All language subtitles for Ultimate Spider-man 02x15 Ultimate Deadpool

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,590 --> 00:00:07,348 Welcome to the glamorous life of your favorite superhero. 2 00:00:07,389 --> 00:00:10,515 "Is he being sarcastic?" you ask. 3 00:00:10,557 --> 00:00:13,058 Yes. Yes he is. 4 00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:20,185 Normally I have it great. Got the cool powers, the cool team, 5 00:00:20,227 --> 00:00:24,311 the coolest life possible. But today, ugh, I've got zero cash, 6 00:00:24,346 --> 00:00:29,396 A grueling day of training ahead, and... I am soaked to my webs. 7 00:00:29,771 --> 00:00:33,064 - Sometimes I just... - [Deadpool] Boring! 8 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,648 Focus your eyeholes on this, spudley. 9 00:00:36,065 --> 00:00:41,024 A kung fu fiesta. Arriba-san! 10 00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:48,736 Hiyah! 11 00:00:48,777 --> 00:00:52,403 Hwah! [laughs] 12 00:00:52,445 --> 00:00:55,654 [video-game voice] Double wedgie achievement unlocked. 13 00:00:55,696 --> 00:00:58,530 Dang skippy. Where are my manners? 14 00:00:58,572 --> 00:01:01,448 Introductions. 15 00:01:01,490 --> 00:01:03,365 Call me Deadpool. 16 00:01:03,406 --> 00:01:06,366 It rhymes with "no school," "too cool," "ain't no fool," 17 00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:08,658 and "I'm the best that there is at what I do... ool." 18 00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:10,533 Moving on. 19 00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:13,284 I'm on a mission to find the secret HQ of Taskmaster. 20 00:01:13,326 --> 00:01:15,285 The big boss for these cheese clowns. 21 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,370 And nothin', but nothin', better get in my way. 22 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,411 What, like the dozen swords in your back? 23 00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:23,496 [laughs] I don't have swords in my... 24 00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:26,330 Yuck. Gonna go hurl now. 25 00:01:26,365 --> 00:01:27,580 Huh, that's gonna leave a mark. 26 00:01:27,622 --> 00:01:30,581 Oh wait. No it isn't. I have a healing factor. 27 00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,290 [laughs] Yay me! 28 00:01:32,332 --> 00:01:34,375 'Scuse me while I pull these pot stickers 29 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:37,333 out of my spleen and knock some heads. Deadpool, out. 30 00:01:37,375 --> 00:01:38,626 Hey, where'd you guys go? 31 00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:41,335 Spider-Man stinks! 32 00:01:41,377 --> 00:01:42,585 Aah! Ugh! 33 00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:55,506 [Deadpool] It's ultimate Deadpool! 34 00:01:55,547 --> 00:01:58,507 Yeah. You got 'pooled. 35 00:01:58,548 --> 00:02:00,186 Ha-cha. 36 00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:06,634 [ Mini-Spidey] Ugh, p-u. 37 00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:10,510 Hey, web-head. 38 00:02:10,552 --> 00:02:14,219 - Wow, you stink. - So I've heard. 39 00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:15,552 It's like I've had a target on my back all day. 40 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:19,387 Last at training, first at bat. 41 00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:22,304 Spider-sense tingle... uh-oh. 42 00:02:22,346 --> 00:02:23,429 Ugh! 43 00:02:23,471 --> 00:02:25,514 [laughing] 44 00:02:25,555 --> 00:02:28,265 Not impressed. 20 minute course run. 45 00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:31,516 [Coulson] Everyone else take five. 46 00:02:31,557 --> 00:02:36,142 Stupid robots. Stupid SHIELD training... aah! 47 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:38,101 Could this get any worse? 48 00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:44,436 [Deadpool] Fury's stupid program was totally worth it. 49 00:02:44,478 --> 00:02:48,146 I'm telling ya', stick with it and bam, pow, shabang, 50 00:02:48,187 --> 00:02:51,188 you too might someday defeat half the Latverian army. 51 00:02:51,230 --> 00:02:54,106 Like I did, as I'm sure you've heard. 52 00:02:54,148 --> 00:03:00,191 - Plus, I 'stached Doctor Doom. - You? 'Stached Doctor Doom? 53 00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:02,150 Check it. 54 00:03:02,191 --> 00:03:06,484 I will crush you. Crush. You. All! 55 00:03:06,526 --> 00:03:11,278 Why are you laughing? Do I have something on my face? 56 00:03:11,313 --> 00:03:13,111 Deadpool! 57 00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:15,362 [laughter] 58 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,196 I missed your laugh the most, Tiger. 59 00:03:18,238 --> 00:03:21,322 And I mean that for realsies. BFF's, 'kay? 60 00:03:21,364 --> 00:03:24,407 Ugh, anyone smell barbecued bug? 61 00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:26,282 It's been kind of a rough day. 62 00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:29,533 - I'm... - Extremely ripe! Yeesh. 