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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,671 --> 00:00:02,133 PREVIOUSLY ON... 2 00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:04,705 LIVES CHANGE IN FIVE YEARS. 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:09,040 SOME FAMILIES GROW, WHILE OTHERS GROW APART. 4 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,183 SO I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM BACK SUNDAY AROUND 6:00 OR SO. FINE. 5 00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:15,146 AND WE FIND WAYS... IT'S NOT REALLY A GOOD TIME. 6 00:00:15,146 --> 00:00:17,118 TO EASE THE PAIN. 7 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,620 YES, IN FIVE YEARS... 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,123 EDIE, IS THAT REALLY YOU? I HAVE A HUSBAND NOW. 9 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,624 MANY THINGS CHANGE. 10 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,057 (man) You're required to check in once a month. 11 00:00:26,057 --> 00:00:28,159 IT WAS A CONDITION OF YOUR RELEASE. 12 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,033 (Mary Alice) ALL IN ALL, 13 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:38,109 SUSAN MAYER'S BOYFRIEND KNEW HE HAD A LOT GOING FOR HIM. 14 00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:41,142 HE WAS ROMANTIC... 15 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,773 MM. 16 00:00:42,773 --> 00:00:44,475 HAD A NICE SMILE... 17 00:00:46,177 --> 00:00:49,350 AND WAS CONSISTENTLY THOUGHTFUL. 18 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,051 (beep, whirring) 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:55,586 YES, JACKSON BRADDOCK HAD MANY WONDERFUL ATTRIBUTES. 20 00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:57,188 SADLY... 21 00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:01,262 A SENSE OF TIMING WASN'T ONE OF THEM. 22 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,433 HELLO. 23 00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:04,735 HI. 24 00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:06,397 CAN I HELP YOU? 25 00:01:06,397 --> 00:01:09,200 I GUESS YOU COULD TELL SUSAN I'M HERE. 26 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,143 OKAY. UH... (chuckles) WHO ARE YOU? 27 00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:14,305 OH, I'M MIKE... THE EX-HUSBAND. 28 00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:16,076 AH. 29 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,708 I, UH, I TAKE IT YOU'RE... 30 00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:19,110 JACKSON. 31 00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,481 I'M, UH... 32 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,852 SUSAN'S, UH... 33 00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,284 FRIEND? 34 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,586 FRIEND. THAT'S RIGHT. (chuckles nervously) 35 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,719 WOW. (chuckles) COULD THIS BE ANY MORE AWKWARD? 36 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:31,122 WELL, YOUR ROBE'S OPEN... SO YEAH. 37 00:01:31,122 --> 00:01:32,863 (clears throat) YEP. 38 00:01:32,863 --> 00:01:34,865 (Mike) WELL, YOU BE THE JUDGE. 39 00:01:34,865 --> 00:01:36,867 I DON'T KNOW, MAN. IT--IT'S PRETTY GOOD. 40 00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:39,800 WELL, I GOT THE FEELING THAT... (speaks indistinctly) 41 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,132 (sighs) 42 00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:44,305 (Mike and Jackson continue speaking indistinctly) 43 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,277 YEAH, YEAH. 44 00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:48,609 (gasps) 45 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,211 OH! 46 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,114 HEY, YOUR EX-HUSBAND IS... 47 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,148 MIKE! UH, WHAT'S GOING ON? 48 00:01:57,148 --> 00:01:59,450 I WAS JUST RETURNING M.J.'s VIDEO GAME. 49 00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,522 HE LEFT IT AT MY HOUSE. 50 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:04,395 OH. THANKS. SO I GUESS YOU MET JACKSON. 51 00:02:04,395 --> 00:02:05,856 YEAH. NICE LEGS. 52 00:02:05,856 --> 00:02:08,659 (sighs) OH, CLEARLY THIS IS NOT 53 00:02:08,659 --> 00:02:11,662 HOW I WOULD'VE WANTED THE TWO OF YOU TO MEET. 54 00:02:11,662 --> 00:02:14,165 HE'S--HE'S REALLY A NICE GUY. 55 00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,136 YEAH, WELL, JUST TO MAKE SURE, I'M GONNA NEED 56 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,609 TO HANG WITH HIM A LITTLE BIT, CHECK HIM OUT. 57 00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,871 OH, I DON'T KNOW THAT THAT'S NECESSARY. 58 00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:23,474 IF HE'S SLEEPING IN THE SAME HOUSE AS MY SON, 59 00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:25,145 I THINK IT IS. 60 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,148 OH, WELL, FIRST OFF, UM, M.J. WAS AT A SLEEPOVER LAST NIGHT. 61 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,651 AND, IN FACT, JACKSON AND HE HAVEN'T EVEN MET, 62 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,854 SO, UH, THERE'S REALLY NO NEED FOR YOU TO BE HANGING... 63 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,726 OR CHECKING. (chuckles nervously) 64 00:02:35,726 --> 00:02:39,630 OH, JUST... TELL JACKSON I'LL PICK HIM UP HERE TOMORROW NIGHT. 65 00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:42,162 HEY, HOLD ON. 66 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,165 YOU DON'T GET TO JUST DECIDE THESE THINGS BY YOURSELF. 67 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:49,800 YOU REMEMBER HOW NICE I WAS ABOUT OUR CUSTODY AGREEMENT? 68 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,643 I CAN HAUL YOU BACK TO COURT TOMORROW 69 00:02:52,643 --> 00:02:56,707 IF I'M NOT 100% SATISFIED WITH WHO YOU EXPOSE MY SON TO. 70 00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:59,810 GOT IT? 71 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,813 (scoffs) (car door opens and shuts) 72 00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:04,615 (car engine starts) 73 00:03:04,615 --> 00:03:06,717 UH, I'M SORRY. 74 00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:10,921 IT'S SO NOT HOW I WANTED TO MEET YOUR EX FOR THE FIRST TIME. 75 00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:13,464 WELL, WHEN YOU MEET HIM FOR THE SECOND TIME, 76 00:03:13,464 --> 00:03:15,466 YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT. 77 00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:17,798 HE'S PICKING YOU UP HERE TOMORROW NIGHT. WHAT? 78 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,231 I'LL EXPLAIN OVER BREAKFAST. 79 00:03:20,231 --> 00:03:22,233 DID YOU GET THE PAPER? 80 00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:27,838 AND THAT IS HOW JACKSON BRADDOCK REALIZED 81 00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:30,311 HE NEEDED BETTER TIMING... 82 00:03:31,982 --> 00:03:34,945 WHO ARE YOU? 83 00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:37,348 AND A LONGER ROBE. 84 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:53,304 IF THERE IS ONE THING EVERYONE IN SUBURBIA CAN APPRECIATE... OH, HEY! 85 00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:54,805 IT'S A GOOD NEIGHBOR. 86 00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:56,807 YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT HELPS 87 00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,370 WITH THE LAST BAG OF GROCERIES... 88 00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:03,744 OR BRINGS OVER MISPLACED MAIL... 89 00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:08,719 OR OFFERS TO MOW YOUR LAWN. 90 00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:12,783 YES, EVERYONE APPRECIATES A GOOD NEIGHBOR. 91 00:04:12,783 --> 00:04:14,985 YOU ARE SO SWEET TO DO THIS. 92 00:04:14,985 --> 00:04:17,828 I JUST KNOW HOW TRICKY THESE BULBS CAN BE. 93 00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:20,391 AND NO ONE KNEW THIS BETTER THAN DAVE WILLIAMS, 94 00:04:20,391 --> 00:04:22,393 WHO WAS DETERMINED TO BE 95 00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:27,968 THE BEST NEIGHBOR WISTERIA LANE HAD EVER SEEN... 96 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,840 ASSUMING, OF COURSE, 97 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,973 HIS WIFE DIDN'T GET IN THE WAY. 98 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,845 WHAT'S GOING ON? 99 00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,647 PACKING OUR BAGS. 100 00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:38,649 KAREN McCLUSKEY INSULTED ME AGAIN, 101 00:04:38,649 --> 00:04:40,811 AND I CAN'T PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE. 102 00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:43,584 ALL RIGHT, WHAT DID SHE SAY TO YOU THIS TIME? 103 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,987 NOTHING. IT DOESN'T MATTER. WE ARE MOVING. ADULTS DON'T PACK UP AND MOVE 104 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,420 BECAUSE OF SOME GOOD-NATURED TEASING. 105 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:52,423 SHE SAID THAT MY BREASTS WERE A TRIUMPH OF GERMAN ENGINEERING. 