All language subtitles for 29 - Disappearing Samantha

Sam!

Oh, out here, honey.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Hello, young lady.

How are you?

How are you?

You promised to
clean out the garage.

Oh, honey, I'm
afraid it'll have to wait.

I've gotta go to a lecture.

Lecture?

Mmm-hmm. He's our client.

He has a new book coming out,

and we'll be handling
the promotion

and his lecture tour.

Um, were you
planning to go alone?

Oh, no. Larry and Louise will
be stopping by to pick me up.

Uh, we'll be going to
the afternoon lecture.

What's he lecturing about?

Nothing you'd be interested in.

Try me.

Okay.

The title is:

"Witchcraft of the World,
Fact and Fallacies."

The lecturer wouldn't
be by any chance

Osgood Rightmire, would it?

You've heard of him.

He's a smug phony who's
been making a living for years

telling all sorts of
lies about witches.

Well, then there's no
sense in your going

and ruining your afternoon.

Oh, I'm going all right.

I wouldn't miss
this for the world.

No, you're not going.

There's no sense in your going
and spoiling your whole day.

Oh, Darrin, don't be silly.

He's too ridiculous
to be taken seriously.

I just thought it might
be amusing to hear him.

Couldn't I go if I
promised to be good?

Well, Larry will be picking
me up in half an hour.

You haven't got time to
arrange for a baby-sitter.

I have an idea.

If it's what I think... Mother?

Now, wait a minute.

Mother, could I see
you for a moment?

Well, Samantha, I hope
it's something important.

Mother, we have to go
out for a couple of hours.

Now, would you mind sitting
with Tabatha until we get back?

Well, all right.

I've got to get back to
Tokyo for a few minutes.

A nice young Japanese
poet is going to read me

some of his love ballads.

I'll be right back.

She certainly gets around.

Oh, Darrin.

You know, she's really
awfully good about baby-sitting.

For Mother that is.

Well, I'll go and change.

I'm really looking
forward to this.

Remember, you
promised to be good.

Aren't I always?

If I say "yes," I'll be lying.

If I say "no," I'm in trouble.

No comment.

Come on, honey. We'll be late.

Coming.

I think Sam will enjoy this.

Osgood Rightmire
is a fascinating man.

Is that so?

Larry says he's considered
the top authority in his field.

By whom?

Oh, you know. Whoever it is who
decides who top authorities are.

He really is highly
respected, Sam.

He's been all over the world,

to all kinds of exotic places.

He's lived with witch
doctors and voodoo men.

It's been a life-long
study with him.

Oh, well, everyone
should have a hobby.

Maybe you'll get a
chance to talk to him later.

Oh?

Darrin, I took the liberty of
asking him to join us here

after the evening lecture.

Well, Larry, I don't know.

Maybe he'll be tired.

Oh, goodie!

Just think, Darrin,

an authority on witchcraft
here in our own little home.

Well, we better get
going. Come on, dear.

Genies, voodoo spirits,
leprechauns, trolls and witches

are the companions of dull,
primitive and ignorant people.

Well, that covers me.

He's insufferable!

Mind you, it's true that
my extensive research

has uncovered certain
inexplicable events

that have been attributed
to so-called witches.

However, after
intensive investigation,

I have found that
these manifestations

are all manufactured
or self-induced.

Believe me, there
are no witches.

Wonderful, isn't he?

Incredible.

And why do people like
to call themselves witches?

Well, I've met a great
many people with so-called

supernatural powers in my time.

And I'll tell you
what I found out.

Scratch a witch, and
you'll find a neurotic bore

who has no other
claim to be interesting.

Relax, honey, just
relax. Relax, honey.

Now, in case there are
any of you in the audience

who think you are a
witch, let me say this.

Here I am, Osgood Rightmire,
a 20th-century witch hunter,

and your mortal enemy.

Cast your spells.

Strike me down!

I offer myself as your target.

Samantha!

I'm sorry, darling.
It just slipped out.

It won't happen again.

Thank you very much.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh,
you may think that I staged that,

but I didn't. It, uh...
It was an accident.

However, that... That's
the way superstitions start.

If I were a superstitious man,
I would say that a witch did it.

But I would have a remedy.

