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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:39,892 --> 00:00:47,519 SyncFix by divx.NeKryXe.com 3 00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:28,833 I was dreamin' 4 00:02:30,171 --> 00:02:32,503 Dreamin' my dick was out and I was checking to see 5 00:02:32,574 --> 00:02:35,907 if that infected bump on the head of it had filled with pus again 6 00:02:35,977 --> 00:02:38,741 If it had. I was gonna name that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla 7 00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:40,906 and bust it by jackin' off 8 00:02:40,982 --> 00:02:42,040 Oh, man. 9 00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:43,947 Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do 10 00:02:44,853 --> 00:02:47,117 Dreams let you think like that 11 00:02:47,188 --> 00:02:51,648 Truth was. I hadn't had a hard-on in years 12 00:03:14,549 --> 00:03:16,039 Oh, man. 13 00:03:48,016 --> 00:03:51,508 My God. Man How long have I been here? 14 00:03:51,586 --> 00:03:55,078 Am I really awake now. Or am I just dreamin' I'm awake? 15 00:03:55,156 --> 00:03:58,319 How could my plans have gone so wrong? 16 00:03:58,393 --> 00:04:00,554 When the hell are they gonna serve lunch? 17 00:04:00,628 --> 00:04:03,358 Considerin' what they serve. Why the hell do I care? 18 00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:08,833 If Priscilla discovered I was alive. Would she come and see me? 19 00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:13,169 Would we still wanna fuck? Or would we merely have to talk about it? 20 00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:14,970 Is there. Finally and really. 21 00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:18,376 Anything to life other than food. Shit. And sex? 22 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,781 We, goddamn t 23 00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:33,788 How could I have gone from the "King of rock and roll" to this? 24 00:04:34,495 --> 00:04:38,158 Old guy in a rest home in East Texas with a growth on his pecker 25 00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:58,375 And what is that growth. Man? 26 00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,183 Cancer? Nobody's talkin' 27 00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:04,781 No one seems to know or wants to 28 00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:10,684 Makes you wonder, doesn't it, what kind of life this old guy had? 29 00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:15,660 What kind of life he had, you know. His kids, his grandkids, his legacy. 30 00:06:15,730 --> 00:06:16,890 Look at him now. 31 00:06:16,964 --> 00:06:18,625 Oh, who gives a shit? 32 00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:02,006 Well... 33 00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:14,548 Make you comfortable. 34 00:07:19,927 --> 00:07:21,224 No. 35 00:09:03,331 --> 00:09:05,891 I'm gonna squish you, cockroach! 36 00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:11,587 Help me. 37 00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:04,781 You know, I was thinkin'... 38 00:11:04,852 --> 00:11:08,015 What? You gonna get all weepy on me again? 39 00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:12,082 No. I was merely gonna suggest that you use some of this here deodorizer 40 00:11:12,159 --> 00:11:15,651 and spray it on that corpse because she's smellin' pretty ripe. 41 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,698 Good idea. 42 00:12:32,573 --> 00:12:33,870 Excuse me, miss? 43 00:12:35,376 --> 00:12:36,604 You gonna throw all that stuff out? 44 00:12:37,611 --> 00:12:38,669 Yeah. 45 00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:41,579 Could I have one of them pictures of Bull? 46 00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,415 Maybe his... his Purple Heart? 47 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,948 I mean, he was pretty proud of that. 48 00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:51,719 And maybe that... that tin of chocolates there? 49 00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:55,125 I suppose. 50 00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:04,431 The revealin' of her panties wasn't intentional or unintentional 51 00:13:04,505 --> 00:13:05,995 She just didn't give a damn 52 00:13:06,073 --> 00:13:09,133 She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatenin'. 53 00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,475 She didn't mind if I got a bird's-eye view of her love nest 54 00:13:12,546 --> 00:13:15,276 It was the same to her as a house cat sneakin' a peek 55 00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:20,184 I felt my pecker flutteronce like a pigeon havin' a heart attack 56 00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:23,515 then it laid back down and remained limp and still 57 00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:27,251 'Course. These days. Even a flutter was kind of reassurin' 58 00:13:30,030 --> 00:13:31,361 - Here. - Thank you. 59 00:13:31,432 --> 00:13:33,093 Say... 60 00:13:33,901 --> 00:13:35,163 Bull your kin? 61 00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:36,396 My daddy 62 00:13:38,806 --> 00:13:40,603 Never seen you here before. 63 00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:45,003 I've only been here once before. When I checked him in. 64 00:13:46,046 --> 00:13:47,877 That's three years ago, wasn't it? 65 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,681 You and him friends? 66 00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,948 No, we just roommates. I mean, he never felt good enough to say much. 67 00:13:54,588 --> 00:13:57,751 I just hated to see what was left of him go away so easy. 68 00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:02,493 Seemed like an all right guy. 69 00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:06,499 Mentioned you a lot. You're... you're Callie, right? 70 00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:08,057 Yeah. 71 00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:10,467 Well... he was all right. 72 00:14:11,405 --> 00:14:13,600 But not enough so you'd come and see him, though. 73 00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:17,933 Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister. I did what I could. 