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1
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:24,386
(CHUCKLES)
2
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,158
Yee-haw!
3
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,597
Fillies and buckaroos,
this is Big Old West Brick Crashman
4
00:00:28,663 --> 00:00:31,533
It's time again
for our annual cattle drive and horse race.
5
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,668
As you all know,
the contestants will have
6
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,604
one hour to cross
the wacky flats,
7
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,939
over to Barber gulch,
8
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,974
where each race will
round up a herd of cattle
9
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,540
and drive em' back here
10
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,177
to the new Deluxe Cattle
Retirement Ranch
11
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,943
just outside of town.
12
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,281
B4...
13
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:47,506
Before what?
14
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,421
That's the number.
15
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,953
What number?
16
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,217
B... 4...
17
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,016
Before what?
18
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:59,130
So let's give a big
Wacky Gulch howdy-do to the day's racers.
19
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,032
Howdy-do!
20
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,925
Howdy, citizens
of the Old West,
21
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:04,697
I'm ponderosa Pete Perfect.
22
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,625
And this here,
is my singing horse, Turbo.
23
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:11,371
(SINGING OPERA)
24
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:12,968
(APPLAUDS)
25
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,310
Hi, y'all. I bet you all
want to see demonstration
26
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,976
of my famous sharp shooting
from the Pitstop kid.
27
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:21,515
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely no shooting.
28
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,122
Sharp or otherwise...
29
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:24,253
Who are you?
30
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,118
Hi, there.
I'm the network censor.
31
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,357
It is my job to make sure
nothing violent,
32
00:01:28,423 --> 00:01:31,963
dangerous or inappropriate
ever happens on this show.
33
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,256
Well, then.
I guess I could use a bow and arrow.
34
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:38,728
Nope. No, arrows, rocks or
harmful projectiles of any kind.
35
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,539
But we're doin' a Western.
36
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:43,942
You know, action, adventure,
shoot out, showdown, stampedes.
37
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,974
Well, you just have
fun with that.
38
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:50,441
But no violence or dangerous
activity will be permitted in any way. Okay?
39
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:52,780
Oof. Okay.
What can I use?
40
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,346
Glad you asked.
41
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:57,515
You are approved to use
water balloons, pies, anvils
42
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,054
and this Styrofoam boomerang.
43
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,291
You want us to tame the West
with water balloons?
44
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,656
How much fun is that
for kids to watch?
45
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,656
Kids don't watch
cartoons anymore, silly.
46
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:13,730
Only lawyers,
and we never ever have fun. Ever.
47
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:19,313
Um...
Watch me throw this here...
48
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,072
Bent stick thingy.
49
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,611
Partners.
50
00:02:22,677 --> 00:02:25,647
Uh, okay.
Well, this is just... (SCREAMS)
51
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,022
Horses are so
18th century.
52
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,522
(ENGINE SPULTTERING)
53
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,353
(ROARS)
54
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,488
Bleh.
55
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,592
(CROWD JEERING)
56
00:02:34,656 --> 00:02:39,186
Bah! Greatness is never
appreciated in its own time.
57
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:42,429
(CHUCKLING)
58
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,496
(GROWLS)
59
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,373
(MAN GRUNTS)
60
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,243
Duh, gee, brother Figgy,
61
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,272
do you see them, racers,
Do ya, ha do yah?
62
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,208
Yeah, yeah, I see 'em,
Danky.
63
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,613
Looks like
they're nearly ready to start the race.
64
00:02:54,676 --> 00:02:58,106
Which means we can follow them
and rustle them cattle when they pick 'em up.
65
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:01,379
Indubitably
dear brothers, Indubitably.
66
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:05,719
Anyone who get in our way
will get one of these.
67
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,516
-Huh?
-Oh, pie!
68
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,859
I hate television.
69
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,525
When I fire
this starters pistol,
70
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:16,764
the race will begin.
On your mark. Get set.
71
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,070
Nope.
Here, use this instead.
72
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:21,803
Okay, I guess.
Racers...
73
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:26,870
When I throw this bucket of
smelly sardines into the air, the race will begin.
74
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:30,608
-Go!
-(HORSES NEIGHING)
75
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,847
Ow.
