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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,020 (laughing) Bro! 2 00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:10,620 This steakhouse for my bachelor party tonight? Amazing! 3 00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:13,030 We got a bourbon tasting, cigar lounge. 4 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,630 I'm telling y'all, this is the kind of place where 5 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:19,300 there's a dude in the men's room with mints and cologne. 6 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,200 Okay, well, I better take some small bills, 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,790 because I don't want to pay five dollars for a Tic Tac. 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,540 Have fun with your meats and cigars. 9 00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:31,660 Us ladies will be right here having cocktails and massages. 10 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:36,370 Well, all right, girls, get your ladies' night on. 11 00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:38,950 And enjoy these nights while you can, Necie. 12 00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:41,320 Once you have babies, those nights are far and few. 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,990 CALVIN: Oh, yeah, that's true. 14 00:00:44,190 --> 00:00:46,480 Making you boys was fun as hell. 15 00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:51,880 But raising y'all, now, that's been an exhausting ordeal. 16 00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,540 What are we supposed to say to that? 17 00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,620 Just internalize it. 18 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,310 Marty, you haven't told your parents we decided 19 00:01:04,510 --> 00:01:05,510 not to have kids? 20 00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:07,630 Well, not in so many words. 21 00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:09,900 Or any words. 22 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,030 Come on, Marty. 23 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,620 Look, Necie is about to spend the entire night 24 00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:16,190 with a woman who's already picked out 25 00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:18,860 six years' worth of her grandkids' Easter outfits. 26 00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:20,990 I know. You're right. 27 00:01:21,190 --> 00:01:22,500 I'll tell them. 28 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:23,900 Hey, you know what? 29 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,600 Maybe they'll be so excited about tonight, 30 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,030 it won't even affect them. 31 00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:28,500 Oh, you think so? 32 00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,890 Hell nah. Barely believed it as I said it. 33 00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:33,940 * Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood * 34 00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,560 * Welcome to the hood. * 35 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,720 Well, I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, 36 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,550 and... (sniffs) 37 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:49,040 and I'm smelling good. 38 00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,630 I am so excited for tonight. 39 00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,490 Yeah, about that. 40 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:58,100 Please keep in mind that tonight is supposed to be Marty's night. 41 00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,630 Yeah, of course I know that. 42 00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,000 Do you? 43 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,100 What are you getting at? 44 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,540 I'm just saying, you don't 45 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:06,120 have a great history at bachelor parties. 46 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,280 (clears throat) 47 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,610 I don't know what you're talking about. 48 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:14,700 Dave, Kevin's bachelor party in Canc n? 49 00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:17,300 Matthew's in New Orleans? 50 00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,350 Gary's bachelor party that started 51 00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:21,370 in Las Vegas and ended in jail? 52 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:27,610 It was a detention cell at the Bellagio. 53 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:31,700 I'm just saying, these events bring out the worst in you. 54 00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,170 That's why your friends gave you the nickname. 55 00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:36,770 Did they? I-I don't even remember. 56 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,390 The Douche. 57 00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:42,310 This is supposed to be a nice night, 58 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,730 not an episode of Entourage. 59 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,780 I promise you, I left that guy at the Bellagio. 60 00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:53,540 There will be no a-douche. 61 00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:55,920 What's a douche? 62 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,660 (stammering) 63 00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:00,080 It's nothing. Dave, stop. It's a feminine hygiene... 64 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,050 It's used to... Dave, tap out. Tap out. Tap out. 65 00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:08,020 Never mind. I'll just go ask the Internet. 66 00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:14,710 Knock, knock. 67 00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:16,880 (chuckles) Hey. Lookin' spiffy, Dad. 68 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,530 Well, that settles that. (clears throat) 69 00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:22,480 (clears throat) Uh... 70 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,280 Uh, can I talk to you both for a sec? 71 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,090 Well, can't it wait until we're out of the bathroom? 