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During the day, my parents were fine
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00:00:03,517 --> 00:00:05,879
with us kids wandering
the streets like feral cats.
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00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,999
It was the '70s,
and there were a lot of us.
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,039
But at night, they couldn't sleep
5
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,079
until all of us were home,
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00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,539
in absolutely no danger of
being out having any fun.
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Eddie. You, me, Confession.
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- Let's go.
- I'm good.
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No. You're not.
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I'll go to Confession with you.
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Have you done anything wrong?
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No.
13
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Then how about we don't waste
Father Dunne's time.
14
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Mercy! Ow, ow.
15
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,829
See, that rough-housing
and your father's income
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is why we can't have nice things.
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00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:07,879
Oh, Mrs. Strausser.
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00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,669
Uh, listen, I gave Mike your petition
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about the new Persians
in the neighborhood,
20
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but I don't know
if he's looked at it yet.
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Well, I'm not here about that.
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But I'm going to Bakersfield for a week,
23
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and I wondered if the boys
could do a little yard work.
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Working for Mrs. Strausser was sweet.
25
00:01:19,807 --> 00:01:22,079
Mrs. Strausser's here. Ka-ching!
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Joey took his cut and then subcontracted
27
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the actual work to me and William...
28
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,579
everyone getting their beaks wet.
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00:01:26,580 --> 00:01:28,919
Hello, Mrs. Strausser.
Always such a pleasure.
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- Hello, Eddie.
- Joey.
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- Joey. Sorry.
- Oh, gosh, don't be.
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Hardly matters which one they are.
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Mrs. Strausser's going away
for a week...
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I know the drill. A little yard work...
raking, watering,
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00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,709
pull the occasional
dead squirrel from the birdbath.
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And no more bringing them home
to make into puppets.
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00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:44,919
I thought that was gonna be
a better idea than it was.
38
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,079
Now, was that $5 or $6 last time?
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00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,289
I believe you insisted on $10.
40
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:50,959
That won't be necessary, ma'am.
41
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,289
Where'd you come from? Always lurking.
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00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:56,789
- I'd be happy to do it for free.
- What the...
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I think neighbors should be neighborly,
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and a good deed is its own reward.
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He spreads it on a little thick,
46
00:02:01,170 --> 00:02:02,749
but he's saving you 10 bucks.
47
00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:04,919
That's very kind of you, Frank.
48
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,829
Thank you, ma'am.
49
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,379
Oh, and was that petition
50
00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:10,163
Persian people or Persian cats?
51
00:02:10,188 --> 00:02:11,688
It might make a difference to Mike.
52
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:15,329
Hey, d-bag,
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00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,379
thanks for screwing me over
on the Strausser job.
54
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:18,875
I'm being a decent human being.
55
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You should try it sometime.
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00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,999
Uh, pass-adena.
57
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,879
What's really going on here?
58
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,709
I don't see the upside
of doing free yard work
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for some dumb, old lady.
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00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,789
Eileen Strausser has a degree
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00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,919
in Library Science from
Cal State Fullerton.
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00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,079
We should all be so dumb.
63
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,580
It's very upsetting you know all that.
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00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:39,079
She makes a nice sun tea.
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00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,620
We talk.
66
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,879
You notice how I ease down when I stop?
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00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,669
It's less wear on the brake shoes...
68
00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:49,539
instead of stomping on them like an ape
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the way you kids do.
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00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,227
I see.
71
00:02:52,266 --> 00:02:54,389
- I'll definitely try to...
- I was your age once, too, you know.
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00:02:54,414 --> 00:02:56,789
Also interested in the company of girls.
73
00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:58,619
It's a normal, built-in thing.
74
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:01,119
Hmm. But 3:00 a.m.?
75
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,789
- Dad, Wendi and I haven't...
- I don't want to know.
76
00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:04,119
That nonsense is between
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00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,419
you and Father Dunne
in the confessional.
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00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,959
It's the value I get
for my donation plate dollar.
79
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,209
Talk it through with a priest...
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00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:13,879
like you would any other sin.
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00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,619
Just like you'd have
to confess it if, say,
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00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:18,079
you stole or you murdered
or you, I don't know,
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00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,669
walked into Parson's Pharmacy today,
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00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:23,039
bought a pack of condoms.
85
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,249
All those things...
stealing, murder, rubbers...
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00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,919
all mortal sins,
87
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:31,119
equally condemned by me and by God.
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00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,709
They keep them behind the counter,
89
00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:35,119
so you have to ask the guy.
90
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,879
But it's wrong.
91
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,329
Can't emphasize that enough.
92
00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:42,114
Wrong and behind the counter.
93
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,709
Bottom line...
you get in the confessional
94
00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:50,119
and you spill your guts.
95
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,459
Clean slate.