106 00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:54,294 YOU CALL THAT GOOD-NATURED? 107 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,867 COME ON. SHE'S A CRANKY OLD LADY. 108 00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:59,370 IT'S NOT JUST HER. IT'S ALL OF THEM. 109 00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:02,573 I MEAN, IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS. I HAVE CHANGED. 110 00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:05,075 BUT THE PEOPLE ON THIS STREET DON'T CARE. 111 00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:07,608 TO THEM, I WILL ALWAYS BE A JOKE. 112 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,410 (sighs) 113 00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,912 I'M SORRY YOU HAD A BAD DAY. 114 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,415 PLEASE DON'T USE YOUR MOTIVATIONAL VOICE. 115 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,016 I REALLY HATE THAT. 116 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,649 YOU'RE UPSET AND YOU'RE TIRED. 117 00:05:18,649 --> 00:05:21,051 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A NICE HOT SHOWER, 118 00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,724 AND I'LL MAKE US SOME LUNCH? 119 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,697 DOES THAT SOUND GOOD? 120 00:05:26,697 --> 00:05:30,100 (sighs) 121 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,332 I JUST NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT. 122 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:38,409 WE--WE COULD'VE GONE AND LIVED IN ANY CITY IN THIS COUNTRY. 123 00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:42,613 WHY DID YOU INSIST ON LIVING HERE? 124 00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,875 'CAUSE WE CAN BE HAPPY HERE. 125 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,578 YOU JUST NEED TO GIVE IT SOME TIME. 126 00:05:47,578 --> 00:05:50,421 AND I PROMISE, 127 00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:52,423 I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT 128 00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:55,426 THAT PEOPLE START TREATING YOU WITH A LITTLE MORE RESPECT. 129 00:05:55,426 --> 00:05:57,888 YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION. 130 00:05:57,888 --> 00:06:00,631 DIDN'T I? 131 00:06:14,745 --> 00:06:18,008 CARLOS, WE GOT INVITED TO MICHELLE DOWNING'S PARTY! 132 00:06:18,008 --> 00:06:20,881 I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY SOMETHING NICE TO--AAH! 133 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,984 GABY, I'M GIVING A MASSAGE. 134 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,686 I CAN SEE THAT. 135 00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,688 I CAN SEE A LOT OF THINGS-- 136 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,890 THINGS THAT CAN NEVER BE UNSEEN. 137 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:34,064 UH, SORRY. I GUESS THE TOWEL MUST'VE RODE UP. 138 00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:38,729 CARLOS? KITCHEN. NOW. 139 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:42,473 I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I WORK DOWN HERE, 140 00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,835 BUT HE COULDN'T GET UP THE STAIRS. 141 00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:47,738 HE'S GOT A BUM HIP. HE'S ALSO MISSING A TESTICLE. 142 00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,140 CARLOS, HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE? 143 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:53,544 OKAY, OKAY, MAYBE I COULD SET UP MY TABLE IN THE GARAGE. 144 00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,546 NO! THAT'S ONLY PART OF THE PROBLEM. 145 00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:57,988 HAVE YOU CHECKED OUR BANK BALANCE LATELY? 146 00:06:57,988 --> 00:07:00,721 GABY, I AM NOT TAKING THE COUNTRY CLUB JOB. 147 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,723 WHY NOT? YOU'D BE MASSAGING RICH PEOPLE. 148 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,996 THEY TIP BETTER AND THEY TEND TO FLAKE LESS. YEAH, BUT I LIKE WORKING HERE. 149 00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:09,129 I GET TO SPEND LOTS OF TIME WITH YOU AND THE KIDS. 150 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,962 CARLOS, I DON'T NEED TO SPEND LOTS OF TIME WITH YOU. 151 00:07:11,962 --> 00:07:14,835 AND FRANKLY, THE KIDS ARE ON THE FENCE. GABY! 152 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,968 BOTTOM LINE, I MISS OUR LIFE. I MISS SHOPPING. 153 00:07:17,968 --> 00:07:19,970 ALL I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO 154 00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,972 IS THE OCCASIONAL INVITATION TO A FANCY PARTY. 155 00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:24,975 AND I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD A DRESS TO GO TO IT. 156 00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:29,019 CARLOS, PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU. FINE. I'LL-- I WILL TAKE THE JOB. 157 00:07:29,019 --> 00:07:31,482 THANK YOU. 158 00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:32,823 (Gabrielle screams) 159 00:07:32,823 --> 00:07:35,626 (man) SORRY. 160 00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:39,189 AH, NO. (sighs) 161 00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:43,063 (sighs) 162 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,965 UNH-UNH. COME ON. 163 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,138 I REALLY DON'T THINK MIKE'S GONNA CARE WHAT SHIRT I WEAR. 164 00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:49,800 WELL, I DO. 165 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,803 WE NEED A SHIRT THAT SAYS, "I'M A RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN," 166 00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:56,076 NOT "MY FAVORITE CLOTHING STORE ALSO SELLS BONGS." 167 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,749 ARE YOU DISSING MY SENSE OF STYLE? 168 00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:00,110 ABSOLUTELY. 169 00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,112 PUT THIS ON. 170 00:08:02,112 --> 00:08:03,754 NOW... 171 00:08:03,754 --> 00:08:06,757 LET'S TALK ABOUT ACCEPTABLE TOPICS OF CONVERSATION. 172 00:08:06,757 --> 00:08:08,589 YOU LIKE SPORTS, RIGHT? 173 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,161 YEAH. I'M A HUGE SOCCER FAN. NO, YOU'RE NOT. 174 00:08:11,161 --> 00:08:13,163 YOU LIKE FOOTBALL-- AMERICAN FOOTBALL. 175 00:08:13,163 --> 00:08:15,165 SPECIFICALLY THE COLTS. OKAY. 176 00:08:15,165 --> 00:08:17,227 AND HERE ARE SOME OTHER THINGS YOU CAN TALK ABOUT-- 177 00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,929 CARS, BARBECUE, FISHING. 178 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:21,832 HOW ABOUT FIRE? MIKE LIKE TALK FIRE? 179 00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:24,234 JACKSON, PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. 180 00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:27,738 I AM. I'M JUST--I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND TO BE SOMEBODY I'M NOT. 181 00:08:27,738 --> 00:08:29,980 IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME, WHAT'S HE GONNA DO? 182 00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,982 HE COULD TAKE ME TO COURT, 183 00:08:31,982 --> 00:08:34,985 AND THE JUDGE CAN MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND MY SON. 184 00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,047 AND I'M SORRY. YOU WILL LOSE. 185 00:08:37,047 --> 00:08:38,819 PEYTON MANNING 186 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,652 IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK WHO EVER LIVED. 187 00:08:41,652 --> 00:08:43,123 THANK YOU. 188 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,799 NOW GO SHAVE. YOU LOOK LIKE A HOBO. 189 00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:55,606 (funk music playing indistinctly) 190 00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:58,108 HEY. 191 00:08:58,108 --> 00:08:59,610 GOT A SEC? 192 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,241 NOT REALLY. 193 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:06,176 SO I ASSUME YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY CONRADO. 194 00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,779 I GUESS. 195 00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:11,081 YOUR FRIEND GETS BUSTED FOR DEALING DRUGS AT SCHOOL, 196 00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,684 AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS, "I GUESS"? 197 00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:16,857 HE'S NOT MY FRIEND. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 198 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,859 YOU WERE ON THE SAME LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM. 199 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,091 YEAH, LIKE A MILLION YEARS AGO. ANYTHING ELSE? 200 00:09:24,134 --> 00:09:26,166 NO. 201 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,668 NOT REALLY. 202 00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:32,843 HEY. 203 00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:34,204 PARKER. 