All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E20.720p.Bluray - Gimme Shelter

I'm so glad I graduated high school.

You know, it is such a relief to
finally know everything.

I can't believe I graduated a year ago.

It's, like, I feel like
I've done nothing.

Man, time really flies when
you take two naps a day.

Well, I wouldn't say you've
done nothing. I mean, you've...

wow, you really
sat on your ass.

Yep, forman, we've
all passed you by.

I'm running a record
store. Donna's a deejay.

Kelso's a cop.

Even fez has a job now.

What is it again, man, uh, shower girl ?

Makeup lady ?

Shampoo boy !

Eh, I was close.

Wait a second. This mean I'm
the loser of the group now ?

You are the one that's still
living with your mommy.

Man, you're still
living with your mommy.

Not for long. Me and Fez are
looking for apartments.

Then the only time I'll see my mom is when
she's doing my laundry, cooking my meals,

taking me to the dentist.

Well, eric, I feel kind of bad.

You wouldn't even be
thinking about this kind of stuff

if you weren't caught in the
blinding light of my bright future.

You know, the scary thing is,
if one year went by this fast,

imagine where eric is
gonna be in ten years.

Thanks for going with me to
the "star trek" convention,

"uhura."

You can call
me donna now.

That's good, fez,

but I think it's gonna
be more like this...

thanks for going with me to
the "star wars" convention,

"leia."

You can call
me donna now.

No, man. You're both wrong.

Actually, it's gonna go like this...

thanks for going with me to
the "star wars" convention,

"leia."

You can call
me mom now.

Whoa.

Eric, they're joking
around. It's funny.

No, donna, it's
not funny. In fact...

it's completely possible !

Every one of my friends has
a career path except for me.

Even kelso. Kelso...

the kid who thinks that
N. A.T. O. Is japanese for "neato."

You know, it's just not fair.

I mean, you sleep late,
and you watch tv all day...

the job offers
should be rolling in.

Why don't you look into that
chiropractic school I suggested ?

They're having an
enrollment seminar.

You know, a chiropractor
is a very prestigious job,

especially if you move someplace
where they don't have real doctors.

Well,

I guess chiropractor is as good
as anything I've come up with.

I have wasted an entire year

doing absolutely nothing.

Hey,

how about a job stating the obvious,
'cause you're getting really good at that.

So

you're gonna be
a chiropractor, huh ?

All right, every chick patient that you have,
you have to tell her the problem is her tailbone,

that way you get to
grab around on her butt.

Kelso, I'm doing this' cause
I want to help people.

A handful of ass
is just a perk.

Okay, so I just want to remind everybody about
my graduation dinner party tomorrow night.

Be there by 6:00
for the champagne toast.

Free champagne ?
I'm in !

Free toast ?
I am in, too.

Jackie, a dinner party ?

Can't we do something fun like

drive up to the border and
throw stuff at canadians ?

I mean, they never fight
back, 'cause they're canadian.

Steven, this dinner party is an important
event to mark my entrance into womanhood.

Didn't that happen three years ago
in the backseat of kelso's car ?

I love talking about
this in front of hyde.

Yeah, me too, 'cause
that way, I can do this.

Too hard !

Michael,

I circled some apartment
listings for you and fez.

I found a great apartment for
janet meyers after her divorce.

It has a murphy bed for
when her kids come to visit.

They never do.

She's in A. A.

Look at all these
places for rent.

Man, I hope we can find one that's
got everything my baby needs.

Oh, kelso, you're
always putting me first.

Not you, moron !

Betsy.
My daughter.

It's amazing how one tiny person
has changed my life so much.

You changed mine, too.

Dr. Don loves being a
chiropractor, and you know why ?

Because the cosmos has ordained
dr. Don to make people feel good.

Do you get the feeling that dr. Don writes
himself a few too many prescriptions ?

No, I think he's cool,

and I love the way he
calls himself dr. Don.

Eric's impressed.

Within these hands lies an unexplainable magic
that melts away the troubles of the world.

And dr. Don will prove it to you by demonstrating
on this attractive blonde in the front row.

No, I'm only here to make sure my boyfriend
doesn't sneak out to play "space invaders."

Step on up here, little lady.

Donna, come on. I need to
make a good impression.

Look, one little medical
experiment isn't gonna kill you.

Come on. Here we go,
right on up here.

And

now just relax.

Dr. Don has been known to
cause patients serious joy.

wow.

That felt great.

Uh-oh. I think your
tailbone's out of whack.

All right, show's over.
No. Come on.

Man, we gotta have this place. It's perfect for the
baby. It already smells a little bit like throw up.

