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TITLE MUSIC PLAYS
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HE SLURPS
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Ah.
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Oh, come on.
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We Larkins, we don't
approve of worry, do we?
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Same way as we don't
approve of small portions,
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or meals without ketchup.
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Well, that's a wonderful
attitude. Thank you kindly.
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For someone appearing
in court in a week.
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And who could be going to prison.
Primrose! You may be a brainbox,
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but you've got a lot to learn
about keeping up family morale.
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It's my accusers, they're the
ones that should be wearing
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the brown trousers,
if you get what I mean?
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Unhappy people do unhappy things.
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The Jerebohms are gonna
learn the hard way.
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You don't try and cheat
the law, or the Law-kins.
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00:00:55,527 --> 00:00:56,728
I miss Mariette.
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And Charley. This house is
short of... tostesterone.
19
00:01:02,408 --> 00:01:03,928
No, that's not right.
20
00:01:03,968 --> 00:01:05,728
Toblerone? Testosterone.
21
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And they'd want to be
here if she knew about it.
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We won't tell 'em, will we?
Let 'em enjoy their honeymoon.
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Get the old wanderlust
out of their bones.
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Then they can return after this
outrageous court case is over.
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Not that we're fretting about it.
26
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I'm late for work.
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You have a good day, darling.
And here's a good tip.
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Go for good news, find the joy.
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I'm a responsible
journalist, not Pollyanna.
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I love a bit of mood.
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Aww.
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You're a vicar. You're not
supposed to love people.
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Of course we should love people.
It's the whole basis of the Church.
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Concentrate on admin,
religious instruction,
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and, er, perking up the sick.
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I admire Primrose Larkin purely as
an intelligent, caring parishioner.
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Cock and bull.
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I know she's only 18, but
she's very emotionally mature.
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More cock and bull.
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Mainly cock.
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I'm not going out with her!
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00:02:02,566 --> 00:02:04,566
Glad to hear it. And if
you want a distraction,
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you can take over some of my work.
44
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I've already taken it all over!
45
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Sorry, that... that
was, erm... un-vicarly.
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HE WHISTLES A TUNE
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Whoa! Whoa! CLATTERING
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Oh! Argh!
49
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Ivor! Stop mucking about!
50
00:02:32,607 --> 00:02:34,287
HE GROANS
51
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My arm! Oof.
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In fact, when Enid started here,
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women had to wear bonnets and gloves.
54
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And we began every day
by singing Rule Britannia.
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That's crazy! I should
write a piece about it.
56
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Don't. None of it's true.
57
00:02:51,847 --> 00:02:53,847
First law of journalism
- don't believe anyone,
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especially other
journalists. Is that true?
59
00:02:56,528 --> 00:02:58,528
No. It's the third law.
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00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:01,088
First law is always get a
receipt for your expenses,
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00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:04,088
second is never use the word diarrhoea.
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00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:07,248
Why not? It's just a horrible word.
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00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:11,167
Primrose, I hear your father's gonna
be in court, charged with burglary.
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00:03:11,208 --> 00:03:14,167
Yes, he is. Obviously,
we'll report it sensitively,
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00:03:14,208 --> 00:03:15,408
and very briefly.
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00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:18,727
No. I want it reported
proudly and in full
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00:03:18,768 --> 00:03:20,768
because my Pop is honest and decent,
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00:03:20,808 --> 00:03:23,487
and literally the best father in Kent.
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00:03:23,528 --> 00:03:25,408
And I'll cover it for the newspaper.
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00:03:25,447 --> 00:03:27,327
No, no, that would be unethical.
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00:03:27,368 --> 00:03:29,047
And we need you to
collate the classifieds
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00:03:29,088 --> 00:03:30,088
and the hockey results.
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00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,447
Which is more important,
hockey or my Pop's freedom?
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00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:34,607
To the hockey fans, the hockey.
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00:03:35,688 --> 00:03:37,886
I'm a reporter. I'll be fair.
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00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:40,886
All right, but in order to
avoid accusations of bias,
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00:03:40,928 --> 00:03:43,567
you'll need to use a pseudonym.
We have several on file.
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00:03:43,607 --> 00:03:46,007
Jill Quimbyson, Trevor Mang.
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00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:49,127
Harry Streets, Tim
Pigman. Ada O'Flaherty.
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00:03:50,248 --> 00:03:52,167
I'll make my own, thanks.
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00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:53,968
Oh, suit yourself.
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Afternoon, Mrs Larkin.
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00:04:03,047 --> 00:04:05,208
It's absolutely ghastly about Mr Larkin.
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00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:08,047
Thank you, Edith, but
we are strong people.
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00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:11,768
Why would Pop burgle anyone when
he's already got lashings of money?
86
00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:13,047
Exactly.
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00:04:13,088 --> 00:04:15,768
Though the court may
uncover other motivation -
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00:04:15,808 --> 00:04:17,968
rivalry, kleptomania.
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00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:19,928
Or the sheer thrill of the snatch.
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00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:25,208
Miss Chand doesn't mean any harm.
She reads a lot of detective novels.
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00:04:25,247 --> 00:04:28,807
Well, PC Harness was there, and
he saw fit to arrest Mr Larkin.
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00:04:28,847 --> 00:04:32,727
That is because PC Harness is
dim, and monumentally gullible.
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Bless him.
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00:04:34,487 --> 00:04:36,648
All right, Mrs Larkin?
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00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:38,847
I've had better weeks,
if I'm honest, Pauline.
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00:04:38,888 --> 00:04:40,487
We were just talking
about your boyfriend.
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00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:42,528
I've given him an earful
about how he let Pop down.
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00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:45,888
Oh, but he's a nice fella,
your lad. Bright as a button.
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00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:48,847
He isn't, though, is
he? I'm bored with him.
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00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,047
Oh.
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00:04:50,088 --> 00:04:53,487
It's like being followed around
by a puppy wearing a hard blue hat.
102
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Scum! Enemy of the people!
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00:05:03,807 --> 00:05:05,727
Come away, Miss Pilchester.
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00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:10,727
Just to be clear, we're all fully aware
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00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,927
that you put the Jerebohms up to this.
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00:05:12,968 --> 00:05:16,528
I know you're upset, so
probably a little wobbly,
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but that is slander.
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00:05:18,047 --> 00:05:20,008
Maybe we should sue you,
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00:05:20,047 --> 00:05:22,047
so you can appear in the
dock with your husband.
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00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,448
Oh, if anyone's gonna be
joining me in the dock,
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00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:27,408
it'll be you and your
fellow conspirators.
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00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:30,727
Hardly. Apart from anything,
our good friends, the Jerebohms,
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have engaged one of the
country's top lawyers.
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Mr Barlow. From London. He never loses.
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00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:40,567
Well, there's a first
time for everything.
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00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:43,328
You can't buy justice.
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00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:44,648
I hope.
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00:05:55,328 --> 00:05:57,607
How am I meant to get it in the paper?
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Ah. It's our celebrity vicar!
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00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:04,648
Not bad, eh?
121
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:09,568
Good day to you, Miss Larkin.
Good afternoon, Reverend Candy.
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00:06:09,607 --> 00:06:12,287
Thank you for joining me for lunch.
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00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,927
No, thank YOU.
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00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:16,408
So formal? He's briefing me
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00:06:16,448 --> 00:06:18,648
on religious matters for an
article I'm keen to write.
126
00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:20,568
Oh, sounds like a riot (!)
127
00:06:20,607 --> 00:06:24,247
So, seven o'clock, I need
it on my desk. Tonight.