96
00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:52,829
That's why Jesus died...
97
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,039
so the Catholics get do-overs.
98
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,919
How about that?
99
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,579
Parson's Pharmacy is just a block away.
100
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:00,709
Huh.
101
00:04:05,146 --> 00:04:06,475
Look here.
102
00:04:06,578 --> 00:04:09,086
Marmaduke dragged spaghetti
all over the house,
103
00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:10,613
once again affirming my decision
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00:04:10,614 --> 00:04:12,273
that we do not want a dog.
105
00:04:12,274 --> 00:04:13,403
Did you make a note of what time
106
00:04:13,404 --> 00:04:14,782
our son got home last night?
107
00:04:14,807 --> 00:04:16,659
I have eight sons.
108
00:04:16,694 --> 00:04:17,983
It's so real when I say it.
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00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,403
Eddie, the one with a girlfriend.
110
00:04:19,404 --> 00:04:20,943
No one cares how late Pat stays out
111
00:04:20,944 --> 00:04:21,983
trying to make friends with that possum.
112
00:04:21,984 --> 00:04:23,313
We need to clamp down on Eddie.
113
00:04:23,314 --> 00:04:24,903
I dealt with him on that.
114
00:04:24,904 --> 00:04:26,193
You dealt with him?
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00:04:26,194 --> 00:04:27,403
Yeah. I know what time he came home.
116
00:04:27,404 --> 00:04:29,023
We talked. It's been handled.
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My father had been very pleased
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00:04:30,274 --> 00:04:31,813
with his delicate handling of Eddie.
119
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,903
But he knew if my mom found out
what he told Eddie,
120
00:04:33,904 --> 00:04:35,903
she would not share his enthusiasm.
121
00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:37,313
You're sure you said enough?
122
00:04:37,314 --> 00:04:40,153
I said the exact right number of words.
123
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,233
You're gonna have to give me
124
00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:42,773
some latitude on this one, Peg.
125
00:04:42,774 --> 00:04:43,903
It's not the kind of thing
126
00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,193
where a boy wants to include his mom.
127
00:04:45,194 --> 00:04:48,233
Guys, come on! I'm coming up!
128
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,363
Pat! Get down from there!
129
00:04:51,364 --> 00:04:52,573
You're gonna break your neck!
130
00:04:52,574 --> 00:04:55,072
You'll get a wheelchair for Christmas
instead of a Big Wheel.
131
00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:56,546
I'm getting a Big Wheel?
132
00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:58,411
No! Now get down!
133
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,589
Let the boy climb a tree, Peg.
134
00:05:01,614 --> 00:05:04,273
- He'll fall.
- And survive and learn something.
135
00:05:04,274 --> 00:05:06,233
- That's how it works with boys and trees.
- Oh.
136
00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:08,613
One falls out of the other
and everybody ends up fine.
137
00:05:08,614 --> 00:05:09,693
Is that what you said to Eddie, too?
138
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:11,073
It's okay if he falls off Wendi?
139
00:05:11,074 --> 00:05:12,443
I gave him enough facts
140
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:14,073
so he could work things out for himself.
141
00:05:14,074 --> 00:05:16,273
You trust Eddie to work things out?
142
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,613
He's the most like Marmaduke
of all our sons.
143
00:05:18,614 --> 00:05:20,813
Why read the comics if you're
not gonna learn from them?
144
00:05:20,814 --> 00:05:22,364
It's better than babying them
like you do.
145
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:24,102
- Oh.
- This crazy new fad
146
00:05:24,126 --> 00:05:25,741
of supervising your kids?
147
00:05:25,774 --> 00:05:26,943
I want these boys leaving this house,
148
00:05:26,944 --> 00:05:28,573
standing on their own two feet,
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00:05:28,574 --> 00:05:31,113
in their own two shoes
that I won't have to pay for.
150
00:05:31,114 --> 00:05:32,813
I saw this "ABC After School Special"
151
00:05:32,814 --> 00:05:34,193
on ABC after school one day,
152
00:05:34,194 --> 00:05:35,653
and this handsome, young couple
153
00:05:35,654 --> 00:05:37,693
had to give up their dream
of being an ice dancing team
154
00:05:37,694 --> 00:05:40,233
because she was skating for two.
155
00:05:40,234 --> 00:05:42,773
That won't happen,
not with Eddie's weak ankles.
156
00:05:42,774 --> 00:05:44,273
He can't skate worth crap.
157
00:05:44,274 --> 00:05:46,693
They ended up in a trailer park in Iowa!
158
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,113
Now, what did you say to Eddie?
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00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,363
I said enough, Peg.
160
00:05:50,364 --> 00:05:52,023
Now leave it alone.
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00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:53,273
It's been handled.