74 00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:21,675 I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid or Medicare... whatever that stuff was... 75 00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:23,649 he'd have been in some ditch somewhere. 76 00:14:26,153 --> 00:14:28,644 And I sure didn't have the money to take care of him. 77 00:14:32,459 --> 00:14:33,790 My own daughter 78 00:14:34,461 --> 00:14:36,895 lost long ago to me 79 00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:39,899 if she knew I lived. Would she come and see me? 80 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,366 Woud she even ccae? 81 00:14:42,336 --> 00:14:45,828 You could've come and seen him. They don't charge you for that. 82 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:47,939 Mind your own business. 83 00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:50,866 I was busy. 84 00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:09,590 Well, well, well. If it isn't my favorite patient. 85 00:15:09,663 --> 00:15:11,654 How are you this morning, Mr. Haff? 86 00:15:11,732 --> 00:15:13,393 I'm all right. 87 00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:16,868 But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis. I keep tellin' you that. 88 00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:19,428 I don't go by Sebastian Haff anymore, okay? 89 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,769 I'm not tryin' to hide anymore. 90 00:15:21,842 --> 00:15:24,777 Well, of course I knew that. I forgot. 91 00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:27,177 Good morning, Elvis. 92 00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:32,814 Did you know we have a celebrity here, Miss Thomas? 93 00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:36,014 Elvis Presley. You know, the rock and roll singer. 94 00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:39,185 I thought he was dead. 95 00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:44,190 Well, actually, Elvis is dead. Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff? 96 00:15:44,265 --> 00:15:47,530 Hell, no. I'm right here. I ain't dead. 97 00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,398 Yet. 98 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:52,303 Now, Mr. Haff! 99 00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:55,035 I don't mind calling you "Elvis. " 100 00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:57,942 But you're a little confused and you like to play sometimes. 101 00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:02,881 You were an Elvis impersonator, remember? 102 00:16:04,918 --> 00:16:07,887 You fell off the stage and broke your hip... when was it? 103 00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,445 Twenty years ago. 104 00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:13,357 It got infected and you were in a coma for quite a while. 105 00:16:13,427 --> 00:16:17,761 You came out with a few... problems. 106 00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:23,798 Look, I was just impersonatin' myself. I couldn't do nothin' else. 107 00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:25,202 I don't have any problems. 108 00:16:25,272 --> 00:16:27,365 You're tryin' to say my brain's messed up, aren't you? 109 00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:29,932 Why would you wanna be somebody else? 110 00:16:30,944 --> 00:16:32,104 I got tired of it. 111 00:16:33,013 --> 00:16:35,004 I was hooked on pills, you know. 112 00:16:35,082 --> 00:16:36,674 I wanted out. 113 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,480 And this boy Sebastian Haff... he was an Elvis imitator. 114 00:16:39,553 --> 00:16:42,386 He was the best of 'em. He took my place. 115 00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,852 Problem is, he had a bad heart. 116 00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:48,025 He liked drugs, too. Liked them more than I did. 117 00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:52,122 So it was him that died, not me. I just took his place. 118 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:56,067 But why would you want to leave all that fame. Mr Presley? 119 00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:58,728 All that money? 120 00:16:58,806 --> 00:17:01,138 I don't know 'Cause they got old 121 00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:09,239 The woman I loved... Priscilla... she was gone 122 00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:11,978 The rest of the women were just women 123 00:17:13,587 --> 00:17:16,147 I mean. The music wasn't mine anymore 124 00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:19,215 I wasn't even me anymore Just this thing they made up 125 00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:23,226 And my friends 126 00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,664 We, they wwee succk n' moe d y 127 00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:35,035 So I took a little road trip down to Nacogdoches 128 00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:40,036 to check out this Sebastian Haff 129 00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:28,755 It's all right, boys. Just wait here. 130 00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:53,913 Oh, my God. 131 00:18:58,559 --> 00:19:00,390 I didn't think you'd really... 132 00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:25,816 It's all right, boys. Just another freak. 133 00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:28,481 Let's split. 134 00:19:41,368 --> 00:19:43,768 - Sorry, man. - King, I got it. I got it. 135 00:19:43,837 --> 00:19:45,168 It's all yours, baby. 136 00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:56,948 So I signed everything over to Sebastian 137 00:19:57,017 --> 00:20:00,509 Except for enough money to sustain me if things got bad 138 00:20:00,587 --> 00:20:03,613 I was determined to make myself a new life 139 00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:05,021 A better one 140 00:20:07,361 --> 00:20:10,023 But me and Sebastian. We had us a deal 141 00:20:12,099 --> 00:20:14,090 If I wanted to trade back. He'd let me 142 00:20:15,335 --> 00:20:17,326 It was all written up in the contract 143 00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:19,997 The thing was 144 00:20:20,073 --> 00:20:22,564 I lost my copy in a barbeque accident 145 00:20:23,877 --> 00:20:25,469 But that wasn't so bad. Either 146 00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:28,709 I was makin' new friends and enjoyin' myself 147 00:20:31,285 --> 00:20:32,445 Cheers! 