All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S02E08.Accidental.Cruise.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it float,

it floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love, won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

I told the captain to stay
out of those kinky bars.

Right this way, please.

Allow me to introduce
you to some of my staff.

Anoushka mishancov,
how do you do?

I'm Julie McCoy,
how do you do?

Your function please?

Miss McCoy is our
cruise director.

Ah.

Burl Smith, the
function, yeoman purser.

Call me gopher.

Gopher is small rodent,
makes Burrows, yes?

That's him.

Ah, it's joke.

Yes, I'm Isaac
Washington, chief bartender.

Adam bricker, miss mishancov.

So nice to meet you.

Your function?

Ship's doctor.

Could we possibly inquire as
to what your function might be?

Miss mishancov's
function, Dr. Bricker,

is commissar of cruise
vessels for the Soviet union.

Really?

That's great.

Our state
department has invited

the commissar to sail
aboard the Princess

to observe our procedures.

We were expecting a gentleman to
accompany and you as a liaison

to show you around,
explain the technicalities.

He fell down with pneumonia.

Has weak westerner constitution.

I sail alone.

I'm sorry, I'll
find you someone.

He will do it.

Oh, that's not fair.

There's going to be a
boatload of gorgeous girls.

I get stuck with
Ivan the terrible?

Well, make the best of it.

You can always pretend
that you're melvyn

Douglas and she's Greta garbo.

Too bad she isn't.

Greta garbo wanted to be alone.

Hello, welcome aboard.

Bert Buchanan.

Yeah.

Terrific songwriter.

That too.

Listen, I'll do
the others later, ok?

Thank you.

I'll do them.
Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Is he with anybody?

Not yet.

Son of a gun, she's
stealing my act.

Oh lord, Charlie,
I think I left

an egg boiling on the stove.

Philadelphia, we've
been gone for three days.

Yes, I know.

What do you think?

I think it's probably done.

Oh, Charlie,
you're a big help.

You know, June, in the 14
years since we've been married,

we've had one business, two
houses, three lovely children,

and we've consumed
thousands of eggs.

And you know, this is the first
vacation we've ever had alone.

This cruise is going to
be just for you and me.

Come on.

Everybody must
be anxious to sail.

We're only missing one
couple, the Wilson's.

Oh, honeymoon suite.

Their luggage
arrived hours ago.

Well, if they don't show
up, I hope their luggage

drops them a card.

Maybe when it came time
to I do, they didn't.

Don't look now.

Dum dum da dum, the Wilson's.

And they're smashed.

If they can stay
that way for 40 years,

they'll have a happy marriage.

Uh-huh.

Well, I only
hope that our crews

can help repay you
for the great pleasure

your music has given us.

Well, you're flattering
me, captain, but I love it.

Thank you.
- Thank you.

Are you the admiral?

No.

I'm the captain.

Oh, where's the admiral?

There is no admiral.

I run the ship.

Oh, you got demoted, huh?

Well, I'd like to
keep chatting with you,

but I do have to sail the ship.

That doesn't sound so hard.

Young lady--

merrill?

Merrill stubing.

Yes.

Delores.

Oh.

Delores strickland.

Georgina's sister.

Georgina.

Merrill?

Merrill?

Merrill?

Hm?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just so
surprised to see you.

I don't wonder.

It's been a long time.

Yes.

Must be 9 years.

That's a long time.

Are you taking the cruise?

I am.

She chickened out.

This is Vicki.

We've met.

Georgina's daughter.

Oh.

Vicki's coming to stay
with us in acapulco.

I had planned to take
the cruise with her,

but some last minute
things came up.

Her heart was set on the cruise.

I'll fly down and meet
her when the ship docks.

I checked with the line.

They said it wouldn't
be a problem.

No.

No problem.

It must be fate.

You'll be here to
keep an eye on her.

I'm sure Georgina
would be very pleased.

Yes.

Well, how is Georgina?