Mrs. Forman, you found us a great
apartment. I could just kiss you.

Can I kiss you ?

Bob, what are
you doing here ?

you're selling your
house because you're broke.

I knew something was wrong when I
didn't see you wearing fur this winter.

No, I come to open houses
to meet women.

If a lady's looking for her
own place, she's either single

or running away
from a bad relationship.

Either way,

I win.

Is everything
all right over...

oh.

It's you.

Fenton.

I'd shake your hand, but I'm afraid
I'd catch some kind of third world herpe.

That's fine. I wouldn't let you
touch me with a 10-foot pole.

I wouldn't touch you
with a 20-foot pole.

You don't even have
a 20-foot pole !

Maybe I'll go buy one just
so I can't touch you with it !

Fez,

who is this guy ?

This is

Fenton.

We are having a feud.

Oh.

Filling out an
application, hmm ?

Yes. We we got here first, so
don't even think about applying.

I don't have to.
I'm the landlord.

The lord of the land.

And I'm gonna lord it over
you while your butts land outside.

mmm, that was clever.

Oh, yeah ?

Well, I was gonna give you this $5 to get
the apartment, but now you can forget it.

That was clever.

Too slow, old man.

Fez, if you're not polite, he's
gonna figure out you're living here.

You're living here ?

Oh, great.
You blew it, fez.

Red, he has
nowhere else to go.

Well, know this, pel�...

you gotta sleep sometime.

And during the war,
when they were sleepin',

that's when I got 'em.

That wasn't too bad.

He called you "pel�."

He is a terrific
soccer player.

Oh, everything is
set for the party tonight.

Oh, and, fez, I need you to get there a
little early so you can park everyone's cars.

Sorry, jackie,
I can't make it.

What ?

Yeah, kelso and I have to
go find an apartment tonight,

or red is going to
kill me in my sleep.

Yeah, and I can't
let fez go alone.

Why not ?

'Cause then I'll have to go to your
party, which I don't want to do.

No, no, no, kelso,
you have to go.

If you're not there
and fez is not there,

it's gonna be pretty damn
obvious that I'm not there.

Okay, steven, I understand you
don't like dinner parties.

But just let me
make my case.

Ohh ! You're going !

You know, the more I
read this chiropractor booklet,

the more I'm starting to see that
this might be the perfect job for me.

Like, it says right
here, you need soft hands.

How many times have you said you
didn't even know I was touching you ?

Here.

Let me get a crack
at that neck.

Whoa.

Shouldn't we wait until you're,
like, a little more experienced ?

Experienced ? Uh,

donna, I'm on page 12.
Let's do this.

ow !

Uh-oh. That did
not sound good.

Eric, I can't move
my neck. Fix it.

Okay. I'm sure the
booklet says something about...

oh, here it is.

Um, okay, I'm gonna need you to
sign a release of liability.

Poor donna.

I think I hurt
her pretty bad.

Her neck's
stuck, just

tilted over
like this.

Yeah, but on the upside, it looks like

she's really interested in
everything I have to say.

So she's got a bad neck.

Quit whining.

I've gone out with girls that
don't even have necks.

"hi, fez."

One time

this girl whipped her head around
to look at me, 'cause I'm hot,

and her neck
just snapped.

And then she collapsed
into the jukebox.

Kelso,

that was the fonz.

Well, where do you
think they got it from ?

Forman,

forget being a chiropractor,
man. The way I see it,

you're diligent,
tidy and detail-oriented.

So I think you should
become a professional

butt wiper.

Oh, come on, man,
this is serious.

Eric, you gotta
start off slow.

First you should be an
amateur butt wiper.

What's wrong
with you two ?

So rude.

Eric, I think you
should move to paris.

That way you can
become a butt wipi�r.

how'd the apartment
search go ?

Not so good. They can't
find anything they like.

Well, how can
you be picky ?

You lived in a jungle.

Any place without a gorilla charging
at you should be paradise.

Red, I don't think he
lived with gorillas.

Did you ?

Where the blazes
are you from ?

Apparently,
gorilla land.

We found one place yesterday that was
perfect, but we can't get it 'cause

fez and the landlord
are having a feud.

Well,

you're not spending another
night under my roof.

So come on, we're gonna go have
a chat with this landlord.

What's this guy got
against you anyway ?

Who knows ? That's like
asking you why you hate commies.

You don't know why.
You just do.

I know exactly why
I hate commies.

They wouldn't stop
shooting at me.

Okay, then something
else you hate.

Oh, you should have
said the vienna boys choir.

I just want to punch
them in the mouth.

