All language subtitles for 10 - That Was No Chick That Was My Wife

- Here you are, sweetheart.
- Thanks, honey.

You know what I'm gonna do
this weekend?

- What?
- Nothing.

Not a single, solitary blessed thing.

I'm not even gonna
answer the phone.

If that doorbell rings,
it can just ring.

Hello there.

What if somebody lands
in our tree?

Oh, dear, I'm afraid I zigged,
and I should've zagged.

Come here, Aunt Clara.
Let me help you.

- Oh, dear.
- My.

- Oh, thank you, dear. Thank...
- I'll get it.

I thought you weren't gonna
answer the door.

We answered the tree.
Why not the doorbell?

- Oh, I hope I'm not intruding.
- No. Never.

We're always happy to see you,
Aunt Clara.

Oh, bless you, dear.

Darrin, am I lucky
I caught you at home.

Hi, Larry. Come on in.

Honey, it's Larry.

- Hi, Larry.
- Hi, Sam.

- You remember Aunt Clara.
- Of course. How are you, Aunt Clara?

Hi.

Oh, have I got great news.
Great news, Darrin!

Sit down. Sit down.

- You mind if I stand?
- No, why?

Because whenever you say
"sit down" like that...

I always end up
back on my feet, yelling.

Not this time you won't,
you lucky son of a gun.

How would you and Sam like an
all-expense-paid weekend in Chicago?

- Chicago?
- Chicago?

Oh, I think that sounds
wonderfully exciting.

You know, the Springer Pet Food
account is coming up for renewal.

What I had in mind is for you
and Sam to soften him up a little.

Smooth the road for us
when he comes to town next week.

So I arranged this little luncheon
with Springer and his wife.

What do you say to that?

You mean you don't want to go?

Actually, Sam and I have plans
for the weekend.

Oh, now, don't you worry about me.
You two go and have a good time...

and I'll stay here
and take care of Tabatha.

- Thanks, Aunt Clara.
- Thanks, Aunt Clara.

Thanks, Aunt Clara.
Then it's all settled.

The plane reservations,
hotel reservations.

Plane leaves at 4,
lunch tomorrow at 1 at your hotel.

Well, I guess I have to be
running along.

I was going to suggest that.

Oh, I almost forgot.
You know, if we land that renewal...

there's a big bonus in it for you.

You son of a gun.

Oh, isn't that a nice man?

- Aunt Clara, we're leaving.
- I'll be right there.

Tickets, money, car keys.
I'm all set except for one thing.

- What's that?
- My peace of mind.

Darrin, will you please
stop carrying on?

Aunt Clara's perfectly capable
of taking care of Tabatha.

But who's gonna
take care of Aunt Clara?

Everything's under control.
Our little darling is fast asleep.

Good. Now, you have that list
I gave you?

Yes. It's here, it's here. Everything's
on it. Nothing to worry about.

Now, you run along
and enjoy yourselves.

- Well, thank you, dear. Goodbye.
- Bye-bye, darling.

You be sure to read her a story
at bedtime, Aunt Clara.

- Goodbye.
- If she cries during the night...

- Goodbye, Aunt Clara.
- Goodbye.

To me, Stephens, the most important
ingredient in any product...

is the pride
of the man who makes it.

- And the man who sells it.
- Exactly.

Of all the pet foods we manufacture,
my favourite is our birdseed.

Now, I believe in birdseed.

Mrs. Springer will tell you that.
Right, dear?

Oh, yes. Tell them
about the sales convention.

We had this one
wise-guy salesman. And...

He claimed he wasn't selling
any birdseed...

because it wasn't fit for animals.

So Alvin stood up,
and he ate a whole box of birdseed...

and made a fool of him.

- Tell them about it, dear.
- Well, that's it. I ate the whole box.

How many other birdseed
manufacturers would do that?

Not too many, I imagine.

- Maybe none.
- Pardon?

I mean, that's certainly
a convincing demonstration of faith.

Well, thank you, young lady.
May I tell you both something?

Now, we've only just met...

but in my opinion,
you two are real pet-food people.

- We are?
- Thank you.

Cute monkey.

Well, now, I...

Where did that come from?

Funny monkey.

There isn't a thing on that list
about what to feed the monkey.