63 00:03:29,568 --> 00:03:33,243 Here. Strong enough for a man, but made for a spider. 64 00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,161 So you're Fury's newest guppy. 65 00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:40,245 Arachni-boy, right? Big fan, big fan. 66 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,371 I follow all your flops on "superhero fails." 67 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,496 Aah! 68 00:03:45,538 --> 00:03:47,289 Ugh! 69 00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,455 [laughs] 70 00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:50,165 What? 71 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,040 [Deadpool] Ah, you are comedy gold, my friend. 72 00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:55,332 Or at least comedy oatmeal. As for me, you already know, 73 00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:57,042 I'm Deadpool. 74 00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:59,376 Superhero supreme with a side of bam. 75 00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:01,209 Nice to see you kept my color scheme 76 00:04:01,251 --> 00:04:04,002 when you copied my suit. Am I, like, your idol? 77 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,420 Never heard of you. I designed this costume myself. 78 00:04:06,461 --> 00:04:10,337 Sure. Black and white eyes, red suit. 79 00:04:10,379 --> 00:04:12,212 Though you made it your own with the crossword theme. 80 00:04:12,254 --> 00:04:16,089 Oh wait. Webs! Those are webs. [laughs] 81 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,089 No pouches though. You need pouches. 82 00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:21,132 Which reminds me why I'm here. 83 00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:23,050 Gotta' use the little boys' computer. 84 00:04:23,091 --> 00:04:25,258 Someone explain. Now. 85 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,467 - [Spider-Man] Not Nova. - Deadpool used to train with us. 86 00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:31,218 He left Fury's Hero program right before you got here. 87 00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:36,137 He follows his own drummer. And man, his drummer drums loud. 88 00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:39,263 Now he's living the dream. A freelance hero. 89 00:04:39,305 --> 00:04:42,347 Fun, freedom, and fighting crime however he wants. 90 00:04:42,389 --> 00:04:46,015 Deadpool is the best. The best. 91 00:04:46,057 --> 00:04:49,391 - Everybody loves him. - Everybody? Even Fury? 92 00:04:49,474 --> 00:04:53,392 [Fury] If I had a son, I'd want him to be just like you. 93 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,142 Here, have an eye-patch. 94 00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:57,185 It's true. Nick totally adopted me. 95 00:04:57,226 --> 00:04:59,269 I have papers. And the eye patch. 96 00:04:59,311 --> 00:05:02,353 - I wear it under my mask. - How are you in my head? 97 00:05:02,395 --> 00:05:05,354 Maybe I'm not. You're in my head. 98 00:05:05,396 --> 00:05:08,063 Am I blowing your mind yet? 99 00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:10,147 Why the alumni visit, Deadpool? 100 00:05:10,189 --> 00:05:13,190 Long story short, this bad dude, Agent MacGuffin, 101 00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,941 swiped encrypted SHIELD files with the secret identities 102 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,107 of every known hero. Including mine! 103 00:05:18,149 --> 00:05:20,358 And yours. And hers. 104 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,151 And his. And his. And his. 105 00:05:22,193 --> 00:05:23,984 That's huge. 106 00:05:24,026 --> 00:05:26,360 We should be on that case. Why didn't Fury tell us? 107 00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:31,403 Word is that Fury left his SHIELD tablet in a hotel bathroom. [laughs] 108 00:05:31,438 --> 00:05:33,987 So you can see why he'd want to be discrete. 109 00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,405 Now, see I agreed to help even though Fury and me 110 00:05:35,447 --> 00:05:39,323 don't always see eye to eye. Now, do you get that? 111 00:05:39,364 --> 00:05:42,115 Eye to eye? Eye to eye! 112 00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:45,366 Hm, get it? [laughs] 113 00:05:45,408 --> 00:05:50,201 - Yeah, I do eye jokes too. - Plus, you know how busy Fury is. 114 00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:54,035 I'm sure he's doing something important as we speak. 115 00:05:54,077 --> 00:05:57,078 [monkeys screeching] 116 00:05:57,119 --> 00:05:58,954 Deadpool. 