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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:39,892 --> 00:00:47,519
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3
00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:28,833
I was dreamin'
4
00:02:30,171 --> 00:02:32,503
Dreamin' my dick was out
and I was checking to see
5
00:02:32,574 --> 00:02:35,907
if that infected bump on the head
of it had filled with pus again
6
00:02:35,977 --> 00:02:38,741
If it had. I was gonna name
that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla
7
00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:40,906
and bust it by jackin' off
8
00:02:40,982 --> 00:02:42,040
Oh, man.
9
00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:43,947
Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do
10
00:02:44,853 --> 00:02:47,117
Dreams let you think like that
11
00:02:47,188 --> 00:02:51,648
Truth was. I hadn't had
a hard-on in years
12
00:03:14,549 --> 00:03:16,039
Oh, man.
13
00:03:48,016 --> 00:03:51,508
My God. Man
How long have I been here?
14
00:03:51,586 --> 00:03:55,078
Am I really awake now.
Or am I just dreamin' I'm awake?
15
00:03:55,156 --> 00:03:58,319
How could my plans
have gone so wrong?
16
00:03:58,393 --> 00:04:00,554
When the hell are they
gonna serve lunch?
17
00:04:00,628 --> 00:04:03,358
Considerin' what they serve.
Why the hell do I care?
18
00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:08,833
If Priscilla discovered I was alive.
Would she come and see me?
19
00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:13,169
Would we still wanna fuck?
Or would we merely have to talk about it?
20
00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:14,970
Is there. Finally and really.
21
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:18,376
Anything to life other than
food. Shit. And sex?
22
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,781
We, goddamn t
23
00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:33,788
How could I have gone from
the "King of rock and roll" to this?
24
00:04:34,495 --> 00:04:38,158
Old guy in a rest home in East Texas
with a growth on his pecker
25
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:58,375
And what is that growth. Man?
26
00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,183
Cancer? Nobody's talkin'
27
00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:04,781
No one seems to know
or wants to
28
00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:10,684
Makes you wonder, doesn't it,
what kind of life this old guy had?
29
00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:15,660
What kind of life he had, you know.
His kids, his grandkids, his legacy.
30
00:06:15,730 --> 00:06:16,890
Look at him now.
31
00:06:16,964 --> 00:06:18,625
Oh, who gives a shit?
32
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:02,006
Well...
33
00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:14,548
Make you comfortable.
34
00:07:19,927 --> 00:07:21,224
No.
35
00:09:03,331 --> 00:09:05,891
I'm gonna squish you, cockroach!
36
00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:11,587
Help me.
37
00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:04,781
You know, I was thinkin'...
38
00:11:04,852 --> 00:11:08,015
What? You gonna get
all weepy on me again?
39
00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:12,082
No. I was merely gonna suggest that you
use some of this here deodorizer
40
00:11:12,159 --> 00:11:15,651
and spray it on that corpse
because she's smellin' pretty ripe.
41
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,698
Good idea.
42
00:12:32,573 --> 00:12:33,870
Excuse me, miss?
43
00:12:35,376 --> 00:12:36,604
You gonna throw all that stuff out?
44
00:12:37,611 --> 00:12:38,669
Yeah.
45
00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:41,579
Could I have one
of them pictures of Bull?
46
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,415
Maybe his... his Purple Heart?
47
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,948
I mean,
he was pretty proud of that.
48
00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:51,719
And maybe that... that tin
of chocolates there?
49
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:55,125
I suppose.
50
00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:04,431
The revealin' of her panties
wasn't intentional or unintentional
51
00:13:04,505 --> 00:13:05,995
She just didn't give a damn
52
00:13:06,073 --> 00:13:09,133
She saw me as so physically
and sexually non-threatenin'.
53
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,475
She didn't mind if I got
a bird's-eye view of her love nest
54
00:13:12,546 --> 00:13:15,276
It was the same to her
as a house cat sneakin' a peek
55
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:20,184
I felt my pecker flutteronce like
a pigeon havin' a heart attack
56
00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:23,515
then it laid back down
and remained limp and still
57
00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:27,251
'Course. These days. Even a flutter
was kind of reassurin'
58
00:13:30,030 --> 00:13:31,361
- Here.
- Thank you.
59
00:13:31,432 --> 00:13:33,093
Say...
60
00:13:33,901 --> 00:13:35,163
Bull your kin?
61
00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:36,396
My daddy
62
00:13:38,806 --> 00:13:40,603
Never seen you here before.
63
00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:45,003
I've only been here once before.
When I checked him in.
64
00:13:46,046 --> 00:13:47,877
That's three years ago, wasn't it?
65
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,681
You and him friends?
66
00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,948
No, we just roommates. I mean,
he never felt good enough to say much.
67
00:13:54,588 --> 00:13:57,751
I just hated to see what
was left of him go away so easy.
68
00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:02,493
Seemed like an all right guy.
69
00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:06,499
Mentioned you a lot.
You're... you're Callie, right?
70
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:08,057
Yeah.
71
00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:10,467
Well... he was all right.
72
00:14:11,405 --> 00:14:13,600
But not enough so you'd
come and see him, though.
73
00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:17,933
Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister.
I did what I could.
74
00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:21,675
I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid
or Medicare... whatever that stuff was...
75
00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:23,649
he'd have been
in some ditch somewhere.
76
00:14:26,153 --> 00:14:28,644
And I sure didn't have the money
to take care of him.
77
00:14:32,459 --> 00:14:33,790
My own daughter
78
00:14:34,461 --> 00:14:36,895
lost long ago to me
79
00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:39,899
if she knew I lived.
Would she come and see me?
80
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,366
Woud she even ccae?
81
00:14:42,336 --> 00:14:45,828
You could've come and seen him.
They don't charge you for that.
82
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:47,939
Mind your own business.
83
00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:50,866
I was busy.
84
00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:09,590
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my favorite patient.
85
00:15:09,663 --> 00:15:11,654
How are you this morning, Mr. Haff?
86
00:15:11,732 --> 00:15:13,393
I'm all right.
87
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:16,868
But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis.
I keep tellin' you that.
88
00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:19,428
I don't go by
Sebastian Haff anymore, okay?
89
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,769
I'm not tryin' to hide anymore.
90
00:15:21,842 --> 00:15:24,777
Well, of course I knew that.
I forgot.
91
00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:27,177
Good morning, Elvis.
92
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:32,814
Did you know we have
a celebrity here, Miss Thomas?
93
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:36,014
Elvis Presley. You know,
the rock and roll singer.
94
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:39,185
I thought he was dead.
95
00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:44,190
Well, actually, Elvis is dead.
Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff?
96
00:15:44,265 --> 00:15:47,530
Hell, no. I'm right here.
I ain't dead.
97
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,398
Yet.
98
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:52,303
Now, Mr. Haff!
99
00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:55,035
I don't mind calling you "Elvis. "
100
00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:57,942
But you're a little confused
and you like to play sometimes.
101
00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:02,881
You were an
Elvis impersonator, remember?
