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Back in the '80s, Beverly Goldberg
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was a certified super mom.
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Kissy monster attack!
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She raised three kids
with a parenting style
5
00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:09,250
that was uniquely her own.
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Mom!
7
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But now my sister had a baby.
8
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And it was Erica's turn
to do her mom thing.
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Man, this girl is cranky.
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What's your deal, baby?
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I know you don't have
words, but tell me!
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Oh, that's my rock.
Always cool under pressure.
13
00:00:21,639 --> 00:00:23,556
Sorry, it's just really frustrating
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00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:24,891
not being able to calm her.
15
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Let's just call the pediatrician,
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or that Army doctor that
watches the president.
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00:00:28,354 --> 00:00:31,689
Relax. The only healer
you need is Dr. Bev.
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00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,359
Mom, go back to making
an impossibly heavy lunch.
19
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,361
My 12-bean chili can wait.
20
00:00:36,362 --> 00:00:38,363
12? Isn't that just all the beans?
21
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Don't engage her.
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00:00:39,365 --> 00:00:41,950
- Mom, we got this.
- Do you?
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00:00:41,951 --> 00:00:44,619
What if she has diaper rash,
or cradle cap, or cooties,
24
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,371
or Pac-Man fever?
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00:00:46,372 --> 00:00:47,705
I'm pretty sure some
of those are made up
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00:00:47,706 --> 00:00:49,040
and one is a song?
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00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,833
Just let me use my sure-fire method
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00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:52,418
of soothing any baby.
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Don't say a chicken bone.
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A chicken bone... nature's pacifier.
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00:00:56,382 --> 00:00:59,300
I'm not letting my baby
gnaw on a day-old drumstick.
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Why is that in your pocket?
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You don't ask Shakespeare
why he carries a quill.
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Face it, Mom.
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Your baby tricks are weird and outdated.
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Excuse me, but I have
raised three children
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who are all now thriving adults.
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Hey, anyone know what day it is?
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I have a dental appointment on Friday.
40
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It's Saturday.
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00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:17,026
Well, my intense jaw pain
42
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will probably go away on its own, right?
43
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Terrible news!
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I was playing playground
basketball and lost!
45
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The other guys were cheating
by being taller and fitter!
46
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Oh, Poopie!
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Your heart is racing.
48
00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,038
I punted their ball into the woods,
49
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but it only settled me down a little.
50
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Well, I have the solution
51
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:34,127
for both my Schmoos right here.
52
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Barry, this ol' bone should
ease your restless mind.
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All my worries are melted away
54
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with the power of chicken.
55
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Wh... If Barry gets a bone, I want one.
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00:01:41,844 --> 00:01:44,220
- Of course you do.
- Mm.
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You can't argue with results, Erica.
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You've certainly done
a number on these two.
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? I'm twisted up inside ?
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? But nonetheless, I
feel the need to say ?
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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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? I don't know the future ?
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00:01:57,776 --> 00:02:01,404
? But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ?
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00:02:01,405 --> 00:02:04,073
It was February 15th, 1980-something.
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00:02:04,074 --> 00:02:06,951
Barry and I had been sharing
a bedroom as adult brothers.
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00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,911
And this is pretty
much how it was going.
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00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:10,538
Gah! The hell, Barry?!
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00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:12,123
Cross at your own risk.
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00:02:12,124 --> 00:02:14,500
This sliver of space
is now my training dojo.
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00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,003
- Kee-ya!
- There's the entire outside
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00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,338
for you to pretend what you do matters.
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00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:21,424
'Chuck in nature where
the elements also attack?
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00:02:21,425 --> 00:02:23,634
Think before you speak.
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00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,345
Turns out, my childhood bedroom
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00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:27,430
was way too cramped for two grown men.
76
00:02:27,431 --> 00:02:29,766
Why are you blocking my path?
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00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,476
Why are you wearing a towel
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00:02:31,477 --> 00:02:34,270
- around your nipples like a lady?
- Wow.
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00:02:34,271 --> 00:02:36,272
And, of course, I had
a serious girlfriend.
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00:02:36,273 --> 00:02:37,648
Not that Barry cared.
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00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:39,317
Carmen, I miss your face.
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00:02:39,318 --> 00:02:42,612
I haven't seen you in...
37 excruciating minutes.
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00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:44,155
The hell, dude?!
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00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:46,824
The thought of you being
romantic disgusts me.
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00:02:46,825 --> 00:02:48,868
And if we're being honest, probably her.
86
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,870
But even worse than the small space,
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00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,081
we were both very stubborn.
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00:02:53,082 --> 00:02:55,541
- Get the lights.
- Already tucked in. You get 'em.
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00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,920
- I got in bed first.
- You're closer.
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00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,506
And now you're closer.