117 00:06:02,205 --> 00:06:04,956 [Deadpool laughs] 118 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:08,873 Gotcha. Well, since I've got all the info I need 119 00:06:08,915 --> 00:06:11,165 about Agent MacGuffin, that creep, 120 00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:15,000 I figure it's time to get back to all the fun of being me. 121 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,085 Spider-Man, back to training. 122 00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:20,168 I got 20 new SHIELD-bots with your name on 'em. 123 00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:22,961 Here's a thought, how about I come with you? 124 00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:26,295 - Shadow the old Spidey? - The first Deadpool. 125 00:06:26,337 --> 00:06:28,296 Yeah, whatever. This MacGuffin thing is serious. 126 00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:32,296 And hero graduate or other, I think you could use some backup. 127 00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:34,964 And, to be honest, at this exact moment 128 00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:36,255 your life sounds way cooler than mine. 129 00:06:36,297 --> 00:06:39,965 Ah, you seek to learn from the master. 130 00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:44,883 Today, you become a man. A Spider-Man. 131 00:06:44,918 --> 00:06:46,008 See ya, peeps. 132 00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:47,884 [Spider-Man] Whoa! 133 00:06:47,919 --> 00:06:49,218 [laughs] 134 00:06:49,253 --> 00:06:52,885 Spidey's about to get 'pooled. 135 00:06:52,927 --> 00:06:55,928 Is Deadpool here? Did he take anything? 136 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,095 [monkey screeches] 137 00:06:57,178 --> 00:07:00,304 [whistling, yawning] 138 00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:03,097 [Spider-Man] You've got to be kidding me. 139 00:07:03,138 --> 00:07:05,014 You have your own personal jet? 140 00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:08,057 Yup. It was a present from one Tony Stark. 141 00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:11,861 "I owe you." 142 00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:14,267 He never gave me a jet. 143 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,184 Seriously, from one super dude to another, 144 00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:20,060 - what's your secret? - Origin story time! 145 00:07:20,095 --> 00:07:21,811 Yeah! 146 00:07:21,853 --> 00:07:24,229 [Deadpool] Ever since I can remember, 147 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,770 I've always been a fighter. 148 00:07:26,812 --> 00:07:28,603 [Spider-Man] How am I in your origin story? 149 00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:29,938 [Deadpool] Don't question greatness. 150 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,772 It was like genetic engineering or whatever. 151 00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:34,940 [Deadpool] I didn't pay attention in social studies. 152 00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:39,233 I was a normal baby for 30 seconds. Then ninjas stole my mama. 153 00:07:39,274 --> 00:07:41,192 [crying] 154 00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:44,818 Nick Fury saw my awesome, took me in, 155 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:46,151 suckled me on the sweet milk of justice. 156 00:07:46,193 --> 00:07:51,028 - Um, ew? - You're a good listener. I like you. 157 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,029 Some advice, ditch Fury. Go freelance, like me. 158 00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:58,072 No rules, more fun and money. Lotsa' money. 159 00:07:58,114 --> 00:08:00,906 Wait. You get paid? 160 00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:04,157 I get zapped by robots, and you get paid. 161 00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:06,992 Freelance hero sounds pretty good. 162 00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:10,909 Uh-oh! Dots. 163 00:08:10,944 --> 00:08:13,034 [both] Aah, jetpacks! Jinx. 164 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,953 As I suspected. Agent MacGuffin is selling SHIELD secrets 165 00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:21,871 to evil forces of evil. I have a plan. 166 00:08:21,912 --> 00:08:25,830 - Plan? - Improvisation. It's my jam. 167 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:26,998 Aah! 168 00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:30,165 Oh, a screaming contest. Aah! 169 00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:46,128 Told ya' I had a plan. 170 00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:47,962 [singing] La, la, la, la. 171 00:08:51,838 --> 00:08:56,782 Easy come, easy go. [laughs] I rhymed. 172 00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:05,759 So weird. 173 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,760 These guys look a lot like Taskmaster. 