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This programme contains very
strong language from the outset
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00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,960
and throughout.
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00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,080
You definitely did it? No.
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00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,999
I left without making a
transaction. I'll rely on prayer.
5
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,320
I left without making a
transaction. I'll rely on prayer.
6
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,760
Of course I did it.
Everything OK your end?
7
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,400
Yeah. Sally fell for it.
8
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,200
I said triple-booking the
meeting room would work.
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00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,000
It was mayhem in there.
10
00:00:48,001 --> 00:00:49,240
It was mayhem in there.
11
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:54,240
It's ridiculous. I don't know
how it happened. It's a mess.
12
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,999
And no-one saw you
at the Internet cafe?
13
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:56,560
And no-one saw you
at the Internet cafe?
14
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,000
No, I was careful.
15
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,440
Alfie's asking for
you. He's losing it.
16
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,600
I'm head of accounts. It isn't
my job to sort this shit out.
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00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:12,000
The whole office is in there.
It's really kicking off. Shit!
18
00:01:12,001 --> 00:01:15,120
The whole office is in there.
It's really kicking off. Shit!
19
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,080
Sorry, Sally.
20
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,640
508906.
21
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,680
906.
22
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,000
50,000.
23
00:01:36,001 --> 00:01:37,720
50,000.
24
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,999
Oh, get it out. I want to
see what 50 grand looks like.
25
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,160
Oh, get it out. I want to
see what 50 grand looks like.
26
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,640
There you go. It's less
exciting than I thought.
27
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,000
It's amazing to think that that's
what's gonna give us a baby.
28
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,800
It's amazing to think that that's
what's gonna give us a baby.
29
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,920
I have to go through
the ordeal of IVF,
30
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,999
a pregnancy and you're one squirt
from being done, but yes, sure.
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00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,400
A pregnancy and you're one squirt
from being done, but yes, sure.
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00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,680
We fucking did it,
Deacon. £50,000.
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00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,680
1.2 million.
34
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,280
Fuck you, Alfie!
35
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,760
There is something I need to
tell you. If it's a speech about
36
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,160
how we can only spend
the money on IVF, I know.
37
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,000
But fuck, we did it!
Celebrate for once. Fuck!
38
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:35,400
But fuck, we did it!
Celebrate for once. Fuck!
39
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,440
Wa-hoo! Fuck! Yeah!
40
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,999
Go on. It feels amazing.
41
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,000
Go on. It feels amazing.
42
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,440
Fuck! Yeah!
43
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,640
Whoa! Fuck! Shit!
44
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,999
Yeah, I've got money, bitch.
45
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:48,200
Yeah, I've got money, bitch.
46
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,560
Alright, let's go home and have
rich people sex.Absolutely.
47
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,999
Can I wear my hoodie while
we're doing it? Absolutely not.
48
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,281
Can I wear my hoodie while
we're doing it? Absolutely not.
49
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,640
Why can we never get a shitting
parking space on our street?
50
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:04,000
OK. Here's one.
51
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:06,960
OK. Here's one.
52
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,320
No, you're not
gonna fit in there.
53
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,720
Really? Really.
54
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:12,000
Prepare to find me
incredibly sexy.
55
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:15,680
Prepare to find me
incredibly sexy.
56
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:19,999
It's just about taking it
slow, but turning it hard.
57
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:25,160
It's just about taking it
slow, but turning it hard.
58
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,999
Before I get so incredibly turned
on again, I have a surprise for you.
59
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,576
Before I get so incredibly turned
on again, I have a surprise for you.
60
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,600
Yeah, what is it? Ta-da!
61
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,200
What the hell is that? Do I
actually have to tell you?
62
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,000
We agreed to be careful.
We talked about it.
63
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:37,496
We agreed to be careful.
We talked about it.
64
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,200
You told me to stop
going on about it,
65
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,056
because my whining was
making your vagina hate me.
66
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,080
It was. But our
plan worked, Deacon.
