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1
00:00:00,671 --> 00:00:02,133
PREVIOUSLY ON...
2
00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:04,705
LIVES CHANGE IN FIVE YEARS.
3
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:09,040
SOME FAMILIES GROW,
WHILE OTHERS GROW APART.
4
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,183
SO I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM BACK
SUNDAY AROUND 6:00 OR SO.
FINE.
5
00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:15,146
AND WE FIND WAYS...
IT'S NOT REALLY
A GOOD TIME.
6
00:00:15,146 --> 00:00:17,118
TO EASE THE PAIN.
7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,620
YES, IN FIVE YEARS...
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,123
EDIE, IS THAT REALLY YOU?
I HAVE A HUSBAND NOW.
9
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,624
MANY THINGS CHANGE.
10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,057
(man) You're required
to check in once a month.
11
00:00:26,057 --> 00:00:28,159
IT WAS A CONDITION
OF YOUR RELEASE.
12
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,033
(Mary Alice) ALL IN ALL,
13
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:38,109
SUSAN MAYER'S BOYFRIEND KNEW
HE HAD A LOT GOING FOR HIM.
14
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:41,142
HE WAS ROMANTIC...
15
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,773
MM.
16
00:00:42,773 --> 00:00:44,475
HAD A NICE SMILE...
17
00:00:46,177 --> 00:00:49,350
AND WAS
CONSISTENTLY THOUGHTFUL.
18
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,051
(beep, whirring)
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:55,586
YES, JACKSON BRADDOCK
HAD MANY WONDERFUL ATTRIBUTES.
20
00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:57,188
SADLY...
21
00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:01,262
A SENSE OF TIMING
WASN'T ONE OF THEM.
22
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,433
HELLO.
23
00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:04,735
HI.
24
00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:06,397
CAN I HELP YOU?
25
00:01:06,397 --> 00:01:09,200
I GUESS YOU COULD
TELL SUSAN I'M HERE.
26
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,143
OKAY. UH...
(chuckles) WHO ARE YOU?
27
00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:14,305
OH, I'M MIKE...
THE EX-HUSBAND.
28
00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:16,076
AH.
29
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,708
I, UH, I TAKE IT YOU'RE...
30
00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:19,110
JACKSON.
31
00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,481
I'M, UH...
32
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,852
SUSAN'S, UH...
33
00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,284
FRIEND?
34
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,586
FRIEND. THAT'S RIGHT.
(chuckles nervously)
35
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,719
WOW. (chuckles)
COULD THIS BE ANY MORE AWKWARD?
36
00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:31,122
WELL, YOUR ROBE'S OPEN...
SO YEAH.
37
00:01:31,122 --> 00:01:32,863
(clears throat) YEP.
38
00:01:32,863 --> 00:01:34,865
(Mike)
WELL, YOU BE THE JUDGE.
39
00:01:34,865 --> 00:01:36,867
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
IT--IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
40
00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:39,800
WELL, I GOT THE FEELING THAT...
(speaks indistinctly)
41
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,132
(sighs)
42
00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:44,305
(Mike and Jackson
continue speaking indistinctly)
43
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,277
YEAH, YEAH.
44
00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:48,609
(gasps)
45
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,211
OH!
46
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,114
HEY, YOUR EX-HUSBAND IS...
47
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,148
MIKE!
UH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
48
00:01:57,148 --> 00:01:59,450
I WAS JUST RETURNING
M.J.'s VIDEO GAME.
49
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,522
HE LEFT IT AT MY HOUSE.
50
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:04,395
OH. THANKS.
SO I GUESS YOU MET JACKSON.
51
00:02:04,395 --> 00:02:05,856
YEAH. NICE LEGS.
52
00:02:05,856 --> 00:02:08,659
(sighs)
OH, CLEARLY THIS IS NOT
53
00:02:08,659 --> 00:02:11,662
HOW I WOULD'VE WANTED
THE TWO OF YOU TO MEET.
54
00:02:11,662 --> 00:02:14,165
HE'S--HE'S REALLY
A NICE GUY.
55
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,136
YEAH, WELL, JUST TO MAKE SURE,
I'M GONNA NEED
56
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,609
TO HANG WITH HIM A LITTLE BIT,
CHECK HIM OUT.
57
00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,871
OH, I DON'T KNOW THAT
THAT'S NECESSARY.
58
00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:23,474
IF HE'S SLEEPING
IN THE SAME HOUSE AS MY SON,
59
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:25,145
I THINK IT IS.
60
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,148
OH, WELL, FIRST OFF, UM, M.J.
WAS AT A SLEEPOVER LAST NIGHT.
61
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,651
AND, IN FACT,
JACKSON AND HE HAVEN'T EVEN MET,
62
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,854
SO, UH, THERE'S REALLY NO NEED
FOR YOU TO BE HANGING...
63
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,726
OR CHECKING.
(chuckles nervously)
64
00:02:35,726 --> 00:02:39,630
OH, JUST... TELL JACKSON I'LL
PICK HIM UP HERE TOMORROW NIGHT.
65
00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:42,162
HEY, HOLD ON.
66
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,165
YOU DON'T GET TO JUST DECIDE
THESE THINGS BY YOURSELF.
67
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:49,800
YOU REMEMBER HOW NICE I WAS
ABOUT OUR CUSTODY AGREEMENT?
68
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,643
I CAN HAUL YOU
BACK TO COURT TOMORROW
69
00:02:52,643 --> 00:02:56,707
IF I'M NOT 100% SATISFIED
WITH WHO YOU EXPOSE MY SON TO.
70
00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:59,810
GOT IT?
71
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,813
(scoffs)
(car door opens and shuts)
72
00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:04,615
(car engine starts)
73
00:03:04,615 --> 00:03:06,717
UH, I'M SORRY.
74
00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:10,921
IT'S SO NOT HOW I WANTED TO MEET
YOUR EX FOR THE FIRST TIME.
75
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:13,464
WELL, WHEN YOU MEET HIM
FOR THE SECOND TIME,
76
00:03:13,464 --> 00:03:15,466
YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT.
77
00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:17,798
HE'S PICKING YOU UP HERE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHAT?
78
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,231
I'LL EXPLAIN OVER BREAKFAST.
79
00:03:20,231 --> 00:03:22,233
DID YOU GET THE PAPER?
80
00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:27,838
AND THAT IS HOW
JACKSON BRADDOCK REALIZED
81
00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:30,311
HE NEEDED BETTER TIMING...
82
00:03:31,982 --> 00:03:34,945
WHO ARE YOU?
83
00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:37,348
AND A LONGER ROBE.
84
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:53,304
IF THERE IS ONE THING EVERYONE
IN SUBURBIA CAN APPRECIATE...
OH, HEY!
85
00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:54,805
IT'S A GOOD NEIGHBOR.
86
00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:56,807
YOU KNOW,
THE KIND THAT HELPS
87
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,370
WITH THE LAST BAG
OF GROCERIES...
88
00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:03,744
OR BRINGS OVER
MISPLACED MAIL...
89
00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:08,719
OR OFFERS TO MOW YOUR LAWN.
90
00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:12,783
YES, EVERYONE APPRECIATES
A GOOD NEIGHBOR.
91
00:04:12,783 --> 00:04:14,985
YOU ARE SO SWEET TO DO THIS.
92
00:04:14,985 --> 00:04:17,828
I JUST KNOW HOW TRICKY
THESE BULBS CAN BE.
93
00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:20,391
AND NO ONE KNEW THIS BETTER
THAN DAVE WILLIAMS,
94
00:04:20,391 --> 00:04:22,393
WHO WAS DETERMINED TO BE
95
00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:27,968
THE BEST NEIGHBOR
WISTERIA LANE HAD EVER SEEN...
96
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,840
ASSUMING, OF COURSE,
97
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,973
HIS WIFE
DIDN'T GET IN THE WAY.
98
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,845
WHAT'S GOING ON?
99
00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,647
PACKING OUR BAGS.
100
00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:38,649
KAREN McCLUSKEY
INSULTED ME AGAIN,
101
00:04:38,649 --> 00:04:40,811
AND I CAN'T PUT UP WITH IT
ANYMORE.
102
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:43,584
ALL RIGHT, WHAT DID SHE SAY
TO YOU THIS TIME?
103
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,987
NOTHING. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WE ARE MOVING.
ADULTS DON'T PACK UP AND MOVE
104
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,420
BECAUSE OF SOME
GOOD-NATURED TEASING.
105
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:52,423
SHE SAID THAT MY BREASTS WERE
A TRIUMPH OF GERMAN ENGINEERING.
106
00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:54,294
YOU CALL THAT GOOD-NATURED?
107
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,867
COME ON.
SHE'S A CRANKY OLD LADY.
108
00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:59,370
IT'S NOT JUST HER.
IT'S ALL OF THEM.
109
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:02,573
I MEAN, IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS.
I HAVE CHANGED.
110
00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:05,075
BUT THE PEOPLE ON THIS STREET
DON'T CARE.
111
00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:07,608
TO THEM,
I WILL ALWAYS BE A JOKE.
112
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,410
(sighs)
113
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,912
I'M SORRY
YOU HAD A BAD DAY.
114
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,415
PLEASE DON'T USE
YOUR MOTIVATIONAL VOICE.
115
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,016
I REALLY HATE THAT.
116
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,649
YOU'RE UPSET
AND YOU'RE TIRED.
117
00:05:18,649 --> 00:05:21,051
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A NICE HOT SHOWER,
118
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,724
AND I'LL MAKE US
SOME LUNCH?