My mommy's in heaven.

I thought you knew.

Georgina passed away
eight months ago.

Well, I'm sure that we can
provide some amusing activities

for you while you're aboard.

Huh?

You'll have fun.

You're a nice man,
captain stubing,

but you should learn to relax.

Excuse me, sir.

Just opening the door here.

Mademoiselle?

Did you hear something?

What kind of something?

Probably a monster.

A monster?

Excuse me.

There.

You see?

No monsters.

They hid when
the lights are on.

Yeah, better
check the bathroom.

Can I stay with
you, captain stubing?

I bet you don't
have any monsters.

Well, I don't--

please?

Please?

Well, I suppose we can find
some room for you in my cabin.

Don't you just love
the candles in the pool?

It's frivolous and decadent.

Ah, we think people on holiday
deserve a little of both.

Issac, you are
bartender here, yes?

Chief bartender.

Why is that you do not do
something more important?

What?

And throw away four years
of bartender school?

Miss mishancov, if you're
going to put down Isaac, how--

hold it, doc, I
don't think she is.

I think she just wants to know
why I like being a bartender.

Is correct.

I like this job best
because I get to meet people.

I mean, all kinds of people.

People are where it's at for me.

That means, I like people,
but the most important thing

is I got to choose this job.

Someone else didn't
choose it for me.

Sometimes it is better if
others telling you what to do.

Ah, well, different
strokes for different folks.

Compliments of miss mishancov,
Russian vodka, 100 proof.

She sent three cases
on board as a gift.

Well, thank you.

Yes.

Oh, there's nothing
frivolous about that.

Miss mishancov,
how does someone

as young as you come to have
such a responsible position?

Oh, in Soviet union, we are
given jobs because of ability.

Wisdom is not so
province of grey heads.

It's not so province
of men either.

You malign us.

Women occupy positions of great
responsibility in this country.

Julie, for example.

Being a cruise director
is a very responsible job.

Candles in the pool, you
are responsible for that?

Yes.

Will you become
captain of this ship?

Oh, sure, when everyone else
on the ship falls overboard.

Will you join me in a toast
to hope one day western women

will emerge from bondage?

Absolutely.

To western women
emerging from bondage.

Excuse me a moment.

Doc, what about the toast?

Whole wheat,
please, no butter.

Your Dr. Bricker, he
likes blond ladies, yes?

Doc likes all the ladies.

He does not seem to like me.

Oh, well, doc goes
for the slinky type.

What means slinky?

Slinky.

I understand.

Well, it's about
time for dinner.

I'm sure you'd like
to go and change.

I am changed.

Oh, excuse me, I goofed.

[Non-English speech]

What means goofed?

Goofed.

I messed up.

I blew it.

I stuck my foot in my mouth.

I--

it's all right.

I understand.

Real smooth, McCoy.

Real smooth.

Are you ready, honey?

You betcha.

You're dressed?

Uh-huh.

And you're not.

That's right.

Want to join me?

Oh, well.

I thought I'd forego
that great big dinner

tonight and just take a
couple of nibbles on your ear.

Oh, honey, how do we get
our signals crossed like this?

I mean, I would have liked
a little advance warning.

Maybe some champagne
or something

to get me in the mood.

Is that another no?

No.

It's not no.

It's just things
used to be different.

You used to write
songs about me.

I'll get dressed.

[Knocking]

Hello.

I want to be slinky.

Have you seen that
couple, the ones who cam on

bombed out of their minds?

No.

Probably haven't
left their cabin.

Well, that's how
it is with newlyweds.

As soon as the
ship gets underway,

so does the honeymoon.

Mr. Marshall.

Miss beal.

Where are we?

You mean, this
isn't your apartment?

Certainly not.

Good lord, we're
surrounded by water.

Maybe the water
cooler exploded?

I fail to see the
humor, miss beal.

Let me see.

