All language subtitles for A Million Little Things s05e04 A Bird in the Hand.eng

Hey, uh, is Sophie around?

Sophie:
You can't just do this.

My friend isn't even here
to get what he needs.

Previously on
"A Million Little Things"...

Greta's back?

Yeah. I was thinking of
asking her to move in.

If that's okay with you.

I think that's great.

I gave Colton your list
of potential guest hosts,

but I guess
he already found someone.

Her name is
Dr. Jessica Bruno?

She's Gary's therapist.

♪

You'll never be as good
as Maggie Bloom.

Your dad has been having
memory problems.

I am perfectly fine.

We won't know anything for sure
until we get the MRI.

There's something else
I need to tell you.

The results of your MRI
came back.

They're thinking
it's Alzheimer's.

♪

[ Knock on door ]

♪

[ Singsong voice ] How's my
favorite father-in-law?

[ Alarm chiming ]
Oh!

Still in
your underwear.

Didn't you get my text
saying I was coming over?

I'm allowed to be comfortable
in my own home.

Well, glad one of us is.[ Chiming continues ]

Walter,
what's this alarm for?

I don't know.

Why the hell is this thing
not working?

It's a universal remote.

It's supposed to
make my life easier.

- Here. I can help you.
- I don't need help.

Oh. No.
Of course you don't.

I was just stopping by
with a breakfast burrito.

Made it this morning.

Extra sour cream,
just the way you like it.

Maybe it's
the batteries.

Guess what.

Rome and I are interviewing
home healthcare workers today.

And who knows?

Maybe we'll get lucky
and meet someone

who appreciates your dress code
even more than I do.

I don't need your
home healthcare worker,

and I don't need
your butter-me-up burrito.

For your information, I already
made breakfast 20 minutes ago.

Honestly, Gina,
I find all this ridiculous,

and I'm a little surprised
you let Rome drag you into it.

I've taken care of myself
for 77 years.

I raised two kids,
served in Vietnam.

What else do I have to do

in order for you and Rome
to trust me? Fire!

♪

I remember
what the alarm was for.

♪

Captions by VITAC--

♪

Greta: Hey, T, to celebrate
our first morning together,

just you and I,
I made smiley-face pancakes.

[ Laughs ]

The eyes on this one look
just like Tammy Faye Bakker's

after a good cry.

Hey, Theo, come on.

Your dad's gonna be here
any minute to pick you up.

Theo: Okay.

I just need to make sure
Mom got to work safely.

I texted her twice,
but I haven't heard back,

so I'm a little worried
she--

[ Tablet chimes ]
Oh, hang on.

Oh, she just sent me
a thumbs-up.

We're good.
Hit me with those pancakes.

Oh, uh, but first,
I need to put out the--

Tuna for Scott?

Right here.
Oh, you're good.

Thank you.

[ Sighs ]
I am good.

[ Birds chirping, cat meowing ]

Here.

There you go, Scott.

[ Bird singing ]

♪

[ Whispering ]
Greta.

Hey, Greta. Check it out.
The bird's back.

Huh.

You mean the one you mistakenly
claim is a sparrow?

No, the one you crazily insist
is a blue jay,

even though no part
of that thing is blue.

I don't see a bird.

Wait a minute.
Is this a "made you look"?

Because I thought we promised
we were not bringing

Gary and Maggie's shenanigans
into this house.

No.
He's right there.

Oh.

Well, he was.

[ Birds chirping,
wings flapping ]

Where did he--[ Wings flapping, cat yowls ]

Oh, my God. Scott!
Oh, no.

Scott!

How do they expect me
to remember anything

from last week's
birthing class

when I have full-blown
pregnancy brain?

I don't even remember
taking these notes.

Is this...

Is this
even my handwriting?

Don't sweat it, preggers.
I remember everything.

Graham is awesome.

You and Brie
really hit it off.

Oh.
You mean about the baby stuff.

No, I don't remember
any of that crap.

Gary.

Relax.
That's why we hired pros.

It may be your first birth,
but it is not Dr. Lipman's.

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

Wow.
Oh.

I cannot believe that she has
the nerve to call you right now.

Nope.
We don't talk about Bruno.

Would you stop looking
at those notes, you nerd?

The point of this class
is for us to meet people

that are having babies
within 30 days of ours.

