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1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,633
What are you thinking about?
2
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,255
Your nipples.
3
00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:15,739
Shut up.
4
00:00:15,912 --> 00:00:16,912
- What?
- Stop it.
5
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,639
- I am.
- You're a little shit.
6
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,296
They're lovely nipples.
7
00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:22,022
Damn skippy, sir.
8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,127
Damn skippy?
9
00:00:26,267 --> 00:00:28,476
Make love to me, girl.
10
00:00:28,511 --> 00:00:30,685
Oh, mister, can I
have my candy now?
11
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,103
Ew! Ew, ew.
12
00:00:41,731 --> 00:00:43,940
This is the life.
13
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:48,531
I got my girl on one arm, a
frozen pizza in the fridge.
14
00:00:50,498 --> 00:00:52,569
And your sister on my other arm.
15
00:00:52,604 --> 00:00:53,881
Hi, Catherine, how's it goin'?
16
00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:55,469
Sam, she is six months pregnant!
17
00:00:55,503 --> 00:00:56,815
When will we?
18
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:57,678
Sam.
19
00:00:57,712 --> 00:00:58,644
We won't have to use a condom.
20
00:00:58,679 --> 00:00:59,507
Ew!
21
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:01,406
And all that woman, just.
22
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,762
If you ever wanna see
me naked again,
23
00:01:02,786 --> 00:01:04,477
you're gonna stop talking
about my sister.
24
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:05,686
Hey!
25
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,032
Sorry, you're right.
26
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,998
That was rude of me.
27
00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:11,174
I don't know what came
over me and yow-za!
28
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:12,531
Cheater, cheater,
cheater, cheater, cheater.
29
00:01:12,555 --> 00:01:13,797
Stop, stop, stop, okay, okay.
30
00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:15,039
Okay, you win.
31
00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:19,079
I will never again- So, yes?
32
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,332
I will never again sneak a peek
33
00:01:20,356 --> 00:01:22,530
at your bodacious bod
without your consent.
34
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,738
Darn tootin'.
35
00:01:23,773 --> 00:01:26,431
In fact, I will try, nay, shall,
36
00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,815
keep thy virginal flesh- What?
37
00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:33,714
You said about me.
38
00:01:33,747 --> 00:01:38,339
Thy virginal rump safe from
all prying perverted eyes and-
39
00:01:38,374 --> 00:01:39,306
Oh, would you look at that?
40
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:43,482
They're so pert and n-
41
00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:46,244
How dare you.
- You love it.
42
00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:47,797
Dammit.
43
00:01:59,429 --> 00:02:00,775
Can I ask you something?
44
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:03,606
Hm?
45
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:04,640
Sure.
46
00:02:07,437 --> 00:02:10,853
Is a threeway something
you would want?
47
00:02:12,684 --> 00:02:14,720
- Nope, not touching that one.
- What?
48
00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:15,870
Nope, not playing that game.
49
00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:16,757
No, no, no, come on, come on,
come on.
50
00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:19,415
Tell me what you honestly think.
51
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,246
Not a chance, no. Nope, sorry.
52
00:02:23,281 --> 00:02:24,316
Oh, really?
53
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:30,460
Ah you are some kind of...
54
00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:31,668
No, no, you can't.
55
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,980
I can, I did.
56
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:35,050
Spill.
57
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,364
You are evil.
58
00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:38,848
- No I'm not.
- Yes you are.
59
00:02:38,882 --> 00:02:41,816
- No I'm not.
- Yes you are.
60
00:02:41,851 --> 00:02:43,370
Come on, tell me.
61
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:44,404
Fine.
62
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:50,653
I guess I could see the
appeal for most guys.
63
00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:51,687
Obviously.
64
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:55,323
I just, I don't know, I feel
like at this point in my life,
65
00:02:55,347 --> 00:02:58,108
it just seems a little selfish?
66
00:02:58,143 --> 00:02:59,386
Immature.
67
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,941
There are all these girls that
are out there with these guys
68
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:06,703
who don't realize how
wonderful, sexy, funny,
69
00:03:08,705 --> 00:03:10,811
currently naked they
happen to be.
70
00:03:10,845 --> 00:03:12,571
I mean, all they think
about is just trying
71
00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:14,194
to throw another girl on top.
72
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,782
I mean, those guys have no idea
73
00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:18,819
how to perform in that situation
74
00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:22,823
and in a relationship
that seems particularly...
75
00:03:23,824 --> 00:03:24,997
Some get hurt.
76
00:03:25,964 --> 00:03:27,345
Some get jealous.
77
00:03:29,036 --> 00:03:33,109
So no, Miss Mancini, I
do not want a threeway.
78
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:34,800
Thank you very much.
79
00:03:41,911 --> 00:03:42,911
Hm.
80
00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:50,195
Because I thought it could
be kind of hot.
81
00:03:52,646 --> 00:03:53,923
On the other hand...
82
00:03:53,957 --> 00:03:58,928
♪ Ah ♪
83
00:04:09,973 --> 00:04:11,527
So um, guy or girl?
84
00:04:14,668 --> 00:04:15,668
Both?
85
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:17,533
Might have to force them.
86
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,774
No, no, no.
87
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:23,780
I meant like one with you and
another girl, and then, um,
88
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,886
one of you and a guy?
89
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:30,546
Or the other one first.
I don't know.
90
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:32,064
What do you think?
91
00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:36,413
What?
92
00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:38,944
Ooh, you were hoping I
was going to give you
93
00:04:38,968 --> 00:04:41,971
an all you could eat
pussy buffet.
94
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,075
No, god, Jesus.
95
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:46,803
No, I didn't want that,
I'm just...
96
00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:48,159
Look, you're just, you're
not doing this
97
00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:51,808
so you can fuck someone else,
right?
98
00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:06,868
- Are you not okay with this?
- No, of course I am.
99
00:05:06,892 --> 00:05:08,238
I mean, why wouldn't I be?
100
00:05:08,273 --> 00:05:09,930
It's just different.
101
00:05:22,736 --> 00:05:23,599
Hm.
102
00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:24,979
So how would you
like to do this?
103
00:05:25,014 --> 00:05:26,360
Friends? Strangers?
104
00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:29,156
Professionals?
Professionals?
105
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:30,433
Like a hooker?
106
00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:31,928
Yeah, I mean they would
know what they're doing.
107
00:05:31,952 --> 00:05:33,954
I'm sure they do, but,
108
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:38,268
baby, it's just sex, you know,
plus one.
109
00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:40,443
It really shouldn't be
too hard to figure out.
110
00:05:40,478 --> 00:05:41,765
I mean, do you really want
a prostitute in our bed?
111
00:05:41,789 --> 00:05:42,928
I mean- I'm not saying
112
00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:44,665
we pick up a little girl on
the street turning tricks.
113
00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:46,010
I mean, certainly not
a little girl,
114
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,693
but I mean, I'm not saying we
pick up some street walker,
115
00:05:48,727 --> 00:05:51,005
you know, we just, we get
a kind of professional
116
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,560
who's professional about
this kind of thing.
117
00:05:53,594 --> 00:05:55,527
Okay, well I appreciate
the distinction,
118
00:05:55,562 --> 00:05:59,980
but that seems like it
would be a lot of effort,
119
00:06:00,014 --> 00:06:01,015
not to mention money.
120
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:02,776
And I just don't think
it would really feel,
121
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,918
like, genuine, you know?
122
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:08,057
I guess.
123
00:06:08,091 --> 00:06:09,541
So...
124
00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:11,371
We can put an ad online.
125
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,580
Are there places we can do that?
126
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:15,720
It's the internet, so, yeah.
127
00:06:17,204 --> 00:06:18,274
All right.
128
00:06:18,308 --> 00:06:19,308
Okay.
129
00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:21,035
Where, do you think?
130
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:22,209
Uh...
131
00:06:22,243 --> 00:06:24,970
Well, you know, classifieds,
forums, something like-
132
00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:27,110
- I swear to
god, if you post an ad
133
00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,225
in the Marvel forums-
Okay, okay.
134
00:06:28,249 --> 00:06:29,665
Fine, fine, fine.
135
00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:32,392
Craigslist then.
136
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:36,016
Oh god really? Oh, won't
we get a lot of pervs?
137
00:06:36,050 --> 00:06:37,811
As opposed to the
fine, upstanding citizens
138
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:39,029
who troll the internet
looking for someone
139
00:06:39,053 --> 00:06:40,848
to have a threesome with?
Shut up.
140
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,609
No, it's like if we had a kid
141
00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:45,991
and we were vetting a
babysitter or a nanny.
142
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:48,269
Right. Except we want
to fuck them.
143
00:06:48,304 --> 00:06:50,893
Exactly. So how is
it different?
144
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:51,963
Fine. All right.
145
00:06:51,997 --> 00:06:56,139
I guess we can give it a
shot and see how it goes.
146
00:06:57,140 --> 00:06:58,566
Right, I don't even know
how to approach
147
00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:00,005
our friends about it.
148
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,075
What do you mean?
149
00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:02,467
Well, like, if we
want to do this
150
00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:04,562
with someone we already know.
151
00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:08,635
Yeah. I have no idea.
152
00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:13,847
Which ones would be
interested, do you think?
153
00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:15,020
Me, me, me, me.
154
00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:15,883
- Come on me.
- Me.
155
00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:16,988
- Come on.
- Me.
156
00:07:17,022 --> 00:07:18,310
- How long have you known me?
- Me!
157
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,415
How long have you
known me? Kindergarten.
158
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,406
- Me!
- Look at the guns.
159
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,201
Come on.
Me!
160
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,168
Well, I'll think about it.
161
00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,307
You think some more, too.
162
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:27,792
Mm-hm.
163
00:07:27,826 --> 00:07:30,311
Can we get the check please?
164
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:37,353
So which one of my friends
do you want to fuck?
165
00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:38,387
Uh...
166
00:07:42,082 --> 00:07:42,876
So there's an old fashioned way
167
00:07:42,909 --> 00:07:44,567
to talk a stranger
into a threesome?
168
00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:45,613
I'm just saying
it's gonna be easier
169
00:07:45,637 --> 00:07:47,536
to talk a guy into
wanting to fuck you.
170
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:50,193
Okay, look, for the last
time he is not fucking me,
171
00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:53,749
he is fucking us.
Okay, so we're clear,
172
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:55,923
he's fucking you because
as open minded as I am,
173
00:07:55,957 --> 00:07:58,374
I'm neither ready nor
willing to take a dick.
174
00:07:58,408 --> 00:08:00,031
Two palms, please.
175
00:08:00,065 --> 00:08:01,239
Fine.
176
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,793
But you will
nevertheless be there
177
00:08:03,828 --> 00:08:08,626
with him and me in close,
sweaty, ball slapping proximity.
178
00:08:10,317 --> 00:08:12,053
And trust me, there are
not so many guys excited
179
00:08:12,077 --> 00:08:15,460
by that proposition as
you seem to think.
180
00:08:18,463 --> 00:08:19,958
In any case, I think
both of us are a little
181
00:08:19,982 --> 00:08:22,467
out of practice at
picking people up at bars.
182
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,502
Ha.
183
00:08:24,573 --> 00:08:25,815
I was in practice?
184
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:27,610
So she's kinda chatting away
185
00:08:27,645 --> 00:08:29,474
and I'm working on her leg,
right?
186
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:33,097
And she suddenly drops
in, "You have sexy hands."
187
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,686
- Bullshit.
- Awkward.
188
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:35,549
Nice.
189
00:08:35,584 --> 00:08:36,826
Not nice.
190
00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:39,207
I mean, look, she's not
lying, right ladies?
191
00:08:39,241 --> 00:08:42,038
But a middle-aged
professional softball umpire
192
00:08:42,073 --> 00:08:43,177
while on the clock?
193
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:44,385
No fuckin' thank you.
194
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:45,535
What's a softball empire doing
195
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,424
getting a massage on the clock?
196
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:53,084
So what happened?
197
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:56,373
Well, I just kind of mutter
a thank you and keep going.
198
00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:58,261
I mean, what else am I
supposed to do?
199
00:08:58,296 --> 00:08:59,618
- Well, you could always-
- Incorrect.
200
00:08:59,642 --> 00:09:00,712
- All right.
- Okay.
201
00:09:01,610 --> 00:09:03,853
So she's quiet for a minute
202
00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:05,268
and then she starts
chatting again
203
00:09:05,303 --> 00:09:07,754
and then she fuckin'
freaks me out again.
204
00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:08,651
How?
205
00:09:08,686 --> 00:09:10,688
Well I'm working on her arm,
right?
206
00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:14,692
And I glance down at her face
and she's giving me that look.
207
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:15,658
What look?
208
00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,211
That look that look that says
209
00:09:17,246 --> 00:09:19,559
I want to get filled
out like an application
210
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,837
and you have good penmanship.
211
00:09:21,871 --> 00:09:23,632
Right?
212
00:09:23,666 --> 00:09:25,126
- Kill yourself.
- And that's not all.
213
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:26,635
She's making eyes at me, right?
214
00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:28,153
And she fuckin' winks.
215
00:09:28,188 --> 00:09:29,396
Wow winking, what a slut.
216
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,467
Mm, gettin' hit on by
the older ladies.
217
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:32,364
Well done, sir.
218
00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:34,366
Much older, fuck you very much.
219
00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:35,782
Ew, who would do that?
220
00:09:35,816 --> 00:09:37,680
I know, hitting on Ian.
221
00:09:37,715 --> 00:09:39,268
Oh, fuck you, too.
222
00:09:39,302 --> 00:09:41,891
Yo, you can't blame a honey
for wanting a happy ending.
223
00:09:41,926 --> 00:09:43,099
How lovely.
224
00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:44,594
And then there was this
moment where I could have sworn
225
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,965
her hand was like right about
to make a move for my D,
226
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,968
and then she just brought it
right back at the last second.
227
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,280
And she's an umpire?
228
00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:52,833
She should've unzipped
you right there
229
00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:55,733
and reached in and
said you're out!
230
00:09:57,804 --> 00:10:02,774
♪ New Zealand ♪
231
00:10:03,948 --> 00:10:05,132
Okay. I'm going to
step out for a second.
232
00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:05,950
You comin'?
233
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:06,916
I'm comin',
234
00:10:06,951 --> 00:10:08,159
Ooh, love birds.
235
00:10:08,193 --> 00:10:09,913
Yeah, can't they do
anything on their own?
236
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,165
♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪
237
00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:16,857
Drinks!
238
00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:17,892
Yeah.
239
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:23,484
Come on. Come, come,
come.
240
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:26,971
So she tipped me like
seven percent,
241
00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:31,492
which is like ridiculous for
that long of a procedure.
242
00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:33,771
I told the front desk I
never want to see
243
00:10:33,805 --> 00:10:35,842
that crazy broad again.
244
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:36,876
Fuck.
245
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:42,780
So what's been up with you, man?
246
00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:44,436
Nothing just uh...
247
00:10:44,471 --> 00:10:46,818
You seem a little off, even
by my low standards for you.
248
00:10:46,853 --> 00:10:49,131
Yeah, it's um,
249
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:51,167
it's something with Chloe,
it's not a big deal.
250
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:51,892
What, is it the
money thing still?
251
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:52,893
'Cause we thought we were past-
252
00:10:52,928 --> 00:10:55,931
- No, no, no, no. I'm
good with that, I think.
253
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,139
Well then what?
254
00:10:57,173 --> 00:10:58,036
Did you call her fat?
255
00:10:58,071 --> 00:10:59,072
Did you knock her up?
256
00:10:59,106 --> 00:11:00,832
I'm the godfather even
if you abort.
257
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,247
Keep the little guy
in a mason jar.
258
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:04,387
Jesus! No, God.
259
00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:08,875
She says she's bisexual.
260
00:11:08,909 --> 00:11:09,945
Uh, okay?