We were in the office,
and I was giving

you a letter to
Mr. James mcwhirter

of unified marine products.

Right.

Then Mr. Gerber came in and
dragged us to an office party.

Which I make it my
policy never to attend.

Boy, that was
some fruit punch.

I remember you said
something about taking

me to see that new
Japanese freighter in port.

Good lord, we're
on our way to Tokyo.

Pretty fancy freighter.

Well, do you
remember anything else?

You know, like, well, did we--

we had trouble making
sense, let alone whoopie.

I've got to go
find the captain.

I want to apologize, miss beal.

Your reputation has
been compromised.

I wouldn't say that,
but we could work on it.

Looks like opening
night in Vegas.

Who ordered the
duck well done?

Oh, look.

Liver, yuck.

Brussell sprouts.

Ew.

Why can't I have duck
like everyone else?

Don't you want to
grow up big and healthy?

I think there's a lot to
be said for small and sickly.

Young lady, if
you don't finish

everything on that plate,
there will be no dessert.

What's for dessert?

Chocolate eclairs.

You drive a hard bargain.

I'm a slave to my sweet tooth.

Oh, bon bons.

Oh, merrill, please,
let's get some.

Now, what happened to that
diet you started this morning?

Can't help it.

I'm a slave to my sweet tooth.

Captain, it's amazing.

Captain?

Yes?

I was just saying it's
amazing you and Vicki

have exactly the same eyes.

Wow.

Miss mishancov, you
are a knock out.

[Non-English speech]

Knockout?

It's boxing term.

You think I look like boxer?

No way.

Why don't I escort you
to the captain's table?

In Russia, I eat with people.

Hey, I'm people.

This lady is my assignment.

Take a hike.

Doctor appreciates
transformation, yes?

Appreciates?

The doctor's stunned.

Can I buy you a drink?

You a bath?

Give you an alcohol rub?

Not like alcohol rub.

Have already have bath.

I take drink.

Oh, anything.

Waiter?

Champagne.

Oh, champagne, no.

Not a drink for a proletariat.

Well, what would you like?

I'd like my vodka.

Waiter, some of miss
mishancov's vodka.

Well, for a man who
wasn't very hungry,

you certainly seem to
be enjoying your dinner.

Well, I would have
enjoyed it a lot more

if I'd had the appetizer
I planned in the cabin.

That's what I like about you,
Charlie, you're so so subtle.

I don't believe it.

What?

Who was the greatest
songwriter ever to come

out of Syracuse university?

I was.

How about the other half
of that exciting team?

Bert?

Good lord, Bert.

Bert?

Bert?

Will you excuse me?

Come here.

Charlie.

Hey, how you doing, chum?

I'm doing fine.

15 years.

You're looking great.

You're looking pretty good.

And you're lovelier.

And you're more famous.

You're still
married to this bum?

The breaks, I guess.

Give me a hug.

Oh, swell.

Miss beal, what
are you wearing?

This is some fancy ship.

Look what comes with the room.

Mr. Marshall, do you
know what this is?

It's a cruise to Mexico.

I know, and this
belongs to the honeymoon

couple, who missed the ship.

Oh, boy.

This is going to be a ball.

Miss beal, this is serious.

This ship is filled to capacity.

We're going to have to continue
sharing this state room.

Well, we'll just have to
make the best of it, won't we?

No, we'll get off the
first port and fly home.

Oh.

But we can still
go dancing tonight.

No, I want to finish that
letter to Mr. Mcwhirter.

Now?

Now.

Mr. James mcwhirter,
unified marine products.

Mr. Marshall?

Yes.

There's something
I've been trying

to tell you for a long time.

See, the truth of the matter is
I have a very big crush on you.

Yes, well, dear Mr.
mcwhirter, regarding

your complaint about our latest
shipment of semaphore flags--

wait a minute,
didn't you hear me?

I just poured my
soul out to you.

Regarding your complaint
about our recent shipment

of semaphore flags, I feel--

you feel?

