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1
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,997
Santa?
2
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:44,838
Holy crap, Boyd. What the hell
you doing back there, buddy?
3
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,406
Waiting on Santa Claus?
4
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,842
Aren't you getting a little
old for Santa Claus?
5
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,177
I'm five.
6
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,946
It's all a sham, Boyd.
The whole Goddamn deal.
7
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,515
I'm the only Santa
you're ever gonna know.
8
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,385
If you know the truth,
it's easy to get through it all.
9
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:01,455
In fact, let's see
what he brought you.
10
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,658
Meet my father, Mitch Mitchler.
11
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,494
All we need is a couple
of Chinese workers.
12
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,061
He was a little bit complicated.
13
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,577
Maybe I was destined to become
an overcompensator as a dad,
14
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:27,181
Christmas being the most
obvious manifestation of that.
15
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,947
Alright, here we go.
Okay, lean in, everyone.
16
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:33,725
I'm also a realist. I can't
control everything...
17
00:02:33,826 --> 00:02:36,757
- the weather, for instance.
- Look Dad, it's snowing!
18
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,694
- Well, Bug, that's actually fake snow.
- Because of global warming.
19
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:45,565
The warmest winter on record in the
Midwest assured a non-white Christmas.
20
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,402
The bigger issue by far,
was the Santa conundrum.
21
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,439
Vera was very much on
the fence, Santa-wise.
22
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,675
But Douglas still believed.
23
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,576
Dad, why are there two Santas?
24
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,978
But for how much longer?
25
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,755
That guy's not Santa, Bug.
He probably smells like pee
26
00:03:00,856 --> 00:03:02,716
and burnt hair because
he's a welfare person.
27
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,416
- Vera!
- Santa's not real anyway.
28
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:08,288
Santa's not real, Dad?
29
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:12,425
Of course Santa's real.
No one's not real.
30
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,927
Everyone's real, including Santa.
31
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,867
Vera, a word please.
32
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,703
Whatever you think you know,
Vera, you don't.
33
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,972
Most kids in my class don't
believe in Santa anymore.
34
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,575
But Madison and me...
I mean Madison and I,
35
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,478
we kinda still did,
except that Madison's sister,
36
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,682
the one who did the BJ to this kid...
37
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:38,084
Vera, you don't actually
know what the B...
38
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,106
- what that expression means, do you?
- It stands for butt jam,
39
00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:44,658
and I think it has to do with jamming
stuff up your butt for money,
40
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:48,295
but anyway, Madison's sister,
she showed us this website, nosanta.org.
41
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,664
Well, Madison's sister is a
deceitful little strumpet.
42
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:55,235
What Dad means is that it's okay for you
to decide about Santa, but Douglas...
43
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,571
He absolutely believes.
44
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,707
And we won't want to do anything
to spoil Christmas for him, right?
45
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:05,078
Oh, right, I won't spoil
it for Bug, Dad. Sorry.
46
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,178
Thank you.
47
00:04:11,216 --> 00:04:14,287
You are a very kind and
generous young man.
48
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:20,260
And you are going to have a very
merry and special Christmas.
49
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,860
Oh ho ho ho!
50
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,270
Hey, you wanna...
51
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:38,812
I wasn't gonna ask if you wanna
smoke meth or kill a drifter.
52
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:44,050
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
I just... I'm exhausted.
53
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:46,686
I'm with you. I just
thought I should ask.
54
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,822
One day we're gonna have to, right?
55
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:52,823
Or, we could just enjoy the
slow descent into celibacy.
56
00:04:57,663 --> 00:05:00,600
How many years do
you think Bug has left
57
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:05,104
where he walks into the living
room Christmas morning,
58
00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:07,307
he sees the tree,
59
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,876
and presents, his stomach just drops,
60
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,478
because holy crap, Santa came?
61
00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:21,752
Can you imagine still having
that kind of belief in magic?
62
00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:25,225
Yeah, it's really cool.
63
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:29,696
Do you think you're overcompensating
64
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:33,800
- on the Christmas thing, just a tad?
- Overcompens... on the Christmas thing?
65
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,703
No! I don't think that at all.
He's six years old.
66
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,107
- Okay, this is your brother, again.
- Pass.
67
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,309
You can't keep pretending
your family doesn't exist.
68
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,244
I'm pretty sure I can.
69
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,245
Come on babe, take the call,
before it wakes the kids up.
70
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:51,585
Hi, Nelson.
71
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,254
- Whoa, that is spooky.
- How'd you know it was me?
72
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,489
We have caller ID,
so your number comes up.
73
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,892
Just right there on the phone?
74
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,894
Boy, that is something.
I gotta look into that.
75
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,796
- You know, that's a miracle of science.
- Yeah, you bet.
76
00:06:04,096 --> 00:06:06,164
Hold on one sec, Boyd.
77
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:12,105
Sorry to call you so late by the way.
Is it night time where you are, too?
78
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,407
No, it's 10 here too,
because Chicago and Wisconsin-
79
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:17,744
What is in the same time zone!
80
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,046
Yeah, we're in the same time zone.
81
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:23,383
I don't know if you caught that,
I said it like Jeopardy.
82
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,185
So what do you need?
83
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,654
Oh, oh, right. So anyway,
I'm calling to tell you:
84
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,156
I scored myself a kid, a little boy.
85
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,359
- I'm a dad.
- Really?
86
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,794
- He seems to have procreated.
- Eeww.
87
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,330
I was calling to say,
88
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:41,501
- I want you to be the godfather.
- Really? We would be honoured.
89
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,916
That is just the best, Boyd.
Jeez, that is so...
90
00:06:45,017 --> 00:06:48,074
I know it's short notice but
the baptism's on the 24th.
91
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,377
Oh, absolutely. We wouldn't
miss it for the world.
92
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,946
- Sweet.
- January or February?
93
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,282
No Boyd, December. December 24th.
Oh, you can't wait for it.
94
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,884
December? What?
95
00:06:58,984 --> 00:07:02,455
Nelson, you can't have a
baptism on Christmas Eve.
96
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,324
It doesn't...
97
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,826
Wait that would mean
98
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,864
that I'd have to spend
Christmas with Dad.
99
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,233
I'll smoke in my Goddamn
house if I want to.
100
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,436
It's my house. Name's right
there on the mortgage.
101
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,839
Right there on the mailbox.
His name on the mortgage, Donna?
102
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,777
His name on the friggin' mailbox?
No sir, it is not, didn't think so.
103
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:27,313
Ipso facto ergo,
not his Goddamn house.
104
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,450
Jeezo! Man you exhaust me, Mitch.
105
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,788
You know it is a dream come true for me
to have my family home on Christmas.
106
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,057
There's no way they were
gonna get a motel room now
107
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,325
at this late date,
and with Boyd's asthma...
108
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:43,029
Asthma? Any other restrictions
Captain Wheezy wants to put on me?
109
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,097
Well, there is one more thing.
110
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,636
I was planning on doing venison
for Christmas Eve supper,
111
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:52,872
but apparently, Boyd's
family doesn't eat red meat
112
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,240
- and I was...
- Christ's sake!
113
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,327
Is that all of Douglas' stuff?
114
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,363
- Si. What about Vera's?
- I hid it in the car this morning.
115
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,366
- Oh, you're aces!
- Tu tambien!
116
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,309
- So, you ready to see your dad?
- Yeah, can't wait.
117
00:08:23,410 --> 00:08:25,839
- I'm actually looking forward to it.
- Really?
118
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,942
No, I'd rather be sodomized
by an angry clown!
119
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,078
I just want the kids to
have a good Christmas.
120
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,179
Me, too.
121
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,249
- Dad?
- Hey, hi, what are you doing?
122
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,417
Hi, Dougie doodle.
123
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,352
Who's gonna feed Dale
while we're gone?
124
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,387
- Oh, that would be...
- Farhad.
125
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,490
- Who's Farhad?
- Mom's ESL student.
126
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,893
- What's ESL?
- Remember, English as a second language?
127
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,426
- Why don't you tell him, Dad?
- I'll race you upstairs.
128
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:03,176
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
129
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:07,714
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
130
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,317
Dashing through the snow
131
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,919
In a one-horse open sleigh
132
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,221
O'er the fields we go
133
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,557
Laughing all the way
134
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,859
Bells on Bobtail ring
135
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,226
Making spirits bright
136
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,234
- Son of a bitch.
- Mom, Dad said "bitch."
137
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:31,171
Bitch isn't a bad word, Bug.
Neither is bastard or ass.
138
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,603
Hey, you guys, come on.
139
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:43,150
Hey, we're twins!
Ha ha ha, merry Christmas!
140
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,284
Licence and proof of
insurance, please.
141
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:48,922
Awesome.
142
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:53,193
So, I did clock you doing
67 in a 45, Mr. Mitchler.
143
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:57,113
Yeah, the bum deal about that is,
it's a 450-dollar infraction,
144
00:09:57,214 --> 00:10:02,168
but there is some good news. You can pay
online now, in the state of Wisconsin.
145
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,504
Yeah, it's a real sweet website,
takes Discover,
146
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:09,409
so you get the cash back which,
you know, helps out.
147
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,544
Alright, kids,
hope Santa treats you good!
148
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,046
Take care! Merry Christmas!
149
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,149
- Merry Christmas.
- You bet.
150
00:10:22,287 --> 00:10:26,492
- Oh, where the heck can they be?
- Oh, don't get your knickers in a knot.
151
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,229
- You having a good time, Dad?
- Oh yeah, I'm delirious.
152
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,031
I want some milk.
153
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,633
You have to wait 'til supper
like the rest of us, Cale.
154
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:37,170
- Where is the sex offender?
- He's not a sex offender!
155
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,173
What should I call
him then, Willy Wanker?
156
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,175
With the help of our
marriage counsellor,
157
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,144
me and Dave have worked
through his transgressions.
158
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:49,680
So my husband, Dad,
is outside smoking a heater.
159
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,530
Dad, Rance is being a gomer!
160
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,533
Hey you guys, cut it out! Where the
hell did you get that thing from?
161
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:08,602
I took it.
162
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:11,602
Well, put it the hell back
from where you took it from!
163
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:18,011
Thank you.
164
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,815
Aw, crud, I can't find my camera.
Mitch, go look for it, will you?
165
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:24,717
For cripe's sake,
we're not National Geographic.
166
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,219
They're not some bunch of bonobos.
167
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,955
Mitch, they have never
been here for Christmas.