I would simply say:

On grong gray Katza lama zay!

Any witches which are here

From this moment disappear

And, uh, with that
they would disappear.

Sam?

Yes, dear?

Where are you?

Well.

It can't be much of a
spell. Louise is still here.

That'll do.

Thanks for the lift, Larry.
We'll see you after dinner.

Thought I'd bring
Bob Andrews over, too,

if it's all right
with you. Fine.

If he gives us that article in
his magazine about Rightmire,

it'll be a big help
to the national tour.

Wonderful. Bye-bye.

See you later. So long.

You sure you're all right?

Oh, don't worry, Darrin.

It was just that one time.

I'm sure it couldn't
happen again.

It was pretty scary.

How would he know
an incantation like that?

He must've picked it up
in his travels somewhere.

Amateurs shouldn't fool
around with things like that.

Honey, I hate to mention it,

but somebody else
did start the whole thing.

I know. I'm sorry.

But when he's here
tonight, no, uh...

Don't worry, Darrin.

I'll be a good little witch.

Sam. Sam? Sam!

Sam, are you still here?

I am in spirit, darling.

Right over here.

Would you mind proving it?

Oh, honey.

This is a lot more
serious than we thought.

What are you
going to do about it?

Mother?

Mother!

You'll wake the baby!

Oh, what a sweet child.
It's a pleasure to be with her.

She slept the whole time.

Mother.

What's this?

Samantha.

Samantha?

Mama, I've got a problem.

Mother, have you
found anything yet?

No, there's nothing in here.

Oh, I'll find it all right.

How do you feel, sweetheart?

Well... Just hang on, darling.

Your lips feel funny.

That's because you
kissed me on the eye.

Do something.

Oh, it's your fault.

How could you expose your wife

to a dangerous
fanatic like Rightmire?

Wait a minute! I didn't want

her to go in the first
place. She insisted.

Oh. I was under the impression

that you were the
head of the house.

This is no time to bicker.

Do you know how to stop it?

Can you remember
what Rightmire said?

No. It didn't even sound
like an authentic incantation.

That's bad, huh?

Oh, I've seen some cases that
would make your hair turn blue.

Well, I'll just have to borrow
some more books from Aunt Clara.

Oh, my stars!

It must be some
exotic incantation.

And since it was
executed by an amateur,

well, it can't be that powerful.

I'll just have to do
some more research.

Hey, I made a comeback.

Thank goodness.

I don't know how
long it's gonna last.

In the meantime, put a
cold compress on your head,

take two aspirin,

and, above all,
keep yourself warm.

Any symptoms?

Not yet.

Darrin, could I have
a drink of water?

Sure thing, honey.

Darrin.

Sam!

Endora!

When did it happen?

Just now.

I wish you could
remember a little more

of what that simpleton said.

What did it sound like?

I wasn't listening.

It was one of those
ibbety-bibbety-sibbety-sab

things. "Out goes
Y-O-U," and out she went.

Oh, you're a great help.

Try to remember so
I'll know where to look.

Mother, it was one of those
things I never heard before.

Ooh.

I'll go down and ask
Rightmire. It's as simple as that.

You should've
thought of that sooner.

I'll catch him in his dressing
room before the evening lecture.

Well, don't trust
your human memory.

Write it down.

You missed.

Well, here I am again.

Oh, darling, sit down.

Everything is going
to be all right, dear.

Mother is here.

I, uh... I was particularly
impressed with the way

you handled that situation
when, uh... Well, you know.

Thank you, but I'd rather
not be reminded of that.

I warned the management.
They better fix that platform,

or they'll have a
lawsuit on their hands.

The way you leaped right up

and turned it into a
point in your lecture.

"Any witches which are here...
"Something or other. "disappear."

What did you say first?

Mr. Stephens, my contract
in this town is for two lectures.

I do not intend to give a
third one in my dressing room.

I thought I might use it
for a publicity release.

But you have my
colorful personality

to work with, Stephens.
What else do you want?

Besides, the spell
will be in my book,

which is coming out next month.

And I do not believe in giving
away anything for nothing.

But, Mr. Rightmire, I
believe that people...

Thank you for
dropping by, Stephens.

Well, you will be at our
house tonight after the lecture,

won't you?

