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1
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,020
(laughing) Bro!
2
00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:10,620
This steakhouse for my bachelor
party tonight? Amazing!
3
00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:13,030
We got a bourbon tasting,
cigar lounge.
4
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,630
I'm telling y'all,
this is the kind of place where
5
00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:19,300
there's a dude in the men's
room with mints and cologne.
6
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,200
Okay, well,
I better take some small bills,
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,790
because I don't want to pay
five dollars for a Tic Tac.
8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,540
Have fun with
your meats and cigars.
9
00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:31,660
Us ladies will be right here
having cocktails and massages.
10
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:36,370
Well, all right, girls,
get your ladies' night on.
11
00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:38,950
And enjoy these nights
while you can, Necie.
12
00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:41,320
Once you have babies,
those nights are far and few.
13
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,990
CALVIN:
Oh, yeah, that's true.
14
00:00:44,190 --> 00:00:46,480
Making you boys was fun as hell.
15
00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:51,880
But raising y'all, now, that's
been an exhausting ordeal.
16
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,540
What are we
supposed to say to that?
17
00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,620
Just internalize it.
18
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,310
Marty, you haven't told
your parents we decided
19
00:01:04,510 --> 00:01:05,510
not to have kids?
20
00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:07,630
Well, not in so many words.
21
00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:09,900
Or any words.
22
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,030
Come on, Marty.
23
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,620
Look, Necie is about
to spend the entire night
24
00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:16,190
with a woman
who's already picked out
25
00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:18,860
six years' worth of
her grandkids' Easter outfits.
26
00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:20,990
I know. You're right.
27
00:01:21,190 --> 00:01:22,500
I'll tell them.
28
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:23,900
Hey, you know what?
29
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,600
Maybe they'll be so
excited about tonight,
30
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,030
it won't even affect them.
31
00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:28,500
Oh, you think so?
32
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,890
Hell nah. Barely believed it
as I said it.
33
00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:33,940
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
34
00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,560
* Welcome to the hood. *
35
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,720
Well, I'm looking good,
I'm feeling good,
36
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,550
and... (sniffs)
37
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:49,040
and I'm smelling good.
38
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,630
I am so excited for tonight.
39
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,490
Yeah, about that.
40
00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:58,100
Please keep in mind that tonight
is supposed to be Marty's night.
41
00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,630
Yeah, of course I know that.
42
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,000
Do you?
43
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,100
What are you getting at?
44
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,540
I'm just saying, you don't
45
00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:06,120
have a great history
at bachelor parties.
46
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,280
(clears throat)
47
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,610
I don't know what
you're talking about.
48
00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:14,700
Dave, Kevin's bachelor party
in Canc n?
49
00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:17,300
Matthew's in New Orleans?
50
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,350
Gary's bachelor party
that started
51
00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:21,370
in Las Vegas and ended in jail?
52
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:27,610
It was a detention cell
at the Bellagio.
53
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:31,700
I'm just saying, these events
bring out the worst in you.
54
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,170
That's why your friends
gave you the nickname.
55
00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:36,770
Did they?
I-I don't even remember.
56
00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,390
The Douche.
57
00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:42,310
This is supposed to be
a nice night,
58
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,730
not an episode of Entourage.
59
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,780
I promise you,
I left that guy at the Bellagio.
60
00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:53,540
There will be no a-douche.
61
00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:55,920
What's a douche?
62
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,660
(stammering)
63
00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:00,080
It's nothing. Dave, stop.
It's a feminine hygiene...
64
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,050
It's used to...
Dave, tap out. Tap out. Tap out.
65
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:08,020
Never mind. I'll just go
ask the Internet.
66
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:14,710
Knock, knock.
67
00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:16,880
(chuckles) Hey.
Lookin' spiffy, Dad.
68
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,530
Well, that settles that.
(clears throat)
69
00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:22,480
(clears throat)
Uh...
70
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,280
Uh, can I talk
to you both for a sec?
