All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S05E03.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

SUSAN'S NEW BOYFRIEND
MET THE FAMILY.

WHO ARE YOU?
HI.

I'M MIKE, THE EX-HUSBAND.
AH.

GABY'S LIFE
WAS NO LONGER GLAMOROUS.

IT'S OFFICIAL.
I'VE LOST EVERYTHING--

FIRST, OUR MONEY,
THEN MY FIGURE,

NOW THE LAST THREADS
OF OUR SOCIAL STANDING.
GABY, WE HAVE A HOME,

AND WE HAVE
TWO BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS.

DANIELLE'S DECISION
WAS DEVASTATING...

PLEASE, JUST DON'T TAKE HIM!
BENJAMIN IS ALL I HAVE.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE.

AND EDIE'S NEW HUSBAND
SHOWED A DARK SIDE.

I WOULD CONSIDER IT
A PERSONAL FAVOR

IF YOU'D APOLOGIZE TO EDIE.
NO.

NOW IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU

WOULD LIKE TO KEEP THE FEW
FRIENDS THAT SHE HAS LEFT.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER GO.

WHY WOULD
YOU BRING ME FLOWERS?
'CAUSE YOU GOT A COMPUTER,

AND I NEED TO FIND OUT
SOME STUFF ABOUT EDIE'S HUSBAND.

(Mary Alice) BENJAMIN KATZ
WAS 6 YEARS OLD,

AND THERE WERE A LOT OF THINGS
HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

HE WASN'T SURE WHY
THE WOMAN YOU CALL "MOMMY"

ISN'T ALWAYS YOUR MOTHER.

OR HOW THE MAN
WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM

COULD SUDDENLY BE TAKEN AWAY.

OR WHY YOU COULD
GO FOR A RIDE...

AND NEVER COME BACK HOME.

YES,
THERE WERE A LOT OF THINGS

BENJAMIN KATZ
COULDN'T UNDERSTAND,

AND NO ONE SEEMED IN A HURRY

TO EXPLAIN THEM.

(Bree)
HERE THEY COME, FINALLY.

YOU KNOW, BREE, THINGS WILL BE
A LITTLE STRANGE AT FIRST,

SO PLEASE,
BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

I DO NOT REQUIRE LECTURES
ON TACT.

I KNOW. IT'S JUST THAT
WE'VE MISSED BENJY SO MUCH,

AND IT'S TAKEN
SO MANY OLIVE BRANCHES

TO GET THEM TO COME BACK.
I'M AWARE
OF WHAT'S AT STAKE, ORSON.

GOOD. SO IF YOU FEEL AN IMPULSE
TO CRITICIZE SOMETHING,

YOU'LL KEEP THE THOUGHT
TO YOURSELF.

HI!

(chuckles)

(chuckles nervously)
I'VE ALREADY STARTED.

DANIELLE! WHAT A DELIGHTFULLY
ETHNIC ENSEMBLE.

HEY, MOM, ORSON.
HI, DANIELLE.

OH, I WANT TO MEET
MY HUSBAND LEO.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET
BOTH OF YOU IN PERSON.
LOVELY TO MEET YOU, LEO.

HEY, WHO'S THIS
LITTLE LINEBACKER?

HI, BENJY. REMEMBER ME?
I'M NOT SURE.

THAT'S OKAY. THAT'S WHAT
THIS VISIT IS FOR, RIGHT?

GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

NOW WE HAVE YOU FOR
THE WHOLE WEEKEND, RIGHT?

YEP, WHOLE THREE DAYS.

OH, GOOD.
'CAUSE WE'VE MADE LOTS OF PLANS.

WE'RE GONNA
TAKE YOU TO THE CIRCUS

IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOUR FOLKS.
CAN I GO, DANIELLE?

"DANIELLE"? DID HE JUST
CALL YOU "DANIELLE"?

WELL, IT IS MY NAME.

YES, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
I PICKED IT.

I'M JUST CONCERNED

PEOPLE MIGHT VIEW IT
AS A SIGN OF, UM, DISRESPECT.

BY "PEOPLE," YOU MEAN YOU?

UH... LEO. LOOK AT ALL
THE LUGGAGE YOU HAVE HERE.

I'LL GIVE YOU A HAND HERE.
OKAY.
OH, THANKS.

UM... LET ME BE CLEAR.

(lowers voice) I DO NOT
WANT HIM CALLING ME "BREE."

OH, DON'T WORRY. I TOLD HIM
TO CALL YOU "GRANNY."

YES, BENJAMIN KATZ
WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD,

BUT EVEN HE COULD UNDERSTAND

THIS WAS GOING TO BE...

A LONG WEEKEND.

ANY CHILD WILL TELL YOU

THAT WHERE YOU FIND
A PLAYGROUND,

YOU WILL ALSO FIND...

BULLIES--

YOUNG TYRANTS WHO BRING PAIN...

AAH!

INTIMIDATION...

AAH!

AND VIOLENCE.

WHAT CAN CHILDREN DO
IN THE FACE OF SUCH TORMENT?

WELL,
THERE IS ONE OBVIOUS OPTION,

BUT NOT EVERY CHILD IS EAGER
TO GO RUNNING HOME TO MOTHER.

(door opens)
UGH. HEY. HON.

HOW WAS THE PARK?
WAIT. HOLD ON.

MOMMY JUST FOUND
HER FIRST GRAY HAIR.

I NEED YOU TO GRAB IT, YANK IT
AND NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.

OH. LOOK AT YOUR FACE.

IT'S SCRATCHED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING.

AND YOUR SHIRT IS RIPPED.

THAT'S THE SECOND TIME
THIS WEEK.

IS SOMEONE PICKING ON YOU?

WHO IS IT?

IS IT JEFFREY HIXON,
THAT WEIRD KID WHO EATS PAPER?

IS IT TIMMY CROWLEY?

HIS MOM SLEPT IN HER CAR
LAST NIGHT.

WHO KNOWS
WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?

