All language subtitles for 08 - The Very Informal Dress

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, oh, Darrin.

Aunt Clara.

Oh, so nice to see you.

It's nice to see you.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, honey.

What you got there?

Twenty four jars of
concentrated help.

Compliments of Mother Jenny.

What's she doing here?

Shh.

Uh, Aunt Clara, would
you excuse us for a minute?

Why, of course. Of course.

Sam, may I speak to you?

When? Now.

Be back in a minute.

I'll be glad to get rid
of these heavy boxes.

I wish I never heard
of Mother Jenny's Jam.

Who's Mother Jenny?

His name is Charles Barlow

and these are samples
of the jam he makes.

Very healthy.

Yes, I can see how
carrying all this weight around

could make you very healthy.

What do we have to
do for all this goodness?

I'm glad you asked.

Uh, Mr. Barlow has to leave
early tomorrow morning,

so Larry is having a
little cocktail party for him

at the office this afternoon.

Oh, no.

If you'd only told me earlier.
I haven't a thing to wear.

How about that black dress
you wore at the last office affair?

I wore that to the
last office affair.

How about the green one?

I wore that at the other
office party before that.

Oh, dear. Darrin, it's just that

you've given me
so little warning.

I don't know what the
other women are wearing.

How dressy is it?

What do you usually
wear to a jam session?

Okay.

I'll wear my blue jeans and
my Beethoven sweat shirt.

Ring a ding a doo.

Oh, well!

Oh, Clara, you're
out of your slump..

Well, I mean...

May I make a suggestion?

Aunt Clara!

Did you make that?

Oh, this is just a little
something I whipped up.

Well, it's lovely.

Isn't it, Darrin?

Sam, I'm not sure
that you should wear...

It's a gift.

Did I do something wrong?

Oh, no, no, not at all.

Well, you have a very
funny look on your face.

Well, it's, uh, just with Sam
wearing such a beautiful dress,

I'm afraid that I'll
look a little seedy.

Oh, well.

While I'm in the groove,

let me whip up
something for you.

Skat skin a cat.

Well, do you like it?

It's very nice, Aunt Clara.

Thank you very much.

Does it fit?

Alterations included, you know.

Oh, it fits like a suit.

I'm sure Mr. Barlow
will be very impressed.

As long as it's a family affair,

do you suppose Aunt
Clara could come along too?

Oh, oh, no, dear.

Oh, no.

Now, I couldn't intrude.

As a matter of fact,

this is just the chance
we've been looking for

to show you off.

Oh, how nice.

The only empty
space in two blocks

and there's a fire hydrant.

Oh, is that bad?

It'd be a lot easier to
park if it weren't there.

Oh.

Well, then, why not?

Honey, you better
tell Aunt Clara,

the law doesn't like you to...

Oh, it worked
the very first time.

Oh, Clara, you're
on a winning streak.

Don't tell me, Mister.
Let me guess your hobby.

You collect parking
tickets, right?

I beg your pardon.

Maybe you need glasses.

You're parked in
front of a hydrant.

What hydrant?

Okay.

What do you call that thing
over there on the sidewalk?

That thing happens
to be my wife.

No, no.

The other thing.

That happens to be my aunt.

Her favorite aunt.

Look, I've been on
this beat for three years

and I know the position of
every hydrant in this area, so...

It's over there.

I'm sorry, folks.

I've had a rough day.

Well, we all have our problems.

Ladies.

Ooh, I just thought
of something.

That car parked in
front of the hydrant

will get the ticket
intended for us.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about
that too much if I were you.

Why not?

It belongs to the
Police Commissioner.

Very smart move,
bringing your aunt.

Barlow seems to like family.

Good thinking.

Yes, Aunt Clara does have
a certain Victorian charm.

Judging from the jam,

Barlow dates back
to the Inquisition.

Shh. Sorry.

Darrin, afterwards, why
don't you two and Aunt Clara

have dinner with Louise and me?