67
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,000
We have £50,000
sitting in an account
68
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:45,016
We have £50,000
sitting in an account
69
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,920
or whatever crypto
shit is on that USB.
70
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,080
No-one knows the money's
gone. Just enjoy.
71
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,999
No, no. Not just
enjoy, OK, Allison.
72
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,056
No, no. Not just
enjoy, OK, Allison.
73
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,360
This is when people get
cocky and get caught.
74
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,440
What people? Well, it's
working in Goodfellas, OK?
75
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,000
But the point still stands,
alright? It's not good.
76
00:04:00,001 --> 00:04:01,936
But the point still stands,
alright? It's not good.
77
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,080
It's one bottle of champagne to
celebrate the start of our family.
78
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,999
This is our dream.
Yeah, OK. I know. Fine!
79
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,640
This is our dream.
Yeah, OK. I know. Fine!
80
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,360
OK, because of this
"just enjoy" chat,
81
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:15,999
I'm gonna have to start this
all over again. Thank you.
82
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:16,760
I'm gonna have to start this
all over again. Thank you.
83
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,560
Does that parking thing mean
you won't have sex with me?
84
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:23,200
Yeah, I will. I'll
just respect you less.
85
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,000
I told you we should have champagne
flutes, because you never know.
86
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:25,856
I told you we should have champagne
flutes, because you never know.
87
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,400
It's gonna taste the same
out of a beaker. Hey, guys!
88
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,080
Esme. I wondered
where you were.
89
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,000
You're back. I thought
you were at a festival.
90
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,840
You're back. I thought
you were at a festival.
91
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:35,120
Oh, this is Jed. Say hi, Jed.
92
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,920
What's good? Hello.
93
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,999
A magic thing happened. I
was at this lame ska tent.
94
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,720
A magic thing happened. I
was at this lame ska tent.
95
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:47,200
I desperately needed a pee and
Jed lent me his pint glass. Ew!
96
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,000
It was a real meet cute. A cool
story that ends up with you
97
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,776
It was a real meet cute. A cool
story that ends up with you
98
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,416
and a stranger in our living room.
We're glad to have you back, Es.
99
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,720
Sure? I can leave you guys to it.
We're just getting a takeaway.
100
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,000
It's no biggie, is it, Deacon?
What? Oh, no. No biggie at all.
101
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:59,400
It's no biggie, is it, Deacon?
What? Oh, no. No biggie at all.
102
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,640
So great to have you.
We've nothing going on.
103
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,999
Great. Are you celebrating?
Well, no. No, we're not. No.
104
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,496
Great. Are you celebrating?
Well, no. No, we're not. No.
105
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,400
Then why the champagne?
It's Prosecco.
106
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,520
No, it is champagne, actually.
107
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,999
What are you celebrating?
108
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:12,480
What are you celebrating?
109
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,760
Well, we're... well,
should I just say?
110
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,000
Yeah. We're pregnant.
111
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,920
What? No.No, we're not.
112
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:20,000
No, we're not. That is an
insane thing to make up.
113
00:05:20,001 --> 00:05:22,080
No, we're not. That is an
insane thing to make up.
114
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,600
We got paid our bonuses
that we were promised.
115
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,999
Oh! That's sick, man.
Thanks, man. That is sick.
116
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,280
Oh! That's sick, man.
Thanks, man. That is sick.
117
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,800
Why were you trying
to hide that?
118
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,360
Because he's freaking out that if
he tells people, it'll jinx it.
119
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,999
He's a dick. Such a dick.
An absolute villain.
120
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,296
He's a dick. Such a dick.
An absolute villain.
121
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,240
Celebratory joint?
122
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:43,999
You know they gave us a joint
123
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:44,320
You know they gave us a joint
124
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,920
so they could bang in
the living room? 100%.
125
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
Think they'll have champagne
at the fancy IVF clinic?
126
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,440
They should for what it costs.
127
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,600
Think you should be drinking?
I'm about to start IVF again.