72 00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:31,360 No, because I might chicken out. (chuckles) 73 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,260 So, you know how Necie and I are an unconventional, 74 00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:37,430 modern couple with bold sensibilities 75 00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,830 that don't conform to outdated norms? 76 00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:43,290 Is one of those outdated norms getting to the point? 77 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,310 (chuckles nervously, stammers) 78 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:51,010 So, Necie and I discussed the idea of having kids, 79 00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:52,380 and... 80 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,010 we realized that we don't need children 81 00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,330 in our lives to feel complete. 82 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,420 It's the decision that we've made, 83 00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:02,420 and we hope that you can respect it. 84 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,810 You... So... 85 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,160 Okay. 86 00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:15,600 So, how's that landing on everyone? Mama? 87 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,340 Oh, I didn't know you were finished. 88 00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:21,220 Thanks for letting us know. 89 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:23,510 That's it? 90 00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:26,110 Oh, I do have one more thing to say. 91 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,600 You boys have fun tonight. 92 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,480 We will. 93 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,190 Uh, you too, Mama. (laughs) 94 00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:36,660 Thanks. Thanks for being so cool about this. 95 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,170 All right, now. Okay. 96 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,330 Babe, are you sure you're good with this? 97 00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:44,800 Would you look at this mirror. It is filthy. 98 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,930 Okay, Tina, that's not what I'm talking abo... 99 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:49,450 You know, I'm gonna get my rubber gloves and some bleach. 100 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,660 Oh, damn. 101 00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,710 Ooh, Calvin, listen. Oh, good, listen. 102 00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:01,410 Let me tell you-- Oh. I need to, uh-- No. 103 00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:02,880 Oh, sorry. No, you go. You go. 104 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,120 No, you go. Okay. Go, go, go. Go. 105 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,350 Okay, um... 106 00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:07,050 Can you keep an eye on Dave tonight? 107 00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:09,360 He's not gonna try to rap again, is he? 108 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,990 He might. 109 00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,590 Bachelor parties are a trigger for him. 110 00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:15,890 When he gets around alcohol and male bonding, 111 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,510 he turns into... 112 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,230 There's no nice way to say this: The Douche. 113 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:27,040 Huh. Okay, well, we got bigger problems because 114 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:32,040 Marty just told us that he and Necie don't plan to have kids. 115 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,280 Oh, my God. How did you guys take it? 116 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,550 Well, I was disappointed, but I get it. 117 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:39,890 But Tina? 118 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,650 Did she scream? 119 00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,390 Ha! I wish. 120 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:47,760 Tina's got three stages of crazy before she loses it. 121 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,700 One, she gets really quiet. Two, she obsessively cleans. 122 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,880 And three, she laughs at stuff that's not even funny. 123 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,100 Hey, girl! 124 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,160 You ready to get your massage on? 125 00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:04,560 Stage two? 126 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,310 And hopefully we hold there. 127 00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:09,680 At least I know my house is going to be spotless. 128 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,250 (chuckling): Yeah. 129 00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:15,850 (sighs) We have ants. So many ants. 130 00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,610 (laughs loudly) 131 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,930 (hip-hop music playing) 132 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:27,370 Whoa, whoa. 133 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,330 Wh-What happened to the limo I ordered? 134 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,940 The limo didn't have no stripper pole. 135 00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,310 That was the point, Trey. 136 00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:35,940 Oh, check it out. 137 00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,730 It's about to be insane! 138 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,280 You're welcome. 139 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,550 Trey, this bus better be taking us to that classy steakhouse. 140 00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,720 It is. Where we are going to have 141 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:47,650 a classy bourbon tasting. 142 00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:50,160 Yes. And no strippers. 