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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 2 00:00:11,558 --> 00:00:13,310 [MAN] This is Ben Gross. 3 00:00:13,393 --> 00:00:16,104 He's a 15-year-old boy from Sherman Oaks, California, 4 00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:18,690 and I am American actor, producer, writer, 5 00:00:18,773 --> 00:00:20,734 and fake rapper Andy Samberg. 6 00:00:20,817 --> 00:00:24,029 What can I say? I wear a lot of hats. Now, you may be asking yourself, 7 00:00:24,112 --> 00:00:27,490 "Why is Andy Samberg narrating the story of this particular boy?" 8 00:00:27,574 --> 00:00:30,327 Well, honestly, his dad's my lawyer, and I owe him a favor, 9 00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:34,331 but Ben seems like a good kid, so, happy to do it. 10 00:00:34,414 --> 00:00:36,124 Fresh off a successful wine heist 11 00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:38,501 where his greatest nemesis became an unexpected ally, 12 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,587 Ben felt on top of the world, 13 00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:42,505 or at least on top of Model UN 14 00:00:42,589 --> 00:00:45,133 where in just a few hours, the highly coveted golden gavel 15 00:00:45,216 --> 00:00:48,178 would be safely tucked away in his weird little briefcase. 16 00:00:48,261 --> 00:00:50,847 Equatorial Guinea would like to formally request permission 17 00:00:50,931 --> 00:00:51,973 to nuke the United States. 18 00:00:52,057 --> 00:00:53,767 [SAMBERG] Unfortunately, for Ben, however, 19 00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:56,853 his new ally decided to go back to being his old nemesis. 20 00:00:56,937 --> 00:00:57,937 What the hell, Devi? 21 00:00:59,898 --> 00:01:03,026 ♪ If you want to dance ♪ ♪ Let it take precedence ♪ 22 00:01:03,109 --> 00:01:06,529 - [SIREN WAILING] - ♪ 'Cause the floor is watching you ♪ 23 00:01:06,613 --> 00:01:07,948 ♪ Ooh ♪ 24 00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:12,243 ♪ Ah, ah... ♪ 25 00:01:12,327 --> 00:01:13,328 What? 26 00:01:13,411 --> 00:01:15,372 Nothing. You're the one who's looking at me. 27 00:01:17,123 --> 00:01:20,251 [SAMBERG] Had Ben imagined the nice conversation they had last night? 28 00:01:20,335 --> 00:01:22,921 Had he said something weird while he was drunk on grigio? 29 00:01:23,296 --> 00:01:25,715 And to make matters worse, it was a six-hour drive, 30 00:01:25,799 --> 00:01:28,969 and Ben realized he left his AirPods back in the hotel room. 31 00:01:29,052 --> 00:01:30,053 Hello. 32 00:01:30,595 --> 00:01:32,555 Looks like you could use a seat buddy. 33 00:01:34,015 --> 00:01:36,559 Egg salad? I've got extra spoons. 34 00:01:36,643 --> 00:01:37,852 No, thank you. 35 00:01:39,437 --> 00:01:43,274 ♪ Got my belt on tight ♪ ♪ And the feeling's right ♪ 36 00:01:43,358 --> 00:01:46,653 ♪ Wanna walk right up to you ♪ 37 00:01:49,364 --> 00:01:51,116 Hey, sweetie. No time to talk. 38 00:01:51,199 --> 00:01:54,119 I'm going to a self-actualization retreat in Santa Barbara. 39 00:01:54,536 --> 00:01:55,996 Didn't you just do that? 40 00:01:56,079 --> 00:01:59,165 No, I went to a mindfulness workshop in Santa Clara. 41 00:01:59,541 --> 00:02:02,210 Very different philosophies, but equally important. 42 00:02:02,752 --> 00:02:04,754 Okay, sure. Uh, have fun. 43 00:02:04,838 --> 00:02:06,798 It's not fun, Ben, it's work... 44 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:08,341 on me... 45 00:02:08,425 --> 00:02:10,677 so I can be a better mom to you. 46 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:11,803 Gotta run. 47 00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,514 Oh! You know what? I almost forgot. 48 00:02:14,597 --> 00:02:16,266 You had a big debate tournament. 49 00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:17,350 Did you get an A? 50 00:02:17,434 --> 00:02:18,935 Actually, it was Model U... 51 00:02:20,645 --> 00:02:22,522 Yeah. Yeah, it was great. 52 00:02:22,605 --> 00:02:23,732 Well, good work. 53 00:02:23,815 --> 00:02:26,901 When I get back, let's celebrate with a mother-son sound bath. 54 00:02:27,402 --> 00:02:28,486 I love you. 55 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:31,405 [DOOR CLOSES] 56 00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,032 Love you too. 57 00:02:33,158 --> 00:02:36,161 [SAMBERG] Ben's mom and dad had a very unique parenting style 58 00:02:36,244 --> 00:02:37,871 in that they did none of it. 59 00:02:37,954 --> 00:02:40,540 So, contrary to his loud, brash school persona, 60 00:02:40,623 --> 00:02:43,543 at home he was just another quiet, lonely kid. 61 00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:46,880 [BEN] David S. Pumpkins and his Beat Boy Skeletons. LOL. 62 00:02:47,756 --> 00:02:50,300 ♪ Just moving in the dark ♪ 63 00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:54,471 ♪ Cigarettes on the dresser ♪ 64 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:58,016 ♪ Juliana's sleeping ♪ 65 00:02:58,099 --> 00:03:01,644 ♪ And it feels like forever... ♪ 66 00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:04,105 Ooh! [GIGGLING] 67 00:03:05,565 --> 00:03:08,276 [BEN] Hey, can we please stop posting lame upvote-thirsty memes 68 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:11,571 and get back to discussing actual worthwhile Rick and Morty theories? 