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00:06:33,888 --> 00:06:35,047
Oi.
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00:06:35,088 --> 00:06:37,008
Oi, yourself.
130
00:06:37,047 --> 00:06:38,968
How are you getting on with your copper?
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00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:41,648
None of your business, Vic.
132
00:06:41,687 --> 00:06:45,528
I imagine you're still
burning a torch for Charley,
133
00:06:45,567 --> 00:06:47,208
Mariette's husband.
134
00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:49,528
Do you? I've never seen a couple
135
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:51,807
more in love on their wedding day.
136
00:06:51,847 --> 00:06:54,687
I'm surprised you
noticed, you old drunk.
137
00:06:55,768 --> 00:07:01,487
Well, good for you, if you're
happy with PC Pointless.
138
00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:14,328
Fish paste sandwich? Oh, thanks.
139
00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,968
Half a goose? Thank you.
140
00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,648
I'm just not used to keeping secrets.
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00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:27,687
It's not the Larkin way.
Especially about happy things.
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I'm sorry, it's just simpler.
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People think vicars are public property,
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there to serve just them.
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As long as you're not ashamed of me.
146
00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:38,287
Of course I'm not. SHE GIGGLES
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00:07:39,487 --> 00:07:42,328
You've got fish paste in
my mouth! I don't care.
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00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:48,128
Loaves and fishes?
149
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:52,128
THEY CHUCKLE
150
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:54,847
I still think it's
silly, keeping it quiet.
151
00:08:07,328 --> 00:08:09,128
Didn't see me.
152
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,008
No, it's fine. On your way.
153
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I still can't believe
people listen to what I say!
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I suppose they have to.
155
00:08:21,807 --> 00:08:23,328
Oh, the day gets better and better.
156
00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:26,167
Don't say that.
157
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What a waste of such pretty faces.
158
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Quick, someone, rustle me up a smile.
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Oh!
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We're still worried about Pop.
He's still not taking it serious.
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Well, I am.
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Law books from the library.
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00:08:47,807 --> 00:08:50,768
And Pop is taking it
serious, in his own way,
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but it's... HAMMERING
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Order! Order!
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HE LAUGHS
167
00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,768
Look what I found in
the dressing-up box.
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00:08:58,807 --> 00:09:00,327
Judge Pop!
169
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:07,047
Oh. Ivor's broken his arm, and
everyone else is on holibobs,
170
00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:08,967
so I'm gonna do the
swimming pool myself.
171
00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,528
No, you're not, darling.
172
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:18,207
The Jerebohms' lawyer is top-notch.
He's from London. Never loses.
173
00:09:18,248 --> 00:09:20,648
That's what they said
about Hitler. What?
174
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:23,927
Come on, ease up, Ma, eh?
I'm not good at the serious.
175
00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:27,488
Oh, nor am I, but we're in a
hole, so drop everything else -
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00:09:27,528 --> 00:09:31,207
geese, swimming pools
- and we will prepare our case
177
00:09:31,248 --> 00:09:33,128
so we're ready for
anything they throw at us.
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00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:36,648
The textbooks do advise against
representing yourself in court, Pop.
179
00:09:36,687 --> 00:09:38,648
But you know what, Prim,
one thing I am good at,
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00:09:38,687 --> 00:09:41,608
talking my way out of
a hole. Oh, that's true.
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00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,128
He's a natural performer, always was.
182
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,167
Halfway through our first
date, he whipped out his...
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00:09:47,207 --> 00:09:48,327
We know! You told us.
184
00:09:48,368 --> 00:09:50,848
..mouth organ. If you're
doing without a lawyer,
185
00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:54,327
you'll need to rein in your natural
Larkin-ness. I can tone that down.
186
00:09:54,368 --> 00:09:56,087
Stress your generous nature.
187
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,368
Yeah, but I don't wanna
boast, Ma. You don't have to.
188
00:09:58,408 --> 00:10:01,408
Call character witnesses who
list your good points. I'll do it!
189
00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:05,008
Oh, Victoria, you're a darling.
190
00:10:05,047 --> 00:10:06,608
But it can't be family.
191
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,807
You need to memorise some paperwork
because reading isn't your forte.
192
00:10:09,848 --> 00:10:12,287
Forty? I thought I was
probably about a 12.
193
00:10:12,327 --> 00:10:14,848
THEY LAUGH
194
00:10:14,888 --> 00:10:17,567
You should use that in court,
Dad. No, he really shouldn't.
195
00:10:17,608 --> 00:10:19,728
SHE SNIFFLES
196
00:10:19,768 --> 00:10:22,488
Thank you. Little cherub.
197
00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:24,967
We'll finish building the swimming pool.
198
00:10:25,008 --> 00:10:26,528
Are you sure, cabbage?
199
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:29,008
I mean, we all know you're
a technical how's-yer-father,
200
00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:30,128
but it's a big job.
201
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:32,447
No, we will. We wanna help.
202
00:10:33,528 --> 00:10:35,408
We've been stepping
out for six months now,
203
00:10:35,447 --> 00:10:38,008
so I must be doing something
right! Not necessarily.
204
00:10:38,047 --> 00:10:39,447
But you love my uniform.
205
00:10:39,488 --> 00:10:43,248
Nah, the novelty's worn off.
And the helmet's just irritating.
206
00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:48,167
Well, erm, OK. Er, what
else am I doing wrong?
207
00:10:48,207 --> 00:10:50,927
Well, you left it to the vicar
208
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,608
to fight off that bunch
of thugs last week.
209
00:10:53,648 --> 00:10:56,207
No, not bad Vicar. Good Vicar.
210
00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:58,408
So I told him, "Yes,
I'll baptise your dog
211
00:10:58,447 --> 00:11:00,128
"if you give me your three-piece suite."
212
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:03,687
Your Rev looks like he
needs a pint, and a laugh.
213
00:11:03,728 --> 00:11:06,287
No, he's not really one for pleasure.
214
00:11:06,327 --> 00:11:10,128
And you do that daft grin. You
like it, you said it was sweet.
215
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:13,728
Now you just look like an idiot.
And you arrested Pop Larkin.
216
00:11:13,768 --> 00:11:16,368
He was carrying a bag full of cash,
standing next to an empty safe!
217
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:18,567
I don't care! Support the decent folk.
218
00:11:18,608 --> 00:11:21,128
Mariette's a cow, but Pop's
always been a sweetheart.
219
00:11:21,167 --> 00:11:23,167
Look, I can fix all this - the bravery,
220
00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:26,047
my dribbling when we kiss,
crying after we have our snookies,
221
00:11:26,087 --> 00:11:28,207
and the daft grinning.
222
00:11:28,248 --> 00:11:30,087
And I'll make sure Pop
gets off, OK? I promise.
223
00:11:31,207 --> 00:11:33,047
You're the best thing
in my life, Pauline.
224
00:11:33,087 --> 00:11:35,488
And that used to be being a policeman.
225
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,648
No, you've had a good run.
226
00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:38,967
It's over.
227
00:12:03,128 --> 00:12:04,488
MAN: Quiet, please.
228
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:08,128
Will the defendant please stand?
229
00:12:10,848 --> 00:12:14,368
Sidney Charles Larkin,
you are hereby charged
230
00:12:14,408 --> 00:12:16,927
that on the 5th of July 1959,
231
00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:21,848
at Bluff Court, Littlechurch,
you unlawfully appropriated cash
232
00:12:21,888 --> 00:12:24,447
to the value of £500
233
00:12:24,488 --> 00:12:27,567
belonging to a Mrs Phyllis Mae Jerebohm
234
00:12:27,608 --> 00:12:31,087
and a Mr Cuthbert Raoul Jerebohm.