204 00:09:34,204 --> 00:09:37,177 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING, JUST BETWEEN US? 205 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,010 DOES PORTER HANG OUT WITH JIMMY CONRADO? 206 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:44,014 I DON'T KNOW. I COULD CHECK OUT HIS FRIENDS LIST ON SILVERFIZZ. HIS WHAT ON WHAT? 207 00:09:46,316 --> 00:09:48,318 IT'S LIKE MySpace. YOU HAVE A WEB PAGE. 208 00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:50,921 IT SHOWS YOUR HOBBIES, YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC, 209 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:53,163 AND YOU CAN TALK TO PEOPLE. 210 00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:55,866 REALLY? CAN ANYONE TALK TO HIM? 211 00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:58,098 YEAH. HE JUST HAS TO INVITE YOU. 212 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,031 AND, UH... 213 00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:03,333 HOW WOULD SOMEBODY MAKE THAT HAPPEN? 214 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,008 NOW IT'S JUST A MOCK-UP, 215 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,711 BUT THIS IS WHAT THE BOOK IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE. 216 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,113 MOM, THAT'S FANTASTIC. 217 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,115 GOOD CALL ON THE FONT. 218 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,987 THANK YOU, DEAR. 219 00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:18,989 ORSON, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 220 00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:20,991 WELL, I THINK IT'S STRANGE 221 00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:23,293 TO SEE MY WIFE BILLED AS "MRS. VAN DE KAMP." 222 00:10:23,293 --> 00:10:27,728 WELL, YOU KNEW WHAT THE BOOK WAS GONNA BE CALLED. YES, BUT IT'S DIFFERENT ACTUALLY SEEING IT. 223 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:31,101 I MEAN, IS IT TOO LATE TO GO WITH "MRS. HODGE"? 224 00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:33,403 MY COMPANY, WHICH I FORMED WHEN WE WERE SEPARATED, 225 00:10:33,403 --> 00:10:36,236 IS CALLED MRS. VAN DE KAMP'S CATERING. 226 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,238 IT'S HOW I'M KNOWN. OH, IN FAIRVIEW. 227 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,811 BUT THIS BOOK WILL BE NATIONAL. 228 00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,973 I MEAN, IT'S YOUR CHANCE TO REBRAND YOURSELF. 229 00:10:42,973 --> 00:10:44,975 IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH "HODGE"? 230 00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:49,950 I THINK I JUST HEARD THE MILK GO BAD. I SHOULD CHECK. 231 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,082 ORSON, I ADORE YOU, 232 00:10:52,082 --> 00:10:55,926 BUT YOUR NAME... OUR NAME-- IT HAS NO MUSIC. 233 00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:58,228 "VAN DE KAMP" TRIPS OFF THE TONGUE. 234 00:10:58,228 --> 00:11:01,191 "HODGE" SOUNDS LIKE THE NOISE A PLUNGER MAKES. 235 00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:02,963 THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS. 236 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,134 LISTEN... 237 00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:05,095 (brightly) VAN DE KAMP. 238 00:11:05,095 --> 00:11:06,266 (flatly) HODGE. 239 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,268 ALSO, SHE'S GOT A RADIO INTERVIEW WEDNESDAY, 240 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,201 AND THEY'RE ALREADY PROMOTING HER AS MRS. VAN DE KAMP. 241 00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:13,203 SEE? THE SHIP HAS ALREADY SAILED. 242 00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:16,176 OH, DON'T BE HURT. IT'S MY PROFESSIONAL NAME. 243 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,049 IN THIS HOUSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE MRS. HODGE. 244 00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:22,052 NOW... WOULD IT HELP IF MRS. HODGE 245 00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:24,885 COOKED YOU YOUR FAVORITE POT ROAST TONIGHT? 246 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:28,058 YES, I GUESS IT WOULD HELP. 247 00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:31,191 UH, MEETING WITH YOUR PUBLICIST? 248 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:35,365 OH, RIGHT. UM, TOMORROW FOR SURE, THEN. 249 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:37,067 (chuckles) 250 00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:41,271 (flatly) VAN DE KAMP. HMM. 251 00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:45,335 (brightly) HODGE. 252 00:11:45,335 --> 00:11:49,980 (purring) 253 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,114 HERE YOU GO. OH, THANK YOU. 254 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,117 TOBY, GET OFF MY CHAIR. YOU KNOW BETTER. (meows) 255 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,790 SO WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? 256 00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:01,191 IT'S EDIE. 257 00:12:01,191 --> 00:12:03,153 YOU SAID SOMETHING TO HER YESTERDAY 258 00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,255 THAT HURT HER FEELINGS. 259 00:12:05,255 --> 00:12:08,228 THAT THING ABOUT HER BREASTS? COME ON. THAT WAS A JOKE. 260 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,230 PERHAPS, BUT IT UPSET HER SO MUCH 261 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,103 THAT SHE SUGGESTED WE LEAVE WISTERIA LANE. 262 00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:15,105 I CAN'T HAVE THAT, MRS. M. 263 00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:18,108 HEY, THIS IS WHAT EDIE AND I DO. WE TEASE EACH OTHER. 264 00:12:18,108 --> 00:12:21,111 I SAY SHE'S EASIER TO GET INTO THAN COMMUNITY COLLEGE. 265 00:12:21,111 --> 00:12:23,343 SHE SAYS MY FACE LOOKS LIKE A KNEE. 266 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,045 (chuckles) IT'S FUN. 267 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,948 STILL... I WOULD CONSIDER IT A PERSONAL FAVOR 268 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,950 IF YOU'D APOLOGIZE TO HER. 269 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:33,183 YOU KNOW, MAKE HER FEEL ACCEPTED AND LOVED. 270 00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:35,385 NO. 271 00:12:37,127 --> 00:12:38,458 NO? 272 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,461 IF EDIE WANTS TO CHANGE THE WAY WE TALK TO EACH OTHER, 273 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,463 SHE'S GOTTA ASK ME PERSONALLY. 274 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,465 AND I THINK YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF GALL 275 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,467 MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG 276 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,100 WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. 277 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,803 OH... I KNOW YOU, 278 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:54,274 BETTER THAN YOU THINK. 279 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,545 OH, REALLY? 280 00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:57,177 FOR STARTERS, 281 00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,210 YOU TALK TO YOUR CAT LIKE IT'S A PERSON. 282 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:04,114 WHEN I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR, YOU IMMEDIATELY INVITED ME IN. 283 00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:07,117 DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS TO SEE THAT YOU'RE LONELY. 284 00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:14,194 I'M THINKING YOU HAD PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AT ONE TIME... 285 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,097 PEOPLE WHO CARED ABOUT YOU. 286 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,099 BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM. 287 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,202 SOME PROBABLY DIED. THE REST, WELL... 288 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,504 THEY JUST DON'T COME AROUND MUCH ANYMORE. 289 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,506 WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS? 290 00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:31,081 I KNOW YOU, MRS. McCLUSKEY. 291 00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,083 (Toby meows) AND IT SEEMS TO ME 292 00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:35,385 THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU WOULD LIKE TO KEEP 293 00:13:35,385 --> 00:13:38,889 THE FEW FRIENDS THAT SHE HAS LEFT. 294 00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:41,521 I THINK YOU'D BETTER GO. 295 00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,617 (vehicle door shuts) 296 00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:10,620 HEY... (engine idling) 297 00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,622 THANKS FOR TONIGHT. 