69 00:03:11,988 --> 00:03:13,823 [RICK] That's the problem when subs get too big. 70 00:03:13,907 --> 00:03:16,534 They become as unruly as the Council of Ricks. 71 00:03:16,618 --> 00:03:19,120 ♪ Now you know ♪ 72 00:03:20,038 --> 00:03:22,040 ♪ This is the last one ♪ 73 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,960 ♪ Now you know ♪ 74 00:03:27,003 --> 00:03:29,255 ♪ This is the last one ♪ 75 00:03:30,507 --> 00:03:31,966 ♪ For a while ♪ 76 00:03:32,050 --> 00:03:33,176 [PHONE CHIMES] 77 00:03:38,389 --> 00:03:40,100 [BEN] Hey, Dad. All the blogs are saying 78 00:03:40,101 --> 00:03:42,143 that Kawhi's looking strong for tomorrow. 79 00:03:42,227 --> 00:03:45,105 ♪ 'Cause this will be the last one... ♪ 80 00:03:46,242 --> 00:03:47,265 [BEN'S DAD] Fantastic. 81 00:03:47,266 --> 00:03:49,400 Sounds like we're in for a hell of a game, buddy. 82 00:03:49,484 --> 00:03:51,820 ♪ ... laugh all the way ♪ 83 00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:55,073 ♪ Now you know ♪ 84 00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:58,118 ♪ This is the last day... ♪ 85 00:03:58,827 --> 00:04:00,870 [SAMBERG] As friends go, up through middle school, 86 00:04:00,954 --> 00:04:03,039 Ben had two solid ride-or-dies. 87 00:04:03,123 --> 00:04:04,045 There was Brian Lakestone, 88 00:04:04,046 --> 00:04:05,875 who got dropped off at school on a motorcycle, 89 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:07,252 and Garret Von Kaenel, 90 00:04:07,335 --> 00:04:09,254 who could burp the theme song to Game of Thrones. 91 00:04:09,337 --> 00:04:11,047 But both ended up at different high schools, 92 00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:15,093 so as soon as Ben started dating Shira, her friends became his friends. 93 00:04:15,176 --> 00:04:17,470 Unfortunately, her friends stunk. 94 00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:21,307 It's also body shaming when people say curvy is beautiful. 95 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,893 Because how's that supposed to make us size zeros feel? 96 00:04:23,977 --> 00:04:26,479 Yeah. I mean I even feel that way as a double zero. 97 00:04:27,188 --> 00:04:28,815 Hey, Shirs. Excited for the game tonight? 98 00:04:28,898 --> 00:04:30,859 Oh, my God. Sweetie, I totally forgot. 99 00:04:30,942 --> 00:04:34,112 I told Zoe I'd go with her to a brow sculpting pop-up. 100 00:04:34,195 --> 00:04:37,197 But you told me you'd go to the Clippers game, like, two months ago. 101 00:04:37,198 --> 00:04:39,617 Do you have to get your brow sculpted tonight? 102 00:04:39,951 --> 00:04:41,786 Oh, my God. Did you not see my Snapchat? 103 00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,121 It'll be good for my Insta. 104 00:04:43,204 --> 00:04:45,720 Well, sitting courtside at an NBA game 105 00:04:45,721 --> 00:04:48,170 is also pretty Gram-worthy, so... 106 00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:49,878 Maybe if it were a Lakers game, 107 00:04:49,961 --> 00:04:51,350 but my followers don't want to see 108 00:04:51,351 --> 00:04:53,882 Billy Crystal eating nachos or whatever. 109 00:04:53,965 --> 00:04:56,718 The Clippers have been better than the Lakers for years. 110 00:04:56,968 --> 00:04:58,094 Never mind. 111 00:04:58,178 --> 00:04:59,512 Anybody else want Shira's ticket? 112 00:04:59,596 --> 00:05:00,889 - No. - No. 113 00:05:00,972 --> 00:05:01,972 Awesome. 114 00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:03,933 [GIRLS CHUCKLE] 115 00:05:04,893 --> 00:05:05,894 Oh! 116 00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:08,521 Again? Dude. 117 00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:10,106 Hey, guys. How's it going? 118 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:12,358 So, uh, listen, you two are into sports, right? 119 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:14,736 Either of you wanna sit courtside at the Clippers game tonight? 120 00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:16,070 I have an extra ticket. 121 00:05:16,154 --> 00:05:18,573 To go with you, or to just, like, sit alone? 122 00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:20,950 No. You'd go with me and my dad. 123 00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:23,578 So, like, only one of us could go? We couldn't both go? 124 00:05:23,661 --> 00:05:25,079 Like I said, it's a single ticket. 125 00:05:25,163 --> 00:05:26,581 But wouldn't that be weird? 126 00:05:26,664 --> 00:05:29,334 'Cause, like, we're not really friends with you. 127 00:05:29,417 --> 00:05:31,336 Come on. I mean I've known you since kindergarten. 128 00:05:31,419 --> 00:05:34,088 Maybe if we'd all hung out before. Worked up to the game. 129 00:05:34,172 --> 00:05:36,382 I thought maybe this would be that bridge. 130 00:05:36,883 --> 00:05:39,928 But... yeah, never mind. Forget about it. 131 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,222 [TRENT] That was weird, right? 132 00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:44,557 [MARCUS] Yeah, bro. He never talks to us. 133 00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,309 Oh, but if you don't go, 134 00:05:46,392 --> 00:05:48,853 we'll just take two of the tickets and go with your dad. 135 00:05:48,937 --> 00:05:51,189 - Why didn't I think of that? - I know. 136 00:05:51,272 --> 00:05:54,234 I was so proud when I thought of that idea in this moment. 