235
00:12:31,128 --> 00:12:34,128
Do you plead guilty, or not guilty?
236
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,687
What do you think?
237
00:12:42,287 --> 00:12:44,447
Maybe we shouldn't have
offered to do this. Yeah.
238
00:12:44,488 --> 00:12:47,008
Let's just fill it with water, add
a few ducks. And call it a pond.
239
00:12:47,047 --> 00:12:48,888
Come on, we can do it.
240
00:12:48,927 --> 00:12:51,567
Yeah. The first thing Pop
can do when he's not guilty
241
00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:53,967
is come home and take
a swim in his new pool.
242
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:04,047
The facts are that you were found
243
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,967
by Mr and Mrs Jerebohm in
their home, having broken in,
244
00:13:07,008 --> 00:13:10,008
witnessed by Alec Norman and PC Harness,
245
00:13:10,047 --> 00:13:13,368
carrying a hold-all full of banknotes,
246
00:13:13,408 --> 00:13:17,368
while their safe lay open and empty.
247
00:13:17,408 --> 00:13:19,327
Bit of a coincidence, in't it, eh?
248
00:13:19,368 --> 00:13:21,327
Them calling a copper
even before I've arrived.
249
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,608
Don't that say set-up to you?
250
00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:25,927
It's my turn to ask the questions.
251
00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:28,128
And I got a phone call
ten minutes earlier
252
00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:32,207
from a very weepy Pinkie Jerebohm,
begging me to take over some cash
253
00:13:32,248 --> 00:13:33,528
cos she needs escape funds
254
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,167
as her old man is bullying her
and keeping her short, yeah?
255
00:13:36,207 --> 00:13:38,687
Unforgivable, what she did!
256
00:13:38,728 --> 00:13:40,528
No contributions from
the public, please.
257
00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:45,528
We threw a barbecue for them,
and this is the thanks we get!
258
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:48,927
Ah, thank you, Ma. Next
question. Keep 'em coming.
259
00:13:59,648 --> 00:14:02,128
It's a scandal they don't
allow smoking in court.
260
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:04,287
Yes, and peeing.
261
00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:08,927
All right, Brigadier? Yes.
It's, er, going well in there.
262
00:14:08,967 --> 00:14:10,648
Yeah, looking good.
263
00:14:15,008 --> 00:14:16,687
Are you all right, PC Harness?
264
00:14:16,728 --> 00:14:20,927
No. Pauline's chucked me
cos, apparently, I'm boring.
265
00:14:20,967 --> 00:14:22,408
Oh, dear.
266
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:24,608
And irritating. Oh, dear.
267
00:14:24,648 --> 00:14:27,567
And cos I let down Mr
Larkin by arresting him.
268
00:14:27,608 --> 00:14:28,648
Mm.
269
00:14:29,848 --> 00:14:32,047
How am I gonna get Pauline back?
270
00:14:32,087 --> 00:14:34,047
Are you sure you want her back?
271
00:14:37,648 --> 00:14:39,047
She's quite sulky.
272
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,207
You're joking, aren't you?
273
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,567
She's the sexiest girl
in the whole of Kent.
274
00:14:43,608 --> 00:14:45,167
Right.
275
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:47,687
Of course, you could start
by helping get Pop off
276
00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:50,608
when you testify in court.
Yes. That's on my list.
277
00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:53,528
Now, I'm no expert in love,
278
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:57,047
but Pauline seems the type
who wants what she can't have,
279
00:14:57,087 --> 00:15:00,287
so make her jealous. Go
out with someone else.
280
00:15:00,327 --> 00:15:01,728
That's brilliant.
281
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,927
Actually, it's quite basic psychology.
282
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:05,648
Oh.
283
00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:07,047
OK.
284
00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:10,368
Hello, constable. I need the ladies'.
285
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:12,128
Speaking of which, so do I!
286
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,567
HE LAUGHS
287
00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:19,768
Hey, Libby, are you
free to go out with me?
288
00:15:19,807 --> 00:15:21,768
Um...
289
00:15:21,807 --> 00:15:24,248
Oh, that's such a difficult decision.
290
00:15:25,608 --> 00:15:26,927
No.
291
00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:41,128
Mr Norman,
292
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:43,047
you were present
293
00:15:43,087 --> 00:15:45,888
when the accused committed the offence.
294
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:50,408
Yes. Mr and Mrs Jerebohm
and I were foregathering
295
00:15:50,447 --> 00:15:52,888
to discuss a charity donation
to the Mid Kent Police,
296
00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:55,287
whose work we hugely admire.
297
00:15:55,327 --> 00:15:57,927
Law and order are vital
298
00:15:57,967 --> 00:16:00,207
now that so many social
structures are broken.
299
00:16:00,248 --> 00:16:01,848
Amen to that.
300
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:06,327
This is a con! He's never
given away a penny in his life!
301
00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:09,888
One more outpouring and I will
have you removed from this place.
302
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:13,287
Apologies. I will control myself.
303
00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:15,888
That's where Mr Larkin
and we three differ -
304
00:16:15,927 --> 00:16:18,248
he thinks nothing of
robbing his neighbours.
305
00:16:18,287 --> 00:16:20,648
We are large-scale philanthropists.
306
00:16:20,687 --> 00:16:22,687
He is just making things up!
307
00:16:22,728 --> 00:16:24,728
That's enough! Remove that woman.
308
00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:30,327
You are asking for more than a slap.
309
00:16:31,488 --> 00:16:32,728
You see, Your Honours?
310
00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,488
That's the real Pop, right there.
311
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:36,687
Terrifying.
312
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:50,207
Did you, at any time, ring the accused
313
00:16:50,248 --> 00:16:51,888
and ask him to bring you money?
314
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:56,408
No, I didn't. Mr Jerebohm
is kind and most generous.
315
00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:57,687
I lack for nothing.
316
00:16:57,728 --> 00:16:59,047
Well...
317
00:17:00,248 --> 00:17:05,567
Why do you imagine Mr
Larkin burgled your house?
318
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:06,648
Well, I trusted him,
319
00:17:06,687 --> 00:17:09,368
so I mentioned we keep cash
in our not-very-safe safe,
320
00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:11,808
and the cars were parked
in the garage for once,
321
00:17:11,848 --> 00:17:13,247
so it looked like we were out.
322
00:17:13,288 --> 00:17:15,006
Mm.
323
00:17:15,048 --> 00:17:19,848
And did he, erm... have
any reason to hate you?
324
00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:22,848
Jealousy. Ah.
325
00:17:24,247 --> 00:17:27,848
Tell me more about his, erm, jealousy.
326
00:17:27,888 --> 00:17:30,048
Well, he was jealous of our big house
327
00:17:30,088 --> 00:17:33,766
that he used to own, but
couldn't afford to maintain.
328
00:17:33,808 --> 00:17:35,167
Poor lady.
329
00:17:35,207 --> 00:17:37,207
Awful experience. Hear, hear.
330
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,007
Want a spray? It's lovely stuff.
331
00:17:59,048 --> 00:18:01,487
Covers up the stench of lies.
332
00:18:01,527 --> 00:18:02,527
No?
333
00:18:06,848 --> 00:18:08,007
How's it going?
334
00:18:08,048 --> 00:18:10,247
Oh, it's a load of old
codswallop being spoken in there,
335
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:12,007
I'll tell you that. Sorry - my mouth.
