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1
00:00:03,590 --> 00:00:07,348
Welcome to the glamorous life
of your favorite superhero.
2
00:00:07,389 --> 00:00:10,515
"Is he being sarcastic?" you ask.
3
00:00:10,557 --> 00:00:13,058
Yes. Yes he is.
4
00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:20,185
Normally I have it great.
Got the cool powers, the cool team,
5
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the coolest life possible.
But today, ugh, I've got zero cash,
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A grueling day of training ahead,
and... I am soaked to my webs.
7
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- Sometimes I just...
- [Deadpool] Boring!
8
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,648
Focus your eyeholes on this, spudley.
9
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A kung fu fiesta. Arriba-san!
10
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Hiyah!
11
00:00:48,777 --> 00:00:52,403
Hwah!
[laughs]
12
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[video-game voice] Double
wedgie achievement unlocked.
13
00:00:55,696 --> 00:00:58,530
Dang skippy.
Where are my manners?
14
00:00:58,572 --> 00:01:01,448
Introductions.
15
00:01:01,490 --> 00:01:03,365
Call me Deadpool.
16
00:01:03,406 --> 00:01:06,366
It rhymes with "no school,"
"too cool," "ain't no fool,"
17
00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:08,658
and "I'm the best that
there is at what I do... ool."
18
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:10,533
Moving on.
19
00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:13,284
I'm on a mission to find
the secret HQ of Taskmaster.
20
00:01:13,326 --> 00:01:15,285
The big boss for these cheese clowns.
21
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,370
And nothin', but nothin',
better get in my way.
22
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,411
What, like the dozen
swords in your back?
23
00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:23,496
[laughs] I don't
have swords in my...
24
00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:26,330
Yuck. Gonna go hurl now.
25
00:01:26,365 --> 00:01:27,580
Huh, that's gonna leave a mark.
26
00:01:27,622 --> 00:01:30,581
Oh wait. No it isn't.
I have a healing factor.
27
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,290
[laughs] Yay me!
28
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'Scuse me while I
pull these pot stickers
29
00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:37,333
out of my spleen and knock
some heads. Deadpool, out.
30
00:01:37,375 --> 00:01:38,626
Hey, where'd you guys go?
31
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:41,335
Spider-Man stinks!
32
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Aah!
Ugh!
33
00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:55,506
[Deadpool] It's ultimate Deadpool!
34
00:01:55,547 --> 00:01:58,507
Yeah. You got 'pooled.
35
00:01:58,548 --> 00:02:00,186
Ha-cha.
36
00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:06,634
[ Mini-Spidey] Ugh, p-u.
37
00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:10,510
Hey, web-head.
38
00:02:10,552 --> 00:02:14,219
- Wow, you stink.
- So I've heard.
39
00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:15,552
It's like I've had a
target on my back all day.
40
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:19,387
Last at training, first at bat.
41
00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:22,304
Spider-sense tingle...
uh-oh.
42
00:02:22,346 --> 00:02:23,429
Ugh!
43
00:02:23,471 --> 00:02:25,514
[laughing]
44
00:02:25,555 --> 00:02:28,265
Not impressed.
20 minute course run.
45
00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:31,516
[Coulson] Everyone else take five.
46
00:02:31,557 --> 00:02:36,142
Stupid robots.
Stupid SHIELD training... aah!
47
00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:38,101
Could this get any worse?
48
00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:44,436
[Deadpool] Fury's stupid
program was totally worth it.
49
00:02:44,478 --> 00:02:48,146
I'm telling ya', stick with it
and bam, pow, shabang,
50
00:02:48,187 --> 00:02:51,188
you too might someday defeat
half the Latverian army.
51
00:02:51,230 --> 00:02:54,106
Like I did,
as I'm sure you've heard.
52
00:02:54,148 --> 00:03:00,191
- Plus, I 'stached Doctor Doom.
- You? 'Stached Doctor Doom?
53
00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:02,150
Check it.
54
00:03:02,191 --> 00:03:06,484
I will crush you.
Crush. You. All!
55
00:03:06,526 --> 00:03:11,278
Why are you laughing?
Do I have something on my face?
56
00:03:11,313 --> 00:03:13,111
Deadpool!