261
00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:12,154
What do you mean she
says she's bisexual?
262
00:11:12,188 --> 00:11:14,087
Oh you know what I mean.
263
00:11:14,121 --> 00:11:15,478
She says she's bi
because that's what
264
00:11:15,502 --> 00:11:18,056
every guy wants to hear.
265
00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:22,889
She likes eating pussy as
much as I like sucking dick.
266
00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:23,924
I love giving head.
267
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:25,892
Yeah, I don't mind it.
268
00:11:27,134 --> 00:11:28,791
That is not the point.
269
00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:32,070
How is an honest girl
supposed to compete with that?
270
00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:34,383
Uh, hon, I'm still not
on the same page here.
271
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,040
Oh, please.
272
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:39,491
That's every guy's fantasy,
a girl who likes girls, too.
273
00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:42,529
It makes them think that they
can get two girls at once,
274
00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:44,531
but it's not real.
275
00:11:44,565 --> 00:11:45,359
Um...
276
00:11:45,394 --> 00:11:47,430
Chloe wants to have a threeway.
277
00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:49,270
Okay, fuck you for
spending one goddamn second
278
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,502
being bothered by that, man.
279
00:11:50,537 --> 00:11:52,021
That is a beautiful thing.
280
00:11:52,056 --> 00:11:53,471
What an asshole.
281
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,024
Sorry.
282
00:11:55,059 --> 00:11:57,233
- Wait, guy or girl?
- Both.
283
00:11:57,268 --> 00:11:59,822
- That's a fourway, genius.
- Not at the same time.
284
00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:04,793
It's one girl and she wants
to try one with another guy.
285
00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:06,622
- Oh.
- Yeah.
286
00:12:06,656 --> 00:12:08,106
- Dibs.
- What?
287
00:12:08,141 --> 00:12:12,455
Nobody doesn't, nobody
actually has a threesome.
288
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:13,594
Esther did.
289
00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:17,253
Oh yeah, in college.
Like that counts.
290
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:21,257
We're adults now. We don't
get drunk and experiment.
291
00:12:21,292 --> 00:12:23,604
Think about it, do
you want some stranger
292
00:12:23,639 --> 00:12:26,746
lying on top of Chloe,
sweating on her, moaning,
293
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,265
thrusting his
unfamiliar cock into her
294
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:32,130
or eating that puss like a
hobo with a ham sandwich?
295
00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:33,649
Or do you want me?
296
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:39,103
Think about it?
297
00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:42,900
All right, why don't
we put on a strong face.
298
00:12:42,934 --> 00:12:45,005
I'll order some more,
more drinks
299
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,386
and I'll go American History X
300
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:48,250
on that with these boots.
301
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:49,285
Bam.
302
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,013
- They are pretty cute boots.
- I know, right?
303
00:12:54,049 --> 00:12:55,498
Okay.
304
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:57,949
I gotta be right back.
Okay.
305
00:13:07,856 --> 00:13:10,444
So when did you have
a threesome?
306
00:13:10,479 --> 00:13:12,274
- What?
- You acted all offended
307
00:13:12,308 --> 00:13:14,252
when she hated on threesomes,
like you took it personally.
308
00:13:14,276 --> 00:13:15,104
What?
309
00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:16,347
No. No, no, no, no.
310
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:20,075
Nothing like that.
It's something like that.
311
00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:23,147
Okay, I have to tell
you something.
312
00:13:23,181 --> 00:13:24,527
Oh my god, here it is.
313
00:13:24,562 --> 00:13:26,495
You cannot tell anybody.
314
00:13:26,529 --> 00:13:28,428
- Can I tweet it?
- I'm serious, Alex.
315
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:31,672
It was like 127 Hours
except nobody was trapped.
316
00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:34,399
Like seriously, loosest
pussy I ever felt.
317
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:35,642
- Kaitlin?
- Yeah, man.
318
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:37,161
Yeah, it's like
fucking a fish tank.
319
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,439
When did you sleep with her?
320
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:40,761
- Your Halloween party.
- At your Halloween party.
321
00:13:40,785 --> 00:13:42,787
Like at the same time?
322
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:43,753
Practically.
323
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:44,651
- Boom.
- Boom.
324
00:13:44,685 --> 00:13:46,515
- We were like a tag team.
- Yeah.
325
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:51,002
Except I did power bomb her.
That was probably too rough.
326
00:13:51,037 --> 00:13:53,246
And that's probably why she now
327
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,386
is having feelings for
this little guy,
328
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,423
Which reminds me, Sam is
going to let me bang Chloe.
329
00:13:58,458 --> 00:13:59,079
Dude!
330
00:13:59,114 --> 00:14:00,115
- What?
- What?
331
00:14:00,149 --> 00:14:03,843
Yeah. Sam and Chloe,
threeway with this guy.
332
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,154
First of all, shut up.
333
00:14:05,189 --> 00:14:07,985
Second of all, you have
not been, will not be,
334
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:10,401
and are not invited to this
thing even if it ever happens.
335
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:11,654
Totally invited to be
part of the thing.
336
00:14:11,678 --> 00:14:12,782
I'm confused.
337
00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:14,588
Real quick, because she's
going to be back soon,
338
00:14:14,612 --> 00:14:16,821
Chlo wants to have a threesome
with a guy and a girl.
339
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:17,787
Wait, that's a foursome.
340
00:14:17,822 --> 00:14:19,306
- Not at the same time.
- Shut up!
341
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:20,836
Okay, look, it's not,
we haven't decided yet
342
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,689
who or rules and
they're coming back,
343
00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:23,942
so everyone, I don't
wanna hear a word of it.
344
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:24,933
No.
345
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:26,486
What are you
boys gossiping about?
346
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:27,970
Legos!
347
00:14:28,005 --> 00:14:29,558
Favorite as a kid.
348
00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:31,249
I got your back, man.
349
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:34,356
♪ Everything is gonna
glow in the afterglow ♪
350
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:35,426
- Come on.
- No.
351
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,393
- Come on!
- No!
352
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,395
- Stacy.
- Nope.
353
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:40,465
- Ester.
- Stop.
354
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,271
Look, I know you've got
a thing for Asian girls.
355
00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:45,815
Those sites are educational
and cultural and...
356
00:14:45,850 --> 00:14:47,645
Come on, Sam. Sam.
357
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,554
I just want you to tell
me which one of my friends
358
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:51,338
you want to fuck.
359
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,443
Come on, Sam.
360
00:14:53,444 --> 00:14:55,377
Why are you asking?
361
00:14:56,343 --> 00:14:58,276
Okay, look, I've been
thinking about
362
00:14:58,311 --> 00:15:00,485
our proposed sex-periment-
Please don't call it that.
363
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,566
And I really think we would be
364
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:03,661
more comfortable with a friend.
365
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:04,489
- A friend?
- Yes.
366
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:06,077
Someone we see regularly?
367
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:07,630
- Yes.
- To have sex with us.
368
00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:11,048
Glad to see you're following me.
369
00:15:11,082 --> 00:15:14,085
Now the question is which one?
370
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,916
I mean, come on, look, I have
given you a digital plethora
371
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,227
of women to choose from.
372
00:15:18,262 --> 00:15:20,229
Just point, click and...
373
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,726
You know they still haven't
actually agreed to this right?
374
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:26,856
Details, details.
Come on pick!
375
00:15:26,891 --> 00:15:28,479
Fuck you, Zuckerberg.
376
00:15:28,513 --> 00:15:29,342
Okay.
377
00:15:29,376 --> 00:15:30,930
So if I choose someone,
378
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,862
you have to promise not
to get angry.
379
00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:34,702
- Why would I get angry?
- Why do you get angry
380
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:35,555
when I leave the toilet seat up?
381
00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:36,556
I don't know.
Because it's rude
382
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:38,120
and inconsiderate and
shows a complete lack
383
00:15:38,144 --> 00:15:40,042
of decency and respect.
384
00:15:43,356 --> 00:15:45,806
You are so cute when
you're terrified.
385
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:49,293
Come on, come on.
386
00:15:49,327 --> 00:15:51,226
Pick a friend, any friend.
387
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,260
All right.
388
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,099
How about Shayna?
389
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,652
Oh, you like Shayna do you?
390
00:16:03,686 --> 00:16:07,345
- Not more than you.
- Yeah, so does her boyfriend.
391
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:08,933
Well then...
392
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,142
Yeah, this is big
enough as it is.
393
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:14,042
I don't think we're really
ready for a fourway, do you?
394
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:18,401
You know, is it just
me or did it feel like
395
00:16:18,425 --> 00:16:21,049
it was lasting longer
when you weren't directly-
396
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,371
- When you weren't
directly comparing it?
397
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:23,534
Right, exactly?
398
00:16:23,568 --> 00:16:25,122
Daddy!
399
00:16:25,156 --> 00:16:27,193
No, let's just stick
to the threeway, thanks.
400
00:16:27,227 --> 00:16:28,228
You got it, stud.
401
00:16:28,263 --> 00:16:29,574
I am a stud.
402
00:16:29,609 --> 00:16:30,609
Of course you are.
403
00:16:31,645 --> 00:16:32,646
Pick.
404
00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:33,681
Mm.
405
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:38,997
Lordes?
406
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:41,896
Lordes?
407
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:44,519
No?
408
00:16:46,626 --> 00:16:49,180
You want to take Lordes
into the bedroom with us?
409
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,527
Uh, no, I was just kidding.
410
00:16:51,562 --> 00:16:53,805
It's just, just comedy, and...
411
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,841
No, wait, no babydoll.
412
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:58,051
Babydoll, wait.
No, don't babydoll me, okay?
413
00:16:58,086 --> 00:16:59,052
I'm sorry.
414
00:16:59,087 --> 00:17:02,918
I would never want to
do things with people I-
415
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:06,196
- No, no, no. You know what?
416
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,854
It's fine. It's fine, it's fine.
417
00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:12,617
No, I know what it is you
want now and it's disgusting.
418
00:17:12,652 --> 00:17:13,662
I'm sorry, it's disgusting.
419
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:16,724
I can't do this, I can't
even be with you anymore
420
00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:21,730
and I am totally fucking
with you again.
421
00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:24,767
You are too easy.
Yeah, so is your mom.
422
00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:26,976
Oh, and it bounces back.
423
00:17:28,185 --> 00:17:29,185
Esther.
424
00:17:35,192 --> 00:17:37,366
I'll give her a call.
425
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:38,988
Seriously?
426
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:41,715
I'll invite her over for drinks.
427
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,614
Not gonna ask her on the phone?
428
00:17:43,648 --> 00:17:44,822
Yeah, Sam, yeah.
429
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:45,971
Write me the phone conversation
430
00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:49,792
where I invite her over
to come have sex with us.
431
00:17:49,827 --> 00:17:51,011
Hey girl, just wondering,
you know,
432
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:52,254
you want to come
over and fulfill
433
00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,003
a sexual fantasy for Sam and I?
434
00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:54,935
How's eight o'clock for you?
435
00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:55,981
Oh my god, that's so good.
436
00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:58,007
You never should have
given up on your novel.
437
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,199
Okay. I'm
officially creeped out.
438
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:18,269
- What?
- Why?
439
00:18:19,926 --> 00:18:23,378
Well it could be the
fact that you two
440
00:18:23,412 --> 00:18:27,589
have been staring at me fidgeting
for the last 20 minutes.
441
00:18:27,623 --> 00:18:28,659
Oh.
442
00:18:28,693 --> 00:18:31,696
Oh well, that's because we uh-
Have bedbugs.
443
00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:33,250
What?
444
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:33,974
What?
445
00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:34,975
Why would you invite me over?
446
00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:37,909
No, no, no, Esther,
he's kidding.
447
00:18:37,944 --> 00:18:39,428
Aren't you?
448
00:18:39,463 --> 00:18:40,291
Yes?
449
00:18:40,326 --> 00:18:43,122
Yes. I'm just joking, you know.
450
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,193
One of those famous jokes
I'm known for.
451
00:18:45,227 --> 00:18:48,920
Bedbug humor, I know, it's
edgy, but I'm just that raw.
452
00:18:48,955 --> 00:18:50,681
That's not funny, man.
453
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:52,648
My cousin Christopher
got the bedbugs.
454
00:18:52,683 --> 00:18:53,753
Ate his face.
455
00:18:54,754 --> 00:18:56,169
Seriously?
456
00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:58,689
No.
457
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:02,141
So why are you two both
spazzing so much?
458
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:06,490
Well we wanted to know
459
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:08,768
if you would like to, um...
460
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:12,496
Play Parcheesi.
461
00:19:13,566 --> 00:19:14,394
No.
462
00:19:14,429 --> 00:19:16,189
No? Well...
463
00:19:16,224 --> 00:19:17,535
I'm uh, I, uh...
464
00:19:18,536 --> 00:19:19,710
Hey hon?
Yes, sweetpea?
465
00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:21,066
Can you help me find
the thing in the-
466
00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:22,402
- In the bathroom?
- Yeah.
467
00:19:22,437 --> 00:19:24,301
That's really high up
so we need two people.
468
00:19:24,335 --> 00:19:25,198
- Yeah.
- So yeah, let's go.
469
00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:26,303
- Okay.
- All right.
470
00:19:26,337 --> 00:19:27,476
We'll be back.
471
00:19:30,341 --> 00:19:34,863
- Oh god, this is so hard.
- That's what she...
472
00:19:34,897 --> 00:19:37,348
Okay. How do you, how
do you do this?
473
00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:38,280
What?
474
00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:39,844
How do you get girls to
sleep with you?
475
00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:41,697
- I don't know.
- Come on, you have to know.
476
00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:44,183
What usually works for you?
477
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,217
Uh...
478
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:48,359
I'll give you money!
479
00:19:48,394 --> 00:19:50,396
Uh, I have no idea.
480
00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:52,984
Well, what did you do for me?
481
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:55,642
Hm.
482
00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:56,505
Hi, Chloe.
483
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:59,198
Catch!
484
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,165
Okay, you hold her down,
485
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,798
I'll give her a
judgment-impairing concussion.
486
00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:03,616
Break!
487
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,825
No, we're not doing that.
488
00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:07,896
What usually works for you?
489
00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:10,726
We want you to have sex with us.
490
00:20:10,761 --> 00:20:11,865
Smooth.
491
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,384
What?
492
00:20:13,419 --> 00:20:15,317
Well, uh, Sam and I
have been talking
493
00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:18,562
and we decided that we
want to try a threesome
494
00:20:18,596 --> 00:20:22,428
and we want you to be the
other girl.
495
00:20:22,462 --> 00:20:23,463
Yay.
496
00:20:23,498 --> 00:20:25,396
You guys have been
talking about fucking me?
497
00:20:25,431 --> 00:20:26,915
No, not fucking.
498
00:20:28,088 --> 00:20:29,089
Making love.
499
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:32,092
Banging.
500
00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:34,336
Well, I guess
I should be flattered.
501
00:20:34,371 --> 00:20:36,718
- You're welcome.
- Oh, didn't say thank you.
502
00:20:36,752 --> 00:20:38,616
I'm sorry. I'm very nervous.
503
00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:40,584
Okay, sweetie. It's
quiet time for you.
504
00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:41,895
- Okay.
- Okay?
505
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:42,896
Look, Esther.
506
00:20:42,931 --> 00:20:44,657
This is something-
507
00:20:44,691 --> 00:20:48,488
This is something that
we really want to try
508
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:52,181
and we feel, you know,
comfortable with you.
509
00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:55,944
Right.
510
00:20:55,978 --> 00:20:58,498
I mean, you, you are
so attractive.
511
00:20:58,533 --> 00:20:59,499
Oh.
512
00:20:59,534 --> 00:21:01,846
- Oh, I know.
- And we just think
513
00:21:01,881 --> 00:21:04,332
that you would be perfect.
Mm.