119
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,697
DOES THAT SOUND GOOD?
120
00:05:26,697 --> 00:05:30,100
(sighs)
121
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,332
I JUST NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT.
122
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:38,409
WE--WE COULD'VE GONE AND LIVED
IN ANY CITY IN THIS COUNTRY.
123
00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:42,613
WHY DID YOU INSIST
ON LIVING HERE?
124
00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,875
'CAUSE WE CAN BE HAPPY HERE.
125
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,578
YOU JUST NEED
TO GIVE IT SOME TIME.
126
00:05:47,578 --> 00:05:50,421
AND I PROMISE,
127
00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:52,423
I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT
128
00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:55,426
THAT PEOPLE START TREATING YOU
WITH A LITTLE MORE RESPECT.
129
00:05:55,426 --> 00:05:57,888
YOU DIDN'T ANSWER
MY QUESTION.
130
00:05:57,888 --> 00:06:00,631
DIDN'T I?
131
00:06:14,745 --> 00:06:18,008
CARLOS, WE GOT INVITED
TO MICHELLE DOWNING'S PARTY!
132
00:06:18,008 --> 00:06:20,881
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY
SOMETHING NICE TO--AAH!
133
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,984
GABY, I'M GIVING A MASSAGE.
134
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,686
I CAN SEE THAT.
135
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,688
I CAN SEE
A LOT OF THINGS--
136
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,890
THINGS THAT CAN
NEVER BE UNSEEN.
137
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:34,064
UH, SORRY. I GUESS THE TOWEL
MUST'VE RODE UP.
138
00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:38,729
CARLOS? KITCHEN. NOW.
139
00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:42,473
I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT
WHEN I WORK DOWN HERE,
140
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,835
BUT HE COULDN'T GET UP
THE STAIRS.
141
00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:47,738
HE'S GOT A BUM HIP.
HE'S ALSO MISSING A TESTICLE.
142
00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,140
CARLOS, HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS
AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE?
143
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:53,544
OKAY, OKAY, MAYBE I COULD
SET UP MY TABLE IN THE GARAGE.
144
00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,546
NO! THAT'S ONLY
PART OF THE PROBLEM.
145
00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:57,988
HAVE YOU CHECKED
OUR BANK BALANCE LATELY?
146
00:06:57,988 --> 00:07:00,721
GABY, I AM NOT TAKING
THE COUNTRY CLUB JOB.
147
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,723
WHY NOT?
YOU'D BE MASSAGING RICH PEOPLE.
148
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,996
THEY TIP BETTER
AND THEY TEND TO FLAKE LESS.
YEAH, BUT I LIKE WORKING HERE.
149
00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:09,129
I GET TO SPEND LOTS OF TIME
WITH YOU AND THE KIDS.
150
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,962
CARLOS, I DON'T NEED TO SPEND
LOTS OF TIME WITH YOU.
151
00:07:11,962 --> 00:07:14,835
AND FRANKLY,
THE KIDS ARE ON THE FENCE.
GABY!
152
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,968
BOTTOM LINE, I MISS OUR LIFE.
I MISS SHOPPING.
153
00:07:17,968 --> 00:07:19,970
ALL I HAVE
TO LOOK FORWARD TO
154
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,972
IS THE OCCASIONAL INVITATION
TO A FANCY PARTY.
155
00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:24,975
AND I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD A DRESS
TO GO TO IT.
156
00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:29,019
CARLOS, PLEASE,
I AM BEGGING YOU.
FINE. I'LL--
I WILL TAKE THE JOB.
157
00:07:29,019 --> 00:07:31,482
THANK YOU.
158
00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:32,823
(Gabrielle screams)
159
00:07:32,823 --> 00:07:35,626
(man) SORRY.
160
00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:39,189
AH, NO. (sighs)
161
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:43,063
(sighs)
162
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,965
UNH-UNH.
COME ON.
163
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,138
I REALLY DON'T THINK MIKE'S
GONNA CARE WHAT SHIRT I WEAR.
164
00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:49,800
WELL, I DO.
165
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,803
WE NEED A SHIRT THAT SAYS,
"I'M A RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN,"
166
00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:56,076
NOT "MY FAVORITE CLOTHING STORE
ALSO SELLS BONGS."
167
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,749
ARE YOU DISSING
MY SENSE OF STYLE?
168
00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:00,110
ABSOLUTELY.
169
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,112
PUT THIS ON.
170
00:08:02,112 --> 00:08:03,754
NOW...
171
00:08:03,754 --> 00:08:06,757
LET'S TALK ABOUT ACCEPTABLE
TOPICS OF CONVERSATION.
172
00:08:06,757 --> 00:08:08,589
YOU LIKE SPORTS, RIGHT?
173
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,161
YEAH. I'M A HUGE SOCCER FAN.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
174
00:08:11,161 --> 00:08:13,163
YOU LIKE FOOTBALL--
AMERICAN FOOTBALL.
175
00:08:13,163 --> 00:08:15,165
SPECIFICALLY THE COLTS.
OKAY.
176
00:08:15,165 --> 00:08:17,227
AND HERE ARE SOME OTHER THINGS
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT--
177
00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,929
CARS, BARBECUE, FISHING.
178
00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:21,832
HOW ABOUT FIRE?
MIKE LIKE TALK FIRE?
179
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:24,234
JACKSON,
PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
180
00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:27,738
I AM. I'M JUST--I'M NOT GONNA
PRETEND TO BE SOMEBODY I'M NOT.
181
00:08:27,738 --> 00:08:29,980
IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME,
WHAT'S HE GONNA DO?
182
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,982
HE COULD TAKE ME TO COURT,
183
00:08:31,982 --> 00:08:34,985
AND THE JUDGE CAN MAKE ME
CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND MY SON.
184
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,047
AND I'M SORRY.
YOU WILL LOSE.
185
00:08:37,047 --> 00:08:38,819
PEYTON MANNING
186
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,652
IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK
WHO EVER LIVED.
187
00:08:41,652 --> 00:08:43,123
THANK YOU.
188
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,799
NOW GO SHAVE.
YOU LOOK LIKE A HOBO.
189
00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:55,606
(funk music
playing indistinctly)
190
00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:58,108
HEY.
191
00:08:58,108 --> 00:08:59,610
GOT A SEC?
192
00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,241
NOT REALLY.
193
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:06,176
SO I ASSUME YOU KNOW ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY CONRADO.
194
00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,779
I GUESS.
195
00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:11,081
YOUR FRIEND GETS BUSTED
FOR DEALING DRUGS AT SCHOOL,
196
00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,684
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS,
"I GUESS"?
197
00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:16,857
HE'S NOT MY FRIEND.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
198
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,859
YOU WERE ON THE SAME
LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM.
199
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,091
YEAH, LIKE A MILLION YEARS AGO.
ANYTHING ELSE?
200
00:09:24,134 --> 00:09:26,166
NO.
201
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,668
NOT REALLY.
202
00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:32,843
HEY.
203
00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:34,204
PARKER.
204
00:09:34,204 --> 00:09:37,177
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING,
JUST BETWEEN US?
205
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,010
DOES PORTER HANG OUT
WITH JIMMY CONRADO?
206
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:44,014
I DON'T KNOW. I COULD CHECK OUT
HIS FRIENDS LIST ON SILVERFIZZ.
HIS WHAT ON WHAT?
207
00:09:46,316 --> 00:09:48,318
IT'S LIKE MySpace.
YOU HAVE A WEB PAGE.
208
00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:50,921
IT SHOWS YOUR HOBBIES,
YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC,
209
00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:53,163
AND YOU CAN TALK TO PEOPLE.
210
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:55,866
REALLY?
CAN ANYONE TALK TO HIM?
211
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:58,098
YEAH.
HE JUST HAS TO INVITE YOU.
212
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,031
AND, UH...
213
00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:03,333
HOW WOULD SOMEBODY
MAKE THAT HAPPEN?
214
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,008
NOW IT'S JUST A MOCK-UP,
215
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,711
BUT THIS IS WHAT
THE BOOK IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE.
216
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,113
MOM, THAT'S FANTASTIC.
217
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,115
GOOD CALL ON THE FONT.
218
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,987
THANK YOU, DEAR.
219
00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:18,989
ORSON, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
220
00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:20,991
WELL, I THINK IT'S STRANGE
221
00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:23,293
TO SEE MY WIFE BILLED
AS "MRS. VAN DE KAMP."
222
00:10:23,293 --> 00:10:27,728
WELL, YOU KNEW WHAT THE BOOK
WAS GONNA BE CALLED.
YES, BUT IT'S DIFFERENT
ACTUALLY SEEING IT.
223
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:31,101
I MEAN, IS IT TOO LATE
TO GO WITH "MRS. HODGE"?
224
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:33,403
MY COMPANY, WHICH I FORMED
WHEN WE WERE SEPARATED,
225
00:10:33,403 --> 00:10:36,236
IS CALLED
MRS. VAN DE KAMP'S CATERING.
226
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,238
IT'S HOW I'M KNOWN.
OH, IN FAIRVIEW.
227
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,811
BUT THIS BOOK
WILL BE NATIONAL.
228
00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,973
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR CHANCE
TO REBRAND YOURSELF.
229
00:10:42,973 --> 00:10:44,975
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH "HODGE"?
230
00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:49,950
I THINK I JUST HEARD THE MILK
GO BAD. I SHOULD CHECK.
231
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,082
ORSON, I ADORE YOU,
232
00:10:52,082 --> 00:10:55,926
BUT YOUR NAME... OUR NAME--
IT HAS NO MUSIC.