This is not
a social event.

You're right.

It's a social opportunity.

You see, dear Magdalene,

most parents make
the very stupid mistake

of waiting to see
who their kids hang out with,

and then they befriend those
kids' parents, but not us.

[ Lock clicks ]
No, no, no.

The goal for today is to put
a brunch on the books

with out soon-to-be besties,
Graham and Brie.

And to find out
how to dislodge something

from our baby's throat
if he's choking.

Yeah.

Yeah, that-- that, too.
Sure. Fine. If there's time.

When he bent down to help me
with the dustpan,

I saw parts of that man
his doctor's never seen.

Oh, wow.
Thank you for the visual.

Oh.

I think this is
the place.

[ Indistinct conversations,
siren wailing in distance ]

How do you know
Joseph's here?

I don't, but the woman
from the sanitation department

said that when they do
a sweep,

usually the people they displace
end up within a few blocks.

Mm.
So if he's not here,

maybe someone will know
where he is.

Uh, hi. Excuse me.

Um, we're looking for
someone who might be here.

Joseph?

I don't know any Joseph.

Uh, we have a video
of us playing.

♪ Oh, that salted cured meat [ Harmonica playing]

♪ Ooh, it's sublime

♪ Regina's pastrami...

No.
I-I never seen him before.

Are you sure?
'Cause it-- it seemed like--

I can't help you.

Okay.
Thank you.

♪

Okay.
Let's-- Let's go.

Man:
Here. Would you like one?

A word of advice.

The people living here
look out for each other.

They'd probably be more likely
to help you

if you didn't show up
empty-handed.

♪

Regina:
Thank you.

♪

It's a sort of
a thing...

Hey, T!

It's like a--You ready to go?

Yeah, we have some tissue paper
under his neck

so he doesn't strain it.

[ Whispering ]
He's over there.

Hey, pal, you ready
to play laser tag?

I can't go anywhere, Dad.

We need to save this bird.

Oh, no.

Hang in there, pal.

Hey, T, great news.

My vet can see him
in like 20 minutes.

So I'll take him over there.
You two just go have fun.

No. We're coming with you.
I'm not leaving him.

I'll go get my shoes.

What's going on?

Uh, when we were feeding
Scott the cat this morning,

he decided he wanted
more than tuna.

Oh.

Well, that's... terrible,
but I mean...

do we really need to take it
to the vet?

I mean, should we
even be touching it?

Maybe it has diseases
or something.

Oh, I have to
get this right.

It's my-- It's my first morning
just alone with Theo,

and... and that bird is
not gonna die on my watch.

♪

Cindee: And then you bring
the blanket around,

over the other arm.

And... voilà.

Swaddled baby.

Okay. You guys try it
with the dolls in front of you.

Yeah. of course, if your
real baby is this still

while you're doing it,
you got bigger problems.

Oh, you are dark.

I like it.
[ Chuckles ]

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I'm excited to have a kid.

But I am thrilled to have
a built-in excuse

to get out of things.

Yes!
"Oh, my God, your--

your one-man show
sounds interesting.

I'd love to go.
When is it?

Oh.
Darn it to heck.

That's right in the middle
of nap time.

Well, break a leg."

If you guys are done
fake-canceling plans,

I could use some real help
over here.

Brie: Yeah.
Graham, stop goofing around.

This is
a two-person job.

I'm sorry I'm not "all in"

on this stupid birthing class
you signed us up for

on the one day you knew
I had my fantasy-football draft.

Yeah, you're right.

It's my fault for assuming
that you would care more

about what it takes
to raise your son

than coming in last place
in your fantasy league

for the fourth year
in a row.

Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't you embroider
your list of complaints

on one of your Etsy pillows
no one wants to buy?

That-- That thing you need
- is back there, I think. - Brie: People love my pillows.

If you grew a pair
and actually asked for a raise,

I wouldn't need
a second job. You know what?

I see it.
I see the thing I need.

Brie: If you put as much effort
into your lineup as you do work,

maybe we wouldn't be
in this situation.

Graham: Maybe if you could
hold down a job

for more than a week and a half,
we'd be on Easy Street.

We didn't set a date for brunch
with them, did we?

No. It was very much
up in the air.

Oh, thank God.

I'll get some more water.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Wow.