You don't feel anything.

You're just a cardboard cut
out with a heart of stone.

You can take your dictation and
your two-bit secretarial job

and your semaphore
flags and just

shove them in your briefcase.

I quit.

You're throwing away
a great pension plan.

Yeah.

Thank you.

May I introduce June
and Charlie godwin?

Late to Syracuse university.

Very late.

You know, this is my old girl.

He's my old friend
and collaborator.

As a matter of fact, perhaps
the better songwriter of the two

of us, which is
probably why she married

him, because as you
can see, it certainly

wasn't a matter of looks.

Well, how about a
song you wrote together?

You see, the requests for my
music never stop pouring in.

Hey, remember this one?

No.

The rhyming song.

Oh, i--

come on, you want
to hear him do it?

Yeah.

I haven't [inaudible]
In 15 years.

It was our first big hit.

Here we go.

I hope I can remember it.

Remember it now?

Let's go.

(Singing) Honey, you're
my sweet sensation.

I don't want no imitation.

You're a positive inspiration
filling me with dedication,

and a kind of exhilaration,
fascination, adoration,

and to make a generalization,
baby, I love you.

Second verse.

Same as the first.

(Singing) Honey, you're
my sweet sensation,

I don't want no imitation,
you're a positive inspiration

filling me with dedication
and the kind of exhilaration,

fascination, adoration, and to
make a generalization, baby,

I love you.

[Inaudible] Even
after graduation.

We love you.

Bravo.

Doctor, I must
give caution, too

much vodka and not any dinner.

Oh, then be
careful, drink slowly.

To Karl Marx.

To Harpo, chico, and Groucho.

I think you've too much.

Hold your glass still.

To the east and the west.

To the north and the south.

Actually we were
three couples,

you and him, me and
him, and you and me.

I tell you, she
had everything.

She sure had us.

Not literally, you understand.

Still writing songs?

No, a jingle now and then.

But after a whole day's work
in an advertising agency--

now he makes money, not music.

Honey, Bert makes money.

And music.

Would anyone like to go to
the acapulco lounge and dance?

Oh, I'd love to.

It's been years.

Come on, Bert.

Ok.

Excuse us.

Thanks.

And please bless Julie and
gopher and doc and Isaac,

and especially captain stubing
because he's very nice, even if

he doesn't want people to know.

And god, please take
care of my mommy.

Make sure that she
doesn't hurt anymore.

Amen.

Captain?

Yes?

I fibbed to you before.

I'm not really
afraid of monsters.

Oh.

I just didn't want
to be left alone.

Nobody likes to be left alone.

My daddy died when I
was just a little girl.

I know.

I hardly remember him at all.

But my mommy, sometimes--

sometimes, I miss her.

I miss her so much.

Why did she have to die?

Not sure I have a very
good answer for that.

All I can tell you
is what I believe.

I believe there is a
time for everything.

And even though it hurts,
we don't understand,

a time for some things
is not for us to decide.

You mean it was
time for mommy?

A time to be born,
a time to die, a time

for every purpose under heaven.

But I loved her.

So did I.

(Singing) Give my
regards to Moscow.

Remember me to old red square.

All right.

All right.

So, you finally decided to
see what the rest of the ship

looks like, huh?

Where's your better half?

Believe me, anything is
better than being stuck

in a cabin with that crumb.

Oh, now, now,
now don't be hasty.

All newlyweds have
these little spats.

Kiss me.

Huh?

I'm not fooling
around, kiss me.

Mrs. Wilson, please, what
kind of man do you think I am?

I'm not Mrs. Wilson.

I'm not even married.

You're not?

I'm miss beal, Mr.
Marshall's secretary.

We're not even supposed
to be on this ship.

Oh.

Good.

And I put you in
the Wilson's cabin.

I'm in a great deal of trouble.

You're in trouble?