233
00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:58,228
"VAN DE KAMP"
TRIPS OFF THE TONGUE.
234
00:10:58,228 --> 00:11:01,191
"HODGE" SOUNDS LIKE
THE NOISE A PLUNGER MAKES.
235
00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:02,963
THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS.
236
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,134
LISTEN...
237
00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:05,095
(brightly) VAN DE KAMP.
238
00:11:05,095 --> 00:11:06,266
(flatly) HODGE.
239
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,268
ALSO, SHE'S GOT
A RADIO INTERVIEW WEDNESDAY,
240
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,201
AND THEY'RE ALREADY PROMOTING
HER AS MRS. VAN DE KAMP.
241
00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:13,203
SEE? THE SHIP
HAS ALREADY SAILED.
242
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:16,176
OH, DON'T BE HURT.
IT'S MY PROFESSIONAL NAME.
243
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,049
IN THIS HOUSE,
I WILL ALWAYS BE MRS. HODGE.
244
00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:22,052
NOW... WOULD IT HELP
IF MRS. HODGE
245
00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:24,885
COOKED YOU
YOUR FAVORITE POT ROAST TONIGHT?
246
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:28,058
YES, I GUESS IT WOULD HELP.
247
00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:31,191
UH, MEETING
WITH YOUR PUBLICIST?
248
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:35,365
OH, RIGHT.
UM, TOMORROW FOR SURE, THEN.
249
00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:37,067
(chuckles)
250
00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:41,271
(flatly) VAN DE KAMP. HMM.
251
00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:45,335
(brightly) HODGE.
252
00:11:45,335 --> 00:11:49,980
(purring)
253
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,114
HERE YOU GO.
OH, THANK YOU.
254
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,117
TOBY, GET OFF MY CHAIR.
YOU KNOW BETTER.
(meows)
255
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,790
SO WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
256
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:01,191
IT'S EDIE.
257
00:12:01,191 --> 00:12:03,153
YOU SAID SOMETHING
TO HER YESTERDAY
258
00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,255
THAT HURT HER FEELINGS.
259
00:12:05,255 --> 00:12:08,228
THAT THING ABOUT HER BREASTS?
COME ON. THAT WAS A JOKE.
260
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,230
PERHAPS,
BUT IT UPSET HER SO MUCH
261
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,103
THAT SHE SUGGESTED
WE LEAVE WISTERIA LANE.
262
00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:15,105
I CAN'T HAVE THAT, MRS. M.
263
00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:18,108
HEY, THIS IS WHAT EDIE AND I DO.
WE TEASE EACH OTHER.
264
00:12:18,108 --> 00:12:21,111
I SAY SHE'S EASIER TO
GET INTO THAN COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
265
00:12:21,111 --> 00:12:23,343
SHE SAYS MY FACE
LOOKS LIKE A KNEE.
266
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,045
(chuckles) IT'S FUN.
267
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,948
STILL... I WOULD CONSIDER IT
A PERSONAL FAVOR
268
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,950
IF YOU'D APOLOGIZE TO HER.
269
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:33,183
YOU KNOW, MAKE HER FEEL
ACCEPTED AND LOVED.
270
00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:35,385
NO.
271
00:12:37,127 --> 00:12:38,458
NO?
272
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,461
IF EDIE WANTS TO CHANGE THE WAY
WE TALK TO EACH OTHER,
273
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,463
SHE'S GOTTA ASK ME
PERSONALLY.
274
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,465
AND I THINK YOU'VE GOT
A LOT OF GALL
275
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,467
MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I DID
SOMETHING WRONG
276
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,100
WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW ME.
277
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,803
OH... I KNOW YOU,
278
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:54,274
BETTER THAN YOU THINK.
279
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,545
OH, REALLY?
280
00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:57,177
FOR STARTERS,
281
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,210
YOU TALK TO YOUR CAT
LIKE IT'S A PERSON.
282
00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:04,114
WHEN I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR,
YOU IMMEDIATELY INVITED ME IN.
283
00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:07,117
DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS
TO SEE THAT YOU'RE LONELY.
284
00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:14,194
I'M THINKING YOU HAD PEOPLE
IN YOUR LIFE AT ONE TIME...
285
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,097
PEOPLE WHO CARED ABOUT YOU.
286
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,099
BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO THEM.
287
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,202
SOME PROBABLY DIED.
THE REST, WELL...
288
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,504
THEY JUST DON'T
COME AROUND MUCH ANYMORE.
289
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,506
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
290
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:31,081
I KNOW YOU, MRS. McCLUSKEY.
291
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,083
(Toby meows)
AND IT SEEMS TO ME
292
00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:35,385
THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU
WOULD LIKE TO KEEP
293
00:13:35,385 --> 00:13:38,889
THE FEW FRIENDS
THAT SHE HAS LEFT.
294
00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:41,521
I THINK YOU'D BETTER GO.
295
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,617
(vehicle door shuts)
296
00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:10,620
HEY...
(engine idling)
297
00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,622
THANKS FOR TONIGHT.
298
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,055
AND, UH, BEFORE I FORGET,
THE COLTS SUCK.
299
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,058
(laughs) OH, HERE'S WHAT SUCKS--
WATCHING A ZERO-ZERO GAME
300
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,230
WITH NO CHEERLEADERS,
SOCCER BOY.
301
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:21,561
AH!
(laughs)
302
00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:29,299
YOU GUYS WERE INSULTING
EACH OTHER. THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
YEAH, WE HAD A BLAST.
303
00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:30,540
REALLY?
YEAH.
304
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:33,243
IN FACT, WE'RE GETTING TOGETHER
WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT O'BRIEN'S,
305
00:14:33,243 --> 00:14:36,306
WHICH HE CLAIMS HAS THE BEST
BACON POTATO SKINS IN TOWN.
306
00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:39,009
POTATO SKINS AT O'BRIEN'S?
YOU'VE MADE HIS INNER CIRCLE!
307
00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:42,012
THIS IS FANTASTIC!
THANK YOU. MMM.
MMM.
308
00:14:42,012 --> 00:14:44,254
AH, YOU CAN THINK OF
309
00:14:44,254 --> 00:14:47,887
A MORE CREATIVE WAY
TO THANK ME THAN THAT.
310
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,219
MMM.
311
00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:53,263
MMM.
312
00:14:53,263 --> 00:14:54,494
AHH.
313
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,665
OHH.
314
00:14:55,665 --> 00:14:57,197
OH. (laughs)
315
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,168
NICE.
316
00:14:58,168 --> 00:14:59,499
(gasps)
YEAH?
317
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,331
YEAH. MMM.
318
00:15:01,331 --> 00:15:02,672
OH, WOW.
319
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:04,674
YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
(giggles)
320
00:15:04,674 --> 00:15:07,577
(panting) WAIT.
321
00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:10,580
YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT NOW?
322
00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:13,283
I DON'T KNOW.
DON'T YOU LIKE IT?
323
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,646
YEAH. BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW
I WOULD LIKE IT?
324
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,190
OH, MY GOD.
325
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:22,552
WHAT?
326
00:15:22,552 --> 00:15:25,255
MIKE TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE EAR THING, DIDN'T HE?
327
00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,426
NO.
328
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,698
SO YOU JUST HAPPENED
329
00:15:28,698 --> 00:15:30,700
TO STUMBLE ACROSS
MY SECRET TURN-ON
330
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:33,703
THE SAME NIGHT THAT
YOU AND MIKE BECAME B.F.F.s?
331
00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:37,067
BUT AREN'T WE LOSING SIGHT
OF THE FACT THAT YOU LIKE IT?
332
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,069
THIS IS...
I MEAN, I'M JUST...
333
00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:40,540
I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED.
334
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,242
OH, HONEY, COME ON--
335
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,245
DON'T TOUCH ME! OR MY EARS!
MY EARS ARE DEAD TO YOU.
336
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,547
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT. WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT HOW GIRLS--
337
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,949
THEY--THEY ALL LIKE
DIFFERENT THINGS, RIGHT?
338
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,422
AND I-I WAS TALKING ABOUT
THIS GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL,
339
00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:55,225
HOW SHE LIKED TO DO IT
WITH HER SHOES ON,
340
00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:57,627
AND--AND MIKE TALKED
ABOUT THE LOBE NIBBLE.
HE HAS A NAME FOR IT?
341
00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,459
(scoffs) OKAY.
342
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,193
THAT'S IT. YOU AND MIKE
ARE NOT HANGING OUT ANYMORE.
343
00:16:03,193 --> 00:16:04,664
AND THIS LITTLE
344
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:08,168
WEDNESDAY "POTATO SKINS
AND SUSAN SEX TIPS NIGHT"?
345
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,001
I FORBID IT.
346
00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:14,244
(sighs)
347
00:16:14,244 --> 00:16:16,546
DID MIKE MENTION HE LIKES
HAVING HIS TOES SUCKED?
348
00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:19,579
OOPS! (chuckles)
THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT. HMM.
349
00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:26,616
GABY...
350
00:16:26,616 --> 00:16:30,320
BREE! WHAT'S UP?
351
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,693
WELL, UM, MICHELLE DOWNING
ASKED ME TO SPEAK TO YOU.
352
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,695
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD,
353
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,699
BUT I'M CATERING
HER BIRTHDAY PARTY--
I HEARD. I CAN'T WAIT.
OOH, I WAS GONNA ASK YOU.