148 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:46,090 Oh, my God. Did you see that thing? 149 00:20:49,536 --> 00:20:51,026 It just went up like that. 150 00:20:51,972 --> 00:20:55,169 - Now. Elvis - Yes? 151 00:20:57,377 --> 00:20:59,436 Don't carry it too far. 152 00:20:59,513 --> 00:21:03,506 You may just get way out there and not come back. 153 00:21:04,651 --> 00:21:06,141 Oh, fuck you. 154 00:21:08,155 --> 00:21:09,645 Shit. 155 00:21:09,723 --> 00:21:13,215 Get old, you can't even cuss someone and have it bother 'em. 156 00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:17,286 Everything you do is either worthless or sadly amusing. 157 00:21:18,031 --> 00:21:19,498 Well... 158 00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:21,397 I've got what I want. 159 00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:25,102 The clothes can go to Goodwill or Salvation Army. 160 00:21:25,172 --> 00:21:29,802 Very well. And I'm sorry about your father. He was a nice man. 161 00:21:29,876 --> 00:21:31,343 Yeah. 162 00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:34,103 It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley. 163 00:21:34,181 --> 00:21:36,376 - Get the hell out. - Now, now. 164 00:21:37,718 --> 00:21:43,588 I'll be back later to do that little... thing that has to be done. You know. 165 00:21:48,228 --> 00:21:49,286 Elvis! 166 00:21:59,973 --> 00:22:01,133 Poor Bull. 167 00:22:03,143 --> 00:22:07,307 In the end... does anything really matter? 168 00:22:11,485 --> 00:22:13,476 No one here ever listened to me 169 00:22:14,154 --> 00:22:18,557 Except this one guy only. He was certifiable 170 00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:20,820 That's where they took a piece of my brain. 171 00:22:20,894 --> 00:22:24,352 They got it back in D.C. In that goddamn jar. 172 00:22:26,299 --> 00:22:29,359 I got a little bag of sand up there now. 173 00:22:30,437 --> 00:22:32,928 Jack... no offense, but... 174 00:22:34,007 --> 00:22:35,941 President Kennedy was a white man. 175 00:22:36,009 --> 00:22:38,000 That's how clever they are! 176 00:22:38,078 --> 00:22:41,070 They dyed me this color. All over! 177 00:22:41,148 --> 00:22:44,549 Can you think of a better way to hide the truth than that? 178 00:23:43,009 --> 00:23:44,670 I was livin' simple 179 00:23:45,879 --> 00:23:47,574 The way Haff had been 180 00:23:47,647 --> 00:23:50,639 Going from town to town doin' the Elvis act 181 00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:53,951 Only. I felt like I was really me again 182 00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:55,351 Can you dig that? 183 00:23:55,422 --> 00:23:58,687 We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff... Mr. Presley. 184 00:24:36,696 --> 00:24:38,186 Women were throwin' themselves at me 185 00:24:38,265 --> 00:24:40,199 'cause they could imagine I was Elvis 186 00:24:40,267 --> 00:24:44,135 Only. I was Elvis playing Sebastian Haff playing Elvis 187 00:24:44,204 --> 00:24:45,694 It was all pretty good 188 00:24:45,772 --> 00:24:47,865 I didn't mind the contract being burned up 189 00:24:47,941 --> 00:24:50,102 Didn't even try to go back and convince anybody 190 00:24:52,312 --> 00:24:53,939 Then I had the accident 191 00:24:54,014 --> 00:24:57,245 I was gyratin'. See. Takin' care business. And then my hip went out 192 00:24:58,885 --> 00:25:00,614 I'd been havin' trouble with it 193 00:25:17,470 --> 00:25:19,267 Damn. It's cold in here tonight. 194 00:25:30,150 --> 00:25:33,313 No way. That's it. This time, I make it. 195 00:25:34,421 --> 00:25:36,821 No more piss or crap in the bed. 196 00:26:02,482 --> 00:26:03,813 Shake it out... 197 00:26:13,727 --> 00:26:15,058 There we go. 198 00:26:48,995 --> 00:26:53,193 Man... that is one big bitch cockroach. 199 00:27:25,899 --> 00:27:27,161 All right, man. Let's go. 200 00:27:36,176 --> 00:27:37,666 Damn. 201 00:27:41,715 --> 00:27:43,444 Hot damn! 202 00:28:12,512 --> 00:28:14,844 Got you, you six-legged bastard. 203 00:28:55,822 --> 00:28:59,485 Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know... 204 00:29:00,860 --> 00:29:05,354 Never... but never fuck with the King. 205 00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:26,746 Hey! Is anybody out here? 206 00:29:31,524 --> 00:29:34,357 I think we got some major bug problems in this place, man! 207 00:30:41,661 --> 00:30:43,595 Oh, man... 208 00:30:45,165 --> 00:30:46,223 Hey, Jack? 209 00:30:58,044 --> 00:30:59,375 Hey, man, you okay? 210 00:31:06,386 --> 00:31:08,877 What the Sam Hill is that? 211 00:31:12,292 --> 00:31:13,452 Mr. Kennedy? 212 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,763 Hey, man... you're on the floor. 213 00:31:25,171 --> 00:31:26,399 No shit. 214 00:31:27,740 --> 00:31:28,968 Who are you? 215 00:31:29,976 --> 00:31:31,136 Look, I'm... 216 00:31:32,512 --> 00:31:35,572 Sebastian. Sebastian Haff. 217 00:31:36,382 --> 00:31:38,976 Did you see him go by in the hall? 218 00:31:40,286 --> 00:31:42,447 He scuttled like. 219 00:31:43,256 --> 00:31:45,918 - Who, man? - The one they sent. 220 00:31:46,859 --> 00:31:50,317 - Who's "they"? - Oh, you know who. 221 00:31:50,396 --> 00:31:52,125 No, Jack, I don't. Come on, man. 222 00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:55,931 Lyndon Johnson. 223 00:31:56,002 --> 00:31:57,492 Castro, maybe. 224 00:31:57,570 --> 00:32:00,562 They sent somebody to finish me off. 225 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,803 I think maybe it was Johnson himself. 226 00:32:03,876 --> 00:32:07,903 Real ugly. Real goddamn ugly! 227 00:32:07,981 --> 00:32:10,245 Look, man, President Johnson's dead. 228 00:32:10,316 --> 00:32:13,808 Shit. That ain't gonna stop him. 229 00:32:19,025 --> 00:32:20,185 Get his feet. 230 00:32:26,199 --> 00:32:28,258 So, you say you heard a... a noise? 231 00:32:29,369 --> 00:32:32,202 Well, a sound's a sound, you know? I mean, I heard something. 232 00:32:32,272 --> 00:32:36,675 It was like a... I don't know. Like a... like a scuttling. 233 00:32:36,743 --> 00:32:39,268 - A scuttling sound? - Yes, sir. 234 00:32:40,179 --> 00:32:44,172 Were you awake or were you in bed when you heard this noise? 235 00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:48,084 I was in bed first, then I was awake 'cause the damn bugs woke me up. 236 00:32:48,154 --> 00:32:49,985 You got bugs all over this place. 237 00:32:51,157 --> 00:32:55,856 Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind of bugs have you been seeing? 