91
00:03:01,507 --> 00:03:04,300
How incredibly petty. I'm impressed.
92
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:05,718
I will stand here all night.
93
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,179
I know how much you need
your precious darkness.
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00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:10,765
My jacked eyelids will
be my blackout curtains.
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00:03:10,766 --> 00:03:13,476
I'll kill you and everyone you know
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00:03:13,477 --> 00:03:14,769
and some you don't!
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00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:15,853
You're right by the light switch!
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00:03:15,854 --> 00:03:17,063
Just hit it and end this!
99
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,898
I'd rather never sleep again.
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00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,817
Fine by me! Good night!
101
00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:22,485
Good night to you, too!
102
00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:24,195
What is going on in here?
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00:03:24,196 --> 00:03:25,404
I need to move out.
104
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,948
Ideally, to a modern penthouse
105
00:03:26,949 --> 00:03:29,325
with a 360-degree view
and a live-in butler.
106
00:03:29,326 --> 00:03:32,203
But I'll take a slightly
lower level and a sassy maid.
107
00:03:32,204 --> 00:03:34,413
You could stay here and
I'll be your sassy maid.
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00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,125
Fun stuff. Now get on the horn
with the Realtor
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00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:39,085
and see what's available
near the mayor's mansion.
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00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,546
So, I'm paying for you to leave me?
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00:03:41,547 --> 00:03:43,131
I'm a medical student.
112
00:03:43,132 --> 00:03:45,299
Well, you're also an adult.
So figure it out on your own.
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Yesterday you brushed out my hair
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00:03:46,969 --> 00:03:48,344
as I was watching "Scooby-Doo!"
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00:03:48,345 --> 00:03:51,013
You're my little Shaggy, and
you're not going anywhere.
116
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Mwah!
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I need to get out of here.
118
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I've never been with you more.
119
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Now turn out the lights!
120
00:03:57,563 --> 00:03:58,813
Never!
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Out of funds and options,
122
00:04:00,357 --> 00:04:02,358
Barry went to the JTP,
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00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:04,902
his best buds, who
would never refuse him.
124
00:04:04,903 --> 00:04:05,903
- No way.
- Pass.
125
00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:09,311
- Sorry, bud.
- But it's me... Barry!
126
00:04:09,491 --> 00:04:11,993
The original guy... Barry!
127
00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,828
We love you, Big Tasty,
but we've got no room.
128
00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:14,954
What about my old room?
129
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,164
The one with all the holes in the wall
130
00:04:16,165 --> 00:04:17,623
from your homemade hunting bow?
131
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,125
You mean the adorable peek-a-boo holes
132
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,002
- I made to the kitchen?
- It's my room now.
133
00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:22,253
No way!
134
00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:25,006
Andy can sleep in a
drawer, or a shoe box,
135
00:04:25,007 --> 00:04:26,924
or whatever box you
use to ship one Skittle.
136
00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:28,468
First, I would be average height
137
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,845
if we lived in Ecuador. And I
think what you just said
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00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:33,514
highlights the main problem here...
you were a crappy roommate.
139
00:04:33,515 --> 00:04:35,308
This is news to me.
140
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,602
You regularly ate our food
even though it was labeled.
141
00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:39,312
I'm a hungry and hilarious wild card
142
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,605
that you root for!
143
00:04:40,606 --> 00:04:42,565
You wore my only suit to go waterskiing.
144
00:04:42,566 --> 00:04:43,941
I brought your pants back.
145
00:04:43,942 --> 00:04:45,026
But do you bring the rent money?
146
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My rent will be paid in sordid tales
147
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,654
of what it was like to live with me
148
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before I was famous.
149
00:04:50,199 --> 00:04:52,450
Think how rich in stories
the poor losers are
150
00:04:52,451 --> 00:04:55,119
who lived with pre
"Miami Vice" Don Johnson.
151
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,788
So, we're the poor
losers in this scenario
152
00:04:57,789 --> 00:04:59,665
and you're Don Johnson?
153
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,751
I didn't hear a no.
154
00:05:01,752 --> 00:05:03,461
- No.
- Big no from me.
155
00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:05,129
[Bleep] no.
156
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,757
As Barry's tale of
woe fell on deaf ears,
157
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:10,384
my mom was hearing a
different kind of sadness.
158
00:05:11,386 --> 00:05:12,921
I'm sorry, does anyone else
hear a crying baby?
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00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:14,805
- Sure do.
- Loud and clear.
160
00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:18,434
- Okay, fine. I'll just go and...
- Bup-bup!
161
00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:19,936
Geoff and I are gonna
let her cry it out.
162
00:05:19,937 --> 00:05:22,480
- Cry it out?
- According to Dr. Ferber,
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Muriel can regulate herself.
164
00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:25,066
Your words are insane!