168
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:32,258
Well, whose fault is that? Not mine. Boyd's
the one who thinks he's too good for us.
169
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,961
Having my family here
means everything to me.
170
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:40,397
So quit being such an a-hole,
and go look for my G-D camera!
171
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,104
They're here!
172
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,005
Shut up, tramp stamp!
173
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,578
Mitch, hurry up, Boyd's here.
174
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,747
- Boyd!
- Hey! Oh, honey!
175
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,884
- Mom!
- I love you.
176
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:02,255
I love you. It's great to be home.
You are looking fine as wine.
177
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:05,058
Can you believe it, Boyd,
all of us together at Christmas!
178
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,126
I know, it's great.
Well, where's the Nel?
179
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,395
Nelson and the baby are
meeting us at church.
180
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,514
- Gotcha.
- Isn't this perfect, Boyd?
181
00:12:11,615 --> 00:12:13,498
This is perfect.
182
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,741
Stop! Don't hurt me!
183
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,607
Don't... don't...
184
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,619
- Dad, you okay?
- I'm fine.
185
00:12:31,719 --> 00:12:35,186
You're welcome, anytime.
You're family.
186
00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:42,963
You okay?
187
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:45,264
Puba!
188
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,467
Dougie Doodle!
How are you, little bugger?
189
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:52,372
Everybody get together for a quick photo,
and then we gotta get ready for church.
190
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,574
That glorious song of old
191
00:12:58,109 --> 00:13:04,114
From angels bending
near the earth
192
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:09,319
To touch their harps of gold
193
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:17,394
...goodwill to men from
heavens all gracious king
194
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:21,768
I really don't know
the words to say
195
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:26,871
So now I don't have to sing
196
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:35,047
Well, of course most of you
remember my wife, Cindy,
197
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,950
and might have known
that when I was in basic,
198
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:41,521
over by Fort Digs, she ran
off with this Mexican guy,
199
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,424
who played a little minor
league ball for the Wombats.
200
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,627
Pretty halfway decent shortstop.
201
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,797
Anyhow, he got her pregnant,
this Mexican guy did,
202
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,133
so Cindy comes by the
house one day, and goes,
203
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:58,171
"Hey Nelson, would you mind looking
after the baby for a while?"
204
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,240
And I said, "Yeah,
yeah sure, no sweat."
205
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:05,244
And anyhow, that was six months ago
and I still got this kid of hers, so.
206
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:10,116
He don't have a name that I know of,
so I've just been calling him Baby.
207
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,119
But you know, he is
a real, real good boy.
208
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,589
And that's why I want
to name him Boyd,
209
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:21,360
after my own big brother, who is
just a heck of a good guy himself.
210
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,197
So, I am presenting Boyd Jr.
211
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:29,799
as a candidate for holy baptism.
212
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,372
Except I figure I'm
gonna call him BJ.
213
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,179
Welcome to the family, BJ.
214
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:44,717
Dear God, I look around this
table, and I see a family.
215
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,921
I know we're not perfect, Lord God,
even though some people think they are.
216
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:53,793
We've all got foibles,
peccadilloes if you will.
217
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,929
I'm not gonna name names, Dave;
it's not the time or the place.
218
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,432
Anyhow I just want to say,
thank you, Lord Jesus,
219
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,335
Lamb of God, for bringing
us together here.
220
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,358
And now each one of us is gonna say
something they're thankful for.
221
00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:08,374
- Donna, do it.
- Oh,
222
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:12,676
I'm thankful little BJ's
christening went okay.
223
00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:16,716
But mostly I'm thankful
we're all here together.
224
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,451
That's a dream for me.
225
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,087
- Skol.
- Skol!
226
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,122
It's a prayer Donna,
not a toast, come on.
227
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:26,859
- Shauna, you're up.
- Oh. I'm grateful
228
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:31,130
that through the grace
of our Lord Jesus Christ,
229
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:35,701
I'm able to forgive all of you for
all the pain you've caused me,
230
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,138
and, thanks to me and
Dave's marriage counsellor,
231
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,874
we are back on the marriage train,
232
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,745
and we are gonna ride it all
the way into the station.
233
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,511
Right?
234
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:52,628
Well, I got one. I thank God that he
gave me the ability to give 110 percent,
235
00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:54,954
and take first for the WISEA
under-fourteen regionals.
236
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:59,225
WISEA stands for Wisconsin
Competitive Eating Association.
237
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:04,030
Rancer ate 27 Johnsonville
brats in five minutes.
238
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:07,064
- That's a lot of brats.
- Way to go, Rance.
239
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,504
That is... that is really neat.
240
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,873
Let's give it the devil, Rancer.
Come on, pound these back.
241
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,308
Go, Rancer!
242
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,109
Go, go, go, Rancer!
243
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:21,278
Get it. Go-o-o, Rancer.
Go, go, go, Rancer.
244
00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,555
Time!
245
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,993
That's what I'm talking about!
Come on!
246
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,562
Wow, that is really, really neat.
247
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,497
How many hot dogs can
you eat, Dougie doodle?
248
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,335
- We're not allowed to eat hot dogs.
- We're a macrobiotic household.
249
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,403
For crying out loud,
Boyd, what's this crap?
250
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,205
You're gonna turn your kids
into a couple of beatniks.
251
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:49,042
- Our kids are fine!
- I know they're fine. I'm just saying,
252
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,277
you don't want your boy to
turn into a Sally, do ya?
253
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,814
- Don't tell me how to raise my kids.
- Don't tell me what to do in my house!
254
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,717
Is your name on the mailbox?!
I didn't think so!
255
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,552
Oh really, the mailbox
line again, Dad?
256
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,388
Great, you sparked Nelson's PTSD.
257
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,758
Post-traumatic stress disorder.
258
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,328
When things get tense,
Nelly gets a little squirrely.
259
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:13,398
He has to go into
a dark, quiet space.
260
00:17:13,998 --> 00:17:15,901
It's from the war.
261
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,603
What war, Mom?
262
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,939
He fell out of the back of a Humvee
during basic training and was discharged.
263
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,140
A head injury!
264
00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:26,777
He got a head injury
serving his country!
265
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,917
Okay.
266
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:40,993
What...
267
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,995
Why are there shotgun
pellets in my chicken?
268
00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:47,664
Dad.
269
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,201
Because it's squirrel.
270
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,880
Honey, no, we're not leaving.
271
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:05,782
He fed me a rodent
for Christmas dinner.
272
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:10,456
Well, you're the only one who
ate squirrel. Ours was really chicken.
273
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,742
You did say that you could handle
anything as long as the kids
274
00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:17,127
were having a good Christmas, and the
kids are having a great Christmas.
275
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:22,968
Think you can just flex
those emotional muscles,
276
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,603
just a little bit,
and think of Douglas?
277
00:18:30,508 --> 00:18:33,010
I want some more dessert!
278
00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:45,257
And that's how you make
50 dollars an hour.
279
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,093
- Puba?
- Yeah, Dougie?
280
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,328
I want us to leave Santa a snack,
281
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,864
but Rance ate all the cookies
in like, 10 seconds,
282
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,866
and then he drank a
whole gallon of milk.
283
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,401
Whoa.
284
00:18:55,501 --> 00:19:00,403
So, I was wondering if you had anything
else that I could give to Santa?
285
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,710
Of course I do, Bug.
286
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,944
I know something that Santa loves
a lot more than milk and cookies.
287
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:15,488
Dear Santa, Puba said you would
enjoy this bourbon and asparagus.
288
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:20,126
I hope you like it a lot. Love,
your very good friend, Douglas Mitchler.
289
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,829
Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got
290
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:27,466
Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got
291
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,668
Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got
292
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,605
Whoa, that's pretty neat, Pam.
293
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,740
I know, I've got over 75 hits so far.
294
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,443
Your average is zero stars
'cause you suck, turdbait.
295
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,976
Shut up, jackwipe!
296
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:46,183
Hey, that's not very Christmassy
behaviour. Gather up.
297
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:51,857
So, we have a tradition in our family
298
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:55,394
where we read The Night
Before Christmas
299
00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:59,029
the night before Christmas. Get it?
300
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,567
This is mentally challenged.
301
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:05,471
Do you think this is a joke, Rance?
This isn't a joke. This is Christmas.
302
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:10,142
We're not two, Uncle Boyd! I mean,
all this Santa crap is for babies!
303
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:12,111
Every dumbass knows
there's no such thing!
304
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:17,914
Shut up! Shut your mouth! Shut your
big, eating mouth! Right now, shut it!
305
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:25,958
- Santa will find me here, right Dad?
- Of course he will, Bug.
306
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:31,330
In fact, Santa just texted me to say
that he made you an amazing present!
307
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:34,798
But you're gonna have to
wait until morning to see it.
308
00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:39,505
Okay.
309
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,676
Look at this pile of crap. This country's
so damn excessive it makes me wanna puke.
310
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,743
Oh put a sock in it, Mitchler.
311
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:48,614
Well, they're all down.
312
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,682
- Oh that's super, honey.
- Good job.
313
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:58,021
- Where's Douglas' stuff?
- Oh gosh, buried in there somewhere.
314
00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:07,533
- Everything's out of the car?
- I got the last of it out of there.
315
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,268
Well, none of it's here.
316
00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:16,638
None of Douglas' presents are here.
317
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:24,250
No, that's impossible. You put
them in the car this morning.
318
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,253
- I didn't, you did.
- No, you gave me the thumbs up!
319
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:31,223
- Meaning you do it, and you nodded!
- Wait, what are you two saying?
320
00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:34,059
- Boyd...
- Not Boyd, Luann!
321
00:21:34,159 --> 00:21:37,162
Boyd and I left all of
Douglas' stuff in Chicago.
322
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,736
- Oh, jeez.
- It's gonna be fine!
323
00:21:39,837 --> 00:21:42,669
We'll think of something! Right?
324
00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:47,172
Oh I have an idea.
What's it called, Toys "R"...
325
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:48,741
Us.
326
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:52,211
Babe, the mall closes at six, all right?
Just sit there and look pretty.
327
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,781
Okay, listen, Randy Sickle over there
in Commercial, they're open 24 hours,
328
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:58,117
we'll go over there, pick him up maybe
one of those singing bass plaques
329
00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:00,446
and a mesh hat.
Hey, come on, he's seven.
330
00:22:00,547 --> 00:22:04,090
Throw in a pack of grape hike shoes
boom, it's done. What do you say?
