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♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,304
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:19,353
Son, what do you know about
the American healthcare system?
5
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,979
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
That it's free for everyone,
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00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,689
and I don't ever have to think about it.
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00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,026
Well, before President Ariana Grande
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00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,695
passed the "Heal U, Next Act,"
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00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,198
people without insurance had to hustle.
10
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:35,285
And this is the story of how
your mom had to get a little creative
11
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,496
to get some free therapy.
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00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:40,040
♪
13
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,709
- [all scream]
- You woke Daddy! Drink! Yes!
14
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,836
- [all sigh]
- Wow.
15
00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,672
We're really running out
of board games to drink to.
16
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,715
Woo! I really needed this.
17
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,177
[sighs] Tomorrow begins hell week.
We're styling 15 clients
18
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,179
for Lil Nas X's quinceañera.
19
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:54,930
Wait, what?
20
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,473
He does what he wants. Now, step off.
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[door opens]
22
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,017
Hey.
23
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,353
Uh-oh. What's wrong?
24
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,021
Did your date with Oscar not go well?
25
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,858
- Oh God, did he recommend a podcast?
- Oh God, was it his?
26
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,568
Oh, God, no.
27
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,152
[sighs] Actually,
28
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,029
it started off amazing.
29
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Right away, we were in total sync.
30
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,659
Should we get regular fries or tots?
31
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,244
Why not both?
32
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,999
Oh, my God!
The Potato Queen has found her king!
33
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,333
I know!
34
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,002
Then, we get to the end of the date...
35
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,503
and had our first kiss.
36
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,172
There was only one thing.
37
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,464
- Bad breath?
- Tiny mouth.
38
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,300
- Loose tooth!
- Fake ears.
39
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,635
What does that even mean? No.
40
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Ow!
41
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,763
- What's wrong?
- I don't know.
42
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,557
Something just poked me in the chest.
43
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:41,393
Oh. I know what it is.
44
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♪ epic music plays ♪
45
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[gasps]
46
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There's no way it was that big.
47
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,234
It was.
48
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,321
Flavor Flav would have been like, "bro!"
49
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I-I don't know if I can date someone
50
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,033
who would wear that around his neck.
51
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,827
Alright, let's all go around and give
our hot takes. Okay, I'll go first.
52
00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,703
Um...
53
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,079
Necklace? Yeah!
54
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,665
More like wreck this... guy...
55
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[nervous sigh] Wreck-- Hm...
56
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:07,669
I don't have it. Somebody else go.
57
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,713
Oh, you know what? Okay.
My college girlfriend used to have
58
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,798
these hideous hoop earrings.
I hated them, right?
59
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,799
But I didn't know how to tell her.
60
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,803
Luckily, I walked in on her
cheating on me with her TA.
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00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,347
Was that helpful?
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No.
JESSE: Man!
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This is why I started therapy.
64
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Whenever I can't decide something,
I just ask Dr. Dominguez.
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Ooh! Maybe you could ask her
66
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,650
if I'm making too big a deal
of the necklace.
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- I don't know.
- Oh, please!
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00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,862
Come on. My insurance only kicks in
if my TV breaks.
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JESSE:
U-uh, Sophie?
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That's a warranty.
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00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,369
Soph, I don't think so.
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We're about to work on my crippling
problem with people pleasing--
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Please?
74
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,541
Okay, I'll do it!
75
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,127
♪
76
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,796
What's up, fam?
77
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,215
I'm back from visiting the wifey in Cali,
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00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,050
but I've missed you, too.
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[quiet chatter]
80
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,513
Okay. We need better regulars.
81
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,390
Uh, but it's good to be back.
How are things?
82
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,100
- Yeah, great.
- Yeah?
83
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,269
And, uh, a-and you'll be happy to know
84
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,145
that nothing went wrong
whilst you were gone.
85
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,272
Oh, no.
86
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,150
Oh, my God!
87
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,947
Why do we have 10 new cases
of flavored rosé?
88
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,824
Eh...
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00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,826
Oh no. You got swindled
by a hot sales rep.
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00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,744
That is completely false.
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00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,538
It's an adventurous flavor.
