All language subtitles for 17 - Maid to Order

Mother!

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Just what do you
think you're doing?

It's called vacuuming
the draperies.

Excuse me.

Honey, I don't want you

bending and
stretching like that.

Not in your condition.

Well, I appreciate your concern,

but I'm fine.

And I want to keep it that way.

I don't want
you to lift a finger

until after the baby comes.

But, Darrin... I don't mind you

doing a little light housework

as long as you don't
tax your strength.

But no bending and stretching.

You sit right down there.

I'm going to bring
you a glass of milk.

Samantha...

Turn it off.

That settles it.

We'll hire a maid.

What?

Louise and Larry have a maid.

Esmeralda. She's a jewel.

Well, I appreciate
the offer, Darrin,

but I don't want a maid.

Why not?

Because I don't
want a total stranger

running my household.

She won't run it, honey.

She'll just help you run it.

Besides, after the baby comes,

we'll have a
built-in baby-sitter.

I'll call the agency tomorrow

and they'll send some girls

for you to interview.

Darrin, I don't... Sam,

I'm concerned about
the health and comfort

of my wife and child.

You really mean that, don't you?

Yeah. All right, all right.

Bring on the girls.

I'll interview them.

And if I find one that
doesn't frighten me,

I'll hire her.

Thank you. My pleasure.

I hope.

Mrs. Darrin Stephens?

Yes. I'm from the
employment agency.

My name is Mrs. Luftwaffe.

Mrs. Luftwaffe?

It's European.
Shall we be seated?

Yes.

My terms are as follows:

I do no cooking, washing,
ironing or heavy cleaning.

I arise at 9 a.m.

I have every Saturday
and Sunday off,

leaving at noon on Friday and
returning at noon on Monday.

My room must have
a color television set,

and I reserve the right to
choose my own wallpaper.

I see.

Now, about references...

Yes. I'll look at them now.

You want to see my references?

From former housekeepers.

Well, I'm afraid there
haven't been any.

Oh, that's bad.

I have a rule against
working for beginners.

Well, in that
case, I won't take...

However, if I decide
you have possibilities,

I might make an exception.

How do you decide
if I have possibilities?

I inspect how neat
you keep your kitchen.

Well, I don't think
that'll be necessary.

I'm sure I don't come
up to your standards.

I'll be the judge of that.

Now, where is it?

What?

The kitchen.

Oh. Follow me.

Right that way.

Hi there!

I'm the maid from the
employment agency.

You are?

Yeah.

I always get that
reaction at first.

I mean, just because
a girl is a maid

is no reason not to make
the most of her appearance.

Right?

I guess not. And
you certainly have.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, this is a
groovy-looking house.

Yeah, real groovy.

It has a fun feeling
about it, you know?

What does your husband do?

He's in advertising.

Groovy.

Maybe he could cast me in
a coast-to-coast commercial.

I'm very photogenic.

Here are references from the
last five husbands I worked for.

Don't references generally
come from the wives?

Not in my case.

Somehow I always
seem to establish

better rapport
with the husbands.

Isn't that funny?

Hysterical.

Is your husband a good dancer?

Groovy.

Would you like to see a picture?

I'd adore it.

This is my Darrin.

Sweetie, it's nothing personal,

but I do have
other people to see.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Naomi Hogan.

I'm a refined widow,

and if the job is
still open, I'll take it.

I have my own
uniforms, I love children

and I need the money.

How do you like me so far?

So far, I like you just fine.

But I bet you'd like to
know more about me.

Yes, I would.

Shall we be seated?

Well, I was born in Cincinnati,

the eldest daughter
of a poor but honest

freelance upholsterer.

Mrs. Hogan... Oh, call me Naomi.

All right, Naomi,

I wanted to know more
about your experience

as a housekeeper.

Yes. I was afraid you would.

Why?

Because lately my
experience has been lousy.