57
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:15,362
[laughter]
58
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,196
I missed your laugh the most, Tiger.
59
00:03:18,238 --> 00:03:21,322
And I mean that for realsies.
BFF's, 'kay?
60
00:03:21,364 --> 00:03:24,407
Ugh, anyone smell barbecued bug?
61
00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:26,282
It's been kind of a rough day.
62
00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:29,533
- I'm...
- Extremely ripe! Yeesh.
63
00:03:29,568 --> 00:03:33,243
Here. Strong enough for a
man, but made for a spider.
64
00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,161
So you're Fury's newest guppy.
65
00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:40,245
Arachni-boy, right?
Big fan, big fan.
66
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,371
I follow all your flops
on "superhero fails."
67
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,496
Aah!
68
00:03:45,538 --> 00:03:47,289
Ugh!
69
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,455
[laughs]
70
00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:50,165
What?
71
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,040
[Deadpool] Ah, you are
comedy gold, my friend.
72
00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:55,332
Or at least comedy oatmeal.
As for me, you already know,
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I'm Deadpool.
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Superhero supreme with a side of bam.
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00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:01,209
Nice to see you kept my color scheme
76
00:04:01,251 --> 00:04:04,002
when you copied my suit.
Am I, like, your idol?
77
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,420
Never heard of you.
I designed this costume myself.
78
00:04:06,461 --> 00:04:10,337
Sure.
Black and white eyes, red suit.
79
00:04:10,379 --> 00:04:12,212
Though you made it your own
with the crossword theme.
80
00:04:12,254 --> 00:04:16,089
Oh wait. Webs!
Those are webs. [laughs]
81
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,089
No pouches though.
You need pouches.
82
00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:21,132
Which reminds me why I'm here.
83
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:23,050
Gotta' use the little boys' computer.
84
00:04:23,091 --> 00:04:25,258
Someone explain. Now.
85
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,467
- [Spider-Man] Not Nova.
- Deadpool used to train with us.
86
00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:31,218
He left Fury's Hero program
right before you got here.
87
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:36,137
He follows his own drummer.
And man, his drummer drums loud.
88
00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:39,263
Now he's living the dream.
A freelance hero.
89
00:04:39,305 --> 00:04:42,347
Fun, freedom, and fighting
crime however he wants.
90
00:04:42,389 --> 00:04:46,015
Deadpool is the best. The best.
91
00:04:46,057 --> 00:04:49,391
- Everybody loves him.
- Everybody? Even Fury?
92
00:04:49,474 --> 00:04:53,392
[Fury] If I had a son, I'd
want him to be just like you.
93
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,142
Here, have an eye-patch.
94
00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:57,185
It's true. Nick totally adopted me.
95
00:04:57,226 --> 00:04:59,269
I have papers. And the eye patch.
96
00:04:59,311 --> 00:05:02,353
- I wear it under my mask.
- How are you in my head?
97
00:05:02,395 --> 00:05:05,354
Maybe I'm not.
You're in my head.
98
00:05:05,396 --> 00:05:08,063
Am I blowing your mind yet?
99
00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:10,147
Why the alumni visit, Deadpool?
100
00:05:10,189 --> 00:05:13,190
Long story short, this
bad dude, Agent MacGuffin,
101
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swiped encrypted SHIELD files
with the secret identities
102
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of every known hero.
Including mine!
103
00:05:18,149 --> 00:05:20,358
And yours. And hers.
104
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,151
And his.
And his. And his.
105
00:05:22,193 --> 00:05:23,984
That's huge.
106
00:05:24,026 --> 00:05:26,360
We should be on that case.
Why didn't Fury tell us?
107
00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:31,403
Word is that Fury left his SHIELD
tablet in a hotel bathroom. [laughs]
108
00:05:31,438 --> 00:05:33,987
So you can see why he'd
want to be discrete.
109
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,405
Now, see I agreed to help
even though Fury and me
110
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don't always see eye to eye.
Now, do you get that?
111
00:05:39,364 --> 00:05:42,115
Eye to eye?
Eye to eye!
112
00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:45,366
Hm, get it? [laughs]
113
00:05:45,408 --> 00:05:50,201
- Yeah, I do eye jokes too.