Mmm, fine.

Well, that's lovely, Larry.

Well, here's to
the Mother Jenny.

Yuck.

What was that?

Guess whose vegetable punch.

Barlow refers to it
as "liquid health."

Larry, Darrin,

you're not going to
help him sell this stuff

to an unsuspecting
public, are you?

We're considering it.

Let me know when
you've come to a decision,

so I can decide whether I want
to associate with either of you.

I'll go check on Aunt Clara.

Well, the charming
Mrs. Stephens, again.

That is a lovely
dress you're wearing.

Thank you, Mr. Barlow.

It's an original.

Yes. Aunt Clara
dreamed it up for me.

Your aunt and I have been
having quite an interesting talk.

It seems she
doesn't like my jam.

Oh?

Oh-oh, I-I'm sure she does.

Well, I like the jar

and I think the label
is very attractive,

but when you open it,

it's a matter of
taste, isn't it?

And it doesn't have any.

She's such a kidder.

Oh, Aunt Clara, you haven't
tasted Mr. Barlow's punch yet.

It's quite an experience.

Oh, I should like that.

Tate, I hate to put a
damper on the party,

but I'll have to
leave pretty soon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Barlow.

We hate to lose
the life of the party.

Well that's the way it is.

Perhaps someone could
drop me off at the hotel.

Oh, I'm sure the
Stephens' would be glad to.

Certainly.

Thank you.

Oh, there's Louise.
Excuse me a moment.

Are you catching an
early plane, Mr. Barlow?

No. It's not that.

You see, Mrs. Stephens,
I've been a student of health

in all its aspects.

Yes, I know.

And I've come to some
important conclusions.

One:

pure, nutritious foods.

Two:

early sleep is the best sleep.

Three: Naturally,

the earlier you get to sleep,

the better it is.

Aunt Clara.

Oh, she is a dear.

She wants us to have
a good time, you know.

You know, some people have
been flattering enough to compare me

with Louis Pasteur and
Bernarr MacFadden,

but of course, that's
for history to decide.

I consider myself
just a humble worker

in the vineyard of health.

As I see it...

How do you see it, Mr. Barlow?

Well, weren't you wearing
another kind of dress?

Pardon?

Well, I could've sworn,
but of course I never swear.

I thought it was green, not red.

Well, it's reddish green.

You know how
these synthetics are.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Would you excuse me, please?

I-I think I'm much
"tireder" than I thought.

Aunt Clara.

A red dress?

Oh, well, why not?

Honey, you could have come
a little closer to the original.

You'll be conspicuous.

I could've been a lot
more conspicuous.

Oh, my dress didn't hold up.

Oh!

It started doing a strip-tease.

Darling, that fire hydrant

is liable to get
homesick any minute.

You better go and move the car.

Right.

Darrin, Mr. Barlow is
tired and ready to leave.

Can you drop him
off at his hotel?

Oh, fine, fine. Let's
go, Mr. Barlow.

Oh, and Darrin, I'll take
Samantha and Aunt Clara

and you join us at the house.

No, I think I better
let Darrin drop me off.

I've had a little too
much of that punch.

And I'm feeling, uh,
I'm feeling healthy.

Come along, Aunt
Clara, I'll take you home

as soon as we drop
Mr. Barlow at his hotel.

Here we are Mr. Barlow.

Stephens, do you usually
park by a fire hydrant?

It really is my fault.

The car being
parked by the hydrant.

Come along, Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara?

Stephens... Yes?

Do you feel a draft?

Oh, oh, Clara. What
has thou wrought?

Aunt Clara?

I'm-I'm-I'm working on it.

I'm-I'm working on it.

Hey, you!

That's the blue gentleman again.

You do collect
tickets, don't you, sir?

Hey, buddy!

Come out here
where I can see it.

Don't play
hide-and-seek with me.

Why don't you put the
ticket on the windshield.

I have to check the tires.