137 00:05:55,276 --> 00:05:56,903 So, uh, how was your day? 138 00:05:56,986 --> 00:05:58,738 Or the first half of it at least. 139 00:06:00,031 --> 00:06:01,157 Babe? 140 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,830 - What... What's happening? - Just do it. It's cute. 141 00:06:08,331 --> 00:06:09,832 - Mmm. - [FORCED CHUCKLE] 142 00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,418 Be smilier. 143 00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,796 Oh, uh, okay. [CHUCKLES] 144 00:06:14,879 --> 00:06:16,547 - [CAMERA CLICKS] - [GIGGLES] 145 00:06:18,258 --> 00:06:19,550 Ew. You have a zit. 146 00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,427 Do you want me to pop that for you? 147 00:06:22,053 --> 00:06:23,263 I don't want that. 148 00:06:23,346 --> 00:06:24,514 Mmm. 149 00:06:24,597 --> 00:06:26,140 Okay, fine. 150 00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:28,309 It's okay if I film it, right? 151 00:06:28,393 --> 00:06:29,811 - Well, I... - Smile. 152 00:06:30,436 --> 00:06:32,063 - Ooh. - Aah! 153 00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:34,440 [SAMBERG] Unfortunately, Shira had gotten a text mid pop 154 00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:37,235 and had left Ben Gross's face looking pretty gross. 155 00:06:37,318 --> 00:06:39,153 [TEACHER] Guess what, guys? You're in luck. 156 00:06:39,237 --> 00:06:42,573 Today we're doing a real live chemistry experiment. 157 00:06:42,657 --> 00:06:44,492 We're gonna be breaking good. 158 00:06:44,617 --> 00:06:45,617 [CHUCKLES] 159 00:06:45,994 --> 00:06:46,994 What is it, Eric? 160 00:06:47,412 --> 00:06:49,038 Can I go to the nurse's office? 161 00:06:49,122 --> 00:06:50,623 I think I drank some bad milk. 162 00:06:50,707 --> 00:06:52,417 How do you know it was bad milk, Eric? 163 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,003 Well, when I smelled it, it smelled bad, 164 00:06:55,503 --> 00:06:58,214 and then when I was drinking it, it got way worse. 165 00:06:58,298 --> 00:07:00,383 I could barely finish my second glass. 166 00:07:00,466 --> 00:07:03,845 David, guess whose dad is taking them to the Clippers game tonight? 167 00:07:03,928 --> 00:07:05,138 Courtside seats. 168 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,210 You know, I have an extra ticket, 169 00:07:06,211 --> 00:07:08,391 but only for someone who apologizes for nuking... 170 00:07:08,474 --> 00:07:10,560 Stop talking to me. Don't you get that I'm mad at you? 171 00:07:10,643 --> 00:07:12,478 No. Okay, I don't get it. 172 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,147 What did I even do that was so terrible? 173 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:15,230 Let's see. 174 00:07:15,273 --> 00:07:16,752 I don't know. Maybe you running your mouth 175 00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,151 about me sleeping with Paxton. 176 00:07:18,234 --> 00:07:19,360 Now he's pissed at me. 177 00:07:19,444 --> 00:07:22,405 - What? Why would that make him pissed? - It doesn't matter. 178 00:07:22,488 --> 00:07:24,240 Just keep your nose out of my business 179 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:26,200 and up the teacher's butt where it usually is. 180 00:07:26,284 --> 00:07:28,995 [TEACHER] Quiet please. No one should be boiling over 181 00:07:29,078 --> 00:07:31,664 except this beaker of potassium permanganate. 182 00:07:37,545 --> 00:07:39,213 Mrs. Paloma, that's gonna be me 183 00:07:39,297 --> 00:07:41,883 if I can't go to the nurse's office. Please! 184 00:07:41,966 --> 00:07:43,968 [SAMBERG] Why wouldn't Devi want everyone to know 185 00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:46,012 she was hooking up with someone out of her league? 186 00:07:46,095 --> 00:07:48,085 Paxton Hall-Yoshida made every other dude in school 187 00:07:48,086 --> 00:07:49,223 feel bad about himself. 188 00:07:49,307 --> 00:07:51,059 He'd gotten pit hair in fourth grade! 189 00:07:51,142 --> 00:07:53,561 Had Paxton said or done something to hurt Devi? 190 00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:55,480 And why did Ben even care? 191 00:07:55,563 --> 00:07:56,606 You need something, bro? 192 00:07:57,315 --> 00:07:58,315 What? 193 00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:00,318 Why are you looking at me? 194 00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:03,780 - Well... [SCOFFS] I wasn't. - Yeah, you were. You were staring at me. 195 00:08:04,739 --> 00:08:06,366 It's okay. Happens to me a lot. 196 00:08:06,449 --> 00:08:09,535 - What... I wasn't stirring... staring. - Then what were you doing? 197 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:10,995 Um... 198 00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,622 Do you like the Clippers? 199 00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,122 What? 200 00:08:14,499 --> 00:08:15,499 Nothing. 201 00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,251 Forget about it. [CHUCKLES] 202 00:08:18,878 --> 00:08:19,878 [SAMBERG] Yikes! 203 00:08:19,921 --> 00:08:22,715 The usually slick-talking Ben Gross was for real off his game. 204 00:08:22,799 --> 00:08:24,509 But no worries, the only game that mattered 205 00:08:24,592 --> 00:08:26,719 was the one he was seeing with his dad in a few hours, 206 00:08:26,803 --> 00:08:28,846 and that was gonna be awesome. 207 00:08:35,186 --> 00:08:36,187 [PHONE CHIMES] 208 00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:38,485 [BEN'S DAD] Hey, buddy. I'm so sorry. 