128
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,320
When that happens,
I won't drink,
129
00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,999
so I intend on being drunk
pretty much until that moment.
130
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,080
So I intend on being drunk
pretty much until that moment.
131
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,440
I know we're celebrating,
but I do feel quite nervous.
132
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,999
This clinic basically
guarantees success.
133
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,800
This clinic basically
guarantees success.
134
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:15,800
It will be worth it? After all
we've been through, it has to be.
135
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,640
It's not fair.
136
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,400
We had a heartbeat.
137
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,440
I'm so sorry, Al.
138
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,999
You're right. We can't let
this be our last chance.
139
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,160
You're right. We can't let
this be our last chance.
140
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,999
Yeah? Yes. Yeah. No,
you're right. You're right.
141
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,696
Yeah? Yes. Yeah. No,
you're right. You're right.
142
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,760
You know, this could be the
beginning of everything.
143
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,999
It's amazing! Know what's amazing?
£50,000 in our bank account.
144
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,616
It's amazing! Know what's amazing?
£50,000 in our bank account.
145
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,040
Well, it's bitcoin. So it's
in an offline digital wallet.
146
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,000
You've made 50
grand sound unsexy.
147
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,240
I'm starting to feel guilty again
when I think about what we've done.
148
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:03,999
We've fucking robbed our boss, Al.
Chill out. That man is a prick.
149
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,640
We've fucking robbed our boss, Al.
Chill out. That man is a prick.
150
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,600
Thank you for
agreeing to see me.
151
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,080
I'm sorry we had to do it
in a cab but, you know,
152
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,280
a worker's job's never done.
153
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,000
Is the Oasis Spa and Massage
Centre on Cannon Road, mate?
154
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,480
Is the Oasis Spa and Massage
Centre on Cannon Road, mate?
155
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,560
Yes, mate. Back's fucked.
156
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,999
Plus it's only a tenner
for a happy ending.
157
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,056
Plus it's only a tenner
for a happy ending.
158
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,320
It's about that bonus.
Let me stop you there.
159
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,440
I know where you're going with this.
You're gonna say, and you're right,
160
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,000
I don't praise you enough. It's
about the bonuses you promised us.
161
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:32,480
I don't praise you enough. It's
about the bonuses you promised us.
162
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,999
Deac, you are crushing
it right now, OK? Happy?
163
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,280
Deac, you are crushing
it right now, OK? Happy?
164
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,400
Yes. OK, thank
you. A nice chat.
165
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,440
Gonna get out, because we're
getting further from the office.
166
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,320
Alfie, we've talked
about it for ages,
167
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,000
but Allison and I really
do need our bonuses.
168
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:46,120
But Allison and I really
do need our bonuses.
169
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,760
Yeah. And I was
thinking the same.
170
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,800
Really? Really.
171
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:52,000
So, I got this for you guys.
172
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:53,800
So, I got this for you guys.
173
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,160
64 gigs.
174
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,480
That's 32 each. Thank me later
for saving your marriage.
175
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,000
Alfie, we need money. I'd love
to help you out, wouldn't I?
176
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:03,120
Alfie, we need money. I'd love
to help you out, wouldn't I?
177
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,360
But you know how the
property market is.
178
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,240
We don't have
money lying around.
179
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,000
All our money is sunk into
investments your lovely wife found.
180
00:08:08,001 --> 00:08:11,120
All our money is sunk into
investments your lovely wife found.
181
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,720
Look, I promise you,
once the market picks up,
182
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,999
I'll see you both right, right?
183
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,000
I'll see you both right, right?
184
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:23,800
OK.Fucking hell, this is awkward.
Look, are you gonna get out here,
185
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:24,000
because I can't be thinking about
this when I'm getting a handjob.
186
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:29,320
Because I can't be thinking about
this when I'm getting a handjob.
187
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,000
Oh, shit, it's Alfie.
188
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:34,080
Oh, shit, it's Alfie.
189
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,856
What if Sally's seen the
transfer and told him?