331
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:07,092
The kid's never gonna know the
difference. "Christmas, hey!"
332
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:11,797
That's exactly what you would do!
Nice parenting, really nice!
333
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:15,624
Last time I checked, it ain't exactly great
parenting ruining your kid's Christmas,
334
00:22:15,725 --> 00:22:18,071
- Prime Time!
- I should knock you on your ass.
335
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:22,539
Oh really? Bring it Sally!
I'd love to see you try! Come on!
336
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,113
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
337
00:22:29,513 --> 00:22:31,784
Now if we're gonna do this,
we're gonna need some ground rules.
338
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:34,420
I'm going. I'm driving back.
It's not even 11.
339
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,522
That gives me eight hours
until he's up. I'm going.
340
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,392
- Boyd, don't go!
- You can't do it, it's too far!
341
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:43,093
He's not going anywhere,
Donna, he's all show and no go.
342
00:22:46,798 --> 00:22:49,368
Boyd. Boyd, stop.
343
00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:52,338
You've had four hours of sleep.
You're gonna kill yourself!
344
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:57,710
Any day now, Douglas is gonna wake up and
realize the world is a mean, nasty place
345
00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:00,626
where your hopes and dreams
eventually get smashed to bits.
346
00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:04,316
- Until then, he needs this.
- I'm sorry, who needs this?
347
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:08,854
If I can just make him believe
for one more Christmas.
348
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,490
Having Christmas is
not about stuff, Boyd.
349
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:15,027
Look, just wait. Okay, go tomorrow,
when you've had some sleep.
350
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:19,698
We'll say that we delayed Christmas
a day. We'll make it fun.
351
00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:23,002
I understand.
Mitch ruined Christmas for you,
352
00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:27,594
but you have proven a million
times over, you're not him.
353
00:23:27,695 --> 00:23:32,108
You're such a great dad.
This is just crazy!
354
00:23:32,410 --> 00:23:36,315
Hey, hey. Look, you're running
away from your father again!
355
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,417
You can't keep doing this!
356
00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:41,153
Boyd, wait, I'm coming with you!
Let me just put up some coffee!
357
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,522
It's about an eight-hour round trip,
358
00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:46,825
which gets me back here
at what, sevenish,
359
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:50,296
so just make sure the kids
stay downstairs until 7:30.
360
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:54,064
- This is doable, but I gotta go now.
- Be careful, honey!
361
00:24:03,808 --> 00:24:05,842
Merry Christmas.
362
00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:34,706
I made this ornament
when I was a kid once,
363
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,943
out of a pine cone.
364
00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,379
It had the googly eyes on it
and the white cotton deals,
365
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:43,082
- you know what I'm talking about?
- Shut the hell up, you degenerate.
366
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,551
- Pervert.
- He's not a pervert!
367
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:49,255
A guy who exposes himself to a busload
of old folks on their way to Oneida bingo,
368
00:24:49,355 --> 00:24:52,925
what the hell should I call him if not
pervert? Friggin' pillar of the community?
369
00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:55,160
I have explained this situation
to you a hundred times.
370
00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:57,630
- In Dave's defence, he was drunk!
- Very!
371
00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:01,067
And in his second defence, someone
double-dog dared him to do it, so that...
372
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:04,486
Okay. Who wants to
look at some slides?
373
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:08,071
Or, I know, how about
a game of cribbage?
374
00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,707
Oh, I've got that.
375
00:25:12,610 --> 00:25:15,181
- Hello?
- Is it him? Is he okay? What happened?
376
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:18,948
He's fine, but... Aw crud.
377
00:25:21,586 --> 00:25:23,187
Dammit.
378
00:25:38,302 --> 00:25:43,676
Looky here. BMW. Short for
Bavarian Money Waster.
379
00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:45,978
Looks like the sheisse
hit the fan here.
380
00:25:46,078 --> 00:25:47,411
- I'm gonna hitchhike.
- Really?
381
00:25:47,511 --> 00:25:50,115
Christmas Eve, no one's gonna
pick you up. Come on, let's go.
382
00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:53,785
I'm not giving up. You go ahead
and go home. I don't need you.
383
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,921
Yeah, but Douglas does.
384
00:25:57,021 --> 00:25:59,758
So come on. Get in the truck, Gladys.
385
00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:02,460
We got Christmas to save.
386
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:22,581
Silent night
387
00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:27,714
Holy night
388
00:26:28,621 --> 00:26:33,692
All is calm
389
00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:39,164
All is bright
390
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:44,469
Round yon virgin
391
00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:49,744
Mother and child
392
00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:54,005
Holy infant
393
00:26:54,106 --> 00:27:00,030
So tender and mild
394
00:27:00,486 --> 00:27:06,989
Sleep in heavenly peace
395
00:27:09,126 --> 00:27:11,630
- It don't add up, boy.
- You got a guy tootin' around
396
00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:13,499
the whole Goddamn
planet in one night.
397
00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:17,602
That sleigh'd have to be going 25,
30,000 miles per hour, minimum.
398
00:27:17,702 --> 00:27:19,471
Now, if we had that
type of technology, shit,
399
00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:22,494
we'd be blowing the tits
off the friggin' Viet Kong.
400
00:27:22,594 --> 00:27:28,080
It's all a sham. Eastern bunny, Sham.
Valentine's Day, Sham.
401
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:31,049
Tooth fairy? What the heck's
up with that son of a B?
402
00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:32,317
You know what he is, right?
403
00:27:32,417 --> 00:27:34,119
- Sham.
- Damn right.
404
00:27:34,219 --> 00:27:36,455
What kind of creep goes
sneaking into a kid's room
405
00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:38,157
and putting chump
change under a pillow?
406
00:27:38,257 --> 00:27:41,093
What the hell's he need all
those teeth for? Pervert.
407
00:27:41,193 --> 00:27:44,596
The whole world is
full of lies, Boyd.
408
00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:48,968
The only road to happiness is realizing
there's no road to happiness.
409
00:27:49,068 --> 00:27:52,168
Alright, I'm going to bed.
You finish it up on your own.
410
00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:58,906
Oh yeah, eat me! Prick.
411
00:28:02,513 --> 00:28:05,082
First off...
412
00:28:06,318 --> 00:28:09,821
And second, I have asthma,
Dad, asthma.
413
00:28:09,921 --> 00:28:15,394
And it is not all in my head, as you have
so astutely hypothesized in the past.
414
00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:19,298
It is an actual medical condition
that could actually kill me.
415
00:28:19,398 --> 00:28:23,902
So please, put out the damn cigar.
416
00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:28,738
What the hell's that all about?
You on the friggin' rag? Come on.
417
00:28:41,585 --> 00:28:46,157
Come on, lighten up, Boyd.
We got all night ahead of us.
418
00:28:46,257 --> 00:28:49,226
Let's have a little fun here.
419
00:28:56,934 --> 00:29:00,172
- I bet they're having a ball.
- Yeah, yippee!
420
00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:02,908
It does make me feel better
that Mitch went with him.
421
00:29:03,008 --> 00:29:05,711
Them two hate each
other's guts, I thought.
422
00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:11,116
Okay, cut it out, you guys,
we're a family. And it's Christmas, jeez.
423
00:29:11,216 --> 00:29:16,188
You know, Mom, I, don't want to make you
feel bad with what I'm about to say,
424
00:29:16,288 --> 00:29:20,225
being that it's Christmas and
all but, a lot of this is your fault.
425
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:24,362
Dave and I's marriage counsellor says
that a lot of my self-esteem problems
426
00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:28,600
come from the fact that you never
confronted Dad about his drinking.
427
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:33,805
So it's why I seek approval from
people who treat me like wet dog crap.
428
00:29:34,305 --> 00:29:39,811
Who needs anything? We've got
leftovers, we've got hot dish. Beer?
429
00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:43,513
Reeb me! That's beer
spelled backwards, honey.
430
00:29:50,888 --> 00:29:52,722
Vera.
431
00:29:53,891 --> 00:29:55,227
Yeah, Bug?
432
00:29:55,327 --> 00:29:59,395
Was Rance about to say that
there's no such thing as Santa?
433
00:30:00,964 --> 00:30:03,835
Rance is a certified moron, Douglas.
434
00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:07,806
So whatever he was about to say
would have been certified moronic.
435
00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:09,875
Of course there's a Santa.
436
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:12,411
- Promise?
- I promise.
437
00:30:12,511 --> 00:30:15,714
When you see your presents
under the tree in the morning,
438
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,983
you'll believe again, you will.
439
00:30:19,783 --> 00:30:22,385
Now lie down.
440
00:30:25,189 --> 00:30:27,190
Okay.
441
00:30:44,575 --> 00:30:48,012
Wow, 53 degrees.
So much for a white Christmas.
442
00:30:48,112 --> 00:30:51,183
Who needs one? Yesterday I was golfing.
You would have caught me in my shirtsleeves.
443
00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:53,585
Kicked Bill Gorsky's ass,
the fat pollack.
444
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,555
I said "if this is global
warming, I'll take it."
445
00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:59,291
- Pollack. Nice, Dad.
- Technically he's a bohunk.
446
00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:01,624
I got more if you need 'em.
447
00:31:04,094 --> 00:31:07,797
- Hi, where's the...
- Just past the cheese.
448
00:31:17,076 --> 00:31:22,211
I can guess your nationality
without even seeing you. European.
449
00:31:23,013 --> 00:31:25,750
You get it? You're a-peein'.
450
00:31:25,850 --> 00:31:29,852
- Ha, yeah, got it.
- Ho ho ho.
451
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:33,155
Hey, you got any bourbon? Just a...
452
00:31:34,424 --> 00:31:38,494
- I wish I did, sorry.
- That's okay, that's okay.
453
00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:45,468
So, you having yourself
a merry little Christmas?
454
00:31:46,971 --> 00:31:48,440
I wouldn't say that exactly.
455
00:31:48,540 --> 00:31:52,611
Well, nobody said it was easy now, did they?
I mean, take my journey here tonight.
456
00:31:52,711 --> 00:31:55,747
I mean, logic-wise, that whole deal
doesn't really add up, does it?
457
00:31:55,847 --> 00:32:02,384
I mean my sleigh'd have to be doing what,
25, 30,000 miles an hour? Minimum?
458
00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,127
But I always make it.
Somehow I always do, you know.
459
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,648
I mean, it's not always easy,
like I say, but miracles never are.
