All language subtitles for The Simpsons s34e14 Carl Carlson Rides Again.eng

♪

(snoring)

(sniffing)

Marge is making chili?
(sniffs)

Con carne? (gasps)

Dinner for breakfast.

She finally looked
at the suggestion box!

Aw. Aw. Aw!

Marge,
where's the smells I smelled?

This chili was for poor Ned,

after he broke his arm
falling off our roof

when he went up there
to get your baseball hat.

Do you know how much
I paid for that hat?

(groans) Ned can't cook
for a few weeks,

so I've started
a meal train for him.

"Meal train"?

- (screaming)
- (chewing loudly)

Homer! A meal train is
when family and friends

set up a schedule
to bring homemade dishes

to people in need.

Hmm. Coming up
with a fake injury

to get obscene amounts
of free food, you say?

No, I don't say!

- Hmm. Hmm.
- And stop stroking your chin like that.

(grunting)

Poor Barney, so sorry to hear
about your treadmill injury.

Yeah, it's my fault for being
so addicted to cardio.

Well, my chicken enchiladas,

which aren't
from the freezer aisle,

should ease your suffering
as only homemade can.

Bless you, ladies.

Let the healing begin.

(chewing loudly)

Remember, Moe,
tomorrow you've got

"foot shredded
in garbage disposal."

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be swimming
in sympathy meatballs.

This scam is genius.

Yeah, people like doing charity,

but they love posting about it.

- (Homer chuckles)
- BARNEY: We are wretched.

Uh, guys, this has been fun,

but, uh, bowling season
starts in a week.

I didn't think this was
physically possible,

but we're not even
in bowling shape.

I'm jumping off this meal train.

(mouth full):
You will be missed.

(groans)

(grunting)

Mm-hmm.

♪

(laughs) Haven't needed a belt
in a while.

Well, big old mystery buckle,
it's been a long time.

Yeah!

(cheering faintly)

Ah...

♪

(spray can hissing)

(coughs) Look, I'm just here

for my friend's kid's
birthday party, okay?

And you're telling me
that I have to put on

other people's funky shoes?

CARL:
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

That spray he uses--
super toxic.

Some might say
in-toxic-ating. (laughs)

So, Carl, you're good with
wearing pre-stank rental shoes?

Oh, no, I own these babies.

Also, my work shoes,
my Crocs, orthotic inserts,

pretty much all my footwear,
own 'em all, free and clear.

Ooh, fancy.

You know,
you're kind of sweet,

in a super chatty,
shoe-splainy kind of way.

I'm Naima.

Whoa, now, that is
some serious belly bling.

Oh, this? I needed something
to hold up my pants,

so I immediately thought:
belt.

Thank you for
walking me through that.

So, Carl,
maybe I'll see you around.

W-Wait!

Give me a chance to show you

why bowling is America's
slowest-dying indoor sport.

I'll even get Franco here to
unbox a new pair of Lane Janes.

Well, it's a good thing
you are cuter than these shoes.

Come on,
let me show you my world.

♪ I, I, I... ♪

♪ I'm scared to death
that she might be it ♪

♪ That the love is real,
that the shoe might fit ♪

♪ She might just be
my everything ♪

♪ And beyond ♪

♪ Beyond ♪

♪ Space and time
in the afterlife ♪

♪ Will she have my kids,
will she be my wife? ♪

♪ She might just be
my everything ♪

♪ And beyond. ♪

Oh.

(both giggle)

Could I see you again?

Um, how about Friday?

Ooh, we could have dinner
at this place I know,

'cause I own it--

The SoulHouse.

My nephew just made
this commercial.

♪ Soul House ♪

♪ Our grits are cheesy ♪

♪ And our gumbo's got okra ♪

♪ You'll get towed if you park
at Springfield Yoga. ♪

There's a 14-minute version
on his Soundcloud.

It's really explicit.

Then I'll meet you
at SoulHouse.

Where's it at?

It's on our side of town.

Between the Jazz Hole and the
First Springfield AME Church.

(laughs):
Yeah, of course.

Our side. I mean,
where else would it be?

Uh, guys,
I just met the one.

The one person here willing
to go out on a date with me.

- (kissing noises)
- (overlapping chatter) - Wow, way to go.

(singsongy):
Someone's not gonna die alone.

So that's why you abandoned us

and made us lose
to the worst team in the league.

Good game.

Bitches.

♪ SoulHouse. ♪

Wow, that is the most
sexually graphic song

about collard greens
I've ever heard.

