All language subtitles for Harmontown (2014)

♪

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[whirring]

[metallic screeching]

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

[groaning]

♪

Good morning, little fuzz ball.

♪

We're, uh, we're back in,
in Los Angeles.

Twenty days later,
it's all over.

♪

[yawning]

On January 9, 2013,
I and my intrepid friends

loaded into a tour bus
and went across the country.

In each city I got drunk
and talked into a microphone

for anywhere from 50
to 350 people

who had all shown up
because they liked

my podcast Harmontown.

I crowd surfed,
I crowd surfed pants less,

and signed peoples clothes
while they were wearing them,

drank moonshine, blacked out,
I just remember collapsing

onto a table full
of hot wings.

Seeing so much art drawn
by people who are so good

at things that
I'm not good at,

celebrating the things
that I do.

I made my girlfriend cry,
babbled incoherently,

performed topless,
I've hugged people

whose bodies were shaking
because they were

so excited to be hugged, um.

♪

Um.

♪

What did I learn?

♪

♪

♪

Ah, were you here all night?

Er--er, that's great,
'cause you're making

a documentary about me,
and now you have a shot

of me getting into my car
as if there's no camera in it.

[laughing]

[coughing]

Is this gonna be the beginning
of the movie or are you gonna

start it with, um,
all of my friends saying

bad things about me?

Who's Dan Harmon, uh...

Dan Harmon is, uh--

Dan Harmon is a very
complex individual, um--

I don't, I don't know,
I-I--have other people been able

to describe Dan, have you gotten
a concise, accurate description?

I definitely think you're gonna
get a lot of different answers

to "Who is Dan Harmon?"
depending on who you ask.

Dan Harmon is a, uh, creator.

A comedian.

Producer.

Kind of a genius.

Straight up nerd.

A gregarious, garrulous,
gastronomical...

[laughing]

Dan...

I don't know, pass.

I think Dan Harmon would
describe himself

as indescribable.

He's a little narcissistic,
he got a bit of an ego.

He'd probably say, "Smelly."

Definitely a fat ass.

A troublemaker.

A podcaster.

An alcoholic.

He's probably the first person
to say he's self-destructive.

I think Dan would describe
himself as a human hand grenade

who has a predilection
for pulling his own pin out.

I think he'd say he's a writer,
I think he'd say that,

I think he'd be very simple
about it.

Writing, writing, Dave,
send the actors down

for their season one
evaluations.

Hi, I'm Dan Harmon,
I created NBC's Community.

♪

Community is, uh, an exploration
of people who are sort of

on the outskirts of society,
uh, who have been given

a second chance.

So, you guys suddenly
just wanted to play

Dungeons and Dragons?

Yeah, why wouldn't we?

There's a running theme
in his work

that he reaches out
to people that aren't used

to being reached out to.

And you kinda feel like
you're in a secret club

if you watch Community
because a lot of the world

doesn't even know
it's a TV show.

Community's had its ups
and downs this year.

It's ups were the nights
we followed The Office

and people left their TVs
on by accident.

Its downs were the rest
of the season.

The show's his baby,
you know, so like,

he wants the show to be perfect.

Dan wears his heart
on his chest,

and he speaks his mind,
and it has gotten him

into trouble.

He's always striving
for perfection

and I think he's harder
on himself than anybody else.

You could see that at the end
of the third season,

that he was really worn down.

So, I just wanted
to let you know,

uh, that Community
is moving to eight.

What do you mean we're moving
to eight.

-Seven central.
-What the fuck is central?

It's the center of the country,
you fuckin' idiot!

Oh, fuck you!

Didn't wanna go to therapy,
and he needed an avenue

through which to vent,
so he started doing

Harmontown the podcast
at Meltdown Comics.

Ladies and gentlemen, Harmontown
is once again in session.

[crowd cheering]

♪

Well, Harmontown is a podcast
that they do every week

where Dan, Jeff, they kinda
just--they'll talk for a while.

It's different, it's not
just an interview thing.

Uh, this is it.

We don't, yeah,
we don't prepare.

Dan spent the last three years
writing for a big network show.

There are all these filters
that his work has to go through,

like this is the polar opposite
of that.

When you walked into
my apartment,

you would be knee high
in pizza boxes.

There was mannequin legs
with pantyhose on them,

I wa--I was wiping my ass
with tee-shirts

because I wouldn't go
buy toilet paper

because I didn't want people
at Albertsons to know

that Heat Vision and Jack hadn't
been picked up for series.

He's got a lot on his mind.

[laughing]

And when he talks about it,
it's like--you do kinda want

a front row seat for that.

[clearing throat]

Uh-oh.

Nah, I just do that
to hope that I come up

with something else to say.

[crowd laughing]

[clearing throat]

This show is very unique
in that it's very interactive.

The audience is very much
a part of the show.

All right, well, I guess
let's have a hand for the--

for the Fellowship of Looking
Forward to the Hobbit.

None of us were the cool kids
in high school,

nobody's like, the prom king
in that audience,

unless they went to like,
an anime school or somethin'.

Let's introduce our Dungeon
Master, Spencer, everyone.

[crowd cheering]

I don't think a lot
of people can sit through

a staged Dungeons and Dragons
ep--tha-that's crazy.

There's really nothing
that's embarrassing in here

'cause we're all, admittedly,
fetishists and nerds

and weirdoes
and lonely and--

I'm kind of hesitant
to call this a kink,

it's not really a kink,
it's not really a fetish.

[crowd laughing]

'Cause I don't
get off on it,

that's the thing,
but, um--

But I may.

[crowd laughing]

I can't believe you don't
come here every week.

[laughing]

The only boss that Dan respects
is the audience

because he just wants
to entertain like, the people,

like, the 20, 30 people
that are in front of him.

Well, turn--everybody be cool.

So, one night in the show,
Dan played

a voicemail from Chevy Chase.

You're gonna live to be
about 57 if you're lucky,

the way you eat.

And your writing
is getting worse and worse,

so suck my [bleep].

You're not funny, you're okay.

After a fan fight
to keep it on the air

and those now infamous
Chevy Chase voicemails,

Community is in the headlines
again.

It's long been reported
that Harmon has clashed

with the network, crew,
and even some of the actors,

but now he has been fired
from the show he created.

Chevy, how you feelin'
about the Dan Harmon stuff?

The what?

-Dan Harmon.
-Who's that?

♪

For three years I was told
get higher ratings, you know,

and I figured out how.

[audience laughing]

I'm gonna go to the networks
that have higher ratings

and, uh...

[audience laughing]

...uh...

[bicycle bell ringing]

♪

On the sixth day,
God created writers,

but on the seventh day
the devil, uh,

filled the internet with porn,
and blogs about blue whales,

and all kinds of other things
to keep you from writing.

[keyboard clicking]

[ice cubes rattling]

Takes a lot out of a guy.

♪

Being a vessel for God.

♪

You know what, my job isn't
to write right now.

My job is to take a bubble bath.

♪

[water rushing]

My favorite thing in the world
is my moment to feel

like a little baby.

It also has little jets in it
that you can use to relax

and massage yourself.

Rumor has it, sometimes
you can use to maybe tickle,

uh, your butt hole while
you're jerkin' off in it, um,

but I--I--that's just
something I heard from--

on a forum.

♪

[clapping]

I wanna ask you a question,
j--just while we have

the opportunity, we're going out
on this big tour which is, uh,

very ambitious, it's a very
long, grueling schedule,

what do you hope to accomplish
by this, like, is there,

is there a goal for you?

Well, Jeff, the thing about
writing is you can see online

or through Nielsen numbers
that people are watching,

but what I'd like to do,
now that I'm between jobs,

I thought we could go out there
and look into their eyes,

and see if any of these people
are real.

Did I have--was there
an impact there?

I th--but this is a whole track
of conversation I wanted to talk

to everybody about tonight,
but I don't wanna delay

our-our next guest, I think
we should bring him up,

and talk to him about touring.

Uh, please welcome to the stage
Patton Oswalt.

[cheering]

Describe to me the tour,
what're you doin'?

Help me, help you.

We're start--we're leaving
on the tenth,

heading from Los Angeles
to Phoenix--

You're gonna, I'm sorry,
you're starting the tour,

your first show's gonna be
in Phoenix?

[crowd laughing]

Patton, I don't know
if you know this but

we're traveling
with our Dungeon Master, so--

Oh, yeah, definitely go
to Phoenix then, yeah,

that's--your--you guys are
like--that's--

you're like Freedom Riders
in the south in the '60s.

[laughing]

Sp--spencer,
you're in deep shit, man.

Also, it's almost every night
we're doing a show

and it's gonna be January.

What the f--really?

Yeah, it's, yeah.

[crowd laughing]

Well, you know, there's
a good chance that you're

gonna get to be one of those,
um, oh, what,

wha--what else would he
have done?

Yeah, who knows who would've
fired him.

Yeah, maybe.

[laughing]

[clapping]

All right, well, let's thank
Patton Oswalt for coming by.

[crowd cheering]

♪

Thank you, everybody,
for coming.

You guys have been fantastic
for over a year

and now we're gonna go out
and see, uh...

...how bad it gets.

[cheering]

♪

Do you remember when
this was all you had to do

to make people happy?

Remember when this
made you a good person?