190
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,600
Sally can't even operate the
meeting room booking calendar.
191
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:39,999
She'll never see it. Stop
worrying. Yeah, you're right.
192
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,480
She'll never see it. Stop
worrying. Yeah, you're right.
193
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,040
We need to talk.
194
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,680
We're fucked!
195
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,000
Alright, so you're
gonna be cool. Uh-huh.
196
00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:57,720
Alright, so you're
gonna be cool. Uh-huh.
197
00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,440
You're gonna be calm. A
regular day. Let's go.
198
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,999
I can do this. We can
do this. Just relax.
199
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,016
I can do this. We can
do this. Just relax.
200
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,240
We talk normally and
everybody will be chill.
201
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,760
You don't have to tell me.
202
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,960
Shit! What if he knows?
203
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,000
What if we walk in and he actually
fucking knows? Jesus Christ!
204
00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:14,216
What if we walk in and he actually
fucking knows? Jesus Christ!
205
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,976
He knows you stole the money and he
wants to address it in office hours.
206
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,999
This is unbearable. Don't
worry. Relax. He can't know.
207
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:20,160
This is unbearable. Don't
worry. Relax. He can't know.
208
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,640
He might not know now, but he can
literally find out any minute.
209
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:27,640
Ssh. Ssh. Chill the fuck out.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, sure. Thank you.
210
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,999
It's not terrible,
but it's not ideal.
211
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,480
It's not terrible,
but it's not ideal.
212
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,520
What have you done?
213
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,600
What do you mean?
214
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:51,999
Oh, well, it's yogurt.
215
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:52,920
Oh, well, it's yogurt.
216
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,160
I'd soak it. Yeah, thanks.
217
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,040
Sally, just out of curiosity,
218
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,999
how has Alfie been kind
of mood-wise and shit?
219
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,096
How has Alfie been kind
of mood-wise and shit?
220
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,640
Oh, he's fine, I think.
221
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,640
Was it the same fine?
222
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:07,999
What? Pick it up. Pick it up!
223
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,360
What? Pick it up. Pick it up!
224
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,640
Oh, no, you're right. I
actually hadn't seen him today.
225
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,999
Thank you so much, Sally. Am
I speaking to myself here?
226
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:16,400
Thank you so much, Sally. Am
I speaking to myself here?
227
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:21,120
You're the reason I blow 50 quid
a week on fucking garbage dumped.
228
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,320
I've had enough of
your stupid face.
229
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,000
Get out of me office
and go get him for me.
230
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:27,360
Get out of me office
and go get him for me.
231
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,999
Um, Deacon, sorry to bother you, but
Alfie would just love a quick word.
232
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,256
Um, Deacon, sorry to bother you, but
Alfie would just love a quick word.
233
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,360
Oh, right. Yeah, sure. Did
he say what it was about,
234
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,999
because I've got a
couple of things... Now!
235
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:40,200
Because I've got a
couple of things... Now!
236
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,960
Yeah, but these can
probably wait. Thanks, mate.
237
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,999
Um, I can come back.
238
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,000
Um, I can come back.
239
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,480
You're looking well.
240
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,000
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
241
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,440
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
242
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,920
I said, "You're looking
well." Really? Thanks.
243
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,999
I'm trying to be a bit
healthier, eating a low fat...
244
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,320
I'm trying to be a bit
healthier, eating a low fat...
245
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,640
Do you care about this company?
246
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,720
Yeah, of course
I do. Yeah, yeah.
247
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,999
Would it matter to you
if it all went tits up?
248
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:52,280
Would it matter to you
if it all went tits up?
249
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:57,720
Yeah, I'd be really upset. I'd
be so ups... I'd be devastated.
250
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,800
Know I set this
company up from nowt?
251
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:00,000
Nobody handed it me on a
silver fucking platter.
252
00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:02,760
Nobody handed it me on a
silver fucking platter.