Yeah,
Naima's really something.

Business degree
from Howard University,

sings in a gospel choir,

and she's in
a Salt-N-Pepa cover band

called "Pepa-N-Pepa."
Oh, man.

What if she doesn't think
I'm, you know, "Pepa" enough?

Oh, I get it, like Peppa Pig.

Never mind.

How about a haircut
to boost your confidence?

I got the clippers
set to "Carl."

(sighs) Nope.

I think this time
I'm gonna switch it up a bit.

If I'm going to make
the right impression,

I need to go somewhere
I've never gone before:

our side of town.

So, which one of these is you?

I have no idea.

Got it. "The Identity Crisis,"
number seven.

Thank you, sir.
High-top fade.

Tight on the sides. Line it up.

Bartholomew, my man.

You are a regular here?

No one gets it right
like Clarence.

Wow, look at all
these great bald guy options.

I think my head could rock
the Michael Jordan on the top,

but around the sides...
got to be the Ving Rhames.

I can't decide.

Which haircut would this
beautiful woman want to kiss?

(overlapping ooh's)

You think I can pull
off "The Denzel?"

What you need to pull off is

that country junkyard hubcap
holding up your Dockers.

(laughter)

Yeah, why don't you
put that buckle

back on that manhole
you stole it from?

(uproarious laughter)

(joining in weakly)

Who knew there was so much
ribbing at a Black barbershop?

(humming)

Hmm?

(groans)

Hmm...

What about
this old-school Kangol?

Dare I Samuel Jackson
my new Denzel?

What's my look?
I don't know. I don't know!

Carl, look, you can tell me.

Is there something going on
that you need to talk about?

(scoffs) No.

Oh, thank God!

But if I was going through

a deep questioning
of my inner self,

do you think I could fix it
with different clothes?

Oh, for sure.

I mean, I was a lost soul

before I found this white shirt
and blue pants.

Let's find the outfit
that'll make Naima look at me

the way that Marge looks at you.

Worried?

Blindly in love.

♪ You're so chic ♪

♪ Oh, I love the way you do it ♪

♪ You're flossy ♪

♪ Like the way you move ♪

♪ You're so chic ♪

♪ Just take half a look
at you... ♪

(record scratch)

Who said you could do

a dressing room montage
in my store?

If you're not gonna buy anything,

then get your
yacht-rock-listening corny asses

back to Starbucks.

Oh, come on,
you got to help my friend.

He needs a new look by tonight.

Huh. What's a square like you
doing with an oval like that?

(sighs) I get it,
the buckle's not cool.

Every time I wear it
I get razzed.

Savagely razzed.

Tell you what,
you trade me that buckle,

I'll take all this wrong
and make it right.

CARL:
Naima's worth it.

Now, can you make me look real?
You know, authentic.

Yeah, I got the perfect outfit.

♪ She shines me up like gold
on my arm ♪

♪ I want to take it slow ♪

♪ But it's so hard ♪

♪ I love to see her face ♪

♪ In daylight ♪

♪ It's more than just
our bodies at night... ♪

Naima,
this place is amazing!

- When did you open?
- Um, 75 years ago.

My great-grandparents started
out selling gumbo off of a cart.

They gave free samples out
to the kids,

you know, just poured it
right into their cupped hands.

That cart, it became
my favorite table in the house.

Wow, that's a lot of history,

and, uh, ancestors, and, uh...

flavor.

So, tell me about you.

You know, like, what
are you into besides bowling?

CARL:
Don't talk about Moe's. Don't talk about Moe's.

- Lenny!
- Who's Lenny?

Ah, just my friend from Moe's.

Oh, that's cool.

I see you're into
the Black Panthers.

Oh, yeah. Totally.
Wakanda Forever.

No, Huey P. Newton,
the guy that's on your shirt.

Oh, right. Him.

My man, Old Huey P.

1942 to 1989.
Early life and education...

(chuckles) Are you googling him
under the table?

No, I was, uh,
just looking at this dope kale.

Those are collard greens.

Right.
I love all the urban veggies.

Urban veggies?

Okay. You embarrassing
yourself right now.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm new to all this.

New to being Black?

Yes! I mean, no.

I mean, I'm just trying
to be more convincing at it.

I got the Denzel, I'm wearing
second-hand leather underwear,

and I'm doused
in Michael Jordan cologne

and Michael B. Jordan aftershave.

Ooh, wow. Okay, there's
a lot to unpack there.