IS IT THAT BOY
FROM YOUR BIRTHDAY,

THE ONE WHO SLUGGED
THE PONY?

OH, SWEETIE.
I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET,

BUT YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
IF YOU TALK ABOUT IT.

AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T
TELL ME. I'M YOUR MOMMY.

I WANNA TALK TO DADDY.

OH.

OKAY.

WE'LL GIVE HIM A CALL.

(man) OKAY!

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND
ANOTHER ONE IN THIS CONDITION.

I MEAN, THE CAR IS A CLASSIC.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK,
NABILA?

EH. I LIKE IT.
I DON'T LOVE IT.

(Carlos) TELL YOU WHAT.

GABY AND I WANT
TO FIND OUR CAR A NICE HOME.

SO I'M PREPARED TO KNOCK
A GRAND OFF. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I SAY KNOCK OFF 5 GRAND,
AND WE'LL TALK.

OH, COME ON. IT'S ALREADY
PRICED WAY BELOW BLUE BOOK,

NOT TO MENTION IT'S MINT.
THIS IS NOT MINT.

HEY, CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS DING
IN THE BUMPER HERE?

OKAY, THIS CAR GOES ZERO TO 60
IN 5 SECONDS.

BY THE TIME SOMEONE SAYS,
"WOW, A DING,"

YOU'RE IN THE NEXT COUNTY.
4 GRAND,
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.

DEAL.

WHAT? NO! NO, NO DEAL!

THE NONDRIVING BLIND GUY
DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME.

(sighs)
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?

GABY, WE'VE BEEN TRYING
TO MOVE THIS CAR FOR A MONTH.

WE NEED THE CASH.

(sighs) GOD, ISN'T THERE
ANY WAY WE CAN KEEP IT?

I MEAN, THIS CAR'S
THE LAST THING I HAVE

THAT TELLS THE WORLD,
"I'M BETTER THAN YOU."

SORRY, BABE.
WE HAVE TO PAY THE MORTGAGE.

WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BE
BETTER THAN ANYONE.

HERE.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.

ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT FOR US.
IT'S FOR OUR NANNY.

OKAY, THAT ONE HURT.

HEY.

SO WHAT'D YOU DIG UP
ON MR. X.?

YOU MEAN DAVE?
YEAH.

NOTHING YET.
IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS.
WHAT GIVES?

WELL, FOR STARTERS, WHEN
I SEARCH FOR "DAVE WILLIAMS,"

I GET
A MILLION AND A HALF HITS.

TO NARROW IT DOWN,
I'M GONNA NEED MORE INFORMATION,

LIKE WHERE HE WAS BORN,
WHERE HE WENT TO SCHOOL.

DID HE SERVE TIME
IN THE MILITARY?
OH, BELIEVE ME,

IF HE SERVED TIME,
IT WAS IN THE STATE PEN.

HEY! DAVE!

MORNING, LADIES.
(tires screech)

(under breath)
SICK BASTARD.
HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, KATHERINE,

YOUR SPRINKLER SYSTEM
WORKING OKAY NOW?

LIKE A CHARM.
AND THANKS AGAIN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO GET THAT TO WORK.
OH, I HEAR YA.

TO PROGRAM THOSE THINGS,
YOU NEED AN ENGINEERING DEGREE.

(laughs)
OH, YEAH?
YOU GOT ONE OF THOSE?

ANYWAY...
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

TAKE CARE.

OH.

I JUST CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

HE--HE JUST STRIKES ME
AS SO NICE.

THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO COMFORT ME,

GIVEN YOUR TRACK RECORD
WITH MEN?

KATHERINE, PLEASE.

THE GUY IS BAD NEWS.

I CAN'T PROVE IT,
BUT I FEEL IT IN MY BONES.

AND I CAN'T SIT AROUND
DOING NOTHING WHEN I KNOW

THAT EDIE'S WAKING UP
EVERY MORNING NEXT TO HIM.

IF ANYONE FINDS OUT
WE'RE DOING THIS...

NO ONE WILL KNOW.

AND WHEN THEY DO,
THEY'LL PROBABLY THANK US.

BECAUSE I'M TELLING YA,
THIS GUY IS UP TO SOMETHING.

CLEANING OUT THE OLD GARAGE--
MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY.

HEY, DAVE.
YOU--YOU SETTLING IN OKAY?

YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, THEY FINALLY DELIVERED
MY FLAT SCREEN.

I WAS DYING WITHOUT IT.
I MEAN, IT IS 65 INCHES.

WOW. SWEET!

HEY, W--THE PLAY-OFFS ARE ON.
YOU SHOULD COME CHECK IT OUT.

IT'S LIKE BEING
RIGHT ON THE FIELD.

YEAH...

UM, LYNETTE'S
REALLY BUSTING MY HUMP

ABOUT CLEARING
THIS PLACE OUT, SO...

WELL, MAYBE LATER.

THE GAME DOESN'T START
FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

WE COULD ORDER
ONE OF THOSE GIANT SANDWICHES.
SORRY, BUT, YOU KNOW,
CHECK BACK WITH ME,

MAKE SURE I SURVIVE
THIS WHOLE THING.
OKAY.

HI, DAVE.

HI.

HEY, TOM?

YEAH?

WHY ARE THERE TWO PILES?

WELL, THAT'S THE PILE
THAT I'M THROWING AWAY,

AND, UH, THIS IS THE STUFF
I STILL NEED.

YOU NEED UNOPENED MOUNTAIN
CLIMBING EQUIPMENT FROM 1986?

YOU DON'T CLIMB MOUNTAINS.

NOT YET, BUT SOMEDAY.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW... WHO KNOWS?

(laughs) I KNOW. YOU GET WINDED
JUST CLIMBING OUT OF THE TUB.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA CLIMB
A MOUNTAIN.

(scoffs) YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA DO?

LEARN GERMAN,
MAKE YOUR OWN BEER OR...

HAVE 8 MINUTE ABS.