253
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,760
I mean, of course, if I could
have fucked my way to the top
254
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,999
I would in a heartbeat,
but I'm like you.
255
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,160
I would in a heartbeat,
but I'm like you.
256
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,800
This body is no bargaining tool.
257
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:16,000
So, what I did, I rolled up my
sleeves and I buried them in shit
258
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:19,880
So, what I did, I rolled up my
sleeves and I buried them in shit
259
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,080
and I pulled out every
opportunity coming to me.
260
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,000
And if anybody ever tried to
do anything to this company,
261
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:30,080
And if anybody ever tried to
do anything to this company,
262
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,999
you know what I'd
do to them? No.
263
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:32,160
You know what I'd
do to them? No.
264
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,560
I'd rip their fucking throats
out and shit down their necks!
265
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,999
Alfie, I don't know what
exactly this refers to, but...
266
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:40,040
Alfie, I don't know what
exactly this refers to, but...
267
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:46,320
Is it possible to spend
132 quid on Wagon Wheels?
268
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,999
Um, yeah, I mean, I suppose
it's possible if you sort of...
269
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,480
Um, yeah, I mean, I suppose
it's possible if you sort of...
270
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,800
Everyone think I'm a
soft touch? Doubt it.
271
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,999
Then why are we spending £132
on Wagon Wheels? I don't know.
272
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,160
Then why are we spending £132
on Wagon Wheels? I don't know.
273
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:03,720
I think it might be because
Sally's quite, you know, nice.
274
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:04,000
Like, she's sort
of quite agreeable.
275
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:06,400
Like, she's sort
of quite agreeable.
276
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,440
And so, when people are
putting in the expenses claims
277
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,960
and the snack orders, I
think maybe, you know,
278
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,280
they take the piss a bit, I think.
That would be my best guess.
279
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,999
You know what? For once,
you might actually be right.
280
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,080
You know what? For once,
you might actually be right.
281
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,560
I need to fire Sally.
282
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,520
Hurry up!
283
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,320
What is the
emergency? Oh, my God!
284
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,000
I'm gonna be late
for the clinic.
285
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:37,296
I'm gonna be late
for the clinic.
286
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,880
So, I talked to Alfie. Christ!
Does he know the money's missing?
287
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,000
No.Great. Why do you have that
"I came too quickly" expression?
288
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,000
Well, I may have talked
him into firing Sally.
289
00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:45,536
Well, I may have talked
him into firing Sally.
290
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,040
How the fuck did you do that? It was
an accident. I said she was nice.
291
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,520
Realise if Sally goes they
might bring in an accountant
292
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,000
capable of spotting what we've done?
No, that hadn't occurred to me.
293
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:54,840
Capable of spotting what we've done?
No, that hadn't occurred to me.
294
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,200
I'm having a panic
about Strictly.
295
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,960
So, what did you do? I
agreed and got the fuck out.
296
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,040
This is too much, alright? We
need to put the money back.
297
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,560
It's too much.No. It's
like an allergic reaction
298
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,999
and I'm gonna cry. We're not putting
the money back. That is mental.
299
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:08,280
And I'm gonna cry. We're not putting
the money back. That is mental.
300
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:09,720
What if they spot it going in?
301
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,920
Think they just won't look
further? Oh, God, you're right.
302
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,640
We did this for a family.
We can't back out now.
303
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,000
You need to convince
Alfie not to fire Sally.
304
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,160
You need to convince
Alfie not to fire Sally.
305
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,320
I don't want to raise
our baby in prison.
306
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,920
Though some babies look
cute in orange. Gotta go.
307
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:23,999
You're going? I cannot be
trusted to handle this.
308
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,416
You're going? I cannot be
trusted to handle this.
309
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,600
Allison? Allison?
310
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,000
So, your previous attempts have
been NHS, is that correct? Yes.
311
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:44,520
So, your previous attempts have
been NHS, is that correct? Yes.
312
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,560
Did they tell you
your hormone level
313
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,999
and how that affected your
chances of conceiving?
