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1
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,640
hey, fez, you know
what was awesome?
2
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,560
That time
you rode that tree.
3
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,720
How did he ride a tree?
4
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,640
Oh, he climbed it,
kelso cut it down.
5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,120
You guys have
a million stories
6
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,480
and you know each other so well.
It's like you have your own language.
7
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,360
I don't even understand
half the things you say.
8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,960
If you understand anything that fez says,
you're the only one. Burn!
9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,760
Oh, kelso can't understand me? Now I know
how it feels to be a book. Ah-burn!
10
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,360
See? Man, I wanna burn somebody
so I can be part of the gang.
11
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,280
This gang?
12
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,200
Angie, the only reason this gang formed
was because no one would let us into their gang.
13
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,600
We're like the chess club,
14
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,000
but better looking and...
15
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,440
dumber.
16
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:55,240
Hey.
17
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,400
Hey.
Um,
18
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600
so was there somethin' you wanted to say to me
the other day at the record store?
19
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,000
Oh, yeah.
I wanted to talk to you about...
20
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:05,720
Abba.
21
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:08,680
Abba?
22
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,400
No, you said you wanted
to talk about us.
23
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:13,720
Right.
24
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,760
Our feelings
about abba.
25
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,360
You know what?
26
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,400
Good. Great. Believe me, I don't
wanna talk about us, either.
27
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,280
Come on, angie. We were supposed
to open the record store,
28
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,960
oh, about seven hours ago.
29
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,440
You told me you wanted to tell hyde
that you still love him and you wanted him back.
30
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,720
Yeah, well, it's obvious
he doesn't want me back.
31
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,200
So you better not tell him what
I said, or I'll be humiliated.
32
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,720
My lips are a seal's.
33
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,680
Don't you mean
that your lips are sealed?
34
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,080
I'm not hearing
the difference.
35
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,800
Great. Anyways, you guys,
I have huge news.
36
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,000
You know how point place cable
has that public access channel?
37
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,440
Yeah! Donna, didn't your dad do, like,
a belly dancing show there?
38
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,160
He guest-hosted.
Shut up.
39
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:07,760
Anyways,
40
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,640
I'm gonna have
my own show!
41
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,360
Just like mary tyler moore.
42
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:15,240
Oh, except I won't stop for commercials 'cause
no one really wants to take a break from me.
43
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,760
I don't know. That week you were
in florida-- that was a nice, quiet week.
44
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,120
Have you been
in bed all day?
45
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:31,440
Yeah, I have.
46
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,760
I've been reading the jack kerouac
classic "on the road."
47
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,720
See, as I see it,
48
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,320
why get out of bed
49
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,640
when you can read about people
who got outta bed?
50
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,640
You have got to be the laziest
non-communist I've ever met.
51
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,320
And you are about to read
a book that my foot wrote.
52
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,640
It's called
"on the road to in your ass."
53
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,240
Okay, now, red, please, let's
54
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,880
hold off on the cursing
until happy hour.
55
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,160
This year-off crap
better come to an end
56
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,880
or I'm gonna put
you in a box
57
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,600
and mail ya to
the marines.
58
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,600
Oh, don't worry, honey.
59
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,240
Your father's too cheap
to mail something that heavy.
60
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,440
He just wants you to have
some direction, and so do I.
61
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,600
And you are in luck because
I got the new issue of "cosmo."
62
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,160
Oh. Well, I'm just not sure I need
seven new ways to please my man.
63
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,360
No.
64
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,800
No.
Honey,
65
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,560
it's a job aptitude test.
Okay,
66
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,240
question number one--
67
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,080
"do you consider
yourself creative?"
68
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,080
- Well--
- yes!
69
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,600
You were a little
wiz at macaroni art.
70
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,760
"Do you prefer to work
alone or with others?"
71
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,480
- Alone.
- Nope.
72
00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,920
You love people.