Man, that dude's
fantasy-football league

has a better chance
of going the distance

than that marriage does.

Yeah.

But they're gonna
have a kid soon.

That should
really help things.

[ Laughs ]
That's nice.

Evan.

Gary.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too, bro.

Be careful.
Try not to move his neck.

We'll take good care
of him.

Don't worry.

Thanks, Doc.

Sure.

♪

Okay. I just need a little information

to get you checked in.

Name?
Eddie.

And when did you first notice
Eddie was injured?

Oh. No.
I'm Eddie.

Oh, thank God.
I thought--

I thought you were asking
about his wheelchair.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no.
I-I am so sorry.

I-I meant...

What's the bird's name?

The bird
doesn't have a name.

He-- He was injured
in our yard.

And the bird really means a lot
to him,

so if there's anything
you can do...

We'll do everything we can.

Thank you.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪

That bird's been
out there every morning.

Why didn't I put the tuna
on the back porch?

T, it is not
your fault.

♪

Do you think
he's gonna be okay?

I know he is.

The nurse just said they're
gonna do everything they can.

You just gotta
think positive.

♪

So, Molly, what made you want to
become a home healthcare worker?

Well, I used to
take care of my Gaga.

When I was a kid,
I couldn't say "grandpa,"

so I said "Gaga,"
and it kinda stuck.

That's so cute.

And when he got older,
he moved in with us,

and I was with him for the last
five years of his life

pretty much every day,
making him his meals,

getting him dressed,
taking him on walks,

just making sure he was living
his life to the fullest.

Lucky Gaga.

He was the first person
to ever encourage me

to follow my dreams, and I am
passionate about being a nurse,

because it allows me to bring
joy to the people around me.

And if I can make a living doing
that, that's what I want to do.

You seem perfect.

Delightful.

- We can't do this to you.
- We can't do this to you.

Oh.

Well, Celeste, you certainly
have a lot of experience,

and the nurse
in Walter's doctor's office

had great things to say
about you.

That's great to hear.

I've been fortunate enough to
work with such wonderful people.

Yeah.
About that.

I just need to reiterate that...

Walter can be
a bit of a handful,

and I want to make sure
that doesn't faze you.

You keep saying that, but
he's been nothing but delightful

the whole time
we've been sitting here.

Wait.
W-What?

[ Loudly ] I said you'd been
nothing but delightful

the whole time
we've been sitting here.

Let me get this straight.

You-- You think that I'm
the 77-year-old man?

And you look amazing.

Huh?
[ Chuckles ]

It certainly is amazing.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay. Um, did you want
any references?

So, the agency was
a little unclear

about the drug-testing policy.

Thank you for coming in, Lucian.

We didn't even
walk that last guy out.

Because he came in here
eating his lunch.

Who eats a sandwich
during an interview?

Now I gotta get the smell
of egg salad out of here.

How much longer
till the next dud shows up?

Not for another
15 minutes.

[ Doorbell rings ]

I guess he's early.

Or maybe Lucian forgot
his bong.

[ Chuckles ]
Hey, you greet him.

I gotta take this deli
to the trash chute.

If it seems like he's on drugs,
eating liverwurst,

or thinks
I'm a senior citizen,

can you have him gone
before I'm back, please?

Get him off your lawn.
Got it, Gaga.

Stop doing that.

No.

Hi.
Hi.

You must be Regina.
I'm Terrence.

Uh, sorry I'm a bit early.

My dad,
he was in the service.

He always taught me
if you're on time, you're late.

[ Chuckles ]
This is Rome.

Hi.
You taking out the trash?

I did see the chute
on the way up.

Let me grab that
for you.

Be right back.

Is this guy as good
as he seems?

Either that or we got
a contact high from Lucian.

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Would you like one?
Hi.

You want...

There you go.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Have a good day.

Hey.

Do you want a water?

Thanks.

Look, I-I-I really don't want to
cause any trouble,

but any information you have
about Joseph would be helpful.

You know, when the cops
came through

and trashed all his stuff,
uh, we found this.

I just want to find him
and give it back.

Joseph's his last name.

His first name's Alex.

Thank you.

But he's not here.

Couple days ago, the EMTs
took him out on a stretcher.

I haven't seen him since.

♪

Okay, everybody.
Let's take a five-minute break.