COME ON, NOT THE AB-TASTIC.
TOSS IT, AND KEEP TOSSING

UNTIL THIS 2-CAR GARAGE
CAN HOLD AT LEAST ONE CAR.

(sighs)

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT
GETTING RID OF YOUR BASS.

NO POINT
IN HANGING ON TO IT.

I MEAN, BEING IN A BAND IS JUST
ONE MORE THING I'LL NEVER DO.

BEFORE HE MOVED,
MIKE AND I,

WE USED TO GET TOGETHER
ON SATURDAYS AND JUST... JAM.

MAN, THAT WAS FUN.

YOU KNOW, I PLAY THE DRUMS.

MAYBE YOU AND I
SHOULD JAM SOMETIME.

I GUESS WE COULD.

MAYBE EVEN LATER TODAY?
JUST...

YEAH! YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST GIVE ME A COUPLE HOURS.

I GOTTA STASH
THESE OLD "PLAYBOYS." (laughs)
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

NOW REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T
JUST START GRILLING EDIE,

OR SHE'LL GET SUSPICIOUS.
WE HAVE TO BE SUBTLE.

I'LL JUST FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.
(door opens and shuts)

OKAY.

SORRY I'M LATE.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN AGES--
A FUN LUNCH WITH THE GIRLS.

YEAH, IT'S FUN.

WHERE WAS DAVE BORN?

(gags and spits)

WHAT?

(chuckles nervously)
WE WERE JUST WONDERING

WHERE HE GOT
HIS GREAT... MANNERS.

HE'S GOT THAT GENTLE BEARING

OF A... (Southern accent)
SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.

NO, HE'S FROM SOMEWHERE
IN THE MIDWEST.

"SOMEWHERE"?

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOUR HUSBAND GREW UP?

WELL, HE SHOWED ME A PICTURE
OF HIS CHILDHOOD HOME ONCE.

IT HAD A COW IN IT.
(sighs) I LOST INTEREST.

HONESTLY, EDIE, HOW CAN
YOU BE MARRIED TO A GUY

AND NOT KNOW THESE THINGS?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT?

I THINK IT'S TIME TO ORDER.
WHERE'S OUR WAITRESS?

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU,
MRS. MAYFAIR.

OH, NO PROBLEM, DEBBIE.
YOU TAKE YOUR TIME.

SHE IS SUCH A SWEET GIRL.

SHE'S SAVING MONEY
FOR COLLEGE.

OH.

SPEAKING OF WHICH...
WHERE DID DAVE GO TO COLLEGE?

COME ON, DEBBIE!
WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!

I DON'T KNOW.

ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?

WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME
ALL THESE QUESTIONS?

I JUST THINK IT'S ODD THAT
YOU'RE MARRIED TO SOME GUY--

YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

OTHER THAN THE FACT
THAT HE'S A LOVELY MAN.

HE... (chuckles nervously)
FIXED MY SPRINKLER.

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

I'M GOING TO THE LADIES' ROOM.

WELL, YOUR SUBTLE APPROACH
GOT US NOWHERE.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT
WITH THIS BABY.

I HATE TO SELL HER,
BUT, YOU KNOW,

WITH MY NEW SPORTS CAR COMING,
I DON'T REALLY NEED IT.

YEAH. HERE SHE IS.

HOW'S IT LOOK?

BE GLAD YOU'RE BLIND.

WE HAVE TO BE PRACTICAL.

WE JUST NEED SOMETHING TO GET US
FROM POINT "A" TO POINT "B."

NOW LET'S BUY THE THING.
OKAY, JUST LET ME HANDLE THIS.

SO... DO WE HAVE A SALE?

(clicks tongue)
I DON'T KNOW, ANDREW.

I MEAN... WE LIKE IT.
WE DON'T LOVE IT.

YEAH, WELL, NO ONE BUYS A CAR
LIKE THIS AND LOVES IT.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PRICE.
AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO BETTER.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT PRICE--

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DROP IT.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE DENTS.

YEAH, IT'S ALSO MISSING
THREE HUBCAPS,

AND IT'S GOT A HANGER
FOR AN ANTENNA.

FULL DISCLOSURE--
IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP.

YOU WANT IT OR NOT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

SINCE YOUR MOM AND I ARE
DEAR FRIENDS,

I'LL TAKE IT OFF YOUR HANDS
IF YOU KNOCK OFF $300.

AND SINCE MY MOM AND YOU
ARE DEAR FRIENDS,

I'LL RESIST THE URGE
TO FLIP YOU THE BIRD.

ANDREW!

UNLESS YOU LOWER THIS PRICE,
WE'RE WALKING... RIGHT NOW.

SEE YA.

(scoffs) I MEAN IT.

THIS IS IT.

FINE.

FINE.

(scoffs)

OKAY, FINE. KNOCK OFF $200,
AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH.

NO.
$100.

NO.
WH--

(scoffs) WILL YOU AT LEAST
HAVE IT WASHED?

I'LL EMPTY THE ASHTRAY.
FINAL OFFER.

(scoffs) DAMN YOU.

(Orson) OH!

YOU BEAT ME AGAIN!

CURSE YOU AND YOUR DIABOLICAL
CHECKERS PROWESS.

(Orson and Benjamin laugh)
ALL RIGHT, ORSON.

DON'T OVEREXCITE HIM
ON THE UPHOLSTERY.

SO, DANIELLE, WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO MAKE AS A SIDE DISH

FOR YOUR WELCOME HOME PARTY?

I CAN DO ANYTHING SO LONG AS IT
COMPLEMENTS BEEF TENDERLOIN.

ACTUALLY, WE DON'T EAT MEAT.
WE'RE VEGETARIANS.

EXCUSE ME?
SO IS BENJAMIN.

OH. WELL... SINCE WHEN?

SINCE I REALIZED THAT MEAT
WAS A BYPRODUCT OF MURDER.

WOULD IT BE MORE ACCEPTABLE

IF I SHOPPED FOR
A SUICIDAL PORK LOIN?