460
00:32:11,749 --> 00:32:14,866
They're tricky little things, miracles.
Sometimes they look at you right in the face.
461
00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:17,459
They're right in front of you,
staring at you in the mirror,
462
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,803
and you didn't even
see them. It's crazy.
463
00:32:23,474 --> 00:32:27,012
- Have a merry Christmas, Santa.
- I always do, buddy.
464
00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:30,612
I always do.
465
00:32:32,616 --> 00:32:35,086
- Have fun in there.
- I'll name it after you.
466
00:32:35,186 --> 00:32:36,621
Hi, can I get a couple of coffees?
467
00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:39,658
That's your old man?
Virgil Mitch. Ole Mitch?
468
00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:42,227
- Yeah, I'm Boyd.
- You're Boyd!
469
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:47,499
Yeah, you're the smart one.
You got a full ride at the UW.
470
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:51,170
And now you're a stockbroker,
is it? Down in Chi-town?
471
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:53,873
- I manage a hedge fund.
- Oh yeah, that's right.
472
00:32:53,973 --> 00:32:57,509
But your dad tells me you
make a truckload of money.
473
00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,811
I don't know about that.
I work too much.
474
00:32:59,911 --> 00:33:04,149
Well, anyhow, nice to have
a face with the name.
475
00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:07,085
Your pop, that crazy old son of a...
476
00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:09,721
he's in here pretty near once a week,
477
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,922
and I get an earful
about your family.
478
00:33:13,058 --> 00:33:18,196
No! Mitch talks a blue streak
about how good you're doing.
479
00:33:18,296 --> 00:33:23,468
Must be nice for y'all to have
Christmas together, ain't it?
480
00:33:24,568 --> 00:33:26,468
It is.
481
00:33:27,271 --> 00:33:30,008
- What do I owe you?
- No, come on.
482
00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:32,611
Merry Christmas now, Boyd.
483
00:33:33,311 --> 00:33:35,111
Merry Christmas.
484
00:33:44,211 --> 00:33:46,211
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
485
00:33:54,864 --> 00:33:57,534
You know how to drive
a manual, tranny?
486
00:33:58,434 --> 00:34:01,940
You don't remember the day you
taught me how to drive a stick?
487
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,408
Should I?
488
00:34:03,508 --> 00:34:07,645
October 26, 1983, you may recall,
was my 12th birthday.
489
00:34:07,745 --> 00:34:12,317
You may also recall that you were too
hammered to drive home from my party,
490
00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:15,284
so I drove home.
491
00:34:15,785 --> 00:34:17,188
Is that right?
492
00:34:17,288 --> 00:34:20,158
Well, I must have been doing something
right, 'cause you still remember how.
493
00:34:20,258 --> 00:34:22,694
Yes, it is one of life's
greatest indignities
494
00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:26,328
that you never won the
Father of the Year award.
495
00:34:28,333 --> 00:34:31,102
- Hey, careful!
- Can't you take a joke, Sally?
496
00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:33,238
- Now you're pissing me off.
- Oh, am I pissing you...
497
00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:37,607
Maybe you need to piss on the radiator.
Whoa, what was that?
498
00:34:41,478 --> 00:34:43,145
Tit.
499
00:34:45,649 --> 00:34:48,119
- Want me to go peek in on BJ?
- No, I'll do it, Shauna.
500
00:34:48,219 --> 00:34:49,654
Wait a second, where's Nelson?
501
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,224
Last time I saw him he was going ape-crap
because Mitch and Boyd were scrapping.
502
00:34:53,324 --> 00:34:57,093
- Well, that was two hours ago.
- Oh, shoot, Nelson!
503
00:34:57,795 --> 00:34:59,195
Nelson!
504
00:35:00,099 --> 00:35:01,700
Nelson.
505
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:05,301
Nelson, baby, come on.
506
00:35:05,936 --> 00:35:08,170
Nelson.
507
00:35:10,207 --> 00:35:12,242
Nelson.
508
00:35:13,811 --> 00:35:15,612
Where are you?
509
00:35:17,548 --> 00:35:19,951
He's not where he usually goes.
510
00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:25,490
Whenever he gets panicked he just
falls asleep in the craziest places.
511
00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:28,626
I found him all balled up in the
middle of the road a coup...
512
00:35:30,626 --> 00:35:32,661
Oh my God.
513
00:35:33,296 --> 00:35:36,234
Nelson! Where are you, baby? Wake up!
514
00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:38,537
- Nelson!
- Nelson!
515
00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:40,972
Nelson! Where are you,
Nelson? Wake up!
516
00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:42,640
Donna, be careful!
517
00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:45,178
Nelson! Nelson!
518
00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:49,047
Oh... oh, dear Lord Jesus.
519
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,649
Jingle all the way
520
00:35:51,749 --> 00:35:54,052
- No, you can't sing low.
- I know, high.
521
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,553
Way
522
00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:58,020
Oh no, stop, stop, stop!
523
00:35:59,356 --> 00:36:01,426
Oh what fun it is to ride
524
00:36:01,526 --> 00:36:06,695
- Dude, you just hit something.
- ...open sleigh
525
00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:11,904
Good night.
526
00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,804
Put your hands down
and let's do this.
527
00:36:17,007 --> 00:36:18,476
Ahem, I love you ve...
I love you very much.
528
00:36:18,576 --> 00:36:19,844
- Let's go, come on.
- See?
529
00:36:19,944 --> 00:36:24,516
- Mom, has Santa come yet?
- No honey, not yet, it's still early.
530
00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:27,049
Santa's got a long
night ahead of him.
531
00:36:27,751 --> 00:36:30,922
- Can Dad tuck me in?
- Who? Dad?
532
00:36:31,422 --> 00:36:35,357
No, because, Dad and Puba...
533
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,261
are getting massages.
534
00:36:40,664 --> 00:36:45,501
- Oh, okay. Good night, Mom.
- Okay, good night.
535
00:36:55,746 --> 00:36:57,646
So who else isn't tired?
536
00:37:01,018 --> 00:37:05,356
Oh, I forgot to ask you. Did Santa
Claus accost you in the bathroom?
537
00:37:05,456 --> 00:37:06,391
Excuse me?
538
00:37:06,491 --> 00:37:09,494
You know, the grubby old guy in the
Santa suit in the truck stop bathroom.
539
00:37:09,594 --> 00:37:12,395
I didn't see anybody in the bathroom.
540
00:37:17,134 --> 00:37:19,537
Santa's coming home soon.
541
00:37:20,837 --> 00:37:23,371
Gonna bring you lots of gifts.
542
00:37:30,747 --> 00:37:33,918
Oh, son of a bitch! Oh!
543
00:37:34,018 --> 00:37:36,921
I forgot to tell you, the speedometer's
off by about 10 miles an hour.
544
00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:39,021
Oh it's good to know that.
545
00:37:47,931 --> 00:37:49,968
Well, I'll be!
546
00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:53,771
Merry Christmas, Mr. Mitchler! Again.
547
00:37:54,271 --> 00:37:56,040
What brings you gents out so late?
548
00:37:56,140 --> 00:37:58,609
Well, numbnuts here forgot
his kid's presents in Chi-town.
549
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:04,083
Numbnuts, that's funny. Haven't
heard that one in quite some time!
550
00:38:04,330 --> 00:38:06,598
My foster mom, she...
551
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:09,821
Oh, I see you guys are in
the portable john business?
552
00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:13,424
Indeed we are, sir. Mitch Mitchler, North
Central Wisconsin king of the crappers.
553
00:38:13,524 --> 00:38:16,694
For 25 years, Mitchler's Handi-crappers
have been supplying luxury johns
554
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:21,032
for all your business needs. I always
say, if you gotta go, go in style!
555
00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:25,936
I like that a lot. Riddle me this,
do you guys do family reunions?
556
00:38:26,036 --> 00:38:27,105
My cousin actu...
557
00:38:27,205 --> 00:38:30,174
We're actually in a really
big hurry, Trooper Zblocki, so.
558
00:38:30,274 --> 00:38:33,942
I could tell, Mr. Mitchler.
Caught old numbnuts here doing 91.
559
00:38:34,513 --> 00:38:37,682
I'll be back with
your citation, STAT.
560
00:38:38,982 --> 00:38:40,316
Numbnuts.
561
00:38:42,287 --> 00:38:44,587
Funny little elf.
562
00:38:45,687 --> 00:38:47,687
It's a good one.
563
00:38:49,593 --> 00:38:53,864
Well, Mr. Mitchler,
I caught you doing 91, yikes!
564
00:38:54,464 --> 00:38:57,365
It's like, "Arriba,
arriba, andele, andele!"
565
00:38:57,668 --> 00:38:59,468
Bart Simpson.
566
00:39:01,806 --> 00:39:04,876
But, it's Christmas,
so you know what?
567
00:39:05,376 --> 00:39:09,611
- I got candy canes for you three guys.
- Three?
568
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,089
Nelson?
569
00:39:18,189 --> 00:39:21,989
Jeez, I must've fell asleep in here.
570
00:39:23,993 --> 00:39:25,794
Who's that guy?
571
00:39:27,564 --> 00:39:31,169
A child is the most important
thing a mother has, Nelson.
572
00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:34,006
Jeez, I'm sorry I had
you worried, Mom.
573
00:39:34,106 --> 00:39:36,975
If anything had happened to you...
574
00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:38,310
Aw, jeez.
575
00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:42,113
Mom, could you put little BJ on
the phone? I want to tell him I'm okay.
576
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:47,185
He's sleeping in his crib, hon.
Plus he's not even a year.
577
00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:50,955
Well, maybe just go in there
and tell him I love him?
578
00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:55,860
And, could you sing him that
pretty little song he likes?
579
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,797
Hot tortillas, crisp tostadas
580
00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:02,934
Best in Me-hi-co
581
00:40:03,034 --> 00:40:07,238
Enchiladas, empanadas
582
00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:11,074
How I love them so
583
00:40:14,311 --> 00:40:17,148
It is a miracle that
you got pulled over,
584
00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:19,951
because I could have froze
to death in there, or worse.
585
00:40:20,051 --> 00:40:21,819
Not cold enough to freeze to death.
586
00:40:21,919 --> 00:40:23,788
Okay, real quick,
what could possibly be worse
587
00:40:23,888 --> 00:40:25,957
than freezing to death in a
portable toilet, Nelson?