Look, I liked the guy
that I met at the bowling alley,

and I wanted to get
to know him better,

but I don't see
how that's gonna happen

'cause you don't know you.

So take my advice--
it's time to figure that out.

I'll have them wrap up
your oxtails to go.

I was eating what?

(country music playing)

(sighs)

Back early, eh?
You know what they say,

"The shorter the date,
the more it went great."

No! It was terrible.

All she wanted to know about
was the real me.

You mean self-reflection?
Who does that?

Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa,
trust the sign.

Mm-hmm.

I think I know
what she was getting at, but...

See, it's got to do with...

Nah, never mind.

You guys wouldn't understand.

Sure we would.
We're your best friends.

We pee in the same trough together.

We've melted so much ice.

Just say what you need to say,
eh? We got this.

I'm confused about
my racial identity!

(overlapping nervous mumbling)

(slurping nervously)

Hey, I know avoidance slurps
when I hear 'em.

(slurping)

No, we're perfectly comfortable
talking about...

(whispers):
race.

I mean, I can talk about

(whispers):
race...

(normal volume):
...all day.

Oh, me, personally,

I don't even see...
(whispers): color.

Look, being adopted and raised
by white folks from Iceland,

I've always felt
like an outsider--

not Icelandic enough,
not Black enough.

I mean, hey, sure,
I'm barfly enough,

but that's not enough.

Hey, barflies have
a rich and storied-- (belches)

I don't know anything
about my roots!

That stupid old rodeo
belt buckle was the only thing

I ever got
from my birth parents.

- (sighs)
- The buckle?

But you gave that away.

I know!
It-it was a panic swap!

I thought I could get rid of
this sucky feeling of emptiness,

but now it's worse than ever.

If I'm ever going to be
with someone as great as Naima,

then I need to find out
who I am.

And for the first time
in my life,

the answer isn't in this bar.

(slurping nervously)

(slurping continues)

- (Barney belches)
- (slurping continues)

Carl's never been away
from Moe's this long.

He missed
Public Domain Karaoke Night.

How could I sing
"Toot, Toot, Tootsie, Goodbye!"

without my duet partner?

Well, Carl did open up to you
about some big issues.

Just his identity.

My book club book says
it's important to look at

the discomfort you felt
as an opportunity

to "explore your unacknowledged
privilege."

Oh, buzz words.

Have you even called him?

What am I supposed to say?

Let's start with
what you're not supposed to say.

-"My feelings matter, too."
- Said that.

-"Slavery was a long time ago."
- Thought that.

-"But I love Eddie Murphy."
- Lenny tweeted that.

I just want things
to be normal again.

Oh, that's on the list.

Doesn't the book have
any suggestions

for what I should do?

Hmm. Not to gesture,
not to quote,

not to laugh too hard at,
not to think, not to wear,

not to wear on Halloween,
not to sing along to in the car.

Look, Homer. I know you.

You're never going to say
the right thing,

but that doesn't mean
you should stop trying.

Lenny, are you sure you're okay

with selling
your vintage suspenders

to buy back Carl's buckle?

Well, the doctor says
I should take a break

because of the shoulder grooves
and nipple abrasions.

You guys had
the same idea as me.

You're the best friends a guy
with no sense of self can have!

We're gonna get
that buckle back.

I already sold that buckle.

Aw. Who bought it?

I don't know.
Some white guy who talks funny.

Oh, that could be any of
the weirdos in this town.

- Crinkle me kilt!
- Avast!

Zounds, Horatio.

Damn,
this place gentrified fast.

Look, I don't know
who bought your buckle.

All I know is
I call him the Rich Texan

on account of him being
a rich Texan.

I love buckles. Yeehaw!

- (bullet ricocheting)
- (exclaiming)

While that's doing its thing,
let's talk.

My buckle shows
a cowboy wrestling a bull

and kind of... kissing it?

Oh, that one?
Ain't no smooch.

He's biting its lip. Bulldogging.

I already flipped it.

Aw! You sold it?

To a pal of mine
who's a real buckle-head.

He said it had
a heapin' helpin'

of historical heritage.

Do you think the guy who bought
it could help me find my roots?

Hmm. Well, it's a long shot.

Fellas, meet the host of
Finding Your Roots,

Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

Dr. Gates,
you're a national treasure.

Please, at best
I'm a regional treasure.

That buckle is a stunning piece
of American history.

What's your connection to it?

Well, all I know is that
after my parents died,

it was in my bassinet
when I was dropped off

at the orphanage.