All right.
[ Exhales deeply ]

I will be using my break
to urinate,

'cause your son
is kicking my bladder.

Well, just a heads-up--

The whole "I'm pregnant,
so I'm gonna cut the line" thing

probably isn't gonna work here.

Huh.

It worked.

♪

Yo, Gary,
you mind if I join you?

Man, get over here
with your...

what you have,
peanut-butter-filled pretzels?

As soon as Claire hit
her third trimester,

peanut butter was outlawed
in our house.

Yeah.
Maggie's smell-sensitive, too.

That's why I'm out here eating
this hallway jerky.

When the instructor put
that coconut lip whatever on,

I thought my lady
was gonna pass out.

I don't even blame her.
It was intense.

Hey, I could smell "Gilligan's
Island" from two rows back.

Dude.
Deep pull.

I love that show.

You remember the episode
where Gilligan did something

that kept them
from all being rescued?

[ Both laugh ]

Wait. Here's the thing
I never understood.

Give it to me.

Why didn't they
just tie him up,

like on the far side
of the island--

- Way on the other side.
- Get him out of the way.

Like, "You know what,
little buddy?

We will be right back
for you." No, we won't.

Hey, and don't even get me
started on the Professor.

Hold on. Wait.

So we're supposed to believe
this dude can make anything

out of a palm tree
and a coconut,

but he can't patch up
a freakin' boat?

[ Laughs ]
That's hilarious!

Oh, my God.
I never even thought of that.

Full disclosure, uh,

that's not the first time
I've done that bit.

It's in my act.

Act?

Are you a stand-up?

Yes.
Yes, I am.

You know
the Beacon Comedy Club?

Yes, I know the Beacon.

I run an open mike
on Mondays.

You should come by.

- I will come by.
- I'll put you on the list.

Oh!
I love being on the list.

- Claire: Evan?
- Who doesn't love the list?

Oop.
Here comes the wife.

- Zip up your jerky.
- Zip up your jerky?

I really hope you guys
are talking about snacks.

Ah.
See?

This one.

You're a comedian too?

No. [ Laughs ]
God, no.

One in a couple
is more than enough.

No, I'm a professor.

Can you patch a boat?

Whoa. You, uh,
done your whole act for him?

No!
N-- Okay, maybe.

A tight five.

We're a comedy duo now.

Wow.
[ Laughs ]

Where do you teach?

I work at MIT.

Oh, I think
I've heard of that.

That's right.

The only dumb thing she ever did
was let me get her pregnant.

Oh.
Boop.

Boop.
[ Laughs ]

Maggie:
Hey.

She's starting up again.

Ah.
Oh.

Let's hope Cindee slathered on
more of that coconut lip gloss.

Cindee?
Oh.

Oh, you mean Cinde-e,
with two E's.

That's right.
Sorry for the confusion.

- Don't mess that up.
- Yeah.

My bad.

Let's all go back in together
as a quad-- quartet.

Let's go in.

So, the thing is,
my dad can be... difficult...

at times.

Most times.

All of the time.
[ Chuckles ]

Hey, I get it.

It's hard for someone who's used
to having their own independence

suddenly need someone
with them constantly.

That's why I like to think of it
more as a budding friendship.

Yes,
I'll look after Walter,

but there's much that I can
learn from him as well.

Wow.

That's an amazing perspective.

Plus, you said he's a Marine,
just like my dad,

so I'm used to
that type of personality.

I grew up with it.

It's the same way you have
an easier time navigating him

because you grew up with it
your whole life.

Yeah. It's pretty much
second nature at this point.

[ Sighs ]
You know what?

You are just--
You are fantastic.

You really are.

Problem is, getting my dad on
board is gonna be kinda tricky.

I totally get it.

How about you take me by his
place so I can get to meet him?

And then if it seems like
it's a good fit, then...

maybe you guys can come up with
an excuse to get out of there,

give me some time
alone with him,

give him a chance
to really get to know me.

Uh, that would be perfect.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, no.
Wait. Wait. Wait.

I'm coaching the debate team
this afternoon.

Oh, I'll take you by.

He likes me better anyway.

It's not even close.

[ Laughter ]

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Aren't they great?
Who?

What do you mean, "who"?
Evan and Claire.

Who are Evan and Claire?

