All language subtitles for 11 - It Takes One to Know One

Mother!

Good morning, darling!

I have a feeling you're
trying to tell me something.

Those were in
you-know-who's briefcase.

So?

Well, don't you care if he
carries pictures of other women?

Mother, in the
advertising business,

other women are
merely tools of the trade.

Oh, blind faith is
unbecoming to you, Samantha.

Don't you understand?

I trust Darrin.

You wouldn't turn a child loose
in a candy store, would you?

Darrin is not a child.

Well, he's only human.

Isn't that the excuse they
always make for themselves?

"I'm only human!"

They know their
limitations better than we do.

Well, I don't think of Darrin

as being merely human.

I think of him as being a cut
above the ordinary mortal man.

How can a witch of
mine be so naive?

Mother, will you please go away?

Very well, very
well. I'm leaving.

But remember, Samantha,

no mortal pulls the wool over
a witch's eyes while I'm around.

What are these doing here?

I thought I left them
in my briefcase.

You better eat your
breakfast. You'll be late.

I've been looking
at girls for weeks.

Yes, I suppose that could
get tiring after a while.

You're not kidding!

Which one do you like the best?

For what?

Miss Jasmine, the
perfume account.

Oh, yes, of course!

Well, let's see now.

This one has lovely eyes.

This one has a beautiful mouth.

This one has a great figure.

Gee, I don't know.

Why don't you just cut out
the best piece of each one

and paste them
together, like I used to do?

With paper dolls.

Oh.

Look, I'm serious, Sam.

The campaign starts tomorrow

and we still haven't
picked out a Miss Jasmine.

Incidentally, we're going
to have to forget about

having lunch together today.

Oh.

How about tomorrow?

Well, all right.

As long as you promise
to have lunch alone today

and not enjoy it.

I'll do better than that.

I'll have lunch with Larry
Tate and really be miserable.

Better get going.

You better get going.

Okay.

But remember, you threw me out.

So, what do you think?

Marvelous. Incredible.

Some of the most gorgeous
creatures I ever laid eyes on!

But I still haven't seen
that... je ne sais quoi,

that ethereal quality we
need in a Miss Jasmine.

Heard you, old friend.
Don't lose faith. We'll find her.

Oh, I know that.

I was just thinking about
going home to Louise tonight.

I don't know, after a
week of looking at these,

it all seems rather
pointless, somehow.

Come on, now, Larry.
You've got a lovely wife.

I suppose so.

Well, if you'll
excuse me, Darrin,

I'm going out to try and wipe
out the memory of all this.

I never could stand too
much of a good thing.

Yes?

I hoped you'd say that.

I beg your pardon?

Aren't you looking
for a Miss Jasmine?

I was.

I mean, we are.

Won't you sit down, Miss...

Janine Fleur. Thank you.

Have you done much
modeling, Miss Fleur?

I'm sure I could be
everything you want...

in a Miss Jasmine, that is.

You might.

Yes, you just might!

Hello, Larry?

Can you come in
here for a minute?

Good.

Is something wrong?

Wrong? No.

You may solve a very big
problem for me, Miss Fleur.

Oh, Janine.

Well?

Well...

Well!

I'm thinking exactly what
you're thinking, Larry.

I won't say
anything if you won't.

You've been very quiet
tonight, sweetheart.

Did you have a bad
day at the office?

Hmm?

Oh, it wasn't a bad day.

It wasn't a good day...

As a matter of fact,
it wasn't a bad day.

Well, don't commit yourself.

Anything new on Miss Jasmine?

We found one.

You did?!

Oh, that's marvelous!

What's she look like?

Attractive.

Attractive? You said you
needed something gorgeous.

Well, she's sort of gorgeous.

She's blond, I'll bet!

No, not really.

Oh.

Well, what's she look like?

Oh, tall, straight
nose, experienced.

Well, that could be
Abraham Lincoln.

I said she was pretty.

You said she was attractive.
There's a difference.

What's her name?

Janine Fleur.

Oh.

Sounds like perfume.

Does she look like she sounds?

You could say that.

Well, I haven't seen
her. What do you say?

Yes. Yes what?

She sounds like perfume,
she looks like perfume,

she even smells like perfume.

You smelled her?

No, of course not!
Not deliberately.

I mean, she's exactly what
Larry and I have been looking for.

Well, that's wonderful.

Now, how'd you like to go to the
movies, eat popcorn and smooch?

I would love to.

But I've got to work on
some exploitation ideas.

He's very evasive.

That shows interest.

He is only interested in that
woman because of business.

You'd better make
it your business!

Did you notice that he merely
kissed you on your forehead?

The next thing you know,
he'll be patting your hand.

"Notes on Jasmine campaign.

Janine Fleur.
Measurements 37-23-37."

Wow!

"Adjectives to be used
in copy describing her:

provocative,
dazzling, ethereal."

"Personally supervise
photographs for campaign.

"Get head shots featuring
her large, soft, dark eyes.