514
00:21:04,366 --> 00:21:06,137
You want me to let your
boyfriend put his dick in me
515
00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:08,128
because I'd be perfect?
516
00:21:08,163 --> 00:21:10,717
No, no, no, not the whole time.
517
00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:13,099
And actually we didn't even
really discuss that part yet.
518
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:15,550
I mean, that's be-
Now is not the time.
519
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:17,828
When exactly is the
time? I mean, I'm here.
520
00:21:17,862 --> 00:21:19,657
Wouldn't this discussion
kind of involve me?
521
00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:22,246
- Well yes and no.
- Yes and no?
522
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:26,319
Well we're not dating you.
523
00:21:26,354 --> 00:21:28,528
This is more between Sam
and I with you thrown in.
524
00:21:28,563 --> 00:21:29,771
Oh.
525
00:21:29,805 --> 00:21:32,877
Yeah, see, I'm not
really interested.
526
00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:35,708
Oh.
527
00:21:35,742 --> 00:21:37,813
Oh, well, wait, wait, Esther.
528
00:21:37,848 --> 00:21:39,101
I really didn't mean it
like that. I'm sorry.
529
00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:40,195
No, no, no, you did.
530
00:21:40,229 --> 00:21:41,852
It's fine.
531
00:21:41,886 --> 00:21:45,511
I'm okay. I'm going to
get over it, but, no.
532
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:07,740
So why are we doing this again?
533
00:22:07,774 --> 00:22:09,120
How's this work?
534
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:12,365
You sound like exposition.
535
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,746
Your mom sounds like exposition.
536
00:22:13,780 --> 00:22:15,679
Ha, classy.
537
00:22:15,713 --> 00:22:18,854
All right, look, look,
we're at a bar, all right?
538
00:22:18,889 --> 00:22:21,340
You look for a girl, I'll
look for a guy
539
00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:23,963
and whoever gets someone
to come home with us first
540
00:22:23,997 --> 00:22:26,275
gets the threeway first.
541
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,312
You realize how unfair
that is, right?
542
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:29,934
- Why?
- Hey, honey.
543
00:22:31,626 --> 00:22:34,249
How's it going?
I'm standing right here.
544
00:22:34,283 --> 00:22:35,492
Yeah.
545
00:22:35,526 --> 00:22:37,735
Oh hey, man, I'm sorry.
546
00:22:37,770 --> 00:22:39,979
My gay cousin's right
in the back.
547
00:22:40,013 --> 00:22:41,498
Beat it, hombre.
548
00:22:42,878 --> 00:22:44,328
Your loss.
549
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,296
See, I'd be more annoyed if
he didn't just prove my point.
550
00:22:47,331 --> 00:22:48,446
Okay, look, look.
How about this?
551
00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:49,437
How about I go back outside
552
00:22:49,471 --> 00:22:51,093
and give you a 20
minute headstart?
553
00:22:51,128 --> 00:22:52,198
Fair?
554
00:22:52,232 --> 00:22:54,303
You're vastly overestimating
my abilities here.
555
00:22:54,338 --> 00:22:56,271
I have faith you'll do good.
556
00:22:56,305 --> 00:22:58,446
All right. I understand.
557
00:22:59,585 --> 00:23:01,794
I should have given you
a time to relax
558
00:23:01,828 --> 00:23:05,211
so you can properly
absorb Enrique.
559
00:23:05,245 --> 00:23:09,008
I am literally kissing
him currently.
560
00:23:09,042 --> 00:23:12,045
That's okay, sweetheart.
561
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,530
- Not him?
- Not him.
562
00:23:13,564 --> 00:23:14,910
Not me, what?
563
00:23:14,945 --> 00:23:17,292
I will cut your
fucking balls off.
564
00:23:17,326 --> 00:23:18,845
Mm.
565
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,880
Feisty.
566
00:23:22,746 --> 00:23:23,746
Good luck.
567
00:23:36,656 --> 00:23:37,899
Hi.
568
00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:39,728
Hi.
569
00:23:39,763 --> 00:23:42,006
Can I buy you a drink?
570
00:23:42,041 --> 00:23:44,181
Grey Goose and cranberry.
571
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:45,215
Double.
572
00:23:55,537 --> 00:23:56,849
Oh, are we going...
573
00:23:56,883 --> 00:23:59,852
Yeah, no, let's get a booth.
It's quieter.
574
00:23:59,886 --> 00:24:00,680
Hey, sorry.
575
00:24:00,715 --> 00:24:03,580
I know, ooh, he's coming.
576
00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:07,031
So I'm Sam and I was
just wondering if-
577
00:24:07,066 --> 00:24:09,102
- Yeah, actually, I
was just going to enjoy
578
00:24:09,137 --> 00:24:11,311
this drink with my friend.
579
00:24:12,658 --> 00:24:13,658
Oh.
580
00:24:21,598 --> 00:24:22,737
Stupid pigs.
581
00:25:26,490 --> 00:25:27,490
Ooh.
582
00:25:34,774 --> 00:25:36,293
Hi, baby.
583
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:38,019
How's it going?
584
00:25:38,053 --> 00:25:40,469
I think I need more money.
585
00:25:40,504 --> 00:25:42,471
Oh, so I'm guessing
you struck out?
586
00:25:42,506 --> 00:25:43,542
Repeatedly.
587
00:25:44,612 --> 00:25:47,649
Well, feel free to keep trying,
588
00:25:47,684 --> 00:25:50,825
but your headstart is
officially over.
589
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,597
Gin and tonic, please.
590
00:26:04,632 --> 00:26:06,565
That's on me.
591
00:26:06,599 --> 00:26:08,083
Thanks.
592
00:26:08,118 --> 00:26:10,327
- What's your name?
- Chloe.
593
00:26:10,361 --> 00:26:11,535
I'm Chad.
594
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,468
Well, thanks for the drink,
Chad.
595
00:26:13,502 --> 00:26:15,159
Yeah, you like that drink?
596
00:26:15,194 --> 00:26:17,299
Yeah, it tastes like
Christmas trees.
597
00:26:17,334 --> 00:26:18,646
Christmas trees?
598
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,579
What do you taste like?
599
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:30,796
Hey.
600
00:26:30,830 --> 00:26:31,830
Hello.
601
00:26:33,971 --> 00:26:36,940
Seriously? Not even
gonna look at me?
602
00:26:36,974 --> 00:26:40,875
I mean, I am a human
being, you know? Okay?
603
00:26:40,909 --> 00:26:42,911
Don't you think that's
a little rude?
604
00:26:42,946 --> 00:26:43,740
Because I do.
605
00:26:43,774 --> 00:26:45,465
I think it's very rude, in fact.
606
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:46,777
Okay, fine, I get it.
607
00:26:46,812 --> 00:26:48,503
You're the hot girl at the bar.
608
00:26:48,537 --> 00:26:49,687
You don't have to talk to me.
609
00:26:49,711 --> 00:26:51,540
Just stop ignoring me!
610
00:26:55,130 --> 00:26:56,130
Oh, god.
611
00:26:59,514 --> 00:27:00,515
Hi.
Hi.
612
00:27:00,549 --> 00:27:03,035
- How's it going?
- Just, not actually that-
613
00:27:03,069 --> 00:27:03,898
- Great!
614
00:27:03,932 --> 00:27:06,314
Hey, what's your favorite food?
615
00:27:06,348 --> 00:27:07,971
- Sushi.
- Raw fish.
616
00:27:08,005 --> 00:27:08,834
Hell of a thing.
617
00:27:08,868 --> 00:27:10,974
No actually raw fish is sashimi-
618
00:27:11,008 --> 00:27:12,354
- Culture, what do you know?
619
00:27:12,389 --> 00:27:13,632
Something new every day.
620
00:27:13,666 --> 00:27:17,843
Listen, I need to talk
to you about something.
621
00:27:17,877 --> 00:27:19,983
So what do you do?
622
00:27:20,017 --> 00:27:23,572
I'm a personal
trainer for stars.
623
00:27:23,607 --> 00:27:24,643
- Really?
- Yeah.
624
00:27:24,677 --> 00:27:26,058
What, like space?
625
00:27:26,092 --> 00:27:28,370
Space? No, not like space.
626
00:27:28,405 --> 00:27:30,303
- I'm kidding.
- I know.
627
00:27:31,166 --> 00:27:32,512
Uh, celebrities.
628
00:27:33,721 --> 00:27:35,170
Like who?
629
00:27:35,205 --> 00:27:37,552
Well, I don't want to
brag, but you'd be surprised.
630
00:27:37,586 --> 00:27:39,174
I promise I won't tell.
631
00:27:39,209 --> 00:27:40,831
Oh? Okay.
632
00:27:40,866 --> 00:27:43,213
See, I don't know if I
can trust you, though.
633
00:27:43,247 --> 00:27:44,455
What?
634
00:27:44,490 --> 00:27:45,871
I am insulted.
635
00:27:45,905 --> 00:27:48,149
No.
All right, well, look.
636
00:27:48,183 --> 00:27:49,944
Why don't you tell me one
of your secrets
637
00:27:49,978 --> 00:27:51,877
and I'll tell you mine?
638
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,708
- I guess that sounds fair.
- Mm-hm.
639
00:27:55,743 --> 00:27:57,917
What do you wanna know?
640
00:27:57,952 --> 00:27:58,952
Hm.
641
00:27:59,643 --> 00:28:01,680
What do you wanna tell me?
642
00:28:02,991 --> 00:28:05,684
So you want me to have sex
with you and your girlfriend?
643
00:28:05,718 --> 00:28:06,995
Not necessarily.
644
00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:10,205
You just need to seem
like you want to
645
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,863
long enough for us to
leave this bar.
646
00:28:12,898 --> 00:28:15,348
As soon as we're out of here,
you can change your mind
647
00:28:15,383 --> 00:28:18,938
and then you can bail
if you don't want to.
648
00:28:20,491 --> 00:28:22,252
Wait, do you want to?
649
00:28:23,184 --> 00:28:27,257
I haven't completely ruled
out the possibility yet.
650
00:28:28,637 --> 00:28:31,019
You're fucking with me, right?
651
00:28:31,054 --> 00:28:34,022
Not yet.
652
00:28:36,404 --> 00:28:39,476
You're very sure of yourself.
653
00:28:39,510 --> 00:28:41,340
That's not a secret.
654
00:28:43,894 --> 00:28:44,894
Okay.
655
00:28:46,310 --> 00:28:48,347
I need to tell you something.
656
00:28:48,381 --> 00:28:49,797
Okay.
657
00:28:49,831 --> 00:28:51,660
So you? Mm?
658
00:28:51,695 --> 00:28:54,180
Look, look, I was supposed
to meet a date here, right?
659
00:28:54,215 --> 00:28:55,043
He was supposed to be here
660
00:28:55,078 --> 00:28:56,735
like more than an hour ago,
you know?
661
00:28:56,769 --> 00:28:59,427
Didn't call, no tags, just like,
662
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,671
didn't show up, you know,
and that hurt.
663
00:29:02,706 --> 00:29:03,706
So, you...
664
00:29:05,985 --> 00:29:08,677
You just, you came
right up to the sad girl
665
00:29:08,712 --> 00:29:12,095
at the bar, you know,
no hesitation.
666
00:29:12,129 --> 00:29:13,129
Uh...
667
00:29:14,511 --> 00:29:15,511
Okay.
668
00:29:16,651 --> 00:29:19,827
Well, if you want to
bring a girl, that's fun,
669
00:29:19,861 --> 00:29:24,314
but look, if you got me, you
don't need the other guy.
670
00:29:26,454 --> 00:29:27,869
No, it's not...
671
00:29:29,181 --> 00:29:32,046
This is what we're doing.
672
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,082
So then why you're
talking to me, hm?
673
00:29:34,117 --> 00:29:35,808
I told you.
674
00:29:35,843 --> 00:29:37,085
We want to try out this idea
675
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,742
because we think it could be,
you know-
676
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,330
- Yeah, better.
677
00:29:40,364 --> 00:29:43,954
Right, more exciting,
more invigorating.
678
00:29:43,989 --> 00:29:46,301
And you're right, it can be.
679
00:29:46,336 --> 00:29:47,820
Just, um, with me.
680
00:29:56,173 --> 00:29:57,243
Look, um...
681
00:29:58,451 --> 00:30:00,108
I love my boyfriend.
682
00:30:02,214 --> 00:30:03,698
Okay, all right.
683
00:30:04,664 --> 00:30:05,562
All right.
684
00:30:05,596 --> 00:30:06,677
Do you want to say it a
little louder
685
00:30:06,701 --> 00:30:10,636
so he can hear you over there?
686
00:30:10,670 --> 00:30:11,430
I'm kidding.
687
00:30:11,464 --> 00:30:12,500
You know what? It's fine.
688
00:30:12,534 --> 00:30:13,846
Just, all right.
689
00:30:16,124 --> 00:30:18,437
Look, when this is all over,
690
00:30:20,715 --> 00:30:24,339
here you go, just give
me a call, all right?
691
00:30:28,033 --> 00:30:29,458
Oh my god and you
listened to me like,
692
00:30:29,482 --> 00:30:33,245
pour my heart out with
such compassion.
693
00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:35,178
- Of course I did.
- Yeah.
694
00:30:35,212 --> 00:30:39,285
I mean, I like, I want to
make it up to you, Sam.
695
00:30:40,114 --> 00:30:41,632
What?
696
00:30:41,667 --> 00:30:44,808
Well, anytime you need
a shoulder to cry on,
697
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:46,879
I am there for you, Tr...
698
00:30:50,918 --> 00:30:52,851
What's my name?
699
00:30:52,885 --> 00:30:55,370
Of course I know your
name. That's silly.
700
00:30:55,405 --> 00:30:56,544
I've been listening to you
701
00:30:56,578 --> 00:30:58,304
pour your heart out
the whole night.
702
00:30:58,339 --> 00:31:00,824
I'd be a real dick if I
didn't know your name.
703
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:03,792
No seriously, what is it?
704
00:31:07,451 --> 00:31:08,797
I know it, I do.
705
00:31:08,832 --> 00:31:10,385
You just got me
excited with all the
706
00:31:10,420 --> 00:31:11,638
oh my god we're gonna
have a threesome.
707
00:31:11,662 --> 00:31:13,147
It's like a breast octopus and-
708
00:31:13,181 --> 00:31:13,975
- No, no, listen.
709
00:31:14,010 --> 00:31:16,150
You restored my faith in men,
Sam.
710
00:31:16,184 --> 00:31:18,738
Don't take that away from me,
okay?
711
00:31:18,773 --> 00:31:20,740
What's my name, Sam?
712
00:31:20,775 --> 00:31:21,775
What is it?
713
00:31:25,745 --> 00:31:27,299
Deloris.
714
00:31:36,446 --> 00:31:37,723
It's Miranda.
715
00:31:40,174 --> 00:31:41,485
What the fuck?
716
00:31:42,383 --> 00:31:43,383
Ah!
717
00:31:45,662 --> 00:31:47,836
You okay, honey?
718
00:31:49,597 --> 00:31:51,702
Just ducky, honey.
719
00:31:51,737 --> 00:31:53,912
You sir, are a stud.
720
00:31:53,946 --> 00:31:55,223
Help me.
721
00:31:55,258 --> 00:31:56,535
Okay.
722
00:31:56,569 --> 00:31:57,846
Come on.
723
00:32:02,265 --> 00:32:04,957
Well she was a lovely girl.
724
00:32:04,992 --> 00:32:06,821
Oh, you are so funny.
725
00:32:07,822 --> 00:32:08,972
Let's sit down.
I'm sorry, I'll be nice.
726
00:32:08,996 --> 00:32:09,928
Not seriously, I've
got to sit down.
727
00:32:09,962 --> 00:32:11,353
I gotta sit down.
Okay, okay, okay.
728
00:32:11,377 --> 00:32:12,758
Oh.