162
00:05:53,274 --> 00:05:55,073
My dad laid down the law.
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00:05:55,074 --> 00:05:56,443
He made it very clear he didn't want her
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00:05:56,444 --> 00:05:57,693
discussing this topic with Eddie...
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...but he didn't say anything
about Eddie's girlfriend.
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00:06:01,984 --> 00:06:04,073
Wendi.
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00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:05,733
How nice to see you.
168
00:06:05,734 --> 00:06:07,233
Come on in.
169
00:06:11,944 --> 00:06:13,443
Why's he doing this?
170
00:06:13,444 --> 00:06:15,443
It's like a billion degrees out there.
171
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Who's he trying to impress?
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00:06:17,024 --> 00:06:18,863
Mom was there when he took the job.
173
00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:20,313
Maybe Frank's sucking up to Mom.
174
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,903
- What does that get him?
- Love.
175
00:06:21,904 --> 00:06:23,573
Pfft. That's dumb.
176
00:06:23,574 --> 00:06:25,483
Mom has to love us no matter what.
177
00:06:25,484 --> 00:06:27,483
Dad, too. We've got them over a barrel.
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00:06:27,484 --> 00:06:30,193
Maybe it's because of
Father Dunne's sermon on Sunday.
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00:06:30,194 --> 00:06:32,273
No idea. I was busy playing pew-footsie
180
00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:33,943
with Kathy Petrillo.
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00:06:33,944 --> 00:06:35,903
It was about how God is impressed
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by selfless acts of kindness.
183
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,773
Maybe Frank is doing a pure, good deed.
184
00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,573
Not buying it. He's got an angle.
185
00:06:42,574 --> 00:06:45,273
- But Father Dunne said...
- Dunne probably has an angle, too.
186
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,943
Either way, you guys
should be freaking out.
187
00:06:46,944 --> 00:06:49,863
Uh, what if this whole
working-for-free scam catches on?
188
00:06:49,864 --> 00:06:51,863
Everybody helping everybody.
189
00:06:51,864 --> 00:06:53,007
What kind of a world is that?
190
00:06:53,032 --> 00:06:54,573
- A utopia?
- Exactly!
191
00:06:54,574 --> 00:06:56,573
It screws up things for all of us.
192
00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:57,943
Timmy, how would you like it
193
00:06:57,944 --> 00:06:59,363
if Frank put on free puppet shows?
194
00:06:59,364 --> 00:07:02,313
He doesn't have the imagination
or the dexterity.
195
00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:05,193
But parents are cheap,
so if he doesn't charge,
196
00:07:05,194 --> 00:07:06,612
there goes the money
for your tap dance lessons.
197
00:07:06,637 --> 00:07:09,073
- I need those!
- You think Frank cares?
198
00:07:09,074 --> 00:07:11,198
He's not a friend of musical theater.
199
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,273
And what about you?
200
00:07:12,274 --> 00:07:14,023
What if one of those
stupid books you like comes out
201
00:07:14,024 --> 00:07:14,984
and you can't afford to buy it?
202
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:16,523
The library is free.
203
00:07:16,524 --> 00:07:18,363
The library is disgusting.
204
00:07:18,364 --> 00:07:20,193
It's where books go to get boogered.
205
00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:21,813
I try to pretend those are insects.
206
00:07:21,814 --> 00:07:23,733
We need our neighborhood chore money.
207
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,233
And the bottom will fall out
of that economy
208
00:07:25,234 --> 00:07:26,613
if we don't stop Frank.
209
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:27,813
So who's with me?
210
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:28,983
- I'm in!
- Me, too!
211
00:07:28,984 --> 00:07:31,153
I like the enthusiasm.
212
00:07:31,154 --> 00:07:32,984
I might have a couple
of side projects for you.
213
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,233
Another date with Wendi?
214
00:07:36,234 --> 00:07:37,573
Her folks are out of town.
215
00:07:37,574 --> 00:07:39,023
We've got the place to ourselves.
216
00:07:39,024 --> 00:07:40,363
Pretty sure I'm gonna get lucky.
217
00:07:40,364 --> 00:07:42,233
"Lucky"? Wow.
218
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:43,773
It's not the most enlightened attitude.
219
00:07:43,774 --> 00:07:44,813
This is a girl you care about, man,
220
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,363
not a blackjack table.
221
00:07:46,364 --> 00:07:49,363
I meant I just feel lucky
to be dating her.
222
00:07:49,364 --> 00:07:50,573
You were talking about sex.
223
00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:52,733
Whoa! Nice talk, seminarian.
224
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:55,113
- You take Communion with that mouth?
- It's a new day, man.
225
00:07:55,114 --> 00:07:57,573
You know, we need to start being
more open about sexuality.
226
00:07:57,574 --> 00:07:59,653
Now you just made the word longer.