174 00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:08,885 [Spider-Man] Bad dude. 175 00:09:08,926 --> 00:09:11,719 He can copy anyone's fighting style just by watching them. 176 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,970 - Tried to recruit me once. - 'Stache. 177 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,095 How do you keep doing that? 178 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,763 - Uh-oh. - Oh, shiny. 179 00:09:17,804 --> 00:09:20,180 - What is that? - You see my spidey-sense? 180 00:09:20,222 --> 00:09:22,180 It's this thing in my brain that warns me of danger. 181 00:09:22,222 --> 00:09:24,848 I'll give you a thousand bucks for your brain. 182 00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:26,766 Wait. Danger? 183 00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:29,850 [both] This is gonna' hurt. Jinx. 184 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,470 Grunt of effort! 185 00:09:42,396 --> 00:09:45,437 Aah! 186 00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,522 Wee! 187 00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:51,493 Hey, I'm still falling. 188 00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:54,190 Dude, what kind of plan was that? 189 00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:55,566 If it weren't for my trusty web-shooters, 190 00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,275 I'd be bug paste right now. 191 00:09:57,316 --> 00:10:00,692 Ah, so "by the book." But if you're gonna' go freelance 192 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:04,277 you have to learn to live a little, Spidey. 193 00:10:04,318 --> 00:10:06,278 Whoa! Aah! 194 00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:10,612 Aim for the leafy parts. Foliage is your friend. 195 00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:12,280 Ugh. 196 00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:13,655 [Deadpool laughs] 197 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:17,489 Oh, our landings were so different. 198 00:10:17,524 --> 00:10:20,323 Aah! Ugh. 199 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,407 I think I've had enough of you. 200 00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:24,366 Shh... hush, little hero. 201 00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:27,388 Luxuriate in the beat of your heart, the feeling 202 00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:30,368 you might puke if someone offered you fish sticks. 203 00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:32,369 Steaming hot. 204 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,328 [wretches] 205 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,454 I have gum! 206 00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:41,579 I'm starting to rethink this little field trip. 207 00:10:41,614 --> 00:10:43,330 Just tell me what your plan is. 208 00:10:43,372 --> 00:10:47,456 We go into that compound, find Agent MacGuffin, snag the list, 209 00:10:47,498 --> 00:10:49,666 then un-alive Taskmaster and his acolytes, capiche? 210 00:10:49,707 --> 00:10:53,666 - Wait, un-alive them? - Yeah, yeah here's the thing, 211 00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:56,292 I can't really say the k-word out loud. 212 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,501 It's a weird mental tick. [laughs] 213 00:10:58,543 --> 00:11:00,251 But we're gonna destroy them, make them disappear, 214 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,585 sleep them with the fishes. We'll k-word them. 215 00:11:02,669 --> 00:11:05,545 K-word? You mean you want to kill them? 216 00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:08,212 Whoa, yeah, 217 00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,296 that does sound bad when you say it out loud. 218 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,422 And yes, we're going to un-alive them. 219 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:16,214 We can't un-alive them. We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool! 220 00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:30,277 - Huh? - I said no. 221 00:11:30,318 --> 00:11:32,069 Boy you've got a short fuse. 222 00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:34,278 Me too! 223 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,155 Huh? Run! 224 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:41,364 Aah! 225 00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:42,531 Huh? 226 00:11:42,566 --> 00:11:46,073 Break dancing. Ow! 227 00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:51,325 What's your hang up, webs? 228 00:11:54,535 --> 00:11:57,494 [laughs] See how I did that? "Webs" and "hanging?" 229 00:11:57,536 --> 00:12:01,287 Yeah, I saw what you did. You tried to blow those guys up. 230 00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:06,288 Ugh, guilt over a little spilt guts? I used to be the same. 231 00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:08,122 I bet you have a little angel on your shoulder 232 00:12:08,164 --> 00:12:10,164 Telling you un-Aliving someone is bad. 233 00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:14,041 [angel Spidey sings] Ah, ah, ah, ah. 234 00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:17,333 [mini-Deadpool] Psst, that's SHIELD brainwashing 101. 