That's it, that was
all you had to do,

you still had to do something,
it was still an accomplishment,

I put bubbles on my head,
I look like an old man,

even though I'm a little baby,
and everyone would just

applaud and laugh.

♪

[bus engine whirring]

That's pretty exciting to me,
it's probably not exciting

to you 'cause it's an image
of a, uh, of a bus,

you could probably see
one of those on, uh,

on the internet by Googling
the word "bus,"

but that's a bus that I rented.

Spencer, I'm keeping an, uh,
like a private YouTube V-log.

How much writing
do you have to do?

I have to do like,
about an eight-hour rewrite

on the CBS, uh, pilot,
they gave me some great notes,

and I just have to fly through
that script and address those.

The Fox thing I'm, I'm
further behind on, uh,

you know, I told them I would
give them something Monday,

it's Thursday right now.

And they sai--when Neil was
doing this to me he had it

to the right of my beard
because he said the beard was

like, giving it a lot of like,
scratch and stuff, I don't know.

Right now, tell me all the facts
that you know about Spencer.

[laughing]

I know that his beard holds
the souls that he eats,

and that he draws power
from them but--

I know he's a chocoholic.

[laughing]

I know he goes from zero
to bitch in 60 seconds.

He doesn't do Mondays.

Um, I know that it's not a--
it's not a pot belly,

it's a, it's a fuel tank
for a sex machine.

[laughing]

♪

Should I talk differently
or the same?

I don't even know what that is.

I'm Spencer, and I'm
the Dungeon Master.

♪

Is there anything
you don't want me to talk about?

Yeah, everything,
just don't talk about me.

[laughing]

I want to talk about
the day you were born

'cause it's hilarious.

Oh, yeah, when I was born
I had testicles that were larger

than they are now.

[laughing]

♪

This is my room, it's where
I go to, you know,

go on the computer, and sleep,
and hide from the world.

This is, uh, my dice tube.

I used to have more dice
but I gave a lot of them

to people and my friends
and stuff.

I had broken up with
a girlfriend

and was trying to get my mind
off of things, so I turned

to the wonderful world
of podcasting,

and I had the random,
weird thought, I was like,

I might be able to play
Dungeons and Dragons

if I go to Harmontown.

The first time I went
to the podcast they were like,

"Well, we wanted to start
playing Dungeons and Dragons."

So, is anybody here th--
like, like, is somebody here

like a Dungeons and Dragons
kind of, aficionado?

And this one hand shot up,
and it was Spencer.

Can you--will you, are you
willing to come up here

for just a second?

[applause]

What is your name?

-Spencer.
-Spencer, everybody.

Spencer doesn't really like
being around people,

he doesn't like being
around strangers even more

than just being around people
he even knows.

And so to be going up
and doing this, it was amazing.

So, yeah, we've just been
playing Dungeons and Dragons

onstage ever since,
and it's been kinda crazy,

I've gained a lot of followers
on Twitter, so.

You do notice flames licking
the skins of the dwellings

of the knolls,
you can hear the sounds

of screaming and shouting.

Let's go in and help!

Th--these licking flames
remind me a lot of the belt

that used to lick my ass.

Wait...your dad licked your ass?

No, his belt did.

His belt, how do you know
it was his belt?

It's a magical belt.

Because it was hard
and held his pants up.

That's called his dick.

So, in Dungeons and Dragons,
most of the time,

you roll a 20-sided dice
and the higher you get,

the better you do, so,
if I rolled one for the tour

we'll see how good it turns out.

[dice rattling]

That's a three, so,
there you go, it's gonna suck.

♪

It's our first time,
we made it.

We're rollin'.

The bus works, the bus works!

V-log entry, YouTubin' it.

YouTubin' it!

Here comes--this is
the wrecking crew.

YouTubin' it!

That's our van
that we just found out, uh,

has also been travelled in
by Slayer and Styx.

-And Styx.
-Carry on, my wayward son.

-Lady!
-That's Kansas.

But we're goin' to Kansas.

Dan, the slate,
ready?

One, two, three.

[clapping]

To luxury.

To no apologies.

Gentlemen, let's have
a perfect tour!

Perfect tour!

[laughing]

We, uh, just got
to the hotel in Phoenix,

and the venue is
a couple blocks away

I guess we're gonna walk there.

And, uh...

I'm a little nervous.

Do you get nervous in L.A.?

Yeah, a little bit,
differently though, I mean,

this is like, there's so many
more unknowns.

I love it, for me,
the more unknowns, the better.

Dermot Mulroney.

Dermot Mulroney.

I'm sorry you have to be
p-part of this.

Jeff's verbal exercises.

Chandelier, chandelier.

He doesn't know you can
hear him.

-Canoga Park!
-He's an actor.

Canoga Park!

Crib death, crib death.

The all-important lip stretcher,
crib death.

[laughing]

Pedophilia's an option
when you have the gumption.

[laughing]

I think I'm ready to go,
I'm loose, God, I'm loose.

Don't blow this.

Phoenix, first show.

[audience clapping]

♪

I'm kidding.

Thanks for waiting, everybody,
how you doin'?

[crowd whooping]

Hope we can make
these people happy.

♪

Won't you please help me welcome
in the mayor of Harmontown,

Mr. Dan Harmon?

[cheering]

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yo Phoenix, yo Phoenix,
yo Phoenix, yo Phoenix.

Best city
in the Goddamned world.

Phoenix.

Uh, so much to talk about,
you're our first stop,

by the way, I-I-I--

[cheering]

Holy shit, what a great city,
Phoenix is amazing!

So, you're already starting
to sense that I'm forcing that?

We have to get a couple
of things out of the way

just for the movie,
I'll take it off of your $22

if you see me after.

So, we need like, the slow
motion montage like, like,

like, of-of me killin' it
at every venue, and we def--

We definitely have to fake that,
like, like--

'cause i--it's not gonna happen.

Wait, so this sounds like
the most dishonest thing

in the world.

No, no--

Dan, Harmontown is about
being sincere and honest,

connections with people.

Well, it's basically
a real thing, but just--

just imagine that it's
the end of the show,

and like, I did really good,
and just like, kinda go,

kinda like, like, like,
slow mo, like, reach for me,

like you wish you could
touch me.

Like one, two, three, do it,
like, right, like, slow mo.

[laughing]

♪

This is all a lie.

♪

What kind of movie
do you think you're making?

A movie of lies.

[laughing]

I won't sign off on this, Dan.

[laughing]

All right, well, whatever.

All right, let's stop,
let's stop with the--

let's stop with the gimmicks.

You were nervous about tonight.

Well, yeah, 'cause clearly
you can tell from the photos

on the wall that the people
who normally perform here,

they have actual material,
you could--

they're doing it in the picture,
there's a picture

of a lady going like, "Gah!"

She's in the middle, she's just
finishing explaining like, like,

what Jack Nicholson would be
like in a drive through.

[laughing]

That's a bummer like, you-you
you've decided to do this tour

and you come out and stand there
with a microphone,

you feel this onus to live up
to Bobby Lee and, um,

the guy with, the guy
with the Hawaiian shirt.

Don Ho and--

Gallagher lady and...

Yeah.

Love you, Dan Harmon!

Yeah, I want people to relax
and have a good time,

I wanna be the reason they,
uh, the-they were entertained.

I think that's what drew me
out here is--it was like,

I want something, I wanna feel
like I, like, I, you know,

like, like I do something
for a living, and it is--

-Th--they deserve--
-Love you!

They deserve better--
stop saying you love me!

It's a surefire way to lose
my respect, I hate myself.

-You suck!
-Awesome, thank you, I suck.

Yes, I suck, thank you.

-But you rule!
-But I rule.

Shut up.

[laughing]

I never knew what I was doing
up there the whole time,

and I was not in the moment,
you know, I just felt

like I was drowning.

-How?
-Because they kept ge--

They were going like,
"You're off the hook,

you can do anything you want,"
and I didn't know what to do.

Do you think you understand,
honestly, like,

why people enjoy the show,
like do you understand--

What people get out of it?

What people get out of it?

I think Spencer
kinda understands

where I'm going with this.

Yeah, it's about the connection,
I feel like people see you,

and you're--you--you're talking
about stuff that they get,

and you're being funny,
but you're also really honest,

like, like, stupid honest,
like it's unimaginable.

And also I feel like everyone
that's involved is kinda trying

to like, create this sort
of almost Harmontown.

Yes, exactly, it's--it's this--
you've created this thing

unknowingly, and you know it,
but I don't think you get it,

I don't think you understand it.

♪

I don't,
I don't have my A cam,

I'd like to go
al fresco tonight.

I wanna hopscotch away from,
from the way I started Phoenix

and I-I feel like I need
to train myself to-to

be a little more confident.

So, have you seen a difference
in audiences on the road so far?

I know you've just done Phoenix,
but--

It's our second city, uh, yeah,
so, I honestly like,

I-I-I, no I haven't.

So, to me, all of your work
is about connecting people

and turning a passive audience
into an active one,

be it from like, the amazing
passionate rallies and protests

from Community fans,
and even like, Spencer, like,

just somebody who was
in the audience,

now a part of the show,
was this always in your head

when you're doing these things
to like, get fans, like,

out of their chairs
and producing content?