209 00:08:38,486 --> 00:08:40,150 I don't think I'm gonna make it tonight. 210 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:42,735 This Kanye deal is really complicated. 211 00:08:42,819 --> 00:08:44,987 You and Shannon should go to the game without me. 212 00:08:45,071 --> 00:08:47,740 [SAMBERG] In his dad's defense, Kanye's deal was complicated. 213 00:08:47,824 --> 00:08:49,909 He wanted to trademark the word "music." 214 00:08:49,992 --> 00:08:51,327 But that didn't matter to Ben, 215 00:08:51,411 --> 00:08:54,122 who was surprisingly sad for someone who should have seen this coming. 216 00:08:54,205 --> 00:08:56,332 [BEN] That sucks. Can you reschedule? 217 00:08:59,585 --> 00:09:02,505 Typical. And her name is Shira. 218 00:09:06,843 --> 00:09:09,220 We will. Good luck with work. 219 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,805 [PHONE CHIMES] 220 00:09:16,227 --> 00:09:18,980 - Hey, Patty. - Oh! Yes, my sweet prince. 221 00:09:19,063 --> 00:09:21,190 Oh! I just ironed your socks for the big game. 222 00:09:21,274 --> 00:09:22,442 Nice and warm. 223 00:09:22,525 --> 00:09:24,861 Actually, I just realized that I got a lot of homework to do, 224 00:09:24,944 --> 00:09:26,654 so I don't think I'm gonna go to the game. 225 00:09:27,155 --> 00:09:28,197 And on an unrelated note, 226 00:09:28,281 --> 00:09:29,824 my dad also has too much work to do. 227 00:09:29,907 --> 00:09:32,660 So I guess being a workaholic runs in the family. 228 00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:37,331 - [LAUGHS] Anyway, do you want the tickets? - Why don't we go together? 229 00:09:37,415 --> 00:09:40,460 I can bring a Ziploc bag with frozen grapes in it, huh? 230 00:09:40,543 --> 00:09:42,837 Nah. I gotta write a thing, 231 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,632 and, uh, do some, uh... some... some science and other stuff. 232 00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,759 Then I will stay here with you. 233 00:09:49,135 --> 00:09:52,430 Why don't we build a pillow fort, and watch a scary movie like Shrek? 234 00:09:52,513 --> 00:09:53,639 It's okay, Patty. 235 00:09:54,182 --> 00:09:56,517 You should just go to the game. Take your sons. 236 00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:57,685 Oh. 237 00:09:58,603 --> 00:10:00,396 You're a sweet boy. 238 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,899 I will place my body in front of t-shirt cannon 239 00:10:02,982 --> 00:10:04,400 to bring you home souvenir. 240 00:10:04,842 --> 00:10:05,859 Thanks. 241 00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:06,944 [EXHALES HEAVILY] 242 00:10:07,361 --> 00:10:09,614 Do you think Billy Crystal will be there? 243 00:10:10,323 --> 00:10:11,741 I better go put on makeup. 244 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:19,832 [SHIRA] #eyebrows #selfcare 245 00:10:19,916 --> 00:10:21,334 #thefutureisfemale 246 00:10:21,709 --> 00:10:22,709 [PHONE DINGS] 247 00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:27,673 [ANNOUNCER] Billy Crystal sharing nachos with his neighbor, 248 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,300 and she seems to be reciprocating 249 00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:31,594 with a bag of frozen grapes from her purse. 250 00:10:31,677 --> 00:10:35,598 Wow. Even a city slicker can't resist a healthy game-time treat. 251 00:10:35,681 --> 00:10:37,767 [BEN] I know her. That's my housekeeper. 252 00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:39,143 When Billy met Patty. 253 00:10:40,311 --> 00:10:42,730 [RICK] Hey, aren't you on the Rick and Morty subreddit? 254 00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:44,440 You live in LA? 255 00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:46,901 [BEN] Born and raised. LOL. 256 00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:48,569 [RICK] LMAO. Same. 257 00:10:48,653 --> 00:10:51,447 Yo, I'm hitting up North End Pizza in Burbank to watch the game 258 00:10:51,531 --> 00:10:52,782 if you want to come through. 259 00:10:54,325 --> 00:10:56,202 [BEN] I'm there, dude. Let's get schwifty. 260 00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:09,048 [SAMBERG] Ben entered North End Pizza excited at the prospect 261 00:11:09,131 --> 00:11:11,592 of hanging with another teenage comedy fan. 262 00:11:12,635 --> 00:11:14,095 AreolaGrande007? 263 00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:16,222 Areola. Hey. 264 00:11:16,305 --> 00:11:19,433 It's me, TheRealPickleRick69... from Reddit... 265 00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:21,561 you know, the link aggregator. 266 00:11:21,936 --> 00:11:24,105 [BEN] Okay. That is not a teenager. 267 00:11:24,188 --> 00:11:25,940 Uh... Hi. 268 00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:28,901 Hey, man. It is so great to meet ya. [CHUCKLES] 269 00:11:29,026 --> 00:11:30,861 Oh, my name actually is Rick. 270 00:11:31,445 --> 00:11:33,406 Sit down. Get your slice on. 271 00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:37,994 Uh... Yeah, I'm gonna withhold my name for a moment. [CHUCKLES] 272 00:11:38,077 --> 00:11:39,390 Really thought you were gonna be younger. 273 00:11:39,391 --> 00:11:40,997 Your username has a 69 in it. 274 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,332 Oh, that's because I was born in 1969. 