How you doing, my
little buttercup ?

Great.

"The brady bunch" is so
much funnier sideways.

Okay, so at my party tonight, I want everyone
to give heartfelt speeches about me,

okay ? So here
they are.

I don't think I can make
it to your party.

Wait, but, donna,
you have to.

I'm afraid I'm out, too. I gotta
tend to my crooked little flower here.

You know, eric, calling me cute little
nicknames doesn't make up for what you did.

Okay.

Hey, whatever you say,

my little crazy straw.

I can't believe everyone
bailed out on me.

You know, tonight was really important
to me, and it's like no one even cares.

Jackie,

you look like you really
need to talk this through, huh ?

I'll go get Mrs. Forman.

Are you Fenton ?

I'm here to talk to
you about the apartment.

Well, you're in luck. It's still
available. And F. Y. I., so am I.

Look, I have a wife.

Well, I have a football,
but I never use it.

Red, I know you said wait in the car, but
fez keeps playing his crazy bongo music.

It's called jazz,
you philistine.

Oh. You're with them.

Deal's off. I have
to get to yoga.

Hey, can't we talk
about this ?

- No.
- See, I told you he was going to be...

just shut it, or I'll
shut it for you.

Well,

you just don't take crap from
anyone, do you, Mr. Man ?

I knew this was gonna be a
waste of time. Come on, fez.

We'll go figure out some
other place to live with the baby.

Baby ? No one mentioned
they had a baby.

That...that's so
progressive.

Progressive ?

Well, how can I not give the apartment
to two men raising a child together ?

Oh.

Yeah, progressive.

Yeah, that's
what they are.

They're as
progressive as hell.

Why, they're
like newlyweds.

Mmm. I wish I knew
what that was like.

Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.

well, red convinced fenton to
give us the apartment.

Yeah, and red seemed so happy. All the way
home, he just kept looking at us and laughing.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that red told
fenton that we knew a lot of chicks.

'Cause fenton kept
checking me out,

like he could tell that I
knew a lot of chicks.

Eric, I can't believe that you
crippled my angel, my pride and joy.

It kills me seeing
her like this.

Then why are you
bringing her over here ?

Oh, I got a date.

I met a lady
at the open house.

She's got crow's feet, but she works in
a sandwich shop, so I bent the rules.

Look, donna, I'm so
sorry about what happened.

You know, I've been thinking about it, and I don't think
I ever really wanted to be a chiropractor. I was just,

you know,
grasping at straws.

I'd nod in agreement, but,
you know, I'm paralyzed.

Eric,

you know what I'm
realizing about you ?

You're not good
at anything.

That's not true, kelso.
Don't forget butt wiping.

Oh, you know what ?
You guys suck.

Whenever you're in trouble,
I don't burn you. I mean,

usually 'cause it's hard for me to think of
things right on the spot, but also 'cause,

you know, I try to help.

That's actually true.

I mean, Fez, remember when you
wanted to learn how to kiss,

and eric taught you by
sticking m&m's to the mirror ?

That never happened.

I know how to kiss.

Oh, shut it, donna.

Yeah, and, kelso, how about that time I stayed
up with you all night to study for that math final.

I mean, sure, nothing stuck, but,
you know, I blame nature for that.

Yep, some people
you just can't reach.

You know, forman,

if you can teach
fez how to kiss

and kelso how to do math, you can
probably teach anybody anything.

Why don't you just
become a teacher ?

That actually makes
a lot of sense.

I mean, you have all this knowledge
about stuff you have no ability to do.

A teacher ?

Well, I do like
helping people.

I mean, I'd love
to help kids.

Yeah.

Like, "Mr. Forman."

That just feels
really great.

Yeah, a teacher. That
just feels so... right.

There it is. Forman's
gonna be a teacher.

This calls for a toast.

All right.

To forman.

- To forman.
- To forman.

What's going on ?

You guys are all too busy to come
to my party, and here you are

having a party.

For you.

To jackie.

- To jackie.
- To jackie.

Okay, I don't
believe you.

But as long as I'm center of
attention, I'll take it.

Jackie, grab a beer.
This is a great day.

You graduated. They found an
apartment. And guess what ?

I'm gonna be a teacher.

Eric, you know what
you should teach ?

Butt wiping.

Fez, that was
really inappropriate.

Eric, you should
teach history.

The history of
butt wiping.

how's your neck, honey ?

Oh, it still hurts.

Come over here.

I'm a nurse.
I know what to do.

Take two of these.

Are you sure this
is for neck pain ?

Neck pain, headaches, bad days...
they take the edge off of everything.