73
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,080
Okay, question three --
"do you..."
74
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,720
well, that's easy.
75
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,840
Look, mom, I'm happy
just enjoying my world.
76
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,880
I'm like an explorer I'm exactly
like christopher columbus,
77
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,360
except, you know,
I've
78
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,120
I've been incredibly
distracted by television.
79
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,600
Okay! All done.
80
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,120
Now, according
to your answers...
81
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,320
you should be a nurse!
82
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:07,100
okay, fez, since you're
helping me with set dressing,
83
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,780
I want the set to reflect
my sparkling personality.
84
00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,180
I want it to say
"jackie."
85
00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:13,900
Okay, let me see. Maybe some
glitter, a disco ball...
86
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,580
uh-huh. I want a big sign
that says "jackie."
87
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,620
I hate this room.
88
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,420
It reminds me of my dad dancing around
half-naked with finger cymbals.
89
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,220
Well, my show is
gonna be a news show
90
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,900
all-nude or just topless?
91
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,860
Not nude-- news!
92
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,340
I'm not hearing the difference.
93
00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:42,060
Jackie, how are you gonna tell people
the news if you don't know any news?
94
00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:45,140
I know all the news that's really
important, like
95
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:48,580
who's got a new car, what store is
having a sale on leggings
96
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,660
and, uh,
97
00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:52,420
and if there'll ever
be peace in the middle-east.
98
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:56,940
who am I kidding?
No one cares about China.
99
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,780
Hey, Eric, can I have
some of your fries?
100
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:06,500
Sure.
101
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,500
Well, I don't
want any. Burn!
102
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:14,820
I think you're confusing
a burn with just talking.
103
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,060
Eric, can I have some fries?
104
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,260
yeah, help yourself.
105
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,540
Burn!
106
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:32,620
Yeah, um, I knew you were gonna
do that so I spit in 'em. Burn!
107
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,300
Totally.
108
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:39,460
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
109
00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,060
You ate his spit!
Burn!
110
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:50,020
Uh, that's a piggyback burn.
We don't do that.
111
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:52,740
Come on Angie.
112
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,660
You've gotta do inventory
in the store room
113
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,740
and I gotta go
sleep behind a box.
114
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,820
Man, you want to, uh,
catch a movie or something?
115
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,180
Nah. I gotta go down
to the police academy.
116
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:04,220
They're gonna teach me
what prisoners feel like.
117
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:07,500
Guys are gonna handcuff me
to a flagpole for a few hours.
118
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,860
It's not in the curriculum,
but they say it's required.
119
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,540
Hey, uh...
120
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:22,900
I'm sorry, are you reading
the new "mighty spectaculus"?
121
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:24,220
Yeah. You a fan?
122
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,820
When trouble arrives
by car or bus, we summon...
123
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:31,140
- The mighty spectaculus!
- The mighty spectaculus!
124
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:34,980
They call me
eric forman.
125
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:37,740
Stew bailey.
No relation to beetle.
126
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,340
Hey, Stew, I mean,
if you're interested,
127
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,900
they're havin'a spectaculus spectacular
down at the atomic comic book nook.
128
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,420
You're probably--
129
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,260
You probably have to get
back to work or something.
130
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,580
I don't have to be anywhere.
I don't have a job.
131
00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,020
How old are you?
132
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,300
Well, let's just say I'm two years
older than professor Reveng-O.
133
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:58,740
36.
134
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,580
S-so then, Stew,
135
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:04,620
what do you do all day?
136
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,300
You're lookin' at it.
137
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,140
Oh, we're gonna
be good friends.
138
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:18,780
Fez,
139
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,180
jackie's show is about to start.
Aren't you supposed to be helping her?
140
00:08:22,220 --> 00:08:26,100
She asked me to make a giant sign with her
name on it, so I said, "you got it Baby!"