76
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,854
-PENELOPE: Yee-haw!
-MAN: Hoo-haw!
77
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,916
(TOGETHER) Let's go.
78
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:47,457
PETER: Yee-haw!
79
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,758
Ha! Sorry, Peter, honey.
But I think this race is mine.
80
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,001
Don't count your doggies
just yet, Penny.
81
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,167
Why aren't you
wearing a seat belt?
82
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,536
Because I'm on a horse.
83
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,714
See, the thing is,
a seat belt on a horse
84
00:03:58,773 --> 00:04:01,613
don't really work with
the whole cool rebel cowboy thing.
85
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,605
Seat belts now!
86
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,327
Okay, okay.
87
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:13,999
Not safe enough.
More seat belts.
88
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,822
I hate my life.
89
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,960
And slow those horses down.
90
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,158
Look,
we're an action comedy right,
91
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,930
so there has to be some--
92
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,969
Ha, that was actually funny.
93
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:31,965
(GRUNTING)
94
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,469
(GROANS) Drat.
95
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,511
See, that objectively proves
that pain is funny.
96
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:37,736
Ouch.
97
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,711
(SCREAMING)
98
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,080
Okay, I've had enough of this.
99
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,748
Hey! Horsey and away!
100
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:49,218
(HORSE NEIGHING)
101
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,129
Oh!
102
00:04:51,192 --> 00:04:53,692
Unsafe, that appears unsafe.
103
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,730
Giddy up all, yeah!
104
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,926
(ALL CLAMORING)
105
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,498
There they are.
106
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,726
(COWS MOOING)
107
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,101
Doggies.
108
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:05,309
Oh, look how rare they are.
Yum.
109
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,583
Time to claim me
some hefty heifers.
110
00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:10,552
No, no. No branding iron.
But you are approved
111
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:15,611
for cruelty free
paint brushes. There you go.
112
00:05:17,952 --> 00:05:21,792
That's pretty and all.
But I think, I can do better.
113
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,305
(LAUGHING AND CLAPPING)
114
00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:32,903
Oh, lovely. If you had wings,
you could pass for a big fat bat.
115
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,696
(MOOING)
116
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:38,869
Time to cleverly
and colorfully claim these capricious cows.
117
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:42,539
Muttley, pull the lever.
118
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:56,791
Ah, all these
purple pachyderms appear to be mine.
119
00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:59,858
I'll just take 'em back
and win the race then, shall I?
120
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:04,297
Lovely.
Muttley?
121
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,234
Really?
122
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:07,369
It's not fair.
123
00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:11,436
Fair is fair, I suppose.
Why don't you all just come over here and get them?
124
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:14,635
Just cross that line
painted on the ground there.
125
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,678
That's right. Just there.
126
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,583
Muttley, pull the lever.
127
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,616
(SCREAMING)
128
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,321
(THUDDING)
129
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:26,424
Dastardly has trapped us in
an old abandoned mine.
130
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,086
Yes, I have.
131
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,355
Now to take my cattle
and skedaddle.
132
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,855
-(MOOING)
-(CACKLING)
133
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,997
(YELPING)
134
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,634
How do we get out of here?
135
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,498
I can show you the way--
136
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,767
Who said that?
137
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,765
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
I did.
138
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:48,678
I'm an insane old prospect
who lives down here in a dank old mine.
139
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,082
Why do you do that?
140
00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:51,414
Because I'm insane.
141
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,149
And why are you not
wearing pants?
142
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:54,724
Same reason.
143
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:56,051
Oh, is that your goat?
144
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,446
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
What goat?
145
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,889
Excuse me,
can you show us the way out?
146
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,825
(LAUGHS) Sure!
Right there.
147
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,232
Oh, thank you.
148
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,133
-Come on, everybody.
-(PROSPECTOR LAUGHS)
149
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,995
Goodbye! Oh, nice folks.
I hope they come back.
150
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:13,925
Whatever.
Back to dancing.
151
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,771
Yippee-ai-ki-yay.
152
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,406
Move along, little doggies.
153
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,871
I'll be winning this race,
just as sure as can be.
154
00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,141
Because nobody cheats
good as Dick Dastardly.