336
00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:14,447
You've been slung out
of worse places, Ma.
337
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,568
Hello, Primrose. Oh, hello.
338
00:18:17,608 --> 00:18:20,888
I'm testifying shortly.
Must be nerve-wracking.
339
00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:24,527
I'm used to it. The important
thing is we get your dad off.
340
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:25,767
Yes.
341
00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:28,767
So, I hear you're
footloose and fancy free.
342
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,927
Well, in fact, I'm...
343
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,848
Yes. Yes, I am.
344
00:18:31,888 --> 00:18:34,527
Me, too. It feels odd.
345
00:18:34,568 --> 00:18:37,167
I guess I'm very monogamous.
346
00:18:37,207 --> 00:18:39,727
So you're more of a gibbon
or a penguin than a lion.
347
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:41,648
So you've heard my mum talking?
348
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,247
SHE CHUCKLES
349
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,648
All right, mate? Yeah.
350
00:18:52,687 --> 00:18:53,808
I wish we were there.
351
00:18:53,848 --> 00:18:56,247
Ma didn't want us to see
Pop having to be rude.
352
00:18:56,288 --> 00:19:00,207
Yeah, he has to say things like,
"The court knows you're lying."
353
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:02,888
And, "I put it to you that
you're a bloody toe-rag."
354
00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:05,247
Yeah, I guess he's just
trying to protect us.
355
00:19:07,848 --> 00:19:09,288
Whoa!
356
00:19:09,328 --> 00:19:11,487
Stop that! Stop that!
357
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:17,088
Stop it! Stop it! Argh! THEY CHUCKLE
358
00:19:17,128 --> 00:19:19,967
Well, they say the
law is an ass. They do.
359
00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:21,648
But I love an ass, don't you?
360
00:19:21,687 --> 00:19:24,288
I do. I'm glad you do, too.
361
00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:26,848
Mr Delamere!
362
00:19:26,888 --> 00:19:29,247
Darlings. How sublime to see you.
363
00:19:29,288 --> 00:19:32,128
Lost in thought? Actually,
I'm researching a role.
364
00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:34,408
"Man on bench"? Touche.
365
00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:36,007
No, in fact, for this part,
366
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:37,888
I have to look back a lot over my life,
367
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,368
so I'm working on my nostalgic gaze.
368
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,447
Or perhaps I should add
a sprinkling of hauteur?
369
00:19:45,487 --> 00:19:48,608
No, I think you've got that
covered. Yes, I'd agree with that.
370
00:19:48,648 --> 00:19:50,967
Listen, I hear that Pop
Larkin's in a bit of a bind.
371
00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:52,568
Can this be true? Yes.
372
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,927
We're due to appear as
character witnesses tomorrow.
373
00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:56,368
We're wracked with nerves.
374
00:19:56,408 --> 00:19:59,527
I have played so many law men.
375
00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:01,727
Did you catch my Judge
Bendelack in Peterborough?
376
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,167
No, I missed that, sadly. Me, too. Damn.
377
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:06,927
It taught me how to
win over an audience.
378
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,568
For what is a court of
law, if not a theatre?
379
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,167
Well, I know most people
find plays a bit of a trial.
380
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,568
Pop's a good man. I'd love to help.
381
00:20:17,608 --> 00:20:20,007
Perhaps I could talk
you through the process,
382
00:20:20,048 --> 00:20:21,648
use of voice and so on.
383
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,848
Thanks, but I don't think
you... No, no, no, I insist.
384
00:20:24,888 --> 00:20:28,328
For thrice is he arm'd
that hath his quarrel just.
385
00:20:28,368 --> 00:20:29,808
What does that mean?
386
00:20:29,848 --> 00:20:31,967
Oh, I never worry about the meaning.
387
00:20:46,487 --> 00:20:48,368
Hmm.
388
00:20:48,408 --> 00:20:49,967
Constable Harness,
389
00:20:50,007 --> 00:20:54,727
you immediately arrested Mr Larkin
when you caught him red-handed.
390
00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:57,527
In fact, I regret arresting Mr Larkin
391
00:20:57,568 --> 00:20:59,447
because I consider him innocent.
392
00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:02,088
LAWYER CHUCKLES And you say that now
393
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,328
because your girlfriend, Miss Malloy,
394
00:21:04,368 --> 00:21:07,048
is a huge admirer of
Mr Larkin, is she not?
395
00:21:07,088 --> 00:21:08,247
She's, er...
396
00:21:08,288 --> 00:21:10,687
She's not my girlfriend.
397
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,648
In any case, I have
always been my own man.
398
00:21:13,888 --> 00:21:15,088
Mm.
399
00:21:17,048 --> 00:21:21,767
Did you search Mr Larkin
when you arrested him?
400
00:21:21,808 --> 00:21:25,088
Yes, I did. And what did you find?
401
00:21:25,128 --> 00:21:29,048
Nothing incriminating. Ah.
We'll be the judge of that.
402
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:31,727
As I recall, it was
half a tube of Rolos.
403
00:21:31,767 --> 00:21:35,608
That's a crime now, is
it, carrying confectionery?
404
00:21:35,648 --> 00:21:37,408
No. Just checking.
405
00:21:37,447 --> 00:21:42,007
And what else did he have, PC Harness?
406
00:21:42,048 --> 00:21:43,487
Erm, a hip flask.
407
00:21:43,527 --> 00:21:45,687
And? A knife.
408
00:21:45,727 --> 00:21:51,048
Ah. So, Mr Larkin was carrying a weapon.
409
00:21:51,088 --> 00:21:53,247
No, no, no, it's completely
normal round these parts.
410
00:21:53,288 --> 00:21:55,767
It's for getting stones out from
under your shoes, and... Yes.
411
00:21:55,808 --> 00:21:57,048
..that sort of thing.
412
00:21:57,088 --> 00:22:00,048
Let the bench note that we're
now dealing with armed burglary,
413
00:22:00,088 --> 00:22:04,808
which doubles the potential
sentence to... two years.
414
00:22:07,888 --> 00:22:09,687
Constable...
415
00:22:09,727 --> 00:22:12,328
I'm having a really bad week.
Please don't ask me anything.
416
00:22:25,808 --> 00:22:28,167
Despite all the bad
blood shown here today,
417
00:22:28,207 --> 00:22:29,967
there's one thing I'm not gonna do.
418
00:22:30,007 --> 00:22:33,848
Let a few snakes undermine our faith
in the beauty of the human spirit?
419
00:22:33,888 --> 00:22:35,888
I couldn't have put it better.
420
00:22:35,927 --> 00:22:38,288
Ham, chips and a gallon
of beer for tea? Yeah.
421
00:22:41,687 --> 00:22:44,247
I'm so sorry. I feel terrible.
422
00:22:44,288 --> 00:22:45,648
You did your best.
423
00:22:45,687 --> 00:22:48,128
You're so kind. You always have been.
424
00:22:49,648 --> 00:22:54,808
This is, erm, bad timing, but do
you fancy going for a drink later?
425
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,967
Thanks, Constable, but it's a busy time.
426
00:22:58,007 --> 00:23:01,888
You know, new job, Dad might
go to prison... I understand.
427
00:23:01,927 --> 00:23:06,487
I'm relieved, in fact, cos
I'm still in love with Pauline.
428
00:23:09,767 --> 00:23:11,247
Well, she's looking over at us now,
429
00:23:11,288 --> 00:23:13,568
so maybe it'll help
you get back with her.
430
00:23:13,608 --> 00:23:18,088
Well, I'd hate for you to think
that I'm using you, but, erm...