71
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,090
Well, can't it wait until
we're out of the bathroom?
72
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:31,360
No, because I might chicken out.
(chuckles)
73
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,260
So, you know how Necie
and I are an unconventional,
74
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:37,430
modern couple
with bold sensibilities
75
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,830
that don't conform
to outdated norms?
76
00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:43,290
Is one of those outdated norms
getting to the point?
77
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,310
(chuckles nervously, stammers)
78
00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:51,010
So, Necie and I discussed
the idea of having kids,
79
00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:52,380
and...
80
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,010
we realized
that we don't need children
81
00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,330
in our lives to feel complete.
82
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,420
It's the decision
that we've made,
83
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:02,420
and we hope
that you can respect it.
84
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,810
You... So...
85
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,160
Okay.
86
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:15,600
So, how's that landing
on everyone? Mama?
87
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,340
Oh, I didn't know
you were finished.
88
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:21,220
Thanks for
letting us know.
89
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:23,510
That's it?
90
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:26,110
Oh, I do have
one more thing to say.
91
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,600
You boys have fun tonight.
92
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,480
We will.
93
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,190
Uh, you too, Mama.
(laughs)
94
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:36,660
Thanks. Thanks for being
so cool about this.
95
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,170
All right, now. Okay.
96
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,330
Babe, are you sure
you're good with this?
97
00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:44,800
Would you look at this mirror.
It is filthy.
98
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,930
Okay, Tina, that's not
what I'm talking abo...
99
00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:49,450
You know, I'm gonna get my
rubber gloves and some bleach.
100
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,660
Oh, damn.
101
00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,710
Ooh, Calvin, listen.
Oh, good, listen.
102
00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:01,410
Let me tell you-- Oh.
I need to, uh-- No.
103
00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:02,880
Oh, sorry. No, you go.
You go.
104
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,120
No, you go. Okay.
Go, go, go. Go.
105
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,350
Okay, um...
106
00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:07,050
Can you keep an eye
on Dave tonight?
107
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:09,360
He's not gonna try
to rap again, is he?
108
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,990
He might.
109
00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,590
Bachelor parties are
a trigger for him.
110
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:15,890
When he gets around alcohol
and male bonding,
111
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,510
he turns into...
112
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,230
There's no nice way
to say this: The Douche.
113
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:27,040
Huh. Okay, well,
we got bigger problems because
114
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:32,040
Marty just told us that he and
Necie don't plan to have kids.
115
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,280
Oh, my God.
How did you guys take it?
116
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,550
Well, I was disappointed,
but I get it.
117
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:39,890
But Tina?
118
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,650
Did she scream?
119
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,390
Ha! I wish.
120
00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:47,760
Tina's got three stages
of crazy before she loses it.
121
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,700
One, she gets really quiet.
Two, she obsessively cleans.
122
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,880
And three, she laughs at
stuff that's not even funny.
123
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,100
Hey, girl!
124
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,160
You ready to get
your massage on?
125
00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:04,560
Stage two?
126
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,310
And hopefully we hold there.
127
00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:09,680
At least I know my house
is going to be spotless.
128
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,250
(chuckling):
Yeah.
129
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:15,850
(sighs) We have ants.
So many ants.
130
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,610
(laughs loudly)
131
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,930
(hip-hop music playing)
132
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:27,370
Whoa, whoa.
133
00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,330
Wh-What happened to
the limo I ordered?
134
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,940
The limo didn't
have no stripper pole.
135
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,310
That was the point, Trey.
136
00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:35,940
Oh, check it out.
137
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,730
It's about to be insane!
138
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,280
You're welcome.
139
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,550
Trey, this bus better be taking
us to that classy steakhouse.
140
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,720
It is.
Where we are going to have
141
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:47,650
a classy bourbon tasting.
142
00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:50,160
Yes.
And no strippers.
143
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,590
Well, now I got to
make a call.
144
00:06:52,790 --> 00:06:55,030
Oh. Come on, man.