It wasn't--it's never something
that you consciously think

it's just--it's a thing
that I've always found

makes me happy.

I definitely, like, like,
all I want on my deathbed

is to think that when I was 40
the people who were 20,

that there, that there was
a contact.

Thank you so much, I'm so,
so excited to see the show.

Jeff, it was really nice
to meet you.

Nice to meet you, man,
well done.

Yeah, well, see you guys
out there.

Bye guys, thanks.

♪

Wow.

Uh, we had a great time
in Phoenix.

We learned some painful lessons
mostly about myself.

There were good people
in Phoenix, they loved me,

and I flung myself onto
the sharpened rocks

of my own self-hatred.

Dan actually started
heckling the audience as well.

It was terrible, I felt awful.

But, uh, y-you all listen
to the podcast, right?

[cheering]

I think that we found
last night, to our surprise,

and I think what we're gonna
find as we go is that

the people that come
to this show are gonna

resemble our hometown crowd.

Pretty much, I ju--I ju--
there's that misfit quality,

and then I-I think our eyes
meet across the room,

it happened with some guy,
I think his name was Jesse

or something, he was
the first guy who came in--

I came in and there was guy,
he was like, "Hey,"

kinda waved at me like
I worked with him,

and I was like, "Yeah, hey,"
and I--and I-I knew,

I don't work with you
but it's like,

the different patterns
of facial hair,

and the, uh, just l-lovely,
wonderful, wonderful,

an army, an army of nerds.

I love it.

[cheering]

Well, we've asked ourselves
what the point

of Harmontown was,
Dan's never really had

a good answer for it yet.

Uh, I think the message
is making itself really clear.

I think it's that idea
of-of trust, of freefall,

throw yourself out a window,
don't know what's going

to happen, don't look ahead.

In this, nothing can go wrong
because it's nothing

that we're doing.

Did you like the show?

-Yeah, it was awesome.
-Very cool.

It was great, awesome.

I'm gonna stay here,
we're not leavin' Austin.

Thank you, very much,
great show tonight.

Thank you.

-Great show.
-Drive safe, thank you.

-Hello!
-Hello.

Uh, I'm also from Milwaukee.

-Oh, no shit?
-Yeah.

Words might fail to circumscribe
the lesson I learned in Phoenix

but it's a little bit about
adapting to a new principle

which I think is,
I thought this was gonna be

about me getting better
and better at doing a show,

it's become about me dealing
with the fact

that I don't need to have one.

-Great show.
-Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

♪

♪

You sleep okay?

Oh, yeah, a little too well,
I guess.

I was hoping to get some work
done before I got there.

I'm in big trouble right now,
I'm supposed to be working

on my CBS pilot,
and then I have a Fox pilot

I'm supposed to be writing
and, um, if they-if they saw

what I was doing right now
instead of writing it,

they'd be very upset with me.

I should've been done
with both of those things

far before this tour started.

I took work onto the bus with me
and it's, it's torturous.

It makes me feel like
a little boy that didn't clean

his room and it's awful,
but it's what I deserve.

All right, guys, here we go,
quiet please.

[bell ringing]

Let's roll, rolling.

And, action!

I know everything!

I met Dan back in, holy cow,
I think it was probably '91?

[clearing throat]

I'm coming.

We'd liked each other's comedy,
we would talk about pop culture,

talk about Star Wars, talk
about just dumb, stupid stuff,

and that was the beginning
of our writing relationship.

Ben Stiller called me
and said that he'd met

these amazing writers
and he wanted me to meet

with them to try to develop
a TV show, and I said yeah,

that sounds great.

And we were like, if we're gonna
do TV, let's write something

that only we would like.

And the next thing I knew,
they had written

this unbelievable masterpiece.

Hello, America, I'm Ben Stiller.

I've directed an incredible
new action series

called Heat Vision and Jack.

In it, we follow the adventures
of a super intelligent,

renegade astronaut
and his talking motorcycle.

It had everything going for it,
but it was just too weird.

And expensive.

Unfortunately, it ended up being
the most expensive pilot

ever shot at 20th Century Fox.

Ben?

And, uh, the pilot was not
picked up.

After watching our program,
chances are you'll spend

some time tonight watching
one of your favorite

prime time shows,
but what happens

to all those TV contenders
that never make it?

The pilot was legendary
for a long time, I mean, like,

that was a tape
that you would try to hunt down

to see the pilot
for Heat Vision and Jack.

Yeah, it's got a cult following,
which, I guess is, you know,

kind of a nice
consolation prize.

But, uh, it could've been
so much more.

So long, Jack Austin.

So long, Sheriff.

It's emotionally devastating,
I was-I was wiped out.

We know we did
a good product.

And it would've worked
if it would've gotten a chance.

It was wildly original,
and inventive, and, you know,

two guys saying this is what
we think would be a cool show.

After Heat Vision and Jack
it got really dark

because it was the first time
Hollywood really, uh,

rejected us.

But we just decided
that our mantra would always be

make the shows you would
wanna see and I think that

really affected, uh,
Dan's work.

Knowledge is power, for real.

We only had 56 tickets sold
for the show tonight

and 172 open, which is,
which is a lot.

We are flyering.

In like, 25 degree weather.

And windy.

Take it, Rhode Island.

We're already flying.

Do you guys want flyers
for a comedy thing?

Nope.

Give you a flyer, thank you.

He'll be there.

-Your legs aren't cold?
-My legs are never cold.

I don't, I don't know why,
it's like they're made

of wood or something.

Did you bring pants?

I brought one pair of jeans.

Are they magic jeans, do they
on--do they have one use?

Are you saving them for
something?

Oh, yeah, they recharge
every couple of days, so I--

When I was a kid, people would
tell me take a shower,

you stink, you're a piece
of shit, and, uh,

like, one day I took a shower,
and combed my hair,

and got on the bus,
and all the eighth graders

were like, "Whoa, look at the--
dude, dude, give me skin, man,

give me five, fuckin' seriously,
man, good job, good job."

And I was like, never again,
motherfucker.

[laughing]

I-I-I-I am going to be
a millionaire and I am going

to smell like a butt.

You've done it, you've
accomplished your dreams.

Yeah.

[laughing]

I-I've known you
for a long time,

he's gone through
a series of fetishes, uh,

mannequin legs, nylons
on mannequin legs, uh,

videos about women
under the table

poppin' their shoe off
their heel.

Right.

Then you bought
the real-real doll,

we didn't see you
for a year.

[chuckling]

Um.

[laughing]

You see
these ads for,

"Oh, buy a fake woman
made out of this stuff."

And you're like oh,
it's the perfect crime, like,

I'll take myself off the market,
I'll spare all these poor women,

I'll spare myself, like--like,
everyone'll win.

But then six months later,
it's like the head's

falling off them.

It's awful, yeah, 'cause
when do you throw away

your $6,000 rubber woman?

[laughter]

Awful.

Thank God I had an assistant
by that time.

[laughter]

What does this say?

"Silver staff of Silva?"

Yeah, Silva, do you you remember
that thing that you climbed up

out of the hatch with?

-Oh, right, right.
-Yeah.

So, it's a long pole, um,

you learn that if you
tap it against something

it gets longer,

and there's a button
that you can press on it.

Press the button.

Press that button.

I press the button--

It gets stuck.

-What do you mean it gets stuck?
-It gets stuck.

-Oh, the button does?
-Try to unstick it.

[crowd yelling]

-I tap the staff on the--
-It's stuck.

[laughter]

-I try to unstick it.
-You can't, it's stuck.

You just--you just said,
"Try to unstick it."

Yeah.

Is the button stuck
or the stick--

No, the stick is stuck,
the button's not stuck.

Unstick the stuck.

All right, so I push the button.

It becomes unstuck.

[laughter]

[cheering and clapping]

-Could you sign this real quick?
-Yeah.

-Spencer, do you have a marker?
-Yeah.

What's up?

She would like
to get an autograph.

An autograph?

-Sorry--I'm sorry.
-You're okay.

-I'm not okay.
-You're fine.

-Where do you want it?
-Anywhere.

Anywhere you want to sign it.

-Two Ss?
-Yup.

Is this your wife
I'm signing on?

It is.

[laughing]

You bet.

-Hello.
-Hi.

-Can I get a large blue?
-A large blue--and a what?

-A buff and a map.
-Yes.

-Can I get a picture with you?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪

-Thank you.
-Yeah, no problem.

♪

One, two, two, one,
one, two, one, two.

-Hi.
-Hi.

♪

[humming]

An actor prepares, you know.

[crowd noises]

Hi.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I know, it's weird.

-Very giddy.
-Yeah.

In an obnoxious way, right?

-Hi.
-Hi.

[laughter]

-Was that too much?
-No.

I'm gonna make the theme
of tonight hubris,

just because that's
what I'm feeling.

I got the 5-hour Energy in me,
and I'm feeling like an asshole.

Guess what, everybody?

What?

Harmontown is in session.

[cheering]

I gotta--
I gotta own it,

I gotta go out
and be fucking cocky.

[clapping]

Won't you welcome
to the stage,

the mayor of Harmontown,
Dan Harmon.

[cheering]

♪

I--I haven't
asked this, Dan,

you got two new shows
in the works.

No, I don't.

Well, you have--you have
a CBS show and a FOX show.