92
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,832
Do you consider yourself adventurous?
93
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,959
Oh, very.
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00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,546
I did not get swindled
because mint rosé is delicious.
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00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,053
- It tastes like liquefied ass!
- Give me that.
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00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,854
You wonder why
you don't have any regulars?
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♪
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00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,735
What do you mean
Jared Leto wants to come to the gala
99
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,237
draped in an Icy Hot patchwork quilt?
100
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,200
I'll call you back. Hey!
101
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,701
What are you doing here?
102
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,953
Uh, my temp agency sent me.
Is this your--
103
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:08,457
Office. Yeah. I needed an assistant
to help me with hell week.
104
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,792
Wait. Since when are you temping?
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00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,587
Since I quit both my jobs to go on tour.
And then, I quit the tour.
106
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:17,508
And then I realized that being alive
actually costs a lot of money, so...
107
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,718
So, why don't you go back to teaching?
108
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,222
Oh. Well, uh, Drew and I didn't exactly
end things on the best terms.
109
00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:26,683
Jesse, every music teacher
who quits to become a rock star
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00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,685
eventually comes back.
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00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,480
This is broken. Hm...
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00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,816
Look, Mr. Baskin left to play drums
for Tame Impala.
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00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,109
And you know what happened to him?
114
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,196
Didn't he choke to death on a taquito?
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00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,322
He did.
116
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,825
While on the six train
heading back here to teach.
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00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,371
Moral of that story is
everybody comes back.
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Dead or alive.
119
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,959
And when you come
crawling back to me, yeah.
120
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,462
I'll probably take you in off the streets.
I'm a nice guy, Jess.
121
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,089
But I'll make you say,
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"Who's my daddy?
123
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,927
Drew's my daddy."
124
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,013
So clearly, I can never go back.
125
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,890
No, you cannot.
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00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,016
[angry yelling]
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00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,936
[smash, shatter]
128
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:14,606
Valentina! Where are
my coconut Behave Gummies?
129
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,608
They're in your left pants pocket, Fred.
[Fred sighs]
130
00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:20,028
Oh. So, they are. Sonia!
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00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,822
Tape up my throwing printer,
132
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,907
so he's ready for my afternoon tantrum!
133
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,284
On it. Hey,
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did you get my email
about taking off Friday
135
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,288
for my sister's wedding?
136
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,164
It's a hard no.
137
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,083
She probably
doesn't even want you there.
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00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,710
[laughs]
SONIA: But...
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I'm officiating.
140
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,089
Still want the job?
141
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,718
Uh, sadly, I do.
142
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:45,470
Uh, hey, but do me a favor.
Can we just keep this between us?
143
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,097
All our friends look up to me.
144
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,350
Don't worry. I got you.
145
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,394
Okay. Great. Coffee?
146
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,021
Sure. What can I get you?
147
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,606
Uh, no, I was asking if you want coffee.
148
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,941
Right.
Oh, because you work for me!
149
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,903
I'll have a tall soy vanilla latte.
150
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,321
You got it, boss.
151
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,114
- [door shuts]
- Boss.
152
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,075
Boss. [giggles]
153
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,119
Boss!
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00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,204
♪
155
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,914
So, last week,
156
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,124
we started unpacking
why your marriage ended.
157
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,043
And continuing to do that
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00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,795
would be extremely beneficial
to my mental health.
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00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:19,880
But, first,
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00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,883
I wanna talk about a big necklace.
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00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,345
See, I've been... seeing someone.
162
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,429
You mean Rachel, right?
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00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,181
Right.
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00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435
Because I told you about
my girlfriend, Rachel.
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00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:37,105
Anywho, she's been wearing
an insanely large necklace...
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Really? [laughs]
167
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,321
This is going in the notes
you're making about me,
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00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,699
off of which you'll draw conclusions
about my psychological makeup?
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00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,328
Perf! Perf. [laughs]
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00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,874
You're self-sabotaging.
You really like Oscar,
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00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:59,127
so you're using the necklace as a reason
to jump ship before you get hurt.
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00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,255
That sounds like me. Keep talking.
173
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,798
You need to ask him about it.