BREE, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I'LL JUST MAKE
A NICE RISOTTO.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT DINNER.

THIS IS ABOUT
HER NUTTY LIBERAL POLITICS

GETTING IN THE WAY
OF OUR GRANDSON'S NUTRITION.

HE GETS ALL THE PROTEIN HE NEEDS
FROM CHEESE AND BEANS AND TOFU.

WELL, THIS ISN'T JUST
ABOUT NUTRITION.

DO YOU WANT HIM
TO BE TEASED AT SCHOOL

EVERY TIME HE PULLS TOFU
OUT OF HIS LUNCHBOX?

ACTUALLY,
THAT WON'T BE AN ISSUE.

DANIELLE IS
HOMESCHOOLING HIM.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'RE TEACHING HIM?

YES. I TAKE IT
YOU HAVE AN OPINION?

SO INSTEAD OF SENDING HIM
TO A PROPER SCHOOL,

YOU'RE GONNA
GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT

OF YOUR STRAIGHT "C" AVERAGE?
HEY, HE'S ONLY 6,

AND HE'S ALREADY READING
AT A THIRD GRADE LEVEL.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT YEAR
WHEN HE OVERTAKES YOU?

UH, BREE... AHEM.
BEST BEHAVIOR, REMEMBER?

I AM SORRY,
BUT AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT BY

WHILE SHE DEGRADES HIS BODY
AND HIS MIND?

(Danielle) FINE.
(sets down glass)

CRITICIZE MY PARENTING
ALL YOU WANT.

I DON'T CARE,

BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE
HOW HE'S RAISED ANYMORE.

I'M HIS MOTHER.

OH!

AND BY THE WAY,
MARK YOUR CALENDARS,

'CAUSE SEVEN YEARS
FROM NEXT SATURDAY--

BENJAMIN'S BAR MITZVAH.

(chuckles nervously)

♪♪♪

HEY! (laughs)

(chuckles) HEY.

ISN'T THIS COOL? DAVE BROUGHT
HIS DRUMS OVER SO WE COULD JAM.

YOUR BOY IS PRETTY GOOD.
YEAH, AND WE FIGURED OUT
WE GOT BASS, WE GOT DRUMS.

MIKE PLAYS GUITAR.
I THINK ORSON PLAYS KEYBOARDS.

YOU SEE WHERE
I AM GOING WITH THIS?
I DO,
BUT I'M HOPING I'M WRONG.

WE'RE GONNA START
A GARAGE BAND!

AND I WASN'T!
MAYBE IF WE GET GOOD ENOUGH,

WE CAN EVEN GET, LIKE,
A COUPLE OF GIGS.

HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE?
"GIGS"?
DID YOU JUST SAY "GIGS"?

NOW ALL'S WE NEED IS
A LITTLE TIME TO PRACTICE--

A FEW NIGHTS A WEEK,
SOME WEEKENDS.

WHAT?
WELL, YEAH,

JUST UNTIL WE GET THE RHYTHM
SECTION ALL DIALED IN.

OKAY, I NEED TO DIAL YOU IN
TO SOME GIGS YOU ALREADY HAVE,

WHICH ARE RUNNING A RESTAURANT,
BEING A HUSBAND AND A FATHER.

AND I THOUGHT
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID

YOU WANTED TO SPEND
MORE TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY.

BUT WE COULD PLAY CLUBS.

I MEAN, HE'S JUST HAVING
A LITTLE FUN, LYNETTE.

GUYS NEED TO BLOW OFF STEAM.

COULD YOU JUST...
FOR A SEC?

COME ON. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.
YOU'RE FAR TOO BUSY FOR THIS.

WHOA.

YOU CAN'T JUST
DECIDE FOR ME LIKE THAT.

I MEAN,
IF I WANNA PLAY BASS,

I WILL PLAY BASS.

I'M NOT HURTING ANYBODY.

THOSE OF US WITH HEARING
BEG TO DIFFER. (laughs)

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

PLEASE LEAVE
OUR REHEARSAL SPACE.

OH, COME ON, TOM.
THIS IS NOT YOUR--

(playing Deep Purple's
"Smoke on the Water")

(drums playing rhythm)

(Juanita) IT'S MINE!
NO!

GIVE IT! GIVE IT!
NO! NO!

GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE!
DON'T!

GUYS! HEY!
KNOCK IT OFF BACK THERE.

(girls speak indistinctly)

(engine sputtering)

(horn honks)

(horn blares)

(sputtering continues)

(coughs)

OH, GOD. WHAT NOW?
(coughs)

(steam hissing)

OH. HEY. WHAT'S UP?

YOU SOLD ME A LEMON.

THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR CAR!

I TOOK IT TO A MECHANIC,
WHO TOLD ME THE RADIATOR'S SHOT.

OH. THAT. YEAH. (chuckles)

IT'S BEEN GIVING ME TROUBLE
FOR YEARS. JUST USE THE JUG.

WHAT JUG?

OH, IT'S IN THE TRUNK.
YOU JUST KEEP IT FULL OF WATER,

AND WHEN THE RADIATOR OVERHEATS,
YOU FILL IT UP.

OH, AND, UH,
TRY NOT GOING UP HILLS

AND STAY IN THE SHADE
AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

OKAY, I-I CAN'T DRIVE AROUND
AVOIDING GRAVITY AND THE SUN.

WELL, SORRY.

IF YOU WANT A CAR WITH NO FLAWS,
BUY A NEW ONE.

OR I COULD
GET THE RADIATOR FIXED,

WHICH IS GONNA COST $300,
WHICH YOU ARE PAYING FOR.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

REMEMBER FULL DISCLOSURE?
CRAP?

THIS IS YOUR CAR.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT.
I WANNA TALK TO YOUR MOTHER.

UH, WELL, SHE'S IN A MEETING
RIGHT NOW.

CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?
DAMN IT, ANDREW.

YOU TELL BREE TO CALL ME
BY THE END OF THE DAY.

MAY I ASK
WHAT IT'S REGARDING?