431
00:23:18,128 --> 00:23:21,608
that sounds encouraging. Thank you.
432
00:23:31,128 --> 00:23:32,487
Mmm.
433
00:23:37,128 --> 00:23:38,927
Where's Primrose?
434
00:23:38,967 --> 00:23:41,167
She said she needed
to go for a long walk.
435
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,967
Oi, don't make me start
a community sing-song.
436
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:46,888
Come on, tomorrow's another day.
437
00:23:46,927 --> 00:23:49,487
Don't you need, like,
professional legal help, Pop?
438
00:23:49,527 --> 00:23:50,888
Even at this stage?
439
00:23:50,927 --> 00:23:54,288
It's not his fault that the
couple are so good at lying,
440
00:23:54,328 --> 00:23:57,247
cos they've clearly
had a lot of practice.
441
00:23:57,288 --> 00:23:58,608
Can we come and watch tomorrow?
442
00:23:58,648 --> 00:24:00,927
No, you don't wanna waste
your time with that nonsense.
443
00:24:00,967 --> 00:24:02,888
You still need to take it serious, Pop.
444
00:24:02,927 --> 00:24:05,247
Ma, the thing I take
serious is my family,
445
00:24:05,288 --> 00:24:09,767
decent folk I know, and
pleasures of the flesh.
446
00:24:09,808 --> 00:24:11,967
Wahey! HE CHUCKLES
447
00:24:12,007 --> 00:24:14,487
The rest is cobblers. Pass the gammon.
448
00:24:14,527 --> 00:24:18,487
Monty, how's the pool going?
Good, but we need help.
449
00:24:18,527 --> 00:24:21,648
Don't worry, we'll pitch
in when the case is over.
450
00:24:21,687 --> 00:24:23,808
We know what we're doing.
451
00:24:31,648 --> 00:24:33,207
I'd love to grab your hand
452
00:24:33,247 --> 00:24:35,767
and just run through the
village shouting our names.
453
00:24:38,328 --> 00:24:40,128
And what would that achieve?
454
00:24:40,167 --> 00:24:42,527
This doesn't feel
real until we share it.
455
00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:44,247
And it's not like
you're a Catholic priest
456
00:24:44,288 --> 00:24:47,247
who's not allowed to enjoy,
you know... Yes. ..love and sex.
457
00:24:47,288 --> 00:24:48,328
Yes.
458
00:24:48,368 --> 00:24:50,048
No.
459
00:24:52,368 --> 00:24:54,848
I was asked out today because
he thought I was single,
460
00:24:54,888 --> 00:24:57,048
and I couldn't say I'm
not. It was really awkward.
461
00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:03,007
So next time, I'll say yes and see
what it's like to have a simple,
462
00:25:03,048 --> 00:25:05,007
honest relationship like most people.
463
00:25:05,048 --> 00:25:08,848
Well, if that's what
you want to do, go ahead.
464
00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:33,927
FILM: 'You're in a mess,
Peggy, an almighty mess,
465
00:25:33,967 --> 00:25:36,767
'but I'm going to see
that you get a fair trial.'
466
00:25:36,808 --> 00:25:38,727
'Thank you kindly, sir.'
467
00:25:38,767 --> 00:25:42,727
'Don't thank me. Thank God
that we're living in a country
468
00:25:42,767 --> 00:25:46,048
'where justice is within
easy reach for all.'
469
00:25:46,088 --> 00:25:47,767
DRAMATIC VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS
470
00:26:04,568 --> 00:26:06,568
THUD 'Argh!'
471
00:26:08,128 --> 00:26:11,487
Should we discuss what we've learnt,
in terms of Mr Larkin's legal case?
472
00:26:11,527 --> 00:26:15,128
Yes. It's terribly good, but we
have been watching for a while.
473
00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,527
Wait, wait, wait. I'm very
vivid in this scene. Watch.
474
00:26:33,727 --> 00:26:35,888
So, if you have heard
anything regarding Valentine,
475
00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:37,767
she was last seen...
476
00:26:39,408 --> 00:26:42,207
What's your Christian name?
Hedley. Hedley Harness?
477
00:26:42,247 --> 00:26:43,447
Yeah.
478
00:26:43,487 --> 00:26:45,447
No wonder you kept that quiet.
479
00:26:51,447 --> 00:26:53,288
Thank you.
480
00:26:54,687 --> 00:26:58,088
Evening, Pauline. I'll have
a half of cider. Hedley?
481
00:26:58,128 --> 00:26:59,967
I know what he likes.
482
00:27:00,007 --> 00:27:02,207
Two and fourpence.
483
00:27:05,568 --> 00:27:07,128
I didn't know you two were mates.
484
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,927
Oh, yeah, it's been
bubbling up for a while.
485
00:27:11,247 --> 00:27:12,648
I'll bring it over.
486
00:27:14,527 --> 00:27:17,808
SHE FAKE LAUGHS Oh, dear!
487
00:27:27,447 --> 00:27:28,727
Thank you.
488
00:27:32,048 --> 00:27:34,207
Well, cheers. Cheers.
489
00:27:36,368 --> 00:27:37,967
HE SNORTS
490
00:27:39,648 --> 00:27:42,808
Oh, that's mainly Worcester
sauce with a hint of pork.
491
00:27:49,767 --> 00:27:51,328
DOOR SLAMS
492
00:27:54,408 --> 00:27:55,967
FILM: 'If the Sheriff of Nottingham
493
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:58,288
'believes he can set
foot in this forest,
494
00:27:58,328 --> 00:28:00,487
'then he's got another thing coming!'
495
00:28:00,527 --> 00:28:02,288
CHEERING IN FILM
496
00:28:05,128 --> 00:28:06,527
REEL CLATTERS
497
00:28:06,568 --> 00:28:07,848
Oh.
498
00:28:12,487 --> 00:28:15,007
There. Now to work.
499
00:28:18,808 --> 00:28:20,808
Did I say that I'm
happy with our strategy,
500
00:28:20,848 --> 00:28:23,328
but I'm a bit worried
that I've offended Pauline?
501
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:24,727
Yes, you did.
502
00:28:27,568 --> 00:28:29,288
Oh, I should say that
I have a boyfriend.
503
00:28:29,328 --> 00:28:31,527
Oh. But I can't name him.
504
00:28:31,568 --> 00:28:33,727
Why? Exactly!
505
00:28:46,088 --> 00:28:48,767
The truth will out tomorrow,
506
00:28:48,808 --> 00:28:53,048
and I, for one, am more excited
even than before our wedding night.
507
00:28:56,447 --> 00:29:00,167
We agreed we'd make this
round last, didn't we, Norma?
508
00:29:00,207 --> 00:29:01,568
Yes.
509
00:29:05,888 --> 00:29:10,568
Except the truth is... that you
and the Jerebohms lied in court.
510
00:29:11,727 --> 00:29:14,048
So let's hope it doesn't get out.
511
00:29:19,648 --> 00:29:22,408
So, this man that you're seeing... Yes.
512
00:29:22,447 --> 00:29:24,608
..you want him to know
that you're out with me?
513
00:29:24,648 --> 00:29:27,408
Yes. I assumed that news
of us coming in together
514
00:29:27,447 --> 00:29:29,007
would get back to him somehow.
515
00:29:33,128 --> 00:29:35,048
Mm, that might be a problem.
516
00:29:47,568 --> 00:29:49,447
Oh, I think news will
get back to him now.
517
00:29:57,727 --> 00:30:00,608
THEY SING THE SAME NOTE
518
00:30:03,128 --> 00:30:04,648
So, that's voice projection.