Due to a clash of personalities,

I have lost five jobs
in the past four weeks.

Clash of personalities
over what?

Well, my general incompetence,
my inedible cooking

and my nervous habit of
breaking whatever I touch.

Well, you have
one obvious virtue.

What's that?

You're honest.

Oh, I'm also desperate.

You see, I'm sending my
son through medical school

and if I don't get a job today,

I won't be able to
meet the deadline

on next semester's tuition.

I'll clean, I'll
scrub, I'll slave,

and I'll also sign a note
at 10 percent interest

for everything I break.

Naomi... Yes, ma'am.

You're hired.

You're kidding.

So the drunk
says to the gorilla,

"Lady, don't brush me off

just because you're
wearing a mink coat."

Why aren't you laughing, Louise?

Dear, I've heard that
joke at least 50 times.

Mm-hm.

And what's your excuse, Sam?

Hm?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Larry.

She was busy worrying
about our new maid.

And I don't blame her.

We really should have
postponed this till next week.

You don't have company the
first night you have a new maid.

You give her time
to get adjusted.

That's ridiculous.

If she came from the same
agency that sent us Esmeralda,

she's a seasoned veteran.

Samantha, why don't you go out

and see how she's doing.

I know you're dying to.

Yes, I think I will.

Excuse me.

How ya doing?

Oops!

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

It was my fault. I startled you.

Well, back to the
old lettuce bin.

Have you followed my recipe

for Parisian consommé?

I tried to,

but consommé isn't
exactly my long suit.

I see what you mean.

Have you tasted it yet?

No. Uh, not yet.

Maybe I'd better.

In your condition,
it might not be safe.

No, it just needs
a little stirring.

See?

Oh, that's terrific.
Mm... Thank you.

I mean, congratulations.

How about that.

I made Parisian consommé.

Now, let's see how well
you did with the roast.

Is it too well-done?

No. No, not really.

You're just saying
that to be nice.

It looks like a king-size prune.

It just needs a little basting.

What a baste.

Mrs. Stephens,

that's the best roast
I ever executed.

Well, it looks like
dinner's all ready.

Now, I'll go and
seat the guests,

and you serve the consommé.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh! And, Naomi,
keep up the good work.

Yes, ma'am.

Mmmm. Superb.

I may not know
anything about cooking,

but I know about eating,

and this entire meal
was magnificent.

Amen.

Thank you. You
mean, thank Naomi.

Yes, thank Naomi.

Morning, Naomi.

Good morning.

Why are you still
here on your day off?

I'm waiting for you to approve

my first week estimate

on what I cost you in breakage.

Five, seven, nine, 13, 19, 25,

8, 12, 21, 27, 14
dollars and 75 cents.

I figure 5 bucks for
cups and saucers,

$4 for ashtrays,
2.50 for plates.

Naomi, we're insured.

And even if we weren't,

your son needs that
money more than we do.

Mrs. Stephens,
you're the kindest lady

I ever worked for.

And the best homemaker.

Really?

I can't explain it,
but with you around

to give me handy hints,

I can do things that I
could never do before.

Want me to fix breakfast?

No. No, you run along
and have a nice day.

You know what
working for you is like?

What?

It's like all of a sudden
I found my good fairy.

Good morning, Naomi.

Good morning, Mr. Stephens.

Today is your day
off, isn't it? Yes.

I'm leaving as soon
as I get my purse.

Well, have a good day.

Hello.

Darrin, Louise.

In trouble.

Esmeralda was just
called out of town

because of illness
in her family,

and tonight I'm having
a formal dinner party

for eight people,

including that big-shot
new client What's-His-Name.

Right. H.J. Simpson.

Well, we know
it's an imposition,

but Larry and I wondered,

would you mind lending
us Naomi for this evening?

To cook that same wonderful
meal we had with you.

We'd be happy to pay her $15.

Just a second.

Naomi. Yes, sir.

Would you like to
earn an extra $15?