354
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,701
SHOULD I WEAR
THE NAVY BLUE CHANEL
355
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,035
OR THE RED SLEEVELESS DRESS?
YOU CAN'T COME.
356
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:46,376
SORRY.
357
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:49,079
I JUST HAD
TO RIP THE BAND-AID OFF.
358
00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:51,681
WHAT?
SHE'S DISINVITING ME?
359
00:16:51,681 --> 00:16:53,443
IT'S NOT PERSONAL.
360
00:16:53,443 --> 00:16:55,445
YOU KNOW HOW CARLOS
JUST STARTED AT THE CLUB?
361
00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:57,447
WELL, HER GUESTS
ARE ALL MEMBERS,
362
00:16:57,447 --> 00:16:59,449
AND SHE THINKS
THEY MIGHT FIND IT AWKWARD
363
00:16:59,449 --> 00:17:01,591
SOCIALIZING WITH...
364
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:02,752
STAFF.
365
00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:04,724
SHE CALLED US "STAFF"?
366
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:08,158
OH, GABY, IT'S JUST ONE PARTY.
I'LL SAVE YOU SOME CAKE.
367
00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:10,330
NO! IT'S NOT JUST ONE PARTY!
368
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,332
IT'S THE KICKOFF
TO THE WHOLE SOCIAL SEASON.
369
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,135
IF PEOPLE SEE
WE'RE OFF MICHELLE'S LIST,
370
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,137
THEN WE'LL BE OFF EVERYONE'S.
371
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:20,270
AND THEN IT'S GONNA BE
THE START OF OUR SLOW SLIDE
372
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,742
FROM GOWNS AND GALAS
TO FLIP-FLOPS AND KEGGERS!
373
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:27,247
(sighs) OKAY, IF CARLOS WORKING
AT THE CLUB IS THE PROBLEM,
374
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,249
THEN TELL HER HE JUST QUIT.
375
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,551
OH, HON, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S GONNA FLY.
376
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,823
HE'S ALREADY RUBBED
TOO MANY MEMBERS.
377
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,158
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?
378
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,591
WE USED TO HAVE HELP.
NOW WE ARE THE HELP!
379
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,096
HEY.
380
00:17:46,096 --> 00:17:47,797
HEY.
(typing on keyboard)
381
00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,599
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
382
00:17:49,599 --> 00:17:52,542
I AM JUST...
383
00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:55,475
TALKING TO PORTER
ON SILVERFIZZ.
384
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:59,109
WHO IS SaraJ
FROM MacARTHUR HIGH SCHOOL?
385
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:00,780
ME.
386
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,452
I'M 16 AND CUTE.
387
00:18:02,452 --> 00:18:05,455
I LIKE GRAPHIC NOVELS
AND TOKYO POLICE CLUB.
(whispers) OH, MY GOD.
388
00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:08,218
(normal voice) YOU--YOU'RE
PRETENDING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE?
389
00:18:08,218 --> 00:18:10,220
OUR BROODING SON
HAS A CLASSMATE
390
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,222
WHO GOT ARRESTED
FOR SELLING DRUGS.
391
00:18:12,222 --> 00:18:15,795
I REALLY THINK THE END
JUSTIFIES THE MEANS HERE.
(typing on keyboard)
392
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,798
OKAY, WE'LL ADDRESS YOUR MAJOR
ETHICAL BREACH IN A MOMENT.
393
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:24,374
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?
WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS
394
00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:27,307
HE REALLY DOESN'T HANG OUT
WITH JIMMY CONRADO.
395
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,210
BUT I AM A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT Anita47,
396
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,343
WHO TOLD HIM CHERRY FRUIT POPS
ARE AN APHRODISIAC.
397
00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:34,644
HUH? (laughs)
(laughs)
398
00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:37,647
OKAY, GREAT, YOU KNOW
WHO HE HANGS AROUND WITH NOW.
399
00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:40,520
YOU GOT WHAT YOU CAME FOR.
TIME TO STOP.
400
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,393
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
IT'S JUST...
401
00:18:43,393 --> 00:18:47,397
DID YOU KNOW
PORTER WRITES POETRY?
402
00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:49,399
SERIOUS?
YEAH.
403
00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:50,530
OUR PORTER,
404
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:53,233
THE KID WHO COMMUNICATES
WITH GRUNTS AND SHRUGS,
405
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,664
WRITES THIS...
406
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:58,508
BEAUTIFUL,
HEART-WRENCHING POETRY.
407
00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,872
MAYBE ONE DAY
HE'LL SHARE IT WITH YOU
408
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:05,315
INSTEAD OF
YOUR FANTASY ALTER EGO.
409
00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:08,248
UNTIL THEN, SHUT IT OFF.
410
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,719
OKAY, OKAY.
(click)
411
00:19:09,719 --> 00:19:11,751
YOU'RE RIGHT.
412
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,253
YOU'RE RIGHT.
413
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:36,406
(alert chimes)
414
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,950
(chuckles)
(typing on keyboard)
415
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,882
(beep)
416
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:49,359
(alert chimes)
417
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,592
OH, REALLY?
418
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,564
(types on keyboard)
419
00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:56,266
(alert chimes)
420
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,930
(alert chimes)
421
00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:04,304
(typing)
422
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,905
(alert chimes)
423
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,577
(alert chimes)
424
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:13,383
AW. THAT'S SWEET.
425
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:15,385
(typing)
426
00:20:15,385 --> 00:20:16,746
(alert chimes)
427
00:20:16,746 --> 00:20:18,588
(alert chimes)
428
00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:25,425
STILL TALKING
TO POETRY GIRL?
429
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,996
BITE ME.
430
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:28,998
DUDE, SHE DIDN'T PUT UP
HER PHOTO.
431
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:33,433
5 BUCKS SAYS SHE LOOKS LIKE
SHE CAME OUT OF AN EGG.
432
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,435
(chuckles) WHATEVER.
433
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,507
(resumes typing)
434
00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:40,470
TOBY?
(makes kissing sounds)
435
00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:42,972
TOBY! WHERE ARE YOU?
436
00:20:42,972 --> 00:20:45,315
TOBY!
437
00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:48,318
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT,
MRS. M.?
438
00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:50,320
IT'S TOBY.
I CAN'T FIND HIM.
439
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,322
OH, NO.
HOW DID HE GET OUT?
440
00:20:52,322 --> 00:20:55,355
THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW WAS OPEN,
WHICH IS BIZARRE
441
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,527
BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER
OPENING IT.
442
00:20:57,527 --> 00:21:00,330
CAN YOU HELP ME FIND HIM?
443
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:03,963
HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY MORE THOUGHT
ABOUT APOLOGIZING TO EDIE?
444
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:07,337
SHE'S STILL
PRETTY DOWN IN THE DUMPS.
445
00:21:07,337 --> 00:21:09,339
I'VE KIND OF BEEN BUSY.
446
00:21:09,339 --> 00:21:12,602
OF COURSE YOU HAVE.
IT'S JUST THAT...
447
00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:15,605
WELL, SINCE I'M ABOUT
TO HELP YOU FIND YOUR CAT,
448
00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:18,608
IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF
YOU COULD HELP ME OUT WITH EDIE.
449
00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:21,411
DOESN'T THAT SEEM FAIR
TO YOU?
450
00:21:21,411 --> 00:21:23,353
I GUESS.
451
00:21:23,353 --> 00:21:25,515
HERE.
452
00:21:29,018 --> 00:21:31,421
THANK YOU.
453
00:21:31,421 --> 00:21:33,993
OKAY. TOBY!
454
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,865
TOBY! COME HERE, BOY!
455
00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:39,399
(whistles) TOBY!
456
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,402
SO THEY'LL FINISH WITH THE NEWS,
DO A QUICK TRAFFIC UPDATE,
457
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:45,304
AND THEN WE'RE ON THE AIR.
UH, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?
458
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,707
NO, I'M GOOD.
HOW DO I LOOK?
(man speaking indistinctly
on radio)
459
00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,739
(chuckles)
WE'RE ON THE RADIO.
460
00:21:49,739 --> 00:21:52,311
OH.
I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
461
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,744
THIS IS
MY FIRST NATIONAL INTERVIEW.
462
00:21:54,744 --> 00:21:57,447
AND I AM A HUGE FAN
OF YOUR COOKBOOKS.
463
00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:59,449
WELL, I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS
ABOUT YOU.
464
00:21:59,449 --> 00:22:00,990
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE CATERING
465
00:22:00,990 --> 00:22:03,753
MICHELLE DOWNING'S
BIRTHDAY DINNER TONIGHT.
466
00:22:03,753 --> 00:22:06,626
OH, YOU KNOW MICHELLE?
YES, AND I'LL BE THERE.
467
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,828
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
WHAT YOU DISH UP.
468
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,431
OKAY, NOW I'M TERRIFIED.
469
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,062
♪♪♪
470
00:22:13,062 --> 00:22:15,635
HERE WE GO.
471
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:16,966
GOOD AFTERNOON.
472
00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:20,670
I'M LINDA FLANAGAN,
AND THIS IS "GOURMET AMERICANA."
473
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:22,672
(Linda) IF YOU'VE BEEN
TO FAIRVIEW'S BEST PARTIES,
474
00:22:22,672 --> 00:22:24,674
THEN YOU'VE PROBABLY TASTED
THE MOUTHWATERING FOOD
475
00:22:24,674 --> 00:22:27,647
DISHED UP BY MY FIRST GUEST,
BREE VAN DE KAMP.