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
MORE LATER, BUDDY.

WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OUTSIDE
AND PLAY FOR A WHILE?
OKAY.

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?
WELL, HE STILL WON'T TELL ME
WHO'S PICKING ON HIM,

BUT HE DID ASK ME
TO TEACH HIM HOW TO FIGHT.
HE'S ONLY 5.
I DON'T WANT HIM FIGHTING.

I'M SORRY, BUT EVERY BOY

HAS TO LEARN HOW
TO THROW A PUNCH EVENTUALLY.
UGH. (sighs)

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANNA
GIVE HIM A LEG UP,

YOU COULD TEACH HIM
A LITTLE CAPOEIRA.
CAPO-WHAT?

OH,
IT'S A BRAZILIAN MARTIAL ART

THAT INCORPORATES DANCE.

YEAH, 'CAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING SCARIER

THAN A GUY COMING AT YA
WITH JAZZ HANDS.
THAT'S FUNNY, BUT ACTUALLY,

THE DANCE PART'S TO
CATCH YOUR OPPONENT OFF GUARD.

LIKE THAT?
NO, THERE'S
A LITTLE MORE NUANCE TO IT.

OOH!
LIKE THAT.

WHERE'S THE "DANCE" PART?
(grunts)

OH! (laughs)
THERE IT IS, GINGER!

YOU KNOW WHAT, BOYS?
NOT IN THE HOUSE.

OH, MY GOD!

GIVE IT BACK! IT'S MY BALL!
IT'S MY BALL NOW.

HEY! YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE.

OH! HONEY!

IS THAT WHO'S BEEN
PICKING ON YOU? JUANITA SOLIS?

UH-HUH.

WELL, SHE IS GOING TO GET
A BIG SURPRISE,

BECAUSE YOUR DADDY

IS ABOUT TO TURN YOU
INTO A KILLING MACHINE.

UH, M.J., CAN I TALK
TO YOUR MOM FOR A SECOND?

MM-HMM.

WHAT?

I CAN'T TEACH HIM
TO HIT A GIRL.

THAT'S NOT JUST ANY GIRL.
YOU SAW HER.

SHE COULD TAKE DOWN
A SMALL DEER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

IF IT WEARS A SKIRT,
IT'S OFF-LIMITS.

THAT IS SEXIST.

IF FEMINISM MEANS ANYTHING,
IT'S THAT IT'S OKAY

FOR A BIG, MEAN GIRL
TO GET HER BUTT KICKED.

YOU, TEACH HIM

ONE OF THOSE BRAZILIAN
KUNG FU CHA-CHA THINGS.

I'M WITH MIKE.

YOU CAN'T HIT GIRLS.

AH! COUPLE OF WUSSES.

I'LL HANDLE IT MYSELF.

OOPS!
DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.

JUST FOR THAT, I'M BREAKING
MY RULE ABOUT NOT HITTING GIRLS.

GABY, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

I JUST SAW JUANITA
PUSH M.J. DOWN.

REALLY?

REALLY.

IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME.
JUANITA'S BEEN BULLYING HIM.

WOW. I'M SORRY.
I'LL TALK TO HER.

(sighs) THANK YOU.

AND DON'T WORRY. NO ONE WILL
HEAR ABOUT THIS FROM ME.

HEAR WHAT?

THAT M.J.'s GETTING BEAT UP
BY A LITTLE GIRL.

WELL...

A GIRL.

ARE YOU SUGGESTING

THAT JUANITA
IS FAT FOR HER AGE?

GABY, JUANITA'S FAT
FOR YOUR AGE.

(scoffs) YEAH?
WELL, LET'S FACE IT.

M.J. COULD GET BEATEN UP
BY A KITTEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE YOU COULD
TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER

HOW TO USE HER WORDS
AND NOT HER FISTS.

YEAH? OR MAYBE YOU COULD
TEACH YOUR SON TO GROW A PAIR!

UGH!

(children laughing and shouting)

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?

OH, JUST SOME OLD PICTURES.

CAN YOU GUESS
WHO THAT LITTLE GIRL IS?

THAT'S YOUR MOM WAY BACK
WHEN SHE WAS YOUR AGE.

WHAT'S SHE EATING?

OH! UH, A HOT DOG.

NO WAY.

OH, YES.
YOUR MOTHER LOVED HOT DOGS.

EVERY DAY AT LUNCHTIME,
SHE'D SAY TO ME,

"MOMMY, I WANT A HOT DOG."

HOW COME
SHE DOESN'T EAT THEM NOW?

WELL, BECAUSE
SHE'S ALL GROWN-UP.

YOU SEE,
HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS

ARE WHAT MAKE
LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS

GROW UP TO BE
BIG AND STRONG.

AND NOW THAT SHE'S GROWN-UP,
SHE DOESN'T NEED THEM ANYMORE.

DOESN'T MOMMY WANT ME
TO BE BIG AND STRONG?

I'VE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THAT
ALL DAY.

MAYBE SHE'S AFRAID
IF YOU GET BIG,

YOU'LL LEAVE HOME
AND GO PLAY FOR THE RED SOX.

BUT I WANT TO GET BIG.
I WANT TO PLAY BASEBALL.

OH. WELL...

IN THAT CASE...

CAN I?

YOU HAVE TO PROMISE
NOT TO TELL YOUR MOMMY.

OKAY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S LIKE TOFU,
ONLY BETTER.

YES.

YES, IT IS.

TWO, THREE, FOUR!

(playing "Smoke on the Water")

WHEN TOM SCAVO THREW HIMSELF
INTO HIS NEW HOBBY...

♪♪♪

HIS WIFE TOLD HERSELF

IT WAS A PHASE,
AND IT WOULD PASS QUICKLY.

♪♪♪

BUT THREE HOURS LATER,
SHE REALIZED

IT COULD NOT
PASS QUICKLY ENOUGH.

SO LYNETTE BEGAN TO PLOT

AGAINST HER HUSBAND'S
INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE.