- Plus, you know how busy Fury is.
114
00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:54,035
I'm sure he's doing something
important as we speak.
115
00:05:54,077 --> 00:05:57,078
[monkeys screeching]
116
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Deadpool.
117
00:06:02,205 --> 00:06:04,956
[Deadpool laughs]
118
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Gotcha.
Well, since I've got all the info I need
119
00:06:08,915 --> 00:06:11,165
about Agent MacGuffin, that creep,
120
00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:15,000
I figure it's time to get back
to all the fun of being me.
121
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,085
Spider-Man, back to training.
122
00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:20,168
I got 20 new SHIELD-bots
with your name on 'em.
123
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:22,961
Here's a thought, how
about I come with you?
124
00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:26,295
- Shadow the old Spidey?
- The first Deadpool.
125
00:06:26,337 --> 00:06:28,296
Yeah, whatever. This
MacGuffin thing is serious.
126
00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:32,296
And hero graduate or other,
I think you could use some backup.
127
00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:34,964
And, to be honest, at this exact moment
128
00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:36,255
your life sounds way cooler than mine.
129
00:06:36,297 --> 00:06:39,965
Ah, you seek to learn from the master.
130
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:44,883
Today, you become a man.
A Spider-Man.
131
00:06:44,918 --> 00:06:46,008
See ya, peeps.
132
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:47,884
[Spider-Man] Whoa!
133
00:06:47,919 --> 00:06:49,218
[laughs]
134
00:06:49,253 --> 00:06:52,885
Spidey's about to get 'pooled.
135
00:06:52,927 --> 00:06:55,928
Is Deadpool here?
Did he take anything?
136
00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,095
[monkey screeches]
137
00:06:57,178 --> 00:07:00,304
[whistling, yawning]
138
00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:03,097
[Spider-Man]
You've got to be kidding me.
139
00:07:03,138 --> 00:07:05,014
You have your own personal jet?
140
00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:08,057
Yup. It was a present
from one Tony Stark.
141
00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:11,861
"I owe you."
142
00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:14,267
He never gave me a jet.
143
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,184
Seriously, from one
super dude to another,
144
00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:20,060
- what's your secret?
- Origin story time!
145
00:07:20,095 --> 00:07:21,811
Yeah!
146
00:07:21,853 --> 00:07:24,229
[Deadpool] Ever since I can remember,
147
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,770
I've always been a fighter.
148
00:07:26,812 --> 00:07:28,603
[Spider-Man]
How am I in your origin story?
149
00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:29,938
[Deadpool] Don't question greatness.
150
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,772
It was like genetic
engineering or whatever.
151
00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:34,940
[Deadpool] I didn't pay
attention in social studies.
152
00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:39,233
I was a normal baby for 30 seconds.
Then ninjas stole my mama.
153
00:07:39,274 --> 00:07:41,192
[crying]
154
00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:44,818
Nick Fury saw my awesome, took me in,
155
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:46,151
suckled me on the sweet milk of justice.
156
00:07:46,193 --> 00:07:51,028
- Um, ew?
- You're a good listener. I like you.
157
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,029
Some advice, ditch Fury.
Go freelance, like me.
158
00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:58,072
No rules, more fun and money.
Lotsa' money.
159
00:07:58,114 --> 00:08:00,906
Wait. You get paid?
160
00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:04,157
I get zapped by robots,
and you get paid.
161
00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:06,992
Freelance hero sounds pretty good.
162
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:10,909
Uh-oh! Dots.
163
00:08:10,944 --> 00:08:13,034
[both] Aah, jetpacks!
Jinx.
164
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,953
As I suspected. Agent MacGuffin
is selling SHIELD secrets
165
00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:21,871
to evil forces of evil.
I have a plan.
166
00:08:21,912 --> 00:08:25,830
- Plan?
- Improvisation. It's my jam.
167
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:26,998
Aah!
168
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:30,165
Oh, a screaming contest.
Aah!
169
00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:46,128
Told ya' I had a plan.
170
00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:47,962
[singing] La, la, la, la.
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Easy come, easy go.
[laughs] I rhymed.
172
00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:05,759
So weird.