102
00:16:04,918 --> 00:16:07,887
You fell off the stage
and broke your hip... when was it?
103
00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,445
Twenty years ago.
104
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:13,357
It got infected and you were
in a coma for quite a while.
105
00:16:13,427 --> 00:16:17,761
You came out with a few...
problems.
106
00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:23,798
Look, I was just impersonatin' myself.
I couldn't do nothin' else.
107
00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:25,202
I don't have any problems.
108
00:16:25,272 --> 00:16:27,365
You're tryin' to say
my brain's messed up, aren't you?
109
00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:29,932
Why would you
wanna be somebody else?
110
00:16:30,944 --> 00:16:32,104
I got tired of it.
111
00:16:33,013 --> 00:16:35,004
I was hooked on pills, you know.
112
00:16:35,082 --> 00:16:36,674
I wanted out.
113
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,480
And this boy Sebastian Haff...
he was an Elvis imitator.
114
00:16:39,553 --> 00:16:42,386
He was the best of 'em.
He took my place.
115
00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,852
Problem is, he had a bad heart.
116
00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:48,025
He liked drugs, too.
Liked them more than I did.
117
00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:52,122
So it was him that died, not me.
I just took his place.
118
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:56,067
But why would you want
to leave all that fame. Mr Presley?
119
00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:58,728
All that money?
120
00:16:58,806 --> 00:17:01,138
I don't know
'Cause they got old
121
00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:09,239
The woman I loved... Priscilla...
she was gone
122
00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:11,978
The rest of the women
were just women
123
00:17:13,587 --> 00:17:16,147
I mean. The music
wasn't mine anymore
124
00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:19,215
I wasn't even me anymore
Just this thing they made up
125
00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:23,226
And my friends
126
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,664
We, they wwee succk n' moe d y
127
00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:35,035
So I took a little road trip
down to Nacogdoches
128
00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:40,036
to check out this Sebastian Haff
129
00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:28,755
It's all right, boys.
Just wait here.
130
00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:53,913
Oh, my God.
131
00:18:58,559 --> 00:19:00,390
I didn't think you'd really...
132
00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:25,816
It's all right, boys.
Just another freak.
133
00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:28,481
Let's split.
134
00:19:41,368 --> 00:19:43,768
- Sorry, man.
- King, I got it. I got it.
135
00:19:43,837 --> 00:19:45,168
It's all yours, baby.
136
00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:56,948
So I signed everything
over to Sebastian
137
00:19:57,017 --> 00:20:00,509
Except for enough money
to sustain me if things got bad
138
00:20:00,587 --> 00:20:03,613
I was determined
to make myself a new life
139
00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:05,021
A better one
140
00:20:07,361 --> 00:20:10,023
But me and Sebastian.
We had us a deal
141
00:20:12,099 --> 00:20:14,090
If I wanted to trade back. He'd let me
142
00:20:15,335 --> 00:20:17,326
It was all written up in the contract
143
00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:19,997
The thing was
144
00:20:20,073 --> 00:20:22,564
I lost my copy
in a barbeque accident
145
00:20:23,877 --> 00:20:25,469
But that wasn't so bad. Either
146
00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:28,709
I was makin' new friends
and enjoyin' myself
147
00:20:31,285 --> 00:20:32,445
Cheers!
148
00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:46,090
Oh, my God.
Did you see that thing?
149
00:20:49,536 --> 00:20:51,026
It just went up like that.
150
00:20:51,972 --> 00:20:55,169
- Now. Elvis
- Yes?
151
00:20:57,377 --> 00:20:59,436
Don't carry it too far.
152
00:20:59,513 --> 00:21:03,506
You may just get way out there
and not come back.
153
00:21:04,651 --> 00:21:06,141
Oh, fuck you.
154
00:21:08,155 --> 00:21:09,645
Shit.
155
00:21:09,723 --> 00:21:13,215
Get old, you can't even cuss
someone and have it bother 'em.
156
00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:17,286
Everything you do is either
worthless or sadly amusing.
157
00:21:18,031 --> 00:21:19,498
Well...
158
00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:21,397
I've got what I want.
159
00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:25,102
The clothes can go
to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
160
00:21:25,172 --> 00:21:29,802
Very well. And I'm sorry about
your father. He was a nice man.
161
00:21:29,876 --> 00:21:31,343
Yeah.
162
00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:34,103
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley.
163
00:21:34,181 --> 00:21:36,376
- Get the hell out.
- Now, now.
164
00:21:37,718 --> 00:21:43,588
I'll be back later to do that little... thing
that has to be done. You know.
165
00:21:48,228 --> 00:21:49,286
Elvis!
166
00:21:59,973 --> 00:22:01,133
Poor Bull.
167
00:22:03,143 --> 00:22:07,307
In the end...
does anything really matter?
168
00:22:11,485 --> 00:22:13,476
No one here ever listened to me
169
00:22:14,154 --> 00:22:18,557
Except this one guy
only. He was certifiable
170
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:20,820
That's where they took
a piece of my brain.
171
00:22:20,894 --> 00:22:24,352
They got it back in D.C.
In that goddamn jar.
172
00:22:26,299 --> 00:22:29,359
I got a little bag of sand
up there now.
173
00:22:30,437 --> 00:22:32,928
Jack... no offense, but...
174
00:22:34,007 --> 00:22:35,941
President Kennedy was a white man.
175
00:22:36,009 --> 00:22:38,000
That's how clever they are!
176
00:22:38,078 --> 00:22:41,070
They dyed me this color.
All over!
177
00:22:41,148 --> 00:22:44,549
Can you think of a better way
to hide the truth than that?
178
00:23:43,009 --> 00:23:44,670
I was livin' simple
179
00:23:45,879 --> 00:23:47,574
The way Haff had been
180
00:23:47,647 --> 00:23:50,639
Going from town to town
doin' the Elvis act
181
00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:53,951
Only. I felt like I
was really me again
182
00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:55,351
Can you dig that?
183
00:23:55,422 --> 00:23:58,687
We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff...
Mr. Presley.
184
00:24:36,696 --> 00:24:38,186
Women were
throwin' themselves at me
185
00:24:38,265 --> 00:24:40,199
'cause they could imagine I was Elvis
186
00:24:40,267 --> 00:24:44,135
Only. I was Elvis playing
Sebastian Haff playing Elvis
187
00:24:44,204 --> 00:24:45,694
It was all pretty good
188
00:24:45,772 --> 00:24:47,865
I didn't mind the contract
being burned up
189
00:24:47,941 --> 00:24:50,102
Didn't even try to go back
and convince anybody
190
00:24:52,312 --> 00:24:53,939
Then I had the accident
191
00:24:54,014 --> 00:24:57,245
I was gyratin'. See. Takin' care business.
And then my hip went out
192
00:24:58,885 --> 00:25:00,614
I'd been havin' trouble with it
193
00:25:17,470 --> 00:25:19,267
Damn. It's cold in here tonight.
194
00:25:30,150 --> 00:25:33,313
No way. That's it.
This time, I make it.
195
00:25:34,421 --> 00:25:36,821
No more piss or crap
in the bed.