Possibly.

Who else will be there?

Mr. Andrews, the
editor of Pictorial Week.

All right, Stephens.

Rightmire should be through
with his lecture about now.

We're anxious for you
to meet him, Mr. Andrews.

I wonder if he does
that business of tripping

and knocking everything
down at each performance.

Of course he does.

It was so obviously staged.

Didn't you think so, Sam?

Hmm? Uh, yes, yes, of course.

He kidded about the accident
being caused by a witch,

and then he recited a spell
to send the witch into limbo.

I wonder if he'd
tell me his secret.

I have a few relatives
I'd like to make disappear.

The entire lecture
sounds like nonsense.

Oh, I found it
quite interesting.

Didn't you, Saman...?

Where did Samantha go?

But she was here
just a second ago.

I wonder where
she disappeared to.

What happened?

I, uh, ran into some thick air.

I'll take a look in the kitchen.

That's probably where she is.

The... The kitchen?

Honey. Honey, are you in here?

Yes, dear.

Well, where are you?

I'm right here.

Honey, try to hold on
until Rightmire gets here,

then everything
will be all right.

Hello.

Yes, Mr. Rightmire.

Oh, now, Mr. Rightmire...

But, Mr. Rightmire,
we're all expecting you.

I'm terribly sorry to
disappoint you, Stephens,

but, uh, I'm rather tired,

and, uh, I have some
important research to do tonight.

Well, please extend my apologies
to, uh, whoever it may concern.

All right? Bye-bye.

Now, my dear, I'm all yours.

Oh, Mr. Rightmire.

Osgood.

I's good too.

No, no, my dear,
Osgood is my first name.

Um... what's yours?

Beverly.

And I'm thrilled, just
thrilled to meet you.

Well, it was, uh,
most sweet of you

to come backstage
and say such nice things

about my modest little effort.

Oh, it wasn't modest at all.

It was what you were talking
about that just drives me crazy.

It's so, so... Fascinating?

No, spooky.

Mother, we have to get him here

to find out what the spell was.

Don't worry, dear.

Osgood Rightmire will be here.

How can you be so sure?

Why, his research
will bring him here.

Right to Morning Glory Circle.

But... Shhhh! Let
me concentrate.

I thought we might go to
some, uh, nice, intimate little club

and, uh, get to know
each other better.

Oh, that sounds just marvie.

And I know just the place.

Good.

Where is it?

On Morning Glory Circle.

Well, uh, lead the way.

Maybe we should've
picked Mr. Rightmire up.

He might've gotten lost.

Not a chance, I assure you.

How can you be so sure?

Mother means that any man
who has hacked his way through

mysterious jungles,
shouldn't have a problem.

He'll be here any minute now.

Is something wrong
with the engine?

What does it sound like?

Well, I'm not mechanical.

That, my dear, is
a matter of opinion.

Where's this club you
were telling me about?

I don't know.

Well, why did you
say it was here?

I don't know.

Well, I'll just go in the
house and call the auto club.

It's cold out here.
Can I come with you?

Oh, very well.

Oh, pardon me. My car...

Mr. Rightmire. How
nice of you to come.

Stephens!

Um, I decided my
research could wait.

Well, good, good.

And, uh, I, uh... I
brought along my, uh...

My niece, who lives
here in the town.

Ah, um, Beverly...
Niece? Beverly Niece.

No, Beverly Wilson.

Beverly Wilson.

This is Mr. Darrin Stephens.

Well, hello there.

How do you do?

We were afraid you
couldn't find the place.

There's some people here who
are very anxious to meet you.

Won't you come in?

One word out of
you, and I'll kill you.

Well, I was having a
drink with, uh, a major

up in the officer's
mess in Bonga-Bonga.

And the door opened, and in
came this diminutive colonel,

approximately nine inches high,

immaculately
dressed in every way,

and he swarmed up the stool
to the bar and ordered a drink.

And the major
said to the colonel...

He said, "Colonel,
tell Mr. Osgood

about the time you fell
out with a witch-doctor."

Can I, uh, freshen
anybody's drinks?

No, thank you.

Well, this has been most
interesting, Mr. Rightmire.