314
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:48,960
And how that affected your
chances of conceiving?
315
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,800
I think they said we
had like a 30% chance.
316
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,200
Right.
317
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,000
Well, you don't have to
sugar-coat it. It's OK.
318
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,736
Well, you don't have to
sugar-coat it. It's OK.
319
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,360
Just give it to me straight.
I'm very difficult to upset.
320
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,999
Well, your ovarian
reserve is low.
321
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:04,720
Well, your ovarian
reserve is low.
322
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,280
Every month that ticks
by it will get worse.
323
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:11,200
To be honest, you'd be lucky to get
one or two eggs from the retrieval
324
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,000
and, even then, your eggs will
be of questionable quality.
325
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:16,480
And, even then, your eggs will
be of questionable quality.
326
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,000
Yeah. See how that
did not upset me?
327
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:22,640
Yeah. See how that
did not upset me?
328
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:27,640
If you have the funds, we have a
range of services that can help.
329
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,000
Though I do need to warn you,
once you have the first injection,
330
00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:31,000
Though I do need to warn you,
once you have the first injection,
331
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,920
you are committed to the
full set of fees we sent you,
332
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,999
despite the low
chance of success.
333
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,640
Despite the low
chance of success.
334
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:41,320
Let's do it.
335
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,999
Why are we spending
hundreds of pounds on paper?
336
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,120
Why are we spending
hundreds of pounds on paper?
337
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,560
It's probably because
we're an office
338
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,600
and we need stationery.
339
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,000
Yeah. That makes
sense, actually.
340
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:56,200
Yeah. That makes
sense, actually.
341
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,480
What do you want?
342
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,999
Oh, well, I was thinking about our
conversation about Sally earlier.
343
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,216
Oh, well, I was thinking about our
conversation about Sally earlier.
344
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,640
Yeah, what about it? I was just
thinking that maybe you need to
345
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,999
just sort of just relax a bit.
346
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:08,800
Just sort of just relax a bit.
347
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,280
You know, like, you know,
things probably aren't as bad
348
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,999
as you think and, you know,
you maybe just need to chill.
349
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,136
As you think and, you know,
you maybe just need to chill.
350
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,520
For fuck's sake, if you
want to go for a drink
351
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,560
after work, then just say so.
352
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:23,999
What?
353
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:24,040
What?
354
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,040
OK. But I choose the
venue. 8pm, Bar Zero.
355
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:30,920
You are absolutely right.
We need to get shit-faced.
356
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,999
So, how did it go? Great.
I had my first injection.
357
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:40,920
So, how did it go? Great.
I had my first injection.
358
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,920
Did he say it was all looking good?
What did he say our chances are?
359
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,560
Great. They're the best in
the business. It's fine.
360
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,000
It's very exciting, isn't
it? It's a little bit teary.
361
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:51,600
It's very exciting, isn't
it? It's a little bit teary.
362
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,080
It's kind of our next chapter.
363
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,999
I'm also quite angry with
you, because thanks to you,
364
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,280
I'm also quite angry with
you, because thanks to you,
365
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,560
I have to spend the
evening with Alfie,
366
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,720
to talk him out of
firing Sally. So...
367
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,000
thank you and... fuck you!
368
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:06,960
Thank you and... fuck you!
369
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,840
What can I get you? I'm OK
for the minute, thank you.
370
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,999
What? Are you taking the piss?
We'll have a bottle of vodka.
371
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:20,160
What? Are you taking the piss?
We'll have a bottle of vodka.
372
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,200
Alfie, vodka is £300
a bottle here, mate.
373
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,280
Oh, what are we gonna do?
374
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,999
Bring us two bottles, yeah,
and a nappy for baby boy here.
375
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,536
Bring us two bottles, yeah,
and a nappy for baby boy here.
376
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,120
Alfie, I can't afford £300
for a bottle of vodka.
377
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,999
It's on me, as in
on the company.
378
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,016
It's on me, as in
on the company.