235 00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:22,001 You wanna' earn the big bucks? Ditch the rules for once. 236 00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:25,085 You're not a freelance hero. You're a mercenary. 237 00:12:25,127 --> 00:12:27,336 You'll do anything for money. Well, forget it. 238 00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:31,087 Okay, prince goody-two-webs. That's cool. Righteous... 239 00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:34,380 But the bad guys ain't gonna return the favor. 240 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,214 - Ow? - Eh, whatevs. You know, 241 00:12:38,256 --> 00:12:40,214 I got a healing factor that makes Wolverine go like... 242 00:12:40,256 --> 00:12:43,925 "Uh, I wish I had Deadpool's healing factor, bub." 243 00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:45,383 It's all in my origin story. 244 00:12:45,425 --> 00:12:47,176 Once, a nerdy little kid 245 00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,301 fell into a radioactive swimming pool. 246 00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:52,218 And he emerged with incredible powers. 247 00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,343 [Spider-Man] Enough. 248 00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:58,054 [Taskmaster] Spider-Man. Nice of you to finally visit my school. 249 00:12:58,095 --> 00:13:01,180 Unfortunately I'm no longer accepting applicants. 250 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:04,264 We've come for the list of SHIELD Agents, Taskmaster. 251 00:13:04,306 --> 00:13:08,223 - And for Agent MacGuffin. - We who? 252 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:11,974 Me and Dead... Deadpool! 253 00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:14,934 Deadpool is here? 254 00:13:14,975 --> 00:13:17,351 What? 255 00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:20,352 Boogity-boo! 256 00:13:20,394 --> 00:13:22,310 [laughs] 257 00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:24,228 Did you miss me? 258 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:29,354 You. You're out of your mind to come here. I will destroy you. 259 00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,148 Dude, how... 260 00:13:34,183 --> 00:13:36,356 Taskmaster can copy your moves just by watching you fight. 261 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,983 Uh, maybe your moves, binky. Check it. 262 00:13:40,025 --> 00:13:43,026 How do you like this? Wa-hoo! 263 00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:50,986 Set the body to "stun." 264 00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:54,321 [sings] Gonna catch ya'. Gonna catch ya'! 265 00:13:54,362 --> 00:13:56,817 What I tell ya'? What I tell ya'? 266 00:13:56,852 --> 00:13:59,906 I said I'd get ya'. Uh-huh. 267 00:13:59,948 --> 00:14:02,198 Shaking my milkshake. Oh yeah. 268 00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:04,032 Shake it back and forth. Uh-huh, you know it. 269 00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:06,116 You love it. Uh! 270 00:14:06,158 --> 00:14:08,200 Uh-huh. 271 00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:12,910 - Open up wide, Tasky. - [Spider-Man] No! 272 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,077 You know, sometimes you are just no fun. 273 00:14:15,118 --> 00:14:18,036 We'll discuss our definitions of "fun" later. 274 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,038 Let's get this SHIELD drive out of here 275 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,914 before anyone's secret identity gets revealed. 276 00:14:25,956 --> 00:14:29,039 Oh wait, wait. I want to watch this one. 277 00:14:29,081 --> 00:14:31,082 Nope. 278 00:14:31,123 --> 00:14:34,249 Oh, come on. I thought we bonded. 279 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,167 Wait, let me guess. You're Aaron Applebaum. 280 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,000 Aaron Astin. Aaron Atwater! 281 00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:41,001 Are you just going to keep yelling names from "A" to "Z" 282 00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:44,086 - until you guess? - No. 283 00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:46,837 - Barry Barrington! - You're not well. 284 00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:48,963 [laughs] I know. 285 00:14:48,998 --> 00:14:50,921 Oh, cool. What's that? 286 00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:52,964 I'm gonna call SHIELD so they can pick up the file 287 00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,840 - and Taskmaster. - Oops! You broke it. 288 00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:58,006 Hey! What'd you do that for? 289 00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,174 [Taskmaster] Oh, Spider-Man. 290 00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:03,217 If you'd studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. 