519
00:30:04,687 --> 00:30:07,767
Now, the keys to being
listened to and believed
520
00:30:07,808 --> 00:30:10,128
are repeat and retard.
521
00:30:10,167 --> 00:30:11,288
Retard?
522
00:30:11,328 --> 00:30:13,128
Yes. Take Anthony in Julius Caesar.
523
00:30:13,167 --> 00:30:17,368
He says "Brutus is an
honourable man" four times.
524
00:30:17,408 --> 00:30:19,288
Right. That's too many times.
525
00:30:19,328 --> 00:30:21,128
No, no, no, no. No,
the more you repeat it,
526
00:30:21,167 --> 00:30:24,687
the truer it becomes.
And retard your delivery.
527
00:30:24,727 --> 00:30:27,288
Edith in particular, darling,
cos you're a bit of a gabbler.
528
00:30:27,328 --> 00:30:30,088
So, Mr Larkin
529
00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:33,808
is... generous... and honest.
530
00:30:34,927 --> 00:30:37,767
And as the coup de grace, I like
to add a little break in the voice
531
00:30:37,808 --> 00:30:38,888
to convey emotion.
532
00:30:38,927 --> 00:30:42,687
As in... Mr Larkin is
533
00:30:42,727 --> 00:30:46,247
the... kindest man alive.
534
00:30:47,648 --> 00:30:49,328
It's a bit advanced, but give it a go.
535
00:30:49,368 --> 00:30:53,888
Oh, er... Mr Larkin is the kindest...
536
00:30:53,927 --> 00:30:55,568
I'm sorry.
537
00:30:55,608 --> 00:30:59,288
Mr Larkin is the kind...
538
00:30:59,328 --> 00:31:00,967
SHE COUGHS No, no, no, no, darling,
539
00:31:01,007 --> 00:31:02,527
that's too much. Pull it back.
540
00:31:02,568 --> 00:31:04,568
SHE COUGHS
541
00:31:04,608 --> 00:31:07,088
Johnny, much appreciated,
542
00:31:07,128 --> 00:31:09,927
but I think people like genuine emotion.
543
00:31:09,967 --> 00:31:13,687
Yes, and faking that genuineness
takes hard work, believe me.
544
00:31:13,727 --> 00:31:15,328
Now, costume.
545
00:31:15,368 --> 00:31:17,808
Costume? I think he just means clothing.
546
00:31:17,848 --> 00:31:21,368
The best way to inspire trust
is to wear bright colours.
547
00:31:21,408 --> 00:31:25,447
"Let him put on gay raiment
who would truth speak,"
548
00:31:25,487 --> 00:31:28,167
as Shakespeare put it... probably.
549
00:31:28,207 --> 00:31:30,767
Oh, I thought I'd wear my army uniform.
550
00:31:30,808 --> 00:31:32,568
No, no, no. As a character witness,
551
00:31:32,608 --> 00:31:34,608
you have to come across
as warm and friendly.
552
00:31:34,648 --> 00:31:36,767
So wear a cuddly jumper.
553
00:31:36,808 --> 00:31:40,527
And so, with that final
knitwear recommendation,
554
00:31:40,568 --> 00:31:41,927
good luck tomorrow.
555
00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:45,288
And let us try to
keep Pop out of prison!
556
00:31:51,328 --> 00:31:54,247
HE GENTLY SNORES
557
00:32:09,568 --> 00:32:12,608
Out you jump, Ma.
There you go, all right?
558
00:32:17,288 --> 00:32:18,727
You pink hussy!
559
00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:21,608
Hey, hey, hey, Ma, come on. Ma, come on.
560
00:32:39,328 --> 00:32:42,408
God, you look awful. No, no, not awful.
561
00:32:42,447 --> 00:32:45,608
Just less like an English rose
and more like a... tired thistle.
562
00:32:45,648 --> 00:32:48,007
I went to the pub last night.
563
00:32:48,048 --> 00:32:49,288
Doesn't sound very you.
564
00:32:49,328 --> 00:32:51,487
Don't you prefer to curl
up with a thick hardback?
565
00:32:51,527 --> 00:32:54,368
Yes, but I was on a mission, which
I'm not at liberty to discuss.
566
00:32:54,408 --> 00:32:57,207
Suit yourself. Anyway, how's this going?
567
00:32:57,247 --> 00:32:58,527
Family-wise, I'm petrified,
568
00:32:58,568 --> 00:33:00,927
but I think I've got
all the facts together.
569
00:33:00,967 --> 00:33:03,288
Yeah, I read your notes, which are good.
570
00:33:05,328 --> 00:33:06,767
Your dad's gonna lose.
571
00:33:06,808 --> 00:33:08,727
Don't say that. As it stands.
572
00:33:08,767 --> 00:33:11,088
I've covered a lot of cases,
and this kind of people
573
00:33:11,128 --> 00:33:14,128
are always believed
by this kind of people.
574
00:33:15,167 --> 00:33:16,767
But you never know.
575
00:33:23,408 --> 00:33:25,927
You forced your wife to
phone me up, didn't you?
576
00:33:25,967 --> 00:33:29,608
Does she look like the kind of
woman I could force to do anything?
577
00:33:29,648 --> 00:33:31,048
Very much not.
578
00:33:31,088 --> 00:33:33,888
No, she's the big, strict, lovely mama.
579
00:33:33,927 --> 00:33:36,487
No such phone call
was made, as you know.
580
00:33:36,527 --> 00:33:39,247
Would you really bring
hundreds of pounds round
581
00:33:39,288 --> 00:33:41,048
to help out a woman you barely knew?
582
00:33:41,088 --> 00:33:43,648
Yes, if I... A farmer such as yourself
583
00:33:43,687 --> 00:33:46,927
must have found it very hard to
live next to us in our mansion.
584
00:34:06,247 --> 00:34:08,207
HE HUMS
585
00:34:08,247 --> 00:34:10,568
HE VOCALISES
586
00:34:14,007 --> 00:34:18,647
Mr Larkin is... very... nice.
587
00:34:19,688 --> 00:34:22,208
And... always
588
00:34:22,248 --> 00:34:26,007
most... kind.
589
00:34:26,047 --> 00:34:30,248
Stop, no, you're just
saying that... rather slowly.
590
00:34:30,288 --> 00:34:31,808
Oh, all right, I'll stop, then.
591
00:34:31,848 --> 00:34:33,567
No, no, carry on.
592
00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:37,647
Good. Erm...
593
00:34:37,688 --> 00:34:39,607
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
594
00:34:39,647 --> 00:34:41,848
Mr Larkin... is...
595
00:34:41,888 --> 00:34:43,408
I think we've heard enough.
596
00:34:51,328 --> 00:34:52,808
I mean, look at Mr Larkin.
597
00:34:52,848 --> 00:34:54,567
He's a dreamboat who
could have any woman.
598
00:34:54,607 --> 00:34:56,208
He has untold riches in his personality,
599
00:34:56,248 --> 00:34:57,728
so why would he bother to steal money?
600
00:34:57,768 --> 00:34:59,607
Just doesn't make sense.
Sorry, am I gabbling?
601
00:34:59,647 --> 00:35:02,047
I was told not to. We had lessons
on how to make people believe
602
00:35:02,087 --> 00:35:03,808
what we're saying. And can I just say,
603
00:35:03,848 --> 00:35:06,127
if he's sent to prison,
I will see him every day.
604
00:35:06,168 --> 00:35:08,408
Is that allowed? Or can you
only go once or twice a week?