143 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,590 Well, now I got to make a call. 144 00:06:52,790 --> 00:06:55,030 Oh. Come on, man. 145 00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:58,710 I'll tell you, if these seats are sticky, I'm taking an Uber. 146 00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:01,330 Dave, are you okay? 147 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,340 Yeah, I'm fine. Fine. 148 00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,970 What are you doing, man? It's just a bus. 149 00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,490 A party bus. 150 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,590 Oh, boy. 151 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:17,320 Hey, Necie, what's up? Miss Tina. 152 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,120 This is my friend Bree. 153 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,550 Hi. So nice to meet you. 154 00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:22,290 Oh, nice to meet you. Make yourself at home. 155 00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:23,760 So, Necie... 156 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,060 Huh? Oh, Tina, this is so interesting. 157 00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:28,260 What? Did you know Bree has some big, big news? 158 00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:31,160 Mm. She's about to be on Broadway and In the Heights. 159 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,430 Oh, is that right? Uh-huh. 160 00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,450 Anyways, Necie, I have a question for you. 161 00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:38,970 Have you ever seen a pair of boots 162 00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:41,610 in the store and said, "I don't want those boots," 163 00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:44,480 but later you think, "I wish I'd bought them"? 164 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,710 So you go back to the store, but it's too late, 165 00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:49,350 the boots are gone, and now all your friends have boots, 166 00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,930 but you're too old to have boots? You know? 167 00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,350 I'm sorry, what is the question? 168 00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:56,860 Well, I was trying to ask... 169 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,460 Okay, ready for the first two massages. 170 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,860 Oh, thank God. Bree, Necie, you guys go first. 171 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:04,310 Oh, I don't have to go... No, go, go, go, go. 172 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:09,200 You know what? This bus isn't so bad. 173 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,600 Man, you know what? It is kind of fun. 174 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:12,870 Yeah, man. 175 00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:14,070 Whoa! Okay, then. 176 00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:16,810 Uh, why is this pole warm? 177 00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:19,650 Wait a minute. Was it just used? 178 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:20,680 No, man. 179 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,430 The heater pole is a feature. 180 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,220 I'm gonna need hand sanitizer. 181 00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:29,620 I got you. (muttering) 182 00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:31,660 What? 183 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,290 This thing is full of Jell-O shots! 184 00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:35,660 Oh, boy. 185 00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,080 (Trey laughing) Well, all right! 186 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,770 What are you doing, Trey? 187 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:44,750 Jell-O shots? Are we pledging a sorority? 188 00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:48,840 I guess one won't hurt. Yeah, to Marty. 189 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,340 ALL: To Marty. 190 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,860 All right. 191 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,930 I think someone put alcohol liquor in these. 192 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,250 You know, things went so well with Mom and Dad, 193 00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,720 I'm actually in a Jell-O shots mood. 194 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,790 Hey, Dave? Dave, I thought we agreed to one shot. 195 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,860 Yes, one green shot. These are purple. 196 00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:12,260 This must be Jell-O, because jam don't shake like that! 197 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:13,730 Let's go, boys! Hey... 198 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:15,420 (laughing) 199 00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,340 Marty, I didn't think this night could get any better. 200 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:27,160 But there's a Snorlax in this room. 201 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,880 Okay, okay, use your lucky Pok Ball to catch them, 202 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,140 but don't let my brother see what you're doing. 203 00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:35,990 Hey, what's up? Whoa! Uh... 204 00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:38,020 BOTH: Looking at sports! 205 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,490 Sports. Sports. 206 00:09:40,690 --> 00:09:42,910 Okay. Yeah. 207 00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,870 Ah, what a night. 208 00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:48,930 Out on the town with my boys, 209 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,400 enjoying steaks, whiskey and cigars. 210 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,540 Manly men manning it up. 211 00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:58,310 (inhales, coughs loudly) 212 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,260 Daddy! Help me, it's in my lungs! 213 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,530 Boy, it's not even lit. 214 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,550 But it's about to be! 215 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:09,570 (grunting rhythmically) 216 00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:14,940 Marty, your friend is so cool. 217 00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:19,900 Gentlemen, who here has done a bourbon tasting before? 218 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:23,640 Oh, uh, Montez and I are familiar. 219 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,620 M-Montez, where are you at? Hey, Montez. 