I just told Mr.
Marshall I loved him,

and he told me to
take dictation.

He must be bananas.

What am I gonna do?

I'll tell you what
you're not going to do.

You're not going to waste any
more tears over him, right?

Well.

You are going to circulate,
you're going to meet people,

you're going to
dance the night away.

Yeah, you're going
to have a ball.

I mean, let him see
what he's missing.

You're going to be
the life of the party.

Though we may have to come
up with an alternate solution.

Thank you.

Champagne, madame.

Oh, thank you.

I just started running a bath.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Could you help me with this?

Yeah.

Sure.

Oh, Bert looks
great, doesn't he?

You have to admit he still
has those bedroom eyes.

Uh-huh.

And he can't take them off you.

I can't get this.

Oh, I'll do it.

You know something?

I can't keep my
eyes off you either.

Really?

How come you don't say
those things more often?

Oh, I can't do this thing.

Oh, June, I can't win.

Look, maybe I don't always
say the things I feel,

maybe I'm not the most
romantic fellow in the world,

maybe I'm not Bert.

Oh, Charlie.

[Water running]

Oh, the bath's running over.

Charlie, you know, I didn't
mean to compare you to Bert.

All I meant was that--

Oh, Charlie.

Oh, miss beal,
Sandy, you're the most

wonderful woman I've ever met.

Oh, I am?

I just want to take you
in my arms and kiss you.

And kiss you.

Gopher.

Oh, gopher.

Gopher, oh, gopher.

Until tomorrow.

You're away.

Well, I am now.

What time is it?

Oh, a little past 2:00.

I had the best time tonight.

I can just imagine
carrying on with strange men.

Well, I had no choice.

The only person I know on
board had too much work to do.

Good night.

Doc, aren't you awake yet?

Oh.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered

here today to say goodbye to
our late friend Adam bricker.

What happened to you?

I don't know.

Somebody stole my pajamas.

I know I had a vodka or two.

The next thing I remember I
was back in my baby carriage.

What's this?

Dear Dr. Bricker, thank
you for wonderful evening.

I take you to bed.

You are good man, a.
Hey, she gave you an a.

That's her initial,
a is for Anya.

Oh, I see.

Well, doc, she says here
she took you to bed.

That's one for
the books, isn't it?

Adam bricker, legendary
seducer of women,

seduced and abandoned himself.

Have any threes?

Go fish.

Do you have any Jacks?

Excuse me?

Do you have any Jacks?

Jacks?

Jacks.

I win again.

It's so nice here.

I wish I never had to leave.

Well, I'm sure that
you're and and uncle

are nice, aren't they?

Oh, yeah, they have a house
that looks like a castle,

and it has a swimming
pool, and my cousin

Jimmy can go swimming at
night and even in the winter.

Sounds like you have
a lot of fun there.

Yeah.

I like aunt delores
and uncle Harry.

I like you a whole lot too.

Come on, let's go see
if the chef can whip

us up a real special breakfast.

If it's liver, I'm eating out.

Come on.

In Russia, women wear
outfit like this, but only

for running in track and field.

Oh, well, here,
women wear them

to make the men come running.

If those shorts don't clinch
things with the eminent

Dr. Bricker, I'll eat my hat.

You wear no hat.

Oh, no, see, that's
just an expression.

Ah.

Here he comes.

Here he comes.

Miss mishancov, I know
you're used to a dictatorship,

but there are certain things
we just don't dictate.

We have a two party system here,
and we don't do any lovemaking

unless both parties agree.

And we don't go around taking
advantage of helpless people.

I mean, you could have at
least asked in a nice way.

Excuse me.

You were going to eat a hat?

Morning, sir.

Morning.

A-ha, the phantom returns.

I'm sorry, I didn't
know how late it was.

You must have had a hint
when it stopped being dark.

I just get tired of
being compared to Bert.

Nobody does that but you.

You still blame me,
don't you, Charlie?

For what?