(gasps)
OOH! CAREFUL, HONEY.

SORRY.

YOU COULD BREAK
YOUR DAD'S GUITAR AND...

IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT
HER DAUGHTER

PROVIDED HER AN IDEA
FOR A... SIMPLE ACCIDENT...

AND... A CLEAN ALIBI.

(car approaching)

(loud crunch, brakes screech)

(Tom) DAMN IT!

(car door opens and slams)

HEY, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
OH, MY!

IT WAS LYING
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR!

HOW IN THE WORLD
DID THAT HAPPEN?
HAS PENNY BEEN PLAYING
IN HERE AGAIN?

I'VE TOLD HER
A MILLION TIMES!

NOW I'M SURE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT,
TOM. PLEASE DON'T YELL AT HER.

THIS WAS A $1,600 BASS.

I CAN'T AFFORD
TO REPLACE IT.

PENNY LYNN SCAVO!

WHERE IS SHE?

OH, TOM!

SHE'S UP IN HER ROOM.

I'M GONNA GO PLAY OUTSIDE.

OH! WAIT.
YOUR FORGOT YOUR WHISTLE.

OKAY, SWEETIE.

THIS IS JUST TO BE
ON THE SAFE SIDE.

IF JUANITA COMES AROUND,
YOU JUST BLOW IT.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
OKAY.

GOOD BOY.

(door opens and shuts)

(whistle tweets)

OH!

(whistle tweets)
HEY, GIVE ME BACK MY WHISTLE!

(blowing whistle)
JUANITA SOLIS, DON'T YOU MOVE!
YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!

WHAT'S ON YOUR HEAD?

NEVER MIND.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO M.J.?

HE WOULDN'T LET ME
BLOW HIS WHISTLE.

SO YOUR SOLUTION
WAS TO PUSH HIM DOWN?

DO YOU THINK THAT'S NICE?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO YOU?
I WOULDN'T CARE.

OH, REALLY?
YOU DON'T THINK IT WOULD HURT?

EVEN IF IT DID...

(whines) I'M NOT A CRYBABY
LIKE M.J.

(gasps)

I'M SORRY.

JUANITA, I JUST WANTED YOU
TO SEE HOW IT FELT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

SUSAN, I SAW THAT!

KIDS, GET INSIDE!

OKAY, FIRST OFF,
IT WASN'T AS BAD AS IT LOOKED.

REALLY? 'CAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE
YOU BODY-SLAMMED MY DAUGHTER.

I BARELY TAPPED HER.
SHE WAS MILKING IT.

THAT'S YOUR DEFENSE? YOU WERE
ONLY ASSAULTING HER "A LITTLE"?

I WAS TRYING TO TEACH HER
NOT TO BE A BULLY--

SOMETHING SHE SHOULD HAVE
LEARNED FROM HER MOTHER.

WELL, I'M SORRY. I WAS TOO BUSY
TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HER

WHY M.J. DOESN'T WEAR A DRESS
LIKE ALL THE OTHER LITTLE GIRLS.

THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

TELL BOB AND LEE THAT I'LL PAY
FOR THE DENT IN THEIR LAWN.

OH!

YOU DID NOT!

I DID.

(sighs)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'VE BOTH BEEN
INCREDIBLY CHILDISH HERE,

AND IT IS TIME ONE OF US
TOOK THE HIGH ROAD,

SO I AM NOW
GOING TO WALK AWAY.

PLEASE TAKE NOTE
OF THIS CONFLICT RESOLUTION

AND TRY TO PASS THE LESSON
ON TO YOUR DAUGHTER.

YOU CAN DYE THAT HAIR
ALL YOU WANT,

BUT THE GRAY'S
JUST GONNA KEEP COMING.

(both grunting)

AND THEY CALL ME WHITE TRASH.

HEY.

YOU GOT A MINUTE?
YEAH. SURE. COME ON IN.

I, UH, I HEARD THERE WAS
A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

OH.

SO...

I GOT THIS FOR TOM.

YOU BOUGHT TOM A NEW BASS?

IT'S NOT AS SMOOTH
AS HIS OLD ONE, BUT IT'S GOOD.

WE CAN'T ACCEPT THIS.

IT'S MOSTLY SELFISH ON MY PART.
I WAS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.

WELL, SORRY.

BUT MAYBE YOU COULD
GO SKATEBOARDING WITH ORSON.

ALL RIGHT.

FORGET ABOUT ME.

TOM WAS HAVING FUN.

AND FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN,
HE NEEDS IT.

UH-HUH.

AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
YOU KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND NEEDS?

JUST SOMETHING THAT I SAW
THE OTHER DAY,

WHEN YOU WERE MAKING HIM
GET RID OF ALL HIS THINGS.

YOU MEAN HIS JUNK?

IT MAY BE JUNK TO YOU,

BUT TO TOM...

WELL, THAT WAS STUFF
HE WAS GONNA GET AROUND TO.

YOU KNOW WHAT
A MIDLIFE CRISIS IS?

I'M MARRIED TO A 45-YEAR-OLD MAN
WHO HAS A RED CONVERTIBLE.

YEAH, I THINK I KNOW.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS?
A MAN GETS TO A CERTAIN AGE,

AND HE REALIZES...
HE'S GONNA DIE SOMEDAY.

REALLY DIE.

AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT HE'S
EVERYTHING HE'S EVER GONNA BE.

HE'S NEVER GONNA BE RICH.

HE'S NEVER GONNA
CLIMB A MOUNTAIN.

NOW SOME GUYS DO BAD THINGS

WHEN THEY GET THOSE THOUGHTS
IN THEIR HEADS.

BY COMPARISON,

PLAYING IN A GARAGE BAND--
WELL...

IT SEEMS PRETTY HARMLESS.

AH.

SO... NOW MY MARRIAGE
IS IN TROUBLE,

AND YOU'RE GONNA SAVE IT
BY GIVING TOM A BASS?

NO. NO. I'M NOT.

YOU ARE.