298 00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,055 AND, UH, BEFORE I FORGET, THE COLTS SUCK. 299 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,058 (laughs) OH, HERE'S WHAT SUCKS-- WATCHING A ZERO-ZERO GAME 300 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,230 WITH NO CHEERLEADERS, SOCCER BOY. 301 00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:21,561 AH! (laughs) 302 00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:29,299 YOU GUYS WERE INSULTING EACH OTHER. THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? YEAH, WE HAD A BLAST. 303 00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:30,540 REALLY? YEAH. 304 00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:33,243 IN FACT, WE'RE GETTING TOGETHER WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT O'BRIEN'S, 305 00:14:33,243 --> 00:14:36,306 WHICH HE CLAIMS HAS THE BEST BACON POTATO SKINS IN TOWN. 306 00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:39,009 POTATO SKINS AT O'BRIEN'S? YOU'VE MADE HIS INNER CIRCLE! 307 00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:42,012 THIS IS FANTASTIC! THANK YOU. MMM. MMM. 308 00:14:42,012 --> 00:14:44,254 AH, YOU CAN THINK OF 309 00:14:44,254 --> 00:14:47,887 A MORE CREATIVE WAY TO THANK ME THAN THAT. 310 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,219 MMM. 311 00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:53,263 MMM. 312 00:14:53,263 --> 00:14:54,494 AHH. 313 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,665 OHH. 314 00:14:55,665 --> 00:14:57,197 OH. (laughs) 315 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,168 NICE. 316 00:14:58,168 --> 00:14:59,499 (gasps) YEAH? 317 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,331 YEAH. MMM. 318 00:15:01,331 --> 00:15:02,672 OH, WOW. 319 00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:04,674 YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. (giggles) 320 00:15:04,674 --> 00:15:07,577 (panting) WAIT. 321 00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:10,580 YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT NOW? 322 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:13,283 I DON'T KNOW. DON'T YOU LIKE IT? 323 00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,646 YEAH. BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW I WOULD LIKE IT? 324 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,190 OH, MY GOD. 325 00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:22,552 WHAT? 326 00:15:22,552 --> 00:15:25,255 MIKE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE EAR THING, DIDN'T HE? 327 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,426 NO. 328 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,698 SO YOU JUST HAPPENED 329 00:15:28,698 --> 00:15:30,700 TO STUMBLE ACROSS MY SECRET TURN-ON 330 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:33,703 THE SAME NIGHT THAT YOU AND MIKE BECAME B.F.F.s? 331 00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:37,067 BUT AREN'T WE LOSING SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT YOU LIKE IT? 332 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,069 THIS IS... I MEAN, I'M JUST... 333 00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:40,540 I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED. 334 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,242 OH, HONEY, COME ON-- 335 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,245 DON'T TOUCH ME! OR MY EARS! MY EARS ARE DEAD TO YOU. 336 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,547 IT JUST SLIPPED OUT. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW GIRLS-- 337 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,949 THEY--THEY ALL LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS, RIGHT? 338 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,422 AND I-I WAS TALKING ABOUT THIS GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL, 339 00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:55,225 HOW SHE LIKED TO DO IT WITH HER SHOES ON, 340 00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:57,627 AND--AND MIKE TALKED ABOUT THE LOBE NIBBLE. HE HAS A NAME FOR IT? 341 00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,459 (scoffs) OKAY. 342 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,193 THAT'S IT. YOU AND MIKE ARE NOT HANGING OUT ANYMORE. 343 00:16:03,193 --> 00:16:04,664 AND THIS LITTLE 344 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:08,168 WEDNESDAY "POTATO SKINS AND SUSAN SEX TIPS NIGHT"? 345 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,001 I FORBID IT. 346 00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:14,244 (sighs) 347 00:16:14,244 --> 00:16:16,546 DID MIKE MENTION HE LIKES HAVING HIS TOES SUCKED? 348 00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:19,579 OOPS! (chuckles) THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT. HMM. 349 00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:26,616 GABY... 350 00:16:26,616 --> 00:16:30,320 BREE! WHAT'S UP? 351 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,693 WELL, UM, MICHELLE DOWNING ASKED ME TO SPEAK TO YOU. 352 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,695 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD, 353 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,699 BUT I'M CATERING HER BIRTHDAY PARTY-- I HEARD. I CAN'T WAIT. OOH, I WAS GONNA ASK YOU. 354 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,701 SHOULD I WEAR THE NAVY BLUE CHANEL 355 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,035 OR THE RED SLEEVELESS DRESS? YOU CAN'T COME. 356 00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:46,376 SORRY. 357 00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:49,079 I JUST HAD TO RIP THE BAND-AID OFF. 358 00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:51,681 WHAT? SHE'S DISINVITING ME? 359 00:16:51,681 --> 00:16:53,443 IT'S NOT PERSONAL. 360 00:16:53,443 --> 00:16:55,445 YOU KNOW HOW CARLOS JUST STARTED AT THE CLUB? 361 00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:57,447 WELL, HER GUESTS ARE ALL MEMBERS, 362 00:16:57,447 --> 00:16:59,449 AND SHE THINKS THEY MIGHT FIND IT AWKWARD 363 00:16:59,449 --> 00:17:01,591 SOCIALIZING WITH... 364 00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:02,752 STAFF. 365 00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:04,724 SHE CALLED US "STAFF"? 366 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:08,158 OH, GABY, IT'S JUST ONE PARTY. I'LL SAVE YOU SOME CAKE. 367 00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:10,330 NO! IT'S NOT JUST ONE PARTY! 368 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,332 IT'S THE KICKOFF TO THE WHOLE SOCIAL SEASON. 369 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,135 IF PEOPLE SEE WE'RE OFF MICHELLE'S LIST, 370 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,137 THEN WE'LL BE OFF EVERYONE'S. 371 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:20,270 AND THEN IT'S GONNA BE THE START OF OUR SLOW SLIDE 372 00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,742 FROM GOWNS AND GALAS TO FLIP-FLOPS AND KEGGERS! 373 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:27,247 (sighs) OKAY, IF CARLOS WORKING AT THE CLUB IS THE PROBLEM, 374 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,249 THEN TELL HER HE JUST QUIT. 375 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,551 OH, HON, I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA FLY. 376 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,823 HE'S ALREADY RUBBED TOO MANY MEMBERS. 377 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,158 WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY LIFE? 378 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,591 WE USED TO HAVE HELP. NOW WE ARE THE HELP! 379 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,096 HEY. 380 00:17:46,096 --> 00:17:47,797 HEY. (typing on keyboard) 381 00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,599 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 382 00:17:49,599 --> 00:17:52,542 I AM JUST... 383 00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:55,475 TALKING TO PORTER ON SILVERFIZZ. 384 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:59,109 WHO IS SaraJ FROM MacARTHUR HIGH SCHOOL? 385 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:00,780 ME. 386 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,452 I'M 16 AND CUTE. 387 00:18:02,452 --> 00:18:05,455 I LIKE GRAPHIC NOVELS AND TOKYO POLICE CLUB. (whispers) OH, MY GOD. 388 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:08,218 (normal voice) YOU--YOU'RE PRETENDING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE? 389 00:18:08,218 --> 00:18:10,220 OUR BROODING SON HAS A CLASSMATE 390 00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,222 WHO GOT ARRESTED FOR SELLING DRUGS. 391 00:18:12,222 --> 00:18:15,795 I REALLY THINK THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS HERE. (typing on keyboard) 392 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,798 OKAY, WE'LL ADDRESS YOUR MAJOR ETHICAL BREACH IN A MOMENT. 393 00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:24,374 WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS 394 00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:27,307 HE REALLY DOESN'T HANG OUT WITH JIMMY CONRADO. 395 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,210 BUT I AM A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT Anita47, 396 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,343 WHO TOLD HIM CHERRY FRUIT POPS ARE AN APHRODISIAC. 