165
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,692
I'm not gonna let my
baby regulate herself!
166
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My baby.
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A very important and too
often repeated distinction.
168
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:32,490
I need to help my granddaughter.
169
00:05:32,491 --> 00:05:33,741
Muriel, it's Bubbe.
170
00:05:33,742 --> 00:05:36,369
- Let my voice be your blanket.
- Stop it!
171
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,037
- Geoff, pin my mom's arms!
- Muriel!
172
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Can't do it. There
are too many scenarios
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00:05:39,456 --> 00:05:40,623
- where I end up in a trauma center.
- Alright.
174
00:05:40,624 --> 00:05:41,791
- Grandma's here.
- Gah!
175
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:43,543
I can't be here right now!
176
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,835
I'm taking the baby to the park.
177
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,173
You did the right thing
by not touching me, Geoff.
178
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,425
You honor me with your fear.
179
00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,719
And so, fed up with my mom,
180
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,055
Erica took Muriel for
a change of scenery.
181
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,307
But she got a lot more than that.
182
00:05:58,308 --> 00:06:00,726
Oh, she's adorable!
183
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,019
Oh, thanks!
184
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,145
If you saw her 10 minutes ago,
185
00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:05,398
she sounded like a tiny tornado siren.
186
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,774
This one looks unassuming,
187
00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:07,900
but she's coming off a diaper
188
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,652
that could knock out Ivan Drago.
189
00:06:09,653 --> 00:06:10,778
Muriel has sent me to the canvas
190
00:06:10,779 --> 00:06:12,488
a few times.
191
00:06:12,489 --> 00:06:14,532
- I'm Erica, by the way.
- Lauren.
192
00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:16,325
And this is Hazel.
193
00:06:16,326 --> 00:06:18,494
Oh, you are too cute, Hazel.
194
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:20,204
Are those baby Jordaches?
195
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,290
We're matching for our daily park walk.
196
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,666
Whoa. You come here every day?
197
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,167
Between naps three and four.
198
00:06:25,168 --> 00:06:27,295
We're pretty drilled into our routine.
199
00:06:27,296 --> 00:06:30,006
I think I've left the
house twice in five months.
200
00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:31,716
Both times to pick up baby wipes.
201
00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:33,801
Once for the kid and once
because my husband ate ribs.
202
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:36,971
While Erica made a new mom friend,
203
00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:38,889
living with my brother was getting old.
204
00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,516
What the...
205
00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:42,643
Morning, bro.
206
00:06:42,644 --> 00:06:43,769
Why am I in the hallway?
207
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,521
Your sleeping was bothering me.
208
00:06:45,522 --> 00:06:46,731
Was I snoring or something?
209
00:06:46,732 --> 00:06:48,065
No, I just didn't like
210
00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:50,067
that you were smugly enjoying a dream
211
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,028
and I was stuck in
the lame waking world.
212
00:06:52,029 --> 00:06:54,363
That's funny, because I was
beating you up in my dream.
213
00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:57,366
Impossible. In every realm
I'd dominate you.
214
00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:59,327
You were crying and begging me to stop.
215
00:06:59,328 --> 00:07:02,038
Also, you said you
loved the Dallas Cowboys.
216
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:04,790
No! Go back to sleep
right now and fix it!
217
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,334
- I'll tuck you in!
- Get off me!
218
00:07:06,335 --> 00:07:09,462
Hello! I heard the chittering
of conversation.
219
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,463
Is your mom here?
220
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,714
She's out speed walking,
221
00:07:11,715 --> 00:07:13,090
which is just what I call walking.
222
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:14,675
My losing streak continues.
223
00:07:14,676 --> 00:07:17,720
- My Science-a-bration is ruined.
- Your what?
224
00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:19,055
It's my week-long scholastic party
225
00:07:19,056 --> 00:07:21,349
honoring the wonders of science.
226
00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:23,726
And this year, I finally
landed Slim Goodbody.
227
00:07:23,727 --> 00:07:25,269
Noice! Who's that?
228
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,605
Allow me to show you.
229
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:32,151
Make sure you eat a
rainbow of foods every day.
230
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,402
Yep, before Google,
231
00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:36,280
this guy was how we
learned the human form.
232
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,657
He is a hero of the edu-tainment world.
233
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,950
And he was all mine.
234
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:42,203
Until he bailed for
his niece's bat mitzvah
235
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:43,454
in Ann Arbor.
236
00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:45,748
I guess family is more
important than $1,000.
237
00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:47,666
Dollars. I heard dollars.
238
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,044
All for prancing around
in his veiny underwear?
239
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,587
Plus lodging, travel,
240
00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:53,923
and for some reason, 500 red M&M's.
241
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:55,466
That's enough cash for a down payment
242
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:56,509
on an apartment!
243
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,551
- We're in!
- We?