729
00:32:14,001 --> 00:32:15,416
Ooh, you girls are lucky.
730
00:32:15,450 --> 00:32:19,075
You missed out on the whole
external genitalia thing.
731
00:32:21,215 --> 00:32:23,113
'Cause let me tell you,
it's not just the hit.
732
00:32:23,148 --> 00:32:26,427
I mean that hurts, but
it's the reverberations,
733
00:32:26,461 --> 00:32:29,913
just like pain, ping ponging
through your testicles
734
00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:32,433
like a wave of nut sack terror
735
00:32:35,091 --> 00:32:39,267
and making you kind of nauseous,
a little.
736
00:32:39,302 --> 00:32:40,302
Maintain...
737
00:32:42,374 --> 00:32:43,754
Maintain...
738
00:32:43,789 --> 00:32:45,722
How about we get you to bed,
huh?
739
00:32:45,756 --> 00:32:47,655
I don't think I'll be
any use to you there.
740
00:32:47,689 --> 00:32:48,690
I'll live.
741
00:32:53,212 --> 00:32:54,006
Come on.
742
00:32:54,041 --> 00:32:55,766
Oh god.
You're okay.
743
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,846
You're being dramatic.
Oh no, I'm not.
744
00:33:06,881 --> 00:33:08,917
- It's the internet.
- Exactly.
745
00:33:08,952 --> 00:33:11,403
We're looking for real
sex from the internet,
746
00:33:11,437 --> 00:33:12,621
which I don't know if you
have a lot of experience with,
747
00:33:12,645 --> 00:33:15,027
but let me tell you, I don't.
748
00:33:16,166 --> 00:33:20,515
I just, but I've heard
it's very shady and such.
749
00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:21,516
Nice save.
750
00:33:21,551 --> 00:33:23,071
- Ah, thank you.
- Look, it's something
751
00:33:23,104 --> 00:33:26,142
that we should at least
consider, okay?
752
00:33:27,143 --> 00:33:30,560
All right, a loving
couple looking for...
753
00:33:33,425 --> 00:33:36,117
What are we looking for?
754
00:33:36,152 --> 00:33:37,567
Hot chick with big old boobs?
755
00:33:37,601 --> 00:33:39,672
No, come on, fair is fair.
756
00:33:39,707 --> 00:33:41,088
There is a hairy penis.
757
00:33:41,122 --> 00:33:42,641
Yeah, like yours is so smooth.
758
00:33:42,675 --> 00:33:44,263
That's not the...
759
00:33:44,298 --> 00:33:46,369
Wait, do I have a hairy dick?
760
00:33:46,403 --> 00:33:50,200
Looking for a man or woman
for playful experimentation.
761
00:33:50,235 --> 00:33:51,246
- I'm serious.
- Must be clean,
762
00:33:51,270 --> 00:33:52,444
discreet and understanding.
763
00:33:52,478 --> 00:33:54,042
I'm a little alarmed that
you're dodging the question.
764
00:33:54,066 --> 00:33:55,619
Please send picture
and information
765
00:33:55,654 --> 00:33:59,002
and we'll get back to you.
Do I have Wookiee dick?
766
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,073
I'm nervous.
I'm excited.
767
00:34:01,108 --> 00:34:02,419
Which one is this again?
768
00:34:02,454 --> 00:34:05,560
This is the Taiwanese gymnast.
769
00:34:05,595 --> 00:34:07,045
I'm excited.
770
00:34:07,079 --> 00:34:08,976
I can tell.
771
00:34:09,012 --> 00:34:10,909
So when's she getting here?
772
00:34:10,945 --> 00:34:11,945
Hi.
773
00:34:13,534 --> 00:34:15,674
- Hello.
- Can we help you?
774
00:34:16,813 --> 00:34:18,263
ExperimentTemptation?
775
00:34:18,297 --> 00:34:19,091
What?
776
00:34:19,126 --> 00:34:20,505
That was our internet handle.
777
00:34:20,541 --> 00:34:21,369
How does he know that?
778
00:34:21,404 --> 00:34:22,991
And why was that our
internet handle?
779
00:34:23,025 --> 00:34:25,684
I'm sorry? Who are you?
780
00:34:25,717 --> 00:34:26,891
UdonKitty46.
781
00:34:28,549 --> 00:34:30,929
You showed us this picture.
782
00:34:33,554 --> 00:34:34,554
Yep.
783
00:34:37,730 --> 00:34:40,007
You guys want pancakes?
784
00:34:42,804 --> 00:34:44,496
Do you know what would
be really hot?
785
00:34:44,530 --> 00:34:46,429
You two, me and my dad.
786
00:34:49,052 --> 00:34:50,684
And when you first
go in, it's just like-
787
00:34:50,708 --> 00:34:53,159
- Okay well his skin is so soft.
788
00:34:53,194 --> 00:34:57,164
I'm telling you, his skin
is so soft, seriously.
789
00:35:01,029 --> 00:35:02,307
Taylor?
790
00:35:02,341 --> 00:35:04,895
Hi. What's going on?
791
00:35:04,930 --> 00:35:07,795
Hey, you like
double penetration?
792
00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:10,453
Well hello there.
793
00:35:10,487 --> 00:35:12,834
Hi. Is this in
response to the ad?
794
00:35:12,869 --> 00:35:14,284
- That it is.
- Well, great.
795
00:35:14,319 --> 00:35:18,150
My name is Chloe and
this is my boyfriend, Sam
796
00:35:18,185 --> 00:35:19,748
and what we're really
looking for is someone-
797
00:35:19,772 --> 00:35:21,843
- I have a 15-inch penis.
798
00:35:24,674 --> 00:35:25,951
15-inch...
799
00:35:25,985 --> 00:35:28,091
Penis. Yes, thank you.
800
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:29,161
I know.
801
00:35:29,196 --> 00:35:31,819
You just let it sink
in for a second there.
802
00:35:31,853 --> 00:35:34,615
Hey yo!
803
00:35:36,030 --> 00:35:37,135
Whoa.
804
00:35:37,169 --> 00:35:39,447
That doesn't sound too bad.
That is way too big.
805
00:35:39,482 --> 00:35:41,242
Oh, thank God.
806
00:35:41,277 --> 00:35:42,278
What?
807
00:35:42,312 --> 00:35:46,523
That's like too much
for a vagina to handle.
808
00:35:46,558 --> 00:35:48,042
I've never had any complaints.
809
00:35:48,076 --> 00:35:50,217
That's because they
go into shock
810
00:35:50,251 --> 00:35:51,735
After you ruptured
their kidneys.
811
00:35:51,770 --> 00:35:52,770
15 inches?
812
00:35:54,704 --> 00:35:56,671
Is that like metric
or something?
813
00:35:56,706 --> 00:36:01,020
No, take your $5 foot long
and add three more inches.
814
00:36:01,055 --> 00:36:02,539
How?
815
00:36:02,574 --> 00:36:04,334
Eh, good genes, man.
816
00:36:04,369 --> 00:36:07,855
No, I mean like how do you walk?
817
00:36:07,889 --> 00:36:09,339
I walk with a cane.
818
00:36:09,374 --> 00:36:10,996
That's like a disability, man.
819
00:36:11,030 --> 00:36:13,550
Do you know anyone
who could actually take?
820
00:36:13,585 --> 00:36:16,967
- Well, I think I've just met-
- No.
821
00:36:17,002 --> 00:36:19,763
Okay, no, I guess I don't, no.
822
00:36:19,798 --> 00:36:22,214
When was the last
time you got laid?
823
00:36:22,249 --> 00:36:25,044
You mean like with an
actual person?
824
00:36:25,079 --> 00:36:26,079
Sure.
825
00:36:30,843 --> 00:36:31,843
Aww.
Aww.
826
00:36:32,604 --> 00:36:34,053
Hey, it's okay.
827
00:36:34,088 --> 00:36:35,538
It's okay.
828
00:36:35,572 --> 00:36:37,436
It's all right, buddy, it's-
829
00:36:37,471 --> 00:36:40,198
Ah.
830
00:36:41,129 --> 00:36:43,580
That was a disaster.
831
00:36:43,615 --> 00:36:45,064
God.
832
00:36:45,099 --> 00:36:47,032
My shoulders are so tight.
833
00:36:47,066 --> 00:36:48,066
Really?
834
00:36:49,379 --> 00:36:51,392
Sam, if you think I am in
the mood after all of that,
835
00:36:51,416 --> 00:36:53,418
you've got another thing...
Shh.
836
00:36:53,452 --> 00:36:56,283
Oh my god, never
stop doing that.
837
00:36:56,317 --> 00:36:58,216
- That good, huh?
- Oh, well you're not Ian but-
838
00:36:58,250 --> 00:37:00,252
- I'll stop.
- No, no, keep rubbing.
839
00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:01,080
Keep rubbing.
840
00:37:01,115 --> 00:37:03,635
Please.
Keep rubbing what?
841
00:37:04,532 --> 00:37:06,603
Keep rubbing, Cock Master.
842
00:37:06,638 --> 00:37:07,638
Mm-hm.
843
00:37:09,572 --> 00:37:12,920
Of the Ages, sorry, oh
Cock Master of the Ages.
844
00:37:12,954 --> 00:37:14,301
Credit where credit is due.
845
00:37:14,335 --> 00:37:15,647
Mm, due it is.
846
00:37:22,792 --> 00:37:23,896
Condom?
847
00:37:23,931 --> 00:37:25,495
Well I was thinking of
starting with a little bit-
848
00:37:25,519 --> 00:37:27,452
- Oh you will start with,
849
00:37:27,486 --> 00:37:28,901
but the way I'm feeling tonight,
850
00:37:28,936 --> 00:37:31,387
you don't grab it now,
it's not getting used.
851
00:37:31,421 --> 00:37:32,421
Gotcha.
852
00:37:33,389 --> 00:37:34,389
I'm jumping.
853
00:37:41,051 --> 00:37:42,087
Hey, hon, question.
854
00:37:42,121 --> 00:37:43,468
Ooh, I like this game.
855
00:37:43,502 --> 00:37:45,435
No, um, I was thinking,
856
00:37:45,470 --> 00:37:46,609
when we have our thingy,
857
00:37:46,643 --> 00:37:49,853
we should probably have,
like, multiple condoms, right?
858
00:37:49,888 --> 00:37:51,234
Wait, what?
859
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:52,925
Well I was thinking like
I would go from
860
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,755
inside you into girl X.
861
00:37:54,789 --> 00:37:56,308
That seems a little...
862
00:37:56,343 --> 00:37:58,345
You okay with that?
863
00:37:58,379 --> 00:37:59,415
Oh, you're...
864
00:38:01,934 --> 00:38:06,076
You're going to have
like actual sex with her?
865
00:38:06,111 --> 00:38:07,111
Not...
866
00:38:08,596 --> 00:38:09,770
Was that not the idea?
867
00:38:09,804 --> 00:38:12,945
No it was just that I assumed,
um...
868
00:38:14,464 --> 00:38:16,604
So you wanna fuck her?
869
00:38:16,639 --> 00:38:18,779
Whoa, hold on, we don't
even have like a her yet.
870
00:38:18,813 --> 00:38:19,894
No, I know, I know, I know.
871
00:38:19,918 --> 00:38:23,715
But whatever her you
want to be inside of her?
872
00:38:26,787 --> 00:38:27,960
It's a thought.
873
00:38:27,995 --> 00:38:29,341
I mean, no, you can tell me.
874
00:38:29,376 --> 00:38:31,792
Just be honest with me.
I won't be mad.
875
00:38:31,826 --> 00:38:33,356
See, I'm not entirely
positive that that's true.
876
00:38:33,380 --> 00:38:35,174
No, really. Tell me.
877
00:38:43,217 --> 00:38:44,460
Yes, I would.
878
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,325
I would like that.
879
00:38:49,050 --> 00:38:50,673
- Huh?
- Oh no.
880
00:38:50,707 --> 00:38:52,191
- What?
- That huh, what was that?
881
00:38:52,226 --> 00:38:53,400
No, it's nothing.
882
00:38:53,434 --> 00:38:55,678
It's nothing, it's just...
883
00:38:55,712 --> 00:38:59,992
Okay, so whoever guy we
pick, you'd let him fuck me?
884
00:39:04,859 --> 00:39:06,240
If you wanna.
885
00:39:06,274 --> 00:39:07,241
I mean, are you okay with that?
886
00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:09,761
- Are you?
- I asked you first.
887
00:39:11,866 --> 00:39:13,420
Look, you love me, right?
888
00:39:13,454 --> 00:39:14,248
God, sweetie, of course.
889
00:39:14,282 --> 00:39:14,835
That's not- No, no, no.
890
00:39:14,869 --> 00:39:15,939
I know, I know.
891
00:39:15,974 --> 00:39:18,597
It's not about being
dissatisfied with each other
892
00:39:18,632 --> 00:39:20,012
or looking for love elsewhere.
893
00:39:20,047 --> 00:39:21,047
It's fun.
894
00:39:22,049 --> 00:39:22,912
Right.
895
00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:26,087
And so if I am the
man that you love
896
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:32,404
and I feel so gay
calling myself a man,
897
00:39:32,439 --> 00:39:36,408
if I'm the guy that you
come home to, then yeah.
898
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,755
I'm okay with it.
899
00:39:42,690 --> 00:39:44,209
Oh god, I think I'm
going to cry.
900
00:39:44,243 --> 00:39:45,693
Oh no.
901
00:39:45,728 --> 00:39:47,695
I was just kidding.
What other girls?
902
00:39:47,730 --> 00:39:49,870
No, no, it's a good cry.
903
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:52,389
Sorry?
904
00:40:01,813 --> 00:40:02,883
I love you.
905
00:40:03,849 --> 00:40:05,644
I love you, too.
906
00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:06,679
Good.
907
00:40:07,474 --> 00:40:11,823
Now come over here and fuck
me silly, my Cock Master.
908
00:40:11,857 --> 00:40:13,307
Will my work never end.
909
00:40:17,587 --> 00:40:18,519
Oh my god.
910
00:40:18,554 --> 00:40:20,314
Get this bitch another drink.
911
00:40:25,802 --> 00:40:27,701
- All right.
- Let's cheers to something.
912
00:40:27,735 --> 00:40:28,909
What should we drink to?
913
00:40:28,943 --> 00:40:29,944
To lost love-
914
00:40:29,979 --> 00:40:32,706
- May all men suffer
horrific anal fissures.
915
00:40:32,740 --> 00:40:34,397
- Ow.
- Here, here.
916
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,986
- Woo!
- Ow, that kinda hurt.
917
00:40:37,020 --> 00:40:39,989
- Hello, everybody.
- Fucking man.
918
00:40:40,023 --> 00:40:41,646
Hi, baby.
919
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:42,681
Hi.
920
00:40:42,716 --> 00:40:43,717
Hi.
921
00:40:43,751 --> 00:40:44,787
What's going on?
922
00:40:44,821 --> 00:40:48,687
Um, well, Kaitlin's a
little upset about Joe.
923
00:40:49,930 --> 00:40:52,519
Has he said anything
about her recently?
924
00:40:52,553 --> 00:40:55,763
Honestly, dude, it's like a
quarter and then like a penny.
925
00:40:55,798 --> 00:40:56,799
- No, not really.
- Oh.
926
00:40:56,833 --> 00:40:59,042
Well you are kind of the
enemy tonight.
927
00:40:59,077 --> 00:40:59,905
Got it.
928
00:40:59,940 --> 00:41:01,873
Just gonna grab my DVD and I'll-
929
00:41:01,907 --> 00:41:04,703
- Couldn't satisfy a
ginger sprig.
930
00:41:09,915 --> 00:41:11,227
Yeah, okay, so Avengers DVD?
931
00:41:11,261 --> 00:41:12,055
On my desk.
932
00:41:12,090 --> 00:41:12,918
Thank you.