"Get night shots at
beach. Moonlight.

"Janine holding perfume bottle
in her long, slender fingers.

Should be
irresistible in a bikini."

What... What happened?

You were having a nightmare.

Didn't seem like one.

I say it was.

I know a nightmare
when I see one.

Go back to sleep, dear.

Well?

I'd like to change
her position just a bit.

Figures.

Here, Janine, why don't
you try your hand up here,

just stroking the bear's nose.

Thank you.

There you go.

You keep moving her
around, we'll be here all day.

I think we've got it now.

Hold it!

Thank you. Is that lunch?

Go ahead!

Lunch, Janine.

Oh, wonderful
idea. I'm starving.

Where shall we go?

We?

I'm afraid I can't.
I'm meeting my wife.

Oh.

Well, I wouldn't
ask you or interfere,

except that it's...
Well, never mind.

What is it?

Well, it's probably
foolish, but...

I think you'd better get
another Miss Jasmine.

Another Miss Jasmine? What for?

Now, hold it. I think
we better talk about this.

But your lunch! I'll cancel it.

Oh, please don't do
that because of me.

My wife will understand.

She knows that at the moment,

the most important
thing is Jasmine perfume.

Now, why don't you go and
change and I'll give her a call.

All right. I'll hurry.

Hello?

Oh, hi, darling.

I was just leaving.

What?

Oh, no, no. I understand.

Yes, well, you go
ahead. I'll see you tonight.

Well, well, well.

All dressed up
and nowhere to go.

I am going to have
lunch with Darrin.

Really?

One of these days
when he's not too busy.

Oh, I understand, dear.

No, you don't.

You think my husband
broke a date with me

because he's taking
another woman to lunch.

I haven't said a word!
Well, it's business.

Oh, yes. Of course.

Well, I was going to suggest

that perhaps we could
have lunch together.

Oh, certainly.

You know where Darrin is,
so you're gonna take me there

and bring me face-to-face
with him to prove your point.

I never suggested that.

Well, I'm not going
to do it. Very well.

But I'll tell you what
I am going to do.

I am going to take you there

and bring you face-to-face
with Darrin to prove my point.

Wait for me, Samantha!

Oh, isn't this delightful?

We must have a waiter.

Waiter!

Menu.

Thank you.

Mother, are you sure he's here?

Quite sure.

Oh, they have
Coquilles St. Jacques!

They make it marvelously here!

Mother!

Mmm?

I don't believe it!

I'm sure I will.

Where is he?

I know this is upsetting
for you, darling,

but I'm not in the
least surprised.

But, mother, why? I thought
he was happy with me.

It's the spirit of conquest.

It's a disease of
mortal men like...

chickenpox.

Just a moment!

That girl... I know how
you feel, Samantha.

But I do think we ought to
leave before they see us.

Lindor, Ravamanthus, Incepta!

Now, Samantha!

You're not going
to create a scene!

All right. Come off it, Sarah.

Dignity, Samantha. Dignity.

Well, hello, Samantha!

My, it has been a
long time, hasn't it?

Sara Baker. I should have known.

She's one of us, Mother,
although I hate to admit it.

Just what do you think
you're doing with my husband?

Your husband?

Well, now, I heard

you'd done something foolish,

but I never thought
for one moment...

You haven't
answered my question.

Well, that must be
obvious. I'm Miss Jasmine.

Well, now, I must say,

I've had enormous respect
for Darrin's taste up until now.

Now, just a
moment, blithe spirit.

Watch your tone, my gal.
You're speaking to my daughter.

Oh, really?

Well, now, look who's
suddenly so concerned.

What does that mean?

Pay no attention
to her, Samantha.

You seem suddenly
terribly solicitous

for someone who
was so anxious for me

to test... your mate's mettle.

Mother!

If there's one thing I cannot
abide, it's a stool pigeon!

Just what did you think
you were going to prove

by siccing this
broom-rider on Darrin?

Easy, Samantha. Be
careful what you say.

Well, you haven't
proved a thing.

Even Sir Galahad
wouldn't be safe with her.

That's better.

Now that this little
masquerade is over,

I trust it won't be
necessary to ask you again.

Stay away from Darrin, Sara.

Is that clear?

Well, she certainly
is sensitive, isn't she?

Pity. I was just
starting to enjoy myself.

I appreciate your efforts
on my behalf, Sara Baker,

but from now on, you'll
do as my daughter asked.

You know how
difficult it is for me

to leave something
unfinished, Endora.

Force yourself.

All of us at McMann & Tate
are behind you 100 percent

to make you the best Miss
Jasmine there ever was.

I want you to believe that.

Oh, I do believe you, Darrin.

And I won't think
about leaving again.

You wouldn't want me to start

something I couldn't
finish, would you?

Of course not. I want...

Where'd all the time go?

We haven't even had our lunch.

We'd better get back.

We'll talk about
this some other time.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Some other time.

Waiter!

Hello?

Oh, hello, darling. How are you?

You're not?