397 00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:34,644 HUH? (laughs) (laughs) 398 00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:37,647 OKAY, GREAT, YOU KNOW WHO HE HANGS AROUND WITH NOW. 399 00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:40,520 YOU GOT WHAT YOU CAME FOR. TIME TO STOP. 400 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,393 YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. IT'S JUST... 401 00:18:43,393 --> 00:18:47,397 DID YOU KNOW PORTER WRITES POETRY? 402 00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:49,399 SERIOUS? YEAH. 403 00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:50,530 OUR PORTER, 404 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:53,233 THE KID WHO COMMUNICATES WITH GRUNTS AND SHRUGS, 405 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,664 WRITES THIS... 406 00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:58,508 BEAUTIFUL, HEART-WRENCHING POETRY. 407 00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,872 MAYBE ONE DAY HE'LL SHARE IT WITH YOU 408 00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:05,315 INSTEAD OF YOUR FANTASY ALTER EGO. 409 00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:08,248 UNTIL THEN, SHUT IT OFF. 410 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,719 OKAY, OKAY. (click) 411 00:19:09,719 --> 00:19:11,751 YOU'RE RIGHT. 412 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,253 YOU'RE RIGHT. 413 00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:36,406 (alert chimes) 414 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,950 (chuckles) (typing on keyboard) 415 00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,882 (beep) 416 00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:49,359 (alert chimes) 417 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,592 OH, REALLY? 418 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,564 (types on keyboard) 419 00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:56,266 (alert chimes) 420 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,930 (alert chimes) 421 00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:04,304 (typing) 422 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,905 (alert chimes) 423 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,577 (alert chimes) 424 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:13,383 AW. THAT'S SWEET. 425 00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:15,385 (typing) 426 00:20:15,385 --> 00:20:16,746 (alert chimes) 427 00:20:16,746 --> 00:20:18,588 (alert chimes) 428 00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:25,425 STILL TALKING TO POETRY GIRL? 429 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,996 BITE ME. 430 00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:28,998 DUDE, SHE DIDN'T PUT UP HER PHOTO. 431 00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:33,433 5 BUCKS SAYS SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE CAME OUT OF AN EGG. 432 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,435 (chuckles) WHATEVER. 433 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,507 (resumes typing) 434 00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:40,470 TOBY? (makes kissing sounds) 435 00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:42,972 TOBY! WHERE ARE YOU? 436 00:20:42,972 --> 00:20:45,315 TOBY! 437 00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:48,318 EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MRS. M.? 438 00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:50,320 IT'S TOBY. I CAN'T FIND HIM. 439 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,322 OH, NO. HOW DID HE GET OUT? 440 00:20:52,322 --> 00:20:55,355 THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW WAS OPEN, WHICH IS BIZARRE 441 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,527 BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER OPENING IT. 442 00:20:57,527 --> 00:21:00,330 CAN YOU HELP ME FIND HIM? 443 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:03,963 HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY MORE THOUGHT ABOUT APOLOGIZING TO EDIE? 444 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:07,337 SHE'S STILL PRETTY DOWN IN THE DUMPS. 445 00:21:07,337 --> 00:21:09,339 I'VE KIND OF BEEN BUSY. 446 00:21:09,339 --> 00:21:12,602 OF COURSE YOU HAVE. IT'S JUST THAT... 447 00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:15,605 WELL, SINCE I'M ABOUT TO HELP YOU FIND YOUR CAT, 448 00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:18,608 IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUT WITH EDIE. 449 00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:21,411 DOESN'T THAT SEEM FAIR TO YOU? 450 00:21:21,411 --> 00:21:23,353 I GUESS. 451 00:21:23,353 --> 00:21:25,515 HERE. 452 00:21:29,018 --> 00:21:31,421 THANK YOU. 453 00:21:31,421 --> 00:21:33,993 OKAY. TOBY! 454 00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,865 TOBY! COME HERE, BOY! 455 00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:39,399 (whistles) TOBY! 456 00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,402 SO THEY'LL FINISH WITH THE NEWS, DO A QUICK TRAFFIC UPDATE, 457 00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:45,304 AND THEN WE'RE ON THE AIR. UH, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING? 458 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,707 NO, I'M GOOD. HOW DO I LOOK? (man speaking indistinctly on radio) 459 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,739 (chuckles) WE'RE ON THE RADIO. 460 00:21:49,739 --> 00:21:52,311 OH. I'M A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS. 461 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,744 THIS IS MY FIRST NATIONAL INTERVIEW. 462 00:21:54,744 --> 00:21:57,447 AND I AM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR COOKBOOKS. 463 00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:59,449 WELL, I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU. 464 00:21:59,449 --> 00:22:00,990 I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE CATERING 465 00:22:00,990 --> 00:22:03,753 MICHELLE DOWNING'S BIRTHDAY DINNER TONIGHT. 466 00:22:03,753 --> 00:22:06,626 OH, YOU KNOW MICHELLE? YES, AND I'LL BE THERE. 467 00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,828 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DISH UP. 468 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,431 OKAY, NOW I'M TERRIFIED. 469 00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,062 ♪♪♪ 470 00:22:13,062 --> 00:22:15,635 HERE WE GO. 471 00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:16,966 GOOD AFTERNOON. 472 00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:20,670 I'M LINDA FLANAGAN, AND THIS IS "GOURMET AMERICANA." 473 00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:22,672 (Linda) IF YOU'VE BEEN TO FAIRVIEW'S BEST PARTIES, 474 00:22:22,672 --> 00:22:24,674 THEN YOU'VE PROBABLY TASTED THE MOUTHWATERING FOOD 475 00:22:24,674 --> 00:22:27,647 DISHED UP BY MY FIRST GUEST, BREE VAN DE KAMP. 476 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:30,019 NOW SHE'S ABOUT TO PUBLISH HER FIRST BOOK, 477 00:22:30,019 --> 00:22:32,452 "MRS. VAN DE KAMP'S OLD-FASHIONED COOKING." 478 00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:33,883 WELCOME, BREE. 479 00:22:33,883 --> 00:22:35,124 HI, LINDA. 480 00:22:35,124 --> 00:22:37,356 TELL ME. WHY "OLD-FASHIONED"? 481 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,490 WELL, I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE MISS THE WAY LIFE USED TO BE-- 482 00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:42,792 BACK WHEN WOMEN HAD MORE TIME TO COOK. 483 00:22:42,792 --> 00:22:44,764 IT'S ALWAYS BEEN IMPORTANT TO ME 484 00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:47,767 TO HAVE THE FAMILY GATHER AROUND THE TABLE EVERY NIGHT 485 00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:49,599 FOR HOT, LOVINGLY PREPARED MEALS. 486 00:22:49,599 --> 00:22:51,801 SO YOU'RE A TRADITIONAL KINDA GAL. 487 00:22:51,801 --> 00:22:54,974 IS THERE A MR. VAN DE KAMP? 488 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,576 NO. 489 00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:59,809 UH, MR. VAN DE KAMP IS DECEASED. OH. 490 00:22:59,809 --> 00:23:01,881 BUT IN REGARDS TO MY HUSBAND, 491 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,714 I SHOULD MAKE ONE THING VERY CLEAR-- 492 00:23:04,714 --> 00:23:07,657 HIS PASSING HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY COOKING. 493 00:23:07,657 --> 00:23:11,591 (Bree and Linda laughing) 494 00:23:13,763 --> 00:23:15,995 HEY. 495 00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:18,498 IS THAT MY YEATS BOOK? I LOVE HIS POETRY. 496 00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:20,700 YEAH. I'M BORROWING IT FOR SCHOOL. 497 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,171 AH. 498 00:23:22,171 --> 00:23:25,174 THIS IS THE KIND OF POETRY THAT MELTS A GIRL'S HEART. 499 00:23:25,174 --> 00:23:27,176 SO ROMANTIC. 500 00:23:27,176 --> 00:23:29,178 OH! HERE'S A GREAT ONE-- 501 00:23:29,178 --> 00:23:32,742 "THE LOVER TELLS OF THE ROSE IN HIS HEART." 502 00:23:32,742 --> 00:23:36,015 MY FIRST BOYFRIEND GAVE ME THIS POEM. 503 00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,848 I WAS A JUNIOR IN-- MOM, I'M--I'M RUNNING LATE. CAN I HAVE THE BOOK BACK? 504 00:23:38,848 --> 00:23:41,951 OH. SORRY. 505 00:23:44,994 --> 00:23:46,956 (front door opens) ENJOY! 