196
00:26:02,482 --> 00:26:03,813
Shake it out...
197
00:26:13,727 --> 00:26:15,058
There we go.
198
00:26:48,995 --> 00:26:53,193
Man... that is one
big bitch cockroach.
199
00:27:25,899 --> 00:27:27,161
All right, man. Let's go.
200
00:27:36,176 --> 00:27:37,666
Damn.
201
00:27:41,715 --> 00:27:43,444
Hot damn!
202
00:28:12,512 --> 00:28:14,844
Got you, you six-legged bastard.
203
00:28:55,822 --> 00:28:59,485
Even a big bitch cockroach
like you should know...
204
00:29:00,860 --> 00:29:05,354
Never... but never fuck with the King.
205
00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:26,746
Hey! Is anybody out here?
206
00:29:31,524 --> 00:29:34,357
I think we got some major
bug problems in this place, man!
207
00:30:41,661 --> 00:30:43,595
Oh, man...
208
00:30:45,165 --> 00:30:46,223
Hey, Jack?
209
00:30:58,044 --> 00:30:59,375
Hey, man, you okay?
210
00:31:06,386 --> 00:31:08,877
What the Sam Hill is that?
211
00:31:12,292 --> 00:31:13,452
Mr. Kennedy?
212
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,763
Hey, man...
you're on the floor.
213
00:31:25,171 --> 00:31:26,399
No shit.
214
00:31:27,740 --> 00:31:28,968
Who are you?
215
00:31:29,976 --> 00:31:31,136
Look, I'm...
216
00:31:32,512 --> 00:31:35,572
Sebastian. Sebastian Haff.
217
00:31:36,382 --> 00:31:38,976
Did you see him go by in the hall?
218
00:31:40,286 --> 00:31:42,447
He scuttled like.
219
00:31:43,256 --> 00:31:45,918
- Who, man?
- The one they sent.
220
00:31:46,859 --> 00:31:50,317
- Who's "they"?
- Oh, you know who.
221
00:31:50,396 --> 00:31:52,125
No, Jack, I don't.
Come on, man.
222
00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:55,931
Lyndon Johnson.
223
00:31:56,002 --> 00:31:57,492
Castro, maybe.
224
00:31:57,570 --> 00:32:00,562
They sent somebody to finish me off.
225
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,803
I think maybe it was Johnson himself.
226
00:32:03,876 --> 00:32:07,903
Real ugly.
Real goddamn ugly!
227
00:32:07,981 --> 00:32:10,245
Look, man,
President Johnson's dead.
228
00:32:10,316 --> 00:32:13,808
Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.
229
00:32:19,025 --> 00:32:20,185
Get his feet.
230
00:32:26,199 --> 00:32:28,258
So, you say you heard a... a noise?
231
00:32:29,369 --> 00:32:32,202
Well, a sound's a sound, you know?
I mean, I heard something.
232
00:32:32,272 --> 00:32:36,675
It was like a... I don't know.
Like a... like a scuttling.
233
00:32:36,743 --> 00:32:39,268
- A scuttling sound?
- Yes, sir.
234
00:32:40,179 --> 00:32:44,172
Were you awake or were you
in bed when you heard this noise?
235
00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:48,084
I was in bed first, then I was awake
'cause the damn bugs woke me up.
236
00:32:48,154 --> 00:32:49,985
You got bugs all over this place.
237
00:32:51,157 --> 00:32:55,856
Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind
of bugs have you been seeing?
238
00:32:55,928 --> 00:32:58,328
Look, do I look like
an ichthyologist to you?
239
00:32:58,398 --> 00:32:59,558
Big damn bugs, all right?
240
00:32:59,632 --> 00:33:02,795
The size of my fist. The size
of a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
241
00:33:02,869 --> 00:33:05,201
What do I care?
I got a growth on my pecker.
242
00:33:05,271 --> 00:33:07,432
Okay, Mr. Haff.
Don't worry about a thing.
243
00:33:07,507 --> 00:33:10,943
We'll call the exterminator tomorrow
and we'll take care of the problem.
244
00:33:11,010 --> 00:33:12,841
Good. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
245
00:33:34,367 --> 00:33:36,597
It's time for that little thing again.
246
00:34:05,865 --> 00:34:09,426
A doll like this handlin' me
without warmth or emotion
247
00:34:09,502 --> 00:34:11,493
Twenty years ago
Just twenty. Man
248
00:34:11,571 --> 00:34:15,234
I could've made with the curly-lip smile
and had here atin' out of my asshole
249
00:34:15,842 --> 00:34:20,575
Doctor says this cream
ought to do the trick.
250
00:34:20,646 --> 00:34:22,807
Corticosteroids.
251
00:34:22,882 --> 00:34:26,613
Should heal the inflammation,
stop the pus.
252
00:34:28,154 --> 00:34:29,712
Whee'd my youth go?
253
00:34:31,057 --> 00:34:33,992
Why didn't fame
hold off old age and death?
254
00:34:34,060 --> 00:34:36,722
Why the hell did I leave
the fame in the first place?
255
00:34:36,796 --> 00:34:38,457
Do I want it back?
Could I have it back?
256
00:34:38,531 --> 00:34:42,023
And if I could
would it make any damn difference?
257
00:35:03,689 --> 00:35:06,180
Mr. Haff!
258
00:35:12,899 --> 00:35:14,764
Lord almighty
259
00:35:16,002 --> 00:35:19,096
You old rascal.
260
00:35:21,374 --> 00:35:24,832
I think you better take
a cold shower, Mr. Haff.
261
00:35:25,611 --> 00:35:29,411
There'd been two presidential elections
since I had a boner like that one
262
00:35:29,482 --> 00:35:30,972
WWhat ga ve hee?
263
00:35:31,050 --> 00:35:32,950
Then I realized what gave
264
00:35:33,019 --> 00:35:35,214
I was thinkin' about something
that interested me
265
00:35:35,288 --> 00:35:37,347
Not my next meal
orgoin' to the crapper
266
00:35:38,124 --> 00:35:40,456
I'd been given a dose of life again
267
00:35:45,064 --> 00:35:47,430
You get in there with me,
I'll take that shower.
268
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:49,991
You silly thing.
269
00:35:50,069 --> 00:35:52,629
Come on, now.
Why don't you pull on it a little?
270
00:35:54,407 --> 00:35:56,671
You ought to be ashamed.
271
00:36:30,676 --> 00:36:34,874
Where at? Where at?
272
00:36:34,947 --> 00:36:36,175
I haven't seen my kids.
273
00:36:36,249 --> 00:36:37,409
It's an ambush!
274
00:36:39,886 --> 00:36:43,014
Under the bridge.
I saw him under the bridge.
275
00:36:44,257 --> 00:36:47,124
It's an ambush!
Tonto, my boots, Tonto!
276
00:36:47,193 --> 00:36:50,924
That's my friend Kemosabe
We used to play cards together
277
00:36:50,997 --> 00:36:53,989
- My boots!
- Now he doesn't even know who I am
278
00:37:52,358 --> 00:37:53,518
Daddy.