220 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,510 Dave, Dave, would you calm down, man? 221 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,580 Hmm. Uh-oh. 222 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,430 Dad's mad. 223 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:39,380 Now, the reason we use snifters is: it concentrates the nose. 224 00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:41,590 And if you give it a little swirl... 225 00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:43,170 Mmm! 226 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,210 My tummy is a-toasty. 227 00:10:50,510 --> 00:10:52,400 Maybe I should just go ahead and take your dinner orders. 228 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,100 Yeah, yeah. Ooh, I got you. 229 00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:58,070 Simone, tomahawk steaks all around. Rare. 230 00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,270 Still mooin'. Derek, can I get a moo? 231 00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,340 Moo! 232 00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:02,780 Yeah, Derek! 233 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,260 Uh, no, no, no. No mooing. 234 00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,250 Simone, I don't want my steak rare. 235 00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:08,410 I want it well-done. 236 00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,720 All right? No mooing at all. 237 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,280 Dead. 238 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,670 Only thing red I want to see on my plate is ketchup. 239 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,630 Dudes, what are we doing? 240 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,100 Marty is about to get married, and we're just sitting here 241 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,380 like a bunch of babies at a baby shower. 242 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:27,930 ALL: What? 243 00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:30,390 (dance music playing) (whistling) 244 00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:35,840 What is going on? 245 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,510 Trey, is there a club in the back? 246 00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,080 Oh, my God. 247 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,060 I'm just as shocked as you are. 248 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,650 The bachelor party gods have spoken. 249 00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,420 And they have said, 250 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,010 "Let it be lit." 251 00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,570 No, no, Dave, Dave... Dave, Dave, Dave... 252 00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:54,490 And so it was! 253 00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:55,890 (Calvin groans) 254 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,030 Trey, don't. No, no. 255 00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:58,400 Okay. Listen, guys, 256 00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,630 I got to go in there and get them. 257 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:01,200 I promised Gemma that I wouldn't let Dave 258 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,220 go off the deep end. I got to go get him. 259 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,580 Yo, it's been a minute since Dad was in a club. 260 00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:13,250 Well, don't worry about Pops. He can handle himself. 261 00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:14,850 (air horn blowing) 262 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:16,580 Uh-uh, no, no, no. 263 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,230 He's on his own. The Douche is loose. 264 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,890 So, Bree seems nice. 265 00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,620 Who? 266 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,490 Necie's friend. 267 00:12:28,690 --> 00:12:30,660 Oh, yeah, yeah. Great, great. 268 00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:34,470 Oh, you know, I bet if we went to New York, 269 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,740 she could get us house seats to In the Heights. 270 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,170 Oh, that'd be so fun, right? 271 00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:41,710 I haven't been to New York since high school. 272 00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:42,980 Mmm. 273 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,110 Not to brag, but I was in Model UN. 274 00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:48,330 I represented the country of Cameroon. 275 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,400 Tina? 276 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,810 Oh, crap. 277 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,430 Isn't this great, Bree? 278 00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:03,160 I can't remember the last time I had a massage. 279 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,880 (groaning): Oh, yeah. 280 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,640 You know, you should treat yourself more often. 281 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,100 Miss Tina? 282 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:16,520 (grunts) I'm so glad we're going to have a chance to chat. 283 00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:27,890 (clinking) 284 00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,720 You know what? I'd like to propose a toast. 285 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,380 (dance music playing) (air horn blowing) 286 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,410 Dudes, you have got to come in there. 287 00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:41,830 Dave, where'd you get the tiara? 288 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,170 Hmm? Oh, it's a crown. 289 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:46,650 I'm royalty in there. 290 00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,410 Derek, come on. 291 00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:51,230 Okay, but don't lose me. 292 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,010 MALCOLM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, guys, guys, guys, come on. 293 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,680 Come on. Look, sit down. Okay? 294 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,620 Wait, look. My pops is trying to give a speech. Come on, Dave. 295 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,520 You're right. Sorry. 296 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,060 Uh, Derek, sit down. 297 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:06,760 Show a little respect. Calvin, the floor is yours. 