506 00:23:46,956 --> 00:23:48,458 (door shuts) 507 00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:55,665 KATHERINE, IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE TONIGHT'S MENU. 508 00:23:55,665 --> 00:23:57,667 IF LINDA FLANAGAN LIKES MY FOOD, 509 00:23:57,667 --> 00:24:00,740 SHE MIGHT GIVE ME A QUOTE FOR THE BOOK JACKET. 510 00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:02,742 I HAVE TO KNOCK HER SOCKS OFF, 511 00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:05,144 AND I AM NOT BETTING THE FARM ON HADDOCK. 512 00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,146 ARGUE WITH ME ALL YOU LIKE. 513 00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:11,521 I JUST BOUGHT 40 POUNDS OF PORK, SO GET YOUR TUSHIE OVER HERE. 514 00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:14,854 ORSON! DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE ABOUT LINDA FLANAGAN? 515 00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,155 YES, I HEARD. 516 00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:18,958 ISN'T IT AMAZING? 517 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,230 MM. ALMOST AS AMAZING AS MY ON-AIR DEATH NOTICE. 518 00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:23,232 WHAT? 519 00:24:23,232 --> 00:24:25,234 "SO, BREE, DO YOU HAVE A HUSBAND?" 520 00:24:25,234 --> 00:24:28,638 "NOPE. USED TO. HE CROAKED." (chuckles) SHE DIDN'T ASK IF I HAD A HUSBAND. 521 00:24:28,638 --> 00:24:31,140 SHE ASKED IF THERE WAS A MR. VAN DE KAMP, 522 00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:33,603 AND THERE'S CLEARLY NOT. WELL, THERE'S A MR. HODGE. 523 00:24:33,603 --> 00:24:36,475 WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO HAVE MENTIONED ME? 524 00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,147 AND WASTE VALUABLE AIRTIME? 525 00:24:38,147 --> 00:24:40,149 THE SHOW WAS ABOUT MY COOKBOOK, 526 00:24:40,149 --> 00:24:42,782 NOT ABOUT MY TORTURED MARITAL HISTORY. 527 00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:44,784 THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. 528 00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:47,486 IT'S BECAUSE I WENT TO JAIL, ISN'T IT? 529 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,489 ORSON, I HAVE 6 HOURS TO PREPARE A MEAL FOR 80 PEOPLE. 530 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,822 WE'RE NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION NOW. 531 00:24:52,822 --> 00:24:55,164 JUST ADMIT IT. YOU'RE ASHAMED OF ME. 532 00:24:55,164 --> 00:24:56,666 SHOULD I BE PROUD? 533 00:24:56,666 --> 00:24:59,669 DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON THE RADIO AND BOAST 534 00:24:59,669 --> 00:25:02,572 THAT MY HUSBAND SERVED TIME FOR RUNNING SOMEONE OVER? 535 00:25:02,572 --> 00:25:05,034 I WENT TO JAIL BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME 536 00:25:05,034 --> 00:25:07,537 IT WAS THE ONLY WAY YOU'D TAKE ME BACK. 537 00:25:07,537 --> 00:25:10,509 AND BECAUSE IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 538 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,511 I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THEN 539 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,284 THAT I WOULD BE A PUBLIC FIGURE SOMEDAY. 540 00:25:15,284 --> 00:25:17,286 BUT I AM. I HAVE A NAME NOW. 541 00:25:17,286 --> 00:25:19,549 AND LUCKILY FOR YOU, IT'S NOT MINE. 542 00:25:19,549 --> 00:25:22,852 ORSON, PLEASE DON'T BE HURT. 543 00:25:22,852 --> 00:25:25,825 I AM UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE AND SO TERRIFIED I'LL FAIL 544 00:25:25,825 --> 00:25:28,898 THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING HALF THE TIME. 545 00:25:28,898 --> 00:25:30,900 JUST LET ME GET THROUGH THIS. 546 00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:33,532 AS SOON AS THE PLATES GO OUT TONIGHT, 547 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,535 I WILL COME HOME AND COOK YOU THAT POT ROAST I PROMISED. 548 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,837 OKAY? 549 00:25:40,009 --> 00:25:41,310 OKAY. HMM. 550 00:25:41,310 --> 00:25:43,012 (kisses) 551 00:25:43,012 --> 00:25:45,314 (sighs) IT'S JUST THAT... I-- 552 00:25:45,314 --> 00:25:49,018 CHIVES! HOW COULD I FORGET CHIVES? 553 00:25:59,188 --> 00:26:01,290 (beep) (Jackson) Hey, Susan, it's me. 554 00:26:01,290 --> 00:26:04,293 Listen, I'm not gonna be able to make dinner tonight. 555 00:26:04,293 --> 00:26:06,295 My college roommate's in town, 556 00:26:06,295 --> 00:26:09,298 and this is the only night we can get together. 557 00:26:09,298 --> 00:26:11,300 OH. IS HIS NAME MIKE DELFINO? 558 00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:14,143 DID YOU ROOM TOGETHER AT LIARS' COLLEGE? 559 00:26:14,143 --> 00:26:16,646 Um, I know it's last-minute, and I'm really sorry, 560 00:26:16,646 --> 00:26:18,608 but I still wanna see you. 561 00:26:18,608 --> 00:26:21,981 So how about I drop by later? Call me if that's a problem. 562 00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,152 (beep) 563 00:26:23,152 --> 00:26:25,154 YEAH, YOU'LL DROP BY LATER... 564 00:26:25,154 --> 00:26:27,156 WITH POTATO SKINS ON YOUR BREATH, 565 00:26:27,156 --> 00:26:29,358 YOU MISERABLE TWO-TIMER! 566 00:26:29,358 --> 00:26:31,921 WHAT'S WRONG, MOM? 567 00:26:31,921 --> 00:26:33,863 NOTHING. 568 00:26:33,863 --> 00:26:37,196 JUST, THE ANSWERING MACHINE LIED TO MOMMY. 569 00:26:39,368 --> 00:26:42,802 (alert chimes) 570 00:26:42,802 --> 00:26:44,634 (gasps) 571 00:26:44,634 --> 00:26:46,275 (alert chimes) 572 00:26:49,178 --> 00:26:53,042 OH, CRAP ON THINGS. 573 00:26:53,042 --> 00:26:55,044 CRAP ON WHAT THINGS? 574 00:26:55,044 --> 00:26:57,246 UM... 575 00:26:57,246 --> 00:26:59,949 (blows raspberry) 576 00:26:59,949 --> 00:27:02,391 PORTER SENT ME A SEX POEM. 577 00:27:02,391 --> 00:27:04,894 WHAT? WHY? 578 00:27:04,894 --> 00:27:08,698 HE MAY BE IN LOVE WITH ME. 579 00:27:08,698 --> 00:27:11,360 WHY WOULD HE BE IN LOVE WITH YOU? 580 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,163 OKAY... REMEMBER HOW YOU TOLD ME 581 00:27:14,163 --> 00:27:16,666 I SHOULD STOP TALKING TO HIM ONLINE? 582 00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:19,168 WELL, OF COURSE, I DIDN'T, 583 00:27:19,168 --> 00:27:21,941 AND I SORT OF TOLD HIM I LIKED HIS POETRY. 584 00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:24,944 YOU TOLD A TEENAGE BOY THAT YOU LIKED HIS POETRY? 585 00:27:24,944 --> 00:27:27,276 JEEZ, LYNETTE! WHY NOT JUST FLASH HIM A BOOB? 586 00:27:27,276 --> 00:27:29,679 SHH! HE'LL HEAR YOU. SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 587 00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:32,321 ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM THE TRUTH NOW, OR ARE YOU GONNA 588 00:27:32,321 --> 00:27:35,284 WAIT UNTIL AFTER HE KILLS ME AND BLINDS HIMSELF? 589 00:27:35,284 --> 00:27:38,287 CALM DOWN. I'M GONNA BREAK IT OFF IN AN E-MAIL. 590 00:27:38,287 --> 00:27:40,930 OH, GREAT. JUST LIKE THAT? THAT'LL KILL HIM. 591 00:27:40,930 --> 00:27:42,962 I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END 592 00:27:42,962 --> 00:27:46,035 OF BREAK-UP LETTERS, BUT I'VE ACTUALLY WRITTEN A FEW, 593 00:27:46,035 --> 00:27:48,397 AND I KNOW HOW TO LET HIM DOWN EASY. 594 00:27:48,397 --> 00:27:49,899 "DEAR PORTER, 595 00:27:49,899 --> 00:27:51,400 "I REALLY LIKE YOU, 596 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,373 BUT I WANNA SEE OTHER OFFSPRING." 597 00:27:54,373 --> 00:27:57,046 GO AWAY. 598 00:28:02,311 --> 00:28:04,313 (piano playing in distance) YOU KNOW, I'M KINDA SURPRISED 599 00:28:04,313 --> 00:28:06,285 WE STILL MADE MICHELLE'S LIST THIS YEAR, 600 00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:08,287 WHAT WITH ME WORKING AT THE CLUB. 601 00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:11,290 OH, DON'T BE SILLY, CARLOS. WE'RE STILL ON EVERYONE'S LIST. 602 00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:12,992 (chuckles) 603 00:28:12,992 --> 00:28:15,224 NOW LET'S GO. OKAY. 604 00:28:19,999 --> 00:28:23,002 (loud clattering) GABY, ARE WE IN THE BANQUET HALL? 605 00:28:23,002 --> 00:28:26,005 WHAT'S ALL THE NOISE? OH, IT'S JUST THE CATERERS 606 00:28:26,005 --> 00:28:28,007 PUTTING GLASSES AND SILVERWARE ON THE TABLES. 607 00:28:28,007 --> 00:28:30,009 THEY MAKE SOME RACKET, HUH? 608 00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:32,311 BUT THE DECORATIONS ARE STUNNING. (water running loudly) 609 00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:34,483 ESPECIALLY THAT WATERFALL EFFECT. 610 00:28:34,483 --> 00:28:37,246 GABY? BREE! 611 00:28:37,246 --> 00:28:39,348 SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN THE KITCHEN? 612 00:28:42,291 --> 00:28:46,796 DON'T MOVE, HONEY. THE PRESS IS TAKING YOUR PHOTO. 613 00:28:46,796 --> 00:28:51,000 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU WERE DISINVITED. I GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT. 614 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,003 WE DUCK INSIDE, MAKE SURE WE'RE SEEN BY ALL THE RIGHT PEOPLE-- 615 00:28:54,003 --> 00:28:55,464 EXCEPT MRS. DOWNING-- 616 00:28:55,464 --> 00:28:58,307 AND THEN AFTER ABOUT 20 MINUTES, WE CUT OUT. 617 00:28:58,307 --> 00:29:01,040 WELL, I KNOW NOTHING. JUST KEEP ME OUT OF IT. 618 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,243 WHAT IS CARLOS DOING? 