588
00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:30,294
HIV, AIDS, Lou Gehrig disease,
cancer, spina bifida...
589
00:40:30,394 --> 00:40:32,663
Okay, all good ones.
590
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:36,234
I could think of one worse. A guy getting
his gonads lobbed off by his wife
591
00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:39,335
because he forgot his
kid's Christmas presents.
592
00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:52,917
Get 'im!
593
00:40:53,017 --> 00:40:56,187
I'm not supposed to play video games, but
you're really awesome at them, Rance.
594
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,355
Yeah, I know.
595
00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,657
We should totally put your
picture on Craigslist, Vera.
596
00:40:59,757 --> 00:41:02,958
Your judgement is really
questionable, Pam.
597
00:41:11,234 --> 00:41:14,372
- You gonna stay up with us, Dave?
- Oh no, I... I get hungry at night
598
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:17,679
so I like to make myself a meal so I
have something to eat between sleep
599
00:41:17,780 --> 00:41:20,913
- and breakfast. I call it breep.
- Okay.
600
00:41:21,013 --> 00:41:24,548
It's an anagram I came up with,
much like brunch or NASA.
601
00:41:24,649 --> 00:41:28,583
It's a way for me to
remember what I like.
602
00:41:29,353 --> 00:41:31,690
Hon, let's go hit the sack.
603
00:41:32,390 --> 00:41:34,959
- Good night.
- Night.
604
00:41:36,194 --> 00:41:37,962
Oh, Daver.
605
00:41:39,464 --> 00:41:41,864
You are too good for me.
606
00:41:53,543 --> 00:41:56,380
You know, maybe I will try one of
those beer-tomato-juice thingies.
607
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,482
Well now you're talking.
One red beer coming right up.
608
00:42:04,754 --> 00:42:07,823
Holy cripes, it's a castle.
609
00:42:08,725 --> 00:42:11,393
You really are doing alright, Boyd.
610
00:42:18,569 --> 00:42:21,593
- You've never seen this house before?
- No, your mom has.
611
00:42:21,694 --> 00:42:25,343
Last time I was here, you had
that apartment by the lake.
612
00:42:25,443 --> 00:42:27,743
It's going on seven years.
613
00:42:29,112 --> 00:42:32,150
What's this you got on the
walls here? Is that brick?
614
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:34,750
Yeah, it's... it's a brick house.
615
00:42:37,887 --> 00:42:41,390
- Boy, that is something.
- Yeah.
616
00:42:52,302 --> 00:42:55,073
Son of a bitch!
617
00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:58,040
I left my damn keys in my damn car!
618
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:09,050
Hey Hamburglar, will this help?
619
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,630
The presents are in
the mudroom, so...
620
00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:23,101
Hey Boyd, I gotta take a squirt.
You guys have a bathroom, or...
621
00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,436
Yeah, it's upstairs.
622
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,571
- Make yourself at home, Dad.
- Yeah.
623
00:43:59,603 --> 00:44:01,173
Dad?
624
00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,073
Nelson?
625
00:44:27,530 --> 00:44:29,267
What's going on?
626
00:44:29,567 --> 00:44:32,000
What are you doing in my house?
627
00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:34,638
I am Farhad.
628
00:44:35,438 --> 00:44:37,242
Who are these people?
629
00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:40,478
Ms. Mitchler is say,
630
00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:45,781
my family to sit in the house,
631
00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:48,853
to feed dog...
632
00:44:48,953 --> 00:44:51,553
there, the dog.
633
00:44:52,055 --> 00:44:54,492
To sit in the house.
634
00:44:54,592 --> 00:44:59,461
House-sitting is different
than sitting in my house!
635
00:45:01,596 --> 00:45:04,764
It's Boyd. Hi, is everything okay?
636
00:45:04,865 --> 00:45:08,038
Fine, okay. Farhad is here.
637
00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:11,175
Yeah, I gave him the key so he
could feed Dale. You knew that.
638
00:45:11,275 --> 00:45:16,514
No, but his whole family is here.
It's like Goldilocks and the 30 Iranians.
639
00:45:17,314 --> 00:45:19,250
Boyd, they're from Afghanistan.
640
00:45:19,350 --> 00:45:22,653
I don't care where they're from,
I care why they're here, in my house!
641
00:45:22,753 --> 00:45:25,423
Maybe there was confusion over
the translation of house-sit.
642
00:45:25,523 --> 00:45:27,291
You know, they're an amazing family.
643
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,594
They've only been in the
country two months,
644
00:45:29,694 --> 00:45:32,663
so, whatever, let them
have a nice Christmas.
645
00:45:32,763 --> 00:45:34,298
You're not saving the world!
646
00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:36,401
What do you think, you're...
you think you're Bono?
647
00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,336
I have a law degree! I'm a teacher!
648
00:45:38,436 --> 00:45:40,638
You're supposed to be
teaching refugees English,
649
00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:44,308
and based upon my conversation with this
guy, it's not exactly working out, is it?
650
00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:46,277
If anyone's to blame, it's you!
651
00:45:46,377 --> 00:45:49,514
- You for being an ass sponge!
- I'm the ass sponge?
652
00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:53,384
- Yes, you are the ass sponge, ass sponge.
- I'm not having this conversation.
653
00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:56,187
- I am not having this conversation.
- Fine.
654
00:45:56,287 --> 00:45:59,590
Oh my God! He acts like the sweetest,
655
00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:02,993
nothing-bothers-me guy,
but the slightest little pressure
656
00:46:03,093 --> 00:46:06,928
- turns him into a total...
- Ass sponge?
657
00:46:07,798 --> 00:46:09,700
He sounds just like his father.
658
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:14,071
You know, in case those guys don't
make it back in time somehow,
659
00:46:14,171 --> 00:46:16,741
maybe we oughta have
something else for Douglas.
660
00:46:16,841 --> 00:46:17,775
Like what?
661
00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:23,082
Maybe we oughta go up to the attic and
wrap some old toys and that, just in case.
662
00:46:23,182 --> 00:46:25,484
Yeah, okay fine.
663
00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:32,289
Donna, do you have something else
that maybe doesn't taste like... this?
664
00:46:32,389 --> 00:46:33,758
Vodka?
665
00:46:33,858 --> 00:46:36,494
Hey Doug-lass, you wanna
do something really cool?
666
00:46:36,594 --> 00:46:38,095
Yes!
667
00:46:38,195 --> 00:46:39,530
Sweet.
668
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:43,400
You know, I wasn't a competitive
eater 'til I was like, nine.
669
00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:47,405
If I would have started at seven, who knows
how much more friggin' awesome I'd be?
670
00:46:47,505 --> 00:46:50,174
Let's see how fast you can
take these bad boys down.
671
00:46:50,274 --> 00:46:53,509
- A whole jar of pickles?
- Do it.
672
00:46:56,746 --> 00:46:59,650
Please don't, Douglas, it's stupid.
You'll be sick for Santa!
673
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:04,152
You want to be cool or retarded?
Man or mouse, Douglas?
674
00:47:07,257 --> 00:47:09,024
Yes! Oh my God! Look at him go!
675
00:47:13,296 --> 00:47:15,833
Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug!
676
00:47:15,933 --> 00:47:19,904
Douglas, stop! These pickles were
canned during the Nixon Administration!
677
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:21,740
You're gonna die!
678
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,340
I can't feel my legs.
679
00:47:38,688 --> 00:47:40,822
What the hell?
680
00:47:55,638 --> 00:47:57,906
He erased me.
681
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,043
Ain't that a kick in the pants?
682
00:48:04,514 --> 00:48:07,851
Presents. Gifts. Ho ho ho?
683
00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:11,922
Gift? Gift, yes, yes.
684
00:48:12,322 --> 00:48:14,224
Thank you.
685
00:48:14,324 --> 00:48:18,129
No, Farhad. Those are Douglas' gifts!
686
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,631
My son! Douglas.
687
00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:25,400
No Farhad son! No! My son's gifts!
688
00:48:25,969 --> 00:48:27,605
Girls, those are my power tools!
689
00:48:27,705 --> 00:48:30,540
That's Boyd's power drill
and that is very...
690
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,408
Jesus!
691
00:48:34,110 --> 00:48:35,479
Hey, Boyd. These your roommates?
692
00:48:35,579 --> 00:48:38,247
Hey Boyd, you got a nail
sticking out of your hand there.
693
00:48:45,855 --> 00:48:48,158
Oh, we've been learning Nari,
which is kind of like Farsi,
694
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,862
over at basic because my reserve unit was
going to be going over by Afghanistan...
695
00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:53,364
Oh!
696
00:48:53,464 --> 00:48:57,134
And I fell off of that Humvee, and I
got just a touch of brain damage.
697
00:48:57,234 --> 00:49:00,237
But the part that remembers
Nari is just fine.
698
00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:04,875
So, can you tell him that
his family can stay?
699
00:49:04,975 --> 00:49:09,744
- I just need Douglas' gifts.
- Well, I can sure as shoot try.
700
00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:12,248
Let's see...
701
00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:20,989
Please, no, no. No, no, no, please!
702
00:49:21,859 --> 00:49:26,664
Hey, hey. Hey, hey, it's okay.
You can keep everything.
703
00:49:26,764 --> 00:49:29,032
The only thing I want
704
00:49:29,532 --> 00:49:31,232
is that.
705
00:49:53,656 --> 00:49:56,694
Hey, it's, 3:45, so we
have less than four hours
706
00:49:56,794 --> 00:50:01,629
if we're gonna get back before the
kids get up. So I need you to motivate.
707
00:50:02,565 --> 00:50:05,766
You don't need me, you never did.
708
00:50:17,413 --> 00:50:20,050
It's all gonna be okay, Bug.
709
00:50:20,150 --> 00:50:22,386
Boing!
710
00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:24,422
It's okay, Bug.
711
00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:27,057
Boing, hello Rance!
712
00:50:27,157 --> 00:50:29,660
They told me there'd
always be people like you.
713
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,297
I don't know, I've never seen
anybody this way from pickles!
714
00:50:33,397 --> 00:50:37,568
Rotten food can cause hallucination,
Rance. Everybody knows that, you dummy.
715
00:50:37,668 --> 00:50:40,635
It's gonna be okay,
Bug, just lie down.
716
00:50:47,309 --> 00:50:49,210
Cheese.
717
00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:53,347
How about this for Douglas?
718
00:50:55,452 --> 00:50:59,623
Bridge, like the card game? For kids?