279
00:37:58,631 --> 00:37:59,791
Baby?
280
00:38:06,906 --> 00:38:10,740
Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose!
281
00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:11,970
What's loose?
282
00:38:12,044 --> 00:38:13,636
Lt. Listen.
283
00:38:24,090 --> 00:38:26,684
Jesus Christ. What's that?
284
00:38:26,759 --> 00:38:29,728
I thought it was Lyndon Johnson,
but I was wrong.
285
00:38:29,795 --> 00:38:33,356
I've come across new evidence
to suggest another assassin.
286
00:38:35,001 --> 00:38:36,161
Assassin?
287
00:38:36,235 --> 00:38:38,829
He's after another target tonight.
288
00:38:38,904 --> 00:38:40,804
Come on, I wanna show you something.
289
00:38:40,873 --> 00:38:43,341
I don't think it's safe
if you go back to sleeping.
290
00:38:43,409 --> 00:38:46,037
For chrissake, man.
Just tell the administrators.
291
00:38:47,613 --> 00:38:50,707
Suits and white starches?
No, thank you!
292
00:38:50,783 --> 00:38:55,083
I trusted them when I was back in Dallas,
and look where they got my brain and me.
293
00:38:55,154 --> 00:38:58,146
I'm thinkin' with sand here.
294
00:38:58,224 --> 00:39:01,387
I mean, I pick up some waves,
maybe, from my brain,
295
00:39:01,460 --> 00:39:03,291
but somheday, who khows
296
00:39:03,362 --> 00:39:06,525
Somebody might just disconnect
the battery at the White House.
297
00:39:06,599 --> 00:39:09,762
Oh, yeah. That's something
to worry about, all right.
298
00:39:12,471 --> 00:39:14,701
Listen here. Listen.
299
00:39:14,774 --> 00:39:16,605
I know you're Elvis.
300
00:39:24,150 --> 00:39:28,814
There was a rumor, you know,
that you hated me.
301
00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:30,287
But I thought about that.
302
00:39:32,825 --> 00:39:35,817
If you hated me, you could've
finished me off the other night.
303
00:39:37,663 --> 00:39:41,497
What I want from you is
that you look me straight in the eye
304
00:39:41,567 --> 00:39:46,732
and assure me you had nothing
at all to do with that day in Dallas,
305
00:39:46,806 --> 00:39:50,867
and that you did not know
Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby.
306
00:39:58,684 --> 00:40:00,345
Look, man...
307
00:40:00,419 --> 00:40:02,580
I had nothing to do with Dallas.
308
00:40:02,655 --> 00:40:06,216
And I knew neither
Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby.
309
00:40:07,059 --> 00:40:11,792
Good. May I call you Elvis
instead of Sebastian?
310
00:40:12,465 --> 00:40:13,659
You may.
311
00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:15,223
Excellent.
312
00:40:15,301 --> 00:40:16,962
You wear glasses to read?
313
00:40:17,036 --> 00:40:19,527
Well, I wear glasses
when I really want to see.
314
00:40:19,605 --> 00:40:21,596
Get them. Come on.
315
00:40:26,712 --> 00:40:29,203
Come on.
Right down the hall.
316
00:40:31,784 --> 00:40:34,252
The walker was
swingin' along easier now
317
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:35,651
Not even like I needed it
318
00:40:36,455 --> 00:40:38,616
Damn. This here Jack was a nut
319
00:40:39,358 --> 00:40:41,349
Maybe I was nuts. Too
320
00:40:41,427 --> 00:40:43,657
but there was
an adventure goin' on
321
00:40:43,729 --> 00:40:44,821
It's in here.
322
00:40:51,504 --> 00:40:52,562
In here.
323
00:41:04,283 --> 00:41:05,614
That's it?
324
00:41:05,684 --> 00:41:09,245
We're investigating a scuttling in the hall,
trying to figure out who attacked you,
325
00:41:09,321 --> 00:41:12,154
and you bring me here to look
at stick pictures on the shit house wall?
326
00:41:12,224 --> 00:41:13,748
Look close.
327
00:41:33,245 --> 00:41:34,405
It's Egyptian.
328
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:35,879
Right-a-reen-o.
329
00:41:35,948 --> 00:41:39,884
Hey, you're not as stupid
as some folks made you out.
330
00:41:39,952 --> 00:41:44,912
- Thank you.
- Now, I copied this down yesterday.
331
00:41:44,990 --> 00:41:49,518
I came in here to take a shit because
they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom.
332
00:41:49,595 --> 00:41:52,928
Saw that on the wall,
took it back to my room,
333
00:41:52,998 --> 00:41:55,694
looked it up in my books,
and I wrote it all down.
334
00:41:55,768 --> 00:42:01,764
Now, this top line
translates roughly into,
335
00:42:01,841 --> 00:42:05,675
"Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers. "
336
00:42:05,744 --> 00:42:10,238
And the bottom line,
"Cleopatra does the nasty. "
337
00:42:10,316 --> 00:42:11,374
Say what?
338
00:42:11,450 --> 00:42:14,180
Well, pretty much.
That's the best I can translate it.
339
00:42:15,287 --> 00:42:18,779
All right, so, one of the nuts in here...
present company excluded...
340
00:42:18,858 --> 00:42:21,691
thinks he's Tutankhamen,
comes in here, writes hieroglyphics.
341
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,854
Big deal! What's the connection?
Why are we standin' here in the toilet?
342
00:42:24,930 --> 00:42:28,331
Well, I don't know what
the connection is, exactly... not yet.
343
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,995
But that thing
caught me asleep last night.
344
00:42:32,071 --> 00:42:34,562
And I came awake just in time.
345
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,369
He had me on the floor.
346
00:42:36,442 --> 00:42:40,139
I had his mouth over my asshole.
347
00:42:40,212 --> 00:42:41,372
A shit-eater?
348
00:42:41,447 --> 00:42:42,937
I don't think so.
349
00:42:43,015 --> 00:42:45,745
He was after my soul.
350
00:42:45,818 --> 00:42:49,686
Now, you can get that out of any
major orifice of a person's body.
351
00:42:49,755 --> 00:42:50,813
I read about it.
352
00:42:50,890 --> 00:42:52,949
Yeah? Where, man? Hustler?
353
00:42:53,025 --> 00:42:56,961
The Everyday Man Or Woman's
Book of the Soul by David Webb.
354
00:42:57,029 --> 00:42:59,259
And they got pretty good
movie reviews in there
355
00:42:59,331 --> 00:43:02,266
about stolen soul movies
in the back.
356
00:43:02,334 --> 00:43:04,359
Come on. I'll show you.
357
00:44:03,662 --> 00:44:08,224
I think that there might be some sort
of electrical problem in the gardener's shed.
358
00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:11,235
That light...
looks like it's shortin' out.
359
00:44:11,303 --> 00:44:13,897
This whole damn place is fallin' apart.
360
00:44:13,973 --> 00:44:16,134
But you don't have to think about that.
361
00:44:16,208 --> 00:44:19,200
Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin'
on her enema.