476
00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:30,019
NOW SHE'S ABOUT TO PUBLISH
HER FIRST BOOK,
477
00:22:30,019 --> 00:22:32,452
"MRS. VAN DE KAMP'S
OLD-FASHIONED COOKING."
478
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:33,883
WELCOME, BREE.
479
00:22:33,883 --> 00:22:35,124
HI, LINDA.
480
00:22:35,124 --> 00:22:37,356
TELL ME.
WHY "OLD-FASHIONED"?
481
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,490
WELL, I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE
MISS THE WAY LIFE USED TO BE--
482
00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:42,792
BACK WHEN WOMEN
HAD MORE TIME TO COOK.
483
00:22:42,792 --> 00:22:44,764
IT'S ALWAYS
BEEN IMPORTANT TO ME
484
00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:47,767
TO HAVE THE FAMILY GATHER
AROUND THE TABLE EVERY NIGHT
485
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:49,599
FOR HOT, LOVINGLY PREPARED
MEALS.
486
00:22:49,599 --> 00:22:51,801
SO YOU'RE
A TRADITIONAL KINDA GAL.
487
00:22:51,801 --> 00:22:54,974
IS THERE A MR. VAN DE KAMP?
488
00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,576
NO.
489
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:59,809
UH, MR. VAN DE KAMP
IS DECEASED.
OH.
490
00:22:59,809 --> 00:23:01,881
BUT IN REGARDS
TO MY HUSBAND,
491
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,714
I SHOULD MAKE ONE THING
VERY CLEAR--
492
00:23:04,714 --> 00:23:07,657
HIS PASSING HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH MY COOKING.
493
00:23:07,657 --> 00:23:11,591
(Bree and Linda laughing)
494
00:23:13,763 --> 00:23:15,995
HEY.
495
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:18,498
IS THAT MY YEATS BOOK?
I LOVE HIS POETRY.
496
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:20,700
YEAH. I'M BORROWING IT
FOR SCHOOL.
497
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,171
AH.
498
00:23:22,171 --> 00:23:25,174
THIS IS THE KIND OF POETRY
THAT MELTS A GIRL'S HEART.
499
00:23:25,174 --> 00:23:27,176
SO ROMANTIC.
500
00:23:27,176 --> 00:23:29,178
OH! HERE'S A GREAT ONE--
501
00:23:29,178 --> 00:23:32,742
"THE LOVER TELLS
OF THE ROSE IN HIS HEART."
502
00:23:32,742 --> 00:23:36,015
MY FIRST BOYFRIEND
GAVE ME THIS POEM.
503
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,848
I WAS A JUNIOR IN--
MOM, I'M--I'M RUNNING LATE.
CAN I HAVE THE BOOK BACK?
504
00:23:38,848 --> 00:23:41,951
OH. SORRY.
505
00:23:44,994 --> 00:23:46,956
(front door opens)
ENJOY!
506
00:23:46,956 --> 00:23:48,458
(door shuts)
507
00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:55,665
KATHERINE, IT IS NOT TOO LATE
TO CHANGE TONIGHT'S MENU.
508
00:23:55,665 --> 00:23:57,667
IF LINDA FLANAGAN LIKES MY FOOD,
509
00:23:57,667 --> 00:24:00,740
SHE MIGHT GIVE ME A QUOTE
FOR THE BOOK JACKET.
510
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:02,742
I HAVE TO KNOCK HER SOCKS OFF,
511
00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:05,144
AND I AM NOT BETTING THE FARM
ON HADDOCK.
512
00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,146
ARGUE WITH ME ALL YOU LIKE.
513
00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:11,521
I JUST BOUGHT 40 POUNDS OF PORK,
SO GET YOUR TUSHIE OVER HERE.
514
00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:14,854
ORSON! DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE
ABOUT LINDA FLANAGAN?
515
00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,155
YES, I HEARD.
516
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:18,958
ISN'T IT AMAZING?
517
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,230
MM. ALMOST AS AMAZING
AS MY ON-AIR DEATH NOTICE.
518
00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:23,232
WHAT?
519
00:24:23,232 --> 00:24:25,234
"SO, BREE,
DO YOU HAVE A HUSBAND?"
520
00:24:25,234 --> 00:24:28,638
"NOPE. USED TO. HE CROAKED."
(chuckles) SHE DIDN'T ASK
IF I HAD A HUSBAND.
521
00:24:28,638 --> 00:24:31,140
SHE ASKED IF THERE WAS
A MR. VAN DE KAMP,
522
00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:33,603
AND THERE'S CLEARLY NOT.
WELL, THERE'S A MR. HODGE.
523
00:24:33,603 --> 00:24:36,475
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU
TO HAVE MENTIONED ME?
524
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,147
AND WASTE VALUABLE AIRTIME?
525
00:24:38,147 --> 00:24:40,149
THE SHOW
WAS ABOUT MY COOKBOOK,
526
00:24:40,149 --> 00:24:42,782
NOT ABOUT MY TORTURED
MARITAL HISTORY.
527
00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:44,784
THAT'S NOT
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
528
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:47,486
IT'S BECAUSE I WENT TO JAIL,
ISN'T IT?
529
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,489
ORSON, I HAVE 6 HOURS
TO PREPARE A MEAL FOR 80 PEOPLE.
530
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,822
WE'RE NOT HAVING
THIS DISCUSSION NOW.
531
00:24:52,822 --> 00:24:55,164
JUST ADMIT IT.
YOU'RE ASHAMED OF ME.
532
00:24:55,164 --> 00:24:56,666
SHOULD I BE PROUD?
533
00:24:56,666 --> 00:24:59,669
DO YOU WANT ME
TO GO ON THE RADIO AND BOAST
534
00:24:59,669 --> 00:25:02,572
THAT MY HUSBAND SERVED TIME
FOR RUNNING SOMEONE OVER?
535
00:25:02,572 --> 00:25:05,034
I WENT TO JAIL
BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME
536
00:25:05,034 --> 00:25:07,537
IT WAS THE ONLY WAY
YOU'D TAKE ME BACK.
537
00:25:07,537 --> 00:25:10,509
AND BECAUSE IT WAS
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
538
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,511
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THEN
539
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,284
THAT I WOULD BE
A PUBLIC FIGURE SOMEDAY.
540
00:25:15,284 --> 00:25:17,286
BUT I AM. I HAVE A NAME NOW.
541
00:25:17,286 --> 00:25:19,549
AND LUCKILY FOR YOU,
IT'S NOT MINE.
542
00:25:19,549 --> 00:25:22,852
ORSON, PLEASE DON'T BE HURT.
543
00:25:22,852 --> 00:25:25,825
I AM UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE
AND SO TERRIFIED I'LL FAIL
544
00:25:25,825 --> 00:25:28,898
THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING HALF THE TIME.
545
00:25:28,898 --> 00:25:30,900
JUST LET ME
GET THROUGH THIS.
546
00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:33,532
AS SOON AS THE PLATES
GO OUT TONIGHT,
547
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,535
I WILL COME HOME AND COOK YOU
THAT POT ROAST I PROMISED.
548
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,837
OKAY?
549
00:25:40,009 --> 00:25:41,310
OKAY.
HMM.
550
00:25:41,310 --> 00:25:43,012
(kisses)
551
00:25:43,012 --> 00:25:45,314
(sighs)
IT'S JUST THAT... I--
552
00:25:45,314 --> 00:25:49,018
CHIVES!
HOW COULD I FORGET CHIVES?
553
00:25:59,188 --> 00:26:01,290
(beep)
(Jackson) Hey, Susan, it's me.
554
00:26:01,290 --> 00:26:04,293
Listen, I'm not gonna be able
to make dinner tonight.
555
00:26:04,293 --> 00:26:06,295
My college roommate's in town,
556
00:26:06,295 --> 00:26:09,298
and this is the only night
we can get together.
557
00:26:09,298 --> 00:26:11,300
OH. IS HIS NAME MIKE DELFINO?
558
00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:14,143
DID YOU ROOM TOGETHER
AT LIARS' COLLEGE?
559
00:26:14,143 --> 00:26:16,646
Um, I know it's last-minute,
and I'm really sorry,
560
00:26:16,646 --> 00:26:18,608
but I still wanna see you.
561
00:26:18,608 --> 00:26:21,981
So how about I drop by later?
Call me if that's a problem.
562
00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,152
(beep)
563
00:26:23,152 --> 00:26:25,154
YEAH, YOU'LL DROP BY LATER...
564
00:26:25,154 --> 00:26:27,156
WITH POTATO SKINS
ON YOUR BREATH,
565
00:26:27,156 --> 00:26:29,358
YOU MISERABLE TWO-TIMER!
566
00:26:29,358 --> 00:26:31,921
WHAT'S WRONG, MOM?
567
00:26:31,921 --> 00:26:33,863
NOTHING.
568
00:26:33,863 --> 00:26:37,196
JUST, THE ANSWERING MACHINE
LIED TO MOMMY.
569
00:26:39,368 --> 00:26:42,802
(alert chimes)
570
00:26:42,802 --> 00:26:44,634
(gasps)
571
00:26:44,634 --> 00:26:46,275
(alert chimes)
572
00:26:49,178 --> 00:26:53,042
OH, CRAP ON THINGS.
573
00:26:53,042 --> 00:26:55,044
CRAP ON WHAT THINGS?
574
00:26:55,044 --> 00:26:57,246
UM...
575
00:26:57,246 --> 00:26:59,949
(blows raspberry)
576
00:26:59,949 --> 00:27:02,391
PORTER SENT ME A SEX POEM.