719
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:01,659
I don't know, it seems
like a horrible idea.
720
00:51:01,759 --> 00:51:05,062
Boyd loved bridge for juniors,
it was his favourite game!
721
00:51:05,162 --> 00:51:09,631
He did? Okay, bag it
and tag it, I guess.
722
00:51:11,334 --> 00:51:16,040
That was Mitch's drink of choice.
Vodka and cranberry juice.
723
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:20,778
- It must have been so hard.
- I don't know.
724
00:51:20,878 --> 00:51:25,749
I left a couple times when it got
too hard. Took the kids to my folks,
725
00:51:25,849 --> 00:51:31,488
then when his bender was
finished, he'd call bellyaching,
726
00:51:31,888 --> 00:51:35,093
"Come back, come back.
I'll change, I'll change,"
727
00:51:35,193 --> 00:51:37,692
blah, blah, you know.
728
00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,899
He was always...
729
00:51:42,299 --> 00:51:44,868
a very attentive lover, though.
730
00:51:44,968 --> 00:51:47,271
If you know what I mean?
731
00:51:47,371 --> 00:51:50,004
I do. Yes, wow.
732
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:53,911
Boyd and I haven't had
sex for six months.
733
00:51:54,011 --> 00:51:56,346
Oh, wow.
734
00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:57,848
That is bad for you.
735
00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,851
It's so bad. It's just, you know,
736
00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:03,353
he works all the time,
and... or we're tired,
737
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:05,456
or the kids are around
and you know, it just...
738
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,645
But then he has this whole thing about
how everything has to be so perfect,
739
00:52:08,746 --> 00:52:10,794
and it can't be. It's not.
It's not perfect.
740
00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:15,900
- Do you want me to talk to him for you?
- No, that's okay, thank you.
741
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000
That would feel a
little inappropriate.
742
00:52:20,037 --> 00:52:21,707
Yep.
743
00:52:23,207 --> 00:52:24,707
What?
744
00:52:40,389 --> 00:52:42,760
Two days later, Papa passed away
745
00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:45,729
And I became a man that day
746
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,463
So I told Mama I'm gonna quit school
747
00:53:00,009 --> 00:53:02,405
I packed my grandmother's trunk,
748
00:53:02,506 --> 00:53:06,250
- and in it I put an apple.
- Nice.
749
00:53:06,350 --> 00:53:11,386
God, we used to play that when we'd drive
to Nana's cottage up north, you remember?
750
00:53:12,589 --> 00:53:18,962
Okay, I packed my grandmother's trunk
and in it I put an apple and a bagpipe.
751
00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:21,563
Nice one. Okay Dad, you're up.
752
00:53:23,266 --> 00:53:24,968
Dad, it's your turn.
753
00:53:25,768 --> 00:53:28,172
Come on Dad, it's been a crap day.
754
00:53:28,272 --> 00:53:31,706
Everything that possibly
could go wrong already has.
755
00:53:34,243 --> 00:53:36,744
What, you on the rag, Sally?
756
00:53:37,614 --> 00:53:40,294
I packed my grandma's trunk,
757
00:53:40,395 --> 00:53:44,855
and in it I put an apple, bagpipe,
758
00:53:45,055 --> 00:53:50,124
and a kid who's so ashamed of his old
man, he cut him out of a family photo.
759
00:53:52,028 --> 00:53:55,332
Okay, so you're spelling kid
with a C then. Fair enough.
760
00:53:55,632 --> 00:53:57,932
I don't know what to say, Dad.
761
00:53:59,168 --> 00:54:02,473
Fine, as long as we're being
honest with each other,
762
00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:06,377
yes, I was embarrassed
of you in that photograph.
763
00:54:06,477 --> 00:54:09,346
You were wearing that filthy
Handi-crapper T-shirt
764
00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:13,381
for a family portrait.
I mean come on!
765
00:54:14,316 --> 00:54:16,983
What, you're suddenly sensitive?
766
00:54:18,455 --> 00:54:21,391
Besides, it's not like you
were ever proud of me.
767
00:54:21,491 --> 00:54:25,462
I always supported you, whatever
it was you wanted to do, always!
768
00:54:25,562 --> 00:54:27,796
Are you high?
769
00:54:29,700 --> 00:54:31,466
What is that?
770
00:54:33,404 --> 00:54:37,839
Oh my gosh! Hoho!
771
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,782
Is that...
772
00:54:44,982 --> 00:54:49,186
- Bea Arthur? It sure is.
- Why?
773
00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:52,723
Boyd went through a phase where
he really got into Bea Arthur.
774
00:54:52,823 --> 00:54:55,325
Like is... like sexually? Or...
775
00:54:55,425 --> 00:54:58,061
No! It started with Golden Girls.
776
00:54:58,161 --> 00:55:03,533
Wait, he liked bridge and Golden Girls?
What did you raise, a 75-year-old woman?
777
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,636
Look, there's a whole series.
778
00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:09,273
You know how what's-his-futz
just painted blue stuff?
779
00:55:09,373 --> 00:55:12,509
Well, Boyd only painted Bea Arthur.
780
00:55:12,609 --> 00:55:14,745
This is so silly.
781
00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:17,047
My Boyd who played
football and basketball,
782
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:20,751
who's a type-A hedge
fund manager? No, no!
783
00:55:20,851 --> 00:55:23,654
He was real arty-farty
when he was a little shaver.
784
00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:25,823
Well Mitch must have loved that.
785
00:55:25,923 --> 00:55:29,793
Mitch, he used to tease Boyd all
the time. I felt terrible about it.
786
00:55:29,893 --> 00:55:34,765
He drilled legs into the frame of this
one. He turned it into a card table.
787
00:55:34,865 --> 00:55:37,901
He used to play euchre on
it with his drinking buddies.
788
00:55:38,001 --> 00:55:42,740
Look, there's the rings from the
glasses on the canvas, there.
789
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,442
And I think Bill Gorsky
puked on it here.
790
00:55:45,542 --> 00:55:48,946
That is so mean. Isn't that so mean?
791
00:55:49,046 --> 00:55:53,851
Lookit, that is so mean! He was just
a little artist, creating his art,
792
00:55:53,951 --> 00:55:58,088
and that's... I mean, it just makes
me very sad, isn't that so sad?
793
00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:01,158
Boyd never really painted
much after that.
794
00:56:01,258 --> 00:56:04,528
Mitch is a bastard! And I have been
trying to get those guys to reconcile,
795
00:56:04,628 --> 00:56:08,109
but do you understand how much Boyd
hates his job? He hates it so much,
796
00:56:08,210 --> 00:56:13,638
and all he wanted to do was be a sweet
little Bea Arthur painter! Or something.
797
00:56:13,738 --> 00:56:16,740
I just feel like I could puke.
798
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:23,079
It blows my mind. You have the
capacity to feel sorry for yourself!
799
00:56:23,179 --> 00:56:25,455
- Oh, what a jackass.
- If I loused up so bad,
800
00:56:25,556 --> 00:56:29,619
how come you have such a nice life?
Nice house, nice wife, nice job.
801
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,390
I hate my job! And I haven't had
sex with my wife in six months!
802
00:56:33,490 --> 00:56:35,359
Can you blame that on me?
Jiminy crickets!
803
00:56:35,459 --> 00:56:36,994
Jeez, come on, guys!
804
00:56:37,094 --> 00:56:41,398
I'm sorry I didn't snuggle or cuddle
you enough! I'm sorry I'm not perfect!
805
00:56:41,498 --> 00:56:45,268
Perfect? My entire
approach to parenting
806
00:56:45,368 --> 00:56:49,406
is based on what I call
the WWMD principle.
807
00:56:49,506 --> 00:56:52,142
What Would Mitch Do?
I ask myself that question,
808
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:54,778
and then I do the exact opposite.
809
00:56:54,878 --> 00:56:57,680
Come on Boyd, you know I
get jittery 'cause of the war!
810
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:03,048
- You didn't go to war!
- He's still a hero! He's still a hero!
811
00:57:04,687 --> 00:57:09,190
Son of a bitch! No, no, no, no, no!
812
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,864
No, Boyd, slow down!
What are you doing?
813
00:57:13,964 --> 00:57:15,997
Not sure if you can see me
back here, Mr. Mitchler...
814
00:57:17,968 --> 00:57:19,934
See that? See it!
815
00:57:20,604 --> 00:57:22,305
Come on, Boyd,
you're gonna get us killed!
816
00:57:22,405 --> 00:57:23,740
Pull over, Boyd!
817
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:28,378
My whole life I've never been your
kind of man, a man's man, a real man.
818
00:57:28,478 --> 00:57:32,380
Well, let's see who the
real man is now! Hold on!
819
00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:46,360
Shut up, Sally.
You sound like a little bitch.
820
00:57:57,373 --> 00:58:02,645
Yeah, suck on that, Zblocki!
Suck on that! Eat it, bitch!
821
00:58:02,745 --> 00:58:04,114
Yes, yes!
822
00:58:04,214 --> 00:58:05,582
Yeah, go ahead.
823
00:58:06,682 --> 00:58:10,587
Yeah. I'm out at...
824
00:58:11,687 --> 00:58:13,290
Mr. Mitchler, he...
825
00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:16,057
everything okay?
826
00:58:17,059 --> 00:58:18,896
Eff this.
827
00:58:19,396 --> 00:58:21,465
Just wanted to wish you
a merry Christmas, Don!
828
00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:24,534
I'm calling her a night.
Gonna head home to the fam.
829
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:26,734
Roger that.
830
00:58:32,841 --> 00:58:35,643
Oh God, that felt good!
831
00:58:36,478 --> 00:58:41,183
You're not this guy, Boyd. You're not some
idiot who'd run away from a cop like that.
832
00:58:41,283 --> 00:58:43,621
Hell, that's the kind of
asshole stunt that I'd pull.
833
00:58:43,721 --> 00:58:46,220
You got the asshole part right.
834
00:58:49,191 --> 00:58:52,728
I suppose maybe you're
right about that.
835
00:59:00,469 --> 00:59:02,770
This has been a weird night.
836
00:59:04,673 --> 00:59:06,574
I'm sorry.
837
00:59:07,643 --> 00:59:10,914
I'm sorry to both of you.
838
00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:15,750
Mainly you, Boyd. I'm sorry.