362
00:44:20,245 --> 00:44:23,146
All right. All right. I'm comin'.
363
00:44:25,184 --> 00:44:28,244
Just let me finish my cigarette, first.
364
00:44:29,188 --> 00:44:30,348
God.
365
00:45:22,274 --> 00:45:23,969
Here's an ugly son of a bitch.
366
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,313
Damn! Hey, Jack.
367
00:45:36,388 --> 00:45:39,551
What it says here
is that you can bury some dude,
368
00:45:39,625 --> 00:45:44,619
and if he gets the right tanna leaves
and spells said over him and such bullshit,
369
00:45:44,696 --> 00:45:48,029
that he can come back to life
thousands of years later, man.
370
00:45:48,767 --> 00:45:49,825
But hold on, now.
371
00:45:49,902 --> 00:45:53,668
To stay alive, he has to suck
on the souls of the livin',
372
00:45:53,739 --> 00:45:57,402
and that if the souls are small,
his life force doesn't last long.
373
00:45:58,177 --> 00:46:00,338
Small.
What's that mean?
374
00:46:00,412 --> 00:46:02,903
Read on.
No, never mind.
375
00:46:02,981 --> 00:46:04,642
I'll tell you myself.
376
00:46:05,384 --> 00:46:08,182
But first,
would you like a Ding Dong?
377
00:46:09,588 --> 00:46:11,078
I don't mean mine.
378
00:46:11,957 --> 00:46:13,618
I mean a chocolate Ding Dong.
379
00:46:14,493 --> 00:46:17,951
Of course, mine would be chocolate
now that I have been dyed.
380
00:46:18,030 --> 00:46:19,554
You got Ding Dongs, man?
381
00:46:20,699 --> 00:46:23,691
I got Paydays
and I got a box of Baby Ruths.
382
00:46:23,769 --> 00:46:25,100
Oh, mama!
383
00:46:26,939 --> 00:46:30,534
Which will it be?
Let's get decadent.
384
00:46:31,543 --> 00:46:32,805
I'll take a Baby Ruth.
385
00:46:35,547 --> 00:46:37,014
All right.
386
00:46:38,851 --> 00:46:42,218
Now... small souls...
387
00:46:43,255 --> 00:46:46,918
are those that don't have
much fire for life.
388
00:46:46,992 --> 00:46:48,459
You know a place like that?
389
00:46:48,527 --> 00:46:52,520
Man, if souls were fires,
they couldn't burn much lower than in here.
390
00:46:52,598 --> 00:46:54,361
Exactamundo.
391
00:46:54,433 --> 00:46:59,769
What we have here at Shady Rest
is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort.
392
00:46:59,838 --> 00:47:02,329
You know, a mummy hiding out.
393
00:47:02,407 --> 00:47:05,899
Coming in here,
feeding on the sleeping.
394
00:47:05,978 --> 00:47:08,139
It's perfect, you see?
395
00:47:08,213 --> 00:47:11,876
We're small souls,
so we can't provide him much.
396
00:47:12,551 --> 00:47:16,954
But if that thing comes back
two or three times in a row
397
00:47:17,022 --> 00:47:21,721
and wraps his lips
around some elder's asshole,
398
00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:25,524
that elder is going to die pretty soon.
399
00:47:25,597 --> 00:47:27,963
And who would be the wiser?
400
00:47:47,953 --> 00:47:49,284
Asshole.
401
00:47:51,323 --> 00:47:54,690
A mummy can't be getting
too much energy from all this...
402
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,890
not like with big souls...
but the prey is easy.
403
00:47:59,431 --> 00:48:03,925
With new people comin' all the time, he can
keep this up forever... this soul robbin'.
404
00:48:04,002 --> 00:48:05,731
That's what they
brought us here for...
405
00:48:05,804 --> 00:48:08,398
to get us out of the way
until we die.
406
00:48:08,473 --> 00:48:14,309
And those who don't die first from
disease or just plain being old, he gets.
407
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,714
Look, that's all well and good, Jack,
but there's one thing that still throws me.
408
00:48:19,818 --> 00:48:23,914
How does an ancient Egyptian
wind up in an East Texas rest home,
409
00:48:23,989 --> 00:48:27,220
and why is he writin'
on the shit house walls, man?
410
00:48:27,292 --> 00:48:29,783
Well, he went in to take a crap,
411
00:48:29,861 --> 00:48:32,728
got bored,
started writing on the walls.
412
00:48:32,798 --> 00:48:36,199
He probably wrote
on pyramid walls centuries ago.
413
00:48:36,268 --> 00:48:39,237
Come on. What would he crap?
It's not like he'd eat.
414
00:48:39,304 --> 00:48:41,465
Well, he eats souls.
415
00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:45,306
So, I assume
that he would crap soul residue.
416
00:48:45,377 --> 00:48:49,279
By that, I would mean
that if you die from his mouth,
417
00:48:49,348 --> 00:48:52,340
you don't go to the other side
where the souls go.
418
00:48:52,417 --> 00:48:57,514
He digests souls
until they don't exist anymore.
419
00:48:57,589 --> 00:49:01,423
And you're just so much
toilet water decoration.
420
00:49:01,493 --> 00:49:03,859
And speaking of toilets...
421
00:49:03,929 --> 00:49:07,387
This is how I figured
that whole thing out.
422
00:49:08,267 --> 00:49:11,498
He's just like anybody else
when it comes to taking a dump.
423
00:49:11,570 --> 00:49:14,061
He wants a nice,
clean place with a flush.
424
00:49:14,139 --> 00:49:15,970
They didn't have that in his time.
425
00:49:39,865 --> 00:49:41,924
No, no.
Don't go out in the hall.
426
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:45,800
- That's all right. I'm not asleep.
- That don't mean he won't hurt you.
427
00:49:45,871 --> 00:49:49,432
"He" my ass. There isn't
any mummy from Egypt.
428
00:49:53,478 --> 00:49:55,537
Nice knowin' you, Elvis.
429
00:52:17,556 --> 00:52:18,716
Asshole.
430
00:53:26,124 --> 00:53:29,457
Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart
before he hit the floor
431
00:53:32,264 --> 00:53:34,755
Gone down and out
with both guns blazing
432
00:53:35,467 --> 00:53:37,867
Soul intact
433
00:53:41,973 --> 00:53:44,237
Once again. We got scolded
434
00:53:46,311 --> 00:53:49,246
This time. We got quizzed about
what had happened to Kemosabe.
435
00:53:49,314 --> 00:53:51,714
But neitherof us told the truth
436
00:53:53,318 --> 00:53:55,479
I mean. Who was gonna believe
a couple of nuts?
437
00:53:56,755 --> 00:53:58,586
Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining
438
00:53:58,657 --> 00:54:01,717
that Kemosabe was gunning
fora mummy in cowboy duds?
439
00:54:01,793 --> 00:54:04,455
Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep?
440
00:54:05,730 --> 00:54:07,129
So. What we did was
441
00:54:08,667 --> 00:54:09,827
we lied
442
00:54:54,279 --> 00:54:56,110
Life sure is fleetin', you know?