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00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:05,634
The more you feel connected to Oscar,
the less it'll bother you.
175
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:09,096
Damn! She's good.
I love my new therapist.
176
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,472
SID:
Hey.
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00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,890
Does your therapist have any tips
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00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:15,269
on how to get rid of 10 cases of
winter fresh doo-doo water?
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00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,855
Nope, but I do.
180
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:21,400
Add a celeb's name to this crap,
and the world will slurp it up!
181
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,611
Just like when we all went crazy
for Stanley Tucci's Two-Cheese Tortellini.
182
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,072
Oh! Oh! And Christina Ricci's
Three Cheese Ravioli!
183
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,325
That's brilliant! Oh,
maybe something off the word "mint." Uh...
184
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,618
[snaps]
Mint Romney!
185
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,661
No.
186
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,413
Uh, it needs to be
187
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,999
someone people have
welcomed into their homes,
188
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:40,252
day after day, year after year.
189
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,589
You know, someone trustworthy,
but feisty.
190
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,883
Tough, but fair.
191
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,344
BOTH:
Judge Judy.
192
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,388
Judy Juice!
193
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,765
I love her! She makes wine?
194
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,726
She does now.
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00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,311
♪
196
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,687
OSCAR:
I had a great time tonight.
197
00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,771
[giggles]
198
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,274
I've never seen someone eat four hot dogs.
199
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:06,153
- [laughs]
- Well, it was a buy three, get one free,
200
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,655
and I was trying to impress you.
201
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,325
[Sophie giggles]
202
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,413
- Can I ask you something?
- Mm.
203
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,957
What's the story behind the necklace?
204
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,793
Yeah. I know it's kind of a lot.
205
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,254
My mom passed away six months ago.
206
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,631
Oh.
207
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:27,591
I'm so sorry.
208
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:28,842
And that was her necklace?
209
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,594
This is my mom.
210
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,596
You mean it was your mom's?
211
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,266
It is my mom.
We turned her ashes into this diamond.
212
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,228
Oh.
213
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,981
Nice to meet you.
214
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,608
♪
215
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,076
NARRATOR [on video]: Why should
your loved one rot in the ground
216
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,620
when they could rest in peace
around your neck?
217
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,580
♪
218
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,376
Okay. I know before that
I was self-sabotaging,
219
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,920
but this is a legitimate deal-breaker,
am I right?
220
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,464
I say go for it.
But you're burying the lede.
221
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,091
What do they do with the bones?
222
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:12,928
Check this out though.
My Judy Juice post already has 300 likes!
223
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:16,473
Told ya! I am carrying this whole group.
224
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,644
Oh! There it is. Judy Juice.
225
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,730
It has begun.
226
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,984
Ellen, I need you to ask Dr. Dominguez
227
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,361
if Oscar's necklace makes him
a sweet mama's boy
228
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,321
- or a total freak.
- Sophie, no.
229
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,573
- Ellen.
- Sophie.
230
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:38,078
So, the necklace is Rachel's dead mom
in diamond form.
231
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,830
- Fascinating.
- Mm-hmm.
232
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,957
But I thought her grandmother
was the one that died.
233
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,959
They're both dead. Gas leak.
234
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:48,505
All this death must have
a profound impact on your relationship.
235
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,925
It has a profound impact on something!
I'll tell you that! [laughs]
236
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,427
♪
237
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,637
People grieve in all kinds of ways.
238
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,140
So, in time, Oscar will likely realize
239
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,225
that he carries his mom
with him in spirit.
240
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,935
- So, not a freak?
- Not a freak.
241
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,478
- So, I can do him?
- Yep.
242
00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:06,773
- [both sigh]
- That was...
243
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,026
Incredible. [gasps]
244
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,944
God, I love therapy.
245
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,322
- Sorry, what'd you say?
- Oh!
246
00:10:13,322 --> 00:10:16,366
Just more stuff about
how good you are at sex.
247
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,411
♪
248
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,538
Mm! It's got bite!
249
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,041
It's also down-to-earth and decisive.
250
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,919
- Just like Judy.
- The jury's still out.
251
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:28,545
JK, I love it.