238 00:32:55,928 --> 00:32:58,328 Look, do I look like an ichthyologist to you? 239 00:32:58,398 --> 00:32:59,558 Big damn bugs, all right? 240 00:32:59,632 --> 00:33:02,795 The size of my fist. The size of a peanut butter and banana sandwich. 241 00:33:02,869 --> 00:33:05,201 What do I care? I got a growth on my pecker. 242 00:33:05,271 --> 00:33:07,432 Okay, Mr. Haff. Don't worry about a thing. 243 00:33:07,507 --> 00:33:10,943 We'll call the exterminator tomorrow and we'll take care of the problem. 244 00:33:11,010 --> 00:33:12,841 Good. Thank you. Thank you very much. 245 00:33:34,367 --> 00:33:36,597 It's time for that little thing again. 246 00:34:05,865 --> 00:34:09,426 A doll like this handlin' me without warmth or emotion 247 00:34:09,502 --> 00:34:11,493 Twenty years ago Just twenty. Man 248 00:34:11,571 --> 00:34:15,234 I could've made with the curly-lip smile and had here atin' out of my asshole 249 00:34:15,842 --> 00:34:20,575 Doctor says this cream ought to do the trick. 250 00:34:20,646 --> 00:34:22,807 Corticosteroids. 251 00:34:22,882 --> 00:34:26,613 Should heal the inflammation, stop the pus. 252 00:34:28,154 --> 00:34:29,712 Whee'd my youth go? 253 00:34:31,057 --> 00:34:33,992 Why didn't fame hold off old age and death? 254 00:34:34,060 --> 00:34:36,722 Why the hell did I leave the fame in the first place? 255 00:34:36,796 --> 00:34:38,457 Do I want it back? Could I have it back? 256 00:34:38,531 --> 00:34:42,023 And if I could would it make any damn difference? 257 00:35:03,689 --> 00:35:06,180 Mr. Haff! 258 00:35:12,899 --> 00:35:14,764 Lord almighty 259 00:35:16,002 --> 00:35:19,096 You old rascal. 260 00:35:21,374 --> 00:35:24,832 I think you better take a cold shower, Mr. Haff. 261 00:35:25,611 --> 00:35:29,411 There'd been two presidential elections since I had a boner like that one 262 00:35:29,482 --> 00:35:30,972 WWhat ga ve hee? 263 00:35:31,050 --> 00:35:32,950 Then I realized what gave 264 00:35:33,019 --> 00:35:35,214 I was thinkin' about something that interested me 265 00:35:35,288 --> 00:35:37,347 Not my next meal orgoin' to the crapper 266 00:35:38,124 --> 00:35:40,456 I'd been given a dose of life again 267 00:35:45,064 --> 00:35:47,430 You get in there with me, I'll take that shower. 268 00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:49,991 You silly thing. 269 00:35:50,069 --> 00:35:52,629 Come on, now. Why don't you pull on it a little? 270 00:35:54,407 --> 00:35:56,671 You ought to be ashamed. 271 00:36:30,676 --> 00:36:34,874 Where at? Where at? 272 00:36:34,947 --> 00:36:36,175 I haven't seen my kids. 273 00:36:36,249 --> 00:36:37,409 It's an ambush! 274 00:36:39,886 --> 00:36:43,014 Under the bridge. I saw him under the bridge. 275 00:36:44,257 --> 00:36:47,124 It's an ambush! Tonto, my boots, Tonto! 276 00:36:47,193 --> 00:36:50,924 That's my friend Kemosabe We used to play cards together 277 00:36:50,997 --> 00:36:53,989 - My boots! - Now he doesn't even know who I am 278 00:37:52,358 --> 00:37:53,518 Daddy. 279 00:37:58,631 --> 00:37:59,791 Baby? 280 00:38:06,906 --> 00:38:10,740 Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose! 281 00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:11,970 What's loose? 282 00:38:12,044 --> 00:38:13,636 Lt. Listen. 283 00:38:24,090 --> 00:38:26,684 Jesus Christ. What's that? 284 00:38:26,759 --> 00:38:29,728 I thought it was Lyndon Johnson, but I was wrong. 285 00:38:29,795 --> 00:38:33,356 I've come across new evidence to suggest another assassin. 286 00:38:35,001 --> 00:38:36,161 Assassin? 287 00:38:36,235 --> 00:38:38,829 He's after another target tonight. 288 00:38:38,904 --> 00:38:40,804 Come on, I wanna show you something. 289 00:38:40,873 --> 00:38:43,341 I don't think it's safe if you go back to sleeping. 290 00:38:43,409 --> 00:38:46,037 For chrissake, man. Just tell the administrators. 291 00:38:47,613 --> 00:38:50,707 Suits and white starches? No, thank you! 292 00:38:50,783 --> 00:38:55,083 I trusted them when I was back in Dallas, and look where they got my brain and me. 293 00:38:55,154 --> 00:38:58,146 I'm thinkin' with sand here. 294 00:38:58,224 --> 00:39:01,387 I mean, I pick up some waves, maybe, from my brain, 295 00:39:01,460 --> 00:39:03,291 but somheday, who khows 296 00:39:03,362 --> 00:39:06,525 Somebody might just disconnect the battery at the White House. 297 00:39:06,599 --> 00:39:09,762 Oh, yeah. That's something to worry about, all right. 298 00:39:12,471 --> 00:39:14,701 Listen here. Listen. 299 00:39:14,774 --> 00:39:16,605 I know you're Elvis. 300 00:39:24,150 --> 00:39:28,814 There was a rumor, you know, that you hated me. 301 00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:30,287 But I thought about that. 302 00:39:32,825 --> 00:39:35,817 If you hated me, you could've finished me off the other night. 303 00:39:37,663 --> 00:39:41,497 What I want from you is that you look me straight in the eye 304 00:39:41,567 --> 00:39:46,732 and assure me you had nothing at all to do with that day in Dallas, 305 00:39:46,806 --> 00:39:50,867 and that you did not know Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby. 306 00:39:58,684 --> 00:40:00,345 Look, man... 307 00:40:00,419 --> 00:40:02,580 I had nothing to do with Dallas. 308 00:40:02,655 --> 00:40:06,216 And I knew neither Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby. 309 00:40:07,059 --> 00:40:11,792 Good. May I call you Elvis instead of Sebastian? 310 00:40:12,465 --> 00:40:13,659 You may. 311 00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:15,223 Excellent. 312 00:40:15,301 --> 00:40:16,962 You wear glasses to read? 313 00:40:17,036 --> 00:40:19,527 Well, I wear glasses when I really want to see. 314 00:40:19,605 --> 00:40:21,596 Get them. Come on. 315 00:40:26,712 --> 00:40:29,203 Come on. Right down the hall. 316 00:40:31,784 --> 00:40:34,252 The walker was swingin' along easier now 317 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:35,651 Not even like I needed it 318 00:40:36,455 --> 00:40:38,616 Damn. This here Jack was a nut 319 00:40:39,358 --> 00:40:41,349 Maybe I was nuts. Too 320 00:40:41,427 --> 00:40:43,657 but there was an adventure goin' on 321 00:40:43,729 --> 00:40:44,821 It's in here. 322 00:40:51,504 --> 00:40:52,562 In here. 323 00:41:04,283 --> 00:41:05,614 That's it? 324 00:41:05,684 --> 00:41:09,245 We're investigating a scuttling in the hall, trying to figure out who attacked you, 325 00:41:09,321 --> 00:41:12,154 and you bring me here to look at stick pictures on the shit house wall? 326 00:41:12,224 --> 00:41:13,748 Look close. 327 00:41:33,245 --> 00:41:34,405 It's Egyptian. 