I, I--I conned two
giant corporations

into giving me
a great deal of money.

[laughter]

Okay, thank you,
thank you for all--

Thank you for all the money,
guys, I'm--

Well, when are you going
to be done with the script?

Dude, I'm so fast,
I'm fucking crazy--

It only took me a week
to write a Community episode

because it had
to be done in a week,

and I had 20 people
helping me.

I--I--as far as I can remember,
I'm a really fast writer,

I can't remember past
two and a half years,

because I'm always high.

[laughter]

Let's see, just
unbutton my pants.

Put on the internet--

[yelling]

30 days later.

Almost finished.

[laughter]

Oh, oh, it burns, oh, oh, oh,
the creative process, it just--

Hey, it's CBS.

Guys, it's almost done,
what the fuck?

[groaning noises]

Like--

CBS, Dan just made
a jerk off motion,

if you're listening
on the Podcast.

He went--

--stuck his tongue out,
and made a jerk off thing.

[laughter]

Dan, it's Christmastime,
we agreed to spend this time

with Rob and Kate--

Do you understand
what it's like to be a genius?

[laughter]

Do you understand
how fucking creative I am?

Go have fun, I'm gonna be here,
trying to write this script.

Jesus Christ, you're gonna
fucking fade in

on me jerkin' off.

[groaning]

[laughter]

But we're Podcasting this show
every night.

Presumably, somebody at each
of those networks

is listening
to all of this, right?

You could get fired
before these shows

ever get picked up?

That could set a new record,
yes, is what you're saying.

Yes, I--I have to be
the Chuck Yeager

of something, Jeff.

[laughter]

No, it'll be fine,
I'm exaggerating.

And I'll edit all this out,
I went a little overboard

with the honesty tonight.

It's a little self-destructive.

[laughter]

[crowd noises]

So, that was--

[sighing]

[crowd noises]

♪

Take these bad boys
for a spin.

What's it like to be able
to have this platform

to go out and interact
with your fans?

It's really interesting,
you know,

when you don't have an act,
as I certainly do not,

you have to get nervous
for a new reason,

every building
you go into.

You're never gonna
feel secure

because you don't
have an opener.

I'm not an improviser, I'm not
like one of your--your

little Whose Line friends,
you know,

your little--your
Whosey Doodles.

I--I--I have to look
at each room and go,

"Okay, what am I gonna say
to these people for 90 minutes?"

Yeah, I just realized I got
nothing to talk about here.

The only thing I can do
is self-destruct,

because of my own issues.

The audience has
not been unkind to us

in any of these cities
so far.

Can you talk a little bit
about your Dungeon Master

Spencer's evolution
from spectator to participant

in the show?

It's a mystery to me,
this--this Spencer thing

just kind of fell together
very, very magically.

I just wanted him up there,
sittin' there,

'cause I like
being able to go,

"What do you think
about that, Spencer?"

Oh, that.

It's been incredible,
he's sitting three feet from me,

so it's a little
bit uncomfortable.

I think it's really interesting,
like, did you anticipate

that level
of audience excitement

with the D&D?

Not at all, no, God, no.

All right, well, let's play
Dungeons & Dragons, right?

Let's do this.

All right.

They're absolutely
and really, unironically,

cheering for rolls
of the dice.

-It's a critical hit.
-Fuck yeah.

[cheering]

Cheering for spells
being cast,

they're cheering for people
pulling out certain weapons.

I swing my far sword
as hard as I can at the heart.

Your far sword
goes wide,

and rather than
hitting the heart,

it instead
strikes a tentacle.

Is--is that good?

It's better than
not hitting anything

or hitting yourself
in the foot.

[laughter and clapping]

It's all--the--it's--it's--
I'd never anticipated

any of that,
it's pretty cool.

♪

All right, well,
it's not our fault.

Neil wants this awesome shot
of us not carrying

a bunch of shit.

I can't help it.

I don't--

[laughing]

-It's the shot that we need.
-I'm just freezing.

I gotta get outta
this fucking--

My hands are cold.

I'm not wearing a sexy,
multicoast parka right now.

Harmon.

She's caught--my girlfriend's
calling me, what do I do?

-Director?
-Go to her, go to her.

She needs you?

[traffic noises]

All right, lucky me,
that the shot doesn't involve--

That's why I don't need
your help over here.

Oh, what?

The movie's about you
being encumbered?

No.

It could be.

Is the movie about you
walking places?

In point of fact, yes...
...almost certainly.

I was just asking your help
to help move things.

I know, I understand,
and here I am.

I didn't know that you were
doing a big entrance shot.

You can redo it if you like.

You could put that
around my neck.

We could redo those,
so 900 people

could help you with those.

Well, who, that was nearby?

I want to get in there,
and I have to get set up.

[footsteps]

Yeah, I've been doing the merch
for the tour, and like,

setting it up.

It's a thankless job.

Goddamn it.

And one that no one
asked you to do.

[traffic noises]

It's awesome, and true.

In every sense.

[rattling]

Bye, baby, it's like--it's like
in that Tom Hanks-produced movie

about those Beatle-type guys--
being separated--

But do you love me?

I'm waiting for the camera.

You have your moments.

[traffic noises]

Yes--it was a bit--oh, no.

No.

[inaudible]

I would make a joke
about how she got hit

by a car, but, then there
was that guy who brought me

a handwritten letter
on bar napkins

about how his fiancé
three years ago

got killed by
a drunk driver,

and how Community
helped him

repair himself emotionally,
a little bit,

and he just wanted
to thank me,

but he couldn't get
a ticket to the show

because
it sold out so fast.

And I said, "Buddy, sorry
for your loss,

but sold out means sold out."

Just kidding.

Squeezin' him in there,
because I'm the Oprah

of ineffectual white people.

[knocking]

Hogwarts reference.

[groaning]

Let's do an experiment.

Let's get Spencer
out here immediately.

All right--oh, shit.

We've never done it.

Dan, we've never--it's--

Hang on, Spencer.

[yelling]

Spencer.

So, Spencer, I heard you did
some hash brownie today, man.

-Is that true?
-How you doing?

Nobody text Spencer's parents--

I'm doing great!

--and tell them he gets high.

[laughter]

Don't, don't call them, either.

[laughter]

Oh, Spencer.

He had--he had an accident
with an edible.

It was--it was on purpose.

[laughter]

But that was--that was
at nine A.M. today, right?

No, I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm fine.

Great.

He's a one man burning man.

[laughter]

Spencer seems to have
eaten an edible.

You have partaken
of a potion that seems

to be having a magical effect
on you.

Gripped by haziness
and lethargy,

you reach for the Cheetos.

[laughter]

See, I'm fine.

Oh, yeah, oh,
he's still got it.

One of the guys
making the documentary,

we were at this
Thai food restaurant,

and one of 'em said,
"Are you all right?"

And he's like,
"Yeah, I'm fine."

And they said,
"Are you gonna be able

to Dungeon Master tonight?"

And he said, "Yeah, give me
the name of a monster."

Can we try that out right now?

-Let's try a couple here.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, so, Spencer--
anyone from the audience,

do you have a--think of a,
not a real monster,

make up a new monster.

The tooth beast--Spencer,
the tooth beast.

You hear the gnashing
and grinding of ivory

against ivory.

[laughter]

I'm gonna fucking die.

I am gonna die.

Should I even go on
at that point or are we--

No, you shouldn't--I mean,
you could or you couldn't,

it doesn't matter.

I am gonna die.

I'm gonna die of happiness.

[laughter]

Spencer, disaffected
emotional parent monster.

♪

Trying to get
her attention,

her mother looks over with
a lazy, glazed-over look.

She seems exhausted, as if
the weight of the world

rests upon her shoulders.

You think that
this might not be

the best time
to ask for ice cream.

[laughter]

He's a--he's a
national treasure.

He's--he's
a national treasure,

whose parents dropped
him off at the bus.

[laughter]

♪

I haven't seen the hair down,
look at this shit.

He looks like
a very successful bass player.

♪

God loves Spencer, amazing.

How is becoming
a national treasure

working out for you?

Well, I'm not entirely sure
I'm a national treasure.

We're certain.

Well, I appreciate it, but,
how does it feel, though?

It feels very combative,
because people tell me that,

and then I tell them no,
and then they insist.

Yeah, and then they insist.

-What's up, you guys?
-What's going on?

[murmuring]

♪

This was the drop-deadline
to turn in the final draft

of my CBS pilot.

They're--they're really
starting to make decisions

about what stuff to pick up, so.

Can you bring the top end
down more?

And maybe--maybe bring up
some of the mid or low?

Maybe the mid.

One, two, one.

One, two, two.

[murmuring]

-Did you finish that yet?
-Yeah.

-You did?
-Yeah.

-Just now?
-Yeah.

I think it's pretty good.

It's cute.

-Is it CBS or FOX?
-It's CBS.

You haven't done the FOX one
yet, have you?

But...I can get that done
by midday tomorrow.

Something like that.

[laughing]

God, it's like being in college,
and like, having like,

an essay to turn in as like a--
I'm stressed for you.

Yup.

Oh, I was gonna say
about Spencer,

we were in town, and,
he texted me.