Oh, I'd love to.

My son, the medical student,

has to get a new
pair of white shoes.

Mrs. Tate needs help
with a dinner party.

What time do you
want her there, Louise?

Oh, about 5:00.

Okay. Five o'clock.

That's the address.

Thanks a million.

I'll go get a uniform.

It's all set, Louise.

We're not putting
you out, are we?

We really appreciate it.

Don't mention it.

It's Naomi's day off,

so it won't make any
difference to Samantha.

That's okay.

Have a nice party.

Do you still remember
how to cook?

I hope so.

So do I.

Naomi sets a very high standard.

I may be very hard to please.

Who called?

Louise Tate.

Oh, about what?

Oh, Esmeralda had to leave town,

so she hired Naomi to pinch-hit

on a formal dinner
party for eight people.

May I have my
coffee please, honey?

Naomi!

Naomi!

Naomi?

She's gone!

Honey, what's the matter?

Louise has to cancel
that dinner party.

She can't.

Why?

It's in honor of a client.

Well, then she has
to invite us. Why?

Because if I'm not there to
give Naomi some handy hints,

the evening is
going to be a fiasco.

Sam, will you please tell
me what you're talking about?

Do I have to? Yes.

Well, it's a... A long story.

And I have a feeling you're
gonna hate every word of it.

Looks great, Darrin.

Thank you, Larry.

Larry, I've got a great idea.

Why don't you and
Louise and Samantha and I

have dinner together tonight?

Well, Sam must've told
you Louise borrowed Naomi.

We're having guests for dinner.

Oh, that's a pity.

I was looking forward
to seeing both of you.

Why?

Oh, just felt like it.

Well, uh, maybe
we'll go for a drive.

Darrin, I'm kind of busy.

Maybe we'll take a drive through
your neighborhood and drop in.

What for?

A bite to eat?

Darrin, I've already told you,

we're having dinner guests.

Larry, it's just as easy
to cook for ten people

as it is for eight.

I don't get it.

Why are you hinting around
to be invited to dinner?

Well, Larry, we're
very fond of Louise

and we don't see enough of her.

You saw her Friday night.

Yes, and she was so charming
we'd like to see her again.

Okay.

Why don't you come over to
dinner a week from Sunday.

We're busy. Why
don't we come tonight.

Darrin, tonight is business.

I'm wining and dining
old man Simpson

and his son, old
man Simpson, Jr.

I know, and maybe
he'd like to meet

some other
members of your staff.

The only member of my
staff he's interested in meeting

is the man assigned to
his account: Bob Chetley.

Why don't Bob and
I change accounts?

I'll take the Simpson
account and he can take...

Ah, I finally understand.

You finally understand what?

You're jealous of Bob Chetley.

No, I'm not.

Because I gave
the Simpson account

to him and not to you.

Larry, that's not true.

I think it is.

Look, may we come
to dinner or not?

You know, with a
little work, Darrin,

you could overcome this
terrible shyness of yours.

Yes or no? No.

Don't beat around the bush.
Give me a straight answer.

Get out of here, Darrin.

Honey, I'll bet you
a thousand dollars

this doesn't work.

Don't be pessimistic.

You never know if
something doesn't work

until you try it.

All right.

Well, good evening.
Welcome to...

I don't believe it.

Good evening, Larry.

Here's the book I
borrowed last Christmas.

Thank you.

Do you always get this
dressed up to return books?

No... Not always,
just occasionally.

As an expectant mother,

I felt a sudden craving
for a formal dinner party.

Samantha, I admire you.

You do?

I like a wife who's interested
in her husband's career,

but don't push him too fast.

Darrin will be made
a vice president

when the time comes,
and not a moment before.

Good night.

Well!

Come on. Where are we going?

Home.

If Larry thinks we're
bucking for a vice presidency,

we're going to stop
trying to help him

and let him drown
in his own fiasco.