173
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,760
These guys look a lot like Taskmaster.
174
00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:08,885
[Spider-Man] Bad dude.
175
00:09:08,926 --> 00:09:11,719
He can copy anyone's fighting style
just by watching them.
176
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,970
- Tried to recruit me once.
- 'Stache.
177
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,095
How do you keep doing that?
178
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,763
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, shiny.
179
00:09:17,804 --> 00:09:20,180
- What is that?
- You see my spidey-sense?
180
00:09:20,222 --> 00:09:22,180
It's this thing in my brain
that warns me of danger.
181
00:09:22,222 --> 00:09:24,848
I'll give you a thousand
bucks for your brain.
182
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:26,766
Wait. Danger?
183
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:29,850
[both] This is gonna' hurt. Jinx.
184
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,470
Grunt of effort!
185
00:09:42,396 --> 00:09:45,437
Aah!
186
00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,522
Wee!
187
00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:51,493
Hey, I'm still falling.
188
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:54,190
Dude, what kind of plan was that?
189
00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:55,566
If it weren't for my
trusty web-shooters,
190
00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,275
I'd be bug paste right now.
191
00:09:57,316 --> 00:10:00,692
Ah, so "by the book."
But if you're gonna' go freelance
192
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:04,277
you have to learn to
live a little, Spidey.
193
00:10:04,318 --> 00:10:06,278
Whoa! Aah!
194
00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:10,612
Aim for the leafy parts.
Foliage is your friend.
195
00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:12,280
Ugh.
196
00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:13,655
[Deadpool laughs]
197
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:17,489
Oh, our landings were so different.
198
00:10:17,524 --> 00:10:20,323
Aah! Ugh.
199
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,407
I think I've had enough of you.
200
00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:24,366
Shh... hush, little hero.
201
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:27,388
Luxuriate in the beat of
your heart, the feeling
202
00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:30,368
you might puke if someone
offered you fish sticks.
203
00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:32,369
Steaming hot.
204
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,328
[wretches]
205
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,454
I have gum!
206
00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:41,579
I'm starting to rethink
this little field trip.
207
00:10:41,614 --> 00:10:43,330
Just tell me what your plan is.
208
00:10:43,372 --> 00:10:47,456
We go into that compound, find
Agent MacGuffin, snag the list,
209
00:10:47,498 --> 00:10:49,666
then un-alive Taskmaster
and his acolytes, capiche?
210
00:10:49,707 --> 00:10:53,666
- Wait, un-alive them?
- Yeah, yeah here's the thing,
211
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:56,292
I can't really say the k-word out loud.
212
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,501
It's a weird mental tick. [laughs]
213
00:10:58,543 --> 00:11:00,251
But we're gonna destroy
them, make them disappear,
214
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,585
sleep them with the
fishes. We'll k-word them.
215
00:11:02,669 --> 00:11:05,545
K-word?
You mean you want to kill them?
216
00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:08,212
Whoa, yeah,
217
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,296
that does sound bad
when you say it out loud.
218
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,422
And yes,
we're going to un-alive them.
219
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:16,214
We can't un-alive them.
We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool!
220
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:30,277
- Huh?
- I said no.
221
00:11:30,318 --> 00:11:32,069
Boy you've got a short fuse.
222
00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:34,278
Me too!
223
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,155
Huh? Run!
224
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:41,364
Aah!
225
00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:42,531
Huh?
226
00:11:42,566 --> 00:11:46,073
Break dancing. Ow!
227
00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:51,325
What's your hang up, webs?
228
00:11:54,535 --> 00:11:57,494
[laughs] See how I did that?
"Webs" and "hanging?"
229
00:11:57,536 --> 00:12:01,287
Yeah, I saw what you did.
You tried to blow those guys up.
230
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:06,288
Ugh, guilt over a little spilt guts?
I used to be the same.
231
00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:08,122
I bet you have a little
angel on your shoulder
232
00:12:08,164 --> 00:12:10,164
Telling you un-Aliving someone is bad.
233
00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:14,041
[angel Spidey sings] Ah, ah, ah, ah.
234
00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:17,333
[mini-Deadpool]
Psst, that's SHIELD brainwashing 101.