443
00:54:56,181 --> 00:54:59,514
- What?
- Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'.
444
00:54:59,584 --> 00:55:02,246
One minute you're here,
and the next minute you're gone...
445
00:55:04,122 --> 00:55:06,283
Shit! Shit! Come on!
446
00:55:08,226 --> 00:55:10,558
Come on. Move it!
Come on. Get it!
447
00:55:14,766 --> 00:55:16,427
Nonchalant. Nonchalant.
448
00:55:16,501 --> 00:55:17,559
Nonchalant.
449
00:55:18,603 --> 00:55:19,763
Get it in there.
450
00:55:22,107 --> 00:55:23,938
You are one fuckin' idiot.
451
00:55:52,137 --> 00:55:53,297
Mr. Haff?
452
00:55:55,974 --> 00:55:57,703
Mr. Presley?
453
00:56:02,147 --> 00:56:05,480
Now, how, Mr Pres ey
454
00:56:05,550 --> 00:56:10,283
You are looking much stronger,
but you shouldn't be out here too long.
455
00:56:10,355 --> 00:56:12,118
It's time for your nap.
456
00:56:12,190 --> 00:56:16,718
And it's also time for us to do
that little... you know.
457
00:56:16,795 --> 00:56:18,922
You fuck off,
you patronizing bitch!
458
00:56:20,665 --> 00:56:24,658
I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube
my own crankshaft from now on.
459
00:56:27,038 --> 00:56:28,528
You treat me like a baby again,
460
00:56:28,606 --> 00:56:31,268
I'll wrap this goddamn walker
right around your head!
461
00:57:05,243 --> 00:57:07,177
How in the hell
did that mummy do that?
462
00:57:37,008 --> 00:57:40,341
Well... what the hell.
463
00:58:27,025 --> 00:58:28,959
Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go?
464
00:58:30,595 --> 00:58:32,085
Where did he come from?
465
00:58:34,032 --> 00:58:35,761
How the hell did he get here?
466
00:58:39,704 --> 00:58:41,035
Wait a minute.
467
00:59:01,492 --> 00:59:03,983
Under the bridge
I saw him under the bridge
468
00:59:38,029 --> 00:59:39,189
Come on, mama.
469
01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:12,722
It's a cancer
470
01:00:13,598 --> 01:00:17,034
They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old.
And to them. It don't matter
471
01:00:17,101 --> 01:00:19,763
They think age will kill me first.
And they're probably right
472
01:00:19,837 --> 01:00:20,997
We, succk them
473
01:00:22,006 --> 01:00:24,065
I know what it is.
And if it isn't
474
01:00:24,142 --> 01:00:25,473
it might as well be
475
01:01:23,434 --> 01:01:29,430
Station KROP is proud to present
the Elvis Presley movie marathon
476
01:01:33,344 --> 01:01:37,838
It's 24 hours of Elvis
in the roles he made famous
477
01:01:37,915 --> 01:01:42,181
Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog
out-strum. Outrace.
478
01:01:42,253 --> 01:01:45,586
Out-fight. And outwit the bad guys
479
01:01:46,824 --> 01:01:52,091
And at the same time.
Watch the King slay the girls
480
01:01:55,466 --> 01:01:56,865
Shitty pictures, man.
481
01:01:57,935 --> 01:01:59,266
Every single one.
482
01:02:02,306 --> 01:02:05,798
Here I was complainin' about
loss of pride and how life had treated me.
483
01:02:05,877 --> 01:02:09,313
And now I realized
I never had any pride
484
01:02:09,380 --> 01:02:11,712
And much of how life
had treated me had been good
485
01:02:11,783 --> 01:02:14,115
The bulk of the bad
was my own damn fault
486
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,853
Should've fired Colonel Parker
by the time I got in the pictures
487
01:02:18,923 --> 01:02:20,652
Old fart had been a shark and a fool.
488
01:02:20,725 --> 01:02:23,057
And I was an even bigger fool
for following him
489
01:02:24,429 --> 01:02:26,420
If only I'd treated Priscilla right
490
01:02:27,899 --> 01:02:30,026
If I could've told
my daughter I loved her
491
01:02:31,502 --> 01:02:34,335
Always the questions
Never the answers
492
01:02:34,405 --> 01:02:37,897
Always the hopes
never the fulfillments
493
01:02:44,849 --> 01:02:48,580
I had the woman who calls herself
my niece come get me.
494
01:02:48,653 --> 01:02:51,816
She took me downtown this morning
to the newspaper morgue.
495
01:02:51,889 --> 01:02:54,357
She's been helping me
to do some research.
496
01:02:55,293 --> 01:02:58,126
- Research on what, man?
- On our mummy.
497
01:02:58,196 --> 01:02:59,857
You know somethin' about him?
498
01:02:59,931 --> 01:03:01,990
I know plenty.
499
01:03:04,402 --> 01:03:07,803
Now, one of the lesser mummies,
500
01:03:07,872 --> 01:03:10,466
on loan from the Egyptian government,
501
01:03:10,541 --> 01:03:13,601
was being circulated
all over the United States.
502
01:03:13,678 --> 01:03:15,236
You know, museums,
stuff like that.
503
01:03:15,313 --> 01:03:17,338
What do you mean?
Like King Tut or whatever?
504
01:03:17,415 --> 01:03:19,212
No, more like King Tut's brother.
505
01:03:19,283 --> 01:03:23,652
His mummy was flown or carried
by the train from state to state.
506
01:03:23,721 --> 01:03:26,315
When it got to Texas,
it was stolen.
507
01:03:26,390 --> 01:03:27,379
Stolen?
508
01:03:27,458 --> 01:03:32,225
Evidence points to it being stolen at night
by a couple of guys in a silver bus.
509
01:03:32,296 --> 01:03:35,026
Bus? Hey, I've seen that!
510
01:03:35,099 --> 01:03:37,329
Anyway, the thieves
broke into the museum,
511
01:03:37,401 --> 01:03:40,336
stole it in hopes of a ransom,
512
01:03:40,404 --> 01:03:45,273
when in comes the worst storm
in East Texas history.
513
01:03:46,244 --> 01:03:47,336
Let me guess.
514
01:03:48,312 --> 01:03:50,303
The bus was washed away, see?
515
01:03:50,381 --> 01:03:53,544
'Cause I think I saw it today.
It was way back in the creek.
516
01:03:53,618 --> 01:03:56,451
The mummy was imprisoned
by the debris.
517
01:03:57,355 --> 01:03:59,414
Look here...
how'd it come back to life?
518
01:03:59,490 --> 01:04:01,890
And how did I end up
inside its memories?
519
01:04:01,959 --> 01:04:04,792
Speculation broadens here,
but from what I've read,
520
01:04:04,862 --> 01:04:07,695
some mummies get buried
without their names...
521
01:04:07,765 --> 01:04:10,063
a curse put on their sarcophagus.
522
01:04:11,369 --> 01:04:14,429
Hey, now, maybe our boy's
one of them.