328 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:35,879 Right-a-reen-o. 329 00:41:35,948 --> 00:41:39,884 Hey, you're not as stupid as some folks made you out. 330 00:41:39,952 --> 00:41:44,912 - Thank you. - Now, I copied this down yesterday. 331 00:41:44,990 --> 00:41:49,518 I came in here to take a shit because they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom. 332 00:41:49,595 --> 00:41:52,928 Saw that on the wall, took it back to my room, 333 00:41:52,998 --> 00:41:55,694 looked it up in my books, and I wrote it all down. 334 00:41:55,768 --> 00:42:01,764 Now, this top line translates roughly into, 335 00:42:01,841 --> 00:42:05,675 "Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers. " 336 00:42:05,744 --> 00:42:10,238 And the bottom line, "Cleopatra does the nasty. " 337 00:42:10,316 --> 00:42:11,374 Say what? 338 00:42:11,450 --> 00:42:14,180 Well, pretty much. That's the best I can translate it. 339 00:42:15,287 --> 00:42:18,779 All right, so, one of the nuts in here... present company excluded... 340 00:42:18,858 --> 00:42:21,691 thinks he's Tutankhamen, comes in here, writes hieroglyphics. 341 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,854 Big deal! What's the connection? Why are we standin' here in the toilet? 342 00:42:24,930 --> 00:42:28,331 Well, I don't know what the connection is, exactly... not yet. 343 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,995 But that thing caught me asleep last night. 344 00:42:32,071 --> 00:42:34,562 And I came awake just in time. 345 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,369 He had me on the floor. 346 00:42:36,442 --> 00:42:40,139 I had his mouth over my asshole. 347 00:42:40,212 --> 00:42:41,372 A shit-eater? 348 00:42:41,447 --> 00:42:42,937 I don't think so. 349 00:42:43,015 --> 00:42:45,745 He was after my soul. 350 00:42:45,818 --> 00:42:49,686 Now, you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. 351 00:42:49,755 --> 00:42:50,813 I read about it. 352 00:42:50,890 --> 00:42:52,949 Yeah? Where, man? Hustler? 353 00:42:53,025 --> 00:42:56,961 The Everyday Man Or Woman's Book of the Soul by David Webb. 354 00:42:57,029 --> 00:42:59,259 And they got pretty good movie reviews in there 355 00:42:59,331 --> 00:43:02,266 about stolen soul movies in the back. 356 00:43:02,334 --> 00:43:04,359 Come on. I'll show you. 357 00:44:03,662 --> 00:44:08,224 I think that there might be some sort of electrical problem in the gardener's shed. 358 00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:11,235 That light... looks like it's shortin' out. 359 00:44:11,303 --> 00:44:13,897 This whole damn place is fallin' apart. 360 00:44:13,973 --> 00:44:16,134 But you don't have to think about that. 361 00:44:16,208 --> 00:44:19,200 Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin' on her enema. 362 00:44:20,245 --> 00:44:23,146 All right. All right. I'm comin'. 363 00:44:25,184 --> 00:44:28,244 Just let me finish my cigarette, first. 364 00:44:29,188 --> 00:44:30,348 God. 365 00:45:22,274 --> 00:45:23,969 Here's an ugly son of a bitch. 366 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,313 Damn! Hey, Jack. 367 00:45:36,388 --> 00:45:39,551 What it says here is that you can bury some dude, 368 00:45:39,625 --> 00:45:44,619 and if he gets the right tanna leaves and spells said over him and such bullshit, 369 00:45:44,696 --> 00:45:48,029 that he can come back to life thousands of years later, man. 370 00:45:48,767 --> 00:45:49,825 But hold on, now. 371 00:45:49,902 --> 00:45:53,668 To stay alive, he has to suck on the souls of the livin', 372 00:45:53,739 --> 00:45:57,402 and that if the souls are small, his life force doesn't last long. 373 00:45:58,177 --> 00:46:00,338 Small. What's that mean? 374 00:46:00,412 --> 00:46:02,903 Read on. No, never mind. 375 00:46:02,981 --> 00:46:04,642 I'll tell you myself. 376 00:46:05,384 --> 00:46:08,182 But first, would you like a Ding Dong? 377 00:46:09,588 --> 00:46:11,078 I don't mean mine. 378 00:46:11,957 --> 00:46:13,618 I mean a chocolate Ding Dong. 379 00:46:14,493 --> 00:46:17,951 Of course, mine would be chocolate now that I have been dyed. 380 00:46:18,030 --> 00:46:19,554 You got Ding Dongs, man? 381 00:46:20,699 --> 00:46:23,691 I got Paydays and I got a box of Baby Ruths. 382 00:46:23,769 --> 00:46:25,100 Oh, mama! 383 00:46:26,939 --> 00:46:30,534 Which will it be? Let's get decadent. 384 00:46:31,543 --> 00:46:32,805 I'll take a Baby Ruth. 385 00:46:35,547 --> 00:46:37,014 All right. 386 00:46:38,851 --> 00:46:42,218 Now... small souls... 387 00:46:43,255 --> 00:46:46,918 are those that don't have much fire for life. 388 00:46:46,992 --> 00:46:48,459 You know a place like that? 389 00:46:48,527 --> 00:46:52,520 Man, if souls were fires, they couldn't burn much lower than in here. 390 00:46:52,598 --> 00:46:54,361 Exactamundo. 391 00:46:54,433 --> 00:46:59,769 What we have here at Shady Rest is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort. 392 00:46:59,838 --> 00:47:02,329 You know, a mummy hiding out. 393 00:47:02,407 --> 00:47:05,899 Coming in here, feeding on the sleeping. 394 00:47:05,978 --> 00:47:08,139 It's perfect, you see? 395 00:47:08,213 --> 00:47:11,876 We're small souls, so we can't provide him much. 396 00:47:12,551 --> 00:47:16,954 But if that thing comes back two or three times in a row 397 00:47:17,022 --> 00:47:21,721 and wraps his lips around some elder's asshole, 398 00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:25,524 that elder is going to die pretty soon. 399 00:47:25,597 --> 00:47:27,963 And who would be the wiser? 400 00:47:47,953 --> 00:47:49,284 Asshole. 401 00:47:51,323 --> 00:47:54,690 A mummy can't be getting too much energy from all this... 402 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,890 not like with big souls... but the prey is easy. 403 00:47:59,431 --> 00:48:03,925 With new people comin' all the time, he can keep this up forever... this soul robbin'. 404 00:48:04,002 --> 00:48:05,731 That's what they brought us here for... 405 00:48:05,804 --> 00:48:08,398 to get us out of the way until we die. 406 00:48:08,473 --> 00:48:14,309 And those who don't die first from disease or just plain being old, he gets. 407 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,714 Look, that's all well and good, Jack, but there's one thing that still throws me. 408 00:48:19,818 --> 00:48:23,914 How does an ancient Egyptian wind up in an East Texas rest home, 409 00:48:23,989 --> 00:48:27,220 and why is he writin' on the shit house walls, man? 410 00:48:27,292 --> 00:48:29,783 Well, he went in to take a crap, 411 00:48:29,861 --> 00:48:32,728 got bored, started writing on the walls. 