244
00:07:57,552 --> 00:07:59,095
- In what?
- Think about it.
245
00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:01,138
Who's crushing medical school right now,
246
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,140
a place where they educate people
247
00:08:03,141 --> 00:08:04,517
about the human body?
248
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:05,935
Weirdly, you.
249
00:08:05,936 --> 00:08:07,853
And who famously brings
light entertainment
250
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,271
to the school stage?
251
00:08:09,272 --> 00:08:10,898
- Me.
- See?
252
00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:13,526
I'm the "edu"... you're the "tainment."
253
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,569
If it'll get you out of my room, I'm in!
254
00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:17,863
- Let's edu-tain some kids!
- Yes!
255
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,240
History would tell me to say no,
256
00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:22,868
but I need to trust my leaky gut. Deal.
257
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,745
As Barry concocted a
plan to find his way
258
00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:26,080
out of the house...
259
00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,541
... my sister's new
friend was dropping in.
260
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,292
I brought wine for our coffee cups!
261
00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,253
Oh, my God, stop. Come in!
262
00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:33,754
Hi there!
263
00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:36,006
I'm the mom behind the
mom... Beverly Goldberg.
264
00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:37,967
This is Lauren. And that's Geoff.
265
00:08:37,968 --> 00:08:39,552
Grandiose gobs of greetings.
266
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,095
- Don't.
- Save the gold, got it.
267
00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:43,013
You two are famous.
268
00:08:43,014 --> 00:08:44,640
Erica's my new best friend,
269
00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:46,892
which makes our babies best friends.
270
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,145
Oh, I'll always be Erica and Muriel's
271
00:08:49,146 --> 00:08:51,021
first and only best friend,
272
00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:54,108
but that's a fun way to say
something totally untrue.
273
00:08:54,109 --> 00:08:55,818
Okay, we should skedaddle.
274
00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:56,861
Geoff, can you feed the baby?
275
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:59,238
Already handled by Mama Supreme.
276
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,365
Milk and formula, just like you said.
277
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:04,118
Then I sprinkled in some
cereal to sweeten it up.
278
00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:06,412
- Wazdatnow?
- Wait, you gave a little baby cereal?
279
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,621
Just Boo Berry.
280
00:09:07,622 --> 00:09:09,582
I shook the bottle
to make the milk blue.
281
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,792
She gobbled it right up. Yum-yum!
282
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:12,960
Cereal's a choking hazard.
283
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:15,337
Please! Yesterday I was making
shrimp parm,
284
00:09:15,338 --> 00:09:17,506
and I gave Muriel a prawn to gnaw on.
285
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:21,051
- She loved it.
- What if she has a shellfish allergy?
286
00:09:21,052 --> 00:09:23,888
Yeah, what if my
daughter has a shellfish allergy?
287
00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:25,848
Can you imagine?
288
00:09:25,849 --> 00:09:28,184
- Ah!
- Yikes.
289
00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:29,393
You know, it's none of my business,
290
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,478
but I am noticing
291
00:09:30,479 --> 00:09:31,896
the exposed outlets right there.
292
00:09:31,897 --> 00:09:34,023
You might want to
consider baby-proofing.
293
00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:35,733
Oh, in this house we don't baby-proof.
294
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:36,859
We Bubbe-proof.
295
00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:39,111
Which means that Bubbe, me,
296
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,615
never takes her eyes
off the baby, she, ever.
297
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,074
C'mon, Erica. It's not her fault.
298
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:45,659
She's just from a different time.
299
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:46,660
Byeee!
300
00:09:49,539 --> 00:09:52,583
Well, who the [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] does she think she is?
301
00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:54,627
Um, Erica's new friend?
302
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:55,711
I'm Erica's friend.
303
00:09:55,712 --> 00:09:57,004
Maybe this one time,
304
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,923
you should just go with the flow?
305
00:09:58,924 --> 00:10:01,592
Go with the flow.
306
00:10:01,593 --> 00:10:02,760
Yeah.
307
00:10:02,761 --> 00:10:05,596
That's me. That's me.
308
00:10:05,597 --> 00:10:08,349
I'm gonna choose to take
your icy and distant stare
309
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:09,892
as thoughtful reflection.
310
00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:12,019
Yay! We're all good people here!
311
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,980
Nobody believed that.
312
00:10:17,025 --> 00:10:19,109
Barry needed money bad.
313
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,778
So he hoped a gig in edu-tainment
314
00:10:20,779 --> 00:10:22,154
would help him close the deal.
315
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,614
Congrats!
316
00:10:23,615 --> 00:10:25,950
You have been handpicked
to be a test audience
317
00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:27,993
for a new show about the human body.
318
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,870
- Handpicked.
- I was forced here.
319
00:10:29,871 --> 00:10:31,372
This isn't a lasagna tasting?