(classical music playing)

MOST OF THE GUYS IN MY CLASS
WENT INTO CORPORATE LAW,

BUT I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING

THAT WOULD INFLUENCE
ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY.

THAT'S HOW HE ENDED UP
AT THE E.P.A.

OH. HMM.

SO, LEO,
WHERE DID YOU STUDY LAW?

CORNELL.

NOW I'M JEALOUS.

I ALWAYS WISHED THAT I'D GONE
TO A SCHOOL LIKE CORNELL.

BUT... IT JUST WASN'T
IN THE CARDS FOR ME.

HOW ABOUT YOU, DAVE?

ME? NO.
WASN'T IN MY CARDS, EITHER.

SO WHERE DID YOU GO?

AFTER LISTENING TO LEO,
I'D BE EMBARRASSED TO TELL YOU.

SO... E.P.A.

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION
ON GLOBAL WARMING--

FACT OR FICTION?

HOLD ON, DARLING.

MRS. McCLUSKEY
ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

TELL HER
WHERE YOU WENT TO SCHOOL.

OH, EDIE, I THINK SHE WAS
JUST MAKING CONVERSATION. SO--

OKAY, THEN WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHERE YOU WENT?

AFTER ALL, I AM YOUR WIFE.
SHOULDN'T I KNOW?

ACTUALLY,
I DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE.

I TOOK A JOB
OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL

BECAUSE MY FAMILY
WAS HAVING A HARD TIME.

NOT HAVING A DEGREE
IS SOMETHING THAT HAS ALWAYS

BEEN EMBARRASSING TO ME,

ESPECIALLY WHEN
I'M WITH PEOPLE WHO DO.

SO, MY DARLING,
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE

YOU'D LIKE TO QUIZ ME ABOUT
IN PUBLIC?

MY... CHILDHOOD STUTTERING?

MY DAD'S DRINKING PROBLEMS?

NO. I'M... GOOD.

(doorbell rings)

I CAME TO SAY I'M SORRY.

YOU ATTACKED MY CHILD
AND THEN ME.

WHY SHOULD I EVEN
LISTEN TO YOU?

I BROUGHT BOOZE.

COME ON IN.

LIKE, I HAVE THIS RULE--

NO TOY GUNS.

EXCEPT EVERYTHING
THAT M.J. PICKS UP--

WHETHER IT'S A HAIRBRUSH,
A HANGER, EVERYTHING--

HE PRETENDS IT'S A GUN.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
HE'S A BOY.

THAT'S MY POINT!

I KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT RAISING BOYS.

AND I THINK M.J.
HAS FIGURED THIS OUT,

SO HE GOES STRAIGHT TO MIKE
WHENEVER THERE'S A PROBLEM.

BUT THAT'S OKAY.
MIKE'S A GREAT DAD.

YEAH, SURE,
ON ALTERNATE WEEKENDS.

THAT'S FINE...

UNTIL... (sighs)
M.J. NEEDS HIS DADDY,

AND HIS DADDY'S NOT THERE.

SUSAN, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

WELL, WE SPLIT UP,

SO IT'S AT LEAST HALF MY FAULT
ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT.

WELL, IF IT'S
ANY CONSOLATION,

CARLOS IS A HANDS-ON,
FULL-TIME DAD,

AND I STILL FEEL LIKE
I'M NOT GETTING THE JOB DONE,

LIKE... I'M NOT
PREPARING THEM ENOUGH.

PREPARING THEM FOR WHAT?

FOR HOW HARD LIFE IS.

I MEAN, I HAVE TO ADMIT,

WHEN YOU TOLD ME
JUANITA WAS BULLYING M.J.,

MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS,
THANK GOD!

LET HER DO THE PUSHING,

JUST AS LONG
AS SHE'S NOT A VICTIM.

WELL, I DON'T SEE
ANY KID OF YOURS BEING A VICTIM.

(laughs) YOU'RE
THE STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW.

I USED TO BE.

(sighs deeply)

LOOK AT MY LIFE, SUSAN.

I...

I'VE BEEN BEATEN DOWN.

WELL, I THOUGHT
I HAD YOU BEATEN TODAY,

AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
I WAS EATING GRASS.

(chuckles)

TODAY DOESN'T COUNT.
TODAY I WAS MAD.

WELL...

MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET MAD
MORE OFTEN.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS IS NICE.

WE SHOULD RUMBLE
ALL THE TIME.

(both laugh)

TO SUSAN MAYER--

GOOD MOM.

TO GABRIELLE SOLIS--

ANOTHER GOOD MOM.

(clink)

(Juanita) MOMMY, WE'RE HUNGRY!

SO?! THERE'S WAFFLES
IN THE FREEZER!

AND GET MOMMY SOME ICE!

ISN'T THIS NICE?

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS,

MY FAMILY IS ALL HERE
UNDER THE SAME ROOF.

HERE'S TO MANY MORE MEALS
TOGETHER.

YES.
(Edie) AW. WELCOME HOME.
CHEERS.

(glasses clink)

I DON'T FEEL GOOD, DANIELLE.

(under breath) "DANIELLE"?
(grunts)

I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.
LET'S GET YOU
TO THE POWDER ROOM.

(vomits)

HERE WE ARE--

MUSHROOM RISOTTO.

THERE'S AN UNFORTUNATE
COINCIDENCE.

I'M SO SORRY, MOM.
I'LL CLEAN IT UP.

NO, UM, YOU TAKE BENJY UPSTAIRS.
I'LL GET IT.

ORSON, COULD YOU GET THE MOP,
PLEASE?

OH, MY GOD. IS THAT MEAT?

NO!

OF COURSE NOT.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE MEAT
TO YOU?

IT'S... HARD TO TELL.

JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR,

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO THROW UP
IS A WESTERN OMELET.

THAT IS NOT MEAT. (chuckles)

THAT PIECE RIGHT THERE--
THAT'S DEFINITELY MEAT!

STILL WAITING ON THAT MOP.