291 00:15:03,258 --> 00:15:07,093 Who do think I stole the identity list from in the fist place? 292 00:15:07,134 --> 00:15:10,093 - Agent MacGuffin? - Heh. Confession time. 293 00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:14,010 - Yeah, it was me. - You? 294 00:15:14,052 --> 00:15:16,136 And there is no Agent MacGuffin. [laughs] 295 00:15:16,178 --> 00:15:18,658 And also I stole the list from SHIELD, but Taskmaster 296 00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:21,137 swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty. 297 00:15:21,172 --> 00:15:22,805 What? 298 00:15:22,847 --> 00:15:24,930 Dude, couldn't help it. I had indian food. 299 00:15:24,972 --> 00:15:26,881 My legs went numb I was in there so long. 300 00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,807 You stole the list? Why? 301 00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:32,336 [laughs] To sell it, silly. Ca-ching! 302 00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:36,184 I tell you what, ditch Fury and I'll cut you in for 10%. 303 00:15:36,219 --> 00:15:39,018 We'll be a team. But I get top billing. 304 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:43,728 - So, we're gonna fight, then? - Yeah, pretty much. 305 00:15:43,769 --> 00:15:46,895 Okay... Boom. 306 00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:50,663 Seriously? I hate you, Deadpool. 307 00:15:51,005 --> 00:15:53,418 [Deadpool] I know you mean "love." 308 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,925 Whoa, don't break that. That's a collector's item. 309 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,637 Are you out of your mind? 310 00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,678 Totally. But I know that list 311 00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:15,638 is going to make some super villain very happy. 312 00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:17,888 And that's gonna make me very rich. 313 00:16:17,929 --> 00:16:21,890 So hand it over and I'll only partially un-alive you. 314 00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:23,973 Yikes. 315 00:16:26,682 --> 00:16:27,933 [both] Huh? 316 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,309 Duck! 317 00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:32,476 [bubbling] No, piranhas! 318 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,519 Aah! 319 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,519 They're so bitey. 320 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,936 Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else. 321 00:16:39,978 --> 00:16:42,937 - Booby traps. - [laughs] You said, "traps." 322 00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:49,481 I can't believe I actually looked up to you. 323 00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:52,815 - You're just as bad as Taskmaster. - Sometimes. 324 00:16:52,857 --> 00:16:56,525 And sometimes I'm bad for money, sometimes I'm good for money. 325 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,901 As long as I'm having fun with said money, 326 00:16:58,942 --> 00:17:02,568 I make my own rules. What was that? 327 00:17:04,778 --> 00:17:07,862 Aah! 328 00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:10,863 You can't just do whatever you want without the consequences. 329 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,571 That's how people get hurt. 330 00:17:12,606 --> 00:17:17,490 Ugh, come on, you sound just like Fury. Except not as cool. 331 00:17:17,532 --> 00:17:19,657 It'll help if I pop out your eye. 332 00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:25,450 You're good... for a total psycho. 333 00:17:25,492 --> 00:17:26,784 [laughs] 334 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:30,619 Oh goody, oh, it's the insult game, okay. 335 00:17:30,661 --> 00:17:33,494 They should call you "elevator operator" 336 00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:35,537 'cause you're bringing me down. 337 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:40,747 Or "tonsils" 'cause you're a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh! 338 00:17:40,789 --> 00:17:44,456 Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head." 339 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,624 Ah, what a swellegant idea. 340 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:51,792 But it'll look a lot funnier in my imagination. 341 00:17:51,827 --> 00:17:53,793 What? 342 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,794 Spider-Man, go soak your head. 343 00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:05,671 Stop doing that. You can't attack me with puns. 344 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:09,505 Puns and bullets and pointy things. Yes I can. 345 00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:15,507 I'm running the show now. And this is just the tip of the spear. 