:19:49,545 --> 00:19:52,818
♪ She's beautiful
in every sense ♪
490
00:19:52,918 --> 00:19:56,759
♪ And her hair's still hanging
from that fence ♪
491
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:01,334
♪ When we finally
reached the top ♪
492
00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:05,376
♪ I felt the wind
on my new bald spot ♪
493
00:20:05,443 --> 00:20:08,850
♪ And every time I see her ♪
494
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:12,524
♪ There's always something new ♪
495
00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:14,494
♪ But the one thing ♪
496
00:20:14,562 --> 00:20:17,400
♪ That stays the same ♪
497
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,939
♪ My everything ♪
498
00:20:21,743 --> 00:20:24,882
♪ I love you. ♪
499
00:20:27,721 --> 00:20:29,759
You love me?
500
00:20:30,994 --> 00:20:33,666
You need me to sing it again?
501
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,371
Every day.
502
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:42,417
I love you, too.
503
00:20:43,887 --> 00:20:45,824
(chuckles)
504
00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:50,834
(both moaning)
505
00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,809
-Hey.
-(sighs)
506
00:20:55,644 --> 00:20:58,482
You ever done it in a cop car?
507
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,419
Uh...
508
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,089
No?
509
00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:03,927
(laughs)
510
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,370
(applause)
511
00:21:09,437 --> 00:21:11,709
(marching band playing)
512
00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:17,955
♪ ♪
513
00:21:18,005 --> 00:21:22,555
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