605
00:35:08,447 --> 00:35:09,967
Is there a limit?
606
00:35:31,808 --> 00:35:33,808
MONTY: We're nearly finished.
607
00:35:36,888 --> 00:35:39,328
SANDER WHIRRS
608
00:35:46,688 --> 00:35:50,168
CLUCKING
609
00:36:00,567 --> 00:36:03,567
I know we got into some scrapes
when we were young and crazy,
610
00:36:03,607 --> 00:36:06,368
but this is quite a turn up.
611
00:36:06,408 --> 00:36:09,087
Ma, we'll be all right. Be
one to tell the grandkids.
612
00:36:09,127 --> 00:36:10,967
No, it won't.
613
00:36:11,007 --> 00:36:14,927
I am shocked at how
angry I feel. It isn't me.
614
00:36:14,967 --> 00:36:20,168
Look... I could try to give
people the benefit of the doubt.
615
00:36:20,208 --> 00:36:22,688
You might wanna stop that. Nah.
616
00:36:22,728 --> 00:36:26,447
You should have been
tougher on that pink monster.
617
00:36:26,487 --> 00:36:29,328
Well, Ma, look, I'm not saying
women can't be wrong'uns,
618
00:36:29,368 --> 00:36:31,647
but I still reckon it's
all coming from him.
619
00:36:31,688 --> 00:36:36,328
Oh. It won't make much
difference... if you're sent down.
620
00:36:36,368 --> 00:36:38,288
I still can't see that happening.
621
00:36:40,447 --> 00:36:45,208
They didn't exactly turn
in a blinder, Lord love 'em.
622
00:36:45,248 --> 00:36:47,768
How do we think that went?
623
00:36:47,808 --> 00:36:49,368
Us?
624
00:36:49,408 --> 00:36:50,808
Pretty well, I'd say.
625
00:36:50,848 --> 00:36:54,208
Yes, I thought so, too.
Well, we'd had the training.
626
00:36:54,248 --> 00:36:55,688
We had.
627
00:37:03,647 --> 00:37:07,927
It's important to relax
during stressful times.
628
00:37:07,967 --> 00:37:09,527
Those Jerebohms, they're so shady.
629
00:37:09,567 --> 00:37:12,087
I wonder if they've
done this before. What?
630
00:37:16,288 --> 00:37:19,567
Hello. You're right, I'm a journalist.
631
00:37:19,607 --> 00:37:22,447
Why haven't I been
investigating the Jerebohms? Yep.
632
00:37:22,487 --> 00:37:24,728
Bad time to bother you. Sorry.
633
00:37:27,208 --> 00:37:29,168
Good luck with the rest of the trial.
634
00:37:37,047 --> 00:37:39,168
HE SIGHS
635
00:37:46,408 --> 00:37:50,248
I'm sorry we've fallen out. I hate this.
636
00:37:50,288 --> 00:37:51,728
Me, too.
637
00:37:52,808 --> 00:37:54,768
I heard that you went on a... date.
638
00:37:54,808 --> 00:37:57,007
Why are you doing that?
639
00:37:57,047 --> 00:38:00,248
Because I assumed you
did it to make a point
640
00:38:00,288 --> 00:38:04,487
and aren't intending on getting
seriously involved with PC... Thing.
641
00:38:04,527 --> 00:38:06,047
Yes, you're quite right.
642
00:38:07,328 --> 00:38:10,127
But I'm pleased to admit that
because I love openness and honesty,
643
00:38:10,168 --> 00:38:11,368
and if you can't give me that,
644
00:38:11,408 --> 00:38:13,408
then what's the point
in us being together?
645
00:38:13,447 --> 00:38:15,728
Love isn't a performance, it's a bond.
646
00:38:15,768 --> 00:38:18,168
And all the more intense and
romantic for being private.
647
00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:19,527
Look at Romeo and Juliet.
648
00:38:19,567 --> 00:38:21,728
You do know what happened
to them, don't you?
649
00:38:21,768 --> 00:38:24,408
They became the greatest
love story ever told.
650
00:38:25,967 --> 00:38:28,208
This isn't a story. It's my life.
651
00:38:28,248 --> 00:38:30,168
And until we both want the same things,
652
00:38:30,208 --> 00:38:31,927
then I guess we have nothing.
653
00:38:36,527 --> 00:38:38,248
HE SIGHS
654
00:38:44,288 --> 00:38:46,208
Here is a man
655
00:38:46,248 --> 00:38:50,007
with every motivation and opportunity
656
00:38:50,047 --> 00:38:51,927
to rob his neighbours blind.
657
00:38:51,967 --> 00:38:55,288
A well-known local ducker-and-diver
658
00:38:55,328 --> 00:38:57,808
who could crack the
Jerebohms' very basic safe
659
00:38:57,848 --> 00:39:00,007
the way most of us would open a drawer.
660
00:39:00,047 --> 00:39:02,808
Who, as a humble junkyard-owner,
661
00:39:02,848 --> 00:39:06,208
resented his new
neighbours' wealth and status
662
00:39:06,248 --> 00:39:07,567
and so... HE CHUCKLES
663
00:39:07,607 --> 00:39:11,487
..made up a story that he
was helping out Mrs Jerebohm,
664
00:39:11,527 --> 00:39:17,527
a woman who can clearly look after
herself very nicely, thank you.
665
00:39:18,848 --> 00:39:22,728
Moonshine, from start to finish!
Someone stuff a wig in his mouth!
666
00:39:22,768 --> 00:39:24,328
Out!
667
00:39:27,328 --> 00:39:29,647
Right, love. See you later, Ma.
668
00:39:29,688 --> 00:39:31,808
Please don't kiss the defendant!
669
00:39:34,047 --> 00:39:36,208
Why don't you kiss me in public?
670
00:39:36,248 --> 00:39:39,688
Because... of my lifelong
battle with chapped lips.
671
00:39:39,728 --> 00:39:44,047
Mr Larkin, whose level of self-delusion
672
00:39:44,087 --> 00:39:47,607
is summed up by his decision
to represent himself in court,
673
00:39:47,647 --> 00:39:50,328
has seven - seven - children
674
00:39:50,368 --> 00:39:56,328
and a lifestyle which is known to
be extravagant bordering on reckless.
675
00:39:56,368 --> 00:40:01,007
So is it any wonder that
he was short of a few bob
676
00:40:01,047 --> 00:40:02,607
and needed to burgle next door?
677
00:40:02,647 --> 00:40:05,328
I know for a fact that the Larkins
have two suitcases full of cash
678
00:40:05,368 --> 00:40:07,527
on their premises! Remove her, too!
679
00:40:07,567 --> 00:40:09,888
They paid cash for Bluff Court
and nearly doubled their money
680
00:40:09,927 --> 00:40:11,007
when they sold it!
681
00:40:11,047 --> 00:40:13,007
Steady on, Edith. Don't
spill all my secrets -
682
00:40:13,047 --> 00:40:14,087
there's lawmen present.
683
00:40:14,127 --> 00:40:18,328
Ladies and gentlemen... I could go on...
684
00:40:19,328 --> 00:40:22,688
..but I think we all
know the truth by now.
685
00:40:35,127 --> 00:40:37,888
I can't remember the last
time I couldn't speak.
686
00:40:39,368 --> 00:40:40,527
When you're asleep?
687
00:40:40,567 --> 00:40:42,967
Oh, no, that doesn't stop me.
688
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:46,127
I once recited a recipe.
Pop's got used to it.
689
00:40:46,168 --> 00:40:48,888
It's been so maddening.