523
01:04:14,505 --> 01:04:18,669
I mean, when he's in the coffin,
he's just a dried-up old corpse,
524
01:04:18,743 --> 01:04:21,974
but when the bus got washed away,
maybe it overturned or broke open,
525
01:04:22,046 --> 01:04:24,037
and now he's free of coffin and curse.
526
01:04:24,115 --> 01:04:28,484
He's free from imprisonment,
but he still needs souls.
527
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:30,451
Now he's free to have them.
528
01:04:30,521 --> 01:04:34,719
He can just keep on feedin'
unless he's finally destroyed.
529
01:04:37,562 --> 01:04:39,052
So, what do we do, Jack?
530
01:04:40,398 --> 01:04:43,196
Changing rest homes
might be a good idea.
531
01:04:43,267 --> 01:04:44,894
I can't think of much else.
532
01:04:44,969 --> 01:04:46,960
But I will say this...
533
01:04:47,038 --> 01:04:50,701
Our mummy is
a nighttime kind of guy.
534
01:04:50,775 --> 01:04:53,972
So, I'm gonna go and sleep now.
535
01:04:54,045 --> 01:04:56,411
I'll set my alarm
for just before dark,
536
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,108
then I can get myself
a couple of cups of coffee.
537
01:04:59,784 --> 01:05:01,046
Damn straight.
538
01:05:01,118 --> 01:05:04,849
If he comes in here tonight, I don't
want him slappin' his lips on my asshole.
539
01:05:04,922 --> 01:05:07,288
Yes. Consider it.
540
01:05:08,292 --> 01:05:13,025
He's got the proverbial
bird's nest on the ground here.
541
01:05:31,749 --> 01:05:34,684
What do I really have
left in life but this place?
542
01:05:39,257 --> 01:05:40,986
It ain't much of a home
543
01:05:42,159 --> 01:05:43,717
but it's all I got
544
01:05:49,066 --> 01:05:50,465
Well, goddamnit.
545
01:05:51,802 --> 01:05:56,865
I'll be damned if I let some foreign,
graffiti-writin', soul-suckin',
546
01:05:56,941 --> 01:06:00,274
son of a bitch in an oversized
cowboy hat and boots
547
01:06:00,344 --> 01:06:04,178
take my friends' souls and shit 'em
down the visitors toilet!
548
01:06:10,288 --> 01:06:13,121
In the movies.
I always played heroic types
549
01:06:13,190 --> 01:06:14,623
But when the stage lights went out.
550
01:06:14,692 --> 01:06:18,355
It was time fordrugs and stupidity
and the coveting of women
551
01:06:19,130 --> 01:06:20,893
Now it's time
552
01:06:20,965 --> 01:06:24,696
Time to be a little of what I
had always fantasized bein'...
553
01:06:24,769 --> 01:06:26,100
a hero
554
01:06:38,516 --> 01:06:39,574
Hello?
555
01:06:40,318 --> 01:06:42,286
Mr. Kennedy?
556
01:06:42,353 --> 01:06:44,617
Ask not what your rest home
can do for you.
557
01:06:45,656 --> 01:06:48,022
Ask what you can do
for your rest home.
558
01:06:48,092 --> 01:06:51,755
Hey, you're copying my best lines.
559
01:06:51,829 --> 01:06:54,093
Then let me paraphrase
one of my own.
560
01:06:55,032 --> 01:06:57,023
Let's take care of business.
561
01:06:57,568 --> 01:07:00,435
Just what are you
getting at, Elvis?
562
01:07:00,504 --> 01:07:02,699
I think you know
what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President.
563
01:07:04,241 --> 01:07:05,731
We're gonna kill us a mummy.
564
01:07:18,656 --> 01:07:21,056
Two bottles of rubbing alcohol.
565
01:07:22,193 --> 01:07:24,821
Check.
Don't even have to toss 'em.
566
01:07:24,895 --> 01:07:26,385
Look here.
567
01:07:26,464 --> 01:07:28,898
Found this in the storage room.
568
01:07:29,667 --> 01:07:30,998
I thought they kept it locked.
569
01:07:31,068 --> 01:07:33,866
They do. I stole a hairpin
and picked the lock, baby.
570
01:07:33,938 --> 01:07:35,235
Great.
571
01:07:35,306 --> 01:07:36,398
Matches.
572
01:07:37,174 --> 01:07:39,836
Check. Even scrounged up
a cigarette lighter.
573
01:07:40,945 --> 01:07:43,413
Good. Uniform.
574
01:07:48,185 --> 01:07:50,016
Big check on that, baby.
575
01:07:51,455 --> 01:07:56,620
Well, I got a nice pair of shoes
to go with this.
576
01:07:56,694 --> 01:07:57,752
Check.
577
01:07:59,797 --> 01:08:00,957
Scissors.
578
01:08:01,031 --> 01:08:02,259
Check.
579
01:08:03,467 --> 01:08:04,525
All right.
580
01:08:04,602 --> 01:08:07,969
Now, I got my chair
oiled and ready to roll.
581
01:08:08,572 --> 01:08:10,597
That's good, man.
We could use some wheels.
582
01:08:10,674 --> 01:08:14,508
And I picked some words of power
from my book of magic.
583
01:08:14,578 --> 01:08:16,307
I don't know
if they'll stop a mummy,
584
01:08:16,380 --> 01:08:18,712
but they're supposed
to ward off evil.
585
01:08:19,383 --> 01:08:22,284
I wrote them down.
One for each of us.
586
01:08:22,353 --> 01:08:24,344
Well, we'll use what we got, baby.
587
01:08:25,222 --> 01:08:27,690
All right, 2:45 a. m.,
we hook up right back here.
588
01:08:27,758 --> 01:08:32,024
No, at the rate we travel,
maybe we ought to start at 2:30.
589
01:08:34,832 --> 01:08:35,890
Say, Jack?
590
01:08:38,002 --> 01:08:39,663
Do we know
what the hell we're doin', man?
591
01:08:40,838 --> 01:08:45,707
No. But they say
that fire cleanses evil.
592
01:08:45,776 --> 01:08:49,371
Let's just hope that they...
whoever they are... is right.
593
01:08:49,447 --> 01:08:51,005
Check on that, too.
594
01:08:51,081 --> 01:08:52,639
All right, synchronize watches.
595
01:08:52,716 --> 01:08:55,947
And... mark.
596
01:08:56,921 --> 01:09:01,756
Now, the two key words for tonight
are "caution" and "flammable. "
597
01:09:01,826 --> 01:09:05,318
And also...
"watch your ass. "
598
01:10:14,231 --> 01:10:16,131
What's that you got
hanging around your neck?
599
01:10:17,401 --> 01:10:19,164
That's my medicine bag.
600
01:10:19,236 --> 01:10:21,170
Indians used to wear 'em into battle.
601
01:10:22,306 --> 01:10:24,274
Full of all kinds of lucky stuff.
602
01:10:25,409 --> 01:10:28,469
See here?
Mucho mojo.
603
01:10:36,420 --> 01:10:37,580
That's my daughter.