For getting pregnant, for
giving you the responsibility

of a family, when all
you really wanted to do

was to be free and write
songs and be what Bert is.

What in hell are
you talking about?

I wanted our family as much as
you did, more than anything.

Noble Charlie to the very end.

Oh, June, after
all these years,

you haven't got the faintest
idea how I feel about you.

You made that pretty
clear last night.

I'm going to eat.

Wait a minute,
I'll get changed.

Oh, don't bother, I
understand they serve

a perfectly wonderful
breakfast for frustrated ladies

on this boat.

Miss beal, I've been thinking.

I don't suppose it would hurt
to spend some time together.

Afraid not.

She has other plans.

Besides, you're getting off the
ship in acapulco this evening.

But--

have a nice flight
back to the office.

Well, goodbye, miss beal.

Ta ta.

You just blew my life.

Sandy, Sandy, trust me.

Men like women who
play hard to get.

What if gets off
the boat in acapulco?

He's not leaving the ship.

You saw his face.

He's caving in.

You want to see caving
in, look at my face.

Hi.

Oh, good morning.

Have you seen Bert?

Yes, we had
breakfast together.

Oh.

Oh, you two have been spending
quite a bit of time together.

That's all it is, time.

That man is carrying a torch
a mile high for some girl.

Really?

(Singing) I love
you, you know.

I love you, you know,
like we loved long ago.

Tell me, do you still remember?

Don't ever go.

Can't we just sail on together?

Baby, now it's old,
we'll never make it new.

That's pretty.

Now what are you doing here?

You weren't supposed
to hear any of this.

Bert.

Hey, go on, please?

Please?

Ok.

(Singing) I love
you, you know.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

You got a minute?

For my captain, of course.

I just thought i'd
come down and have

you take a look at my elbow.

It has been giving me
some trouble lately.

Well, sure, come on over.

I'll give it the once over.

What's the problem?

Well, it just sort of hurts.

Tell me, Adam, have
you given any thought

to living on land again?

Living on land?

Yes.

You know, in a nice house,
lots of room, a garden.

Close to playgrounds
and schools?

Hm?

You're pretty stuck
on Vicki, aren't you?

More than just that.

At one time, I was very
close to her mother.

I see.

And you think the fact that you
have the same eyes is perhaps

more than a coincidence?

Yeah.

It's not impossible.

Well, nothing's impossible.

But does it really
make any difference?

Merrill, Vicki needs a home.

I know, that's why I
was thinking that maybe--

oh, you'd be lousy on
land, and you know it.

She needs more than a daddy.

She needs a mother, other kids.

She needs more than
you can give her.

I just thought.

Well, doctor, as usual,
your diagnosis is faultless.

I only wish the prescription
weren't so hard to fill.

Well, take care of that elbow.

Thanks.

Oh.

Doctor you surprised me.

You surprised me too.

Last night was
not what you think.

I did not--

I would not--

[non-English speech]

How you say, I tucked you in.

You mean--

like mother with baby.

I fold up clothes neat,
I kiss you on the cheek,

and I go away quietly
I don't wake you up.

I guess I owe you an apology.

I did kind of yell at you.

It was very quiet yell.

It was all right.

It made me feel at home.

Doctor has temper
like Russian man.

Oh?

I mean what I say in the note.

I had very good time.

You are good man.

I hope we can be friends.

Just friends?

Hello, delores?

This is merrill stubing.

How are you?

Oh, fine, fine.

I think she's having
the time of her life.

No.

No trouble at all.

I've enjoyed having her.

Look, Dolores, we'll be docking
around 8:00 this evening,

and I was wondering if I might
keep Vicki an extra few hours.

Well, we're having
a party on board

and she's been
looking forward to it.

Around 10:00.

Fine.

See you then.

Well, you all packed?

I'm packed.

Good.

I don't want to go.

Why can't I stay here with you?

Vicki.

Why couldn't I?