227
00:07:59,654 --> 00:08:02,193
Have you even consulted Wendi
about your plans for tonight?
228
00:08:02,194 --> 00:08:03,863
No. We don't talk about that stuff.
229
00:08:03,864 --> 00:08:05,903
- She's a nice girl.
- That's old thinking, man.
230
00:08:05,904 --> 00:08:07,653
You don't want to be all uptight
like Mom and Dad.
231
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,363
You keep it real with Wendi,
232
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,023
it's gonna make your connection
that much deeper
233
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,863
- when the two of you...
- Please don't say it.
234
00:08:12,864 --> 00:08:15,113
I was just gonna say "make love."
235
00:08:15,114 --> 00:08:18,023
Ugh, that's the worst one of all.
236
00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:20,733
And now I add the flavor packet.
237
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,023
Of course, you won't have
to learn all this, college girl.
238
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,863
You'll have fancy maids sprinkling
239
00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:26,233
your flavor packets for you.
240
00:08:26,234 --> 00:08:28,113
Well, I am hoping to have a career.
241
00:08:28,114 --> 00:08:30,193
Don't let anything derail that, dear.
242
00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:31,943
Hate to see you make a shameful mistake
243
00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,903
and end up in some trailer park in Iowa.
244
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,733
What? Why am I in Iowa?
245
00:08:35,734 --> 00:08:38,238
Exactly what Pamela Sue Martin
said in "Dancing On Thin Ice."
246
00:08:38,263 --> 00:08:39,403
Who on Earth
247
00:08:39,404 --> 00:08:41,193
would be calling me right now?
248
00:08:46,074 --> 00:08:47,153
Uh, Wendi.
249
00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:49,813
Uh, Eddie and I were
just talking about you.
250
00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:51,023
I mean, nothing in particular,
251
00:08:51,024 --> 00:08:54,701
just... life in all its wonders.
252
00:08:54,774 --> 00:08:55,944
Put 'er there.
253
00:08:58,984 --> 00:09:00,153
Uh...
254
00:09:00,154 --> 00:09:01,273
Cleary residence.
255
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,523
Mrs. Cleary, Bob Parson.
Parson's Pharmacy.
256
00:09:03,524 --> 00:09:04,573
Oh, hello, Bob.
257
00:09:04,574 --> 00:09:05,813
I just thought you might be interested
258
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:07,773
that... your son Eddie came in today.
259
00:09:07,774 --> 00:09:10,153
And he purchased...
260
00:09:10,154 --> 00:09:13,233
Really? I see.
261
00:09:13,234 --> 00:09:15,813
He bought Binaca, too,
so connect those dots.
262
00:09:15,814 --> 00:09:17,693
Uh, plus a Mars bar...
263
00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:19,193
I'm not sure yet how that factors in.
264
00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:20,863
I'll take it from here. Thank you.
265
00:09:22,444 --> 00:09:26,733
So... what do you and Eddie
have planned for tonight?
266
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,113
Uh, nothing special.
267
00:09:28,114 --> 00:09:29,233
Well, that's ideal
268
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:31,443
'cause I've suddenly got
an extra $9 ticket
269
00:09:31,444 --> 00:09:32,983
to the church fashion show.
270
00:09:32,984 --> 00:09:34,653
It's for spina bifida. Should be fun.
271
00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:35,654
Oh, you're here.
272
00:09:35,654 --> 00:09:36,654
Yeah. Hey.
273
00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:39,023
We've just been having
gobs of fun without ya.
274
00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:41,113
It's like, "Who needs Eddie?" Not us.
275
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,573
I'm so glad you brought this one home.
276
00:09:42,574 --> 00:09:43,943
She's like the daughter I always wanted
277
00:09:43,944 --> 00:09:46,313
who made it to full term.
278
00:09:46,314 --> 00:09:49,273
So, what exactly did you have
planned for her tonight?
279
00:09:49,274 --> 00:09:50,773
Bowling?
280
00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:53,073
Bowling? That's dumb.
281
00:09:53,074 --> 00:09:55,153
We're going to the fashion show instead.
282
00:09:55,271 --> 00:09:57,314
That's awfully minty breath for bowling.
283
00:10:01,066 --> 00:10:03,308
Was Frank really working
so hard for Mrs. Strausser
284
00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:04,933
just to be a good person?
285
00:10:04,964 --> 00:10:06,810
His only reward some small talk
286
00:10:06,811 --> 00:10:09,089
while sipping sun tea
with a retired librarian?
287
00:10:09,136 --> 00:10:10,640
Who's to say?
288
00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:12,249
Not in a pile.
289
00:10:12,274 --> 00:10:13,353
Kick 'em around.