145
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:58,710
I'll tell you, if these seats
are sticky, I'm taking an Uber.
146
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:01,330
Dave, are you okay?
147
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,340
Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.
148
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,970
What are you doing, man?
It's just a bus.
149
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,490
A party bus.
150
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,590
Oh, boy.
151
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:17,320
Hey, Necie, what's up?
Miss Tina.
152
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,120
This is my friend Bree.
153
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,550
Hi. So nice to meet you.
154
00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:22,290
Oh, nice to meet you.
Make yourself at home.
155
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:23,760
So, Necie...
156
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,060
Huh?
Oh, Tina, this is so interesting.
157
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:28,260
What?
Did you know Bree has some big, big news?
158
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:31,160
Mm.
She's about to be on Broadway and In the Heights.
159
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,430
Oh, is that right?
Uh-huh.
160
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,450
Anyways, Necie,
I have a question for you.
161
00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:38,970
Have you ever
seen a pair of boots
162
00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:41,610
in the store and said,
"I don't want those boots,"
163
00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:44,480
but later you think,
"I wish I'd bought them"?
164
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,710
So you go back to the store,
but it's too late,
165
00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:49,350
the boots are gone, and now
all your friends have boots,
166
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,930
but you're too old
to have boots? You know?
167
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,350
I'm sorry, what is the question?
168
00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:56,860
Well, I was trying to ask...
169
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,460
Okay, ready for the
first two massages.
170
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,860
Oh, thank God. Bree,
Necie, you guys go first.
171
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:04,310
Oh, I don't have to go...
No, go, go, go, go.
172
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:09,200
You know what?
This bus isn't so bad.
173
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,600
Man, you know what?
It is kind of fun.
174
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:12,870
Yeah, man.
175
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:14,070
Whoa! Okay, then.
176
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:16,810
Uh, why is this pole warm?
177
00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:19,650
Wait a minute.
Was it just used?
178
00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:20,680
No, man.
179
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,430
The heater pole is a feature.
180
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,220
I'm gonna need
hand sanitizer.
181
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:29,620
I got you. (muttering)
182
00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:31,660
What?
183
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,290
This thing is full
of Jell-O shots!
184
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:35,660
Oh, boy.
185
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,080
(Trey laughing)
Well, all right!
186
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,770
What are you doing, Trey?
187
00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:44,750
Jell-O shots?
Are we pledging a sorority?
188
00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:48,840
I guess one won't hurt.
Yeah, to Marty.
189
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,340
ALL:
To Marty.
190
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,860
All right.
191
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,930
I think someone put
alcohol liquor in these.
192
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,250
You know, things went
so well with Mom and Dad,
193
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,720
I'm actually in a
Jell-O shots mood.
194
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,790
Hey, Dave? Dave, I thought
we agreed to one shot.
195
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,860
Yes, one green shot.
These are purple.
196
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:12,260
This must be Jell-O, because
jam don't shake like that!
197
00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:13,730
Let's go, boys!
Hey...
198
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:15,420
(laughing)
199
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,340
Marty, I didn't think
this night could get any better.
200
00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:27,160
But there's a Snorlax
in this room.
201
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,880
Okay, okay, use your lucky
Pok Ball to catch them,
202
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,140
but don't let my brother
see what you're doing.
203
00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:35,990
Hey, what's up?
Whoa! Uh...
204
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:38,020
BOTH:
Looking at sports!
205
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,490
Sports.
Sports.
206
00:09:40,690 --> 00:09:42,910
Okay. Yeah.
207
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,870
Ah, what a night.
208
00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:48,930
Out on the town
with my boys,
209
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,400
enjoying steaks,
whiskey and cigars.
210
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,540
Manly men manning it up.
211
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:58,310
(inhales, coughs loudly)
212
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,260
Daddy! Help me,
it's in my lungs!
213
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,530
Boy, it's not even lit.
214
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,550
But it's about to be!