320
00:10:31,373 --> 00:10:35,376
And now we present to
you "Organs 'n' Friends."
321
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:36,585
Ow!
322
00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:39,672
Howdy! Hearty Marty here!
323
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,007
And I'm Olivia Liver!
324
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,175
As your heart,
325
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:47,179
I move blood throughout
your whooole body!
326
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,182
And, man, does that get me pumped!
327
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,725
It's 'cause hearts pump.
328
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:52,726
That's great.
329
00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:54,854
Halt the show!
330
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,439
JTP, thoughts so far?
331
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,525
- Adorable!
- I want a liver for my niece!
332
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,068
I'm invested and crave more!
333
00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:03,404
Exactly. You guys all hate it, too.
334
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:05,739
I mean, look at this pathetic puppet.
335
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:07,867
Hearts don't have eyes.
336
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,994
You were looking for a realistic heart?
337
00:11:09,995 --> 00:11:11,620
And the lady liver has a nose.
338
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:13,581
Does she smell or
regulate chemical levels
339
00:11:13,582 --> 00:11:14,582
and excrete bile?
340
00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:16,041
Is that a science question?
341
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,377
Because I don't even know
where the sun goes at night.
342
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,461
You should probably know that.
343
00:11:19,462 --> 00:11:21,922
And where is the song
about the toe fungus,
344
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:24,258
or the cluster migraine,
or the monologue
345
00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,886
by a charred lung of a lifelong smoker?
346
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,137
Do kids even need to know that stuff?
347
00:11:28,138 --> 00:11:30,431
- Do I?
- Isn't this just about getting your money
348
00:11:30,432 --> 00:11:31,682
so you can move out?
349
00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:34,268
As an almost doctor,
I demand perfection.
350
00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:36,270
Throw it all out. Start all over.
351
00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:38,188
I'm gonna do the only reasonable thing.
352
00:11:38,189 --> 00:11:40,733
- Everything I ask?
- I quit!
353
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,568
Me, too!
354
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:45,738
Fine! Good edu-tainment
doesn't need the "tainment"...
355
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:48,198
just the "edu". That's right.
356
00:11:48,199 --> 00:11:50,784
William Penn students
are about to get educated.
357
00:11:50,785 --> 00:11:52,328
That's just school.
358
00:11:52,329 --> 00:11:53,704
I don't think he gets it.
359
00:11:53,705 --> 00:11:56,206
I am so happy he doesn't live with us.
360
00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:58,709
Barry was learning a hard
lesson in edu-tainment.
361
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:00,002
My mom would soon learn
362
00:12:00,003 --> 00:12:02,171
that going with the flow wasn't so easy.
363
00:12:02,172 --> 00:12:04,757
Thanks for helping me
carry in my groceries.
364
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,259
Oh, the pleasure is mine.
365
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,594
That's a lie.
366
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,095
I have a pinched nerve in my back,
367
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,056
and I shouldn't be carrying
these or anything else.
368
00:12:12,057 --> 00:12:13,390
Well, let me give you a tranquilizer
369
00:12:13,391 --> 00:12:14,934
my doctor said I didn't need,
370
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,645
but that I demanded anyway.
371
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,815
Well, that's strange.
372
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,234
Allow me. I have a sturdy
core from my days
373
00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:25,570
of baton twirling.
374
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,074
Right behind you.
375
00:12:30,075 --> 00:12:32,117
Tricky pistachio! How
did you get that open?
376
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,744
Don't freak out, but Erica hired
377
00:12:33,745 --> 00:12:35,537
a baby-proofing guy.
378
00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:36,956
Our house had been covered...
379
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,541
... padded, gated, and locked.
380
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,586
And there was only one person to blame.
381
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,129
That new mom friend.
382
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,673
I forget her name.
383
00:12:45,674 --> 00:12:47,591
- Lauren.
- Lauren.
384
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,218
Oh, good, you're home.
385
00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:51,428
Look, I know you said no, but
the guys at Boo Boo Busters
386
00:12:51,429 --> 00:12:54,765
did an amazing job making
this a safe environment.
387
00:12:54,766 --> 00:12:57,643
In that moment, my mom
could either go nuclear
388
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,270
or take Geoff's advice
to go with the flow.
389
00:13:00,271 --> 00:13:01,730
Agreed. I love it.
390
00:13:01,731 --> 00:13:04,984
- Please thank Lauren for me.
- For real?
391
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,568
I'm just surprised because it felt like
392
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:07,861
you guys did not hit it off.
393
00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:09,113
Well, she really seems to know
394
00:13:09,114 --> 00:13:10,280
what she's talking about.
395
00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:11,657
She's a total pro.
396
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:12,658
Maybe she could even help pry you
397
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,410
out of the baby Stone Age.