290
00:10:13,378 --> 00:10:15,060
The possibility so offended Joey
291
00:10:15,061 --> 00:10:16,767
that he decided to sabotage him.
292
00:10:16,792 --> 00:10:18,140
Where's William?
293
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:19,510
I don't think he's coming.
294
00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:22,272
Pat, you've been promoted
to spreading dog poo.
295
00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:25,100
Yay!
296
00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,890
You got all of this from dogs?
297
00:10:27,891 --> 00:10:29,850
Mostly.
298
00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:32,850
♪ She's a lady ♪
299
00:10:32,918 --> 00:10:34,516
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
300
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,097
♪ She's a lady ♪
301
00:10:36,141 --> 00:10:38,140
That pantsuit is so chic.
302
00:10:38,141 --> 00:10:39,470
She looks like the Charlie girl.
303
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,720
I'm not so sure about these hemlines.
304
00:10:41,721 --> 00:10:45,140
Why buy the cow if the cow
is dressed like a strumpet?
305
00:10:45,141 --> 00:10:47,220
It's fun, if the girl feels confident.
306
00:10:47,221 --> 00:10:48,390
She'd have to feel confident
307
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:50,220
that she's wearing clean underpants.
308
00:10:50,221 --> 00:10:51,890
And those platform shoes...
309
00:10:51,891 --> 00:10:53,510
I enjoy being as tall as Eddie.
310
00:10:53,511 --> 00:10:56,180
But teetering around
on crazy circus shoes
311
00:10:56,181 --> 00:10:58,560
seems unnecessarily risky
for young girls.
312
00:10:58,561 --> 00:11:01,180
Almost as risky as having
pre-marital relations.
313
00:11:01,181 --> 00:11:02,970
Well, now that you've got us
talking about that...
314
00:11:02,971 --> 00:11:04,601
are you fornicating with my Eddie?
315
00:11:06,221 --> 00:11:10,100
Wow. Uh, I was really enjoying
talking about shoes.
316
00:11:10,101 --> 00:11:12,560
Mrs. Cleary, uh, Eddie and I
317
00:11:12,561 --> 00:11:16,390
have never done any of that
and we have no plans to.
318
00:11:16,391 --> 00:11:18,810
You may not have plans to,
honey, but he does.
319
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,810
Intimate relations is
this irrational drive with men.
320
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,390
They use it to feel less alone,
321
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,640
and so they can pretend to be part
322
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:26,180
of this whole creating-life thing,
323
00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:27,390
which we basically do without them.
324
00:11:27,391 --> 00:11:30,270
I like that poncho.
I'd wear that. Mm-hmm.
325
00:11:30,271 --> 00:11:35,060
I think "intimate relations"
can be a drive for women, too.
326
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,180
Not a drive I plan to do anything about
327
00:11:37,181 --> 00:11:38,850
until I'm in a committed relationship.
328
00:11:38,851 --> 00:11:40,600
You mean the Sacrament of Marriage.
329
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,810
Anything less is just trying
to pull a fast one on Jesus.
330
00:11:42,811 --> 00:11:44,600
Plus, you don't get the tax benefits.
331
00:11:44,601 --> 00:11:46,600
But I don't like this notion
that all men
332
00:11:46,601 --> 00:11:48,350
are just trying to get something,
333
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:50,180
and it's our job to resist.
334
00:11:50,181 --> 00:11:51,680
That's how it's always been.
335
00:11:51,681 --> 00:11:53,600
Men like making the first move.
336
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,350
Women should also feel comfortable
337
00:12:10,351 --> 00:12:11,770
asking for what they want.
338
00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:13,220
After marriage.
339
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:15,850
That's certainly a very 1970s idea.
340
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:18,930
Well, it is the 1970s.
341
00:12:18,931 --> 00:12:20,010
I suppose.
342
00:12:20,011 --> 00:12:21,270
Things are changing.
343
00:12:21,271 --> 00:12:23,180
That's good for women like us.
344
00:12:23,181 --> 00:12:28,430
I guess I could be more open to change.
345
00:12:30,891 --> 00:12:32,010
I'm home.
346
00:12:32,011 --> 00:12:34,850
Hey.
347
00:12:34,851 --> 00:12:36,220
What's going on?
348
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,720
Watching Johnny.
349
00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:40,140
Really funny "Carnac" tonight.
350
00:12:40,141 --> 00:12:41,850
"You are correct, sir!"
351
00:12:44,601 --> 00:12:46,325
I was thinking maybe we should...
352
00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:48,796
- ...Don Rickles.
- ...go to bed early.
353
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,350
Oh, you go ahead. Rickles is coming up,
354
00:12:50,351 --> 00:12:52,680
and then, uh, Sammy Davis Jr. after.
355
00:12:52,681 --> 00:12:54,560
So, you know.