577
00:27:02,391 --> 00:27:04,894
WHAT? WHY?
578
00:27:04,894 --> 00:27:08,698
HE MAY BE IN LOVE WITH ME.
579
00:27:08,698 --> 00:27:11,360
WHY WOULD HE BE IN LOVE
WITH YOU?
580
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,163
OKAY...
REMEMBER HOW YOU TOLD ME
581
00:27:14,163 --> 00:27:16,666
I SHOULD STOP
TALKING TO HIM ONLINE?
582
00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:19,168
WELL, OF COURSE, I DIDN'T,
583
00:27:19,168 --> 00:27:21,941
AND I SORT OF TOLD HIM
I LIKED HIS POETRY.
584
00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:24,944
YOU TOLD A TEENAGE BOY
THAT YOU LIKED HIS POETRY?
585
00:27:24,944 --> 00:27:27,276
JEEZ, LYNETTE!
WHY NOT JUST FLASH HIM A BOOB?
586
00:27:27,276 --> 00:27:29,679
SHH! HE'LL HEAR YOU.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
587
00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:32,321
ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM
THE TRUTH NOW, OR ARE YOU GONNA
588
00:27:32,321 --> 00:27:35,284
WAIT UNTIL AFTER HE KILLS ME
AND BLINDS HIMSELF?
589
00:27:35,284 --> 00:27:38,287
CALM DOWN. I'M GONNA
BREAK IT OFF IN AN E-MAIL.
590
00:27:38,287 --> 00:27:40,930
OH, GREAT. JUST LIKE THAT?
THAT'LL KILL HIM.
591
00:27:40,930 --> 00:27:42,962
I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN
ON THE RECEIVING END
592
00:27:42,962 --> 00:27:46,035
OF BREAK-UP LETTERS,
BUT I'VE ACTUALLY WRITTEN A FEW,
593
00:27:46,035 --> 00:27:48,397
AND I KNOW
HOW TO LET HIM DOWN EASY.
594
00:27:48,397 --> 00:27:49,899
"DEAR PORTER,
595
00:27:49,899 --> 00:27:51,400
"I REALLY LIKE YOU,
596
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,373
BUT I WANNA SEE
OTHER OFFSPRING."
597
00:27:54,373 --> 00:27:57,046
GO AWAY.
598
00:28:02,311 --> 00:28:04,313
(piano playing in distance)
YOU KNOW,
I'M KINDA SURPRISED
599
00:28:04,313 --> 00:28:06,285
WE STILL MADE
MICHELLE'S LIST THIS YEAR,
600
00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:08,287
WHAT WITH ME WORKING
AT THE CLUB.
601
00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:11,290
OH, DON'T BE SILLY, CARLOS.
WE'RE STILL ON EVERYONE'S LIST.
602
00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:12,992
(chuckles)
603
00:28:12,992 --> 00:28:15,224
NOW LET'S GO.
OKAY.
604
00:28:19,999 --> 00:28:23,002
(loud clattering)
GABY, ARE WE IN
THE BANQUET HALL?
605
00:28:23,002 --> 00:28:26,005
WHAT'S ALL THE NOISE?
OH, IT'S JUST THE CATERERS
606
00:28:26,005 --> 00:28:28,007
PUTTING GLASSES
AND SILVERWARE ON THE TABLES.
607
00:28:28,007 --> 00:28:30,009
THEY MAKE SOME RACKET, HUH?
608
00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:32,311
BUT THE DECORATIONS
ARE STUNNING.
(water running loudly)
609
00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:34,483
ESPECIALLY
THAT WATERFALL EFFECT.
610
00:28:34,483 --> 00:28:37,246
GABY?
BREE!
611
00:28:37,246 --> 00:28:39,348
SHOULDN'T YOU BE
IN THE KITCHEN?
612
00:28:42,291 --> 00:28:46,796
DON'T MOVE, HONEY.
THE PRESS IS TAKING YOUR PHOTO.
613
00:28:46,796 --> 00:28:51,000
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU WERE DISINVITED.
I GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT.
614
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,003
WE DUCK INSIDE, MAKE SURE WE'RE
SEEN BY ALL THE RIGHT PEOPLE--
615
00:28:54,003 --> 00:28:55,464
EXCEPT MRS. DOWNING--
616
00:28:55,464 --> 00:28:58,307
AND THEN AFTER ABOUT 20 MINUTES,
WE CUT OUT.
617
00:28:58,307 --> 00:29:01,040
WELL, I KNOW NOTHING.
JUST KEEP ME OUT OF IT.
618
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,243
WHAT IS CARLOS DOING?
619
00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:09,118
(sighs)
620
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,357
(man speaking indistinctly
on TV)
621
00:29:18,357 --> 00:29:20,790
WHERE IS HE?
WHERE IS WHO?
622
00:29:20,790 --> 00:29:22,932
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW--
JACKSON.
623
00:29:22,932 --> 00:29:25,094
WELL, HE'S NOT HERE.
624
00:29:25,094 --> 00:29:27,266
REALLY? WHOSE IS THIS?
625
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:30,039
I... D--I DON'T KNOW.
SOME GUY'S.
626
00:29:30,039 --> 00:29:32,371
"I... I DON'T KNOW"?
627
00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,543
WELL,
I HOPE THAT "SOME GUY"
628
00:29:34,543 --> 00:29:37,446
DOESN'T MIND THIS.
629
00:29:37,446 --> 00:29:39,909
NO, SUSAN, REALLY,
I WOULDN'T...
630
00:29:39,909 --> 00:29:43,082
LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO MY BEER?
631
00:29:43,082 --> 00:29:45,454
WE'RE NOT MARRIED ANYMORE,
632
00:29:45,454 --> 00:29:48,557
SO I DON'T HAVE
TO PROTECT YOU.
633
00:29:48,557 --> 00:29:52,421
I AM... SO SORRY.
634
00:29:52,421 --> 00:29:53,923
MISS?
635
00:29:53,923 --> 00:29:56,365
UM... COULD YOU JUST...
636
00:29:56,365 --> 00:29:59,298
PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE
OF MY FRIEND?
637
00:30:02,231 --> 00:30:04,233
JACKSON CANCELED ON ME.
638
00:30:04,233 --> 00:30:07,136
HE SAID YOU WEREN'T COMFORTABLE
WITH US HANGING OUT.
639
00:30:07,136 --> 00:30:10,279
HE SAID THAT?
AND I THINK I SAID, "MEOW."
(imitates whip cracking)
640
00:30:10,279 --> 00:30:12,982
(sighs deeply)
I AM SUCH A JACKASS.
641
00:30:12,982 --> 00:30:15,344
SO WHY DON'T YOU WANT US
HANGING OUT?
642
00:30:15,344 --> 00:30:17,346
WELL, I WAS
PRETTY TICKED OFF
643
00:30:17,346 --> 00:30:20,219
THAT YOU TOLD JACKSON
ABOUT THE EAR THING.
644
00:30:20,219 --> 00:30:23,222
OH, GOD. THE SECOND I SAID THAT,
I WISHED I HADN'T.
645
00:30:23,222 --> 00:30:25,054
I-I'M REALLY SORRY.
646
00:30:25,054 --> 00:30:26,825
(sighs)
647
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:29,959
APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
648
00:30:29,959 --> 00:30:33,162
SO IF I PROMISE TO BEHAVE,
CAN WE STILL HANG OUT?
649
00:30:33,162 --> 00:30:35,364
'CAUSE I REALLY THINK
IT'D BE GOOD FOR M.J.,
650
00:30:35,364 --> 00:30:37,566
JUST SEEING THAT
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS.
651
00:30:37,566 --> 00:30:39,138
I DON'T...
652
00:30:39,138 --> 00:30:40,609
WHAT?
653
00:30:40,609 --> 00:30:42,471
I'M JUST NOT COMFORTABLE
654
00:30:42,471 --> 00:30:44,843
WITH YOU AND JACKSON
GETTING THAT CLOSE.
655
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,116
OKAY.
656
00:30:47,116 --> 00:30:50,980
IT'S JUST... (sighs)
657
00:30:50,980 --> 00:30:54,523
I DON'T WANT HIM
TO SEE ME THROUGH YOUR EYES.
658
00:30:54,523 --> 00:30:57,386
HOW EXACTLY
DO YOU THINK I SEE YOU?
659
00:30:57,386 --> 00:31:01,490
WELL, THOSE LAST FEW MONTHS
WE WERE TOGETHER, I...
660
00:31:01,490 --> 00:31:04,633
THE THINGS I SAID TO YOU,
THE WAY I ACTED...
661
00:31:04,633 --> 00:31:07,636
I MEAN, I'M NOT PROUD
OF THE PERSON I BECAME.
662
00:31:07,636 --> 00:31:11,300
THAT WAS A BAD TIME, SUSAN.
663
00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:14,343
WE'RE NOT THOSE PEOPLE
ANYMORE.
664
00:31:14,343 --> 00:31:17,076
AND IF YOU COULD SEE YOURSELF
THROUGH MY EYES,
665
00:31:17,076 --> 00:31:19,478
YOU'D KNOW YOU GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
666
00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:25,484
(mouths words)
667
00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:28,187
COULD YOU PLEASE
TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY?
668
00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:33,462
HE'S MY FRIEND, TOO.
669
00:31:50,339 --> 00:31:52,381
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
670
00:31:52,381 --> 00:31:54,043
WHERE YOU BEEN?
671
00:31:54,043 --> 00:31:58,117
OUT,
UH, DOING SOME THINKING.