235
00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:22,001
You wanna' earn the big bucks?
Ditch the rules for once.
236
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:25,085
You're not a freelance hero.
You're a mercenary.
237
00:12:25,127 --> 00:12:27,336
You'll do anything for
money. Well, forget it.
238
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:31,087
Okay, prince goody-two-webs.
That's cool. Righteous...
239
00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:34,380
But the bad guys ain't
gonna return the favor.
240
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,214
- Ow?
- Eh, whatevs. You know,
241
00:12:38,256 --> 00:12:40,214
I got a healing factor that
makes Wolverine go like...
242
00:12:40,256 --> 00:12:43,925
"Uh, I wish I had Deadpool's
healing factor, bub."
243
00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:45,383
It's all in my origin story.
244
00:12:45,425 --> 00:12:47,176
Once, a nerdy little kid
245
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,301
fell into a radioactive swimming pool.
246
00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:52,218
And he emerged with incredible powers.
247
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,343
[Spider-Man] Enough.
248
00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:58,054
[Taskmaster] Spider-Man.
Nice of you to finally visit my school.
249
00:12:58,095 --> 00:13:01,180
Unfortunately I'm no
longer accepting applicants.
250
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:04,264
We've come for the list of
SHIELD Agents, Taskmaster.
251
00:13:04,306 --> 00:13:08,223
- And for Agent MacGuffin.
- We who?
252
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:11,974
Me and Dead...
Deadpool!
253
00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:14,934
Deadpool is here?
254
00:13:14,975 --> 00:13:17,351
What?
255
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:20,352
Boogity-boo!
256
00:13:20,394 --> 00:13:22,310
[laughs]
257
00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:24,228
Did you miss me?
258
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:29,354
You. You're out of your mind to
come here. I will destroy you.
259
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,148
Dude, how...
260
00:13:34,183 --> 00:13:36,356
Taskmaster can copy your moves
just by watching you fight.
261
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,983
Uh, maybe your moves, binky.
Check it.
262
00:13:40,025 --> 00:13:43,026
How do you like this?
Wa-hoo!
263
00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:50,986
Set the body to "stun."
264
00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:54,321
[sings] Gonna catch ya'.
Gonna catch ya'!
265
00:13:54,362 --> 00:13:56,817
What I tell ya'?
What I tell ya'?
266
00:13:56,852 --> 00:13:59,906
I said I'd get ya'.
Uh-huh.
267
00:13:59,948 --> 00:14:02,198
Shaking my milkshake.
Oh yeah.
268
00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:04,032
Shake it back and forth.
Uh-huh, you know it.
269
00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:06,116
You love it. Uh!
270
00:14:06,158 --> 00:14:08,200
Uh-huh.
271
00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:12,910
- Open up wide, Tasky.
- [Spider-Man] No!
272
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,077
You know, sometimes you are just no fun.
273
00:14:15,118 --> 00:14:18,036
We'll discuss our
definitions of "fun" later.
274
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,038
Let's get this SHIELD drive out of here
275
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,914
before anyone's secret
identity gets revealed.
276
00:14:25,956 --> 00:14:29,039
Oh wait, wait.
I want to watch this one.
277
00:14:29,081 --> 00:14:31,082
Nope.
278
00:14:31,123 --> 00:14:34,249
Oh, come on.
I thought we bonded.
279
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,167
Wait, let me guess.
You're Aaron Applebaum.
280
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,000
Aaron Astin. Aaron Atwater!
281
00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:41,001
Are you just going to keep
yelling names from "A" to "Z"
282
00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:44,086
- until you guess?
- No.
283
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:46,837
- Barry Barrington!
- You're not well.
284
00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:48,963
[laughs] I know.
285
00:14:48,998 --> 00:14:50,921
Oh, cool. What's that?
286
00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:52,964
I'm gonna call SHIELD so
they can pick up the file
287
00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,840
- and Taskmaster.
- Oops! You broke it.
288
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:58,006
Hey! What'd you do that for?
289
00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,174
[Taskmaster] Oh, Spider-Man.
290
00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:03,217
If you'd studied with me instead of Fury
you might not be so naive.
291
00:15:03,258 --> 00:15:07,093
Who do think I stole the identity
list from in the fist place?