356
00:12:54,561 --> 00:12:56,510
Mm.
357
00:13:27,351 --> 00:13:29,430
Guys, I saw Frank heading over
to Strausser's place.
358
00:13:29,431 --> 00:13:30,810
When he sees what we did last night,
359
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:32,430
he's gonna drop a load.
360
00:13:32,431 --> 00:13:34,470
I might need a new grocery bag.
361
00:13:34,471 --> 00:13:38,010
I even threw some poo
over the fence into our yard.
362
00:13:38,011 --> 00:13:40,060
You really don't get this, do you?
363
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:41,640
I don't, but I love it!
364
00:13:41,641 --> 00:13:43,431
You guys are my best friends!
365
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:46,560
Did you wash your hands?
366
00:13:50,511 --> 00:13:52,270
We ran out of bacon,
367
00:13:52,271 --> 00:13:54,390
so I dipped some jerky in syrup.
368
00:13:54,391 --> 00:13:55,930
I think I invented a thing.
369
00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:59,220
Hey, uh... about last night.
370
00:13:59,221 --> 00:14:02,810
You know, you wanting to...
371
00:14:02,811 --> 00:14:05,060
- Are you complaining?
- No.
372
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,810
Uh, heck no.
373
00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:08,680
I-I... It's just new.
374
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,510
We usually don't do "new."
375
00:14:11,511 --> 00:14:13,640
Well, you like your new maple jerky,
376
00:14:13,641 --> 00:14:14,771
don't ya?
377
00:14:16,891 --> 00:14:18,470
It's a little scary.
378
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,600
- Hey.
- Hey.
379
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,680
I'm sorry about last night...
380
00:14:29,681 --> 00:14:31,310
me going off with your mom.
381
00:14:31,311 --> 00:14:33,560
I don't know. Maybe it was for the best.
382
00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:35,180
I was talking about you and me
with Lawrence...
383
00:14:35,181 --> 00:14:37,100
What about "you and me"?
384
00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:39,010
I had been cooking up
all these plans in my head
385
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:44,310
about you and me having,
you know, s-e-x,
386
00:14:44,311 --> 00:14:46,560
but it hadn't even occurred
to me to talk to you.
387
00:14:46,561 --> 00:14:49,010
Well, if you keep spelling out
the naughty words,
388
00:14:49,011 --> 00:14:51,220
it might be a very long talk.
389
00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:55,060
I guess I'm just curious
what in particular
390
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,680
aroused your interest.
391
00:14:56,681 --> 00:14:58,640
Is it because I asked
about your day earlier?
392
00:14:58,641 --> 00:15:01,890
Because I could do that more often.
393
00:15:01,891 --> 00:15:04,680
Just been thinking about how
things are changing for women.
394
00:15:04,681 --> 00:15:07,220
And some of it's good...
running marathons
395
00:15:07,221 --> 00:15:09,600
and having our own brand of cigarettes.
396
00:15:09,601 --> 00:15:11,930
- Hmm.
- But it was also something Wendi said.
397
00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:13,310
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
398
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:14,560
you're talking to Eddie's girlfriend
399
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,786
about our s-e-x activities?
400
00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:19,350
Wendi is a very smart,
modern young woman.
401
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:20,889
If she's smart,
what's she doing with Eddie?
402
00:15:22,971 --> 00:15:24,180
Hmm.
403
00:15:24,181 --> 00:15:26,350
Maybe me messing up like this
404
00:15:26,351 --> 00:15:28,140
is an indication
that we just aren't ready yet.
405
00:15:28,165 --> 00:15:31,756
Maybe. Or... maybe not.
406
00:15:32,811 --> 00:15:34,390
What do you mean?
407
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,060
I was also thinking we weren't ready.
408
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,640
I was waiting to feel respected...
409
00:15:38,641 --> 00:15:40,470
waiting for you to grow up,
410
00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,310
which now that we've
talked it through a bit,
411
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:43,680
maybe you have.
412
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:44,681
Oh, I've definitely grown up.
413
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:45,770
I've grown up so much,
414
00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:47,180
I already hate all the music
415
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:49,317
these kids are listening to these days.
It's just noise.
416
00:15:52,391 --> 00:15:54,430
There he is.
417
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,163
It's happening. It's happening!
418
00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:58,390
What the...
419
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,180
Oh, here come the waterworks!
420
00:16:00,181 --> 00:16:01,721
I almost feel bad for him.
421
00:16:04,601 --> 00:16:06,890
Wait. What's he doing?
422
00:16:06,891 --> 00:16:08,680
He's just going back to work.
423
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,890
But where's the tears?
424
00:16:10,891 --> 00:16:12,430
Where's the rage?!
