All language subtitles for 19 - My Baby the Tycoon

Sam, the baby is crying.

She probably wants her bottle.

Okay, I'll be a good
father and get it myself.

Darrin, the baby is crying.

She had me up and
down all night long.

So would you mind if just this
once I gave her her bottle by...

You wouldn't?

Aw, thanks.

Samantha.

Samantha, wake up.

Samantha!

What's wrong?

I now have positive proof

that our baby is a
full-blooded witch!

What?

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Your old man has to go to work.

Darrin.

Hmmm?

You haven't apologized to her

for accusing her of
being a full-blooded witch.

Now you know that's impossible.

Why? Her mother is a witch.

But you're not. You're mortal.

So the most she can be
is a half-blooded witch.

You're right.

I apologize.

Good morning.

Oh, hello.

Excuse us for barging in,

but we want to give
the baby a present.

In honor of being born.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.

You see, Gladys.

Just because they sent
us an announcement

didn't mean we had to.

Oh, Abner, stop kidding.

He's just kidding.

Well, come on right in.

Ooh!

Darrin, the Kravitzes
brought Tabatha a present.

Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.

Oh, don't be silly.
It was our pleasure.

Ooh, she's so pwetty.

Oh, she's so pwetty.

She's the pwettiest wittle girl!

You're getting
pwettier evewyday!

Gladys, please, no baby talk.

It upsets my stomach
worse than her cooking.

Tell her about the gift, Gladys?

Well, we got, in the
baby's very own name,

one share of stock in
Kapoopsie Woolens.

Oh, that's wonderful!
Darrin isn't that wonderful?

It certainly is.

What's Kapoopsie Woolens?

It's not Kapoopsie,
it's Poughkeepsie,

as in the city of the same
name, Poughkeepsie, New York.

I thought you said Kapoopsie.

I've been a stockholder
in it for 20 years,

in those 20 years the price of
the stock never went down or up.

That's what makes it
a sound investment.

Thank you from both of us.

From all three of us.

You're entirely welcome.

We bought it through
my cousin Julius.

If you ever need a good
stock broker, I recommend him.

His name is Cushman,
Julius Cushman.

As a matter of fact, I just
happen to have one of his cards.

"One share of common stock.

"Stockholder's name,
Tabatha Stephens."

Well, Tabatha, you're
a Wall Street tycoon.

I don't believe it.

What's the matter, Julius?

A stock that hasn't
moved in 20 years,

just went up six points.

What's the name of it?

Poughkeepsie Woolens.

Poughkeepsie Woolens?

Samantha!

Honey?

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.

Where's Tabatha?

Oh, she's upstairs. I was just
going to take up her laundry.

Well, I'll go along with you.

As soon as I tell you
what happened today.

At the office? No,
on Wall Street.

Poughkeepsie Woolens,
which opened at $9 per share,

closed at $15 per share.

In other words, it leaped $6.

How about that?

I bet Tabatha brought it luck.

That's one way of putting it.

There's another?

Sam, being a devoted mother,

did you use a little
witchcraft to put in the fix?

I most certainly did not.

That would be highly unethical.

Okay. I'm sorry.

But how do you explain
the fact that after 20 years,

this stock suddenly jumps?

Easy.

After 20 years, it
was probably overdue.

Honey, that isn't the way
the stock market works.

Now, the value of
these stocks depends...

Hold everything. What
about your mother?

What about my mother what?

Maybe she used
a little witchcraft

to feather her
granddaughter's nest.

Being highly unethical
wouldn't stop her.

Darrin, be logical.

If mother wanted to feather
her granddaughter's nest,

she would not tamper
with the stock market.

She'd merely whip up

a couple of million
dollars cash.

You're right.

So it wasn't either one of you.

Come on, let's go see the baby.

Hi, sweetie pie.

Hi, my darling?

You know what, congratulations.

Your stock went up six points.

Sam, did you see that?

She smiled.

Yes, she probably
has a little gas.

No, honey. She understood me.

I told her her stock
went up six points

and she... She
expressed satisfaction!

How can she possibly
understand you?

She's just a baby.

She is not just a
baby, she's your baby.

Maybe Tabatha did it herself.

Maybe she used her own powers
to influence the stock market.

Darling, we aren't even
sure she has any powers.

We're not sure that she hasn't.

Well, there's only
one way to find out.

How?

We'll conduct an experiment.

What kind of experiment?

We'll buy a second
share of stock

and see what happens to it.

And we'll make
it very scientific,

we'll let her pick the stock.

Darling, Tabatha can't read.

She's not old enough.

Just a minute. Pick
a stock, pick a stock.

Pick a stock,
darling. Pick a stock.

Ah-ha!

But she can point.

That's not pointing.

That's playing
with the newspaper.

Nelson Aerodynamics,
closed at $12.

I'll buy her one share tomorrow.

Sweetheart.

Mmm?

Don't you think
it's a little silly

to throw away $12
on something... silly?

No, honey.

We have to find out
if she is or if she isn't.

And this is the only way.

There's another way.

What way?

Wait a year and ask her.

I'll place the order tomorrow
through Mrs. Kravitz's cousin.