I--I broke off
from the group and he said--

♪

After the fallout
of Heat Vision and Jack,

we were, you know, struggling,
as writers, like everybody else,

trying to make something work,
and then, like, I guess

we were on this, like,
list of writers

that Comedy Central gave
to Sarah Silverman.

I was dazzled by
all the ideas Dan sent me,

and we ended up writing
this pilot together,

the three of us,
and it was really fun.

That was super fun.

You know, Rob and Dan
and Sarah all have

a very, kind of a very twisted,
dark sense of humor,

which really showed up
in the series.

[brakes squealing]

Hey, same car.

Hey, same car.

[babbling noises]

We got picked up,
we started working,

and then the fun Dan...
...was less fun.

But I think Dan,
when he's writing a show,

he wants it to be great,
so he can be

a little controlling.

Dan doesn't respect authority,
just because it's authority.

He's a fucking genius
when it comes what he--

his vision is,
and what he wants done,

and if it doesn't get done
the way he wants it,

he--he explodes.

I felt like I was walking
on eggshells every time

I walked in the office.

He said stuff that like,
made me feel bad inside.

So, I just was like,
honestly, it's like him or me,

'cause I don't wanna feel
this way.

Sarah let Dan go.

"Let him go."

He got fired.

Sarah fired him.

It seems that Dan really thought
he'd be Larry David

to her Seinfeld, but it didn't
work out that way.

Yeah, we both had visions
for the show, I mean,

the truth is, every single thing
he wrote was amazing,

and that's how bad
it had to be,

that I was willing
to give that up.

I'm his biggest fan,
and I fired him.

Then--then she said,
"You know, you have

to make a decision,
but I want you to stay."

And--that was--that was
a hard time,

'cause when he got fired,
I stayed.

[traffic noises]

♪ Come on down
to Harmontown ♪

♪ Turn your frown upside down

♪ Pee is yellow,
poop is brown ♪

♪ Come on down to Harmontown

♪

Yeah, it's gonna be a goody.

I like tonight,
I got a good feeling.

I got a--a good feeling,
and it makes me feel terrified.

'Cause I feel very--very
comfortable, so it--

it starts to fill me
with a Phoenician sense

of obligation.

Yeah, tight's good.

It's good.

It's great.

[laughing]

I like the idea of making
a big deal out of it,

like it's some kind of stunt.

Like I'm Jacques Cousteau.

[laughter]

We should put a headlamp
on his head.

Music city.

Cheers.

According to Joseph Campbell,
it's either tonight

or the next stop,
where we cross a threshold, so,

we don't know what that means.

It could be anything.

So, the big question is,
what has been being shouted

at us by God
that we've been ignoring?

I'll tell you
one threshold

we're definitely crossing
tonight, I love doing this,

I wish I did not have
writing work to do,

I wish I wasn't a writer,
I wish--

I wish this is what
I really did.

I--I would love another drink.

-Hey, Jeff.
-Yes, Dan?

I talked to a guy,
he brought moonshine with him,

and I thought he could come up
and give me a taste

of moonshine on stage.

That sounds awesomely illegal,
let's bring him up.

Comes in a jar, you have
to drink it out of a jar.

[cheering]

Do I--do I drink the whole jar?

Is that--

No, no, no, no.

[yelling]

That would be
a very different Harmontown.

Be careful.

♪

Be careful, stop it.

[laughter]

[cheering]

♪ Well, I'm proud
to be from Nashville ♪

♪ In the birth
of the music scene ♪

♪ I'm drinking white
like the thunder ♪

♪ And you know my mother
knows what you mean ♪

♪ I got Elvis on my left side,
got some Beatles on the right ♪

Yeah, I gasped a little bit,
'cause you--have you ever

drank moonshine before?

No, no.

"It's good."

The second sip tastes better
than the third.

Wait, I mean, oh, wait.

[laughter]

No, it's like, you know,
you know what it tastes like,

and I don't mean to--
I gotta tell you,

it tastes like a fight
with my girlfriend.

[laughter]

It tastes like--
it tastes like tonight,

Erin and I are
gonna have a fight.

"You could probably
run your car on this."

So, they're offstage,
D&D begins.

"Time to bring up
our Dungeon Master,

Spencer Crittenden,
bring him up.

You got the dance girlfriend,
Maureen Saldana."

Do you remember D&D though?

Can you fly?

You're a wizard, right?

-A lizard?
-A--a--

[laughter]

A wizard.

I'm sorry, Dad,
I've had a lot to drink.

[laughter]

-Well, you--
-Can I have your moonshine?

Can I take your moonshine?

Oh, God, oh, God.

All right, dude,
this is where we left off.

"Dan, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure--"

I just remembered
that this happened.

I'm so embarrassed.

Like, what--do we lift it
for the Podcast listeners?

Or what?

"Let me keep
workin' the crowd, I'm sorry."

[laughter]

-What's your name?
-Hailey.

Hailey, how do you know
you're finished?

Yeah--

Dan it seems like you're afraid
of human connection right now.

Yeah, yeah.

-What's your name?
-Matt.

-Matt, I don't think so.
-I just feel like you're--

Workin' the crowd,
workin' the crowd.

[cheering]

You're glossing over
real humanity out there, Dan.

-What's your name?
-Jonathan.

These poor people
in Nashville,

just watched a guy, like,
drink himself into oblivion.

It's not fair.

"Holy shit, that moonshine
fucked me up bad."

I apologize
to everybody, honestly.

All your money will be sitting
in a pile, you can just take

whatever you thought
tonight cost you.

[laughter]

I mean, either my job
is to get that drunk

and be really entertaining,
like either I'm John Belushi,

or, like, I'm unprofessional,
you know, I don't think

I have it in me
to be John Belushi.

♪ Self ridicule
at the end of the station ♪

♪ I can't take it no more

♪ I feel like a bad person

♪ Terrible, watching
this happen ♪

♪ Come on down to Harmontown

♪ Turn your frown upside down

♪ Bitch

[mumbling]

Just revising history.

If you were
in the Nashville audience,

you--you know a secret.

You know that man can fail.

♪

I'll allow myself
to stay deluded,

and think that people
that were at the show

had a good time,
but it felt like--

a warning shot
over my personal shoulder,

I don't--I don't wanna be guilty
of doing that again.

I think you owe--you owe people
who make a five hour drive,

a certain--a certain something.

Something personalized,
something real.

Last night in Nashville,
the episode is only

just being uploaded.

I almost hope none of you
heard it.

[laughter]

Control was lost,
things broke down.

My drinking was unforgivable,
and I want to start

with this confession to you,
as an editor of Harmontown,

I've never made more
shame-based edits--

[laughter]

I was editing things
because I was like, I, I,

I sound like a monster,
and I don't want anyone

or their mother to hear it.

♪

All right, maybe we could
solicit somebody's help, like,

I need to form a relationship
with the audience

everywhere I go, so, I want
somebody to tell me, like,

I'm gonna close my eyes, who--

Let's all--let's all leave.

[laughter]

I would notice.

[laughter]

All right, who--who is
in the most pain tonight?

Like, the most devastating,
maybe not physical,

maybe emotional--

A--a hand went back up there.

Would you be willing to come up
and talk to us?

We never bully anybody,
are you--are you--would you--

It's okay to say no.

[cheering]

I have a situation
called alcoholism.

All right, me, too.

And I was just really hoping
that Dan Harmon

would make me a drink.

[laughter]

That's not the cure
for alcoholism.

[laughter]

Eddie--Eddie, what are you
most afraid of?

Being a failure.

I would have said spiders.

[laughter]

You just--spiders--you're just
a badass with spiders?

I'm okay with spiders,
I hate snakes, though.

Okay, snakes
and being a failure.

Megan, what's up with you?

I work in an office,
and I don't get along

with anybody there.

What's keeping you
from connecting with people?

That's good.

I'm not a very nice person.

My parents got divorced
like four years ago,

which, you know, I was surprised
by it, like, it usually

doesn't happen that much later
in a person's life.

I remember my Dad trying
to talk to me

about our parents' separation,
and me getting so embarrassed.

My Dad doesn't even talk
about that sort of stuff,

or anything real,
for that matter.

All right, Maya, what's your
biggest ambition,

what's your biggest dream?

♪

Well, that puts you
on the spot, doesn't it?

It happened.

Oh, really--you're like me,
you've lived your dreams?

Like, I had a TV show,
I got fired from it,

they finally caught up--

no, I wasn't
fishing for that,

I wasn't fishing for that!

Stop it.

[laughter]

It's not what I--

♪

Mommy, why did NBC fire me?

[laughter]

Snakes.

-Snakes.
-Snakes.

No!

[clapping]

Wow, well that
explains everything.

[cheering]

We're not so different,
Eddie Geller.

[laughter]

♪

These Harmonians,
they've all been around

for a great, long time,
feeling pent up,

and ashamed, and disconnected.

They're just a bunch of people
that really want

to like each other, because
they sense that kindred spirit.

♪

We know what
a Harmania is now,

we know that no matter
what city you go to,

no matter what job
they occupy,

we know that
a Harmanian is a...

a nerd full of love.

And so...what do you
do with that?

♪

♪

♪

[crowd noises]

[cheering]

Best fuckin' group
in the world.

[cheering]

♪

[applause]

Hello.

[clapping]

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jason Sudeikis is here.