141
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,340
so then I went
to get some ice cream
142
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:31,140
and then I went to play
some space invaders
143
00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:33,580
and, um, and then I came
here to watch the show.
144
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:39,780
I could never be on tv,
unless it was johnny carson
145
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:44,420
Because I have a very funny story about
a cheeto that looked just like jesus.
146
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:53,380
So, Fez...
147
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:56,980
you've been hanging out
a lot lately with jackie.
148
00:08:57,300 --> 00:09:00,540
Any idea what she wanted to talk to me about
at the record store the other day?
149
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:04,220
Um, I don't know. I was there.
I mean, I-i wasn't there. I, uh...
150
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,100
I was, uh, I was away...
151
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:11,580
on business.
152
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:20,460
Well, if she wanted to get back together,
that's something I wouldn't mind knowing.
153
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,100
So why don't you just go
ahead and spill the beans?
154
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,020
Beans?
155
00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,140
What beans?
156
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:31,300
The only beans
are in your head,
157
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,180
You little bean-head!
158
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,500
Anyway..
159
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:44,100
I opened the bag, and there he was--
the beard and everything.
160
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,300
Oh, Oh!
161
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,340
Jackie's
about to start.
162
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:51,260
Okay, jackie,
are you ready?
163
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,900
Yeah, of course. I've got
this thing's down path.
164
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:56,100
Okay, so after
the weather report,
165
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,180
I'm gonna get into the problem
with the spirit squad.
166
00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,420
They're all fat.
167
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:02,100
That's my commentary.
I'm anti-fat.
168
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:03,380
Okay.
169
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:06,460
Ten seconds until you're on the air,
offending thousands of people.
170
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,260
Thousands of people?
171
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:13,100
In 5... 4... 3...
172
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,700
You didn't say 2 or 1.
173
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,540
It's because you're on now!
174
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,260
Well, but I'm not...
175
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:27,620
hi.
176
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,020
I'm Backie Jurkhart.
177
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,420
Jackie burkhart!
178
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:33,660
- What?
- It's your name!
179
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,580
- I know what my name
- you said backie jurkhart.
180
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:37,140
Okay, stop talking
or you're fired!
181
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,060
Fine.
182
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,740
You're on your own.
183
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,460
I'm what?
184
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:46,860
Oh dear...
185
00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:49,860
she's not so good.
186
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,940
She's sweatin'
like muhammed Ali
187
00:10:58,180 --> 00:10:59,980
cut to her boobs.
188
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:02,900
Oh, who's directing
this thing?
189
00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:16,380
well, guess we can't just sit and talk
about comic books all day.
190
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,660
Let's do some"star wars" trivia. Go.
191
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:20,860
Oh, I got a stumper.
192
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,180
Who is luke and
obi-wan's nemesis at--
193
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,940
doctor Evazan.
194
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,220
Man, you're good.
195
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,420
look, let me ask you a question.
196
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:32,660
Some people think that
197
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,900
if I keep living, you know,
"without a purpose"
198
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,460
that I'll be all,
199
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,940
I don't know,
unfulfilled and stuff.
200
00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:44,060
Do you ever
feel unfulfilled?
201
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,980
I've seen "star wars"
in seven different states.
202
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:51,900
I even met the midget
that they stuck inside r2-d2.
203
00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:55,140
What could be more
fulfilling than that?
204
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,140
I don't know.
205
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,340
Hey, dorks.
206
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:04,300
Listen, uh, angie had
a really rough day at work,
207
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:08,700
so I'm gonna rub her feet and you might wanna
clear out before I start rubbin' other stuff.
208
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:11,860
Eric, come over later.
We'll game.
209
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,620
Who was that guy?
210
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:14,620
That's this guy St--
211
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,500
I don't care! Burn!
212
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:27,660
Angie, you're cute as a button,
but you burn like a botard.
213
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:34,940
Look, if you wanna burn someone, you gotta
embarrass them to make other people laugh.