- Hello?
- Hi, Aunt Clara.

Just calling to see
if everything's all right.

I'm glad you called. I didn't know
what to feed the monkey.

Feed the what?

I say, I don't know what to feed
Tabatha's monkey.

You're not talking about
her stuffed monkey, are you?

No, this isn't a stuffed monkey.
Oh, no.

If anything, I think he's hungry.

Don't do a thing, Aunt Clara,
I'll be right there.

That was your mommy,
and she's going...

to pop in.

Well, that's just as I thought.

Oh, Aunt Clara. Tabatha turned
her toy monkey into a real one.

Oh, that's what you meant.

Isn't she wonderful?

She's coming along, you know.

Tabatha, you turn him back
immediately.

Oh, she really is talented.

She is rather amazing,
isn't she?

But, Aunt Clara, that is something
we do not want to encourage.

Well, why not, for heaven's sake?

- Aunt Clara, remember, I'm not here.
- You're not?

Of course.

Hello, Aunt Clara.
I'm Louise Tate, remember?

Yes. Yes.

- Samantha isn't here.
- Oh, of course. I know that.

She's in Chicago.

You mean, she didn't tell you
where she went?

I know where she went,
but I don't know where she's going.

- Pardon?
- Is there any message...

- in case I see her?
- No. I'll call her tomorrow night.

- I got rid of her.
- Well, you almost got rid of me.

Now, let's go over that list.
Number one...

What did you mean,
if you see her? How...?

- Samantha?
- Hi, Louise.

I thought you were in Chicago.

Yes. Well, I was going...

but at the last minute,
we had to change our plans.

Our sitter got sick.

Well, I thought your aunt
was sitting for you.

Oh, I'm sorry.
You better take care of that.

Take care of what?

What a shame, Samantha.

I mean, Larry was counting
on your being there.

In fact, he suggested
that I stop by to make sure...

- that everything was all right.
- Oh, how sweet of Larry.

Yes, he is thoughtful.

Well, I'm sorry you have to be
rushing off, Louise.

I'd ask you to stay
for a cup of coffee.

Well, thanks anyway.
Some other time.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Wait a second.

Who said I was in a rush?

- That's very good.
- Isn't it amusing?

- No. Don't get up.
- We were getting worried about you.

- We certainly were.
- I'm sorry, but I had a little trouble...

- getting through to our sitter.
- But you did.

Oh, yes, everything's fine.

- Good.
- For the most part.

Well, I'm delighted you found your
little love nest in such good order.

Meanwhile, we have a little surprise
of our own. Haven't we, Stephens?

Yes, honey.
While you were on the phone...

Mr. Springer agreed
to renew the account.

Oh, that is a happy surprise.

And I'm just about to put a call
through to Larry Tate right now...

and give him the good news.
Excuse me.

Larry Tate?

Alvin just can't wait to tell him
how fond we are of both of you.

Oh, that's nice.

- What's the matter, honey?
- Nothing. Nothing at all, Darrin.

Hello? Speaking.

It's Springer. Darrin's really
fouled things up this time.

Well, hello there, Mr. Springer.

Now, I know why you're calling.
I just found out myself...

that Stephens
couldn't bring his wife along.

His wife couldn't make it, eh?

But I can assure you
that she was brokenhearted.

You may as well
know the worst, Tate.

Stephens had the colossal gall to
bring along some blond he picked up.

- And he introduced her as his wife.
- What?

Mr. Springer, I can't believe that.

That's not the sort of man
I want to represent...

Springer Pet Food to the public.

And it shouldn't be the kind of man
you want to employ.

Right, Mr. Springer, on both counts.

But I hope it's not going to affect
our relationship.

- Not at all.
- Oh, thank you.

Because as of this moment,
our relationship has ended.

Mr. Springer. Wait. Just let...

Hello?

- Did you reach Mr. Tate?
- I did.

- I bet he flipped when you told him.
- Oh, he flipped all right.

Mrs. Stephens, you haven't told us
anything about your home life.

I'm sure Mrs. Springer
would be interested.

Well, what would you like to know?

We have one child, a girl.
A very nice house.

That keeps me busy
most of the time.

Does it?

Young lady, you're one of the coolest
numbers I've ever run into.

- I beg your pardon?
- It's a little late for that now.