[laughter]
252
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,006
Another bottle!
If it please the court.
253
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,758
[happy chatter]
[clinking]
254
00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,384
Call the reps,
order 10 more cases.
255
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,969
We're gonna be rich.
256
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,972
Can you proofread this text
I'm about to send to you?
257
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,893
There's no space between
"dip" and "shit."
258
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,645
Great. Go ahead and make that change,
259
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,647
and then send it to yourself.
260
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:54,404
Okay. Here are all the dresses
that Kaia Gerber said no to.
261
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:58,492
Apparently, they're "too haute
and barely couture." Are those words?
262
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,369
Stop talking.
Where are we with those pumps?
263
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,916
Those are supposed to be greige.
264
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,668
Do those look greige to you?
265
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:11,171
Uh, I don't really know what greige is.
Also, I had to google what pumps are.
266
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,215
Greige is gray beige, pumps are heels,
267
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,133
and you are a dipshit!
268
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,761
Do you need me to write it on your face?
269
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,516
- Wow.
- [deep voice]: Good, Valentina, good.
270
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,310
OSCAR:
Good morning, beautiful.
271
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,311
[Sophie sighs]
272
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,690
I went a little crazy
and made you breakfast in bed.
273
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,900
What, no bacon?
274
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,905
Oh, my God, I was kidding, but gimme.
[Oscar laughs]
275
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,074
[sighs] Hey...
276
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,201
Do you think the necklace is weird?
277
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,703
Be honest.
278
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,582
I think, maybe with time,
279
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:49,376
you'll realize that your mom
is with you in spirit,
280
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,379
and you won't always have to... wear her.
281
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,135
Wow. That's actually really perceptive.
282
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,845
I know! [laughs]
283
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:02,848
It's like, what am I,
some brilliant therapist?
284
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,271
Wow. A-are you sure?
285
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:11,648
[whispers]: Adiós, Mamá.
286
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,942
[chain rattles]
I'm sure.
287
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,154
Oh. [giggles]
288
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,909
And then we made love...
289
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:22,993
necklace-lessly.
290
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,621
That was...
291
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,372
Incredible.
292
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,541
But it wasn't.
293
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,503
And that's when I realized
to have good sex,
294
00:12:32,503 --> 00:12:34,880
Oscar needed his mom.
295
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,173
SOPHIE'S SON:
I hate it here.
296
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,716
♪
297
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,679
♪
298
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,265
What is taking so long?!
299
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:49,102
If Paul Giamatti doesn't get his kilt,
I'm gonna have you kilt!
300
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,189
Okay, you know what? Enough, alright?
You're acting like a straight-up monster.
301
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,441
- What? No, I'm not.
- Look at your arm right now!
302
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,276
You're about to throw that bottle at me!
303
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,653
Huh? Oh!
304
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,030
Oh God!
305
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,740
I am so sorry.
306
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,325
[sighs] It's okay.
307
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,370
Honestly, your cruelty is just
the tip of the iceberg for me.
308
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,455
No girlfriend, no job prospects.
309
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,499
My hip popped earlier,
so add that to the list.
310
00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,584
So, what do we do?
How do we fix ourselves?
311
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:14,211
♪
312
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,255
Come on! Just ask your therapist,
313
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:18,590
"How can I keep working for
a monster without becoming one?"
314
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,884
Yeah, and I need to figure out
how to get my self-worth back.
315
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,970
There wasn't much to begin with,
but it was all mine.
316
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,680
Hey!
317
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,598
Step away from my therapist!
318
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,935
I need you to ask Dr. Dominguez
319
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:33,230
if Oscar's mom necklace could be related
to his performance in bed.
320
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,607
Like, he has it on,
the sex is good.
321
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,818
He has it off, the sex is bad.
322
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:42,197
Does he feel guilty for taking it off?
Should he put it back on?
323
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:44,700
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't waste another minute of therapy
324
00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,034
on Sophie's stupid thing, okay?
325
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,911
- Help me figure out my terrible life!
- And mine.
326
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:51,707
Okay! Okay.
I will ask her about all of your problems.
327
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:53,375
But this is the last time
328
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,044
because after this, I'm focusing on Ellen.