214
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:39,260
You want to combine the elements
of humiliation and surprise.
215
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,820
Dude, what the hell?
216
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,580
Burn!
217
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,540
Oh, hey.
218
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,900
Jackie, uh,
I saw your show.
219
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,460
It isn't as good
as a lot of other shows.
220
00:12:58,820 --> 00:12:59,420
No.
221
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,700
It was great for people who think
regular tv is too entertaining.
222
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,780
I freaked out.
223
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:11,540
I mean, the cameras turned on
and I realized I'm completely alone.
224
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:15,100
I'm alone on tv
and I'm alone in real life.
225
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,420
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
226
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:25,740
Burn!
227
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,100
Oh, my god!
228
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,540
Uh...
229
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:40,060
uh, I forgot to tell you the part about you
don't burn someone who's already crying.
230
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:46,700
Okay,
231
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,740
best side kick--
Robin or Aqualad?
232
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:50,860
Ooh.
233
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:54,140
Uh, toughie. Is the villain
they're fighting terrestrial
234
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,260
or Aquatic?
235
00:13:56,340 --> 00:14:00,140
Stewie, you didn't tell me
you were having a friend over.
236
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,820
Eric, this is my mom.
237
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,020
Y-you still live
with your mom?
238
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,700
Oh, she's more
than just my mother.
239
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:15,140
She's my best friend.
240
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,820
She's your best friend?!
241
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,300
Well,
242
00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:24,340
you're givin' her
a run for her money.
243
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:27,820
Okay, I gotta go.
244
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,420
Are you sure?
245
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,940
I was about to make sandwiches
in the shape of x-wing fighters.
246
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,060
Uh,
247
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,500
no, really. Well--
no, I gotta go.
248
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:47,620
What are you doin'?
249
00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:49,700
I'm throwin' out
all my comic books.
250
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,700
I saw my future today and...
251
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,260
well, it's living
with its mother.
252
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:06,140
Yeah, well, I saw my future
and it sweats.
253
00:15:08,180 --> 00:15:09,300
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
254
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:10,700
You sweat?
255
00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:14,540
Uh, would you happen to
have a picture, some
256
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,220
tape of this that
I could laugh at?
257
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:20,140
Eric, I tried to have
my own tv show,
258
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,300
and I failed.
259
00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:24,460
My life is over. I'm not
good enough to be on tv.
260
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,220
No, jackie...
261
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:29,980
okay, come on.
262
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,580
You're good-looking,
263
00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:35,180
you're incredibly superficial
and you lie constantly.
264
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:39,420
I think you're
perfect for tv.
265
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:43,660
Do you really think so?
266
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:44,420
Yeah.
267
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,020
I mean...
268
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,540
jeez, look, at least you're
doing something with your life.
269
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,620
I have wasted
an entire year.
270
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,020
Eric, let me stop
you right there,
271
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:57,860
okay? Since you were kind enough to
cheer me up when my spirits were low,
272
00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,820
I'm gonna go.
Thanks!
273
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:11,580
Hey, forman, let me
ask you a question.
274
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,820
What do you think
about me and jackie?
275
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,420
Well, man, you
know what I think.
276
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,900
I think that jackie
is evil incarnate.
277
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:23,180
I think that if you were to cut
off one of her hands, it would
278
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:25,100
probably grow back
into another jackie.
279
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,660
Look, before jackie,
280
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,940
you were just some
pissed-off guy in my basement.
281
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,620
But with her...
282
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:38,980
I mean, you seemed
happy, man.
283
00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:40,980
Hey, I was never happy.
284
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,500
I was just less pissed off.
285
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:46,700
Hyde...
286
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:52,420
I lied to you when I told you
that I was away on business.
287
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:57,220
No.
288
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,020
yes.
289
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,660
And I know what jackie
wanted to tell you.
290
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:08,580
She still loves you.
291
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,100
What?