Thank you, Mr. Andrews.
Of course, this is only one

of many stories I have
concerning witchcraft.

Fascinating, Mrs. Stephens.

Yes, indeed.

I could listen to him talk
all night, couldn't you?

Well, perhaps
not quite... Honey.

Pass me the ashtray,
would you, Beverly, dear?

Yes, sir.

I've been away
for several years,

and I'm afraid my
niece is a little awed

by her illustrious uncle.

Isn't that it, dear?

Yes, Uncle Rightmire.

Osgood.

Who?

Mr. Rightmire, I'd like
very much to do an article

on you and your work.

I was, uh, telling him
about the wonderful way

you handled that
situation this afternoon.

Oh, that.

Yes, he was
positively wonderful.

You bet.

Ahem.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Osgood.

I'm particularly interested
in witchcraft, Mr. Rightmire.

What was the spell you put
on the witches in the audience?

An ancient peasant incantation
I translated from the Hungarian.

Yes, we were
trying to remember it.

How does it go?

As a publisher,

I'm sure Mr. Andrews
will appreciate the answer

that I gave to your
son-in-law earlier.

Read my book.

He's absolutely right.

Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

Mother! Mother!

He did it to me. And
without the incantation.

Mother, where are you?

Here I am.

Ooh!

Mother, he's a warlock.

He could be.

Yes, he certainly could be.

And we've got to find out.

We'll just have to give
him the ordeal by fire.

But how? And with what?

The most simple test
is to give him a glass of

cayenne, red peppers, hot
sauce and a little tomato juice.

Of course.

If he can drink that,
he's a warlock all right.

I was in this village
in darkest Africa,

investigating some
strange voodoo rites,

and the chief came
up to me and said...

Excuse me.

After midnight everyone.
Time for Bloody Mary's.

Oh, that's a marvelous idea.

Oh, thank you, Endora.

Thank you very much.

Well, here's to the success
of your book, Mr. Rightmire.

Thank you.

Cayenne and red
pepper? What for?

You almost killed him!

To prove he isn't a warlock.

He doesn't even
know what he's doing.

He's a stupid bundler!

Mother! What?

Maybe he has a charm,
a talisman of some sort,

that he doesn't
know anything about.

Yes, yes.

That has to be it!

Ah-ha! All right, back
to the living room.

Really, I'm awfully
sorry, Mr. Rightmire.

I hope you're feeling better.

Fine. Thank you. Fine.

I made you a fresh one.

No more, dear lady, no more.

Incidentally, I'm sure
none of you know this,

but the Bayou folk of Louisiana
used cayenne and red pepper

as a test for warlocks.

That's a rather interesting
ring, Mr. Rightmire.

Where did you get it?

From an old mystic who lived
at the headwaters of the Nile.

May I see it?

This ring never
leaves my finger.

Ahh!

Except for you, dear lady.

Did you see that?

It practically jumped
out of my hand.

Mother, I'm getting
that feeling again.

Me too. Come on.

It can't have gone very far.

- No, no.
- Look above your hand.

Under the sofa?

It's got to be in this
room somewhere.

All right. You first, dear.

Thank you, Mother.

It's too dangerous to be
in the hands of an amateur.

Well, we can't let
him have it back.

No.

He'll never know the difference.

Come on.

Is this the ring you're
looking for, Mr. Rightmire?

Yes. Where did you find it?

In the kitchen. It
must've rolled there.

It's a busy little
ring, isn't it?

Yes. Well, uh, I'd
better be toddling along.

I, uh, have to get Miss
Wilson back home, you know.

I'm sure your little niece
isn't used to being out so late.

Hey, what about the
car, Uncle Rightmire?

Yes, of course. The,
uh... The auto club.

Oh, doesn't it work?

Why don't you try it again.

Yes, yes, I'll,
uh... I'll do that.

Well, Mrs. Stephens,
thank you so, so much.

Oh, no, Mr. Rightmire.

Thanks to you, we've
had an enchanting evening.

So be it.

Let me sum up by saying
what you've all heard

many times before.

Discount coincidence,

discredit fate, dispense
with superstition

and you'll be secure

as I am in the conviction
that there is no such thing

as witchcraft.

Mr. Rightmire! Mr. Rightmire!

Ta-ta!