298 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,690 Thank you, Dave. 299 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:13,200 Uh, I'd like to propose a toast to my son Marty. 300 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,670 Hey. 301 00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,870 I mean, it seems like only yesterday I was holding you 302 00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,940 in my arms for the very first time. 303 00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,640 Next thing you know, you were a little kid 304 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,410 on my shoulders at the zoo, 305 00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,910 just going on and on with your penguin facts 306 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,860 while your snow cone dripped on my head. 307 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,320 But I just let it drip because I never 308 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,100 wanted you to stop telling me things. 309 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,390 The amount of joy that you and Malcolm have given me, 310 00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:42,190 it's just been amazing. 311 00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:45,260 The Christmas mornings, the school projects, 312 00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,250 even the broken arms. 313 00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,890 I wouldn't change one minute of it for anything. 314 00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,470 Now you're getting married. 315 00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:57,110 (chuckles) 316 00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,580 That means I got to let you go. 317 00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:01,910 So... 318 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,680 To my baby boy Marty. 319 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,620 I love you, son. I love you, man. 320 00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:08,200 TREY: Ah... 321 00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:11,470 I want babies! 322 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,630 I want snow cone juice to drip on my head. 323 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,850 I want babies so bad. 324 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,440 Mmm. 325 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,970 What's that scent? 326 00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:30,110 Huh, I think it's lavender. 327 00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:33,400 Ooh, I think you're right. 328 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,980 While we're on the subject... 329 00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:39,830 Why do you hate kids? 330 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,690 What? I love kids. 331 00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:44,860 I'm godmother to both of Bree's kids. 332 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,890 Who the hell is Bree? 333 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:50,000 The woman you kicked off the massage table. 334 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,460 Oh. 335 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,550 Yeah, yeah, yeah, th-the one from Hamilton. 336 00:15:56,550 --> 00:16:00,540 I mean, what is it? Is it about your career? 337 00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,070 Traveling? 338 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:04,930 Do you have a bad relationship with your mother? 339 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:07,650 I love my mother. 340 00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:11,270 I think we'll take a five. 341 00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:16,090 Is it your body? Because... 342 00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,070 I can carry the baby. 343 00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:22,440 My doctor says I have the uterus of a 24-year-old. 344 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,530 Miss Tina... (chuckles) 345 00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:31,670 there are so many things I want to do with my life. 346 00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:35,490 Being a mother just doesn't happen to be one of them. 347 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,510 I just don't get it. 348 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,780 How could you not want to be a mother? 349 00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:46,950 It's just who I am. 350 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:49,900 How could you not want to be a boxer? 351 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,720 Come on now, that's totally different. 352 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,310 Mm, they both hurt. 353 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,500 Tell me about it. 354 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,870 But children, they-they bring 355 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:04,440 so much laughter and-and joy. 356 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,840 Marty brings me so much laughter and joy. 357 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,380 Yeah, okay, but Marty is... 358 00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:11,740 We love each other, 359 00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:15,210 and we're happy with the choice we've made, 360 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,100 even if it's not the choice you would've made. 361 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,570 You're right. 362 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,690 I've been putting my dreams on you, 363 00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,510 and that's not fair. 364 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,800 I guess I was just a little surprised 365 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,930 when Marty told us. 366 00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,800 He always talked about being a dad. 367 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:37,970 Really? 368 00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,310 Look around. Look at all these toys. 369 00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,940 I've been trying to throw these toys out for years, 370 00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:44,610 but Marty would never let me. 371 00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:47,430 He says, "Mom, they're classics." 372 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,930 He wanted to save them for his kids. 373 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:58,240 I guess, um, this news caught me a little off guard. 