215
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:09,570
(grunting rhythmically)
216
00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:14,940
Marty, your friend is so cool.
217
00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:19,900
Gentlemen, who here has
done a bourbon tasting before?
218
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:23,640
Oh, uh, Montez and I
are familiar.
219
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,620
M-Montez, where are you at?
Hey, Montez.
220
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,510
Dave, Dave, would you
calm down, man?
221
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,580
Hmm. Uh-oh.
222
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,430
Dad's mad.
223
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:39,380
Now, the reason we use snifters
is: it concentrates the nose.
224
00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:41,590
And if you give it
a little swirl...
225
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:43,170
Mmm!
226
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,210
My tummy is a-toasty.
227
00:10:50,510 --> 00:10:52,400
Maybe I should just go ahead
and take your dinner orders.
228
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,100
Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, I got you.
229
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:58,070
Simone, tomahawk steaks
all around. Rare.
230
00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,270
Still mooin'.
Derek, can I get a moo?
231
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,340
Moo!
232
00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:02,780
Yeah, Derek!
233
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,260
Uh, no, no, no. No mooing.
234
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,250
Simone, I don't want
my steak rare.
235
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:08,410
I want it well-done.
236
00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,720
All right?
No mooing at all.
237
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,280
Dead.
238
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,670
Only thing red I want to see
on my plate is ketchup.
239
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,630
Dudes, what are we doing?
240
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,100
Marty is about to get married,
and we're just sitting here
241
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,380
like a bunch of babies
at a baby shower.
242
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:27,930
ALL:
What?
243
00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:30,390
(dance music playing)
(whistling)
244
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:35,840
What is going on?
245
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,510
Trey, is there a club
in the back?
246
00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,080
Oh, my God.
247
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,060
I'm just as shocked
as you are.
248
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,650
The bachelor party gods
have spoken.
249
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,420
And they have said,
250
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,010
"Let it be lit."
251
00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,570
No, no, Dave, Dave...
Dave, Dave, Dave...
252
00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:54,490
And so it was!
253
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:55,890
(Calvin groans)
254
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,030
Trey, don't. No, no.
255
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:58,400
Okay. Listen, guys,
256
00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,630
I got to go in there
and get them.
257
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:01,200
I promised Gemma
that I wouldn't let Dave
258
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,220
go off the deep end.
I got to go get him.
259
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,580
Yo, it's been a minute
since Dad was in a club.
260
00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:13,250
Well, don't worry about Pops.
He can handle himself.
261
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:14,850
(air horn blowing)
262
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:16,580
Uh-uh, no, no, no.
263
00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,230
He's on his own.
The Douche is loose.
264
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,890
So, Bree seems nice.
265
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,620
Who?
266
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,490
Necie's friend.
267
00:12:28,690 --> 00:12:30,660
Oh, yeah, yeah. Great, great.
268
00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:34,470
Oh, you know,
I bet if we went to New York,
269
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,740
she could get us house seats
to In the Heights.
270
00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,170
Oh, that'd be so fun, right?
271
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:41,710
I haven't been to New York
since high school.
272
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:42,980
Mmm.
273
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,110
Not to brag,
but I was in Model UN.
274
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:48,330
I represented
the country of Cameroon.
275
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,400
Tina?
276
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,810
Oh, crap.
277
00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,430
Isn't this great, Bree?
278
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:03,160
I can't remember
the last time I had a massage.
279
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,880
(groaning):
Oh, yeah.
280
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,640
You know, you should
treat yourself more often.
281
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,100
Miss Tina?
282
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:16,520
(grunts) I'm so glad we're
going to have a chance to chat.
283
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:27,890
(clinking)
284
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,720
You know what?
I'd like to propose a toast.
285
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,380
(dance music playing)
(air horn blowing)
286
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,410
Dudes, you have got
to come in there.
287
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:41,830
Dave, where'd you
get the tiara?
288
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,170
Hmm? Oh, it's a crown.
289
00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:46,650
I'm royalty in there.