619 00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:09,118 (sighs) 620 00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,357 (man speaking indistinctly on TV) 621 00:29:18,357 --> 00:29:20,790 WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS WHO? 622 00:29:20,790 --> 00:29:22,932 LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW-- JACKSON. 623 00:29:22,932 --> 00:29:25,094 WELL, HE'S NOT HERE. 624 00:29:25,094 --> 00:29:27,266 REALLY? WHOSE IS THIS? 625 00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:30,039 I... D--I DON'T KNOW. SOME GUY'S. 626 00:29:30,039 --> 00:29:32,371 "I... I DON'T KNOW"? 627 00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,543 WELL, I HOPE THAT "SOME GUY" 628 00:29:34,543 --> 00:29:37,446 DOESN'T MIND THIS. 629 00:29:37,446 --> 00:29:39,909 NO, SUSAN, REALLY, I WOULDN'T... 630 00:29:39,909 --> 00:29:43,082 LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEER? 631 00:29:43,082 --> 00:29:45,454 WE'RE NOT MARRIED ANYMORE, 632 00:29:45,454 --> 00:29:48,557 SO I DON'T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU. 633 00:29:48,557 --> 00:29:52,421 I AM... SO SORRY. 634 00:29:52,421 --> 00:29:53,923 MISS? 635 00:29:53,923 --> 00:29:56,365 UM... COULD YOU JUST... 636 00:29:56,365 --> 00:29:59,298 PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY FRIEND? 637 00:30:02,231 --> 00:30:04,233 JACKSON CANCELED ON ME. 638 00:30:04,233 --> 00:30:07,136 HE SAID YOU WEREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH US HANGING OUT. 639 00:30:07,136 --> 00:30:10,279 HE SAID THAT? AND I THINK I SAID, "MEOW." (imitates whip cracking) 640 00:30:10,279 --> 00:30:12,982 (sighs deeply) I AM SUCH A JACKASS. 641 00:30:12,982 --> 00:30:15,344 SO WHY DON'T YOU WANT US HANGING OUT? 642 00:30:15,344 --> 00:30:17,346 WELL, I WAS PRETTY TICKED OFF 643 00:30:17,346 --> 00:30:20,219 THAT YOU TOLD JACKSON ABOUT THE EAR THING. 644 00:30:20,219 --> 00:30:23,222 OH, GOD. THE SECOND I SAID THAT, I WISHED I HADN'T. 645 00:30:23,222 --> 00:30:25,054 I-I'M REALLY SORRY. 646 00:30:25,054 --> 00:30:26,825 (sighs) 647 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:29,959 APOLOGY ACCEPTED. 648 00:30:29,959 --> 00:30:33,162 SO IF I PROMISE TO BEHAVE, CAN WE STILL HANG OUT? 649 00:30:33,162 --> 00:30:35,364 'CAUSE I REALLY THINK IT'D BE GOOD FOR M.J., 650 00:30:35,364 --> 00:30:37,566 JUST SEEING THAT WE'RE ALL FRIENDS. 651 00:30:37,566 --> 00:30:39,138 I DON'T... 652 00:30:39,138 --> 00:30:40,609 WHAT? 653 00:30:40,609 --> 00:30:42,471 I'M JUST NOT COMFORTABLE 654 00:30:42,471 --> 00:30:44,843 WITH YOU AND JACKSON GETTING THAT CLOSE. 655 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,116 OKAY. 656 00:30:47,116 --> 00:30:50,980 IT'S JUST... (sighs) 657 00:30:50,980 --> 00:30:54,523 I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE ME THROUGH YOUR EYES. 658 00:30:54,523 --> 00:30:57,386 HOW EXACTLY DO YOU THINK I SEE YOU? 659 00:30:57,386 --> 00:31:01,490 WELL, THOSE LAST FEW MONTHS WE WERE TOGETHER, I... 660 00:31:01,490 --> 00:31:04,633 THE THINGS I SAID TO YOU, THE WAY I ACTED... 661 00:31:04,633 --> 00:31:07,636 I MEAN, I'M NOT PROUD OF THE PERSON I BECAME. 662 00:31:07,636 --> 00:31:11,300 THAT WAS A BAD TIME, SUSAN. 663 00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:14,343 WE'RE NOT THOSE PEOPLE ANYMORE. 664 00:31:14,343 --> 00:31:17,076 AND IF YOU COULD SEE YOURSELF THROUGH MY EYES, 665 00:31:17,076 --> 00:31:19,478 YOU'D KNOW YOU GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 666 00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:25,484 (mouths words) 667 00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:28,187 COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY? 668 00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:33,462 HE'S MY FRIEND, TOO. 669 00:31:50,339 --> 00:31:52,381 BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU. 670 00:31:52,381 --> 00:31:54,043 WHERE YOU BEEN? 671 00:31:54,043 --> 00:31:58,117 OUT, UH, DOING SOME THINKING. 672 00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:01,320 AND I'VE DECIDED THAT I MAY HAVE GONE A LITTLE OVERBOARD 673 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:02,992 ABOUT YOU AND MIKE. 674 00:32:02,992 --> 00:32:07,396 IN FACT, I THINK IT'S COOL IF YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH MY EX. 675 00:32:07,396 --> 00:32:09,498 HEY, SUSIE Q.! 676 00:32:09,498 --> 00:32:12,331 JUST SHAKIN' THE DEW OFF THE LILY. 677 00:32:12,331 --> 00:32:13,432 AND SPEAKING OF, 678 00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:17,066 THAT PAINT JOB IN THE GUEST CAN IS NICE. KUDOS. 679 00:32:17,066 --> 00:32:19,308 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 680 00:32:19,308 --> 00:32:23,142 WELL, JULIE NEEDED ME TO COSIGN SOME INSURANCE STUFF FOR HER, 681 00:32:23,142 --> 00:32:27,176 AND I GUESS I LOST TRACK OF TIME TALKING TO CRUNCHY GRANOLA HERE. 682 00:32:27,176 --> 00:32:30,479 PLUMBER TO HOUSEPAINTER IN ONE MOVE, SUSIE? 683 00:32:30,479 --> 00:32:33,452 DON'T GET DIZZY CLIMBIN' THAT SOCIAL LADDER. (laughs) 684 00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:36,255 CAN YOU LEAVE, PLEASE? JUST THINK... 685 00:32:36,255 --> 00:32:40,459 IF I'D BEEN A ROOFER, WE MIGHT STILL BE TOGETHER. SIGH. GET OUT. 686 00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,391 SEE YA AROUND, HACKY SACK. 687 00:32:42,391 --> 00:32:44,163 (front door shuts) 688 00:32:47,536 --> 00:32:51,200 SO... ANY MORE EXES I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? 689 00:32:55,304 --> 00:32:57,106 (indistinct conversations) 690 00:32:57,106 --> 00:32:59,108 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE MICHELLE'S PARTIES? 691 00:32:59,108 --> 00:33:01,180 OH, THEY ARE FUN. MM-HMM. 692 00:33:01,180 --> 00:33:04,353 BUT I ENJOY MY INTIMATE LUNCHES WITH MICHELLE EVEN MORE. 693 00:33:04,353 --> 00:33:08,187 WE HAVE INTIMATE LUNCHES. WE'RE FRIENDS. WELL, YOU SIMPLY MUST COME 694 00:33:08,187 --> 00:33:10,519 TO THE CHARITY AUCTION AT TED'S GALLERY NEXT WEEKEND. 695 00:33:10,519 --> 00:33:13,492 REALLY? WE'D LOVE TO. 696 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,724 (laughs) (clink) 697 00:33:15,724 --> 00:33:17,396 GABY! 698 00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:20,529 WELL, IT'S THE CATERER! (chuckles) 699 00:33:20,529 --> 00:33:22,371 EVERYTHING IS FABULOUS. 700 00:33:22,371 --> 00:33:25,374 BUT WOULD YOU BE A DEAR AND GET ME SOME MORE WINE? I WOULD BE HAPPY TO. 701 00:33:25,374 --> 00:33:28,507 I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE IT'S THE KIND YOU LIKE. (grunts) 702 00:33:32,441 --> 00:33:34,483 YOU'RE STILL HERE? 703 00:33:34,483 --> 00:33:37,486 DINNER IS ABOUT TO BE SERVED. WHOSE SEATS ARE YOU IN? THE BOWMANS. 704 00:33:37,486 --> 00:33:41,420 I FOUND OUT MRS. BOWMAN IS HOME WITH THE FLU. SCORE! 705 00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:44,253 OH, WILL YOU UNCLENCH? IT'LL BE FINE. 706 00:33:44,253 --> 00:33:47,696 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THESE ARE MY SEATS. THIS IS MY MOTHER. 707 00:33:47,696 --> 00:33:49,698 THAT WAS MR. BOWMAN, WASN'T IT? 708 00:33:49,698 --> 00:33:51,700 YES, AND I'M PRETTY SURE 709 00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:53,702 THAT ELDERLY WOMAN WITH HIM WAS HIS MOTHER! 710 00:33:53,702 --> 00:33:56,405 WHAT KIND OF MAN LEAVES HIS SICK WIFE AT HOME 711 00:33:56,405 --> 00:33:59,408 TO GO PARTY WITH MOMMY?! YOU CAN FIX THIS. JUST TELL THEM THAT YOU'RE AT THE WRONG TABLE 712 00:33:59,408 --> 00:34:01,470 AND THEN SLIP OUT THE SIDE DOOR. RIGHT. 713 00:34:01,470 --> 00:34:03,772 YES, SIR, HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO-- THAT WAS THE MAîTRE D', WASN'T IT? 714 00:34:03,772 --> 00:34:06,775 YES, AND HE APPEARS TO BE CHECKING THE GUEST LIST. WHICH WE'RE NOT ON. 715 00:34:06,775 --> 00:34:08,477 OKAY, YOU CAN FIX THIS. 716 00:34:08,477 --> 00:34:10,479 JUST EXPLAIN YOU'RE GOING TO A DIFFERENT PARTY 717 00:34:10,479 --> 00:34:12,481 HERE AT THE CLUB AND THAT YOU GOT CONFUSED. 718 00:34:12,481 --> 00:34:14,783 MRS. DOWNING NEVER HAS TO KNOW. RIGHT. 719 00:34:14,783 --> 00:34:16,785 YOU NEED TO LEAVE! OUT. 720 00:34:16,785 --> 00:34:19,828 (sighs) THAT'S MRS. DOWNING. HOW AM I GONNA FIX THIS? 721 00:34:19,828 --> 00:34:23,462 AT THIS POINT, I WOULD JUST RUN OFF SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT. 722 00:34:23,462 --> 00:34:25,464 THANK YOU. MM-HMM. 723 00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:28,066 (grunts) GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME. 724 00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:32,441 GABY! GABY! 725 00:34:32,441 --> 00:34:34,743 POOR BLIND BASTARD. (sighs deeply) 726 00:34:34,743 --> 00:34:36,745 I'LL MEET HIM OUTSIDE. 727 00:34:38,707 --> 00:34:41,710 (dog barking in distance) 728 00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:46,115 WHAT? HI, EDIE. 729 00:34:49,087 --> 00:34:52,461 I JUST WANTED TO SAY I FEEL AWFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAID TO YOU. 730 00:34:52,461 --> 00:34:55,724 YOU KNOW, THAT CRACK I MADE THE OTHER DAY? 731 00:34:55,724 --> 00:34:58,467 OKAY. 732 00:34:58,467 --> 00:35:00,129 THAT'S NICE OF YOU. 733 00:35:01,870 --> 00:35:04,173 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 734 00:35:04,173 --> 00:35:07,436 ACTUALLY, NO. MY CAT'S MISSING. 735 00:35:07,436 --> 00:35:08,877 TOBY? MM-HMM. 736 00:35:08,877 --> 00:35:12,511 SINCE WHEN? IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS, AND HE'S NEVER BEEN OUT THIS LONG. 737 00:35:12,511 --> 00:35:14,112 OH, I'M SO SORRY. 