374 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,860 Marty never told me that. 375 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:05,050 You know, I owe you an apology. 376 00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:08,330 I don't know if you noticed, but, uh, 377 00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:10,690 I've been a little crazy this evening. 378 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,570 Will you forgive me? 379 00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,810 (sighs) 380 00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,510 (chuckles) 381 00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:20,450 No, Tina, stop. What? 382 00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:24,200 Oh, you're hugging. Phew. As you were. 383 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,590 * * 384 00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:32,920 Hey, uh, Marty. 385 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,730 The things I said in my toast... 386 00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,190 Listen, I wasn't trying to... 387 00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:38,460 No, it's-it's okay, Dad. 388 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:39,800 Okay. 389 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,270 That was my favorite thing you've ever said to me. 390 00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,420 Even though it was Malcolm at the zoo. 391 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,770 Really? Yup. 392 00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:48,210 Marty hated penguins. 393 00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:50,440 (sighs) Scared the hell out of me. 394 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,710 They still do. 395 00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:53,450 But... 396 00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:56,380 you're still the best dad a guy could ask for. 397 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:57,980 And hearing how much being a father 398 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,120 meant to you, I want that. 399 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,920 Are you sure? 400 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,590 Because I feel like 401 00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,720 I should've just kept my big mouth closed. 402 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,190 No, I'm sure. 403 00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:11,160 You know, I told myself I didn't want kids, 404 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,300 but I was lying to myself 405 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,050 and to Necie. 406 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,940 So... who cried at Six Flags? 407 00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,410 That was you, right? 408 00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,780 Yup, yup, that was me. Yeah. 409 00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:25,410 Yeah, that was definitely Marty. Okay. 410 00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,210 Remember he was scared on the roller coaster? 411 00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,710 No, you pretended the safety bar wouldn't latch. 412 00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:31,250 (laughter) 413 00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,080 And he cried, he was crying. He was crying. 414 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,220 "Daddy, get me out of here." 415 00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:37,660 Oh, the guys are here. 416 00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:40,860 Derek, me, you, Frisbee golf, 417 00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:42,890 next weekend. Montez, 418 00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:45,180 blow up my DMs, please. 419 00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,170 I see you met The Douche. 420 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,140 Yup. 421 00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:54,390 Not a fan. (sighs) Uh-uh. 422 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,080 Ooh. Okay, babe, 423 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,410 you are not gonna believe this, 424 00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:01,410 but Necie and I just talked, and... 425 00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:04,620 I'm actually okay with them not wanting babies. 426 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,420 Well, I got news for you. 427 00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,990 Marty actually does want babies. 428 00:20:09,190 --> 00:20:10,790 He does? 429 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:12,660 Hmm. 430 00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:16,560 Uh-oh. 431 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,230 Necie, hey. 432 00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:19,460 Hey. 433 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:20,770 You guys have fun? 434 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,070 Yeah, yeah. You? 435 00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:25,440 Yeah, yeah. 436 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,570 Look, I think we should talk. 437 00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,690 Yeah, I was just about to say the same thing. 438 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,980 DAVE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, dudes. 439 00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:36,250 Oh, God, here he comes. Go in the house. Go, go, go, go. 440 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:39,420 Dudes, dudes. Where are we going? 441 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,350 I thought we were gonna go out and slam some waffles. 442 00:20:41,550 --> 00:20:43,460 Dave, come on, let's go home. 443 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,370 Let's go home, buddy. Come on. 444 00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,930 Hey, Derek, check this out. This is who I'm married to. 445 00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,680 Smokeshow. Okay. 446 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,010 Captioning sponsored by CBS 447 00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,610 and TOYOTA. 448 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:12,200 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 449 00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:16,800 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31810

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