346 00:18:15,549 --> 00:18:18,800 This fight is getting fishy. 347 00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,551 Smooth moves, but I gotta' give you the hook. 348 00:18:23,677 --> 00:18:26,427 You can't just string this along. 349 00:18:26,468 --> 00:18:31,804 Arr, fancy meeting you here, me wee squiggly spider. 350 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:35,555 Huh? 351 00:18:35,596 --> 00:18:38,431 - Fun house! - More like a mad house. 352 00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:41,473 You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you? 353 00:18:46,684 --> 00:18:49,685 Fight me any way you want. You're not getting that list. 354 00:18:53,561 --> 00:18:55,769 Aah! Hey! 355 00:18:55,811 --> 00:18:58,562 Welcome to the funny farm. Where you belong. 356 00:18:58,603 --> 00:19:02,521 [laughs] Don't count your chickens just yet. 357 00:19:07,565 --> 00:19:10,691 Aah! 358 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:15,358 I can fantasy fight 'til the cows come home. 359 00:19:16,818 --> 00:19:20,402 Ow. Ow ow ow. Sue-wee! Ow. 360 00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:23,695 Oh, I walked into that one. Ow. 361 00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:26,487 Don't you ever take anything seriously? 362 00:19:26,529 --> 00:19:30,571 Your SHIELD training? Fury's rules? Responsibilities? 363 00:19:30,612 --> 00:19:33,530 Forget SHIELD. Forget rules. 364 00:19:33,565 --> 00:19:36,698 Forget that these shiny sticks are swords and hop right on. 365 00:19:38,698 --> 00:19:42,491 There's one rule I'll never forget. I'm throwing the book at you. 366 00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:46,742 Oh, see I knew you had a pouch. Copycat! 367 00:19:46,784 --> 00:19:50,618 [book voice] With great power, comes great responsibility. 368 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:54,619 Ugh, that's not very clever. Or funny... 369 00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:07,457 - Eh, I mastered "fantasy fu." - Morality, ha! 370 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,749 You know, we don't all have the luxury of morals. 371 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,666 Have I told you my origin story? 372 00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:15,543 Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth? 373 00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:20,502 - You can't handle the truth. - Really? 374 00:20:20,544 --> 00:20:23,545 Fine. So once there was a kid, 375 00:20:23,587 --> 00:20:25,838 a weird, special kid. 376 00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:27,754 And his life was a toilet. 377 00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,797 Maybe somebody treated him badly. 378 00:20:29,832 --> 00:20:32,798 Maybe he got hurt by bad people. 379 00:20:38,592 --> 00:20:41,467 So maybe Fury's hero-school was the boost he needed. 380 00:20:43,468 --> 00:20:46,510 And for a while, the kid bought what Fury was selling. 381 00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:49,803 Until he realized it was more fun to laugh at the pain. 382 00:20:49,845 --> 00:20:52,804 To hurt those that hurt you, times a thousand. 383 00:20:52,846 --> 00:20:55,555 Forget it! You wouldn't understand. 384 00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:58,723 Actually I do. If things had gone a little bit differently, 385 00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:00,806 I could have been just like Deadpool. 386 00:21:00,848 --> 00:21:05,050 Okay, so I'm gonna call this one, bugs. You beat me fair and square, 387 00:21:05,051 --> 00:21:06,735 makin' me feel emotions and stuff... 388 00:21:06,845 --> 00:21:10,360 so I'm gonna go home, cry myself to sleep by my bed made of money! 389 00:21:10,489 --> 00:21:13,366 Hang on! You're coming back to SHIELD too. 390 00:21:13,413 --> 00:21:17,854 - You have to face Fury. - "You have to face Fury." [laughs] 391 00:21:17,932 --> 00:21:19,837 You're hilarious. 392 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,899 Smell ya' later, sucker. Bye, Spider-Man. 393 00:21:22,986 --> 00:21:24,756 Ouch, my butt's burning! 394 00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:28,841 Weirdest fight ever. But at least I got the list back. 395 00:21:28,962 --> 00:21:30,813 Sure did. You da man. 396 00:21:31,091 --> 00:21:33,606 You know, I know a guy who'd pay top dollar for that... aah! 397 00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:35,949 Yes I am the man. 398 00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:38,033 The Spider-Man. 399 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:45,033 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com 30748

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