275 00:11:43,791 --> 00:11:44,917 But I'm young at heart, fam. 276 00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:47,128 I watch mad cartoons. Just like you. 277 00:11:47,211 --> 00:11:49,297 Oh, I wonder what else we have in common. 278 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:50,464 Probably a lot. 279 00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:53,551 I gotta be honest, this setup feels sort of sketchy to me, 280 00:11:53,634 --> 00:11:54,719 so I'm gonna go. 281 00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:58,514 Look, I get it. I'm a 50-year-old insurance adjuster from Tarzana. 282 00:11:59,056 --> 00:12:00,766 But I'm also a Rick and Morty fan, 283 00:12:01,183 --> 00:12:03,352 and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. 284 00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:06,022 I joked about getting a Mr. Meeseeks for the office, 285 00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:08,524 and my co-workers looked at me like I was a total Jerry. 286 00:12:10,401 --> 00:12:12,987 It'd just be nice to talk to someone who gets me, 287 00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:15,948 but I understand if you want to go. 288 00:12:16,365 --> 00:12:18,367 [SAMBERG] Ben found himself strangely moved. 289 00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:20,161 I mean, who was he to judge this guy? 290 00:12:20,244 --> 00:12:21,662 He was just as lonely, 291 00:12:21,746 --> 00:12:24,248 and honestly, Rick and Morty themselves have a huge age gap, 292 00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:26,334 - and look at the fun they have. - [SIGHS] 293 00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:28,502 You know what? You're right. 294 00:12:28,586 --> 00:12:30,546 I'm sorry if I was being rude. 295 00:12:30,630 --> 00:12:33,633 We're just two fans eating pizza and talking about cartoons. 296 00:12:33,716 --> 00:12:35,843 - It's totally normal. - I know, right? 297 00:12:35,926 --> 00:12:37,803 Oh, careful, buddy. That pizza is hot. 298 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,305 You might want to blow on it first. 299 00:12:41,766 --> 00:12:42,766 Slower. 300 00:12:43,768 --> 00:12:44,977 Slower. 301 00:12:45,394 --> 00:12:47,229 Yeah, that's it. 302 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,273 [SAMBERG] Yeah, that's not normal. 303 00:12:49,357 --> 00:12:51,484 He doesn't want to just talk toons. Get out of there! 304 00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,861 - Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go. - Oh, come on, man. 305 00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:55,946 It's not weird unless you make it weird. 306 00:12:58,574 --> 00:13:00,409 [MUMBLES] Let's go, Clippers. 307 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,287 Oof! Ooh! 308 00:13:03,371 --> 00:13:04,872 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 309 00:13:05,873 --> 00:13:07,291 [SAMBERG] Ben was a resilient kid. 310 00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:10,961 Whenever he experienced a setback, and last night was a real doozy, 311 00:13:11,045 --> 00:13:13,214 he always bounced back stronger than before. 312 00:13:13,714 --> 00:13:15,633 Whoops! He pulled his drawer out. 313 00:13:15,716 --> 00:13:17,385 - [GROWLS] - Yeah, he's sad. 314 00:13:18,386 --> 00:13:22,306 ♪ We break hearts like bones ♪ ♪ And take the Tyrone ♪ 315 00:13:22,556 --> 00:13:25,059 - ♪ We want everything... ♪ - [GIRLS GIGGLING] 316 00:13:26,894 --> 00:13:30,523 ♪ Are made of the same stuff ♪ ♪ The fire we're made of ♪ 317 00:13:31,107 --> 00:13:34,568 ♪ We're never in love ♪ 318 00:13:35,069 --> 00:13:38,864 ♪ Enough as the cows ♪ ♪ Come drink me all out ♪ 319 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:42,034 ♪ Get drunk on my wine ♪ 320 00:13:43,411 --> 00:13:45,496 ♪ For kicks and for pleasure... ♪ 321 00:13:45,579 --> 00:13:46,580 Whoa! 322 00:13:46,831 --> 00:13:48,165 Oh! What the hell? 323 00:13:48,249 --> 00:13:49,583 Oh, no. My bad. 324 00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:51,627 I thought there was like a roach on your face, man. 325 00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:53,421 'Cause there's mad roaches in this school. 326 00:13:53,504 --> 00:13:56,757 But it's just like a huge zit. 327 00:13:56,841 --> 00:13:57,967 Yeah, it's cool. 328 00:13:58,050 --> 00:13:59,468 You should get that looked at. 329 00:13:59,552 --> 00:14:01,303 I heard that if a zit gets too big, 330 00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:04,140 it can, like, leak into your brain and kill you. 331 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,891 Yeah, sure. I'll do that. 332 00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,852 All right. I guess it's good that I slapped you 333 00:14:07,935 --> 00:14:09,353 so I can give you this helpful info. 334 00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,021 Sure. Thank you. 335 00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:12,105 You're welcome. 336 00:14:12,732 --> 00:14:15,025 Oh, wait. That Clippers game was valid, brah. 337 00:14:15,109 --> 00:14:17,111 It must've been tight to sit courtside. 338 00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:22,742 [DOOR OPENS] 339 00:14:22,825 --> 00:14:25,369 Benjamin, so good to see you. 340 00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:28,080 I heard we had an uninvited guest on your chin. 341 00:14:28,164 --> 00:14:29,749 Yeah, I don't normally get zits. 342 00:14:29,832 --> 00:14:32,334 I guess this one's probably just an ingrown hair from my beard. 