What's going on here?

Aunt Clara, do something!

Aunt Clara, do
something, please!

That's a neat trick, Mac, but
you had the wrong audience.

I've got a long
list for you, buddy.

Resisting arrest,
impersonating an officer.

Me?

What is this craziness?

I suppose you know
there's a law against this.

I'm going to throw
the book at you.

I don't know these people!

I never saw them
before in my life!

I had nothing to do with this!

Oh yeah? Why were you running?

I was trying to
help you catch him!

He's right, Officer.

Mr. Barlow didn't have
anything to do with this.

Stephens, you and your Aunt

just aren't Mother
Jenny's Jam people.

Good work, officer!

Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!

Aunt Clara, you better
tell Sam what happened.

Yes.

All right, officer,
I'll go quietly.

Oh, this is the last time
I'll be a back-seat driver.

I'll tell you, now.

Hey, Montague, I
got company for you.

Tell him to leave his card.

I'll call him later.

You both have an
appointment with Judge Crosetti

in the morning.

Kind of informal, aren't you?

Well, the way it happened was...

Oh, forget it.

One thing I can't
stand is a sneaky drunk.

Now, just a minute!

All I had to drink was
some vegetable punch.

Yeah, sure.

Vegetable punch, fruit
juice, cough medicine.

That's the trouble
with you boozers,

you can't face up to reality.

You live in a dream world.

You see everything
through an alcoholic haze.

You can't face up to things
the way they really are:

miserable.

Could you just save all
the philosophical advice

until the morning?

Sam, will you stop worrying?

He probably got caught in
cross-town traffic, that's all.

I don't know.

I have a strange feeling
something has happened.

Intuition?

You could call it that.

I've never put much
stock in women's intuition.

Well that depends on the woman.

Larry, would you mind
making my excuses to Louise?

Well, Sam at least
let me drive you.

No, thanks, Larry.
But I've got to fly.

Oh!

Oh, Clara, you did it.

Oh!

Oh, my poor Darrin.

I wonder who that charming
gentleman is with him.

Hmm!

What you lushes need
is to develop a sense

of social responsibility.

Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

Then, and only then,
will you be able to face life

directly in the eye and
march bravely forward.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Take your hands off me
or put some clothes on.

One or the other.

Darrin will freeze to death if I
don't get some clothes on him.

Ooh!

Help! Help!

Bartender!

I mean jailer!

Aunt Clara, you blew it again.

Oh, it's a shame men don't
dress like that nowadays.

Turnkey!

Warden!

All right, Montague,
knock it off!

Help! Get me out of here!

Could you arrange for
me to have a single room?

He had on tights and a plume
in his hat and a big sword.

One is not enough?
Now I got two of them.

My advice to you both
is to get some sleep.

Help! Look at him now!
He's got a tin suit on.

Okay, I'll be right
back with a can opener.

Angels and ministers
of grace, protect me.

And everything
went all "flooey."

People running around
without their clothes.

Oh, terrible, dear.

Well, I am so glad
you've come, dear.

Look, uh... Oh, oh, poor Darrin.

Well, at least he's all right.

Hey, "nutsy," do it again.

You know something,
that's a pretty good bar-trick.

I could get a lot of
free drinks with that.

How do you do it?

All you have to do
is snap your fingers.

Just snap your fingers.

Yes, I tried, dear. I tried.

But, uh, I don't seem
to be able to have

the same old zing as usual.

I'll tell you what you do.

Now, you go upstairs
and take a hot bath

and get a good nights' sleep.

Oh, yes.

No, no, no,

I think I'll polish my
doorknob collection.

So consoling, dear.

Yes, of course. So consoling.

I'll take some
clothes to Darrin.

I did it! I did it!

And I did it a lot better
than you did, buddy.

How... Honey!

Darrin, I'm so terribly
sorry about all this.

Do you want me to spring you?

No. I'm in enough trouble
with the law, already.