290
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,410
Derek, come on.
291
00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:51,230
Okay, but don't lose me.
292
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,010
MALCOLM: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, guys, guys, guys, come on.
293
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,680
Come on. Look,
sit down. Okay?
294
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,620
Wait, look. My pops is trying
to give a speech. Come on, Dave.
295
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,520
You're right. Sorry.
296
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,060
Uh, Derek, sit down.
297
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:06,760
Show a little respect.
Calvin, the floor is yours.
298
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,690
Thank you, Dave.
299
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:13,200
Uh, I'd like to propose
a toast to my son Marty.
300
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,670
Hey.
301
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,870
I mean, it seems like
only yesterday I was holding you
302
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,940
in my arms
for the very first time.
303
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,640
Next thing you know,
you were a little kid
304
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,410
on my shoulders at the zoo,
305
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,910
just going on and on
with your penguin facts
306
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,860
while your snow cone
dripped on my head.
307
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,320
But I just let it drip
because I never
308
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,100
wanted you to stop
telling me things.
309
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,390
The amount of joy that you
and Malcolm have given me,
310
00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:42,190
it's just been amazing.
311
00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:45,260
The Christmas mornings,
the school projects,
312
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,250
even the broken arms.
313
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,890
I wouldn't change one minute
of it for anything.
314
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,470
Now you're getting married.
315
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:57,110
(chuckles)
316
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,580
That means I got to let you go.
317
00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:01,910
So...
318
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,680
To my baby boy Marty.
319
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,620
I love you, son.
I love you, man.
320
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:08,200
TREY:
Ah...
321
00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:11,470
I want babies!
322
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,630
I want snow cone juice
to drip on my head.
323
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,850
I want babies so bad.
324
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,440
Mmm.
325
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,970
What's that scent?
326
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:30,110
Huh, I think it's lavender.
327
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:33,400
Ooh, I think you're right.
328
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,980
While we're on the subject...
329
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:39,830
Why do you hate kids?
330
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,690
What? I love kids.
331
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:44,860
I'm godmother
to both of Bree's kids.
332
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,890
Who the hell is Bree?
333
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:50,000
The woman you kicked off
the massage table.
334
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,460
Oh.
335
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,550
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
th-the one from Hamilton.
336
00:15:56,550 --> 00:16:00,540
I mean, what is it?
Is it about your career?
337
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,070
Traveling?
338
00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:04,930
Do you have a bad relationship
with your mother?
339
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:07,650
I love my mother.
340
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:11,270
I think we'll
take a five.
341
00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:16,090
Is it your body?
Because...
342
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,070
I can carry the baby.
343
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:22,440
My doctor says I have the uterus
of a 24-year-old.
344
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,530
Miss Tina... (chuckles)
345
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:31,670
there are so many things
I want to do with my life.
346
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:35,490
Being a mother just doesn't
happen to be one of them.
347
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,510
I just don't get it.
348
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,780
How could you not want
to be a mother?
349
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:46,950
It's just who I am.
350
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:49,900
How could you not want
to be a boxer?
351
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,720
Come on now,
that's totally different.
352
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,310
Mm, they both hurt.
353
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,500
Tell me about it.
354
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,870
But children, they-they bring
355
00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:04,440
so much laughter and-and joy.
356
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,840
Marty brings me so much
laughter and joy.
357
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,380
Yeah, okay,
but Marty is...
358
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:11,740
We love each other,
359
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:15,210
and we're happy
with the choice we've made,
360
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,100
even if it's not the choice
you would've made.
361
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,570
You're right.
362
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,690
I've been putting
my dreams on you,
363
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,510
and that's not fair.
364
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,800
I guess I was just
a little surprised
365
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,930
when Marty told us.
366
00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,800
He always talked
about being a dad.
367
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:37,970
Really?
368
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,310
Look around.
Look at all these toys.
369
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,940
I've been trying to throw
these toys out for years,
370
00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:44,610
but Marty would
never let me.