412 00:48:32,798 --> 00:48:36,199 He probably wrote on pyramid walls centuries ago. 413 00:48:36,268 --> 00:48:39,237 Come on. What would he crap? It's not like he'd eat. 414 00:48:39,304 --> 00:48:41,465 Well, he eats souls. 415 00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:45,306 So, I assume that he would crap soul residue. 416 00:48:45,377 --> 00:48:49,279 By that, I would mean that if you die from his mouth, 417 00:48:49,348 --> 00:48:52,340 you don't go to the other side where the souls go. 418 00:48:52,417 --> 00:48:57,514 He digests souls until they don't exist anymore. 419 00:48:57,589 --> 00:49:01,423 And you're just so much toilet water decoration. 420 00:49:01,493 --> 00:49:03,859 And speaking of toilets... 421 00:49:03,929 --> 00:49:07,387 This is how I figured that whole thing out. 422 00:49:08,267 --> 00:49:11,498 He's just like anybody else when it comes to taking a dump. 423 00:49:11,570 --> 00:49:14,061 He wants a nice, clean place with a flush. 424 00:49:14,139 --> 00:49:15,970 They didn't have that in his time. 425 00:49:39,865 --> 00:49:41,924 No, no. Don't go out in the hall. 426 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:45,800 - That's all right. I'm not asleep. - That don't mean he won't hurt you. 427 00:49:45,871 --> 00:49:49,432 "He" my ass. There isn't any mummy from Egypt. 428 00:49:53,478 --> 00:49:55,537 Nice knowin' you, Elvis. 429 00:52:17,556 --> 00:52:18,716 Asshole. 430 00:53:26,124 --> 00:53:29,457 Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart before he hit the floor 431 00:53:32,264 --> 00:53:34,755 Gone down and out with both guns blazing 432 00:53:35,467 --> 00:53:37,867 Soul intact 433 00:53:41,973 --> 00:53:44,237 Once again. We got scolded 434 00:53:46,311 --> 00:53:49,246 This time. We got quizzed about what had happened to Kemosabe. 435 00:53:49,314 --> 00:53:51,714 But neitherof us told the truth 436 00:53:53,318 --> 00:53:55,479 I mean. Who was gonna believe a couple of nuts? 437 00:53:56,755 --> 00:53:58,586 Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining 438 00:53:58,657 --> 00:54:01,717 that Kemosabe was gunning fora mummy in cowboy duds? 439 00:54:01,793 --> 00:54:04,455 Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep? 440 00:54:05,730 --> 00:54:07,129 So. What we did was 441 00:54:08,667 --> 00:54:09,827 we lied 442 00:54:54,279 --> 00:54:56,110 Life sure is fleetin', you know? 443 00:54:56,181 --> 00:54:59,514 - What? - Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'. 444 00:54:59,584 --> 00:55:02,246 One minute you're here, and the next minute you're gone... 445 00:55:04,122 --> 00:55:06,283 Shit! Shit! Come on! 446 00:55:08,226 --> 00:55:10,558 Come on. Move it! Come on. Get it! 447 00:55:14,766 --> 00:55:16,427 Nonchalant. Nonchalant. 448 00:55:16,501 --> 00:55:17,559 Nonchalant. 449 00:55:18,603 --> 00:55:19,763 Get it in there. 450 00:55:22,107 --> 00:55:23,938 You are one fuckin' idiot. 451 00:55:52,137 --> 00:55:53,297 Mr. Haff? 452 00:55:55,974 --> 00:55:57,703 Mr. Presley? 453 00:56:02,147 --> 00:56:05,480 Now, how, Mr Pres ey 454 00:56:05,550 --> 00:56:10,283 You are looking much stronger, but you shouldn't be out here too long. 455 00:56:10,355 --> 00:56:12,118 It's time for your nap. 456 00:56:12,190 --> 00:56:16,718 And it's also time for us to do that little... you know. 457 00:56:16,795 --> 00:56:18,922 You fuck off, you patronizing bitch! 458 00:56:20,665 --> 00:56:24,658 I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube my own crankshaft from now on. 459 00:56:27,038 --> 00:56:28,528 You treat me like a baby again, 460 00:56:28,606 --> 00:56:31,268 I'll wrap this goddamn walker right around your head! 461 00:57:05,243 --> 00:57:07,177 How in the hell did that mummy do that? 462 00:57:37,008 --> 00:57:40,341 Well... what the hell. 463 00:58:27,025 --> 00:58:28,959 Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go? 464 00:58:30,595 --> 00:58:32,085 Where did he come from? 465 00:58:34,032 --> 00:58:35,761 How the hell did he get here? 466 00:58:39,704 --> 00:58:41,035 Wait a minute. 467 00:59:01,492 --> 00:59:03,983 Under the bridge I saw him under the bridge 468 00:59:38,029 --> 00:59:39,189 Come on, mama. 469 01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:12,722 It's a cancer 470 01:00:13,598 --> 01:00:17,034 They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old. And to them. It don't matter 471 01:00:17,101 --> 01:00:19,763 They think age will kill me first. And they're probably right 472 01:00:19,837 --> 01:00:20,997 We, succk them 473 01:00:22,006 --> 01:00:24,065 I know what it is. And if it isn't 474 01:00:24,142 --> 01:00:25,473 it might as well be 475 01:01:23,434 --> 01:01:29,430 Station KROP is proud to present the Elvis Presley movie marathon 476 01:01:33,344 --> 01:01:37,838 It's 24 hours of Elvis in the roles he made famous 477 01:01:37,915 --> 01:01:42,181 Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog out-strum. Outrace. 478 01:01:42,253 --> 01:01:45,586 Out-fight. And outwit the bad guys 479 01:01:46,824 --> 01:01:52,091 And at the same time. Watch the King slay the girls 480 01:01:55,466 --> 01:01:56,865 Shitty pictures, man. 481 01:01:57,935 --> 01:01:59,266 Every single one. 482 01:02:02,306 --> 01:02:05,798 Here I was complainin' about loss of pride and how life had treated me. 483 01:02:05,877 --> 01:02:09,313 And now I realized I never had any pride 484 01:02:09,380 --> 01:02:11,712 And much of how life had treated me had been good 485 01:02:11,783 --> 01:02:14,115 The bulk of the bad was my own damn fault 486 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,853 Should've fired Colonel Parker by the time I got in the pictures 487 01:02:18,923 --> 01:02:20,652 Old fart had been a shark and a fool. 488 01:02:20,725 --> 01:02:23,057 And I was an even bigger fool for following him 489 01:02:24,429 --> 01:02:26,420 If only I'd treated Priscilla right 490 01:02:27,899 --> 01:02:30,026 If I could've told my daughter I loved her 491 01:02:31,502 --> 01:02:34,335 Always the questions Never the answers 492 01:02:34,405 --> 01:02:37,897 Always the hopes never the fulfillments 493 01:02:44,849 --> 01:02:48,580 I had the woman who calls herself my niece come get me. 494 01:02:48,653 --> 01:02:51,816 She took me downtown this morning to the newspaper morgue. 495 01:02:51,889 --> 01:02:54,357 She's been helping me to do some research. 496 01:02:55,293 --> 01:02:58,126 - Research on what, man? - On our mummy. 497 01:02:58,196 --> 01:02:59,857 You know somethin' about him? 498 01:02:59,931 --> 01:03:01,990 I know plenty. 