425
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:14,850
It's like when the Whos
down in Whoville still sang
426
00:16:14,851 --> 00:16:16,270
even though they didn't get presents.
427
00:16:16,271 --> 00:16:17,770
Well, I'm not done yet.
428
00:16:17,771 --> 00:16:19,181
Wait for it...
429
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,140
Whoa!
430
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,181
Bull's-eye!
431
00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:28,720
William?!
432
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,270
What is going on?
433
00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:31,970
You good?
434
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:33,390
Yeah. Thanks, buddy.
435
00:16:33,391 --> 00:16:34,391
Joey stood and he watched,
436
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:36,850
not knowing what to do
437
00:16:36,851 --> 00:16:40,510
as his brothers raked leaves
and great piles of poo.
438
00:16:40,511 --> 00:16:43,220
Then a sound rose up
from the yard down below.
439
00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:45,770
It started in low,
then it started to grow...
440
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:50,770
♪ Strausser's yard work,
Strausser's yard work ♪
441
00:16:50,771 --> 00:16:53,430
♪ Welcome hard work ♪
442
00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:55,483
♪ Do all day ♪
443
00:16:57,181 --> 00:17:00,010
♪ Strausser's yard work ♪
444
00:17:00,011 --> 00:17:02,560
♪ Strausser's yard work ♪
445
00:17:02,561 --> 00:17:06,640
♪ Welcome hard work for no pay ♪
446
00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:09,140
Up in his tree house,
Joey puzzled and puzzed.
447
00:17:09,141 --> 00:17:11,720
He just couldn't fathom
why Frank did what he does-ed.
448
00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:16,470
♪ Welcome, welcome,
yard work, hard work ♪
449
00:17:16,471 --> 00:17:20,510
♪ Raking leaves will be our task ♪
450
00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:26,060
♪ As long as we have rakes to grasp ♪
451
00:17:26,061 --> 00:17:28,720
Then Joey thought a new thought
he hadn't before.
452
00:17:28,721 --> 00:17:31,100
Maybe it was a good feeling
Frank got from this chore.
453
00:17:31,101 --> 00:17:34,140
The kind of good feeling
you can't buy from a store.
454
00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:36,560
Guess Frank really was just
doing that out of kindness.
455
00:17:36,561 --> 00:17:38,720
Plus, I suppose
it's like Father Dunne said...
456
00:17:38,721 --> 00:17:40,350
good deeds help eliminate
temporal punishment.
457
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:43,292
♪ As long as we have rakes to grasp ♪
458
00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:44,600
What's that?
459
00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:47,510
Well, selfless deeds
help reduce the amount of time
460
00:17:47,511 --> 00:17:49,680
you have to spend in purgatory
after you die.
461
00:17:49,681 --> 00:17:51,475
The more good deeds, the quicker
you get into Heaven.
462
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,710
And what happened then?
463
00:17:52,735 --> 00:17:54,600
Well, at our house they say
464
00:17:54,601 --> 00:17:58,310
Joey's tiny heart
shrunk three sizes that day.
465
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,715
- So that's his angle.
- ♪ Yard work, hard work... ♪
466
00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:03,770
This bum is scamming
to get into Heaven before me.
467
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:06,140
I'll be cooling my heels in purgatory
468
00:18:06,141 --> 00:18:08,343
while he's tossing a football
with Abe Lincoln?!
469
00:18:08,368 --> 00:18:09,571
No way.
470
00:18:09,596 --> 00:18:10,720
Lemons!
471
00:18:10,721 --> 00:18:12,770
♪ Hard work, yard work ♪
472
00:18:12,771 --> 00:18:14,100
♪ Wel... ♪
473
00:18:14,101 --> 00:18:15,560
Wh...
474
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,220
- Nice!
- Keep 'em coming.
475
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,430
- You got it, boss!
- Ah.
476
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,600
Take cover!
477
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:20,930
Nice!
478
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,180
Clean up those lemons, Frank!
479
00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:23,220
Take that, Frank!
480
00:18:23,221 --> 00:18:25,010
- Good shot!
- Eat it!
481
00:18:25,011 --> 00:18:26,970
Cut it out, Joey! I see you!
482
00:18:26,971 --> 00:18:28,970
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Ohh!
483
00:18:28,971 --> 00:18:30,010
- Nice!
- Nailed it!
484
00:18:30,011 --> 00:18:32,060
Alright, that tears it!
485
00:18:34,641 --> 00:18:37,720
Oh, no! She bought that during
a sabbatical in Santa Fe!
486
00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:40,010
Why do you know these things?!
487
00:18:40,011 --> 00:18:42,060
You guys are all dead!
488
00:18:42,061 --> 00:18:43,916
He's coming. Crap!
489
00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:45,311
Let's get out of here!
490
00:18:51,101 --> 00:18:52,600
I wasn't talking to Wendi about us.