[enthusiastic screaming]

♪

So when a new political figure
comes on the scene,

and you kind of look
like that person,

is it like the greatest day
of your life?

Where you're like--
oh, I fucking got Biden.

It's a long way from, you know,
just Chevy Chase just going

out there and falling down,
or like--

Well, we'll never
get back there again.

Jimmy Kurt.

[laughter]

-By the way, can I--
-Oh, that's right, you know him.

[laughter]

I--I texted him,
"I'm doing my show

in Brooklyn tomorrow night,
are you in New York?"

And three hours later, he texted
back the word, "Country."

[laughter]

-It's--
-How'd he spell it?

[shushing]

[phone ringing]

He does have a voicemail, right?

"Hi, this is the stand in
for Chevy Chase."

[laughter]

"At the tone,
please record your message."

Joe Biden, Joe Biden
leaves a message.

Joe Biden message.

Hey, Chevy, it's Joe Biden,
Vice President.

I just want to say, we thank you
for being a great patriot

and, have fun in the country,
we--we hope you're--

the country you always want
to go back to, though,

is America.

All right, there we go.

[cheering]

It's a pretty low-stakes prank.

We're not exactly
The Jerky Boys.

[laughter]

Also, he has your phone number
in his phone.

That's true also, I forgot.

It's not gonna say Joe Biden.

It's not exactly
the perfect crime.

It's gonna say, "Fat,
alcoholic asshole,"

or whatever he has me
in his phone as.

Should we bring out Spencer
at this point, Dan?

Yeah, yeah, let's
bring Spencer out.

[cheering]

Jason has no--he's never heard
the show, he doesn't know.

[enthusiastic cheering]

Standing ovation for Spencer.

I wasn't asking for it,
I was recording it.

Spencer is our Dungeon Master,
he plays Dungeons & Dragons.

Oh, great, great.

After facing down
a nigh-naked foe,

with a wicked whip,
the party gained access

to a room full of lockers.

They found treasure
from a lute of charming,

to some beads of force,
to some magic arrows.

Using a magical staff
they found, the party

ascended through some sort
of hatch in the floor.

[laughter]

[cheering]

I fire a single arrow,
I use all of my focus,

and also, I'm really beautiful
while I'm doing it.

At this point, you've accrued
many magical arrows,

so which one, you've got
non-lethal arrows,

good-lined arrows,
sleep arrows--

You have
this memorized,

I don't understand
what's happening.

I'm a Dungeon Master.

Amazing--that's amazing.

[cheering]

Oh, shit.

I'm takin' high fives,
I'm takin' all these high fives.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give him half--give him half
of the high fives.

Here, those are
from those guys.

There you go, yeah.

Yeah!

[cheering]

He had your guy's weapons,
and names memorized--

But also--and he remembers it
all, and he writes it all down.

It's amazing--I
did not know this.

A friend of us said that,
"You know, the day he came,

he'd been listening
to your Podcast, and he said,

'You know, I wanna go
see Harmontown, because

I really feel like
I should play

Dungeons & Dragons
with Dan Harmon.'"

He came to the show
with the intent

of meeting him and being--
and doing D&D with him.

That's incredible.

♪ Gonna do a low stakes,
gentle stage dive ♪

♪ Just gonna go up to the edge
and make it come alive ♪

♪ Gonna crawl like a
little dog paddle ♪

♪ Gonna just go out there and
it's gonna be like a raffle ♪

♪ Like very, very careful

♪ Very careful

♪ Everyone's gonna be fine

♪ Everything's gonna be fine

♪ Come on down to Harmontown

♪ Turn that frown upside down

Wait, I gotta go backwards.

♪ Pee is yellow,
poop is brown ♪

♪ Come on down to Harmontown

♪ Space, cosmos,
sea of humanity ♪

♪ Rockin' through,
I want to do reality ♪

♪ Fuck your momma,
fuck your daddy, fuck your dad ♪

♪ Holy shit, I feel like
shit down in Baghdad ♪

♪ Worship with me,
worship my ass ♪

Dan had never floated before
on a crowd.

It's a really
exhilarating feeling.

And it's a perfect metaphor
for what this is.

It's just--he's a giant,
rich, hairy, toddler.

He smells, he's got B.O.
from the bus.

Just going, "Can you guys
paid $23, could you just

carry me around the room
with your love?"

That's insane.

He could do no wrong.

♪

That's a transformative feeling,
like, like, it's like

a trust exercise, it's like
it was fucking people

holding you up, and they're
all nerds, you know,

they all failed gym.

Holy shit.

Amazing.

♪

Dan has been on such a--
such an immense high.

There's so many people
who came out, who were

so kind and so responsive
and so loving, and--

And, I love you, and thank you
so much, 'cause--

He has given hope
to all of us

who are self-destructive
and who are depressed,

and who are anxious,
and who don't fit

into normal society,
and makes us not feel alone.

See you at the bar.

I just really want to thank you
for, especially, Abed,

I--I was diagnosed
with Asperger's

like, about a year
before the show came out.

Oh, I'm so jealous, I mean--

I just need
to hug you for that.

It's not--it's not
an easy diagnosis to score.

You helped me stand up
for myself, and I never

wanted to say that
to you directly,

because I'm a chickenshit.

[laughing]

[crowd noises]

Every hero gets
what they want,

but the big question is,
what do you do with it?

You got where you thought
you've wanted to go,

but, so what?

[yelling and cheering]

Dreams come true.

Dreams come true in Brooklyn.

Community's a wonderful show,
he's a tortured genius,

and a wonderful eye for talent,
for DMs, like--

Take care.

Spencer signed my D20.

Can you take a picture
of us and Spencer?

Yeah.

Radical.

You want me
in the middle, or--

In the middle, Spencer,
I love you,

you're the greatest.

Thanks.

All right.

-What's your name?
-Chris.

Chris, nice to meet you.

I love your DM style,
it's fantastic.

We just love you.

[crowd noises]

♪

You wrote a Tumblr post
a few days ago

that got a lot
of attention.

Oh, yeah.

And in it
you kind of

identified yourself
as an introvert.

Do you think that this tour
has helped you socially

or has it hindered you,
has it hurt you?

I think most
of the essence of it

is that I don't make
small talk very well,

but I've kind of had to

because people
just stand near you.

There's a picture that
you painted in that post

of what it's like
after the shows.

It's not something
that I was like,

"Oh, sign me up, I'd love
to do that," you know?

Yeah.

♪

I'm not someone
who smiles very often,

like, at all.

It doesn't mean
I'm not happy.

I just don't smile.

Initially, every time
people would ask me

for signatures and stuff,
and for pictures,

it would make me really happy,
and so it would be genuine.

But at some point,
I noticed that when people

would approach me
and say hi to me,

I'd just, like,
put on a smile.

I wasn't compelled to smile,
but did it anyway

because it seemed like the right
thing to do in the context.

And, um, this whole trip
is trying

for everyone
on some level,

and it's also
a very public situation.

So it just kinda amplifies
all of that energy.

♪

[cell phone ringing]

Hello.

Hey, Dan, I have
the studio and network ready

for the Notes call,
if you're ready.

I'm all set, thanks.

Hello?

Hello, hey guys.

How are ya?

I'm good, thank you.

Good.

Well, we really
enjoyed the script.

Oh great,
it's great to hear.

But, of course,
we have comments.

So we'll share them.

The first thing
is super small, on page 2.

We just wanted some short
description of Tammy.

And when Spencer is, sort of,
trying to tell him, you know,

"Oh, okay, I did it
with your mom,"

it just seems
like, I don't know.

It seems just weird.

Okay.

On 43, we didn't know what urban
zing was; Is that a thing?

Jack wasn't actually trying
to say anything about her mom.

Oh, it was sort of like
a "your mother" kinda thing?

Yeah.

We didn't get that.

On 45--on 48--
small thing on 52--54.

It's just the tiniest note ever.

Got it, got it.

And the last thing, when he
starts singing the song,

we just didn't get why this act
on his part would turn her.

Like, why would that show
her why she should stay?

Right, got it.

So that's all we got.

Okay, great.

Um, hurry up.

When do you need this, guys?

Can you do it now?

Stay up all night if you have to
and get us something tomorrow.

Yeah, I--I--I get the message.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, bye bye.

Thanks, Dan, bye!

♪

Uh, yes I'll get
started immediately.

♪

Right after I go do a show.

Yeah, any time
you're ready, Hosni.

All right, all right, all right.

Chevy's barely in this one.

Hurray!

We're not that at all.

We thought you were talking
about index finger.

All right, cold open, fade in,
anthropology classroom.

The classroom is in full--

Dan and I went
through a valley

where we weren't talking
to each other for a year.

But I knew he was doing
something with Sony and NBC,

and more often than not,
these things never go anywhere.

I went through a lot of ups
and downs and things,

and I just
kept writing pilots

and eventually one stuck
and that was Community.

You're lucky, Jeff,
it's not too late for you.

Have a family.

Share your life.

Pierce, who did
you call last week

after you farted on Vaughn?

You.

And who Abed call up when that
squirrel stole his hot dog?

Me.

That's sharing your life.

If you have friends,
you have family.

If you look at Community,
it is full of hope

and it is full of people,
like in real life,

who are broken,
who are trying to do better.