292
00:15:07,134 --> 00:15:10,093
- Agent MacGuffin?
- Heh. Confession time.
293
00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:14,010
- Yeah, it was me.
- You?
294
00:15:14,052 --> 00:15:16,136
And there is no Agent
MacGuffin. [laughs]
295
00:15:16,178 --> 00:15:18,658
And also I stole the list
from SHIELD, but Taskmaster
296
00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:21,137
swiped it from me when I
left my pouches in the potty.
297
00:15:21,172 --> 00:15:22,805
What?
298
00:15:22,847 --> 00:15:24,930
Dude, couldn't help it.
I had indian food.
299
00:15:24,972 --> 00:15:26,881
My legs went numb I
was in there so long.
300
00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,807
You stole the list? Why?
301
00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:32,336
[laughs]
To sell it, silly. Ca-ching!
302
00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:36,184
I tell you what,
ditch Fury and I'll cut you in for 10%.
303
00:15:36,219 --> 00:15:39,018
We'll be a team. But I get top billing.
304
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:43,728
- So, we're gonna fight, then?
- Yeah, pretty much.
305
00:15:43,769 --> 00:15:46,895
Okay... Boom.
306
00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:50,663
Seriously?
I hate you, Deadpool.
307
00:15:51,005 --> 00:15:53,418
[Deadpool] I know you mean "love."
308
00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,925
Whoa, don't break that.
That's a collector's item.
309
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,637
Are you out of your mind?
310
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,678
Totally. But I know that list
311
00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:15,638
is going to make some
super villain very happy.
312
00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:17,888
And that's gonna make me very rich.
313
00:16:17,929 --> 00:16:21,890
So hand it over and I'll only
partially un-alive you.
314
00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:23,973
Yikes.
315
00:16:26,682 --> 00:16:27,933
[both] Huh?
316
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,309
Duck!
317
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:32,476
[bubbling] No, piranhas!
318
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,519
Aah!
319
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,519
They're so bitey.
320
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,936
Oh that's so much funnier when
it happens to someone else.
321
00:16:39,978 --> 00:16:42,937
- Booby traps.
- [laughs] You said, "traps."
322
00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:49,481
I can't believe I
actually looked up to you.
323
00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:52,815
- You're just as bad as Taskmaster.
- Sometimes.
324
00:16:52,857 --> 00:16:56,525
And sometimes I'm bad for money,
sometimes I'm good for money.
325
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,901
As long as I'm having
fun with said money,
326
00:16:58,942 --> 00:17:02,568
I make my own rules.
What was that?
327
00:17:04,778 --> 00:17:07,862
Aah!
328
00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:10,863
You can't just do whatever you want
without the consequences.
329
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,571
That's how people get hurt.
330
00:17:12,606 --> 00:17:17,490
Ugh, come on, you sound just
like Fury. Except not as cool.
331
00:17:17,532 --> 00:17:19,657
It'll help if I pop out your eye.
332
00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:25,450
You're good... for a total psycho.
333
00:17:25,492 --> 00:17:26,784
[laughs]
334
00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:30,619
Oh goody, oh, it's
the insult game, okay.
335
00:17:30,661 --> 00:17:33,494
They should call you "elevator operator"
336
00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:35,537
'cause you're bringing me down.
337
00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:40,747
Or "tonsils" 'cause you're
a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh!
338
00:17:40,789 --> 00:17:44,456
Lame. Next you'll be telling
me to "go soak my head."
339
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,624
Ah, what a swellegant idea.
340
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:51,792
But it'll look a lot funnier
in my imagination.
341
00:17:51,827 --> 00:17:53,793
What?
342
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,794
Spider-Man,
go soak your head.
343
00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:05,671
Stop doing that. You
can't attack me with puns.
344
00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:09,505
Puns and bullets and
pointy things. Yes I can.
345
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:15,507
I'm running the show now.
And this is just the tip of the spear.
346
00:18:15,549 --> 00:18:18,800
This fight is getting fishy.
347
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,551
Smooth moves, but I
gotta' give you the hook.
348
00:18:23,677 --> 00:18:26,427
You can't just string this along.