Yes, dear.

Business?

Miss Jasmine.

Oh, I understand.

No, I'm fine.

Yes, sweetheart.

See you later.

She won't give up, eh?

That home-wrecking harpy!

Professional pride, I suppose.

Well, she's not going
to get away with it.

I'm going to tell Darrin
that she's a witch.

I wouldn't try to convince him

he's susceptible to
witches, Samantha.

I never used one
single spell on Darrin.

You may have a difficult
time convincing him of that.

Mother, what am I going to do?

You have no choice.

I guess not.

I suppose every
woman has to face this

at one time or another.

Darrin will just have
to be on his own

with no help from anyone.

Yes, but darling...
And so will I.

All finished?

Almost.

How are things coming
with Miss Jasmine, hmm?

Okay, Larry. I think we're
getting some good layouts.

Fine. Well, I'll
see you tomorrow.

Oh... where are you going?

Home.

Do you have to?

Yes.

Louise is waiting
for you, I suppose.

Mm-hm.

Well, is it urgent

that you go home
right at this minute?

Not if you have somewhere
else for me to go.

I do have.

Where?

Janine Fleur's apartment.

Really?

With me.

Oh.

Why?

I've got some business
to take care of with Janine

and... I'd rather
not do it alone.

I brought Larry along to
approve some of these changes

you asked me to
come over and make.

Yes, of course.

May I fix you both a drink?

Yes, thank you. No, thank you.

Just a little one.

Oh, fine.

Larry, these television
spots need a little...

Larry?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, they certainly
do need a little. Yes.

I was going to say "fixing."

Oh, I'm not arguing.

There you are.

Well, here's to your very
good health, Miss Fleur.

Of course.

Thank you.

Are they all right?

Mine's wonderful. I think
I'll lay down and take a nap.

Meantime, I'll take
care of Janine...

Isn't it getting
crowded in here?

Sarah, I'm going to lay it
right on the line with you.

I love my husband

and I also have a
great deal of faith in him.

Oh, is that why you're here?

Looking after him?

He can take care of himself.

As long as you don't
pull anything fancy.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, of course not.

He was suddenly
bitten by a tsetse fly.

Oh, Samoan lotus leaf.

Now, at least let him
act of his own free will.

I thought you had
more pride than that.

Believe me, Samantha,
I have no need of help.

Well, if I'm going to lose
Darrin to something like you,

it's probably better
that I find it out now.

Remember what I said.

His own free will.

And go over the
papers right away.

Is that all right
with you, Larry?

Oh, sure.

Why don't we sit over here?

The light's a bit better.

Oh, fine.

Uh, come on over, Larry.

All right.

Yes, here we are.

Now, in this first setup...

Why don't you go on home, Larry?

I'd be glad to. Two's
company and three's a crowd.

Where are you going, Larry?

Home, I think.

Well, what for?

I don't know.

But I don't think
it was my idea.

Well, wait for me, will you?

Sure.

I think I need another drink.

Here.

Now, I think the dialogue

that probably gives
you the most trouble

is right here on page three.

Oh, you're absolutely right.

It seems to me if you said,

"Jasmine introduces
a new sensation"

rather than "a new essence,"
that might make it easier.

Wouldn't you say so, Larry?

Larry?

That's the strangest
thing I've ever seen.

He keeps going to... Kiss you.

What did you say?

I said I wanna kiss you more
than anything else in the world.

Go ahead.

What in...?

That wasn't funny, Samantha!

Well, I warned you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'd just as soon keep
my husband alive.

Get out of here
or I'll... You'll what?

You know what I'm
capable of doing.

I'd say we were
pretty evenly matched.

Sort of reduces us to the
human level, doesn't it?

How would you like
a poke in the nose?

I'm not a brawler.

I didn't think so.

Pardon the intrusion.

What did you do that for?

I'm sorry, Darrin.

It slipped.

Well, never mind. I
probably had it coming.

What happened to you?
Nothing. Where were you?

I think I took another nap.

I feel great.

Well, I'll see you
tomorrow, Janine.

But, Darrin, we have
things to talk about.

I don't mind breaking lunch
and dinner dates with my wife

for something important,

but there's nothing here

that can't be fixed
down at the office.

Are you coming, Larry?

Oh, you run along.
You're absolutely right.

Samantha must be
concerned about you.

Suit yourself. All right.

Well...

Now, Miss Fleur, suppose
we talk about your problems.

Now what?

I realize that this is none
of my business, Sarah,

but Louise Tate happens
to be a very dear friend.

Some other time. My
wife is waiting for me too.

Oh, yes. If you can't
stay, I understand.

Then I wish you'd
explain it to me.

Come in!

Hello, darling!

Hi, sweetheart.

This time I didn't
take any chances.

I didn't phone, I
just came right down.

Well, I've got it written
right there on my calendar

in big, red letters.

"Lunch. My wife. Urgent." Good.

Oh, is that Miss Jasmine?

Yep, that's her.

Let's go, dear.