672
00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:01,320
AND I'VE DECIDED THAT I MAY
HAVE GONE A LITTLE OVERBOARD
673
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:02,992
ABOUT YOU AND MIKE.
674
00:32:02,992 --> 00:32:07,396
IN FACT, I THINK IT'S COOL IF
YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH MY EX.
675
00:32:07,396 --> 00:32:09,498
HEY, SUSIE Q.!
676
00:32:09,498 --> 00:32:12,331
JUST SHAKIN' THE DEW
OFF THE LILY.
677
00:32:12,331 --> 00:32:13,432
AND SPEAKING OF,
678
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:17,066
THAT PAINT JOB IN THE GUEST CAN
IS NICE. KUDOS.
679
00:32:17,066 --> 00:32:19,308
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
680
00:32:19,308 --> 00:32:23,142
WELL, JULIE NEEDED ME TO COSIGN
SOME INSURANCE STUFF FOR HER,
681
00:32:23,142 --> 00:32:27,176
AND I GUESS I LOST TRACK OF TIME
TALKING TO CRUNCHY GRANOLA HERE.
682
00:32:27,176 --> 00:32:30,479
PLUMBER TO HOUSEPAINTER
IN ONE MOVE, SUSIE?
683
00:32:30,479 --> 00:32:33,452
DON'T GET DIZZY CLIMBIN'
THAT SOCIAL LADDER. (laughs)
684
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:36,255
CAN YOU LEAVE, PLEASE?
JUST THINK...
685
00:32:36,255 --> 00:32:40,459
IF I'D BEEN A ROOFER, WE MIGHT
STILL BE TOGETHER. SIGH.
GET OUT.
686
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,391
SEE YA AROUND, HACKY SACK.
687
00:32:42,391 --> 00:32:44,163
(front door shuts)
688
00:32:47,536 --> 00:32:51,200
SO... ANY MORE EXES
I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
689
00:32:55,304 --> 00:32:57,106
(indistinct conversations)
690
00:32:57,106 --> 00:32:59,108
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
MICHELLE'S PARTIES?
691
00:32:59,108 --> 00:33:01,180
OH, THEY ARE FUN.
MM-HMM.
692
00:33:01,180 --> 00:33:04,353
BUT I ENJOY MY INTIMATE LUNCHES
WITH MICHELLE EVEN MORE.
693
00:33:04,353 --> 00:33:08,187
WE HAVE INTIMATE LUNCHES.
WE'RE FRIENDS.
WELL, YOU SIMPLY MUST COME
694
00:33:08,187 --> 00:33:10,519
TO THE CHARITY AUCTION
AT TED'S GALLERY NEXT WEEKEND.
695
00:33:10,519 --> 00:33:13,492
REALLY? WE'D LOVE TO.
696
00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,724
(laughs)
(clink)
697
00:33:15,724 --> 00:33:17,396
GABY!
698
00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:20,529
WELL, IT'S THE CATERER!
(chuckles)
699
00:33:20,529 --> 00:33:22,371
EVERYTHING IS FABULOUS.
700
00:33:22,371 --> 00:33:25,374
BUT WOULD YOU BE A DEAR
AND GET ME SOME MORE WINE?
I WOULD BE HAPPY TO.
701
00:33:25,374 --> 00:33:28,507
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
IT'S THE KIND YOU LIKE.
(grunts)
702
00:33:32,441 --> 00:33:34,483
YOU'RE STILL HERE?
703
00:33:34,483 --> 00:33:37,486
DINNER IS ABOUT TO BE SERVED.
WHOSE SEATS ARE YOU IN?
THE BOWMANS.
704
00:33:37,486 --> 00:33:41,420
I FOUND OUT MRS. BOWMAN
IS HOME WITH THE FLU. SCORE!
705
00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:44,253
OH, WILL YOU UNCLENCH?
IT'LL BE FINE.
706
00:33:44,253 --> 00:33:47,696
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THESE ARE
MY SEATS. THIS IS MY MOTHER.
707
00:33:47,696 --> 00:33:49,698
THAT WAS MR. BOWMAN,
WASN'T IT?
708
00:33:49,698 --> 00:33:51,700
YES, AND I'M PRETTY SURE
709
00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:53,702
THAT ELDERLY WOMAN WITH HIM
WAS HIS MOTHER!
710
00:33:53,702 --> 00:33:56,405
WHAT KIND OF MAN
LEAVES HIS SICK WIFE AT HOME
711
00:33:56,405 --> 00:33:59,408
TO GO PARTY WITH MOMMY?!
YOU CAN FIX THIS. JUST TELL THEM
THAT YOU'RE AT THE WRONG TABLE
712
00:33:59,408 --> 00:34:01,470
AND THEN SLIP OUT
THE SIDE DOOR.
RIGHT.
713
00:34:01,470 --> 00:34:03,772
YES, SIR, HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO--
THAT WAS THE MAîTRE D',
WASN'T IT?
714
00:34:03,772 --> 00:34:06,775
YES, AND HE APPEARS TO BE
CHECKING THE GUEST LIST.
WHICH WE'RE NOT ON.
715
00:34:06,775 --> 00:34:08,477
OKAY, YOU CAN FIX THIS.
716
00:34:08,477 --> 00:34:10,479
JUST EXPLAIN YOU'RE
GOING TO A DIFFERENT PARTY
717
00:34:10,479 --> 00:34:12,481
HERE AT THE CLUB
AND THAT YOU GOT CONFUSED.
718
00:34:12,481 --> 00:34:14,783
MRS. DOWNING
NEVER HAS TO KNOW.
RIGHT.
719
00:34:14,783 --> 00:34:16,785
YOU NEED TO LEAVE! OUT.
720
00:34:16,785 --> 00:34:19,828
(sighs)
THAT'S MRS. DOWNING.
HOW AM I GONNA FIX THIS?
721
00:34:19,828 --> 00:34:23,462
AT THIS POINT, I WOULD JUST RUN
OFF SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT.
722
00:34:23,462 --> 00:34:25,464
THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
723
00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:28,066
(grunts)
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.
724
00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:32,441
GABY! GABY!
725
00:34:32,441 --> 00:34:34,743
POOR BLIND BASTARD.
(sighs deeply)
726
00:34:34,743 --> 00:34:36,745
I'LL MEET HIM OUTSIDE.
727
00:34:38,707 --> 00:34:41,710
(dog barking in distance)
728
00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:46,115
WHAT?
HI, EDIE.
729
00:34:49,087 --> 00:34:52,461
I JUST WANTED TO SAY I FEEL
AWFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAID TO YOU.
730
00:34:52,461 --> 00:34:55,724
YOU KNOW, THAT CRACK I MADE
THE OTHER DAY?
731
00:34:55,724 --> 00:34:58,467
OKAY.
732
00:34:58,467 --> 00:35:00,129
THAT'S NICE OF YOU.
733
00:35:01,870 --> 00:35:04,173
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
734
00:35:04,173 --> 00:35:07,436
ACTUALLY, NO.
MY CAT'S MISSING.
735
00:35:07,436 --> 00:35:08,877
TOBY?
MM-HMM.
736
00:35:08,877 --> 00:35:12,511
SINCE WHEN?
IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS, AND HE'S
NEVER BEEN OUT THIS LONG.
737
00:35:12,511 --> 00:35:14,112
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
738
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:15,544
I'M SURE HE'S FINE.
739
00:35:15,544 --> 00:35:18,387
YEAH. WELL...
740
00:35:18,387 --> 00:35:20,419
COULD YOU TELL DAVE...
741
00:35:20,419 --> 00:35:23,892
TELL HIM I APOLOGIZED? AND, UH,
YOU AND I ARE GOOD, HUH?
742
00:35:25,454 --> 00:35:28,197
I GUESS I COULD.
WHY DO YOU WANT HIM--
743
00:35:28,197 --> 00:35:30,459
OH, JUST TELL HIM, PLEASE.
744
00:35:37,406 --> 00:35:40,409
(engine starts)
I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU PULLED A STUNT LIKE THAT.
745
00:35:40,409 --> 00:35:41,870
WHAT?
746
00:35:41,870 --> 00:35:44,873
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SALVAGE
WHAT'S LEFT OF OUR SOCIAL LIFE.
747
00:35:44,873 --> 00:35:46,875
NOW JUST LET IT GO
748
00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,348
AND START THINKING ABOUT
WHERE WE'RE GONNA MOVE.
749
00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:52,351
THIS IS NOT A JOKE, GABY.
I WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE.
750
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,423
I HAVE TO SHOW MY FACE TOMORROW.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
751
00:35:54,423 --> 00:35:56,285
YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT'S HUMILIATING?
752
00:35:56,285 --> 00:35:57,586
WAKING UP ONE DAY
753
00:35:57,586 --> 00:35:59,588
AND FINDING OUT
YOU'RE INVISIBLE.
754
00:35:59,588 --> 00:36:01,590
NOW IT'S OFFICIAL.
I'VE LOST EVERYTHING.
755
00:36:01,590 --> 00:36:03,292
EVERYTHING?
756
00:36:03,292 --> 00:36:05,434
FIRST OUR MONEY,
THEN MY FIGURE,
757
00:36:05,434 --> 00:36:09,438
NOW THE LAST SHREDS
OF OUR SOCIAL STANDING.
758
00:36:09,438 --> 00:36:11,440
WE HAVEN'T LOST A THING
759
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,873
EXCEPT THE CHANCE TO HOBNOB
WITH A BUNCH OF UNHAPPY SNOBS.