Now, look, you have
an aunt and uncle

who love you very much.

You'll be much happier
living with them

then with a grouchy old seaman.

You aren't grouchy.

You're the best.

You'll have vacations.

You can visit me.

And some day, when you get
a little older, who knows?

You might make a fine
cruise director like Julie.

There is nothing in this
whole world you won't be

able to do when you are ready.

You mean like there's
a time for everything?

I love you, captain merrill.

I love you, Vicki.

Well, it looks like the last
of the acapulco sightseers.

I told you he had no
intention of leaving.

Oh.

Mr. Marshall?

Mr. Marshall?

Sandy, don't do this.

You're making a
fool of yourself.

Well, I'd rather
be a fool than alone.

Wait.

Wait.

Miss beal?

I don't want you to leave.

Well, I think it's
only fair that I do.

Then you and your
gentleman friend

can have the cabin
for yourselves.

Oh, all that stuff with
gopher was just an act

to make you open your eyes.

Well, it worked.

It made me realize that you and
I could never make a go of it.

Oh, please?

Well, look at you.

You're young and you're lovely.

You have a great personality.

You need to be with someone
you can have fun with,

not an uptight jerk like me.

Miss beal, Sandy, I could
never make you happy.

You mean, you want
to make me happy?

Yes, that's why I'm leaving.

Well, I know a
much better way.

She's got that assault
kissing down to a science.

Blond is no
longer of interest?

That's good.

There is animal attraction
between us, yes?

Oh, yeah.

Or it could be love?

What do you think?

I think--

I think we ought to
quit drinking vodka.

Listen, Anya.

You must call me anoushka.

It's affectionate for
[Non-English speech]..

You will call me anoushka?

Anoushka.

Anoushka?

Anoushka.

It's all very fine to talk
about animal attraction,

but when we talk about l--

love, it makes me
a little nervous.

Oh, excuse me.

I goofed again.

No, no, no.

It's me.

You see, I've taken
the plunge four times,

and each time I've
come up empty handed.

Yeah, I don't--

look, anoushka, there have
been four Mrs. Doctor brickers.

I guess you think
that's pretty decadent.

No, I think that is very sad.

Perhaps you lose four wives
because you run too hard.

Like the passionate
Russian poet,

you want to experience
life and you sample here

and you sample there, when
what could make you happy

is right under your nostrils.

You're probably 100% right.

But if I'm ever going to have
anybody under my nostrils,

I'd want it to be you.

You like vodka now, huh?

Would you like
some white wine?

No, thanks.

Oh, come on, honey,
snap out of it.

We've been dreaming about
this vacation for years.

We've been dreaming
about something, Charlie,

but I hardly think it's
been this vacation.

That's the trouble
with borrowed tuxedos,

you can never
guarantee the size.

It is roomy.

Well, listen, if you'd
like to get closer,

I think there's room
in here for you.

Oh, let's just see.

You look very beautiful.

Oh, doc, I'm only 10.

Excuse me.

Sorry to be so late.

This slinky business
takes much time.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight
you're in for a great treat.

As you may know, Bert
Buchanan is on board,

and tonight he's going to
introduce a brand new song,

so we'll be the first
to hear tomorrow's hit.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Bert Buchanan.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Once upon a time,
I went to college

with two wonderful people.

Two of us were
songwriters, and the other

was the most terrific girl
you'd ever want to meet.

And as those things happen,
we both fell in love with her.

I've had a lot of luck since
then, a lot of success.

In fact, I think I've gotten
everything I ever wanted,

except one, the girl.

He got her, and with it
a lifetime of happiness

greater than anything
I've ever known.

Anyway, this song is for her.

Oh, one other thing.

I didn't write this song.

He did.

(Singing) Was it so long
ago we were like a flame

on the fire wrapped in the
glow of a sweet insane desire?

We lit up the night
for everyone to see.

It's still the same for me.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

Like we loved long ago.