Shh!
Babe, they're right there.

You and Claire shared
a moment of hatred

with people that use
stinky lip gloss,

and my main man Ev
is a stand-up comic.

Oh, God.

Is he one of those people
who's just always on?

No.
Not at all.

In fact, it took me a while
to discover it.

Oh. That's why you've fallen
into your Seinfeld cadence.

[ As Seinfeld ] I don't know
what you're talking about.

I love these people.

[ Normal voice ]
Ah, ah, ah.

No. No, no.
What the hell?

You are cut off.

Next break,
you're not peeing, okay?

You're gonna hang out with Evan
and Claire the MIT professor.

Wait.
She's a professor?

I tried to tell you that.

The smartest,
funniest baby in Boston

is just chillin' in that belly,
and during the next break,

I'm going to need you
to bring it.

I will tell you
when I'm gonna bring it.

Besides, you don't even know
that they're that great.

What else do you know
about them?

I just told you
so much.

Okay, well, I'm sorry if I don't
trust the immediate judgment

of the guy who, earlier today,
had us summering

with Tony and Carmela
over there.

Brie:
Are you gonna be jealous

when you're not the only baby
in our household?

Yep, that's fair.
Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Taking notes.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

I am googling
our new best friends

so that I can show you
why you should open your mind

to be-- Ooh.
Ooh.

Ooh.

Dr. Claire Fisher,

professor
of behavioral analytics.

I don't know
what that means,

but it sounds like it involves
overthinking things,

which means
you're gonna love her.

Look at that
professional head shot.

You fold your arms, Claire.

No need to analyze that.
I like it.

Stop.
[ Laughs, smooches ]

You did pretty good.

Yeah. I did.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, I texted Katherine
we're still at the vet.

She texted back
"slob goal"?

Autocorrect.

She's texting under the table
so the judge can't see her.

"Slob goal"
is "sounds good."

Oh.

Hey, you guys, check it out.

I can eat chips all day
and not gain a pound.

Enjoy it while you can, kid.
Mind if we cut in?

I need to see how many chips
Sergeant has had

- since his last visit.
- Oh, sure.

If you want,
you can hold the leash.

Really?
Sit.

Good boy, Sergeant.

[ Chain jingling ]
Wow. He's huge.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

You're so much softer
than you look.

[ Whispering ]
Did it die?

The bird is still hanging on,

but there's nothing else
we can do.

At this point, the most humane
thing would be to euthanize it.

Thank you.

Um...

Theo:
Do I press this?

Could we have
a minute?

He's gonna want to
say goodbye.

Of course. Just let me know
when you're ready, okay?

Greta:
Okay. Thank you.

♪

Great.

It's my first morning
with just Theo and I,

and I have go
break his heart?

I mean, how's that
for top-shelf parenting?

Hey.

Parenting isn't always
about being able to fix it.

It's about being there
to support him when you can't.

Let's tell him together.

Okay.

Is the bird okay?

♪

Um...

Listen, T, the vet tried
everything they could,

but the bird
isn't gonna make it.

The doctor said the best thing
that we could do for him now

is give him a drug
to help him go in peace.

No.

No.
We can't do that!

There's nothing more
they can do for him.

The bird is suffering.

No, Dad.
We can't give up!

Hey, T?

♪

T.

If the bird's still alive,
they have to keep trying.

They've done everything
they can.

Your dad's right.
It's the only option.

No.
We can't give up.

That's what Uncle Jon did.

♪

Buddy, Uncle Jon
did not give up.

But that's what you said.

What?
No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

The night he died,

I heard you and Uncle Rome
and Uncle Gary talking.

You were so mad at him.

You said,
"How could he just give up?"

♪

Listen, T.

When Uncle Jon died,
you were very young,

and I don't think we did
the best job

explaining to you
what happened.

You are right.
I did say that.

Because I was hurt,

and... I didn't fully understand
what was happening myself.

Now that you're older,
I think we should talk about it.

♪

Uncle Jon
had depression.

Like Uncle Rome?

Yes.

And part of the reason
Uncle Rome is doing so well

is because of what we learned
when we lost Jon.

Look, sometimes
when you're depressed

and you don't get the help
you need,

you can have
some really bad thoughts.

You can be in so much pain
that even though

the pain is temporary, you feel
like it's gonna last forever.