604
01:10:40,858 --> 01:10:42,257
I know.
605
01:10:44,929 --> 01:10:48,490
We weren't there for our kids
when they needed us, were we?
606
01:10:51,735 --> 01:10:53,726
Man, if I could just talk to her again...
607
01:10:55,005 --> 01:10:56,165
tell her I love her...
608
01:10:57,608 --> 01:10:59,667
try and make things right somehow.
609
01:11:00,911 --> 01:11:02,902
No time for regrets, Elvis.
610
01:11:02,980 --> 01:11:06,177
We were the best fathers we could be
under the circumstances.
611
01:11:08,419 --> 01:11:10,580
Yeah, I guess,
no time for regrets.
612
01:11:11,922 --> 01:11:13,583
We got business to take care of.
613
01:11:13,657 --> 01:11:16,353
Look here.
Top it off with this.
614
01:11:16,427 --> 01:11:18,759
I stole it from the gardener
when he wasn't lookin'.
615
01:11:23,701 --> 01:11:26,465
It's gonna be
one hell of a barbeque.
616
01:11:36,347 --> 01:11:37,746
Let's do it, amigo.
617
01:11:42,519 --> 01:11:43,577
Hey, Jack?
618
01:11:47,625 --> 01:11:49,183
I just got one last question.
619
01:11:51,462 --> 01:11:52,520
Marilyn.
620
01:11:55,699 --> 01:11:58,031
Come on, man.
Marilyn Monroe?
621
01:11:58,936 --> 01:12:00,927
What was she like in the sack?
622
01:12:01,905 --> 01:12:05,068
That is classified information.
Top secret!
623
01:12:06,644 --> 01:12:08,305
But between you and me...
624
01:12:09,380 --> 01:12:10,540
Wow!
625
01:12:14,818 --> 01:12:16,911
You old dog.
Watch your back, Jack.
626
01:12:22,626 --> 01:12:23,786
Gotta hump it.
627
01:13:15,079 --> 01:13:18,947
Shitwhen Bubba Ho-Tep
comes out of that creek bed.
628
01:13:19,016 --> 01:13:21,075
He's gonna come out
hungry and pissed
629
01:13:21,151 --> 01:13:23,813
When I try and stop him. He's gonna
jam this paint can up my ass
630
01:13:23,887 --> 01:13:26,219
and jam me and that wheelchair
up Jack's ass
631
01:14:10,334 --> 01:14:11,892
Shit.
632
01:14:19,777 --> 01:14:20,971
Hey, Jack.
633
01:15:35,719 --> 01:15:37,550
Don't make me use
my stuff on you, baby.
634
01:16:21,131 --> 01:16:23,691
Damn!
Where did he go to?
635
01:16:26,470 --> 01:16:28,267
Hey! You stay put!
636
01:16:28,972 --> 01:16:30,303
I'll flush him out!
637
01:16:33,043 --> 01:16:34,635
You be careful, man.
638
01:16:43,186 --> 01:16:44,175
No, Jack!
639
01:17:16,420 --> 01:17:17,478
Oh, man.
640
01:17:54,257 --> 01:17:57,920
Come and get it,
you undead sack of shit.
641
01:18:23,453 --> 01:18:24,613
Sorry, man.
642
01:18:53,550 --> 01:18:54,710
Mr. Kennedy?
643
01:19:01,224 --> 01:19:05,661
The President is soon dead.
644
01:19:10,200 --> 01:19:15,900
So, now...
it's up to you, Elvis.
645
01:19:15,972 --> 01:19:18,406
You got to get him.
646
01:19:18,475 --> 01:19:22,707
You... got to...
647
01:19:22,779 --> 01:19:24,610
take care of business.
648
01:19:41,531 --> 01:19:42,691
That's right, man.
649
01:19:44,501 --> 01:19:45,991
T.C. B...
650
01:19:48,271 --> 01:19:49,602
It's just you and me.
651
01:20:08,592 --> 01:20:09,752
Mr. President.
652
01:20:30,680 --> 01:20:34,081
"You nasty thing
from beyond the dead...
653
01:20:35,252 --> 01:20:40,417
"No matter what you think or do,
good things will never come to you.
654
01:20:43,727 --> 01:20:46,924
"And if evil
is your black design,
655
01:20:46,997 --> 01:20:51,661
"you can bet the goodness
of the Light Ones...
656
01:20:51,735 --> 01:20:54,863
will kick your bad behind"?
657
01:20:55,906 --> 01:20:57,567
For chrissake...
658
01:20:57,641 --> 01:20:58,801
That's it?
659
01:21:00,877 --> 01:21:03,778
That's the chant against evil
from the Book Of Souls?
660
01:21:03,847 --> 01:21:05,109
Yeah, right, boss.
661
01:21:05,182 --> 01:21:07,673
And what kind of decoder ring
comes with that, man?
662
01:21:07,751 --> 01:21:10,049
Shit, it doesn't even nyme well!
663
01:21:37,814 --> 01:21:39,213
This is dog shit.
664
01:21:44,087 --> 01:21:46,817
It's time for A-C-T-I-O-N.
665
01:21:49,025 --> 01:21:51,186
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
666
01:23:09,539 --> 01:23:10,938
I was goin' out
667
01:23:11,708 --> 01:23:14,643
And if I did. Rhot only would I be
one dead son of a bitch.
668
01:23:14,711 --> 01:23:15,871
But so would my soul
669
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,711
I'd be just so much crap
670
01:23:20,050 --> 01:23:23,315
No afterlife. Rho reincarnation.
Rho angels with harps
671
01:23:24,054 --> 01:23:26,614
Whatever lay beyond
would not be known to me
672
01:23:27,290 --> 01:23:30,020
It would all end right here
for Elvis Aaron Presley
673
01:23:30,694 --> 01:23:32,753
Nothin' left but a quick flush
674
01:23:36,966 --> 01:23:38,456
T.C.B., baby.
675
01:23:47,744 --> 01:23:50,872
Your soul-suckin' days
are over, amigo.
676
01:24:48,204 --> 01:24:51,605
I felt somethin' inside
gratin' against somethin' soft
677
01:24:52,642 --> 01:24:55,577
I felt like a water balloon
with a hole poked in it
678
01:24:58,381 --> 01:25:00,542
I was goin' down for the last count
679
01:25:01,651 --> 01:25:02,811
And I knew it
680
01:25:05,255 --> 01:25:07,086
But I still have my soul.
681
01:25:09,259 --> 01:25:10,658
It's still mine.
682
01:25:12,195 --> 01:25:13,594
All mine.
683
01:25:18,134 --> 01:25:21,399
And the folks up there
at Shady Rest...
684
01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:24,930
they have theirs, too.
685
01:25:26,576 --> 01:25:28,066
And they're gonna keep 'em.
686
01:25:29,946 --> 01:25:31,436
Every single one.
687
01:26:00,210 --> 01:26:01,370
Thank you.
688
01:26:04,147 --> 01:26:05,978
Thank you very much.
689
01:26:06,305 --> 01:27:06,731
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