379
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,560
Yeah. No, I got that. I
thought money was tight.
380
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,640
Well, it is. But this
is a legitimate expense.
381
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:43,999
Well, unlike Wagon Wheels?
382
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:44,320
Well, unlike Wagon Wheels?
383
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,320
Are you trying to be
smart? What? No, no.
384
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,800
You've got something
you want to tell me?
385
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,999
No. No, not at all. No.
386
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:52,880
No. No, not at all. No.
387
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:57,000
Right. Well, then, let's
get bladdered, yeah?
388
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,800
I started at lunchtime, so
you've got catching up to do.
389
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,000
Alfie, there was actually one
thing about Sally. Oh, here we go.
390
00:18:00,001 --> 00:18:03,480
Alfie, there was actually one
thing about Sally. Oh, here we go.
391
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,360
I was thinking that firing
Sally isn't the best idea.
392
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,999
Why? Well, it's just you don't
exactly play by the rules yourself.
393
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,960
Why? Well, it's just you don't
exactly play by the rules yourself.
394
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,080
What? Well, it's just
that, you know...
395
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,999
No, I don't know.
Calm down, pussy boy.
396
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,880
No, I don't know.
Calm down, pussy boy.
397
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,120
I'm not gonna fire
Sally. Oh, thank God!
398
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,999
I have sacked that Wagon
Wheeling cunt in HR.
399
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,576
I have sacked that Wagon
Wheeling cunt in HR.
400
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,320
He cried a bit.
401
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:31,999
This is fun. Just me and you
getting boozed up at home.
402
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,240
This is fun. Just me and you
getting boozed up at home.
403
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,800
It reminds me of being a kid.
404
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,920
Esme, you drank both those
bottles, but this is fun.
405
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,840
Why do you look worried? Shouldn't
we be celebrating your bonuses?
406
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,000
Deacon's not one
for celebrating.
407
00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:41,760
Deacon's not one
for celebrating.
408
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,520
That's why I tell you sisters
are better than husbands.
409
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,040
And by sisters, I mean
me. Yeah, I got that.
410
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,000
Deacon's worried about
the whole IVF process
411
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,616
Deacon's worried about
the whole IVF process
412
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,120
and he's been looking after
me. It's really sweet.
413
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,640
You mean a man controlling your
money and your womb. Totes sweet.
414
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,000
Well, if you believe our new doctor,
my womb is barely worth controlling.
415
00:18:56,001 --> 00:19:00,200
Well, if you believe our new doctor,
my womb is barely worth controlling.
416
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,520
God, really? He was brutal
about our chances of conceiving.
417
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,000
What did Deacon say? Oh,
no, I can't tell him.
418
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:06,680
What did Deacon say? Oh,
no, I can't tell him.
419
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,440
We've done all
this to get a baby
420
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,640
and my body might be the
thing that fucks it up.
421
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:12,000
What do you mean "all this"?
422
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,800
What do you mean "all this"?
423
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,640
We're not Bonnie and Clyde,
Allison. We can't do this.
424
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,440
Let's just save up and
try a cheaper clinic.
425
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,000
That clinic was above
a Chinese takeaway.
426
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:21,056
That clinic was above
a Chinese takeaway.
427
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,640
If you like your insemination
with spring rolls, it's brilliant,
428
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,999
but we're running out of time. We
have to go to that posh clinic.
429
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:28,360
But we're running out of time. We
have to go to that posh clinic.
430
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,600
Maybe I can get one more
loan and get another round.
431
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,999
Oh, no! What the fuck? Deacon, we
have more chance of getting money
432
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:36,840
Oh, no! What the fuck? Deacon, we
have more chance of getting money
433
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,960
from one of those
Nigerian Prince emails.
434
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,600
You said so yourself. He
doesn't know the accounts exist.
435
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,999
Well, it doesn't matter.
We cannot do it, Al.
436
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:44,400
Well, it doesn't matter.
We cannot do it, Al.