349
00:18:26,468 --> 00:18:31,804
Arr, fancy meeting you
here, me wee squiggly spider.
350
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:35,555
Huh?
351
00:18:35,596 --> 00:18:38,431
- Fun house!
- More like a mad house.
352
00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:41,473
You're getting a kick
out of this, aren't you?
353
00:18:46,684 --> 00:18:49,685
Fight me any way you want.
You're not getting that list.
354
00:18:53,561 --> 00:18:55,769
Aah! Hey!
355
00:18:55,811 --> 00:18:58,562
Welcome to the funny
farm. Where you belong.
356
00:18:58,603 --> 00:19:02,521
[laughs] Don't count
your chickens just yet.
357
00:19:07,565 --> 00:19:10,691
Aah!
358
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:15,358
I can fantasy fight
'til the cows come home.
359
00:19:16,818 --> 00:19:20,402
Ow. Ow ow ow.
Sue-wee! Ow.
360
00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:23,695
Oh, I walked into that one. Ow.
361
00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:26,487
Don't you ever take anything seriously?
362
00:19:26,529 --> 00:19:30,571
Your SHIELD training? Fury's
rules? Responsibilities?
363
00:19:30,612 --> 00:19:33,530
Forget SHIELD. Forget rules.
364
00:19:33,565 --> 00:19:36,698
Forget that these shiny sticks
are swords and hop right on.
365
00:19:38,698 --> 00:19:42,491
There's one rule I'll never forget.
I'm throwing the book at you.
366
00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:46,742
Oh, see I knew you had a pouch.
Copycat!
367
00:19:46,784 --> 00:19:50,618
[book voice] With great power,
comes great responsibility.
368
00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:54,619
Ugh, that's not very clever.
Or funny...
369
00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:07,457
- Eh, I mastered "fantasy fu."
- Morality, ha!
370
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,749
You know, we don't all
have the luxury of morals.
371
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,666
Have I told you my origin story?
372
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:15,543
Like a billion times, now.
How about telling me the truth?
373
00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:20,502
- You can't handle the truth.
- Really?
374
00:20:20,544 --> 00:20:23,545
Fine.
So once there was a kid,
375
00:20:23,587 --> 00:20:25,838
a weird, special kid.
376
00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:27,754
And his life was a toilet.
377
00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,797
Maybe somebody treated him badly.
378
00:20:29,832 --> 00:20:32,798
Maybe he got hurt by bad people.
379
00:20:38,592 --> 00:20:41,467
So maybe Fury's hero-school
was the boost he needed.
380
00:20:43,468 --> 00:20:46,510
And for a while, the kid
bought what Fury was selling.
381
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:49,803
Until he realized it was
more fun to laugh at the pain.
382
00:20:49,845 --> 00:20:52,804
To hurt those that hurt
you, times a thousand.
383
00:20:52,846 --> 00:20:55,555
Forget it!
You wouldn't understand.
384
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:58,723
Actually I do.
If things had gone a
little bit differently,
385
00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:00,806
I could have been just like Deadpool.
386
00:21:00,848 --> 00:21:05,050
Okay, so I'm gonna call this one, bugs.
You beat me fair and square,
387
00:21:05,051 --> 00:21:06,735
makin' me feel emotions and stuff...
388
00:21:06,845 --> 00:21:10,360
so I'm gonna go home, cry myself
to sleep by my bed made of money!
389
00:21:10,489 --> 00:21:13,366
Hang on!
You're coming back to SHIELD too.
390
00:21:13,413 --> 00:21:17,854
- You have to face Fury.
- "You have to face Fury." [laughs]
391
00:21:17,932 --> 00:21:19,837
You're hilarious.
392
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,899
Smell ya' later, sucker.
Bye, Spider-Man.
393
00:21:22,986 --> 00:21:24,756
Ouch, my butt's burning!
394
00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:28,841
Weirdest fight ever.
But at least I got the list back.
395
00:21:28,962 --> 00:21:30,813
Sure did. You da man.
396
00:21:31,091 --> 00:21:33,606
You know, I know a guy who'd
pay top dollar for that... aah!
397
00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:35,949
Yes I am the man.
398
00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:38,033
The Spider-Man.
399
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:45,033
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
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