Frank, are you familiar
with a dog on the market

called Nelson Aerodynamics?

And how. It's a real nothing...

Don't tell me you bought it.

Yep, for my cousin's
neighbor's baby.

And it just went up five points.

Samantha!

Samantha!

Oh, I'll be right out.

I'm just heating
Tabatha's bottle.

Don't you look at
me so innocently.

Now, I know you
don't know any better,

but you cannot tamper
with the American economy.

I realize it's not your fault,
and I'm not blaming you,

but it's got to stop.

Now, this is very serious,
and it's very complicated,

so I want you to listen closely.

When the stocks act
strangely, the public panics.

And that causes disasters

like the big crash in 1929.

You wouldn't want
to throw your country

into another
depression, would you?

I don't believe it.

I simply don't believe it.

A grown man giving a lecture
on the stock market to a tiny baby.

Sam, this tiny baby made
herself $10 and a half in one day.

Nelson Aerodynamics
closed at 22 and one half.

It did?!

What are you so happy about?

That means the
experiment worked.

It did? Yes, it did.

That proves that our
baby not only has powers,

but she uses them for her
own selfish personal profit.

Darrin, maybe...

I know, Sam. It's not her fault,

but somehow she's got to
develop a sense of responsibility.

She's a tiny baby.

I know, that's what
makes it so tough.

Somehow, I've got
to make her realize

the significance of
the national economy.

Oh, my stars.

Oh, Tabatha.

Isn't Daddy funny?

He thinks you've been wheeling
and dealing in the stock market.

How about that?

You sweet adorable baby.

And if you have, be a
good girl and cut it out, huh?

Hello.

Good morning, Gladys, Julius.

Well, listen, I was
surprised to hear

that Poughkeepsie went up too.

Look, I'll tell you
why I phoned.

Your neighbor, Mr. Stephens

must have some hot, inside
information on the market.

Yesterday, he bought
a stock that went up

10 and a half points in one day.

So if you want to gamble,

I suggest you get him
to give you a few tips.

Oh. Why, thank you,
Julius. We'll do that.

Thank you for calling.

Listen, give my love to
Henrietta and the parakeets.

Bye.

Bye.

Who called?

Cousin Julius.

Abner, if we play our
cards right, we can get rich.

Did Poughkeepsie go up again?

No. We're going
to sell that stock,

and we're going to buy
what Mr. Stephens tells us.

Julius says he must have
some hot, inside information.

Gladys.

Come on, let's go talk to him.

Gladys, if I say I refuse to
discuss the subject further

so let's drop it,
what would you do?

I would nag you so unmercifully,

you'd think I never
nagged you before.

That's what I thought. Let's go.

All right, Tabatha.

We'll take your
diapers upstairs,

and then it's
time for your bath.

He probably left for work.

Don't ring the bell until
I see if his car is here.

Oh, okay.

You want your dolly
to come too, hmm?

I bet you do.

All right.

As long as I only
have two hands.

The garage is empty.
Let's go home and forget it.

Abner! Ab-Ab... I'll
take a wild guess.

You saw something so peculiar
it exceeds the boundaries

of man's imagination.

Yes. I saw the
Stephens baby fly.

That's terrific!

Most kids her age
can't even walk.

Oh, Abner, why won't
you ever believe me?

Gladys, where did the
Stephens' baby fly to?

Upstairs, toward her room.

She's probably made
a three-point landing

right in her crib.

Good morning.

Ah!

Good morning.

You're holding the
baby in your arms.

Oh, I do that a lot.

Gladys thought the baby
would be in her room.

Oh, well, she's en
route to get her bath.

Would you mind letting
us come up and watch?

Well, it's not that
spectacular, you know.

Maybe not to you,

but it certainly would
brighten up our drab lives.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm still a little nervous.

I'm only a novice,

and I'm not sure I'm
ready for an audience yet.

Oh, that's okay.
We're easy to please.

Okay.

Just remember,
I'm still a beginner.

Abner, since when do you
like to watch babies take baths?

Not babies, Gladys.

Baby.

I want to show you
there's only one, a non-flier.

Yeah?

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Oopsie-daisy. There you go.

Now, you just relax.

The trick to bathing a baby

is to get everything
ready in advance.

My cousin says that
Mr. Stephens bought a stock

that went up 10 and a
half points in one day.

Mm-hmm.

Ten and half points?

In one day.

Oh, beginner's luck.

How did Mr. Stephens
pick that stock out?

Oh, just a hunch, I guess.

Maybe Tabatha
gave him a tip on it.

I forgot the soap. Excuse me.

Gladys, what are you doing?

What's it look like I'm
doing, I'm snooping!

Abner!

Here's today's paper,
folded at the financial page.

So what?

Abner, how can you be so dense?

Didn't you hear her say
that the baby gave him a tip?

And then we find the
paper in the nursery.

Don't you see? Like
mother like daughter.

Gladys, can you
be more specific?

Well, it's obvious.

Tabatha made that stock go up
10 and a half points by voodoo,

and she did the same
thing for Kapoopsie Woolens.

Gladys, for the last
time, it's not Kapoopsie,

it's Poughkeepsie.