329
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,172
I have a lot of issues
that I really need to unpack--
330
00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,590
- You're the best.
- I love you!
331
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,176
♪
332
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,386
WOMAN:
You two guys own this place?
333
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,347
- Look, look! That's Judge Judy!
- Oh, my God!
334
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,809
Uh, ahem, Your Honor!
335
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,187
Uh, t-to what do we owe the pleasure?
336
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:16,023
Pleasure?
I don't see much pleasure here.
337
00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:20,694
I was home, enjoying a rare day off.
338
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,739
Just relaxing. Got a bing on my phone.
339
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:27,451
Looked down,
Instagram, and there I was.
340
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,203
Selling wine.
341
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,663
Judy Juice.
342
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:37,211
I said to myself, you know,
I don't remember making wine,
343
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:40,339
so I'm gonna ask you one time.
344
00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:42,007
What the hell is going on around here?
345
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:45,219
- You tagged her official account?
- I wanted it to look legit.
346
00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,721
Somebody pour me a glass of me.
347
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,098
Now. Thank you.
348
00:14:56,522 --> 00:14:58,899
Oh, that's awful. Uh...
349
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,109
who's responsible for this photograph?
350
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,820
Well, it was definitely a group effort,
but I certainly took the lead with it--
351
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,864
[laughs] Th-that was rhetorical.
352
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,868
What are all these people doing,
drinking this swill?
353
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,996
See, Your Honor,
they don't care what it tastes like.
354
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:16,083
They are totally blinded
by their Judy Love.
355
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,252
Fantastic!
356
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,839
- This is me?
- Yes, Your Honor.
357
00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:24,675
- You two guys gonna behave yourselves?
- Yes, Your Honor.
358
00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:26,176
Perfect.
359
00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:30,848
Jerry, bring around the car!
360
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:33,892
I shoulda got a picture.
361
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,690
I've got a lot of problems this week,
362
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,149
so let's jump right in!
363
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,069
Val, you need to quit Fred Z.
364
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,114
[sarcastic]:
Wow. Great advice, Dr. Dipshit.
365
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,616
[normal]:
Yeah, I gotta get outta there.
366
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,911
And Jesse,
you can get your self-worth back
367
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,664
by being around people who make
you feel good about yourself.
368
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:58,166
Oh, great, so I gotta meet new people.
369
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,169
And Sophie? Forget about the necklace.
370
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:01,837
If you really like this guy,
371
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:04,214
you need to be mature
and communicate with him
372
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,883
about what you need from him sexually.
373
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,885
What? Ew!
374
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,054
Oh, that sounds so embarrassing.
375
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,931
Maybe you didn't ask her right?
Could you just go back--
376
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:16,185
No! I can't go back!
Okay, thanks to you guys,
377
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:17,895
I don't have a therapist anymore.
378
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,731
I'm diagnosing you with UFS.
379
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,984
Uninsured Friend Syndrome.
380
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,194
Oh...
381
00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:27,571
So she dropped me as a patient.
382
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:31,200
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go self-soothe,
383
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,619
like I used to before I had a therapist,
384
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:36,622
and watch that part in Aladdin
385
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:39,124
where he uses his third wish to...
386
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,418
[sighs]
387
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,423
Shame on you guys.
388
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,092
It was working perfectly
when it was just me and Ellen.
389
00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:52,304
♪
390
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:56,975
JUDGE JUDY [on video]:
And that's when it hit me.
391
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,853
People like wine.
People like me.
392
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,021
♪ soft music ♪
393
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,689
Put those hands together,
394
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,317
and you got Judy Juice.
395
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:08,195
Hm. What a firecracker.
396
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,697
You know, there's a moment where
I really thought the three of us
397
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,574
were gonna become an inseparable trio.
398
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:15,160
♪
399
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,912
[sighs] Seriously?
400
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,581
I'm in the middle of
Aladdin 2: Return of Jafar.
401
00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,167
He comes back?!
402
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,337
No, not about me. Ellen!
403
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,131
We hope you don't have plans
next Tuesday at 6:00.
404
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,342
I do. That's when my bocce league meets.