933
00:41:12,953 --> 00:41:15,645
Hey, come have a drink with us.
934
00:41:17,578 --> 00:41:19,373
No thank you.
935
00:41:19,407 --> 00:41:20,408
You are...
936
00:41:21,927 --> 00:41:23,135
Your breed.
937
00:41:23,170 --> 00:41:24,965
Oh, I love drunk Kaitlin.
938
00:41:24,999 --> 00:41:26,356
Yeah, I think Chloe
might kick us out
939
00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:28,520
if we get her boyfriend stabbed,
though.
940
00:41:28,555 --> 00:41:29,935
You try to use us.
941
00:41:29,970 --> 00:41:33,283
We are nothing but penis
sheaths to you.
942
00:41:34,146 --> 00:41:35,147
Uh, I'm right here.
943
00:41:35,182 --> 00:41:36,228
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
944
00:41:36,252 --> 00:41:38,219
You know, Chloe, be
all subservient,
945
00:41:38,254 --> 00:41:42,603
crawling around on all
fours, wouldn't you?
946
00:41:42,638 --> 00:41:43,708
Doesn't sound awful.
947
00:41:43,742 --> 00:41:45,503
You try to own us!
948
00:41:45,537 --> 00:41:48,678
But that is not enough for you.
949
00:41:48,713 --> 00:41:51,750
Most of you want, like,
two or three,
950
00:41:53,027 --> 00:41:55,409
four of us at once
and most of you
951
00:41:55,443 --> 00:41:59,447
do not have what it takes
to fuck one of us properly!
952
00:41:59,482 --> 00:42:01,657
Get me a legion of men!
953
00:42:43,181 --> 00:42:46,805
It's not as
easy as it looks, huh?
954
00:42:48,669 --> 00:42:51,569
You are officially too
organized for your own good.
955
00:42:51,603 --> 00:42:52,777
Did you write hookers?
956
00:42:52,811 --> 00:42:55,538
Look at this point, it's
at least worth talking about.
957
00:42:55,573 --> 00:42:57,160
Yeah, about that.
958
00:42:58,403 --> 00:43:01,130
Ethnicity, skin tone, cup size.
959
00:43:01,164 --> 00:43:02,890
I'll take care of that for you.
960
00:43:02,925 --> 00:43:05,410
Whether or not she does anal.
Yeah.
961
00:43:05,444 --> 00:43:08,378
Price range, and then you
just hit search.
962
00:43:08,413 --> 00:43:09,528
So it's like ordering a pizza?
963
00:43:09,552 --> 00:43:10,346
Yeah.
964
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:11,312
Except it's a woman.
965
00:43:11,347 --> 00:43:12,590
It's awesome.
966
00:43:15,075 --> 00:43:17,905
Click the lowest price range.
967
00:43:17,940 --> 00:43:19,355
Ah!
Oh.
968
00:43:19,389 --> 00:43:20,183
Oh, my.
969
00:43:20,218 --> 00:43:21,081
Jesus.
970
00:43:21,115 --> 00:43:23,808
You guys ordering Chinese food?
971
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:29,434
Okay.
972
00:43:29,468 --> 00:43:31,022
Um...
973
00:43:31,056 --> 00:43:33,645
Should we try the bars again?
974
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,233
Mm, no.
975
00:43:35,267 --> 00:43:36,372
Oh Sam, come on, stop it.
976
00:43:36,406 --> 00:43:38,961
They're the same size.
They weren't before.
977
00:43:38,995 --> 00:43:40,687
All right, no bars.
978
00:43:44,380 --> 00:43:45,380
Uh...
979
00:43:47,072 --> 00:43:48,073
We can put another ad.
980
00:43:48,108 --> 00:43:50,973
No, no, no more
Craigslist. Those people...
981
00:43:51,007 --> 00:43:52,008
- Scared you?
- Yeah.
982
00:43:52,043 --> 00:43:53,251
Eh.
983
00:43:53,285 --> 00:43:55,771
Do you know what yiffing is?
984
00:44:00,292 --> 00:44:02,398
So where does that leave us?
985
00:44:02,432 --> 00:44:04,020
Friends.
986
00:44:04,055 --> 00:44:05,021
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
987
00:44:05,056 --> 00:44:06,229
After Esther?
988
00:44:06,264 --> 00:44:07,379
Look, we just need to be smarter
989
00:44:07,403 --> 00:44:10,130
about how we approach the topic.
990
00:44:10,164 --> 00:44:11,510
Okay. But who?
991
00:44:12,511 --> 00:44:13,765
That is the question, though,
isn't it?
992
00:44:13,789 --> 00:44:15,273
No!
993
00:44:15,307 --> 00:44:16,481
Look, you know my friends.
994
00:44:16,515 --> 00:44:20,347
You know what you like
better than I do.
995
00:44:20,381 --> 00:44:24,040
Look, I know you've been
incredibly cool about all this,
996
00:44:24,075 --> 00:44:25,846
but I just feel like I'm
going to say one thing
997
00:44:25,870 --> 00:44:26,881
and you're just gonna
snap back hard.
998
00:44:26,905 --> 00:44:27,734
No, I won't.
999
00:44:27,768 --> 00:44:29,321
And if I do, you have
my permission
1000
00:44:29,356 --> 00:44:30,737
to call me a crazy bitch.
1001
00:44:30,771 --> 00:44:33,153
Oh, that's so cute. You
think I need your permission?
1002
00:44:33,187 --> 00:44:36,674
Okay, so, who is it?
1003
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:37,398
Kaitlin?
1004
00:44:37,433 --> 00:44:38,444
And most of you do not even
1005
00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:41,023
have what it takes to
fuck one of properly!
1006
00:44:41,057 --> 00:44:42,645
Okay, okay. Uh...
1007
00:44:44,026 --> 00:44:45,026
Alex?
1008
00:44:46,269 --> 00:44:47,823
Um, she's...
1009
00:44:47,857 --> 00:44:51,205
Hey look, I've, I've
seen her dance.
1010
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:52,804
I'd be interested to see
what that's like.
1011
00:44:52,828 --> 00:44:56,279
Looks like a
rollercoaster for my penis.
1012
00:44:56,314 --> 00:44:57,314
So Alex?
1013
00:44:59,455 --> 00:45:02,113
- Am I in trouble?
- No.
1014
00:45:02,147 --> 00:45:02,941
You sure?
1015
00:45:02,976 --> 00:45:03,976
Yup.
1016
00:45:09,016 --> 00:45:10,016
All right.
1017
00:45:17,887 --> 00:45:19,993
So let's do this.
1018
00:45:20,027 --> 00:45:21,201
Do what?
1019
00:45:21,235 --> 00:45:23,306
If I have to explain
to you that it goes-
1020
00:45:23,341 --> 00:45:26,033
- You'll do the thing? The..
1021
00:45:26,068 --> 00:45:26,862
- Yeah.
- Us
1022
00:45:26,896 --> 00:45:28,277
- Yeah.
- Oh my god.
1023
00:45:28,311 --> 00:45:29,934
- Yeah.
- Oh my god, Alex, thank you.
1024
00:45:29,968 --> 00:45:32,937
Thank you!
1025
00:45:32,971 --> 00:45:35,456
So, so, so, so, so,
1026
00:45:35,491 --> 00:45:37,873
so sorry, but I'm very
excited and...
1027
00:45:37,907 --> 00:45:39,633
- I can tell.
- Mm-hm.
1028
00:45:41,531 --> 00:45:43,982
So, when's good for you?
1029
00:45:44,017 --> 00:45:46,951
How about tomorrow night?
1030
00:45:46,985 --> 00:45:48,297
- Oh.
- That works for me.
1031
00:45:49,229 --> 00:45:50,092
Mm-hm.
1032
00:45:50,126 --> 00:45:51,852
All right, then.
1033
00:45:51,887 --> 00:45:53,164
Right, okay.
1034
00:45:53,198 --> 00:45:55,511
Maybe drinks, um, six?
1035
00:45:55,545 --> 00:45:57,040
Maybe like somewhere in
like Union Square-
1036
00:45:57,064 --> 00:45:59,377
- Wining and dining a threesome?
1037
00:45:59,411 --> 00:46:00,619
This one's a keeper, Chloe.
1038
00:46:00,654 --> 00:46:01,759
Mm, I know.
1039
00:46:03,864 --> 00:46:05,038
Let's go get food.
1040
00:46:05,072 --> 00:46:05,970
- Okay.
- Food.
1041
00:46:06,004 --> 00:46:06,902
Threesomes and food!
1042
00:46:06,936 --> 00:46:08,248
Threesomes!
1043
00:46:08,282 --> 00:46:09,387
We got her.
1044
00:46:14,116 --> 00:46:15,117
What about the old guy
1045
00:46:15,151 --> 00:46:16,704
sitting at the other table?
1046
00:46:16,739 --> 00:46:17,820
He was like what is going on?
1047
00:46:17,844 --> 00:46:19,742
Dude, oh my god.
1048
00:46:19,777 --> 00:46:21,675
I thought he was going
to choke on his biscuit.
1049
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:25,448
Right? Maybe he might
have a heart attack.
1050
00:46:25,472 --> 00:46:26,300
Yeah, no.
1051
00:46:26,335 --> 00:46:27,346
Oh, I'd feel really bad then.
1052
00:46:27,370 --> 00:46:29,959
- That would have been bad.
- Yeah.
1053
00:46:29,994 --> 00:46:33,411
How funny would it have
been if he died?
1054
00:46:34,757 --> 00:46:35,976
- So anyway.
- So I'm just gonna
1055
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:37,829
take off my socks.
1056
00:46:37,864 --> 00:46:39,072
Keep 'em on.
1057
00:46:39,106 --> 00:46:43,766
They're not, trust me, I've
learned that the hard way.
1058
00:46:46,562 --> 00:46:48,806
All right, uh...
1059
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:52,430
So, I don't know how this
all is supposed to start.
1060
00:46:52,464 --> 00:46:53,638
Who knew that awkwardness
1061
00:46:53,672 --> 00:46:55,364
was a sexually
transmitted disease?
1062
00:46:56,261 --> 00:46:57,849
Hey.
1063
00:46:57,884 --> 00:47:01,542
You're awkward.
1064
00:47:03,648 --> 00:47:07,031
Oh, you've done this before.
Uh...
1065
00:47:07,065 --> 00:47:08,480
How do we get going?
1066
00:47:08,515 --> 00:47:12,036
All right, well, you
can fetch me a beer.
1067
00:47:13,451 --> 00:47:16,730
Us girls will make
ourselves comfortable.
1068
00:47:16,764 --> 00:47:18,283
Okay.
1069
00:47:18,318 --> 00:47:20,251
I will get you beer
1070
00:47:20,285 --> 00:47:25,256
and you will not lock the door
on me when I leave the room?
1071
00:47:39,442 --> 00:47:41,375
Okay, so there was one.
1072
00:47:43,205 --> 00:47:44,551
- Ah.
- Wow.
1073
00:47:44,585 --> 00:47:47,381
Really sprung for the
high quality stuff I see.
1074
00:47:47,416 --> 00:47:49,176
Got your high quality
stuff right here.
1075
00:47:49,211 --> 00:47:50,211
- Mm.
- Oh.
1076
00:47:50,971 --> 00:47:52,524
Look at the sudden confidence.
1077
00:47:52,559 --> 00:47:53,559
I know.
1078
00:47:54,492 --> 00:47:55,838
Yeah.
1079
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:56,874
And there it goes.
1080
00:47:56,908 --> 00:47:58,047
- I...
- There it went.
1081
00:47:58,082 --> 00:48:00,567
No, don't come out just yet.
1082
00:48:06,366 --> 00:48:08,920
So we were thinking,
1083
00:48:08,955 --> 00:48:11,992
we thought you were so sweet
treating us to a night out,
1084
00:48:12,027 --> 00:48:15,754
we just had to do a
little something for you.
1085
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:18,619
Suck me in.
1086
00:48:18,654 --> 00:48:20,621
- What?
- Nothing.
1087
00:48:22,002 --> 00:48:24,902
Proceed.
1088
00:49:00,247 --> 00:49:01,766
What?
1089
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,043
Fucking jingles.
1090
00:49:03,078 --> 00:49:04,562
I'm sorry, I'll fig-
1091
00:49:04,596 --> 00:49:06,564
- Oh, do nothing.
1092
00:49:25,824 --> 00:49:26,964
Oh, oh babe.
1093
00:49:32,279 --> 00:49:35,351
Dude, why are you
wearing my pants?
1094
00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:38,975
Ladies.
1095
00:49:40,011 --> 00:49:42,427
Please, not so loud.
1096
00:49:42,462 --> 00:49:43,808
Oh, my bad, man.
1097
00:49:43,842 --> 00:49:45,844
There was totally room on
the bed for you.
1098
00:49:45,879 --> 00:49:48,088
Oh, that would've been nice.
1099
00:49:48,123 --> 00:49:51,505
Yeah. Hindsight 20/20.
1100
00:49:55,544 --> 00:49:59,686
What the fuck did Sam
just send me a picture of?
1101
00:50:02,033 --> 00:50:02,827
- Oh my god!
- Holy shit!
1102
00:50:02,861 --> 00:50:04,760
- Oh, Jesus!
- Yeah!
1103
00:50:04,794 --> 00:50:05,657
That's actually not a bad shot.
1104
00:50:05,692 --> 00:50:06,693
Oh my god!
1105
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:12,802
You cocky bastard.
1106
00:50:12,837 --> 00:50:14,977
Hey, don't playa hate.
1107
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:16,012
Appreciate.
1108
00:50:17,048 --> 00:50:19,085
Will you drink
all of this and die?
1109
00:50:19,119 --> 00:50:20,776
Oh, so what'd you do today
1110
00:50:20,810 --> 00:50:23,951
besides not wear the belt,
obviously?
1111
00:50:23,986 --> 00:50:26,678
Well, I actually had
a pretty slow day today.
1112
00:50:26,713 --> 00:50:30,165
I got home early from
work, watched some TV,
1113
00:50:30,199 --> 00:50:31,959
made myself a drink,
1114
00:50:31,994 --> 00:50:33,823
jerked off thinking about
your threeway-
1115
00:50:33,858 --> 00:50:35,170
- That'll happen.
1116
00:50:35,204 --> 00:50:37,413
Uh, I made another drink.
1117
00:50:37,448 --> 00:50:40,830
I jerked off thinking about
banging Chloe by myself
1118
00:50:40,865 --> 00:50:43,971
on top of a mountain while
you cry in a corner you fuck.
1119
00:50:44,006 --> 00:50:45,006
That's elaborate.
1120
00:50:45,732 --> 00:50:47,941
Had another drink and
then you came home
1121
00:50:47,975 --> 00:50:49,253
and ruined everything.
1122
00:50:50,495 --> 00:50:51,669
Jerked off twice, huh?
1123
00:50:51,703 --> 00:50:54,396
Yeah. It was a
pretty slow day.
1124
00:50:55,914 --> 00:50:57,306
Dude, by the way, you've
got to give you some details
1125
00:50:57,330 --> 00:50:58,607
on how that went down.
1126
00:50:58,641 --> 00:51:00,816
I have to do no such thing.
1127
00:51:00,850 --> 00:51:03,163
Oh, um, that's fine.
1128
00:51:03,198 --> 00:51:06,753
I can just ask Chloe about
it when she gets here.
1129
00:51:06,787 --> 00:51:08,030
Come again for big fudge?
1130
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:10,653
I kind of invited
Chloe to hang out
1131
00:51:10,688 --> 00:51:12,414
with us tonight for drinks.
1132
00:51:12,448 --> 00:51:15,348
You should probably not act
surprised when she gets here.
1133
00:51:15,382 --> 00:51:16,946
That would make my invites
seem a little weird.
1134
00:51:16,970 --> 00:51:17,971
That is weird.