738 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:15,544 I'M SURE HE'S FINE. 739 00:35:15,544 --> 00:35:18,387 YEAH. WELL... 740 00:35:18,387 --> 00:35:20,419 COULD YOU TELL DAVE... 741 00:35:20,419 --> 00:35:23,892 TELL HIM I APOLOGIZED? AND, UH, YOU AND I ARE GOOD, HUH? 742 00:35:25,454 --> 00:35:28,197 I GUESS I COULD. WHY DO YOU WANT HIM-- 743 00:35:28,197 --> 00:35:30,459 OH, JUST TELL HIM, PLEASE. 744 00:35:37,406 --> 00:35:40,409 (engine starts) I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU PULLED A STUNT LIKE THAT. 745 00:35:40,409 --> 00:35:41,870 WHAT? 746 00:35:41,870 --> 00:35:44,873 I WAS JUST TRYING TO SALVAGE WHAT'S LEFT OF OUR SOCIAL LIFE. 747 00:35:44,873 --> 00:35:46,875 NOW JUST LET IT GO 748 00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,348 AND START THINKING ABOUT WHERE WE'RE GONNA MOVE. 749 00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:52,351 THIS IS NOT A JOKE, GABY. I WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE. 750 00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,423 I HAVE TO SHOW MY FACE TOMORROW. IT'S HUMILIATING. 751 00:35:54,423 --> 00:35:56,285 YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S HUMILIATING? 752 00:35:56,285 --> 00:35:57,586 WAKING UP ONE DAY 753 00:35:57,586 --> 00:35:59,588 AND FINDING OUT YOU'RE INVISIBLE. 754 00:35:59,588 --> 00:36:01,590 NOW IT'S OFFICIAL. I'VE LOST EVERYTHING. 755 00:36:01,590 --> 00:36:03,292 EVERYTHING? 756 00:36:03,292 --> 00:36:05,434 FIRST OUR MONEY, THEN MY FIGURE, 757 00:36:05,434 --> 00:36:09,438 NOW THE LAST SHREDS OF OUR SOCIAL STANDING. 758 00:36:09,438 --> 00:36:11,440 WE HAVEN'T LOST A THING 759 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,873 EXCEPT THE CHANCE TO HOBNOB WITH A BUNCH OF UNHAPPY SNOBS. 760 00:36:14,873 --> 00:36:17,476 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY'RE UNHAPPY? 761 00:36:17,476 --> 00:36:20,479 THEY'RE RICH! THEY HAVE JEWELS AND COOKS. 762 00:36:20,479 --> 00:36:22,951 THEY USE "WINTER" AS A VERB. 763 00:36:22,951 --> 00:36:24,883 I RUB THEM, GABY, 764 00:36:24,883 --> 00:36:26,585 AND THERE IS NOTHING 765 00:36:26,585 --> 00:36:28,717 THAT A BLIND MASSEUR DOESN'T HEAR ABOUT. 766 00:36:28,717 --> 00:36:30,919 TRUST ME. 767 00:36:30,919 --> 00:36:33,422 THEY ARE EVERY BIT AS MISERABLE AS I WAS 768 00:36:33,422 --> 00:36:37,466 WHEN I WAS OUT THERE CHASING THAT STUFF. 769 00:36:40,369 --> 00:36:44,233 WE HAVE LOST NOTHING THAT MATTERS. 770 00:36:44,233 --> 00:36:46,835 WE HAVE A HOME, WE HAVE EACH OTHER, 771 00:36:46,835 --> 00:36:48,837 WE HAVE WORK THAT SUPPORTS US, 772 00:36:48,837 --> 00:36:52,941 AND WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS THAT... 773 00:36:52,941 --> 00:36:55,314 LOVE US MORE THAN ICE CREAM. 774 00:36:57,646 --> 00:37:01,420 I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE. 775 00:37:01,420 --> 00:37:03,592 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 776 00:37:03,592 --> 00:37:04,893 (laughs) YES, 777 00:37:04,893 --> 00:37:07,596 AND THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER 778 00:37:07,596 --> 00:37:10,729 IS FOR YOU TO REALIZE HOW GOOD WE'VE GOT IT. 779 00:37:16,335 --> 00:37:18,707 (kisses) 780 00:37:18,707 --> 00:37:21,310 "I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO SUCH A WONDERFUL GUY, 781 00:37:21,310 --> 00:37:23,472 BUT I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU I'M ALREADY SEEING SOMEBODY..." 782 00:37:23,472 --> 00:37:25,474 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... 783 00:37:25,474 --> 00:37:28,477 "CONTINUE TO TRUST YOUR HEART, AND YOUR DREAMS WILL FOLLOW." 784 00:37:28,477 --> 00:37:30,549 WOW, LYNETTE. 785 00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:33,522 BEST DEAR JOHN LETTER EVER. 786 00:37:33,522 --> 00:37:35,524 UH... THANKS. (clicks key, alert chimes) 787 00:37:35,524 --> 00:37:37,526 EXCEPT YOU MIGHT WANNA CHANGE THAT PART 788 00:37:37,526 --> 00:37:40,559 WHERE YOU SIGNED IT "LOVE, MOM." WHAT? NO I DIDN'T. 789 00:37:40,559 --> 00:37:42,291 YEAH, YOU DID... 790 00:37:42,291 --> 00:37:44,463 RIGHT THERE. 791 00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:46,465 (gasps) YOU SENT IT?! 792 00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:48,537 OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! 793 00:37:48,537 --> 00:37:50,539 OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! 794 00:37:50,539 --> 00:37:52,541 WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?! I DID! 795 00:37:52,541 --> 00:37:55,504 YOU SAID IT WAS GREAT. WAY TO BURY THE LEAD, TOM! 796 00:37:55,504 --> 00:37:58,407 (door slams) 797 00:37:58,407 --> 00:38:02,411 TOM, DON'T YOU DARE! HEY, ONE OF NEEDS TO LIVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE OTHER ONE. 798 00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,413 OH! 799 00:38:04,413 --> 00:38:06,355 (whispers) OH, GOD. 800 00:38:18,627 --> 00:38:20,869 (sighs deeply) 801 00:38:29,778 --> 00:38:31,309 HEY. 802 00:38:34,513 --> 00:38:36,515 MIND IF I JOIN YOU? 803 00:38:38,687 --> 00:38:41,950 OKAY, I KNOW WHAT I DID... 804 00:38:41,950 --> 00:38:43,622 WAS UNFORGIVABLE. 805 00:38:43,622 --> 00:38:46,925 AND I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES, 806 00:38:46,925 --> 00:38:48,857 BUT... (sighs) 807 00:38:48,857 --> 00:38:50,859 WE USED TO TALK ALL THE TIME, 808 00:38:50,859 --> 00:38:53,632 AND THEN ONE DAY IT JUST STOPPED, 809 00:38:53,632 --> 00:38:56,505 AND IT KILLED ME. 810 00:38:56,505 --> 00:38:59,538 I FELT LIKE I LOST YOU. 811 00:38:59,538 --> 00:39:02,611 AND THEN I WAS SaraJ, AND I HAD YOU BACK, 812 00:39:02,611 --> 00:39:06,014 AND WE WERE TALKING AGAIN, AND YOU WERE TELLING ME THINGS. 813 00:39:06,014 --> 00:39:08,016 I WASN'T TELLING YOU ANYTHING. 814 00:39:08,016 --> 00:39:09,748 I WAS TELLING HER. 815 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,081 OKAY. 816 00:39:20,088 --> 00:39:22,991 WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, 817 00:39:22,991 --> 00:39:24,993 I LOVED OUR CONVERSATIONS, 818 00:39:24,993 --> 00:39:28,537 AND I'M... (voice breaks) GOING TO MISS THEM. 819 00:39:35,143 --> 00:39:36,975 ME, TOO. (sighs deeply) 820 00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:46,715 ORSON, YOU'RE STILL UP. 821 00:39:46,715 --> 00:39:49,418 OH, I WISH YOU COULD'VE BEEN THERE. 822 00:39:49,418 --> 00:39:51,420 LINDA FLANAGAN LOVED MY FOOD. 823 00:39:51,420 --> 00:39:53,892 SHE SAID I WAS "GOD'S GIFT TO THE TABLE" 824 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,895 AND THAT I COULD QUOTE HER ON THE BOOK JACKET. 825 00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,597 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 826 00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:00,398 I'M HUNGRY. 827 00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:02,531 IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT. HAVEN'T YOU EATEN? 828 00:40:02,531 --> 00:40:06,435 I WAS WAITING FOR YOU. YOU SAID YOU'D MAKE ME POT ROAST. 829 00:40:06,435 --> 00:40:09,438 I AM SO SORRY. I-I LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME, 830 00:40:09,438 --> 00:40:11,740 AND LINDA HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FOOD. 831 00:40:11,740 --> 00:40:15,113 I'LL MAKE YOU THAT POT ROAST TOMORROW, OKAY? NO. 832 00:40:17,646 --> 00:40:20,619 I WANT IT NOW. 833 00:40:20,619 --> 00:40:22,651 NOW? 834 00:40:22,651 --> 00:40:24,993 YOU PROMISED. 835 00:40:26,695 --> 00:40:28,797 ORSON, I'VE BEEN COOKING ALL DAY. 836 00:40:28,797 --> 00:40:31,500 I... I'M SO TIRED, I CAN BARELY STAND UP. 837 00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:35,564 YOU REALLY WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A POT ROAST NOW? 838 00:40:35,564 --> 00:40:38,767 YOU PROMISED. 839 00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:14,773 (chopping continues) 840 00:41:26,054 --> 00:41:28,256 (door creaks) 841 00:41:28,256 --> 00:41:31,259 TOBY! 842 00:41:31,259 --> 00:41:35,764 WHERE IN THE WORLD DID YOU COME FROM, HUH? (meows) 843 00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:39,668 (wind blowing) 844 00:41:43,702 --> 00:41:46,705 (door creaks) 845 00:41:49,838 --> 00:41:54,843 YES, EVERYONE APPRECIATES A GOOD NEIGHBOR... (whimpers) 846 00:41:56,685 --> 00:42:01,990 YOU KNOW, THE KIND THAT HELPS YOU WITH THE GROCERIES... 847 00:42:01,990 --> 00:42:06,124 BUT DOESN'T ASK, "WHY IS YOUR SON SO MOODY?" 848 00:42:06,124 --> 00:42:07,756 (vacuum cleaner whirring) 849 00:42:07,756 --> 00:42:11,700 THE TYPE THAT DELIVERS MISPLACED MAIL 850 00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:16,164 BUT DOESN'T POINT OUT YOUR WIFE SEEMS DISCONTENTED... 851 00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:22,540 THE SORT THAT OFFERS TO MOW YOUR LAWN... 852 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:27,716 BUT DOESN'T MENTION YOUR HUSBAND SEEMS COLD. 853 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:32,550 BUT IF YOU'RE NOT SURE THE MAN NEXT DOOR 854 00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:35,584 IS AS NICE AS HE WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE... 855 00:42:35,584 --> 00:42:37,886 NOW WHY WOULD YOU BRING ME FLOWERS? 856 00:42:37,886 --> 00:42:39,888 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT A COMPUTER, 857 00:42:39,888 --> 00:42:42,891 AND I NEED TO FIND OUT SOME STUFF ABOUT EDIE'S HUSBAND. 858 00:42:42,891 --> 00:42:47,666 DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. 62798

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