My dear, at the risk of offending
your delicate ears...

with the height
of gross indecency...

this lady is not Mrs. Stephens.

What do you mean?
What's he talking about?

- Now, Darrin.
- And don't deny it. Tate just told me.

The nerve.

Come along, my dear. I'm sure
you want to go home and lie down.

Oh, yes, dear. I feel
one of my migraines coming on.

Goodbye, Mr. Stephens.

Goodbye, Miss Whoever-You-Are.

What does he mean?
What's he talking about?

Well, sweetheart, I think I know.

Remember when it was your idea
that I call the house?

Well, while I was checking,
Louise dropped by.

Louise?

Dropped by?

- Out there in the phone booth?
- No. In there. In our front hall.

You mean you...?

And Louise told Larry,
and Larry told Springer...

- Sam, why didn't you use the phone?
- Well...

The phone. The phone.
The phone.

Well, hello.

Well, aren't you home
a little early?

We're home a lot early.

- There was a slight change in plans.
- So slight it's too horrible to mention.

Hello, sweetheart.

Aunt Clara,
Darrin may lose his job.

Oh, I think that's splendid.

Then you'll be able
to spend more time at home.

Oh, I'm happy for you.

And if I have helped in any way...

Aunt Clara, I think maybe
you'd better take Tabatha upstairs.

Yes. Come along, dear.

Oh, I just knew this was going to be
a lucky weekend for both of you.

Sweetheart, she meant well.

Yeah.

You know, this may be the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

It's time I made a change.

Darrin, when you talked
to Larry on the phone...

he didn't come right out
and fire you, did he?

No. He's waiting till I call him back,
then he's going to fire me.

Now, Darrin, I know Larry.

Now, I bet he's sitting at home
right this minute...

just feeling terrible
about the whole thing.

You really think so?

Of course, he does need me.

As a matter of fact,
I'm indispensable.

In the advertising business, men
of my calibre are very hard to find.

He can't afford to fire me.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Larry. How are you?

What'd I tell you?
How's everything, Lar?

Fine, Darrin, just fine. Now that
I've got the Springer account back.

You got the account back.
That's terrific, Lar. How'd you do it?

It was easy.
I just promised Springer...

you'd never set foot
in our office again.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Larry.

So first thing tomorrow,
come in and clear out your desk...

before Springer arrives
from Chicago.

Now he wants me to come in
and clear out my desk tomorrow.

- Oh, dear.
- And I'm glad.

- Glad?
- At least we don't have to come up...

with a logical explanation
of what happened in Chicago.

That's true.

Sweetheart, could I go
with you tomorrow?

What for?

Well, I have to take
Tabatha shopping, and so...

Do you mind?

Okay. Anyway, it's nice having
your loved ones with you...

when you're walking the last mile.

- Martini?
- Two.

Yes, sir. I'll tell him, Mr. Tate.

Mr. Springer, Mr. Tate
says he'll be down momentarily.

About time.

Well, Mr. Stephens, how are you?

- How are you, Mrs. Stephens?
- Fine, Charlie.

And look who's here.

My, but you're getting to be a big girl.
You know, Mrs. Stephens...

the way she's growing up
is enough to scare you.

And what a doll. Yeah,
she's the spitting image of you.

- Thank you, Charlie.
- Well, I gotta get back to work.

- Mr. Stephens, Mrs. Stephens.
- Goodbye.

Stephens, hold it a minute, will you?

- Mr. Springer.
- Then I did hear right.

- This is your wife.
- Believe it or not.

Well, I don't understand.

How dare you confront Mr. Springer.
I'm sorry, sir. I told him...

It's all right. I'm just trying
to clear up a little confusion.

Oh, boy.

You mean it's all
out in the open, huh?

I'm sorry, Sam.
I tried to keep it from you.

Keep what? Tate, I think
you're the one who's confused.

This is the Mrs. Stephens who was
in Chicago. The real Mrs. Stephens.

But Louise said...

I don't understand.

Will somebody please tell me
what's going on here?

Mr. Springer, we enjoy socializing
with my husband's clients...

not because we feel we're
obligated to, but because we want to.

Now, my husband feels very strongly
about that. Don't you, dear?

Yes, of course.