Your brain tells you
it is never gonna end.

And I think that's what Uncle
Jon's brain was telling him.

And unfortunately,
we didn't know,

so we couldn't help him realize
that those feelings would pass.

♪

Even though he loved us
and we loved him...

...I think all he could feel
was his suffering.

And so he ended his temporary
pain in a very permanent way.

♪

And I'm just sorry

we haven't had this conversation
sooner, pal.

Me too.

♪

The bird's not gonna get better,
is he?

No, T, he's not.

And the-- the pain the
bird's in from his injuries,

it's not a passing thing.

He's suffering.

I know it's really hard
to let him go, but it's--

it's the compassionate thing
to do.

But I really think that
if you wanted to say goodbye

and tell the bird
how much he meant to you,

that'd be really nice.

Okay.

♪

- Theo: Thanks, Greta.
- Greta: Sure, pal.

♪

I cannot believe how long
he's been carrying that.

I mean, I know the last couple
years have been tough,

and some of that has to do
with me and Katherine

and me relapsing
and me getting in my accident.

So basically me.

But even before that,

he had these night terrors,
and... he was just so anxious.

He still is.

This morning, he--
he wouldn't eat his breakfast

until he knew Katherine
got to work okay.

I think for a long time now,
he's felt like

he's had to take care
of the people

who are supposed to be
taking care of him.

Well, hopefully that'll
turn around for him soon.

I think it already is...
especially now that he has you.

Oh.
Uh, thank you.

♪

Believe me,
I plan on giving him

a whole host of things
to worry about.

Okay. So one more slow,
deep breath through the nose.

And exhale through the mouth.

Excellent work.

Now that we're all relaxed,
let's have another potty break.

Okay.

So, Bloom, I need you to
play it cool, okay?

Smile a little bit,
show some teeth,

maybe crack a joke or two,
but remember he is a comedian,

so don't make it seem
like you're trying.

- You worry about you.
- You worry about you.

Oh.

Dude, I think I came up
with another--

another little something for
your "Gilligan's Island" bit.

Now, uh, the Professor,
he can do anything, right?

- Right.
- Can't patch a boat.

But he kept the batteries
in the radio going

for what, nine seasons?

You think-- Do you think
you can maybe use that?

Yeah.
I can workshop that.

I got other stuff.
I got other stuff, too.

We got a joke dude.

Sorry I didn't
introduce myself earlier.

I'm Maggie. Claire.

Nice to meet you.

When are you due?

Wow. I cannot believe
you would ask me that.

I'm not pregnant.

[ Laughs ]
I'm just kidding.

If we weren't in a birthing
class, that would kill.

Yes.

No, this little one's
popping out in about a month.

I haven't been able
to think about it

with all the prep I have to do
to go on maternity leave.

Oh, my God.
Tell me about it.

Oh, oh.

You talking about being a mom
but also having to balance work?

Mom, work. Yeah?
Same boat.

You should--
You should discuss that.

Okay.
I've got this, Jerry.

I thought his name
was Gary.

Yeah.
It should be.

Babe, you still want
those chips? Yeah.

Oh, unless they're salt
and vinegar, in which case--

I will tell them to
go straight to hell.

Thank you.

Bloom, there are new snacks
to be wrangled,

so, uh, what should I say
if, uh,

if they're Cool Ranch
flavor?

Uh, you say,
"Yes, please."

[ Laughs ]

Oh, wait, but don't
do the thing where you say

we're gonna split a bag and then
you end up eating all of it.

I swear, if I order nachos and
I don't get a separate plate,

my entire dinner is salsa
and sour cream.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.

You have a lovely home.

And I'm aware
of all of its contents,

so don't even think about
taking anything.

That's Walter for
"Nice to meet you, too."

We won't stay too long.

I know you want to watch
some golf.

I'm not watching anything.

Still can't figure out what's
wrong with that damn remote.

Oh.
Yeah.

[ Clicks tongue ]
You know what?

These-- These ones
can be pretty tricky.

But I'm sure you probably
already tried pressing

the power and menu button
at the same time to reset it.

What?

Oh, I just read somewhere that
by pressing those two buttons

at the same time,
it reboots it.

But I'm sure you probably
already tried that.

I did.

But I'm gonna do it again.