All right.

Now, all we need is the water.

She wants the paper.

Just like kids.

They want to play with
everything but their toys.

She's not playing.

She's picking a stock.

"East South Dakota Petroleum."

She's telling us to buy East
South Dakota Petroleum!

That's funny. I didn't
hear her say a word.

Can't you see? She's bribing us.

She's telling us, "Aunt
Gladys and Uncle Abner,

"if you'll keep my
secret, I'll make you rich."

You don't have to make us rich.

We'll keep your
secret if you keep ours.

What's our secret?

That Aunt Gladys
is sick in the head

and needs a thorough
psychiatric examination,

which Uncle Abner is
now going home to arrange.

Abner, wait.

Oh! Ooh!

Well, that was close, Ah! Abner!

Wait until I tell you what
Mrs. Stephens did to the water!

I just got home
and saw the sign.

Room for rent?

Out of necessity.

This morning we sold
our Poughkeepsie Woolens

and invested all our money in
East South Dakota Petroleum.

By this afternoon, it
had dropped 21 points.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes. And you haven't
heard the worse part.

My wife says she
invested in the stock

because she got a magic
message from your daughter.

Pathetic, isn't it?

Darrin, don't yell.

You'll wake up the baby.

How can she sleep?

She just destroyed
the life savings

of a sweet middle-aged couple.

You're not making any sense.

Gladys got a tip from Tabatha,
and the stock went down.

That proves one thing.

What?

If Tabatha gave Mrs. Kravitz
a tip on the stock market,

which you believe
she did and I don't,

Tabatha would've
used her powers,

which you believe
she has and I don't,

to make the stock go up,
not down, as she did before,

which you believe
she did and I don't.

Not necessarily.

Why not?

The stock wasn't
purchased in her name.

Really?

What are you doing,
reporting her to the SEC?

I am ordering her one share
of East South Dakota Petroleum

so tomorrow when it rises,

it takes the
Kravitzes off the hook.

May I speak to Mr. Julius
Cushman, please?

Ah, Mr. Cushman,
Darrin Stephens.

Will you please give
me the closing price

on East South Dakota Petroleum?

With pleasure.

After severe,
early afternoon dip,

East South Dak Pet rallied
to close where it opened,

at $30 per share.

You're kidding.

Um, how come?

I see.

Uh, who told you?

Our Research department.

And while I was at it,

I had them tell me what happened

with Poughkeepsie
Woolens and Nelson Aero.

Uh, what...? What did happen?

Uh-huh.

Mmm.

Uh-huh.

I see. Well, that's very
interesting, Mr. Cushman.

No, no. I think
I'll just play it cool.

Oh, thank you.

What is interesting?

Well, uh, East South Dakota
Petroleum bounced back,

so, uh, tomorrow the Kravitzes
can sell and break even.

What made it bounce back?

Oh, you wouldn't understand,
honey. It's very dull.

I think I'd find it fascinating.

What happened?

Well, the earlier dip
was caused by, um...

a rumor that a new oil
well failed to strike oil.

Well, they found out
the rumor wasn't true,

and it just bounced back up.

How about Poughkeepsie Woolens?

Honey, how about a martini?

How about letting
Tabatha off the hook?

Okay.

Poughkeepsie
Woolens bounced back

because of the discovery
of a new synthetic fabric.

Oh.

And, uh, how about
Nelson Aerodynamics?

There's no way I
can get out of this?

Nope.

Nelson Aerodynamics went up

because they got a
government contract.

In other words, there
were three logical reasons

for the way the stocks acted.

Tabatha had
nothing to do with it?

You could say that, yes.

I did.

Now you can make
me that martini.

Sam, I just had
a terrible thought.

What?

Supposing it appeared that
there were logical reasons

for the stocks bouncing
around like that.

Supposing she knew
they'd strike oil. Darrin.

Supposing she knew they
discovered a new synthetic.

Darrin. Honey, you can't
blame me for wondering.

If you don't stop this,

do you know what's
going to happen? What?

You're going to turn into
another Gladys Kravitz.

You just cured me.

Thanks.

Alrighty, madam, let's
see what we can do here.

Good morning, ladies.

Oh, good morning, Dada,

Oh, it sure is nice sleeping
in late on Sunday, right?

Oh, well, we ladies
wouldn't know,

we were up at 6:00.

Sam.

Uh-huh?

Is Tabatha up to
her old tricks again?

Hardly.

This is yesterday's sports page,

and I'm using it to line
the wastepaper basket.

Here, honey, look.

She put her finger on
the entries at Aqueduct,

on a...

horse in the first race
named, Princess Jennie.

Darrin, you're not
gonna start that again.

Well, as long as it
was yesterday's paper,

let's just take a look and see.

First race at
Aqueduct was won by...

Dirty Arnold.

Beating Princess
Jennie in a photo finish.

There, you see?

I see.

Unless, Princess
Jennie didn't win

because she didn't
have a bet on it.

Darrin, will you please...?

Will you please...?

Yes, Sam, will I please what?

Will you please hold Tabatha

while I finish lining
the wastebasket?

Who do you like in the fourth?

Darrin.