So when we created
that little misunderstanding...

about who he was with, he thought
that your attitude was out of line...

and you didn't deserve
an explanation.

Is that a fair statement, sweetheart?

Yes, I would say
that was very fair. I think.

We purposely made you think
that Samantha wasn't my wife...

just to see how you'd react.
Right, Lar?

He's crazy.
They're both crazy. My wife...

Shut up, Tate.
I'd like to hear more.

Oh, yes, so would I.
Go on, Stephens. By all means.

McMann & Tate is one
of the busiest advertising firms...

in the country.
They're in demand.

And we just... They just don't have
time fooling around with people...

who are more interested in prying
into their employees' lives...

than in the job they do for them.

Are you saying
you don't want my account?

He didn't say that.
You didn't say that, did you, Darrin?

No, I'm saying we want your account,
but we don't need it.

That represent
your point of view too?

Oh, no, I should say not.

Too bad, because I think
it's a kind of a unique attitude.

- Takes guts.
- That's it, guts. Guts and imagination.

You might say that's the hallmark
of our entire backbone.

So to speak.

All I'm really saying is
if we deliver the goods...

and I believe we have,
what else matters?

I like his style.
Put him back on the payroll.

Why, he was never really off.

I was just trying to throw
a little scare into him.

Thanks, old buddy.

His kind doesn't scare easily.

And I wouldn't wanna have him
on the opposing side.

Well, it's nice to have you two back
in the Springer Pet Food family.

- And you too, sweetheart.
- Hi.

Well, I guess that cancels
our luncheon appointment, Tate.

I've got to take
Mrs. Springer shopping.

Now, why don't we all meet tonight
at my hotel, and we'll finalize the deal.

- Great.
- Bye-bye.

- See you tonight, Mr. Springer.
- All right, Tate. Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Darrin, forgive me.
I must be going out of my mind.

No, I take it back. It's Louise
who's going out of her mind.

Oh, now, Larry. Don't you go
blaming it on Louise.

Why not? There's no question
about it, she's crazy.

How could she be crazy?
She married you, didn't she?

That's true.

Well, we're going to take
Tabatha shopping.

Wait a minute, Darrin.
Why didn't you tell me the truth?

I was testing you.

Morning, Aunt Clara. Sleep well?

Not particularly. I've been so worried
about that poor Mrs. Tate.

Is she any better?

Well, I'm expecting her over
any minute.

And I think I can straighten her out.
With a little help.

Excuse me.

I hate to impose, Serena,
but you do owe me a favour or three.

Well, well.

What happened
to all your mortal values?

I thought it wasn't nice to lie.

Well, this is just a white lie.
And for a good purpose.

Oh, I see. In your mortal world,
all you need is a good reason to lie.

Yes. No, I mean.

There she is.
Now, Serena, please cooperate.

Oh, very well.
But this settles our account.

I have to make a few changes.

Aunt Clara, if that's Louise,
I want to talk to her alone, okay?

- Hi, Louise, come on in.
- Can't stay long.

Have to be at
the psychiatrist at 9.

Well, you have time
for a cup of coffee.

Good morning, Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara, I think I heard
the baby cry.

- You did? I didn't hear the baby cry.
- Aunt Clara.

Oh, I think I hear the baby crying.

Louise, I thought
if you dropped by here first...

you might not have to go
to the psychiatrist.

Oh, I certainly do. Larry insists.

And frankly, after what happened,
I don't blame him.

Samantha, I just can't
apologize enough...

for all the trouble
I've caused you.

Louise, I'd like you to meet
somebody. Come on in.

- She...
- It's my cousin, Serena.

Do you mean when I dropped by here
the other day that she...?

That's right.

Well, why didn't you tell me
who you were?

You didn't ask me.

Louise, I'm afraid Serena
was playing games.

When we were children,
we used to love to fool people.

Well, Serena would like to apologize.
Wouldn't you?

If you say so.

What a relief.
I'm going right home and tell Larry.

Well, I'm glad it's all cleared up.
I'll walk you to your car.

- Good morning, sweetheart.
- Good morning. Who was that?

- Louise.
- Were you able to straighten her out?

Yes. I think she'll be okay now.

- Where's my good-morning kiss?
- Right here.

- Hey!
- And don't ever try that again, Serena.