398
00:13:14,411 --> 00:13:16,495
May-be.
399
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,498
I'm gonna get the baby ready
for her music class at Lauren's.
400
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,625
Ta!
401
00:13:22,293 --> 00:13:24,586
You're going to that baby
music class, aren't you?
402
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:26,714
It's time I showed her little mama pal
403
00:13:26,715 --> 00:13:29,133
who knows more about parenting.
404
00:13:29,134 --> 00:13:31,260
As my mom prepared for a takedown,
405
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:33,470
Barry was studying the master.
406
00:13:33,471 --> 00:13:36,849
I just need a fresh new
idea that visually depicts
407
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,934
the inner workings of the human body.
408
00:13:38,935 --> 00:13:41,603
- Like something where you show the organs?
- Yes.
409
00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:43,647
- And put them on your person?
- You're getting it.
410
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:44,898
And then, you dance around and sing?
411
00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:46,191
All those things!
412
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:48,652
Isn't that just Slim
Goodbody's whole act?
413
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,029
Yes! I'll just do what he does.
414
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,073
But that was easier said than done.
415
00:13:53,074 --> 00:13:55,284
This has, like, 200 bones.
416
00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:58,579
The human body has 206! Next.
417
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,622
Too simple.
418
00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:01,915
What was I thinking?
419
00:14:01,916 --> 00:14:04,626
- No one reads.
- We can read that.
420
00:14:04,627 --> 00:14:05,774
Yeah, I can read it fine,
to be honest with
421
00:14:05,775 --> 00:14:06,920
- you. I mean,
- I... I read... I read all the time.
422
00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:08,046
Yes!
423
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:09,214
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
424
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,049
This is the one.
425
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:14,595
Uh, Bar, it's a little, um, revealing.
426
00:14:14,596 --> 00:14:16,722
Oh, no!
427
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,391
Yeah, looked like my bro had to give up.
428
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,894
That is, until...
429
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,729
Stop!
430
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:27,399
I just had a very meaty idea.
431
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,485
Is it that you're gonna
make a suit outta cold cuts?
432
00:14:29,486 --> 00:14:31,695
To the local meatery!
433
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,198
With that, Barry had
a new beat on his act.
434
00:14:34,199 --> 00:14:36,867
Meanwhile, Erica's music
class had just begun.
435
00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:40,120
And we're hearing the glockenspiel.
436
00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:41,747
Figured this would be more of a...
437
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,874
a clap your macaroni shaker
type of deal.
438
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:45,375
Ms. Lizzy has a PhD
439
00:14:45,376 --> 00:14:47,294
in musicology and child development.
440
00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:50,297
She's also a loon, so
don't make eye contact.
441
00:14:50,298 --> 00:14:52,049
- Sorry I'm late!
- Mom?
442
00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:55,093
And sorry to the white Mercedes
I love-tapped backing in.
443
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,762
Oh, that was me.
444
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,222
I'm sure it'll buff out.
445
00:14:58,223 --> 00:15:01,058
Now, why don't we try a
collective choral experience?
446
00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:02,893
Um, how about "Old MacDonald"?
447
00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:04,061
Unfortunately, "Old MacDonald"
448
00:15:04,062 --> 00:15:06,146
is not on our approved song list.
449
00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:08,106
Yeah, see, the goal is
to create an environment
450
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,983
free of negativity and judgment.
451
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:11,860
And "Old MacDonald" is a horrid tale
452
00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:13,320
of animal imprisonment.
453
00:15:13,321 --> 00:15:15,614
Old MacDonald treated all of his animals
454
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,408
- with dignity and respect.
- Mm.
455
00:15:18,409 --> 00:15:21,328
Then, he eats them, so...
456
00:15:21,329 --> 00:15:23,038
Let's not forget the number one rule
457
00:15:23,039 --> 00:15:25,082
we laid out in the beginning of class...
458
00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:30,420
? If we say it, we can sing it ?
459
00:15:30,421 --> 00:15:31,672
Say what now?
460
00:15:31,673 --> 00:15:33,507
? You must sing everything ?
461
00:15:33,508 --> 00:15:35,175
? Use your mouth ?
462
00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:38,262
? Fine, then, I will sing my thoughts ?
463
00:15:38,263 --> 00:15:40,973
? I'd prefer if you did not ?
464
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,140
? It's okay ?
465
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,017
? Let's hear what backwards nonsense ?
466
00:15:44,018 --> 00:15:45,477
? She has to say ?
467
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,771
? The only backwards thing here is you ?
468
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:50,607
? And also Ms. Lizzy's attitude... ?
469
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:52,067
... towards deodorant.
470
00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:54,027
Okay, time out on the scary singing.
471
00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:55,404
Yeah, she's ruining my class.