437
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,320
Whatever happened to "You're right.
This cannot be our last chance"?
438
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,999
I knew you'd hold
that against me.
439
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,320
I knew you'd hold
that against me.
440
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,360
Just going through our bonuses.
441
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,800
I should be looking after you.
You're always looking after me.
442
00:19:58,840 --> 00:19:59,999
Apart from when you abandoned
me and moved to Berk-shire.
443
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,176
Apart from when you abandoned
me and moved to Berk-shire.
444
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,640
You've been here six
months, Es. It's Berkshire.
445
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,640
Anyway, let's have some fun,
446
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,999
like before you shacked
up with Mr Sensible.
447
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,216
Like before you shacked
up with Mr Sensible.
448
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,960
What are you doing?
449
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,360
Someone needs to engage in some
very non-complicated retail therapy
450
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,000
because, one, I think you
need some fun, and two,
451
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:18,480
because, one, I think you
need some fun, and two,
452
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,040
it's your bonus and you can
spend it on what you like.
453
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,960
And three, I cannot listen to
you moan for another second.
454
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,800
Ah, I have always
wanted one like that.
455
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,360
Do it. Do it. Do
it, do it, do it.
456
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,999
Do it. Go on. Oh, my God!
457
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:32,720
Do it. Go on. Oh, my God!
458
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,800
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
459
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,240
Go, go, go, go,
go, go! Oh, God!
460
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,720
Oh! It's Deacon.
461
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,960
Have you lost your
mind? That's nice.
462
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,999
Why am I getting alerts
from our credit card?
463
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:04,280
Why am I getting alerts
from our credit card?
464
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,600
Because you inappropriately set
up spending alerts on your phone.
465
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,720
Oy, come back to the party.
We're playing Strip Twister.
466
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:12,000
Yeah, I'll be out
in a sec, mate.
467
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:13,560
Yeah, I'll be out
in a sec, mate.
468
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,360
Listen, Allison, the reason
we did this was for IVF,
469
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,520
not for bloody Prada handbags.
470
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:19,999
Did you go back to Alfie's
house with a bunch of skanks?
471
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,736
Did you go back to Alfie's
house with a bunch of skanks?
472
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,160
You know very well I don't
want to be with skanks
473
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,280
and I'm doing what it takes.
474
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,999
While you're at home online
shopping, I'm sent to prison.
475
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,216
While you're at home online
shopping, I'm sent to prison.
476
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,120
Don't be a drama queen,
it's just a handbag.
477
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,880
Just a handbag? It's
£1,400, Allison.
478
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:35,999
I hope it comes with 1,300
quid's worth of cash inside it.
479
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,616
I hope it comes with 1,300
quid's worth of cash inside it.
480
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,240
Esme said you'd freak out. She's
fucking psychic, then, isn't she?
481
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,999
Or just predicting how any sane
person would react in the situation.
482
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,016
Or just predicting how any sane
person would react in the situation.
483
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,720
Are you calling me insane?
I'm not calling you insane.
484
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,999
It's just fucking reckless, Allison.
You wear that bag into work,
485
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:52,720
It's just fucking reckless, Allison.
You wear that bag into work,
486
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,440
you might as well wear a
sign saying "Oh, hey Alfie.
487
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,920
By the way, I just
robbed your company."
488
00:21:58,960 --> 00:21:59,999
Hello?
489
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,000
Hello?
490
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,480
Fuck!
491
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,600
Oh, fuck!
492
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,160
♪ Cos I'm the big bad
wolf ♪ What you say?
493
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,999
♪ I'm the big bad
wolf ♪ What you say?
494
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,760
♪ I'm the big bad
wolf ♪ What you say?
495
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,200
♪ I'm the big bad wolf
496
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,360
♪ I'm blowing down
your neighbourhood
497
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,360
♪ What you say?
498
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,320
♪ Oh, yeah
499
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,000
♪ What you say? ♪
500
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,480
♪ What you say? ♪
501
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,560
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