690
00:40:50,248 --> 00:40:52,967
Pop's done his best, but he's no lawyer.
691
00:40:53,007 --> 00:40:54,527
In fact, he's the opposite of a lawyer -
692
00:40:54,567 --> 00:40:56,728
he thinks honesty speaks for itself.
693
00:40:56,768 --> 00:40:57,927
But I fear it doesn't.
694
00:40:57,967 --> 00:41:02,007
I wish I'd insisted on my
Mariette and Charley being told.
695
00:41:02,047 --> 00:41:06,487
This is when the family needs
to hold its head high, together.
696
00:41:06,527 --> 00:41:10,007
Sorry. You haven't got any family.
697
00:41:10,047 --> 00:41:13,328
Oh, don't worry. I'll borrow yours.
698
00:41:14,848 --> 00:41:16,248
SHE CHUCKLES
699
00:41:19,487 --> 00:41:21,007
JUDGE: The presence of a new neighbour
700
00:41:21,047 --> 00:41:23,208
can often stir up
jealousies of this kind.
701
00:41:23,248 --> 00:41:25,927
And it is, to say the
least, highly questionable
702
00:41:25,967 --> 00:41:30,728
that Mr and Mrs Jerebohm, who are
patently decent members of society,
703
00:41:30,768 --> 00:41:33,527
would concoct an elaborate
plan of this nature
704
00:41:33,567 --> 00:41:36,647
to entrap the defendant.
And for those reasons,
705
00:41:36,688 --> 00:41:40,087
we magistrates are minded to
find Mr Sidney Larkin guilty
706
00:41:40,127 --> 00:41:41,408
of the offences described.
707
00:41:41,447 --> 00:41:42,487
MA: No!
708
00:41:42,527 --> 00:41:47,567
As this is a first offence, we
will set the sentence at one year.
709
00:41:47,607 --> 00:41:48,927
Will you hell!
710
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:53,288
Can I address the court?
No, that would be...
711
00:41:53,328 --> 00:41:58,368
I make it a rule to enjoy everything
I do, so I'm gonna enjoy this, too.
712
00:41:58,408 --> 00:42:00,848
In any case, it's a bit like
the war, innit, you know?
713
00:42:00,888 --> 00:42:02,567
Or the 1953 cup final,
714
00:42:02,607 --> 00:42:04,888
where one side gets off to a good start
715
00:42:04,927 --> 00:42:07,848
before the plucky
winners have their day.
716
00:42:09,087 --> 00:42:10,607
I thank you for your time.
717
00:42:10,647 --> 00:42:13,447
Take him down! HE CHUCKLES
718
00:42:13,487 --> 00:42:15,688
Someone's lost their sense of humour.
719
00:42:20,688 --> 00:42:23,447
Chunky jewellery. My favourite.
720
00:42:30,967 --> 00:42:32,368
This is all wrong!
721
00:42:33,888 --> 00:42:38,168
Seeing as I'm innocent, can
I have a south-facing cell?
722
00:42:42,768 --> 00:42:44,688
Not bad, eh?
723
00:42:44,728 --> 00:42:47,688
Quick snifter at The Jolly
Solicitor, then back to yours?
724
00:42:47,728 --> 00:42:50,567
I think you misunderstand the
nature of our relationship.
725
00:42:53,248 --> 00:42:54,768
They'll come round to us.
726
00:42:54,808 --> 00:42:57,208
No, they won't, Alec,
727
00:42:57,248 --> 00:42:59,408
because they've used
us and discarded us,
728
00:42:59,447 --> 00:43:01,688
and had no intention
of being our friends.
729
00:43:01,728 --> 00:43:03,248
Shame on you!
730
00:43:08,487 --> 00:43:10,688
Well, of course, the
big magistrate in the sky
731
00:43:10,728 --> 00:43:13,967
will have His say in the end.
It's His verdict that matters.
732
00:43:14,007 --> 00:43:15,567
Oh, no.
733
00:43:17,647 --> 00:43:19,408
What do you think of your chances?
734
00:43:19,447 --> 00:43:23,647
Well, I'm a vicar, aren't
I? We're in the VIP section.
735
00:43:25,047 --> 00:43:27,967
We're taking contributions to
Pop's get-out-of-jail party.
736
00:43:28,007 --> 00:43:30,408
Bit early, isn't it, if
he's not out for a year? No.
737
00:43:30,447 --> 00:43:31,728
It's gonna be a big party.
738
00:43:31,768 --> 00:43:35,127
We need time to raise enough
to hire Elvis, as Pop's a fan.
739
00:43:38,688 --> 00:43:41,647
Word is, Elvis won't come cheap.
740
00:43:41,688 --> 00:43:43,127
COINS JINGLE
741
00:43:45,368 --> 00:43:46,728
BIKE BELL RINGS
742
00:44:01,848 --> 00:44:03,967
Have you, er, heard the verdict?
743
00:44:04,007 --> 00:44:05,647
Yeah.
744
00:44:05,688 --> 00:44:07,927
Sorry if I've been a bitch.
745
00:44:07,967 --> 00:44:11,087
You wouldn't know how to be. You what?
746
00:44:11,127 --> 00:44:13,688
Yeah, that's not true.
747
00:44:18,927 --> 00:44:20,288
You wanna give it another go?
748
00:44:24,087 --> 00:44:26,368
Oh, that's not supposed to happen.
749
00:44:28,527 --> 00:44:30,848
We'd better ring Mariette
and Charley... in...
750
00:44:30,888 --> 00:44:32,127
Where are they?
751
00:44:32,168 --> 00:44:34,848
Hertogenbosch. Mm. And
tell her Pop's in prison.
752
00:44:34,888 --> 00:44:37,047
They'll be so angry that
we kept it from them.
753
00:44:37,087 --> 00:44:39,688
I couldn't let myself
believe it would happen.
754
00:44:39,728 --> 00:44:44,888
But now it has, we are gonna get
Pop out of jail pretty damn quick.
755
00:44:44,927 --> 00:44:46,487
Prison break? Tunnel?
756
00:44:46,527 --> 00:44:52,087
Neither. We're gonna use the
judicial system. Starting tomorrow.
757
00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:01,927
MA GASPS
758
00:45:01,967 --> 00:45:04,127
What are you doing here?
759
00:45:04,168 --> 00:45:06,527
Victoria sent us a telegram
saying Pop's on trial.
760
00:45:06,567 --> 00:45:09,087
What were you thinking,
not telling us?! Is it over?
761
00:45:09,127 --> 00:45:11,527
What happened? Guilty.
762
00:45:11,567 --> 00:45:13,328
Your Pop got a year.
763
00:45:13,368 --> 00:45:15,647
Oh, Ma! This is so awful.
764
00:45:15,688 --> 00:45:19,888
I know. Oh, sweet, gorgeous girl.
765
00:45:19,927 --> 00:45:22,808
We have to fight it. Exactly, Charley.
766
00:45:22,848 --> 00:45:27,768
We're Larkins, and we're gonna
do what Pop would want us to do.
767
00:45:27,808 --> 00:45:29,527
We're gonna right this wrong.
768
00:45:29,567 --> 00:45:32,808
And in the meantime,
we're gonna eat, drink,
769
00:45:32,848 --> 00:45:34,368
be as merry as we can...
770
00:45:35,607 --> 00:45:37,208
..and swim in the new pool.
771
00:45:37,248 --> 00:45:38,848
A pool?
772
00:45:51,567 --> 00:45:53,688
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773
00:45:53,738 --> 00:45:58,288
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