760
00:36:14,873 --> 00:36:17,476
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THEY'RE UNHAPPY?
761
00:36:17,476 --> 00:36:20,479
THEY'RE RICH!
THEY HAVE JEWELS AND COOKS.
762
00:36:20,479 --> 00:36:22,951
THEY USE "WINTER" AS A VERB.
763
00:36:22,951 --> 00:36:24,883
I RUB THEM, GABY,
764
00:36:24,883 --> 00:36:26,585
AND THERE IS NOTHING
765
00:36:26,585 --> 00:36:28,717
THAT A BLIND MASSEUR
DOESN'T HEAR ABOUT.
766
00:36:28,717 --> 00:36:30,919
TRUST ME.
767
00:36:30,919 --> 00:36:33,422
THEY ARE EVERY BIT
AS MISERABLE AS I WAS
768
00:36:33,422 --> 00:36:37,466
WHEN I WAS OUT THERE
CHASING THAT STUFF.
769
00:36:40,369 --> 00:36:44,233
WE HAVE LOST NOTHING
THAT MATTERS.
770
00:36:44,233 --> 00:36:46,835
WE HAVE A HOME,
WE HAVE EACH OTHER,
771
00:36:46,835 --> 00:36:48,837
WE HAVE WORK
THAT SUPPORTS US,
772
00:36:48,837 --> 00:36:52,941
AND WE HAVE TWO
BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS THAT...
773
00:36:52,941 --> 00:36:55,314
LOVE US
MORE THAN ICE CREAM.
774
00:36:57,646 --> 00:37:01,420
I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER
IN MY LIFE.
775
00:37:01,420 --> 00:37:03,592
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
776
00:37:03,592 --> 00:37:04,893
(laughs) YES,
777
00:37:04,893 --> 00:37:07,596
AND THE ONLY THING
THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER
778
00:37:07,596 --> 00:37:10,729
IS FOR YOU TO REALIZE
HOW GOOD WE'VE GOT IT.
779
00:37:16,335 --> 00:37:18,707
(kisses)
780
00:37:18,707 --> 00:37:21,310
"I HAVE NEVER TALKED
TO SUCH A WONDERFUL GUY,
781
00:37:21,310 --> 00:37:23,472
BUT I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU
I'M ALREADY SEEING SOMEBODY..."
782
00:37:23,472 --> 00:37:25,474
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
783
00:37:25,474 --> 00:37:28,477
"CONTINUE TO TRUST YOUR HEART,
AND YOUR DREAMS WILL FOLLOW."
784
00:37:28,477 --> 00:37:30,549
WOW, LYNETTE.
785
00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:33,522
BEST DEAR JOHN LETTER EVER.
786
00:37:33,522 --> 00:37:35,524
UH... THANKS.
(clicks key, alert chimes)
787
00:37:35,524 --> 00:37:37,526
EXCEPT YOU MIGHT WANNA
CHANGE THAT PART
788
00:37:37,526 --> 00:37:40,559
WHERE YOU SIGNED IT
"LOVE, MOM."
WHAT? NO I DIDN'T.
789
00:37:40,559 --> 00:37:42,291
YEAH, YOU DID...
790
00:37:42,291 --> 00:37:44,463
RIGHT THERE.
791
00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:46,465
(gasps)
YOU SENT IT?!
792
00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:48,537
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
793
00:37:48,537 --> 00:37:50,539
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
794
00:37:50,539 --> 00:37:52,541
WHY DIDN'T YOU
SAY SOMETHING?!
I DID!
795
00:37:52,541 --> 00:37:55,504
YOU SAID IT WAS GREAT.
WAY TO BURY THE LEAD, TOM!
796
00:37:55,504 --> 00:37:58,407
(door slams)
797
00:37:58,407 --> 00:38:02,411
TOM, DON'T YOU DARE!
HEY, ONE OF NEEDS TO LIVE
TO TAKE CARE OF THE OTHER ONE.
798
00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,413
OH!
799
00:38:04,413 --> 00:38:06,355
(whispers) OH, GOD.
800
00:38:18,627 --> 00:38:20,869
(sighs deeply)
801
00:38:29,778 --> 00:38:31,309
HEY.
802
00:38:34,513 --> 00:38:36,515
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
803
00:38:38,687 --> 00:38:41,950
OKAY,
I KNOW WHAT I DID...
804
00:38:41,950 --> 00:38:43,622
WAS UNFORGIVABLE.
805
00:38:43,622 --> 00:38:46,925
AND I AM NOT TRYING
TO MAKE EXCUSES,
806
00:38:46,925 --> 00:38:48,857
BUT... (sighs)
807
00:38:48,857 --> 00:38:50,859
WE USED TO TALK
ALL THE TIME,
808
00:38:50,859 --> 00:38:53,632
AND THEN ONE DAY
IT JUST STOPPED,
809
00:38:53,632 --> 00:38:56,505
AND IT KILLED ME.
810
00:38:56,505 --> 00:38:59,538
I FELT LIKE I LOST YOU.
811
00:38:59,538 --> 00:39:02,611
AND THEN I WAS SaraJ,
AND I HAD YOU BACK,
812
00:39:02,611 --> 00:39:06,014
AND WE WERE TALKING AGAIN,
AND YOU WERE TELLING ME THINGS.
813
00:39:06,014 --> 00:39:08,016
I WASN'T TELLING YOU
ANYTHING.
814
00:39:08,016 --> 00:39:09,748
I WAS TELLING HER.
815
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,081
OKAY.
816
00:39:20,088 --> 00:39:22,991
WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
817
00:39:22,991 --> 00:39:24,993
I LOVED OUR CONVERSATIONS,
818
00:39:24,993 --> 00:39:28,537
AND I'M... (voice breaks)
GOING TO MISS THEM.
819
00:39:35,143 --> 00:39:36,975
ME, TOO. (sighs deeply)
820
00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:46,715
ORSON, YOU'RE STILL UP.
821
00:39:46,715 --> 00:39:49,418
OH, I WISH
YOU COULD'VE BEEN THERE.
822
00:39:49,418 --> 00:39:51,420
LINDA FLANAGAN
LOVED MY FOOD.
823
00:39:51,420 --> 00:39:53,892
SHE SAID I WAS
"GOD'S GIFT TO THE TABLE"
824
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,895
AND THAT I COULD QUOTE HER
ON THE BOOK JACKET.
825
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,597
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
826
00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:00,398
I'M HUNGRY.
827
00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:02,531
IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT.
HAVEN'T YOU EATEN?
828
00:40:02,531 --> 00:40:06,435
I WAS WAITING FOR YOU. YOU SAID
YOU'D MAKE ME POT ROAST.
829
00:40:06,435 --> 00:40:09,438
I AM SO SORRY.
I-I LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME,
830
00:40:09,438 --> 00:40:11,740
AND LINDA HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE FOOD.
831
00:40:11,740 --> 00:40:15,113
I'LL MAKE YOU THAT POT ROAST
TOMORROW, OKAY?
NO.
832
00:40:17,646 --> 00:40:20,619
I WANT IT NOW.
833
00:40:20,619 --> 00:40:22,651
NOW?
834
00:40:22,651 --> 00:40:24,993
YOU PROMISED.
835
00:40:26,695 --> 00:40:28,797
ORSON, I'VE BEEN
COOKING ALL DAY.
836
00:40:28,797 --> 00:40:31,500
I... I'M SO TIRED,
I CAN BARELY STAND UP.
837
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:35,564
YOU REALLY WANT ME
TO MAKE YOU A POT ROAST NOW?
838
00:40:35,564 --> 00:40:38,767
YOU PROMISED.
839
00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:14,773
(chopping continues)
840
00:41:26,054 --> 00:41:28,256
(door creaks)
841
00:41:28,256 --> 00:41:31,259
TOBY!
842
00:41:31,259 --> 00:41:35,764
WHERE IN THE WORLD
DID YOU COME FROM, HUH?
(meows)
843
00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:39,668
(wind blowing)
844
00:41:43,702 --> 00:41:46,705
(door creaks)
845
00:41:49,838 --> 00:41:54,843
YES, EVERYONE APPRECIATES
A GOOD NEIGHBOR...
(whimpers)
846
00:41:56,685 --> 00:42:01,990
YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT
HELPS YOU WITH THE GROCERIES...
847
00:42:01,990 --> 00:42:06,124
BUT DOESN'T ASK,
"WHY IS YOUR SON SO MOODY?"
848
00:42:06,124 --> 00:42:07,756
(vacuum cleaner whirring)
849
00:42:07,756 --> 00:42:11,700
THE TYPE THAT DELIVERS
MISPLACED MAIL
850
00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:16,164
BUT DOESN'T POINT OUT
YOUR WIFE SEEMS DISCONTENTED...
851
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:22,540
THE SORT THAT OFFERS
TO MOW YOUR LAWN...
852
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:27,716
BUT DOESN'T MENTION
YOUR HUSBAND SEEMS COLD.
853
00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:32,550
BUT IF YOU'RE NOT SURE
THE MAN NEXT DOOR
854
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:35,584
IS AS NICE
AS HE WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE...
855
00:42:35,584 --> 00:42:37,886
NOW WHY WOULD YOU
BRING ME FLOWERS?
856
00:42:37,886 --> 00:42:39,888
'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT
A COMPUTER,
857
00:42:39,888 --> 00:42:42,891
AND I NEED TO FIND OUT
SOME STUFF ABOUT EDIE'S HUSBAND.
858
00:42:42,891 --> 00:42:47,666
DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN
TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER.
62798
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