839
00:59:16,952 --> 00:59:19,700
Suppose I might have said it sooner
if I hadn't been so hammered
840
00:59:19,801 --> 00:59:25,626
for most of the last 30 years but
you know? There it is, I said it.
841
00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:32,169
You're a good man
842
00:59:32,269 --> 00:59:34,305
and,
843
00:59:35,605 --> 00:59:38,639
I'm so sorry.
844
00:59:46,983 --> 00:59:49,152
I'm sorry, oh!
845
00:59:50,052 --> 00:59:53,321
- What the hell was that?!
- Did we hit somebody?
846
00:59:54,224 --> 00:59:56,326
I'm telling you, Boyd,
that was a person!
847
00:59:56,426 --> 01:00:00,697
Nelson, it wasn't a person.
It can't have been a person.
848
01:00:00,797 --> 01:00:03,233
What would a person be doing
in the middle of the road...
849
01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:05,669
- Maybe it was a deer.
- Yeah, it was a deer!
850
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:09,170
- It wasn't a deer.
- Yes, of course it was a d...
851
01:00:11,206 --> 01:00:13,774
Oh, no.
852
01:00:29,792 --> 01:00:32,028
Oh, God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
853
01:00:32,128 --> 01:00:34,598
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
854
01:00:34,698 --> 01:00:38,534
- Okay, Boyd, just calm down.
- Calm?! Calm?
855
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:42,339
I just killed a man!
This is not the time to be calm!
856
01:00:42,439 --> 01:00:44,207
We just gotta...
we just gotta call the cops.
857
01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:46,142
No, we're not gonna call the cops!
I just outran the cops!
858
01:00:46,242 --> 01:00:49,329
- The last thing we need are the cops!
- Boyd's right, no cops.
859
01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:51,481
- My life is over!
- No it isn't!
860
01:00:51,581 --> 01:00:53,417
I'm gonna go to prison.
I'm going to prison.
861
01:00:53,517 --> 01:00:56,686
Boyd, just glass-half-full
it for a sec here, okay?
862
01:00:56,786 --> 01:01:00,590
- Prison these days is not half bad.
- I'll take the heat!
863
01:01:00,690 --> 01:01:02,659
I mean, come on now,
it's the least I can do,
864
01:01:02,759 --> 01:01:05,729
you know, being shitfaced and emotionally
abusive most of your childhood.
865
01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:09,199
No, Dad, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!
866
01:01:09,299 --> 01:01:11,802
Boyd, Boyd, Boyd!
867
01:01:13,102 --> 01:01:15,705
- There's other ways out of this.
- How?
868
01:01:15,805 --> 01:01:17,674
This guy...
869
01:01:17,774 --> 01:01:21,409
We're not exactly talking doctor,
lawyer, Indian chief here, right?
870
01:01:22,611 --> 01:01:26,950
He's off the grid.
So if he, disappeared.
871
01:01:27,050 --> 01:01:30,120
I got this friend, Mike Marcort.
872
01:01:30,220 --> 01:01:33,389
You know, we play cribbage,
and he owes me and...
873
01:01:33,489 --> 01:01:37,761
he's got a warehouse down
by Campbell Sport full of HCl.
874
01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:41,865
- HC what, Dad?
- Hydrochloric acid. And so?
875
01:01:41,965 --> 01:01:45,101
Well, you know, I'm saying... not that
he doesn't have value in God's eyes;
876
01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:48,538
I'm just saying that we soak this guy
in a vat of HCl for a couple of hours?
877
01:01:48,638 --> 01:01:52,275
- This son of a bitch will just fizzle away.
- Wait a minute.
878
01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:54,809
We're not really thinking about this?
879
01:01:55,577 --> 01:01:59,547
He's right, Dad. Nelson's right.
880
01:02:02,551 --> 01:02:05,155
We don't have time to
go to Campbell Sport.
881
01:02:05,255 --> 01:02:07,755
You're right, it's too far.
What was I thinking?
882
01:02:08,991 --> 01:02:11,027
Dad, do you have a shovel?
883
01:02:11,127 --> 01:02:13,229
Does Flipper pee in
the sea? I got that!
884
01:02:13,329 --> 01:02:16,366
- No, no, guys...
- Well, do you have a better idea?
885
01:02:16,466 --> 01:02:17,868
Do you? Because I'd love to hear it.
886
01:02:17,968 --> 01:02:20,861
No, but have you ever dug a foxhole
before, Boyd? Because I have
887
01:02:20,962 --> 01:02:25,840
- and it takes a super long time!
- Oh, he's right! Nelson's right.
888
01:02:28,877 --> 01:02:31,748
We could... we can burn him.
889
01:02:31,848 --> 01:02:34,084
You know, like a fire.
890
01:02:34,184 --> 01:02:37,353
Burning could work, burning's good!
891
01:02:37,753 --> 01:02:40,857
That's good, Nel...
What's going on, Dad?
892
01:02:40,957 --> 01:02:44,792
If we're gonna burn him, it's a hell
of a lot easier if you parcel him out.
893
01:03:00,175 --> 01:03:02,676
You got any bourbon?
894
01:03:06,515 --> 01:03:08,952
Hey, Doug!
895
01:03:09,052 --> 01:03:12,253
- Dougie doodle.
- Who said that?
896
01:03:15,557 --> 01:03:17,427
- Bingo.
- You can talk?
897
01:03:17,527 --> 01:03:19,396
You're seeing my lips move, ain't ya?
898
01:03:19,496 --> 01:03:21,965
Well then, that would constitute
talking, wouldn't it?
899
01:03:22,065 --> 01:03:24,872
- Is this a dream?
- "Is this a dream?"
900
01:03:24,973 --> 01:03:28,638
Maybe, maybe it's a dream,
or maybe I'm your subconscious,
901
01:03:28,738 --> 01:03:33,243
secretly trying to unearth truth for you
in the form of a waking hallucination.
902
01:03:33,343 --> 01:03:36,552
Listen Doug, let me get to the
gristle of why I woke you up here.
903
01:03:36,653 --> 01:03:41,551
It breaks my heart to tell you this,
but Santa ain't gonna find you,
904
01:03:41,651 --> 01:03:44,354
not here, not anywhere.
905
01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:48,056
- Why not?
- Because he doesn't exist.
906
01:03:49,625 --> 01:03:52,729
Yeah, don't take it so hard, buddy.
907
01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:56,300
As you get older, you'll learn there are
much worse things you could be told
908
01:03:56,400 --> 01:04:00,270
than some fat guy in a
red suit doesn't exist.
909
01:04:00,370 --> 01:04:03,106
Alright then, sleep tight, kid.
910
01:04:03,206 --> 01:04:06,974
And oh Merry Christmas.
911
01:04:10,913 --> 01:04:13,014
Radiator's shot.
912
01:04:16,885 --> 01:04:19,289
- Who ya calling there, Boyd?
- Luann.
913
01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:21,124
Let her know we're not gonna make it.
914
01:04:21,224 --> 01:04:24,694
Not gonna make it?
Hold on a sec, Boyd.
915
01:04:25,394 --> 01:04:28,297
Hey look, I know that we
have been through a lot,
916
01:04:28,397 --> 01:04:33,570
well, me getting stuck in the john and you
getting pegged with a nail gun by some kid,
917
01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:36,372
and running from that cop,
and trying to figure out different ways
918
01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:41,019
to dismember a transient,
but it's Christmas,
919
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:45,448
and if we quit now, it's like the baby
Jesus died up on that cross for nothing.
920
01:04:45,548 --> 01:04:47,584
I think that's Easter, actually.
921
01:04:47,684 --> 01:04:52,181
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right,
you're right. My point is, you know,
922
01:04:52,282 --> 01:04:54,895
I suppose I don't know much
about being a father yet,
923
01:04:54,996 --> 01:04:58,628
since BJ's only been around a couple
of months and he's technically
924
01:04:58,728 --> 01:05:03,963
some Mexican's, on top of that but, you
know, what I seen you do today, Boyd...
925
01:05:04,064 --> 01:05:07,203
go to the ends of the earth
for your son like that...
926
01:05:07,303 --> 01:05:10,473
jeez, that's what being
a father's all about.
927
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:16,844
And I just don't think you should
quit now. There's still time.
928
01:05:31,159 --> 01:05:35,696
Hey, I'm really sorry we
almost killed you back there.
929
01:05:36,966 --> 01:05:40,336
I don't suppose you have
a vehicle we could borrow?
930
01:05:40,436 --> 01:05:45,539
'Cause we're about 10 miles from where
we're supposed to be here, and...
931
01:05:47,342 --> 01:05:49,879
I don't know how else
to put this, except...
932
01:05:49,979 --> 01:05:53,213
we're hoping for a friggin'
Christmas miracle.
933
01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:03,827
Fall on your knees
934
01:06:03,927 --> 01:06:07,096
Oh, hear the radiant
voices calling
935
01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:10,531
Oh God, oh God
Boom, boom, boom
936
01:06:13,536 --> 01:06:16,272
Oh, shoot! Luann, are you okay?
937
01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:18,872
I'm okay, I'm okay.
938
01:06:27,215 --> 01:06:28,516
Yeah!
939
01:06:29,785 --> 01:06:33,988
Come on you guys, wake up!
Let's go up and see if Santa came.
940
01:06:55,143 --> 01:06:57,945
They're breathing. Come on!
941
01:07:12,094 --> 01:07:14,194
Come on, whoa, whoa!
942
01:07:15,064 --> 01:07:19,100
See, I told you Santa's real!
Now we can find our stuff.
943
01:07:23,705 --> 01:07:25,308
Pull up there, there!
944
01:07:25,408 --> 01:07:27,908
What do you think you got, Bug?
945
01:07:29,111 --> 01:07:31,612
I don't think I got anything.
946
01:07:36,952 --> 01:07:41,388
- We can't thank you enough.
- Merry Christmas, it's been a flight!
947
01:07:51,466 --> 01:07:53,879
- Where you goin', they're up?
- Yeah. He's up.
948
01:07:53,980 --> 01:07:55,398
- All the kids have their presents.
- So what,
949
01:07:55,499 --> 01:07:59,440
- go on in there and give him the thing!
- He'll know there's no Santa, Dad!
950
01:08:10,152 --> 01:08:13,556
Maybe Santa took your presents
to the wrong house, or...
951
01:08:13,656 --> 01:08:16,726
No. There is no Santa.
952
01:08:16,826 --> 01:08:20,160
Look. Puba said he loved bourbon.