499 01:03:04,402 --> 01:03:07,803 Now, one of the lesser mummies, 500 01:03:07,872 --> 01:03:10,466 on loan from the Egyptian government, 501 01:03:10,541 --> 01:03:13,601 was being circulated all over the United States. 502 01:03:13,678 --> 01:03:15,236 You know, museums, stuff like that. 503 01:03:15,313 --> 01:03:17,338 What do you mean? Like King Tut or whatever? 504 01:03:17,415 --> 01:03:19,212 No, more like King Tut's brother. 505 01:03:19,283 --> 01:03:23,652 His mummy was flown or carried by the train from state to state. 506 01:03:23,721 --> 01:03:26,315 When it got to Texas, it was stolen. 507 01:03:26,390 --> 01:03:27,379 Stolen? 508 01:03:27,458 --> 01:03:32,225 Evidence points to it being stolen at night by a couple of guys in a silver bus. 509 01:03:32,296 --> 01:03:35,026 Bus? Hey, I've seen that! 510 01:03:35,099 --> 01:03:37,329 Anyway, the thieves broke into the museum, 511 01:03:37,401 --> 01:03:40,336 stole it in hopes of a ransom, 512 01:03:40,404 --> 01:03:45,273 when in comes the worst storm in East Texas history. 513 01:03:46,244 --> 01:03:47,336 Let me guess. 514 01:03:48,312 --> 01:03:50,303 The bus was washed away, see? 515 01:03:50,381 --> 01:03:53,544 'Cause I think I saw it today. It was way back in the creek. 516 01:03:53,618 --> 01:03:56,451 The mummy was imprisoned by the debris. 517 01:03:57,355 --> 01:03:59,414 Look here... how'd it come back to life? 518 01:03:59,490 --> 01:04:01,890 And how did I end up inside its memories? 519 01:04:01,959 --> 01:04:04,792 Speculation broadens here, but from what I've read, 520 01:04:04,862 --> 01:04:07,695 some mummies get buried without their names... 521 01:04:07,765 --> 01:04:10,063 a curse put on their sarcophagus. 522 01:04:11,369 --> 01:04:14,429 Hey, now, maybe our boy's one of them. 523 01:04:14,505 --> 01:04:18,669 I mean, when he's in the coffin, he's just a dried-up old corpse, 524 01:04:18,743 --> 01:04:21,974 but when the bus got washed away, maybe it overturned or broke open, 525 01:04:22,046 --> 01:04:24,037 and now he's free of coffin and curse. 526 01:04:24,115 --> 01:04:28,484 He's free from imprisonment, but he still needs souls. 527 01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:30,451 Now he's free to have them. 528 01:04:30,521 --> 01:04:34,719 He can just keep on feedin' unless he's finally destroyed. 529 01:04:37,562 --> 01:04:39,052 So, what do we do, Jack? 530 01:04:40,398 --> 01:04:43,196 Changing rest homes might be a good idea. 531 01:04:43,267 --> 01:04:44,894 I can't think of much else. 532 01:04:44,969 --> 01:04:46,960 But I will say this... 533 01:04:47,038 --> 01:04:50,701 Our mummy is a nighttime kind of guy. 534 01:04:50,775 --> 01:04:53,972 So, I'm gonna go and sleep now. 535 01:04:54,045 --> 01:04:56,411 I'll set my alarm for just before dark, 536 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,108 then I can get myself a couple of cups of coffee. 537 01:04:59,784 --> 01:05:01,046 Damn straight. 538 01:05:01,118 --> 01:05:04,849 If he comes in here tonight, I don't want him slappin' his lips on my asshole. 539 01:05:04,922 --> 01:05:07,288 Yes. Consider it. 540 01:05:08,292 --> 01:05:13,025 He's got the proverbial bird's nest on the ground here. 541 01:05:31,749 --> 01:05:34,684 What do I really have left in life but this place? 542 01:05:39,257 --> 01:05:40,986 It ain't much of a home 543 01:05:42,159 --> 01:05:43,717 but it's all I got 544 01:05:49,066 --> 01:05:50,465 Well, goddamnit. 545 01:05:51,802 --> 01:05:56,865 I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti-writin', soul-suckin', 546 01:05:56,941 --> 01:06:00,274 son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots 547 01:06:00,344 --> 01:06:04,178 take my friends' souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet! 548 01:06:10,288 --> 01:06:13,121 In the movies. I always played heroic types 549 01:06:13,190 --> 01:06:14,623 But when the stage lights went out. 550 01:06:14,692 --> 01:06:18,355 It was time fordrugs and stupidity and the coveting of women 551 01:06:19,130 --> 01:06:20,893 Now it's time 552 01:06:20,965 --> 01:06:24,696 Time to be a little of what I had always fantasized bein'... 553 01:06:24,769 --> 01:06:26,100 a hero 554 01:06:38,516 --> 01:06:39,574 Hello? 555 01:06:40,318 --> 01:06:42,286 Mr. Kennedy? 556 01:06:42,353 --> 01:06:44,617 Ask not what your rest home can do for you. 557 01:06:45,656 --> 01:06:48,022 Ask what you can do for your rest home. 558 01:06:48,092 --> 01:06:51,755 Hey, you're copying my best lines. 559 01:06:51,829 --> 01:06:54,093 Then let me paraphrase one of my own. 560 01:06:55,032 --> 01:06:57,023 Let's take care of business. 561 01:06:57,568 --> 01:07:00,435 Just what are you getting at, Elvis? 562 01:07:00,504 --> 01:07:02,699 I think you know what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President. 563 01:07:04,241 --> 01:07:05,731 We're gonna kill us a mummy. 564 01:07:18,656 --> 01:07:21,056 Two bottles of rubbing alcohol. 565 01:07:22,193 --> 01:07:24,821 Check. Don't even have to toss 'em. 566 01:07:24,895 --> 01:07:26,385 Look here. 567 01:07:26,464 --> 01:07:28,898 Found this in the storage room. 568 01:07:29,667 --> 01:07:30,998 I thought they kept it locked. 569 01:07:31,068 --> 01:07:33,866 They do. I stole a hairpin and picked the lock, baby. 570 01:07:33,938 --> 01:07:35,235 Great. 571 01:07:35,306 --> 01:07:36,398 Matches. 572 01:07:37,174 --> 01:07:39,836 Check. Even scrounged up a cigarette lighter. 573 01:07:40,945 --> 01:07:43,413 Good. Uniform. 574 01:07:48,185 --> 01:07:50,016 Big check on that, baby. 575 01:07:51,455 --> 01:07:56,620 Well, I got a nice pair of shoes to go with this. 576 01:07:56,694 --> 01:07:57,752 Check. 577 01:07:59,797 --> 01:08:00,957 Scissors. 578 01:08:01,031 --> 01:08:02,259 Check. 579 01:08:03,467 --> 01:08:04,525 All right. 580 01:08:04,602 --> 01:08:07,969 Now, I got my chair oiled and ready to roll. 581 01:08:08,572 --> 01:08:10,597 That's good, man. We could use some wheels. 582 01:08:10,674 --> 01:08:14,508 And I picked some words of power from my book of magic. 583 01:08:14,578 --> 01:08:16,307 I don't know if they'll stop a mummy, 584 01:08:16,380 --> 01:08:18,712 but they're supposed to ward off evil. 585 01:08:19,383 --> 01:08:22,284 I wrote them down. One for each of us. 586 01:08:22,353 --> 01:08:24,344 Well, we'll use what we got, baby. 587 01:08:25,222 --> 01:08:27,690 All right, 2:45 a. m., we hook up right back here. 588 01:08:27,758 --> 01:08:32,024 No, at the rate we travel, maybe we ought to start at 2:30. 