So it's the menu button
and the...

Uh, power.

- Power!
- Mm-hmm.

I know.

Announcer: And our leaders... Oh!

Look at that.
You fixed it.

With a little help
from you, son.

"Son"?

Oh, man, they're doing one
of these gamer profiles.

I love these.

Well, sit down and watch it
with me, why don't you?

Don't mind if I do.
[ Chuckles ]

You don't mind if I take off
my pants, do you?

As long as you don't mind
that I keep mine on.

[ Chuckles ]
I do like that Alex Norén fella.

♪

Announcer:
...that if you drop a ball...

[ Cellphone rings ][ Chuckles ] Bye.

Oh.
Hey, Soph. What's going on?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait. Slow down.

I don't wanna jinx this,
but it sure seems like

Maggie and Claire are getting on
like two pregnant peas in a pod.

Oh, which is great,

'cause, bro, one of the reasons
I'm scared to have kids--

and this is gonna
sound crazy, but--

Is it because you don't
want your kids to choose

what dumb dorks
you get to be friends with?

Yes!
Oh, my--

Well, and, to be honest,

Claire's not the quickest
to warm up to people.

Are you kidding me?

[ Whispering ]
Maggie hates everyone.

[ Laughs ]

No, no.
I love the stroller.

I just wish it came
in a better color.

Oh, I know.
But I do like the hunter green.

Wait.
It comes in hunter green?

Oh, uh, yeah.

What?

All right.
So, I just registered for it.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Let me show you.

Uh-- Uh, babe. Babe.

- Bloom.
- Hmm? Yeah. Hold on.

I'm just gonna show Claire
th--Maggie, j--

Is that me?

[ Sighs ]
Evan: What?

♪

Why is my picture
on here?

♪

Is that you?

Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Cute power suit.

Okay. This is-- This is
a very silly confession,

and once I come out with it,
it's gonna be hilarious

and you can use it in
one of your skits.

Remember when we were talking
about this one hating everybody?

- What?
- You know who you are.

- Okay.
- Well, I wanted to prove to her

how cool you both were.

So I did a little research,
and turns out,

you're even cooler than
we thought,

and not just because
you were named

Best New Face at the Montreal
Just for Laughs Comedy Festival,

even though that is
what the other tab told me.

[ Whispering ]
You're making it creepier.

- I think you're right.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

This seems like
the type of problem

one of your listeners
would call into your show with.

Both: "You're in the room
with Dr. Bloom!"

[ Laughter ]

We're huge fans.

I recognized you from your
poster as soon as we saw you.

We just--
We didn't know how to tell you.

Yeah, it didn't occur to us
to just google you

and let you stumble
on the results, so...

Ha! That's funny.
He's funny!

I've been saying that
all morning!

This is crazy.

Obviously, we were--
Oh, we were meant to be friends.

So you two
better get along.

Work it out.
Gary: Boop!

Work it out.

We should take a selfie,
uh, commemorating the moment

that we all decided to be
in each other's lives,

and our kids can look back at it
and they can--

they can love it
just as much as we do.

Let's go!
Let's do this!

Everybody, fold your arms
like Claire.

[ Laughs ]
Okay.

All right.
It's a good pose.

It is. It is.
It is.

Oh, sir, you are the Ginger
to my Mary Ann.

♪

[ Shutter clicks ]

The problem with
merit-based organ donation

is who decides
who's worthy?

I mean, the whole system
is subjective

and therefore
inherently flawed.

[ Knuckles tapping ]

Okay. Okay.[ Watch beeps ]

Brianna, you have
one minute to rebut.

Okay.

No disrespect
to the opposing team,

but that argument's
the most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard.

In the first place,
you're assuming that--

[ Cellphone buzzing ]
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ugh.

Just hold that thought,
and before you say,

"No phones in the classroom,"
Kevin,

it's my dad,
and I'm the teacher,

and I probably should have led
with that.

Gimme-- Just...

Hey, Pop, uh, how's it going
with you and Terrence?

Walter:
I hate that guy!

What?
W-Wait.

I-Isn't he there with you
right now?

Yeah, but he knows
I hate him.

You know I hate you, right?

He knows.

Well, what-- what happened?

Gina said you guys
were watching golf together.