And I think that speaks
to a lot of people

who sometimes feel
overlooked, or lost,

that you can really create
some kind of community.

Probably most favorite person,
Dan Harmon.

[cheering]

♪

When I pitched the show,
I was pitching the story

of a guy who, like me,
had gone to community college.

I was pitching
a very meta story

about an asshole

that learned
to love strangers.

♪

There has been this dialogue
in this love letter

between our fans and our show
because they're the ones

who have kept us afloat
for many seasons.

Season three was a bit of
a heartbreak for a lot of us

that worked on Community
because it was the first time

that we were
snatched off the air.

♪

What was the period
like, sort of,

when you didn't know when these
episodes were gonna come on?

It's--it's inconceivable
to say this and believe it,

but I started drinking more.

-What?
-You did?

The show's always
been pretty chaotic,

and, you know, the end of season
three was not the first time,

on the show, that we
didn't have a script.

He's working for a business
at the end of the day,

like, it's a business.

I think it's--to people
who work above me,

I am a--I am
a liability that--

that isn't worth
the benefit.

What does that mean?

Low rated show that's not
generating much revenue.

Well, let me ask you, did
you--did you see it coming?

That you were gonna
be, like, fired?

I always joked about it.

Maybe I--maybe they
got the idea from me.

♪

It was stressful,
and when everything happened,

it, um, it was hard.

It was very hard
for everyone.

I could imagine that
creating these characters

and then not being able
to see them on their way

would probably
be devastating.

And he might've felt
like he had let himself

and everybody else down.

Why do you do
this to people?

Why do you hurt them?

Why do you let them count
on you and let them down?

Ah.

I can't stay mad at you.

♪

So, Alex, Dan and Erin
were about to talk about

a little spat they had today,
which I know nothing about.

Maybe you could counsel them
right now through this.

Maybe you could mediate
through--through this crisis.

Yeah, I'd like
to hear about it.

So, I was talking to two fans
about glassblowing,

foregoing the opportunity
to write a TV show,

being a hero, really.

Right, of course.

My girlfriend comes up to me
and she says, "Uh, I don't know,

uh, if you wanted to go
or if you don't want to go,

but the van's leaving."

I was also listening
to them about glass

and the lightning striking
the sand and that making,

like, these big branches
of glass and things.

It was cool.

And I was tired,
so I was like,

"Oh, I'm gonna let Dan
know that I'm gonna go.

Maybe he'll wanna go too.

I love him,
love him dearly."

There's another van--
van, van, van, van, van.

And I don't care.

I'm talking to guys
about glassblowing.

And you love glassblowing?

Well, I did that night.

Like, really think about it.

Like, my first question was,

"Do you just take a bunch
of sand and heat it up?

Does it turn to glass?"

The answer's no, Jeff.

Dan's big thing is
don't tell me what to do.

You can't
tell Dan what to do.

You can't tell
Dan what to do.

Like, I mean, you can,

but it can get pretty
fucking uncomfortable.

So then what happ--

the thing that really
causes the fight is--

is the tour manager
comes up to me

and says, "Hey, Dan,
so there's a van leaving now

and there's a van
leaving in 15 minutes.

Which one do you
want to be on?"

And when I see him
telling it to Erin,

I was like, "Huh.

You hear how easy that is?"

It's rude.

Yeah, well, fuck you guys.

And then I went
back to the hotel room

and I was crying
in the bathroom.

I would've been--I would've
been up here tonight

teaching motherfuckers how
to blow a bottle outta dirt.

He has the ability to,
like, really perfectly

succinctly word things that
cut right through you.

It escalated
from there and Dan, uh,

Dan tore me a real good one.

He said a lot of mean things
to me, including the C word.

[booing]

And made me feel
pretty worthless.

So, in a roundabout way--

So, by applause, should they
break up or stay together?

We're staying together
no matter what.

That's the problem.

I'm never gonna leave her and if
she leaves me, I'll kill myself.

Before you did the tour,

were you considering
the implications

that even just the stress
of being on the road

might have
on your relationship?

Um, I mean,
it makes total sense.

Like, my dad who's a preacher,
when we were growing up,

he would not be
around sometimes

because he would be at someone's
house praying with them

or he would be
staying after church

and I remember, like, feeling
really jealous.

Because I was like,
"Gosh, if I was a stranger,

I feel like he would give me
more attention right now."

♪ I fucked your mama
till she had no body ♪

This tour is Harmontown.

So it's about him.

Everyone's focus is on him,

so he is also just
totally focused on him.

So if I'm upset
about something,

like, it really
is just my problem.

♪

♪ I'm a God

♪ I'm a God

♪ This is Harmontown♪

[cheering]

Let's hear it one more time
for the mayor, Mr. Dan Harmon.

[cheering]

♪

Again, if you bought
anything, I will sign it.

I won't leave until
every last fucking scrap

of your shit is signed.

That's--that's my curse
and my gift.

I love you all.

Thank you, Arlington.

And, uh--

I told 300 people
that you called me a cunt

and now thousands.

Yeah, that was
the best you could do.

That--that--that hot button
makes 'em go, "Ahh".

That was not
the best I could do.

I could've said more.

I didn't say everything.

-Well bring it.
-No.

-Tell 'em.
-There's no point.

No, there's no point.

Well what did I say
that was so bad?

It's not what you said.

It was some things
that you did.

Yeah.

No, you would--yeah.

Not necessary.

It's more, uh, nuanced.

♪

I definitely tend to relive
the same relationship cycle

over and over again.

I think my mom probably
formed my opinions about women.

Everyone's mom is
the first woman they meet,

and their dad
is the first man.

So, you're like, "Okay, here's
how men and women interact."

♪

My dad would hit us with a belt
if we had a felony offense.

My mom handled the misdemeanor
offenses with more,

just, kind of, spontaneous
slaps across the face.

My only recourse
in that household

were some of the craziest
people there were.

And I catch myself
being incredibly,

like, abusive to Erin,
like verbally and emotionally.

Like, when she starts
to remind me of my mom,

like, the idea of, "Now she's
got notes on my behavior.

There's always
a new way for me

to improve the way
I deal with her."

And I turn
into this,

if I've had
enough drinks in me,

I can turn into a...
like, bone-chillingly,

dispassionate Hannibal Lecter,
Kevin Spacey in Seven.

I shift into this persona
that is sociopathically,

kind of, gleeful
at the, kind of like,

disconnection that I feel--
you know what I mean?

Yeah.

♪

Yeah.

'Cause you can feel the--
when I'm looking at someone

like they're an insect,
you know?

Like, I turn everything off.

There's no conscientiousness,
like, standing between me

and saying something
with the direct intent

of, like, humbling someone.

The abuse is
in the behavior.

It's the--it's the glare

and the, like,
the just flaunting,

like, the fact that
I don't feel anything.

You said backstage
something about the idea,

like, that you
like the tears.

There's a part
when you're in that mode.

When I'm way overboard, yeah.

When she finally
starts to cry,

and then I--I feel
something inside me goes,

"Uh, delicious tears.

Jackpot."

Put them on a cupcake.

Cry until you can't anymore.

Then--

"Sorry, I probably went
a little overboard, honey.

Let's think twice before
we give me an adjustment."

You--you actually enjoy it,
or like, do you actually feel--

No, no, no.

It's all about defensiveness.

It's about being threatened.

You become--I--
I--if I'm a child

and I feel like my mommy
is trying to get away

with something coming at me,
like, I need to win.

I need to defeat.

I need to defend myself.

I don't want--I don't
want anyone to have to deal

with the fact that I sometimes
can be incredibly cruel.

Over the last 20 years
I've begged and pleaded,

every expert I can find,

to flip the switch
and make me never ever do that

to another
human being again.

I want to be the activated
healthy version of myself.

I want my cathexis
to be stripped away.

I want what remains to be

someone capable
of changing the world.

And, uh, more importantly,
I want to remove this part of me

that can do so much damage

to the most important people
in my life.

[cheering]

♪

Yeah, go ahead.

I'm gonna hit
the merch table.

[sighing]

Well, that was--that
was weightless, right?

They got their
money's worth.

I--I don't--
I can't think of anything

that I have left
that I have to hide

uh, from people
that I'm doing a show for.

♪

♪

All of this honesty,
all of this talking

about turn-ons
and turn-offs,

and pet peeves,
and kinks.

♪

What is that--
why is that important?

What's the best
you could hope for...

when you're doing that?

Knowing that you're a dick
doesn't make it okay.

Wonderful--it's
a beautiful thing

to see a dick
admit he's a dick.

It's fantastic
'cause it's usually followed

by someone...

someone not
being a dick anymore.

Growing up.

So now we have this new thing
in our society with ear cameras,

and blogs, and Tweets,

and reality shows,
and no wars.

We have, uh,
250 million manchildren...

figuring out what makes them
a dick and celebrating it

and nobody growing up
and not being a dick anymore.

♪

I don't get to be
a hero anymore.

I have to deal
with the fact that

I've gotten everything
that I want.

♪

I have to grow up.

I have to be a grown up.

♪

I need to jump onto this pilot
and complete it in time to--

I mean, I'm already
kinda fucked,

but if I can
get them something,

I might still have a chance
of being one of the candidates.

♪

This is something that I can
probably get Erin's help with,

and it'll help me
to talk to somebody else.