472
00:15:55,405 --> 00:15:58,115
Shove your music class
and your baby-proofing.
473
00:15:58,116 --> 00:15:59,408
You've been a mom for five minutes.
474
00:15:59,409 --> 00:16:00,659
You don't know crap.
475
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,579
- Come on, Erica.
- No.
476
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:05,330
Mom, did you ever think
that maybe you don't have
477
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:07,124
all the answers about parenting?
478
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:08,625
I've raised three children.
479
00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,377
I think I know plenty.
480
00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,796
Maybe you weren't as good
of a mom as you thought.
481
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,843
Here's your side-view mirror.
482
00:16:23,224 --> 00:16:25,350
The Science-a-bration was falling flat.
483
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,727
And Mr. Glascott hoped
484
00:16:26,728 --> 00:16:28,395
that Barry could pick it up.
485
00:16:28,396 --> 00:16:32,316
What an inspired performance
by the dancing molar!
486
00:16:32,317 --> 00:16:34,401
Be better, Alan.
487
00:16:34,402 --> 00:16:36,403
I can't believe I
agreed to come to this.
488
00:16:36,404 --> 00:16:38,488
I'm just here to see what
Barry brings to the table...
489
00:16:38,489 --> 00:16:39,781
namely, a meat suit.
490
00:16:39,782 --> 00:16:40,782
Meat suit?
491
00:16:40,783 --> 00:16:42,200
That's all the context you need.
492
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:45,245
Last up, we couldn't get
the real Slim Goodbody,
493
00:16:45,246 --> 00:16:48,665
so, parents and students,
please welcome...
494
00:16:48,666 --> 00:16:50,751
Barry Insides.
495
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:53,211
Ohhhh, no. Whoo!
496
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,796
Oh, yes.
497
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:56,673
Instead of a perfectly good puppet show,
498
00:16:56,674 --> 00:16:58,467
my brother stapled a bunch of lunch meat
499
00:16:58,468 --> 00:16:59,801
to his body.
500
00:16:59,802 --> 00:17:02,304
Oh, that is pungent and horrifying.
501
00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:04,014
And is that your family dog behind you?
502
00:17:04,015 --> 00:17:05,641
Lucky followed me here. Just ignore her.
503
00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:07,768
Hi, kids and parents!
504
00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:10,312
It's me... Barry Insides!
505
00:17:10,313 --> 00:17:12,356
I'm here to give you a graphic look
506
00:17:12,357 --> 00:17:14,691
at the insides of all our bodies.
507
00:17:14,692 --> 00:17:16,944
It wasn't educational or entertaining.
508
00:17:16,945 --> 00:17:18,737
He just turned the kids off science
509
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,614
and deli meats forever.
510
00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:23,492
Check out my hyper-realistic
lower intestines!
511
00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:24,868
I think this is going really good.
512
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:26,078
Who wants to come up here
513
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,580
and feel how wet and
squishy my bladder is?
514
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:29,581
No, girl.
515
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,000
Okay. You know what?
516
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:33,303
Uh, let's just move on to refreshments.
517
00:17:33,304 --> 00:17:36,223
Yep, only Lucky was eating
up Barry's performance.
518
00:17:36,224 --> 00:17:38,100
Meanwhile, Erica had to apologize
519
00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:39,860
for the scene my mom made.
520
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:43,887
Erica, hi.
521
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:46,974
Look, I feel so bad about...
522
00:17:46,975 --> 00:17:48,850
- Is everything okay?
- Totally.
523
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:52,229
Just, you know, hour six
of a screaming, crying fit.
524
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:53,897
Oh, I can come back.
525
00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:54,898
No, no, it's fine. Everything's fine.
526
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:57,576
Just, um, like Dr. Ferber said,
527
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,455
baby's gotta learn to self-soothe.
528
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,800
Oh, my gosh, it's so hard!
529
00:18:03,992 --> 00:18:05,200
She sleeps when she should eat.
530
00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:06,368
She eats when she should nap.
531
00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:08,161
And if she doesn't
nap, then I don't sleep.
532
00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:09,997
And I'm so desperate!
533
00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:12,124
I can't believe I'm suggesting this,
534
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,043
but... there is one thing you could try.
535
00:18:16,713 --> 00:18:18,422
Chicken bone. Who knew?
536
00:18:18,423 --> 00:18:19,798
I learned it from my mom.
537
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,050
Of course you did.
538
00:18:22,051 --> 00:18:23,427
I don't know how she did it.
539
00:18:23,428 --> 00:18:24,428
Did what?
540
00:18:24,429 --> 00:18:26,054
Raise three kids.
541
00:18:26,055 --> 00:18:28,015
I mean, one's impossible.
542
00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:29,808
I thought you had it all figured out.
543
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:34,271
The truth is, I'm completely lost.