589 01:08:34,832 --> 01:08:35,890 Say, Jack? 590 01:08:38,002 --> 01:08:39,663 Do we know what the hell we're doin', man? 591 01:08:40,838 --> 01:08:45,707 No. But they say that fire cleanses evil. 592 01:08:45,776 --> 01:08:49,371 Let's just hope that they... whoever they are... is right. 593 01:08:49,447 --> 01:08:51,005 Check on that, too. 594 01:08:51,081 --> 01:08:52,639 All right, synchronize watches. 595 01:08:52,716 --> 01:08:55,947 And... mark. 596 01:08:56,921 --> 01:09:01,756 Now, the two key words for tonight are "caution" and "flammable. " 597 01:09:01,826 --> 01:09:05,318 And also... "watch your ass. " 598 01:10:14,231 --> 01:10:16,131 What's that you got hanging around your neck? 599 01:10:17,401 --> 01:10:19,164 That's my medicine bag. 600 01:10:19,236 --> 01:10:21,170 Indians used to wear 'em into battle. 601 01:10:22,306 --> 01:10:24,274 Full of all kinds of lucky stuff. 602 01:10:25,409 --> 01:10:28,469 See here? Mucho mojo. 603 01:10:36,420 --> 01:10:37,580 That's my daughter. 604 01:10:40,858 --> 01:10:42,257 I know. 605 01:10:44,929 --> 01:10:48,490 We weren't there for our kids when they needed us, were we? 606 01:10:51,735 --> 01:10:53,726 Man, if I could just talk to her again... 607 01:10:55,005 --> 01:10:56,165 tell her I love her... 608 01:10:57,608 --> 01:10:59,667 try and make things right somehow. 609 01:11:00,911 --> 01:11:02,902 No time for regrets, Elvis. 610 01:11:02,980 --> 01:11:06,177 We were the best fathers we could be under the circumstances. 611 01:11:08,419 --> 01:11:10,580 Yeah, I guess, no time for regrets. 612 01:11:11,922 --> 01:11:13,583 We got business to take care of. 613 01:11:13,657 --> 01:11:16,353 Look here. Top it off with this. 614 01:11:16,427 --> 01:11:18,759 I stole it from the gardener when he wasn't lookin'. 615 01:11:23,701 --> 01:11:26,465 It's gonna be one hell of a barbeque. 616 01:11:36,347 --> 01:11:37,746 Let's do it, amigo. 617 01:11:42,519 --> 01:11:43,577 Hey, Jack? 618 01:11:47,625 --> 01:11:49,183 I just got one last question. 619 01:11:51,462 --> 01:11:52,520 Marilyn. 620 01:11:55,699 --> 01:11:58,031 Come on, man. Marilyn Monroe? 621 01:11:58,936 --> 01:12:00,927 What was she like in the sack? 622 01:12:01,905 --> 01:12:05,068 That is classified information. Top secret! 623 01:12:06,644 --> 01:12:08,305 But between you and me... 624 01:12:09,380 --> 01:12:10,540 Wow! 625 01:12:14,818 --> 01:12:16,911 You old dog. Watch your back, Jack. 626 01:12:22,626 --> 01:12:23,786 Gotta hump it. 627 01:13:15,079 --> 01:13:18,947 Shitwhen Bubba Ho-Tep comes out of that creek bed. 628 01:13:19,016 --> 01:13:21,075 He's gonna come out hungry and pissed 629 01:13:21,151 --> 01:13:23,813 When I try and stop him. He's gonna jam this paint can up my ass 630 01:13:23,887 --> 01:13:26,219 and jam me and that wheelchair up Jack's ass 631 01:14:10,334 --> 01:14:11,892 Shit. 632 01:14:19,777 --> 01:14:20,971 Hey, Jack. 633 01:15:35,719 --> 01:15:37,550 Don't make me use my stuff on you, baby. 634 01:16:21,131 --> 01:16:23,691 Damn! Where did he go to? 635 01:16:26,470 --> 01:16:28,267 Hey! You stay put! 636 01:16:28,972 --> 01:16:30,303 I'll flush him out! 637 01:16:33,043 --> 01:16:34,635 You be careful, man. 638 01:16:43,186 --> 01:16:44,175 No, Jack! 639 01:17:16,420 --> 01:17:17,478 Oh, man. 640 01:17:54,257 --> 01:17:57,920 Come and get it, you undead sack of shit. 641 01:18:23,453 --> 01:18:24,613 Sorry, man. 642 01:18:53,550 --> 01:18:54,710 Mr. Kennedy? 643 01:19:01,224 --> 01:19:05,661 The President is soon dead. 644 01:19:10,200 --> 01:19:15,900 So, now... it's up to you, Elvis. 645 01:19:15,972 --> 01:19:18,406 You got to get him. 646 01:19:18,475 --> 01:19:22,707 You... got to... 647 01:19:22,779 --> 01:19:24,610 take care of business. 648 01:19:41,531 --> 01:19:42,691 That's right, man. 649 01:19:44,501 --> 01:19:45,991 T.C. B... 650 01:19:48,271 --> 01:19:49,602 It's just you and me. 651 01:20:08,592 --> 01:20:09,752 Mr. President. 652 01:20:30,680 --> 01:20:34,081 "You nasty thing from beyond the dead... 653 01:20:35,252 --> 01:20:40,417 "No matter what you think or do, good things will never come to you. 654 01:20:43,727 --> 01:20:46,924 "And if evil is your black design, 655 01:20:46,997 --> 01:20:51,661 "you can bet the goodness of the Light Ones... 656 01:20:51,735 --> 01:20:54,863 will kick your bad behind"? 657 01:20:55,906 --> 01:20:57,567 For chrissake... 658 01:20:57,641 --> 01:20:58,801 That's it? 659 01:21:00,877 --> 01:21:03,778 That's the chant against evil from the Book Of Souls? 660 01:21:03,847 --> 01:21:05,109 Yeah, right, boss. 661 01:21:05,182 --> 01:21:07,673 And what kind of decoder ring comes with that, man? 662 01:21:07,751 --> 01:21:10,049 Shit, it doesn't even nyme well! 663 01:21:37,814 --> 01:21:39,213 This is dog shit. 664 01:21:44,087 --> 01:21:46,817 It's time for A-C-T-I-O-N. 665 01:21:49,025 --> 01:21:51,186 Come on, baby. Here we go. 666 01:23:09,539 --> 01:23:10,938 I was goin' out 667 01:23:11,708 --> 01:23:14,643 And if I did. Rhot only would I be one dead son of a bitch. 668 01:23:14,711 --> 01:23:15,871 But so would my soul 669 01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,711 I'd be just so much crap 670 01:23:20,050 --> 01:23:23,315 No afterlife. Rho reincarnation. Rho angels with harps 671 01:23:24,054 --> 01:23:26,614 Whatever lay beyond would not be known to me 672 01:23:27,290 --> 01:23:30,020 It would all end right here for Elvis Aaron Presley 673 01:23:30,694 --> 01:23:32,753 Nothin' left but a quick flush 674 01:23:36,966 --> 01:23:38,456 T.C.B., baby. 675 01:23:47,744 --> 01:23:50,872 Your soul-suckin' days are over, amigo. 676 01:24:48,204 --> 01:24:51,605 I felt somethin' inside gratin' against somethin' soft 677 01:24:52,642 --> 01:24:55,577 I felt like a water balloon with a hole poked in it 678 01:24:58,381 --> 01:25:00,542 I was goin' down for the last count 679 01:25:01,651 --> 01:25:02,811 And I knew it 680 01:25:05,255 --> 01:25:07,086 But I still have my soul. 681 01:25:09,259 --> 01:25:10,658 It's still mine. 682 01:25:12,195 --> 01:25:13,594 All mine. 683 01:25:18,134 --> 01:25:21,399 And the folks up there at Shady Rest... 684 01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:24,930 they have theirs, too. 685 01:25:26,576 --> 01:25:28,066 And they're gonna keep 'em. 686 01:25:29,946 --> 01:25:31,436 Every single one. 687 01:26:00,210 --> 01:26:01,370 Thank you. 688 01:26:04,147 --> 01:26:05,978 Thank you very much. 689 01:26:06,305 --> 01:27:06,731 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/3f5ch Help other users to choose the best subtitles 53472

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