And she might enjoy that.

Next note is, "It's when
he kinda lays into her

in this final big monologue,
and he says, 'Bad news.

You well-organized
judgmental cyborg types

that manipulate people
to get everything they want,

you don't tend to create
much of anything.

So you'll always
need people like me.

Great news though, you get
to have everything else.'"

And their question was,

"What does he mean
by everything else?"

And then I said, "Oh, cars

and houses
and success and power.

You get to have everything
but creativity."

Oh.

So can you
list those things?

Money, power, control,

private islands where you
hunt humans for sport.

All right, done with that.

Okay, last note is actually

probably the toughest
of the bunch.

"Jack starts singing the song.

Why would this act,
on his part, turn her?"

What if he says to her,
like, "You can't--

you can't turn your back on
your passion, on your art form."

Yeah, uh, she needs to say--

She says, "Well,
like you--like you did?"

Yeah.

That means he'll change, right?

Mm-hm.

♪

Um, then there's
announcement for the bus.

She stands up,
looks down at him.

"You're not gonna change,
Jack--Dad.

That's your whole deal, right?

You don't change for anybody.

You get to have your integrity

and everyone else gets
to have everything else.

See ya."

She starts to walk away.

Mm-hm.

And that means he'll change.

Yeah.

It means he's capable.

♪

Depending on where
you put thresholds

and calls to adventure
and whatnot,

uh, we're closer to the end
than the beginning.

Also, I've been
struggling with a--

with an epic realization

that I am the villain
of this story.

And if that's the case,

I think that Spencer--

Spencer Crittenden,

my own dungeon master,

may be the hero.

He's certainly a hero.

He has been plucked
from the security

of his parents' basement

and whisked across the threshold
into a strange land

to which he has adapted.

Going down a road of trials,

dealing with drunk dicks
and adoring fans.

He's met with the Goddess
of Unconditional Appreciation,

and all of this has
only caused him to realize

how--how alone
he will always be.

It's very heroic
sounding stuff.

Much more heroic
than, uh, than me.

Which makes me realize
that I must kill Spencer

or he must kill me.

So, um, Spencer,
if you're watching,

prepare to be destroyed.

You're saying,
story structure-wise,

he's on a journey.

He's meeting
the outside world.

He's coming to grips
with other people

and what that
means about him.

So we're gonna find out that
he's the hero of this, like--

And that makes me,
like, Jafar.

[laughing]

I didn't mean to say it
like Christopher Walken, but.

It's Jafar.

That makes me, like, Jafar.

Yeah it is.

Aladdin.

You seemed a little
sad in your blog.

I just get depressed.

I mean, I've always got
depressed when nothing happens,

when everything's happened,

when good stuff happens,
bad stuff happens.

Yeah, you--you said,
"Everyone could appreciate me,

but no one, you know,
no one can understand me."

Yeah.

Like, like that realization,

giving me full permission
to be who I am,

and then you're like, "Oh yeah,
who I am is still alone."

♪

I think those,
just, personal relationships

seem to be
the most important.

But, um, I don't
have very, very many.

I'm just saying, like, people
want you to be who you are.

You're a hero to them because of
your incorruptibility.

They like the--they like--
they like what they see.

They've liked what they've
seen for a long time.

♪

Everybody that I've ever
talked to since the first time

we had you up
on stage was going,

like, "Do you realize
what you have here?

Like, what--
how did this happen?"

It was like,
magic, you know?

Like, going limp
and letting shit happen.

Like, the show
was open to this guy

that wanted
to dungeon master--

being our dungeon master.

♪

Here's the thing that,
I think, saves me every time,

and I think saves
all the people out there.

I truly believe,
about myself

and about every single person
in that audience,

that they want
other people to be happy.

♪

You can be selfishly motivated,
that's ego-driven,

but that's as good as ego-driven
gets is when you go,

"I want to be the guy

who makes people happy."

♪

Good job, baby.

Everything's gonna be fine.

♪

Higher.

Hi.

♪

Well, that's it.

Um, this is the moment
when it really sinks in

that we're--we're done
and that we did it.

We did a little tour.

All right, Harmon,
I think it's time

to bring this train
right into the station.

And talk about
what we learned?

It's so sad.

It's a bummer.

Have we grown
at all as people?

I think we have.

I know I have, you guys.

From this one show
that I've joined you on.

The show, it just dissolves,
and everybody's in the show.

Like, we prove
there's no show.

And then the audience
embraces there's no show.

And the show gets to be,
kind of, this crackpot

of weird ingredients that
happen to be there that night.

It's, kind of,
marvelous to me,

like, in the sense that
I marvel at what goes on

and how completely different
it is every time.

♪

♪ As I close down the show

♪ I wonder how to grow

♪ In Harmontown

♪ Where pee is yellow,
and poop is brown ♪

♪

♪ I see a sea of hands

♪ Across this fair land

♪ Reaching out for Harmontown

♪

♪ I see Brooklyn
coming at me with style ♪

♪ I love everyone here

♪ I see their eyes
and their smiles ♪

♪ And I just wanna
reach out to them

and welcome them
to Harmontown♪

That's it.

I mean, we're
pretty much done now.

It's almost like a new start.

It sounds pretty contrived,

but that's really
how I feel about it.

♪

Honestly, no joke,
getting to know you

is my favorite part
of this tour.

That's so awesome, man.

I really can't imagine
Harmontown without you in it.

You're a centering force.

You--you're
the world's narrator.

♪

You're okay.

You too, man.

♪

When people come up and go,
"I was sitting in my apartment,

surrounded by pizza boxes
and mannequin legs of my own.

I thought there was
something wrong with me.

My next door neighbor
didn't like me.

I felt like every time
I opened my mouth,

I had to lie because I don't
like what's inside of me.

And then I heard your podcast
or I saw your TV show

and something about
it made me feel

like I didn't have to be
ashamed of myself anymore.

And it's made me more
able to express myself

and it's made me able
to do what you're doing,

which is find other people who
don't mind what I'm saying."

I'm a human being!

[cheering]

♪

We did it, America.

♪

♪ Whoa oh oh

♪ Whoa oh oh

♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh

Ah!

We did it!

♪

See you soon, buddy.

Now, now.

I'll see you
in a couple days, right?

Can I get a Dan Harmon hug too?

Sure.

Oh, thanks for everything.

They grow on trees.

I feel like I'm never gonna get
the chance to do this again.

I mean, it's not everyday that
someone who's rich and famous

pulls you out of obscurity

and just lifts you
up on a pedestal.

People imagine themselves
being rock stars

so they can have
a life like this.

And all I had to do
was be a nerd as a child.

♪

Hello!

Hey, welcome home!

Hey, I'm home.

Did you miss me?

Oh, of course.

The great Spencer.

♪

I hope that I'll approach
life differently,

you know,
after this whole thing.

♪

I don't think people are
really as aware of our mistakes

as we are and we just
think and live in fear

that everyone's judging us.

But they're just doing
their own shit

and worrying about that
everyone's judging them.

So, in light of that,

it's like I don't have
to worry about myself as much

because people just kinda
enjoy what I'm about.

♪

I mean, I very much
hope that I can apply

what I've learned
to the rest of my life.

♪

But, I don't know.

I'm a pretty stubborn person.

♪

We're back in my bed.

♪

Back with my kitty,

who I missed very much.

So, um, now that
it's all over...

um, tell me
what you learned.

I, uh...tried too hard
for an audience

that wanted me
to...just exist.

I have just been drunk

for an audience
that didn't mind.

I came clean

as much as I
had dirt left.

There's not much more to me

than a guy that just wants
people to like him.

♪

I learned that
I have effects on people.

I have effects on strangers
that admire me.

I have effects
on 23 year old dungeon masters

whose lives are
not yet fully formed

and therefore can be sucked
into the gravity of mine.

Um, and, uh,
that's a--that's a--

that's a good thing
for a guy like me

to be able to have
effects on people.

That--that means
that it's up to me.

♪

I'm 40 years old.

♪

I hafta, like,
become responsible.

♪

And, uh, I can move on to
whatever the next step is.

♪

From Hollywood, California,
Harmontown--

[unintelligible announcing]

[cheering]

♪

Hey!

If it seems
like I'm taller,

they've raised the stage
here at Meltdown.

It's--it's not just
because I got my job back.

I'm not, like, floating.

[cheering]

♪

♪

Wonderful, let's do
that one more time.

I'm, uh, I'm on Community.

I'm on Community.

Do you need to--

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Superstar's gonna go away.

He's too good for us now.

We--we knew you
when you were nobody.

Son of a bitch.

Let's go on the bell
and let's roll.

[unintelligible chatter]

♪

All right, here we go.

Yeah.

Ready and action.

Hello.

What do you think
happens after you die?

♪

I don't know.

You're lucky.

All right,
cut that right here.

Guys, that's it.

Fix your wrath on Spencer.

[cheering]

♪

All that matters,
at the end of it all,

is the content on the screen
for these 13 episodes.

Doesn't matter
what time slot we have.

Doesn't matter
what our ratings are.

I have to just work,
and, uh, make the show good.

♪

For me,

it's a way of reaching out,
touching people,

making them happy.

And, uh, that's, uh,

that's the best kinda
therapy I can get.

♪

♪

♪

♪