544
00:18:34,272 --> 00:18:37,107
Being a mother is so hard.
545
00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:39,943
Yeah, for all mothers, I guess.
546
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,903
When your child is being
stubborn and difficult,
547
00:18:41,904 --> 00:18:44,406
it is a pain like no other.
548
00:18:45,783 --> 00:18:47,159
Dammit.
549
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,910
I'm starting to see that now.
550
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,412
Why can't our daughters just understand
551
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:51,747
that we're trying to help them
552
00:18:51,748 --> 00:18:54,708
and make their lives easier, you know?
553
00:18:54,709 --> 00:18:56,210
One day, I think they will.
554
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,963
Sucks about the show...
555
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,923
and that we're still stuck doing this.
556
00:19:01,924 --> 00:19:04,259
I don't wanna talk about it.
557
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,261
How did an adult man
dressing in a meat costume
558
00:19:06,262 --> 00:19:10,641
go so wrong?
559
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,310
What's so funny?
560
00:19:13,311 --> 00:19:15,563
Glascott's face when he saw
all that disturbing meat.
561
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:20,275
I put kielbasa on my body.
562
00:19:20,276 --> 00:19:23,779
Man, Lucky really went to town on you.
563
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,155
I know.
564
00:19:25,156 --> 00:19:27,240
Yep, it was the kind of laugh
565
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:29,534
you could only share
with someone so close.
566
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:32,996
The kind that, to this day,
can still bring us to tears.
567
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,790
? Ooh, you make me live ?
568
00:19:34,791 --> 00:19:37,000
- Hey, Ad?
- Oh.
569
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:39,836
We got our whole lives
to live on our own.
570
00:19:39,837 --> 00:19:42,422
Maybe sharing this room
isn't the worst thing ever.
571
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,591
Yeah. We've got it pretty good.
572
00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:47,177
? I really love you ?
573
00:19:47,178 --> 00:19:48,970
Good night, pal.
574
00:19:48,971 --> 00:19:50,305
? Oh, you're my best friend ?
575
00:19:50,306 --> 00:19:51,723
Same to you.
576
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,184
Sometimes all it takes
to patch things up...
577
00:19:54,185 --> 00:19:59,481
is to lighten up.
578
00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:02,275
But then again, taking back our words
579
00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:03,985
doesn't always come easily.
580
00:20:03,986 --> 00:20:05,445
? Ooh-ooh-ooh ?
581
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:08,323
What was that for?
582
00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:12,035
Mom I'm so sorry for what I said
583
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,287
and for every time
that I pushed you away
584
00:20:14,288 --> 00:20:16,289
or called you out of touch.
585
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:20,377
So all my parenting tricks
don't make you upset?
586
00:20:20,378 --> 00:20:22,587
Oh, they do.
587
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:25,424
But they also make me
the luckiest daughter...
588
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,925
and mom... ever.
589
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,969
? Oh, you're my best friend ?
590
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,054
Moms need other moms.
591
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:32,222
They really do.
592
00:20:32,223 --> 00:20:34,474
? Ooh, you make me live ?
593
00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:36,601
When you're so close
to the people you love,
594
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:39,146
it's hard to see the bigger picture.
595
00:20:39,147 --> 00:20:41,231
The one that only comes into focus
596
00:20:41,232 --> 00:20:42,816
when you spend so much time together.
597
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:45,318
Yeah.
598
00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:47,070
? I'm happy at home ?
599
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:49,322
And we're the luckiest
when we get to do it all...
600
00:20:49,323 --> 00:20:51,032
? You're my best friend ?
601
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:54,327
... over and over again.
602
00:20:58,207 --> 00:21:00,417
- Get it while it's hot!
- Whoa!
603
00:21:00,418 --> 00:21:02,252
Big Tasty, a barbecue feast just for us?
604
00:21:02,253 --> 00:21:03,336
You know it!
605
00:21:03,337 --> 00:21:04,337
These ribs fall right off the bone.
606
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:06,006
Yeah, they do!
607
00:21:06,007 --> 00:21:07,632
Mnh. Got something stuck in my teeth.
608
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,927
Is that a clothing label?
609
00:21:10,928 --> 00:21:11,970
I... I got something, too.
610
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,138
It's a button.
611
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,806
Barry, why is it a button?
612
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:15,891
Oopsy-doopsy.
613
00:21:15,892 --> 00:21:17,267
Is all this from your meat suit?
614
00:21:17,268 --> 00:21:18,351
Of course it is!
615
00:21:18,352 --> 00:21:20,812
But you wore these meats out in the sun,
616
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:21,980
not to mention your filthy car!
617
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,773
- Can I move in now?
- Never!
618
00:21:23,774 --> 00:21:25,776
Lucky had the right idea
going for the sausage.
619
00:21:26,527 --> 00:21:31,527
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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