1135
00:51:18,005 --> 00:51:19,293
Would you stop trying
to fuck my girlfriend?
1136
00:51:19,317 --> 00:51:22,079
Oh, you still think you
can stop this from happening?
1137
00:51:22,113 --> 00:51:25,151
You are so cute. Drink up,
buttercup.
1138
00:51:26,462 --> 00:51:28,706
I hate that I can't
tell if you're kidding.
1139
00:51:28,740 --> 00:51:30,811
Not kidding at all.
1140
00:51:30,846 --> 00:51:31,674
Okay, fine.
1141
00:51:31,709 --> 00:51:33,642
So, hypothetically- Yeah?
1142
00:51:33,676 --> 00:51:35,471
If I were to give you details,
1143
00:51:35,506 --> 00:51:38,957
would you stop trying
to fuck my girlfriend?
1144
00:51:38,992 --> 00:51:42,892
I promise to try not
to say anything out loud
1145
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,449
about banging that sweet poon
for the rest of the night.
1146
00:51:49,554 --> 00:51:50,348
Is that her?
1147
00:51:50,383 --> 00:51:51,349
Okay.
1148
00:51:51,384 --> 00:51:52,384
Fine.
1149
00:51:54,525 --> 00:51:55,319
What do you want to know?
1150
00:51:55,353 --> 00:51:56,837
Dude, I want to know everything!
1151
00:51:56,872 --> 00:51:59,875
I want to know, I want to
know the fucking details.
1152
00:51:59,909 --> 00:52:02,636
I want to know the nitty
gritty titty of it.
1153
00:52:02,671 --> 00:52:05,570
I want to know who
went down on who,
1154
00:52:06,537 --> 00:52:08,539
did Alex stick her
finger in your ass,
1155
00:52:08,573 --> 00:52:11,404
did Chloe lap the cum off
of Alex's tits?
1156
00:52:11,438 --> 00:52:13,268
- Jesus Christ.
- Like a naughty little puppy?
1157
00:52:13,302 --> 00:52:14,855
Dude, I'm too sober
for this shit.
1158
00:52:14,890 --> 00:52:16,409
We can fix that, son!
1159
00:52:16,443 --> 00:52:17,548
Not, no.
1160
00:52:17,582 --> 00:52:18,411
Yes!
1161
00:52:18,445 --> 00:52:19,445
- No.
- Okay.
1162
00:52:20,447 --> 00:52:22,484
So you get back to Chloe's place
1163
00:52:22,518 --> 00:52:24,624
and they just start, what,
going at it?
1164
00:52:24,658 --> 00:52:26,419
Were you les-merized?
1165
00:52:33,529 --> 00:52:36,636
Yep, yep, I'm gonna
need another drink.
1166
00:52:36,670 --> 00:52:37,670
Come up?
1167
00:52:38,569 --> 00:52:39,363
Low.
1168
00:52:39,397 --> 00:52:40,398
Oh.
1169
00:52:40,433 --> 00:52:41,503
- Oh!
- Oh!
1170
00:52:41,537 --> 00:52:42,825
- No, no, no, no.
- Son of a bitch!
1171
00:52:42,849 --> 00:52:45,127
- Aces are low, aces are low!
- Bullshit.
1172
00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:46,024
Ace up your sleeve.
1173
00:52:46,059 --> 00:52:47,785
- No, no, no.
- Ah!
1174
00:52:47,819 --> 00:52:48,889
Put it in you mouth.
1175
00:52:48,924 --> 00:52:52,721
♪ Shot, shot, shot,
shot, shot, shot, shot ♪
1176
00:52:52,755 --> 00:52:53,687
- Shot.
- Come on.
1177
00:52:53,722 --> 00:52:55,137
- Do it.
- Gentlemen.
1178
00:52:55,172 --> 00:52:56,138
Oh!
1179
00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:57,391
And she downs it like a champ.
1180
00:52:57,415 --> 00:53:00,591
Slurps it up and it's
all over her face.
1181
00:53:00,625 --> 00:53:04,319
Yeah, yeah.
1182
00:53:04,353 --> 00:53:05,285
- Pinkie up, motherfucker.
- What did I say
1183
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:07,184
about throwing it at my
face afterwards.
1184
00:53:07,218 --> 00:53:08,426
What did I say?
1185
00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:12,982
Do you think we should tell him
1186
00:53:13,017 --> 00:53:14,846
that you can't light
a vodka shot?
1187
00:53:14,881 --> 00:53:16,272
Well the guy's gotta
learn for himself.
1188
00:53:16,296 --> 00:53:17,228
Fuck!
1189
00:53:17,263 --> 00:53:18,091
My eye, bro!
1190
00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:20,852
Oh, goddammit.
1191
00:53:20,887 --> 00:53:23,993
And so then, Dr. Kipliner
was all like, fuck,
1192
00:53:24,028 --> 00:53:26,133
you know Chloe, you should
just fucking do that
1193
00:53:26,168 --> 00:53:27,100
instead of the different way.
1194
00:53:27,134 --> 00:53:29,689
You shouldn't do it that way-
It's okay.
1195
00:53:29,723 --> 00:53:32,588
Oh my god, never
stop doing that.
1196
00:53:34,590 --> 00:53:35,590
Oh.
1197
00:54:54,567 --> 00:54:56,603
Fuck this.
1198
00:55:10,755 --> 00:55:12,101
Oh shit.
1199
00:55:12,136 --> 00:55:13,136
Okay.
1200
00:56:13,646 --> 00:56:14,646
Hey buddy.
1201
00:56:16,683 --> 00:56:18,305
You want some bacon?
1202
00:56:19,341 --> 00:56:20,307
How about some sausage?
1203
00:56:20,342 --> 00:56:21,412
What?
What are you doing?
1204
00:56:21,447 --> 00:56:22,275
- What?
- What are you doing?
1205
00:56:22,309 --> 00:56:25,243
Yo, I'm making eggs,
motherfucker.
1206
00:56:25,278 --> 00:56:27,729
Speaking of which,
before I forget,
1207
00:56:27,763 --> 00:56:30,525
banged your girlfriend, right?
1208
00:56:30,559 --> 00:56:33,459
Yeah, I did a little bit of
this, a little bit of that.
1209
00:56:35,461 --> 00:56:36,600
Ooh.
1210
00:56:37,739 --> 00:56:40,880
Where is our lovely
lady this morning?
1211
00:56:42,847 --> 00:56:44,435
Sammy?
Hm?
1212
00:56:44,470 --> 00:56:47,300
- Where's Chloe?
- Asleep, I think.
1213
00:56:48,335 --> 00:56:52,029
Not wrong.
1214
00:56:52,063 --> 00:56:53,237
Morning, baby.
1215
00:56:56,861 --> 00:56:58,484
Your eggs, milady.
1216
00:56:58,518 --> 00:57:00,727
Oh my, and he cooks, too.
1217
00:57:03,350 --> 00:57:06,940
Oh, we should probably keep
him around more often, huh?
1218
00:57:06,975 --> 00:57:08,935
What's the matter? You
look a little out of sorts.
1219
00:57:09,736 --> 00:57:11,324
Oh my God. These eggs
are amazing.
1220
00:57:11,358 --> 00:57:13,568
Right? Italian
dressing and seasoned salt.
1221
00:57:13,602 --> 00:57:14,707
That's all it is.
Get out!
1222
00:57:14,741 --> 00:57:15,604
Nope, swear to god.
1223
00:57:15,639 --> 00:57:17,157
My mom's do the Italian
dressing thing
1224
00:57:17,192 --> 00:57:19,194
when I was a kid and then
I just made eggs
1225
00:57:19,228 --> 00:57:21,414
so many mornings and I messed
around with the seasonings.
1226
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:22,473
Seasoned salt nails it.
1227
00:57:22,508 --> 00:57:23,726
I really think
you're on to something.
1228
00:57:23,750 --> 00:57:26,031
This is really, really good.
Yeah, it really brings out
1229
00:57:43,149 --> 00:57:44,461
What happened?
1230
00:57:47,015 --> 00:57:48,637
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
1231
00:57:51,882 --> 00:57:53,687
Sam, you just punched your
best friend in the face.
1232
00:57:53,711 --> 00:57:55,033
- He's not my best friend.
- Since when?
1233
00:57:55,057 --> 00:57:57,681
Since he fucked my girlfriend.
1234
00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,787
No, no, no, no, no, no.
1235
00:58:00,822 --> 00:58:01,823
- What?
- Don't do this.
1236
00:58:01,857 --> 00:58:02,824
- What?
- Don't do this.
1237
00:58:02,858 --> 00:58:04,353
- What is this?
- Please don't do this.
1238
00:58:04,377 --> 00:58:05,378
Don't? What is this?
1239
00:58:05,412 --> 00:58:06,931
Get mad. Get weird.
1240
00:58:06,966 --> 00:58:08,208
Don't.
1241
00:58:08,243 --> 00:58:09,243
Please?
1242
00:58:13,869 --> 00:58:16,182
How could you do this?
1243
00:58:16,216 --> 00:58:17,884
How could you do this to me?
Do what to you?
1244
00:58:17,908 --> 00:58:21,498
- Fuck my best friend.
- We did it together, Sam.
1245
00:58:21,532 --> 00:58:23,879
Did you like him more than me?
1246
00:58:23,914 --> 00:58:25,581
You can't just say no?
That is not the point.
1247
00:58:25,605 --> 00:58:29,333
- What is the point?
- I'm not doing this!
1248
00:58:29,367 --> 00:58:31,818
You want to fight me?
That's too bad.
1249
00:58:31,853 --> 00:58:33,199
I'm not stooping to your level.
1250
00:58:33,233 --> 00:58:36,098
Oh? Oh you can't
stoop to my level?
1251
00:58:38,687 --> 00:58:41,587
Sam, this was
supposed to be fun.
1252
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,037
It was, it was fun.
1253
00:58:44,072 --> 00:58:45,394
It was something that
we could give each other
1254
00:58:45,418 --> 00:58:46,982
and it was something that
would bring us closer together.
1255
00:58:47,006 --> 00:58:49,836
Yeah, you and Ian are
plenty close now.
1256
00:58:49,871 --> 00:58:52,080
- So are you and Alex.
- That's different.
1257
00:58:52,114 --> 00:58:53,668
Seriously?
1258
00:58:53,702 --> 00:58:54,703
How?
1259
00:58:54,738 --> 00:58:56,981
Because I understood what
this was and you forgot?
1260
00:58:57,016 --> 00:58:59,881
- Because it's-
- What, what?
1261
00:58:59,915 --> 00:59:03,505
- Because it-
- You don't even know, do you?
1262
00:59:08,855 --> 00:59:12,652
Wait, wait, wait, Sam, Sam,
look at me.
1263
00:59:12,687 --> 00:59:17,657
Look at me the way you did
before last night, please just,
1264
00:59:17,968 --> 00:59:20,522
look at me the way you used to.
1265
00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:24,526
Wait, Sam.
1266
00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:25,976
Sam, this is what we
said we wanted.
1267
00:59:26,010 --> 00:59:27,010
Sam!
1268
01:00:19,926 --> 01:00:22,998
If he can't handle
it, that's his problem.
1269
01:00:23,033 --> 01:00:26,243
I know, you're right.
I mean, totally right.
1270
01:00:26,277 --> 01:00:30,178
It is absolutely 100%
his problem.
1271
01:00:30,212 --> 01:00:31,212
But?
1272
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,771
Why am I the one in
fucking misery?
1273
01:00:40,878 --> 01:00:41,672
Sam.
1274
01:00:41,707 --> 01:00:42,707
Hey you.
1275
01:00:43,812 --> 01:00:45,055
Uh...
1276
01:00:45,089 --> 01:00:46,332
What's going on?
1277
01:00:46,366 --> 01:00:48,368
It's a whole...
1278
01:00:48,403 --> 01:00:51,958
Joe, why aren't you
wearing any pants?
1279
01:00:51,993 --> 01:00:54,098
A ghost took 'em.
1280
01:00:54,133 --> 01:00:55,686
Hi, honey.
1281
01:00:55,721 --> 01:00:57,308
Who is it?
1282
01:00:57,343 --> 01:00:58,965
Hey Sam.
1283
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:00,242
Huh.
1284
01:01:00,277 --> 01:01:03,280
Okay, look, I'm having
a really rough night
1285
01:01:03,314 --> 01:01:05,282
and I really need a
place to stay
1286
01:01:05,316 --> 01:01:06,939
and I don't know
where Taylor is.
1287
01:01:06,973 --> 01:01:10,045
I tried calling him,
but it's just...
1288
01:01:11,115 --> 01:01:12,289
Oh, hey man.
1289
01:01:18,467 --> 01:01:19,917
Hey man, where are you going?
1290
01:01:19,952 --> 01:01:22,161
Come on, you just got here,
1291
01:01:23,127 --> 01:01:24,335
Oh?
1292
01:01:24,370 --> 01:01:26,199
Yeah, you should be angry.
1293
01:01:26,234 --> 01:01:27,718
- I know.
- No, you should be pissed.
1294
01:01:27,753 --> 01:01:30,894
- Yeah, I know.
- Well then why aren't you?
1295
01:01:30,928 --> 01:01:33,690
Because that doesn't get
me what I want.
1296
01:01:33,724 --> 01:01:34,724
What?
1297
01:01:35,864 --> 01:01:39,868
Look, you know, if I wanted
to make him feel guilty,
1298
01:01:39,903 --> 01:01:43,285
if I want to, to, you know,
chew him out,
1299
01:01:44,493 --> 01:01:47,220
if I wanted to make him
melt into a pile
1300
01:01:47,255 --> 01:01:50,327
of self-doubting goo and
make him feel so shitty
1301
01:01:50,361 --> 01:01:51,442
that he'd never had the nerve
1302
01:01:51,466 --> 01:01:56,436
to talk to another woman
again, I would, and I could,
1303
01:01:56,643 --> 01:01:59,957
I mean, I could attack
every insecurity,
1304
01:02:01,890 --> 01:02:04,928
every doubt, every sore topic,
but...
1305
01:02:08,690 --> 01:02:10,140
I don't want that.
1306
01:02:12,038 --> 01:02:15,283
You know, I, I just want
us to be okay.
1307
01:02:17,457 --> 01:02:19,459
I want him to come back.
1308
01:02:26,881 --> 01:02:27,881
Hey.
1309
01:02:28,606 --> 01:02:29,606
Hey.
1310
01:02:30,436 --> 01:02:32,265
Can I come in?
1311
01:02:32,300 --> 01:02:34,681
No, you have to stand
in the hallway.
1312
01:02:34,716 --> 01:02:36,304
Oh, um-
1313
01:02:36,338 --> 01:02:38,478
- Come in, Dorkimus Prime.
1314
01:02:45,106 --> 01:02:48,765
Wow, your
apartment is very salmony.
1315
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:50,767
Thanks.
1316
01:02:50,801 --> 01:02:52,147
You're welcome.
1317
01:02:52,182 --> 01:02:55,772
So what brings you to
my neck of the woods?
1318
01:02:55,806 --> 01:02:58,705
Your phone call was a
tad dramatic.
1319
01:03:01,122 --> 01:03:02,157
Yeah, um...
1320
01:03:03,296 --> 01:03:05,782
Me and Chloe kind of
had a fight.
1321
01:03:05,816 --> 01:03:06,816
Shit.
1322
01:03:07,645 --> 01:03:09,958
Was it about me and the thing?
1323
01:03:09,993 --> 01:03:11,235
Kind of, but not.
1324
01:03:11,270 --> 01:03:15,584
It's, I don't really want
to talk about it, so, yay.
1325
01:03:17,276 --> 01:03:18,587
You come into my apartment
1326
01:03:18,622 --> 01:03:20,807
in the middle of the night
because you and Chloe had a fight
1327
01:03:20,831 --> 01:03:22,419
and you don't wish
to discuss it?