Other than that,
my heritage is a blank slate.

Solving this kind of
life-defining, soul-affirming

historical riddle is the reason
I created this show.

Tell my next guest
he's bumped.

Ah, it's probably for the best.

ANNOUNCER:
Finding Your Roots.

With Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

Carl, when you look at
this buckle, what do you feel?

I just want to know...
what gives?

Today, you'll hear
the story that answers

that very question:
"what gives?"

What got you started
on this journey of discovery?

An amazing woman I met.

Hey, the most awkward guy
I ever dated is on TV.

Ooh, come on,
mention the restaurant.

I felt like such a fool

as I left with my takeout bag
from SoulHouse.

- (cheers)
- He said it! Ooh, he said it.

Let me introduce you to Ellis.

Ellis! I bet I'm related to him.

I wasn't supposed
to say that yet, was I?

Just act surprised later.

Turn the page.

From this pre-Civil War
document, we know that

your fourth great-grandfather
was born into slavery

on a ranch in Texas.

On what would become
the first Juneteenth in 1865,

Ellis got word that
the Emancipation Proclamation

had freed the slaves

two years earlier.

Angry and determined,

he leapt onto the wildest
stallion on the ranch

and held on for dear life.

Three days later,
and two states over,

that stallion was broken.

But Ellis,
who'd been born a slave,

was not only free,

now he was a cowboy.

Really?
I come from cowboys?

DR. GATES:
My friend, you come from a long line of cowboys,

right up to Wyatt, your father.

CARL:
That's my dad.

And here he is
at the Okmulgee Oklahoma Rodeo.

- (bull grunting)
- (spectators cheering)

20 seconds!
Unbelievable ride!

What are you gonna do
with your grand prize buckle?

Use it to hold up my Wranglers.
(chuckles)

But then I'm going
to pass it on to my kin.

Folks don't always see us
as cowboys,

but when my boy wears
this blue-ribbon belly-badge,

he'll know bull riding's
in his blood.

I finally know who I am.

I'm a Black cowboy.

Uh, that's great, Carl,

but does that mean you're
qualified to be doing this?

(bull snorts)

Yeah, what the hell
are you doing?

What I was born to do.

Get killed by
a 2,000-pound super cow?

Guys, don't worry,
I got the buckle.

Uh...

Doctor,
can't you do something?

Sorry, I see this a lot.

Once, I had to pull Laurence
Fishburne out of a jet cockpit

after he found out
his great-uncle was

a Tuskegee Airman.

Naima, you came!

Yeah,
I got your suicidal Evite.

(bull snorting)

Carl, don't do this.

You don't need
to prove anything to me.

No, I need to prove it
to myself.

Bull riding is in my blood.

(groans) That is not
how blood works!

Now, get off of that monster
before I come over there.

♪ Black ♪

♪ Cowboy ♪

♪ I am a Black,
I am a Black cowboy. ♪

(spectators exclaim)

- MARGE: Oh, my God.
- (spectators gasp)

Genealogy can be a wild ride.

(cheering)

(chuckles):
I did it!

- I'm a cowboy!
- That was crazy.

Carl, you held on
for three whole seconds.

(whoops) Cowboy Carl!

- (laughs)
- (bone cracks)

Uh, is it supposed to do that?

Don't worry, I'll fix that.

My great-great-grandfather was
a doctor in the Civil War.

Get the hell out of here.

One in four cowboys who settled
the Old West was Black.

(chuckles) Oh,
and you know the Lone Ranger?

No, I'm a young person.

Well, he was based on
a real guy, Lawman Bass Reeves.

Maybe it's that you took my
advice and explored your past,

or maybe I just like a man
who does what I tell him,

but I feel very close to you
right now.

Me, too.

Oh, and thanks for
the O-positive, by the way.

So, does this make me
a cowboy, too?

That's not how blood works.

(laughs)

♪ I just try to be ♪

- Exactly what you see ♪
- (Naima and Carl laugh)

♪ Today and every day ♪

♪ I'm just me. ♪

♪ I was just born to be ♪

♪ Exactly what you see ♪

♪ Nothing more or less ♪

♪ I'm not the worst
or the best ♪

♪ I just try to be ♪

♪ Exactly what you see ♪

♪ Today and every day ♪

♪ I'm just me ♪

♪ Oh, I was just born to be ♪

♪ Exactly what you see ♪

♪ Today and every day ♪

♪ I'm just me. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and TOYOTA.

Shh!

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