371
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:47,430
He says,
"Mom, they're classics."
372
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,930
He wanted to save them
for his kids.
373
00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:58,240
I guess, um, this news
caught me a little off guard.
374
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,860
Marty never told me that.
375
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:05,050
You know,
I owe you an apology.
376
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:08,330
I don't know if
you noticed, but, uh,
377
00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:10,690
I've been a little crazy
this evening.
378
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,570
Will you forgive me?
379
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,810
(sighs)
380
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,510
(chuckles)
381
00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:20,450
No, Tina, stop.
What?
382
00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:24,200
Oh, you're hugging. Phew.
As you were.
383
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,590
* *
384
00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:32,920
Hey, uh, Marty.
385
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,730
The things I said
in my toast...
386
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,190
Listen, I wasn't
trying to...
387
00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:38,460
No, it's-it's okay, Dad.
388
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:39,800
Okay.
389
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,270
That was my favorite thing
you've ever said to me.
390
00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,420
Even though it was
Malcolm at the zoo.
391
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,770
Really?
Yup.
392
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:48,210
Marty hated penguins.
393
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:50,440
(sighs)
Scared the hell out of me.
394
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:51,710
They still do.
395
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:53,450
But...
396
00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:56,380
you're still the best dad
a guy could ask for.
397
00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:57,980
And hearing how much
being a father
398
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,120
meant to you,
I want that.
399
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,920
Are you sure?
400
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,590
Because I feel like
401
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,720
I should've just kept
my big mouth closed.
402
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,190
No, I'm sure.
403
00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:11,160
You know, I told myself
I didn't want kids,
404
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,300
but I was lying
to myself
405
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,050
and to Necie.
406
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,940
So... who cried at Six Flags?
407
00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,410
That was you, right?
408
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,780
Yup, yup, that was me.
Yeah.
409
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:25,410
Yeah, that was
definitely Marty. Okay.
410
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,210
Remember he was scared
on the roller coaster?
411
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,710
No, you pretended
the safety bar wouldn't latch.
412
00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:31,250
(laughter)
413
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,080
And he cried, he was crying.
He was crying.
414
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,220
"Daddy, get me out of here."
415
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:37,660
Oh, the guys are here.
416
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:40,860
Derek, me, you,
Frisbee golf,
417
00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:42,890
next weekend.
Montez,
418
00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:45,180
blow up my DMs,
please.
419
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,170
I see you met
The Douche.
420
00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,140
Yup.
421
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:54,390
Not a fan.
(sighs) Uh-uh.
422
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,080
Ooh. Okay, babe,
423
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,410
you are not
gonna believe this,
424
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:01,410
but Necie and I
just talked, and...
425
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:04,620
I'm actually okay
with them not wanting babies.
426
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,420
Well, I got news for you.
427
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,990
Marty actually
does want babies.
428
00:20:09,190 --> 00:20:10,790
He does?
429
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:12,660
Hmm.
430
00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:16,560
Uh-oh.
431
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,230
Necie, hey.
432
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:19,460
Hey.
433
00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:20,770
You guys have fun?
434
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,070
Yeah, yeah. You?
435
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:25,440
Yeah, yeah.
436
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,570
Look, I think
we should talk.
437
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,690
Yeah, I was just about
to say the same thing.
438
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,980
DAVE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dudes.
439
00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:36,250
Oh, God, here he comes.
Go in the house. Go, go, go, go.
440
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:39,420
Dudes, dudes.
Where are we going?
441
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,350
I thought we were gonna go out
and slam some waffles.
442
00:20:41,550 --> 00:20:43,460
Dave, come on,
let's go home.
443
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,370
Let's go home, buddy. Come on.
444
00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,930
Hey, Derek, check this out.
This is who I'm married to.
445
00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,680
Smokeshow.
Okay.
446
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,010
Captioning sponsored byCBS
447
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,610
and TOYOTA.
448
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:12,200
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
449
00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:16,800
Repair and Synchronization by
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