1328
01:03:22,453 --> 01:03:23,938
That is correct.
1329
01:03:30,392 --> 01:03:31,808
How about now?
1330
01:03:33,775 --> 01:03:35,846
I'll get that.
1331
01:03:40,195 --> 01:03:41,196
Hey, man.
1332
01:03:42,542 --> 01:03:43,543
Can we talk?
1333
01:03:50,585 --> 01:03:51,585
Sure.
1334
01:03:53,519 --> 01:03:56,004
I will leave you guys alone.
1335
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:02,977
Ooh, so you let Ian
fuck your girlfriend.
1336
01:04:03,011 --> 01:04:04,979
I wouldn't say let
Ian fuck my girlfriend.
1337
01:04:05,013 --> 01:04:06,463
Did you tell him not to?
1338
01:04:06,497 --> 01:04:08,258
- No.
- Was it his idea?
1339
01:04:08,292 --> 01:04:09,984
- Kinda.
- Kinda how?
1340
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:14,954
Okay, technically me and Chloe
started it, but still it's-
1341
01:04:14,989 --> 01:04:16,680
- How is that not you
just letting him?
1342
01:04:16,714 --> 01:04:18,164
Well I didn't say step right up
1343
01:04:18,199 --> 01:04:19,752
to my girlfriend's vagina.
1344
01:04:19,786 --> 01:04:21,064
Two balls for three dollars.
1345
01:04:21,098 --> 01:04:22,479
Old tickers, old tickers.
1346
01:04:22,513 --> 01:04:24,274
Right, but Chloe
didn't say step right up
1347
01:04:24,308 --> 01:04:26,793
to my boyfriend's penis.
1348
01:04:26,828 --> 01:04:30,452
Not the first time, anyway.
1349
01:04:30,487 --> 01:04:32,247
It's different.
1350
01:04:32,282 --> 01:04:33,145
How?
1351
01:04:33,179 --> 01:04:34,179
It...
1352
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:36,424
Okay.
1353
01:04:36,458 --> 01:04:39,530
So, like, when you and me,
rah-ha-ha,
1354
01:04:42,257 --> 01:04:44,811
it didn't mean anything, right?
1355
01:04:47,607 --> 01:04:48,712
I don't know.
1356
01:04:48,746 --> 01:04:49,827
Oh you don't? Okay,
who would know?
1357
01:04:49,851 --> 01:04:51,094
I could call them.
1358
01:04:51,128 --> 01:04:52,405
Or text them. It's the future.
1359
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:53,510
I'll text them. Ow.
1360
01:04:53,544 --> 01:04:56,133
You're cute.
1361
01:04:57,479 --> 01:04:59,033
Thank you.
1362
01:04:59,067 --> 01:05:00,551
But no, seriously, so
like it didn't
1363
01:05:00,586 --> 01:05:03,071
mean anything for you, right?
1364
01:05:04,279 --> 01:05:06,074
This is a bad idea.
1365
01:05:13,081 --> 01:05:15,083
I'm sorry Sam hit you.
1366
01:05:15,118 --> 01:05:16,429
So is my face.
1367
01:05:18,017 --> 01:05:20,709
Luckily he's a bit of a pussy,
so.
1368
01:05:20,744 --> 01:05:23,885
Really? Because it
looks pretty bad.
1369
01:05:25,128 --> 01:05:27,475
I mean, I can't see any
color out of that eye, but-
1370
01:05:27,509 --> 01:05:28,821
- What?
- Totally had worse.
1371
01:05:28,855 --> 01:05:31,306
Ian, you need to go
to a hospital.
1372
01:05:31,341 --> 01:05:33,205
Right, the hospital.
1373
01:05:33,239 --> 01:05:36,173
You know how when you're
gainfully employed,
1374
01:05:36,208 --> 01:05:37,692
you should probably,
I don't know,
1375
01:05:37,726 --> 01:05:39,901
get some health insurance?
1376
01:05:40,729 --> 01:05:41,729
You idiot.
1377
01:05:42,973 --> 01:05:43,905
Yeah.
1378
01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:46,080
Let me get you some ice.
1379
01:05:48,772 --> 01:05:49,980
Much obliged.
1380
01:05:53,225 --> 01:05:57,125
I haven't been back to
the apartment yet, so...
1381
01:06:01,164 --> 01:06:02,613
Oh.
1382
01:06:02,648 --> 01:06:05,927
Sorry.
1383
01:06:25,119 --> 01:06:26,189
What?
1384
01:06:26,223 --> 01:06:27,984
What was it to you?
1385
01:06:28,950 --> 01:06:29,950
Fun.
1386
01:06:30,779 --> 01:06:32,022
Nothing more?
1387
01:06:43,102 --> 01:06:44,414
Nope.
1388
01:06:44,448 --> 01:06:45,448
Nope.
1389
01:06:46,519 --> 01:06:47,900
No.
1390
01:06:47,934 --> 01:06:49,488
Oh.
1391
01:06:49,522 --> 01:06:50,523
Oh my god.
1392
01:06:54,217 --> 01:06:55,217
I'm sorry.
1393
01:06:58,945 --> 01:07:00,188
You okay?
1394
01:07:00,223 --> 01:07:01,362
Mm-hm, fine.
1395
01:07:07,747 --> 01:07:10,405
I guess it didn't mean anything.
1396
01:07:13,788 --> 01:07:16,204
Look, we said going
into it that-
1397
01:07:16,239 --> 01:07:17,239
- I know.
1398
01:07:18,862 --> 01:07:20,726
Don't worry about it,
doesn't matter.
1399
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:21,760
Sorry.
1400
01:07:28,009 --> 01:07:29,355
That was really stupid.
1401
01:07:29,390 --> 01:07:32,151
No, no it wasn't. It was...
1402
01:07:32,186 --> 01:07:34,567
Shit.
1403
01:07:34,602 --> 01:07:36,397
Wow, okay, so new topic.
1404
01:07:36,431 --> 01:07:41,402
Um uh, why the
fuck are you so upset?
1405
01:07:43,783 --> 01:07:44,681
What?
1406
01:07:44,715 --> 01:07:46,407
Oh my god. You're a
fucking goldfish.
1407
01:07:46,441 --> 01:07:47,580
Chloe.
1408
01:07:47,615 --> 01:07:51,274
Yeah, look, it's complicated,
okay?
1409
01:07:51,308 --> 01:07:52,758
- No it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
1410
01:07:52,792 --> 01:07:54,760
Because of the-
What, you think this was
1411
01:07:54,794 --> 01:07:57,625
part of Chloe's, like,
big diabolical plan.
1412
01:07:57,659 --> 01:07:59,178
Like string you along
for three years
1413
01:07:59,213 --> 01:08:01,767
and then leave you after one
night of drunken sex, really?
1414
01:08:01,801 --> 01:08:03,286
I never said she
planned anything.
1415
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:05,529
Then what are you saying?
1416
01:08:05,564 --> 01:08:07,221
- It's Ian.
- He's your best friend.
1417
01:08:07,255 --> 01:08:08,567
Yeah, and a complete man-whore.
1418
01:08:08,601 --> 01:08:09,854
He wouldn't try to steal Chloe.
1419
01:08:09,878 --> 01:08:11,063
I'm not saying you would try.
1420
01:08:11,087 --> 01:08:13,261
I'm just saying-
What are you say...
1421
01:08:13,296 --> 01:08:14,090
It's Ian.
1422
01:08:14,124 --> 01:08:15,136
He does massage.
Oh my god.
1423
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,853
And he gets girls and
he speaks Esperanto.
1424
01:08:18,887 --> 01:08:21,096
You've got to be kidding me.
1425
01:08:21,130 --> 01:08:23,064
Is it that hard to believe?
1426
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,549
That a girl you loved
walks out on you
1427
01:08:25,584 --> 01:08:27,585
because you had a
threeway with your friend?
1428
01:08:27,620 --> 01:08:29,208
Yeah, it's pretty fuckin'
far-fetched.
1429
01:08:29,243 --> 01:08:31,762
She loves you.
I know she does.
1430
01:08:31,797 --> 01:08:32,969
- So?
- So what?
1431
01:08:33,005 --> 01:08:33,902
Am I hot?
1432
01:08:33,937 --> 01:08:34,938
What?
1433
01:08:34,971 --> 01:08:38,872
Like objectively, would
you like to tap this?
1434
01:08:40,149 --> 01:08:41,117
Sure.
1435
01:08:41,151 --> 01:08:42,404
So why aren't
we humping right now?
1436
01:08:42,428 --> 01:08:44,154
Because I love Chloe.
1437
01:08:44,189 --> 01:08:45,568
Exactly!
1438
01:08:45,603 --> 01:08:47,226
So what's the
fucking difference?
1439
01:08:47,261 --> 01:08:48,261
It's Chloe.
1440
01:08:49,193 --> 01:08:52,749
She's smart and sexy and
funny and ghosts.
1441
01:08:54,544 --> 01:08:56,822
She makes origami ghosts
1442
01:08:56,856 --> 01:08:58,075
and she hangs them from
above the bed
1443
01:08:58,099 --> 01:09:02,103
and they're like meh, and
she's difficult
1444
01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,069
in the best possible way.
1445
01:09:04,104 --> 01:09:05,255
Just trying to get her
to watch a movie
1446
01:09:05,279 --> 01:09:07,395
that I want to watch is an
adventure in and of itself,
1447
01:09:07,419 --> 01:09:09,317
but that's an adventure
that I want to take.
1448
01:09:09,352 --> 01:09:11,250
She snores like a Wildebeest
1449
01:09:11,285 --> 01:09:14,184
and she farts like you
would not believe,
1450
01:09:14,219 --> 01:09:16,944
but I still want to
spend every waking minute
1451
01:09:16,979 --> 01:09:20,017
with that smelly, loud
hunk of woman.
1452
01:09:21,328 --> 01:09:23,124
She's everything.
1453
01:09:23,158 --> 01:09:24,711
And what are you?
1454
01:09:26,264 --> 01:09:27,749
What do you mean?
1455
01:09:28,853 --> 01:09:30,925
You can never cheat on
her 'cause you love her
1456
01:09:30,959 --> 01:09:33,685
'cause she's so amazing
and even though
1457
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,379
she told you she loved you
a zillion and a half times,
1458
01:09:36,413 --> 01:09:37,897
you don't believe her.
1459
01:09:37,932 --> 01:09:40,210
You don't think anyone,
you don't think you deserve
1460
01:09:40,245 --> 01:09:42,143
her or anyone really.
1461
01:09:42,178 --> 01:09:44,006
You put her on this pedestal
1462
01:09:44,041 --> 01:09:45,559
and in your pathetic
fucking mind,
1463
01:09:45,594 --> 01:09:47,193
it's only a matter of
time before she leaves
1464
01:09:47,217 --> 01:09:48,494
and you think this is it.
1465
01:09:48,529 --> 01:09:50,702
Now that she's tasted
Ian, that it's all over.
1466
01:09:50,737 --> 01:09:51,818
- No it's-
- And you know what?
1467
01:09:51,842 --> 01:09:56,121
If you keep thinking that,
you'll actually be right.
1468
01:10:03,059 --> 01:10:04,061
Oh my god.
1469
01:10:06,271 --> 01:10:07,858
I gotta go.
You gotta go.
1470
01:10:07,893 --> 01:10:09,964
Thank you. I gotta go.
1471
01:10:09,998 --> 01:10:10,998
But...
Go.
1472
01:10:14,451 --> 01:10:15,451
Sam?
1473
01:10:16,142 --> 01:10:17,385
Shit, Sam.
Ow.
1474
01:10:19,422 --> 01:10:21,147
I'll get a blanket.
1475
01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:24,080
Shit.
1476
01:10:31,261 --> 01:10:32,504
Are you okay?
1477
01:10:37,198 --> 01:10:38,198
No.
1478
01:10:39,442 --> 01:10:43,687
I have no idea where Sam
is and no idea what to do.
1479
01:10:46,518 --> 01:10:49,245
You don't deserve this.
1480
01:10:49,279 --> 01:10:52,109
You're damn right I don't.
1481
01:10:52,144 --> 01:10:53,697
I'll talk to Sam.
1482
01:10:55,251 --> 01:10:56,873
I appreciate that.
1483
01:10:56,907 --> 01:10:58,943
Even though he fuckin' hit me.
1484
01:10:58,978 --> 01:11:00,508
I thought you said it
wasn't a big deal.
1485
01:11:00,532 --> 01:11:02,258
I can't see colors.
1486
01:11:13,303 --> 01:11:14,373
Oh my god.
1487
01:11:22,830 --> 01:11:24,728
I had fun last night.
1488
01:11:27,662 --> 01:11:29,077
We all seemed to.
1489
01:11:33,496 --> 01:11:36,153
Well, I didn't hate it.
1490
01:11:36,188 --> 01:11:38,880
I think I'm going to put
that on my business cards.
1491
01:11:38,915 --> 01:11:42,090
Ian Barnes, women don't
hate fucking him.
1492
01:11:42,125 --> 01:11:45,197
There could be worse reviews.
1493
01:11:52,825 --> 01:11:54,862
Totally saw your boobs.
1494
01:11:59,107 --> 01:12:02,041
Fuck you.
1495
01:12:02,076 --> 01:12:03,353
I'm sorry.
1496
01:12:03,388 --> 01:12:06,874
I'm injured.
1497
01:12:12,293 --> 01:12:13,293
Hey.
1498
01:12:14,260 --> 01:12:15,260
Hey.
1499
01:12:20,543 --> 01:12:21,543
Thank you.
1500
01:12:31,864 --> 01:12:34,108
Uh...
1501
01:12:34,142 --> 01:12:35,143
Ian?
Mmhm?
1502
01:12:36,075 --> 01:12:37,387
What you doin'?
1503
01:12:38,492 --> 01:12:40,873
Eh, just feeling your
tits against my chest.
1504
01:12:40,907 --> 01:12:42,668
You're such a jerk.
1505
01:12:49,503 --> 01:12:52,298
I'm going to go find
your boyfriend.
1506
01:12:52,333 --> 01:12:55,647
You know you, you really
don't have to do that.
1507
01:12:55,681 --> 01:12:56,717
Yeah, I do.
1508
01:12:58,788 --> 01:12:59,788
Yeah, I do.
1509
01:13:42,659 --> 01:13:43,659
Ian?
1510
01:13:44,834 --> 01:13:46,835
Ian, you there?
1511
01:13:46,870 --> 01:13:48,630
I forgot my keys man.
1512
01:13:53,463 --> 01:13:55,914
I'm a douche.
I'm a douche.
1513
01:13:55,948 --> 01:13:56,948
We good?
1514
01:13:58,054 --> 01:13:59,020
Not the first time I
got cold-cocked
1515
01:13:59,055 --> 01:14:01,126
by somebody's boyfriend.
1516
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,818
Good, 'cause I need your help.
1517
01:14:35,781 --> 01:14:37,300
Asshole.
1518
01:14:54,662 --> 01:14:56,871
I thought we should talk.
1519
01:14:59,771 --> 01:15:01,876
I owe you an apology.
1520
01:15:01,911 --> 01:15:02,843
Really?
1521
01:15:02,877 --> 01:15:03,878
Yeah. Yes.
1522
01:15:05,811 --> 01:15:08,089
I was way out of line.
1523
01:15:08,124 --> 01:15:10,126
Can you ever forgive me?
1524
01:15:12,128 --> 01:15:14,751
I brought bagels.
Not so loud, please.
1525
01:15:14,786 --> 01:15:16,270
I'm very hungover.
1526
01:15:18,030 --> 01:15:20,446
Long night last night, huh?
1527
01:15:22,172 --> 01:15:23,172
Sorry.
1528
01:15:24,105 --> 01:15:25,105
My bad.
1529
01:15:28,385 --> 01:15:29,973
Look, Sam. I'm...