953
01:08:37,478 --> 01:08:39,379
Merry Christmas.
954
01:09:02,370 --> 01:09:04,204
Good luck.
955
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,141
No Douglas, don't!
956
01:09:21,955 --> 01:09:24,894
- You must be Douglas.
- Are you Santa?
957
01:09:24,994 --> 01:09:27,396
Oh, yes indeed. Yes, I am.
958
01:09:27,496 --> 01:09:31,000
Why'd you drink all that bourbon,
Santa? Won't it make you drunk?
959
01:09:31,100 --> 01:09:35,504
Well, Douglas,
bourbon gives Santa the energy
960
01:09:35,604 --> 01:09:39,139
that he needs to keep
his appointed rounds.
961
01:09:39,408 --> 01:09:42,111
And asparagus. Puba told me that.
962
01:09:42,311 --> 01:09:47,416
Yep, asparagus, too. Smart fella.
963
01:09:47,516 --> 01:09:51,818
Oh my goodness, I almost
forgot your present.
964
01:09:53,288 --> 01:09:57,660
- Merry Christmas, Douglas.
- Thank you, Santa.
965
01:09:57,760 --> 01:09:59,693
I believe.
966
01:10:00,528 --> 01:10:03,163
And I hope you always do.
967
01:10:04,099 --> 01:10:07,603
Santa, don't you want your asparagus?
968
01:10:07,703 --> 01:10:12,806
That's okay, Douglas, you keep it.
Asparagus makes my urine smell funny.
969
01:10:13,341 --> 01:10:15,343
Merry Christmas.
970
01:10:22,150 --> 01:10:24,451
I think it was a big success.
971
01:10:27,088 --> 01:10:30,857
On second thought this may
have not been such a hot idea.
972
01:10:33,528 --> 01:10:37,000
No matter how this pans out,
you tried your best.
973
01:10:37,300 --> 01:10:40,767
Bottom line, you're one
hell of a good dad, Boyd.
974
01:10:42,704 --> 01:10:44,805
Thanks, Dad.
975
01:10:53,015 --> 01:10:55,415
Merry Christmas, Bug.
976
01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:58,819
Dad, why did your
massage take so long?
977
01:11:00,788 --> 01:11:02,422
Let me help you.
978
01:11:05,060 --> 01:11:07,163
Nice wrap job there. What is it?
979
01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:09,566
- What is it?
- I built it, the whole thing.
980
01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,801
I even sanded the runners myself.
981
01:11:11,901 --> 01:11:16,370
It's really something.
Really something.
982
01:11:17,939 --> 01:11:20,376
It's pretty cool?
983
01:11:20,476 --> 01:11:24,447
Neat, but no snow.
Let's see what else there is.
984
01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:30,484
Hey Bug! Look, I found this outside
for you. Santa must have dropped it.
985
01:11:40,295 --> 01:11:44,901
Bridge for children! I've always
wanted to learn how to play bridge!
986
01:11:45,001 --> 01:11:48,935
Woo-hoo, alright!
Neato, look at what I got!
987
01:11:53,108 --> 01:11:56,412
- I'm sorry.
- I'm drunk.
988
01:11:56,912 --> 01:11:59,015
I remain sorry.
989
01:11:59,415 --> 01:12:01,915
But I accept your apology.
990
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:08,058
Oh for cripe's sake, Boyd, get a Goddamn
room if you're gonna be doing that.
991
01:12:08,158 --> 01:12:10,393
Dave's the designated
pervert in this family.
992
01:12:10,493 --> 01:12:12,993
He's not a pervert!
993
01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:35,082
- Hey, hey!
- Rancer!
994
01:12:37,886 --> 01:12:41,558
- You think I would have known better.
- Oh, I suppose.
995
01:12:41,658 --> 01:12:43,426
But if we always learned
from our mistakes,
996
01:12:43,526 --> 01:12:46,626
nobody'd ever spend
Christmas with their family.
997
01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:50,718
What the hell good is getting a sled
in this day and age of global warming?
998
01:12:50,819 --> 01:12:54,671
- You should have got the kid a boat.
- Shut up, Dad.
999
01:12:55,271 --> 01:12:59,238
Dad, can we go inside and
play some bridge now?
1000
01:13:22,730 --> 01:13:25,701
Look Dad, it's snowing!
1001
01:13:25,801 --> 01:13:29,737
- You're right, Bug.
- It's probably ash.
1002
01:13:49,057 --> 01:13:51,927
More, more, more, more
1003
01:13:52,027 --> 01:13:54,530
Can't you hear it?
1004
01:13:54,630 --> 01:13:57,133
More, more, more, more
1005
01:13:57,233 --> 01:13:59,869
Love comes through
1006
01:13:59,969 --> 01:14:02,304
Give me happiness
1007
01:14:02,404 --> 01:14:04,940
You're like the sun
1008
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:10,343
You're my holiday,
my favourite one
1009
01:14:13,014 --> 01:14:15,985
More than I wished for
1010
01:14:16,085 --> 01:14:18,587
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1011
01:14:18,687 --> 01:14:21,023
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1012
01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:23,692
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1013
01:14:23,792 --> 01:14:26,629
More than I wished for
1014
01:14:26,729 --> 01:14:29,065
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1015
01:14:29,165 --> 01:14:31,834
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1016
01:14:31,934 --> 01:14:34,503
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1017
01:14:34,603 --> 01:14:37,438
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1018
01:14:40,109 --> 01:14:42,445
Ring, ring
Ring, ring
1019
01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:45,314
I hear the birds
1020
01:14:45,414 --> 01:14:47,716
Sing, sing
Sing, sing
1021
01:14:47,816 --> 01:14:50,319
Sweet Noel
1022
01:14:50,419 --> 01:14:55,324
Peace for everyone,
be all good cheer
1023
01:14:55,424 --> 01:15:01,327
A merry, wonderful time of year
1024
01:15:03,965 --> 01:15:06,635
More than I wished for
1025
01:15:06,735 --> 01:15:09,405
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1026
01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,874
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1027
01:15:11,974 --> 01:15:14,610
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1028
01:15:14,710 --> 01:15:17,113
More than I wished for
1029
01:15:17,213 --> 01:15:19,882
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1030
01:15:19,982 --> 01:15:22,618
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1031
01:15:22,718 --> 01:15:25,087
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1032
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:28,522
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1033
01:15:31,227 --> 01:15:36,365
You're my angel and the sun
You are my mistletoe
1034
01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:41,871
You're my star that's shining bright
You are my Silent Night
1035
01:15:41,971 --> 01:15:47,076
You're the sweetest little thing
You are out of a dream
1036
01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:49,712
You're my sugar and my spice
1037
01:15:49,812 --> 01:15:52,581
You're the naughty to my nice
1038
01:15:52,681 --> 01:15:57,186
You are the one
You're more than I wish for
1039
01:15:57,286 --> 01:15:59,855
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1040
01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,591
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1041
01:16:02,691 --> 01:16:05,327
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1042
01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,930
More than I wished for
1043
01:16:08,030 --> 01:16:10,633
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1044
01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:13,135
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1045
01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:15,771
Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
1046
01:16:15,871 --> 01:16:19,074
More than I wished for
1047
01:16:19,174 --> 01:16:22,676
Bu-doo-bum, boom boom
1048
01:16:29,117 --> 01:16:33,422
Joy to the world,
the Lord has come
1049
01:16:33,522 --> 01:16:37,860
And he's drivin' a
big green bass boat
1050
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:41,997
Circling around
your castle's moat
1051
01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:47,600
He's the new favourite
late night talk-show host
1052
01:16:49,137 --> 01:16:55,775
That's why we try to love
1053
01:16:58,579 --> 01:17:02,851
Now that you're here,
come gather round
1054
01:17:02,951 --> 01:17:07,056
Check out these
treasures that I found
1055
01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:10,960
One makes a flash,
the other makes a sound
1056
01:17:11,060 --> 01:17:15,829
But none will catch you
from crashing down
1057
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:22,371
That's why we try
1058
01:17:22,471 --> 01:17:25,772
To love
1059
01:17:56,037 --> 01:18:00,175
Life just kicks you, 1-2-3
1060
01:18:00,275 --> 01:18:04,246
Keeps us guessing him or me
1061
01:18:04,346 --> 01:18:08,181
There's always more to see,
always more want
1062
01:18:12,121 --> 01:18:18,727
That's why we try to love
1063
01:18:18,827 --> 01:18:24,634
That's why we try to love
1064
01:18:55,329 --> 01:18:57,466
The weather outside is frightful
1065
01:18:57,566 --> 01:19:00,769
And the fire is so inviting
1066
01:19:06,542 --> 01:19:09,011
The sound of sleigh bells ringing
1067
01:19:09,111 --> 01:19:12,912
Is all the more delightful
1068
01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:24,623
The sight of snow falling
lightly on her cheek
1069
01:19:29,965 --> 01:19:36,468
The things around this
little town aren't so bleak
1070
01:19:41,143 --> 01:19:45,678
And the lights are up on the door
1071
01:19:46,815 --> 01:19:51,050
They say it's Christmas time
1072
01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:57,123
And I felt this once before
1073
01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:03,862
And I can't get it out of my mind
1074
01:20:10,406 --> 01:20:16,309
We can go out walking till
the snow starts to gleam
1075
01:20:19,247 --> 01:20:25,153
Do you remember the stories
I told you? Or was it all a dream?
1076
01:20:30,491 --> 01:20:36,362
I still can't believe that
you are with me once again
1077
01:20:36,597 --> 01:20:40,900
My dear
1078
01:20:51,112 --> 01:20:54,316
Deck the halls with
boughs of holly
1079
01:20:54,416 --> 01:20:57,886
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
1080
01:20:57,986 --> 01:21:00,623
Tis the season to be jolly
1081
01:21:00,723 --> 01:21:03,725
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
1082
01:21:03,825 --> 01:21:06,395
Don we now our gay apparel
1083
01:21:06,495 --> 01:21:08,997
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
1084
01:21:09,097 --> 01:21:12,234
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol
1085
01:21:12,334 --> 01:21:15,137
Fa la la la la
1086
01:21:15,237 --> 01:21:18,106
La la la...
1087
01:21:18,206 --> 01:21:21,374
La...
La!
1088
01:21:22,043 --> 01:21:25,581
Ah...
1089
01:21:28,650 --> 01:21:32,785
That's what you gotta commit to a song.
That's why we don't get first place.
89610
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