343 00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:34,920 No. It looks like a normal pimple. 344 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,505 I actually don't see much of a beard. 345 00:14:36,589 --> 00:14:38,716 Well, I'm pretty good shaving. So that's probably why. 346 00:14:39,341 --> 00:14:40,341 Yes, I'm sure. 347 00:14:40,801 --> 00:14:44,263 I am going to prepare a cortisone shot for you. 348 00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:46,974 You know, Benjamin, I really have to thank you. 349 00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:49,185 You keep my Devi on her toes. 350 00:14:49,268 --> 00:14:51,437 - Well, she keeps me on my toes too. - [CHUCKLES] 351 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,774 Every night at dinner, I have to hear about this rivalry of yours. 352 00:14:54,857 --> 00:14:57,735 "Ben Gross aced a math test. Ben Gross aced a history test. 353 00:14:57,818 --> 00:14:59,945 Prescribe me Adderall so I can beat Ben Gross." 354 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:01,280 She's obsessed with me. 355 00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:04,825 Wait. You guys have dinner together every night? 356 00:15:04,909 --> 00:15:06,327 Of course. We're family. 357 00:15:06,744 --> 00:15:07,744 All that to say, 358 00:15:07,745 --> 00:15:10,372 you're a very smart boy with a very bright future. 359 00:15:10,456 --> 00:15:12,041 Your parents must be so proud. 360 00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:13,876 [SAMBERG] After a pretty bleak 24 hours, 361 00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:16,253 this small platitude was more than Ben could handle. 362 00:15:16,337 --> 00:15:17,755 Here comes a little pinch. 363 00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:22,051 There we go. 364 00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,053 Dammit. 365 00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,306 I knew we shouldn't have bought generic numbing cream. 366 00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:29,350 From now on, name brand only. 367 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:31,268 Are you okay, sweetie? 368 00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:32,853 [VOICE BREAKS] I'm fine. Uh... 369 00:15:36,315 --> 00:15:38,984 I just... I haven't eaten dinner with anyone in a long time. 370 00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:40,986 Oh, you poor thing. 371 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,906 I'm fine. You know, my life is totally awesome. 372 00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:48,077 [STAMMERS] I don't even know why I cried. Uh... 373 00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:52,206 Oh, maybe I was allergic to the shot. 374 00:15:53,123 --> 00:15:56,168 Or, uh... Or something. Was there bee pollen in it? 375 00:15:56,252 --> 00:15:57,753 There was not. 376 00:15:58,337 --> 00:16:00,631 [CHUCKLES, WHIMPERS] 377 00:16:01,173 --> 00:16:03,050 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 378 00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:06,105 I like to put just one chili. 379 00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:08,264 Otherwise, it kind of overpowers the taste. 380 00:16:08,347 --> 00:16:11,016 Everybody, we have a very special guest for dinner tonight. 381 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,520 Kamala, please lower the spice level accordingly. 382 00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:17,356 Oh, hell no. 383 00:16:18,983 --> 00:16:20,985 [SAMBERG] As he stood in his sworn enemy's kitchen 384 00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:22,444 awaiting the pity dinner to come, 385 00:16:22,528 --> 00:16:24,864 Ben's embarrassment had reached a fever pitch. 386 00:16:24,947 --> 00:16:26,949 [NALINI] How can you be so rude to that boy? 387 00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:28,242 [DEVI] Because he sucks. 388 00:16:28,325 --> 00:16:30,286 It's bad enough I have see him every day at school. 389 00:16:30,369 --> 00:16:32,121 Now we're just letting him into our home? 390 00:16:32,204 --> 00:16:33,914 So, Ben... 391 00:16:34,623 --> 00:16:36,500 what are you hobbies and interests? 392 00:16:36,584 --> 00:16:38,711 [STAMMERS] Oh, well, I really am into... 393 00:16:38,794 --> 00:16:41,755 [NALINI] That young man is a human being, and he's very sad. 394 00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,424 Do you know he cried in my office today? 395 00:16:43,507 --> 00:16:46,427 So many tears, I had to wipe down the chair after he left. 396 00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:47,636 [DEVI] That's not my problem! 397 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,555 We just had the vents cleaned. 398 00:16:49,638 --> 00:16:51,974 It's crazy how well the sound carries. 399 00:16:52,057 --> 00:16:54,894 [NALINI] He's going through a hard time with his family and girlfriend, 400 00:16:54,977 --> 00:16:58,022 and he had one of the nastiest pimples I've ever seen in my career. 401 00:16:58,397 --> 00:17:00,983 - [PAN CLATTERS] - Oops! Dropped my pan. 402 00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:03,235 I thought that would be loud for longer. 