What's going to happen when
you have to face the judge?

Somehow I have a feeling
things are going to be all right.

So, don't worry, honey.

Hey, just a minute,
buddy! I dreamed her up.

I'll thank you to
stop kissing her.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

See you in court.

So, before I could
write out a ticket

for parking in
front of a hydrant,

somehow he
shucked off his clothes,

which is another violation.

Then he ducked behind the
car. So, in pursuant to my duty,

I pursued him around the
car and apprehended him

on the third time around.

Then I locked him
up, Your Honor.

All right, Mr. Stephens,
what do you have to say?

Your Honor, I don't like to
contradict an officer of the law

who is pursuing his duty, but...

How could I have been
taken from my cell fully clothed

this morning, if I was in my
shorts when I was locked up?

Was he locked up all night?

Well, yes, sir.

But he had his
clothes on this morning

when he was taken out.

Doesn't that seem a
little strange to you?

Well now that you mention
it, yeah, Your Honor.

But he was in his underwear
when he was locked up.

I've got a witness.

Well, who's your witness?

Montague, come on up here.

'Morning, Judge Crosetti.

How's the wife and kids?

Montague was in the cell
with him all night, Your Honor.

Is that true, Mr. Stephens?

Yes, Your Honor.

It's all right, Montague.

Go ahead. Tell the
judge everything.

Don't hold anything back.

All right.

How was the defendant clothed?

Judge, you should've
been in that cell.

Never mind the wishful thinking.

How was the defendant clothed?

Well, first he had on these
fancy tights and a big sword

like Richard Burton.

He can cut quite a figure.

And then,

then he had on a suit
of armor like a knight.

Only he didn't bring his horse.

You forgot his horse.

And he clanked
around for a while.

All right, Montague, I
think I got the picture.

Just tell me one thing more.

Where did he get the
clothes that he's got on now?

A beautiful girl
appeared in the cell

with some clothes on a hanger
and she just gave them to him.

This is your only witness?

Yes, Your Honor.

I see.

You're dismissed, Mr. Stephens.

Thank you, Your Honor.

And you too, Montague.

Thank you, Judge.

Be seeing you.

Officer, I'd like to
speak to you a minute.

Judge! That's her!

That's the girl!

Out!

Judge... Out! Out!

Aunt Clara won't be here when
you come home this evening,

so she wanted to say goodbye.

Well, goodbye, Aunt Clara.

Oh, oh, not goodbye, dear, no.

Au revoir, adieu, ta-ta.

Oh, I hope my little visit
hasn't caused any trouble.

Oh, no.

No, not at all.

Oh, good.

Well, it's time for takeoff.

And everything is A-okay.

"A-okay"?

Mmm-hmm. Yes, I like to
keep up with the times, dear.

Well, countdown:

Five, four, three,
two, one, blast off!

Oh, nuts.

Will you give me
a little boost, dear?

Yes, certainly.

Take a deep breath.

Three, two, one, poof!

Thank you, dear. Ta-ta.

Oh, anytime.

Sam, you can't go on like this.

Well... That'll be Larry.

What are you going to tell him?

I'll simply tell him if
he's decided to fire me,

that I've decided to quit.

Hello, Samantha. Hi, Larry.

Well, let's go Darrin.

I have something very
important to talk over with you.

Larry, why don't you say
it here and get it over with.

Say what?

The Barlow affair, what else?

Oh, yes.

He told me some weird story

about you being in your underwear
and being chased by a policeman.

And there was something
about fire hydrants and, uh,

traffic tickets.

It was wild.

You know what I think?

What?

I think he's a king-size bore.

And I've decided that our office

isn't interested in
handling his account.

Oh, good.

Well, who needs a nut like that?

Give me nice, ordinary
human beings like you two.

You know, the Barlows of this
world can get you into trouble.

You could even wind up in jail.

Let's go, Darrin.

I'll see you tonight, honey.

Ta-ta.

So long.

Good.