405
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,344
Well, call 'em and reschedule!
406
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,430
You can't reschedule a whole league.
407
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:38,517
- Shut up! We're doing a thing!
- Yeah! We got you Dr. Dominguez back!
408
00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:39,601
[cheering]
409
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,936
Really? How?
410
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:45,148
Let's just say, we made some
pretty persuasive arguments.
411
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,568
ALL:
Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
412
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,236
Do it!
413
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,613
Oh, you guys!
414
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,616
You used your overbearing
personalities for good, not evil.
415
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,285
We had to get her back for you.
416
00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:58,912
And she really is the best therapist.
I took her advice.
417
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,290
Okay, Drew.
418
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,958
You were right. I am back.
419
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:05,961
I quit the tour,
and this is the last job I had
420
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,880
where people actually
made me feel good about myself.
421
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,632
All the kids were bright-eyed,
422
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,176
would say super-cute things like,
423
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,719
"Don't worry, Mr. Jesse!
424
00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:16,555
When you grow up,
your life will be easier." [laughs]
425
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:18,807
Stupid kids.
426
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,561
I'm gonna need to hear you say it, Jess.
427
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,439
[sighs] Who's my daddy? Drew's my daddy.
428
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,400
Yes! Welcome back.
I can't believe you actually said it.
429
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,446
She helped with my thing, too.
430
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:34,114
Listen up, pendejo.
431
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,451
You treat the office supplies
better than your employees.
432
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:39,411
When you destroy our spirits,
433
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:41,705
I don't see you taping us back together!
434
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,917
But that all ends today because I quit!
435
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,132
There she is.
436
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,802
He promoted me.
437
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:59,890
You are now looking at the new
junior stylist for Fred Z.
438
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:03,227
And the job comes with vacation day!
439
00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:05,062
Day or days?
440
00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:06,396
Day.
441
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,942
She was right about Oscar, too.
442
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:13,111
I should have just tried
to communicate my needs,
443
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,363
but instead...
444
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,322
♪
445
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,617
I had an idea I wanted to run by you.
446
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:22,204
What if, to... spice things up,
447
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,749
I kept all my jewelry on while we did it.
448
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:27,751
Okay.
449
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,838
Oh, wait, that would be so weird!
Because...
450
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:33,507
Uh, well,
you wouldn't have any jewelry on.
451
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,010
Oh! I know.
452
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,179
[chain rattles]
453
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:43,308
[seductive]:
You could put on your mom necklace...
454
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,770
Sophie, what's going on?
455
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,689
You were just...
456
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:51,733
so good when you wore it.
457
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:52,776
I mean her.
458
00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:54,987
He dumped me on the spot.
459
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:56,905
- I'm Team Oscar on this one.
- Me, too.
460
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,323
Same.
461
00:19:58,699 --> 00:19:59,992
I'm just gonna say this one time.
462
00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:02,619
It was a magic sex necklace.
463
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,829
Gave him powers.
464
00:20:03,829 --> 00:20:05,706
♪ soft music playing ♪
465
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:06,748
How was that for you?
466
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:09,418
It was nice. [nervous laugh]
467
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,797
♪ epic music plays ♪
468
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,340
Screw it.
469
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,760
♪ Just you and I... ♪
470
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:23,307
♪ You know, I need you, baby, by my side ♪
471
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:26,351
WOMAN:
Oh, Oscar! [moans]
472
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,813
SOPHIE'S SON:
Mom, there's no way that happened.
473
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,315
It's what I think happened.
474
00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:35,027
I wrote a short story about it.
I'm gonna send it to you.
475
00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:36,653
SOPHIE'S SON:
Please don't.
476
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:41,658
♪ There are diamonds ♪
477
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,702
♪ Pearls ♪
478
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:47,539
♪ Emeralds in rings ♪
479
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:51,293
♪ None of these jewels ♪
480
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:54,004
♪ Show me a thing ♪
481
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:57,174
♪ I want only ♪
482
00:20:57,174 --> 00:21:01,053
♪ Only, only ♪
483
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:06,058
♪ Your love... ♪
484
00:21:06,058 --> 00:21:08,393
♪
485
00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:12,993
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