(scoffs) WHAT DID GRANDMA
GIVE YOU TO EAT?

(weakly)
SHE SAID NOT TO TELL.

YOU GAVE HIM MEAT
AND THEN TOLD HIM TO LIE?!

I GAVE HIM A HOT DOG,
ALL RIGHT?

HE LIKED IT SO MUCH,
HE ASKED FOR ANOTHER.

TWO HOT DOGS?
(scoffs)

ALL RIGHT,

I'LL CONCEDE THE SECOND ONE
WAS CLEARLY A MISTAKE.

COME ON, LEO.
WE'RE LEAVING.

NO! DANIELLE, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY, ORSON.

SHE'S MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE
FOR US TO STAY IN THIS HOUSE.

(Orson) DANIELLE, WAIT, WAIT.

WELL, WE CAN STILL DRINK,
RIGHT?

OH, YEAH.

WELL, I'VE APOLOGIZED
TILL I'M BLUE IN THE FACE,

BUT THEY'RE STILL LEAVING
IN THE MORNING.

(sighs deeply)

NOW YOU'RE NOT
SPEAKING TO ME, EITHER?

THEY'RE JUST MAD.

THINGS WILL BE BETTER
NEXT TIME.

YOU HONESTLY THINK
THERE'LL BE A NEXT TIME?

IT TOOK US THREE YEARS
TO TALK THEM INTO THIS VISIT.

IT TOOK YOU ONE DAY...
(pot clanks)

TO RUIN IT.

ORSON, I'M TRULY SORRY.

IT'S JUST, SEEING...

ALL THESE MISTAKES
THAT SHE'S MAKING WITH BENJAMIN,

IT'S JUST SO HARD FOR ME.

(voice breaks)
YOU KNOW WHAT HARD FOR ME?

WHEN I LEFT FOR PRISON,

BENJAMIN WAS IN MY HOUSE,
HE WAS IN MY LIFE.

HE CALLED ME "DADDY."

AND WHEN I CAME HOME,
HE WAS GONE.

AND YOU THINK
THAT'S MY FAULT?

YES, I DO.

ORSON, YOU WEREN'T HERE.

SHE CAME BACK.
SHE WAS MARRIED TO A LAWYER.

AND DON'T FORGET,
SHE IS HIS MOTHER!

I TRIED TO FIGHT, BUT--

YOU SHOULD'VE FOUGHT HARDER.

I WAS ON MY KNEES.
I WAS SOBBING.

SHE SAID "NO" AND THEN
RIPPED HIM OUT OF MY ARMS.

(whispers) YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO SAY THAT TO ME.

YOU KIND OF BLINDSIDED ME
TONIGHT.

I KNOW. I AM SO SORRY.

I WAS CLEARLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU KEPT PRESSING ME.

HONESTLY, IT WAS ALL
KAREN McCLUSKEY'S FAULT.

REALLY? HOW SO?

WELL, SHE KEPT ASKING ME ALL
THIS STUFF ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND

AND WHY I DON'T KNOW
MORE ABOUT YOU, AND... (sighs)

I SHOULD'VE JUST NEVER
LET HER GET TO ME.

IT'S OKAY, SWEETIE.

NOW I UNDERSTAND.

KIND OF SAD
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH... MAYBE YOU GUYS
DON'T NOTICE

BECAUSE YOU'RE
SO USED TO HER.

BUT HER BEHAVIOR
REMINDS ME OF MY GRANDMOTHER,

WHEN WE FIRST
STARTED TO NOTICE...

THE DEMENTIA, THAT IS.

YOU THINK KAREN'S
GOING SENILE?

I REMEMBER
MY POOR GRANDMOTHER...

STARTED GETTING SO PARANOID.

SHE THOUGHT PEOPLE WERE
BREAKING INTO HER HOUSE AND...

STEALING HER THINGS.

WE FINALLY
HAD TO PUT HER IN A HOME.

I JUST HOPE
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO KAREN.

I WANT MY 300 BUCKS.

I TOLD YOU. IT'S YOUR CAR.
YOU DEAL WITH IT.

THAT'S IT? NO COMPASSION?

NO, "HEY, LET'S SPLIT THE BILL
AND CALL IT EVEN"?

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
YOU'RE NOT LOSING 300 BUCKS.

YOU'RE GAINING
A VALUABLE LESSON--BUYER BEWARE.

TRUE. NOW HERE'S
A VALUABLE LESSON FOR YOU.

(revs engine, brakes screech)

HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
HEY! HEY!

WHAT THE HELL
IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
GIVE ME MY MONEY,

OR NEXT TIME
WE'RE TRADING PAINT.
YOU'RE BLUFFING.

I AM TIRED OF BEING A VICTIM,
ANDREW.

AND TRUST ME,
THAT IS NO BLUFF.
(tires squeak)

(brakes screech)
HEY! YOU--YOU TOUCH MY CAR,
AND YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT.

LUCKILY, I'M INSURED. (gasps)
OH, WAIT. OUR POLICY LAPSED.

HOPE YOU'VE GOT
GOOD COVERAGE.

(revving engine)

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT, WAIT.

I'LL GET MY CHECKBOOK.

I PREFER CASH.

BULLIES...

ANY ADULT WILL TELL YOU
THE PLAYGROUND

IS NOT THE ONLY PLACE
TO FIND THEM.

EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK,
YOU CAN FIND PEOPLE UNCONCERNED

OR UNAWARE
OF THE PAIN THEY INFLICT.

IT MIGHT BE A NEIGHBOR

PREYING ON THE SUSPICIONS
OF HER FRIEND...

OR A DAUGHTER

PUNISHING THE CHOICES
OF HER MOTHER.

OR A HOUSEWIFE SEEKING JUSTICE

FROM THE MAN WHO SOLD HER
A CAR.

YES...

THERE ARE BULLIES EVERYWHERE.

AND THE WORST ARE THE ONES
WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU

WITHOUT YOU EVER KNOWING...

WHAT THEY'VE DONE.