403 00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:05,696 [NALINI] You complain you want your friends to come over more. 404 00:17:05,779 --> 00:17:08,449 - [DEVI] Ben Gross is not my friend. - [NALINI] Why not? 405 00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:11,201 He is nice, and smart, and he could never buy drugs 406 00:17:11,285 --> 00:17:12,453 because he looks like a narc. 407 00:17:12,536 --> 00:17:14,955 Can't you be polite for just one evening? 408 00:17:15,331 --> 00:17:18,167 At least she said "nice" and "smart." 409 00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,961 Those are some of the best adjectives there are. 410 00:17:21,045 --> 00:17:22,796 She also called me a narc. 411 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,298 You should be proud of that. 412 00:17:24,381 --> 00:17:26,091 The police won't work with just anyone. 413 00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:29,929 Ben, it's so good to have you in my home, 414 00:17:30,012 --> 00:17:33,474 a place I usually consider a safe haven from my nemeses. 415 00:17:33,557 --> 00:17:35,893 Devi, you promised you'd be polite. 416 00:17:35,976 --> 00:17:37,686 I said it was good to have him in our home. 417 00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,688 If you want to stay on the family cell phone plan, 418 00:17:39,772 --> 00:17:41,690 you're going to have to be better behaved than that. 419 00:17:42,358 --> 00:17:45,194 Now, why don't you tell us one thing you learned today at school. 420 00:17:45,277 --> 00:17:46,277 Fine. 421 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,447 I learned that the tangent of theta 422 00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,784 is equal to the sine of theta 423 00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:52,533 - divided by the cosine of theta. Happy? - Extremely. 424 00:17:52,534 --> 00:17:55,537 Today I learned that if you forget your wallet at the grocery store, 425 00:17:55,621 --> 00:17:57,623 the cashier will pay for your items personally, 426 00:17:57,706 --> 00:18:00,376 and even give you his phone number to make sure you get home okay. 427 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,880 Benjamin, I hear you were on that last-minute Model UN trip to Davis. 428 00:18:04,964 --> 00:18:06,840 Oh, it wasn't so last-minute for everyone. 429 00:18:06,924 --> 00:18:09,134 Some of us spent months preparing for that trip. 430 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,350 But Devi came in with no preparation 431 00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,305 and still became the talk of the weekend. 432 00:18:13,389 --> 00:18:16,599 - Oh. Really? Why was that? - No reason. 433 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,185 [SAMBERG] If there had ever been a perfect opportunity 434 00:18:18,186 --> 00:18:20,395 to nuke Devi back, this was it. 435 00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:23,357 Well, you know Devi. She's a real firecracker. 436 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,276 Oh, no. What did she do? 437 00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:29,238 [SAMBERG] Instead, he decided to stand down. 438 00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:31,322 Nothing bad. 439 00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:35,035 She just brought a lot of passion to her role as Equatorial Guinea. 440 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,250 I mean, as a first timer, 441 00:18:36,251 --> 00:18:38,706 I don't think anyone's ever made such a big impact. 442 00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:42,418 She, uh, truly obliterated the competition. 443 00:18:42,501 --> 00:18:46,380 Mmm, Devi, sounds like you are quite the little diplomat. 444 00:18:46,463 --> 00:18:47,589 Good for you. 445 00:18:47,673 --> 00:18:50,426 You know, when I was in school, my only extracurricular activity 446 00:18:50,509 --> 00:18:52,386 was bathing my senile grandmother. 447 00:18:52,469 --> 00:18:54,054 She fought me every time. 448 00:18:54,138 --> 00:18:55,681 - [LAUGHING] Really? - What? No. 449 00:18:55,764 --> 00:18:58,517 [SAMBERG] Ben couldn't remember the last family dinner he'd had. 450 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,020 Probably May 2018, when his dad's flight 451 00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:02,813 to the Billboard Music Awards got canceled. 452 00:19:02,896 --> 00:19:04,136 And even though this family dinner 453 00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:06,275 featured humiliation, bickering, threats, 454 00:19:06,358 --> 00:19:08,402 and food that was far too spicy, 455 00:19:08,485 --> 00:19:10,154 it was still a family dinner. 456 00:19:10,487 --> 00:19:12,156 And that was pretty cool. 457 00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:22,749 Hey. 458 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:23,792 Um... 459 00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:26,295 Thanks for not ratting me out about Model UN. 460 00:19:26,837 --> 00:19:29,048 I've kinda been a dick to you lately, so... 461 00:19:29,631 --> 00:19:31,258 I honestly would've deserved it. 462 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:32,975 Yeah, well, sometimes it's fun 463 00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:34,970 to make other people's days as shitty as yours, 464 00:19:35,054 --> 00:19:36,764 but today I didn't have it in me. 465 00:19:37,264 --> 00:19:38,640 What happened to you? 466 00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:40,684 And why did you cry at my mom's office? 