What time is it?

Eight o'clock.

The Tate's kitchen must
be a disaster area by now.

Good.

How's your pizza? Fine.

How's yours?

Delicious.

The sweet pizza of revenge.

I, uh... I forgot the napkins.

Naomi... Yes?

If I didn't know how
well things turn out,

this mess would
make me very nervous.

Well, I'm not
used to flying solo.

Somehow I feel
much more confident

when Mrs. Stephens is around.

Isn't this Parisian
consommé a little thick?

No. You just have to stir it.

When Mrs. Stephens
stirred it... It...

There!

Very good.

There.

What took you so long, honey?

I put the coffee on.

On second thought, I
think I'd rather have tea.

Oh.

Naomi, you burned it.

It looks like... Like
a king-size prune.

Well, it just needs
to be basted.

Oh, it's hopeless.

Mrs. Tate!

Yes?

What happened?

You see, the
secret's in the basting.

Ah!

Hi. Ooh!

Uh-oh. Where have you been?

As if I didn't know.

Darrin, I just
can't stand by idle.

Oh, yes, you can.

Larry Tate is getting
exactly what he deserves.

But Louise isn't.

You're not a woman so
you wouldn't understand,

but one fiasco dinner
party can open wounds

that may never heal!

Well, it's worse
than wearing slacks

when everybody else
is wearing dresses.

Darrin, please!

Please, what?

Let me go back and help Naomi.

I promise I'll never
use witchcraft again.

You will?

Well... I'll, uh...

promise to try and taper off.

Oh, I've got to get back

before something
drastic happens.

Well, I guess just because
I'm having a beef with Larry

is no reason to
take it out on Louise.

That's right. Well, thank you.

I've got to go make dessert.

Swell.

I suppose you've got a
great dessert planned.

Mm-hm. Cherries Jubilee.

Boy, I should get that lucky.

You just have.

Well, back to Naomi.

Good.

Everything's ready to serve.

You see, I told you

you didn't need Mrs.
Stephens around.

I guess not.

I've got a very
funny feeling, though.

It's as if someone's
watching over me.

Nonsense.

You're a marvelous cook.

Like I said, somebody
up there likes me.

Honey, this is the worst
breakfast I've ever eaten.

I let Naomi cook it herself.

In line with my new policy

of trying to give up witchcraft.

When are you going to fire her?

Soon.

When is soon?

As soon as her son
graduates from medical school.

Honey, that's...
Mr. and Mrs. Stephens,

I have something to tell you.

Oh?

You're the most wonderful
people I've ever worked for,

so therefore, I'm quitting.

You are?

You are?

You deserve the absolute
tops in domestic help.

And, let's face it,

I am not the absolute tops.

Sooner or later
you'd have to fire me,

so I'd like to quit now,
before the baby comes,

because even though
I wouldn't do right by it,

I know I'd fall in love with it,

and I couldn't bear to leave it.

So it will work better
all around if I leave now.

Oh, here's an estimate
of my breakage.

Now, Naomi, you put that away.

I told you we were insured.

Oh, this is what I
broke at Mrs. Tate's.

Oh.

Three, 9, 10, carry
1, 8, 11, 15, carry 1.

Seventeen dollars and 50 cents.

Well.

Um, Naomi, would you wait
for me in the kitchen, please?

Yes, ma'am.

Darrin, did you hear how
she added these figures?

Uh-huh. She's a good adder.

Do you think you
could get her a job

in your accounting department?

I bet I could.

Oh, that would kill three
birds with one stone.

How three?

One, it's a good job
that she could keep.

Two, she'd be
making a bigger salary

and could send more
money to her son.

And three, I could go
back to not having a maid.

Honey, do you really
not want to have a maid?

More than anything I've
ever not wanted in my life.

Will you look into
it this morning?

I'll look into it this morning.

Naomi,

Mr. Stephens has just
had a brilliant suggestion.