292
00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:13,100
Yeah. She said she was wrong
and that she wanted you back.
293
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:14,620
She was vulnerable,
294
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,820
so I tried
to french her.
295
00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:21,300
But no-go.
296
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,620
Shouldn't jackie
be here by now?
297
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:31,020
Yeah. She's supposed to
go on in, like, a minute.
298
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,900
I don't think
she's gonna show up.
299
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:33,980
What?
300
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:39,780
No! But we were gonna do
this whole segment on sluts.
301
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,820
And I was gonna be
the slut expert.
302
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,180
That's the only kind of expert
I'm ever gonna be!
303
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,460
Hey. Jackie, I can't believe
you showed up.
304
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,820
I can't believe i showed up.
305
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,980
What am I doing with my life?
306
00:17:54,260 --> 00:17:56,380
Okay, come on, people.
We got a show to do.
307
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,100
okay.
In 3...
308
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,260
hi,
309
00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:05,540
I'm jackie burkhart, and here's
all the news you need to know.
310
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,540
This just in--
slacks are out.
311
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:10,300
So, ladies, shave those
legs and put on a skirt!
312
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,260
Up next,
313
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:17,780
senior correspondent michael kelso joins me
for a very exciting segment I like to call
314
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:18,700
"slut
315
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:19,980
or not."
316
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,380
Michael, welcome.
317
00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:22,420
Hi, jackie.
318
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:23,780
Ladies.
319
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,420
Okay,
let's get started.
320
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,420
Marcy cavanaugh.
321
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:30,860
Slut.
322
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:33,740
Susie rice.
323
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:35,620
Slut.
324
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,500
Hey, could you
zoom out a sec?
325
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:42,700
Ooh, jenny keene.
326
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:46,460
Partly slutty with a chance
of severe sluttiness.
327
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,220
Angie, what the hell?!
328
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,100
Burn?
329
00:18:55,540 --> 00:18:56,300
Burn!
330
00:18:58,860 --> 00:18:59,780
Well,
331
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:03,540
there you have it, america--
your first televised burn.
332
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:06,660
Up next,a hard-hitting segment
called "girls with moustaches."
333
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,980
Don't touch that dial,
sherry papadakis!
334
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,340
Hey, man,
is jackie around?
335
00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:19,020
Hey.
336
00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:21,140
Yeah, but I thought
you weren't talking to her.
337
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,860
you're gonna make up
with her, aren't you?
338
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,180
Oh, you're gonna tell
herthat you love her!
339
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:34,460
And your little sunglasses
are gonna get all fogged up.
340
00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:37,860
Jackie, there's someone
here to see you.
341
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:40,020
Hey.
342
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,020
Uh, I thought maybe
we would talk for a minute.
343
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,620
Is it about my show?
344
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,980
'Cause it was awesome!
Steven,
345
00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:50,180
I went on and I did great,
and I did it on my own!
346
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:53,380
I mean, I've never been more
proud of myself in my entire life.
347
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,540
I'm gonna do
great on my own.
348
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,180
I'm sorry. What did you want
to talk to me about?
349
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,340
Well,
350
00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:01,340
um...
351
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:07,340
I just wanted to say
congratulations on your show.
352
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:09,860
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
353
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,740
Did you see michael
with his pants down?
354
00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:17,420
No.
355
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,340
But I don't need
a tv to see that.
356
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:23,580
Bye.
357
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,360
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
358
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,240
and welcome to the full
half-hour of "slut or not."
359
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,840
I've got a phone book here and a wealth
of experience with fooling around,
360
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,240
so let's get started.
361
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,160
"Beverly addison."
362
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,280
I don't know her personally,
but I've heard she has a tattoo.
363
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,400
So congratulations,
beverly addison.
364
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,160
You are a slut.
365
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,920
What the hell
happened to this country?
366
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,280
I know beverly addison, and
I'm glad somebody finally said it.
26892
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