155
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:24,480
(DALTON BROTHERS)Don't be too sure about that, pilgrim.
156
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,245
Muttley. You can talk.
I knew it.
157
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,354
That wasn't him.
It was us.
158
00:07:29,418 --> 00:07:33,318
We'll just be taking this herd
off your hands. If you don't mind.
159
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:36,817
I do mind.
Just who do you horrible heifers think you are?
160
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,760
We are the Dalton brothers.
161
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:42,156
The meanest, lowest,
rottenous rustlers the Old West has ever seen.
162
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,229
Ooh. Those are
really convincing costumes.
163
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,669
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
164
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:50,274
I studied costume design
and acting in prison.
165
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,137
It's not so much
I'm pretending to be a cow.
166
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,637
As I am a cow.
167
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,649
(APPLAUDING)
168
00:07:57,712 --> 00:08:02,452
Thank you, thank you.
Shout out to Joel and Billy. Much love.
169
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,846
Hand over your herd, pilgrim.
170
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,118
Are those pies loaded?
171
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,317
Where did Dastardly get to,
with those cows?
172
00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:11,360
I think I see him up ahead.
173
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:13,055
Dicky, what happened to you?
174
00:08:13,127 --> 00:08:14,627
I was rustled,
is what happened.
175
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,655
What kind of world
do we live in?
176
00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:19,131
When an honest fellow
can't take a stolen herd of cattle
177
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:22,169
across the plains.
and not get rustled!
178
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:27,236
Yes, yes. I get the irony.
Now untie me!
179
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,381
Great job, boys!
180
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,783
I do believe
it was our finest performance.
181
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,375
Not so fast, partners.
182
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:37,018
You have some things
that don't belong to you.
183
00:08:37,085 --> 00:08:39,945
Let our cows go
and there won't be any trouble.
184
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,760
And if we don't?
185
00:08:41,823 --> 00:08:44,523
Then we'll be.
Oh, I just love your outfit by the way.
186
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:45,891
Back at you.
187
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,960
We ain't giving up
these cows without a fight.
188
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,601
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
189
00:08:56,671 --> 00:08:59,771
Okay then,
just thought we'd ask. Ta-ta.
190
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,310
Dicky...
191
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,746
(KNUCKLES CRACKING)
192
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,882
(TEETH CHATTERING)
193
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:09,699
Draw.
194
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,608
Nooo!
195
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:28,531
Muttley,
this is all your fault.
196
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:34,008
(LAUGHS CUNNINGLY)
You missed me.
197
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,274
(GRUNTS)
198
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,624
Stop this right now.
199
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,824
You have all gone too far
this time.
200
00:09:45,887 --> 00:09:48,657
None of these pies have been
inspected for food allergens.
201
00:09:48,723 --> 00:09:51,363
Do they have peanuts,
are they gluten-free?
202
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:54,425
I'm canceling this episode
effective immediately.
203
00:09:54,495 --> 00:09:58,545
-(PIE APPROACHING)
-(YELPS)
204
00:10:02,303 --> 00:10:06,053
(ALL LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
205
00:10:09,644 --> 00:10:13,114
I have to admit.
That was pretty fun.
206
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,580
Come on, fellows,
no more rules.
207
00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:17,279
From now on, we live
life on the edge.
208
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,121
(HORSE WHINNYING)
209
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,086
Ride, boldly ride.
210
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:24,215
Yee-haw.
Get along little doggies.
211
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,031
PENELOPE:Giddy up!
212
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:30,994
Bana cream... My favorite.
213
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,840
Now, this is how
a Western should end.
214
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,342
It's a cliff.
215
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,844
(SCREAMING)
216
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,506
Why didn't someone stop us
from doing this?
217
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:44,605
We should've been wearing
padding and helmets.
218
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,409
Why didn't I
wear my seat belt?
219
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,221
Why were we going so fast?
220
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:51,954
Why didn't we listen--
221
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,919
Hey, not funny.
222
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,388
Television is too violent.
223
00:10:57,458 --> 00:11:00,928
(CHUCKCLES)
Told ya.
224
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,304
Ow.
225
00:11:02,354 --> 00:11:06,904
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