491
00:18:52,601 --> 00:18:53,935
It was about things
she's doing with Eddie.
492
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,441
Damn it! I told you that
Eddie business was handled.
493
00:18:56,466 --> 00:18:57,941
Why couldn't you keep
your nose out of it?
494
00:18:57,966 --> 00:18:59,060
Because it wasn't handled.
495
00:18:59,061 --> 00:19:01,060
Did you know he bought rubbers?
496
00:19:01,061 --> 00:19:04,310
Yes. I gave him some information
in that area,
497
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,510
but I sent him to Confession after,
498
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,100
so it's like it never happened.
499
00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:08,470
Great, now Father Dunne
will know I failed
500
00:19:08,471 --> 00:19:09,930
and stink-eye me from the altar.
501
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,560
Like it or not, he's a teenage boy.
502
00:19:11,561 --> 00:19:13,180
We have to let him
work stuff out for himself.
503
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:14,850
Teenage boys are idiots, Mike,
504
00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:16,310
and Eddie's not even cream of that crop.
505
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,250
Help!
506
00:19:23,209 --> 00:19:25,350
Alright, Pat. You're okay.
507
00:19:25,351 --> 00:19:27,560
- I'll catch you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
508
00:19:27,561 --> 00:19:29,310
What happened to letting them
work things out for themselves?
509
00:19:29,311 --> 00:19:30,613
- That doesn't apply to this.
- Sure.
510
00:19:30,638 --> 00:19:31,746
I "gave him the information"
511
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,090
not to climb up there, remember?
512
00:19:33,115 --> 00:19:34,510
Now, according to your thinking,
513
00:19:34,511 --> 00:19:36,270
- let things play out.
- This is different.
514
00:19:36,271 --> 00:19:38,350
Eddie's 18. He can handle more.
515
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,640
- But Eddie's consequences are worse.
- Are you kidding?!
516
00:19:40,641 --> 00:19:42,854
From that height, Pat could
break his legs or even die.
517
00:19:42,879 --> 00:19:44,060
I could die?!
518
00:19:44,061 --> 00:19:45,470
Mind your own business! Adults talking.
519
00:19:45,471 --> 00:19:47,430
Honey, you're a great mom,
520
00:19:47,431 --> 00:19:48,799
and you want to protect your kids...
521
00:19:48,824 --> 00:19:50,244
I'm slipping!
522
00:19:50,269 --> 00:19:51,430
What did I say?
523
00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:54,140
...but it has to be case-by-case.
524
00:19:54,141 --> 00:19:55,930
Sometimes, maybe we do weigh in,
525
00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:57,680
and sometimes, we have
to let these idiots
526
00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,510
make the dumb decisions
they're going to make
527
00:19:59,511 --> 00:20:01,482
and just hope for Divine providence.
528
00:20:04,181 --> 00:20:05,938
Okay.
529
00:20:06,061 --> 00:20:07,399
That makes sense.
530
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:08,547
What?
531
00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:10,310
Really?
532
00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:11,510
You mean I won one?
533
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,227
- You convinced me.
- Wow.
534
00:20:14,311 --> 00:20:17,446
With this and last night,
you're full of surprises.
535
00:20:19,221 --> 00:20:20,600
What did I tell you
about going up there?
536
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:22,100
- Sorry.
- You could've broken your neck,
537
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:23,482
and then how would you
walk around Disneyland?
538
00:20:23,507 --> 00:20:24,926
We're going to Disneyland?!
539
00:20:24,951 --> 00:20:26,694
No.
540
00:20:31,156 --> 00:20:32,945
What was all that crying
and yelling about earlier?
541
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:35,383
Oh, the kids were whipping
snakes at each other.
542
00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:36,705
Again?
543
00:20:36,706 --> 00:20:39,825
Where do they keep getting...
Never mind.
544
00:20:39,826 --> 00:20:41,535
Snakes weren't poisonous, I don't think,
545
00:20:41,536 --> 00:20:44,455
so I stayed out of it.
546
00:20:44,456 --> 00:20:47,876
Like I said, Peg, you're a great mom.
547
00:20:49,956 --> 00:20:51,915
Can Scope handle your bad breath?
548
00:20:51,916 --> 00:20:53,915
Watch out, honey. Morning breath.
549
00:20:53,916 --> 00:20:54,916
Try my Scope!
550
00:20:56,286 --> 00:20:58,585
Mmm. Minty.
551
00:21:00,746 --> 00:21:02,375
Scope mouthwash tackles
morning breath...
552
00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:04,455
the worst breath of the day.
553
00:21:04,456 --> 00:21:05,707
- You wanna turn in?
- Sure.
554
00:21:11,844 --> 00:21:16,844
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
40590
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