We were, until someone started
talking about Patrick Reed

and how the ball he picked up
wasn't embedded,

even though me and all the other
officials ruled it was.

Okay. But, Pops, see,
that's how amazing Terrence is.

He understands
what you just said.

Look.
Look at the replay!

I looked
at the replay!

I also saw it
the first time.

Both times, embedded.

I don't want this man
in my house.

Dad!

You know what?
It's okay, Rome.

Don't worry about it.

I don't want to be here any more
than he wants me here.

Good luck finding somebody.

Oh.
And it wasn't embedded!

Don't let the door hit you
in your ass on the way out!

I can't believe you got so upset
over a golf ball, Pop!

You think it's about a golf ball
because you're not hearing me.

I don't need a stranger
in my house.

Well, I think you do.

Well, I don't want one.

And I don't want you
setting your house on fire.

[ Chuckles ]
Gina told you about that, huh?

Well, the real mess
was the one she made

with the fire extinguisher.

Listen, Pop.

Tyrell is out of town
for the rest of the school year,

which means his room...
is open.

What are you saying?

♪

You still there?

Yeah.
Yep.

I'm still here.

♪

I think you should move in
with us, Pop.

I don't want to do that.

And I don't want you to.

But I think
it's for the best.

Don't you need to
run it by Gina?

[ Laughing]
No, no.

Actually, Gina's the one
who suggested it.

Three weeks ago.

First time we ever went to bed angry.

So, what do you say?

Well, if that's
what you want.

[ Chuckling ]
Oh, my God.

Man:
Boston General.

Regina: Hi.
I'm calling about a friend.

I think he was admitted
two days ago.

Alex Joseph?

Give me a second to check.

Thank you.

Oh.
Um, I need to transfer you.

Okay.
Thanks.

Woman: Hi. You were calling
about Mr. Joseph?

Yeah.
Is he okay?

Are you family?

I'm a friend.
Why?

I'm so sorry
to have to tell you this,

but he passed away yesterday.

♪

[ Siren wailing ]

♪

I can't believe he's gone.

I just hate to think
that he was alone.

I mean, how many other people
are dying like this?

And if we hadn't called,
would anyone even know?

♪

Let me see.

[ Sniffles ]

♪

Put your gloves on.

We're making sandwiches.

♪

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Lock clicks ]

Greta: Come on, T.
Let's grab your bag.

Your dad's waiting.

[ Chirping continues ]

Do you hear that?

♪

Greta, it's a nest!

♪

Oh, wow.

Apparently
he was a girl.

Oh, well,
it's all fluid, dude.

♪

Do you think
they're gonna make it?

Oh, with our help, absolutely.

♪

Maybe I-- Maybe I shouldn't go
to my dad's.

No, you should go.

I'll be here.

♪

Don't worry.
We're gonna take care of you.

Why don't we start...

by moving this nest
out of Scott's reach?

[ Chuckles ]
Good call.

♪

Gary:
Check it out.

I put him in my phone
as "Dear Evan Handsome."

[ Laughs ]

They're great, right?
Admit it. They're great.

I invited them to our home
for dinner on Sunday.

Obviously,
I think they are great.

Yeah. Well, you better check
that 'tude on Sunday.

Uh, excuse me, my new friend
Claire loves my 'tude.

Oh, remind me
when they're over here

to ask Claire
for her midwife's number.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Midwife?

Yeah.
They're doing a home birth.

Home--
Like...

What do you mean?
Like, in their home?

Yes. Home birth means
birth in a home.

We were just talking about
how great it would be

to give birth not surrounded by
the stress of a hospital,

and she told me
their plan.

I thought it
sounded pretty cool.

I think we should
look into it.

Oh.
First I need to pee, though.

Yeah. Home birth, uh--
[ Chuckles ]

That sounds like
one of Evan's bits.

Babe, I think it was a bit,
you know?

Right?

I mean, even Gilligan would find
a way to get to the hospital.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Regina:
Turkey and cheese?

Yeah. There's some fruit
in there, too.

Thank you.

Do you want to
go down that way

and I'll hand out the rest
over here?

Mm-hmm.

Hey.
Would you like one?

Hey.

Oh, thanks.

♪

Debra passed away
a couple weeks ago.

Oh, Dustin.

You're right.
This has been the worst year.

♪

D-Dustin?

♪

♪

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