467 00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:43,145 Was it just about the giant herpe on your face? 468 00:19:43,228 --> 00:19:46,732 It wasn't a big deal. I was... kinda feeling bummed. 469 00:19:46,815 --> 00:19:48,484 Why? Did you butler quit? 470 00:19:48,984 --> 00:19:50,145 Hey, I'm trying to be vulnerable here. 471 00:19:50,146 --> 00:19:51,862 Also, we don't have butlers anymore. 472 00:19:51,945 --> 00:19:54,364 - We call them house managers now. - Okay, okay. Sorry. 473 00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:58,077 Why are you feeling bummed? 474 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:00,662 I don't know. 475 00:20:01,997 --> 00:20:05,042 I guess sometimes I feel like I'm an NBA player, but... 476 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:08,712 no matter how many points I score, my dad always ignores me, 477 00:20:08,796 --> 00:20:11,173 and my girlfriend only likes me for my money. 478 00:20:11,882 --> 00:20:14,968 I wish your metaphor had been something more in my wheelhouse, 479 00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:17,763 like celebrity gossip or YouTube promposals, 480 00:20:18,597 --> 00:20:20,641 but I think I understand what you're getting at. 481 00:20:20,724 --> 00:20:23,685 Also, I'm sorry if I messed things up for you and Paxton. 482 00:20:23,769 --> 00:20:25,229 Oh, you didn't. 483 00:20:25,312 --> 00:20:26,730 Well, maybe if I kept my mouth shut, 484 00:20:26,731 --> 00:20:28,524 then you guys would've had a chance. 485 00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:31,568 I never had sex with Paxton. 486 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,361 What? 487 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,114 I never had sex with Paxton. 488 00:20:35,572 --> 00:20:37,533 I just let everyone believe that I did. 489 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:42,663 Oh! So he's mad at you for lying about having sex with him. 490 00:20:43,205 --> 00:20:44,832 That makes way more sense. 491 00:20:45,249 --> 00:20:47,042 I mean, we got close to hooking up. 492 00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:49,503 Well, as close as you can get without kissing. 493 00:20:51,171 --> 00:20:52,965 He took off his shirt, and I freaked out. 494 00:20:53,966 --> 00:20:56,552 - I know. I'm a loser. - Oh, you think you're a loser? 495 00:20:57,302 --> 00:21:00,514 I was so lonely, I got catfished by a middle-aged man yesterday. 496 00:21:00,597 --> 00:21:03,559 Ben, you don't have to make up something sadder to make me feel better. 497 00:21:03,642 --> 00:21:07,187 For real. He was a 50-year-old insurance adjuster from Tarzana, 498 00:21:07,271 --> 00:21:08,939 and he asked me to blow on some pizza. 499 00:21:09,022 --> 00:21:11,150 - No. - Yes. It was messed up. 500 00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:14,361 [SAMBERG] Ben guarded his sadness the same way I guard my Emmy award, 501 00:21:14,444 --> 00:21:15,612 by burying it deep. 502 00:21:15,696 --> 00:21:17,656 I put all of my awards in an underground bunker 503 00:21:17,739 --> 00:21:18,782 with my Garbage Pail Kids, 504 00:21:18,866 --> 00:21:21,827 but letting it all hang out there left Ben feeling a little lighter 505 00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:22,995 and ready to face a new day. 506 00:21:25,664 --> 00:21:27,249 Give me your mechanical pencil. 507 00:21:27,332 --> 00:21:29,334 I need more photos of me looking smart. 508 00:21:29,668 --> 00:21:31,295 Oh. Sure. Yeah. 509 00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:34,882 [PHONE DINGS] 510 00:21:37,634 --> 00:21:40,512 [DEVI] So you never have to accept food from a pedo again. 511 00:21:43,098 --> 00:21:45,851 [SAMBERG] Although on the surface it didn't seem like much had changed, 512 00:21:45,934 --> 00:21:48,937 today was the least lonely Ben had felt in a long time. 513 00:21:49,688 --> 00:21:51,523 Anyways, that about does it for me. 514 00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:53,150 On behalf of Ben, Devi, 515 00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:55,319 and the whole gang at Sherman Oaks High School, 516 00:21:55,402 --> 00:21:56,570 I'm Andy Samberg. 517 00:21:56,653 --> 00:21:58,363 McEnroe, back to you. 518 00:21:58,822 --> 00:21:59,907 ♪ Baby ♪ 519 00:22:04,703 --> 00:22:06,580 ♪ Who you wanna be? ♪ 520 00:22:08,665 --> 00:22:10,709 ♪ Who you wanna be? ♪ 521 00:22:12,294 --> 00:22:14,254 ♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪ 522 00:22:16,089 --> 00:22:18,175 ♪ In the middle of the night ♪ 523 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,137 ♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪ 524 00:22:23,513 --> 00:22:26,516 ♪ Forever till we die ♪ 525 00:22:27,309 --> 00:22:29,603 ♪ So it's time we take ♪ 526 00:22:31,021 --> 00:22:33,523 ♪ All the memories away ♪ 527 00:22:34,733 --> 00:22:37,152 ♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪ 528 00:22:38,612 --> 00:22:40,697 ♪ In the middle night ♪ 529 00:22:40,698 --> 00:22:45,698 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 42267

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