Tell me do you still remember?

Don't ever go.

Can't we just sail on together?

Baby, now it's old.

We'll never make it new,
but we can make it grow.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

I love you, you know.

It just shows what a man can
do if he stays up all night.

Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry
I've been so awful.

That was such a beautiful song.

All these years, you've never
said what you said in that song

tonight.

Maybe I just
needed to practice.

I love you, you know?

Oh, Charlie.

I don't know about
you, but all of this

is much too frivolous
and decadent for me.

What?

Beautiful song, no?

Likes songs from my country.

Make me feel sad
and happy same time.

You'd like my country, Adam.

In winter, it's very cold.

Cold?

I wear a big fur hat.

It's ugly, but practical.

At night, friends
gather in my apartment,

we sing songs, drink
vodka, tell stories, laugh,

complain about government.

Complain about government?

I'm shocked.

Oh, not our government,
your government.

I make joke, yes?

In summer, I walk
in country, pick

wild flowers by side
of road, men and women

working in the field.

Call out to me
[Non-English speech]..

Means go in peace.

We say have a nice day.

Have nice day.

Say idea.

All people are the same, no?

No.

All people aren't the same.

There aren't very
many around like you.

Jimmy.

Vicki.

Hello, darling.

Merrill, I want to thank you
for taking care of Vicki.

I haven't seen her
so happy since--

well.

She's a marvelous girl.

Some day when you get the
time, you come up to the house

and have dinner.

Of course, I'd love to.

Merrill, it was so
good seeing you again.

Take care of
yourself, delores.

Come on, kids, let's go.

Merrill?

I have to say goodbye.

But, Georgina--

you need the sea.

I need a normal life,
a home, a family.

Tom can give me that.

He'll be a good husband.

But do you love him?

I don't want to say goodbye.

Not goodbye,
Vicki, just so long.

Well, well, you're
certainly going

down the gangplank in better
shape than you came up.

You see what a little
salt air and large romance

can do for you?

Well, I guess it's back
to the office for you two.

Just me, I'm afraid.

I offered her another
position, and she accepted.

Speak with you next week, ok?

Ok.

I'm glad we met.

Me too.

Bye.

Bye bye.

Well.

Well, it was great fun.

It was just one
of those things.

Now, Bert, it's not going to
be another 15 years, is it?

Not this time.

It's Philadelphia, right?

Hey, I'll be there.

I got to go to London
for two months.

Go to Hollywood
and make a movie,

and then, hey, I'll
be there, right?

Right.

Goodbye, Bert.

Goodbye.

Remember, I love you, you know?

Well, college was
great, but Philadelphia

ain't all that bad.

Hey, you didn't forget
that sexy robe, did you?

I'd like to
apologize for spending

so little time with
you, miss mishancov.

Oh.

I just became involved
in other situations.

It's all right,
captain stubing.

I learned many things,
made many friends.

Julie.

Anya, it was nice meeting
you, and you still look slinky.

Goodbye.

Bye.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Anoushka, don't go.

Stay here.

Marry me.

Are you serious?

Utterly serious.

It's wonderful idea
to be with you always.

I can't think of
anything more wonderful.

[Non-English speech]

In Soviet union,
I am commissar

in charge of cruise vessels.

I cannot live here.

But you'll have freedom,
fun, sunshine, Disneyland.

Me.

Adam, you love this
country very much, yes.

Yes.

I too love my
country very much.

But--

Adam, I have never
met anyone like you,

and I never will again.

My heart is filled
with love for you.

But you must tell me goodbye.

Goodbye, my anoushka.

[Non-English speech].

[Non-English speech]

Have a nice day.

Georgina (voiceover):
Vicki was three today.

We had a nice little
party in the back yard.

She was simply thrilled
with the stuff elephant.

She hasn't let go of it all day.

I wish you could see her.

She really does seem
to have your eyes.

[Music playing]