1530
01:15:31,388 --> 01:15:34,115
I'm glad you're here and
that you've calmed down
1531
01:15:34,150 --> 01:15:36,014
and you've brought me a
bunch of flowers
1532
01:15:36,048 --> 01:15:37,740
I'm allergic to, but-
Wait, what?
1533
01:15:37,773 --> 01:15:40,432
What was that about yesterday?
1534
01:15:42,365 --> 01:15:43,815
It was...
1535
01:15:43,849 --> 01:15:45,620
I mean, do you have
any idea how you made me feel?
1536
01:15:45,644 --> 01:15:46,645
Badly, I'm sure.
1537
01:15:46,680 --> 01:15:47,680
Badly?
1538
01:15:49,579 --> 01:15:52,064
You made me feel like a whore.
1539
01:15:57,068 --> 01:15:58,139
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1540
01:15:59,762 --> 01:16:04,041
You tried to slut-shame me
like some misogynist asshole.
1541
01:16:04,076 --> 01:16:05,802
Chloe, I'm so sorry.
1542
01:16:05,837 --> 01:16:07,331
I never meant to make you
feel that way.
1543
01:16:07,355 --> 01:16:08,574
I'm just, I never meant
to make you feel
1544
01:16:08,598 --> 01:16:12,153
like anything other than
hunky-dory 24/7.
1545
01:16:12,188 --> 01:16:13,948
You know what I mean.
1546
01:16:14,811 --> 01:16:16,951
But I fucked up, big time.
1547
01:16:19,540 --> 01:16:23,337
You didn't deserve that.
No, I really didn't.
1548
01:16:27,306 --> 01:16:29,205
So what was it about?
1549
01:16:32,380 --> 01:16:33,737
Were you testing me
this whole time?
1550
01:16:33,761 --> 01:16:34,555
No, no, no, god, no, no.
1551
01:16:34,590 --> 01:16:36,799
No. It had nothing to
do with you.
1552
01:16:36,833 --> 01:16:37,938
Then what was it?
1553
01:16:37,972 --> 01:16:39,387
It...
1554
01:16:39,422 --> 01:16:40,734
It obviously had something
1555
01:16:40,768 --> 01:16:43,357
to do with me.
No, no, it, okay.
1556
01:16:43,391 --> 01:16:44,945
Not why I freaked out.
1557
01:16:44,978 --> 01:16:46,187
That was on me.
1558
01:16:47,188 --> 01:16:48,811
Then what was it?
1559
01:16:48,844 --> 01:16:50,778
Seeing you with Ian.
1560
01:16:50,813 --> 01:16:52,538
It was hard.
Why?
1561
01:16:52,573 --> 01:16:55,369
Because I thought you'd
like him more than me.
1562
01:16:55,403 --> 01:16:57,405
- Sam.
- I know, I know.
1563
01:16:58,579 --> 01:17:01,927
It's stupid and insecure and...
1564
01:17:01,962 --> 01:17:03,480
Do you not trust me?
1565
01:17:03,514 --> 01:17:04,896
Of course I do.
1566
01:17:05,862 --> 01:17:09,590
But how could you, how
could you possibly think that?
1567
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:13,111
Because I couldn't
see what you see in me,
1568
01:17:13,145 --> 01:17:15,941
which I know is, is, is...
1569
01:17:17,218 --> 01:17:18,219
There it is.
1570
01:17:22,741 --> 01:17:25,986
How long have we been together?
1571
01:17:26,020 --> 01:17:27,056
Three years.
1572
01:17:27,090 --> 01:17:28,090
Right.
1573
01:17:29,403 --> 01:17:32,544
Do you think I would
waste three minutes,
1574
01:17:32,577 --> 01:17:34,650
let alone three years on anyone
1575
01:17:34,684 --> 01:17:37,135
who I thought was unworthy?
1576
01:17:37,169 --> 01:17:38,169
Nope.
1577
01:17:39,620 --> 01:17:40,666
You kicked that homeless
guy at one time
1578
01:17:40,690 --> 01:17:42,692
'cause he asked for change
and he wasn't dancing.
1579
01:17:42,727 --> 01:17:44,247
You have to stop
telling people that.
1580
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,212
They believe you.
1581
01:17:45,246 --> 01:17:48,077
And what does that
say about you?
1582
01:18:02,401 --> 01:18:03,401
Sam?
1583
01:18:05,300 --> 01:18:07,475
Are you done with
the self-doubt?
1584
01:18:07,510 --> 01:18:09,546
- I'm not sure.
- Not funny.
1585
01:18:09,581 --> 01:18:10,651
Sorry. Yes.
1586
01:18:12,135 --> 01:18:14,724
Because it's not cute.
1587
01:18:14,759 --> 01:18:17,002
It's not endearing.
1588
01:18:17,037 --> 01:18:18,416
It's just a pain.
1589
01:18:19,522 --> 01:18:20,592
Understood.
1590
01:18:24,251 --> 01:18:25,251
Thank you.
1591
01:18:26,771 --> 01:18:28,117
For what?
1592
01:18:28,151 --> 01:18:29,566
For everything.
1593
01:18:32,155 --> 01:18:34,398
Three years, man.
1594
01:18:34,433 --> 01:18:36,677
That's a long time.
1595
01:18:36,712 --> 01:18:37,746
A lifetime.
1596
01:18:39,369 --> 01:18:40,923
If you're a fish.
1597
01:18:42,994 --> 01:18:44,133
Sorry.
Dork.
1598
01:18:46,273 --> 01:18:48,206
You ever wonder why we decided
1599
01:18:48,240 --> 01:18:51,692
to have a threesome in
the first place?
1600
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:53,038
I don't know.
1601
01:18:54,695 --> 01:18:55,695
More fun?
1602
01:18:57,008 --> 01:18:58,388
Exciting, I guess?
1603
01:18:58,423 --> 01:19:00,218
I have a theory.
1604
01:19:00,252 --> 01:19:01,909
Oh, you've come back wise.
1605
01:19:01,943 --> 01:19:04,843
Hit me.
1606
01:19:06,707 --> 01:19:08,674
I feel like in every
relationship,
1607
01:19:08,709 --> 01:19:12,886
no matter how clearly
awesome, there's a back door.
1608
01:19:14,128 --> 01:19:15,612
Sam, I said no butt sex.
1609
01:19:15,647 --> 01:19:17,891
I, no, no. Stop, no.
1610
01:19:17,925 --> 01:19:20,617
I don't mean, no butt sex. No.
1611
01:19:20,652 --> 01:19:23,275
What I mean is that
there's always
1612
01:19:23,309 --> 01:19:26,727
a post this relationship
time in their mind.
1613
01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:30,627
So if they want to
experiment or whatever,
1614
01:19:30,662 --> 01:19:33,423
they think we'll just do
it later, alone.
1615
01:19:33,458 --> 01:19:34,424
Okay.
1616
01:19:34,459 --> 01:19:38,014
But after a while,
let's say three years,
1617
01:19:39,050 --> 01:19:43,571
they stop thinking about a
post this relationship time.
1618
01:19:43,606 --> 01:19:44,894
In fact, they don't
even think there will be
1619
01:19:44,918 --> 01:19:48,541
a post this relationship time,
so if they want to explore,
1620
01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:51,717
then they do it together,
as a couple.
1621
01:19:53,547 --> 01:19:56,239
No post this relationship time?
1622
01:19:57,550 --> 01:19:59,277
So I'm not the most eloquent.
Sue me.
1623
01:19:59,311 --> 01:20:00,485
- Sued.
- Ah!
1624
01:20:05,697 --> 01:20:09,321
What we did with Ian
and Alex, that was fun,
1625
01:20:09,356 --> 01:20:10,702
but that was it.
1626
01:20:11,530 --> 01:20:13,084
At the end of the day,
1627
01:20:13,118 --> 01:20:17,226
the person that I want to
be with is you.
1628
01:20:17,260 --> 01:20:19,469
The person that I want
to live with,
1629
01:20:19,504 --> 01:20:21,886
to come home to, to cook with,
1630
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:25,061
to play Little Big
Planet with is you.
1631
01:20:28,306 --> 01:20:30,273
For the rest of my life.
1632
01:20:31,688 --> 01:20:32,688
What?
1633
01:20:37,418 --> 01:20:38,903
Chloe Mancini...
1634
01:20:42,734 --> 01:20:44,218
Will you marry me?
1635
01:20:47,359 --> 01:20:48,326
- Yes.
- Yes?
1636
01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:49,360
Yes.
1637
01:20:53,400 --> 01:20:54,263
I'm gonna put that mother on
1638
01:20:54,297 --> 01:20:56,886
like you would not believe.
1639
01:20:56,921 --> 01:20:57,782
Oh no, it's the other hand.
1640
01:20:57,818 --> 01:20:58,784
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
1641
01:20:58,818 --> 01:21:00,821
I don't know directions.
1642
01:21:11,969 --> 01:21:13,396
Oh my god, how could
you afford this?
1643
01:21:13,420 --> 01:21:16,285
Oh, at the wedding, I have
to let Ian fuck my sister.
1644
01:21:16,318 --> 01:21:17,952
Ha ha, joke's on her.
We hate that bitch.
1645
01:21:17,976 --> 01:21:22,153
I know, right?
1646
01:21:22,187 --> 01:21:24,017
Oh my god.
1647
01:21:24,050 --> 01:21:27,779
Did I just say no butt sex in
the middle of your proposal?
1648
01:21:27,813 --> 01:21:28,918
Yeah, you did.
1649
01:21:28,952 --> 01:21:30,746
Wait, when we tell our
kids about this,
1650
01:21:30,782 --> 01:21:32,577
can we leave that part out?
1651
01:21:32,611 --> 01:21:34,612
What part can we tell?
1652
01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:39,101
I guess we'll worry
about that later.
1653
01:21:41,413 --> 01:21:43,588
Ooh. With your headache?
1654
01:21:43,621 --> 01:21:44,969
I'll work through it.
1655
01:21:45,003 --> 01:21:46,210
Pants off, now.
1656
01:22:03,884 --> 01:22:07,612
♪ Rose is on rampage moving
around the furniture ♪
1657
01:22:07,646 --> 01:22:09,545
♪ A table there, a sofa there ♪
1658
01:22:09,579 --> 01:22:11,547
♪ And over there the bed ♪
1659
01:22:11,581 --> 01:22:13,411
♪ Time to do the laundry again ♪
1660
01:22:13,445 --> 01:22:15,378
♪ You got to put the
clothes on ♪
1661
01:22:15,413 --> 01:22:17,311
♪ Separate the
lights and darks ♪
1662
01:22:17,346 --> 01:22:19,175
♪ You put the quarters in ♪
1663
01:22:19,210 --> 01:22:21,177
♪ They're talking
about the future ♪
1664
01:22:21,212 --> 01:22:23,076
♪ Talking about the
world at war ♪
1665
01:22:23,110 --> 01:22:24,870
♪ We're turning all
the lights off ♪
1666
01:22:24,905 --> 01:22:26,942
♪ It's time to go the bed ♪
1667
01:22:26,976 --> 01:22:29,047
♪ And this is what I said ♪
1668
01:22:29,082 --> 01:22:30,911
♪ And this is what I said ♪
1669
01:22:30,946 --> 01:22:34,397
♪ This is what I said ♪
1670
01:22:34,432 --> 01:22:36,330
♪ It's a life ♪
♪ It's life ♪
1671
01:22:36,365 --> 01:22:38,193
♪ It's a life ♪
1672
01:22:38,228 --> 01:22:39,989
♪ I call it a life ♪
1673
01:22:40,023 --> 01:22:42,026
♪ That's what it is ♪
1674
01:22:42,059 --> 01:22:43,889
♪ It's a life ♪
♪ It's a life ♪
1675
01:22:43,924 --> 01:22:45,822
♪ It's just a life ♪
♪ It's just a life ♪
1676
01:22:45,857 --> 01:22:47,686
♪ It's a life ♪
1677
01:22:47,721 --> 01:22:50,550
♪ Oh we're living in again ♪
1678
01:22:58,249 --> 01:22:59,940
♪ Having eggs and
corn beef hash ♪
1679
01:22:59,975 --> 01:23:01,804
♪ Thank you Lou, no
problem Miss Sandy ♪
1680
01:23:01,838 --> 01:23:03,678
♪ She's deftly maneuvers
them off of the counter ♪
1681
01:23:03,702 --> 01:23:05,670
♪ And gingerly puts the
plates down ♪
1682
01:23:05,704 --> 01:23:07,327
♪ What can I get you boys ♪
1683
01:23:07,361 --> 01:23:09,708
♪ How about some coffee, sugar ♪
♪ Sugar in your coffee ♪
1684
01:23:09,743 --> 01:23:11,400
♪ I'll take black and
I'll take tea ♪
1685
01:23:11,434 --> 01:23:13,505
♪ I just got out of bed ♪
1686
01:23:13,540 --> 01:23:15,576
♪ Are you boys from
the trade mill ♪
1687
01:23:15,611 --> 01:23:16,750
♪ How'd you guess ♪
1688
01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:20,788
♪ It's written on the
buttons on your chest ♪
1689
01:23:20,823 --> 01:23:25,172
♪ And then I did the rest ♪
♪ And then I did the rest ♪
1690
01:23:25,207 --> 01:23:27,554
♪ And then I did the rest ♪
1691
01:23:27,588 --> 01:23:28,555
♪ And again ♪
1692
01:23:28,589 --> 01:23:30,487
♪ It's a life ♪
♪ It's life ♪
1693
01:23:30,522 --> 01:23:32,421
♪ It's a life ♪
1694
01:23:32,455 --> 01:23:34,353
♪ It's just a life ♪
1695
01:23:34,388 --> 01:23:36,287
♪ That's what it is ♪
1696
01:23:36,321 --> 01:23:38,116
♪ It's a life ♪
♪ It's a life ♪
1697
01:23:38,151 --> 01:23:40,049
♪ You call it a life ♪
♪ You call it a life ♪
1698
01:23:40,084 --> 01:23:42,672
♪ It's a life ♪
1699
01:23:42,707 --> 01:23:44,639
♪ Living to the end, but ♪
1700
01:23:44,674 --> 01:23:46,504
♪ High on an airplane ♪
1701
01:23:46,538 --> 01:23:51,509
♪ Looking at the ground
below whoa oh ♪
1702
01:23:52,303 --> 01:23:54,236
♪ High in an airplane ♪
1703
01:23:54,270 --> 01:23:59,206
♪ Higher than you'll ever
know oh oh oh ♪
1704
01:24:00,035 --> 01:24:01,967
♪ High in an airplane ♪
1705
01:24:02,002 --> 01:24:06,938
♪ Looking at the ground
below oh oh oh oh ♪
1706
01:24:07,732 --> 01:24:09,665
♪ High in an airplane ♪
1707
01:24:09,699 --> 01:24:13,082
♪ Higher than you'll ever know ♪
1708
01:24:19,330 --> 01:24:21,228
♪ Alfred in Zimbabwe ♪
1709
01:24:21,263 --> 01:24:23,161
♪ He grew up without a family ♪
1710
01:24:23,196 --> 01:24:24,990
♪ Met some Peace Corp
volunteers ♪
1711
01:24:25,025 --> 01:24:26,958
♪ That came and went
away again ♪
1712
01:24:26,992 --> 01:24:30,858
♪ Indonesia, Polynesia,
Pakistan, Afghanistan ♪
1713
01:24:30,893 --> 01:24:32,757
♪ You build the trenches,
wear the sorries ♪
1714
01:24:32,791 --> 01:24:34,793
♪ Think about the plans ♪
1715
01:24:34,827 --> 01:24:36,898
♪ What's that overhead ♪
1716
01:24:36,933 --> 01:24:40,351
♪ Food and bombs and
propaganda dropped on ♪
116467
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